I Meant To Do That - AUDIO BOOK
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I Meant To Do That - AUDIO BOOK
23 - BUSTING BARRIERS 2-2
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The lockbox of values. Most banks are designed around layers of access. The lobby serves as a public space where anyone can walk in and conduct routine business. Transactions are processed, customers are greeted, and children often leave with a piece of candy or a free pen. Beyond the lobby lies the vault. Unlike the public areas of the bank, the vault is heavily restricted. Only authorized employees are permitted to enter. Because it contains large amounts of cash and other valuable assets, access is carefully controlled and closely monitored. Yet even within the vault, another layer exists. Many banks have private safe deposit boxes that customers rent to store valuable and personal possessions. While the vault itself is protected from the public, each individual box provides an additional level of security and privacy. Access is limited not only to the vault, but to the specific contents of each box. Not even employees have access to the contents of these boxes, only those who hold the key. The deeper the layer, the more protected the contents become. The human heart is layered much the same way. Most people only see our lobby. It is the public facing version of ourselves reflected in the way we dress, the way we speak, or how we interact with others at work, at church, or at the ball field. Almost anyone has access to our personal lobby. Our habits function like the vault. These protect and reinforce what matters most to us. This is reflected in how we spend our time, our energy, and our money. Deep within that vault, like the lockbox, are our core values. These are the things we have assigned significance to, whether intentionally or unintentionally. Over time, those values give birth to habits, and those habits create what others experience in their interactions with us. The power of values. Our realities are often the result of the values we hold dear and the habits we have built around them. What we value influences what we do, and what we repeatedly do eventually shapes the life we experience. If we want to understand our behavior, we begin by understanding what we value. This is one reason change can be so difficult. Many people attempt to change their lobby without changing their habits. Others attempt to change their habits without examining the values that created them. Lasting change usually requires us to work from the inside out. When values shift, habits begin to shift. When habits shift, how others experience us begins to shift. If we want to create different outcomes, we need to start by evaluating what we truly value. The relationship between values and decisions becomes even clearer when we examine how people navigate choices. The Pathfinder exercise from this chapter provides a powerful illustration. Participants are presented with a series of choices and asked to navigate a pathway. The first time through the exercise, most people simply choose the option they prefer at each decision point. They select what sounds appealing, familiar, comfortable, or desirable in the moment. Yet despite making a series of choices, many fail to arrive at a meaningful destination. The reason is simple. Their decisions are being guided by preference rather than purpose. When the exercise is repeated, participants first identify the destination and then work backward to determine the path that leads there. Suddenly, everything changes. Decisions that once seemed obvious are reevaluated. Choices that were once attractive may no longer make sense. The destination begins influencing the decisions. Instead of asking, which option do I like best? Participants begin asking, which option gets me where I want to go. Many people claim to want stronger marriages, healthier bodies, thriving organizations, greater influence, financial stability, deeper faith, or stronger teams. Yet when daily decisions arise, they often choose based on convenience rather than destination. They make decisions according to what feels best in the moment, rather than what moves them toward the future they desire. Values change that equation. When a destination becomes valuable enough, it begins shaping our decisions. We become willing to make choices that may be difficult in the short term because we understand where those choices are leading. We stop allowing immediate preferences to dictate our behavior and start allowing long-term values to guide it. This is one reason values play such a critical role in barrier busting. Barriers are often decision points. They force us to choose whether we will continue moving toward our destination or allow resistance to redirect our path. What we value frequently determines the choice we make. Attainment and avoidance. As we examine values more closely, it becomes clear that not all values operate in the same way. Many people are motivated by avoidance. They take action because they want to prevent something from happening. They want to avoid failure, loss, embarrassment, financial hardship, conflict, disappointment, or pain. The barrier becomes something they must overcome because they do not want to experience the consequences waiting on the other side. Others are motivated by attainment. They are moving toward a vision, a goal, a dream, or a desired future. Their energy comes from the opportunity ahead rather than the threat behind. They are willing to endure obstacles because they can clearly see what they are pursuing. Both forms of motivation can create movement, but they tend to create very different experiences. One is driven primarily by what a person wants to escape. The other is driven primarily by what a person wants to achieve. Forced versus fierce. Values also differ based on where they originate. Some values are externally generated. They are driven by expectations, policies, rules, directives, deadlines, and outside pressures. These values often create compliance because people feel obligated to respond. They may perform the behavior, but the motivation exists largely outside of them, we call these forced values. Other values are internally generated. These values emerge from convictions, beliefs, purpose, ethics, identity, and deeply held principles. They do not require constant external pressure. Because they have become part of who a person is, these values are often far more durable because they remain active even when nobody is watching and no one is applying pressure. We call these fierce values. Psychological research has discovered that any time we feel forced to do something, our brains immediately begin looking for a way out. We will do just about anything to get out of things we are forced to do. On the other hand, when we feel fierce about something, we are far more likely to stick with it. Here's how I like to frame this fact. If I am forced to do something, you'll have a hard time talking me into it. If I am fierce about doing something, you'll have a hard time talking me out of it. When we combine these two dimensions, forced slash fierce and avoidance slash attainment, we begin to see four distinct motivational environments. The forced to fierce matrix. The upper left hand quadrant of the forced to fierce matrix is forced attainment. These values come from external pressure, but are leading us towards something. I call these values obligations. The language of obligations is I have to. The lower left quadrant is forced avoidance. These values come from an external pressure, but they are leading us away from something. I call these values needs. The language of needs is I need to. The lower right quadrant is fierce avoidance. These values come from an internal conviction and are leading us away from something. I call these values fears. Fear is a strong motivator, but it is an unsustainable advisor. The language of fears is if I don't finally, the upper right quadrant, where we want to end up, is fierce attainment. These values come from an internal conviction, and they are leading us to a desired destination. I call these values passions. Of all four motivations, passion creates the most sustainable mindset for barrier busting. Fear can motivate people for a season. Obligation creates compliance. The pressure of needs can certainly produce movement. Yet those forms of motivation often weaken when circumstances change. Passion, on the other hand, combines the power of personal conviction and strong vision. People who are pursuing something they deeply value tend to demonstrate remarkable resilience. They continue moving forward even when barriers appear because the future they are pursuing matters more to them than the discomfort they are experiencing. This helps explain why some people consistently push through obstacles while others struggle to maintain momentum. The difference is not always talent, intelligence, resources, or opportunity. Frequently, the difference is found in what they value and how deeply they value it. When people possess a compelling vision connected to deeply held convictions, barriers lose much of their power to stop progress. Obstacles remain real, but the motivation to overcome them becomes stronger than the resistance they create. The way we cultivate a barrier-busting mindset is to move from forced values to fierce values and from avoidance toward attainment. We do this by focusing on the elements that create passions. We have to tether our motivation to our internal convictions. We must also focus our vision on what is ahead. When this shift occurs, our language shifts to, I get to, values shape habits. Habits shape behavior. Behavior shapes outcomes. If we want to understand why we do what we do, we must understand what we value. And if we want to build a personal culture of barrier busting, we must develop values strong enough to carry us through the obstacles standing between us and the future we desire.