S11 EP 08 // Amiga, Stop Comparing Your Boldness to Hers

**Access your companion worksheet for this episode here** www.fearlessmujer.com/yourboldness

Amiga, have you ever looked at another woman and thought, “I wish I could be more like her”?

Maybe she speaks up so easily. Maybe she seems confident, fearless, or comfortable taking up space. And before you know it, you’re comparing her boldness to your own.

But what if bold doesn’t have to look the same on everyone?

In this episode, we’re talking about comparison, confidence, identity, and what it really means to show up boldly as you.

Your boldness might be loud or quiet, and it gets to look like you! 

READY TO GO DEEPER?
Don’t just listen; take a moment to reflect. Grab your companion worksheet and explore what comparison, identity, and authentic boldness look like in your own life. Click here to access it now 

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Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:03

Hey amiga, I've been waiting for a cafecito chat. I'm so happy you're here. Welcome to Fearless Muhed, a space where we slow down, live intentionally, become beautifully rooted in who God created us to be, and where we create una hermosa vida, a beautiful life, because every muhed deserves to honor her story and how far she's come. Amicaela, a chicana who loves Jesus and her cafecito, a published author, and a storyteller at heart. Here we connect, grow together, live intentionally, and honor our strength and the beauty God has placed inside of us. So amiga, Lisa, grab your cafecito. This is gonna be good. Hey amiga, welcome to a new episode. I am super excited that you're here. Grab your cafecito. We are going to dive into part two of authentic boldness. So for this episode, I am calling you and challenging you to go just a little bit deeper. Because if you're anything like me, I get busy and it takes me a while to come back and process whatever it is that I was reading, talking about, or listening to. I have to be very intentional at the age that I am. Because your girl over here is wearing her progressive glasses, forgetting things, remembering 10 minutes later, and trying to juggle a lot. Why? Because if you're over 40, you get it. Okay. I don't need to explain anymore. And so I want to help you be intentional. I want to help you challenge yourself because just like me, I have to challenge myself to be intentional, to really protect my peace, my quietness, and to go deeper myself. So a lot of times we just need that accountability. So consider this your accountability, right? I would be doing you a disservice if I simply aired these episodes with no accountability. And, you know, in my private life, I am working on myself, going deeper. I have my support system, my accountability partners. And so uh that's really where my heart is this season. So grab your guffa seat on me, okay? I have a little bit of instructions for you to go deeper on your own time. Um, if you want to share with me, you are more than welcome to. But basically, for this episode, I encourage you to go take a listen to the first part of this episode, this topic on boldness, on your authentic boldness. That is season 11, episode six, and this is episode eight of season 11. And we're gonna talk a little bit about comparison as well. Why? Because a lot of times we still struggle with looking at what other people are doing, maybe what that person does or doesn't do, how they show up on social media, if they show up on social media. And sometimes I think that we follow or listen to people that we don't really align with. And as we get older, right, as the seasons change in our lives, we don't align to certain people anymore. And that's okay. So sometimes we're still trying to fit into this box or fit with a past version of who we were, but yet God is calling us higher. And in calling us higher, there's certain things that we cannot accept anymore. There's certain stories and narratives that are just kind of old, right? It's it doesn't fit the version of who we are now and it doesn't sit well. And you have to really understand like where you're at right now in order to grow. So why did I even start this topic? Is because I received a message from an amazing muhea listener who simply shared with me that, you know, whenever we want to speak up, we're viewed as, you know, being too much or in a negative way. And so there's this kind of struggle, right? And the crazy thing was that I was working on this with one of my clients. So it's not a coincidence, right? Because I think that for many of us, we aren't really sure what is really considered boldness, right? So in the first part of this episode of this topic, sorry, of this, you know, two-part series, I guess we can call it, I did talk about two ladies in the Bible, right? One was Abigail. She really took action in her boldness, but she did it, did it with such humility. And then I talked about the woman that bled for 12 years, who in her desperation tried everything, everything she could to find a solution to the problem she was having that I think as muheres we can relate to. 12 years of nonstop bleeding, and who knows what else she went through. And it was probably very depressing, but in her desperation, she reached out to Jesus to find her healing, right? And I think that I can definitely relate to that, to just having Jesus like, you are the only thing that's gonna help me in this season. And you know, a couple of months ago, I went through a season like that, um, where I was really pushed out. And in this season, Jesus really was all that I had. He was all that I had to look to, to hope for to help me, right? And so I'm grateful that in that season there was this boldness in me to start over, to do what I needed to do, but having the confidence that God was there all along. And so I hope that this reminds you, amiga, of how far you've come, that this truly reminds you that God has never left your side. And so, how am I challenging you to go a little bit bold? Well, I have a PDF for you. You are welcome to go ahead and grab that. Uh, no strings attached. You're actually gonna go to fearlessmuhet.com forward slash your boldness. That's lowercase, and you're gonna be able to click and access that PDF in your quiet time, you know, grab your cafecito, maybe on your day off, and sit and work through the questions because I think it's so important that we have something tangible to really kind of see where we're going, where we've been, and what we truly want now. Another thing I wanted to share is I highly recommend if you already have my book, Dear Fearless Muhar, you were creative for more. Chapter two, exposing the lies, is a great resource for this as well. You can go back and just read that chapter if you want because it does talk about labels, it talks about lies that you've been believing, but it also talks about comparison. So, in that book, in that chapter, I am sharing more about comparison, and I think um it's gonna go really well with what we're talking about today. So, amiga, I want to remind you of something because a lot of times we can tend to look at others and think like, man, she's really bold, she really knows how to speak up for herself, she's not afraid to speak up for herself. All right, amiga, so let me read a little bit to you from chapter two, exposing the lies, which is again a great chapter if you want to go deeper into what I'm sharing with you. Okay, um, so here we go. Have you ever compared yourself to a friend on social media or someone you know? I think we have all compared ourselves to someone else at some point in our life. The comparison trap is another way your self-image is shaped and molded by others. Falling into the trap of comparison leads you to believe lies about yourself, which can turn into beliefs that limit you. Let's say that your parents or grandparents constantly compared you to a sibling or cousin, and no matter what you did, it seemed that you never measured up to that person. If you experience that, comparing yourself to others might seem normal. You might believe the lie that you can't do something like someone else. Have you ever told yourself you couldn't do something because you weren't smart enough or educated enough? Maybe you've compared your life to someone else's. Maybe while scrolling through social media, you happen to notice another woman's profile or timeline, and you begin to compare yourself to her. Maybe you even say something like, She has that husband because she's pretty, or she has that job because she's smarter, or she has that life because she's better than me. These thoughts you might think aren't a big deal, actually are because they stem from something deeply rooted inside of you. And that something is a lie. The lie that says you're just a girl, you're not smart or good enough. You might even believe the lie that you can't have something because of where you grew up and where you come from. I call this the that's not for me lie. Obviously, that's for another episode, but are you kind of catching where I'm going through this, amiga? I have another part for you that I think is really going to go a little bit deeper as we dive into boldness, okay? So this is just a little bit. I was sharing about affirmations. Same chapter, okay. This is exposing the lies. Um, but I shared about affirmations, right? What does it really mean to affirm yourself and see yourself from God's lens? So I'm gonna read just a little bit to you. Have you ever felt like you weren't good enough because you were trying to accomplish accomplish something hard for you, but it looked easy for others? I used to struggle with comparison so much. I would look at other women and think, wow, she has her life together and always seems happy. Even though I had faith in God, I still didn't know or have confidence in who I was. I had so many voices that spoke into my life. Other people's opinions always told me who and what I should be. When you try to fit into someone else's box, you will be miserable. You are trying to force yourself to be someone others want you to be. Girl, that was good. Sometimes when I go back to my book, I'm like, man, I really was not just like being deep, right? But really, I can see how much I grew, right? And so fast forward, I mean, that book came out back in 2022, I believe. Um, it's been some years, right? So I can't wait to see like what God has planned next. So that's another thing, right? We can't keep looking at what has already been done when God has so much more still. So why am I talking about comparison? Okay, because here's the thing whenever you start to doubt, you start to think, man, am I really being too loud? Should I really tone it down? Should I really like maybe not speak up right now? Now you're thinking about what other people think that you need to be. You're now starting to measure yourself by the words of others, not to mention you sometimes try to dim yourself down just to fit into the label that people have placed over you, the box people have put you in, or so you won't make others uncomfortable. So here's the thing, amiga. What does boldness look like to you? What does it look like for you to actually be bold? And here's where you're gonna have to go a little bit deeper and understand what are the agreements that you have been living by. So I highly encourage you to grab this PDF worksheet and dig a little deeper because you're gonna go from just listening to actually reflecting, and the best way to know yourself is to be a student of yourself. That is why we need to do the work on ourselves to understand what are my patterns, why do I keep going back to XYZ, right? To self-doubt, to negative self-talk, to being around people I shouldn't be around with, to really not living by higher standards, whatever it is for you, amiga, right? I'm just speaking in general. This is why it's so important from just going from listening to a conversation to making yourself sit down with yourself, right? With your gafacito, creating space for yourself intentionally. I think this is something that a lot of us have trouble with because we're so busy taking care of everybody else, worrying about everybody else's needs, that we don't sit and take time to worry about our own needs. Why? Because for a lot of us, we were conditioned as little girls to think that taking time for yourself is lazy, just sitting there and doing nothing is lazy. But if you're sitting there in a quiet space, being intentional, that's important. That is very, very important because this is a part of how you get to know yourself, really sitting and listening to your own thoughts without any outside noise or outside voices or anyone trying to feed you a version of you that is from a long time ago, or feed you a version of you that tries to view you from a negative perspective. Okay. So it's important to sit there. Um, so I encourage you to grab this companion worksheet that's gonna help you dive into the unhealthy agreements that you've made. And so this is important as you really begin to evolve and step into the next season, the next chapter, because we all have a new season, right? Now, what I want to share with you is when we're thinking in terms of boldness, okay. When we're thinking about being bold, and I can say this to you that I've had people who I've heard that have messaged me, that have told me at events, you know, back in the day when I would go to events. Um, like, wow, you say the things that we want to say, you say the things that I've wanted to share, but haven't been brave enough to share. It's so easy for you to get on the mic and just talk. Let me tell you something, amiga. I am a girl that used to get made fun of. If you've listened to earlier seasons of this podcast, because I had a squeaky voice. And if you know me personally, I get excited or I get mad and it gets very high-pitched. Um, but I've learned how to tone it down, you know, but that's what makes me me. But I was made fun of a lot because of that. And I just learned to accept like this is my voice. And as I got older, I'm like, it's pretty unique, it's pretty cool, right? I learned to like whatever people saw as something negative. And not to mention that I wasn't always confident about speaking up, and I didn't always speak up in a um polished way, let's just say, because of where I grew up and how I grew up, you know. And I've had my moments where I can say, like, man, you know, especially being in the wrong relationship, right? Having a person like trigger me and just take me to a place where I don't want to be. Um, make uh me, the old me, come out and here I am angry, right? And just not really speaking up in a loving way, right? And so this is why I'm sharing this with you because I'm not perfect, okay? And this is actually why I love being part of Celebrate Recovery, because um, I know one of the girls in their head shared, like, I thought this was just for people with addiction, but no girl, like this is for people that struggle, right? And so I'm keeping it real with you. Um, you know, a lot of times we really have to be brave enough to be honest with ourselves, with okay, what does it look like for me to be bold in this season, right? What does it look like for me to speak up? So as I was sharing with you, you know, I back back back in the day, especially before, you know, I started walking with the Lord, I was a little bit ghetto. I'll just say it, I'll put it out there, right? I was ghetto. And I kind of just said what I had to say in anger. And, you know, I don't want to be that person. I don't strive to be that person. Um, I've learned that sometimes it's better for me to just stay quiet. And in that moment, that's me choosing my peace. That's me choosing to say nothing, right? That's also part of boldness that you can be real with yourself and say, hey, maybe right now it's not the time for me to say XYZ because it's gonna come from the wrong place. And when you can be real with yourself like that, I really believe that God honors that because he's like, Okay, you're you're learning, you're growing now. I can I can pour into you, right? So, all that being said, amiga, I understand, right, that whenever we see somebody, a muher that carries herself in a way that is very different to us, we can either admire that or we cannot like it. Right. And when you see a woman that's polished and she can eloquently speak up, we may really find that admirable, but we don't know the work she did on herself to get to that place. So, in speaking of comparison, amiga, don't allow yourself to even go to that place where you compare yourself, okay? Where you compare your boldness to another Muhed's boldness. Because again, it's not the same. If you're in this comparison trap, man, that's when you really have to check yourself. This is where you really have to renew your mind. This is where you really have to understand your identity. What does God say about you? Because in the first episode, right, of this uh little mini-series, this part two topic, right? We saw two women who displayed their boldness in completely different ways. Okay. And I even talked about Mary and Martha, the two sisters that when Jesus came to visit, Martha is over there in the kitchen worried about what she's gonna cook, what she's gonna do, what's going on, while Mary's sitting at the feet of Jesus, right? She's sitting at the feet of Jesus. When as a woman in that time, I'm pretty sure it was acceptable for her to like let me go in the kitchen, help my sister. But she understood herself and she understood what she needed. And I believe it took boldness for her to sit there at the feet of Jesus and shut everything else off and be intentional with her growth. This is why I'm saying what I'm saying with you. Because we may not see physically Jesus in our living room. But guess what? When we turn everything else off, you know, the sounds, the TV, everything. Turn off the phone, silence it, don't answer it, and sit there with yourself, pray, journal, do the work. I really believe that God honors that and He begins to pour into you. And you begin to compare yourself less to everybody else. And then you begin to be real with yourself about who you are, where you're going, what you're doing, what fits, what doesn't fit anymore, what aligns, what doesn't align, who aligns, who doesn't align, right? You're no longer worried about trying to measure up to what other people say you should be. And this includes speaking up, being bold. So what does that look like for you? Because if you are agreeing with, yeah, I say too much stuff. I'm too loud. I speak too much. I shouldn't say that they're right. Why do I always do that? Now, guess what? You're people pleasing without knowing it. You're now making these unhealthy agreements with what everyone has said about you. But have you taken the time to even ask God, is this true about me, God? So boldness. What is healthy boldness? Healthy boldness is understanding. And this is me just sharing my heart with you, okay? I'm not reading this, I'm just sharing my heart with you. I've been reflecting on this, I've been praying about this. But what is healthy boldness? Healthy boldness is me understanding that the moment I say something, right, I have to check my heart so that I don't get it wrong when I speak up in terms of, am I angry when I speak up? Because if I'm speaking up in anger, guilty of this, right? If I'm speaking up in anger, now I'm displaying unhealthy boldness. If I'm speaking up to try to show others that man, I could tear you down with my words, then I'm speaking with unhealthy boldness and possibly pride, right? If I am speaking up because I'm just trying to prove my point, I am now speaking up with unhealthy boldness. And I, if I am speaking up because I want to be seen and I want to be the loudest because I need to be heard in the moment, then probably my trauma has been triggered and I need to check that unhealed wound. Let's be honest. Okay, and in no way am I trying to trigger you, amiga, or judge you because guess what? I'm also speaking to myself. I'm also speaking to myself because I believe that in the moment where we mess up, we fall, we struggle, right? God's actually taking a mirror, putting it to our face, and saying, hey, this right here, I need to work on that. You need to let me in so I can heal that. Because God always sees the actual version of who we are, the finished product, the polished version. We don't see it. A lot of us keep holding on to where we're struggling, where we're hurting, what hurts us, the wounds, the people that hurt us, because we need to grow and we need to heal. And sometimes he allows it to hurt. He allows us to see like what no longer fits, he allows us to not let those things fit anymore so we can grow because Amiga, he's calling you higher. So while you sit there and compare yourself to that muher, your cousin, your prima, your sister, whoever, your bestie, God didn't make you like her. So guess what? If she has a tendency to speak up in a polished way and say, I don't care, but did God call you to that? Because your boldness may be the one that goes in her secret place and intercedes for everybody else, praise for everybody else. That may be the boldness that you're being called to, not necessarily a boldness that is publicly heard. So that's where you really have to sit with yourself and understand what boldness, where is God calling you? What does that look like for you? So healthy boldness, right? If I understand that maybe I'm not always supposed to say what's on my mind, now that's maturity. If I understand that just because somebody shared something right in that moment, it's not a moment for me to fix her, it's not a moment for me to maybe even give her advice. Maybe it's a moment for me to sit there, listen, say nothing, maybe pray, right? That's healthy boldness. If I speak up in order to build others up, to build someone else up, right? Like the podcast. I'm not perfect, but here I am sharing my heart with you. Here I am giving to you maybe something that God gave to me that I'm like, oh, this is good right here. God, let's put it out there. That is healthy boldness because it's building you up. It's not for me, it's not for me to be seen, it's not for me to be like, man, I'm so smart. Look what I'm gonna share. No, it's a humility that this is for you. I'm gonna serve you in this way. That's healthy boldness. So, amiga, let me give you an example. Maybe you have made it a point and a priority to serve in your church, to lead a group, to make yourself available, to answer the phone when that amiga is going through it really bad, but yet you choose to be there and take time out of your day to be there. That's healthy boldness. So, what am I saying? Boldness isn't just about saying something. Sometimes boldness is taking action, a lot of times it is, just like the story that I gave you with the women, right? In the last episode, um season uh 11, episode six, boldness doesn't look the same for everybody, is the second thing that I'm saying. So you need to determine what's your boldness, because your boldness probably isn't her boldness, your boldness probably looks very different. So while you sit there and compare yourself to that muhead, while you sit there and feel bad for yourself, I want you to really be real with yourself about who you are, how God views you, what boldness even means to you. Because if you're still worried about what are people gonna say, every time I say something, people get mad at me. Let's go back to what I said. Are you displaying healthy or unhealthy boldness? Because when you understand who you are, right, you can be really honest with yourself. This takes some honesty on your part, and it also takes you understanding who you are, who does God say that you are? Maybe in the past, maybe you did speak up and it wasn't healthy. Maybe you did speak up and it hurt others. Well, how can you change that, amiga? Because here's the thing. Sometimes when we've had a bad experience, or we know, like, dang, I said things that I shouldn't have said, or maybe I just always said what I needed to say, and it was so negative, right? I knew a couple people like that back in the day. Um, and then you start burning bridges, like, let's be honest, right? I also knew people like that. So, so you get to a place where you say things that you can't bring back anymore, right? So, how do you avoid doing that again? That's a moment that you have to understand, like, okay, this part of me has to change. Because if God gave you the courage, because it really takes courage and bravery to speak up, right? If God gave that to you, now it's a matter of knowing how to execute that, right, in a positive way. But that doesn't mean that you're not gonna shake and rattle a couple of people, because just like I was sharing last time, right? Um sometimes we are called to trigger people. And it's not because we want to, and it's not because we're being mean, and it's not because we want to hurt them. It's because sometimes we are the one called to say or take action on something so that person, so that people understand more about who they are and understand more about their growth, where they're at. Sometimes it takes us being that person, and that's not always easy. So I always say this understand why you're doing it, right? Understand like, am I even doing this for God? Am I speaking up for God? Am I building others up? So that's the other thing that you have to think about is your boldness building others up, and that's the key to knowing that your boldness and your speaking up is healthy. It's from a good place, it's from a God place. All right, so, amiga, I hope that this episode blessed you, this cafecito chat. I hope that you'll go download that PDF so you can go a little bit deeper this weekend. And I really, really hope that you have an amazing weekend. I hope that through all of this that we've been talking about, you begin to see yourself the way that God does. So keep in mind that I do have the 12-week beautifully rooted mentorship. It's all about growth and transformation, mindset, exploring who you are and truly growing. This is for 12 weeks. I do have a 50% off scholarship, and that's limited. So if you're like, man, Miguel, I know it's time for me to go deeper. I've been listening to you for a while. I need to self-reflect and really just be intentional with my growth. Amiga, this is for you. So I would love for you to send me a DM on Instagram at the Fearless Muher Podcast, and I would love to tell you more. All right, Amiga, God bless you. Please share this episode with your amigas. Leave me a review, please, if you're listening on podcasts. Um, I believe on Spotify you can you can leave reviews there as well. So leave me a review. Let me know um if this is helping you, what you loved about it. Definitely helps me continue to create content for you. Um, again, I took a break for months and here I am. So I definitely would love to hear from you so I know what's helping, what to put out there. And I love you, amiga. God bless you.