SPEAKER_00: Well, last week we focused on what does it mean from the Bible that the husband is the head of his home.
SPEAKER_00: And this morning we're going to focus on what does it mean and look like practically for a Christian husband to love his wife as Christ loves the church.
SPEAKER_00: Now, if we were to look at the world or pop culture for our definition of love and uh romantic love, marital love, a husband's love, we're gonna get something that doesn't necessarily line up with the Bible.
SPEAKER_00: I'm sure we all know that.
SPEAKER_00: You can think about popular song lyrics or movie lines and Disney movies and how love is depicted, and how we realize, well, that's not necessarily reality.
SPEAKER_00: Love in pop culture, I would say, gives us more of a shallow definition of love.
SPEAKER_00: Here's four examples.
SPEAKER_00: When you just survey music, culture, movies, books, love is typically described in these four ways.
SPEAKER_00: Number one, love is self-fulfillment.
SPEAKER_00: The idea that love exists primarily to make me happy or complete.
SPEAKER_00: So if this person makes me happy, then that is love.
SPEAKER_00: If they make me feel whole, then I love them and I will extend love to them.
SPEAKER_00: Or second, love is a passion without commitment.
SPEAKER_00: It is a romantic or sexual enthusiasm with no covenant or long-term responsibility.
SPEAKER_00: So, for example, this is most dating relationships or quote unquote friends with benefits, where I'm willing to share my body with you, but I'm not willing to close myself off to all others and be exclusive to you alone through a covenant of marriage.
SPEAKER_00: That is love as a passion but lacking commitment.
SPEAKER_00: Or third, love is unconditional acceptance of everything about me.
SPEAKER_00: If you love me, then you'll never question me or confront me.
SPEAKER_00: Uh, this is our current culture today.
SPEAKER_00: If you disagree with someone, then you are evil and wicked, and we cancel them, right?
SPEAKER_00: Or love is a temporary state.
SPEAKER_00: Love is something that fades away, can be lost or replaced, or you can fall into it and you can easily fall out of it, according to the culture.
SPEAKER_00: That's why you have couples who say, I'm not in love with him or her anymore.
SPEAKER_00: We have fallen out of love, and so we are going to divorce.
SPEAKER_00: The world tells us that the key to a happy marriage sometimes is compatibility.
SPEAKER_00: Make sure you're compatible.
SPEAKER_00: However, compatibility is not God's standard for marriage at all.
SPEAKER_00: You won't find a single verse.
SPEAKER_00: Well, let me back up.
SPEAKER_00: The only way you're supposed to be compatible is you're both Christians.
SPEAKER_00: You're both Christ's followers, you're compatible in that way.
SPEAKER_00: So as we continue to look at our text this morning, we have to answer the question when Paul's talking about marriage, what is love as defined by God for us Christ followers?
SPEAKER_00: And then what does it mean to for husbands to love your wife as Christ loves the church?
SPEAKER_00: So picking up at verse 25, we are, so again, last week we focused on the husband's headship.
SPEAKER_00: If you weren't here, I would encourage you to go back and listen to that.
SPEAKER_00: But now let's look specifically at Paul's instructions here to husbands in the churches in Asia Minor, he's writing to.
SPEAKER_00: Verse 25, Paul speaking to the husbands in these churches and us husbands today.
SPEAKER_00: Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her.
SPEAKER_00: Let's just stop right there.
SPEAKER_00: Every man in this room is already convicted at the very start of the sermon.
SPEAKER_00: Husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church.
SPEAKER_00: Now, what's interesting about Ephesians chapter 5 is this is the longest segment of teaching towards husbands in the entire New Testament.
SPEAKER_00: And it's interesting that the men get far more verses than the ladies.
SPEAKER_00: My question would be: I wonder why is that?
SPEAKER_00: Why did the Holy Spirit choose to use Paul to say far more to men than he did to the wives?
SPEAKER_00: Does that mean uh the wives are just godlier than the men and they don't need a whole lot of help?
SPEAKER_00: Just, hey, respect your husband and submit to him.
SPEAKER_00: I wonder if what the Lord is doing here is recognizing the culture in the day that Paul is writing to, recognizing that men, just like today, carried far more influence and authority than any woman did.
SPEAKER_00: And maybe he realized we need to make sure the men get this right because of the level of authority and influence they carry and how it can have a uh a good effect on all those under his care, or a more of a collateral damage effect if he doesn't get this right.
SPEAKER_00: Whatever the reason is, men, we get far more instruction than the ladies, and so we definitely should perk up when we read texts like this and ask the Spirit to help us understand what is God's design.
SPEAKER_00: But here's some things to point out.
SPEAKER_00: So when he says, husbands, love your wives, this is radically counter-cultural.
SPEAKER_00: You gotta consider in Jewish society in this day and age, men treated their wives almost like personal property.
SPEAKER_00: And there were laws that allowed that.
SPEAKER_00: I mean, some people laugh, but there are laws in Jewish culture where a man could divorce his wife simply by burning for burning the dinner.
SPEAKER_00: So men typically did not seem to have culturally a high view of women in society.
SPEAKER_00: So when Paul is saying, husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church, you got to understand Paul, God through Paul, is elevating the covenant of marriage and the role of a husband, but even more so the role of a wife whom the husband is to protect, serve, and lead.
SPEAKER_00: But notice this.
SPEAKER_00: When Paul starts pinning these letters, he could have said anything.
SPEAKER_00: Okay?
SPEAKER_00: He could have said anything after husbands.
SPEAKER_00: He could have said, husbands, rule your wives.
SPEAKER_00: He could have said, husbands, dominate your wives, he could have said, husbands, keep your wives in order.
SPEAKER_00: But instead, what does he say?
SPEAKER_00: He says, Husbands, love your wives.
SPEAKER_00: He doesn't just stop there.
SPEAKER_00: He even gets specific.
SPEAKER_00: Love your wives just as Christ loved the church.
SPEAKER_00: Brothers and sisters, Paul is giving a command.
SPEAKER_00: Think about that.
SPEAKER_00: He doesn't say, husbands, consider loving your wives.
SPEAKER_00: It'd be really good if you loved your wives.
SPEAKER_00: No.
SPEAKER_00: He says, husbands, love your wives.
SPEAKER_00: He also doesn't say, husbands, love your wife if she's lovable.
SPEAKER_00: He doesn't say, husbands, love your wives if she's kind to you.
SPEAKER_00: He doesn't say, husbands, love your wives if you feel like it.
SPEAKER_00: He says, husbands, love your wives.
SPEAKER_00: Here's the the key phrase here.
SPEAKER_00: Just as.
SPEAKER_00: That's where every man, after hearing Paul read this, would have would have started shaking and sweating a little bit in the service.
SPEAKER_00: When he says, husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her.
SPEAKER_00: Paul doesn't leave any wiggle room for a husband to define what it means to love his wife according to his understanding of that.
SPEAKER_00: He gives very specific instruction that husbands are to love their wives the same way that Jesus loved past tense his church.
SPEAKER_00: And then we see as he goes on, he gives the the why behind this love in verse 26.
SPEAKER_00: Why did Christ love his church this way?
SPEAKER_00: To make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word.
SPEAKER_00: He did this to present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless.
SPEAKER_00: In the same way, similar to that just as statement, husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies.
SPEAKER_00: He who loves his wife loves himself.
SPEAKER_00: So Paul starts out with a clear, direct command: husbands love your wives.
SPEAKER_00: He attaches that with the why, or I mean the how, just as Christ loved the church.
SPEAKER_00: Then he follows up with, and here's why Christ loved the church that way, because he wanted to make the church holy.
SPEAKER_00: He wanted to make us holy.
SPEAKER_00: Now let's just talk about what that means, holy.
SPEAKER_00: I believe theologically, Paul is talking about what some theologians will refer to as positional holiness or definitive sanctification.
SPEAKER_00: Those are fancy words you don't need to know.
SPEAKER_00: Essentially, it means that at the point of your conversion, if you're a Christian this morning, you were set apart by God from the world, the enemy, sin, and the devil, and you now belong to the Father, which is why earlier in Ephesians, Paul unpacks the doctrine of adoption.
SPEAKER_00: You have been adopted into the family of God as a son or daughter, and you are positionally holy, which means the righteousness of Christ, the perfect life he lived, was attributed to you as if you lived a perfect life in obedience to the Lord.
SPEAKER_00: His righteous blood is on your account.
SPEAKER_00: You are holy in the eyes of God the Father.
SPEAKER_00: And it has nothing to do with feelings.
SPEAKER_00: So it has nothing to do with, do I feel holy?
SPEAKER_00: No, in the eyes of God, positionally, judicially, you Christian are holy.
SPEAKER_00: So when it says that Jesus loved the church to make her holy, that is what Paul is talking about.
SPEAKER_00: The church is set apart from sin and Satan and brought to God the Father.
SPEAKER_00: And that positional holiness is grounded in the work of Jesus Christ dying on the cross on your behalf.
SPEAKER_00: You are positionally holy.
SPEAKER_00: That is an element of our Christian lives, I think we often neglect.
SPEAKER_00: I think we tend to focus on progressive sanctification or in real time on this side of heaven, us growing into Christ-like maturity, which is very important.
SPEAKER_00: But the way I would like to describe sanctification is the process of becoming what you already are in the eyes of God.
SPEAKER_00: In God's eyes, every last one of you, if you're a disciple of Christ this morning, you are holy.
SPEAKER_00: Receive that.
SPEAKER_00: No matter how spiritually jacked up you are this morning, join the club.
SPEAKER_00: All of us are a work in progress, but in the eyes of the Lord, you are holy.
SPEAKER_00: I love what my man C.S.
SPEAKER_00: Lewis once said.
SPEAKER_00: If we could see each other as we will one day be in glory, we'd be tempted to bow down and worship each other.
SPEAKER_00: That is how God sees us.
SPEAKER_00: So Paul is focusing on husbands, love your wives based on this standard of how your Savior loved you as a part of the church.
SPEAKER_00: Now, I don't want to get on my soapbox here, but I just see some significance here in highlighting the beauty of the doctrine of limited atonement.
SPEAKER_00: You might say, what on earth does that have to do with husbands loving their wives?
SPEAKER_00: Well, let me unpack this.
SPEAKER_00: Paul says, words have meaning.
SPEAKER_00: Let's focus here.
SPEAKER_00: Husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the world, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her.
SPEAKER_00: What this means, friends, is Jesus' love by God's grace is not a generic love.
SPEAKER_00: It's not a vague love for a category of people out there.
SPEAKER_00: It is a personal, it is an intentional, it is a covenantal love, which means when Jesus hung on the cross, he didn't die on the cross for a nameless uh cloud of people.
SPEAKER_00: He didn't die on the cross for humanity in general.
SPEAKER_00: He hung on the cross with specific people in his heart in mind, which means salvation is a gift for the church, not the world in general, which means Jesus set his love in eternity past on a specific people called the church, his bride, which is why Paul can say, husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her in particular.
SPEAKER_00: Which means when Jesus died on the cross, he did not accomplish salvation for people in general.
SPEAKER_00: He died for people specifically.
SPEAKER_00: That should, that should like weigh on your heart when you consider over 2,000 years ago, when Jesus hung on the cross for hours, he literally died specifically for you if you're a Christ follower this morning.
SPEAKER_00: He had your name in mind.
SPEAKER_00: The Father said, Son, this I gift to you, the church, my people, purchase them on the cross.
SPEAKER_00: And Jesus said, I voluntarily, Father, will do that for your glory.
SPEAKER_00: So if Christ's death were merely for people in general, so to speak, I would suggest it would be a love without a face.
SPEAKER_00: If Jesus just died for people in general, but you have to exercise your free will to choose him and then he'll choose you, that's a general atonement.
SPEAKER_00: And there's many godly people who would disagree with me and would hold to that view, and that's fine.
SPEAKER_00: They're gonna be in the kingdom with us.
SPEAKER_00: But when I look at the biblical data, it seems to be a definite atonement.
SPEAKER_00: Jesus knew whom he was dying for on the cross.
SPEAKER_00: And the biblical data, in my opinion, presents a love with names written on it, a love that says, I lay my life down for my sheep.
SPEAKER_00: That kind of love is deeper, stronger, and more secure because it means that Jesus' heart was set on his bride before she ever loved him back.
SPEAKER_00: In Acts chapter 20, when Paul is departing from the church in Ephesus and he's encouraging the elders that he has been training for about three years, he gives them this exhortation in Acts 20, verse 28.
SPEAKER_00: Be on guard for yourselves and for all the flock, of which the Holy Spirit has appointed you as overseers to shepherd the church of God, which he purchased with his own blood.
SPEAKER_00: I bring that up to say it's similar when we look at that's how Jesus loved his bride, the church, his flock, husbands, that's how you are called to love your wife, not every woman in general, but your specific wife that God has blessed you with.
SPEAKER_00: And Paul follows up with that by making it clear that Jesus in verse 26 purchased the church with his blood to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word.
SPEAKER_00: Which means, brothers and sisters, but men in particular, God's priority is not your personal happiness, his priority is your personal holiness.
SPEAKER_00: And when you pursue holiness, joy and happiness are a byproduct.
SPEAKER_00: So if you truly want to be happy in life, if you're married, if you truly want a happy marriage, then pursue holiness.
SPEAKER_00: Because as you pursue loving the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength, and your neighbor as yourself, if you're married, who's your closest neighbor?
SPEAKER_00: Your spouse.
SPEAKER_00: Well then guess what?
SPEAKER_00: As a byproduct, happiness and joy will result.
SPEAKER_00: But we don't chase after high happiness as a priority.
SPEAKER_00: We choice, we chase after holiness, which pleases the Lord.
SPEAKER_00: But when he says in verse 26, this washing of the word, this is what we as husbands have the privilege of doing as well.
SPEAKER_00: So Christ loved the church and gave himself for her to make her holy, and he cleanses her with the washing of water by the word.
SPEAKER_00: How does the Lord Jesus Christ sanctify his church?
SPEAKER_00: Through the Spirit illuminating and empowering the Word of God in our lives to shape us more into the image of our Savior.
SPEAKER_00: Husbands, we have the privilege of doing the same.
SPEAKER_00: This is our God-given both duty and privilege to pursue making our wives mature in Christ by regularly washing them with the word of God through the cleansing and purifying word of the Lord.
SPEAKER_00: So let me ask a few questions specifically to the husbands in the room.
SPEAKER_00: Are you actively leading your wife in the word, or are you passively hoping that it's just happening?
SPEAKER_00: Are you actively leading your wife in the scriptures?
SPEAKER_00: Do you lovingly and consistently check in on her walk with Christ?
SPEAKER_00: Or are you just assuming that she's walking intimately with the Lord?
SPEAKER_00: Do you have ongoing conversations about sweetheart?
SPEAKER_00: What is the Lord showing you in his word lately?
SPEAKER_00: Or what has the Lord been convicting you of or encouraging you in in the past month or so?
SPEAKER_00: Are you just having intentional and consistent efforts to check on her walk with the Lord?
SPEAKER_00: Are you making real sacrifices to give her opportunities to grow in the Lord?
SPEAKER_00: Whatever that may look like.
SPEAKER_00: I think that's the beauty of family life.
SPEAKER_00: God doesn't give us a cookie cutter, here's how everyone needs to do this, but rather he gives us guardrails to function within.
SPEAKER_00: But as the husband, as the leader of your home, are you making real sacrifices to give your bride opportunities to grow in Christ?
SPEAKER_00: Whatever that may look like.
SPEAKER_00: Are you prioritizing watching the kids so she can have undistracted time to study God's word?
SPEAKER_00: Are you making initiative, taking initiative to encourage your family to participate in the life of a church?
SPEAKER_00: Whether that's participating in a small group or letting your wife go to a Bible study or participating in a discipleship group or read a good book or listen to a good podcast, whatever it may be, to take the initiative as the husband to encourage your wife's growth.
SPEAKER_00: Let me ask this.
SPEAKER_00: Husbands, are you yourself growing in Christ-like maturity maturity in the knowledge of God's Word?
SPEAKER_00: Because you can't give your wife what you don't have yourself.
SPEAKER_00: Are you seeking to grow in maturity in the knowledge of God's word so that you can intentionally disciple your wife and family according to the scriptures?
SPEAKER_00: Are you leading your family to prioritize the Sunday gathering, to be with God's people, to hear the public ministry of the word and to fellowship with the saints?
SPEAKER_00: Here's a good rule of thumb, uh, men treat church like you treat work.
SPEAKER_00: If you wouldn't call off work for it, don't call off church for it.
SPEAKER_00: So there's some situations where, oh, it's raining outside, we can't we can't go to church.
SPEAKER_00: It's dangerous.
SPEAKER_00: Treat church like you treat work.
SPEAKER_00: Lead your family to prioritize being with God's people so that they're edified by the worship of the Lord.
SPEAKER_00: Husbands, the call is simple.
SPEAKER_00: I mean, there are some texts of scripture like what we're looking at this morning where we don't need a whole lot of interpretation here.
SPEAKER_00: It's pretty clear what God commands us to do in loving our wives as Christ loves the church.
SPEAKER_00: We are called to take initiative, we are called to make provision for our wives' growth, and we are called to lead our wives toward deeper intimacy with Christ.
SPEAKER_00: And please don't fall snare to the lie that this is some kind of like begrudging duty.
SPEAKER_00: Like this is a privilege, this is a delight.
SPEAKER_00: It's essentially making a disciple.
SPEAKER_00: We are called to have the privilege of discipling our wives and our children to the glory of the Lord.
SPEAKER_00: And as you do that, you're actually being a worker for your own joy.
SPEAKER_00: Because as you promote holiness in your wife and kids, as you disciple and serve your bride, she is happy in the Lord, and therefore you are happy.
SPEAKER_00: That is the one phrase in the world that I think the Bible would agree with.
SPEAKER_00: Happy wife, happy life.
SPEAKER_00: But her happiness needs to be rooted in Christ and His Word.
SPEAKER_00: And if you're promoting that type of happiness in your wife, then husbands, guess what?
SPEAKER_00: You directly benefit.
SPEAKER_00: So if you want to be, if you want to be redemptive, redemptively selfish, husbands, promote godliness in the heart and life of your bride, and you will directly benefit as a result from your own labors and discipling her.
SPEAKER_00: There was a brother in RC Sproul's church many years ago who came up to him and said, R.C., I need your help.
SPEAKER_00: My wife is an absolute monster.
SPEAKER_00: And R.C.
SPEAKER_00: responded, And who do you think made her that way?
SPEAKER_00: He was focusing on that man's leadership in his home.
SPEAKER_00: So we are called to take initiative, to make provision, and to lead our wives toward deeper intimacy with Christ.
SPEAKER_00: Think of it this way.
SPEAKER_00: Let me illustrate this because every man in the room would understand this concept.
SPEAKER_00: So typically, in the workplace, at some point, you're gonna have some type of performance review with your boss, right?
SPEAKER_00: And your boss will sit down with you and he's gonna analyze your performance based on your role and the functions of your role and your responsibilities.
SPEAKER_00: Well, imagine sitting down with Jesus Christ, who Going to conduct your performance review quarterly on how well you are leading your wife and discipling your children.
SPEAKER_00: Where Jesus pulls out the Bible and says, Let's look at your role and your function and your responsibility and authority according to my inspired word, and let's just assess how you're doing.
SPEAKER_00: How many of us would walk into that performance review with our heads high, like I can't wait for this?
SPEAKER_00: Or how many of us would be thinking about, Do I, how many sick days do I got?
SPEAKER_00: Can I can I skip that, Jesus?
SPEAKER_00: But that is what we are called to.
SPEAKER_00: We have been entrusted with a level of authority and influence that we are to steward for the good of our households, and we do so as unto the Lord, knowing that he's always watching, and we are reflecting him.
SPEAKER_00: Now, brothers, let's be honest.
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes, as men, we admit that we're not as spiritually mature as we know we should be.
SPEAKER_00: Or we say things like, I wish I knew the Bible better.
SPEAKER_00: I wish I was more mature.
SPEAKER_00: And we say these things while ignoring the very means that God has ordained for us to grow.
SPEAKER_00: And then we wonder why we're stuck in the same place.
SPEAKER_00: We we say, we know we need to grow.
SPEAKER_00: I know I need to mature more in the faith.
SPEAKER_00: I need to grow in my understanding of what does it mean that I'm the head of my home.
SPEAKER_00: I need to grow in learning how to lead my wife and kids and disciple them.
SPEAKER_00: And then we kind of just stop there.
SPEAKER_00: Men, you will not mature if you neglect the places and the means by which God has ordained to bless you and to grow you in the faith.
SPEAKER_00: If you neglect these things, these resources ordained by God for your spiritual good, well then you will continue to be spiritually stagnant.
SPEAKER_00: As men, we must first learn to lead ourselves, don't we?
SPEAKER_00: How am I making sure that I am growing in my intimacy with Jesus?
SPEAKER_00: How am I making sure that I'm leading myself to comprehend God's word so I can live it out to the glory of God and then disciple my wife and kids?
SPEAKER_00: It is unfortunate.
SPEAKER_00: When I had a uh when I used to work for Logos Bible Software, my job was to travel all over the US and Canada to present at Christian conferences and events, to show the software how to study the Bible with it.
SPEAKER_00: And it was funny because whenever I would go to a women's event, a women's conference, I knew I was gonna make a lot of money.
SPEAKER_00: Because the women, they always want to study the Bible, they want to know all the good books, but when I go to the men's events, generally it was like pulling teeth to get them to want to learn how to study the Bible.
SPEAKER_00: And I thought that was pretty telling, even in the life of local churches, not this church, praise God.
SPEAKER_00: We're we're unique, right?
SPEAKER_00: We're an anomaly.
SPEAKER_00: But in a lot of churches, unfortunately, the women tend to put it on their shoulders to take the Bible and theology seriously.
SPEAKER_00: And if there are men who feel the initiative to be serious about theology and studying God's word, we say, Oh, he must be called to be a pastor.
SPEAKER_00: What if he's just a Christian?
SPEAKER_00: Let's not settle for mediocracy in men in the life of local churches.
SPEAKER_00: But look back at our text here.
SPEAKER_00: So Paul gives us the example of Christ in verse 25 and 26.
SPEAKER_00: In 28, he says, In the same way husbands are to love their wives as uh in the same way husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies.
SPEAKER_00: He who loves his wife loves himself.
SPEAKER_00: For no one ever hates his own flesh, but provides and cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, since we are members of his body.
SPEAKER_00: Now, that goes without saying.
SPEAKER_00: Now, as I look at the men in this room, all of you seem clean and smelling good and in your right mind, which shows that you know how to care for your body.
SPEAKER_00: Every man in this room, I would assume, generally, cares about their well-being.
SPEAKER_00: You want to be healthy, you want to be presentable, you want to make sure you're taking care of yourself.
SPEAKER_00: And Paul is using that example to say, just like you would care for your own physical body, care for your wife.
SPEAKER_00: But then he ties in how Christ cares for his body, the church.
SPEAKER_00: Like Paul's Paul's a sharp wordsmith when he does this, when he brings in these metaphors.
SPEAKER_00: So some common metaphors that Paul uses to describe the church is one of uh a body or a bride.
SPEAKER_00: And when he uses that body language, he's emphasizing the point that Christ is always the head of the body, the church, and all of us are different parts, and we all are interconnected, we all need each other to function, but we are all following the head who is Christ.
SPEAKER_00: Paul is saying, just like we are all a part of Christ's body, love your wife as if she's a part of your body as well.
SPEAKER_00: Give intentional thought to how to care for your bride.
SPEAKER_00: Just like, now I know there's some there's some anomalies out there, some men who seem to not care about themselves, but generally most men are going to care for their own health and well-being.
SPEAKER_00: And Paul says, the same level of attention you would give to your own well-being, make sure you are loving your wife as your own body.
SPEAKER_00: So Paul is essentially giving men a fail-proof plan on how to honor the Lord in loving their spouses.
SPEAKER_00: But here's a few ways that you can guarantee to have an unfulfilling marriage that does not honor the Lord.
SPEAKER_00: Let me give you three.
SPEAKER_00: We can spend all morning on this, but let me give three.
SPEAKER_00: How can you guarantee that you will have an unfulfilling marriage?
SPEAKER_00: Number one, husbands by being selfish.
SPEAKER_00: Selfish husbands who are self-centered will never know a fulfilled marriage or a fulfilled family.
SPEAKER_00: It just is impossible.
SPEAKER_00: If your consistent pattern is one of habitual self-centeredness, you will never have a fulfilled God-honoring marriage.
SPEAKER_00: Second, if you remain passive, passive husbands who fail to lead spiritually simply will not experience a God-honoring marriage.
SPEAKER_00: If you see your role in Scripture and you agree with what the Bible says, and yet you choose to remain spiritually passive and don't take the initiative to lead, protect, and provide for your wife, and I'm not talking about working financially and providing, I'm talking about providing both uh financially and spiritually, nourishing her soul and remaining passive, then you will not have a God-honoring marriage, plain and simple.
SPEAKER_00: Third, to speak to the ladies, another way to guarantee an unfulfilling marriage is for wives to dominate their husbands, to be the type of wife who, quote unquote, wears the pants in the relationship because your husband will not lead, and he is passive, and so you take the reins and run the household and tell your husband what to do, as if you're the head, you will not experience a fulfilled, God-glorifying marriage.
SPEAKER_00: Why can I say that so definitively?
SPEAKER_00: Because true happiness in marriage is only possible for the Christian in accordance to God's revealed plan for marriage.
SPEAKER_00: We do not own marriage, we don't have the right to redefine marriage.
SPEAKER_00: And so if you want a God-honoring marriage according to God's design, well, then you got to use marriage according to the owner's manual.
SPEAKER_00: If we want to fulfill God-glorifying marriage, we need to search the scriptures and ask, what is the Lord's will for me in my role and function as a husband or as a wife, and then ask for the Spirit's help to live that out as a flawed, broken sinner who absolutely will get it wrong every week of your life.
SPEAKER_00: But the goal is to strive towards faithfulness to the glory of God and for the good of your household.
SPEAKER_00: But men who are selfish, men who take headship as, I'm the man, I run things, I dominate, you're gonna ruin your household.
SPEAKER_00: I love how Matthew Henry famously stated the role of Adam and Eve's marriage when he says that God took Eve from Adam's side, not out of his head to top him, neither out of his feet to be trampled on by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, and under his arm to be protected by him, and near his heart to be loved by him.
SPEAKER_00: That's a good picture of how a husband is to lead and protect and serve his wife, recognizing she is equal in the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ with me, but we have different roles and functions by which God has called us to serve one another and glorify his name and show a watching world what the relationship of Christ's bride is to his church.
SPEAKER_00: Now, with all I'm saying, we we have to define love biblically.
SPEAKER_00: We can't look at Paul's exhortation to love our wives as Christ loved the church and not talk about what is love biblically.
SPEAKER_00: Now, if you survey the Bible, you won't find a chapter and verse that says, here is the definition of love.
SPEAKER_00: Rather, you read Genesis to Revelation and you see love on display all over the pages of scripture.
SPEAKER_00: So love is more something that I would say you can study God's acts throughout redemptive history and get a better grasp of what does it look like, rather than trying to specifically define it.
SPEAKER_00: But as I said earlier, the world thinks of love primarily as some kind of like euphoric emotion.
SPEAKER_00: It's primarily like this thing you you feel.
SPEAKER_00: Well, the challenge with that is it flies against Paul's words, doesn't it?
SPEAKER_00: Because you can't command an emotion, can you?
SPEAKER_00: So if if love is primarily an emotion, I do think it it has an element of emotion to it.
SPEAKER_00: But if love is primarily an emotion, you can't command an emotion.
SPEAKER_00: Can anyone in this room just flip a button and no longer be sad or just instantly be happy?
SPEAKER_00: No, we can't do that.
SPEAKER_00: But when we survey the Bible, love is not an emotion.
SPEAKER_00: It is more of an action.
SPEAKER_00: But before we get into that, let's look at what love is not.
SPEAKER_00: Let's address some common misconceptions that even us as Christians have allowed to creep into our beliefs.
SPEAKER_00: Number one, I would suggest that love is not primarily romantic or passionate feeling.
SPEAKER_00: Physical attraction and emotional highs are not the essence of love.
SPEAKER_00: Every last one in this room, just look at me, you don't got to look at your spouse and say anything.
SPEAKER_00: But when you first started dating, you felt this euphoric high of like, I love this man, I love this woman.
SPEAKER_00: That's not love.
SPEAKER_00: That's just some anatomy stuff going on, some biology, but that's not love.
SPEAKER_00: Love is also not primarily physical attraction.
SPEAKER_00: It is a gift that the Lord creates beauty in the world, including in our spouses.
SPEAKER_00: It's okay to find your wife or your husband attractive.
SPEAKER_00: I'm grateful, I find my bride attractive, my wife is finer than frog hair.
SPEAKER_00: But that does not equal love, does it?
SPEAKER_00: Love is also not neediness or codependency.
SPEAKER_00: This is when people say things like, I need him.
SPEAKER_00: I need her, I can't live without you.
SPEAKER_00: Well, you better learn now, because that's not love.
SPEAKER_00: 1 Corinthians 13 makes it clear that love is not self-seeking.
SPEAKER_00: So if you're primarily viewing your spouse as like your source of identity or that they fulfill you and complete you, well, guess what?
SPEAKER_00: You just turned your spouse into a functional savior.
SPEAKER_00: The only person in the universe, men and women, who should fulfill you and make you feel complete and where you find your identity is Jesus Christ.
SPEAKER_00: As much as your husband loves you, as much as you love your wife, they didn't die on the cross for you.
SPEAKER_00: They do not fulfill you.
SPEAKER_00: Third, love is not being in love.
SPEAKER_00: That's not even a biblical term.
SPEAKER_00: Love is an ongoing covenant commitment, an act of the will.
SPEAKER_00: It's not a state you fall in and out of.
SPEAKER_00: Friends, I bring this up because this is serious.
SPEAKER_00: I have sat in front of professing Christians who have said, I'm going to divorce my spouse because I'm no longer in love with them.
SPEAKER_00: They don't make me happy, and I know God wants me to be happy, and so he's given me a peace about divorcing them.
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, please just show me one chapter and verse that supports that.
SPEAKER_00: Because you're claiming that the father told you this, and yet it literally contradicts his word.
SPEAKER_00: So we got to be careful with these things.
SPEAKER_00: Fourth, love is not absent of loving actions.
SPEAKER_00: Biblical love always acts.
SPEAKER_00: It's it's more than just words.
SPEAKER_00: So, for instance, there there's there's I don't know why this is typical sometimes in the culture of men, but you can have men who they work hard, they provide for their wife and kids, and they never tell their children, I love you.
SPEAKER_00: But the family just says, Well, he shows his love, he's a good provider and all these things.
SPEAKER_00: No, well, if you love, demonstrate it.
SPEAKER_00: We're talking about Christian love here.
SPEAKER_00: Love is met with action.
SPEAKER_00: It's not just saying, I love you, yet behaving in ways that communicates the opposite.
SPEAKER_00: All right, so what is love then, Cameron?
SPEAKER_00: I'm glad you asked.
SPEAKER_00: You guys asked all the best questions.
SPEAKER_00: That's why I love preaching to you.
SPEAKER_00: Let's start with what is a covenant before we define or describe love.
SPEAKER_00: A covenant, I would say, a biblical covenant, is a God-ordained, binding relationship in which God sets the terms, establishes obligations, promises blessings for faithfulness, and warns of consequences for disobedience, and is often confirmed by a sign.
SPEAKER_00: So let me just one more time.
SPEAKER_00: A biblical covenant is a God-ordained, binding, binding relationship in which He sets the terms, establishes the obligations of the relationship, promises blessings for faithfulness, and warns of consequences for disobedience.
SPEAKER_00: And that covenant is often confirmed by a sign.
SPEAKER_00: So when a husband and wife get married, they enter into a covenant before God.
SPEAKER_00: And in that covenant, they're agreeing to certain terms to the relationship, not terms that they created themselves, but the terms that are revealed in Scripture.
SPEAKER_00: And publicly they come before a ceremony as a sign that they are entering into that covenant.
SPEAKER_00: So I say that to say, Christians, when we think about love, love is a covenant-keeping promise to love and serve somebody else.
SPEAKER_00: You can't fall in and out of a covenant.
SPEAKER_00: You can't easily just back out of a covenant, can you?
SPEAKER_00: When God made covenants with people, the covenant was only typically severed by death or by some extreme act of disobedience that severed the covenant.
SPEAKER_00: So that needs to be the backdrop for us as believers when we think about love in marriage.
SPEAKER_00: You need to have a firm grasp of what is a covenant.
SPEAKER_00: Now, what is love?
SPEAKER_00: What does it look like, rather?
SPEAKER_00: Well, as I just said, number one, love is a covenant commitment rooted in a promise before God, not changing with circumstances or feelings.
SPEAKER_00: So, like I said earlier, Paul does not say husbands love your wives as long as you feel like it.
SPEAKER_00: He doesn't say husbands love your wives as long as they're lovable, because that's not covenant love, is it?
SPEAKER_00: We love our wives even when they're unlovable, which I know is rare.
SPEAKER_00: But you love your wife even when it's difficult.
SPEAKER_00: You love your wife even when she's sinful.
SPEAKER_00: You love your wife because you covenanted before the Lord that you would.
SPEAKER_00: And guess what?
SPEAKER_00: That's how your Savior loves you.
SPEAKER_00: When you're unlovable, when you deem yourself unworthy, does his covenant love towards you ever change?
SPEAKER_00: No, because you are positionally holy and set apart unto him.
SPEAKER_00: Number two, love is an act of the will, primarily.
SPEAKER_00: This means choosing daily, hourly to seek your spouse's good even when it's hard.
SPEAKER_00: Love is not primarily an emotion.
SPEAKER_00: Love is a voluntary act of the will.
SPEAKER_00: Go read 1 Corinthians 13, where Paul gives that running list of describing love.
SPEAKER_00: Most of them are verbs.
SPEAKER_00: They are actions, they are choices that you commit to doing.
SPEAKER_00: Love is also self-sacrificial, laying down your own preferences for the sake of your spouse's holiness and joy.
SPEAKER_00: As a Christian, you recognize we have, as men and women, but as husbands, we have no rights.
SPEAKER_00: I am willing to lay down my preferences for the joy of my bride, whatever that may be.
SPEAKER_00: Fourth, love is seeking your wife's spiritual flourishing.
SPEAKER_00: It's a discipling love that seeks to nurture and encourage and mature your wife's faith in Jesus Christ, and not assuming it's just happening.
SPEAKER_00: Biblical love is faithful and enduring.
SPEAKER_00: It's a persevering love that endures through trials, reflecting God's steadfast love for his people when they are weak, when they are sinful and rebellious.
SPEAKER_00: And lastly, love is active and tangible.
SPEAKER_00: It is demonstrated in actions that build up, serve, and protect.
SPEAKER_00: So, man, we can never say when our wives feel like, man, you don't verbalize it enough.
SPEAKER_00: Like you don't tell me you love me.
SPEAKER_00: It's like, well, I did 20 years ago when I said I do.
SPEAKER_00: Love is not a one-time past act that we keep pulling up like a highlight reel.
SPEAKER_00: It is demonstrated in action, it is tangible.
SPEAKER_00: Now, what if a Christian says, Well, I don't love my wife anymore.
SPEAKER_00: We have fallen out of love.
SPEAKER_00: Cam, I don't, I don't know if I love her anymore.
SPEAKER_00: Okay, as a following or as a follower of Christ, 1 John 4, 7 through 8 speaks directly to you.
SPEAKER_00: Dear friends, let us love one another because love is from God.
SPEAKER_00: And everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.
SPEAKER_00: The one who does not love does not know God.
SPEAKER_00: Because God is love.
SPEAKER_00: Do marriages go through hard seasons?
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
SPEAKER_00: Marriage is two sinners living under the same roof 24-7.
SPEAKER_00: You will have hard seasons.
SPEAKER_00: But when the emotional high wanes, I I think of it like trials in the Christian life.
SPEAKER_00: I know this is gonna sound radical, but I mean let's just be faithful to our Bibles.
SPEAKER_00: When God sovereignly allows trials to enter into our life, no matter how fiery they may be, it's actually a gift of the Lord.
SPEAKER_00: Because in those seasons, you get a glimpse of where am I at truly in my walk with Jesus?
SPEAKER_00: Like when things are good, it's easy to say, God is faithful, God is good, I love the Lord, I feel his love, I feel his grace in my life.
SPEAKER_00: But when you when you get that diagnosis, when you get laid off of work, when you lose a loved one, when you've been sinning against, then you get to really see how truly am I walking with the Lord?
SPEAKER_00: How mature is my faith?
SPEAKER_00: The same goes with marriage.
SPEAKER_00: When you have a rough season, you get to see how committed am I to this covenant-keeping love that I see in the Bible?
SPEAKER_00: Am I only willing to love and serve my wife when it's easy and convenient?
SPEAKER_00: Or even when it's difficult, do I still, with God's help, move towards her in love to seek her, excuse me, her spiritual flourishing.
SPEAKER_00: Remember, we love because we belong to God, and God is love, and one of the key markers of a Christian is that Christians love.
SPEAKER_00: So even if you find your wife in a difficult season, you find her to be your enemy, well then guess what?
SPEAKER_00: The Bible says, love your enemies.
SPEAKER_00: Love your wife as Christ loved the church.
SPEAKER_00: Brothers, if anything I'm saying this morning feels overwhelming or impossible, welcome to the club.
SPEAKER_00: When Paul says, husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church, every last one of us men, when we said I do, we signed up for an impossible task.
SPEAKER_00: Not a single one of us, I don't care how godly you are, I don't care how long you've walked with Christ, none of us will come close to truly loving our wives the same way Jesus loved his bride, the church.
SPEAKER_00: Nonetheless, that is the goal.
SPEAKER_00: That is what we are exhorted to pursue.
SPEAKER_00: And look at God's grace towards us, guys.
SPEAKER_00: What, on average, we live for about 70 odd years, 80 years on average, right?
SPEAKER_00: Adam and Eve were married for centuries.
SPEAKER_00: Think about that.
SPEAKER_00: Think about how much marital conflict you would have if you were married to your spouse for 800 years.
SPEAKER_00: I love my wife.
SPEAKER_00: I was like, Lord, I've served my time, 100 years has been good, you can bring me home.
SPEAKER_00: The Lord is gracious to us.
SPEAKER_00: But if anything I'm sharing this morning feels overwhelming or even impossible, I would just encourage you to take heart.
SPEAKER_00: It's okay.
SPEAKER_00: Because Jesus will never command you to do anything he doesn't supply the grace for you to do.
SPEAKER_00: Jesus will never tell you to go somewhere, he's not willing to travel along with you.
SPEAKER_00: Christ never calls you to do anything he will not also.
SPEAKER_00: Empower you to do.
SPEAKER_00: And this is why I made the case.
SPEAKER_00: Let's not just jump in the middle of the Bible sometimes and just rip verses out of the context.
SPEAKER_00: A lot of us like to just read Ephesians 5, 25 through 33 and focus on marriage.
SPEAKER_00: But remember, this is a part of an entire book.
SPEAKER_00: What has Paul been saying before he got into the specifics of marriage?
SPEAKER_00: For three whole chapters, he unpacked the beauty of the gospel.
SPEAKER_00: The fact that they have been born again, adopted by the Lord.
SPEAKER_00: They were chosen before the foundation of the earth.
SPEAKER_00: He's being a good pastor.
SPEAKER_00: He's saying, guys, before I even tell you how to live the Christian life, let me just remind you of the glory of your salvation.
SPEAKER_00: The fact that the very power of God that raised Jesus from the dead literally indwells you.
SPEAKER_00: So as that knowledge is fresh on your mind, husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church.
SPEAKER_00: I love how in 2 Corinthians 9, 8, now specifically Paul is addressing the church and finances, but he says, and God is able to make every grace overflow to you, so that in every way, always having everything you need, you may excel in every good work.
SPEAKER_00: The principle applies here today.
SPEAKER_00: Whatever the Lord calls you to do, he will richly, he already has richly supplied you with everything you need to live out this command to love your wife as Christ loved the church.
SPEAKER_00: Husbands, I'll challenge you this morning with this.
SPEAKER_00: Later over lunch or after dinner, when you have some undivided time with each other, ask your wife, sweetheart, how am I doing?
SPEAKER_00: When you look at Ephesians 5, 25 through 33, how am I doing in loving you as Christ loved the church?
SPEAKER_00: Where do you think I need to grow the most?
SPEAKER_00: Where are you most encouraged in my leadership?
SPEAKER_00: Now, wives, be kind and gracious.
SPEAKER_00: Answer in light of scripture with standards shaped by God's word and not your own.
SPEAKER_00: But have you ever thought about that, wives?
SPEAKER_00: Just the unique role you have to just be a spiritual encourager to your husband.
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes, you know, unfortunately, there are situations where men are passive and they don't lead, and the wives can almost fall into the snare of nagging their husband.
SPEAKER_00: Like, I need you to step up.
SPEAKER_00: Why won't you step up?
SPEAKER_00: And we should help those brothers.
SPEAKER_00: But also remember, being a spiritual cheerleader for your husband empowers him, encourages him to want to live out God's word.
SPEAKER_00: But, husbands, I would challenge you, ask your wives.
SPEAKER_00: And wives, go ahead.
SPEAKER_00: You can you can nag them a little bit and just give them the look like when you're gonna ask.
SPEAKER_00: You heard Pastor Cam say, when you're gonna ask.
SPEAKER_00: But let me close with this example.
SPEAKER_00: So Paul is obviously holding up the beauty of the gospel of Jesus Christ as the standard and the example that us men have the privilege of following.
SPEAKER_00: So when Paul is essentially saying, husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church, men, you need to be masters of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
SPEAKER_00: If you want to be a godly husband, you need to be radically familiar with what does it mean that I've been saved by the blood of Jesus Christ and reconciled to God.
SPEAKER_00: Because if you don't get that foundation right, you're already starting from a faulty premise.
SPEAKER_00: And you will not be able to live this out according to God's design.
SPEAKER_00: Let me just walk through that a little bit, starting with 2 Corinthians 8, verse 9, to kind of frame this.
SPEAKER_00: Paul, describing our Savior, says, For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, though he was rich, for your sake he became poor, so that by his poverty you might become rich.
SPEAKER_00: So that motivation that drove Jesus to hang on the cross for you is what should drive you to love your wife as Christ loved the church.
SPEAKER_00: Well, friends, how did Christ love the church?
SPEAKER_00: Well, let me just briefly explain.
SPEAKER_00: Every last one of us in this room were born sinners, rebelling against God, loving evil, with every inclination in our hearts, wanting to do that which was sinful.
SPEAKER_00: Our hearts were always bent toward sin.
SPEAKER_00: Before we even knew we were spiritually dead, Jesus Christ, before the foundations of the earth set his affections on a people he would one day call the church.
SPEAKER_00: And in the Father's plan, Christ did the unthinkable.
SPEAKER_00: He stepped off his throne of glory, entered into human history as a man, living a righteous life in perfect obedience to God's law, never once sinning, never had a sinful thought, never gave in to a single sinful temptation.
SPEAKER_00: And he did this so he could give his future bride, the church, his perfect record as if we lived it ourselves.
SPEAKER_00: He went to the cross and bore the wrath your sins deserved.
SPEAKER_00: Dying in your place as a substitutionary atonement to redeem you from judgment and the eternal wrath of God.
SPEAKER_00: After that death, what did he do?
SPEAKER_00: He did the unthinkable.
SPEAKER_00: Did he stop there?
SPEAKER_00: No.
SPEAKER_00: He ascended into heaven and then sent the Spirit to indwell us, to sanctify us, to keep us, to persevere until the end, until he will one day return, and we will see him face to face.
SPEAKER_00: And what will he do when we get to see him face to face?
SPEAKER_00: Well, Paul tells us in our text this morning: one day he will present his church to himself in splendor.
SPEAKER_00: That's a word we don't use today, is it?
SPEAKER_00: In splendor, holy, blameless, and radiant in his love forever.
SPEAKER_00: Now, husbands, what I just described, that's how you are to go love your wife.
SPEAKER_00: That gospel message is your job description.
SPEAKER_00: When you see what your savior did for you over 2,000 years ago, that is how you are to love your wife.
SPEAKER_00: That is what Paul means when he says, just as Christ loved the church.
SPEAKER_00: Yes, that's a weighty calling.
SPEAKER_00: We are absolutely going to fall short as soon as we walk out these doors.
SPEAKER_00: But shouldn't that excite us a little bit?
SPEAKER_00: It's like, wait a minute, Jesus, you want me to love her the way you loved me in saving my soul?
SPEAKER_00: That is a privilege, brothers.
SPEAKER_00: So why would any man step down from that and pursue a lesser goal?
SPEAKER_00: Friends, let's ask the Lord for his help.
SPEAKER_00: It is it is an unattainable goal, but that doesn't mean we don't pursue it with every bone in our being, right?
SPEAKER_00: Let's pray.