WEBVTT 00:00:03.040 --> 00:00:10.240 Well, last week we focused on what does it mean from the Bible that the husband is the head of his home. 00:00:10.480 --> 00:00:22.079 And this morning we're going to focus on what does it mean and look like practically for a Christian husband to love his wife as Christ loves the church. 00:00:22.320 --> 00:00:35.759 Now, if we were to look at the world or pop culture for our definition of love and uh romantic love, marital love, a husband's love, we're gonna get something that doesn't necessarily line up with the Bible. 00:00:35.920 --> 00:00:37.759 I'm sure we all know that. 00:00:38.240 --> 00:00:51.039 You can think about popular song lyrics or movie lines and Disney movies and how love is depicted, and how we realize, well, that's not necessarily reality. 00:00:52.000 --> 00:00:58.479 Love in pop culture, I would say, gives us more of a shallow definition of love. 00:00:58.960 --> 00:01:00.719 Here's four examples. 00:01:00.960 --> 00:01:09.439 When you just survey music, culture, movies, books, love is typically described in these four ways. 00:01:09.599 --> 00:01:13.200 Number one, love is self-fulfillment. 00:01:13.519 --> 00:01:19.439 The idea that love exists primarily to make me happy or complete. 00:01:19.760 --> 00:01:23.120 So if this person makes me happy, then that is love. 00:01:23.280 --> 00:01:28.719 If they make me feel whole, then I love them and I will extend love to them. 00:01:29.200 --> 00:01:33.599 Or second, love is a passion without commitment. 00:01:33.920 --> 00:01:42.239 It is a romantic or sexual enthusiasm with no covenant or long-term responsibility. 00:01:42.480 --> 00:01:59.439 So, for example, this is most dating relationships or quote unquote friends with benefits, where I'm willing to share my body with you, but I'm not willing to close myself off to all others and be exclusive to you alone through a covenant of marriage. 00:01:59.680 --> 00:02:03.519 That is love as a passion but lacking commitment. 00:02:03.840 --> 00:02:09.120 Or third, love is unconditional acceptance of everything about me. 00:02:09.680 --> 00:02:14.400 If you love me, then you'll never question me or confront me. 00:02:14.560 --> 00:02:16.479 Uh, this is our current culture today. 00:02:16.639 --> 00:02:20.719 If you disagree with someone, then you are evil and wicked, and we cancel them, right? 00:02:21.439 --> 00:02:24.159 Or love is a temporary state. 00:02:24.400 --> 00:02:33.120 Love is something that fades away, can be lost or replaced, or you can fall into it and you can easily fall out of it, according to the culture. 00:02:33.280 --> 00:02:37.520 That's why you have couples who say, I'm not in love with him or her anymore. 00:02:37.680 --> 00:02:42.240 We have fallen out of love, and so we are going to divorce. 00:02:43.360 --> 00:02:48.800 The world tells us that the key to a happy marriage sometimes is compatibility. 00:02:48.960 --> 00:02:50.879 Make sure you're compatible. 00:02:51.120 --> 00:02:54.800 However, compatibility is not God's standard for marriage at all. 00:02:54.960 --> 00:02:56.240 You won't find a single verse. 00:02:56.319 --> 00:02:57.360 Well, let me back up. 00:02:57.520 --> 00:03:00.879 The only way you're supposed to be compatible is you're both Christians. 00:03:01.039 --> 00:03:04.639 You're both Christ's followers, you're compatible in that way. 00:03:05.120 --> 00:03:16.319 So as we continue to look at our text this morning, we have to answer the question when Paul's talking about marriage, what is love as defined by God for us Christ followers? 00:03:16.400 --> 00:03:23.120 And then what does it mean to for husbands to love your wife as Christ loves the church? 00:03:23.360 --> 00:03:29.599 So picking up at verse 25, we are, so again, last week we focused on the husband's headship. 00:03:29.680 --> 00:03:32.080 If you weren't here, I would encourage you to go back and listen to that. 00:03:32.240 --> 00:03:39.439 But now let's look specifically at Paul's instructions here to husbands in the churches in Asia Minor, he's writing to. 00:03:39.680 --> 00:03:44.879 Verse 25, Paul speaking to the husbands in these churches and us husbands today. 00:03:45.120 --> 00:03:53.599 Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her. 00:03:54.240 --> 00:03:55.599 Let's just stop right there. 00:03:55.759 --> 00:04:00.479 Every man in this room is already convicted at the very start of the sermon. 00:04:00.879 --> 00:04:06.719 Husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church. 00:04:06.960 --> 00:04:15.280 Now, what's interesting about Ephesians chapter 5 is this is the longest segment of teaching towards husbands in the entire New Testament. 00:04:15.520 --> 00:04:20.639 And it's interesting that the men get far more verses than the ladies. 00:04:21.199 --> 00:04:23.199 My question would be: I wonder why is that? 00:04:23.360 --> 00:04:28.399 Why did the Holy Spirit choose to use Paul to say far more to men than he did to the wives? 00:04:28.560 --> 00:04:33.279 Does that mean uh the wives are just godlier than the men and they don't need a whole lot of help? 00:04:33.360 --> 00:04:35.839 Just, hey, respect your husband and submit to him. 00:04:36.079 --> 00:04:49.920 I wonder if what the Lord is doing here is recognizing the culture in the day that Paul is writing to, recognizing that men, just like today, carried far more influence and authority than any woman did. 00:04:50.160 --> 00:05:07.759 And maybe he realized we need to make sure the men get this right because of the level of authority and influence they carry and how it can have a uh a good effect on all those under his care, or a more of a collateral damage effect if he doesn't get this right. 00:05:08.480 --> 00:05:20.720 Whatever the reason is, men, we get far more instruction than the ladies, and so we definitely should perk up when we read texts like this and ask the Spirit to help us understand what is God's design. 00:05:21.279 --> 00:05:22.959 But here's some things to point out. 00:05:23.120 --> 00:05:31.279 So when he says, husbands, love your wives, this is radically counter-cultural. 00:05:31.519 --> 00:05:39.519 You gotta consider in Jewish society in this day and age, men treated their wives almost like personal property. 00:05:39.759 --> 00:05:41.759 And there were laws that allowed that. 00:05:42.000 --> 00:05:49.360 I mean, some people laugh, but there are laws in Jewish culture where a man could divorce his wife simply by burning for burning the dinner. 00:05:49.759 --> 00:05:56.319 So men typically did not seem to have culturally a high view of women in society. 00:05:56.639 --> 00:06:13.839 So when Paul is saying, husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church, you got to understand Paul, God through Paul, is elevating the covenant of marriage and the role of a husband, but even more so the role of a wife whom the husband is to protect, serve, and lead. 00:06:14.319 --> 00:06:15.600 But notice this. 00:06:15.920 --> 00:06:19.759 When Paul starts pinning these letters, he could have said anything. 00:06:20.000 --> 00:06:20.319 Okay? 00:06:20.480 --> 00:06:23.199 He could have said anything after husbands. 00:06:23.439 --> 00:06:26.079 He could have said, husbands, rule your wives. 00:06:26.319 --> 00:06:32.480 He could have said, husbands, dominate your wives, he could have said, husbands, keep your wives in order. 00:06:32.879 --> 00:06:34.560 But instead, what does he say? 00:06:35.120 --> 00:06:38.560 He says, Husbands, love your wives. 00:06:38.879 --> 00:06:40.079 He doesn't just stop there. 00:06:40.240 --> 00:06:41.759 He even gets specific. 00:06:42.000 --> 00:06:46.800 Love your wives just as Christ loved the church. 00:06:47.600 --> 00:06:52.000 Brothers and sisters, Paul is giving a command. 00:06:52.240 --> 00:06:53.120 Think about that. 00:06:53.519 --> 00:06:56.560 He doesn't say, husbands, consider loving your wives. 00:06:56.800 --> 00:06:58.800 It'd be really good if you loved your wives. 00:06:59.040 --> 00:06:59.360 No. 00:06:59.680 --> 00:07:03.199 He says, husbands, love your wives. 00:07:03.360 --> 00:07:07.519 He also doesn't say, husbands, love your wife if she's lovable. 00:07:08.399 --> 00:07:13.120 He doesn't say, husbands, love your wives if she's kind to you. 00:07:13.519 --> 00:07:17.439 He doesn't say, husbands, love your wives if you feel like it. 00:07:18.160 --> 00:07:20.639 He says, husbands, love your wives. 00:07:21.199 --> 00:07:23.680 Here's the the key phrase here. 00:07:24.000 --> 00:07:24.959 Just as. 00:07:25.680 --> 00:07:33.519 That's where every man, after hearing Paul read this, would have would have started shaking and sweating a little bit in the service. 00:07:33.920 --> 00:07:44.480 When he says, husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her. 00:07:45.360 --> 00:07:53.360 Paul doesn't leave any wiggle room for a husband to define what it means to love his wife according to his understanding of that. 00:07:53.600 --> 00:08:05.199 He gives very specific instruction that husbands are to love their wives the same way that Jesus loved past tense his church. 00:08:05.680 --> 00:08:13.120 And then we see as he goes on, he gives the the why behind this love in verse 26. 00:08:13.680 --> 00:08:16.319 Why did Christ love his church this way? 00:08:16.560 --> 00:08:22.879 To make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word. 00:08:23.600 --> 00:08:32.879 He did this to present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless. 00:08:33.200 --> 00:08:40.399 In the same way, similar to that just as statement, husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. 00:08:40.639 --> 00:08:44.879 He who loves his wife loves himself. 00:08:45.360 --> 00:08:49.279 So Paul starts out with a clear, direct command: husbands love your wives. 00:08:49.519 --> 00:08:56.240 He attaches that with the why, or I mean the how, just as Christ loved the church. 00:08:56.480 --> 00:09:02.960 Then he follows up with, and here's why Christ loved the church that way, because he wanted to make the church holy. 00:09:03.519 --> 00:09:05.679 He wanted to make us holy. 00:09:05.840 --> 00:09:08.000 Now let's just talk about what that means, holy. 00:09:08.159 --> 00:09:15.279 I believe theologically, Paul is talking about what some theologians will refer to as positional holiness or definitive sanctification. 00:09:15.440 --> 00:09:17.440 Those are fancy words you don't need to know. 00:09:17.679 --> 00:09:33.679 Essentially, it means that at the point of your conversion, if you're a Christian this morning, you were set apart by God from the world, the enemy, sin, and the devil, and you now belong to the Father, which is why earlier in Ephesians, Paul unpacks the doctrine of adoption. 00:09:33.840 --> 00:09:49.039 You have been adopted into the family of God as a son or daughter, and you are positionally holy, which means the righteousness of Christ, the perfect life he lived, was attributed to you as if you lived a perfect life in obedience to the Lord. 00:09:49.200 --> 00:09:51.279 His righteous blood is on your account. 00:09:51.440 --> 00:09:53.679 You are holy in the eyes of God the Father. 00:09:53.840 --> 00:09:55.919 And it has nothing to do with feelings. 00:09:56.159 --> 00:09:58.399 So it has nothing to do with, do I feel holy? 00:09:58.559 --> 00:10:04.639 No, in the eyes of God, positionally, judicially, you Christian are holy. 00:10:05.120 --> 00:10:10.879 So when it says that Jesus loved the church to make her holy, that is what Paul is talking about. 00:10:11.039 --> 00:10:17.120 The church is set apart from sin and Satan and brought to God the Father. 00:10:17.279 --> 00:10:23.600 And that positional holiness is grounded in the work of Jesus Christ dying on the cross on your behalf. 00:10:23.919 --> 00:10:26.480 You are positionally holy. 00:10:27.360 --> 00:10:31.840 That is an element of our Christian lives, I think we often neglect. 00:10:32.000 --> 00:10:41.279 I think we tend to focus on progressive sanctification or in real time on this side of heaven, us growing into Christ-like maturity, which is very important. 00:10:41.679 --> 00:10:47.440 But the way I would like to describe sanctification is the process of becoming what you already are in the eyes of God. 00:10:47.679 --> 00:10:52.080 In God's eyes, every last one of you, if you're a disciple of Christ this morning, you are holy. 00:10:52.240 --> 00:10:52.879 Receive that. 00:10:52.960 --> 00:10:56.720 No matter how spiritually jacked up you are this morning, join the club. 00:10:56.879 --> 00:11:01.679 All of us are a work in progress, but in the eyes of the Lord, you are holy. 00:11:02.000 --> 00:11:03.360 I love what my man C.S. 00:11:03.440 --> 00:11:04.399 Lewis once said. 00:11:04.639 --> 00:11:11.039 If we could see each other as we will one day be in glory, we'd be tempted to bow down and worship each other. 00:11:11.440 --> 00:11:13.679 That is how God sees us. 00:11:14.879 --> 00:11:25.440 So Paul is focusing on husbands, love your wives based on this standard of how your Savior loved you as a part of the church. 00:11:25.600 --> 00:11:34.720 Now, I don't want to get on my soapbox here, but I just see some significance here in highlighting the beauty of the doctrine of limited atonement. 00:11:35.200 --> 00:11:39.440 You might say, what on earth does that have to do with husbands loving their wives? 00:11:39.600 --> 00:11:41.440 Well, let me unpack this. 00:11:41.840 --> 00:11:44.000 Paul says, words have meaning. 00:11:44.080 --> 00:11:45.120 Let's focus here. 00:11:45.600 --> 00:11:58.960 Husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the world, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her. 00:12:00.159 --> 00:12:05.519 What this means, friends, is Jesus' love by God's grace is not a generic love. 00:12:05.840 --> 00:12:10.000 It's not a vague love for a category of people out there. 00:12:10.240 --> 00:12:21.519 It is a personal, it is an intentional, it is a covenantal love, which means when Jesus hung on the cross, he didn't die on the cross for a nameless uh cloud of people. 00:12:21.840 --> 00:12:25.600 He didn't die on the cross for humanity in general. 00:12:25.759 --> 00:12:57.919 He hung on the cross with specific people in his heart in mind, which means salvation is a gift for the church, not the world in general, which means Jesus set his love in eternity past on a specific people called the church, his bride, which is why Paul can say, husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her in particular. 00:12:58.159 --> 00:13:04.960 Which means when Jesus died on the cross, he did not accomplish salvation for people in general. 00:13:05.519 --> 00:13:07.360 He died for people specifically. 00:13:07.519 --> 00:13:21.039 That should, that should like weigh on your heart when you consider over 2,000 years ago, when Jesus hung on the cross for hours, he literally died specifically for you if you're a Christ follower this morning. 00:13:21.360 --> 00:13:23.120 He had your name in mind. 00:13:23.279 --> 00:13:30.399 The Father said, Son, this I gift to you, the church, my people, purchase them on the cross. 00:13:30.480 --> 00:13:35.279 And Jesus said, I voluntarily, Father, will do that for your glory. 00:13:35.840 --> 00:13:44.240 So if Christ's death were merely for people in general, so to speak, I would suggest it would be a love without a face. 00:13:44.720 --> 00:13:54.240 If Jesus just died for people in general, but you have to exercise your free will to choose him and then he'll choose you, that's a general atonement. 00:13:54.399 --> 00:13:58.320 And there's many godly people who would disagree with me and would hold to that view, and that's fine. 00:13:58.480 --> 00:14:00.320 They're gonna be in the kingdom with us. 00:14:00.559 --> 00:14:05.039 But when I look at the biblical data, it seems to be a definite atonement. 00:14:05.279 --> 00:14:09.039 Jesus knew whom he was dying for on the cross. 00:14:09.279 --> 00:14:18.240 And the biblical data, in my opinion, presents a love with names written on it, a love that says, I lay my life down for my sheep. 00:14:19.279 --> 00:14:30.639 That kind of love is deeper, stronger, and more secure because it means that Jesus' heart was set on his bride before she ever loved him back. 00:14:31.279 --> 00:14:42.080 In Acts chapter 20, when Paul is departing from the church in Ephesus and he's encouraging the elders that he has been training for about three years, he gives them this exhortation in Acts 20, verse 28. 00:14:42.480 --> 00:14:56.559 Be on guard for yourselves and for all the flock, of which the Holy Spirit has appointed you as overseers to shepherd the church of God, which he purchased with his own blood. 00:14:57.759 --> 00:15:15.120 I bring that up to say it's similar when we look at that's how Jesus loved his bride, the church, his flock, husbands, that's how you are called to love your wife, not every woman in general, but your specific wife that God has blessed you with. 00:15:15.360 --> 00:15:29.919 And Paul follows up with that by making it clear that Jesus in verse 26 purchased the church with his blood to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word. 00:15:30.799 --> 00:15:42.159 Which means, brothers and sisters, but men in particular, God's priority is not your personal happiness, his priority is your personal holiness. 00:15:42.720 --> 00:15:49.279 And when you pursue holiness, joy and happiness are a byproduct. 00:15:49.519 --> 00:15:56.480 So if you truly want to be happy in life, if you're married, if you truly want a happy marriage, then pursue holiness. 00:15:56.799 --> 00:16:04.480 Because as you pursue loving the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength, and your neighbor as yourself, if you're married, who's your closest neighbor? 00:16:04.639 --> 00:16:05.279 Your spouse. 00:16:05.440 --> 00:16:06.480 Well then guess what? 00:16:06.639 --> 00:16:10.639 As a byproduct, happiness and joy will result. 00:16:11.360 --> 00:16:14.480 But we don't chase after high happiness as a priority. 00:16:14.559 --> 00:16:19.440 We choice, we chase after holiness, which pleases the Lord. 00:16:19.679 --> 00:16:26.480 But when he says in verse 26, this washing of the word, this is what we as husbands have the privilege of doing as well. 00:16:26.639 --> 00:16:35.919 So Christ loved the church and gave himself for her to make her holy, and he cleanses her with the washing of water by the word. 00:16:36.879 --> 00:16:40.000 How does the Lord Jesus Christ sanctify his church? 00:16:40.159 --> 00:16:47.120 Through the Spirit illuminating and empowering the Word of God in our lives to shape us more into the image of our Savior. 00:16:47.360 --> 00:16:50.879 Husbands, we have the privilege of doing the same. 00:16:51.120 --> 00:17:10.799 This is our God-given both duty and privilege to pursue making our wives mature in Christ by regularly washing them with the word of God through the cleansing and purifying word of the Lord. 00:17:11.279 --> 00:17:16.079 So let me ask a few questions specifically to the husbands in the room. 00:17:16.640 --> 00:17:24.319 Are you actively leading your wife in the word, or are you passively hoping that it's just happening? 00:17:25.599 --> 00:17:29.279 Are you actively leading your wife in the scriptures? 00:17:29.839 --> 00:17:33.440 Do you lovingly and consistently check in on her walk with Christ? 00:17:33.599 --> 00:17:37.359 Or are you just assuming that she's walking intimately with the Lord? 00:17:38.079 --> 00:17:40.480 Do you have ongoing conversations about sweetheart? 00:17:40.640 --> 00:17:42.720 What is the Lord showing you in his word lately? 00:17:42.960 --> 00:17:48.079 Or what has the Lord been convicting you of or encouraging you in in the past month or so? 00:17:48.319 --> 00:17:53.039 Are you just having intentional and consistent efforts to check on her walk with the Lord? 00:17:53.279 --> 00:17:58.480 Are you making real sacrifices to give her opportunities to grow in the Lord? 00:17:58.559 --> 00:17:59.440 Whatever that may look like. 00:17:59.599 --> 00:18:00.960 I think that's the beauty of family life. 00:18:01.039 --> 00:18:07.200 God doesn't give us a cookie cutter, here's how everyone needs to do this, but rather he gives us guardrails to function within. 00:18:07.440 --> 00:18:13.759 But as the husband, as the leader of your home, are you making real sacrifices to give your bride opportunities to grow in Christ? 00:18:13.839 --> 00:18:14.880 Whatever that may look like. 00:18:15.119 --> 00:18:19.759 Are you prioritizing watching the kids so she can have undistracted time to study God's word? 00:18:20.240 --> 00:18:26.640 Are you making initiative, taking initiative to encourage your family to participate in the life of a church? 00:18:26.799 --> 00:18:41.119 Whether that's participating in a small group or letting your wife go to a Bible study or participating in a discipleship group or read a good book or listen to a good podcast, whatever it may be, to take the initiative as the husband to encourage your wife's growth. 00:18:42.240 --> 00:18:43.519 Let me ask this. 00:18:43.839 --> 00:18:50.960 Husbands, are you yourself growing in Christ-like maturity maturity in the knowledge of God's Word? 00:18:51.599 --> 00:18:54.960 Because you can't give your wife what you don't have yourself. 00:18:55.839 --> 00:19:05.839 Are you seeking to grow in maturity in the knowledge of God's word so that you can intentionally disciple your wife and family according to the scriptures? 00:19:06.640 --> 00:19:18.880 Are you leading your family to prioritize the Sunday gathering, to be with God's people, to hear the public ministry of the word and to fellowship with the saints? 00:19:19.359 --> 00:19:24.000 Here's a good rule of thumb, uh, men treat church like you treat work. 00:19:24.720 --> 00:19:28.240 If you wouldn't call off work for it, don't call off church for it. 00:19:28.960 --> 00:19:33.519 So there's some situations where, oh, it's raining outside, we can't we can't go to church. 00:19:33.839 --> 00:19:35.200 It's dangerous. 00:19:36.000 --> 00:19:38.240 Treat church like you treat work. 00:19:38.559 --> 00:19:46.160 Lead your family to prioritize being with God's people so that they're edified by the worship of the Lord. 00:19:46.400 --> 00:19:48.079 Husbands, the call is simple. 00:19:48.240 --> 00:19:53.440 I mean, there are some texts of scripture like what we're looking at this morning where we don't need a whole lot of interpretation here. 00:19:53.519 --> 00:20:00.240 It's pretty clear what God commands us to do in loving our wives as Christ loves the church. 00:20:00.480 --> 00:20:11.039 We are called to take initiative, we are called to make provision for our wives' growth, and we are called to lead our wives toward deeper intimacy with Christ. 00:20:11.279 --> 00:20:18.160 And please don't fall snare to the lie that this is some kind of like begrudging duty. 00:20:18.400 --> 00:20:20.960 Like this is a privilege, this is a delight. 00:20:21.119 --> 00:20:23.359 It's essentially making a disciple. 00:20:23.680 --> 00:20:30.559 We are called to have the privilege of discipling our wives and our children to the glory of the Lord. 00:20:30.640 --> 00:20:34.640 And as you do that, you're actually being a worker for your own joy. 00:20:34.880 --> 00:20:42.960 Because as you promote holiness in your wife and kids, as you disciple and serve your bride, she is happy in the Lord, and therefore you are happy. 00:20:43.119 --> 00:20:45.680 That is the one phrase in the world that I think the Bible would agree with. 00:20:45.839 --> 00:20:47.440 Happy wife, happy life. 00:20:47.759 --> 00:20:50.880 But her happiness needs to be rooted in Christ and His Word. 00:20:50.960 --> 00:20:55.039 And if you're promoting that type of happiness in your wife, then husbands, guess what? 00:20:55.200 --> 00:20:56.480 You directly benefit. 00:20:56.640 --> 00:21:11.200 So if you want to be, if you want to be redemptive, redemptively selfish, husbands, promote godliness in the heart and life of your bride, and you will directly benefit as a result from your own labors and discipling her. 00:21:11.440 --> 00:21:17.920 There was a brother in RC Sproul's church many years ago who came up to him and said, R.C., I need your help. 00:21:18.079 --> 00:21:20.559 My wife is an absolute monster. 00:21:20.960 --> 00:21:21.599 And R.C. 00:21:21.759 --> 00:21:24.079 responded, And who do you think made her that way? 00:21:24.799 --> 00:21:28.640 He was focusing on that man's leadership in his home. 00:21:29.200 --> 00:21:37.759 So we are called to take initiative, to make provision, and to lead our wives toward deeper intimacy with Christ. 00:21:38.079 --> 00:21:38.960 Think of it this way. 00:21:39.039 --> 00:21:42.079 Let me illustrate this because every man in the room would understand this concept. 00:21:42.240 --> 00:21:48.640 So typically, in the workplace, at some point, you're gonna have some type of performance review with your boss, right? 00:21:48.799 --> 00:21:56.559 And your boss will sit down with you and he's gonna analyze your performance based on your role and the functions of your role and your responsibilities. 00:21:56.799 --> 00:22:07.119 Well, imagine sitting down with Jesus Christ, who Going to conduct your performance review quarterly on how well you are leading your wife and discipling your children. 00:22:07.359 --> 00:22:17.680 Where Jesus pulls out the Bible and says, Let's look at your role and your function and your responsibility and authority according to my inspired word, and let's just assess how you're doing. 00:22:17.920 --> 00:22:22.559 How many of us would walk into that performance review with our heads high, like I can't wait for this? 00:22:22.799 --> 00:22:25.839 Or how many of us would be thinking about, Do I, how many sick days do I got? 00:22:25.920 --> 00:22:28.400 Can I can I skip that, Jesus? 00:22:29.119 --> 00:22:30.960 But that is what we are called to. 00:22:31.119 --> 00:22:43.359 We have been entrusted with a level of authority and influence that we are to steward for the good of our households, and we do so as unto the Lord, knowing that he's always watching, and we are reflecting him. 00:22:44.400 --> 00:22:46.480 Now, brothers, let's be honest. 00:22:46.720 --> 00:22:53.279 Sometimes, as men, we admit that we're not as spiritually mature as we know we should be. 00:22:53.599 --> 00:22:58.079 Or we say things like, I wish I knew the Bible better. 00:22:58.400 --> 00:23:00.480 I wish I was more mature. 00:23:01.039 --> 00:23:07.920 And we say these things while ignoring the very means that God has ordained for us to grow. 00:23:08.160 --> 00:23:11.680 And then we wonder why we're stuck in the same place. 00:23:11.839 --> 00:23:13.920 We we say, we know we need to grow. 00:23:14.079 --> 00:23:16.400 I know I need to mature more in the faith. 00:23:16.559 --> 00:23:19.599 I need to grow in my understanding of what does it mean that I'm the head of my home. 00:23:19.680 --> 00:23:24.319 I need to grow in learning how to lead my wife and kids and disciple them. 00:23:24.559 --> 00:23:26.480 And then we kind of just stop there. 00:23:27.519 --> 00:23:37.599 Men, you will not mature if you neglect the places and the means by which God has ordained to bless you and to grow you in the faith. 00:23:38.319 --> 00:23:46.559 If you neglect these things, these resources ordained by God for your spiritual good, well then you will continue to be spiritually stagnant. 00:23:47.039 --> 00:23:50.880 As men, we must first learn to lead ourselves, don't we? 00:23:51.039 --> 00:23:55.200 How am I making sure that I am growing in my intimacy with Jesus? 00:23:55.359 --> 00:24:05.599 How am I making sure that I'm leading myself to comprehend God's word so I can live it out to the glory of God and then disciple my wife and kids? 00:24:06.000 --> 00:24:07.039 It is unfortunate. 00:24:07.119 --> 00:24:17.440 When I had a uh when I used to work for Logos Bible Software, my job was to travel all over the US and Canada to present at Christian conferences and events, to show the software how to study the Bible with it. 00:24:17.680 --> 00:24:23.440 And it was funny because whenever I would go to a women's event, a women's conference, I knew I was gonna make a lot of money. 00:24:23.680 --> 00:24:34.319 Because the women, they always want to study the Bible, they want to know all the good books, but when I go to the men's events, generally it was like pulling teeth to get them to want to learn how to study the Bible. 00:24:34.400 --> 00:24:38.559 And I thought that was pretty telling, even in the life of local churches, not this church, praise God. 00:24:38.640 --> 00:24:39.839 We're we're unique, right? 00:24:39.920 --> 00:24:41.279 We're an anomaly. 00:24:41.599 --> 00:24:48.799 But in a lot of churches, unfortunately, the women tend to put it on their shoulders to take the Bible and theology seriously. 00:24:48.880 --> 00:24:56.799 And if there are men who feel the initiative to be serious about theology and studying God's word, we say, Oh, he must be called to be a pastor. 00:24:57.359 --> 00:24:59.519 What if he's just a Christian? 00:25:01.279 --> 00:25:05.359 Let's not settle for mediocracy in men in the life of local churches. 00:25:06.160 --> 00:25:07.839 But look back at our text here. 00:25:07.920 --> 00:25:12.240 So Paul gives us the example of Christ in verse 25 and 26. 00:25:12.640 --> 00:25:21.039 In 28, he says, In the same way husbands are to love their wives as uh in the same way husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. 00:25:21.279 --> 00:25:24.240 He who loves his wife loves himself. 00:25:24.559 --> 00:25:33.839 For no one ever hates his own flesh, but provides and cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, since we are members of his body. 00:25:34.960 --> 00:25:37.839 Now, that goes without saying. 00:25:38.079 --> 00:25:46.480 Now, as I look at the men in this room, all of you seem clean and smelling good and in your right mind, which shows that you know how to care for your body. 00:25:46.720 --> 00:25:50.880 Every man in this room, I would assume, generally, cares about their well-being. 00:25:51.039 --> 00:25:55.920 You want to be healthy, you want to be presentable, you want to make sure you're taking care of yourself. 00:25:56.000 --> 00:26:03.119 And Paul is using that example to say, just like you would care for your own physical body, care for your wife. 00:26:03.839 --> 00:26:10.480 But then he ties in how Christ cares for his body, the church. 00:26:10.720 --> 00:26:15.119 Like Paul's Paul's a sharp wordsmith when he does this, when he brings in these metaphors. 00:26:15.279 --> 00:26:21.759 So some common metaphors that Paul uses to describe the church is one of uh a body or a bride. 00:26:21.920 --> 00:26:37.680 And when he uses that body language, he's emphasizing the point that Christ is always the head of the body, the church, and all of us are different parts, and we all are interconnected, we all need each other to function, but we are all following the head who is Christ. 00:26:37.920 --> 00:26:46.240 Paul is saying, just like we are all a part of Christ's body, love your wife as if she's a part of your body as well. 00:26:46.559 --> 00:26:51.359 Give intentional thought to how to care for your bride. 00:26:51.599 --> 00:27:01.359 Just like, now I know there's some there's some anomalies out there, some men who seem to not care about themselves, but generally most men are going to care for their own health and well-being. 00:27:01.440 --> 00:27:09.839 And Paul says, the same level of attention you would give to your own well-being, make sure you are loving your wife as your own body. 00:27:10.400 --> 00:27:17.519 So Paul is essentially giving men a fail-proof plan on how to honor the Lord in loving their spouses. 00:27:18.000 --> 00:27:25.279 But here's a few ways that you can guarantee to have an unfulfilling marriage that does not honor the Lord. 00:27:25.440 --> 00:27:26.480 Let me give you three. 00:27:26.640 --> 00:27:28.880 We can spend all morning on this, but let me give three. 00:27:29.039 --> 00:27:32.319 How can you guarantee that you will have an unfulfilling marriage? 00:27:32.559 --> 00:27:35.920 Number one, husbands by being selfish. 00:27:36.720 --> 00:27:43.440 Selfish husbands who are self-centered will never know a fulfilled marriage or a fulfilled family. 00:27:43.759 --> 00:27:45.039 It just is impossible. 00:27:45.279 --> 00:27:52.480 If your consistent pattern is one of habitual self-centeredness, you will never have a fulfilled God-honoring marriage. 00:27:53.119 --> 00:28:03.440 Second, if you remain passive, passive husbands who fail to lead spiritually simply will not experience a God-honoring marriage. 00:28:03.680 --> 00:28:29.519 If you see your role in Scripture and you agree with what the Bible says, and yet you choose to remain spiritually passive and don't take the initiative to lead, protect, and provide for your wife, and I'm not talking about working financially and providing, I'm talking about providing both uh financially and spiritually, nourishing her soul and remaining passive, then you will not have a God-honoring marriage, plain and simple. 00:28:29.759 --> 00:28:54.000 Third, to speak to the ladies, another way to guarantee an unfulfilling marriage is for wives to dominate their husbands, to be the type of wife who, quote unquote, wears the pants in the relationship because your husband will not lead, and he is passive, and so you take the reins and run the household and tell your husband what to do, as if you're the head, you will not experience a fulfilled, God-glorifying marriage. 00:28:54.160 --> 00:28:56.319 Why can I say that so definitively? 00:28:56.559 --> 00:29:04.559 Because true happiness in marriage is only possible for the Christian in accordance to God's revealed plan for marriage. 00:29:04.799 --> 00:29:08.559 We do not own marriage, we don't have the right to redefine marriage. 00:29:08.720 --> 00:29:16.079 And so if you want a God-honoring marriage according to God's design, well, then you got to use marriage according to the owner's manual. 00:29:16.319 --> 00:29:35.119 If we want to fulfill God-glorifying marriage, we need to search the scriptures and ask, what is the Lord's will for me in my role and function as a husband or as a wife, and then ask for the Spirit's help to live that out as a flawed, broken sinner who absolutely will get it wrong every week of your life. 00:29:35.200 --> 00:29:40.960 But the goal is to strive towards faithfulness to the glory of God and for the good of your household. 00:29:41.200 --> 00:29:51.119 But men who are selfish, men who take headship as, I'm the man, I run things, I dominate, you're gonna ruin your household. 00:29:51.440 --> 00:30:19.759 I love how Matthew Henry famously stated the role of Adam and Eve's marriage when he says that God took Eve from Adam's side, not out of his head to top him, neither out of his feet to be trampled on by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, and under his arm to be protected by him, and near his heart to be loved by him. 00:30:20.640 --> 00:30:42.240 That's a good picture of how a husband is to lead and protect and serve his wife, recognizing she is equal in the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ with me, but we have different roles and functions by which God has called us to serve one another and glorify his name and show a watching world what the relationship of Christ's bride is to his church. 00:30:42.480 --> 00:30:46.880 Now, with all I'm saying, we we have to define love biblically. 00:30:47.039 --> 00:30:54.799 We can't look at Paul's exhortation to love our wives as Christ loved the church and not talk about what is love biblically. 00:30:54.960 --> 00:31:00.880 Now, if you survey the Bible, you won't find a chapter and verse that says, here is the definition of love. 00:31:01.039 --> 00:31:06.960 Rather, you read Genesis to Revelation and you see love on display all over the pages of scripture. 00:31:07.119 --> 00:31:17.279 So love is more something that I would say you can study God's acts throughout redemptive history and get a better grasp of what does it look like, rather than trying to specifically define it. 00:31:17.519 --> 00:31:24.160 But as I said earlier, the world thinks of love primarily as some kind of like euphoric emotion. 00:31:24.319 --> 00:31:27.359 It's primarily like this thing you you feel. 00:31:27.680 --> 00:31:31.200 Well, the challenge with that is it flies against Paul's words, doesn't it? 00:31:31.519 --> 00:31:34.480 Because you can't command an emotion, can you? 00:31:34.799 --> 00:31:41.200 So if if love is primarily an emotion, I do think it it has an element of emotion to it. 00:31:41.359 --> 00:31:44.799 But if love is primarily an emotion, you can't command an emotion. 00:31:44.960 --> 00:31:50.880 Can anyone in this room just flip a button and no longer be sad or just instantly be happy? 00:31:51.039 --> 00:31:52.559 No, we can't do that. 00:31:52.720 --> 00:31:55.759 But when we survey the Bible, love is not an emotion. 00:31:55.920 --> 00:31:58.000 It is more of an action. 00:31:58.319 --> 00:32:01.759 But before we get into that, let's look at what love is not. 00:32:01.920 --> 00:32:08.720 Let's address some common misconceptions that even us as Christians have allowed to creep into our beliefs. 00:32:08.960 --> 00:32:15.039 Number one, I would suggest that love is not primarily romantic or passionate feeling. 00:32:15.359 --> 00:32:20.480 Physical attraction and emotional highs are not the essence of love. 00:32:20.960 --> 00:32:25.039 Every last one in this room, just look at me, you don't got to look at your spouse and say anything. 00:32:25.279 --> 00:32:31.200 But when you first started dating, you felt this euphoric high of like, I love this man, I love this woman. 00:32:31.440 --> 00:32:32.640 That's not love. 00:32:33.200 --> 00:32:38.319 That's just some anatomy stuff going on, some biology, but that's not love. 00:32:38.880 --> 00:32:42.079 Love is also not primarily physical attraction. 00:32:42.319 --> 00:32:47.279 It is a gift that the Lord creates beauty in the world, including in our spouses. 00:32:47.519 --> 00:32:50.880 It's okay to find your wife or your husband attractive. 00:32:51.119 --> 00:32:55.920 I'm grateful, I find my bride attractive, my wife is finer than frog hair. 00:32:56.319 --> 00:33:00.400 But that does not equal love, does it? 00:33:00.799 --> 00:33:05.119 Love is also not neediness or codependency. 00:33:05.359 --> 00:33:08.000 This is when people say things like, I need him. 00:33:08.640 --> 00:33:10.720 I need her, I can't live without you. 00:33:10.960 --> 00:33:14.319 Well, you better learn now, because that's not love. 00:33:15.279 --> 00:33:19.759 1 Corinthians 13 makes it clear that love is not self-seeking. 00:33:20.000 --> 00:33:27.680 So if you're primarily viewing your spouse as like your source of identity or that they fulfill you and complete you, well, guess what? 00:33:27.839 --> 00:33:30.640 You just turned your spouse into a functional savior. 00:33:30.960 --> 00:33:38.960 The only person in the universe, men and women, who should fulfill you and make you feel complete and where you find your identity is Jesus Christ. 00:33:39.200 --> 00:33:44.559 As much as your husband loves you, as much as you love your wife, they didn't die on the cross for you. 00:33:44.799 --> 00:33:46.720 They do not fulfill you. 00:33:47.519 --> 00:33:50.799 Third, love is not being in love. 00:33:51.279 --> 00:33:53.119 That's not even a biblical term. 00:33:53.680 --> 00:33:58.079 Love is an ongoing covenant commitment, an act of the will. 00:33:58.160 --> 00:34:01.119 It's not a state you fall in and out of. 00:34:01.519 --> 00:34:03.519 Friends, I bring this up because this is serious. 00:34:03.599 --> 00:34:10.000 I have sat in front of professing Christians who have said, I'm going to divorce my spouse because I'm no longer in love with them. 00:34:10.159 --> 00:34:15.679 They don't make me happy, and I know God wants me to be happy, and so he's given me a peace about divorcing them. 00:34:15.920 --> 00:34:19.280 And I'm like, please just show me one chapter and verse that supports that. 00:34:19.519 --> 00:34:25.920 Because you're claiming that the father told you this, and yet it literally contradicts his word. 00:34:26.320 --> 00:34:28.639 So we got to be careful with these things. 00:34:28.960 --> 00:34:32.639 Fourth, love is not absent of loving actions. 00:34:33.119 --> 00:34:35.599 Biblical love always acts. 00:34:35.760 --> 00:34:38.000 It's it's more than just words. 00:34:38.239 --> 00:34:50.800 So, for instance, there there's there's I don't know why this is typical sometimes in the culture of men, but you can have men who they work hard, they provide for their wife and kids, and they never tell their children, I love you. 00:34:51.440 --> 00:34:55.679 But the family just says, Well, he shows his love, he's a good provider and all these things. 00:34:55.840 --> 00:34:58.480 No, well, if you love, demonstrate it. 00:34:59.280 --> 00:35:01.519 We're talking about Christian love here. 00:35:01.760 --> 00:35:04.559 Love is met with action. 00:35:04.719 --> 00:35:11.039 It's not just saying, I love you, yet behaving in ways that communicates the opposite. 00:35:11.760 --> 00:35:14.320 All right, so what is love then, Cameron? 00:35:14.719 --> 00:35:15.519 I'm glad you asked. 00:35:15.599 --> 00:35:16.719 You guys asked all the best questions. 00:35:16.800 --> 00:35:18.079 That's why I love preaching to you. 00:35:19.199 --> 00:35:24.639 Let's start with what is a covenant before we define or describe love. 00:35:25.280 --> 00:35:45.519 A covenant, I would say, a biblical covenant, is a God-ordained, binding relationship in which God sets the terms, establishes obligations, promises blessings for faithfulness, and warns of consequences for disobedience, and is often confirmed by a sign. 00:35:45.920 --> 00:35:47.599 So let me just one more time. 00:35:47.840 --> 00:36:06.320 A biblical covenant is a God-ordained, binding, binding relationship in which He sets the terms, establishes the obligations of the relationship, promises blessings for faithfulness, and warns of consequences for disobedience. 00:36:06.480 --> 00:36:10.719 And that covenant is often confirmed by a sign. 00:36:11.119 --> 00:36:17.679 So when a husband and wife get married, they enter into a covenant before God. 00:36:17.840 --> 00:36:26.239 And in that covenant, they're agreeing to certain terms to the relationship, not terms that they created themselves, but the terms that are revealed in Scripture. 00:36:34.719 --> 00:36:42.480 And publicly they come before a ceremony as a sign that they are entering into that covenant. 00:36:42.719 --> 00:36:53.199 So I say that to say, Christians, when we think about love, love is a covenant-keeping promise to love and serve somebody else. 00:36:53.440 --> 00:36:55.840 You can't fall in and out of a covenant. 00:36:56.079 --> 00:36:59.679 You can't easily just back out of a covenant, can you? 00:37:00.480 --> 00:37:11.599 When God made covenants with people, the covenant was only typically severed by death or by some extreme act of disobedience that severed the covenant. 00:37:12.159 --> 00:37:17.280 So that needs to be the backdrop for us as believers when we think about love in marriage. 00:37:17.519 --> 00:37:21.760 You need to have a firm grasp of what is a covenant. 00:37:22.159 --> 00:37:23.760 Now, what is love? 00:37:24.320 --> 00:37:26.079 What does it look like, rather? 00:37:26.320 --> 00:37:38.159 Well, as I just said, number one, love is a covenant commitment rooted in a promise before God, not changing with circumstances or feelings. 00:37:38.400 --> 00:37:43.519 So, like I said earlier, Paul does not say husbands love your wives as long as you feel like it. 00:37:43.679 --> 00:37:49.119 He doesn't say husbands love your wives as long as they're lovable, because that's not covenant love, is it? 00:37:49.360 --> 00:37:53.599 We love our wives even when they're unlovable, which I know is rare. 00:37:53.840 --> 00:37:56.880 But you love your wife even when it's difficult. 00:37:57.119 --> 00:37:59.679 You love your wife even when she's sinful. 00:38:00.159 --> 00:38:04.400 You love your wife because you covenanted before the Lord that you would. 00:38:04.559 --> 00:38:05.280 And guess what? 00:38:05.440 --> 00:38:08.000 That's how your Savior loves you. 00:38:08.400 --> 00:38:14.239 When you're unlovable, when you deem yourself unworthy, does his covenant love towards you ever change? 00:38:14.559 --> 00:38:19.920 No, because you are positionally holy and set apart unto him. 00:38:20.800 --> 00:38:25.119 Number two, love is an act of the will, primarily. 00:38:25.440 --> 00:38:32.239 This means choosing daily, hourly to seek your spouse's good even when it's hard. 00:38:32.480 --> 00:38:35.519 Love is not primarily an emotion. 00:38:35.840 --> 00:38:39.119 Love is a voluntary act of the will. 00:38:39.360 --> 00:38:44.480 Go read 1 Corinthians 13, where Paul gives that running list of describing love. 00:38:44.719 --> 00:38:46.079 Most of them are verbs. 00:38:46.159 --> 00:38:49.920 They are actions, they are choices that you commit to doing. 00:38:50.559 --> 00:38:59.760 Love is also self-sacrificial, laying down your own preferences for the sake of your spouse's holiness and joy. 00:39:00.239 --> 00:39:06.559 As a Christian, you recognize we have, as men and women, but as husbands, we have no rights. 00:39:06.800 --> 00:39:15.679 I am willing to lay down my preferences for the joy of my bride, whatever that may be. 00:39:16.159 --> 00:39:21.280 Fourth, love is seeking your wife's spiritual flourishing. 00:39:21.440 --> 00:39:32.880 It's a discipling love that seeks to nurture and encourage and mature your wife's faith in Jesus Christ, and not assuming it's just happening. 00:39:33.679 --> 00:39:37.519 Biblical love is faithful and enduring. 00:39:38.320 --> 00:39:49.920 It's a persevering love that endures through trials, reflecting God's steadfast love for his people when they are weak, when they are sinful and rebellious. 00:39:50.159 --> 00:39:54.000 And lastly, love is active and tangible. 00:39:54.239 --> 00:39:58.639 It is demonstrated in actions that build up, serve, and protect. 00:39:58.800 --> 00:40:04.000 So, man, we can never say when our wives feel like, man, you don't verbalize it enough. 00:40:04.079 --> 00:40:05.360 Like you don't tell me you love me. 00:40:05.440 --> 00:40:08.079 It's like, well, I did 20 years ago when I said I do. 00:40:08.719 --> 00:40:13.519 Love is not a one-time past act that we keep pulling up like a highlight reel. 00:40:13.760 --> 00:40:17.199