SPEAKER_00: Well, if you're visiting with us this morning and you don't have a Bible, please use the Pew Bible in front of you.
SPEAKER_00: And if you don't own the Bible, you can take that home with you as a gift from us to you.
SPEAKER_00: We continue our conviction tour through the book of Ephesians.
SPEAKER_00: So we all got convicted as husbands and wives, and then husbands again.
SPEAKER_00: And now as parents.
SPEAKER_00: We live in an interesting culture where people are having children older in life, or waiting longer rather, in life to have children, because in our culture, children seem to not be this uh this privileged joy that we believe the Bible presents them as.
SPEAKER_00: But it's pretty interesting that the Apostle Paul, a first century Jew, writes to a group of Christians in Asia Minor and addresses children specifically.
SPEAKER_00: One theologian said that the surest foundation of a well-ordered society is the training of children in the fear of the Lord.
SPEAKER_00: I would agree with that.
SPEAKER_00: What's interesting about this text, now again, we're in the middle of a book, so we need to put it in its context of the entire letter of uh the letter to Ephesus.
SPEAKER_00: Paul has been talking about this unifying theme, the fact that Jesus on the cross purchased the unity of the bride, the church.
SPEAKER_00: Therefore, there is no longer any Jews or Greeks.
SPEAKER_00: We are all one in Christ Jesus.
SPEAKER_00: Therefore, we are also to uh preserve that unity, to mutually submit to one another, and then he starts getting practical about what that looks like in the home for husbands as the head of the household, the wife, and following her husband.
SPEAKER_00: But then also now he's addressing the children, and then he will address the workplace.
SPEAKER_00: There's a few interesting things to note before we jump in here.
SPEAKER_00: Number one, Paul writes assuming that children are present in the congregation.
SPEAKER_00: Now, the more I study, I don't know if I'm convinced that Paul is writing to just one specific church, Ephesus.
SPEAKER_00: I believe he wrote to churches throughout Asia Minor, by which Ephesus would have been the most influential.
SPEAKER_00: But he's writing to these church, uh, these church congregations, but then he specifically addresses children.
SPEAKER_00: So the implication is Paul knew and assumed children would be present during the service to hear God's word.
SPEAKER_00: And look at God.
SPEAKER_00: So God uses an inspired apostle to directly address children.
SPEAKER_00: So for all the kids in the room, we got a ton this morning.
SPEAKER_00: Praise God.
SPEAKER_00: God loves children so much that he used an apostle to write inspired scripture to directly address children.
SPEAKER_00: That is interesting to me.
SPEAKER_00: As a matter of fact, this is the only passage in the entire Bible that directly addresses children.
SPEAKER_00: There's many other passages that address how to discipline and train children, but this is the only one that is specifically addressed to children.
SPEAKER_00: So we should perk up and listen to what Paul has to say.
SPEAKER_00: But notice also in Ephesians chapter 1, this flows, as I said, from being filled with the Spirit.
SPEAKER_00: So if you go back a couple of weeks, when we were in the beginning of chapter 5, he talks about not being drunk with wine, but rather being filled in the spirit.
SPEAKER_00: And those who are filled in the spirit are submissive and so on and so forth.
SPEAKER_00: So their obedience, the children's obedience here in chapter 6, flows from being filled with the Spirit, meaning only regenerate children can consistently live out this commandment that Paul is giving in the Spirit's power, which, praise be to God, because number one, Paul is addressing children in the congregation.
SPEAKER_00: Obviously, some of these children were saved, which means, and this goes without saying, but sometimes we just need to highlight this and celebrate it, God delights in glorifying his name and saving children.
SPEAKER_00: These children are following Christ, and they get an inspired apostle to write addressing them and their parents.
SPEAKER_00: That would have been a very interesting service.
SPEAKER_00: Can you think about that?
SPEAKER_00: Like you've never heard this teaching before, and the apostle Paul sends you a letter and it's read amongst your hearing or your gathering, and you're sitting there as a kid with your parents, and both of y'all are getting a lesson.
SPEAKER_00: The kids are sitting there nudging dad, are you listening?
SPEAKER_00: Dad's nudging the kids, are you listening?
SPEAKER_00: But Paul is quoting here in chapter six, he's quoting Exodus chapter 20, verse 12, where he says in verse 2, honor your father and mother.
SPEAKER_00: And then later, he in verse 3, so that it may go with you, go well with you, I mean, and that you may live long, live a long life in the land.
SPEAKER_00: Now, before we get into the practicalities of what Paul is implying, we have to ask the question: whose responsibility is it primarily to disciple children?
SPEAKER_00: Now, I know many of you are good Bible students and you know how to answer that question, but who has the primary responsibility to disciple the next generation of Christ followers?
SPEAKER_00: The future members of churches.
SPEAKER_00: According to God's word, the answer is the parents.
SPEAKER_00: Parents have the primary responsibility of discipling the next generation.
SPEAKER_00: As a matter of fact, if you look at verses one through two, he says, children obey your parents, so that's mom and dad, in the Lord, because this is right, honor your father and mother, both parents addressed again, but then later he addresses the father.
SPEAKER_00: So it's clear there's a dual responsibility, mom and dad.
SPEAKER_00: Children aren't just to respect and honor dad, they're to respect and honor their parents.
SPEAKER_00: However, the biblical data is clear that the father carries the primary weight of responsibility for setting the spiritual direction of the home and discipling the children.
SPEAKER_00: Or to put it another way, if Jesus Christ came knocking on your door to do a performance review on how you're discipling your children and leading your home, and your wife answered the door, Jesus would say, Good morning, is the man of the house home.
SPEAKER_00: Men carry the primary responsibility and privilege of discipling their children.
SPEAKER_00: Just to revisit how we were defining headship a few weeks ago, I would put it this way, to be simple.
SPEAKER_00: The husband as the head of his home sets the primary spiritual direction and vision for the family.
SPEAKER_00: That's essentially what it means to be the head of your home.
SPEAKER_00: You set the, according to God's word, you set the primary vision and direction spiritually for your household, and you have the privileged partner of a wife who comes alongside you to help carry out that vision in accordance with God's word.
SPEAKER_00: Now, even though I think a lot of us in churches like ours might emphasize, like, yes, it's primarily the parents' responsibility to disciple their children, and that is true, but church, we play a role as well.
SPEAKER_00: We play a role as well.
SPEAKER_00: Psalm 78, which I read earlier, reads this we will not hide from their children, uh, we will not hide them from their children, but we will tell a future generation the praiseworthy acts of the Lord, his might, and the wondrous works he has performed.
SPEAKER_00: What's happening there in the nation of Israel is that the whole covenant community is called to pass on God's truth to the next generation.
SPEAKER_00: Primarily that role was for the parents, specifically the father, but the entire nation of Israel had this privilege and duty to instruct the next generation in the things of the Lord.
SPEAKER_00: Which is why, even in Deuteronomy chapter 6, it commands parents repeat these words to your children.
SPEAKER_00: Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.
SPEAKER_00: This is to be an ongoing commitment in the home.
SPEAKER_00: Now, parents, God has placed the weight and privilege of discipleship on you to do so in everyday moments, like Deuteronomy 6 says there, whether that's around the table, whether that's in the car, whether that's at bedtime, any opportunity you can avail yourself of to sow God's word into your children's hearts.
SPEAKER_00: Church family, God has called you, if you're a covenant member of this church or any gospel preaching church, to come alongside, to encourage, to model, and to reinforce that same truth the parents are teaching their children.
SPEAKER_00: You come alongside every interaction with the next generation is a chance to point them to the praiseworthy acts of the Lord.
SPEAKER_00: I, the longer I'm a Christian, the more I just fall in love with the institution of the local church.
SPEAKER_00: The fact that God in his wisdom knew it would be made up of people of all kinds of backgrounds, whether it's a husband and a wife combo raising their children, a single parent, someone who can't have kids, but all of us can come alongside one another and say, these are all of our kids.
SPEAKER_00: And we are all going to instruct them in the ways of the Lord because we want to see them come to faith in Jesus Christ and praise his name.
SPEAKER_00: So we say sometimes here at Redeemer, we're committed to what some would call a family equipping model, where we're trying to acknowledge that parents carry the primary call of discipling their children, and our role as a congregation is to come alongside the parents of our church to equip them in what God calls them to do and to create avenues here, whether that's programs or events or whatever it may be, to do that very thing in the life of our church.
SPEAKER_00: But we can't skirt that responsibility because here, even in chapter six, children obey your parents in the Lord because this is right.
SPEAKER_00: He commands the children, but then later he also commands the parents.
SPEAKER_00: But notice he says, honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, so that it may go well with you and that you may have a long life.
SPEAKER_00: Now, depending on how some of y'all was raised, when you hear obey because that you know you'll live long, you're like, Yeah, amen.
SPEAKER_00: The way I was disciplined, praise God.
SPEAKER_00: But real quick on verse two, you never are commanded to stop honoring your parents as a Christian.
SPEAKER_00: So when you move out of the household and you get married and you leave and cleave, you still honor your parents.
SPEAKER_00: That's why Paul could say if a man doesn't take care of his family, he's worse than an unbeliever, because even unbelievers have this concept of, yes, I take care of my aging parents because I honor and respect them.
SPEAKER_00: But you're when you move out, when you leave and cleave and get married, you honor but you don't obey.
SPEAKER_00: We talked about that last week.
SPEAKER_00: You honor your parents, but you don't obey them.
SPEAKER_00: But that's not the topic for this morning.
SPEAKER_00: But this is a commandment connected with a promise.
SPEAKER_00: If you do this, if you obey the word of the Lord, the promise is you will live a long life in the land that the Lord has for you.
SPEAKER_00: And then in verse 4, he transitions to again address men.
SPEAKER_00: We, you know, chapter Ephesians is just let's let's instruct men essentially.
SPEAKER_00: Fathers, don't stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
SPEAKER_00: Now, back to my point about the family equipping model.
SPEAKER_00: The beauty of this is parents, you're not alone in the mission.
SPEAKER_00: So, parents, you're not alone in this work.
SPEAKER_00: And church family, you're not off the hook either.
SPEAKER_00: God's design is that we labor together so that the next generation learns to hope in Jesus.
SPEAKER_00: The church is a spiritual greenhouse of truth, so to speak.
SPEAKER_00: So, what's happening down the hall right now with all the little kids is not like glorified babysitting.
SPEAKER_00: It's discipleship and evangelism.
SPEAKER_00: We're trying to instill in young hearts who Jesus is, what sin is, the fact that they need to trust in Christ for salvation, so that as parents, as you're giving that same truth at home, they're also hearing it down the hall to the right, my right, your left, as well.
SPEAKER_00: Reinforcing God's truth.
SPEAKER_00: So, what is the role of parents, or specifically fathers, and how they can bring up their children in the instruction of the Lord?
SPEAKER_00: A helpful paradigm I find is to think of Jesus' uh threefold office for you theologians in the room, the fact that Jesus was a prophet, priest, and king.
SPEAKER_00: If Jesus is our example, I would encourage fathers, men to emulate Jesus in your home as a prophet, priest, and king.
SPEAKER_00: Now, what do I mean by that?
SPEAKER_00: Well, as a prophet, what did Jesus do?
SPEAKER_00: He declared God's word with clarity.
SPEAKER_00: Fathers reflect him by speaking God's word into their homes, teaching and guiding their families in truth.
SPEAKER_00: Now, I think some men overcorrect here and get a little crazy with this.
SPEAKER_00: I'm not saying you need to have a little church in your house where you lay the family down in the living room and you got your Bible and you're preaching an hour-long sermon at them, and they get disciplined if they squirm and things like that.
SPEAKER_00: The goal is: are you, as a prophet in your home, sharing the word of God with your children so that they can come to the knowledge of the truth themselves?
SPEAKER_00: You serve in your home as well, like Christ, as a priest.
SPEAKER_00: Jesus offered himself and intercedes for his people.
SPEAKER_00: Fathers reflect Jesus by laying down their lives in service, modeling repentance, forgiving freely, and leading their families in worship and prayer.
SPEAKER_00: It is profound just to think about how the Lord can use a husband who simply prioritizes his church gathering with God's people on Sunday morning every week.
SPEAKER_00: I often use this phrase, but what we do here on a Sunday morning from the opening welcome to the closing doxology is almost like a catechism.
SPEAKER_00: It shapes, informs you to learn truth and to worship and respond to God.
SPEAKER_00: Imagine, I didn't have the privilege of growing up as a in a Christian household or in the church, but imagine a youth growing from a young age in a healthy church, hearing sound doctrine every single week, how that's training them to know God's truth.
SPEAKER_00: So, prophet, priest, and man, this is the one maybe you might like the most, leading your home as a king.
SPEAKER_00: But how Jesus was a king, not how you might be thinking of a king.
SPEAKER_00: Jesus as king rules with authority, he rules with justice and sacrificial love.
SPEAKER_00: Fathers reflect him by leading with humility, setting the spiritual vision for their family, protecting their family, not just physically, but spiritually, providing not just financially, but spiritually by discipling them, and keeping their household centered on Christ.
SPEAKER_00: Think about this, parents.
SPEAKER_00: If you're a parent in the room or if you aspire to be a parent, Lord willing, the first representation of God that your children will ever have is you, their parent.
SPEAKER_00: This is why I'm always on my soapbox about authority and abuse, because if you have authority and you realize that it's a steward, a stewardship entrusted to you by the Lord, and if you leverage it to the glory of God, you are showing your children this is what Jesus is like.
SPEAKER_00: This is what Jesus' authority and influence is like.
SPEAKER_00: But if you mess misrepresent by abusing that authority and sinful anger or whatever it may be, you are lying about Jesus.
SPEAKER_00: You are lying about the heart of God and how he loves and stewards his authority and influence towards his children.
SPEAKER_00: Now, in this day and age, as parents, we face a lot of cultural challenges and just our own sinful flesh, to be honest, that makes us tempted to divert from God's word and to do what Paul warns against when he says, Fathers, don't stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
SPEAKER_00: Now, I'm not quite sure why Paul picks on us men a whole lot in these few chapters here.
SPEAKER_00: My best guess is because he understands that men, we carry a lot of weight and influence and authority.
SPEAKER_00: And if we lead well, as we follow Christ's example as a prophet, priest, and king, it has a fruitful effect on everybody under our care.
SPEAKER_00: That would be my best guess.
SPEAKER_00: But he also knows that we, in our influential role, if we exasperate our children, if we provoke them to anger, that also could have a profound collateral damage effect in their little hearts as well.
SPEAKER_00: And so he gives that charge in verse four fathers, don't stir up anger in your children.
SPEAKER_00: Now we're all guilty, aren't we?
SPEAKER_00: Let's just be honest.
SPEAKER_00: Every last one of us in this room have stirred up our children in anger, and we can do it in a host of ways.
SPEAKER_00: I'm guilty of it too.
SPEAKER_00: So, for instance, one of the clearest is when we can be hypocrites.
SPEAKER_00: When we tell our children, no, you can't have a second cinnamon roll because it's not healthy for you.
SPEAKER_00: And then they look at you and say, Well, Dad, how come you're on your third cinnamon roll?
SPEAKER_00: Right?
SPEAKER_00: And you're like, don't worry about it, go to bed.
SPEAKER_00: But there are ways, that's a silly example, but there are ways we can stir up anger in our children.
SPEAKER_00: If we as men are showing up every Sunday morning worshiping the Lord, reading our Bible, and everyone thinks we're these godly men, but at home, we're very unloving and sinful.
SPEAKER_00: We never say sorry to our children, well, then that's what we're really discipling them in, and that will provoke them to anger.
SPEAKER_00: But parents, here's a few ways we need to guard our hearts as parents as we seek to disciple our children.
SPEAKER_00: One example is don't make the your children the center of your identity.
SPEAKER_00: When your worth rises and falls with your children's successes, you crush them with a weight that they can't carry.
SPEAKER_00: We are to root our identity in Christ, and when we do, we will be free to love, lead, and point our children to Christ without turning them into little versions of ourselves.
SPEAKER_00: So let me give two illustrations.
SPEAKER_00: Sports.
SPEAKER_00: Think of the dad who the entire car ride home, all he's doing is critiquing how poorly his child performed.
SPEAKER_00: What's happening there?
SPEAKER_00: That parent's identity is on the field, but not in Christ.
SPEAKER_00: Which crushes the kid and does exactly what Paul said, don't do.
SPEAKER_00: Don't stir up anger in your children.
SPEAKER_00: Or let's use the social media parent as an illustration.
SPEAKER_00: The parent who constantly posts every achievement of their child online, every grade, every dance, every award, because their child's success is their way of saying, look at me, I'm doing a good job.
SPEAKER_00: Now I'm not saying every social don't don't email me.
SPEAKER_00: If you do, send it to Zane at RedeemerChurch.com.
SPEAKER_00: But sometimes that could be some idolatry going on where it's like, yeah, every like affirms me as a mother, affirms me as a father as I share this edited highlight reel of my child's life, so people think I'm the Wonder Woman parent.
SPEAKER_00: Another warning in our day and age, sports has taken over.
SPEAKER_00: People are bowing at the idol of sports.
SPEAKER_00: We gotta be careful as parents what we're communicating to our children.
SPEAKER_00: Is Christ primary?
SPEAKER_00: Are we trying to lead them to treasure him above all things, or the potential of a D1 scholarship, which will likely never happen based on statistical odds?
SPEAKER_00: I know, but maybe my child's the 1%, I know.
SPEAKER_00: Or Cam, you're just saying that because maybe you know you think um your kids will never make it big time.
SPEAKER_00: No.
SPEAKER_00: We are in a culture that is constantly trying to indoctrinate us to find our treasure in everything other than Christ.
SPEAKER_00: And it is sad to see how many Christians who truly love Jesus and his word who succumb to the same cultural narrative.
SPEAKER_00: Put it this way, friends.
SPEAKER_00: I'll put it this way.
SPEAKER_00: When you're near the end of your life, you're old in age, and your health is failing, if you truly love the Lord, I guarantee you you will not wish your child played one more season or earned one more degree, you'll care about the state of their soul before the Lord.
SPEAKER_00: Don't trade discipleship and church life for a schedule packed with activities that have no eternal value.
SPEAKER_00: I'm not saying extracurriculars aren't good and beneficial.
SPEAKER_00: They are.
SPEAKER_00: Every good gift comes from the Lord.
SPEAKER_00: But here's the good news.
SPEAKER_00: If you prioritize in your home, teaching your children to treasure Christ above all things, that Christ is worthy to sacrifice for, well, here's the good news.
SPEAKER_00: You will never in your dying days regret the hours you spent pointing your children to Jesus Christ.
SPEAKER_00: You will never regret a single hour of opening God's word and instructing your children in the ways of Christ.
SPEAKER_00: You will never regret a day where you made your church family a priority because each and every one of those investments echoes into eternity.
SPEAKER_00: And guess what?
SPEAKER_00: On the new heaven and the new earth, we can play football and all that stuff then.
SPEAKER_00: So just do it then.
SPEAKER_00: But one more game won't matter in eternity, but one more gospel conversation with your child will.
SPEAKER_00: Sports seasons end, degrees fade, you don't take them to glory with you.
SPEAKER_00: Careers pass and go, but guess what?
SPEAKER_00: Your child is made in the image of God, and they will live for eternity.
SPEAKER_00: And that's what we should be shaping them towards.
SPEAKER_00: Now, on that note, how do we, as Paul says here, bring them up in the instruction of the Lord?
SPEAKER_00: How do we train our children in the ways of Christ so that they follow Him?
SPEAKER_00: I want to use two examples here.
SPEAKER_00: We did this in the Redeemer Institute when we talked about church discipline.
SPEAKER_00: So, church discipline, I think typically we think of it As a negative connotation, and we think of excommunication, though that is appropriate, but even that is a redemptive process to seek to restore someone.
SPEAKER_00: But I think we all go through two phases of church discipline.
SPEAKER_00: One is corrective discipline, the one we tend to think of that's more negative, but then there's formative discipline.
SPEAKER_00: So formative and corrective discipline are ways we can also think about how do we disciple not just our children, but how do we just make disciples, period.
SPEAKER_00: So let's start with formative discipline.
SPEAKER_00: Here's a definition.
SPEAKER_00: Formative discipline is ongoing teaching, training, and shaping that form a person's heart's uh heart and habits toward God.
SPEAKER_00: So formative discipline, you hear the definition in that word formative, right?
SPEAKER_00: It's ongoing teaching and training and shaping that form a person's heart and habits toward God.
SPEAKER_00: What's happening right now is formative discipline.
SPEAKER_00: You are hearing the word of God be expounded to you, and with the Spirit's help, you understand it, you apply it to your life, therefore you are disciplined formatively in that way.
SPEAKER_00: When you do family devotions, when you read a good Christian book that's sound in scripture, when you engage in a small group or discipleship classes or anything that is meant to instruct you in the things of the Lord, that is formative.
SPEAKER_00: It is shaping you, which is a form of discipline.
SPEAKER_00: That is a way we should disciple and train up our children through formative discipline.
SPEAKER_00: Now, the glory of the Bible is it doesn't necessarily give us all a blueprint and say every family has to do it exactly this way, according to these methods.
SPEAKER_00: It says, no, the content we all need to be on the same page with, but what that looks like in each home will be different.
SPEAKER_00: It can be as simple as before bedtime we read a Bible story, or over dinner we walk through the Gospel of John and just briefly read a chapter, talk about it.
SPEAKER_00: Whatever it looks like, the goal is to instruct our children in the things of God.
SPEAKER_00: And that's a privilege, that is a joy.
SPEAKER_00: Like that is a privilege to be able to open God's word and tell your children about the Jesus you love and serve and worship.
SPEAKER_00: And for them to learn that from the two people in the world that they love and trust the most?
SPEAKER_00: Now, let's just take a quick sidebar here because this is a question I get often, and I just want to briefly uh speak to this.
SPEAKER_00: Should, when we look at this charge of both parents being called to disciple their children, specifically fathers to carry the weight of that, should a wife stay home to homeschool or disciple the kids?
SPEAKER_00: I get this question a lot from a lot of primarily ladies who are pregnant or just have their first kid and they're wrestling with this question and they're trying to think through as I study the Bible, I want to think well about this cam.
SPEAKER_00: How should I think about this?
SPEAKER_00: I'll just say a few quick things.
SPEAKER_00: A question we all need to ask in our American Western system, where we have to pursue the American rat race and the American dream who's most shaping your child?
SPEAKER_00: Is the question every parent needs to ask.
SPEAKER_00: Who is shaping my child the most?
SPEAKER_00: Think about this.
SPEAKER_00: Across kindergarten through 12th grade, a typical student spends approximately 16,000 hours in school.
SPEAKER_00: 16,000 hours in which they're being formed and shaped and taught by someone other than their parent.
SPEAKER_00: So, and again, let me just disclaimer, I'm not one of those weird Christians who says every parent needs to need to buy a compound and homeschool and all that stuff.
SPEAKER_00: That's not me.
SPEAKER_00: I just want to bring up some things I noticed, like I think some Christians just don't even really think about.
SPEAKER_00: It's almost like we just dismiss the idea of a wife staying home because no, I gotta chase my career and so on and so forth.
SPEAKER_00: But if you do homeschool, those hours of over 16,000 hours shift from a non-parent to a parent, which means you chiefly become the one who has the most influence on your child.
SPEAKER_00: But if you use the public school system, or you know, if you have the privilege of going to a private Christian school that teaches your children the things of the Lord, that's different.
SPEAKER_00: But if you use public school, those hours are largely in the hands of other adults.
SPEAKER_00: So you as a parent just need to make sure that your home discipleship outweighs the culture's catechism of your child.
SPEAKER_00: And I'm just a very practical guy.
SPEAKER_00: To me, I don't want to make my job harder as a parent.
SPEAKER_00: So if I send my child to a school system that completely contradicts my faith and teaches them things that are opposite of what I teach them at home, then when they come home, I gotta unteach them everything they've learned and then teach them the good stuff.
SPEAKER_00: That's just that's just very difficult.
SPEAKER_00: And the way the culture is going here in America, I think it's gonna be a little bit harder for Christian parents to say yes to voluntarily sending their children to a system that is becoming far more antithetical to the gospel of Jesus Christ.
SPEAKER_00: Charles Spurgeon once said, you are as much responsible for your children's souls as you are for your own.
SPEAKER_00: And to just briefly address the singles in the room who desire to be married, specifically the ladies, I would just encourage you, even now in your single years, don't hinder this potential desire by piling up debt or other things that could keep you from saying yes, because I've seen that happen happen often where someone did, I desire Cam to be home with my kids, but I gotta pay off this, I gotta do this, and so I'm essentially working just to pay off debt.
SPEAKER_00: Or I'm essentially working just to pay for a daycare center to raise my child.
SPEAKER_00: Okay, I'm done with my soapbox.
SPEAKER_00: Um, so we talked about formative discipline.
SPEAKER_00: Now let's look at corrective discipline.
SPEAKER_00: What does this look like?
SPEAKER_00: Since we're I already just jumped on a controversial topic, let's just jump on another one.
SPEAKER_00: Why don't we?
SPEAKER_00: Corrective discipline is loving correction when someone strays into sin or disobedience and is meant to restore them to the right path of righteousness.
SPEAKER_00: So corrective discipline is loving correction when someone strays into sin or disobedience and is meant to restore them to the right path of righteousness.
SPEAKER_00: So in church, this happens all the time.
SPEAKER_00: You just don't hear about it.
SPEAKER_00: So if someone gives in to temptation, maybe another faithful member of the church has a conversation with that saint and lovingly exposes their sin, calls them to repentance, leads them in prayer, corrective discipline took place.
SPEAKER_00: And most of us never even hear about it.
SPEAKER_00: Praise God.
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes someone falls into, well, not let's not say falls into sin.
SPEAKER_00: Someone pursues their sin, they're unrepentant, people come and call them out graciously, asking them to repent, they refuse, and they go on and on, and then they are excommunicated from the church.
SPEAKER_00: That is corrective discipline.
SPEAKER_00: We are trying to bring in loving, painful correction to help that person see the severity of their sin in hopes that they turn away from it.
SPEAKER_00: So, what I'm trying to emphasize is corrective discipline biblically is always loving and restorative.
SPEAKER_00: You're saying I love this person so much that I'm not willing to say nothing about their sin, because I have a biblical obligation to help them fight their sin and trust in Jesus.
SPEAKER_00: So, what does that have to do with parenting?
SPEAKER_00: Well, because we disciple our children through formative discipline, but also corrective discipline, where you teach them that is sinful, turn to the path of righteousness.
SPEAKER_00: Now, one way of doing that is through forming and correcting in the Lord by using what the Bible would call the rod.
SPEAKER_00: What is the rod?
SPEAKER_00: It got quiet.
SPEAKER_00: Here we go.
SPEAKER_00: Let's dive in.
SPEAKER_00: Here we go.
SPEAKER_00: What is the rod?
SPEAKER_00: Well, let me be clear what the rod is not.
SPEAKER_00: Disciplining your children physically is never about anger, but it's loving, controlled, physical correction that rescues children from foolishness and guides them towards life in Christ.
SPEAKER_00: So when the Bible uses the term the rod, it's talking about loving, controlled, physical correction that rescues children from foolishness and guides them towards life in Christ.
SPEAKER_00: Now, let me just highlight some redemptive fruits that come from the rod as the Bible talks about it.
SPEAKER_00: I believe the function of the rod teaches the principle to children and us as parents, the principle of sowing and reaping.
SPEAKER_00: Consistent discipline shows children that actions have consequences, that they will reap what they sow, and that is actually God's design in the world.
SPEAKER_00: If I jump on the highway and do 25 over the speed limit, I will get pulled over and have to pay a ticket because choices have consequences.
SPEAKER_00: We're all used to this.
SPEAKER_00: But the rod also displays God's authority.
SPEAKER_00: When parents obey God by using the rod rightly, they model submission to his authority.
SPEAKER_00: And children see that mom and dad are under God before they are over them.
SPEAKER_00: This is why it's important.
SPEAKER_00: I encourage parents all the time.
SPEAKER_00: When you are trying to train your children in the ways of the Lord, keep in mind delayed obedience is disobedience.
SPEAKER_00: Delayed obedience is disobedience.
SPEAKER_00: How many times does God have to tell you, Christian, something to do or not do before you obey him?
SPEAKER_00: Is it the third time?
SPEAKER_00: Is it the fourth time?
SPEAKER_00: Is it when the sky starts cracking, you hear thunder, and you're like, okay, now he's serious.
SPEAKER_00: No, the first time God gives us an instruction, we have the biblical obligation to obey him as our authority.
SPEAKER_00: And parents, you reflect God in your home.
SPEAKER_00: So when you train your children to honor and respect your authority, guess what?
SPEAKER_00: You're preparing them to follow Jesus, who they will one day have to follow his authority.
SPEAKER_00: So if you're lax with your authority, what makes you think they're going to want to obey God?
SPEAKER_00: Also, it retrains respect for authority.
SPEAKER_00: So it displays God's authority, but it also trains children to respect authority in general.
SPEAKER_00: Discipline helps a child learn early that living under a godly authority is a blessing, not a burden, therefore preparing them to obey God and others in their lives.
SPEAKER_00: In some counseling scenarios, I have just unfortunately been in some situations with those who did not grow up with such discipline, according to the word.
SPEAKER_00: And it's just interesting to see the disrespect for authority.
SPEAKER_00: And you can make the connection of like, okay, I see what your home life was like, which is why it's very hard for you to just have no honor, respect for your employer, for this person or that person, and it shows.
SPEAKER_00: But parental discipline reflects God's own discipline.
SPEAKER_00: Turn over to Hebrews chapter 12, real quick.
SPEAKER_00: If you have a Pew Bible, that's page uh 1069.
SPEAKER_00: Hebrews chapter 12.
SPEAKER_00: I want to briefly highlight God's discipline of us as his children.
SPEAKER_00: Hebrews chapter 12, verses 7 through 11.
SPEAKER_00: The context here is the author of Hebrews is speaking specifically to a group of Christians who were enduring persecution and suffering.
SPEAKER_00: Some of them were even being put to death, having their households taken from them and sold.
SPEAKER_00: Listen to verses 7 through 11.
SPEAKER_00: He says, Endure suffering as discipline.
SPEAKER_00: God is dealing with you as sons.
SPEAKER_00: For what son is there that a father does not discipline?
SPEAKER_00: But if you are without discipline, which all receive, then you are illegitimate children and not sons.
SPEAKER_00: Furthermore, we had human fathers discipline us, and we respected them.
SPEAKER_00: Shouldn't we submit even more to the Father of spirits and live?
SPEAKER_00: For they disciplined us for a short time based on what seemed good to them, but he does it for our benefit, so that we can share his holiness.
SPEAKER_00: No discipline seems enjoyable at the time, but painful.
SPEAKER_00: Amen.
SPEAKER_00: Later on, however, it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
SPEAKER_00: God the Father disciplines us, his children, and oftentimes that discipline is painful, but he assures us, but it's only for a season.
SPEAKER_00: And the purpose is not punitive or vindictive, it's to train you to share in the very holiness of God.
SPEAKER_00: So Hebrews roots parenting and God's fatherly care and authority.
SPEAKER_00: It shows us the model we are to follow.
SPEAKER_00: But to refuse discipline is to act as though we are wiser and more loving than God Himself.
SPEAKER_00: And that's where some of us can get into trouble.
SPEAKER_00: But I'll get to that in a moment.
SPEAKER_00: But when we refuse to discipline our children, it is to act as though we are wiser and more loving than God Himself.
SPEAKER_00: It's to say, I see the biblical data, but I'm going to do what I think is best, Lord.
SPEAKER_00: But in Galatians 6, Paul says, Don't be deceived, God is not mocked, for whatever a person sows, he will also reap, because the one who sows to his flesh will reap destruction from the flesh, but the one who sows to the spirit will reap eternal life from the spirit.
SPEAKER_00: Let us not get tired of doing good, for we will reap at the proper time if we don't give up.
SPEAKER_00: Friends, the rod trains children in that same reality that sowing to sin leads to destruction, but sowing to obedience to Christ and faith leads to life.
SPEAKER_00: We as parents use discipline not just to correct behavior.
SPEAKER_00: God is never focused on behavior modification.
SPEAKER_00: We do not discipline just to get the behavior we want out of our children, but to point their little hearts to the greater harvest of walking with Jesus Christ.
SPEAKER_00: Which is why I, in a minute, I want to get into some misconceptions and unbiblical perspectives of discipline.
SPEAKER_00: But that is the goal.
SPEAKER_00: Corrective behavior is always, always meant to point children to Jesus.
SPEAKER_00: Think of a garden.
SPEAKER_00: If you plant corn, you're not going to get tomatoes, are you?
SPEAKER_00: Children are almost the same.
SPEAKER_00: What you sow into them, you will reap out of them.
SPEAKER_00: They learn early that disobedience brings painful consequences, and obedience to the ways of the Lord brings blessing, and they see with their own little hearts God's principle of sowing and reaping in action in their little lives.
SPEAKER_00: The rod is like pulling weeds early so the harvest of their life can be good fruit instead of thorns.
SPEAKER_00: Now, with that little foundation, let me just briefly address some misconceptions and stumbling blocks about the use of the rod.
SPEAKER_00: The reason I want to bring this up is because something that has troubled my heart over the years as a Christian is I have met a lot of Christian parents who just say, I completely reject the whole spanking thing.
SPEAKER_00: I'm never gonna do it.
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, okay, I'm sympathetic to it.
SPEAKER_00: So if you grew up in a context where your parent physically disciplined you out of sinful anger, that is abuse.
SPEAKER_00: And I will get to that in a moment.
SPEAKER_00: But what I want to lay out here in scripture is a model that we have from the Lord that is always meant to restore and actually win your child's heart, not to push them away.
SPEAKER_00: But as Christians, we gotta be on guard against seeing something in the Bible that is uncomfortable or we don't like and just deciding I'm not gonna do that.
SPEAKER_00: That's dangerous territory as well.
SPEAKER_00: So let me just give a few misconceptions and stumbling blocks about the use of the rod.
SPEAKER_00: Because when Paul says here in verse 4, to bring up our children in the training and instruction of the Lord, he's not just referring to corrective discipline.
SPEAKER_00: He's it's a balance.
SPEAKER_00: You teach, instruct, formative discipline, and at times because children were born sinners, you also have to bring in corrective discipline.
SPEAKER_00: I don't know about you, but I've yet to see a child who came out the womb just praising Jesus.
SPEAKER_00: I've never seen a child go take a class on how to sin.
SPEAKER_00: They're not born neutral, which is why we have to have these conversations.
SPEAKER_00: But number one, I want to address a couple of stumbling blocks and misconceptions.
SPEAKER_00: Number one, just outright dismissal.
SPEAKER_00: Rejecting the rod is rejecting God's word.
SPEAKER_00: Proverbs 13, 24 is clear.
SPEAKER_00: The one who will not use the rod hates his son, but the one who loves him disciplines him diligently.
SPEAKER_00: I don't know how any other way to say that.
SPEAKER_00: The one who will not use the rod hates his son, but the one who loves him disciplines him diligently.
SPEAKER_00: So to categorically refuse physical discipline is to dismiss and disobey what God, I believe, has clearly commanded in his word.
SPEAKER_00: And when we do that, we're violating what James says in chapter one, where he says, But be doers of the word and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.
SPEAKER_00: If we ever are looking at the biblical data and playing the game of, well, I'll submit to this and I'll obey this, but not that, well, you just deny the sufficiency and the authority of Scripture.
SPEAKER_00: And you've made yourself the one who determines what's authoritative and what you'll submit to, rather than receiving God's authoritative word from the King of Kings and obeying it with his help.
SPEAKER_00: Or second misconception or statement I've heard is that the rod in Scripture is not an actual physical spanking, it's just a metaphor.
SPEAKER_00: It's just a metaphor of something else.
SPEAKER_00: Well, the plain reading of Proverbs doesn't allow for that.
SPEAKER_00: I mean, there's just, you're doing hermeneutical gymnastics to make that argument, I believe.
SPEAKER_00: Proverbs 13, 24 says, the one who will not use the rod hates his son.
SPEAKER_00: Proverbs 23, 13 through 14 adds, don't withhold discipline from a youth.
SPEAKER_00: If you punish him with a rod, he will not die.
SPEAKER_00: Punish him with a rod, and you will rescue his life from Sheol.
SPEAKER_00: Now you might be saying, Well, he you haven't seen how I was spanked.
SPEAKER_00: I almost thought I was gonna die.
SPEAKER_00: These aren't abstract ideas, they are describing real, measured, physical action.
SPEAKER_00: And keep in mind, he's writing to a context of people who grew up in the agricultural society, they knew what a shepherd was, so when they heard these words, they knew exactly what a rod was, and they knew exactly what a rod was used for.
SPEAKER_00: A shepherd used a rod to smack a disobedient sheep to correct it.
SPEAKER_00: So these aren't abstract ideas.
SPEAKER_00: The Bible uses metaphors often, but here the rod clearly refers to a physical tool of correction.
SPEAKER_00: So to reduce it just to uh the rod is just signaling influence, or it's just signaling guidance, that strips the passage of its meaning and sets aside what God actually says.
SPEAKER_00: All right, a third issue.
SPEAKER_00: I love my kids too much to spank them.
SPEAKER_00: Well, bless your heart.
SPEAKER_00: This is understandable, okay?
SPEAKER_00: This is understandable.
SPEAKER_00: But true love does what God says is best.
SPEAKER_00: True love does what God says is best, even when it's hard.
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you might have to even do a little tutorial of like, what does this look like?
SPEAKER_00: But we must obey because God has what's best for us.
SPEAKER_00: Proverbs 13, 24 says, the one who will not use the rod again hates his.
SPEAKER_00: That is strong language.
SPEAKER_00: Think about that.
SPEAKER_00: So a parent who's a following a follower of Jesus and reads the passages I'm looking at and says, nope, I'm not doing that.
SPEAKER_00: Not me.
SPEAKER_00: God's word says you hate your child.
SPEAKER_00: You are not willing to give them God's best according to his word.
SPEAKER_00: To ignore God's word here, and to I'm sorry, to ignore God's word here is to hear it, but not do it.
SPEAKER_00: And Jesus made it very clear, if you love me, what?
SPEAKER_00: You will keep my commandments.
SPEAKER_00: Number four, I'm scared, I'll hurt them.
SPEAKER_00: Well, that's kind of the point, for one.
SPEAKER_00: But the Bible anticipates this concern.
SPEAKER_00: In Proverbs 23, as I read, the author says, Don't withhold discipline from a youth.
SPEAKER_00: If you punish him with a rod, he will not die.
SPEAKER_00: Punish him with a rod, and you will rescue his life from Sheol.
SPEAKER_00: In other words, wise measure correction will not destroy your child.
SPEAKER_00: It may very well save them.
SPEAKER_00: Number five, well, physical discipline means harsh or angry punishment.
SPEAKER_00: I am empathetic to that as well, but that is incorrect according to the Bible.
SPEAKER_00: Biblical discipline is never about abuse, it's never about sinful anger and wrath, it's never about vindictive anger and retribution, but rather measured loving correction that restores and points a child to Christ.
SPEAKER_00: Any here, let me just give you my Christian definition of abuse.
SPEAKER_00: If you ever discipline your child physically when the posture of your heart is one of sinful anger, that is abuse.
SPEAKER_00: Because that is vindictive, that is punitive, it's not restorative, and God never disciplines his children that way.
SPEAKER_00: When God disciplines us, it is never from a posture of wrath.
SPEAKER_00: It's never him being vindictive and trying to get his pound of flesh out of us.
SPEAKER_00: It's never to whip us into shape, so to speak, to make us obey him and change our behavior.
SPEAKER_00: No, it's always a father's loving, divine pursuit to bring us back into his favor and will.
SPEAKER_00: So, no, discipline for a Christian is never harsh or angry punishment.
SPEAKER_00: Okay, sixth and last one.
SPEAKER_00: It crushes my child's.
SPEAKER_00: Spirit.
SPEAKER_00: It could, but if done biblically, it actually rescues a child from folly.
SPEAKER_00: Proverbs 22:15 says, Foolishness is bound in the heart of a youth, and the rod of discipline will separate it from him.
SPEAKER_00: There are ways.
SPEAKER_00: A great book to go read, or two books, Ted Tripp, Shepherding a Child's Heart, Ginger Hubbard, Don't Make Me Count to Three, or something like that.
SPEAKER_00: They have good practical steps on how to discipline a child.
SPEAKER_00: So for example, you witness your child be disobedient.
SPEAKER_00: You take them to another room to uh discipline them privately, to show them honor, not embarrass them in front of other people.
SPEAKER_00: You make clear to them, this is the law of God you violated.
SPEAKER_00: You did this, you disobeyed mom or dad, so you will get a spanking.
SPEAKER_00: You swat them or whatever method you use, and then you pray with them and give them the gospel.
SPEAKER_00: And then you hug them and embrace them and go back to playing, and everything's fine.
SPEAKER_00: Now, what I just described was not how I was disciplined.
SPEAKER_00: I wish I had that.
SPEAKER_00: But that is a way to teach them, hey, there's certain behavior that is so egregious that we will introduce physical pain, so you connect that pain to the sinful rebellion so that you learn, okay, I learned I see a pattern here.
SPEAKER_00: If I do this, this happens, and so I rather obey so then I get blessing.
SPEAKER_00: Principle of reaping and sowing.
SPEAKER_00: But I want to be clear, spanking is not the whole of discipline, but neither can we throw it out without also throwing out God's wisdom.
SPEAKER_00: So when Paul is encouraging parents to, fathers specifically, to raise their children in the ways of the Lord, he's talking about both corrective and formative discipline.
SPEAKER_00: I just wanted to highlight those things because I understand the longer you're a Christian, you're in church, there's a lot of misconceptions out there.
SPEAKER_00: There's a lot of things that are shaped by your church tradition, how you grew up, and so on and so forth.
SPEAKER_00: And we need to make sure we're going to the Bible.
SPEAKER_00: And I, like I said, I have been troubled.
SPEAKER_00: I have seen lots of Christians at times just throw things to the wayside because maybe how they grew up is influencing.
SPEAKER_00: I will never do that to my kids.
SPEAKER_00: And praise God.
SPEAKER_00: But don't shirk the Bible because of your lived experience.
SPEAKER_00: But as I said earlier, what a privilege we have to lock arms with one another to help our children follow Christ.
SPEAKER_00: Going back to verse 1 of chapter 6, Paul, an apostle, writes an entire letter to these churches in Asia Minor and chooses to address children and parents.
SPEAKER_00: Let this just encourage you, for those of you in the room, to know that God loves us so much that He doesn't leave any rock unturned.
SPEAKER_00: Every aspect of life, every spirit of life is addressed in God's word.
SPEAKER_00: So in closing, to summarize, friends, parenting isn't about control or performance or behavior modification.
SPEAKER_00: It's always about pointing the next generation to saving faith in Jesus Christ.
SPEAKER_00: That's why we do everything we do, whether it's corrective discipline, whether it's formative discipline, we want to point our children to Jesus Christ.
SPEAKER_00: Which means every meal, every bedtime, every correction and conversation is a chance to sow seeds of truth in the gospel that Lord willing will echo into eternity.
SPEAKER_00: And dads, you have the spiritual privilege and responsibility to set the direction of your homes.
SPEAKER_00: And moms, you faithfully nurture and teach.
SPEAKER_00: In church family, we lock arms with all the parents in our congregation because the souls of every child is at stake.
SPEAKER_00: Every person in this room right now was made in the image of God to live for eternity.
SPEAKER_00: And we want to bring all of them to us with us in glory.
SPEAKER_00: Amen.
SPEAKER_00: Let's pray, church.