WEBVTT 00:00:02.399 --> 00:00:06.639 Well, if you're visiting with us this morning and you don't have a Bible, please use the Pew Bible in front of you. 00:00:06.719 --> 00:00:10.800 And if you don't own the Bible, you can take that home with you as a gift from us to you. 00:00:11.039 --> 00:00:14.800 We continue our conviction tour through the book of Ephesians. 00:00:14.960 --> 00:00:19.760 So we all got convicted as husbands and wives, and then husbands again. 00:00:20.079 --> 00:00:22.160 And now as parents. 00:00:23.359 --> 00:00:41.679 We live in an interesting culture where people are having children older in life, or waiting longer rather, in life to have children, because in our culture, children seem to not be this uh this privileged joy that we believe the Bible presents them as. 00:00:42.159 --> 00:00:52.000 But it's pretty interesting that the Apostle Paul, a first century Jew, writes to a group of Christians in Asia Minor and addresses children specifically. 00:00:52.320 --> 00:01:01.600 One theologian said that the surest foundation of a well-ordered society is the training of children in the fear of the Lord. 00:01:01.840 --> 00:01:03.439 I would agree with that. 00:01:03.759 --> 00:01:13.359 What's interesting about this text, now again, we're in the middle of a book, so we need to put it in its context of the entire letter of uh the letter to Ephesus. 00:01:13.599 --> 00:01:19.920 Paul has been talking about this unifying theme, the fact that Jesus on the cross purchased the unity of the bride, the church. 00:01:20.079 --> 00:01:22.239 Therefore, there is no longer any Jews or Greeks. 00:01:22.319 --> 00:01:23.920 We are all one in Christ Jesus. 00:01:24.079 --> 00:01:36.640 Therefore, we are also to uh preserve that unity, to mutually submit to one another, and then he starts getting practical about what that looks like in the home for husbands as the head of the household, the wife, and following her husband. 00:01:36.799 --> 00:01:41.920 But then also now he's addressing the children, and then he will address the workplace. 00:01:42.079 --> 00:01:44.879 There's a few interesting things to note before we jump in here. 00:01:45.040 --> 00:01:49.599 Number one, Paul writes assuming that children are present in the congregation. 00:01:49.840 --> 00:01:55.439 Now, the more I study, I don't know if I'm convinced that Paul is writing to just one specific church, Ephesus. 00:01:55.599 --> 00:02:01.920 I believe he wrote to churches throughout Asia Minor, by which Ephesus would have been the most influential. 00:02:02.400 --> 00:02:11.680 But he's writing to these church, uh, these church congregations, but then he specifically addresses children. 00:02:11.919 --> 00:02:18.879 So the implication is Paul knew and assumed children would be present during the service to hear God's word. 00:02:19.360 --> 00:02:20.639 And look at God. 00:02:21.039 --> 00:02:25.840 So God uses an inspired apostle to directly address children. 00:02:26.000 --> 00:02:28.240 So for all the kids in the room, we got a ton this morning. 00:02:28.400 --> 00:02:29.199 Praise God. 00:02:29.599 --> 00:02:37.520 God loves children so much that he used an apostle to write inspired scripture to directly address children. 00:02:37.919 --> 00:02:39.120 That is interesting to me. 00:02:39.360 --> 00:02:44.560 As a matter of fact, this is the only passage in the entire Bible that directly addresses children. 00:02:44.719 --> 00:02:52.800 There's many other passages that address how to discipline and train children, but this is the only one that is specifically addressed to children. 00:02:53.039 --> 00:02:57.039 So we should perk up and listen to what Paul has to say. 00:02:57.439 --> 00:03:03.680 But notice also in Ephesians chapter 1, this flows, as I said, from being filled with the Spirit. 00:03:03.759 --> 00:03:12.400 So if you go back a couple of weeks, when we were in the beginning of chapter 5, he talks about not being drunk with wine, but rather being filled in the spirit. 00:03:12.560 --> 00:03:16.800 And those who are filled in the spirit are submissive and so on and so forth. 00:03:17.120 --> 00:03:39.280 So their obedience, the children's obedience here in chapter 6, flows from being filled with the Spirit, meaning only regenerate children can consistently live out this commandment that Paul is giving in the Spirit's power, which, praise be to God, because number one, Paul is addressing children in the congregation. 00:03:39.520 --> 00:03:50.400 Obviously, some of these children were saved, which means, and this goes without saying, but sometimes we just need to highlight this and celebrate it, God delights in glorifying his name and saving children. 00:03:51.280 --> 00:03:59.360 These children are following Christ, and they get an inspired apostle to write addressing them and their parents. 00:03:59.520 --> 00:04:01.280 That would have been a very interesting service. 00:04:01.360 --> 00:04:02.319 Can you think about that? 00:04:02.479 --> 00:04:14.000 Like you've never heard this teaching before, and the apostle Paul sends you a letter and it's read amongst your hearing or your gathering, and you're sitting there as a kid with your parents, and both of y'all are getting a lesson. 00:04:14.319 --> 00:04:16.879 The kids are sitting there nudging dad, are you listening? 00:04:17.199 --> 00:04:19.680 Dad's nudging the kids, are you listening? 00:04:20.480 --> 00:04:29.680 But Paul is quoting here in chapter six, he's quoting Exodus chapter 20, verse 12, where he says in verse 2, honor your father and mother. 00:04:29.920 --> 00:04:39.519 And then later, he in verse 3, so that it may go with you, go well with you, I mean, and that you may live long, live a long life in the land. 00:04:40.480 --> 00:04:50.959 Now, before we get into the practicalities of what Paul is implying, we have to ask the question: whose responsibility is it primarily to disciple children? 00:04:51.199 --> 00:04:59.839 Now, I know many of you are good Bible students and you know how to answer that question, but who has the primary responsibility to disciple the next generation of Christ followers? 00:05:00.079 --> 00:05:02.319 The future members of churches. 00:05:02.480 --> 00:05:06.240 According to God's word, the answer is the parents. 00:05:06.720 --> 00:05:11.519 Parents have the primary responsibility of discipling the next generation. 00:05:11.680 --> 00:05:30.079 As a matter of fact, if you look at verses one through two, he says, children obey your parents, so that's mom and dad, in the Lord, because this is right, honor your father and mother, both parents addressed again, but then later he addresses the father. 00:05:30.639 --> 00:05:34.800 So it's clear there's a dual responsibility, mom and dad. 00:05:34.959 --> 00:05:40.800 Children aren't just to respect and honor dad, they're to respect and honor their parents. 00:05:41.360 --> 00:05:51.040 However, the biblical data is clear that the father carries the primary weight of responsibility for setting the spiritual direction of the home and discipling the children. 00:05:51.279 --> 00:06:08.160 Or to put it another way, if Jesus Christ came knocking on your door to do a performance review on how you're discipling your children and leading your home, and your wife answered the door, Jesus would say, Good morning, is the man of the house home. 00:06:09.360 --> 00:06:14.879 Men carry the primary responsibility and privilege of discipling their children. 00:06:15.120 --> 00:06:20.720 Just to revisit how we were defining headship a few weeks ago, I would put it this way, to be simple. 00:06:20.959 --> 00:06:27.519 The husband as the head of his home sets the primary spiritual direction and vision for the family. 00:06:27.759 --> 00:06:29.839 That's essentially what it means to be the head of your home. 00:06:29.920 --> 00:06:45.040 You set the, according to God's word, you set the primary vision and direction spiritually for your household, and you have the privileged partner of a wife who comes alongside you to help carry out that vision in accordance with God's word. 00:06:45.519 --> 00:06:56.560 Now, even though I think a lot of us in churches like ours might emphasize, like, yes, it's primarily the parents' responsibility to disciple their children, and that is true, but church, we play a role as well. 00:06:57.360 --> 00:06:59.439 We play a role as well. 00:06:59.680 --> 00:07:17.439 Psalm 78, which I read earlier, reads this we will not hide from their children, uh, we will not hide them from their children, but we will tell a future generation the praiseworthy acts of the Lord, his might, and the wondrous works he has performed. 00:07:17.600 --> 00:07:25.839 What's happening there in the nation of Israel is that the whole covenant community is called to pass on God's truth to the next generation. 00:07:26.160 --> 00:07:37.680 Primarily that role was for the parents, specifically the father, but the entire nation of Israel had this privilege and duty to instruct the next generation in the things of the Lord. 00:07:37.839 --> 00:07:44.160 Which is why, even in Deuteronomy chapter 6, it commands parents repeat these words to your children. 00:07:44.399 --> 00:07:49.680 Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 00:07:49.839 --> 00:07:53.759 This is to be an ongoing commitment in the home. 00:07:54.399 --> 00:08:16.399 Now, parents, God has placed the weight and privilege of discipleship on you to do so in everyday moments, like Deuteronomy 6 says there, whether that's around the table, whether that's in the car, whether that's at bedtime, any opportunity you can avail yourself of to sow God's word into your children's hearts. 00:08:16.720 --> 00:08:31.040 Church family, God has called you, if you're a covenant member of this church or any gospel preaching church, to come alongside, to encourage, to model, and to reinforce that same truth the parents are teaching their children. 00:08:31.360 --> 00:08:40.000 You come alongside every interaction with the next generation is a chance to point them to the praiseworthy acts of the Lord. 00:08:40.240 --> 00:08:45.039 I, the longer I'm a Christian, the more I just fall in love with the institution of the local church. 00:08:45.200 --> 00:09:01.360 The fact that God in his wisdom knew it would be made up of people of all kinds of backgrounds, whether it's a husband and a wife combo raising their children, a single parent, someone who can't have kids, but all of us can come alongside one another and say, these are all of our kids. 00:09:01.519 --> 00:09:09.360 And we are all going to instruct them in the ways of the Lord because we want to see them come to faith in Jesus Christ and praise his name. 00:09:09.600 --> 00:09:34.879 So we say sometimes here at Redeemer, we're committed to what some would call a family equipping model, where we're trying to acknowledge that parents carry the primary call of discipling their children, and our role as a congregation is to come alongside the parents of our church to equip them in what God calls them to do and to create avenues here, whether that's programs or events or whatever it may be, to do that very thing in the life of our church. 00:09:35.200 --> 00:09:42.639 But we can't skirt that responsibility because here, even in chapter six, children obey your parents in the Lord because this is right. 00:09:42.879 --> 00:09:47.039 He commands the children, but then later he also commands the parents. 00:09:47.279 --> 00:09:55.600 But notice he says, honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, so that it may go well with you and that you may have a long life. 00:09:55.679 --> 00:10:02.799 Now, depending on how some of y'all was raised, when you hear obey because that you know you'll live long, you're like, Yeah, amen. 00:10:03.039 --> 00:10:06.320 The way I was disciplined, praise God. 00:10:07.759 --> 00:10:14.320 But real quick on verse two, you never are commanded to stop honoring your parents as a Christian. 00:10:14.559 --> 00:10:20.240 So when you move out of the household and you get married and you leave and cleave, you still honor your parents. 00:10:20.480 --> 00:10:31.200 That's why Paul could say if a man doesn't take care of his family, he's worse than an unbeliever, because even unbelievers have this concept of, yes, I take care of my aging parents because I honor and respect them. 00:10:31.440 --> 00:10:36.879 But you're when you move out, when you leave and cleave and get married, you honor but you don't obey. 00:10:37.039 --> 00:10:38.480 We talked about that last week. 00:10:38.639 --> 00:10:41.120 You honor your parents, but you don't obey them. 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:43.679 But that's not the topic for this morning. 00:10:44.000 --> 00:10:46.879 But this is a commandment connected with a promise. 00:10:47.039 --> 00:10:55.679 If you do this, if you obey the word of the Lord, the promise is you will live a long life in the land that the Lord has for you. 00:10:55.919 --> 00:10:59.840 And then in verse 4, he transitions to again address men. 00:11:00.000 --> 00:11:04.399 We, you know, chapter Ephesians is just let's let's instruct men essentially. 00:11:04.720 --> 00:11:13.200 Fathers, don't stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. 00:11:14.240 --> 00:11:17.600 Now, back to my point about the family equipping model. 00:11:17.840 --> 00:11:21.120 The beauty of this is parents, you're not alone in the mission. 00:11:21.519 --> 00:11:23.759 So, parents, you're not alone in this work. 00:11:23.840 --> 00:11:26.240 And church family, you're not off the hook either. 00:11:26.559 --> 00:11:32.159 God's design is that we labor together so that the next generation learns to hope in Jesus. 00:11:32.399 --> 00:11:36.480 The church is a spiritual greenhouse of truth, so to speak. 00:11:36.720 --> 00:11:42.080 So, what's happening down the hall right now with all the little kids is not like glorified babysitting. 00:11:42.240 --> 00:11:44.240 It's discipleship and evangelism. 00:11:44.399 --> 00:11:58.000 We're trying to instill in young hearts who Jesus is, what sin is, the fact that they need to trust in Christ for salvation, so that as parents, as you're giving that same truth at home, they're also hearing it down the hall to the right, my right, your left, as well. 00:11:58.320 --> 00:12:00.480 Reinforcing God's truth. 00:12:00.960 --> 00:12:09.440 So, what is the role of parents, or specifically fathers, and how they can bring up their children in the instruction of the Lord? 00:12:09.679 --> 00:12:19.440 A helpful paradigm I find is to think of Jesus' uh threefold office for you theologians in the room, the fact that Jesus was a prophet, priest, and king. 00:12:19.600 --> 00:12:26.720 If Jesus is our example, I would encourage fathers, men to emulate Jesus in your home as a prophet, priest, and king. 00:12:26.960 --> 00:12:28.399 Now, what do I mean by that? 00:12:28.639 --> 00:12:30.639 Well, as a prophet, what did Jesus do? 00:12:30.879 --> 00:12:34.399 He declared God's word with clarity. 00:12:34.720 --> 00:12:40.879 Fathers reflect him by speaking God's word into their homes, teaching and guiding their families in truth. 00:12:41.120 --> 00:12:44.879 Now, I think some men overcorrect here and get a little crazy with this. 00:12:45.039 --> 00:12:56.879 I'm not saying you need to have a little church in your house where you lay the family down in the living room and you got your Bible and you're preaching an hour-long sermon at them, and they get disciplined if they squirm and things like that. 00:12:57.120 --> 00:13:07.039 The goal is: are you, as a prophet in your home, sharing the word of God with your children so that they can come to the knowledge of the truth themselves? 00:13:07.519 --> 00:13:11.440 You serve in your home as well, like Christ, as a priest. 00:13:11.759 --> 00:13:15.279 Jesus offered himself and intercedes for his people. 00:13:15.519 --> 00:13:26.240 Fathers reflect Jesus by laying down their lives in service, modeling repentance, forgiving freely, and leading their families in worship and prayer. 00:13:27.440 --> 00:13:37.360 It is profound just to think about how the Lord can use a husband who simply prioritizes his church gathering with God's people on Sunday morning every week. 00:13:37.519 --> 00:13:44.080 I often use this phrase, but what we do here on a Sunday morning from the opening welcome to the closing doxology is almost like a catechism. 00:13:44.240 --> 00:13:48.960 It shapes, informs you to learn truth and to worship and respond to God. 00:13:49.360 --> 00:14:02.159 Imagine, I didn't have the privilege of growing up as a in a Christian household or in the church, but imagine a youth growing from a young age in a healthy church, hearing sound doctrine every single week, how that's training them to know God's truth. 00:14:02.399 --> 00:14:08.960 So, prophet, priest, and man, this is the one maybe you might like the most, leading your home as a king. 00:14:09.279 --> 00:14:13.519 But how Jesus was a king, not how you might be thinking of a king. 00:14:13.919 --> 00:14:20.639 Jesus as king rules with authority, he rules with justice and sacrificial love. 00:14:21.200 --> 00:14:42.240 Fathers reflect him by leading with humility, setting the spiritual vision for their family, protecting their family, not just physically, but spiritually, providing not just financially, but spiritually by discipling them, and keeping their household centered on Christ. 00:14:43.200 --> 00:14:44.159 Think about this, parents. 00:14:44.320 --> 00:14:53.679 If you're a parent in the room or if you aspire to be a parent, Lord willing, the first representation of God that your children will ever have is you, their parent. 00:14:54.240 --> 00:15:09.679 This is why I'm always on my soapbox about authority and abuse, because if you have authority and you realize that it's a steward, a stewardship entrusted to you by the Lord, and if you leverage it to the glory of God, you are showing your children this is what Jesus is like. 00:15:10.080 --> 00:15:12.960 This is what Jesus' authority and influence is like. 00:15:13.279 --> 00:15:22.320 But if you mess misrepresent by abusing that authority and sinful anger or whatever it may be, you are lying about Jesus. 00:15:22.480 --> 00:15:28.639 You are lying about the heart of God and how he loves and stewards his authority and influence towards his children. 00:15:29.440 --> 00:15:52.799 Now, in this day and age, as parents, we face a lot of cultural challenges and just our own sinful flesh, to be honest, that makes us tempted to divert from God's word and to do what Paul warns against when he says, Fathers, don't stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. 00:15:53.440 --> 00:16:00.080 Now, I'm not quite sure why Paul picks on us men a whole lot in these few chapters here. 00:16:00.320 --> 00:16:07.200 My best guess is because he understands that men, we carry a lot of weight and influence and authority. 00:16:07.360 --> 00:16:15.679 And if we lead well, as we follow Christ's example as a prophet, priest, and king, it has a fruitful effect on everybody under our care. 00:16:15.919 --> 00:16:17.519 That would be my best guess. 00:16:17.759 --> 00:16:28.480 But he also knows that we, in our influential role, if we exasperate our children, if we provoke them to anger, that also could have a profound collateral damage effect in their little hearts as well. 00:16:28.639 --> 00:16:35.039 And so he gives that charge in verse four fathers, don't stir up anger in your children. 00:16:35.360 --> 00:16:36.720 Now we're all guilty, aren't we? 00:16:36.799 --> 00:16:37.679 Let's just be honest. 00:16:37.919 --> 00:16:44.480 Every last one of us in this room have stirred up our children in anger, and we can do it in a host of ways. 00:16:44.639 --> 00:16:45.759 I'm guilty of it too. 00:16:45.919 --> 00:16:49.440 So, for instance, one of the clearest is when we can be hypocrites. 00:16:49.519 --> 00:16:54.399 When we tell our children, no, you can't have a second cinnamon roll because it's not healthy for you. 00:16:54.559 --> 00:16:58.399 And then they look at you and say, Well, Dad, how come you're on your third cinnamon roll? 00:16:58.639 --> 00:16:58.960 Right? 00:16:59.279 --> 00:17:01.679 And you're like, don't worry about it, go to bed. 00:17:02.879 --> 00:17:09.039 But there are ways, that's a silly example, but there are ways we can stir up anger in our children. 00:17:09.279 --> 00:17:19.440 If we as men are showing up every Sunday morning worshiping the Lord, reading our Bible, and everyone thinks we're these godly men, but at home, we're very unloving and sinful. 00:17:19.680 --> 00:17:27.200 We never say sorry to our children, well, then that's what we're really discipling them in, and that will provoke them to anger. 00:17:28.240 --> 00:17:35.519 But parents, here's a few ways we need to guard our hearts as parents as we seek to disciple our children. 00:17:35.839 --> 00:17:40.000 One example is don't make the your children the center of your identity. 00:17:40.640 --> 00:17:48.960 When your worth rises and falls with your children's successes, you crush them with a weight that they can't carry. 00:17:49.680 --> 00:18:01.200 We are to root our identity in Christ, and when we do, we will be free to love, lead, and point our children to Christ without turning them into little versions of ourselves. 00:18:01.599 --> 00:18:03.359 So let me give two illustrations. 00:18:03.680 --> 00:18:04.640 Sports. 00:18:05.119 --> 00:18:12.720 Think of the dad who the entire car ride home, all he's doing is critiquing how poorly his child performed. 00:18:14.240 --> 00:18:15.599 What's happening there? 00:18:16.160 --> 00:18:20.079 That parent's identity is on the field, but not in Christ. 00:18:20.880 --> 00:18:25.200 Which crushes the kid and does exactly what Paul said, don't do. 00:18:25.359 --> 00:18:28.319 Don't stir up anger in your children. 00:18:28.960 --> 00:18:33.119 Or let's use the social media parent as an illustration. 00:18:33.440 --> 00:18:44.240 The parent who constantly posts every achievement of their child online, every grade, every dance, every award, because their child's success is their way of saying, look at me, I'm doing a good job. 00:18:45.119 --> 00:18:48.000 Now I'm not saying every social don't don't email me. 00:18:48.319 --> 00:18:51.599 If you do, send it to Zane at RedeemerChurch.com. 00:18:53.279 --> 00:19:07.039 But sometimes that could be some idolatry going on where it's like, yeah, every like affirms me as a mother, affirms me as a father as I share this edited highlight reel of my child's life, so people think I'm the Wonder Woman parent. 00:19:08.640 --> 00:19:13.359 Another warning in our day and age, sports has taken over. 00:19:13.839 --> 00:19:16.720 People are bowing at the idol of sports. 00:19:16.880 --> 00:19:22.160 We gotta be careful as parents what we're communicating to our children. 00:19:22.480 --> 00:19:24.240 Is Christ primary? 00:19:24.480 --> 00:19:32.880 Are we trying to lead them to treasure him above all things, or the potential of a D1 scholarship, which will likely never happen based on statistical odds? 00:19:33.279 --> 00:19:36.480 I know, but maybe my child's the 1%, I know. 00:19:36.799 --> 00:19:42.559 Or Cam, you're just saying that because maybe you know you think um your kids will never make it big time. 00:19:42.880 --> 00:19:43.200 No. 00:19:44.079 --> 00:19:50.640 We are in a culture that is constantly trying to indoctrinate us to find our treasure in everything other than Christ. 00:19:50.880 --> 00:19:58.079 And it is sad to see how many Christians who truly love Jesus and his word who succumb to the same cultural narrative. 00:19:59.039 --> 00:19:59.920 Put it this way, friends. 00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:00.960 I'll put it this way. 00:20:01.839 --> 00:20:21.519 When you're near the end of your life, you're old in age, and your health is failing, if you truly love the Lord, I guarantee you you will not wish your child played one more season or earned one more degree, you'll care about the state of their soul before the Lord. 00:20:22.559 --> 00:20:29.039 Don't trade discipleship and church life for a schedule packed with activities that have no eternal value. 00:20:29.359 --> 00:20:32.000 I'm not saying extracurriculars aren't good and beneficial. 00:20:32.240 --> 00:20:32.559 They are. 00:20:32.640 --> 00:20:34.559 Every good gift comes from the Lord. 00:20:35.119 --> 00:20:36.720 But here's the good news. 00:20:37.359 --> 00:20:47.279 If you prioritize in your home, teaching your children to treasure Christ above all things, that Christ is worthy to sacrifice for, well, here's the good news. 00:20:47.440 --> 00:20:52.559 You will never in your dying days regret the hours you spent pointing your children to Jesus Christ. 00:20:52.799 --> 00:20:59.759 You will never regret a single hour of opening God's word and instructing your children in the ways of Christ. 00:21:00.000 --> 00:21:08.960 You will never regret a day where you made your church family a priority because each and every one of those investments echoes into eternity. 00:21:10.000 --> 00:21:10.640 And guess what? 00:21:10.720 --> 00:21:13.599 On the new heaven and the new earth, we can play football and all that stuff then. 00:21:13.759 --> 00:21:16.000 So just do it then. 00:21:17.119 --> 00:21:23.200 But one more game won't matter in eternity, but one more gospel conversation with your child will. 00:21:24.480 --> 00:21:30.240 Sports seasons end, degrees fade, you don't take them to glory with you. 00:21:30.559 --> 00:21:33.279 Careers pass and go, but guess what? 00:21:33.519 --> 00:21:37.839 Your child is made in the image of God, and they will live for eternity. 00:21:38.400 --> 00:21:41.039 And that's what we should be shaping them towards. 00:21:41.599 --> 00:21:47.200 Now, on that note, how do we, as Paul says here, bring them up in the instruction of the Lord? 00:21:47.359 --> 00:21:51.599 How do we train our children in the ways of Christ so that they follow Him? 00:21:52.079 --> 00:21:53.759 I want to use two examples here. 00:21:53.920 --> 00:21:57.200 We did this in the Redeemer Institute when we talked about church discipline. 00:21:57.440 --> 00:22:08.319 So, church discipline, I think typically we think of it As a negative connotation, and we think of excommunication, though that is appropriate, but even that is a redemptive process to seek to restore someone. 00:22:08.480 --> 00:22:11.119 But I think we all go through two phases of church discipline. 00:22:11.200 --> 00:22:17.359 One is corrective discipline, the one we tend to think of that's more negative, but then there's formative discipline. 00:22:17.599 --> 00:22:25.279 So formative and corrective discipline are ways we can also think about how do we disciple not just our children, but how do we just make disciples, period. 00:22:25.519 --> 00:22:27.680 So let's start with formative discipline. 00:22:27.759 --> 00:22:28.960 Here's a definition. 00:22:29.359 --> 00:22:38.720 Formative discipline is ongoing teaching, training, and shaping that form a person's heart's uh heart and habits toward God. 00:22:39.039 --> 00:22:42.799 So formative discipline, you hear the definition in that word formative, right? 00:22:42.960 --> 00:22:49.039 It's ongoing teaching and training and shaping that form a person's heart and habits toward God. 00:22:49.200 --> 00:22:52.240 What's happening right now is formative discipline. 00:22:52.400 --> 00:23:01.279 You are hearing the word of God be expounded to you, and with the Spirit's help, you understand it, you apply it to your life, therefore you are disciplined formatively in that way. 00:23:01.519 --> 00:23:13.599 When you do family devotions, when you read a good Christian book that's sound in scripture, when you engage in a small group or discipleship classes or anything that is meant to instruct you in the things of the Lord, that is formative. 00:23:13.839 --> 00:23:17.519 It is shaping you, which is a form of discipline. 00:23:17.759 --> 00:23:23.759 That is a way we should disciple and train up our children through formative discipline. 00:23:23.920 --> 00:23:32.400 Now, the glory of the Bible is it doesn't necessarily give us all a blueprint and say every family has to do it exactly this way, according to these methods. 00:23:32.559 --> 00:23:38.960 It says, no, the content we all need to be on the same page with, but what that looks like in each home will be different. 00:23:39.200 --> 00:23:48.400 It can be as simple as before bedtime we read a Bible story, or over dinner we walk through the Gospel of John and just briefly read a chapter, talk about it. 00:23:48.480 --> 00:23:55.599 Whatever it looks like, the goal is to instruct our children in the things of God. 00:23:56.160 --> 00:23:58.240 And that's a privilege, that is a joy. 00:23:58.319 --> 00:24:04.319 Like that is a privilege to be able to open God's word and tell your children about the Jesus you love and serve and worship. 00:24:04.480 --> 00:24:09.599 And for them to learn that from the two people in the world that they love and trust the most? 00:24:10.319 --> 00:24:18.319 Now, let's just take a quick sidebar here because this is a question I get often, and I just want to briefly uh speak to this. 00:24:18.640 --> 00:24:30.640 Should, when we look at this charge of both parents being called to disciple their children, specifically fathers to carry the weight of that, should a wife stay home to homeschool or disciple the kids? 00:24:30.880 --> 00:24:42.319 I get this question a lot from a lot of primarily ladies who are pregnant or just have their first kid and they're wrestling with this question and they're trying to think through as I study the Bible, I want to think well about this cam. 00:24:42.720 --> 00:24:44.079 How should I think about this? 00:24:44.240 --> 00:24:46.000 I'll just say a few quick things. 00:24:46.319 --> 00:24:58.400 A question we all need to ask in our American Western system, where we have to pursue the American rat race and the American dream who's most shaping your child? 00:24:58.799 --> 00:25:00.960 Is the question every parent needs to ask. 00:25:01.119 --> 00:25:03.599 Who is shaping my child the most? 00:25:03.920 --> 00:25:05.119 Think about this. 00:25:05.519 --> 00:25:15.920 Across kindergarten through 12th grade, a typical student spends approximately 16,000 hours in school. 00:25:16.559 --> 00:25:23.279 16,000 hours in which they're being formed and shaped and taught by someone other than their parent. 00:25:24.000 --> 00:25:31.599 So, and again, let me just disclaimer, I'm not one of those weird Christians who says every parent needs to need to buy a compound and homeschool and all that stuff. 00:25:31.759 --> 00:25:32.640 That's not me. 00:25:32.880 --> 00:25:36.799 I just want to bring up some things I noticed, like I think some Christians just don't even really think about. 00:25:36.880 --> 00:25:43.519 It's almost like we just dismiss the idea of a wife staying home because no, I gotta chase my career and so on and so forth. 00:25:43.759 --> 00:25:57.680 But if you do homeschool, those hours of over 16,000 hours shift from a non-parent to a parent, which means you chiefly become the one who has the most influence on your child. 00:25:57.920 --> 00:26:05.519 But if you use the public school system, or you know, if you have the privilege of going to a private Christian school that teaches your children the things of the Lord, that's different. 00:26:05.759 --> 00:26:09.839 But if you use public school, those hours are largely in the hands of other adults. 00:26:10.079 --> 00:26:16.400 So you as a parent just need to make sure that your home discipleship outweighs the culture's catechism of your child. 00:26:16.720 --> 00:26:18.720 And I'm just a very practical guy. 00:26:18.880 --> 00:26:21.680 To me, I don't want to make my job harder as a parent. 00:26:21.839 --> 00:26:36.559 So if I send my child to a school system that completely contradicts my faith and teaches them things that are opposite of what I teach them at home, then when they come home, I gotta unteach them everything they've learned and then teach them the good stuff. 00:26:36.799 --> 00:26:38.960 That's just that's just very difficult. 00:26:39.279 --> 00:26:53.119 And the way the culture is going here in America, I think it's gonna be a little bit harder for Christian parents to say yes to voluntarily sending their children to a system that is becoming far more antithetical to the gospel of Jesus Christ. 00:26:53.359 --> 00:27:00.480 Charles Spurgeon once said, you are as much responsible for your children's souls as you are for your own. 00:27:01.119 --> 00:27:25.839 And to just briefly address the singles in the room who desire to be married, specifically the ladies, I would just encourage you, even now in your single years, don't hinder this potential desire by piling up debt or other things that could keep you from saying yes, because I've seen that happen happen often where someone did, I desire Cam to be home with my kids, but I gotta pay off this, I gotta do this, and so I'm essentially working just to pay off debt. 00:27:26.000 --> 00:27:30.319 Or I'm essentially working just to pay for a daycare center to raise my child. 00:27:30.559 --> 00:27:32.720 Okay, I'm done with my soapbox. 00:27:34.000 --> 00:27:38.400 Um, so we talked about formative discipline. 00:27:38.640 --> 00:27:41.200 Now let's look at corrective discipline. 00:27:41.359 --> 00:27:42.400 What does this look like? 00:27:42.559 --> 00:27:46.319 Since we're I already just jumped on a controversial topic, let's just jump on another one. 00:27:46.400 --> 00:27:47.279 Why don't we? 00:27:47.599 --> 00:27:58.880 Corrective discipline is loving correction when someone strays into sin or disobedience and is meant to restore them to the right path of righteousness. 00:27:59.119 --> 00:28:07.920 So corrective discipline is loving correction when someone strays into sin or disobedience and is meant to restore them to the right path of righteousness. 00:28:08.160 --> 00:28:10.480 So in church, this happens all the time. 00:28:10.559 --> 00:28:12.079 You just don't hear about it. 00:28:12.400 --> 00:28:22.799 So if someone gives in to temptation, maybe another faithful member of the church has a conversation with that saint and lovingly exposes their sin, calls them to repentance, leads them in prayer, corrective discipline took place. 00:28:22.960 --> 00:28:24.400 And most of us never even hear about it. 00:28:24.480 --> 00:28:25.359 Praise God. 00:28:25.599 --> 00:28:29.519 Sometimes someone falls into, well, not let's not say falls into sin. 00:28:29.759 --> 00:28:40.559 Someone pursues their sin, they're unrepentant, people come and call them out graciously, asking them to repent, they refuse, and they go on and on, and then they are excommunicated from the church. 00:28:40.640 --> 00:28:43.119 That is corrective discipline. 00:28:43.279 --> 00:28:52.319 We are trying to bring in loving, painful correction to help that person see the severity of their sin in hopes that they turn away from it. 00:28:52.559 --> 00:28:59.279 So, what I'm trying to emphasize is corrective discipline biblically is always loving and restorative. 00:28:59.519 --> 00:29:09.119 You're saying I love this person so much that I'm not willing to say nothing about their sin, because I have a biblical obligation to help them fight their sin and trust in Jesus. 00:29:09.359 --> 00:29:11.359 So, what does that have to do with parenting? 00:29:11.599 --> 00:29:23.680 Well, because we disciple our children through formative discipline, but also corrective discipline, where you teach them that is sinful, turn to the path of righteousness. 00:29:24.000 --> 00:29:33.119 Now, one way of doing that is through forming and correcting in the Lord by using what the Bible would call the rod. 00:29:33.920 --> 00:29:34.960 What is the rod? 00:29:35.039 --> 00:29:35.680 It got quiet. 00:29:35.759 --> 00:29:36.400 Here we go. 00:29:36.559 --> 00:29:37.440 Let's dive in. 00:29:37.519 --> 00:29:38.559 Here we go. 00:29:39.359 --> 00:29:40.640 What is the rod? 00:29:41.359 --> 00:29:43.680 Well, let me be clear what the rod is not. 00:29:44.160 --> 00:29:57.359 Disciplining your children physically is never about anger, but it's loving, controlled, physical correction that rescues children from foolishness and guides them towards life in Christ. 00:29:57.599 --> 00:30:09.759 So when the Bible uses the term the rod, it's talking about loving, controlled, physical correction that rescues children from foolishness and guides them towards life in Christ. 00:30:10.079 --> 00:30:16.400 Now, let me just highlight some redemptive fruits that come from the rod as the Bible talks about it. 00:30:16.720 --> 00:30:25.039 I believe the function of the rod teaches the principle to children and us as parents, the principle of sowing and reaping. 00:30:25.359 --> 00:30:34.799 Consistent discipline shows children that actions have consequences, that they will reap what they sow, and that is actually God's design in the world. 00:30:35.039 --> 00:30:44.880 If I jump on the highway and do 25 over the speed limit, I will get pulled over and have to pay a ticket because choices have consequences. 00:30:44.960 --> 00:30:46.400 We're all used to this. 00:30:46.880 --> 00:30:50.079 But the rod also displays God's authority. 00:30:50.400 --> 00:30:56.799 When parents obey God by using the rod rightly, they model submission to his authority. 00:30:56.960 --> 00:31:02.079 And children see that mom and dad are under God before they are over them. 00:31:02.880 --> 00:31:03.920 This is why it's important. 00:31:04.000 --> 00:31:05.599 I encourage parents all the time. 00:31:05.759 --> 00:31:11.920 When you are trying to train your children in the ways of the Lord, keep in mind delayed obedience is disobedience. 00:31:20.960 --> 00:31:22.799 Delayed obedience is disobedience. 00:31:22.880 --> 00:31:28.079 How many times does God have to tell you, Christian, something to do or not do before you obey him? 00:31:28.559 --> 00:31:29.759 Is it the third time? 00:31:30.000 --> 00:31:31.200 Is it the fourth time? 00:31:31.440 --> 00:31:35.440 Is it when the sky starts cracking, you hear thunder, and you're like, okay, now he's serious. 00:31:36.000 --> 00:31:43.359 No, the first time God gives us an instruction, we have the biblical obligation to obey him as our authority. 00:31:43.920 --> 00:31:47.440 And parents, you reflect God in your home. 00:31:47.599 --> 00:31:51.920 So when you train your children to honor and respect your authority, guess what? 00:31:52.079 --> 00:31:57.119 You're preparing them to follow Jesus, who they will one day have to follow his authority. 00:31:57.279 --> 00:32:01.680 So if you're lax with your authority, what makes you think they're going to want to obey God? 00:32:03.599 --> 00:32:07.680 Also, it retrains respect for authority. 00:32:07.839 --> 00:32:12.720 So it displays God's authority, but it also trains children to respect authority in general. 00:32:12.960 --> 00:32:26.400 Discipline helps a child learn early that living under a godly authority is a blessing, not a burden, therefore preparing them to obey God and others in their lives. 00:32:26.640 --> 00:32:34.559 In some counseling scenarios, I have just unfortunately been in some situations with those who did not grow up with such discipline, according to the word. 00:32:34.799 --> 00:32:38.799 And it's just interesting to see the disrespect for authority. 00:32:39.039 --> 00:32:51.200 And you can make the connection of like, okay, I see what your home life was like, which is why it's very hard for you to just have no honor, respect for your employer, for this person or that person, and it shows. 00:32:52.400 --> 00:32:57.519 But parental discipline reflects God's own discipline. 00:32:57.839 --> 00:33:00.160 Turn over to Hebrews chapter 12, real quick. 00:33:00.240 --> 00:33:03.200 If you have a Pew Bible, that's page uh 1069. 00:33:03.680 --> 00:33:05.759 Hebrews chapter 12. 00:33:06.720 --> 00:33:13.119 I want to briefly highlight God's discipline of us as his children. 00:33:14.079 --> 00:33:16.400 Hebrews chapter 12, verses 7 through 11. 00:33:16.480 --> 00:33:22.880 The context here is the author of Hebrews is speaking specifically to a group of Christians who were enduring persecution and suffering. 00:33:22.960 --> 00:33:27.359 Some of them were even being put to death, having their households taken from them and sold. 00:33:27.680 --> 00:33:30.000 Listen to verses 7 through 11. 00:33:30.960 --> 00:33:34.319 He says, Endure suffering as discipline. 00:33:34.960 --> 00:33:37.119 God is dealing with you as sons. 00:33:37.519 --> 00:33:40.559 For what son is there that a father does not discipline? 00:33:40.960 --> 00:33:46.720 But if you are without discipline, which all receive, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. 00:33:47.200 --> 00:33:51.359 Furthermore, we had human fathers discipline us, and we respected them. 00:33:51.839 --> 00:33:55.039 Shouldn't we submit even more to the Father of spirits and live? 00:33:55.599 --> 00:34:04.240 For they disciplined us for a short time based on what seemed good to them, but he does it for our benefit, so that we can share his holiness. 00:34:05.039 --> 00:34:09.280 No discipline seems enjoyable at the time, but painful. 00:34:09.519 --> 00:34:10.159 Amen. 00:34:10.719 --> 00:34:19.519 Later on, however, it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. 00:34:21.039 --> 00:34:31.119 God the Father disciplines us, his children, and oftentimes that discipline is painful, but he assures us, but it's only for a season. 00:34:31.519 --> 00:34:38.960 And the purpose is not punitive or vindictive, it's to train you to share in the very holiness of God. 00:34:40.559 --> 00:34:47.199 So Hebrews roots parenting and God's fatherly care and authority. 00:34:47.760 --> 00:34:50.639 It shows us the model we are to follow. 00:34:51.119 --> 00:34:59.360 But to refuse discipline is to act as though we are wiser and more loving than God Himself. 00:34:59.760 --> 00:35:02.800 And that's where some of us can get into trouble. 00:35:02.880 --> 00:35:04.639 But I'll get to that in a moment. 00:35:04.880 --> 00:35:10.800 But when we refuse to discipline our children, it is to act as though we are wiser and more loving than God Himself. 00:35:10.960 --> 00:35:16.079 It's to say, I see the biblical data, but I'm going to do what I think is best, Lord. 00:35:16.400 --> 00:35:31.119 But in Galatians 6, Paul says, Don't be deceived, God is not mocked, for whatever a person sows, he will also reap, because the one who sows to his flesh will reap destruction from the flesh, but the one who sows to the spirit will reap eternal life from the spirit. 00:35:31.360 --> 00:35:37.599 Let us not get tired of doing good, for we will reap at the proper time if we don't give up. 00:35:38.079 --> 00:35:50.880 Friends, the rod trains children in that same reality that sowing to sin leads to destruction, but sowing to obedience to Christ and faith leads to life. 00:35:51.519 --> 00:35:55.440 We as parents use discipline not just to correct behavior. 00:35:55.599 --> 00:35:58.639 God is never focused on behavior modification. 00:35:58.880 --> 00:36:08.320 We do not discipline just to get the behavior we want out of our children, but to point their little hearts to the greater harvest of walking with Jesus Christ. 00:36:08.639 --> 00:36:14.639 Which is why I, in a minute, I want to get into some misconceptions and unbiblical perspectives of discipline. 00:36:14.880 --> 00:36:15.760 But that is the goal. 00:36:16.000 --> 00:36:21.840 Corrective behavior is always, always meant to point children to Jesus. 00:36:22.079 --> 00:36:23.440 Think of a garden. 00:36:23.599 --> 00:36:27.599 If you plant corn, you're not going to get tomatoes, are you? 00:36:28.000 --> 00:36:30.000 Children are almost the same. 00:36:30.320 --> 00:36:34.000 What you sow into them, you will reap out of them. 00:36:34.320 --> 00:36:46.960 They learn early that disobedience brings painful consequences, and obedience to the ways of the Lord brings blessing, and they see with their own little hearts God's principle of sowing and reaping in action in their little lives. 00:36:47.199 --> 00:36:53.519 The rod is like pulling weeds early so the harvest of their life can be good fruit instead of thorns. 00:36:54.000 --> 00:37:01.519 Now, with that little foundation, let me just briefly address some misconceptions and stumbling blocks about the use of the rod. 00:37:01.840 --> 00:37:11.519 The reason I want to bring this up is because something that has troubled my heart over the years as a Christian is I have met a lot of Christian parents who just say, I completely reject the whole spanking thing. 00:37:11.679 --> 00:37:12.960 I'm never gonna do it. 00:37:13.119 --> 00:37:16.480 And I'm like, okay, I'm sympathetic to it. 00:37:16.719 --> 00:37:24.239 So if you grew up in a context where your parent physically disciplined you out of sinful anger, that is abuse. 00:37:24.400 --> 00:37:26.239 And I will get to that in a moment. 00:37:26.480 --> 00:37:37.280 But what I want to lay out here in scripture is a model that we have from the Lord that is always meant to restore and actually win your child's heart, not to push them away. 00:37:37.760 --> 00:37:45.440 But as Christians, we gotta be on guard against seeing something in the Bible that is uncomfortable or we don't like and just deciding I'm not gonna do that. 00:37:45.679 --> 00:37:47.760 That's dangerous territory as well. 00:37:48.000 --> 00:37:52.719 So let me just give a few misconceptions and stumbling blocks about the use of the rod. 00:37:53.280 --> 00:38:02.480 Because when Paul says here in verse 4, to bring up our children in the training and instruction of the Lord, he's not just referring to corrective discipline. 00:38:02.639 --> 00:38:04.000 He's it's a balance. 00:38:04.320 --> 00:38:13.280 You teach, instruct, formative discipline, and at times because children were born sinners, you also have to bring in corrective discipline. 00:38:13.440 --> 00:38:17.280 I don't know about you, but I've yet to see a child who came out the womb just praising Jesus. 00:38:17.519 --> 00:38:20.400 I've never seen a child go take a class on how to sin. 00:38:20.800 --> 00:38:24.239 They're not born neutral, which is why we have to have these conversations. 00:38:24.480 --> 00:38:27.760 But number one, I want to address a couple of stumbling blocks and misconceptions. 00:38:27.920 --> 00:38:30.320 Number one, just outright dismissal. 00:38:30.559 --> 00:38:33.679 Rejecting the rod is rejecting God's word. 00:38:34.159 --> 00:38:36.400 Proverbs 13, 24 is clear. 00:38:36.639 --> 00:38:43.519 The one who will not use the rod hates his son, but the one who loves him disciplines him diligently. 00:38:43.760 --> 00:38:46.400 I don't know how any other way to say that. 00:38:46.639 --> 00:38:54.159 The one who will not use the rod hates his son, but the one who loves him disciplines him diligently. 00:38:54.639 --> 00:39:02.800 So to categorically refuse physical discipline is to dismiss and disobey what God, I believe, has clearly commanded in his word. 00:39:03.119 --> 00:39:11.280 And when we do that, we're violating what James says in chapter one, where he says, But be doers of the word and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. 00:39:11.519 --> 00:39:20.559 If we ever are looking at the biblical data and playing the game of, well, I'll submit to this and I'll obey this, but not that, well, you just deny the sufficiency and the authority of Scripture. 00:39:20.719 --> 00:39:31.280 And you've made yourself the one who determines what's authoritative and what you'll submit to, rather than receiving God's authoritative word from the King of Kings and obeying it with his help. 00:39:31.760 --> 00:39:40.000 Or second misconception or statement I've heard is that the rod in Scripture is not an actual physical spanking, it's just a metaphor. 00:39:40.239 --> 00:39:42.880 It's just a metaphor of something else. 00:39:43.119 --> 00:39:45.920 Well, the plain reading of Proverbs doesn't allow for that. 00:39:46.079 --> 00:39:50.320 I mean, there's just, you're doing hermeneutical gymnastics to make that argument, I believe. 00:39:50.480 --> 00:39:55.119 Proverbs 13, 24 says, the one who will not use the rod hates his son. 00:39:55.360 --> 00:40:01.199 Proverbs 23, 13 through 14 adds, don't withhold discipline from a youth. 00:40:01.440 --> 00:40:04.719 If you punish him with a rod, he will not die. 00:40:04.960 --> 00:40:08.639 Punish him with a rod, and you will rescue his life from Sheol. 00:40:09.119 --> 00:40:12.880 Now you might be saying, Well, he you haven't seen how I was spanked. 00:40:15.039 --> 00:40:17.199 I almost thought I was gonna die. 00:40:18.239 --> 00:40:24.800 These aren't abstract ideas, they are describing real, measured, physical action. 00:40:25.360 --> 00:40:35.199 And keep in mind, he's writing to a context of people who grew up in the agricultural society, they knew what a shepherd was, so when they heard these words, they knew exactly what a rod was, and they knew exactly what a rod was used for. 00:40:35.360 --> 00:40:39.440 A shepherd used a rod to smack a disobedient sheep to correct it. 00:40:40.000 --> 00:40:41.760 So these aren't abstract ideas. 00:40:41.920 --> 00:40:48.480 The Bible uses metaphors often, but here the rod clearly refers to a physical tool of correction. 00:40:48.639 --> 00:41:00.239 So to reduce it just to uh the rod is just signaling influence, or it's just signaling guidance, that strips the passage of its meaning and sets aside what God actually says. 00:41:00.639 --> 00:41:02.880 All right, a third issue. 00:41:03.119 --> 00:41:06.000 I love my kids too much to spank them. 00:41:06.480 --> 00:41:07.840 Well, bless your heart. 00:41:09.920 --> 00:41:11.679 This is understandable, okay? 00:41:12.000 --> 00:41:13.199 This is understandable. 00:41:13.840 --> 00:41:16.480 But true love does what God says is best. 00:41:17.119 --> 00:41:21.440 True love does what God says is best, even when it's hard. 00:41:22.079 --> 00:41:25.920 Sometimes you might have to even do a little tutorial of like, what does this look like? 00:41:26.960 --> 00:41:30.400 But we must obey because God has what's best for us. 00:41:30.559 --> 00:41:35.199 Proverbs 13, 24 says, the one who will not use the rod again hates his. 00:41:35.760 --> 00:41:36.800 That is strong language. 00:41:36.960 --> 00:41:37.840 Think about that. 00:41:38.159 --> 00:41:45.760