WEBVTT 00:00:00.560 --> 00:00:02.160 Happy to be with y'all today. 00:00:02.319 --> 00:00:03.439 I'm Larry. 00:00:03.680 --> 00:00:13.039 I'm the former pastor of this wonderful group of people and the father of Rainey and the father-in-law of Colton and the grandfather of Teddy. 00:00:13.199 --> 00:00:15.359 And I'm happy to be with y'all. 00:00:17.039 --> 00:00:20.879 Just to give you a little background into where we're gonna go today. 00:00:21.679 --> 00:00:32.719 Uh uh one of my dear pastor friends for 40 years, I guess, 35 years, uh has a wonderful church done in Texas. 00:00:32.960 --> 00:00:34.960 And he has two sons. 00:00:35.439 --> 00:00:42.399 And a number of years ago, uh he called me and he said, Hey, one of my sons is getting married in a few months. 00:00:42.560 --> 00:00:54.240 I told him he could not get married until he came up and spent, he and his girlfriend spent the weekend with you, and you went over your premarital counseling with him. 00:00:54.560 --> 00:00:57.759 And so they came up, I did it. 00:00:58.079 --> 00:01:00.799 About two years later, same thing. 00:01:00.960 --> 00:01:02.240 My second son's getting married. 00:01:02.320 --> 00:01:06.799 I told him they cannot get married until they come up, and so I did it twice. 00:01:07.120 --> 00:01:24.959 And about, oh, I don't know, five or six months ago, Chris, the pastor, their dad, called me and he said, Hey, I want you to come down and teach to my church the things that you taught my two boys. 00:01:25.280 --> 00:01:34.400 And they're just there are eight things that I go over with couples to help them prepare for marriage. 00:01:34.959 --> 00:01:42.239 And uh we'll start, I guess Shirley and I will start on Saturday morning and do it Saturday morning and afternoon and then Sunday morning. 00:01:42.480 --> 00:01:46.400 We won't cover all eight, but we'll give it a yeoman's effort. 00:01:46.640 --> 00:01:51.920 And um I was just thinking about what to share today, and I said, well, you know what I'm gonna do? 00:01:52.000 --> 00:02:10.240 I I had never put these, I've used these eight things hundreds and hundreds of times with couples on my back porch or in my little study, but I've never written them down like this, like to present to a group. 00:02:10.319 --> 00:02:12.159 I've never done that before. 00:02:12.479 --> 00:02:57.680 And so I've spent the last five or six weeks working and working and working, taking this information and condensing it down into eight lessons, and I thought today I would share uh one of those eight lessons, uh, studies on how we can really either prepare for relationships, strengthen relationships, heal relationships, the goal being that if we practice these eight things, and this one in particular today, uh our relationships will endure. 00:02:58.240 --> 00:02:59.840 And that's the deal. 00:03:00.000 --> 00:03:08.800 And they'll endure because we want them to endure, not because God says, don't get a divorce, don't bail out, don't run away. 00:03:10.240 --> 00:03:16.800 That's a whole nother thing, and I'm not saying, in fact, I'm saying don't bail, don't run away, don't abort the mission. 00:03:17.120 --> 00:03:21.919 But I don't really believe that it gives God much glory. 00:03:22.719 --> 00:03:33.039 If we stay in a relationship, marriage in particular, but any relationship for 40, 50 years, and at the end of it, we stayed together. 00:03:33.360 --> 00:03:36.479 But we didn't like each other, we didn't enjoy each other, we didn't enjoy the. 00:03:37.120 --> 00:03:40.159 I just stayed together because God told me to. 00:03:40.800 --> 00:03:43.120 Good for you, bully for you. 00:03:44.319 --> 00:03:46.000 But that's not God's goal. 00:03:46.159 --> 00:03:47.759 That's not that's not the plan. 00:03:48.159 --> 00:03:52.240 We ought to stay in them because we wouldn't want to go anywhere else. 00:03:53.680 --> 00:04:01.439 And uh so today I want to talk to you about um the idea of the power of our words. 00:04:03.039 --> 00:04:16.480 And uh, you know, so many of us uh feel like, I think we all feel this way at different times, that our relationships drive us. 00:04:18.639 --> 00:04:21.439 We serve our relationships. 00:04:21.680 --> 00:04:25.519 Our relationships are determining our lives. 00:04:25.839 --> 00:04:31.439 We're in the back seat, and our relationships are in the front seat driving. 00:04:31.680 --> 00:04:34.000 And they're just taking us wherever they want to. 00:04:34.480 --> 00:04:37.680 Sometimes we're glad, sometimes we're not glad. 00:04:38.560 --> 00:04:40.639 That's not what the Bible teaches. 00:04:40.879 --> 00:04:53.360 In fact, I would challenge you to find me an example where people that were walking with God, you can start with your Savior, Jesus never got in the backseat. 00:04:55.120 --> 00:04:58.160 Nobody drove Jesus anywhere. 00:04:58.879 --> 00:05:02.720 Jesus led his relationships. 00:05:03.199 --> 00:05:08.959 He was a servant, clearly, but nobody drove Jesus anywhere. 00:05:09.120 --> 00:05:12.079 Get the backseat, Jesus, and I'll take you where we want you to go. 00:05:12.480 --> 00:05:13.519 No, no, no. 00:05:13.839 --> 00:05:16.560 And yet that's how we feel so often. 00:05:16.879 --> 00:05:21.680 The Bible says that we can determine our relationships. 00:05:22.079 --> 00:05:23.680 We can drive. 00:05:24.399 --> 00:05:41.839 And one of the ways that we can drive is through our words, our understanding of the power and the impact of how we speak to the people in our lives. 00:05:46.000 --> 00:05:48.319 My wife was the one that told me how to do this. 00:05:48.399 --> 00:05:53.120 I hope you don't think less of me, but you probably couldn't think less of me. 00:05:53.279 --> 00:05:58.319 Um, but uh, I my words have been my life. 00:05:58.560 --> 00:06:06.160 I've spent my life using words, studying words, trying to understand words. 00:06:07.120 --> 00:06:15.279 And I live in a world today where a lot of words are used all the time. 00:06:15.920 --> 00:06:19.759 And to be quite honest with you, I have no idea what they're saying. 00:06:20.000 --> 00:06:23.040 I don't understand the meaning of the words that are being used. 00:06:23.279 --> 00:06:28.160 And I look them up, but after I've looked them up, I still don't really understand what they're saying. 00:06:28.480 --> 00:06:34.160 I ask people what that word, you used a word, I don't understand. 00:06:34.720 --> 00:06:40.800 I'll ask them, tell me what they're what they mean, and they'll tell me, and then I'll ask somebody else the same word, and they'll tell me a different meaning. 00:06:40.959 --> 00:06:42.079 It's very confusing to me. 00:06:42.160 --> 00:06:43.920 Let me give you some examples. 00:06:47.120 --> 00:06:48.160 PDF. 00:06:50.079 --> 00:06:51.759 I don't know what that means. 00:06:53.519 --> 00:06:58.079 Real time versus fake time, I guess. 00:06:58.160 --> 00:06:59.759 I don't know what real time means. 00:07:00.079 --> 00:07:02.000 And I mean very sincere. 00:07:02.319 --> 00:07:03.279 Portal. 00:07:04.720 --> 00:07:07.839 Lady told me I need to get on a portal the other day on the phone trying to pay a bill. 00:07:08.000 --> 00:07:09.600 I said, no, ma'am, I'm not gonna get on any portal. 00:07:09.680 --> 00:07:10.480 I don't have a portal. 00:07:10.560 --> 00:07:12.879 I said, you're gonna walk me through paying this bill. 00:07:13.120 --> 00:07:17.759 She said, no, you need to get on our financial portal, and if you will, I said, no ma'am, I'm not doing that. 00:07:18.720 --> 00:07:30.319 Okay, net zero 2.0, one off day zero. 00:07:32.240 --> 00:07:34.800 Doesn't that sort of mean the first day? 00:07:35.439 --> 00:07:36.879 Patient zero. 00:07:37.199 --> 00:07:39.279 Isn't that just the first patient? 00:07:40.160 --> 00:07:41.439 Organic. 00:07:43.199 --> 00:07:47.360 I thought organic meant that you didn't use RAID on your tomato plants. 00:07:48.560 --> 00:07:51.519 But there's organic books. 00:07:51.759 --> 00:07:56.480 I mean, not doesn't talk about organic, it means that the book is organic. 00:07:56.879 --> 00:07:59.600 Organic means they applied to everything. 00:08:00.000 --> 00:08:14.879 Fusion, existential, NGO, interactive, hyperlinks, browser, tagline, singularity, self-authenticating. 00:08:15.360 --> 00:08:17.279 No idea what that means. 00:08:17.920 --> 00:08:18.879 Cosmos. 00:08:20.000 --> 00:08:23.199 Deconstructed, my truth. 00:08:23.519 --> 00:08:34.399 And for the life of me, I do not understand the difference in browser, tag, no, I'm sorry, the difference in apps, links, blogs, and websites. 00:08:34.639 --> 00:08:35.759 I don't know the difference. 00:08:35.840 --> 00:08:40.399 I know they exist, and I've been on them, but I don't know the difference in them. 00:08:41.679 --> 00:08:43.919 That's very frustrating for me. 00:08:47.120 --> 00:08:54.639 But nonetheless, words matter. 00:08:56.320 --> 00:08:59.200 Words have great power. 00:09:00.320 --> 00:09:03.759 They have great power for good, and they have great power for bad. 00:09:04.000 --> 00:09:06.879 And the Bible starts off with that message. 00:09:07.200 --> 00:09:16.399 On the very first day, God spoke words, and the result was something good. 00:09:16.720 --> 00:09:20.399 In fact, he says, very good was created. 00:09:22.000 --> 00:09:34.559 A few days later, two chapters later, in chapter three of Genesis, somebody else spoke words, and something very bad was created. 00:09:35.360 --> 00:09:37.279 Something disastrous. 00:09:40.080 --> 00:09:58.559 Words have the power to create within a relationship a husband and a wife, a parent and a child, a child and a parent, friends, a body of believers, coworkers. 00:09:58.799 --> 00:10:09.120 Words have incredible power to create division, and they have incredible power to create unity. 00:10:10.000 --> 00:10:12.000 Let me give you an example. 00:10:12.480 --> 00:10:25.840 Many of you probably have never looked or spent much time in the book of Judges, but in the book of Judges, there's two little stories, one in chapter 8, one in chapter 10, and they're almost mirror images. 00:10:26.639 --> 00:10:36.080 Both times a huge enemy nation attacks and surrounds the people of God. 00:10:36.480 --> 00:10:46.399 And God raises up a person to lead the people of God to defeat this enemy each time. 00:10:46.559 --> 00:10:51.600 It's about a hundred years apart, but it's the exact same story. 00:10:52.000 --> 00:10:53.600 Enemy surrounds the people of God. 00:10:53.840 --> 00:11:00.480 God raises up a leader called a judge who leads the people of God to defeat the enemy. 00:11:01.039 --> 00:11:02.159 And then this happens. 00:11:02.320 --> 00:11:03.519 Let me read the first one. 00:11:03.759 --> 00:11:20.720 Now the Ephraimorites ask Gideon, why have you, this is what happens is the judge, Gideon, and the people of God, they rise up and they fight against this enemy and they defeat the enemy. 00:11:20.960 --> 00:11:34.159 And after all the fighting's done, this group from the tribe of Ephraim, they come up and they're hopping mad because they feel like they've been treated unjustly. 00:11:34.720 --> 00:11:40.639 They've been gypped out of their honor, their due, their reward. 00:11:40.879 --> 00:11:46.639 And so here's what happens: says that they asked Gideon, why have you treated us like this? 00:11:46.879 --> 00:11:51.120 Why didn't you call us when you went to fight Midian? 00:11:51.440 --> 00:11:53.360 And they criticized him. 00:11:53.440 --> 00:11:57.600 And the phrase is they yelled at him sharply. 00:11:57.919 --> 00:11:59.519 But listen to what he says. 00:11:59.759 --> 00:12:05.120 But he answered them, What have I accomplished compared to you? 00:12:05.759 --> 00:12:13.679 Aren't the gleanings of Ephraim's grapes better than the full grape harvest of a beezer? 00:12:14.080 --> 00:12:31.440 All that means is your scrap, what your tribe has accomplished, y'all's scraps are more significant than the best that my group has ever done. 00:12:33.440 --> 00:12:38.240 And God gave you the leaders of Midian after this war was over. 00:12:38.559 --> 00:12:42.639 What was I able to do compared to you? 00:12:42.879 --> 00:12:51.039 And listen, at this their resentment against him subsided. 00:12:52.799 --> 00:13:05.360 They were actually in the wrong, but Gideon responded to them with words that were kind and humble and wise. 00:13:06.639 --> 00:13:13.360 And because he did, they walked away unified. 00:13:14.399 --> 00:13:26.240 They walked away with their anger dealt with and removed, and they walked away still a unified country. 00:13:26.399 --> 00:13:30.639 Now, jump over to chapter, when what did I say? 00:13:30.720 --> 00:13:31.759 It was twelve. 00:13:32.240 --> 00:13:33.360 Here we go. 00:13:33.679 --> 00:13:35.039 Yeah, okay. 00:13:36.399 --> 00:13:41.919 A hundred years later, exact same thing happens, but this time it's a new judge. 00:13:42.080 --> 00:13:42.399 Okay? 00:13:42.799 --> 00:13:44.639 People of God are surrounded by an enemy. 00:13:44.960 --> 00:13:46.879 God raises up a judge, a leader. 00:13:47.120 --> 00:13:51.360 He mobilizes the people of God, and they fight against the enemy and they defeat the enemy. 00:13:51.440 --> 00:14:12.720 And then this is what it says The men of Ephraim, same group that had complained to Gideon a hundred years earlier, the men of Ephraim called out their forces and crossed over to Xiphon and said to Jephthah, who's the new judge, why did you go to fight the Ammonites without calling us to go with you? 00:14:12.960 --> 00:14:16.159 We're gonna burn down your house over your head. 00:14:16.480 --> 00:14:21.440 You just led the people of Israel to defeat our biggest enemy. 00:14:21.679 --> 00:14:31.120 They were called to join them, and they didn't join them, but they're blaming the judge, Jeptah, rather than owning the problem themselves. 00:14:31.679 --> 00:14:33.519 Now listen to Jeptah's answer. 00:14:33.840 --> 00:14:44.559 Jeptah answered, I and my people were engaged in a great struggle with the Ammonites, and although I called, you didn't save me out of their hands. 00:14:44.720 --> 00:14:53.440 When I saw that you wouldn't help, I took my life in my own hands and I crossed over to fight the Ammonites, and the Lord gave me the victory over them. 00:14:53.600 --> 00:14:56.799 Now, why have you come up to fight against me today? 00:14:57.039 --> 00:15:02.480 Jeppa then called together the men of Gilead and they fought against Ephraim. 00:15:03.360 --> 00:15:08.720 I'm not gonna take the time to read the rest of the story, but I'll read the last verse of this story. 00:15:09.279 --> 00:15:15.919 Forty-two thousand men from Ephraim were killed. 00:15:25.679 --> 00:15:54.240 What I take away from those two stories is this because of one man's choice to respond with words of humility and wisdom and kindness, forty-two thousand soldiers, their lives were spared. 00:15:54.960 --> 00:16:03.919 Their moms didn't cry themselves to sleep, their wives didn't continually look out the window wondering if their husbands were coming home. 00:16:04.159 --> 00:16:07.679 Their kids had a dad that continued to raise them. 00:16:08.879 --> 00:16:18.480 And in the exact same situation, a hundred years later, with the exact same people, forty-two thousand soldiers lost their lives. 00:16:19.360 --> 00:16:24.879 And the impact upon the parents and mates and children. 00:16:26.960 --> 00:16:51.600 How much death and destruction and pain are heaped upon people and marriages and families and communities because we don't recognize the power of our words. 00:16:53.679 --> 00:16:58.960 Harsh, foolish, rash, thoughtless words. 00:17:00.159 --> 00:17:11.599 In Proverbs 15, Solomon says, a gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger. 00:17:12.640 --> 00:17:20.319 A few verses later he says, the godly think carefully before they speak. 00:17:21.440 --> 00:17:28.799 But the evil people let their words overflow like a dam. 00:17:31.039 --> 00:17:40.079 I was driving to church today, and it literally a hundred and twenty seconds to drive from Miles to the church. 00:17:40.400 --> 00:17:42.319 But I had on NPR. 00:17:43.519 --> 00:17:47.920 And they were talking about the uh flood down in Texas. 00:17:48.400 --> 00:18:05.680 And I read that verse, and I was thinking about those people never had a chance because of the flood that went through their community. 00:18:07.039 --> 00:18:19.759 And how many of us, because of rash, thoughtless, impulsive words, we have the same impact upon people. 00:18:21.359 --> 00:18:26.240 The impact of our words is far greater than we realize. 00:18:26.880 --> 00:18:34.319 I want to read to you two passages of scripture, one's from Paul and one's from Peter, and I want you to try to listen carefully to what they're saying. 00:18:34.559 --> 00:18:36.559 One's in Ephesians 4. 00:18:37.119 --> 00:18:46.640 Paul says, stop lying to one another and speak the truth, for we are all members of one body. 00:18:47.519 --> 00:18:58.160 So handle your anger well, and don't stay angry, and don't open up your life to Satan. 00:19:00.000 --> 00:19:12.559 Don't use foul and abusive words, but rather speak to one another in ways that lift them up, benefit them, and meet their needs. 00:19:13.119 --> 00:19:19.839 Don't grieve God's Spirit, who seals you for the day of redemption. 00:19:20.160 --> 00:19:25.839 Don't shove the Holy Spirit away. 00:19:26.240 --> 00:19:32.640 It's his job to make sure your journey from now to heaven goes well. 00:19:33.599 --> 00:19:37.920 He gives you the security and the peace that it is gonna go well. 00:19:38.079 --> 00:19:40.720 And he makes sure that it does go well. 00:19:41.039 --> 00:19:44.000 Don't shove him out of the way. 00:19:44.160 --> 00:19:46.480 You're keeping him from doing his job. 00:19:46.559 --> 00:19:49.680 And what is it that we're that's shoving him away? 00:19:50.480 --> 00:19:52.000 Our words. 00:19:53.039 --> 00:20:07.759 Get rid, very next thing, and get rid of all words that are associated with bitterness, rage, anger, brawling, slander, and malice. 00:20:09.599 --> 00:20:24.480 Do you see how Paul compares how I talk to people is going to open the door to my life and these relationships to the enemy? 00:20:25.200 --> 00:20:33.200 Don't talk foolishly, badly, meanly, because you're opening the door to the devil. 00:20:34.000 --> 00:20:35.839 And he hates us. 00:20:39.279 --> 00:20:51.519 But instead, be careful how you talk to one another, because you might be shoving the Holy Spirit aside and keeping him from doing the very job that God sent him to do. 00:20:52.559 --> 00:20:55.519 And Peter says it this way: same thing. 00:20:56.000 --> 00:21:06.319 Peter says, don't repay evil with evil, insult with insult, instead repay evil with blessing. 00:21:06.960 --> 00:21:11.039 Because this is God's calling upon your life. 00:21:11.680 --> 00:21:18.720 And it's the way that you experience a life of blessing. 00:21:18.960 --> 00:21:21.279 And then he quotes Psalm 34. 00:21:21.599 --> 00:21:24.400 He says, and this is what David says in Psalm 34. 00:21:24.480 --> 00:21:26.400 This is Peter writing it, but he's quoting David. 00:21:26.480 --> 00:21:37.599 He says, if you want a life full of love and abundance, then don't use evil, deceitful words, for God is watching. 00:21:38.640 --> 00:21:39.920 I love that. 00:21:40.400 --> 00:21:51.279 And he is attentive to people who try to live well, but he is against people who don't. 00:21:51.519 --> 00:21:53.599 And the context is words. 00:21:55.440 --> 00:22:07.680 Do you see how both these men are saying our words, the way I talk, Talk to my wife, my children, to my friends, to my enemies, to strangers, to the people at the grocery store. 00:22:07.920 --> 00:22:30.079 The way I talk to people, it either invites the kingdoms and the powers and the personalities of evil in, or it invites the kingdom of light and the forces of light and the king of light. 00:22:31.119 --> 00:22:37.440 We need to see the power and the impact that our words have. 00:22:38.240 --> 00:22:47.519 Are my words opening up my life and relationships to the King of Kings or to the King of Darkness? 00:22:51.839 --> 00:23:05.200 The last thing I want to do real quickly, I just want to challenge you to think about a handful of things that are more practical. 00:23:05.680 --> 00:23:12.559 How do I speak words that encourage good stuff? 00:23:12.799 --> 00:23:20.480 And how do I avoid speaking words that invite bad stuff, that create bad stuff? 00:23:20.720 --> 00:23:34.480 Um, Solomon again in uh Proverbs chapter 12, he says this the words of a fool are like the stabbing of a sword. 00:23:35.039 --> 00:23:40.319 And it's not the word run them through like you would with a sword. 00:23:40.640 --> 00:23:49.599 It's poking, just poking, being killed with a thousand little cuts. 00:23:50.799 --> 00:23:57.119 The words of a fool are like the cuts of a sword. 00:23:58.880 --> 00:24:05.119 But the words of the wise are like healing bomb. 00:24:05.599 --> 00:24:06.319 I love that. 00:24:06.480 --> 00:24:08.079 Now that's an old-timey word. 00:24:08.160 --> 00:24:09.920 It means like medicine, like baccanin. 00:24:10.000 --> 00:24:17.119 I don't know if they still make baccneen, but if they do, bacteen or whatever you use on your children's uh cuts and abrasions. 00:24:18.319 --> 00:24:21.039 We go out in Neospor, and thank you. 00:24:22.079 --> 00:24:24.160 I'm gonna add that to my little number. 00:24:24.319 --> 00:24:36.400 Um we go out into the world, our family goes out into the world every day. 00:24:36.799 --> 00:24:41.519 School, work, shopping, they go out every day. 00:24:42.240 --> 00:24:52.240 And they are poked, cut, jabbed, hurt a thousand times during the day. 00:24:53.759 --> 00:24:57.440 And they come home and we gather. 00:24:59.440 --> 00:25:08.319 Am I gonna speak words that are foolish and just add more wounds? 00:25:09.680 --> 00:25:19.279 Or am I gonna be the one that they know when I go home, I'm gonna experience healing. 00:25:20.000 --> 00:25:21.759 I'm not gonna get beat up. 00:25:21.920 --> 00:25:24.000 I'm gonna get not gonna get browbeat. 00:25:24.079 --> 00:25:32.559 I'm not gonna get condemned, I'm not gonna get judged, I'm not gonna get reminded of my failures, I'm gonna experience words of life. 00:25:35.200 --> 00:25:38.000 That's what our loved ones long for. 00:25:38.160 --> 00:25:39.519 That's what they need. 00:25:39.839 --> 00:25:45.680 And Solomon says, your words and my words have the power to heal. 00:25:47.119 --> 00:25:52.960 In Proverbs 18, Solomon says two very important things. 00:25:53.119 --> 00:26:08.559 He says this life and death are in the power of the tongue, and the wise person recognizes the power of that truth. 00:26:09.839 --> 00:26:10.880 Life and death. 00:26:11.039 --> 00:26:17.920 What I find amazing about that statement is that there's, they don't give a, he doesn't give a third category. 00:26:19.119 --> 00:26:25.200 Every word I speak, it's a life word or a death word. 00:26:25.279 --> 00:26:39.039 When Rainey was little, and I would not be practicing this the way I would like to have practiced it, she would run and tell her mama, lads, speak in death to me, lads speak in death to me. 00:26:39.279 --> 00:26:43.920 And that was a that was a deal. 00:26:44.000 --> 00:26:45.359 I needed to hear that. 00:26:45.680 --> 00:26:47.519 Lad speak in death to me. 00:26:50.480 --> 00:26:53.200 Life and death are in the power of the tongue. 00:26:53.599 --> 00:26:59.039 And the wise man recognizes the truth of that statement. 00:26:59.759 --> 00:27:01.680 You you use it. 00:27:03.119 --> 00:27:05.599 You don't just hear it, you use it. 00:27:05.759 --> 00:27:15.039 And then he goes on in that very same chapter, and he says this that the words of the wise are like a tree of life. 00:27:16.880 --> 00:27:25.359 Literally, we can make our habitation based upon our words, like the Garden of Eden. 00:27:25.440 --> 00:27:26.400 Where's the tree of life? 00:27:26.480 --> 00:27:27.920 It's in the Garden of Eden. 00:27:28.720 --> 00:27:30.960 Wouldn't you like to live in the Garden of Eden? 00:27:31.519 --> 00:27:32.240 Isn't that the goal? 00:27:32.319 --> 00:27:33.920 Isn't that where we're headed one day? 00:27:34.079 --> 00:27:35.680 We're gonna be in the Garden of Eden. 00:27:35.839 --> 00:27:39.440 We're gonna be back where we should have been all along. 00:27:39.759 --> 00:27:43.200 What makes the Garden of Eden the Garden of Eden? 00:27:43.359 --> 00:27:44.640 There's a lot of answers to that. 00:27:44.720 --> 00:27:49.839 I recognize that, but one of those answers is the words that we speak. 00:27:50.240 --> 00:27:52.079 The words that we speak. 00:27:53.200 --> 00:28:01.519 So, let me give you real quickly, I'm gonna give you, I think, five, just quick suggestions on how to do this practically. 00:28:01.759 --> 00:28:06.640 One is this we gotta avoid death words. 00:28:07.279 --> 00:28:12.960 We gotta stop speaking, lad, uh, mom, dad, or lad speaking death words. 00:28:13.200 --> 00:28:14.480 Stop it, lad. 00:28:15.599 --> 00:28:19.119 Stop speaking death words. 00:28:20.480 --> 00:28:26.720 Wise men once said, we are free to speak any way we want. 00:28:28.160 --> 00:28:33.519 But we're not free to avoid the consequences of how we speak. 00:28:34.400 --> 00:28:36.240 You can speak any way you want to. 00:28:38.799 --> 00:28:45.119 But you're not free to avoid the consequences of how you speak. 00:28:45.200 --> 00:28:47.599 And let me just throw this in for free. 00:28:48.319 --> 00:29:03.359 Because there's some of you going, well, I'm gonna be I'm gonna be true to myself, and I'm gonna say what I think and feel, and I'm just gonna say it the way I want to say it, and damn the torpedoes. 00:29:03.519 --> 00:29:04.559 I'm I'm gonna. 00:29:07.039 --> 00:29:17.440 I when Randy would say, Mom, lad speaking death, the wrong answer was, I don't think they were death words. 00:29:18.799 --> 00:29:20.799 That's the wrong answer. 00:29:21.200 --> 00:29:26.480 I don't get to decide whether my words are life or death. 00:29:28.480 --> 00:29:29.680 She does. 00:29:31.359 --> 00:29:35.440 The hearer gets to decide if the words are life or death. 00:29:42.000 --> 00:29:49.200 So if my loved ones, my friends, my family, my neighbors, my coworkers, they're communicating me in various ways. 00:29:49.440 --> 00:29:52.799 Your words are death words, they are death. 00:29:54.079 --> 00:29:56.720 You don't get to decide if they are or not. 00:29:57.119 --> 00:29:59.359 You can, but then you're a fool. 00:29:59.920 --> 00:30:01.759 I want to be a wise man. 00:30:04.559 --> 00:30:17.279 Proverbs 15 says, peaceful, loving words are a tree of life, but harsh, dishonest words crush the spirit. 00:30:18.559 --> 00:30:30.720 In Proverbs 10, Solomon says, the godly speak blessings, but the wicked say intentionally violent words. 00:30:31.200 --> 00:30:32.880 What kind of words, lad? 00:30:34.400 --> 00:30:36.160 Words of comparison. 00:30:36.640 --> 00:30:39.599 Why can't you be like your brother? 00:30:40.559 --> 00:30:44.720 Why can't you be a husband like Mary's husband? 00:30:45.039 --> 00:30:47.839 Why can't you be a better student? 00:30:48.240 --> 00:30:50.160 Comparison words. 00:30:50.559 --> 00:30:53.119 You know one of the amazing things about God? 00:30:53.759 --> 00:30:56.559 He never compares you to anybody. 00:30:57.200 --> 00:31:02.480 You will stand or fall on your own in the presence of God. 00:31:02.720 --> 00:31:06.000 God compares you to no one because there is no one like you. 00:31:07.920 --> 00:31:08.799 He knows that. 00:31:08.960 --> 00:31:10.079 We forget that. 00:31:11.759 --> 00:31:16.240 God compares us to no one should we not follow suit. 00:31:16.720 --> 00:31:32.319 Words of comparison, talking down, belittling, name-calling, yelling, cussing, speaking triggers, words that we know light our mates up. 00:31:34.400 --> 00:31:39.440 Threats, ultimatums, embarrassing, shaming. 00:31:41.039 --> 00:32:10.000 John Gottman, who you know, I think is, I guess, the foremost authority on relationships living today, he says this the number one predictor of a future divorce is a relationship where words are spoken, words of condescension, superiority, patronizing, and arrogance. 00:32:10.319 --> 00:32:19.039 The number one predictor of divorce is a relationship where people are speaking death to one another. 00:32:20.880 --> 00:32:26.400 Second suggestion I've got for us, don't speak words that tarnish. 00:32:26.960 --> 00:32:31.680 I struggled with the word, but you know what I mean, something that's tarnished. 00:32:32.559 --> 00:32:34.799 The shine's taken off of it. 00:32:35.039 --> 00:32:38.000 If it's a car, mud's been slung up on it. 00:32:38.240 --> 00:32:44.559 If it's something, something, if it's clothes that we brought on from the store, new and pretty nice fun it is to wear something new. 00:32:44.640 --> 00:32:54.559 I love to buy clothes for my bride because when I bring them home, that first time she opens the bag and she puts them on, she loves them. 00:32:55.200 --> 00:32:59.440 They've got that new shine to them. 00:33:00.319 --> 00:33:09.759 But over time, if we're not careful, we'll take the tarnish off, or we make things tarnished. 00:33:10.319 --> 00:33:24.160 The word, the reason I use that word is because in Exodus chapter 20, God tells Moses to tell the people of God, don't take the Lord's name in vain. 00:33:26.559 --> 00:33:28.640 Don't take the Lord's name in vain. 00:33:28.799 --> 00:33:31.279 It's one of the big ten, right? 00:33:31.839 --> 00:33:35.839 And I grew up thinking that meant don't cuss. 00:33:36.480 --> 00:33:38.319 And I don't think you should cuss. 00:33:38.400 --> 00:33:40.960 And I think you're a knothead if you do cuss. 00:33:41.200 --> 00:33:44.880 Okay, just for all of you that need to hear that. 00:33:45.200 --> 00:33:54.880 But that's that's not what this is when the Bible says don't take the Lord's name in vain, that's that's not talking about cussing. 00:33:55.680 --> 00:34:14.559 The word vain means to lure, to malign, to speak less than what is true and what is honorable, to desecrate and to devalue. 00:34:16.320 --> 00:34:37.440 Don't talk about the Lord, don't use the Lord's name in ways that lower his name, lower his value, lower his worth, don't speak about the Lord in ways that make him less than he really is. 00:34:38.880 --> 00:34:56.800 Well, if God told Moses, I don't like it when my people lower my reputation and image and significance and glory by using my name in ways that are less than, I don't like that. 00:34:58.639 --> 00:35:13.039 Surely if he doesn't like that about his name, wouldn't he also not like it when it's used against his body, his family, his bride? 00:35:13.440 --> 00:35:18.559 In fact, if you want to say something ugly to me, say it to me. 00:35:18.800 --> 00:35:20.480 Don't say it about my wife. 00:35:20.639 --> 00:35:24.159 I will fall on you like a bad I'll fall fall on you. 00:35:24.239 --> 00:35:25.519 Never mind about why. 00:35:25.679 --> 00:35:28.000 Uh don't do don't talk. 00:35:28.400 --> 00:35:34.079 And for my wife, you can say something about her name all day long. 00:35:34.719 --> 00:35:36.960 Don't say anything about her body. 00:35:37.840 --> 00:35:39.360 She wouldn't like that. 00:35:40.559 --> 00:35:42.400 She wouldn't like that at all. 00:35:43.599 --> 00:35:52.719 God, I believe, feels the same way about his body, his bride, his family, his image bears. 00:35:57.039 --> 00:35:59.360 Third one, don't lie. 00:36:01.760 --> 00:36:08.400 This is one where, you know, we know we're not supposed to lie, but for most of us, we lie a lot. 00:36:09.199 --> 00:36:12.960 Now we flower it up, dress it up. 00:36:13.199 --> 00:36:14.400 I'm doing it for that. 00:36:14.480 --> 00:36:16.159 I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. 00:36:16.239 --> 00:36:18.000 I don't want to disappoint. 00:36:20.079 --> 00:36:26.800 But the fact of the matter is that the Bible says that we are to speak the truth to one another in love. 00:36:27.360 --> 00:36:39.840 And then it adds this crazy phrase: speak the truth to one another in love so that you will grow up and become adults. 00:36:43.519 --> 00:37:01.840 But we're not adults, we're a bunch of immature, childish, fragile people who we why aren't we strong? 00:37:02.079 --> 00:37:03.360 Why aren't we mature? 00:37:03.519 --> 00:37:05.199 Why aren't we wise? 00:37:05.440 --> 00:37:07.440 Why aren't we overcomers? 00:37:07.599 --> 00:37:09.519 Why can't we endure? 00:37:11.199 --> 00:37:13.280 Could it be at least partially? 00:37:13.840 --> 00:37:16.719 Because we don't speak the truth to one another. 00:37:17.760 --> 00:37:22.960 Our friends don't tell us the truth because they're scared of making us mad and they won't be, we won't be their friend anymore. 00:37:23.039 --> 00:37:29.360 Our mates won't tell us the truth because they're scared we're gonna be mad and not be friends with us. 00:37:29.679 --> 00:37:30.000 Okay? 00:37:30.320 --> 00:37:34.400 Our kids, we're scared to tell our kids the truth, and they're scared to tell us the truth. 00:37:34.719 --> 00:37:36.079 Same reasons. 00:37:40.880 --> 00:37:44.639 I tell these little couples that come to see me about getting married. 00:37:44.960 --> 00:37:55.920 We have got to risk truth storms to avoid lie hurricanes. 00:37:58.159 --> 00:38:02.880 We have got to risk truth storms. 00:38:03.039 --> 00:38:05.119 Telling the truth is gonna cause problems. 00:38:05.360 --> 00:38:06.880 Do not misunderstand me. 00:38:07.519 --> 00:38:13.360 I am not saying if you tell the truth all the time, everybody will be happy and sing kumbaya and think you're a fine fellow. 00:38:13.519 --> 00:38:14.719 They won't. 00:38:16.239 --> 00:38:21.760 That's why Jesus says, Blessed are the peacemakers, not the peacefinders. 00:38:24.400 --> 00:38:32.239 They're willing to do what it takes to create real peace by telling the truth. 00:38:35.440 --> 00:38:38.159 David says that's up, read that verse in Psalm 34. 00:38:38.239 --> 00:38:45.280 If you want a long, full life of love and abundance, stop speaking lies. 00:38:48.800 --> 00:38:51.760 But you know one of the reasons that we tell lies? 00:38:53.280 --> 00:39:01.599 Because the people in our lives where we have told the truth before, they made it very clear, don't ever do that again. 00:39:02.559 --> 00:39:07.280 Because they have made our life miserable when we've told the truth. 00:39:08.400 --> 00:39:12.639 And so eventually we learn we're not, we're dumb, but we're not that dumb. 00:39:13.920 --> 00:39:25.039 I learn to tell the truth when I feel like the person that I told it to received it well. 00:39:25.280 --> 00:39:28.800 One of the reasons should people tell the truth, period, yes. 00:39:28.960 --> 00:39:31.519 And when people don't tell the truth, they're wrong. 00:39:32.719 --> 00:39:37.199 But we're wrong too when we make people afraid to tell the truth. 00:39:37.679 --> 00:39:40.079 We've got to own that too. 00:39:41.280 --> 00:39:44.400 It's not just their problem, it's our problem. 00:39:44.719 --> 00:39:53.119 And do I respond when I am told the truth about problems or issues or needs or whatever it is, mistakes, failures? 00:39:53.440 --> 00:39:56.239 Do I make them feel like you're okay? 00:39:56.400 --> 00:39:58.079 We're gonna work through it. 00:39:58.320 --> 00:39:59.199 I don't like it. 00:39:59.280 --> 00:40:12.239 I wish you hadn't done it, but we're a team and we're gonna get through this together, or do I rail and name call and bash and criticize and shame and then remind? 00:40:15.119 --> 00:40:22.800 Psalm 15 says, gentle, calming words make us feel safe. 00:40:23.840 --> 00:40:35.840 In the next chapter, it says, wise and true words have the power to change and heal the lives of others. 00:40:37.039 --> 00:40:38.320 Okay, I gotta end. 00:40:38.400 --> 00:40:39.679 I'll tell you one more. 00:40:42.559 --> 00:40:44.960 Make sure my family doesn't call me a hypocrite. 00:40:45.039 --> 00:40:46.559 I have to throw this one in. 00:40:49.679 --> 00:40:55.199 We gotta avoid death words, but we gotta speak life words. 00:40:55.840 --> 00:41:00.880 And the emphasis in that phrase, life words, is the word speak. 00:41:01.840 --> 00:41:02.719 We gotta speak. 00:41:02.880 --> 00:41:10.480 Cherley and I last winter, we watched this series that has been on forever called Lonesome Dove. 00:41:12.079 --> 00:41:14.880 One of the best series I've ever watched. 00:41:14.960 --> 00:41:17.039 And we we loved it. 00:41:17.760 --> 00:41:29.840 And while it was just great, number one, because it was about cowboys, uh, but it was great for lots of reasons, but it taught Cheryl and I a lot of things about each other. 00:41:31.199 --> 00:41:33.440 That we'd been married 44 years. 00:41:33.599 --> 00:41:37.039 We didn't know about each other, or we never figured it out. 00:41:37.280 --> 00:41:44.480 One of the things is there's a cowboy who fathered a boy who became a man in the show. 00:41:44.639 --> 00:41:52.639 They traveled together herding cows, but the man never told the boy that he was his dad. 00:41:52.960 --> 00:41:55.760 It's a long story you have to watch the show and you should. 00:41:56.079 --> 00:42:02.400 But another cowboy, the boy was talking to another cowboy and he said, Hey, is he my dad? 00:42:02.800 --> 00:42:05.360 He goes, Yeah, yeah, everybody knows it, but you. 00:42:06.239 --> 00:42:10.239 And he said, Wonder why he never mentioned it. 00:42:10.480 --> 00:42:14.320 And the cow, the cowboy was his bet was the other guy's best friend. 00:42:14.400 --> 00:42:18.159 He said, Well, I guess it's because he's just not a mentioner. 00:42:20.239 --> 00:42:26.079 And Shirley looked at me and she goes, Oh my gosh, that's you! I'm not a mentioner. 00:42:26.800 --> 00:42:32.960 I cannot tell you, not dozens, fifties, hundreds and hundreds of times. 00:42:33.119 --> 00:42:34.320 I've come home. 00:42:34.719 --> 00:42:47.840 The church could have burnt down, uh, an orphanage fell into a valley and was destroyed, a lady ran off, the pen player ran off with uh with whoever. 00:42:48.079 --> 00:42:48.880 All kinds of things. 00:42:49.039 --> 00:42:49.199 Ms. 00:42:49.360 --> 00:42:51.039 Jones died of a heart attack. 00:42:51.280 --> 00:42:52.159 I come home. 00:42:52.400 --> 00:42:53.519 How was your day, babe? 00:42:53.599 --> 00:42:54.559 I was great. 00:42:54.880 --> 00:42:56.239 What's for dinner? 00:42:56.880 --> 00:43:01.199 Now, forever, what she thought was, you're hiding stuff from me. 00:43:01.360 --> 00:43:02.719