WEBVTT 00:00:00.640 --> 00:00:03.279 August 25th, 2010. 00:00:03.600 --> 00:00:05.599 August 25th, 2010. 00:00:05.839 --> 00:00:12.080 Rainey and I, oh Lord, Rainey and I walk into counseling expecting to end it. 00:00:12.240 --> 00:00:12.960 Like we're over. 00:00:13.119 --> 00:00:17.600 Like we had a good run, it's been a lot of fun, but we've butchered this thing and we cannot put it back together. 00:00:17.679 --> 00:00:19.039 I don't see how it's possible. 00:00:19.359 --> 00:00:39.359 Walking in 90 minutes later, with this woman right here walking out, going, I thought we were all just gonna blow this thing up and just keep it blown up and just stay, and we walk out feeling more encouraged and more hopeful and lifted up with a possibility that what's been broken and what's been burned to the ground can be rebuilt. 00:00:39.520 --> 00:00:45.119 And we went to her, we were supposed to go like once a month, and at that point it was like, now we need to go every week. 00:00:45.200 --> 00:00:59.600 And so just consistently walking into her office and having her speak words of wisdom and life and encouraging us to learn how to communicate to one another, validating how we feel in the midst of it, teaching us how to validate how she feels, how I feel. 00:01:00.799 --> 00:01:17.680 From time with Shannon Plate, we built a relationship that can endure, that has gotten stronger, that when we go through conflicts like we always do in every relationship, we get stronger through those conflicts rather than them dividing us. 00:01:17.760 --> 00:01:20.079 They actually lead us to fight together more. 00:01:20.159 --> 00:01:21.840 And she's taught us how to do that. 00:01:22.000 --> 00:01:27.840 And my life today is I'm here at this church pastoring because she has played a part in that. 00:01:28.000 --> 00:01:32.640 I have a son who's nine that I got to have with Rainey, and I was a big deal in a part of that. 00:01:32.719 --> 00:01:33.439 So that was good. 00:01:33.599 --> 00:01:35.680 And that exists because she helped our relationship. 00:01:35.760 --> 00:01:41.359 There's just all the good things in my life can track back to we were singing that song, All My Life You've Been Faithful. 00:01:41.519 --> 00:01:45.840 Well, since August 25th, 2010, I have just we've celebrated that day. 00:01:46.000 --> 00:01:51.040 We celebrate our anniversary on August 6, 2011, but we celebrate August 25th, 2010. 00:01:51.200 --> 00:01:54.480 We call it Marriage Day because there is no marriage without this day. 00:01:54.560 --> 00:01:57.920 If had we not seen her, had her speak into our lives, it would not exist. 00:01:58.000 --> 00:02:00.000 And so I'm so thankful that she's here. 00:02:00.159 --> 00:02:05.439 Shannon is here to speak to us today, to teach us and to shape us and form us. 00:02:05.519 --> 00:02:06.959 And uh I'm just really grateful. 00:02:07.040 --> 00:02:19.520 So do me a favor and just welcome Shannon Plate up to the stage here's what Colton doesn't say about that. 00:02:19.759 --> 00:02:23.680 He seems to um to give me all the credit for that. 00:02:23.840 --> 00:02:25.680 And of course, it's not true. 00:02:25.919 --> 00:02:29.039 I could have I could have talked until I was blue in the face. 00:02:29.439 --> 00:02:35.759 They worked very hard, very hard in my office to get to where they are now. 00:02:35.919 --> 00:02:39.759 This was not me just speaking all these wise words. 00:02:40.000 --> 00:02:42.240 They had to come back from where they were. 00:02:42.400 --> 00:02:44.319 They did what I asked them. 00:02:44.400 --> 00:02:47.439 They showed up every week whether they wanted to or not. 00:02:47.599 --> 00:02:50.319 Most of the time, I gotta say, didn't really want to. 00:02:50.560 --> 00:02:52.319 But but they were there. 00:02:52.560 --> 00:02:57.039 So please don't think for a second that this was just because of me. 00:02:57.759 --> 00:03:03.199 But I am I am so happy to be here with y'all today. 00:03:03.360 --> 00:03:04.719 I got to say y'all. 00:03:05.039 --> 00:03:09.599 In here, right here, it says you all, and I'm like, nope, no, we're going with y'all. 00:03:09.759 --> 00:03:11.199 I'm so happy. 00:03:11.439 --> 00:03:14.240 I usually only get to see Rainey and Colton like once a year. 00:03:14.319 --> 00:03:16.000 So this is like the second time of the year. 00:03:16.080 --> 00:03:23.360 This is a big Benny, and then Larry and Sherry, and then you guys, and last night and today, this is like a big happy bomb for me. 00:03:24.560 --> 00:03:29.759 I thought and prayed for a long time, because we've had this on the books for months and months. 00:03:30.000 --> 00:03:33.360 And I thought and prayed for a long time about what to talk about. 00:03:33.599 --> 00:03:38.879 And the same word came back to me over and over and over, and that word is control. 00:03:40.800 --> 00:03:43.840 Now, for some of us, that word means more than others. 00:03:44.080 --> 00:03:46.960 To me, it's a big important word. 00:03:47.439 --> 00:03:50.400 I like I like some, but not all, control. 00:03:50.719 --> 00:04:00.560 I like control because then I can avoid unpleasant things and I can prepare for future things, and I can have less nasty, terrible surprises. 00:04:00.960 --> 00:04:04.240 So at home, when stuff gets close to running out, I get another one. 00:04:04.400 --> 00:04:05.919 I don't want to be caught short. 00:04:06.159 --> 00:04:10.159 I don't want to have to run to the store in the middle of cooking. 00:04:10.879 --> 00:04:12.319 I like neatness. 00:04:12.639 --> 00:04:22.240 So my husband has had to put up with me moving his stuff to the correct place for pushing 32 years and my grumpiness when it's not there already. 00:04:22.480 --> 00:04:28.560 So to me, control means order, and order means lack of chaos. 00:04:29.920 --> 00:04:37.839 I am also very aware that big picture, we have control over really very few things. 00:04:38.079 --> 00:04:41.040 The weather continues to be a mystery, just ask Florida. 00:04:42.720 --> 00:04:46.639 And although we can prepare for it, we can't really influence it. 00:04:48.879 --> 00:05:00.879 The financial world is something that we watch more than control, because if we could control it, we'd never invest in anything that didn't return at 20%, and there would never be an economic downturn. 00:05:01.199 --> 00:05:01.519 Right? 00:05:01.600 --> 00:05:07.120 But even the buffets of the world for all of their education can't control it. 00:05:08.319 --> 00:05:12.319 Another thing we cannot control is, you know, people. 00:05:13.279 --> 00:05:16.959 We can't, for all of our trying, control others. 00:05:17.199 --> 00:05:26.959 And our spouses, our families, our bosses, coworkers, oh my gosh, other drivers, or even the courtesy of the person checking you into the hotel. 00:05:28.240 --> 00:05:30.480 Our control is limited. 00:05:31.120 --> 00:05:36.240 What brings to mind then is how to use the control that we have. 00:05:37.040 --> 00:05:44.399 How do we use the control that we are given to the best of our ability and for the glory of God? 00:05:45.040 --> 00:05:48.160 So you have to start with, well, what is in our control? 00:05:48.639 --> 00:05:51.680 And as this is a sermon, there have to be three things. 00:05:53.279 --> 00:05:58.639 The first item in your control is how you react to all that you can't control. 00:05:59.360 --> 00:06:03.920 And a good place to start is remembering who is. 00:06:05.120 --> 00:06:09.680 And the Bible states unequivocally that God is in control. 00:06:11.199 --> 00:06:21.439 Psalm 135.6 says the Lord does whatever pleases him in the heavens and on the earth and in the seas and in their depths. 00:06:23.040 --> 00:06:43.839 Depending on who you talk to, there is belief that God is either deeply involved with every detail of our lives, or that he kind of watches the world turn, interceding as he wishes, but mostly leaving us to live with the natural outcomes of our good and bad choices. 00:06:44.800 --> 00:06:57.920 But wherever you land, the Bible states that God is at the head and God has the control, using it in ways we may never understand until heaven. 00:06:59.199 --> 00:07:07.199 Isaiah 55, 8 and 9 says, For my thoughts are not your thoughts, and neither are my ways your ways, declares the Lord. 00:07:07.279 --> 00:07:15.279 As the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. 00:07:16.000 --> 00:07:21.040 So what is our option then in good times and in bad? 00:07:22.319 --> 00:07:29.279 Our reactions to what befalls us should be with the knowledge that God is at the helm always. 00:07:31.519 --> 00:07:35.600 But it is often difficult to manage with grace. 00:07:36.240 --> 00:07:44.319 The discomforts, the inconveniences, and the more serious pain and suffering that we experience as humans. 00:07:45.680 --> 00:07:57.680 Whether this is of our own doing or you're a complete victim, our reactions to what happens to us and around us are totally within our control. 00:07:59.600 --> 00:08:08.639 So here's a pointer to help you manage your thoughts and feelings and behaviors related to what you feel has happened outside of your control. 00:08:08.879 --> 00:08:12.079 First, determine the importance of what has happened. 00:08:12.240 --> 00:08:16.879 My old pastor said this years ago, I think I've used this about a million times. 00:08:17.839 --> 00:08:22.079 Is this a crisis or is it an inconvenience? 00:08:24.079 --> 00:08:29.199 So many things we encounter seem like a crisis when in fact they're not. 00:08:29.920 --> 00:08:36.399 Trouble at work, a car repair, an accident, a missed plane, is a crisis or inconvenience? 00:08:36.559 --> 00:08:38.480 And only you will know. 00:08:39.440 --> 00:08:43.360 But asking the question can often right size the problem. 00:08:44.799 --> 00:08:52.639 And if this is in fact an inconvenience, then treat it as such with your feelings and behaviors. 00:08:53.440 --> 00:09:04.559 If the answer is crisis, then in your actions can be handled with the urgency demanded, with the full knowledge that it is the Lord that goes before you. 00:09:06.960 --> 00:09:09.440 He will not leave you or forsake you. 00:09:09.600 --> 00:09:12.879 Do not be, do not fear or be dismayed. 00:09:14.000 --> 00:09:16.960 If it looks like I'm shaking, it's not because I'm nervous. 00:09:17.279 --> 00:09:18.159 Oh my gosh. 00:09:18.399 --> 00:09:19.039 It's so cold. 00:09:19.679 --> 00:09:20.799 It's controlled by the city. 00:09:21.039 --> 00:09:21.360 I know. 00:09:21.440 --> 00:09:22.080 I've yes. 00:09:22.480 --> 00:09:24.320 And then there's going to be slick on the floor. 00:09:24.480 --> 00:09:25.120 I totally get it. 00:09:25.279 --> 00:09:25.840 I totally get it. 00:09:25.919 --> 00:09:26.639 It's just cold. 00:09:26.879 --> 00:09:27.759 Okay, let's just say it. 00:09:28.000 --> 00:09:28.960 We can't control it, don't you? 00:09:29.519 --> 00:09:29.759 Okay. 00:09:30.240 --> 00:09:31.120 How we respond to this. 00:09:31.759 --> 00:09:33.519 We can control how we respond to this. 00:09:33.759 --> 00:09:34.240 Exactly. 00:09:34.480 --> 00:09:35.279 Thank you, Colton. 00:09:37.759 --> 00:09:38.799 It's an inconvenience. 00:09:38.960 --> 00:09:39.360 Exactly. 00:09:39.600 --> 00:09:43.200 And I have to tell you that when I was sitting there shivering, that's exactly what I said. 00:09:43.360 --> 00:09:47.919 And I prayed that the spirit make me warm so that it was not distracting. 00:09:49.519 --> 00:10:00.879 Another tool to help you manage your reaction around things you can't control is the very true fact that whatever you experiencing, it's happened before. 00:10:01.679 --> 00:10:05.840 Whatever the situation, I guarantee you, you are not the first. 00:10:06.720 --> 00:10:11.120 Ecclesiastes 1.9 says, what has been will be again. 00:10:11.840 --> 00:10:13.600 What has been done will be done again. 00:10:13.679 --> 00:10:16.399 There is nothing new under the sun. 00:10:16.799 --> 00:10:32.080 And the good news is that in our age of never ending information at your literal fingertips, someone has written on, formed solutions for, and tried to solve whatever crisis you're experiencing. 00:10:32.240 --> 00:10:42.320 You are not alone in this experience, and you already know that God has promised not just to not forsake you, but to go before you. 00:12:22.320 --> 00:12:24.000 Please don't misunderstand me. 00:12:24.240 --> 00:12:25.360 Money is important. 00:12:25.759 --> 00:12:27.360 It's not your salvation. 00:12:27.919 --> 00:12:31.759 It's not the health of your children or you. 00:12:32.720 --> 00:12:37.919 It is not that doesn't it's not how you're loved by others. 00:12:38.240 --> 00:12:40.960 It is separate from your heart and soul. 00:12:42.159 --> 00:12:44.639 It is, however, necessary. 00:12:45.679 --> 00:12:47.120 It's not going anywhere. 00:12:47.200 --> 00:12:53.440 And managing it well can have a huge effect on your life, but manage it you must. 00:12:54.960 --> 00:12:59.440 Money doesn't have legs, it doesn't walk away on its own. 00:12:59.600 --> 00:13:03.360 And it responds well to discipline and commands. 00:13:03.440 --> 00:13:05.840 It's like a very well-behaved puppy. 00:13:06.399 --> 00:13:09.679 You get to decide for the most part where it goes. 00:13:09.840 --> 00:13:17.200 And for the math of verse among you, here's good news: money and finances are not about math. 00:13:17.360 --> 00:13:19.200 They're about organizing. 00:13:20.000 --> 00:13:28.240 And the better you organize these little pieces of paper and these pieces of plastic, the less trouble they can cause you. 00:13:28.879 --> 00:13:32.320 Money can be awful or money can be fun. 00:13:33.440 --> 00:13:36.399 It can cause you pain or it can give you freedom. 00:13:36.559 --> 00:13:41.279 It is really simply a medium of exchange. 00:13:41.600 --> 00:13:48.000 And how you do the exchanging can affect your stress and your sleep and your overall contentment. 00:13:50.480 --> 00:14:01.039 If you are having financial difficulties, I would ask you to imagine a few moments, for just a few moments, a life where money is not a worry. 00:14:02.320 --> 00:14:03.840 Just sit in that for a minute. 00:14:07.200 --> 00:14:09.440 It's not something you have to stress over. 00:14:10.480 --> 00:14:12.399 It's not something to fight about. 00:14:12.879 --> 00:14:15.440 It's not a part of your life that's unpleasant. 00:14:18.080 --> 00:14:19.759 That can be your life. 00:14:20.240 --> 00:14:21.200 It really can. 00:14:21.840 --> 00:14:26.960 How you manage this resource has a huge effect on your life as a whole. 00:14:27.200 --> 00:14:31.279 And I think that's why God talks about it so much in the Bible. 00:14:31.440 --> 00:14:32.159 Believe it. 00:14:32.320 --> 00:14:36.480 You can have a life where money is not a word that brings you pain. 00:14:37.919 --> 00:14:41.679 There are endless resources, endless resources out there to help. 00:14:41.759 --> 00:14:46.720 And I'm trying to get Colton back to let me do like a budget workshop sometime next year. 00:14:46.879 --> 00:14:49.440 But here are a couple places to start. 00:14:50.159 --> 00:14:54.159 First, develop a good relationship with money. 00:14:54.799 --> 00:15:00.480 In Ecclesiastes, it says, whoever loves money never has an never has enough. 00:15:00.720 --> 00:15:04.960 And whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with their income. 00:15:07.200 --> 00:15:08.879 What do you want from money? 00:15:09.600 --> 00:15:11.759 What are you willing to do to get it? 00:15:13.120 --> 00:15:21.759 What is a decent work-life balance for what you need for yourself and for those for whom you provide? 00:15:22.559 --> 00:15:25.360 Because loving money can look like many things. 00:15:26.000 --> 00:15:33.440 Bigger house, fancier clothing, travel and club sports for your kids, more this and better that. 00:15:58.320 --> 00:16:00.320 Which brings us to point two. 00:16:01.519 --> 00:16:03.919 You can't manage what you don't know. 00:16:04.720 --> 00:16:08.399 So understand what you earn and where you want it to go. 00:16:08.559 --> 00:16:12.639 Write down what's coming into your household and what's going out. 00:16:13.279 --> 00:16:19.279 If you're creating debt every month, more is going out than is coming in, and that's not sustainable. 00:16:19.679 --> 00:16:28.000 And this can happen when life is just moving along and money is spent with an eye on today and not tomorrow. 00:16:29.360 --> 00:16:33.679 I'm continually astounded as to how busy we are. 00:16:34.960 --> 00:16:45.840 Managing our finances is easily something that can be put off or avoided in the rush of home and work life and relationships. 00:16:46.000 --> 00:16:51.679 But the problem with money is the same as the problem with any other household repair. 00:16:52.000 --> 00:16:55.919 If you don't see to it, it just gets worse. 00:16:57.600 --> 00:17:04.160 It is painful to make any change, and there are really only two reasons we change anything. 00:17:04.480 --> 00:17:08.240 Only two reasons psychologically that we make a change. 00:17:08.960 --> 00:17:14.799 One is to avoid pain, and the other is to move toward pleasure. 00:17:15.119 --> 00:17:19.519 As a rule, as people, we are much more reactive than proactive. 00:17:19.920 --> 00:17:25.200 So we are usually moving away from pain when we're making a change. 00:17:25.440 --> 00:17:37.519 If your finances are messy and you're not doing anything about it, then either you're not in enough pain right now, or the reward may not seem good enough to make the change. 00:17:50.559 --> 00:17:52.640 Begin a turnaround on this very day. 00:17:52.799 --> 00:18:00.960 I've got 10 bucks right now that says anyone struggling knows three things that they're spending too much on for whatever reason. 00:18:01.119 --> 00:18:04.799 Everyone has reasons for the money that they're spending. 00:18:06.079 --> 00:18:08.079 But there are three things I bet. 00:18:08.240 --> 00:18:15.119 Take a moment, identify them, and then today change something. 00:18:16.559 --> 00:18:18.960 You know, the easy ones are eating out. 00:18:19.200 --> 00:18:19.519 Okay. 00:18:19.920 --> 00:18:22.480 We may all spend too much money eating out. 00:18:23.279 --> 00:18:27.039 Another easy one can be to shop cheaper for the food that you buy. 00:18:27.200 --> 00:18:28.240 Do you guys have Aldi? 00:18:28.720 --> 00:18:30.240 Oh, I love Aldi. 00:18:30.720 --> 00:18:32.400 Big fan, big fan of Aldi. 00:18:33.920 --> 00:18:40.960 And then there may be a reason to say no to the kids for this or that. 00:18:41.759 --> 00:18:49.359 And then if you can, stop using the credit card if it can't be paid off in full every month. 00:18:50.960 --> 00:18:56.079 Change your financial life, and you will change the rest of it. 00:18:57.039 --> 00:19:06.799 This will not be without discomfort, but keep in mind it will point you to a life free of financial stress and consistent worry. 00:19:07.680 --> 00:19:10.559 So here's a couple of starters to get you on your way. 00:19:10.799 --> 00:19:16.160 Start tracking every penny coming into your hand and leaving it. 00:19:16.319 --> 00:19:27.599 I have a great spreadsheet that I can send to Colton and he can send around, or make one yourself, but know what's happening in your financial life so you can decide what needs to change. 00:19:28.000 --> 00:19:29.680 Save all of your receipts. 00:19:29.839 --> 00:19:35.599 Write down what's happening on your debit card, automatic payments, and just debit card purchases. 00:19:36.480 --> 00:19:44.160 Be fully aware, even if you don't change a thing, be fully aware of what's happening in your financial life. 00:19:44.960 --> 00:19:47.920 It was so funny what you said about giving. 00:19:48.480 --> 00:19:49.759 Give something. 00:19:51.039 --> 00:19:58.079 Give something to the church, to a charity from every check, no matter the size of the gift. 00:19:58.240 --> 00:20:01.359 If you're not giving at all, give something. 00:20:02.079 --> 00:20:04.480 Not working for you on the side here. 00:20:05.359 --> 00:20:13.440 But making giving first a way of life is a huge help in prioritizing everything else that happens. 00:20:14.960 --> 00:20:17.279 And three, please be gentle. 00:20:17.440 --> 00:20:19.279 Be gentle with yourself. 00:20:19.599 --> 00:20:21.839 Be gentle with others about the past. 00:20:21.920 --> 00:20:28.079 If today is a new day, have your mercies be as new as God's are with you. 00:20:30.400 --> 00:20:39.680 Managing money well is an adventure and a job, but doing it well will carry a near guarantee of a better future. 00:20:42.079 --> 00:20:48.559 The last thing you have a lot of control over is how you behave in your relationships, all of them. 00:20:48.799 --> 00:20:51.440 All of them, not just the really important ones. 00:20:52.000 --> 00:20:58.240 We are called by God to love as he loves us, which is, you know, of course, impossible. 00:20:58.400 --> 00:21:01.039 But we have to shoot for the stars on this one. 00:21:01.119 --> 00:21:03.200 We have to get as close as we can get. 00:21:03.599 --> 00:21:06.240 Because Romans 13, 9 is pretty clear. 00:21:06.480 --> 00:21:12.319 The commandments, you shall not commit adultery, you shall not murder, you shall not steal, you shall not covet. 00:21:12.400 --> 00:21:20.880 And whatever, whatever other command there may be are summed up in this one command: love your neighbor as yourself. 00:21:22.400 --> 00:21:23.680 As yourself. 00:21:24.240 --> 00:21:26.480 There is no whittle room there. 00:21:27.759 --> 00:21:31.680 John 13, 34, a new command I give you, love one another. 00:21:31.920 --> 00:21:35.920 As I have loved you, so you must love each other. 00:21:37.440 --> 00:21:38.960 1 Peter 4, 8. 00:21:39.119 --> 00:21:45.200 Above all, love each other deeply because love covers a multitude of sins. 00:21:45.279 --> 00:21:48.160 So now, shoot, we have to love each other deeply. 00:21:49.039 --> 00:21:50.799 It's all over the Bible. 00:21:50.960 --> 00:21:57.200 We are called to love each other, and it gets even harder when Jesus starts talking about forgiveness. 00:21:57.839 --> 00:21:59.680 Colossians 13 3 13. 00:22:00.160 --> 00:22:00.640 Is a tough one. 00:22:00.720 --> 00:22:05.039 I have this one like on a little index card where I have to look at it every day. 00:22:06.960 --> 00:22:12.400 Make allowances for each other's faults and forgive anyone who offends you. 00:22:12.559 --> 00:22:17.440 Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others above all. 00:22:18.079 --> 00:22:24.079 Clothe yourselves with love, which binds us together in perfect harmony. 00:22:25.519 --> 00:22:35.200 And this very clear challenge in Matthew, for if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 00:22:36.000 --> 00:22:41.920 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive you your sins. 00:22:42.079 --> 00:22:43.839 I keep looking for a loophole in that one. 00:22:44.000 --> 00:22:44.960 Like, really? 00:22:45.279 --> 00:22:46.559 Is it conditional? 00:22:47.599 --> 00:22:51.680 But the directive becomes love and forgive. 00:22:52.799 --> 00:22:54.319 Love and forgive. 00:22:55.519 --> 00:22:56.960 Love and forgive. 00:22:58.319 --> 00:23:01.359 This is the call that our Lord has placed on our lives. 00:23:01.440 --> 00:23:04.240 It doesn't sound easy because it's not. 00:23:05.279 --> 00:23:12.880 But we can develop a lot of control over how we treat people in whatever relationship we have with them. 00:23:13.039 --> 00:23:15.599 We are called to love everyone. 00:23:15.839 --> 00:23:20.880 Though our span of care changes, of course, depending on the relationship and the situation. 00:23:22.319 --> 00:23:40.559 The point being that just because the person that checks us out at the grocery store is not family, it doesn't mean that we're not called to love them in whatever way is appropriate, which may be simple gratefulness for this usually thankless job and a kind word on the way out. 00:23:41.200 --> 00:23:50.480 We don't get to be snippy with customer service people on the phone, there's a job I'd never want, because we are called to love them. 00:23:51.039 --> 00:23:55.119 We're called to love the people we know and the people we don't. 00:23:55.599 --> 00:24:02.799 We're called to make allowances for their offenses to us as we would like them to do for us. 00:24:04.240 --> 00:24:08.880 Here are some words of love that you can sprinkle around everywhere. 00:24:09.039 --> 00:24:10.400 They're like magic. 00:24:10.880 --> 00:24:12.319 They're like oil. 00:24:13.519 --> 00:24:19.680 And you can use them with people you know and people you don't and people you're never going to see again. 00:24:21.759 --> 00:24:22.640 Please. 00:24:24.079 --> 00:24:25.119 I'm sorry. 00:24:26.480 --> 00:24:27.599 Good idea. 00:24:29.359 --> 00:24:30.240 Thank you. 00:24:31.440 --> 00:24:32.720 And you're right. 00:24:34.400 --> 00:24:36.079 These are love words. 00:24:37.039 --> 00:24:41.279 These are words of kindness and consideration and care. 00:24:42.000 --> 00:24:47.920 And the more they're used, the better home, workplace, and culture we have. 00:24:49.839 --> 00:24:54.559 Family relationships specifically are a petri dish. 00:24:54.880 --> 00:24:55.839 A lot goes on there. 00:24:56.000 --> 00:24:58.240 A lot goes on there in that closed space. 00:24:58.400 --> 00:24:59.440 You get it all. 00:24:59.599 --> 00:25:06.720 You get the good, the bad, the ugly, because here's the most access we have to others in more circumstances. 00:25:06.880 --> 00:25:10.960 And it's much more difficult to fire someone from their position at home. 00:25:11.200 --> 00:25:14.319 So we tend to cross more lines at home than we do at work. 00:25:16.319 --> 00:25:27.119 When I've crossed lines at home and then come to my senses, I wonder it is how I do that to the people that I purport to love more than any other. 00:25:28.799 --> 00:25:35.759 How does my impatience or my tone or my occasional sharp word fit in with that? 00:25:37.200 --> 00:25:38.480 It does not. 00:25:39.839 --> 00:25:43.039 We can learn how to manage our feelings and behaviors. 00:25:43.200 --> 00:25:54.640 So here's a cool fact: a feeling, which is the brain's reaction to a stimuli, either external or internal stimuli, has a lifespan. 00:25:54.880 --> 00:26:05.440 It appears, it intensifies, it de-intensifies, and it subsides, and it does all of that in about 90 seconds. 00:26:05.759 --> 00:26:06.799 That's it. 00:26:07.039 --> 00:26:10.240 About the same amount of time it takes to heat up soup. 00:26:11.279 --> 00:26:17.119 But we all know some feelings last a lot longer than that. 00:26:17.279 --> 00:26:20.319 They can last minutes, they can last hours. 00:26:20.960 --> 00:26:26.880 So for this to happen, we have to be adding something to that original process. 00:26:29.200 --> 00:26:34.799 Let's say, let's say, I don't know, just making something up out of the air, not. 00:26:35.519 --> 00:26:40.880 Let's say that my husband's workbench is a mess. 00:26:42.319 --> 00:26:43.680 Let's just say that. 00:26:43.920 --> 00:26:52.960 The project we just did with Tools Galore are all still in a pile on his workbench, which is right next to my sewing table, so I have to look at it. 00:26:53.200 --> 00:27:01.680 So my feeling of annoyance presents and intensifies, and when it gets to here, I start stacking. 00:27:02.559 --> 00:27:07.839 Stacking is placing stuff on that feeling that really doesn't belong there. 00:27:08.000 --> 00:27:17.039 But I have decided somehow that these things go there because there seems to be some connection to the aforementioned tools. 00:27:17.279 --> 00:27:19.839 So the stacking could sound something like this. 00:27:20.000 --> 00:27:22.079 Wow, look at that mess. 00:27:22.400 --> 00:27:27.359 You think he would just clean it up when it's all done, but oh no, certainly not a priority for him. 00:27:27.519 --> 00:27:31.039 Even though we talked about this when we moved his bench next to my sewing table. 00:27:31.200 --> 00:27:32.480 He knows I like things neat. 00:27:32.640 --> 00:27:34.720 He knows this is gonna drive me crazy. 00:27:34.960 --> 00:27:37.279 There's no consideration for me here. 00:27:37.519 --> 00:27:38.160 None at all. 00:27:38.400 --> 00:27:40.880 Too much to ask for his wife, right? 00:27:41.200 --> 00:27:42.319 Higher, higher, higher. 00:27:42.720 --> 00:27:49.920 Think about how high that gets and now how much longer it's gonna take to de-intensify and subside. 00:27:51.119 --> 00:27:56.160 Literally, I'm working myself up into a lather just like just like talking about it to you. 00:27:56.319 --> 00:28:00.240 So stack, stack, stack, stack, stack to the ceiling. 00:28:01.200 --> 00:28:05.039 If you catch yourself stacking, stop. 00:28:07.119 --> 00:28:10.799 At whatever point you realize, stop. 00:28:12.319 --> 00:28:14.319 Stop and identify what you're doing. 00:28:14.480 --> 00:28:16.720 I'm stacking is a good start. 00:28:16.880 --> 00:28:35.119 This can allow you to not just stop stacking, but to allow yourself to de-intensify, get back to the original issue, the darn mess of the tools on your workbench, and perhaps have a reasonable conversation and not one that starts with, you don't care anything about me. 00:28:38.240 --> 00:28:39.279 You get this right? 00:28:39.359 --> 00:28:41.039 You can see how this could happen. 00:28:41.200 --> 00:28:42.160 You've done this. 00:28:42.319 --> 00:28:42.559 Ha. 00:28:43.200 --> 00:28:44.000 You've done this. 00:28:44.160 --> 00:28:46.720 Someone in this room has done this today. 00:28:46.960 --> 00:28:47.839 This has happened. 00:28:47.920 --> 00:28:50.400 I'm not going to make you like volunteer that information. 00:28:51.279 --> 00:28:54.799 But you can have control over your stacking. 00:28:55.039 --> 00:28:59.920 Please remember that this is fully an internal process. 00:29:00.160 --> 00:29:02.240 Your stack, it's all internal. 00:29:02.480 --> 00:29:03.599 It's all internal. 00:29:03.759 --> 00:29:07.440 It can start and it can end with you. 00:29:10.160 --> 00:29:25.119 Lastly, I would be remiss not to say that one of the best ways to love those in your circle is to learn to listen and respond to them in a way that makes them feel heard and understood. 00:29:25.759 --> 00:29:32.079 To take the time to truly listen and respond empathetically is a gift, a gift beyond measure. 00:29:32.160 --> 00:29:37.279 And though it takes practice and effort, it will net you huge returns. 00:29:38.160 --> 00:29:58.960 So, in the reactions that you have to things you can't control, in your financial life and in your feelings and behaviors to those with whom you are in relationship, please use the control you actually have to love others and glorify God because what better use of control can there be? 00:30:00.240 --> 00:30:01.039 Let's pray. 00:30:04.559 --> 00:30:07.599 Oh Father, please help us to do our best. 00:30:08.640 --> 00:30:12.319 You know what's hard for us, you know what doesn't come naturally. 00:30:13.119 --> 00:30:21.119 So please help us use the control you've given us for the good of others and for your glory, knowing that it's for our best as well. 00:30:22.000 --> 00:30:27.279 We are very grateful for your love and your care and your daily presence in our lives. 00:30:28.160 --> 00:30:30.160 We ask this humbly in your name. 00:30:31.119 --> 00:30:31.759 Amen. 00:30:41.759 --> 00:30:48.799 We get to take communion, and uh communion is a celebration and it is a reminder consistently in our week. 00:30:48.880 --> 00:30:56.319 It is a liturgy that we do to be be reminded and actually today would be just the perfect. 00:30:56.480 --> 00:31:10.720 I think I said this to you or to Rainey or somebody, like the ability to reconcile sinners to God, um, that that relationship is so dysfunctional and broken, um, and it's all our fault. 00:31:10.880 --> 00:31:19.680 Um, and yet Jesus created that ability for that to actually happen to where we can be reconciled, and it just it took how hard was it? 00:31:19.759 --> 00:31:23.839 It was like, oh yeah, I it took my life, all my blood and my body being broken. 00:31:23.920 --> 00:31:24.799 Like, how difficult was it? 00:31:24.960 --> 00:31:34.240 And I was so Rainy and I literally left the marriage conference last night, got in a fight at 10:30 at night, which Shannon says you don't need to have arguments at 11 o'clock at night. 00:31:34.319 --> 00:31:36.240 So we had 30 minutes to figure it out. 00:31:37.359 --> 00:31:45.440 And it was like, man, reconcile reconciling relationships and that kind of thing, like it's it's so it's so difficult and it's so worth it. 00:31:45.519 --> 00:31:46.880 But uh, like what does it cost? 00:31:46.960 --> 00:31:50.000 It's like it takes laying down your life and stuff like that. 00:31:50.240 --> 00:31:55.359 And yet Jesus says that we've been given the ministry of reconciliation, like He has He's given that to believers. 00:31:55.440 --> 00:31:57.680 We have a spirit in us that just desires to reconcile. 00:31:57.920 --> 00:32:08.319 What I love about your speaking is you're able to give that to us, like you have an ability to help people step into those spaces where it's like this is impossible. 00:32:08.400 --> 00:32:14.720 And it's like, well, it can't be impossible because we've been given the ministry to do the actual thing that's there, and so thank you. 00:32:14.960 --> 00:32:21.440 And this space to have juice and and and bread uh is just a reminder. 00:32:21.680 --> 00:32:24.319 Like, can anything in my life be reconciled? 00:32:24.480 --> 00:32:26.400 Can the relationships in my life be reconciled? 00:32:26.559 --> 00:32:28.400 Can these spaces in my life be reconciled? 00:32:28.559 --> 00:32:41.680 It's like, well, I yes, because I'm remembering today that the most difficult relationship that was ever going to be reconciled was reconciled, and therefore anything is possible in that particular space because he has done this, um, and that's for us. 00:32:41.759 --> 00:32:53.039 And so allow that to be a space before you come up just to consider Shannon's words, to consider what Jesus has done for you, what he's purchased for us by his body being broken and his blood being poured out. 00:32:53.200 --> 00:32:54.640 And then come receive communion. 00:32:54.720 --> 00:32:58.799 If you help set it up, please come and serve here, and uh we'll be on this side as well. 00:32:58.880 --> 00:33:04.240 But just come as you feel led to receive communion and then take it back to your chairs, and we will commune together.