WEBVTT 00:00:05.200 --> 00:00:07.599 You, Madison, are the youth pastor here at his hands. 00:00:07.679 --> 00:00:08.000 Yes. 00:00:08.160 --> 00:00:21.679 And you are doing a multi-week series with our team on sex, dating, gender, gender, pornography, all sort of things that are in the under the umbrella of sexual sexual related things. 00:00:21.760 --> 00:00:22.000 Yep. 00:00:22.320 --> 00:00:25.120 And sex and sex adjacent things that teenagers deal with. 00:00:25.199 --> 00:00:25.359 Yeah. 00:00:25.600 --> 00:00:30.000 So we had a, we let the, as a church, we let this was your idea by the way, brilliant idea. 00:00:30.239 --> 00:00:31.440 I'm not just saying that it really was. 00:00:31.600 --> 00:00:34.320 You we let the whole church know, hey, this is what's going to be happening. 00:00:34.399 --> 00:00:43.920 And we invited the parents a couple weeks ago to stick around after our main service and have a chance to hear from you, hey, here's what the topics are going to be that we're going to cover. 00:00:44.000 --> 00:00:45.840 I want you guys as parents to be in the loop on this. 00:00:45.920 --> 00:00:47.439 I don't want you to be blindsided by it. 00:00:47.600 --> 00:00:50.799 They had an opportunity to talk with you and get clarification. 00:00:50.880 --> 00:00:58.799 And then we, in addition to that conversation, we committed to have a few weeks of Wednesday night parent conversations. 00:00:59.119 --> 00:00:59.439 Conversations. 00:00:59.759 --> 00:01:00.640 And how are those people? 00:01:00.960 --> 00:01:04.879 So this conversation we're about to have is us working out the details. 00:01:07.599 --> 00:01:11.200 And we thought, yeah, might as well record it and maybe it'll make a good podcast. 00:01:11.359 --> 00:01:11.599 Maybe not. 00:01:12.000 --> 00:01:14.959 First time we've ever done a podcast where it's actually like we need to have a meeting. 00:01:15.040 --> 00:01:15.280 Yeah. 00:01:15.439 --> 00:01:16.640 So let's just record the meeting. 00:01:16.799 --> 00:01:16.959 Yep. 00:01:17.120 --> 00:01:20.799 And maybe it'll be if we if this has been released, we determine that it was a worthwhile conversation. 00:01:21.040 --> 00:01:21.280 Exactly. 00:01:21.439 --> 00:01:25.040 And worst case scenario, Zach's having to watch us have a meeting. 00:01:28.719 --> 00:01:31.200 So we have a parent meeting coming up tomorrow night. 00:01:31.359 --> 00:01:31.760 Yeah. 00:01:32.000 --> 00:01:36.560 And we set the topic, but we also didn't have a conversation about what that is going to look like. 00:01:36.879 --> 00:01:38.959 No, we kind of trusted that we'd be fine. 00:01:39.359 --> 00:01:40.400 Future Us would deal with this problem. 00:01:46.560 --> 00:01:46.719 Yeah. 00:01:47.040 --> 00:01:48.000 So we haven't had a chance to. 00:01:48.079 --> 00:01:48.640 So it's good to see you. 00:01:48.879 --> 00:01:50.799 And so I have an expectation of what it's going to be like. 00:01:50.879 --> 00:02:00.159 Um, but the topic is helping your teen resist temptation, pressure, and pornography was the temptation, pressure, and porn. 00:02:00.319 --> 00:02:00.560 Yeah. 00:02:00.640 --> 00:02:00.719 Okay. 00:02:01.040 --> 00:02:01.680 Was the topic. 00:02:01.920 --> 00:02:02.079 Okay. 00:02:02.319 --> 00:02:05.200 And my idea of it was like we talked over the phone. 00:02:05.359 --> 00:02:12.240 I don't necessarily want it to be like we sit down and have a teaching, like we have to write an another message for the I agree. 00:02:12.319 --> 00:02:14.639 It definitely needs to be more of a conversation. 00:02:15.439 --> 00:02:18.000 Even the way I do so the way I do newcomer gatherings has really changed. 00:02:18.080 --> 00:02:21.280 I used to give a big spiel and then ask for questions and it'd be kind of awkward silence. 00:02:21.360 --> 00:02:23.680 And now I was like, well, I also let people ask questions first. 00:02:23.919 --> 00:02:24.319 Oh, nice. 00:02:24.560 --> 00:02:26.000 And then I'll finish with whatever didn't get covered. 00:02:26.319 --> 00:02:30.240 Because usually the questions kind of cover the spiel anyway. 00:02:30.479 --> 00:02:33.520 So I uh I ask questions and then I answer those questions. 00:02:33.599 --> 00:02:36.400 And usually in the answers to those questions, I covered everything I used to cover. 00:02:36.479 --> 00:02:38.560 And then at the end I'm like, what has not been covered? 00:02:38.639 --> 00:02:39.520 And I share it. 00:02:39.680 --> 00:02:45.759 And so that just helps and it makes it a lot more of an interactive experience than just people watching me talk. 00:02:46.000 --> 00:02:46.319 Yes. 00:02:46.960 --> 00:02:50.719 Especially if they're like they are coming into the conversation with the question. 00:02:50.879 --> 00:02:54.560 I feel like a lot of times people just hold on to that question and that's all they're thinking about the whole time. 00:02:54.800 --> 00:02:55.680 They're kind of like, mm-hmm. 00:02:55.840 --> 00:02:56.080 Yeah. 00:02:56.639 --> 00:02:56.800 Okay. 00:02:56.879 --> 00:02:57.280 It's my turn. 00:02:57.599 --> 00:02:58.319 Did you go to seminary? 00:02:58.479 --> 00:02:58.560 Yeah. 00:02:58.639 --> 00:03:00.319 That was the first question I got this Sunday, which is fine. 00:03:00.560 --> 00:03:00.800 Nice. 00:03:00.960 --> 00:03:01.120 No. 00:03:01.360 --> 00:03:05.039 So do you think that that is a right place to start for this kind of meeting? 00:03:05.280 --> 00:03:16.879 I think a little bit of setup for this meeting, just to re to frame like, here's what the expectations are, so that you don't have um you know, like there might be a parent who feels like they're kind of at a crisis point with it. 00:03:17.280 --> 00:03:19.439 And I would and it's for everybody. 00:03:19.680 --> 00:03:22.080 So I think if you just open it right away. 00:03:22.240 --> 00:03:24.479 So I think a little bit of a little bit of a setup. 00:03:24.879 --> 00:03:25.039 Okay. 00:03:25.120 --> 00:03:26.719 So temptation, pressure, and pornography. 00:03:26.800 --> 00:03:27.360 I put those together. 00:03:27.840 --> 00:03:28.879 Temptation for what? 00:03:29.280 --> 00:03:29.759 I don't know. 00:03:30.080 --> 00:03:31.120 Temptation, sexual temptation. 00:03:31.520 --> 00:03:41.280 Sexual temptation, pressure to uh my real answer is uh to produce, spread, or uh participate in pornography. 00:03:41.439 --> 00:03:45.919 Aaron Ross Powell So you're specifically this meeting is not so much about the actual activity of sex. 00:03:46.319 --> 00:03:46.479 Sex. 00:03:46.800 --> 00:03:46.879 No. 00:03:47.120 --> 00:03:47.280 Yep. 00:03:47.520 --> 00:03:48.400 Okay, that's important to know. 00:03:48.560 --> 00:03:51.919 We're not talking about the temptation to have sex with your girlfriend or with your boyfriend. 00:03:52.240 --> 00:03:52.479 Correct. 00:03:52.800 --> 00:03:56.800 You're talking specifically about the this is about the sort of digital online component. 00:03:56.879 --> 00:03:58.159 I'll give you like a backdrop on this. 00:03:58.240 --> 00:03:59.360 I might actually share this in the meeting. 00:03:59.680 --> 00:04:00.879 This might be actually a good intro. 00:04:01.120 --> 00:04:01.280 Okay. 00:04:01.680 --> 00:04:06.479 When I was a youth pastor, uh which you remember, you were my youth pastor. 00:04:06.800 --> 00:04:07.520 Was I a good one? 00:04:07.680 --> 00:04:07.919 Yeah. 00:04:08.159 --> 00:04:08.639 You think so? 00:04:08.800 --> 00:04:09.120 Mm-hmm. 00:04:09.360 --> 00:04:10.719 Even though even with hindsight? 00:04:11.120 --> 00:04:14.240 Yeah, even with hindsight, much better youth pastor than you are, Pastor. 00:04:16.319 --> 00:04:18.000 Well, hindsight hasn't finished with that with that. 00:04:18.160 --> 00:04:18.399 That's true. 00:04:18.480 --> 00:04:20.319 So we don't know hindsight on that yet. 00:04:20.800 --> 00:04:22.639 So uh there was That's not true, though. 00:04:22.879 --> 00:04:23.360 No, I'm teasing. 00:04:23.439 --> 00:04:23.920 I can tell. 00:04:24.000 --> 00:04:26.560 There's a student, you're yeah, you're a way better youth pastor than I was. 00:04:26.720 --> 00:04:28.959 And I think I'm actually a much better pastor than I was a youth pastor. 00:04:29.040 --> 00:04:31.759 So you're a much better pastor than I am a youth pastor? 00:04:31.920 --> 00:04:32.240 I don't know. 00:04:32.639 --> 00:04:33.519 The jury's out on that one. 00:04:33.600 --> 00:04:34.000 We don't know. 00:04:34.319 --> 00:04:46.800 So the uh the there was a student I had older than you, and he was one of the guys I was the closest with uh that was when I got to my role here when I started, I think he was already maybe a junior in high school or a sophomore maybe. 00:04:46.879 --> 00:04:54.560 So, you know, a few years in we gotten close, and he was dating a girl, and I knew the girl, she was part of our youth group too, and they broke up. 00:04:55.120 --> 00:04:58.480 And and I can tell he was pretty shaken up by it. 00:04:58.560 --> 00:05:03.360 So we went and we just uh had we had lunch or dinner over at Taco Mac. 00:05:03.600 --> 00:05:04.319 We're just talking. 00:05:04.800 --> 00:05:07.519 And I'll never forget the conversation because I wasn't prepared for it. 00:05:07.920 --> 00:05:10.800 And he said, We broke up and it's gonna be okay. 00:05:10.879 --> 00:05:15.199 He said, but don't worry, I've deleted all the pictures I have of her on my phone. 00:05:15.519 --> 00:05:17.439 And I was like, whoa, back up. 00:05:17.600 --> 00:05:18.160 Like, what? 00:05:18.639 --> 00:05:18.879 You know? 00:05:18.959 --> 00:05:19.680 He's like, well, yeah. 00:05:19.839 --> 00:05:24.959 And he kind of explained to me, and this by the way that was that was new at the time. 00:05:25.199 --> 00:05:25.759 Yeah, yeah. 00:05:25.839 --> 00:05:32.240 Like I'm talking at this point, gosh, this had to be 15 years ago. 00:05:32.879 --> 00:05:34.720 I know it had to be because it was before my son was born. 00:05:34.800 --> 00:05:34.879 Right. 00:05:35.040 --> 00:05:36.959 So we're talking 15, 16 years ago now. 00:05:37.279 --> 00:05:41.040 He's like, I've deleted the the the explicit pictures I have. 00:05:41.199 --> 00:05:41.360 Right. 00:05:41.680 --> 00:05:44.079 And I was like, Whoa, we gotta back way up. 00:05:44.160 --> 00:05:44.720 What are you talking about? 00:05:44.800 --> 00:05:53.439 And he kind of explained it to me, and you know, I learned in that conversation that apparently from his perspective, at least, that that's like an expectation in relationships that didn't used to be. 00:05:53.680 --> 00:05:56.720 Yeah, now it's not will you kiss me, right? 00:05:56.959 --> 00:05:59.360 It's will you send me explicit pictures of yourself? 00:05:59.439 --> 00:06:10.959 And and I mean it kind of broke my brain because I realized, oh my goodness, like that is obviously just the obviously in and of itself not not okay. 00:06:11.360 --> 00:06:12.240 You know what I mean? 00:06:12.800 --> 00:06:17.920 But the potential damage of that after the fact, like, oh, he says he's going to, is he going to? 00:06:18.079 --> 00:06:22.319 And what happens if I mean it just my brain was like, this is a whole world I was not prepared for. 00:06:22.480 --> 00:06:28.240 Yeah, it's also and this like I this is where I can lean into the pastor fearmonger sort of thing. 00:06:28.319 --> 00:06:29.519 So just check me on it. 00:06:29.600 --> 00:06:34.160 It's like it's also a lot scarier when you get the charge for distribution of child pornography. 00:06:34.319 --> 00:06:34.480 Correct. 00:06:34.560 --> 00:06:35.920 You know, like that's illegal. 00:06:36.319 --> 00:06:37.360 And as a person, yeah. 00:06:37.600 --> 00:06:38.319 Yeah, yeah, correct. 00:06:38.399 --> 00:06:40.319 So like at the time, she I mean, he was a minor. 00:06:40.399 --> 00:06:40.720 Yeah. 00:06:40.879 --> 00:06:41.680 She was a minor. 00:06:41.839 --> 00:06:42.319 Right. 00:06:42.639 --> 00:06:44.079 If he would have sent that on to somebody else. 00:06:44.319 --> 00:06:46.879 If you would have had that, that's possession of child pornography. 00:06:47.120 --> 00:06:50.959 So if you have that, I don't know how it works when you're all underage. 00:06:51.279 --> 00:06:51.519 Right. 00:06:51.680 --> 00:06:52.480 I'm sure there's some grace. 00:06:52.800 --> 00:06:56.879 Well, I but I but I have her, okay, with that in mind, I have heard stories. 00:06:56.959 --> 00:07:05.199 Um, I think I read an article about this somewhere where there was a guy, similar situation, kept that, right, aged out of being a minor, yep, still had that. 00:07:05.600 --> 00:07:13.600 In his mind, he didn't see it like that because it was a girl he like she is also aged out in like it's a you know what I'm saying? 00:07:13.680 --> 00:07:22.959 Like I'm not j I'm not justifying any of this, but then he somehow accessed it or or he got caught and he got charged with possession of that. 00:07:23.360 --> 00:07:25.920 And and his a his argument was like, well, hold on. 00:07:26.079 --> 00:07:27.439 I've had it since I was a kid. 00:07:27.600 --> 00:07:27.920 Right. 00:07:28.160 --> 00:07:29.759 And it's someone I know and was in a relationship. 00:07:30.319 --> 00:07:31.439 A kid year a year ago. 00:07:31.600 --> 00:07:33.519 You know, it's not even that it was or a couple of years ago. 00:07:33.680 --> 00:07:36.240 I don't know, but the end, but it was like, no, that is possession of that. 00:07:36.399 --> 00:07:38.000 And it was and he and he was arrested for it. 00:07:38.079 --> 00:07:38.480 It was crazy. 00:07:38.800 --> 00:07:54.079 And so when I say temptation to produce pornography, what I I don't mean is there is like this other lane we briefly talked about like uh the pornographic influencer culture that leaks down to teenagers, where it's like uh the pressure to produce that for money. 00:07:54.560 --> 00:07:54.879 For money. 00:07:55.120 --> 00:08:10.319 Anyway when you say produce pornography, like literally you I'm glad you said that because in our culture today, a teenager in high school could have a relationship and could have a you know their their boyfriend or whatever pressuring them to send me a thing. 00:08:10.560 --> 00:08:11.839 Or not even pressure, just they want to. 00:08:12.000 --> 00:08:13.199 Yeah, it could be either way. 00:08:13.600 --> 00:08:19.680 Pressure I've either overt or just that the exp the societal expectation of the even the the peer, like let everyone's doing it. 00:08:19.759 --> 00:08:20.000 The culture. 00:08:20.319 --> 00:08:20.720 The culture. 00:08:21.199 --> 00:08:25.279 And you wouldn't necessarily think in your mind as a kid, like I am producing pornography. 00:08:25.519 --> 00:08:25.680 Right. 00:08:25.759 --> 00:08:25.920 No. 00:08:26.079 --> 00:08:26.160 No. 00:08:26.399 --> 00:08:28.879 But that is technically 100% what that is. 00:08:29.519 --> 00:08:30.160 So that's okay. 00:08:30.240 --> 00:08:33.840 That's just and the reason I structured even these conversations, because we did this online. 00:08:34.240 --> 00:08:35.919 So we're about to have we're about to have a conversation tomorrow about that. 00:08:36.159 --> 00:08:42.480 Yeah, potentially is because the online stuff happens before most people encounter sex. 00:08:42.720 --> 00:08:52.240 Like I do re recognize that there's a right sort of thinking that orients your way toward this, but I kind of wanted to meet them on their level and go like, hey, this is the first thing you're encountering. 00:08:52.399 --> 00:08:54.960 Here's how we approach it and and deal with it. 00:08:55.279 --> 00:08:58.559 You're it it this is a a pressure that kids feel and face. 00:08:58.720 --> 00:09:19.440 It's a very What percentage, if you had to guess, what percentage of modern high school students have at the very least received um images, video, whatever, of someone that's a peer of theirs in a compromise. 00:09:19.919 --> 00:09:29.120 Because when I grew up, pornography was something that I mean, I was exposed to pornography in third grade, and then middle school computers and stuff became a problem, and I've shared about that. 00:09:29.360 --> 00:09:43.360 But pornography was very much like something that people out there that are part of like an industry produce and create, and then it is consumed by there was no concept of like the person you you knew or person you go to school with. 00:09:43.759 --> 00:09:58.720 You helped me even understand that when I was trying to help, I was actually working with a guy, and you kind of opened my eyes to things have changed a little bit, that pornography now is not just something that you you watch, it's something that as often you participate in because it's much more in today's culture. 00:09:59.120 --> 00:10:04.960 Yeah, you you can map any any popular technology onto pornography, and it was probably there first, is my impression. 00:10:05.279 --> 00:10:07.039 No, well, the pornography industry is known for that. 00:10:07.200 --> 00:10:13.440 Like they're kind of like on the front end of a Patreon, which is how you know creators uh make money. 00:10:13.919 --> 00:10:22.080 YouTube tips for you making a video, and uh people pay three dollars a month and support you to be on mass. 00:10:22.559 --> 00:10:25.120 It's a it's a big amount of money. 00:10:25.440 --> 00:10:34.320 Um the online porn version of that is OnlyFans, which is I think no, which I believe that wasn't even started for that. 00:10:34.559 --> 00:10:35.759 If I know the story of the story. 00:10:36.080 --> 00:10:57.279 I believe the story of OnlyFans is that it wasn't it was started as almost like a Patreon competitor, and it just became very popular with they probably had a lower um community guidelines that allowed for and it just kind of became to where to where now like technically you could have an OnlyFans that no, no, it supports my paint paintings, uh, but if OnlyFans is a synonymous- You're the fans of my paintings, right? 00:10:57.600 --> 00:10:59.519 But it's now but I think that it began not as that. 00:10:59.759 --> 00:11:06.240 The point is it's become Or the thing like uh Twitch, Twitch streaming for gaming, like that's where I say like there's you know participation. 00:11:06.320 --> 00:11:09.679 It's like you can comment on things and people can interact with that. 00:11:09.759 --> 00:11:16.240 And so it's very few bucks or it's very much a technology world that the teens are very comfortable with and already trained on. 00:11:16.399 --> 00:11:26.159 And so when a new platform starts to take advantage of, or maybe their new curiosity and they discover a platform that takes advantage of those technologies, it's very easy to fall into that. 00:11:26.320 --> 00:11:33.039 You can go from being someone now, if I you're a teenager, and this again isn't fear-mongering, it's just knowing the world we live in, right? 00:11:33.360 --> 00:11:38.399 You can go from being like when I was a kid, okay, I got ex- I got exposed to pornography in third grade, I saw a Playboy magazine. 00:11:38.480 --> 00:11:45.759 And then I was at a friend's house in like fifth, sixth grade, and he had a computer and he like shirts something up, and I had a computer at home, but I never thought about that. 00:11:45.840 --> 00:11:46.240 Yep. 00:11:46.480 --> 00:12:00.960 Well, now what you're saying is the the you can go very quickly from seeing something like that for the first time to actually participating in a digital version of it to some degree, and it can be yeah, and everyone's path everyone's path is different. 00:12:01.200 --> 00:12:14.879 And so um you asked like what percentage of people have received uh so like when I grew up, one girl had nudes go go around in high school from church, one girl, and I didn't see those. 00:12:15.039 --> 00:12:17.440 That was like we heard that at school that was happening. 00:12:17.600 --> 00:12:18.879 From and you went to church here. 00:12:19.039 --> 00:12:19.200 Yeah. 00:12:19.279 --> 00:12:20.000 I was not aware of that. 00:12:20.080 --> 00:12:20.159 Yeah. 00:12:20.320 --> 00:12:21.679 That's something I was completely unaware of. 00:12:21.840 --> 00:12:22.000 Exactly. 00:12:22.320 --> 00:12:23.360 So bad youth pastor, I guess. 00:12:23.600 --> 00:12:26.559 I don't need I don't think you need to know when someone's nudes are going around. 00:12:26.879 --> 00:12:27.360 No, no, I don't. 00:12:27.440 --> 00:12:29.519 But my point is that's something it never even crossed my mind. 00:12:29.679 --> 00:12:33.519 Like when I would think about writing messages and preparing, and like what are the kids dealing with? 00:12:33.679 --> 00:12:33.919 Yep. 00:12:34.240 --> 00:12:35.120 Not even in the four point. 00:12:35.519 --> 00:12:46.720 You never thought a girl or a guy exchanged naked pictures and then broke up and now they're doing revenge porn on each other and sending it to everybody, or even just like casually, here's here's this person's naked body. 00:12:47.039 --> 00:12:48.480 And that like it that's heartbreaking. 00:12:48.559 --> 00:12:48.720 Yeah. 00:12:48.879 --> 00:12:49.440 Like truly. 00:12:49.679 --> 00:12:53.679 And so that happened once at school and once at with someone I knew at church. 00:12:53.919 --> 00:12:55.600 And that was pretty much it. 00:12:55.840 --> 00:13:09.279 I think nowadays, the stories, whether it's every single person, I don't think it's every single person, has to do probably with your online, like how tapped in online are you, and how accessible, what kind of group chats are you in? 00:13:09.440 --> 00:13:17.919 Um, because I think that's probably the main perpetrator, is one of those nudes gets dropped in one very influential group chat, and then that can spread like wild. 00:13:20.000 --> 00:13:21.759 And then it can become a thousand people in like two years. 00:13:22.000 --> 00:13:22.639 Exactly, exactly. 00:13:22.799 --> 00:13:38.159 And so whether or not it's like, oh, um a percentage, but in terms of if I ask the students, hey, like how many of you know someone either at your school or in your community, you know, sports teams or whatever, that that has happened to, I think everyone would probably raise their hand. 00:13:38.559 --> 00:13:39.279 So it's a very common thing. 00:13:39.600 --> 00:13:40.480 Yeah, it's extremely common. 00:13:40.559 --> 00:13:43.200 It's not just like that happened to that one person that one time. 00:13:43.279 --> 00:13:45.840 Yeah, that's a very very common thing. 00:13:46.000 --> 00:13:52.320 And I think the There could be like support groups at high schools for people who have had themselves like that's happened too, and there wouldn't be like two people. 00:13:52.559 --> 00:13:52.720 Yeah. 00:13:52.960 --> 00:13:55.519 If everyone came who experienced it, you're saying it wouldn't be. 00:13:56.080 --> 00:14:05.279 Yeah, no, and this is this is getting to the the heart behind having these conversations and even with parents, is you know, some of these kids aren't dealing with this. 00:14:05.360 --> 00:14:12.000 And we just talked about like the balance of like exposing someone to something that they don't need to be curious about and knowing they'll be curious. 00:14:12.240 --> 00:14:18.720 I think where I've kind of landed on that is like I can't pretend like something's not happening. 00:14:18.960 --> 00:14:24.960 It's it's a topic that is extremely prevalent, but very little talked about. 00:14:25.200 --> 00:14:39.679 Like, yeah, as I, you know, in middle school when I'm giving messages and if I'm trying to reference something like this, you know, uh scripture will say the term sexual immorality, and it's really easy to justify your own actions and go like, well, that only means sleeping with someone. 00:14:40.159 --> 00:14:44.960 Well, yeah, when I was growing up in in 90s youth group culture, not having sex was talked about pretty often. 00:14:45.120 --> 00:14:45.360 Right. 00:14:45.600 --> 00:14:52.559 But clearly there's all this other stuff that's you know, maybe uh sex acts that aren't penetrative sex. 00:14:52.960 --> 00:14:53.440 There you go. 00:14:53.519 --> 00:14:56.480 Yeah, no, how to get really good about no actually saying the thing. 00:14:56.720 --> 00:14:58.720 And so thus it was never talked about. 00:14:58.879 --> 00:14:59.039 Right. 00:14:59.200 --> 00:15:06.960 And it was always we all knew that that stuff's not right okay, but but because it was never talked about, there wasn't really any equipping. 00:15:07.039 --> 00:15:10.879 Yeah, the only thing I ever felt equipped with was like don't have sex until you're married. 00:15:10.960 --> 00:15:11.200 Yep. 00:15:11.519 --> 00:15:16.480 But there was no equipping for how to handle so many of the other temptations that are gonna come along, and and that was hard. 00:15:16.799 --> 00:15:27.600 And so the way I see it and for parents and for students is like as a youth pastor, I've and as just a someone who's grown up online, like and now has the convictions that I do have. 00:15:27.679 --> 00:15:45.840 It's like I've grown up and I've seen the battlefield, and I'm like a scout going back to the back to the troops, and I'm saying, like, I saw the battlefield, and I either have the opportunity to share the information to help you be equipped to say, like, yeah, they're fighting with swords, or yeah, they're fighting with sniper rifles. 00:15:45.919 --> 00:15:47.600 Like, that's gonna equip you very differently. 00:15:47.759 --> 00:15:53.600 And so, to give parents and families and teenagers the tools that they need to step into the battlefield, that's inevitable. 00:15:53.840 --> 00:16:03.600 And so, to equip the students and parents on how to do that, even just having that conversation, because like you're saying, you're a parent of a teenager, you grew up in a very different culture, even having struggled with this stuff. 00:16:03.759 --> 00:16:04.080 Correct. 00:16:04.240 --> 00:16:13.919 You grew up in a very different culture in terms of what what was accessible, the nature of it, the I can I can think of how to have the conversation like son, don't yeah, but then I don't I'm not even aware of all the right. 00:16:14.000 --> 00:16:15.759 I'm I'm so outdated. 00:16:15.919 --> 00:16:17.279 Yeah, you know what I mean? 00:16:17.440 --> 00:16:19.840 Yeah, like oh, and my parents were too. 00:16:19.919 --> 00:16:21.519 I mean, just reverse that. 00:16:22.559 --> 00:16:27.759 I mean, my parents, when I was in seventh grade, I had a basement bedroom by myself. 00:16:27.840 --> 00:16:34.960 It was the only bedroom in the basement of the house, everyone else was upstairs, and they gave me uh cable TV with all the movie channels. 00:16:35.200 --> 00:16:43.279 Nice, and they never thought for a second like oh, this is gonna produce something in the all kinds of things. 00:16:43.440 --> 00:16:43.519 Yeah. 00:16:43.679 --> 00:16:48.159 Because that in their growing up, they didn't see TV as something as dangerous, right? 00:16:48.399 --> 00:16:51.039 It was like, so yeah, they didn't know that. 00:16:51.120 --> 00:16:52.559 And I'm as a parent, I don't want to be the same way. 00:16:52.639 --> 00:16:53.919 I don't want to be like, well, I had no idea. 00:16:54.000 --> 00:17:00.080 Yeah, yeah, you know, like and there's wisdom, you know, there's nuance to some of these things in some of the technology conversations, right? 00:17:00.240 --> 00:17:06.880 But I think to just uh give a clear um expression of my perspective to them, I think will be good. 00:17:07.119 --> 00:17:09.039 So we're gonna talk specifically about technology. 00:17:09.359 --> 00:17:15.359 Yep, and for you, it's an opportunity to say, hey parents, I I know what is happening. 00:17:15.519 --> 00:17:17.119 Yeah, I'm not saying your kid is doing it. 00:17:17.200 --> 00:17:32.640 I'm not the purpose of this is not to make you afraid, yeah, but uh the way that this uh happens, the way that kids get exposed to this, um brought into this, it has it has evolved in the last since we were kids, definitely since they were kids. 00:17:32.960 --> 00:17:40.960 And if we're not as parents aware of of that, it can it can like yeah, and that's that's where I might want to just open the floor to questions. 00:17:41.119 --> 00:17:50.000 That's where I'm saying prefacing it even with that story you were sharing of like you know, especially or essentially like teenagers, their perspective is can be really off. 00:17:50.480 --> 00:17:55.680 Um but I think it would be helpful to in the room, you're saying someone be in a crisis. 00:17:56.079 --> 00:17:58.720 Is it kind of helpful to like know that? 00:17:58.880 --> 00:18:01.279 Like to share that with each other, you know what I mean? 00:18:01.519 --> 00:18:18.240 Like what I mean, if you don't do any setup, right, you you don't necessarily want the the feeling of when you start a meeting, right, okay, early in a meeting, the culture can be set, the the tone, the feel of the meeting can be set right now. 00:18:18.400 --> 00:18:22.720 That's why I don't want to I don't want to set it up as fearful and then be like, so what are your questions? 00:18:22.799 --> 00:18:25.519 And then it's like I don't want it to be like the disaster version of it. 00:18:26.000 --> 00:18:30.240 You want to be the one who has that, uh, who sets that tone. 00:18:30.319 --> 00:18:30.880 That's all I'm saying. 00:18:31.200 --> 00:18:39.200 Is a question like uh like one time I had a newcomer gathering, and the first question that was asked was, What are your what are you and this was legitimate, they weren't being funny, they're like, What do you think about aliens? 00:18:39.359 --> 00:18:42.640 Yeah, and it was like that just set a very different tone. 00:18:42.799 --> 00:18:44.559 Someone was blowing up my phone today about that. 00:18:44.799 --> 00:18:45.519 About aliens? 00:18:45.599 --> 00:18:50.720 Yeah, just a whole Christian aliens, giants, the whole thing. 00:18:50.880 --> 00:18:51.200 Yeah. 00:18:51.519 --> 00:18:53.200 And so that's a right, that's another rabbit hole. 00:18:53.359 --> 00:18:54.079 Giant Christian aliens? 00:18:54.400 --> 00:18:55.440 Giant Christian aliens. 00:18:56.880 --> 00:18:57.680 Okay, cool. 00:18:57.920 --> 00:19:05.759 So setting it up with that story, setting it up with a kind of like, hey, I mean, is is that scout metaphor helpful? 00:19:06.000 --> 00:19:06.400 I think it's great. 00:19:06.720 --> 00:19:07.200 It's just been a lot of people. 00:19:07.279 --> 00:19:07.839 No, I think it's great. 00:19:07.920 --> 00:19:11.920 For you to say, guys, I'm just as because of what I do, yeah. 00:19:12.079 --> 00:19:20.960 And you know, even the fact that I think you were growing up in a you are like part of the first generation to grow up with all this stuff, just puts you in a different perspective too. 00:19:21.039 --> 00:19:26.400 I I just want you guys to know I have seen what that looks like, and I want to be here as a resource. 00:19:26.480 --> 00:19:27.200 We want to help each other. 00:19:27.279 --> 00:19:46.480 Yeah, and it's it's funny because I think my cohort of parents, like the people who are my age and we have young kids now, it's like I feel like we're all gonna approach that very we'll all be different because we're our families are different, but we'll all probably have the same like do you think that your generation, now that you're all are having kids, are your kids you think less likely to have phones and stuff than than yours? 00:19:46.559 --> 00:19:49.759 Yeah, correctly because you guys were like, Oh, I've seen like no. 00:19:49.839 --> 00:19:50.000 Yep. 00:19:50.240 --> 00:19:51.440 Do you talk about that with your friends? 00:19:51.519 --> 00:19:52.400 Do you guys have conversations? 00:19:52.640 --> 00:19:53.759 Yeah, but it's a touchy subject. 00:19:53.920 --> 00:20:02.720 Because my kids still have phones, still touchy because parenting's touchy, so like parenting differently than your friends can still be like oh, parenting's touchy. 00:20:02.880 --> 00:20:09.440 Like, if you do things different than your parents did, your parents will often uh assume that they did a bad job as parents. 00:20:09.599 --> 00:20:14.960 Like, I know that you are just I know you think that I was a bad mom because I let you watch shows and you don't let your kids watch. 00:20:15.359 --> 00:20:16.720 I've actually literally never had that thought once. 00:20:16.799 --> 00:20:18.960 Yeah, I just was like I was like, I love movies, yeah. 00:20:19.119 --> 00:20:19.680 Whatever it is. 00:20:19.759 --> 00:20:21.759 Like, I just have I'm trying to do things a little different. 00:20:21.839 --> 00:20:23.759 Yep, it's not a judgment on your parenting. 00:20:23.920 --> 00:20:27.279 Yeah, it's no, I mean, my so I'm a I'm a very big outlier. 00:20:27.519 --> 00:20:30.799 Liam is 15, my oldest. 00:20:31.039 --> 00:20:32.400 He does not have a phone. 00:20:32.559 --> 00:20:34.079 He does have an Apple Watch. 00:20:35.039 --> 00:20:37.440 So he has a phone number, he can call and stuff. 00:20:37.599 --> 00:20:44.160 And I do know that that Apple Watch could be used, sure, but it's not designed for that the same way that a phone is. 00:20:44.319 --> 00:20:44.559 Right. 00:20:44.880 --> 00:20:48.000 So his uh I guess he'd have to work a lot harder. 00:20:48.240 --> 00:20:49.519 But to some degree. 00:20:49.759 --> 00:20:50.720 I mean, does he have a laptop? 00:20:51.519 --> 00:20:54.880 Uh not one that is his own private laptop. 00:20:55.039 --> 00:20:55.759 Yeah, no, no, no. 00:20:56.400 --> 00:21:05.519 No, and the only um he has an iPad, but it's it's on tie, it's a secondary iPad tied to my account, so the same restrictions that are on my iPad are on that iPad. 00:21:05.759 --> 00:21:05.920 Nice. 00:21:06.160 --> 00:21:09.680 And I'm sure like anything else, there's nothing that's 100% foolproof. 00:21:09.839 --> 00:21:10.000 Right. 00:21:10.480 --> 00:21:13.359 But my point, my point is not that I was specifically talking about a phone. 00:21:13.519 --> 00:21:16.640 He is he is extremely odd that he doesn't have that. 00:21:16.880 --> 00:21:24.559 And honestly, you know, the biggest struggle that I'm having with like that phone conversation is uh he turned 16 in less than a year, a little less right at a year. 00:21:24.799 --> 00:21:25.680 He just turned 15. 00:21:26.240 --> 00:21:27.839 And he was talking about music. 00:21:28.160 --> 00:21:28.480 Yeah. 00:21:28.880 --> 00:21:35.440 And I was thinking, like, yeah, when I got my car, one of the big parts of having a car as a kid was choosing your music, which for me was like a CD player. 00:21:35.599 --> 00:21:36.000 Yep. 00:21:36.640 --> 00:21:41.200 And I was like, oh, how is he gonna listen to music in his car? 00:21:42.240 --> 00:21:46.160 And that's where that's these are the things where push push comes to shove. 00:21:46.319 --> 00:21:46.720 Yeah, I know. 00:21:46.880 --> 00:21:49.519 You know, it's like so it's easy for me to be like, I guess you get a phone now. 00:21:49.680 --> 00:21:50.240 Yes, right, right. 00:21:50.400 --> 00:21:51.200 But also navigation. 00:21:51.359 --> 00:21:54.000 But I was like, I can buy, I can pay for Toyota's navigation. 00:21:54.319 --> 00:21:55.279 You can also buy CDs. 00:21:55.440 --> 00:21:59.440 He'd really have a CD player, so I have to get a CD player installed in the car, which I could, yeah, which I could do that. 00:21:59.519 --> 00:22:04.400 And then Start going and getting CDs of your favorite bands, which you have probably a special order online now. 00:22:04.559 --> 00:22:05.680 My wife and I do DVDs. 00:22:05.759 --> 00:22:08.960 We have streaming, but we have to like extra plug things in. 00:22:09.039 --> 00:22:10.480 Like we don't have our connected TV actually. 00:22:10.880 --> 00:22:13.680 But how much of how much are new things put out on DVD? 00:22:13.920 --> 00:22:14.319 They are. 00:22:14.480 --> 00:22:16.880 They are a little bit like certain new things. 00:22:17.200 --> 00:22:17.359 Yeah. 00:22:17.440 --> 00:22:20.880 So like if a Netflix movie comes out, there is no way to watch it except on Netflix. 00:22:21.119 --> 00:22:21.279 Correct. 00:22:21.359 --> 00:22:32.000 So my son listens to his main source of music, and I know this, is um fairly emergent, low, lesser-known Christian rap. 00:22:32.400 --> 00:22:35.599 Christian Yeah, like rap. 00:22:35.920 --> 00:22:36.079 Yes. 00:22:36.720 --> 00:22:37.200 Yeah, I know I. 00:22:37.440 --> 00:22:38.000 Mumble rap. 00:22:38.160 --> 00:22:38.319 Yeah. 00:22:38.480 --> 00:22:40.480 But I don't think these guys sell CDs. 00:22:40.799 --> 00:22:41.119 Yeah. 00:22:41.279 --> 00:22:43.519 Well, you can burn CDs. 00:22:44.079 --> 00:22:45.119 My point, there's other ways around it. 00:22:45.200 --> 00:22:45.519 So you should. 00:22:45.839 --> 00:22:49.359 He'll probably be like the most keyed in music person to be like, yeah, listen to albums. 00:22:49.440 --> 00:22:50.240 I only listen to albums. 00:22:50.480 --> 00:22:51.359 They're like, oh, that's kind of cool. 00:22:51.519 --> 00:22:52.799 I'm on like playlists or whatever. 00:22:52.960 --> 00:22:53.759 Like I don't know. 00:22:54.079 --> 00:22:54.400 I don't know. 00:22:54.480 --> 00:22:56.160 So my point is I feel that pressure is a parent. 00:22:56.319 --> 00:22:56.400 Yeah. 00:22:56.640 --> 00:23:00.799 Be like, well, I don't want to, I don't want to deny him a rite of passage, so to speak. 00:23:01.279 --> 00:23:04.240 Yeah, and there's technology too, like dumb phones, I think is what they're called. 00:23:04.400 --> 00:23:10.079 They're not actually dumb because they have maps, music, podcasts, texting, calling. 00:23:10.319 --> 00:23:12.960 So it's like it just doesn't have internet, internet access. 00:23:13.039 --> 00:23:14.160 So products like that exists. 00:23:14.400 --> 00:23:15.599 And I had also thought about buying him. 00:23:15.680 --> 00:23:20.480 I I know I can also get him an iPhone and essentially do that to it in all the settings. 00:23:20.799 --> 00:23:23.599 I can say turn Safari off, no app downloads, no this. 00:23:23.680 --> 00:23:25.680 And here Which is another thing we need to like, yeah. 00:23:25.759 --> 00:23:33.599 I think we need to be part of this conversation is like the protection or like the walls that you can build definitely uh for your kids. 00:23:33.839 --> 00:23:44.559 And um I think too, like influence is uh like online influence can be hyper negative, you know, depending on the rabbit hole you fall in. 00:23:44.799 --> 00:23:52.880 But then something with me before in a conversation that helped me a ton because I was identifying with with you, like, hey, I met with this mom, she's got a daughter who's dealing with this and this. 00:23:52.960 --> 00:23:57.039 And I was and I was like, what is it about the fascination with this one particular thing? 00:23:57.200 --> 00:23:57.599