WEBVTT 00:00:08.400 --> 00:00:12.320 Hey everybody, welcome to another episode of Raising Kids Who Follow Jesus. 00:00:12.560 --> 00:00:13.119 I'm Justin. 00:00:13.359 --> 00:00:14.080 And I'm Madison. 00:00:14.400 --> 00:00:23.120 And today we're kind of doing a little bit of a of a follow-up to what we talked about last time, which was should I even get my kid a phone? 00:00:23.600 --> 00:00:26.399 And actually what's cool is we had a parenting class here at our church. 00:00:26.480 --> 00:00:29.600 We both work at His Hands Church in the Atlanta, Georgia area. 00:00:29.839 --> 00:00:31.519 You're the you're the youth pastor. 00:00:31.600 --> 00:00:32.479 You work with all the youth. 00:00:32.719 --> 00:00:33.280 I do. 00:00:33.520 --> 00:00:37.439 And I work with all the elderly people. 00:00:37.840 --> 00:00:38.960 That's what they call me. 00:00:39.200 --> 00:00:39.679 I don't know. 00:00:40.399 --> 00:00:42.000 What is a not what is a non-youth? 00:00:42.159 --> 00:00:42.799 An adult. 00:00:43.039 --> 00:00:43.439 Yeah. 00:00:44.000 --> 00:00:45.359 You work with all the adults. 00:00:45.759 --> 00:00:47.920 I I work with, yeah, sure. 00:00:48.079 --> 00:00:49.359 I'm the adult pastor. 00:00:50.000 --> 00:00:50.960 No, I'm just the pastor. 00:00:51.600 --> 00:00:53.119 And it's funny, our c our church is funny. 00:00:53.200 --> 00:00:55.520 Like we use those terms here because they're recognizable and people know it. 00:00:55.600 --> 00:00:56.479 We don't even have titles. 00:00:56.719 --> 00:00:57.679 So senior pastor. 00:00:57.920 --> 00:00:59.200 Senior lead arch pastor. 00:00:59.439 --> 00:01:02.880 No, like like the number one thing I have to tell people is like not to call me pastor. 00:01:03.039 --> 00:01:03.200 Right. 00:01:03.359 --> 00:01:04.560 And I'm like, hey, just call me Justin. 00:01:04.799 --> 00:01:05.359 And they're like, what? 00:01:05.519 --> 00:01:08.879 And I'm like, well, yeah, Jesus said, let no one call you father, for we all have one father. 00:01:08.959 --> 00:01:09.920 Let no one call you teacher. 00:01:10.000 --> 00:01:11.280 So please just call me Justin. 00:01:11.439 --> 00:01:13.200 And I think half the people call me Justin. 00:01:13.439 --> 00:01:14.640 A third of people call me Justin. 00:01:14.719 --> 00:01:16.959 A third of people call me pastor because their old habits die hard. 00:01:17.040 --> 00:01:18.480 And a third of people call me Jason. 00:01:18.640 --> 00:01:18.959 Yeah. 00:01:19.120 --> 00:01:20.799 And I'm better with the first and the third. 00:01:21.120 --> 00:01:24.319 My name's Madison, and people just aren't comfortable with me having a girl's name. 00:01:24.400 --> 00:01:26.799 And so they call me Matt a lot or Mason. 00:01:26.959 --> 00:01:27.280 Right. 00:01:27.439 --> 00:01:29.280 And so but you were saying we had a parenting class. 00:01:29.760 --> 00:01:30.959 And you're name well, you're named real quick. 00:01:31.040 --> 00:01:34.640 Madison, you're named after your great great great grandfather? 00:01:34.799 --> 00:01:35.439 No, two greats. 00:01:35.680 --> 00:01:37.519 So is this a name that used to be a guy's name? 00:01:37.760 --> 00:01:40.640 Because like Ashley, in English history, I know Ashley was a male man. 00:01:40.879 --> 00:01:42.000 Okay, so do you want the story? 00:01:42.159 --> 00:01:42.959 A real quick version. 00:01:43.120 --> 00:01:53.359 Um the quick version is that there was a model in the 80s who was named Madison, and then there was a Tom Hanks movie Splash in 1985, which uh Tom Hanks Daryl Hannah. 00:01:53.519 --> 00:01:56.400 Yep, featured a mermaid who didn't have a name. 00:01:56.480 --> 00:01:58.000 They're walking down Madison Avenue. 00:01:58.079 --> 00:01:59.920 She decides that she wants to be named Madison. 00:02:00.239 --> 00:02:04.000 Up until then, it was a guy's name, and then the early 90s it became a girl's name. 00:02:04.159 --> 00:02:07.280 It was a family name for me, and we didn't know it was a girl's name yet. 00:02:07.359 --> 00:02:12.319 So I always had at least one girl Madison in my class, other than me. 00:02:12.479 --> 00:02:14.000 And so that's just been a thing. 00:02:14.319 --> 00:02:17.840 Now, the generation now, but like the high schoolers now, they know Madison. 00:02:18.080 --> 00:02:19.439 It's like becoming a boy's name again. 00:02:19.680 --> 00:02:20.800 So I don't know what what's going on there. 00:02:21.360 --> 00:02:22.080 You're just cutting edge. 00:02:22.240 --> 00:02:24.400 Or just yeah, just like a weird blip. 00:02:24.719 --> 00:02:26.080 And all comes around at some point. 00:02:26.159 --> 00:02:26.479 Yeah. 00:02:26.719 --> 00:02:28.479 So we had a parenting class. 00:02:28.719 --> 00:02:29.759 We had a parenting class. 00:02:30.000 --> 00:02:37.919 And this was uh uh uh not that long ago, and it was after we recorded our our last episode, so we were like fresh with information, right? 00:02:38.159 --> 00:02:40.240 Right, ready to sh ready to ready to talk. 00:02:40.479 --> 00:02:44.319 And a a couple asked, when should we get our kids a phone? 00:02:44.800 --> 00:02:47.599 And our response was it's not so much about when, but why. 00:02:47.759 --> 00:02:47.919 Right. 00:02:48.080 --> 00:02:54.960 Because that's really what we talked about in our last episode, is is know why you're getting the phone and and what problem you think it's going to solve. 00:02:55.120 --> 00:02:57.599 And we really identified four four buckets. 00:02:58.080 --> 00:03:04.080 There was the social bucket, like this is how kids relate now, so I need one, otherwise I can't be a kid. 00:03:04.240 --> 00:03:10.240 There was the safety bucket, you know, parents are like, well, especially when they start driving, they're going places, okay. 00:03:10.319 --> 00:03:10.800 There's that one. 00:03:10.960 --> 00:03:15.840 There was the this is like the smallest bucket, I think, the one that was basically like you gotta train them sometimes. 00:03:16.319 --> 00:03:17.039 Yeah, they gotta know. 00:03:17.120 --> 00:03:23.680 And then the the the main what you would probably say is the main bucket you see is the the the main reason people say yes to that. 00:03:24.000 --> 00:03:26.639 Yeah, is like the fighting bucket, like the I'm tired of this company. 00:03:26.879 --> 00:03:27.680 Don't want to fight anymore. 00:03:28.000 --> 00:03:29.680 And so a phone and it'll it'll be over. 00:03:29.919 --> 00:03:34.960 Yeah, we we jumped into why on uh on the last episode, but on this episode, like those are the problems you're trying to solve. 00:03:35.039 --> 00:03:42.560 We kind of wanted to address like the problems um because there's unintended problems that come with it, right? 00:03:42.960 --> 00:03:46.800 What are those problems and how can you restrict your kids' phone? 00:03:46.960 --> 00:03:49.439 We wanted to kind of get really practical um too. 00:03:49.520 --> 00:03:50.719 So yeah, it's kind of interesting. 00:03:50.800 --> 00:04:02.560 So at the time that we're recording this, I'm actually working on a message series that's about the time that the people of Israel were first wandering around in the wilderness after they've escaped Egypt, but before they're like established. 00:04:02.879 --> 00:04:04.960 And we're calling it figuring out freedom. 00:04:05.360 --> 00:04:08.319 And I was I'm just really preparing for this right now. 00:04:08.400 --> 00:04:12.879 Like, what do you need to what do you really need to function well in freedom? 00:04:13.199 --> 00:04:15.360 And where I'm where we're at right now is a few things. 00:04:15.520 --> 00:04:17.920 One is is confidence, one is patience. 00:04:18.000 --> 00:04:20.079 We're gonna talk about that's kind of maybe seems like an odd one. 00:04:20.240 --> 00:04:22.959 But the third one is actually like beneficial boundaries. 00:04:23.839 --> 00:04:26.480 Because like freedom is a positive term. 00:04:26.560 --> 00:04:30.879 Most people hear the word freedom and they're like, that's a good thing, but like a free-for-all is a bad thing. 00:04:31.199 --> 00:04:32.560 If you say, like, oh, it was a free-for-all. 00:04:32.800 --> 00:04:34.240 It was a free-for-all at the dairy queen. 00:04:34.399 --> 00:04:35.199 You're like, someone died. 00:04:35.439 --> 00:04:35.839 What happened? 00:04:35.920 --> 00:04:36.079 Yeah. 00:04:36.319 --> 00:04:37.839 I got stabbed with a cone. 00:04:38.000 --> 00:04:38.079 Right. 00:04:38.240 --> 00:04:47.199 You know, but like, so we recognize there's some level of freedom that is actually too much, and it creates all kinds of problems. 00:04:47.360 --> 00:04:56.560 And so with a phone, with a device that's connected to all the things that it can be connected to, and recognizing that most people listening to this will have already crossed that line. 00:04:56.720 --> 00:05:06.000 Most people get their kids a device fairly early, or whatever that looks like, should it just be alright, make good choices. 00:05:06.240 --> 00:05:06.639 Right. 00:05:07.279 --> 00:05:09.680 Or I trust my kid, like I have a I have a good kid. 00:05:10.079 --> 00:05:12.240 I have a good kid, and I don't think they would ever do that. 00:05:13.120 --> 00:05:27.839 Or should we provide, just like God did with the people of Israel in the wilderness, hey, now that you're free, and now that there's way more possibilities, here are some beneficial boundaries that are gonna, if you if you follow these, it'll go well for you. 00:05:28.079 --> 00:05:32.240 And you've put it this way, you've talked about how there's really three options once you get your kids a phone. 00:05:32.399 --> 00:05:36.160 There's really three options of how you know you're gonna go about it. 00:05:36.480 --> 00:05:39.279 Yeah, it's the free-for-all, which I wouldn't recommend. 00:05:39.439 --> 00:05:51.279 And then there's this dynamic of like I'm party to everything that happens on my kids' phone, whether that's you downloading some sort of spyware or some sort of um I take my kid's phone and look through everything. 00:05:51.680 --> 00:05:52.639 I have total visibility. 00:05:52.720 --> 00:05:55.040 I mean, if they don't know about it, technically I'm spying on them. 00:05:55.279 --> 00:05:55.439 Correct. 00:05:55.600 --> 00:05:58.800 But it might even be that it's known, like hey, you know, right, which I don't see it all. 00:05:59.120 --> 00:06:09.439 Which I also just have where I stand on that is like if you don't trust your kid to have the phone that you need to be party to all those conversations and activity, maybe it they're not ready to have the phone yet. 00:06:09.680 --> 00:06:10.240 That makes sense. 00:06:10.480 --> 00:06:17.759 And so then that that final category would be um to restrict it and to have really wise restrictions that are age specific. 00:06:17.839 --> 00:06:19.600 Um that'll kind of be a range of things. 00:06:20.000 --> 00:06:25.600 What if we said beneficial boundaries because it there's alliteration and it just sounds nicer than restrictions? 00:06:26.000 --> 00:06:26.959 Beneficial boundaries. 00:06:27.199 --> 00:06:28.639 What beneficial boundaries would you like? 00:06:28.800 --> 00:06:30.240 That's so much nicer than what restrictions. 00:06:30.399 --> 00:06:31.279 I'm just joking, I don't care. 00:06:31.439 --> 00:06:43.519 But so basically summing that up, the the free-for-all, free reign, just go with it and your opinion is that, and I would share this phones are just too powerful in terms of what they can allow you to do. 00:06:43.600 --> 00:06:57.680 And we know this, like kids have ruined their like there are people who have ruined their lives, at least in the short term, because of the access that their phones had, whether it's exposure to certain things, or even they posted something on social media once, and now that is it's forever on the internet. 00:06:57.839 --> 00:07:00.000 It's forever on the internet and it will forever define you. 00:07:00.240 --> 00:07:04.240 Um it's just too powerful of a thing to just hand it to them and go, good luck. 00:07:04.480 --> 00:07:09.199 Too sharp a tool, like you you don't hand a kid a sharp tool unless they're ready to use it. 00:07:09.279 --> 00:07:16.639 And that's why like I've I've talked about this before, but um, like when your dad gets you a knife, there's just like a thing. 00:07:16.800 --> 00:07:18.240 And you said you didn't understand that. 00:07:18.639 --> 00:07:21.279 You said that, and I was like, Did I ever Is that like a thing? 00:07:21.439 --> 00:07:24.000 I well, I've got three boys and I've got I've given none of them knives. 00:07:24.319 --> 00:07:26.319 So I'm thinking, is this something that men do that I just missed? 00:07:26.639 --> 00:07:29.120 I think maybe maybe one day you'll get your kid a knife. 00:07:29.360 --> 00:07:31.519 Well, we hadn't I had a pocket knife as a kid. 00:07:31.600 --> 00:07:32.240 I grew up in the world. 00:07:32.319 --> 00:07:34.639 Yeah, so when did you when did you get your pocket knife? 00:07:34.879 --> 00:07:37.279 I think I found one in a box in a closet. 00:07:37.360 --> 00:07:38.560 And I was like, Dad, can I have this? 00:07:38.639 --> 00:07:39.279 And he's like, Sure. 00:07:39.519 --> 00:07:39.759 Sure. 00:07:39.839 --> 00:07:40.000 Okay. 00:07:40.240 --> 00:07:41.040 I really think that's what it was. 00:07:41.439 --> 00:07:43.279 But it wasn't like a it's your time, son. 00:07:43.519 --> 00:07:47.839 Yeah, well, you were probably old enough to handle that and at least understand, like, hey, this is sharp. 00:07:48.079 --> 00:07:48.720 I should ask my dad. 00:07:48.959 --> 00:07:55.839 I can like whittle a stick with it, but I'm at the risk of cutting myself, versus like a much younger kid would be like, I'm instantly opening this to cut you. 00:07:56.240 --> 00:08:00.959 You recognize, okay, this this needs there's a certain maturity level that's there. 00:08:01.040 --> 00:08:02.720 And so the point is it's just too sharp a tool. 00:08:02.879 --> 00:08:03.040 Right. 00:08:03.199 --> 00:08:05.439 They're free-for-all, free reign approach, maybe not good. 00:08:05.600 --> 00:08:10.240 And then this the spying thing, not look, it's a I think it's a parent's right. 00:08:10.480 --> 00:08:11.279 Yeah, definitely. 00:08:11.519 --> 00:08:18.079 It's a right you want to utilize wisely because you can lose a lot of you can lose trust. 00:08:18.160 --> 00:08:20.879 You can sometimes the spying just makes them work harder to hide. 00:08:21.199 --> 00:08:22.560 I would say m most times. 00:08:22.879 --> 00:08:23.040 Sure. 00:08:23.120 --> 00:08:23.199 Yeah. 00:08:23.439 --> 00:08:23.600 Sure. 00:08:23.680 --> 00:08:25.759 So my point is there's downsides to that. 00:08:25.920 --> 00:08:31.920 Um, but there's like it's like, I don't know, like in governments, there's probably a necessity to have spies, but there's a lot of risk in having spies too. 00:08:32.159 --> 00:08:42.000 So your stance is hey, if you really don't trust them enough to use it without you having a lot of of oversight to where you maybe they're maybe just wait a little bit. 00:08:42.240 --> 00:08:42.480 Yeah. 00:08:42.960 --> 00:08:49.360 Or or communicate to them if they're bothering you about it, like communicate to them why you don't trust them, why you don't trust them. 00:08:49.600 --> 00:08:51.519 You well, son, you just make terrible choices. 00:08:51.679 --> 00:08:51.840 Right. 00:08:52.000 --> 00:08:54.159 And so uh, you know, until that changes, we're not gonna. 00:08:54.480 --> 00:08:58.639 If you have a kid that does, I mean that's a that's a an okay conversation to have. 00:08:58.960 --> 00:09:04.240 You get in trouble for all the things you say at school already, and I just don't want that to be I just don't want you to get a megaphone. 00:09:04.639 --> 00:09:05.919 I wouldn't hand you a megaphone in your club. 00:09:06.240 --> 00:09:08.240 That totally would have been what it was for me because I was so mouthy. 00:09:08.399 --> 00:09:08.480 Right. 00:09:08.639 --> 00:09:20.720 That I if you would have given me a phone with social media and all that stuff in today's world when I was like sixth, seventh grade, I don't even want to know what dumb stuff I would have put out there trying to be funny. 00:09:20.879 --> 00:09:21.200 Right. 00:09:21.360 --> 00:09:21.600 You know? 00:09:21.840 --> 00:09:23.759 And so then beneficial boundaries. 00:09:24.080 --> 00:09:26.399 Beneficial boundaries, restrictions that are wise. 00:09:26.639 --> 00:09:26.879 Sure. 00:09:27.039 --> 00:09:33.279 And I think the way we're gonna approach this is we both we both believe we have restrictions on our phones. 00:09:33.519 --> 00:09:33.840 Yes. 00:09:34.080 --> 00:09:35.120 Um, I mean, full disclosure. 00:09:35.519 --> 00:09:36.159 Too sharp a tool for it. 00:09:36.320 --> 00:09:37.759 Too sharp a tool for an adult. 00:09:38.080 --> 00:09:43.360 And so that's it's funny, like scre Apple devices have what's called screen time, which we can limit. 00:09:43.440 --> 00:09:44.399 And it's almost always seen. 00:09:44.639 --> 00:09:49.039 I like that they call it screen time and not parental controls, because parental controls imply this is only for children. 00:09:49.200 --> 00:09:49.360 Right. 00:09:49.519 --> 00:09:54.159 Like adults should use screen time because it's helpful to so that's a beneficial boundary. 00:09:54.399 --> 00:09:57.200 We're gonna explore um some of the whys. 00:09:57.600 --> 00:10:00.320 Like what are we trying to provide protection from? 00:10:00.399 --> 00:10:04.480 If I'm driving on a road and there's a cliff on one side, there's probably gonna be some type of guardrail. 00:10:04.799 --> 00:10:08.879 And it's not just there arbitrarily, it's so I don't go off the ravine to my death. 00:10:09.120 --> 00:10:10.960 What are the what are those ravines? 00:10:11.279 --> 00:10:14.960 And then you know, toward the end, okay, practically. 00:10:18.240 --> 00:10:20.000 Because a lot of parents might not even know. 00:10:20.480 --> 00:10:22.320 I said parents weird, I said like parents. 00:10:22.720 --> 00:10:23.039 Parents. 00:10:23.519 --> 00:10:28.399 A lot of parents might not know what you can even do and not do. 00:10:28.720 --> 00:10:30.159 Um so let's start here. 00:10:31.519 --> 00:10:43.440 What are some of the major pitfalls that go along with having a phone, which, like we said in the last episode, is really a supercomputer, right? 00:10:43.519 --> 00:10:44.320 It's not really a phone. 00:10:44.559 --> 00:10:44.720 Right. 00:10:44.879 --> 00:10:47.360 Um and let's start with one that maybe is a little bit surprising. 00:10:47.440 --> 00:10:49.759 It's not the obvious one that people always start with. 00:10:50.000 --> 00:10:50.159 Yeah. 00:10:50.320 --> 00:10:55.279 So I would say constant access from your friends at school. 00:10:55.600 --> 00:10:57.200 But I like my friends at school. 00:10:57.440 --> 00:10:59.840 But do you need to talk to them all the time? 00:11:00.000 --> 00:11:00.159 Right. 00:11:00.399 --> 00:11:03.440 And and is it healthy to talk to your friends all the time? 00:11:03.679 --> 00:11:08.159 And I mean, you've spoken to the level of like yeah, I mean, think of middle school. 00:11:08.320 --> 00:11:09.519 Middle school was dramatic. 00:11:09.679 --> 00:11:11.200 Like there was drama in middle school. 00:11:11.360 --> 00:11:12.080 Oh my goodness. 00:11:12.320 --> 00:11:22.080 And to go home and never be able to take a break from the drama, I think might be a burden on our kids, even if they don't perceive it as a burden. 00:11:22.320 --> 00:11:22.559 Yeah. 00:11:22.639 --> 00:11:27.919 So I have a few practical one is my own life, and the other is is the is what's something I saw with my son. 00:11:28.080 --> 00:11:33.440 So I went through a pretty rough stretch in like eighth grade, eighth grade, early ninth grade. 00:11:33.519 --> 00:11:38.240 I I had, and and this is I'm pulling the the heart, I'm pulling the curtain back a little bit, okay? 00:11:38.480 --> 00:11:41.519 So I don't even think you know this about me, but it's not gonna surprise you. 00:11:41.759 --> 00:11:48.240 So I had four straight girlfriends that broke up with me the day after I asked them out and they said yes, which is a real weird thing. 00:11:48.480 --> 00:11:48.960 In a row? 00:11:49.120 --> 00:11:49.519 Yeah. 00:11:49.759 --> 00:11:54.720 Like I asked a girl out and she's like, I'm like, you know, whatever that looked like in eighth, ninth grade, like, will you be my girlfriend? 00:11:54.799 --> 00:11:55.919 You know, I can't even remember how I did it. 00:11:56.080 --> 00:11:57.039 Like, what's up, girl? 00:11:57.279 --> 00:11:57.679 Something crazy. 00:11:57.919 --> 00:11:58.879 But it was in person? 00:11:59.120 --> 00:11:59.600 Oh, definitely. 00:11:59.759 --> 00:12:00.720 Yeah, I wasn't writing notes. 00:12:00.879 --> 00:12:01.279 No, I know. 00:12:01.360 --> 00:12:04.480 It was probably But now I'm saying texting and all that. 00:12:04.799 --> 00:12:06.639 Yeah, and they each said yes. 00:12:06.879 --> 00:12:09.679 And then the next day they changed their minds. 00:12:10.080 --> 00:12:12.000 And I was like, what is wrong with me? 00:12:12.240 --> 00:12:16.399 That the first impression, but then they go home and think about it and like, oh what have I done? 00:12:16.720 --> 00:12:20.879 And it was like the last one that did that, it was pretty like demoralizing. 00:12:21.440 --> 00:12:23.120 Like, I'm I'll never do this again. 00:12:23.360 --> 00:12:24.799 I'm so broken. 00:12:25.120 --> 00:12:31.360 Um, and I remember coming home from a few of those just so down. 00:12:32.240 --> 00:12:42.559 But the fact that I had a whole night at home to not maybe dwell on it, or not have to dwell on it, be able to even tune my brain out, or sometimes a weekend was nice. 00:12:42.720 --> 00:12:47.120 But if I would have had had like text message after text message of like, hey, I heard you she broke up with you, are you okay? 00:12:47.200 --> 00:12:48.000 Hey, I heard you guys broke up. 00:12:48.080 --> 00:12:48.559 Did you guys break up? 00:12:48.799 --> 00:12:54.799 Or just like said, You're trash, like like how oh, you got broke up with again, like people dunking on you, you know. 00:12:55.200 --> 00:12:57.200 And that okay, so that's what I okay, I'm glad you said that. 00:12:57.279 --> 00:13:01.200 That's the other one is my son, when he was in the fourth grade, we moved to a new school. 00:13:01.600 --> 00:13:05.519 And it didn't go great because boys at that age are very competitive. 00:13:05.679 --> 00:13:13.120 And he had been just as competitive as his his friends at the last school, but they had years of relationship to sort of contextualize that. 00:13:13.200 --> 00:13:15.759 At the new school, it's just uh none of these kids know me. 00:13:15.840 --> 00:13:16.240 I don't know them. 00:13:16.399 --> 00:13:20.960 We weren't at each other's first grade birthday parties, so no one's gotten anyone's presence before, right? 00:13:21.120 --> 00:13:22.480 You haven't bought their love. 00:13:22.720 --> 00:13:32.159 And we just compete at recess and we compete in class, and now we get home and we jump on, you know, for him it was like an online game, and it just continued that. 00:13:32.320 --> 00:13:39.600 So I would hear in the and I would hear as I'd walk by his room, like it's just constant boys being like, You're trash, you're garbage, I sniped you, you're you're terrible. 00:13:40.159 --> 00:13:42.480 Oh no, no, you're I'll trash you, go on anytime. 00:13:42.799 --> 00:13:49.440 And he was just like like in this heightened state of tension all the time. 00:13:49.600 --> 00:13:55.519 And I realized, oh, this is what he deals with at school all day, and now there's no break from it. 00:13:55.679 --> 00:13:56.399 Yeah, to take a break. 00:13:56.480 --> 00:14:00.320 I'm gonna go play video games, take a break, and you just step back into the intensity. 00:14:00.639 --> 00:14:01.519 It's just more. 00:14:01.840 --> 00:14:11.039 And I'm I mean, a good way I think to think about it is if your kid asks if a friend can come sleep over, you're like, what's the sh what's the hours I'm committing to? 00:14:11.440 --> 00:14:13.840 How long do I think it's appropriate for that kid to be in my house? 00:14:14.080 --> 00:14:14.240 Right. 00:14:14.320 --> 00:14:14.799 And who? 00:14:15.039 --> 00:14:15.679 And who, right? 00:14:15.759 --> 00:14:16.559 Who is it and how? 00:14:16.720 --> 00:14:26.879 And with with the phones and the unlimited restrictions, you're basically allowing all of your kids' friends to be in your home all the time and they never get a break, they never get a pause. 00:14:27.679 --> 00:14:29.039 And that's just that's hard. 00:14:29.279 --> 00:14:31.360 I mean, and the drama never ends. 00:14:31.600 --> 00:15:05.840 The drama on the the more heightened sense of the drama, kids that are going through on on the extreme end with their friends, like something like depression or anxiety or suicidality, like the the friend circle for that friend that's struggling gets roped into that into the late hours of the night where they're getting texted, they're getting called, they're getting like basically like their Friday night, instead of being in their room and going to sleep or playing some video games and going to bed, like it's roped into a highly, highly emotional thing that they're not even prepared for because that friend is reaching out for you know advice. 00:15:06.240 --> 00:15:07.759 And so, I mean, I'm so glad you mentioned that. 00:15:07.840 --> 00:15:16.639 So, one thing I think I've I I feel pretty strongly like I can say about most human beings, even the really good ones, is that most of the time we choose the path of least resistance. 00:15:17.200 --> 00:15:17.519 Right? 00:15:17.679 --> 00:15:23.200 So if given two options and one is just harder or more awkward, we're gonna pick the one that's not. 00:15:23.360 --> 00:15:31.279 So think about a kid who is because that whole suicide thing you mentioned, I mean, I know for a fact that we've we've had so many kids in the youth group and oh, that's definitely a thing. 00:15:31.440 --> 00:15:32.240 Or they get texts. 00:15:32.399 --> 00:15:32.720 Right. 00:15:33.039 --> 00:15:34.799 I'm I I might kill myself tonight. 00:15:35.279 --> 00:15:39.039 And that's like, what does that do to a 13-year-old that their friend is texting them at? 00:15:39.200 --> 00:15:44.799 But even the fact that the the path of least resistance, you know, that's a kid who should probably go talk to someone else about that. 00:15:45.039 --> 00:15:45.279 Right. 00:15:45.600 --> 00:15:46.879 But who are they gonna reach out to? 00:15:47.039 --> 00:15:52.879 Well, the easiest person to reach out to, which is just send a text or send 20 texts and see who responds. 00:15:53.120 --> 00:15:53.759 See who responds. 00:15:54.000 --> 00:16:02.159 And I know we had a girl in like the fourth grade that my wife was working with, and she broke down in tears on a Sunday morning and she was exhausted. 00:16:02.639 --> 00:16:22.879 And her friend, and and I think she sh I believe I'm if this is wrong, I apologize, but I think she showed her phone to my my wife because she had the phone, and she had gotten text like constantly the night before, and had just spent the whole night awake or being woken up by the most heavy, I would say even like emotionally manipulative. 00:16:23.200 --> 00:16:23.440 Right. 00:16:23.679 --> 00:16:28.159 Well, and clearly the kid struggling doesn't know how to handle handle or regulate that. 00:16:28.399 --> 00:16:35.519 The kid that's get getting the texts doesn't know how to set boundaries with friends, and so they're just trying to be a good friend. 00:16:35.679 --> 00:16:39.519 And so on the drama end, they never get a break from that. 00:16:39.600 --> 00:16:59.039 But two, even if your kid is not like doesn't have friends that are, you know, isn't a drama drama llama or whatever, like your kid might be like the funny kid, and the pressure to perform in the group chat and to be the center of attention or to send the funniest memes, like all of that is still a burden on your child when they get home from school. 00:16:59.279 --> 00:16:59.360 Right. 00:16:59.440 --> 00:17:10.720 They're the class kind of school, they feel that I'm the I'm supposed to be the one that makes the funny jokes, and now I don't get to go home and like I imagine comedians aren't cracking jokes at the dinner table left and right. 00:17:10.880 --> 00:17:11.599 That would be exhausting. 00:17:12.000 --> 00:17:13.359 But they feel that pressure, right? 00:17:13.519 --> 00:17:17.519 Yeah, or or let's be really like honest, you're the girl who everyone thinks is pretty. 00:17:17.680 --> 00:17:18.000 Sure. 00:17:18.160 --> 00:17:29.920 And so at school, you know, you get ready for school, and this has been a constant I I've never I've never been a girl, but I think I can say that the constant for as long as there's been school has been that girls want to look their best at school a lot of times, right? 00:17:30.240 --> 00:17:43.440 So if you're that the the pretty girl, you want to dress nice and you know look whatever at school, and then it used to end, and you come home and now you have to have the cutest home life too in the prettiest, like everyone. 00:17:43.680 --> 00:17:45.279 You gotta get home and snap the picture. 00:17:45.359 --> 00:17:52.559 And I mean, I've seen my daughter just a little bit with like she doesn't have a phone, she's nine, but she has there's cameras on everything, right? 00:17:52.720 --> 00:17:55.599 And like the number of selfies that she'll take, just playing around. 00:17:55.680 --> 00:17:57.279 And I'm like, where's she even seen this modeled? 00:17:57.440 --> 00:17:58.400 Because I don't take selfies, right? 00:17:58.640 --> 00:18:00.720 Megan takes a few rarely, sure. 00:18:01.039 --> 00:18:03.920 But something in her just I don't know, friends probably at school. 00:18:04.000 --> 00:18:05.359 But it's like, what are you doing? 00:18:05.440 --> 00:18:10.079 Oh, I've spent the last 30 minutes trying to take the perfect picture of myself, and she can't even post it on anything, right? 00:18:10.240 --> 00:18:13.759 But I imagine there's a lot of girls who get home, and like what do you spend your afternoon doing? 00:18:13.839 --> 00:18:14.640 And probably guys too. 00:18:14.720 --> 00:18:30.079 I'm not trying to say I'm just using the cliched, you know, I guess cliches, but it's like, oh, I spent the whole day trying to take a really perfect picture of myself to post on social media, and then using all kinds of filters to make it yeah, and that's just not and all of it that pressure is too much. 00:18:30.240 --> 00:18:36.400 Yeah, it all of it's a burden, yes, and I think that's what it comes down to when it comes to raising kids that follow Jesus. 00:18:36.640 --> 00:18:43.039 Like Jesus says, Come to me who you who are heavy laden and burdened, and I will give you rest. 00:18:43.200 --> 00:18:43.359 Right. 00:18:43.519 --> 00:18:44.559 And rest for your souls. 00:18:45.039 --> 00:18:57.279 And so to create a rest for their souls, yeah, where your kids, teenagers or not, can have soul rest, meaningful rest that's not or like intentional rest. 00:18:57.359 --> 00:19:02.160 Maybe it's time spent with the Lord, or maybe it's just a break from all of the crazy. 00:19:02.559 --> 00:19:10.400 And it's really hard to have soul rest when you have when everyone you know pings you pings you every second. 00:19:10.640 --> 00:19:10.880 Yeah. 00:19:11.039 --> 00:19:11.680 Of oh yeah. 00:19:11.839 --> 00:19:12.000 Yeah. 00:19:12.240 --> 00:19:12.480 Agreed. 00:19:12.799 --> 00:19:21.359 And so that constant access from you know, drama or the pressure to perform is one of the pitfalls that you're kind of gonna guard against. 00:19:21.599 --> 00:19:42.559 But another one is probably probably the more obvious one is exposure, exposure to pornography, exposure to I see it a lot um more recently to like violent images or things that are just like horrifying as true crime has kind of raised in popularity and things like that have gone on. 00:19:42.880 --> 00:19:50.960 Or um lastly, a exposure to ideology that you wouldn't necessarily want your kid to believe. 00:19:51.200 --> 00:19:56.880 Something you you said, where did this like tendency to take selfies come from in Lily? 00:19:57.279 --> 00:20:04.400 Um, but the idea that, like, hey, you believe something crazy now that I've never said, where did that come from? 00:20:04.640 --> 00:20:05.039 Right. 00:20:05.279 --> 00:20:10.640 And I'm I'm saying right, distracted because I'm looking at my phone right now, texting someone while you're talking, which is ironic. 00:20:10.880 --> 00:20:16.960 But I just want to say in my defense, my my car broke down, and our friend Warren is in the parking lot right now trying to find out. 00:20:17.519 --> 00:20:19.519 And he just texts me, hey, do you is it okay if I go do this? 00:20:19.599 --> 00:20:20.720 So it was like a Yeah, no worries. 00:20:20.880 --> 00:20:22.000 And I told him, text me, don't call me. 00:20:22.160 --> 00:20:23.759 But even in this moment is interrupted by that. 00:20:24.000 --> 00:20:25.920 So you're like, where did they where did they learn that? 00:20:26.240 --> 00:20:28.400 Where did they learn this and what are they seeing? 00:20:28.480 --> 00:20:33.759 And so that exposure piece is uh the other big um element of what you're protecting your kids against. 00:20:34.319 --> 00:20:39.759 Yeah, so exposure, okay, like let's just get real for a second. 00:20:40.000 --> 00:20:42.480 Most of what's on the internet is is bad. 00:20:42.880 --> 00:20:43.039 Yeah. 00:20:43.359 --> 00:20:44.559 I mean, which is that fair? 00:20:44.720 --> 00:20:45.839 Is that is that too pessimistic? 00:20:46.240 --> 00:20:47.680 I think I think it's pessimistic. 00:20:47.839 --> 00:21:03.359 I think again, it's like a lot of what's on the internet is if you don't use the the internet as a specific tool, then like most of browsing the internet, most of just chilling on the internet, like exploring whatever whim you have in the moment on the internet. 00:21:03.680 --> 00:21:08.160 I think that's probably just an unhealthy thing that all of us have baked into our psyche now. 00:21:08.480 --> 00:21:23.279 Well, it's like the it's like uh like a cliched trope in science fiction movies that some new technology is developed because of all the good that it can do for humanity, and then like, oh yeah, but we'll use it in the worst possible way and it will ultimately destroy us. 00:21:23.440 --> 00:21:23.519 Yes. 00:21:23.759 --> 00:21:24.240 You know what I mean? 00:21:24.319 --> 00:21:28.960 Like, we built robots because they can make our lives easier and do all the manual labor we don't want to do, and oh no, they're gonna be able to do that. 00:21:30.319 --> 00:21:30.559 Right. 00:21:30.799 --> 00:21:35.119 So, you know, when when phones, I mean it was all about look at all the things it can do. 00:21:35.359 --> 00:21:36.799 Look at all the things it can do. 00:21:37.039 --> 00:21:39.680 It can do this, it can do that, it can do this, you can go here, you can go that. 00:21:39.759 --> 00:21:43.599 The internet, social media, phones, all of that, it's all the possibilities are there. 00:21:43.759 --> 00:21:47.039 The problem is we live in a dark world. 00:21:47.279 --> 00:21:50.000 I mean, it's it's like Bible 101, right? 00:21:50.160 --> 00:21:53.440 There are spiritual forces of darkness in this world. 00:21:53.519 --> 00:21:55.759 And some people might hear that and go, Oh my gosh, you actually believe that? 00:21:55.920 --> 00:21:56.559 And it's like, yeah. 00:21:56.880 --> 00:21:57.599 Do you not? 00:21:58.319 --> 00:22:09.359 I mean, forget the fact that whether you're a Christian or not, like do you you've never had an experience where you've seen something in the world and you go, there is no that's just really dark rational explanation for why a human being would ever go to that place. 00:22:09.839 --> 00:22:12.640 Like, who would ever think of that? 00:22:12.960 --> 00:22:13.440 Mm-hmm. 00:22:14.400 --> 00:22:20.480 And I tell people, I mean, I'll tell people all the time have you ever felt like there just seems to be something like kind of against you? 00:22:20.880 --> 00:22:28.319 And it's almost like it knows the perfect time and way and place to hit you the hardest, and and it's not just random, and they're like, oh, I feel like that all the time. 00:22:28.480 --> 00:22:29.519 Yeah, it's because it's true. 00:22:29.920 --> 00:22:34.000 And so you have uh you have this world that has darkness in it. 00:22:34.240 --> 00:22:37.759 And that doesn't mean everything's lost and it's all going down the tubes and blah, blah, blah. 00:22:37.920 --> 00:23:04.960 It's not but uh there's darkness and the exposure, that constant access to the internet via phones, more so than ever, it's in your pocket, it's at your what you're able to be exposed to I think would actually blow most parents away because if you didn't grow up in a childhood where you could explore all those things young, it's easy for you to still believe that, oh yeah, that's probably pretty rare for people to see that stuff. 00:23:05.200 --> 00:23:06.640 And and the we'll say the stuff. 00:23:06.720 --> 00:23:09.359 We're talking like pornography, yeah, is the obvious one. 00:23:09.519 --> 00:23:13.119 But you even said that there's this new trend of I would say violence. 00:23:13.359 --> 00:23:17.440 I mean, we had a year, I mean, where we all watched someone die on Facebook. 00:23:17.599 --> 00:23:19.279 Like that happened in 2020. 00:23:19.440 --> 00:23:21.759 We all say saw the same video of someone dying. 00:23:21.920 --> 00:23:24.640 And so I guess my point is like Yeah, and so it's interesting, right? 00:23:24.720 --> 00:23:26.880 How many times have I ever watched someone die? 00:23:27.039 --> 00:23:27.599 Right. 00:23:27.920 --> 00:23:30.559 And in real life, a couple. 00:23:30.960 --> 00:23:34.400 Because I have I haven't been there the moment they've died, but I've been in a lot of hospital. 00:23:34.640 --> 00:23:35.680 Um, part of me being a pastor, right? 00:23:35.759 --> 00:23:37.920 I've been in a lot of hospital rooms at the last moments. 00:23:38.240 --> 00:23:42.720 Yeah, but that's a a very hard specific role that you play. 00:23:43.039 --> 00:23:46.960 It's not you just being like I was a 17-year-old and was, you know, in the traumatic situation. 00:23:48.000 --> 00:23:49.759 Someone calls me like, hey, can you come to the hospital? 00:23:49.839 --> 00:23:51.359 They're they're not gonna last much longer. 00:23:51.440 --> 00:23:52.240 I have some time to scroll. 00:23:52.559 --> 00:23:57.920 Versus scrolling and it's in between a Fortnite game and an ad for Oh, that's a funny video and someone's dying. 00:23:58.240 --> 00:23:58.400 Yeah. 00:23:58.480 --> 00:24:02.480 And so um, and then there's just a fascination with death, I think, that happens for most teenagers. 00:24:02.720 --> 00:24:05.599 Well, there's been like a big explosion in true crime podcasts, yeah. 00:24:06.079 --> 00:24:13.119 And it's like fun and interesting, and like it's it's uh, you know, that dark part of the world can be interesting to explore. 00:24:13.279 --> 00:24:18.640 I think the extent to which kids explore it when they have full access to the internet is pretty shocking. 00:24:18.799 --> 00:24:30.960 And so and you you said specifically when we talked that you have seen that you know that there are kids who that that and let's just use this word, we'll come back to it, that curiosity. 00:24:31.359 --> 00:24:33.920 Because kids are curious, they are so curious. 00:24:34.240 --> 00:24:39.759