WEBVTT 00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:03.439 Experience, but the gentleman that's going to speak with us today, he has done that. 00:00:03.600 --> 00:00:05.200 Uh, his name's Fred Goodwin. 00:00:05.440 --> 00:00:10.320 Fred has been a pastor in this in this community for several years, been a pastor for 35 years. 00:00:10.400 --> 00:00:14.880 And about a year ago, I got to know Fred uh because I realized that I really need a pastor. 00:00:15.119 --> 00:00:17.199 And so I began meeting with Fred. 00:00:17.280 --> 00:00:22.480 Uh, we get together pretty often, and Fred's just been a mentor in my life for the last year, and I've been blessed by it. 00:00:22.640 --> 00:00:33.759 And so when it came time for me to ask someone to speak to get the conversation going on parenting, I wanted someone who'd done it to a greater degree than I have, someone who's been been there can share from a place of experience that I can't speak from. 00:00:34.000 --> 00:00:37.679 And God made it really clear to me as I was actually having coffee with Fred. 00:00:37.759 --> 00:00:40.640 Uh ask Fred right now, hey Fred, what are you doing on Sunday? 00:00:40.799 --> 00:00:41.679 Um, can you speak? 00:00:41.840 --> 00:00:42.479 And he said yes. 00:00:42.560 --> 00:00:43.359 And so I'm grateful for that. 00:00:43.520 --> 00:00:46.320 So if you guys wouldn't mind, put your hands together for Fred as he makes his way out. 00:00:46.399 --> 00:00:49.200 He's a good man, he's gonna share with you. 00:00:50.560 --> 00:00:54.240 And I think I can say this with confidence because I was in the first gathering. 00:00:54.399 --> 00:01:00.560 Um, those of you who are parents, the Bible says that the word of God divides. 00:01:01.280 --> 00:01:04.400 Like it it's it's actually something that penetrates and pierces you. 00:01:04.480 --> 00:01:05.599 So be be open. 00:01:05.760 --> 00:01:07.120 Don't be don't be defensive. 00:01:07.280 --> 00:01:12.159 I've I sat over there and I was repenting halfway through the message, like, Lord help me, I need to do a better job. 00:01:12.239 --> 00:01:12.719 It's a good thing. 00:01:12.879 --> 00:01:13.760 God wants us to grow. 00:01:13.920 --> 00:01:15.920 So just be open to whatever he has to share, Fred. 00:01:16.239 --> 00:01:17.280 That wasn't my intent, Justin. 00:01:18.799 --> 00:01:19.680 It's like he's speaking to me. 00:01:19.840 --> 00:01:20.640 You ever have that feeling? 00:01:20.799 --> 00:01:21.040 You know? 00:01:21.200 --> 00:01:22.799 It's called the Holy Spirit, so just listen to it. 00:01:22.879 --> 00:01:23.040 All right? 00:01:23.120 --> 00:01:23.519 Let me see. 00:01:23.680 --> 00:01:24.079 Listen, really. 00:01:24.239 --> 00:01:24.719 Love you. 00:01:26.480 --> 00:01:28.480 Well, good afternoon, church. 00:01:29.120 --> 00:01:30.719 Oh, that was really wimpy. 00:01:30.799 --> 00:01:31.599 Come on. 00:01:32.799 --> 00:01:33.760 Come on. 00:01:34.239 --> 00:01:35.599 And and yes, you can check. 00:01:35.680 --> 00:01:36.560 It's afternoon. 00:01:36.719 --> 00:01:37.680 You made it. 00:01:37.920 --> 00:01:40.159 You probably slept in later than I did. 00:01:40.400 --> 00:01:41.840 But uh, I'm glad you're here. 00:01:42.000 --> 00:01:42.640 And you know what? 00:01:42.719 --> 00:01:43.920 It's a real privilege to be here. 00:01:44.079 --> 00:01:44.799 I mean that. 00:01:44.959 --> 00:01:54.640 I've had the privilege of sharing the gospel around the world and uh across the United States, but uh this is really I feel like I'm home. 00:01:55.359 --> 00:02:00.319 Partly because I am, because we're all in the same family if we believe in Jesus, aren't we? 00:02:00.640 --> 00:02:02.079 We're all part of a God's family. 00:02:02.239 --> 00:02:07.359 But also because of the relationship I have with Justin, I pray for him daily, like you. 00:02:08.639 --> 00:02:09.280 Right? 00:02:10.879 --> 00:02:12.080 No, you do that, right? 00:02:12.319 --> 00:02:26.319 Because after all, he and the team of pastors and elders here have a huge responsibility because they have to raise us in living in the kingdom in a culture that no longer wants to even allow us to talk about it. 00:02:26.719 --> 00:02:28.400 It's a hard business. 00:02:28.560 --> 00:02:33.280 And and and they need your prayers, and that's why I pray for Justin every day. 00:02:33.520 --> 00:02:36.800 It's a tough job to live for God. 00:02:37.360 --> 00:02:40.560 It's a tough job to parent for God. 00:02:40.719 --> 00:02:50.960 But to give you the context of my life, and then I'm not just just having ideas, um, parenting is the probably one of the roughest things we we ever challenged to do. 00:02:51.039 --> 00:02:54.240 But I want to share with you who I'm involved with in that process. 00:02:54.400 --> 00:02:57.840 So the first picture I want to show you is my beautiful wife Jill. 00:02:58.240 --> 00:03:00.879 Uh I met her when she was 15. 00:03:01.039 --> 00:03:08.879 She wasn't smart enough to know any better, so she uh agreed to wait for me when I went to the Naval Academy, and um we got married 10 days later. 00:03:08.960 --> 00:03:12.159 Um we've been married when we're coming up in 44 years. 00:03:12.719 --> 00:03:20.879 And um from that love we have for one another, we we ended up with three sons. 00:03:20.960 --> 00:03:23.039 Uh we were climbing around last Christmas. 00:03:23.199 --> 00:03:25.599 Um my oldest, uh Tim, is at your left. 00:03:25.680 --> 00:03:27.520 Uh, he's here with us worshiping today. 00:03:27.680 --> 00:03:31.199 Um my middle Josh is the other man, and Kevin is next to me. 00:03:31.360 --> 00:03:34.159 Um, and we're just coming around with mom there. 00:03:34.319 --> 00:03:40.479 Um now because they learned as they were growing up that they should always try to marry up. 00:03:41.520 --> 00:03:43.599 You all know what I mean by that, don't you? 00:03:44.000 --> 00:03:47.360 If you have a son, you really want to convince him he needs to marry up. 00:03:47.520 --> 00:03:52.800 Uh our three learned that lesson and have be chosen beautiful women to be their wives. 00:03:52.960 --> 00:03:56.479 Um so we now have uh six children. 00:03:56.639 --> 00:04:06.479 Uh we have three by birth, but our daughters, as we told our girls, uh, that they aren't our daughter-in-laws, because they're in the heart of our sons. 00:04:06.639 --> 00:04:08.159 So they're in our heart as well. 00:04:08.319 --> 00:04:09.680 They're our daughters. 00:04:10.240 --> 00:04:14.400 And so we really consider that we have six children, and the girls know that. 00:04:14.560 --> 00:04:20.879 And in fact, one of them I told yesterday, we, truth be told, we probably love our daughters more than our sons, but no, I wouldn't say that. 00:04:21.040 --> 00:04:21.920 I wouldn't say that. 00:04:22.079 --> 00:04:25.360 Uh, but all of them are raising uh raising their children in the faith. 00:04:25.439 --> 00:04:29.600 Um Tim and Maureen have those three precious girls, Cain, Shalom, and Eden. 00:04:29.920 --> 00:04:38.560 Uh Josh on the other side uh with Sarah have Courtney, who's uh at the Savannah College of Art and Design, and then two boys, uh, Luke and James. 00:04:38.720 --> 00:04:48.399 Kevin and Ashley are up in New York, and uh they have little Riker there, who's now two, and then they blessed us in January with little Evelyn. 00:04:48.879 --> 00:04:50.959 So we have eight grandchildren. 00:04:51.439 --> 00:05:01.600 And uh I want to say uh precious and and wonderful, uh, and um I guess I want to say something else. 00:05:01.920 --> 00:05:03.759 We're not a perfect family. 00:05:04.639 --> 00:05:11.920 None of us will be, and we ought to let that one die, because we won't be that until we get to the other side of the kingdom. 00:05:13.120 --> 00:05:24.639 But uh I will say that we are a family who love each other, who speak truth to each other, who text each other on the clan of the goodwins, so we get pictures back and forth throughout the the week. 00:05:24.800 --> 00:05:33.360 Um, and we have faced the realities of life because, yes, families, yes, parents, there's time that life sucks. 00:05:33.680 --> 00:05:42.639 Because you have to deal with stuff like cancer and drug abuse and arguments and fighting and life. 00:05:44.800 --> 00:05:49.439 But we as a family face it together because we all believe in Jesus. 00:05:49.680 --> 00:06:00.399 You see, what I'm about to share with you, if if you haven't yet been baptized, if you haven't yet said yes to the Lord and entered into his grace, then what I'm about to share with you will make no sense at all. 00:06:00.800 --> 00:06:10.639 Because you don't learn this in the world, and you don't learn this at school, and you probably don't experience it in business, and many of us, because we come out of broken homes, may not have even picked it up in our families. 00:06:11.279 --> 00:06:13.279 But we need to learn it from the Lord. 00:06:13.519 --> 00:06:22.399 We need to learn in his word, and we learn, learn in his spirit, and we need to learn from believing mentors how do we do this in the way that's pleasing to the Lord. 00:06:22.560 --> 00:06:31.680 Now, as Justin already said, you're in the series now, as you look at Ephesians, as the the reality of how do we live out this life through the Spirit? 00:06:32.319 --> 00:06:40.800 And yes, it's it's singing praises, and and yes, it's having an attitude of gratitude for everything in life, but it's also submitting to one another. 00:06:41.040 --> 00:06:46.319 And in Ephesians chapter 6, we're told how to do this, but I didn't even get my wake-up call to understand this. 00:06:46.399 --> 00:06:48.560 And I was, by this point, already a pastor. 00:06:48.720 --> 00:06:52.879 But I didn't get my wake-up call until I got home one day when the kids were young. 00:06:53.519 --> 00:06:55.759 And as a senior pastor, I was pretty worn out. 00:06:55.839 --> 00:07:02.959 I had uh I was feeling good, had a good day of ministry, poured myself out, I got home, was exhausted, and collapsed in my chair. 00:07:03.199 --> 00:07:07.839 Guys, you probably had never done that expecting your wife to then take care of you, and I expected her to. 00:07:08.319 --> 00:07:10.079 Isn't that what she's supposed to do? 00:07:10.319 --> 00:07:12.959 I mean, I've been serving the Lord all day, you know. 00:07:13.279 --> 00:07:22.560 And she came up to me with a with a half smile on her face and said, Honey, I I'm interested to hear what how your day went, but at this point it really doesn't matter. 00:07:22.800 --> 00:07:25.519 But I will tell you, I don't need a fourth child. 00:07:28.000 --> 00:07:36.560 And I need you to understand that when you come through the door after work, you need to be on because you're a dad. 00:07:36.959 --> 00:07:44.000 And she said, I don't care how long you stay in the driveway, you can you can pull in, you can sit there for minutes if you need to to collect yourself and get yourself together. 00:07:44.160 --> 00:07:46.639 But when you come through the door, you need to be on. 00:07:47.839 --> 00:07:50.800 And and to be honest with you, I didn't get angry. 00:07:52.000 --> 00:07:54.240 And I realized she was speaking God to me. 00:07:54.399 --> 00:07:55.839 This was a word from God. 00:07:56.480 --> 00:08:04.639 That though I had given my life to the Lord, and though I was serving the Lord, and been through seminary, been ordained, done all that stuff, I still didn't understand what that all meant. 00:08:05.279 --> 00:08:09.199 What does it mean to be on as a godly parent? 00:08:10.879 --> 00:08:15.120 But the answer is contained in Ephesians chapter 6. 00:08:15.839 --> 00:08:17.519 And that's what I want to invite you to consider. 00:08:17.680 --> 00:08:23.279 In Ephesians chapter 6, verse 4, we are told, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger. 00:08:23.519 --> 00:08:27.199 Now, we have to be very careful when the word of God tells us not to do something. 00:08:27.279 --> 00:08:30.480 And in this particular case, this is a big something. 00:08:30.639 --> 00:08:32.879 You see, provoke is a mega word. 00:08:33.279 --> 00:08:42.159 You know, when you look up uh and do a word search online, you know, Mike gets half a dozen or a dozen uh synonyms, you know, to help you understand what the verb means. 00:08:42.559 --> 00:08:47.600 If you look up provoke, well, I stopped counting yesterday over 120 words. 00:08:48.720 --> 00:08:52.240 There's a whole lot of things that we should not be doing with our children. 00:08:52.399 --> 00:08:55.200 Let me give you some of those synonyms of the word provoke. 00:08:55.519 --> 00:09:09.840 Do not irritate, do not exasperate, do not annoy, do not ignore, do not agitate, do not upset your children. 00:09:14.639 --> 00:09:18.320 Let me give you a contemporary context. 00:09:18.720 --> 00:09:31.759 If you're on your phone and you're on social media watching a YouTube or message, or you're you're listening to the latest podcast, or you're texting somebody, and your child comes in the room, guess what's more important than what you've got in your hand? 00:09:32.240 --> 00:09:35.440 Dads and moms, you better put that down for the moment. 00:09:36.159 --> 00:09:40.799 Because the word provoke comes from the French provocateur. 00:09:41.200 --> 00:09:45.200 The word actually means you are an agent of another. 00:09:45.679 --> 00:09:49.360 And at that very moment, you have a decision you have to make. 00:09:49.679 --> 00:09:53.360 Is what's in your hand more important or is your child more important? 00:09:54.080 --> 00:10:02.320 Because if you don't pay attention, if you ignore and you provoke them to anger because dad doesn't care about me, mom doesn't listen to me, guess what? 00:10:02.480 --> 00:10:10.000 You've just allowed darkness to come into your room, and that may have a life consequence that that thing you're doing on the phone will never have. 00:10:10.320 --> 00:10:11.120 Do you hear me? 00:10:11.200 --> 00:10:12.240 It's that important. 00:10:13.360 --> 00:10:21.279 Do not provoke your children, dad, moms, and it isn't just my opinion, this is the word of the Lord. 00:10:21.679 --> 00:10:23.679 You want to be a godly parent? 00:10:24.879 --> 00:10:26.639 Do not provoke your kids. 00:10:26.879 --> 00:10:28.799 That's how we submit to them. 00:10:29.120 --> 00:10:31.440 We realize just how precious they are to God. 00:10:31.679 --> 00:10:39.600 Do you realize in every single occasion when we have Jesus walking around with the disciples, the disciples are trying to push away the kids, and Jesus is trying to welcome them. 00:10:40.240 --> 00:10:42.480 Do not hinder the children, let them come to me. 00:10:42.639 --> 00:10:44.080 And he blesses them. 00:10:44.320 --> 00:10:45.360 And that's our job. 00:10:45.519 --> 00:10:49.120 Fathers, do you pronounce a godly blessing over your children every night? 00:10:51.039 --> 00:10:52.559 You haven't responded yet. 00:10:52.720 --> 00:10:53.759 You do, right? 00:10:55.200 --> 00:10:58.080 You bless your child every night. 00:10:58.720 --> 00:11:07.120 I'll never forget when I was doing that after they went to bed and and and just speaking their name, the last thing I said every night, blessing them and in the name of the Lord. 00:11:07.200 --> 00:11:15.039 And my about six-year-old at that point, I heard this little voice say, God bless you too, Daddy. 00:11:15.600 --> 00:11:18.960 And I went, I'll never stop doing this the rest of my life. 00:11:19.919 --> 00:11:21.279 Do not provoke. 00:11:21.440 --> 00:11:27.840 But instead, we're told, rather bring them up in the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord. 00:11:28.000 --> 00:11:29.840 Bring them up in discipline. 00:11:30.000 --> 00:11:35.919 And what's so unbelievable is we live in a culture that thinks discipline means punishment. 00:11:36.080 --> 00:11:37.440 No, it doesn't. 00:11:37.759 --> 00:11:49.919 Discipline means disciple them, teach them how to grow up, teach, care for them and nurture them, that they will grow up to be mature in the Lord. 00:11:50.159 --> 00:11:51.840 That's what that means. 00:11:52.639 --> 00:11:55.360 Now, think about a garden image for a minute. 00:11:55.759 --> 00:12:00.320 I've learned that from watching uh Jill all these years, who loves gardening even in Georgia. 00:12:00.399 --> 00:12:01.200 I don't get it. 00:12:01.440 --> 00:12:06.639 You buy a 10-cent plant, and then we need to invest in$10 of soil to surround it. 00:12:07.039 --> 00:12:12.399 So she has me dig out these big holes, we get rid of all the bad stuff, and then we put in the good stuff. 00:12:12.559 --> 00:12:15.360 But then she's got this, all this other stuff that has to be added. 00:12:15.440 --> 00:12:19.360 And then, of course, all the organic fertilizers, not Roundup, we can't go there anymore. 00:12:19.519 --> 00:12:27.120 So we, there's all we that's another story, but we do all this other stuff, and then you have to protect them from the bugs and from the rabbits and from the deer, and the fences have to get bigger. 00:12:27.200 --> 00:12:30.320 And the I feel like I have to be a 24-armed guard out there. 00:12:30.799 --> 00:12:33.440 Just so this little plant can start to grow. 00:12:33.759 --> 00:12:37.919 It has to be watered, it has to be cared for, and all the weeds have to be plucked out. 00:12:38.639 --> 00:12:44.240 Just so it will become the kind of fruit-bearing plant that she's looking for. 00:12:44.960 --> 00:12:47.200 Welcome to Parenting 101. 00:12:48.879 --> 00:12:55.440 It is a daily choice and a commitment to say, I am going to pour myself into my children. 00:12:55.600 --> 00:12:58.080 And that means I'm going to pray every day for them. 00:12:59.360 --> 00:13:01.200 It means I'm going to study the word. 00:13:03.039 --> 00:13:12.480 And yes, it means through this daily choice that I'm going to seek to put my faith to be at a more significant place than my feelings. 00:13:13.120 --> 00:13:15.519 You see, so many people in our culture live by their feelings. 00:13:15.600 --> 00:13:17.120 They do whatever their heart tells them to do. 00:13:17.679 --> 00:13:20.080 I've actually had people try to justify that to me. 00:13:20.639 --> 00:13:22.240 And I try not to laugh. 00:13:24.399 --> 00:13:26.080 You trust your feelings? 00:13:26.720 --> 00:13:28.799 Your feelings are part of your fallen nature. 00:13:29.679 --> 00:13:33.759 No, something goes deeper when you give your life to Christ, and that's your faith. 00:13:34.559 --> 00:13:43.039 So are you making that choice to live faith and to pour yourself through your faith into your kids? 00:13:43.200 --> 00:13:48.559 That is, uh, men, will you model for your children what it is to be a godly man? 00:13:48.799 --> 00:13:56.159 A man of integrity, a man of value, a man who stands by others, a man who knows he's blessed to be a blessing. 00:13:56.480 --> 00:14:01.360 Women, will you model what a faithful woman is meant to be? 00:14:02.080 --> 00:14:04.399 Adorned with the grace of God. 00:14:05.200 --> 00:14:06.399 Will you do that? 00:14:07.679 --> 00:14:09.440 See, parenting is hard work. 00:14:10.559 --> 00:14:12.000 And God demands it of us. 00:14:12.399 --> 00:14:18.960 You see, in that picture I showed you earlier, it's it's the constant reminder, and I actually have that picture in my prayer room. 00:14:19.200 --> 00:14:24.639 I've had thousands of people who call me Fred or Pastor Fred, but I only have six that call me Dad. 00:14:26.080 --> 00:14:29.679 I think that helps to understand the priorities of life, don't you? 00:14:31.200 --> 00:14:40.639 Maybe you've never made a decision to give up a job, a significant job, an important job, a well-paying job for the sake of your family. 00:14:41.600 --> 00:14:47.919 But when you do, you realize the blessings that are there from God when you make those kind of priorities in your life. 00:14:49.200 --> 00:14:50.960 What does it mean to parent your kids? 00:14:51.039 --> 00:14:56.960 Well, well, first, it means that you model life for them, you show them what it's like. 00:14:57.120 --> 00:15:03.679 For example, we have a saying in our family that comes from my dad, and it was, you can't soar with the eagles if you hoot with the owls. 00:15:04.799 --> 00:15:12.639 Now, in our family, we always hesitate because we're always being reminded we shouldn't stay out too late if we want to achieve anything the next day. 00:15:14.399 --> 00:15:18.080 But I realized I had to model that, and I had my whole life. 00:15:18.399 --> 00:15:20.480 Just that one little saying from my dad. 00:15:20.720 --> 00:15:23.440 Because I want my family to learn that too. 00:15:23.919 --> 00:15:27.600 If you gotta be up in the morning, you leave the party the night before. 00:15:27.919 --> 00:15:33.120 Saturday night for our family is always, oh, dad and mom are the first to leave. 00:15:33.600 --> 00:15:35.759 Yeah, because tomorrow's more important. 00:15:36.240 --> 00:15:40.000 Sunday morning is always more important than Saturday night, isn't it? 00:15:40.399 --> 00:15:42.799 Because we're gathering the but with the body. 00:15:43.440 --> 00:15:46.159 It's something we just have to model for our families. 00:15:46.960 --> 00:15:52.639 But but it's it's not just modeling, it's it's teaching them how to live a righteous life. 00:15:52.799 --> 00:15:54.960 What does it mean to listen to God? 00:15:55.200 --> 00:15:59.440 For example, with three sons being raised, we were always roughhousing. 00:16:00.000 --> 00:16:06.720 Roughhousing, even to the point of one time I had to go to the emergency room, and she said, What's the problem? 00:16:06.879 --> 00:16:09.360 And I said, I've just gotten knocked on the head by my two-year-old. 00:16:09.440 --> 00:16:10.799 And she said, You need stitches. 00:16:11.120 --> 00:16:11.679 What were you doing? 00:16:11.840 --> 00:16:13.600 I said, We were just roughhousing. 00:16:14.480 --> 00:16:23.759 But no matter what we were doing, during the day or during the evening, there came a time when it was time for prayers. 00:16:24.240 --> 00:16:28.159 And that meant lighting a candle and stopping everything. 00:16:28.559 --> 00:16:32.320 Because now we focus on the light who is Christ. 00:16:32.559 --> 00:16:34.159 And it's time to pray. 00:16:34.879 --> 00:16:37.759 It's time to share, it's time to hear a bit of the word. 00:16:38.240 --> 00:16:39.519 It's time to pray. 00:16:40.799 --> 00:16:42.960 And yes, it's that simple. 00:16:44.000 --> 00:16:51.600 You discipline yourself to have times that are clearly God time, Christ time, listening time. 00:16:51.759 --> 00:16:53.039 And then of course they get older. 00:16:53.279 --> 00:16:58.000 You know, nowadays it's about age 10 or 11, and all of a sudden they're staying up later than you are. 00:16:58.799 --> 00:17:01.039 You don't light a candle anymore, that doesn't work. 00:17:02.720 --> 00:17:07.279 So you say goodnight, and you go and have your own prayers. 00:17:07.599 --> 00:17:13.920 But I have to admit, I always loved it when our bedroom door would be closed, and one of the boys would open the door and say, Hey Dad, just one more thing. 00:17:14.079 --> 00:17:16.079 Oh, sorry, you're on your knees. 00:17:18.480 --> 00:17:21.599 And I'd answer their question, they'd close the door back. 00:17:22.000 --> 00:17:28.319 My first words, I don't think I've ever told them this, was the first word I'd say to the Lord is, Yes, Lord. 00:17:28.720 --> 00:17:33.200 They saw again that dad is a man of prayer, and they knew I was praying for them. 00:17:33.599 --> 00:17:35.119 I pray for them and for their kids every day. 00:17:35.200 --> 00:17:36.400 That's never stopped. 00:17:38.640 --> 00:17:42.960 Will you teach them how to make choices, good choices? 00:17:45.519 --> 00:17:48.559 For example, will you teach them how to how to serve? 00:17:48.720 --> 00:17:50.079 How do you serve the family? 00:17:50.240 --> 00:17:55.680 Well, as I admitted to the early service, I've only learned about in the last year how not to burn toast. 00:17:55.920 --> 00:17:57.920 I'm just, I didn't, there's a little dial. 00:17:58.000 --> 00:17:58.960 Did you you may not know this? 00:17:59.039 --> 00:18:00.400 There's a dial on, I didn't know this. 00:18:00.480 --> 00:18:03.519 There's a little dial on the toaster, and you can not burn the toast. 00:18:03.759 --> 00:18:06.480 But anything beyond that, I can handle bowl of cereal. 00:18:06.640 --> 00:18:08.720 Anything beyond that, just beyond my abilities. 00:18:08.880 --> 00:18:11.359 Fortunately, Jill is an amazing cook. 00:18:11.680 --> 00:18:12.559 Amazing. 00:18:13.039 --> 00:18:15.839 But you know what I can do to serve my family? 00:18:16.160 --> 00:18:17.599 I can do the dishes. 00:18:18.960 --> 00:18:20.480 I can do the dishes every night. 00:18:20.880 --> 00:18:26.160 In fact, I can do the dishes when the family gathers for family events because I can't cook, I can't barbecue. 00:18:26.559 --> 00:18:27.759 But I can do the dishes. 00:18:28.319 --> 00:18:36.240 So the family can continue to mingle and share and they need to see dad serving them. 00:18:37.599 --> 00:18:42.240 Oh, sure, sometimes they come over and help, and sometimes they don't because you're busy in conversation, and that's fine. 00:18:43.359 --> 00:18:46.640 Because I'm modeling for them and teaching them what it means to serve. 00:18:47.359 --> 00:18:48.240 That's what it means. 00:18:48.400 --> 00:18:50.079 Look at what Christ did for us. 00:18:55.440 --> 00:18:57.599 And you're teaching them how to handle conflict. 00:18:59.359 --> 00:19:00.720 You're asking questions. 00:19:01.279 --> 00:19:06.240 For example, part of this is not just modeling and teaching, it's coaching them to face life. 00:19:06.400 --> 00:19:12.640 You see, a parent's responsibility is to always attend to two issues with their their children. 00:19:13.039 --> 00:19:24.640 One is how to get them through what they're facing uh today, but also from that situation and experience, how to help them to prepare to face it the next day. 00:19:27.680 --> 00:19:28.799 Does that make sense? 00:19:29.440 --> 00:19:33.839 In other words, if they've gotten bullied, you want to hear about that, don't you, parents? 00:19:34.720 --> 00:19:42.799 But not because it's a politically correct or incorrect thing to do or somebody you need to report, but rather how are they processing that? 00:19:44.000 --> 00:19:46.400 What was said, you weren't hurt, were you? 00:19:48.319 --> 00:19:50.559 But then what have you done about that, son? 00:19:51.359 --> 00:19:52.480 Have you forgiven them? 00:19:52.640 --> 00:19:54.000 What do you mean I don't want to forgive them? 00:19:54.079 --> 00:19:55.039 Oh, I know you don't want to. 00:19:55.119 --> 00:19:56.160 We never want to. 00:19:56.480 --> 00:19:58.480 But you know Jesus did for us. 00:19:59.599 --> 00:20:00.799 Well, I don't know how to forgive. 00:20:00.880 --> 00:20:02.559 Well, then let's talk about that. 00:20:04.000 --> 00:20:08.880 Do you remember how Jesus forgave the Roman soldiers who drove the nails into their into his hands? 00:20:09.519 --> 00:20:12.799 He prayed, Father, forgive them, they don't know what they do. 00:20:15.359 --> 00:20:17.279 So we teach that to the kids. 00:20:18.640 --> 00:20:21.279 And hope that they one day would teach it to their kids. 00:20:22.079 --> 00:20:27.039 After the Lord's prayer, that ought to be the prayer we most often have on our lips when somebody puts us down. 00:20:27.440 --> 00:20:29.599 Father, forgive them, they don't know what they do. 00:20:30.000 --> 00:20:34.160 And then, of course, once you help them through that situation, maybe they even want to pray at that moment. 00:20:34.319 --> 00:20:35.359 Would you pray with me, Dad? 00:20:35.519 --> 00:20:36.319 Of course. 00:20:37.599 --> 00:20:41.279 But then you don't let them go until you ask the next question. 00:20:42.240 --> 00:20:44.960 Son, how are you gonna handle this next week? 00:20:45.519 --> 00:20:46.319 What do you mean? 00:20:46.480 --> 00:20:50.319 Oh, being put down by people is just part of life. 00:20:51.599 --> 00:20:53.039 Just part of life. 00:20:53.279 --> 00:20:56.640 You see, the parent always has to have an objective perspective. 00:20:56.960 --> 00:21:01.759 The child doesn't have to because the child hasn't gotten that part yet, hasn't figured that one out yet. 00:21:02.079 --> 00:21:16.400 I'm fascinated how many times my wife, who's been in preschool ministry for decades, how many times she comes home and just is shocked that some parent has lit into this teacher and lit into the staff because little two-year-old or three-year-old was upset about something. 00:21:16.640 --> 00:21:21.680 And the mom is just taking it as truth and is gonna take it out on somebody. 00:21:22.000 --> 00:21:30.319 And when Jill is a director or one of the teachers suggests there might be another perspective, the parent is quick to defend their child. 00:21:31.440 --> 00:21:32.079 Really? 00:21:32.559 --> 00:21:34.480 That's godly parenting. 00:21:35.279 --> 00:21:46.160 You see, too often nowadays, I think, because we live in a world that everybody has to blame and fight, I think too often parents are are like a thermometer hanging on a wall. 00:21:46.559 --> 00:21:49.839 And they respond to whatever however their child feels. 00:21:50.559 --> 00:21:53.839 They respond if the child's having a horrible day, they have a horrible day. 00:21:54.000 --> 00:21:56.559 If the child's having a great day, they have a great day. 00:21:56.799 --> 00:21:58.880 And they're driven by the circumstances. 00:22:00.079 --> 00:22:00.880 How sad. 00:22:01.759 --> 00:22:07.200 One of my friends was greeting his church as they were coming out one day, and he asked one of the women, So, how are you doing? 00:22:07.279 --> 00:22:09.680 And she said, Well, I guess under the circumstances, pretty good. 00:22:09.839 --> 00:22:11.920 And he said, What are you doing under there? 00:22:14.400 --> 00:22:16.160 Excuse me, we've been redeemed. 00:22:16.319 --> 00:22:18.319 We aren't driven by circumstances anymore. 00:22:18.480 --> 00:22:19.519 Life is tough. 00:22:19.759 --> 00:22:20.880 Yes, it is. 00:22:21.200 --> 00:22:22.400 Life is hard. 00:22:22.640 --> 00:22:24.319 We're going to be broken a lot, yeah. 00:22:24.480 --> 00:22:25.519 But we have a redeemer. 00:22:25.680 --> 00:22:26.880 His name's Jesus. 00:22:27.200 --> 00:22:28.559 He makes all things new. 00:22:28.799 --> 00:22:31.759 We aren't driven by the circumstances anymore. 00:22:31.920 --> 00:22:34.720 We are to change the circumstances in which we live. 00:22:34.960 --> 00:22:36.079 Aren't we? 00:22:36.720 --> 00:22:38.079 So guess what, folks? 00:22:38.240 --> 00:22:39.839 I'm going to give you another picture. 00:22:40.160 --> 00:22:45.519 Stop today being a thermometer and just repeating everything else you see and hear. 00:22:45.680 --> 00:22:47.359 Instead, be a thermostat. 00:22:47.839 --> 00:22:58.400 A thermostat is connected to a power source, and a master, another, comes along and adjusts the thermostat to change the situation, and that's what we're called to be. 00:22:58.559 --> 00:23:02.960 And if in any other circumstance we're called to be that, we are certainly called to be that as parents. 00:23:03.200 --> 00:23:04.559 We're a thermostat. 00:23:04.799 --> 00:23:19.039 We hear what happens, we process it with them, we ask the Lord's help to change that situation so there's a new perspective, a new truth, more love, pouring on healing, pouring on prayer, speaking a word from the word itself. 00:23:20.240 --> 00:23:22.240 And shaping the situation. 00:23:22.559 --> 00:23:23.680 Because what are we doing? 00:23:23.839 --> 00:23:27.759 We're seeking to nurture our children to be strong. 00:23:28.480 --> 00:23:29.279 How do we do that? 00:23:29.359 --> 00:23:30.559 We ask a lot of questions. 00:23:30.799 --> 00:23:34.400 By the time they get to be teenagers, we certainly don't ask them yes-no questions. 00:23:34.480 --> 00:23:35.920 Hey, do you have a good day at school? 00:23:36.160 --> 00:23:39.359 Yeah, and you get some grunt from a 14-year-old. 00:23:40.000 --> 00:23:42.000 You never ask yes or no questions anymore. 00:23:42.319 --> 00:23:43.599 Not for teenagers. 00:23:43.920 --> 00:23:46.000 You ask the questions that make them think. 00:23:46.799 --> 00:23:48.960 What's the best thing that happened today? 00:23:50.319 --> 00:23:54.400 If we were giving thanks to God right now, what would it be for today in your life? 00:23:56.400 --> 00:24:02.319 Another question we use rather frequently at the dinner table was what are you struggling with most this week? 00:24:04.559 --> 00:24:07.759 And I can promise you, as parents, you're always going to be surprised by that one. 00:24:10.319 --> 00:24:15.839 Or when they come home excited about something they did for a friend, oh, you mean you were blessed to be a blessing and you live that? 00:24:17.519 --> 00:24:19.200 Isn't that what we're supposed to be? 00:24:19.519 --> 00:24:21.599 Isn't that what we're trying to nurture them to be? 00:24:21.920 --> 00:24:24.720 Mature, strong in the Lord. 00:24:25.279 --> 00:24:26.960 We are blessed to be a blessing. 00:24:27.119 --> 00:24:29.279 We've been redeemed to live. 00:24:29.680 --> 00:24:33.519 I remember boys came to me one day and said, Hey dad, I gotta ask a question. 00:24:33.599 --> 00:24:34.319 Yeah, what's that? 00:24:34.400 --> 00:24:37.599 How come we never go off to Disney World like all of our friends? 00:24:38.880 --> 00:24:42.640 I said, Well, your mom's a preschool director and I'm a pastor. 00:24:42.720 --> 00:24:45.279 We don't get paid, probably, what your friends' parents get paid. 00:24:45.519 --> 00:24:46.480 But there's something else. 00:24:46.640 --> 00:24:46.960 Really? 00:24:47.039 --> 00:24:47.680 What's that? 00:24:48.000 --> 00:24:48.960 We tithe. 00:24:49.519 --> 00:24:51.279 We tithe, what's tithing? 00:24:51.759 --> 00:24:53.440 And we're off and running. 00:24:54.799 --> 00:24:58.480 Well, we it all the money we get is a gift from God and it doesn't belong to us. 00:24:58.559 --> 00:24:59.920 It's all God's. 00:25:00.559 --> 00:25:03.599 And he commands us at a minimum to give away at least 10%. 00:25:03.920 --> 00:25:04.400 So we do. 00:25:04.480 --> 00:25:06.160 So we don't have the resources to go to the disease. 00:25:06.319 --> 00:25:07.440 But we'll have a good vacation. 00:25:07.519 --> 00:25:09.519 We'll do exciting stuff. 00:25:10.400 --> 00:25:10.960 Do you see? 00:25:11.039 --> 00:25:12.720 We're always looking to ask questions. 00:25:13.759 --> 00:25:22.480 We're always excited about how to equip them for what they're facing now and how they can learn to grow up to be able to stand on their own. 00:25:22.559 --> 00:25:24.160 And everything is the stage of life. 00:25:24.319 --> 00:25:27.200 You don't treat a four-year-old like you do a two-year-old. 00:25:27.680 --> 00:25:30.319 You don't treat a 12-year-old like you do a nine-year-old. 00:25:30.400 --> 00:25:34.319 You don't treat a 16-year-old like you do a 12-year-old, or you might get slugged. 00:25:34.880 --> 00:25:37.359 Folks, we're all in different stages. 00:25:40.000 --> 00:25:42.400 We don't like to be treated like children. 00:25:43.279 --> 00:25:46.160 And unless they're under the age of six, they probably don't either. 00:25:46.400 --> 00:25:49.200 At least not the way that many in the world treat their children. 00:25:49.519 --> 00:25:57.200 We're there to love, we're there to speak truth, we're there to encourage them, we're there to build them up so they become strong, fruit-bearing plants for the Lord Jesus. 00:25:57.759 --> 00:26:04.480 Now, what's interesting is that by God's grace, they will eventually become adults. 00:26:06.720 --> 00:26:17.839 Because you've taught them about checkbooks and you taught them about credit cards and you taught them about how to how to honor people and you taught them how to respect people and you taught them how to take their value from God and not the circumstances and troubles that they're in. 00:26:19.680 --> 00:26:24.160 And you begin seeing God working in them in extraordinarily wonderful ways. 00:26:24.880 --> 00:26:41.440 But there's even a sidebar and I want to mention that, because as our sons were getting older, I sensed in prayer that there was going to be one day a very special blessing for us. 00:26:43.119 --> 00:26:54.400 And one day I realized that if we do our work well, each of our children as adults will count us to be one of their close friends. 00:26:55.200 --> 00:26:58.960 You can't be a friend to your kids when they're eight or twelve or sixteen. 00:26:59.279 --> 00:27:08.319 But one day I believed that I would, if I did it well, I would be a good friend to each of my sons and daughters. 00:27:09.519 --> 00:27:14.319 And I realized it was all my responsibility to create that and not theirs. 00:27:14.880 --> 00:27:16.480 Folks, do you hear what I'm saying? 00:27:17.759 --> 00:27:25.440 That that if Jill and I did it well enough, one day they would be grateful for us as we're grateful for them. 00:27:26.720 --> 00:27:29.119 And they'd want to call just to talk. 00:27:29.759 --> 00:27:32.079 And they'd want to share life with us. 00:27:32.880 --> 00:27:37.359 And when the dog dies last night, they want to call us to come and help them. 00:27:37.599 --> 00:27:39.599 That's what it is to be family. 00:27:40.880 --> 00:27:49.839 You see, when our kids become adults, it it's it's still the it's still modeling, it's still teaching, it's still coaching, but now the view is from the balcony. 00:27:50.880 --> 00:27:53.200 You're not actively involved in the day-to-day. 00:27:54.319 --> 00:27:57.680 They have left our family to have their own. 00:27:57.920 --> 00:28:00.480 We are not their immediate family anymore. 00:28:01.359 --> 00:28:06.559 Adult parents get over it, or parents of adults, I should say, get over it. 00:28:06.799 --> 00:28:10.559 If your son or daughter have gone off and married someone, they have their family. 00:28:10.640 --> 00:28:13.759 We're not the immediate family anymore, but we do have a view from the balcony. 00:28:13.920 --> 00:28:17.599 We know them, and by God's grace we'll get to know their grandchildren. 00:28:18.240 --> 00:28:19.440 And how do we model? 00:28:19.519 --> 00:28:20.079 How do we teach? 00:28:20.160 --> 00:28:21.359