WEBVTT 00:00:05.120 --> 00:00:06.240 Good morning. 00:00:07.200 --> 00:00:09.199 Well, that's gonna be a big day. 00:00:09.439 --> 00:00:11.439 I'm uh looking forward to that. 00:00:11.519 --> 00:00:14.960 You know, it's important that we're not playing church. 00:00:15.119 --> 00:00:18.239 God is real and uh and that is real. 00:00:18.399 --> 00:00:22.079 It's an experience that we can all look forward to uh together. 00:00:22.239 --> 00:00:32.000 And so going through life, you know, whether it's good times or bad times or whatever, it helps me to keep it all in perspective that that's the day that uh I'm really looking forward to. 00:00:32.240 --> 00:00:33.600 Well, it's good to be back. 00:00:33.759 --> 00:00:47.280 I'm uh not sure I can speak without Susan hugging me every now and then, but I guess I'm going to. 00:00:51.600 --> 00:01:03.600 I want to uh remind everyone that on September 5th, Wednesday night, we're gonna start the the fall session of uh Wednesday night at his hands, which is uh the groups and classes, and we've got great groups and great classes. 00:01:03.759 --> 00:01:08.640 There's uh child care, we've got something really for everyone. 00:01:08.879 --> 00:01:25.359 Um the high school students are meeting on Wednesday nights, the junior high, uh we've got the art group, uh, men's group, the freedom from addiction group, which is a powerful group, women's group, we've got a parenting class, and if I forgot anything, it's because I forgot to bring the thing up here. 00:01:25.519 --> 00:01:37.359 But uh we'll talk more in detail over the next couple of weeks, but just want to let you know so you can plan that that starts Wednesday, September 5th, and then it'll be every Wednesday night in September and October. 00:01:37.519 --> 00:01:42.959 Plus, we have other great groups and classes that meet uh different times and at different places. 00:01:43.200 --> 00:01:48.640 The high school students, however, can't wait, so they're starting back this Wednesday at 7 p.m. 00:01:49.439 --> 00:01:56.000 And um man, you're so much louder when Justin's speaking. 00:01:57.439 --> 00:02:09.919 But uh if you're here last Sunday, but as Justin spoke, he talked about the great trip that the students had and what I mean, we are just so um blessed to have a wonderful group of high school students. 00:02:10.000 --> 00:02:19.599 And God's doing, you know, not only are they being great friends, but uh God is really doing something amazing in that group and in each of the students' lives. 00:02:19.680 --> 00:02:24.479 So if you're a high school student, please join us Wednesday, um starting this Wednesday at 7 o'clock. 00:02:24.639 --> 00:02:28.560 And I want to remind you about uh giving and and thank you for that. 00:02:28.719 --> 00:02:31.520 You know, it's uh it's important for a couple reasons. 00:02:31.680 --> 00:02:40.800 One is it allows us to do together what God has us doing, which uh helps a tremendous amount of people in a lot of uh different ways. 00:02:40.960 --> 00:02:52.879 And then just individually in our lives, when we uh learn that we can trust God to take care of us and to be generous with us, um it's uh it's really uh a life-changing type of thing. 00:02:53.039 --> 00:02:59.199 So we can give online or back at the um the stations uh in the back. 00:02:59.520 --> 00:03:02.560 And there's also uh uh prayer request cards in the back. 00:03:02.800 --> 00:03:07.199 We've got a great uh prayer team that prays over every request every single week. 00:03:07.280 --> 00:03:11.759 And so if you've got something that's kind of weighing you down this morning, please jot down a note and put it in there. 00:03:12.000 --> 00:03:15.039 We'd love to pray uh all during the week. 00:03:15.280 --> 00:03:17.120 Let's pray now as we get started. 00:03:17.280 --> 00:03:18.879 So, Father, we thank you for this day. 00:03:19.039 --> 00:03:23.360 Thank you for being such a good father, for adopting us as your as your kids. 00:03:23.520 --> 00:03:27.360 We can call you Abba Father, Daddy Father, and we just praise you and thank you for that. 00:03:27.520 --> 00:03:30.319 Holy Spirit, we praise you for being our counselor and our teacher. 00:03:30.400 --> 00:03:37.199 And please teach us this morning that we could all leave with just one thing that uh that we know um is for us and from you. 00:03:37.280 --> 00:03:44.240 And Jesus, we just thank you for being our Savior and being our friend and just uh showing us how to live. 00:03:44.319 --> 00:03:46.960 And so we we praise you, and it's in your name we pray. 00:03:47.280 --> 00:03:47.919 Amen. 00:03:49.120 --> 00:03:51.360 Well, we are in the home stretch, really. 00:03:51.439 --> 00:03:57.439 We're finishing up uh this study over the summer of the choices that we can make. 00:03:57.919 --> 00:04:06.879 And I want to get uh, I guess, refocused on what the opportunity is as uh we head into these last three weeks, this Sunday and then uh the next two Sundays. 00:04:06.960 --> 00:04:12.159 And so to do that, we're gonna kind of walk through a thing that we've we've already done twice. 00:04:13.120 --> 00:04:16.879 But um, I just want you to imagine that you're having this encounter. 00:04:17.040 --> 00:04:22.480 You know it's a Sunday afternoon, you're sitting alone, a person approaches you, but it doesn't startle you. 00:04:22.720 --> 00:04:23.439 Just the opposite. 00:04:23.519 --> 00:04:25.120 If anything, you feel peaceful. 00:04:25.279 --> 00:04:27.439 And he says, I have something for you. 00:04:28.879 --> 00:04:31.199 God has chosen you to be the next one. 00:04:31.360 --> 00:04:32.240 So the next what? 00:04:32.399 --> 00:04:34.720 You ask, and he says, the next to choose. 00:04:34.879 --> 00:04:40.480 And he places in your hand a small book, it's old, it's kind of weathered, and uh it's it's really small. 00:04:40.560 --> 00:04:42.720 It's only 25 pages long or so. 00:04:42.959 --> 00:04:49.279 And he says that in this book lies long life and riches and honor, and that God's handpicked you to be the next. 00:04:49.519 --> 00:05:00.240 And so you might start to argue, you might say, you know, uh, God wouldn't handpick me, or you might be, you know, God doesn't care about me having a great life, or it could be a lot of things. 00:05:00.480 --> 00:05:02.399 But it's up to you, he says. 00:05:02.639 --> 00:05:04.240 God says you're the next one. 00:05:04.399 --> 00:05:12.000 And this little book is going to help you make choices, and if you will, you will have long life, riches, and honor. 00:05:12.319 --> 00:05:14.560 And one last thing is he says you have to commit. 00:05:14.639 --> 00:05:15.839 You need to sign for it. 00:05:16.000 --> 00:05:22.879 And so you look in the back of the book and you see where others have signed, and there's Tony Dungey, and there's Truett Cathy, and there's Jonas Salk, and there's C.S. 00:05:22.959 --> 00:05:33.439 Lewis, and the Wright brothers, and George Washington, and Christopher Columbus, and the names just go on and on until you see one name that jumps out at you, and it's Yeshua. 00:05:34.160 --> 00:05:38.879 And you realize that this very book had been important to Jesus himself. 00:05:39.360 --> 00:05:42.879 And so the man says, It's your turn now, and you go ahead and you sign. 00:05:43.600 --> 00:05:47.439 And he says, I'll see you again at the end of August. 00:05:47.680 --> 00:05:49.920 That's when I pass it on to the next one. 00:05:50.319 --> 00:05:55.199 Make the choices, and a long life, riches, and honor are yours. 00:05:55.360 --> 00:05:59.600 And so you look at the book, you know, you can't believe this is happening to you. 00:06:00.079 --> 00:06:04.079 You look up, the person's gone, but the book's still there. 00:06:04.240 --> 00:06:07.199 And so you open the first page. 00:06:07.600 --> 00:06:11.839 And so the question we've asked ourselves is could this really happen? 00:06:12.160 --> 00:06:19.680 Could God really handpick us to share something like that with each of us? 00:06:20.319 --> 00:06:27.120 Could God give us a book that if we read it and just made simple choices, we could have long life, riches, and honor? 00:06:27.519 --> 00:06:32.079 Proverbs 3, 15 through 16 says, Wisdom is more precious than rubies. 00:06:32.399 --> 00:06:35.360 Nothing you desire can compare with her. 00:06:35.600 --> 00:06:40.480 She offers you long life in her right hand and riches and honor in her left. 00:06:40.720 --> 00:06:43.040 She will guide you down delightful paths. 00:06:43.279 --> 00:06:45.600 All her ways are satisfying. 00:06:45.839 --> 00:06:50.000 And we're not talking about riches like American riches. 00:06:50.240 --> 00:06:53.839 You know, we're talking about riches like when Proverbs was written. 00:06:54.000 --> 00:07:00.879 You know, just having uh enough, more than enough, enough for us, but especially enough to share with others. 00:07:01.040 --> 00:07:04.240 And having a good life and having good reputations. 00:07:04.959 --> 00:07:11.199 In Proverbs 4 10, it says, My child, listen to me and do as I say, and you will have a long good life. 00:07:11.519 --> 00:07:15.120 Proverbs 19 8 says, To acquire wisdom is to love oneself. 00:07:15.360 --> 00:07:18.720 People who cherish understanding will prosper. 00:07:19.360 --> 00:07:23.439 And so we started the last Sunday in April, if you can believe that. 00:07:23.680 --> 00:07:26.959 And we've already made great choices, all found in the book of Proverbs. 00:07:27.120 --> 00:07:29.600 You know, the first one was to seek wisdom. 00:07:29.759 --> 00:07:38.399 I mean, to really want it, to see its value, to ask God for it, to read Proverbs, ask God to supernaturally give us more wisdom. 00:07:38.560 --> 00:07:42.240 And that's important because God's wisdom is different than man's wisdom. 00:07:42.480 --> 00:07:46.560 You know, a lot of things that we think of as wise are man's wisdom. 00:07:46.720 --> 00:07:52.160 And they don't lead to a good life and good reputations and being what God wants us to be. 00:07:52.319 --> 00:07:56.240 An example to me is the choice on hard work. 00:07:56.399 --> 00:08:00.240 You know, our culture would say hard work sometimes pays off. 00:08:00.399 --> 00:08:04.560 You know, in fact, you have to be lucky to be successful. 00:08:04.879 --> 00:08:12.000 Um, and that you could work really hard and your boss may not notice, or others may not notice, or someone else is going to get the advantage. 00:08:12.160 --> 00:08:17.040 But what God's wisdom says is that hard work always pays off. 00:08:17.279 --> 00:08:18.000 Always. 00:08:18.240 --> 00:08:21.600 And it's because it's not dependent on our boss noticing or someone else. 00:08:21.759 --> 00:08:26.000 He says, I will notice, I notice, and I will reward you. 00:08:26.160 --> 00:08:28.000 And that's what the book of Proverbs is like. 00:08:28.079 --> 00:08:31.600 It's full of God's wisdom, not man's wisdom. 00:08:31.759 --> 00:08:32.879 And so we made choices. 00:08:33.039 --> 00:08:43.600 The first was to seek wisdom, and then the second was to work hard, and then we chose great friends, and then we chose our words, and then we chose to do good, and we chose self-control. 00:08:43.840 --> 00:08:47.840 And then we spent three weeks choosing a great marriage. 00:08:48.159 --> 00:08:50.480 We've got three choices left. 00:08:51.519 --> 00:08:57.120 In Proverbs 14, 29, it says, People with understanding control their anger. 00:08:57.360 --> 00:09:00.720 A hot temper shows great foolishness. 00:09:01.679 --> 00:09:08.639 Proverbs 12, 16 says, a fool is quick-tempered, but a wise person stays calm when insulted. 00:09:09.200 --> 00:09:14.879 Ecclesiastes 7 and 9 says, Control your temper, for anger labels you a fool. 00:09:16.240 --> 00:09:18.879 So today's is a great choice. 00:09:19.360 --> 00:09:22.480 Today we choose to control our anger. 00:09:23.279 --> 00:09:28.960 And I've got a big ask uh for each of us, and that's to stay focused on ourselves. 00:09:29.279 --> 00:09:39.039 You know, it's just so easy on any of these, really, but especially something like anger to think of our spouse or think of a friend or someone we perceive as having a bad temper. 00:09:39.200 --> 00:09:42.799 But if we do that, we just might miss what God has for us. 00:09:42.960 --> 00:09:46.879 Because I believe that most of us struggle with anger. 00:09:47.600 --> 00:09:49.679 Um, Susan does, I do. 00:09:49.919 --> 00:09:53.039 It just looks different with each of us. 00:09:53.279 --> 00:09:58.799 And before we get to all that, let's talk for a second just about anger in general. 00:09:59.600 --> 00:10:03.840 Um, first of all, there's nothing inherently wrong with anger. 00:10:04.559 --> 00:10:10.000 In some situations, not being angry would be puzzling or might be wrong. 00:10:10.159 --> 00:10:14.799 You know, God is love, and God sometimes gets angry. 00:10:15.279 --> 00:10:18.960 Oppression makes God angry, violence makes God angry. 00:10:19.120 --> 00:10:25.919 There's a godly, righteous anger that is motivated by love, that is controlled and it doesn't seek revenge. 00:10:26.159 --> 00:10:27.600 Jesus got angry. 00:10:27.840 --> 00:10:29.519 In Mark 3, there's a story. 00:10:29.600 --> 00:10:34.639 It says, Jesus went into the synagogue again and noticed a man with a deformed hand. 00:10:35.200 --> 00:10:38.960 Since it was the Sabbath, Jesus' enemies watched him closely. 00:10:39.200 --> 00:10:43.039 If he healed the man's hand, they planned to accuse him of working on the Sabbath. 00:10:43.600 --> 00:10:47.679 Jesus said to the man with a deformed hand, Come and stand in front of everyone. 00:10:47.919 --> 00:10:54.240 Then he turned to his critics and asked, Does the law permit good deeds on the Sabbath, or is it a day for doing evil? 00:10:54.480 --> 00:10:57.600 Is this a day to save life or to destroy it? 00:10:58.000 --> 00:10:59.759 But they wouldn't answer him. 00:11:00.480 --> 00:11:06.080 He looked around at them angrily and was deeply saddened by their hard hearts. 00:11:06.320 --> 00:11:09.840 Then he said to the man, Hold out your hand. 00:11:10.000 --> 00:11:13.919 And so the man held out his hand, and it was restored. 00:11:14.960 --> 00:11:18.799 So we, each of us, are created in the image of God. 00:11:19.200 --> 00:11:28.240 We're created carefully, we're created with great value, we're created with an opportunity to live the life that God has planned for each of us. 00:11:28.720 --> 00:11:31.279 If you didn't know, God's not mad at you. 00:11:33.360 --> 00:11:34.480 You know, he wants to help us. 00:11:34.559 --> 00:11:41.919 That's why he would give us a book like Proverbs to help us live the life that he's uh created for each of us. 00:11:42.559 --> 00:11:45.279 And so when we hear about evil, sometimes it's going to make us angry. 00:11:45.360 --> 00:11:53.039 When we hear about a guy going into a Batman movie premiere and killing a bunch of people, I mean it makes us angry. 00:11:53.200 --> 00:11:58.799 When someone uh threatens or uh or hurts our children or people we love, it makes us angry. 00:11:59.039 --> 00:12:06.159 You know, all those types of emotions are appropriate, you know, and good to a point. 00:12:06.639 --> 00:12:10.320 Anger can do positive things for us, anger can motivate us. 00:12:10.720 --> 00:12:19.919 A few weeks ago we were talking about self-control and how having a big goal actually creates self-control, creates the self-control you need to accomplish the goal. 00:12:20.000 --> 00:12:27.360 And so I talked about me trying to run the Peachtree Road race and how out of shape I was and how that actually made me angry at myself. 00:12:27.759 --> 00:12:29.679 And and it motivated me. 00:12:29.840 --> 00:12:37.600 It motivated me to pick a big goal that created the self-discipline, that allowed me to get into the shape I wanted to get. 00:12:37.759 --> 00:12:40.240 But in that situation, angry was a motivator. 00:12:40.399 --> 00:12:42.799 You know, this the civil rights movement in the U.S. 00:12:43.039 --> 00:12:48.080 is an example of people who are following Jesus and who loved God and were angry. 00:12:48.159 --> 00:12:55.360 They're angry at the mistreatment of themselves, they're angry at the mistreatment of others, but they use that in a godly way. 00:12:55.919 --> 00:13:01.039 And with nonviolent types of protests and other things and a firm resolve. 00:13:01.200 --> 00:13:04.080 And it changed America for the better forever. 00:13:04.320 --> 00:13:06.480 Anger was a good motivator. 00:13:06.720 --> 00:13:08.720 And there's another way that anger helps us. 00:13:08.799 --> 00:13:12.799 It's a big way, but we're going to save that uh for a little bit later. 00:13:13.279 --> 00:13:16.080 So there's good anger and there's bad anger. 00:13:16.320 --> 00:13:19.759 Good anger comes from love, comes from empathy. 00:13:19.919 --> 00:13:22.159 Bad anger doesn't need a lot of explaining. 00:13:22.320 --> 00:13:23.360 You know, we know what that is. 00:13:23.519 --> 00:13:30.639 Usually it comes uh uh from selfishness, it's more self-oriented and can be very destructive. 00:13:30.960 --> 00:13:37.600 James 1.20 says that human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. 00:13:39.600 --> 00:13:47.279 And so in general, we deal with this bad anger, this human anger, if you will, in one of two ways. 00:13:47.519 --> 00:13:57.759 We externalize it, you know, we we just vent, let it go, or we internalize it, and we just kind of stuff it down somewhere. 00:13:58.000 --> 00:14:05.679 Um for all of us internalizers, it's easy and somewhat fun to judge the uh venters and externalizers. 00:14:06.240 --> 00:14:10.639 Uh but both, believe it or not, are equally destructive. 00:14:10.960 --> 00:14:20.559 There was a chemical company in upstate New York, and one byproduct of the chemicals they made was toxic waste. 00:14:20.799 --> 00:14:22.399 And so they weren't sure what to do with it. 00:14:22.480 --> 00:14:27.039 And so they did some studies and they decided that the best thing to do would be to bury it. 00:14:27.200 --> 00:14:32.879 And so they buried 21,000 tons of toxic waste. 00:14:33.200 --> 00:14:37.519 They didn't do it secretly, they didn't do it illegally, they didn't do it maliciously. 00:14:37.840 --> 00:14:39.759 That was just their plan. 00:14:40.879 --> 00:14:45.600 And uh eventually they sold the property, and when they sold it, they completely disclosed it. 00:14:45.679 --> 00:14:47.279 They disclosed every detail. 00:14:47.679 --> 00:14:54.399 And and the people that bought it or bought it, it was the city government, um, accepted complete liability. 00:14:54.480 --> 00:14:58.320 They knew it was there, but they also were okay because they knew it had been buried. 00:14:58.559 --> 00:15:09.519 And so they built schools and they built um subdivisions on the property, then something uh kind of alarming happened. 00:15:09.679 --> 00:15:14.559 And and what it was was health problems, some of them very severe. 00:15:14.799 --> 00:15:20.480 You know, at a rate about twice what was typical for any other city in America. 00:15:20.720 --> 00:15:24.320 And so an investigation was launched, and you can guess what they found. 00:15:24.480 --> 00:15:33.039 That all that new building uh had unsettled the ground, and that toxic waste had seeped up um to the surface. 00:15:33.279 --> 00:15:40.159 And so today in that part of Niagara Falls, New York, there's nothing. 00:15:40.399 --> 00:15:42.240 Just the streets where the houses were on. 00:15:42.399 --> 00:15:52.559 They demolished over 800 out houses, they relocated 800 families, you know, and the health and emotional toll on those families was devastating. 00:15:54.000 --> 00:16:02.320 See, they might not have known better, but they didn't dispose of the toxic waste, they just buried it. 00:16:02.639 --> 00:16:05.600 And that exact same thing happens to us. 00:16:05.919 --> 00:16:10.720 That exact same thing when we stuff or we bury anger. 00:16:11.039 --> 00:16:14.159 You know, when things get unsettled, it starts to seep to the surface. 00:16:14.399 --> 00:16:15.840 And by then it can look like anything. 00:16:15.919 --> 00:16:24.080 It can look like headaches, it can look like sleeplessness, it can look like ulcers, depression, restlessness, bitterness, anger. 00:16:25.360 --> 00:16:26.320 Anything. 00:16:27.360 --> 00:16:30.240 And that is how I usually would mishandle anger. 00:16:30.399 --> 00:16:32.080 You know, I rarely vented. 00:16:32.320 --> 00:16:38.639 If uh if something was wrong, in fact, if Susan and I had an argument, or maybe, maybe we maybe I'll talk about arguments later. 00:16:38.879 --> 00:16:42.399 Um let's just say we she just knew something was wrong. 00:16:42.480 --> 00:16:45.200 You know how and she'd see by looking at my face and she'd say, What's wrong? 00:16:45.360 --> 00:16:47.519 And I'd say, I had the same answer every time. 00:16:47.840 --> 00:16:48.639 Nothing. 00:16:49.279 --> 00:16:50.159 Nothing's wrong. 00:16:50.399 --> 00:16:51.440 She goes, No, I can tell. 00:16:51.519 --> 00:16:52.799 You're upset about something. 00:16:53.039 --> 00:16:55.840 No, I'm not upset, everything's fine. 00:16:56.240 --> 00:16:57.519 And and and that's what I would do. 00:16:57.600 --> 00:17:07.839 And then I'd kind of build up this wall because I really was angry, but but I felt like the way to handle anger was just to deal with it, internalize it, stuff it. 00:17:07.920 --> 00:17:09.279 And part of that was was how I was raised. 00:17:09.440 --> 00:17:29.839 I was raised in a home where not showing uh temper, not displaying temper, was highly prized, you know, and and which really isn't a bad thing as long as transparency and humility and open communication and love and all those things are highly prized, then then that might um be a positive. 00:17:31.680 --> 00:17:34.480 And so the way I dealt with it was I just kind of stuffed it. 00:17:34.640 --> 00:17:42.559 And and one really negative thing about that is it it it kills intimacy in relationships. 00:17:42.880 --> 00:17:54.160 You know, you can't have intimacy with someone when you're walking around with this bitterness and this resentment and this stuff that you've just decided to um to push down. 00:17:54.720 --> 00:17:56.799 And so I chose to internalize it. 00:17:56.960 --> 00:18:03.200 Stuffers, you know, tend to display anger rarely, but when we do, it can be pretty epic. 00:18:03.519 --> 00:18:06.400 You know, I've had to fix a lot of things, unfortunately. 00:18:06.720 --> 00:18:12.160 Doors, drywall, you know, I mean not for quite a while. 00:18:12.400 --> 00:18:22.799 But stupid stuff, you know, because you just stuff and you stuff and stuff, and then unfortunately for internalizers, that when it goes, sometimes it goes um, it goes big. 00:18:23.039 --> 00:18:25.440 Now, Susan used to be the opposite. 00:18:25.599 --> 00:18:27.599 You know, she could vent with the best of them. 00:18:27.759 --> 00:18:30.559 I mean, she could externalize on a moment's notice. 00:18:30.799 --> 00:18:33.680 Um part of that is how she was raised. 00:18:33.839 --> 00:18:45.519 She was raised in a family that was open and that was was uh loud, and and really in their home was the only place that they uh externalized and invented. 00:18:45.759 --> 00:18:52.160 And so Susan really, no one else, I don't think, would have even known that she was an externalizer. 00:18:52.240 --> 00:18:57.599 You know, because it was sometimes with the kids, usually with me, and it was um at home. 00:18:57.759 --> 00:19:00.559 And so internalizing, we talked about how that can be destructive. 00:19:00.640 --> 00:19:03.519 It has such long-term negative effects. 00:19:03.680 --> 00:19:14.480 Um, externalizing is obviously destructive, you know, and really shouldn't be tolerated by a child of God being on the end of externalized anger. 00:19:14.640 --> 00:19:22.799 Definitely not ever physical abuse, but words can hurt just as much and be just as um destructive. 00:19:23.119 --> 00:19:26.400 Vendors tend to get mad easily and lose it pretty often. 00:19:27.119 --> 00:19:33.359 An unhealed externalizer is what the Bible would call hot-tempered. 00:19:33.920 --> 00:19:43.680 And so in Proverbs 22, it says, don't befriend angry people or associate with hot-tempered people, or you'll learn to be like them and endanger your soul. 00:19:43.920 --> 00:19:48.160 In Proverbs 19, 19, it says, hot-tempered people must pay the penalty. 00:19:48.400 --> 00:19:52.079 If you rescue them once, you will have to do it again. 00:19:53.680 --> 00:19:59.920 Now I said unhealed externalizers or ventors, or unhealed internalizers. 00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:04.960 Um, and and that's the good news for this morning, because we can choose. 00:20:05.359 --> 00:20:06.000 We can. 00:20:06.559 --> 00:20:09.599 We can choose to control our anger. 00:20:09.839 --> 00:20:15.359 We can help each other, and we can ask the Holy Spirit, and He'll help us even more. 00:20:15.680 --> 00:20:19.920 A verse we talk about fairly often is in Ephesians 3.20. 00:20:20.000 --> 00:20:23.039 It says, and it's talking about this type of thing. 00:20:23.200 --> 00:20:29.759 It says, God can do anything, you know, far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams. 00:20:30.079 --> 00:20:34.000 He does it not by pushing us around, but by working within us. 00:20:34.240 --> 00:20:37.920 His spirit deeply and gently within us. 00:20:38.559 --> 00:20:40.559 And so God's gonna help us tremendously. 00:20:40.720 --> 00:20:44.799 But there's a few things that we're gonna have to do to make this choice. 00:20:45.039 --> 00:20:50.880 And the first thing to do is to just own it, is to own it. 00:20:51.200 --> 00:20:59.200 If we eliminated the phrase, you make me mad from our vocabularies, that would go a long way. 00:20:59.599 --> 00:21:04.400 Or that makes me mad, or they are making me angry, or they're making me mad. 00:21:04.559 --> 00:21:08.240 Because if we say that, we start out out of control. 00:21:08.559 --> 00:21:11.839 You see, it's not us, it's them, so we have no control. 00:21:12.000 --> 00:21:23.680 If you remember when Chip Judd was here, he would have the hula hoop and he'd talk about, you know, there's things in our circle that we control, there's things, you know, somewhat out that we influence, and then there's things way out that we have no control over. 00:21:23.839 --> 00:21:32.160 You know, and so to focus our energy and our thought in our circle on things that we do control and our feelings and our emotions is something that we control. 00:21:32.400 --> 00:21:38.880 So it's a lie to say someone else makes us mad, or or some or that makes me angry. 00:21:39.119 --> 00:21:39.920 It's us. 00:21:40.079 --> 00:21:40.960 We control it. 00:21:41.200 --> 00:21:51.119 And so it seems like semantics, but if that were a lie, the truth might be as simple as I feel angry when you do that. 00:21:51.599 --> 00:21:54.480 I feel angry when they do that. 00:21:54.720 --> 00:21:56.720 I feel angry when that happens. 00:21:56.880 --> 00:21:59.519 You see, it's it's almost the same thing, except we are. 00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:00.799 Owning it. 00:22:00.960 --> 00:22:03.680 We're saying, okay, this is me, this is I. 00:22:03.839 --> 00:22:05.839 This is not you, they, and them. 00:22:06.079 --> 00:22:06.799 It's I. 00:22:06.960 --> 00:22:11.440 And so the first thing that we can do is just to own it. 00:22:12.079 --> 00:22:15.920 And then God gives us a great tool in dealing with anger. 00:22:16.240 --> 00:22:20.319 I said that you know anger has some real positives to motivate us. 00:22:20.480 --> 00:22:23.440 Um this uh this next one is big. 00:22:23.599 --> 00:22:30.240 But before we get to that, I want to tell you a story. 00:22:31.920 --> 00:22:34.000 It's about Susan's yellow corolla. 00:22:34.880 --> 00:22:39.680 When Susan and I got married, we had one possession to our names. 00:22:39.759 --> 00:22:41.440 And it wasn't really, it was her possession. 00:22:41.599 --> 00:22:48.559 I said we had one possession, but but she had a yellow corolla that she had started working when she was 14 or 15 and she saved up. 00:22:48.720 --> 00:22:50.559 And she had this yellow Toyota Corolla. 00:22:50.720 --> 00:22:53.039 I had a motorcycle, but I crashed it. 00:22:53.359 --> 00:22:59.599 And um after 27 years, Susan let me replace it, which was nice. 00:22:59.839 --> 00:23:07.599 Um but um but what we had was this yellow corolla. 00:23:07.759 --> 00:23:09.440 If we'd had a prenup, it would have been simple. 00:23:09.599 --> 00:23:11.200 Susan gets the corolla back. 00:23:11.359 --> 00:23:12.480 That would have been it. 00:23:12.720 --> 00:23:23.039 But we lived in Tampa, Florida, and I was driving um back from work, getting on I-4, going back to Temple Terrace where we lived, and it's rush hour, and the oil light goes on. 00:23:23.279 --> 00:23:28.000 And so I think to myself, you know, I gotta remember to check the oil as soon as we get home. 00:23:28.160 --> 00:23:33.759 I get about another hundred yards down I-4, and I hear this clunk, and the engine seizes up. 00:23:34.079 --> 00:23:46.000 You know, and it's rush hour, and so now I'm eventually able to make it over to the side of the interstate, and I lift the hood, and everything looks great except for the hole in the block that's about this big. 00:23:46.640 --> 00:23:48.400 And there's no oil on the ground. 00:23:48.559 --> 00:23:52.799 I mean, it's on the ground, but about 200 yards back on on I-4. 00:23:53.920 --> 00:23:57.200 And and what had happened was the plug had come loose. 00:23:57.440 --> 00:24:02.160 And when that light came on, it wasn't half a quart low. 00:24:02.319 --> 00:24:05.920 That oil was rushing out of the engine. 00:24:06.559 --> 00:24:14.720 And if I'd pulled over immediately, I could have called a friend, I could have got some oil, I could have cut a new plug, and there would have been no damage to the engine. 00:24:14.799 --> 00:24:16.799 But instead, I blew the whole engine. 00:24:16.880 --> 00:24:18.640 And that was a good lesson for me. 00:24:18.799 --> 00:24:22.079 The lesson was to pay attention to the warning light. 00:24:22.559 --> 00:24:24.240 It's there for a reason. 00:24:24.559 --> 00:24:27.599 Pay attention to the warning light. 00:24:28.799 --> 00:24:35.440 And the tool that can help us most with anger is anger. 00:24:37.200 --> 00:24:38.480 It's anger. 00:24:38.880 --> 00:24:42.640 Because anger is our warning light. 00:24:45.039 --> 00:24:47.200 Anger is never the real emotion. 00:24:47.519 --> 00:24:48.720 It's never the first emotion. 00:24:48.799 --> 00:24:53.119 It just happens so quickly, we perceive it as the first emotion. 00:24:53.279 --> 00:24:59.839 You know, something happens, we have an emotional response, then we're uh angry so fast that that's what we think it is. 00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:00.799 But it's not. 00:25:01.039 --> 00:25:04.559 You know, it it's uh it's something else. 00:25:04.799 --> 00:25:08.799 You know, it might be if we get uh cut off in traffic. 00:25:10.799 --> 00:25:19.359 Um it's it's not being cut off in traffic, it's however that makes us feel. 00:25:19.440 --> 00:25:38.160 You know, it might make us feel disrespected, it might make us feel devalued, it might make us fearful because we've got somewhere to go and we're afraid that we're gonna keep getting late or or whatever it is, but immediately it makes us angry, so we think, boy, that getting cut off and angry or getting cut off in traffic made me feel angry. 00:25:38.319 --> 00:25:50.720 But in fact, or made me angry, in fact, getting cut off in traffic made me feel disrespected, which made me feel angry. 00:25:51.599 --> 00:25:54.640 And so when we feel this anger or anger, there's something we can do. 00:25:54.799 --> 00:25:59.839 Whether we deal with it by internalizing it, whether we deal with it by venting it, there's something we can do. 00:25:59.920 --> 00:26:04.799 And this is probably the most important thing that that we're gonna talk about this morning. 00:26:05.359 --> 00:26:10.000 The most important thing we can do is immediately ask ourselves one question. 00:26:11.200 --> 00:26:12.799 Why am I angry? 00:26:13.920 --> 00:26:16.480 Why is it I'm angry? 00:26:17.039 --> 00:26:22.240 And if we don't know, we can ask the Holy Spirit, and and he'll show us. 00:26:22.400 --> 00:26:23.519 I mean, it can be a lot of things. 00:26:23.759 --> 00:26:26.160 Talked about the disrespect or just devalued. 00:26:26.319 --> 00:26:32.960 You know, sometimes uh disinterested service in a restaurant might make us feel disrespected or or devalued. 00:26:33.039 --> 00:26:38.640 You know, our spouse could make a big decision without our input, and we could feel disrespected. 00:26:38.720 --> 00:26:49.839 It could be being interrupted, it could be making dinner for the family, but everybody's too busy to come eat it while it's still hot that makes us feel disrespected or or devalued. 00:26:50.000 --> 00:27:00.319 You know, Susan and I talked a couple weeks ago about fear and insecurity and and how often so often that creates uh a feeling of anger. 00:27:00.559 --> 00:27:07.039 It could be a harmless comment or or whatever, but but we have this anger. 00:27:07.119 --> 00:27:11.599 And so the thing to do is we ask ourselves immediately, okay, why am I angry? 00:27:11.759 --> 00:27:14.319 It's not anger, it's something else. 00:27:14.559 --> 00:27:19.519 You know, we've got to pull that Corolla over to the side of the highway before the engine blows. 00:27:19.759 --> 00:27:23.279 We've got to lift up the hood and see what the real problem is. 00:27:24.880 --> 00:27:26.400 Why am I angry? 00:27:26.559 --> 00:27:29.680 Jealousy can make us feel angry. 00:27:30.240 --> 00:27:34.799 Past wounds and past hurts are a big source of feeling angry. 00:27:34.880 --> 00:27:48.319 You know, if we've been mistreated or hurt in the past, and many of us have, you know, if if we get anywhere close to that, anything that reminds us of that, and we can immediately feel angry. 00:27:48.720 --> 00:27:49.920 Why am I angry? 00:27:50.079 --> 00:27:58.160 Maybe there's something deeply hurtful that we've got to go back and we've got to figure out, and we with God and some help have got to deal with. 00:27:58.319 --> 00:28:04.640 And a lot of these things we're talking about, maybe deep things, particularly when we're talking about deep wounds and deep hurts, it might be that we really need some help. 00:28:04.720 --> 00:28:07.519 You know, we might need a counselor to walk through that with us. 00:28:07.599 --> 00:28:15.920 And we've got people we recommend and trust on uh referral cards in the info desk, if if that could be of any help. 00:28:16.079 --> 00:28:21.279 But when we feel ourselves get angry, why am I angry? 00:28:22.079 --> 00:28:30.799 If nothing else, if we all leave and the next time we feel angry, we say to ourselves, okay, why am I feeling this way? 00:28:30.960 --> 00:28:37.839 It is going to be a huge, huge step forward in choosing to control our anger. 00:28:38.240 --> 00:28:40.400 The third thing we can do is forgiveness. 00:28:40.559 --> 00:28:41.839 You know, that can help a lot. 00:28:42.000 --> 00:28:47.359 Just to forgive, just to maybe even lower our expectations of other people. 00:28:47.599 --> 00:28:52.960 And forgive and let it go, and that quickly dissipates anger. 00:28:53.519 --> 00:28:57.200 The fourth is to help each other with anger. 00:28:57.920 --> 00:29:05.599 In Proverbs 15:1, it says, a gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare. 00:29:06.000 --> 00:29:12.559 Now, this might be one of the most powerful practical proverbs there is because it happens so quickly. 00:29:12.880 --> 00:29:14.319 I mean, it works so well. 00:29:14.480 --> 00:29:23.839 I mean, probably in my experience, 90, you know, it's a principle, not necessarily a promise, but it works 95% of the time. 00:29:24.079 --> 00:29:27.440 You know, that a gentle word does turn away wrath. 00:29:28.079 --> 00:29:30.960 Um, it does deflect anger. 00:29:31.599 --> 00:29:37.920 You know, a lot of fights, a lot of damage can be avoided if we just took a deep breath and didn't respond to anger with anger. 00:29:38.160 --> 00:29:53.680 You know, Susan talked about that, how sometimes when when she's upset, if I can just take a deep breath, you know, and and give her a hug or something like that, rather than, you know, what I used to do is she'd get angry and that made me angry. 00:29:53.920 --> 00:29:55.759 And then we'd have a big fight. 00:29:55.920 --> 00:30:02.079 And but the more I see in myself, before the more I ask myself that question, okay, why am I angry? 00:30:02.319 --> 00:30:10.319 You know, why did that hurt my feelings, or why does that make me feel insecure, or what am I fearful about, or jealous about, or whatever it is. 00:30:10.480 --> 00:30:19.119 The more I ask myself that question instinctively and get in that habit, the more when someone else gets angry, I ask that question about them. 00:30:19.359 --> 00:30:22.640 And so now I'm thinking, not, man, that makes me mad. 00:30:22.799 --> 00:30:24.000 She's so angry. 00:30:24.160 --> 00:30:27.359 It's man, I wonder what it is that's making her angry. 00:30:27.599 --> 00:30:28.240 You know? 00:30:28.559 --> 00:30:29.920 I mean, is it insecurity? 00:30:30.079 --> 00:30:31.279 Is it something I said? 00:30:31.440 --> 00:30:33.200 Is she fearful about something? 00:30:33.440 --> 00:30:40.559 And so it makes it so much easier to respond gently instead of with um more anger. 00:30:40.640 --> 00:30:42.319 And so we can help each other that way. 00:30:42.480 --> 00:30:46.319 You know, I talked about being cut off and how that in traffic. 00:30:46.799 --> 00:30:48.880 Um, and that's a great training ground. 00:30:49.200 --> 00:30:55.519 Atlanta traffic's a great training ground for controlling anger and marriage both are tremendous training grounds. 00:30:55.759 --> 00:31:04.400 Um but last year I was turning off a 575 taking a ride on Barrett Parkway, and I cut this guy off big time. 00:31:04.559 --> 00:31:05.200 I just didn't see him. 00:31:05.279 --> 00:31:18.720 He was in a blind spot, and I could tell by his animated hand gestures that he was pretty angry, you know, and so I get to the light, and you're always hoping that there's a car between so they don't pull up next to you, you know. 00:31:18.960 --> 00:31:31.839 And so he pulls up right next to me, rolls down his window, and so I roll down mine, and he says, Hey, and before he could say anything else, I said, Sorry. 00:31:32.240 --> 00:31:33.759 I didn't see you, that was stupid. 00:31:33.839 --> 00:31:35.119 I didn't mean to cut you off. 00:31:35.279 --> 00:31:36.640 I'm really sorry. 00:31:37.119 --> 00:31:39.680 And he said, No problem. 00:31:43.200 --> 00:31:46.480 And that was the entire road rage incident right there. 00:31:46.640 --> 00:31:53.680 You know, and it could have been something that, you know, where that could have made me mad for the rest of the day or whatever, that type of stuff. 00:31:53.759 --> 00:31:57.680 But all it takes is a gentle word 95% of the time. 00:31:57.759 --> 00:31:58.880 And so we can help each other. 00:31:58.960 --> 00:32:10.799 We can help the one, you know, you know, we can help our family, we can help in this family, we can even help total strangers with just a gentle word that uh deflects anger. 00:32:12.319 --> 00:32:18.720 And then finally, we can just choose not to stay angry. 00:32:19.519 --> 00:32:22.000 That's not the same as internalizing. 00:32:22.079 --> 00:32:26.000 We're not going to internalize anger because we're gonna ask, what why am I angry? 00:32:26.079 --> 00:32:27.279 And we're gonna deal with it right there. 00:32:27.359 --> 00:32:30.319 So there's not gonna be anything to stuff down. 00:32:30.559 --> 00:32:32.640 But we can just choose not to stay angry. 00:32:32.799 --> 00:32:40.960 You know, we talked about being created in the image of God, and that's just such a powerful truth for all of us that we are valuable, we are created in God's very image. 00:32:41.759 --> 00:32:46.079 And so we said how God gets angry. 00:32:46.880 --> 00:32:49.200 But God doesn't stay angry. 00:32:49.599 --> 00:32:56.559 It says in Psalms 30, for his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime. 00:32:58.160 --> 00:33:02.400 Ephesians 4 26 says, And don't sin by letting anger control you. 00:33:02.559 --> 00:33:08.960 Don't let the sun go down while you're still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil. 00:33:09.440 --> 00:33:22.160 Now I decided that a while back, and this is probably too many marriage examples, but um when Susan and I used to have an argument, and which would, I mean, honestly, it would be fairly consistent. 00:33:22.319 --> 00:33:24.880 We would have arguments, not every day. 00:33:25.039 --> 00:33:33.680 Um, but if we had an argument, my reaction was to not engage and just to kind of put this wall up, and it could be days. 00:33:33.759 --> 00:33:39.359 I'd be just like, oh, whatever, and I'd go about my business, and and um, and that's the way it'd be. 00:33:39.519 --> 00:33:44.640 But then God really convicted me, and I decided I'm not gonna stay mad. 00:33:45.359 --> 00:33:46.319 Life's too short. 00:33:46.480 --> 00:33:47.440 We always make up. 00:33:47.599 --> 00:33:52.240 Why waste another 15 minutes of my life being mad? 00:33:52.400 --> 00:33:57.839 And so I literally decided I'm never gonna stay angry at Susan, no matter what. 00:33:58.079 --> 00:33:59.279 And so we'll have an argument. 00:33:59.440 --> 00:34:00.319 We had one last week. 00:34:00.480 --> 00:34:04.640