WEBVTT 00:00:00.239 --> 00:00:02.799 Well, we've got a couple of really good friends with us this morning. 00:00:02.879 --> 00:00:08.240 Um Chip and Colleen Judd are back uh from Polly Island, South Carolina. 00:00:10.320 --> 00:00:19.839 You know, Chip has spent uh most of his adult life uh working with God and with people, helping people just change from the inside out. 00:00:20.000 --> 00:00:25.760 And he's uh counseled individuals and and uh counseled couples for the last few years. 00:00:25.839 --> 00:00:29.359 Uh he spent most of his time speaking with groups uh like us. 00:00:29.600 --> 00:00:32.320 You know, when we get connected with Jesus, a process starts. 00:00:32.399 --> 00:00:33.840 It doesn't all happen instant. 00:00:33.920 --> 00:00:39.280 You know, we get in the process of him transforming us from the inside out, and he does that a lot of ways. 00:00:39.439 --> 00:00:45.119 You know, his Holy Spirit uh does a lot of the work, just supernaturally changing us from the inside out. 00:00:45.359 --> 00:00:50.960 And then he teaches us in the in the Bible, and we can apply what he taught, and that changes the way we think and it changes our lives. 00:00:51.039 --> 00:00:55.359 And then he also brings people into our lives, and uh and they help us change. 00:00:55.439 --> 00:01:06.879 And so this morning we've kind of got all three um together the Holy Spirit uh working inside of us, uh principles from God's word, and he's brought us chip to help us with that process. 00:01:06.959 --> 00:01:08.719 So, Chip, we're really glad you're here. 00:01:08.799 --> 00:01:10.239 Please welcome Chip Judd. 00:01:17.120 --> 00:01:17.760 All right. 00:01:19.200 --> 00:01:20.319 Thank you, sir. 00:01:20.799 --> 00:01:22.879 Good to be here with you guys. 00:01:23.200 --> 00:01:25.280 Y'all on spring break this week, I understand. 00:01:25.359 --> 00:01:26.079 Is that right? 00:01:27.280 --> 00:01:27.920 All right. 00:01:28.319 --> 00:01:31.040 How did uh how'd the games work out for you last night? 00:01:31.200 --> 00:01:32.560 Did you like the outcome or not? 00:01:32.719 --> 00:01:33.519 What do you think? 00:01:33.840 --> 00:01:35.840 Y'all aren't into the basketball sorry. 00:01:36.959 --> 00:01:38.400 To be honest with you, I'm not either. 00:01:38.480 --> 00:01:39.439 I was just being polite. 00:01:39.519 --> 00:01:42.239 I'm I'm really not a big basketball fan either. 00:01:42.480 --> 00:01:44.799 But uh we're gonna talk about some things. 00:01:44.879 --> 00:01:45.760 Y'all can come out over here. 00:01:45.840 --> 00:01:48.480 I got a couple folks that are gonna help me here in just a second. 00:01:48.719 --> 00:01:53.840 But um, you know, basically, you know, you think of different ways to explain who you are and what you do. 00:01:54.079 --> 00:01:56.079 I'm not very good with my hands. 00:01:56.319 --> 00:02:02.640 My older brother was, you know, he could build cabinets and whatever, and he was very good with tools. 00:02:02.879 --> 00:02:09.360 Well, I'm not very good with my hands, but I'm pretty good at working on your head, if that makes sense. 00:02:09.599 --> 00:02:14.639 So, what we're gonna do today is we're gonna look at your toolbox, your toolbox for life. 00:02:14.879 --> 00:02:18.560 Like, how many of you agree with this circle of thought? 00:02:19.199 --> 00:02:30.080 Unhealthy emotions probably create unhealthy relationships, and then unhealthy relationships probably help create unhealthy emotions. 00:02:30.159 --> 00:02:31.759 Say yes if that makes sense. 00:02:32.479 --> 00:02:36.560 Now, I like to think like this: which came first, the chicken or the egg? 00:02:36.879 --> 00:02:40.000 Unhealthy relationships or unhealthy emotions? 00:02:40.319 --> 00:02:43.520 Now, personally, I don't know that it really matters. 00:02:43.759 --> 00:02:48.560 But what we're gonna look at today is a cute way to say it is create your own weather. 00:02:48.719 --> 00:02:54.000 But the sentence under there, you can learn, is learn an event or a process. 00:02:54.719 --> 00:02:57.039 That means it takes time. 00:02:57.680 --> 00:03:06.319 So you can learn to confidently manage, not control, but manage your emotional responses and moods. 00:03:06.479 --> 00:03:09.360 How many of you feel like your life would probably go better? 00:03:09.599 --> 00:03:16.560 Your emotion uh your relationships would probably be healthier if you did a better job of managing your emotions. 00:03:16.719 --> 00:03:18.960 Raise your hand if you think it probably would help. 00:03:19.199 --> 00:03:22.319 How many of you could point to somebody that it would really help? 00:03:23.120 --> 00:03:23.759 All right? 00:03:24.159 --> 00:03:26.879 Now, I want to do a disclaimer up front. 00:03:27.520 --> 00:03:30.639 I want to do a really, really important disclaimer. 00:03:30.879 --> 00:03:39.199 Everything I'm gonna say today applies to about 85 to 90 percent of life. 00:03:40.000 --> 00:03:42.400 Please don't forget what I say now. 00:03:42.719 --> 00:03:50.560 There's about 5 to 10% of life that where life just runs over you like a steamroller. 00:03:51.039 --> 00:03:53.439 That is not what I'm talking about today. 00:03:53.680 --> 00:03:55.039 You understand what I'm saying? 00:03:55.199 --> 00:04:03.680 There are things that happen in life, and don't let anybody judge how you process through that pain. 00:04:04.159 --> 00:04:18.079 What I'm talking about are the 80 to 90 percent of every day, who you work with, who you live with, who you play with, who you do everything with, the day-to-day stuff, I'm not talking about those steamroller events. 00:04:18.319 --> 00:04:26.720 That's really, really important because I would hate for you to be sitting there and you're thinking, well, I ought to be over this XYZ event that happened. 00:04:26.800 --> 00:04:32.079 And if it's one of those five to ten percent, that's not what I'm talking about today. 00:04:32.160 --> 00:04:35.519 Okay, so please don't forget that because I don't want to lose you in there. 00:04:35.680 --> 00:04:36.079 All right. 00:04:36.240 --> 00:04:38.879 Really, what we're about to do, this is Ken and Mary. 00:04:38.959 --> 00:04:42.079 I know that's not their real name, but y'all go ahead and come forward here. 00:04:42.800 --> 00:04:50.399 And really, the entire point of the message is gonna be contained in the next minute of what we're gonna do right here. 00:04:50.560 --> 00:04:56.800 All I'm gonna do for the rest of our time, about an hour and a half, is just unpack what happens here. 00:04:57.360 --> 00:04:59.040 So I want to set this up. 00:04:59.199 --> 00:05:07.920 This is Ken and Mary, they're married, and Ken's at work, and what he's gonna read off of this paper is what he's thinking. 00:05:08.079 --> 00:05:16.240 Now he's gonna read it out loud, but he's at work, and it's not he's not saying it out loud, but he's saying it to himself, okay? 00:05:16.639 --> 00:05:17.279 At work. 00:05:20.160 --> 00:05:24.639 I'm tired of working so hard and not being recognized for it. 00:05:25.120 --> 00:05:27.600 My manager doesn't appreciate me. 00:05:27.839 --> 00:05:32.079 I'm spending longer hours at work, have less to show for it. 00:05:32.480 --> 00:05:33.439 You know what? 00:05:33.759 --> 00:05:39.199 I'm gonna start doing just enough to get by, just like everyone else does. 00:05:39.439 --> 00:05:41.120 All right, now think about it now. 00:05:41.199 --> 00:05:43.120 How's Ken feeling? 00:05:43.839 --> 00:05:44.800 How's he feeling? 00:05:45.040 --> 00:05:46.480 Just think about here he is at work. 00:05:46.639 --> 00:05:47.920 Is he feeling energized? 00:05:48.079 --> 00:05:49.360 Is he feeling connected? 00:05:49.600 --> 00:05:52.240 Is he feeling like, man, I'm in the zone? 00:05:52.560 --> 00:05:54.399 He's feeling kind of ugh. 00:05:54.560 --> 00:05:56.399 Alright, now he's gonna read. 00:05:56.560 --> 00:05:58.480 Now he's on his drive home. 00:05:58.720 --> 00:05:59.680 He's driving home. 00:05:59.839 --> 00:06:03.120 He's not saying this out loud, he's saying this to himself. 00:06:05.279 --> 00:06:12.079 And now I've got to go home and listen to Mary tell me all the things I don't do for her and the kids. 00:06:12.879 --> 00:06:14.959 I'm not appreciated anyway. 00:06:15.439 --> 00:06:20.000 She should understand that I work hard and I'm drained when I get home. 00:06:20.240 --> 00:06:24.560 I just need some space to regroup and recharge my batteries. 00:06:27.920 --> 00:06:30.959 Is he gonna be a barrel of laughs when he comes through the door? 00:06:31.199 --> 00:06:35.759 Is he gonna probably be all excited about connecting and let's just share our day? 00:06:35.920 --> 00:06:38.000 Where's he probably headed? 00:06:39.040 --> 00:06:40.639 Where's he gonna land? 00:06:41.519 --> 00:06:43.839 In a recliner with what in his hand? 00:06:44.240 --> 00:06:46.879 The remote control, because what does he want to do? 00:06:47.600 --> 00:06:56.079 Listen now, he wants to escape from a life that he feels like he has no control over. 00:06:56.560 --> 00:06:57.279 Very important. 00:06:57.360 --> 00:06:59.120 Now, he's been home a while. 00:06:59.920 --> 00:07:02.319 Do you have a do you have a lounge or uh recliner? 00:07:02.560 --> 00:07:02.800 I do. 00:07:03.040 --> 00:07:03.360 Uh oh. 00:07:03.519 --> 00:07:04.399 Do you have a remote? 00:07:04.639 --> 00:07:04.959 I do. 00:07:05.120 --> 00:07:05.439 Uh-oh. 00:07:05.839 --> 00:07:06.639 You have a lot of remote. 00:07:06.879 --> 00:07:08.000 Uh a lot of remote. 00:07:08.639 --> 00:07:10.079 All right, so he's in his recliner. 00:07:10.160 --> 00:07:11.040 Let's hope this isn't true. 00:07:11.120 --> 00:07:13.600 But he's in his recliner and he's zoned out. 00:07:13.839 --> 00:07:15.360 Mary and the kids, whatever. 00:07:15.519 --> 00:07:20.000 Now, this is what Mary's saying to herself a little bit later. 00:07:20.160 --> 00:07:21.680 He's been home a little while. 00:07:21.839 --> 00:07:25.600 She's not saying it out loud, but she's saying it to herself. 00:07:26.800 --> 00:07:30.959 There he goes again, straight to the TV to zone out. 00:07:31.600 --> 00:07:34.000 I can't believe he's so selfish. 00:07:34.160 --> 00:07:39.360 Doesn't he realize that the kids and I need some of some of his time and attention? 00:07:39.759 --> 00:07:42.160 I'm not going to be putting up with this much longer. 00:07:42.399 --> 00:07:44.480 He better start appreciating me. 00:07:45.519 --> 00:07:47.360 You don't really talk like that, do you? 00:07:48.319 --> 00:07:48.959 There you go. 00:07:49.120 --> 00:07:51.360 All right, now, how is she feeling? 00:07:52.079 --> 00:07:55.920 She's feeling all chipper and supportive and friendly and wonderful. 00:07:56.160 --> 00:07:58.480 What kind of evening are they in for? 00:07:59.040 --> 00:08:02.480 Woo-woo! Thank you, guys. 00:08:02.560 --> 00:08:03.839 Let's give them a hand. 00:08:08.879 --> 00:08:13.439 Now, everything I'm gonna say to you this morning, and by the way, I'm gonna be back next week. 00:08:13.600 --> 00:08:16.000 Today, really, we're gonna kind of uncover the problem. 00:08:16.160 --> 00:08:21.279 Next week, we're gonna kind of give you some tools to learn to do this. 00:08:21.600 --> 00:08:25.839 But everything we're gonna say this week and next week is buried in what you just watched up here. 00:08:25.920 --> 00:08:46.639 There's a scripture in Galatians chapter 5 that says, when the Spirit of God, when you walk in this relationship with God that you're learning to do here at the church, what happens, one of the byproducts is the Bible calls it fruit, this kind of fruit is produced in our lives: love, joy, peace. 00:08:47.120 --> 00:08:49.679 Just let some of those words land on you. 00:08:50.000 --> 00:08:59.600 Patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. 00:08:59.759 --> 00:09:01.679 There's no law against these things. 00:09:01.840 --> 00:09:03.200 Now here's my point. 00:09:03.440 --> 00:09:09.200 I think all of those have kind of an emotional component to them. 00:09:09.360 --> 00:09:18.960 They're really about learning to manage all the stuff that's going on inside of us, all the energy that's going on inside of us. 00:09:19.120 --> 00:09:21.600 Most of us have a bully on our block. 00:09:21.840 --> 00:09:26.639 Most of us have some situation in our life that just gives us trouble. 00:09:26.799 --> 00:09:36.799 So, what I want you to do for a moment, to kind of push you where I want you to go this morning, is think about an emotional cycle that tends to give you trouble. 00:09:37.039 --> 00:09:43.759 It might be depression, it might be anger, it might be that you're just kind of numb. 00:09:44.240 --> 00:09:46.399 Fellas, forgive me, don't mean to pick on you. 00:09:46.559 --> 00:09:54.399 It might be that you just kind of don't get all that emotion stuff, and your responses are a little off track. 00:09:54.799 --> 00:10:00.159 Let me give you four key things to emotional health and management. 00:10:00.320 --> 00:10:02.240 Number one is awareness. 00:10:02.480 --> 00:10:03.519 What does that mean? 00:10:03.759 --> 00:10:11.279 That means that in any given moment, it's really good to be able to say, I'm feeling blank. 00:10:11.759 --> 00:10:17.679 I'm feeling peaceful, I'm feeling sad, I'm feeling mad, I'm feeling whatever. 00:10:17.840 --> 00:10:28.000 In other words, one of the tenets or underpinnings of emotional health is just the ability to kind of find what you're feeling and give a name to it. 00:10:28.320 --> 00:10:42.080 Now, believe it or not, sometimes when I'm working with a couple, I'll, to be honest with you, this is usually the man, not always, but sometimes what I'll do is I'll say, you know what, dude, we need to work on you being more aware of what you're feeling. 00:10:42.240 --> 00:10:47.200 And sometimes what I'll do is I'll say, why don't we do a feelings journal? 00:10:47.519 --> 00:10:49.039 Dude, are you kidding me? 00:10:49.279 --> 00:10:57.440 And all I mean is for a little while, as you go through the day, just stop and ask yourself, what am I feeling? 00:10:57.759 --> 00:10:59.840 And practice giving it a name. 00:11:00.080 --> 00:11:03.200 Now that may sound like, really, there's people that have to do that? 00:11:03.360 --> 00:11:08.320 Listen, some of us, our toolbox just didn't get put together that well. 00:11:09.039 --> 00:11:13.919 But it's helpful to just start by being aware of what you're feeling. 00:11:14.080 --> 00:11:19.279 The second little underpinning of emotional health is appropriateness. 00:11:19.679 --> 00:11:20.799 What does that mean? 00:11:21.039 --> 00:11:26.080 That means in a given moment, is the emotion I'm feeling appropriate? 00:11:26.240 --> 00:11:28.559 Does it fit the moment? 00:11:29.360 --> 00:11:34.000 So I'm in a moment where everybody's laughing and I feel sad. 00:11:34.799 --> 00:11:36.320 Or the other way around. 00:11:36.480 --> 00:11:43.759 So one of the things you want to be conscious of is is what I'm feeling appropriate to the situation? 00:11:44.399 --> 00:11:46.799 The third thing is intensity. 00:11:48.240 --> 00:11:53.360 Does what I'm feeling fit the situation and is it the right intensity? 00:11:53.759 --> 00:12:02.000 How many of you know someone can say something that is hurtful, but it's about a two and your response is a seven. 00:12:02.799 --> 00:12:05.919 Now, would it be okay if your response was a two? 00:12:06.480 --> 00:12:08.240 What they did was a two. 00:12:08.639 --> 00:12:14.799 So if your response is a two, two and a half, three, your response is appropriate and the intensity is okay. 00:12:15.039 --> 00:12:24.720 But if their action was a two and your response is a seven, that's not well-managed emotion. 00:12:25.039 --> 00:12:28.080 And then the fourth thing is duration. 00:12:28.480 --> 00:12:30.799 In other words, how long does it last? 00:12:31.360 --> 00:12:34.639 How long does it take you to get over what you're feeling? 00:12:34.879 --> 00:12:48.559 If you could imagine someone hurts your feelings and it's a two, and you react at about a five, you you you go two or three days and you realize it still hurts. 00:12:49.120 --> 00:12:50.720 And it was only a two. 00:12:51.519 --> 00:13:07.360 So if it lasts too long, or to be honest with you, if it's too short, you just what I call tag and bag it, those are all indications that there's something about the way you're managing your emotions that's not healthy and isn't working for you. 00:13:07.519 --> 00:13:09.360 I like to say this about emotions. 00:13:09.519 --> 00:13:11.759 Feelings have gotten a bad rap. 00:13:12.000 --> 00:13:18.399 Feelings just get treated like people we don't like, you know, the neighbor we don't like or whatever. 00:13:18.559 --> 00:13:19.759 Now, what do I mean by that? 00:13:19.919 --> 00:13:29.840 Most of us have this sense that I'm walking through my day and I'm just kind of whistling, having a good day, and depression mugs me. 00:13:30.799 --> 00:13:35.039 Or anger just comes out of that corner and jumps on me. 00:13:35.120 --> 00:13:44.159 In other words, we treat emotion like it comes from the outside, and key thought, therefore, we're a victim to it. 00:13:45.120 --> 00:13:52.559 One of the most important things I'm gonna try to get you wrestling your way around today and next week is this simple thought. 00:13:52.799 --> 00:14:02.960 Every feeling you feel, every feeling you feel is self-generated from within. 00:14:04.080 --> 00:14:09.759 No one can make you feel anything without your participation. 00:14:10.639 --> 00:14:14.000 And we'll talk more about that as we go forward, but it's important to let that settle on you. 00:14:14.159 --> 00:14:17.679 Every feeling you feel is self-generated. 00:14:18.720 --> 00:14:22.639 You make yourself feel everything you feel. 00:14:22.799 --> 00:14:24.559 Now, please remember the disclaimer. 00:14:24.720 --> 00:14:31.679 I'm not talking about the five to ten percent of life that bulldozes us, I'm talking about the day-to-day squabbles. 00:14:32.320 --> 00:14:36.240 I decide, and we're gonna talk about how you learn to do this. 00:14:36.559 --> 00:14:40.320 I decide how your actions affect me. 00:14:40.720 --> 00:14:41.840 I decide that. 00:14:42.000 --> 00:14:44.480 And there's ways you can learn to do that. 00:14:44.720 --> 00:14:53.200 All right, emotions are a God-given source of energy, information, connection, and influence. 00:14:53.279 --> 00:14:54.559 Now, what do I mean by that? 00:14:54.799 --> 00:14:58.879 How many of you know if I say there's a fire over in the corner? 00:14:59.360 --> 00:15:00.799 Would that move you? 00:15:01.279 --> 00:15:03.600 There's a fire over in the corner. 00:15:04.240 --> 00:15:05.679 What do I need to do? 00:15:05.919 --> 00:15:07.840 I need to add a little emotion to it. 00:15:08.080 --> 00:15:09.440 Fire, fire. 00:15:10.480 --> 00:15:13.279 How many of you have ever heard somebody tell a story? 00:15:13.679 --> 00:15:19.039 And I mean the story just grabbed you and took you with it. 00:15:19.279 --> 00:15:20.720 How many of you like to read novels? 00:15:20.799 --> 00:15:21.759 I like to read novels. 00:15:21.840 --> 00:15:32.159 How many of you know there's some authors that can create an emotional connection with you that you, you know, when your wife talks to you and you're reading it, you're like, please, I'm in the middle of a moment here. 00:15:33.600 --> 00:15:35.279 Are you listening, baby? 00:15:37.039 --> 00:15:38.639 What am I trying to say? 00:15:38.960 --> 00:15:45.440 Emotions, we treat them like bad things, but God gave us emotions to connect. 00:15:45.519 --> 00:15:50.080 How many of you know when Susan was talking about the ladies that came over and cleaned? 00:15:50.159 --> 00:15:55.120 How many of you know the emotion of that act created a connection? 00:15:55.759 --> 00:15:57.840 Emotions are wonderful things. 00:15:58.000 --> 00:16:00.159 But the first word was that give us energy. 00:16:00.240 --> 00:16:03.360 How many of you know fear moves us? 00:16:03.600 --> 00:16:07.840 The actual root of the word emotion is emote, which means to move. 00:16:08.080 --> 00:16:09.519 God gave us emotions. 00:16:09.679 --> 00:16:10.480 Listen now. 00:16:10.799 --> 00:16:14.720 Some emotions move us towards something we want more of. 00:16:15.200 --> 00:16:19.279 Some emotions move us away from things we want less of. 00:16:20.159 --> 00:16:21.120 Depression. 00:16:22.480 --> 00:16:25.279 You know ultimately what the purpose of depression is? 00:16:25.440 --> 00:16:27.360 Wow, do you mean there's a purpose to it? 00:16:27.840 --> 00:16:31.039 Every emotion we have, God gave us for a purpose. 00:16:31.279 --> 00:16:47.600 The purpose of emotion, the emotion of depression is, listen now, when you don't feel well, what it's supposed to do is move you to ask, why don't I feel well? 00:16:47.840 --> 00:17:06.240 In other words, not chemical depression, but the day-to-day, everyday life level of depression is your soul's way of saying there's something going on in us or around us that's really not to our liking and we're not doing anything about it. 00:17:06.880 --> 00:17:08.960 And depression feels bad. 00:17:09.119 --> 00:17:12.559 How many of you know when you feel bad, you want to do something to stop feeling bad? 00:17:12.799 --> 00:17:15.759 Now, unfortunately, what we do is we medicate. 00:17:16.480 --> 00:17:21.200 We numb ourselves with entertainment, sex, drugs, food, whatever. 00:17:21.440 --> 00:17:33.279 But what that depression wants you to do is be moved to get, I want to get rid of that, and it wants you to look at your life and try to move away from it. 00:17:33.839 --> 00:17:34.400 Alright? 00:17:34.640 --> 00:17:41.119 What you've got to do is learn to listen to your emotions, but don't believe everything they tell you. 00:17:41.440 --> 00:17:42.799 What do I mean by that? 00:17:43.119 --> 00:17:45.519 Quickest way I know that we all can, I think, relate to. 00:17:45.680 --> 00:17:49.039 You're out in the backyard mowing the grass. 00:17:49.279 --> 00:17:53.599 Now I live in a condo, and one of my life goals is to never mow grass again. 00:17:53.839 --> 00:17:55.279 So pray for me. 00:17:56.000 --> 00:18:06.240 I know I have low goals, but uh, you're out in the backyard and you're mowing the grass, and out of your peripheral vision, you see a long, dark, thin, wiggly thing. 00:18:07.279 --> 00:18:09.200 Now, do you go like this? 00:18:09.599 --> 00:18:11.839 I think that is a snake. 00:18:12.160 --> 00:18:13.519 I should move. 00:18:13.759 --> 00:18:15.039 Is that what you do? 00:18:15.519 --> 00:18:16.720 What happens? 00:18:16.960 --> 00:18:22.640 It's like you're transported on Star Trek and you wake up over here. 00:18:23.519 --> 00:18:30.960 And as you land over here, your thinking brain says, that's a snake. 00:18:31.519 --> 00:18:34.400 Now, who moved you? 00:18:35.759 --> 00:18:39.759 Did God reach down and say, Oh, there's a snake about to hurt Chipper, I better move him. 00:18:40.079 --> 00:18:41.440 Who moved me? 00:18:42.160 --> 00:18:43.119 I did. 00:18:43.680 --> 00:18:47.599 But I wasn't consciously aware of the process of moving me. 00:18:47.839 --> 00:18:48.240 Why? 00:18:48.480 --> 00:18:51.200 This is a really, really, really, really important thought. 00:18:51.440 --> 00:18:55.599 There's a different part of my brain that took over. 00:18:56.240 --> 00:18:59.039 And it's the feeling part of my brain. 00:18:59.359 --> 00:19:10.160 So, what happened is I'm cruising along, probably had earbuds in, and I'm listening to music, mowing the grass, and out of my peripheration, I see this long, thin, wiggly thing. 00:19:10.480 --> 00:19:19.119 My feeling brain grabbed me, shut my thinking brain down, and threw me ten feet over. 00:19:19.839 --> 00:19:30.000 While I'm flying over there, my thinking brain, which is slower, is catching up, and as I land, I'm thinking, snake. 00:19:30.960 --> 00:19:37.039 Then my thinking brain tiptoes over there, and it's just a stick. 00:19:37.680 --> 00:19:39.759 It's not even a snake. 00:19:40.319 --> 00:19:48.640 Now, cute little story about a snake, but the reality is this we react the same way to people. 00:19:50.079 --> 00:19:56.640 We react the same way to situations that have hurt us in the past. 00:19:57.359 --> 00:20:05.599 The emotional part of our brain reacts quickly and it's kind of sloppy. 00:20:06.480 --> 00:20:13.119 The emotional part of your brain sacrifices accuracy for speed. 00:20:13.759 --> 00:20:15.039 I'm gonna say that again. 00:20:15.200 --> 00:20:21.200 The emotional part of your brain sacrifices accuracy for speed. 00:20:22.319 --> 00:20:23.920 So, where did it come from? 00:20:24.079 --> 00:20:28.000 Why did why I'm sitting here telling you this is the way God made you to operate. 00:20:28.240 --> 00:20:28.640 Why? 00:20:28.799 --> 00:20:32.720 How many of you know God knew Adam and Eve were gonna get us all in trouble? 00:20:33.359 --> 00:20:34.640 You figure he knew that? 00:20:34.880 --> 00:20:38.880 The Bible says Jesus was crucified before the foundations of the world. 00:20:39.119 --> 00:20:43.119 So God knew Adam and Eve were gonna get in trouble in Genesis chapter 3. 00:20:43.200 --> 00:20:44.559 So what does that tell me? 00:20:44.880 --> 00:20:49.440 God knew we were going to live in a hostile environment. 00:20:49.680 --> 00:20:51.039 Does that make sense? 00:20:51.359 --> 00:20:58.960 So it tells me that he wanted to create our system, our brain, to be able to handle danger. 00:20:59.519 --> 00:21:08.720 So he designed a part of our brain to be very fast, but to make it really fast, it has to be a little sloppy. 00:21:09.119 --> 00:21:15.680 So it reacts to situations quickly, but it doesn't think a lot. 00:21:16.880 --> 00:21:25.359 And really important point, it has the design factor of hijacking you and taking over. 00:21:25.599 --> 00:21:37.200 Literally, when you feel threatened deeply enough, that feeling part of your brain takes over, shuts your thinking brain down, and deals with the situation. 00:21:37.759 --> 00:21:41.599 How many of you have ever had an encounter with someone that you love deeply? 00:21:41.920 --> 00:21:48.559 And after it was over, you said to yourself, How could I say those things? 00:21:49.680 --> 00:21:51.759 I don't feel that way. 00:21:52.240 --> 00:21:55.039 Why did I say such hurtful things? 00:21:55.680 --> 00:21:59.759 And the reason it happens is that other part of your brain. 00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:06.559 Took over, your thinking brain shut down, and I'll take care of this. 00:22:06.880 --> 00:22:08.720 It took care of it all right. 00:22:09.039 --> 00:22:12.400 And what it did was made a bigger mess than you started with. 00:22:12.880 --> 00:22:18.799 So the tricky thing about emotions is learn to listen to them, but don't believe everything they tell you. 00:22:18.960 --> 00:22:20.160 Alright, we're gonna just pick one. 00:22:20.319 --> 00:22:21.440 You make me mad. 00:22:21.680 --> 00:22:22.640 And I just pick it. 00:22:22.720 --> 00:22:23.440 We could have picked any. 00:22:23.519 --> 00:22:25.359 You make me mad, glad, sad, or whatever. 00:22:25.519 --> 00:22:33.839 But what we're gonna talk about for a minute is this whole idea, and again, buried in what I'm going, where I'm going here, is that is really one truth. 00:22:34.000 --> 00:22:36.559 And you'll be it'll be clear before we're finished. 00:22:36.720 --> 00:22:37.920 But you make me mad. 00:22:38.079 --> 00:22:40.640 Automatically, what am I saying if I say you make me mad? 00:22:40.720 --> 00:22:42.960 Who's responsible for what I'm feeling? 00:22:43.279 --> 00:22:44.240 You are. 00:22:44.880 --> 00:22:46.880 I'm mad because you are who you are. 00:22:46.960 --> 00:22:49.599 If you weren't who you were, I wouldn't be mad. 00:22:51.359 --> 00:22:53.759 Now, here's the chip judd answer to that. 00:22:53.839 --> 00:23:01.119 If you want to live that dependent on other people's behavior, have at it, but you better go see a doctor and get some pills because you're gonna need them. 00:23:02.640 --> 00:23:08.720 Why would I want my weather to be so dependent on how other people act? 00:23:09.200 --> 00:23:11.519 And we'll talk a lot more about that next week. 00:23:11.680 --> 00:23:18.720 But here's the deal we never, we never react to outside events directly. 00:23:19.039 --> 00:23:22.480 We never react to outside events directly. 00:23:22.720 --> 00:23:25.759 We always interpret, and please notice it's in quotes. 00:23:25.839 --> 00:23:26.559 What does that mean? 00:23:26.799 --> 00:23:28.640 We assign meaning to it. 00:23:28.880 --> 00:23:31.519 Someone comes up and says X, Y, Z to you. 00:23:31.759 --> 00:23:38.079 What you do is you assign meaning and motive to what they said. 00:23:38.960 --> 00:23:40.480 Ken and Mary. 00:23:40.960 --> 00:23:46.319 Ken comes home, he's in the lounger, click, click, click. 00:23:46.559 --> 00:23:49.119 Mary assigns meaning and motive. 00:23:49.519 --> 00:23:53.920 Meaning and motive, meaning and motive to what he's doing. 00:23:54.079 --> 00:23:55.680 Now, bottom one. 00:23:56.160 --> 00:24:04.160 Our response, emotionally and action-wise, is not based on what the other person did or didn't do. 00:24:04.319 --> 00:24:13.599 It's based on our stored, practiced responses and or what we're saying to ourselves. 00:24:14.079 --> 00:24:16.319 It's very important you understand that. 00:24:16.559 --> 00:24:18.400 It's very important that you understand that. 00:24:18.640 --> 00:24:21.279 Most people think A causes C. 00:24:21.440 --> 00:24:27.200 If you go to that next slide, most people think your actions cause my reaction. 00:24:27.519 --> 00:24:31.359 You act a certain way, that causes me to react a certain way. 00:24:31.519 --> 00:24:41.759 If you think that way, if you are committed to thinking that way, if you will not budge from thinking that way, I can't help you. 00:24:42.640 --> 00:24:44.400 God can't help you. 00:24:44.880 --> 00:24:59.359 But if you'll realize that every action outside of you comes in through your senses, and then you, based on past experiences, you assign a meaning to it. 00:25:00.319 --> 00:25:10.000 You change how it affects you by the meaning you assign to it and what you say to yourself about it. 00:25:10.480 --> 00:25:14.799 So someone else's action doesn't cause your reaction. 00:25:15.039 --> 00:25:22.000 What causes your reaction is what you say to yourself about what happened. 00:25:23.279 --> 00:25:26.079 We'll get real particular about that in a minute. 00:25:26.319 --> 00:25:26.720 All right. 00:25:26.960 --> 00:25:28.799 What do you got to do to get this stuff working? 00:25:28.960 --> 00:25:32.160 Take responsibility for what you're feeling. 00:25:32.400 --> 00:25:33.519 Bottom line. 00:25:33.759 --> 00:25:37.519 If I feel sad, it's my responsibility that I feel sad. 00:25:37.759 --> 00:25:40.799 If I feel mad, it's my responsibility that I feel mad. 00:25:40.960 --> 00:25:43.440 Now, does that mean everybody around me gets a free pass? 00:25:43.599 --> 00:25:45.039 That's not what I'm saying. 00:25:45.279 --> 00:25:51.279 What I'm saying is I want to start fundamentally being responsible for what I'm feeling. 00:25:52.799 --> 00:26:02.240 And being mindful that if it's inside, remember the bump boundary stuff we did a few months back, if it's inside my hula hoop, then it's my responsibility. 00:26:02.400 --> 00:26:10.480 So the biggest thing you've got to start practicing is I decide how I feel as I go through my day. 00:26:10.640 --> 00:26:17.119 Now, please remember, I'm not talking about the 7 to 10% of life rolling over you stuff. 00:26:17.200 --> 00:26:20.240 I'm talking about daily bumps from other people. 00:26:20.400 --> 00:26:22.400 So take responsibility for what you're feeling. 00:26:22.559 --> 00:26:29.279 The next thing is learn to ask yourself, learn to ask yourself, what was going through my mind? 00:26:29.839 --> 00:26:33.039 What was I saying to myself? 00:26:33.279 --> 00:26:34.960 What was I saying to myself? 00:26:35.119 --> 00:26:38.799 Let me just read you a few scriptures and we'll zero in on these next week. 00:26:39.039 --> 00:26:46.079 Proverbs 23, 7 says, as a man or woman thinks in his or her heart, so is he. 00:26:46.480 --> 00:26:51.119 It doesn't say, as the people around you act, so are you. 00:26:52.880 --> 00:26:53.359 Right? 00:26:54.400 --> 00:26:58.960 When people around you disappoint you, you have a right to feel XYZ. 00:26:59.119 --> 00:27:03.680 It says, as you think in your heart, so are you. 00:27:04.000 --> 00:27:13.039 Proverbs 21, 23 says, He who guards his mouth and his tongue guards his own soul from trouble. 00:27:14.000 --> 00:27:14.799 Wait a minute. 00:27:15.039 --> 00:27:23.440 You mean if I learn to manage what I say to myself, I can keep my soul from being troubled? 00:27:24.079 --> 00:27:26.319 Wow, that's a pretty cool verse. 00:27:26.559 --> 00:27:27.440 How about this one? 00:27:27.519 --> 00:27:29.839 You've heard this one, Proverbs 18, 21. 00:27:30.000 --> 00:27:34.480 The tongue has the power of life and death. 00:27:34.720 --> 00:27:39.039 Do you mean what I say to myself has that much power? 00:27:39.440 --> 00:27:44.240 And then another little final way to do the same thing is this simple question. 00:27:44.480 --> 00:27:52.799 If I change the thought, if I change the thought, would I feel or act differently? 00:27:53.119 --> 00:27:58.559 I can think of, I could stand here and tell you story after story after story after story after story. 00:27:58.720 --> 00:28:14.160 I'm thinking two or three right this second, in counseling contexts, where someone is feeling an eight of an emotional response, negative, an eight of a bad feeling, the situation's a two. 00:28:15.200 --> 00:28:17.519 Why are they feeling an eight when it's a two? 00:28:18.000 --> 00:28:28.400 Because in their past, it's connected to some very painful stuff, listen, with other people, not even the people in the current moment. 00:28:29.279 --> 00:28:39.359 But their soul has been wounded back here by this stuff, and now they react in the present based on the pain from the past. 00:28:40.079 --> 00:28:46.880 And they they work really hard at first to justify their response. 00:28:47.200 --> 00:28:48.880 Well, I'm this way because. 00:29:24.000 --> 00:29:26.079 How many of you know that's not an eight? 00:29:26.640 --> 00:29:29.039 I mean, come on, it's not an eight. 00:29:29.440 --> 00:29:31.440 Now, a seven and a half, sure. 00:29:31.599 --> 00:29:32.880 No, I'm kidding. 00:29:33.920 --> 00:29:35.759 All right, I'm gonna close with this thought. 00:29:35.839 --> 00:29:36.400 Let's go back. 00:29:36.480 --> 00:29:38.880 I'm gonna read it myself, not to have them come back up. 00:29:38.960 --> 00:29:46.880 But I want you to go back to the same thing, and I want to watch you how different that evening is gonna be by changing one thing. 00:29:47.119 --> 00:29:49.279 I'm Ken, Ken and Mary. 00:29:49.440 --> 00:29:51.440 I'm Ken and I'm back at work. 00:29:51.759 --> 00:29:57.680 Same exact job, same exact people, same exact exterior circumstances. 00:29:57.839 --> 00:29:59.920 The worship team wants to go ahead and come on up. 00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:01.599 I'm about to wind up here. 00:30:01.920 --> 00:30:05.119 Same exact external stuff. 00:30:05.680 --> 00:30:08.960 But listen to what Ken's saying to himself now. 00:30:10.000 --> 00:30:15.920 I'm grateful for my job, but I'm not sure it's a good fit for me. 00:30:16.480 --> 00:30:26.000 You know, I believe God has something for me that will meet our financial needs and help me feel more appreciated. 00:30:26.720 --> 00:30:28.000 Now I'm on my way home. 00:30:28.079 --> 00:30:29.119 I'm still Ken. 00:30:29.279 --> 00:30:31.839 Now, first of all, how do you think I was feeling? 00:30:32.160 --> 00:30:33.279 A whole lot better. 00:30:33.440 --> 00:30:35.119 Do I like my job anymore? 00:30:35.440 --> 00:30:35.759 No. 00:30:36.400 --> 00:30:40.400