WEBVTT 00:00:00.320 --> 00:00:01.120 Good morning. 00:00:02.160 --> 00:00:07.040 Today's reading is from Ephesians chapter five, verses twenty-two through thirty-three. 00:00:07.839 --> 00:00:18.640 Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 00:00:18.879 --> 00:00:24.800 Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 00:00:25.039 --> 00:00:43.679 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 00:00:43.920 --> 00:00:47.520 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. 00:00:47.759 --> 00:00:54.560 He who loves his wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it. 00:00:54.799 --> 00:00:59.039 Just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. 00:00:59.280 --> 00:01:04.959 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 00:01:05.120 --> 00:01:06.480 This mystery is profound. 00:01:06.640 --> 00:01:09.760 And I am saying that it refers to Christ and the Church. 00:01:10.000 --> 00:01:16.560 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. 00:01:16.719 --> 00:01:17.760 This is the word of the Lord. 00:01:17.920 --> 00:01:19.040 Please be seated. 00:01:20.400 --> 00:01:21.599 Thanks for joining us this morning. 00:01:21.680 --> 00:01:22.719 My name is James Rathman. 00:01:22.879 --> 00:01:25.519 I'm the pastor here at Redemption Church Denver. 00:01:26.000 --> 00:01:30.319 It's a nice cool morning, which is uh kind of a relief from the heat that we've had. 00:01:30.400 --> 00:01:31.840 Uh, it's good to see you all. 00:01:32.000 --> 00:01:42.239 We've uh uh are continuing moving through Ephesians, and we're at Ephesians chapter five, and we're at the marriage part, so this is an exciting sermon to preach. 00:01:42.480 --> 00:01:46.079 Um yeah, cheer three cheers for marriage. 00:01:46.480 --> 00:01:49.040 Uh but first we've got a couple of announcements to make. 00:01:49.200 --> 00:01:59.200 Um we've got a uh a class that I teach every every year, and by every year I mean we taught it last year, and we're gonna teach it again this year. 00:01:59.680 --> 00:02:02.079 And it's called Redemption Story. 00:02:02.319 --> 00:02:14.639 And we go through uh in four classes the meta-narrative of the Bible, which is creation, fall, redemption, and our future hope or the future glory that we're heading towards. 00:02:14.800 --> 00:02:22.960 And so we'll move through that pattern, looking through different scriptures to represent each stage of redemption of uh redemptive history. 00:02:23.039 --> 00:02:24.719 And we're gonna read these two books. 00:02:24.879 --> 00:02:30.080 So this book is by a guy named Albert Walters, and it's called Creation Regained. 00:02:30.240 --> 00:02:42.080 And it's a wonderful book to help you understand how it is that your life now connects with this grand story of redemption that Christ is telling. 00:02:42.240 --> 00:02:54.639 And this second book is called uh Shaped by the Gospel, and it's by Timothy Keller, and it helps us to understand what the gospel is in its clearest terms. 00:02:54.879 --> 00:02:58.400 So we've got uh kind of two levels that we're looking at this. 00:02:58.560 --> 00:03:06.319 One is the uh level of all of redemptive history, how it is that Jesus Christ is bringing all things to himself. 00:03:06.560 --> 00:03:08.639 So that's like the world story. 00:03:08.879 --> 00:03:11.840 And then the second level that we're looking at it is the personal story. 00:03:12.000 --> 00:03:16.000 So this book is world story, this book is personal story. 00:03:16.159 --> 00:03:19.120 This is how does the gospel relate to me personally? 00:03:19.280 --> 00:03:41.360 So the point of the class is to help us develop not just an understanding of the gospel as something that's just about me or something that's just about the world, but to see how those two patterns actually participate with one another so that we're able to see the gospel as a picture of the whole world that involves us. 00:03:41.520 --> 00:03:44.719 We're developing a worldview through the lens of scripture. 00:03:44.960 --> 00:03:46.400 Does that sound exciting? 00:03:47.120 --> 00:03:49.039 It's only 50 bucks. 00:03:49.680 --> 00:03:52.400 Biblical worldview, sign up, books included. 00:03:52.560 --> 00:03:55.360 Uh in fact, that's the only thing that's really included, is you get the books. 00:03:55.439 --> 00:03:56.719 That's why it's 50 bucks. 00:03:56.960 --> 00:04:01.520 And uh there's a uh you can sign up in the app on the calendar. 00:04:01.599 --> 00:04:04.800 Uh in the app, just tap redemption story, sign up. 00:04:05.039 --> 00:04:13.439 Uh it this is uh like a chance for me to share some of the heartbeat of our church and the things that I really, really want people to get. 00:04:13.599 --> 00:04:14.879 Uh so join us. 00:04:14.960 --> 00:04:16.399 It's a really, really excellent class. 00:04:16.480 --> 00:04:18.000 If I do say so myself. 00:04:19.279 --> 00:04:24.480 It's not like I wrote the books, but uh next announcement. 00:04:24.560 --> 00:04:28.480 Uh women's night is uh August 21st. 00:04:28.959 --> 00:04:36.879 And the uh so if you're a woman, uh you're invited, and it is at uh it's not like just like half off for women. 00:04:43.120 --> 00:04:45.680 Which is often what women's nights mean. 00:04:46.240 --> 00:04:48.800 So there's if you keep laughing, I'll keep going. 00:04:49.040 --> 00:04:54.480 There's uh West End is at West End Tap House, which is just down Tennyson. 00:04:54.560 --> 00:04:56.399 Uh West End Tap House. 00:04:56.480 --> 00:04:59.199 Uh uh, the women in our church will meet. 00:04:59.360 --> 00:05:00.480 That's a Saturday night. 00:05:00.560 --> 00:05:10.160 Uh once I'm done with this sermon today, this point will be abundantly clear, but it's a it's a women's night, which means husbands of wives with children. 00:05:10.399 --> 00:05:14.000 This is you're on duty with the kids, is what that means. 00:05:14.160 --> 00:05:15.439 This is a dual announcement. 00:05:15.600 --> 00:05:18.240 So you need to watch the children on that Saturday night. 00:05:18.319 --> 00:05:21.360 And that point will be abundantly clear by the end of this sermon. 00:05:23.199 --> 00:05:24.959 Uh members meeting. 00:05:25.040 --> 00:05:31.279 Uh so if you're a member of RCD, uh join us immediately after church on August 29th. 00:05:31.360 --> 00:05:32.879 So it's Sunday, August 29th. 00:05:32.959 --> 00:05:38.480 So two Sundays from now, uh, we'll be having a members' meeting with some exciting announcements for the future of our church. 00:05:38.639 --> 00:05:41.920 All right, let's pray and we'll move into today's text. 00:05:43.279 --> 00:05:44.800 Holy Father. 00:05:47.519 --> 00:05:55.600 Married or unmarried, we are affected by uh this first institution that you put in the world, which is marriage. 00:05:55.759 --> 00:05:57.920 Uh, it's fundamental to our humanity. 00:05:58.079 --> 00:06:02.480 Uh the first thing that you do is make Adam and Eve and you officiate their wedding. 00:06:03.759 --> 00:06:24.560 Lord, we pray that today you we would be able to see your intentions for marriage, see it as uh a beautiful aspect of your creation that we get to participate in, and a representation of the very work that you've done to bring us to yourself. 00:06:25.439 --> 00:06:35.040 Lord, in the text today it says that you nourish and cherish your church, like it's your own body. 00:06:35.680 --> 00:06:54.560 Lord, I pray that as we move through this text today, that you might nourish and cherish us so that we might hear clearly what your intentions are for this uh most ultimate of relationships that you call us to. 00:06:54.959 --> 00:06:56.720 Lord, I lift that up in Jesus' name. 00:06:56.959 --> 00:06:57.600 Amen. 00:06:58.879 --> 00:07:11.040 So last week we were called to model Christ, and the way that we were called to do that is we're to imitate God just like a beloved child imitates their father. 00:07:11.279 --> 00:07:21.920 So the way that we learn how to become holy, the way that we learn the culture of the kingdom of heaven, is the same way that any child learns the culture that they're born into. 00:07:22.160 --> 00:07:27.120 They look at their parents and then they begin to imitate the way that they're acting. 00:07:27.439 --> 00:07:29.360 Children learn that through play. 00:07:29.519 --> 00:07:34.160 And so we're learning how to play the kingdom of heaven. 00:07:34.399 --> 00:07:45.439 In fact, what we're doing now as a church, we're gathering together, we're singing, we're participating in a glorious feast, we're hearing the goodness of God proclaimed. 00:07:45.680 --> 00:08:02.319 This is, in a sense, we're playing the kingdom of heaven right now, so that it can become a feature of our culture and a part of our hearts that we can become the flavor of when we move out into the rest of our weeks and the rest of our lives. 00:08:03.120 --> 00:08:07.680 Now, that section last week ended with this verse, Ephesians 5.21. 00:08:08.000 --> 00:08:14.079 And it's this call, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. 00:08:14.319 --> 00:08:18.160 This is the verse that frames this whole next section that we're moving into. 00:08:18.319 --> 00:08:21.040 Paul hits this phrase, submitting to one another. 00:08:21.120 --> 00:08:26.319 This is what we're called to do, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 00:08:26.480 --> 00:08:33.919 And he hits that phrase and he kind of pivots the rest of the book onto that phrase, saying, okay, uh, we're gonna talk about submission now. 00:08:34.159 --> 00:08:38.240 So he talks about submission as it takes place in marriage. 00:08:38.399 --> 00:08:43.440 And then next we'll talk about submission as it takes place in families, between parents and children. 00:08:43.679 --> 00:08:47.200 Then he'll talk about submission as it takes place between slaves and masters. 00:08:47.440 --> 00:08:48.720 I'll explain. 00:08:48.960 --> 00:09:03.919 And then he moves into what this submission is participating in, which is a true spiritual war that, although it is invisible, is as real as husbands taking care of their wives. 00:09:04.240 --> 00:09:17.840 So this section is pivoting on this verse of submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ, this call to all Christians, and it's exploring it in the context particularly of marriage. 00:09:18.080 --> 00:09:24.320 How do we live in this way, in this most central of relationships, which is marriage? 00:09:25.200 --> 00:09:32.080 Now, to modern ears, this passage might be one of the most controversial in the scriptures. 00:09:32.159 --> 00:09:33.440 Uh, listen to the first verse. 00:09:33.600 --> 00:09:36.559 Wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. 00:09:36.960 --> 00:09:39.360 That's it, you don't see that on a lot of mugs. 00:09:41.919 --> 00:09:56.639 Oh, but my hope is that this morning you will be able to hear through what might be that immediate offense so that you can see the glory that is shining in this passage because it is incredible. 00:09:56.879 --> 00:10:08.159 So what we see here is in marriage is this expression of God's glory in both creation and redemption. 00:10:08.559 --> 00:10:18.559 And we see the same pattern of marriage demonstrated to us in both God's creation of the whole world and his redemption of the world. 00:10:18.879 --> 00:10:25.039 So I'll uh I want to make sure I bolded and italicized this sentence in my notes. 00:10:25.679 --> 00:10:27.600 I'll say it as bluntly as I can. 00:10:27.759 --> 00:10:29.039 I actually wrote that. 00:10:30.960 --> 00:10:41.440 If we can't see marriage in the terms Paul gives us here, we won't be able to see the gospel in the terms he gives it to us elsewhere. 00:10:42.960 --> 00:10:48.399 If we can't see marriage in these terms, we won't be able to see the gospel. 00:10:48.639 --> 00:10:50.480 We won't be able to understand it. 00:10:50.799 --> 00:10:52.720 So we have to see both. 00:10:52.960 --> 00:10:56.639 While we're learning about marriage, we're learning about the gospel itself. 00:10:56.799 --> 00:10:59.679 That's how fundamental marriage is. 00:11:00.240 --> 00:11:01.679 Okay, you ready? 00:11:03.600 --> 00:11:04.399 Okay, good. 00:11:06.080 --> 00:11:09.440 So we're gonna look at wives, husbands, and the gospels. 00:11:09.519 --> 00:11:11.039 That's kind of the pattern of the text. 00:11:11.279 --> 00:11:12.720 All right, point one, wives. 00:11:12.799 --> 00:11:13.759 What should wives do? 00:11:13.919 --> 00:11:15.919 Ephesians 5, 22 to 23. 00:11:16.399 --> 00:11:27.519 Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its savior. 00:11:37.440 --> 00:11:41.440 His commands towards a husband and a wife are not symmetrical. 00:11:41.600 --> 00:11:51.279 They're not mirror images of one another, where if you're married, you're both called to precisely the identical way of being towards one another. 00:11:51.519 --> 00:11:53.600 It's not a symmetrical calling. 00:11:53.840 --> 00:11:57.039 Instead, it's a complementary calling. 00:11:57.360 --> 00:12:02.399 So that the differences between a husband and a wife benefit each other. 00:12:02.559 --> 00:12:08.399 So we don't think like a mirror image or like a butterfly's wings in that they match. 00:12:08.559 --> 00:12:11.279 Instead, we think of like a lock and a key. 00:12:11.759 --> 00:12:15.519 They are a they complement each other in their differences. 00:12:15.679 --> 00:12:27.679 It's in both of them the husband living out his calling as a husband, the wife living out her calling as a wife, that marriage is to be demonstrated. 00:12:28.000 --> 00:12:34.879 So that's the first thing to notice is that he doesn't address married people generally. 00:12:35.600 --> 00:12:39.679 He addresses wives and then he addresses husbands. 00:12:39.919 --> 00:12:45.440 So we need to understand the complementarity of the relationship in marriage. 00:12:46.000 --> 00:12:51.039 And we see that in this separate address, he begins by addressing wives. 00:12:51.279 --> 00:12:55.919 And the the first sentence pivots right off of the sentence that came immediately before us. 00:12:56.639 --> 00:13:00.720 He says, submitting to one another out of reverence for quite for for quest. 00:13:01.200 --> 00:13:02.159 Mayo edge. 00:13:09.600 --> 00:13:10.480 That's right. 00:13:10.720 --> 00:13:11.679 That's right. 00:13:18.720 --> 00:13:28.559 He pivots off of this verse, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ, and then he goes, Okay, wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. 00:13:28.720 --> 00:13:35.600 So the submission that I've called all of you to, wives, you're going to model this uniquely in marriage. 00:13:35.919 --> 00:13:46.159 There is something particular about the submission that I'm calling you to that wives demonstrate in a way that husbands don't demonstrate in marriage. 00:13:46.480 --> 00:13:52.799 Husbands, yes, all Christians participate in submission to one another out of reverence for Christ. 00:13:52.960 --> 00:13:55.600 That's what the verse immediately prior to this says. 00:13:55.759 --> 00:14:10.960 But there is a unique way, there is a particularly a particularly feminine way in which wives are able to submit to their husbands, which demonstrates the wonder of the gospel. 00:14:12.480 --> 00:14:24.080 So the way that this submission is structured is that wives are supposed to submit to their own husbands as to the Lord. 00:14:24.559 --> 00:14:28.480 So what is the shape of a wife's submission to her husband? 00:14:28.639 --> 00:14:32.159 Well, it's the same way that she submits to Christ. 00:14:34.879 --> 00:14:40.000 What does it look like when in this is something that we're all doing right now as the church? 00:14:40.240 --> 00:14:48.639 You know, why we're we're all participating as the church in the feminine aspect of our relationship to the Lord. 00:14:48.720 --> 00:14:49.600 The church is a she. 00:14:50.159 --> 00:14:51.840 The church is a bride. 00:14:52.159 --> 00:15:01.039 And so right now, in that participation, with this feminine aspect of our relationship with the Lord, how is it that we submit to the Lord? 00:15:01.279 --> 00:15:03.840 Well, what did we just get done doing? 00:15:05.360 --> 00:15:06.320 We sang. 00:15:07.360 --> 00:15:09.360 We sang praises to him. 00:15:09.840 --> 00:15:12.080 You know, think of Psalm 100. 00:15:12.320 --> 00:15:14.720 Serve the Lord with gladness. 00:15:15.120 --> 00:15:17.279 Come into his presence with singing. 00:15:17.440 --> 00:15:20.960 There's a joy in our submission to the Lord. 00:15:21.279 --> 00:15:39.600 This is not, uh taking on our submission to the Lord is not something that is it like crushes us and causes us to conform into this miserable pattern where we uh where our true selves are destroyed, and then we're forced to put on this Stepford wife facade on the outside. 00:15:39.759 --> 00:15:45.279 When we think of submission, we think us uh of submission to like a tyrant. 00:15:45.519 --> 00:15:56.799 And do you remember when uh, and so we think, okay, if I'm called, wives are called to submit to their husbands as to the Lord, which implies this joyful sort of submission. 00:15:57.039 --> 00:16:04.159 Does that mean do you have like have you ever seen footage of uh uh North Koreans clapping for Kim Jong-un? 00:16:05.600 --> 00:16:07.759 Yeah, it's incredibly unnerving. 00:16:08.000 --> 00:16:11.120 Because it's like nobody should be clapped for that much. 00:16:11.279 --> 00:16:14.960 But they're clapping because their life is on the line. 00:16:15.279 --> 00:16:19.360 Because they're clapping for a tyrant who's forcing their joy. 00:16:20.399 --> 00:16:23.440 This is not the way that we submit. 00:16:23.600 --> 00:16:26.240 This is not the way that wives submit to their husbands. 00:16:26.399 --> 00:16:33.200 It's not putting on a facade as though submitting to a tyrant, but rather it's submitting to a lover. 00:16:34.000 --> 00:16:39.360 And in submitting to this lover, they are able to submit. 00:16:39.519 --> 00:16:42.159 Wives are called to submit sincerely. 00:16:42.720 --> 00:16:46.080 Submission and sincerity are something that Paul couples together frequently. 00:16:46.240 --> 00:16:53.360 He does it uh in just a few verses from now when he talks about slaves and masters, and he does it in Colossians, talking actually in the same paradigm. 00:16:53.679 --> 00:17:02.159 Says, don't just pay I service, but serve as though you're serving the Lord, which means that there's a real sincerity of heart that's being called to here. 00:17:03.440 --> 00:17:06.640 So as to the Lord, which means sincerity. 00:17:06.880 --> 00:17:10.720 Okay, but here's the we gotta get to the question, right? 00:17:10.880 --> 00:17:15.359 Uh that that's on every wife's or or would-be wife's mind. 00:17:16.240 --> 00:17:16.880 Why? 00:17:19.200 --> 00:17:22.799 Why uh do we why are we the ones that submit? 00:17:24.079 --> 00:17:26.000 Uh well, there's reasons. 00:17:26.319 --> 00:17:30.559 And there are reasons as deep as creation and as deep as redemption. 00:17:30.960 --> 00:17:36.640 So Paul goes on, Ephesians 5.23, for, that's how you know he's answering the question, why? 00:17:36.960 --> 00:17:38.799 Why do we submit to our husbands? 00:17:38.960 --> 00:17:49.759 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its savior. 00:17:50.400 --> 00:17:58.160 Okay, so there's uh Paul is Paul is interpreting the world here. 00:17:58.720 --> 00:18:06.799 He's saying, why is it that wives submit to their husbands, but husbands aren't called to submit to their wives, at least not in this particular way. 00:18:07.680 --> 00:18:12.880 Well, it's because the husband is the head of the wife. 00:18:14.160 --> 00:18:20.720 And it's in the same way as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is its savior. 00:18:21.599 --> 00:18:27.279 So creationally, Adam precedes Eve. 00:18:28.000 --> 00:18:33.680 And Eve is made from Adam, taken from his rib. 00:18:35.599 --> 00:18:40.799 Uh Matthew Henry has one of the most beautiful little interpretations of that, by the way. 00:18:40.960 --> 00:18:42.400 Sometimes I read it at weddings. 00:18:42.640 --> 00:18:48.559 But he says, She was not taken from the head to dominate over her husband. 00:18:48.880 --> 00:18:52.319 She was not taken from the foot to be trampled on by her husband. 00:18:52.480 --> 00:19:01.279 But she was taken from the rib, under his arm to be protected, close to his heart to be cherished. 00:19:02.240 --> 00:19:03.440 Isn't that beautiful? 00:19:03.920 --> 00:19:05.440 Yeah, I thought so too. 00:19:10.079 --> 00:19:14.559 So head in this sense can literally mean source. 00:19:15.519 --> 00:19:18.480 Adam is the source of Eve. 00:19:18.720 --> 00:19:26.079 And so it from him flows this uh uh his own humanity in into her. 00:19:26.240 --> 00:19:30.400 The Imago Day moves into Eve from Adam, this source. 00:19:30.640 --> 00:19:36.240 So he is the head, he is the one from whom the identity comes. 00:19:36.559 --> 00:19:48.400 But it is not a dissolving of Eve's identity, that he is the source, because when Eve is created, he does not say, Adam part two. 00:19:50.160 --> 00:19:52.000 He says woman. 00:19:56.240 --> 00:20:02.880 She is called woman because she is of me, of Adam, but she isn't me. 00:20:05.519 --> 00:20:11.279 There is a sameness here and and a difference here. 00:20:11.920 --> 00:20:20.400 And so there's something where the image of God now makes sense in our joining. 00:20:21.039 --> 00:20:26.559 Well, I'll say more on that later, but you do you do you see the creational shape of this? 00:20:26.720 --> 00:20:29.599 And then there's also the redemptive shape. 00:20:31.359 --> 00:20:39.119 The husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its savior. 00:20:40.640 --> 00:20:47.519 Christ is the head of the church, and how does he demonstrate his headship? 00:20:48.079 --> 00:20:51.920 Up until now, you might think, I know what it is to be the head of something. 00:20:52.079 --> 00:20:58.640 I know what it is to uh be the uh the authority in a relationship where somebody submits to that authority. 00:20:59.519 --> 00:21:05.359 But how does Christ demonstrate his headship to the church? 00:21:05.680 --> 00:21:08.480 He is her savior. 00:21:08.880 --> 00:21:09.759 How does he do that? 00:21:09.920 --> 00:21:13.200 He lays his life down for the church. 00:21:14.559 --> 00:21:23.440 So we see that there is a creational pattern that is demonstrated in marriage, and there is a redemptive pattern that is demonstrated in marriage. 00:21:23.519 --> 00:21:25.359 And Paul gives us this sort of summary. 00:21:25.519 --> 00:21:37.599 Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands, saying, see this pattern that's built into the world. 00:21:38.160 --> 00:21:53.519 Well, this pattern doesn't just take place at the corporate level, this pattern can dial down all the way to the couple level of a marriage, where God has written this throughout the whole world, this pattern. 00:21:54.160 --> 00:21:58.079 So it is our joy to then participate in it. 00:22:00.640 --> 00:22:01.759 Husbands. 00:22:02.319 --> 00:22:04.079 Ephesians 5 25. 00:22:05.279 --> 00:22:13.039 Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. 00:22:14.000 --> 00:22:16.960 Okay, so we see the asymmetry once again. 00:22:17.599 --> 00:22:21.759 He doesn't say, husbands likewise submit to your wives. 00:22:22.000 --> 00:22:24.319 He could have, he doesn't. 00:22:24.559 --> 00:22:27.759 He says, husbands love your wives. 00:22:28.000 --> 00:22:33.200 This calling is different, it has its own shape and character. 00:22:33.440 --> 00:22:35.200 Husbands love your wives. 00:22:35.279 --> 00:22:36.480 And what is the pattern? 00:22:36.720 --> 00:22:48.640 Just as the wife's pattern is shown to us in the relationship between Christ and the church, so too is the husband's pattern shown to us in the relationship between Christ and the church. 00:22:48.880 --> 00:22:56.720 And the husband, identifying with Christ, demonstrates his love for his wife. 00:22:56.960 --> 00:23:09.759 He loves his wife, being obedient to this command, by laying himself down for her, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. 00:23:10.640 --> 00:23:14.960 Sacrifice is the shape of the husband's love. 00:23:16.160 --> 00:23:21.519 So the wife is not being called, as I said, to submit to a tyrant. 00:23:22.000 --> 00:23:24.799 Her call is to submit to a lover. 00:23:25.039 --> 00:23:42.319 And that's what we're being shown here in this dynamic is this responsibility that the man has as the source is wielded for the benefit of his wife, not for his own benefit. 00:23:43.759 --> 00:23:49.279 Now, this is the way in which Christ demonstrates his headship. 00:23:49.599 --> 00:23:52.559 We don't have any questions that Christ is the head of the church. 00:23:52.720 --> 00:23:56.160 He's the king of the whole universe, that all authority in heaven and earth has been given to him. 00:23:56.400 --> 00:23:59.599 It's like nobody's questioning his authority. 00:23:59.839 --> 00:24:02.720 I mean, people do all the time, but he's not worried. 00:24:04.240 --> 00:24:10.319 But this is the picture of authority, the truest authority that there is. 00:24:10.720 --> 00:24:31.680 We can see it, we can see our own misconceptions about how, and this is where we're starting to discover the controversy of a passage like this, because our understanding of authority and the way that it's wielded is something always to be terrified of and always to at some level be resented. 00:24:32.880 --> 00:24:34.400 Listen to this. 00:25:08.400 --> 00:25:12.559 What is the true picture of authority? 00:25:13.359 --> 00:25:19.200 It's service, responsibility taken in service. 00:25:22.319 --> 00:25:27.440 This is the true path towards greatness, the great ones among you. 00:25:27.759 --> 00:25:30.480 We know what the pattern of the great ones among us is. 00:25:30.640 --> 00:25:33.839 What is the pattern of the great ones among the church? 00:25:34.880 --> 00:25:43.039 It's their lives laid down in service, in sacrificial love for one another. 00:25:45.039 --> 00:25:50.960 That is the picture of headship that Jesus calls husbands to model. 00:25:52.079 --> 00:25:55.680 So what happens when this takes place? 00:25:56.000 --> 00:26:00.480 When the husband loves his wife in the way that Christ loves the church? 00:26:00.720 --> 00:26:01.440 We can keep following. 00:26:01.680 --> 00:26:03.119 What does Christ do for the church? 00:26:03.279 --> 00:26:04.880 You know, maybe we can put some flesh on this. 00:26:05.039 --> 00:26:26.480 In 5, 26 to 27, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 00:26:29.279 --> 00:26:38.079 Christ seeks the church's highest end, which is our holiness. 00:26:39.119 --> 00:26:41.920 He, of course, acquires that for us. 00:26:42.960 --> 00:26:46.000 Husbands, you can't acquire holiness for your wife. 00:26:46.319 --> 00:27:02.559 But you can participate that by seeking holiness as your wife's highest end, which is that she might live in satisfaction in Christ. 00:27:03.680 --> 00:27:06.160 Husbands, what is your calling? 00:27:07.200 --> 00:27:15.680 It is that you seek as your highest end your wife's satisfaction in Christ. 00:27:17.519 --> 00:27:26.000 We have a world that constantly tells us that the ultimate satisfaction that you can find is in a romantic relationship. 00:27:26.319 --> 00:27:35.279 And the way that we can be fulfilled is by finding somebody who offers us that fulfillment or finding somebody who we can be that fulfillment for. 00:27:36.000 --> 00:27:37.680 This is different than that. 00:27:38.160 --> 00:27:43.920 This is a husband who is saying, I am not your highest end. 00:27:45.279 --> 00:27:46.559 Christ is. 00:32:45.359 --> 00:32:47.359 Nourishing, caring for. 00:32:47.680 --> 00:32:51.039 Her wounds are your wounds. 00:32:52.160 --> 00:32:56.160 The difficulties in her life become yours. 00:32:56.559 --> 00:33:00.079 They aren't inconveniences, they're not in your way. 00:33:03.119 --> 00:33:07.839 They are the very things that you are trying to participate in their healing for. 00:33:08.079 --> 00:33:14.880 Consider if you have a hurt knee, you must tend to it. 00:33:15.200 --> 00:33:18.799 Because your desire is to run and skip and jump. 00:33:19.039 --> 00:33:22.640 But if you have a hurt knee, you can't do those things. 00:33:22.880 --> 00:33:24.799 And so you tend to your knee. 00:33:31.039 --> 00:33:31.759 You can't. 00:33:31.920 --> 00:33:33.200 It's a part of you. 00:33:33.519 --> 00:33:36.079 And in the same way, you are called to this love. 00:33:36.240 --> 00:33:40.319 Now this is this is an impossibly high calling. 00:33:42.079 --> 00:33:57.440 And so in order to participate it, to participate in it first, we have to hear this is the way Christ thinks about you as his own body. 00:33:58.000 --> 00:34:02.480 There's this wonderful quote in this book, uh Gentle and Lowly. 00:34:03.119 --> 00:34:08.000 And it's uh the author's quoting uh this Puritan named Thomas Goodwin. 00:34:08.719 --> 00:34:12.079 This is a this is a like a whole paragraph, so settle in. 00:34:15.840 --> 00:34:25.440 There is comfort concerning such infirmities, in that your very sins move him to pity more than to anger. 00:34:27.119 --> 00:34:35.679 For he suffers with us under our infirmities, and by infirmities are meant sins as well as other miseries. 00:34:36.559 --> 00:34:45.760 Christ takes part with you and is so far from being provoked against you, as all his anger is turned upon your sin to ruin it. 00:34:46.400 --> 00:35:02.000 Yes, his pity is increased the more towards you, even as the heart of a father is to a child that has some loathsome disease, or as one is to a member of his body that has leprosy. 00:35:02.320 --> 00:35:15.679 He hates not the member, for it is his flesh, but the disease, and what provokes him to pity the the and that provokes him to pity the part affected the more? 00:35:16.960 --> 00:35:26.880 What shall not make for us when our sins that are both against Christ and us shall be turned as motives to him to pity us the more? 00:35:27.679 --> 00:35:28.880 You hear that? 00:35:29.280 --> 00:35:32.079 What is it like to be Christ's body? 00:35:32.320 --> 00:35:37.039 If you're in Christ, if you're a Christian, what is this promise to you? 00:35:37.679 --> 00:35:42.000 Your very sins are his wounded knee. 00:35:43.760 --> 00:35:55.280 That he is driven to pity all the more because of its woundedness, to tend to all the more, to nourish and cherish. 00:35:56.400 --> 00:35:59.679 Able to receive that type of goodness from the Lord. 00:36:01.360 --> 00:36:18.719 If you are, then as a husband, you you have this unthinkable riches of grace that you are able to give to your wife, to seek her highest end. 00:36:20.159 --> 00:36:41.280 As a wife, you are able to receive that from your husband, not in a way that is uh manipulative or enabling, or in a or in a way that rejects his attempts as tyrannical, but in a way that joyfully receives the grace that he might offer to you. 00:36:42.639 --> 00:36:46.000 That is the picture of marriage. 00:36:49.440 --> 00:36:55.840 So husbands, what can you do today to nourish and cherish? 00:37:00.320 --> 00:37:03.119 A wife desires to be cherished. 00:37:05.039 --> 00:37:17.119 It sounds like saying things like that now were so tuned to consider some offense because it might map onto some stereotype of men and women. 00:37:18.320 --> 00:37:24.960 But what could be more self-evident than a wife desiring to be cherished? 00:37:27.519 --> 00:37:31.519 This is not a pattern that we should so quickly throw off. 00:37:33.760 --> 00:37:36.079 The world is mapped into this pattern. 00:37:41.119 --> 00:37:43.440 This is the picture of the gospel. 00:37:44.239 --> 00:37:53.039 It's meant to be shown in this tiny way in the lives of the marriages that we participate in. 00:37:54.480 --> 00:38:04.159 Paul says this in Ephesians 5, 31 to 32, therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 00:38:04.719 --> 00:38:12.000 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 00:38:13.840 --> 00:38:22.559 So Paul comes to sum up here, and he says, uh, he quotes from the end of Genesis 2, and this is the second to last verse in Genesis 2. 00:38:22.639 --> 00:38:27.679 The verse right after this says, And the man and his wife were both naked and unashamed. 00:38:27.920 --> 00:38:30.639 So that's the picture of the glory of marriage. 00:38:30.880 --> 00:38:35.840 That we get to be both known, fully known, and loved. 00:38:36.480 --> 00:38:41.440 Known and loved is the glory of marriage. 00:38:41.760 --> 00:38:54.800 And it's demonstrated in this mystery, which is that a father, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 00:38:55.119 --> 00:38:56.480 How does that happen? 00:38:56.800 --> 00:38:59.840 This is a profound mystery. 00:39:00.239 --> 00:39:08.639 And Paul is saying, in fact, he says, I'm saying, it refers to Christ and the church. 00:39:09.199 --> 00:39:11.760 That is what marriage refers to. 00:39:12.719 --> 00:39:13.679 It has a referent. 00:39:13.840 --> 00:39:15.920 What does marriage mean? 00:39:16.159 --> 00:39:20.079 Ultimately, it means Christ and the church. 00:39:20.239 --> 00:39:23.360 It is participating in that same pattern. 00:39:23.920 --> 00:39:26.639 And you can see this, right? 00:39:26.800 --> 00:39:35.280 In the in this is where marriage becomes a picture of the way the whole world is structured. 00:39:36.400 --> 00:39:37.679 Stay with me. 00:39:38.880 --> 00:39:41.360 It becomes a picture of the way the whole world is structured. 00:39:41.440 --> 00:39:43.360 Consider the creation of Adam. 00:39:44.480 --> 00:39:48.400 Adam is the image of God. 00:39:49.119 --> 00:39:51.360 And how is the image of God made? 00:39:51.599 --> 00:39:55.199 It is the wedding of heaven and earth. 00:39:55.679 --> 00:39:59.199 He is raised up from the dirt, the earth. 00:39:59.440 --> 00:40:04.320 And then the breath of life, the heavens, are poured into him. 00:40:04.719 --> 00:40:14.320 And then in Adam, he is, in that impossible unity of heaven and earth, he is the image of God. 00:40:15.440 --> 00:40:24.639 And then this same pattern that takes place at the creation of man, it goes down another level, where from man Eve is created. 00:40:25.199 --> 00:40:38.719 And in the same way that we see this sort of heaven and earth are combined, and what happens when a man and woman combine in marriage, they create the image of God. 00:40:40.159 --> 00:40:44.559 Do you see how this pattern is written into all of creation? 00:40:44.880 --> 00:40:54.559 And then it becomes the same tool that Christ picks up in order to redeem this brokenness, and it is broken. 00:40:55.519 --> 00:41:12.079 Part of our response, our visceral response to the dangers of playing with words like authority and submission in the context of marriage, is we know we only think of relationships in terms of power. 00:41:12.239 --> 00:41:19.679 When things really get to the bottom, we think that what is most fundamental in our relationships is power. 00:41:19.920 --> 00:41:27.599 And as long as we if we get the power dynamic straightened out, then we can play a little love frosting on top. 00:41:27.679 --> 00:41:30.480 But we know that that is not the real deal. 00:41:30.639 --> 00:41:31.840 I'm lost in my metaphor. 00:41:31.920 --> 00:41:33.440 It's not the cake or something. 00:41:33.679 --> 00:41:39.280 But there's that we know that we are playing ultimately with power. 00:41:39.440 --> 00:41:40.800 That's the way we think. 00:41:43.519 --> 00:41:57.519 But what we're being called to hear is to see that all meaning, all real relationship is fundamentally, must be fundamentally grounded in love. 00:41:59.280 --> 00:42:04.079 Listen to what happens in just the next chapter of Genesis. 00:42:04.239 --> 00:42:07.519 This is, uh it describes what marriages are like now. 00:42:08.400 --> 00:42:10.880 Genesis 3.16, this is the curse on Eve. 00:42:11.039 --> 00:42:16.800 Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you. 00:42:19.039 --> 00:42:20.559 That's the curse. 00:42:21.679 --> 00:42:26.480 That's relationships that are fundamentally grounded in power. 00:42:27.440 --> 00:42:34.800 Why is it so dangerous for people like us to play with words like submission and authority in terms of marriage? 00:42:34.960 --> 00:42:39.920 Well, it's because we know in our brokenness, what does marriage really look like? 00:42:40.079 --> 00:42:47.679 It looks like the wife desires to dominate over her husband, and the husband desires to dominate over her in return. 00:42:49.199 --> 00:42:51.840 It looks like just a battle of power. 00:42:52.079 --> 00:42:57.360 And so, how do we solve a problem like that in a culture like ours? 00:42:57.599 --> 00:43:01.840 Well, we come up with a myriad of clever ways. 00:43:02.639 --> 00:43:04.880 I mean, okay, let's just step back. 00:43:07.119 --> 00:43:13.360 This verse, your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you. 00:43:16.320 --> 00:43:21.199 Is this not an incredibly apt diagnosis of our culture? 00:43:22.159 --> 00:43:27.840 Our whole culture somehow, since like 2015, has become like boys versus girls. 00:43:29.599 --> 00:43:31.199 It's absurd, right? 00:43:31.599 --> 00:43:33.039 But it's not. 00:43:33.360 --> 00:43:40.239 In fact, it's to be expected because what shape does the fall take place? 00:43:40.719 --> 00:43:43.920 In what way does the fall take shape in our lives? 00:43:44.079 --> 00:43:49.440 Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you. 00:43:49.599 --> 00:43:51.679 So, how do we describe one another? 00:43:51.920 --> 00:43:55.440 Toxic masculinity, resentful femininity. 00:43:58.320 --> 00:43:59.519 It's in the Bible. 00:44:00.960 --> 00:44:02.320 This should not be a surprise. 00:44:02.400 --> 00:44:03.760 You don't need to be a sociologist. 00:44:03.840 --> 00:44:07.199 You need to have read the first three chapters of the Bible. 00:44:10.320 --> 00:44:15.119 To anticipate that's the way that relationships will take shape. 00:44:16.000 --> 00:44:17.440 So how do we solve it? 00:44:17.599 --> 00:44:21.119 How do we solve a fall like that? 00:44:22.639 --> 00:44:31.920 You know, the counter-argument for this beautiful picture of marriage that's given in Ephesians 5, the counterargument was already made in Genesis 3. 00:44:33.199 --> 00:44:39.679 You know, it doesn't matter what next blog is written in slate or something. 00:44:44.480 --> 00:44:48.239 We could invert the pattern that we're given. 00:44:49.840 --> 00:44:51.840 The husband could not lay down his life. 00:44:52.000 --> 00:44:54.079 Instead, he could just dominate over her. 00:44:56.000 --> 00:44:58.880 That gives us a world of tyranny and resentment. 00:45:01.039 --> 00:45:02.639 Okay, what if we're just tied? 00:45:02.719 --> 00:45:04.159 What if we neuter it? 00:45:04.800 --> 00:45:08.639 What if we get rid of the complementarity and we just make it symmetry? 00:45:10.639 --> 00:45:19.440 Well, then we've removed the identity of the relationship. 00:45:21.119 --> 00:45:27.039 And now we don't get to be known in our masculinity and loved. 00:45:28.079 --> 00:45:32.000 We don't get to be known in our femininity and loved. 00:45:33.199 --> 00:45:38.559 Instead, we must dissolve these intrinsic aspects of ourselves. 00:45:39.760 --> 00:45:50.159 And so all of the identities connected with things like masculinity and femininity would then be dissolved into meaninglessness. 00:45:50.559 --> 00:45:52.239 Do you know what that's called? 00:45:52.639 --> 00:45:54.400 That's called the flood. 00:45:55.920 --> 00:45:57.840 There is no meaning. 00:45:58.960 --> 00:46:07.360