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207. 6 Tricks to Build Confidence That Sticks - with Scott Hardiman

• William Wadsworth • Episode 207

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We’re joined today by Scott Hardiman, a confidence coach who specialises in helping people rebuild their confidence and get their drive back. Scott shares his own relatable and inspiring student story, from bullying and anxiety to finding his confidence mindset. 

Plus his top six tricks – easy daily practices, micro-experiments that everyone can try – to build up your own confidence and face any high-stress situation:

 • the impact of taking action
 • using your “stretch zone”
 • physiology and posture
 • keeping an evidence bank of confidence-boosters
 • the importance of keeping your promises
 • and the power of self-awareness

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Find out more about today’s guest, Scott Hardiman:

• Discover more resources on his website: https://further-coaching.com/

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Recommendations from today’s episode:

• The Brain by David Eagleman: https://geni.us/thebrain *

• Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robbins: https://geni.us/giantwithin *

• Virginia Valian’s essay “Learning to Work” from Working It Out: 23 Women Writers, Artists, Scientists, and Scholars Talk About Their Lives and Work. (Pantheon, 1977): https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5b3a3c2596e76feeba40905e/t/5b46366570a6add65490e050/1531328102222/1977workingItOut.pdf

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Find out more about Exam Study Expert:

Hosted by [William Wadsworth], memory psychologist, independent researcher and study skills coach. I help ambitious students to study smarter, not harder, so they can ace their exams with less work and less stress.
   
 • BOOK 1:1 COACHING to supercharge your exam success: https://examstudyexpert.com/workwithme/

• Get a copy of Outsmart Your Exams, my award-winning exam technique book, at https://geni.us/exams *


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 Podcast edited by Kerri Edinburgh.

* As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases on suggested books. 

Questions? Comments? Requests? Or just want to say "thanks" - send me a text message (I read them all!).

William Wadsworth:

Hello and welcome to the Exam Study Experts podcast. Today I'm joined by my friend Scott Hardiman, confidence coach, who specializes in helping people rebuild their confidence and get their drive back. Today is something of a hybrid episode digging into Scott's own student story, which is a very inspirational message and I think will be very relatable for many people listening, struggling perhaps with difficult life context outside of their studies and or having challenges with doubting yourself or getting anxious around the study process. Scott then breaks down a fantastic set of very practical tools that we can all use to help us boost our confidence and in our studies generally. And lots of really practical takeaways that you can use following from this episode to help you make progress. I think there'll be lots you really enjoy in today's episode. Without further ado, here's Scott Hardyman. Enjoy. Scott, a very warm welcome to the Exam Study Expert Podcast. Thank you for being here.

Scott Hardiman:

Thank you. Yeah, I really appreciate you inviting me. I'm I'm grateful. Thank you.

William Wadsworth:

Really looking forward to it. Just before we dive in, uh I wondered if we could maybe just set the seats. I I know you you kind of work on confidence and we're going to be talking a little bit about that today. Just as it introduced the the conversation today, uh what is confidence? What does it mean to you? Why is it such an important thing?

Scott Hardiman:

Yeah, I mean it's incredibly important from my perspective, anyway, naturally. But what is confidence? That's such a great question. Wow, that's uh pretty powerful. I think it's been able to follow through on the things that you say you're gonna do. Um, you know, many a times in my life I've been wanting to do things, but I haven't pursued them, and that ultimately comes down to not feeling confident enough. So I think confidence is saying, hey, I'd like to explore that, whatever it is. It could be work-related, relationship related, anything personal, and saying, Yeah, okay, I'm gonna follow this through, I'm gonna do it, take responsibility for it. So that's what I would say is is confidence from my perspective.

William Wadsworth:

Fantastic. Well, I know you've got uh a bit of a bit of a kind of a personal story, why how you came to this world and and this this focus. So yeah, I wonder if you might just share a little bit of the the backstory, your your journey uh that that kind of brought you to this this subject now.

Scott Hardiman:

Yeah, I I mean it as with with most things, I think, in in life that we well, not always, but I from the people that I speak to, a lot of the reason that they are doing something is is often because of uh a challenge or a pain. And that ultimately is something that that prompted me to step into this world of personal development and confidence and mindset and and and this never-ending world of of growth, I think. So yeah, a little bit of my story. I tend to start in in the place of work, which was I was a funeral director for around 10 years, and it and it wasn't something that I'd planned to do. I was actually a an estate agent at the time, and I was terrible at it because I had zero confidence. I don't know why I went for the job, but it was something that I I just wanted something to dive into. I think probably unconsciously I was trying to challenge myself so I could grow, but I wasn't very good at managing my emotions and and myself at that point. So I was an estate agent and I was, like I said, not very good at it at all. I'd go red, I'd sweat. If anyone asked me a question, it was I wanted to run away. And then a friend of mine, his brother was in the funeral industry. So he said, Hey, look, you're not happy where you are. There's there's a job going, I think you'd be good at it. I was like, Okay, wow. And I wasn't sure if that was a compliment or or not, but I thought, okay, yeah, I'm not happy where I am, let's let's just go with it. And I went into the funeral world and and I was I was actually very good at it. I could I could really understand people. I think it was uh it I learned a lot from them and I learned a lot about myself, and that's where I I started to gradually build confidence because you kind of have to. You can't be in that space and and be walking in front of a hearse as an example or dealing with people at a very, very challenging time of their lives and not show some level of confidence, however, it was a a battle consistently. Um, but I start there because I think it it it gave me a lot of skills about how to deal with people, and that weirdly it transfers into what I'm doing now. And and then I I battled with anxiety for a long period of time. It was crippling anxiety, it was a very physical symptom for me. So I felt like I needed to it came out of the blue. I was not expecting it at all. I think that happens for most people, but I I felt like I needed to take a deep breath in, and when I couldn't get that deep breath, then I'd just spiral into anxiety attacks and panic attacks, and that was consistent, and as you can imagine, we were breathing all the time. So when I got that deep breath, if I could, I'd get a bit of respite, and then sometimes 20 minutes later, sometimes 30 seconds later, it would happen again, and it was just a consistent battle and a real challenge for me. That's what I viewed it at the time, and then that was really what prompted me to dive into personal development because I wanted to find a way out of this the pain I was in, really.

William Wadsworth:

Amazing, amazing. And and then we'll bring the story back up to date in in a moment. Um I wondered for for the benefit of those those listening. I uh when we we we chatted a couple of weeks ago and and you told me a little it, I think clearly not a not a probably fair to say not an especially privileged background when when you were growing up. And uh I wonder if you'd be willing maybe just to share a little bit of colour on that for you know, particularly for the benefit of perhaps inspiring other people that may be falling in your shoes, also struggling with with challenges that they grow up and and and difficult circumstances and and maybe just giving us that that sort of role model for sort of what's you know ultimately possible and and how you might sort of change your change your stars in in future. But yeah, I think I think fair to say you you you you you didn't have an easy start in life.

Scott Hardiman:

No, it was a challenge for sure. I think we're good growing up, I it's a strange one. I'm I come from a family of of well, a lot of women around me, and obviously I've got my my dad, and we are we know we're we're getting closer as I get older, which is interesting. But I've had women around me all the time, so there's a lot of love and and I would say support and encouragement. I when we go back a few years, a lot of years now, I'm 30, nearly 38. So yeah, we my mum and dad separated at a young age, and and we actually moved away from where I was born, which was in in Bournemouth, Paul, in the UK. And we moved into an era that wasn't very nice, and it was a really big struggle for me. I it's it's where we I didn't know anyone. I was only the age of you know 12, 13, and that's at the age I think for especially for a young lad is to try and find your your tribe, you know, youngsters around you that you can connect with and vibe from. And for me, I just didn't have that. And and then I was in different schools and I got bullied quite heavily. Uh my education, I was a bright guy, I still think I'm a bright guy now. Uh, I wouldn't say I'm I'm hyper intelligent, but I I can hold my own and I can learn things, I can retain information, and uh yeah, I would say that I'm smart, but I wasn't able to express that because of the disjointed approach to my life, I think at that stage. So yeah, I moved from school to school, got bullied multiple times. Uh, we did end up you know moving to a nice area because my mum met my my stepdad and when we moved to a really nice area in Cambridgeshire, which was it was kind of like a you know, I always my funny enough, my mum and that gentleman there are not together anymore. Uh, but I always think fondly of him because he took us out of the really challenging space that we were in. And without him, I don't think I'd be kind of where I am today, uh, achieving the things that I have to this point. And and then the same kind of thing happened there. I did find a little bit of a tribe and a group of friends, but again, I wasn't able to really find a foothold in my education. I was, I would say, a C B student, which for me was a big surprise because I would uh I would I wasn't given that kind of background. And I think that shows if I had more stability, perhaps I would be able to to do the things that I wanted to at that stage, which was I wanted to go to university, I really wanted to strive for more, but I was distracted, I wasn't able to really focus. Um, but I managed to you know grind through, which was which was great. I even I I went to sixth form, uh, I I dropped out of that. I then went to a college to try and do sports psychology because I was a really keen sportsman. Uh and again, I just wasn't able to really get a foothold in it, and I ended up dropping out of that as well. So background, I mean what what the lesson is there is that you know, even if you have those ups and downs, uh it doesn't mean that you can't still achieve things. And I think that was a big lesson for me and and it helped me to get to where I am.

William Wadsworth:

Yeah, yeah. So thank you uh for for for sharing, and and I'm and I'm sure there's people listening that that that relate. Um I I'm curious, you have done a a lot of work as an adult and you know dived into the world of personal development and now and now teach to others. I I'm just curious with with hindsight, with the the the tools and the outlook that you now have. You know, you described kind of dropping out of sixth four hundred, you know, not making it in college, you know, it sounds like you have the kind of raw tools, the intellectual tools and and the potential, but but you know, it didn't quite click. You know, with the tools and the outlook you have now, if you'd had some of that back then, do you feel the outcome might have been different in in some of those academic experiences?

Scott Hardiman:

For sure. Wonderful question. Yeah, absolutely. I think you know that's one of the the I think if we're out there and we you you're listening and you're young, is really try and give yourself as many tools as possible when it comes to mindset. Because I fundamentally believe that if I had the tools that I have now, things would have been different. Well, you know, when I say things would have been different, it's not that I want them to be different. I think it's just the the the knowing now that if I had them, then the path would have been different to where I am now. It's not like I'm not happy, I'm extremely happy, but it always intrigues me. We can't do anything about the past. There's that quote, what happened, happened, and couldn't have happened any other way because it didn't. Uh if it was meant to have been different, it would have been. So you have to kind of live by that, I think. Uh but yeah, with without a shadow of a doubt, if I'd had strategies and tools to cope with my my anxiety, with a lack of confidence, I would have I would have gone to college, I would have completed that qualification, I probably would have gone to university and I'd be in a different seat right now. But there you go.

William Wadsworth:

There you go. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Scott Hardiman:

Interesting, interesting.

William Wadsworth:

So kind of I'm just so for anyone looking to, you know, maybe they're relatively at the start of their journey in terms of the world of personal development and the potential of kind of working on yourself, your outlook, your mindset, etc. Are there any particular um I don't know, books, talk, tools, resources, courses that you you especially recommend for for beginners, particularly maybe younger people at sort of sixth form university that are just sort of in the early days of starting to discover this world? Is there anything in particular you'd you'd suggest people take a look at?

Scott Hardiman:

Yeah, there's uh so many books. Um listening to podcasts like this, I think, is gonna have a big impact. But I mean, there's so many tools that I can share and and action items that we can discuss. But I think a book that I love is called The Brain. Uh, it's around here somewhere. I think it's by a gentleman called David Eagleman. Uh, it's a really fantastic read, and it gives you a great insight into the brain. And it it's not heavy, it's simplified, but it has a uh you sit back and you go, wow, the the brain is ex extraordinary. And I think having some understanding of what we have between our in our in our skull is is incredible because I know for years I didn't I didn't really understand my brain in it at all. I was more about physical, uh my muscles and the way that I looked, because that was a another way of me trying to feel good enough. But yeah, under having understanding just how powerful the brain is is is imperative, I think. And then another another book that that really opened my eyes to personal development. I've got it here, is actually Tony Robbins, uh, Awaken the Giant Within. I know it's a typical kind of like life coaching, coaching space. Oh, Tony Robbins. But honestly, that that that book, when I was crippled with anxiety, it was one of the first books. It was actually probably the second book I read. The first one was uh The Chimp Paradox, which was a great read. Uh, and then it was Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robbins. And I didn't actually even finish that book, weirdly. It was enough for me to just open my eyes, implement a few strategies, and go, wow, I'm gonna run with this. But it had a profound impact on me.

William Wadsworth:

Yeah, yeah. Great, great recommendations, thank you. Um I'd love to ask you a bit of about the sort of the anything practical we can take from this in a moment, but but just to kind of pick up on on the brain and and David Eagle, when you said, you know, for you it was quite insightful, quite helpful kind of learning a little bit about what's what's going on up there. So obviously a huge giant subject. But are there any, you know, one or two kind of lessons that you feel might be particularly interesting or helpful to sort of share with us today in terms of things we maybe don't realise about how the brain works that that might be helpful for us to understand?

Scott Hardiman:

Yeah, I mean, the the things that the thing that sticks with me the most from that book, and and I suppose it's not necessarily a strategy as such, but it's just uh I I like to work a lot around insight, not just uh information. I think information's fantastic and it's imp it's really important, but insight can shift our world very, very quickly. So it's those aha moments, like, oh wow, and then it look it has us look at things in a different perspective. And one uh and it's been a while since I've read the book, but one thing that really stuck with me was that and I I to be honest, I didn't fact-check this, but I like to think that he didn't share information that wasn't factual, is that the the external world from us is there is no colour. Um, and our eyes and our brain receive the information through vibrations and then interpret that and turn into the colour. Uh and that for me, I was like, wow, like how how have I not known that? Look how powerful the the brain is. What can I do to utilize that to get more of what I want from life and achieve more of what I want? Because if it does that just from wavelengths, then it can do a whole lot more. And that was the the one of the biggest insights for me. And also that often from from this book, anyway, the brain doesn't, it doesn't care how it gets information, it will just interpret what it gets, whether it's through vibrations, whether it's through hearing, sight, senses. So again, it was another insight for me of like, oh wow, yeah, I've I've I didn't really understand the true power of what I've got.

William Wadsworth:

Yeah, amazing, amazing. I wish we had our um in-house writing coach specialist at Dr. Alex Himmel with us on this interview because she did her PhD on visual perception in a wish. She's a real kind of um that's her real uh sort of area of academic specialism. Um so it'd be uh fascinating to kind of dive into that a bit more deeply. But uh yeah, no, it's amazing. It's amazing what the brain, I mean, from from my from my understanding of that field, yeah, it is it is pretty amazing what the brain can do in terms of perceiving the world around us and kind of what's going on between our ears uh with all that stuff. So amazing. Great. So look, I mean, if if you're willing, Scott, I mean, is there anything we I mean, obviously a huge, huge subject and and you know, many things we can learn and and you know, I don't want to sort of pretend we can kind of still down a bit a huge great thing into into just you know 10-15 minutes. But but are there any kind of little tools you think we can um perhaps learn from you today to help us get started?

Scott Hardiman:

Yeah, I mean there's there's a there's a fair few. I wrote down kind of my my my top top dips um in preparation for this, but I think you know, one is is uh and it took me a while to actually realize the the connection, but confidence ultimately comes from action. Now we can look at a deeper level of why we're not moving forward in the way that we want, or maybe we're not you know confident in ourselves and and and so on, and that can sometimes be a bit of a deeper level. So, for example, for me, the reason for my anxiety and and a lack of confidence was because I was coming from a place of not feeling good enough and not feeling safe. So I had to do the deeper work, but it's also just recognizing potentially not as deep, but confidence comes from action because what action does is it allows us to learn when we when we do something like for example, this podcast. You know, I've done podcasts in the past, and before I used to be, you know, even though I was building my confidence and I was I was confident in myself, I was very nervous because it wasn't something that I had done before. Whereas now I've done it because I've taken action, I've learned, I've I've developed a lot of skills around this, and I've grown in that area. And then I took more action and I started to learn and grow even more. And then what happens when when we do that is that we become more competent. And then when we're competent, that's when confidence comes into play. It's like driving a car. When we're driving a car, we first get in it and and we haven't got we're not we're not confident at all. And the reason for that is because we're not competent. The confidence comes because we continue to go back, we have the lessons, we make mistakes, and we learn and we grow, and then confidence comes. So I like to think of it as if there was a tool, kind of micro experiments, I like to call it, or the confidence gym. And it's like training a muscle. I don't go into the gym and lift 100 kilograms straight away, right? I start small and it's these micro experiments or tests that I kind of implement. And it could be speaking in a meeting or uh recording a min a video for social media, it doesn't matter, whatever is applies to you, and just recognizing that every time I do that, those micro steps, I'm building that confidence gradually. And I recognize that, oh, okay, I didn't die, I'm still alive, uh, and I've got something there, and then it allows me to kind of keep moving forward. And and if you've done any research on the impact of compounding, you'll know the benefit of that. So one step and you compound the next one, the next one, and then all of a sudden your your confidence is is sky high. So that's one step.

William Wadsworth:

Yeah, I think that's a great insight. I mean I think a challenge that some people might have coming back to academia or coming to academia, you know. I talked to, for example, people who, you know, perhaps followed a similar path to to your own and had similar challenges and are coming back to academia later in life, wanting to get their A levels, to get their degrees, to go back and get a master's, you know, whatever it is. And and sometimes that confidence is is is a real challenge, particularly if it's been knocked uh earlier in in life and and rebuilding that. So I guess the takeaway there would be think about you know, th the the big undergraduate process and exam at the end of it, or the big one-year masters with the exam at the end of it. That's quite a big that's quite a big goal. I suppose, you know, uh listening to you to you talking to Scott, I'm thinking, like, is there a is there a little mini thing you could kind of get under your belt just to kind of get some quick wins and and and start to feel a bit of confidence? You know, maybe it's a a small like six-week certification in you know, maybe even not the same field as you're studying your master's in, but just to go through that mechanics of studying for an exam, taking it, and getting that pause, getting that certification in your hand, and that just gives you a little bit of a boost and you go, right, okay, I can move on to the next thing and scale up from there.

Scott Hardiman:

Yeah, that's exactly exactly right. It's so powerful. It it's it's recognizing that, okay. Well, that that I did that. It builds trust, it builds that confidence, and then all of a sudden the next step comes, you know, okay, well, I I can do that. So I I remember a conversation with my Georgia once before, you know, she's nearly eight, but she was about five, I think, and she was a bit nervous about going to the dentist. And I said, Oh, okay, well, I imagine you're you're you're thinking about being in the chair at the dentist. And she's only she was only five at the time. Um, but I tried to keep it as simple as possible. And she was like, Yeah, yeah, I am. Uh and I thought, okay, well, what's the one thing that we can do now? And she went, Oh, get dressed. I was like, okay, let's just do that. Let's just do that. And then she got dressed. I said, What's next? She said, brush my teeth. I was like, Great, let's do that. And the next it was downstairs and it was shoes on, and then all of a sudden, half an hour later, she sat in the dentist chair, not overwhelmed, because she followed the the process of the small micro steps to lead you to that bigger goal. And if we have the bigger goal, like you said, it can be very overwhelming. So just small chunk it, make it as small as you can, tiny, and then you'll find yourself, oh wow, I'm I'm here.

William Wadsworth:

Absolutely. Yeah. I mean, I love that one. I mean, so many of us procrastinate on particularly things like uh very big, unstructured tasks as well. So, you know, that same strategy, you know, it might not be something you're kind of, I guess, scared of or or kind of anxious about in the same way as the dentist. It might be something you're just putting off because it's big and hairy and you know, not very well structured. So, like a big piece of writing. You know, I've been known on a bad day to just write turn on the laptop open word as like item number one on my to-do list. And then that just gets the ball rolling. And once you've got word out that, you know, you've got to just write a sentence, write that first sentence. And then and then you start to build some momentum and you get into it. But yeah, what's one thing you can do now, and then what's the next thing, and the next thing, and then you you can gradually get get rolling from there. Amazing. So so action builds competence, uh builds confidence, and and how can you look for that first thing uh that you can make a start on? Great. Um thank you. What else what else was were you thinking?

Scott Hardiman:

Well, I mean, one thing that I really like to talk about is, and it's a story that I've heard, and and again, your listeners may have heard it before, maybe you have, but the the the confidence that we if we want to build confidence, we need to step outside of our comfort zone. I mean, it's uh you're if anyone listens to me or they they they read anything else or find me elsewhere, you'll know that I like to keep things really simple because I think the simple are often the best way. There are lots of intricate and very detailed processes and structures out there which work, they have a place, but I tend to find that we all naturally drift back to the simple strategies because they work. Um, so if you think about the the comfort zone, it's stretch, I call it the stretch zone. So you've got your comfort zone, and then slightly outside that is your stretch zone, and then you've got really uncomfortable outside of that. So I would say day by day, really, is trying to step into that stretch zone as often as you can within the day. And it doesn't have to be these huge things like you mentioned a moment ago, it's those tiny steps that take you out of your comfort zone into that stretch zone. And it's recognizing that often when we do that, not always, but there are a lot of people out there that will be like, Oh, why are you why are you doing that? That that's that's does it's not gonna work. And I tend to find that that stops people in their in their steps. You know, it could be someone wanting to go to university, but their family don't I haven't been to university before. Oh, is that worth it? Are you sure you can do it? We haven't no one in the family's done it before, and therefore they're trying to keep that person in that comfort zone. Often they don't even realize they're doing it. So it's just understanding, okay, well, if I just stretch myself slightly, I don't won't be deeply uncomfortable, but I'll be somewhat uncomfortable. And then that in itself builds confidence because again, you start to prove to yourself that oh, I can do that, and then you stretch the stretch zone, and then the the comfort zone uh you can step into. But I heard a story and it was, and I'm not sure whether it's uh PG around here, I'm gonna try and change the the language. But imagine that you are in a swimming pool, and everyone's in that swimming pool, everyone that you know, most people let's say that you know are in that swimming pool, and you're bobbing around and you're you're good, you're comfortable, it's warm, the sun is shining, it's it's it's quite cozy in there. But you start to look outside the swimming pool and you go, Oh, what's out there? Just all of a sudden you start to see what's outside the swimming pool, and you think, Well, I'm gonna I'm gonna explore there. And then people behind you go, Don't do that. No, no, no, no, no. I've seen people go out before, it doesn't, it's not good, that doesn't work out for you. You go, oh, okay. And you stay in that comfort zone, you stay in the swimming pool, and then all of a sudden you go, No, I'm gonna step out of that pool, and everyone's shouting, don't do it, don't do it, get back in. You're climbing the ladder trying to get out. They go, jump back in, it's not gonna be the same for you, and you step out of the pool, and it's cold and it's windy, and the rain starts, and it feels really, really uncomfortable, and you can hear people in the behind you saying, just come back, just jump back in. It's it's not worth it, you've changed all of this stuff, and you turn around and you look at the swimming pool and you realize that they're all swimming in pea. Would you get back in that swimming pool?

William Wadsworth:

No, of course not.

Scott Hardiman:

Yeah, so it's recognizing that often the comfort zone is a people, a pistol, whatever you want to call it. And it's understanding if you step out of that, yes, it's uncomfortable, yes, you're gonna be not feeling so good straight away. But the more that you do that, the more confidence you'll you'll build it within yourself, and other people might not like it straight away, but they will come around to that. And I really like that story.

William Wadsworth:

It certainly has uh has sort of a bite to it, doesn't it? It's quite visceral. Um, it's yeah, no, that's great. And I'm I'm reminded of you know, often I'll talk to young people and and and they'll be talking about how their friends sort of expect them to be uh, you know, engaging on on whatever kind of messaging, you know, you're on Snapchat or WhatsApp or whatever, WeChat, and and they kind of expect you to be on there all evening back and forth, or or maybe you you're you're into your you and your friends are into gaming and they expect you to kind of be, you know, or logged into Xbox Live and there for a game or whatever. And and kind of this this sort of weight of expectation can sometimes get in the way of you actually just turning all that off and getting focused and getting your work done. So there's a sort of a slight element to which these other people are sort of calling you back and you're trying to get on with your work and make some progress, and they're sort of calling you back into the pool and being like, oh, you know, no, what are you doing, you know. Uh so so yeah, I completely agree. There are times you just need to kind of turn down some of those voices, and either they'll come along with you, in some cases, you know, maybe they won't, and then you find yourself with a different set, you know, moving slightly into a different set of friends and and friendships as a result. But uh yeah, it's it's difficult things to to navigate for for young people, particularly. Uh, you know, that social element, that social dimension. So that's a really nice metaphor to bear in mind. Thank you. Thank you. So how cool.

Scott Hardiman:

So um in at number three. In a number three, is a big thing for me is physiology. So I I like to change the way that I am standing to build confidence. This is more of an action to result. If you do this, it it really does have a profound impact pretty much straight away. So yeah, it's about how you noticed how if if anyone's if it's watching, if do people watch this?

William Wadsworth:

Yeah, someone watching on YouTube. Hello.

Scott Hardiman:

But I've listened to you, so I haven't watched. But yeah, it it's you notice I'm I'm not sitting with my, I'm not slouched over, I'm not kind of crossing my arms, I'm sitting back, my head's up, my shoulders are back, and my chest is up because I know that that built helps me build confidence. And I remember when I was extremely low in confidence, I came across this, like changing your physiology and hands on hips. I thought, oh yeah, whatever. This is the early days. And I thought, you know what, I will do anything and everything to help me right now because I feel absolutely terrible. So I used to stand and I'd consciously put my hands on my hips and stand in this kind of Superman pose with my shoulders back. And I wouldn't make it too obvious, but it was enough. And then I'd also do it at home. And I thought, okay, maybe it will work, maybe it'll have an impact. And whether or not it did, all I know now is that if I'm in a situation that feels slightly uncomfortable and it chat it's challenging my confidence, I will just catch myself in that position. It's like I've trained my body to say, oh, stand like this to help you in this moment. So for me, it's about changing our physiology, and it can be something quick, it could be just a short routine, just something specific to you that can have you feeling more confident in that moment. I my go-to is shoulders back, head up, chest up, and hands on hips. I find that that really boosts my confidence. So changing our physiology is really important. It's not just confidence, isn't just in the head, it's in the body. So yeah, before you walk into the room, just check in and see how that goes. That's that's kind of a really big one for me.

William Wadsworth:

Yeah, that's a nice one. And something we could all apply in those, particularly those kind of moments, it feels a little bit pressurized, you know, heading into a, you know, maybe it's a lesson we're not that confident in, maybe it's maybe it's heading into the exam or the or the vibe or whatever you've got to face. Yeah, just just taking a moment, checking in with yourself, doing those, yeah, those, those, those, you know, you do do doing your move, do putting your body in a place that gives you confidence. Yeah, and and you know, I this is very well studied psychology. Like, you know, researchers have consistently found that when you adopt these these kind of power poses, as I think one paper put it, you know, you can measure the impact in like hormones like testosterone as a result of just adopting a slightly different stance. So, you know, it's it's quite powerful stuff and and pretty pretty well studied as a sort of robust science. It's not sort of just like uh you know, woo-woo stuff, you know, it's it's it's it's it's yeah, it's it's very real. It's very real. Fantastic. Thank you. Okay, great. So in that number three, we've got the power of physiology.

Scott Hardiman:

Uh what's our fourth? So the fourth one is understanding that confidence is evidence-based. So it's built through providing evidence that you can do something. And it's it could be a win, it could be something that didn't go the way that you want, but that's that's feedback, surviving those hard moments. So you don't necessarily need to feel confident to begin from my perspective, anyway. Actually, if I'm honest, most of the time it's 100% not the case, uh, especially if you're stepping into something new, you're not going to be confident in that specific skill or or activity. So it's about building that evidence. So I've got something that I I call the confidence bank. Um, and and that is essentially I keep uh a bank of the things that I have shown confidence in. And then I tend to turn to those before going into a situation which requires me to be more confident. It's like a like a list that I can turn to to say, oh yeah, remember when you were confident here and here and here and here? Uh and what that does is it just changes my my state, it changes my emotional state, my energy. And then I show up because I've reminded myself just how amazing I am. As cheesy as that sounds. But I'm a really big believer in that. And I used to look at myself and and tell myself, I'm awesome. Oh, I did, like I said, I did anything and everything to boost me up. And and that's not ego, that's just you know, understanding my worth and my value, and then having that in some sort of confidence bank where I can look to, I've got it on a Google Drive and I look at it and I say, okay, if it's at times where I feel like I need that extra confidence, I'll read it through, I'll look at the evidence and I'll I'll go into that situation. And again, it it's a it's a gradual process. You won't instantly feel 100% when you read this this evidence bank, but the more that you do it, the more you'll recognise actually, yeah, I am, I am, I am awesome. I can do these things. Look what I've done. And it and it definitely definitely helps.

William Wadsworth:

Um I guess perhaps. Slightly relatedly, in at number five.

Scott Hardiman:

Yeah, yeah, is is keeping your promises. It's making sure that when you say you're going to do something, you do it. And it's so easy these days, I think, to not follow through on the things that we say we're going to do. Because it doesn't oft you know, uh in the olden days, I suppose we could say, you'd have to, you know, speak to someone in person or you'd have to jump on a phone, whereas now you can just ignore uh because of technology. I would say that in itself, by saying you're gonna do something, and obviously there are times when that will something will come up, you know. Maybe I've got I've got a daughter, she might be poorly, I might need to shift things around. Like that that's a that's a given. But it every time that we say we're gonna do something and then we don't do it, often because of a lack of confidence, we're chipping away at ourselves. We're we're we're chipping away at that trust that we have for ourselves. So if we can do everything we can to say, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna follow through with it, because what that is, it's taking responsibility, it's committing. And that is so powerful. It's just something that happens deep within us, and we can follow through with what we are saying we're gonna do.

William Wadsworth:

Absolutely, absolutely. And and some of your previous points can can kind of help get that cycle, you know, if we're stuck in a bit of a rut where we've got a bad habit of not keeping promises, you know, things you talked about earlier, like those kind of um, you know, mic micro experiments and those sort of getting those small little wins and then starting to rebuild that confidence, that almost trust in yourself that you can keep your own promises, and then sort of building up from there, I guess.

Scott Hardiman:

Yeah, and there are ways that you can you can make sure that it is because I know I know sometimes the personal development and mindset strategies can feel quite well, not not so tangible. It's like, oh, well, how do I do that? Well, this is it's quite easy. You start with one tiny promise every single day. It can be tiny to start with. You do it and then you track. And then again, there's that evidence that you're you're logging that you are doing the things you say you're gonna do. And you can say, if someone ever says, Well, do you do what you say you're gonna do? Absolutely, I've got a list. Here you go. Um, so it it yes, sometimes it can feel this kind of strategy, this mindset is like, okay, well, how do I know I've worked on it? Well, it's very simple. Start with a tiny promise, you do the thing, you log it so you can look back on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

William Wadsworth:

And the secret sometimes make it so small that you can't help but but do it, even if it feels almost ridiculous. We've we've talked about it on the podcast before the um uh Virginia Valiant's essay on on learning to work, uh I think it's called, and she describes herself as having a quite a serious work problem, I think is is the language she used. In other words, she was trying to study for a uh an academic uh qualification, a PhD, or and and and she was just not able to make any progress at all. And she was staring at a blank page day after day. And so she started with just five minutes a day. And and it sounds almost ridiculous to to kind of many people in in in academia who are working on days of like, well, just five minutes a day, well, it's nothing. But actually, if you do that day after day after day, it's sort of you actually can make some tangible progress. You can there's five minutes a day, you can read a page, you can draft a paragraph, and then you start to commit to those pretty you know, you start to build that momentum back again and and build it up to 15 minutes, off an hour, an hour, two hours in quote, normal looking day of of work. Um, but that's a really interesting read for anyone that's uh you know looking for quite an extreme example of how that might play out in reality um in terms of kind of academic building academic habits back. Um so in a number six, Scott, you wanted to tell us a little bit about awareness, just to to to round off round off the list. So it's power of self-awareness.

Scott Hardiman:

Yeah, I think it's it's one thing that that transformed my life is starting to understand when I say awareness, it's being aware of the language that I was using in a self-talk. Because often we're trying to make change, but we don't know what we're saying to ourselves. And and there's something that that for me is the number one strategy we need to work on, and that is like a muscle. We need to you need to build on that. But there's a statement I use, and it's limiting language leads to a limited life. So most of the time, if we're not getting the results we want, if we were to track back, we'd hear ourselves say thoughts to ourselves that are very, very limiting. So we, from my perspective, you know, I'm not perfect. I had to I need to raise my keep my awareness high because as I'm taking myself out of my comfort zone consistently, I'm going to experience these thoughts of, oh, can you do this? Is it going to work out? I'm not going to be able to do this. Remember what happened in the past. All of these things that, all these thoughts that come up, and my only way to be able to manage that is by working on my awareness. And then I can start to take responsibility for that and then do something about it by challenging those thoughts. Because if I'm honest, 90 to 95% of those thoughts that I have are just not true. So why am I choosing to believe something or to feed the thought that is not true and it's not helpful? So if I can recognize what they are, I can then approach it in a slightly different way and very simply not choose suffering. Because if I'm telling myself that I'm not good enough, if I'm telling myself that I can't do X, Y, and Z, then I'm actively choosing to suffer. So I'm very much about raise your awareness, do something about it, and you'll see that you can transform your life very, very quickly, actually.

William Wadsworth:

Phenomenal. Well, look, what a great set of ideas to share with us. Thank you. Thank you so much. Um for anyone listening, uh, sometimes the kind of work, particularly some of the things you're describing towards the end there, Scott, you know, sometimes just a little bit of an outside perspective and working with someone can be quite a valuable um step to take in the process. So perhaps just to finish with, would you share a little of the work you do and and where people can find you if they might be interested in learning more?

Scott Hardiman:

Yeah, there's so much information out there. You know, you've got wonderful podcasts like this, you have Chat GPT and AI these days, you have, you know, I'm writing on Substack at the moment, you've got articles you can read. There's so much information out there. The reason that I see people not making the change or not growing in their confidence or achieving their potential is as cheesy as that sounds, is because they are not implementing the things that are out there. You know, knowledge is potential power, it's only powerful when we use it. You know, for me, I'm very much about I can give you information, but it might help it to an extent, but it's about how can we make sure that you're using that information to move forward. So that's how I like to work with um the guys that I do. And if it's around confidence, it's around mindset, it's around finding clarity. And if if anyone wants any help with that, then there I am.

William Wadsworth:

Fantastic. Fantastic. Well, Scott, thank you so much once again for coming on the show. It's been a real uh real buzz chatting and and so many great uh practical thoughts for us to take away as well to help us in building our confidence. Scott, thank you so much once again. Thank you.

Speaker:

Well, that was good, wasn't it? I found myself taking notes. If you need a reminder of anything from today, head to the website for a write up of this episode as well as lots more top notch advice and resources. That's uh examstudyexpert.com. See you next time.