Self Talk with Rachel Astarte
Self Talk takes a conversational look at how we can show up in the world—for the world. If you're on a journey to your true self, this is your next stop.
Self Talk with Rachel Astarte
Self Talk #137: Building Your Foundation of Self—Mastering Self-talk
Be mindful of your self-talk, it’s a conversation with the Universe.
—David James Lees
This podcast episode focuses on negative self-talk, exploring how destructive internal dialogues are learned, not inherent.
Rachel provides a four-step process to transform negative self-talk:
1. Awareness without judgment: Notice the critical inner voice without self-criticism
2. Identify the source: Recognize that negative thoughts often come from external influences, not your true self
3. Call in the Highest Self: Connect with your inner wisdom and eternal consciousness
4. Rewrite the script: Replace negative thoughts with compassionate, validating statements
The episode emphasizes that the inner critic is not bad, but scared, and should be met with curiosity and compassion.
Rachel uses the Cherokee tale of two wolves to illustrate how we choose which internal voice to "feed"—the one of fear or the one of love.
Key Message
You are not your negative thoughts. Your highest self is wise, loving, and connected to collective consciousness.
Link to Rachel's Substack, Foundation of Self
Link to 3-month free paid subscription.
"The Story of Two Wolves" courtesy of Lakota Circles of Hope
Music: "Journey Circle Song" written and performed by Rachel Astarte
• • •
Timeline:
0:00:00 - Introduction begins, quote about self-talk
0:00:21 - Rachel Astarte welcomes listeners to the episode
0:01:21 - Explanation of how negative self-talk is learned
0:02:34 - Step one: Awareness without judgment
0:03:31 - Transition to step two
0:03:37 - Step two: Identify the source of negative self-talk
0:04:51 - Step three: Calling in the foundation of self
0:05:16 - Detailed explanation of the highest self
0:07:09 - Step four: Rewriting the script
0:08:38 - Cherokee tale of two wolves begins
0:10:29 - Conclusion of the two wolves story
0:11:05 - Wrapping up the main discussion
0:11:14 - Mention of August break
0:12:28 - Final closing remarks
0:12:30 - End of podcast
Write Your Self Open is a revolution in self-development that blends guided meditation, journaling, and supportive group discussion led by holistic psychotherapist Rachel Astarte.
It's all the benefits of personal transformation + community-building without the constraints of talk therapy.
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http://writeyourselfopen.com
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Music:
"Ave Marimba"
Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
Be mindful of your self-talk. It's a conversation with the universe. David James Lees, welcome to Self-Talk. I'm Rachel Estarte. Thank you for being here as we continue on the theme of building our foundation of self.
Speaker 1:We're going to talk today about one of the issues that comes up for so many of us at one point or another Negative self-talk. It's that restricting voice that says you're not good enough, you'll never get it right. Why even try? We'll cut right to the chase. That voice is not yours. It's the ghostly echo of the messages we received as children, whether from parents, caregivers, family members, teachers, parents, caregivers, family members, teachers, spiritual leaders or even other children. So today we're going to focus on sifting through all that past stuff to remember who it is that's really speaking and what voice to listen to. Instead, let's start with some truth.
Speaker 1:Negative self-talk is learned. We are not born thinking that we aren't worthy. That has to be taught. Over time we absorb messages from caregivers and our culture and peers and painful experiences. These messages create an internal narrative that feels real because it's familiar, it's comfortable to us. But just because it's familiar doesn't mean it's true.
Speaker 1:Remember that even the most self-critical thoughts began as a misguided attempt to protect us. That inner critic isn't bad, it's scared. It's a part of us that's scared and it's trying to keep us safe. That happens often by trying to make us small. So, instead of pushing it away, we bring it closer. We meet it with curiosity and compassion. And there's a simple way to do that. So grab your favorite notebook and your favorite pen and let's get started.
Speaker 1:We'll start with step one awareness without judgment. As we've discussed in previous episodes, non-judgment is the lifeblood of foundation of self-work, and awareness is the first manifestation of this work. It's the first tool we apply to our inner investigations. So we begin by noticing, becoming aware of the voice. That's it. Just take note of how you speak to yourself. So maybe that voice is saying I'm such a mess, I'm stupid, I'm always behind, whatever it is. Pause and say to yourself ah, okay, I noticed the voice of not enough is speaking. Hey, I noticed the voice of not enough is speaking. That alone shifts us from being the voice to witnessing it, and that is a very, very powerful thing. So that's step one.
Speaker 1:Step two identify the source. Ask yourself who does this sound like? At first you might think it sounds like you, because it's in the echo sound of your voice. But the truth is it is not you. It's a learned phrase, it's a learned thought. So where is that coming from? Is it your mother's voice? Is it a strict teacher, a younger version of you trying to survive? It's not who you are now. So who is it?
Speaker 1:Often these voices are borrowed. They're echoes of somebody else's fear. Remember, if someone is projecting their fear onto you, it has nothing to do with you. If you're told growing up that you're ugly, that's not because you're ugly. It's because the person who is saying it feels ugly themselves and feels insecure and needs to make you small. These are echoes of somebody else's fear, and recognizing that makes the space for you to make a choice about whether or not to listen to this voice.
Speaker 1:Step three call in the foundation of self. So you can do this very simply Rub your hands together, place one hand on your heart and one on your belly, just take a slow breath, long, slow and deep breath, and imagine that you're inviting your highest self forward. Let's take a moment to talk about the highest self, what that is. First of all, the highest self is not separate from you. It is you. The highest self is that wise, loving, grounded presence within you. It's always been there, and although we call this entity the highest self, it's not born of your individual self at all. It's actually an iteration of collective consciousness, as you are, so it's your through line to collective consciousness. So when we say it's always been there, what we mean is that it has always been right. It is part of the eternal, as are you. You come from pure consciousness itself. We all do so, do the trees and the animals, and the insects, and rocks and rivers. You are a spark of the universe. You carry within you the eternal great mind of creation. The highest self, then, is your true self, your true voice, unfettered by mundane narratives, these stories that you've told yourself or that others have told you about who you are. Your highest self is eternally rooted to pure consciousness. That's the through line, and you hear that voice all the time. It's often just a quiet knowing, or it may be the voice that told you to listen to this podcast, or urged you to get therapy, or, as you were sitting peacefully in the woods, that voice told you this is good, do more of this. So, as you revise your self-talk, let the voice of your highest self take the lead.
Speaker 1:Step four, rewrite the script From this anchored place. Revisit the original negative thought. Then ask what would my highest self say instead? So, instead of I'm a failure, you could try. No one's a failure until you give up. You're human, you're learning and I love you. Instead of nothing ever works out for me, you could try. Not everything has worked out in the past, but you're still here and you're growing.
Speaker 1:These aren't affirmations, by the way. I want to make that very clear. These are not affirmations. Sometimes, when we hear affirmations, they just don't ring true. I love myself, but if you don't love yourself in that moment, that's going to seem false. What these phrases are are validations. We are recalibrating the voice of the wounded self so that it becomes supportive. Note we are not pushing it away, we are changing it, we're transforming it. We choose the voice of truth, not fear. This is the voice of your highest self, or your capital S self, which we've talked about in the past. Why does the highest self matter? Because the voice you listen to the most becomes the story you live inside.
Speaker 1:Many of you know the Cherokee tale of the two wolves. Here it is, as shared by Lakota Circles of Hope. A grandfather from the Cherokee Nation was talking with his grandson. A fight is going on inside me, he said to the boy. It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One wolf is and arrogance. The other wolf is beautiful and good. The other wolf is beautiful and good, he is friendly, joyful peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, justice, fairness, empathy, generosity true empathy, generosity, true compassion, gratitude and deep vision. This same fight is going on inside you and inside every other human as well. The grandson paused in deep reflection because of what his grandfather had just said. Then, finally, he cried out Oy, grandfather, which wolf will win? The elder Cherokee replied the wolf that you feed.
Speaker 1:The more we practice hearing and trusting our truest self, the more we respond from love instead of reacting from fear. That's feeding the good wolf. It changes how we relate not only to ourselves, but to others and to the world. You don't need to get rid of the inner critic, you just need to stop mistaking it. For you, the you you are is much bigger than that, much wiser. It's the one who's just now saying yeah, that sounds right. It's your highest self, your true self. That's the voice to listen to. And that's it for today.
Speaker 1:I'm off for my birthday month of August. I invite you to use this time to be with and listen truly listen to your highest self. You may wish to pop over to my sub stack, which also has all of these Foundation of Self podcasts with audio text and lovely visuals, and there are also extra exercises for each topic. The sub stack is called Foundation of Self and you can find it at rachelastartesubstackcom dot. Substack dot com, and if you're interested in a three-month paid subscription for free, just visit the same address rachelestartesubstackcom. Backslash self-talk. The paid subscription has a lot of perks, including more personal and intimate posts about my life and my personal journey, to self guided meditations from my private podcast, which is based on my ongoing workshop Write Yourself Open, and more opportunities to work together privately. If you're interested in that, I will add all these links to the show notes. Until next time, be gentle with yourself.
