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Unspoken truth Podcast Season 3 Ep 5 - When is time to move on ? After a breakup ?
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Hello, my beloved Unspoken Truth family. It's only fair to start by saying welcome to 2023, the year of the number seven, meaning a year of luck and abundance. May that fall upon each one of you to reach your ultimate destiny. We're officially back and we hope you still want to join us on this wonderful journey of the unspoken, to learning and unlearning, to embrace the beauty in your scars and to be spiritually aligned. Thank you for the consistency. We will continue creating content in hopes always to touch the hearts of many. This year we will make sure we give you the best. I'm your host, Nita Terry T, and I'm glad to be afforded the journey to walk with you in 2023. Welcome to episode 5, My And Spoken Truth Family. When is it time to move on after a breakup? I asked this question on my personal IG channel and I got a few responses. Let me read this response from Sonto. She says, I guess you'll never really heal from heartbreak because we don't get to grieve the loss at that point. We are just raging with anger. We also think the fault is on the other person. We never really get to realize our contribution to the situation. And once we realize the part we played truthfully so and take ownership, we can then start to heal and forgive. She further says, it's a lot. Most times as humans, we think and decide and act, wearing our labels, being a brother, being a sister, being a mother, being a girlfriend, being a wife. Constantly on survival mode. Therefore, when it's like that, we're mostly driven by fear. That's why we end up hurting each other. But if we really want to heal and move on, we need to unable ourselves and just become human. Seek love, which is what and who we really are. That our strength and understanding and accepting the impossible lies. Thank you, Sonta, for sharing your view. Let's now dive into this topic. In this episode, when is it time to move on after a breakup? Society has deemed that there is a period or a phase that one needs to pass before having to date again. I personally agree and disagree. Let's get to it. We find ourselves in relationships, some we can't even remember, but definitely there was some heartbreaks. It's not easy loving someone and then having to let them go. I guess the hardest part I think is adjusting to a life without them in it, and the empty spaces that they no longer occupy and the found memories created along the way. Letting go and moving on seems by far the hardest thing you could ever do for yourself. And you feel as if the world is coming to an end. Whether the relationship was a few months or years, the pain remains consistent. At times it feels like grief, maybe every heartbreak goes through the seven stages of grief, don't you think? Shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance, processing. As humans, we easily attach not only to things, but people too. It's the sense of ownership we have within us because we hold on to time and invested emotions. It's the feeling of love and all the sweet things it comes with. At that point in all our relationships, we fail to leave room for disappointments and hurt. Hence it all becomes a big shock forgetting that in every good there's bad, and leaving that small room helps with recovery. Let's continue. So, when is it time to move on? After a breakup. Society, when I say society, I mean friends, social media, family, books by great authors tend to tell us heal first before you jump into another relationship. And you should not jump into the next one because when you do so, it's called rebounding. So is there a time frame for healing and starting again? Is there? Cry, forgive, learn, move on. Let your tears water the seeds of your future happiness. Story time. What's Unspoken Truth podcast when we never share our stories, our real life stories. Here it goes. I remember a while back I had my biggest heartbreak. The days felt slow. I was numb. I couldn't fathom how I got to this point of pain and no longer feeling like myself. How I how love can easily end because one decides that it's no longer a two-people journey. It now has to come to an end. I later realized it was the grief of losing him, it was the displacement of self. I drowned into his life. I had forgotten myself in it and gave him all of me and left no room for myself. The heartbreak was because I allowed him and those moments shared to determine me. Hear me out. I'm not downplaying heartbreak. I'm trying to dissect why we hurt and when is it time to move on for you all to realize that heartbreak isn't really about the other person but you and trying to figure out how much of yourself you have given and lost within the relationship. In reality, women give more of themselves than men do. Hear me out because women are more emotional beings, men are logical. We deal with things with our heartstrings, men mostly with their brain, and the other little brain. You know what I mean. Investment of time and resources is the foundation of pain and the brokenness. This is why when people break up, they tend to fetch their cars, their clothes, their so-called gifts that they had given during that period period that they were dating. I find that action childish. But, anyways, each to their own. Let's continue. With time, you no longer get back all the regret that you could have been with someone perhaps that truly wanted to be with you. You then become unkind to yourself, right? And you beat yourself down, saying, Why was I so stupid? Or what can I do now that my partner is gone? Hence you find yourself in a dark place, feeling like a fool, especially when there were red flags that you decided to ignore because love superseded everything. Letting go of someone can be easy, but erasing memories of them can be difficult. Because you shared a part of your life with them and it can be hard. Though acknowledging their existence, whether with the good or the bad, and knowing it's time to peck them at the back of your subconscious mind and open up your heart to another chapter of your life. Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are part of your history but not a part of your destiny. Moving on shouldn't be hard. It's society that judges us, telling us it's too quick. You can't jump from one relationship to another. And in reality, everyone deserves to be treated right and loved. And if moving on gets you that love you seek, who are we to stop you from experiencing elements of all that? We tend to forget that life is damn short and never guaranteed. Making the most of it by doing the things we love with the people we love is fulfilling and brings us joy. That's what keeps us going. So, is there truly a time frame? What are you waiting to see happen? Whether they'll come back, or maybe playing victim to a loveless life. No time can make it all go away. It's always going to be a distant memory that will always creep in and out of your life, but not giving it any power and knowing to work around it and forgiving and starting to live your life makes a difference. Every time your heart is broken, a doorway cracks open to a world full of new beginnings and new opportunities. The first step is letting go of the attitude of ownership and also sitting down to understand the dynamics that surrounded your union and how you got to breaking up. I know many people break up because someone cheated. It's only fair to let go of someone who can't prioritize you. Love with conditions isn't love worth staying for. All I'm trying to say is that when a situation is toxic, get yourself out. Because your self-worth is important. Don't give the person power by wallowing in your sorrow for a dead relationship that can never be revived by CPR. Let it go. I learned how to let go of people I once dated or loved by taking back the love I poured into the relationship, by making sure when I let go, I make sure all the unanswered questions are answered. And then exonerating myself from victimizing myself and knowing that it takes two people to make it work. And when it all fails, we would have tried, right? Would have tried our very best to make it work, but we just couldn't, and that's okay. It's okay to admit we tried to make it work and it didn't work. Don't be a victim. Don't be a victim. Don't don't want to hold on to something that's already dead. No time can heal you completely. Do not close the door to new beginnings. Sometimes your happiness comes in a form of love. So you get up, you start living for yourself. Life is damn short to be a prisoner in your own mind. People change, feelings change. It doesn't mean that love once shared wasn't true or real. It simply means that sometimes when people grow, they grow apart. 500 days of summer. You need to get the realization that for every season there's a reason. A reason that you met that person that broke your heart. Because there were lessons that needed to be learned and an experience that you needed to be a part of. All I'm saying is that change heartaches into lessons and learn to let go and move on to a new chapter of your life. Sometimes let go of new people that would have never been the best part of your life. Because we're trying to heal over someone else. And that was a lesson that needed to be learned. Hear me out. All I'm saying is that change your heartaches into lessons and learn to let go and move on to a new chapter of your life. Sometimes we let go of new people that would have been the best part of our lives because we're trying to heal over someone that was a lesson that needed to be learned. I'm simply saying time doesn't really heal wounds, and the heartbreak will always be a memory of love once shared. And that's okay. It will be lifeless scars that you carry through your life, but may they never define you. Because we tend to pour so much of ourselves into relationships, and we forget that we are individuals within a relationship. And when it ends, we're yearning for that empty space. That's why we've got heartbreaks for that empty space that that person occupied. But if we knew how much of individuals we were within that relationship, it wasn't gonna hurt as much, and it will be easy to move on. So put yourselves in a situation where you do not pour 100% of yourself into something. Because when you now need to get out of it, it's hard to get 100% back. Hence, you get people who say, Oh, I'm so scarred. That relationship broke me, it broke me, that marriage broke me, it broke me. Because you put so much into it, so much of yourself into it, your character, the things you love doing, your personality. You've become one person with that person. You don't even know who you are anymore. So be careful of those things and just love yourself and be kind to yourselves always. And let's change heart take and heartbreak into lessons we needed to learn so we can move forward and get the love we deserve. I thank you.
SPEAKER_00The Unspoken Truth is the catalyst for important and thought provoking conversations that need to be had. The network tackles social ills, spiritual healing, soul searching, and mental health awareness. To subscribe, click on the show link to follow our podcast and be part of the Unspoken Truth family. Find us on all social media platforms.
