126 Reality Won

Check out the BLOG!
Baruch Spinoza on his idea of God. Taking personal responsibility for the entirety of your life. Sometimes the chaos of life shows up on your doorstep. Every experience that comes into my life is my responsibility. The just and the unjust. I am responsible for how I address the reality. Suppress and repress? We think that we are dodging things. However, we are robbing ourselves of life force.  The fruit of my life is my own doing. Magnets. You are free to create your own heaven or hell.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC93nT0ACHVfQGW5-BaLNZMQ https://www.instagram.com/fromthegravepodcast/
https://fromthegraveco.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

Party people, what is going on? This is From the Grave podcast. I am Scott Russell. This is episode 126, and I'm excited. This was a fun podcast episode. I get into a little bit of a dress that was given by Einstein and Baruch Spinoza about his idea of God that is a little... controversial in nature, but I pick out some parts that I really like about it. We talk a lot about taking... Absolute personal responsibility for your life. Not trying to contend and fight with the reality of your life. Making sure that I can preserve my own energy to learn how to leverage my day in a proper way. Step away from conflict. And I think that's about it. So it was a fun episode. It's good to be back behind the mic. You can inquire. or send suggestions for topics in the form of voice memos. Send that to FromTheGravePodcast at gmail.com. You send it in to us. We'll play it in the episode and respond to it. I am also now doing life slash spiritual coaching. So if you're interested in a one-on-one relationship and maybe a spiritual restart, send me an email at fromthegravepodcasts at gmail.com. And we can hop on a discovery call and see if it fits and if I can help in any way. Let's see. Aside from that, make sure you subscribe to YouTube. Make sure you're following us on Instagram from the grave podcast on all platforms. And then also, I'm doing blogs now too, so make sure you check out Scott Russell, which is collateralbeauty at substack.com. The link's all over the Facebook page and the Instagram page, so check it out. Episode 126, I hope you enjoy. What's the eternal principle?

UNKNOWN: 2:18

That one.

SPEAKER_00: 2:20

Which is... Well, we call it God, but that personifies it. Episode 126. Been a little bit. Changed some stuff around. We're in a new spot, new studio. And by studio, I mean my spare bedroom. We got Christian behind the production table, basically set up in the middle of my closet. So, yeah, we're going to have some fun, man. I'm excited to be back. And, you know, I feel like there's been a couple of times where I'm like, no, we're back, dude. Fucking here we go. But, you know, life is fucking life. And I've had a lot of shit going on, you know, so I had to plant my roots and And now we're ready. We got some stabilization. We got some foundation. And we're going to get back to creating. Oh, I got to remember something, actually, for when I do the intro. Give me one second. All right, that. So I've had a few things that I was thinking about talking about, but something just came up to me. Like the last like 10 minutes. So I think I'm going to rock with that. But yeah, man, aside from that, just a little what the hell's been going on with me. I haven't been working out as much as I would like to. My life is so busy, but it's a good busy, which is such a fucking cliche thing to say. But still working full-time, working out when I can. Right now, it's been only like three days a week, which is super annoying, but I'm doing what I can. So in a full-blown relationship, living with my girl, too many animals, shadows contending with some new animals. It's been a few fights. A couple stitches that needed to be sewn, so that's been driving me up a fucking wall. But that's basically the number one issue I have in my life. Life is my fucking animals. At any rate... Life is pretty fucking good. It's getting a little hot in this room immediately once we hit record and I started talking. But, I mean, the AC is coming out fine. I got a fan cruising on low. So, I don't know. We're going to have to get this shit dialed in. Also of note, Happy Gilmore 2 has been greenlighted to come out on Netflix. We don't have a date yet, right? No. No. So we're keeping our eyes peeled for that. That's about 90% of my quote language is Happy Gilmore. So really excited on that. But I mean, I hope he doesn't fucking blow it, dude. There's like, you know, the majority rule is like you need to leave movies alone. The greatest movies, you know, like the GOATs of the movies, Happy Gilmore, Billy Madison. Yeah. Tommy Boy. I mean, they basically did a sequel to Tommy Boy that was Black Sheep, and that is fucking hilarious. They nailed it out of the park with that, but I don't know. I mean, I'm a big Sandler guy. I have faith in Sandman, but he dropped the ball with Grown Ups 2. He's made a couple whack-ass movies, but I don't know, man. I'm just fucking... Anchorman 2 was lit. Anchorman 2 was good. I know there's some mixed opinion out there, but Anchorman 2 was fire. People don't give it a shot. Those movies, sometimes you got to watch a couple of times through. I thought Anchorman 2 was fucking hilarious, but mixed opinions out there. Anyways... I've rekindled my blog, which is on substack.com. The name of the newsletter, if you will, is called Collateral Beauty by Scott Russell. So if you search for me on Substack, Collateral Beauty, Scott Russell, I think that's how you would do it. You just... type in your email sign it up and you'll get a daily blog or if you just don't know how to do that and you want to be signed up you can email us at from the grave podcast at gmail.com and just say hey please add my email to your newsletter so been excited about that we've been um right in getting dialed in on screen printing and um making t-shirts and shorts and stuff from the bare bare minimum all the way up so it's tough it's not rocket science it's not rocket science but learning how to use the proper methodology to make shirts come out the way that I want them to be in the hands of a customer and is it's a little difficult. You know, it's like you have to really fine tune it. So I told everyone that there was going to be a drop like three fucking months ago. And then I was like, dude, I can't do this right before I move. This is going to be insane. I'm not even going to have the proper setup to sit down, mail out gear. So I was like, never mind, JK, we're going to push it back. So I'm not even going to tell you that we're about ready. I think that we're about ready. I keep adding more shit, but I'll get there when we get there. How about that? I'll get there when we get there, and I appreciate you still reaching out and wanting some stuff. But it's been fun. Just created a new design. I'll keep that one in the pocket for now. Going to be doing a lot of events this year. You can find me at... Coco Yogi Market, which is the first Sunday of every month. I believe in Delray Square, I think. I'm not certain. Used to be at Veterans Park. It's not at Veterans Park anymore. I'm going to try and get there June 1st, but I'm not 100% certain yet, so... But when I'm actually set up and committed there, you guys will know about it through social media and the podcast and all that. The way you can be guaranteed to be in the loop as far as what's coming out, drops, episodes, blogs, and all that, you need to be following on Instagram. Check us out from The Grave Podcast. All right. So at any rate... Like I said, I had thought about a couple things to bring, but I remembered I had made a note. And one of my notes is, it's called the God of Spinoza. So Albert Einstein, when he used to tour and give talks in the U.S., one of his most common questions was, do you believe in God? Right. Very proper thing to say to some, you know, intellectual IQ out of this world, smartest man alive type of stuff. We want to know the answer to the deep questions. I don't know how true this story is. But when he was when he was asked this question earlier. When he was asked the question, do you believe in God, he always answered, I got it up in front of me, so I'll read it through a little bit and we'll talk about it. He was asked, do you believe in God? And he always answered, I believe in the God of Spinoza. Baruch Spinoza was a Dutch philosopher considered one of the greatest rationalists of the 17th century philosophy, along with Descartes. Spinoza, God would say, So in the voice of God, stop praying. What I want you to do is go out into the world and enjoy your life. I want you to sing, have fun, enjoy everything I've made for you. Stop going into those dark, cold temples that you've built for yourself and saying they are my house. My house is in the mountains, in the woods, in the rivers, lakes, and beaches. That's where I live, and there I express my love for you. Stop blaming me for your miserable life. I never told you there was anything wrong with you or that you were a sinner or that your sexuality was a bad thing. Sex is a gift I have given you and with which you can express your love, your ecstasy, your joy. So don't blame me for everything they made you believe. Stop reading alleged sacred scriptures that have nothing to do with me. If you can't read me in a sunrise, in a landscape, in the look of your friends, in your son's eyes, you will find me in no book. Stop asking me, will you tell me how to do my job? Stop being so scared of me. I do not judge you or criticize you, nor get angry or bothered. I am pure love. Stop asking for forgiveness. There's nothing to forgive. If I made you, I filled you with passions, limitations, pleasures, feelings, needs, inconsistencies, free will. How can I blame you if you respond to something that I put in you? How can I punish you for being the way you are if I'm the one who made you? Do you think I would create a place to burn all my children who behave badly for the rest of eternity? What kind of God would do that? Respect your peers. Don't do what you don't want for yourself. All I ask is that you pay attention in your life. That alertness is your guide. My beloved, this is not a test. Not a step on the way, not a rehearsal, nor a prelude to paradise. This life is the only thing here and now, and it is all you need. I have set you absolutely free. No prizes or punishments, no sins or virtues. No one carries a marker, no one keeps a record. You are absolutely free to create your life, heaven or hell. I can't tell you if there's anything after this, but I can give you a tip. Live as if there is not. As if this is your only chance to enjoy, to love, to exist. So if there is nothing after, then you will have enjoyed the opportunity I've given you. And if there is, rest assured that I won't ask if you behaved right or wrong. I'll ask, did you like it? Did you have fun? What did you enjoy the most? What did you learn? Stop believing in me. Believing is assuming, guessing, imagining. I don't want you to believe in me. I want you to believe in you. I want you to feel me in you when you kiss your beloved, when you tuck in your little girl, when you caress your dog, when you bathe in the sea. Stop praising me. What kind of egomaniac God do you think I am? I'm bothered by your praise. I'm bored of your praise. I'm tired of being thanked. Feeling grateful? Prove it by taking care of yourself, your health, your relationships, the world. Express your joy. That's the way to praise me. Stop complicating things and repeating as a parakeet would. What you've been taught about me. What do you need more miracles for? So many explanations. The only thing for sure is that you are here, that you are alive, that this world is full of wonders. Baruch Spinoza. Powerful ass reading. Powerful reading. I use this a lot because I work in the treatment field and I like to ruffle a lot of feathers because this opposes and challenges, threatens a lot of Christianity, but also embraces the golden rule. And so it's just really, really a messy conception of God, an awesome, purified conception of God. It's not reaching or grasping for anything else. This dude is as far as I can say, contemplated within himself, and his own conception of God was brought to him. And this is what it screamed. The first one, stop praying. Stop praying. Now, for me, I'm a big prayer guy. But the reason why he says this, in my eyes, is he's saying, go out and prove it. Go out and live. If you're praying, if you have a relationship with me, go step out into this world, dance, sing, love, be happy, be beautiful, walk it out. You're grateful, be healthy. Take care of your relationships. Take care of yourself. Exercise, eat right, give something to the world. Express all these things. that you read in a book and then parrot. He says, I want you to go out into the world and enjoy your life. I want you to sing, have fun, everything, and enjoy what I have made for you. One of the best lines in here, he goes, stop blaming me for your miserable life. One of the greatest freedoms ever that I've experienced in my life is when I took 100% responsibility for every experience I have in my life. Where I looked in the mirror and I said, this is on me. My life is the way it is right now because I designed it that way. I gave up. I ran away. I spit in the face of truth. I'm the one who got high. This is the natural result of living in a certain manner. We are all little creation machines. We're always creating, not some of the times, all of the times. Based on the thoughts I have, the feelings that are sparked by those thoughts, the words that come out of my mouth, the way my feet move, the relationships I enter with, that is always creating a world around me. Now, based on my emotional state... Jesus, these fucking cats are absolutely ridiculous. I'm just going to let them kill each other. Or that's going to significantly annoy me, one or the other. This is what happens when you have fucking new cats dealing with each other. We're going to have to pause it and cut it out. Anyways... Um, okay. I completely fucking forgot where I was. I'm going to get back there. I'm going to get back there. I'm going to get back there. Okay. I'm a little creation machine. When I move through life, not taking responsibility for how I move, it's me against the world. And the world was here first. So it's really fucking good at winning. I am a part of the world. I am a part of life. If I don't want to take responsibility for my hand in this relationship, it's going to be a shitty fucking relationship, all right? And I did that for a long, long time. And I got to a point where I was not happy with the payoff. Well, I wasn't happy with the payoff from the jump. It took me a long time to accept the fact that That I was the one bringing the payoff into my life and that I also had the ability to change it. Most of the time, people can stumble through life experiencing life. And sometimes the chaos of life shows up on your doorstep. I'm not saying that the things in your life are your fault. What I'm saying is what I've learned is that every experience that comes into my life is my responsibility, meaning all the hard stuff. What it means is if it stumbles into my home, and I experience this, and let's say it's unjust, and I am harmed, or I am going through a very, very sad, grieving state in my life, or a family member gets cancer or something like that, please don't hear me wrong. I am not saying that by any means that is your fault. But what I am saying is that is now a part of your reality. And we have two choices when we experience radical discomfort. Open ourselves up to it and see what is there for us or turn away from it and suppress and repress. Now, the latter usually happens. And the bitch about that is we think that we're really dodging things when we suppress it or repress emotions or experiences that we don't want to deal with. What I've learned is, you know, you may sweep it under the rug, but you're living on the rug. So it's not going to be comfortable. It may not be at the forefront of your mind, but you can be certain that that it is robbing you of life force. It is robbing you of energy and is taking from your current relationships, your job, your health, your finance. I know it may sound radical, but these are the things that I have experienced. Again, I'm a fucking dummy, all right, with this stuff, but I just really stumble forward through life and see, you know, what I can do to infuse my life in a positive manner with spiritual truth. One of those truths is the fruit of my life is my own doing. So it's a part of my life. I don't get to complain. We are magnets. And we attract. This is going to be tough. This is going to be fucking tough to hear if you've experienced some shit in your life, all right? And this, again, this is just my belief. It doesn't make it right. It doesn't make it wrong. If you have experienced some tough things in your life, as I have, some unjust things, It is part of your life lesson for a reason, which may forever only be and only rest in the mind of God. It may, I don't know. But I believe that the things that happened to us in this lifetime, happened in our experience, stumbled onto our doorstep, was scripted from the beginning. I think that there's multiple... different iterations of me. I think that there's just constant lessons to learn. And what I have learned is that pain is the launching pad into a new life, a good life. And pain is as sweet as candy. It may not feel that way. Pain is a fucking Sour Patch Kid, all right? First it's sour, then it's really, really sweet. But you got to get past the sour part. If you put it in your mouth and it's too sour and you spit it out, you never get to enjoy the benefits of Sour Patch Kids, all right? And Sour Patch Kids fucking slap. So, you know what I mean? Especially the watermelon ones. But I always ran from pain. I always ran from discomfort. I ran from experiences that didn't make me feel great, that didn't make me feel euphoric, right? Because I wanted to feel good all the time. That's not the way that life works. I think that we're going to experience tragedy. I think we're going to experience very, very potent moments of life that are very hard to bear. And you may not have an answer for why that is happening. You may have an effect felt deep in your cells. It may rattle you a way that nothing ever has before, but I believe that it is there for a reason. And that is one of the most annoying things to hear, to be honest. Because the shit that makes us go, why me? Why me? That has the ability to have a profound effect on the spiritual liberation of a human spirit. Whether you think that you want that or not may not be part of your business. I don't know. These are just kind of things that I stumble forward and move with and think about. And I do know that the most painful moments in my life, the ones that have seemed to split my cells open and I could feel it, have been the most holy things that have ever happened to me. And I wouldn't change it. I wouldn't change it, man, because it is continually forging me into the person I would like to be tomorrow without realizing that I would like to be that person tomorrow, you know? So Spinoza dumps this responsibility on us He says, you're free to create your own heaven and your own hell. Matter of fact, Joseph Campbell, my guy, right? Joseph Campbell says, all the heavens, all the hells, and all the gods are within you. Damn, that's some heavy shit, right? Okay. That means I can facilitate and create from those places. That means I have the power of the gods, right? to experience and create my own heaven or my own hell and share that hell or that heaven with the world. And the world already has a lot of hell. The one thing that can lead... to a constant bad experience of life is not taking personal responsibility for everything in your life. Because if it is your reality, if it is your reality, then how can I resist it? Now, I'm not saying that we have to stay in unfortunate situations. But if it is my reality, I got to learn how to Tai Chi my way ass through that bitch and figure out how to change that reality. I'm responsible for whatever is in my path. Be it negative, be it positive, be it neutral. Reality one. The reality that you have had today or whenever you're listening to this on your way to work, reality fucking won. It already won. The day you're going to have is the day you're going to have. The people you're going to run into, the situations you're going to have to deal with, the phone calls that are going to come, that's the reality. That's the drama of life in front of you today. You are 100% responsible for for experiencing and entering into a relationship with that reality. Now, you can either wish the reality away, which is silly because it's already fucking won. That would be like Mike Tyson dropping your ass. And then instead of getting up and watching him get his hand raised, you just wish it did. You just say, I wish this didn't happen. I wish he would go away. Motherfucker, Mike Tyson ain't going away. He won. So The first thing I can do is accept that reality had won. And the more I let reality just be reality, the more of permission I get from life to just be me. Because the more I contend with the reality of my day or situations or relationships, when I contend with it, I create collision and confusion. We call this self-will. If I step away from it, I have the ability to retrieve the energy that is in conflict with reality. There's no sense in getting lost in conflict. You're wasting time and turning over your energy for a play, for the drama of life. I fucking do this, man. I fucking do this. And it works my ass, man. It just eats my fucking lunch. I can't stand it. I absolutely cannot stand it, dude. It's like I can get jammed up in something and my ego gets involved. I get really, really attached to my preferences. I have contempt within me. And it's not fun having that stuff within you. When you have that, disjointed energy within you, you're going to fuck up. You're going to fuck up your life a little bit. You're going to hyperextend your elbow. You're going to hyperextend your knee. You're going to tear some meniscus. All right. No one likes walking around in crutches, but essentially that's what I'm doing with my energy is I twist my ankle up so much that I'm walking around with the energy of someone trying to run on crutches. That's a good fucking metaphor, all right? That's what I am, Mr. Fucking Crutchmaster. You know how many times I've walked on crutches in my life? I've broken both feet, my left ankle, because of skateboarding. And I had crutches for so long that I had fucking stickers all over them things, you know, like a really seasoned in pair. Hell, there was times throughout my school year where I spent more times on crutches than I did on my feet, you know? And... When I'm walking around wishing that, sometimes it even moves into a demand. If I'm moving through my day, if I'm moving through the reality of my day, demanding that it changes, I am Dumping energy out of myself and giving it to the world. And I'm saying, you know what? Never mind. I don't want to run and be free today. Give me some crutches. I'd rather just hop around and get pimped out like a$2 hoe because that's what I want. I want to give up here. Take my energy situation. Take my energy misses in my relationship. Take my energy job. Take my energy coworker. It's ridiculous, right? But the mind and the ego are very, very good at doing this, especially mine. And you get to learn a lot about yourself in these moments. And in a 12-step program, there's these steps, six and seven, which are all about our character defects and shortcomings. And there's a prayer to address these character defects and shortcomings once we get privy to them, which is, my creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character that stands in my way of my usefulness to you. and my fellows, which is the world at large, right? God, others, self. God, others, self. Now, that's a beautiful prayer, and it works, but my experience has not been say that prayer and wake up pure as the driven snow. I can't blame prayer, God, or meditation. for still having tough days. And this is one of the toughest misconceptions that leads to a world of shame and contention with this spiritual stuff that If I'm this perfect spiritual soldier and I wake up in the morning and journal and meditate and pray and skip out the front door and live a life of selfless service and not ask for anything of myself and then work out and eat fucking steak and vegetables all day, come home, do some self-reflection, pray, meditate, that I'm an A student and life is going to be pretty. That could not be further from the truth. That is what we call performance-based love. And that means I'm completely attached to outcome, and I'm performing for the A. Now, that's good in fucking school, where you perform for the A. You want to get an A on the test? You better read chapters 4, 5, and 6. study your ass off, learn how to comprehend it, teach it, take the test, perform, get an A. All right? That's where performance is due, is in the function of the world. But you don't have to perform for spiritual power. We are not saints. If we make progress the best we know how in trying to grow in the image and likeness of God, I believe I'm doing my part. Now in this growth, in this trudge forward, I am going to come face to face with my defects and they're going to smack me the fuck around. They're going to smack me around because you know what? I got to experience pain as the launching pad to new freedom the same way it had to happen through tragic experience of addiction. or any other tragic experience you may have. Think about a young man. You know, if you ever meet a kid who's been through some real shit, a young kid, you know, 12 years old, 15 years old, you know, maybe dad died of a heart attack, mom or friend or aunt or uncle has cancer, something really, really shitty happened that was just that moved to a higher order. They experienced powerlessness. And most of the time we say, you are wise beyond your years. Or we say, wow, he's so mature. Man, that kid has a good head on his shoulders. What a good perspective he has. I wish I knew what he knew, right? Tragedy shapes the human. It shapes us in humility. Where we know we are not the center of the universe and we're just out here playing a role and there are forces greater than us at work. So while we're here, we might as well enjoy it. Have as much fun as we can within reason, you know, fun that's not going to, you know, that's not hedonism, right? When I can accept what is currently in front of me, I receive the energy that is mine, the full embodiment of energy I have to move throughout my day in a positive, constructive way. If I contend with the reality of my life that day and resist it and wish it was different, Then I'm giving up energy because I'm trying to arrange life to suit myself. Life already won. It was here before. Life doesn't owe you anything. It was here way before you were. When I try to arrange life to suit myself, I'm giving up and robbing myself of energy useless energy, right? I'm giving it up, making it completely useless, leaving myself with the bare minimum, and I wonder why I'm drained, stressed out, tired, can't stay awake after work, and I dread getting up in the morning. That is clear-cut sign that I'm turning my energy over to some dance in the world. I'm just giving it up. I'm just fucking laying down. I either peacefully adjust myself with discipline to reality, peacefully adjust myself with discipline to reality, or ask, how can I change this in a beneficial way? Because we do have the ability to change things. Some things are completely out of our hands. We're going to run up against things that are completely out of our hands, and it's just the reality of the moment. Now, I can either peacefully adjust myself to that reality, or I can walk away. Again, my choice. I always used to be up in the clouds with God. There's a line in some recovery literature where it says, of course... I'm paraphrasing this, but it says, of course, God would like us, our heads to be up in the clouds with him, but our feet should be firmly planted on earth for that's where our fellows are. I used to get lost in that stuff. I used to get lost in seeking and I would get lost in prayer and reading and thinking and wondering about God. And When I got lost in that, my life lost energy and vitality and strength and courage. I know it seems counterintuitive because we could think, oh, you're building a relationship with God. But for me personally, I was hiding in that relationship because It was the world that scared me and not knowing how to handle myself, not knowing who I was, you know, having to figure things out, not knowing things, being socially awkward. It was really just fear, just having fear and not wanting to walk through fear. And so really the most beneficial thing I could do for my relationship with God is not to pray to him, not to seek, seek, seek, but to walk out my front door and be scared and accept that help. Spiritual principles are a pathway to God. You don't have to understand God before you practice the essence of God. You don't have to understand God before you practice the essence of God. Sit down and write out what you feel are the characteristics of the conception of your God. Truth. For me, it's truth, love, laughter, joy. joy levity the ability to take oneself lightly um and uh self-discipline spiritual discipline compassion and consideration love honesty you know all these things so it's like if you can have a conception of the characteristics at least because i'm not sure we'll ever understand god i mean i know i know we won't actually but Actually, I fucking don't know, all right? But I know I fucking won't, all right, for now. If I can write out the conceptions, write out the conception of my characteristics, what could it look like, right? What could it look like? And make it look like something for you. Then if you've got a list, we go, all right, if one of mine is humor, I move through the day, how can I... How many smiles can I put on the faces of humans today? How many smiles can I get, huh? What am I bringing into the moment? Or maybe I say it's truth and God speaks through others. So I move through the day with humility and silence, just paying attention, hearing people, listening to them. Maybe there's someone you work with that you never really pay much mind to them, and all they need is a conversation from you. But we're so caught up in our drama that we can only see and hear the whining of our own voice. This is how the ego works, man. Whining is probably... The worst fucking shortcoming in the world. Nobody... Listen, when you're needy and whining and a blaming person, you will shove people... People will run the fuck away from you. And you'll realize your only friends are going to be the ones that also whine, complain, and blame. The needy spirit... is the small self. Needing, needing, needing to be okay, needing to be okay, and then relying on humans, which are always going to fail you to be okay, losing game. You're pushing other people away from you because you're making demands upon them to fix something within you. They didn't even know they were up against that. So you're walking around, needy people, sign people up for jobs that they're not aware of. Right? Like... If Christian came in here, right, and he just thought, he was like, oh yeah, I'm going to fucking set up and record a podcast. But I wanted him, I'm like, yo, he better do some fucking burpees in here. Like before, like every five minutes, dude, he better, I'm going to need him to fucking do some burpees at least. And he just doesn't do burpees. I'm sitting here getting, I'm fucking fuming, right? He doesn't know he's just being fucking Christian. He's doing what's in front of him. It's got nothing to do, it's got nothing to do with him. It's this neediness within me. you are 100% responsible for meeting your own needs nobody is responsible for meeting your own needs once you start fulfilling your own needs your shoulders fall back a little bit Your chin gets a little bit higher. Your eyes get a bit more clear. You become more certain of who you are and the things you say and the way you move because you have created your own okayness. And then when you get into a relationship, you get the ability to share that okayness with the relationship. Now, here's the thing. When you enter into a relationship, your partner... does there are needs that need to be met you enter into a mutual agreement where you bring service to the relationship and there are needs that your significant other wants for the relationship and there are needs that you would want for the relationship and if you are both concerned and willing to be uncomfortable in order to provide those needs out of a state of love there will be success there. But in my relationship, I may be in some sort of mood for the day, and I may be signing up my girlfriend for a job that she doesn't know anything about. I may be cooking dinner, and she's not doing something, the job that I signed her up for. She's not fucking doing it, and I'm in there fuming, cooking dinner. She doesn't know. This is just fancied. I go, she better fucking blank. Fill in the blank. She better. She better. How the fuck is she going to know what to do? Unless I'm able to sit down and love. Tell her with vulnerability how I'm doing, where I'm at. I'm a little off kilter today and I'm feeling like I need to. Can you meet me there? Right. But if you can't first meet your own needs, it inevitably will not go well. because there will be emphasis on your partner dancing and performing to meet your needs. And humans are always going to fail you. They're not perfect. Perfection was already done, and we hung them on a cross for it. So to wish and hope for perfection, the thing that doesn't exist, is silly. We can aim towards perfection as far as the things that I want to achieve and the man that I want to become and the highest version of myself. But I should never be let down if I don't attain that because we know it's just another day of learning. Goals and the wishes that I have for myself are to be a certain type of man or to... At the end of the day, be able to sit down, take inventory, and if I ask myself the question, in what ways are you proud of yourself today? I want to be able to fill some things in. When I ask myself the question, where did you surprise yourself today? I want to be able to fill that in. Where did you walk through fear today? I want to be able to fill that in. That creates that type of personal responsibility for everything I'm feeling and thinking and saying and doing. Because at the end of the day, it's you laying your head on your pillow at night. And when you do that, you want to be the one that took responsibility for your life. You want to be the one that said, okay, reality, you won. How can I best move with you in a Tai Chi way today? Hold and use my energy and leverage my day in the right way. That's who you want to be. You don't want to lay your head on your pillow at night and go, oh, fuck. Although we do that, right? Or worse, we wake up like that and go, fuck. Here we go. We don't want to do that. I'll wrap up with this. That reminds me. I stumbled upon a reel by Dr. Joe DeCenza, and he said, you know, of course it came up on my algorithm. He was about, like, this is why people don't get up in the morning, or I know why people don't get up in the morning. So I fucking perked right up. I'm like, oh, got to turn the sound on this fucking captions because the boy, the kid, struggles with that, right? So he was like, When people don't want to get up in the morning, it's because their body has stored past experiences and decided that it already knows what the day is going to bring. And it has decided it doesn't want that. It doesn't have nor does it want to expend the energy of what it thinks it already knows is going to happen. Now, by evidence... you don't know what's going to happen. You've never been in that moment before. You can't be prepared for it. So then he contrasts this example with, he's like, think about when you were a kid and you had a field trip in the morning. How quickly you shot up out of bed. You were probably ready, backpack packed, boots tied tight. I hope I don't get in a fight. Oh, back to school. If you got that and you're laughing, I love you. So that's the aim, right, is... In reality, we don't know what lies outside of our door. We don't know what's going to happen when we put our feet down on our floor, right? And that's something we should learn how to be excited for. Because although it's the same job, although it's the same coworkers, you've never been there in that moment before. Maybe you take a new way to work or a longer way to work or you drink a different type of coffee or you show up to work 30 minutes early just because Or you talk to one of your coworkers or be curious about their life and ask them something about themselves you never asked them before. Sit down, have a conversation with a person you always pass in the hall. I don't know. But you can create a new world and a new experience for yourself with some vision and intent. Because I don't want to wake up with a heavy body in the morning not wanting to face the day under the delusion that I know what it's going to fucking look like. We are geared to want to step into the unknown. That's what the body wants, man. When we go on a trip or we travel, think about the excitement that's in your body. You have more energy. Think about how much more you do on a travel day when you're in a new state or a country. How long the days are and how much you walk, right? And you're on fire. You just keep going because your mind, body, and spirit is completely devoted to walking into that unknown. And it's a hell of a fucking time, right? So anyways, guys, that's it for episode 126. As I mentioned, if you're interested in having a coach, life coach, or just spiritual coach, a spiritual restart, I am offering those services now. If you're interested, I would love to talk to you about it. We can hop on a call and have a little discovery call and see what you're looking for. And if I can help, if you're interested, you can send us an email at fromthegravepodcasts at gmail.com. Be sure to check out the blogs, which is going to be scott russell with collateral beauty at substack it's all over the instagram just search scott russell there on substack.com and uh let's see any other cleanup stuff just be prepared for new episodes coming out and um if you have any ideas for topics or guests that you might want to have or see on the show just send us send us an email at from the grave podcast at gmail.com um If you have a topic, this is usually really fun. If you send a voice memo in about a topic you want, or you have like a question that could help prompt a good conversation, we would love to play the voice memo during the podcast and respond to it in real time. That's usually a fun time. Um, but basically any questions, concern, comments, uh, inquiries you have just hit us up at from the grave podcast at gmail.com and, uh, Aside from that, peace, guys. Be good to yourself and relax and take it easy today. Don't struggle so much. I appreciate you spending your time with me. Peace.