Is It Harder for Singles to Adopt? - Weekend Wisdom

Question: Hello, I am a single parent by choice and a hopeful adoptive parent. I've been working with an agency and waiting to be matched for a domestic infant adoption since this summer, and I haven't had much luck. I'm starting to wonder if expectant parents think single parents are not a good choice for their baby. In my profile book, I emphasize my financial stability and support of a network of family and friends, but is that enough? In your experience, do single parents have a harder time being matched? What are the things I should consider as a single parent when trying to match with an expectant parent?

Resources:

• Adopting as a Single Parent
• Understanding the Birth Parent's Experience
• Self-Care for Parents & Caregivers

Transcript

Please pardon any errors, this is an automated transcript.

Welcome, everyone, to Week in Wisdom by Creating a Family. Creating a Family is a
national support and training non -profit for foster, adoptive, and kinship families.
We have two podcasts. One is a long form where we interview an expert for an hour
every week. But this one is short form, meaning five to ten minutes where we answer
one question, and those questions come from you. So please, our audience, please send
your questions to us. You can send them at info @creatingafamily .org or there's a
link in the show notes and you can click on that and send them that way as well.
Today's question is from Deanna and it's, "Is it harder for singles to adopt?" So
Deanna writes, "Hello, I am a single parent by choice and a hopeful adoptive parent.
I've been working with an agency and waiting to be matched for a domestic infant
adoption since this summer, and I haven't had much luck. I'm starting to wonder if
expectant parents think single parents are not a good choice for their baby. In my
profile book, I emphasize my financial stability and support of a network of family
and friends, but is that enough? In your experience, do single parents have a harder
time being matched? What are the things I should consider as a single parent when
trying to match with an expectant parent? Deanna, first, let me just point out that
not a whole lot, if you've just started this past summer that's been what, six,
seven months, that's not a lot of time that's passed. Depending on your agency, the
average weight can be 18 months to two years or so. However, I do appreciate that
it feels like an eternity to you. So your specific question is, in my experience,
do single parents have a harder time being matched? And the short answer is yes.
I know that's not the answer you want to hear, but that is what I see more often.
I know that some adoption agencies will disagree, but that is what I've seen. And I
think it's because often expected moms are single and they want their child to have
a two -parent family. Your next question is, what are the things you should consider
as a single parent when trying to match with an expected parent. First of all, of
course, talk with your agency about this and find out what they see that would be
important. But the things you've emphasized, your financial stability and your
supportive network are excellent. I think those are exactly what I would emphasize.
Also, if you've got males in your family that will play a role like a granddad or
brothers or best friends or whatever, that are going to play a role to be able to
provide male role models to this child. I absolutely would include that. And I'd
focus on the fact that you have the time and the energy. This is what you want.
You're choosing to do this. This is what you want to do. This is something you
have dreamed of doing. You have the time and energy to focus on raising this child.
And the other thing is to try to personalize it in ways. What's important to you
that you look forward to sharing with the child. Maybe it's travel, you know, that
you love to travel and you could say, "I look forward to seeing all the national
parks with my child," or, "Maybe you are into cooking and I love to bake and I
can't wait to bake cookies and holiday breads with my child." So,
trying to personalize it as much as possible so that When the expected mom or
parents are looking at your profile, they can imagine their child being raised by
you. And I wish you the absolute best of luck. You sound like you would be a
great mom. And to the rest of the folks, before you guys leave, I want you to
know that Creating a Family has a Facebook group. It's a large support group. It is
a closed group, and you can post either anonymously or as yourself. We've got
members, mostly adopted parents, adoptive or foster parents, also some kinship parents
and adult adoptees, a fair number of those, some birth parents and some former
foster youth. It's a terrific place to hang out. We welcome you to join us at
facebook .com /groups /creatingathamily.
And thanks for listening to This Week's Week in Wisdom. If you liked it, please
tell a friend to subscribe to the creating a family .org podcast and we will see
you next week.