Rising from sorrow: A mother's path through a decade of the fentanyl crisis

Over the last ten years, Lauri Badura has been on a determined quest to confront the escalating crisis of fentanyl-related deaths. Despite her unwavering dedication, the shadow of this epidemic continues to grow. Lauri's path to advocacy was marked by personal tragedy in 2014 when she lost her son, Archie, to an overdose. This loss became the catalyst for her founding Saving Others For Archie (SOFA), a nonprofit dedicated to combating America's fentanyl crisis—a mission that has taken her to the White House three times to discuss strategies and solutions.

But Lauri's efforts don't stop at raising awareness. Understanding the deep well of grief that comes with loss, she also became a certified bereavement companion, aiming to offer solace and support to others in mourning. On today's episode of Grieving Out Loud, Lauri shares her insights into the grieving process, offering practical tips for those looking to find strength and hope in the midst of sorrow. It's a conversation about learning to thrive, even when faced with the most heartbreaking of losses.

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Podcast producers:
Casey Wonnenberg & Anna Fey

[00:00:00] Lauri Badura: We're losing a generation, you know, 300 and some people, and it's like no one cares. I don't understand why it's not an emergency.

Can you hear the frustration

[00:00:13] Angela Kennecke: in her voice? Laurie Bedura has spent the last decade on a relentless mission to curb the rising death toll from Fentanyl. Despite her tireless efforts, the death rate continues to surge dramatically. Lori's journey into advocacy began in 2014, fueled by the heartbreaking loss of her son Archie.

[00:00:35] Lauri Badura: They were trying to self-medicate. They just wanted to feel good. These kids, there's nothing bad about them. What they were trying to do is feel good and fit in.

[00:00:44] Angela Kennecke: In addition to raising awareness about the drug crisis, Lori also wanted to help others who are grieving. She became a certified bereavement companion.

And in today's episode of Grieving Out Loud, she shares practical ways for healthy grieving that can allow you to grow stronger and thrive despite a devastating loss.

[00:01:14] Lauri Badura: I am Angela

[00:01:14] Angela Kennecke: Kenkey and welcome to Greeting Out Loud. Thank you so much for joining us. We hope you find this episode helpful in understanding substance use disorder, our nation's fentanyl crisis, and how despite difficult losses in life, you can find hope, meaning, and healing for yourself and others.

Laurie, thank you so much for joining me on the podcast. You and I were both at the White House for International Overdose Awareness Day. We didn't really get a chance to connect because there wasn't enough time

[00:01:49] Lauri Badura: to connect with all the parents there. Right. So nice to meet you too. And I'm sorry that this is how we have to meet.

'cause your beautiful daughter and my son Archie. It's sad. It

[00:02:01] Angela Kennecke: is sad. And I always say that to parents that I meet along the way here. I'm so glad to know you, but I'm so sorry for the circumstances under which we're meeting. Exactly. And your son's story I think is so interesting because you lost Archie in 20 14, 4 years before my daughter died, and when my daughter died in 2018, we were just starting to kind of talk about fentanyl.

Do you know what I mean? Like it wasn't really in the public awareness of the public consciousness yet.

[00:02:31] Lauri Badura: Exactly. You know, he went to a Catholic grade school, we had no problems. Very honest kid. When he got to high school and it was public high school, he was so honest. He came home from football practice and said, mom, I found the best medicine for my ADHD.

And he said, it's called Mary Jane. And I said, oh, you know, I knew right away what he was talking about was marijuana. Well, so really in high school, his battle. Really was over marijuana. And a lot parents at that time thought I was kind of being ridiculous about, you know, that there was nothing with hard drugs, it was marijuana.

And he really thought it was okay because society, he said, there's so many states that think it's legal and it's supposed to help with anxiety and relaxing, and he didn't understand why I was so nervous for. A kid like him who had addictive personality. I was very nervous, you know, about something like that.

So I said, Hey, when you're older, if that's something you wanna do and you wanna move to a state that that's legalized fine. But when you're living under our roof, we have a no-drug policy. And so that's kind of how it started.

[00:03:48] Angela Kennecke: Yeah. With Emily too, it started with marijuana in high school and she just, I thought, and I've

[00:03:53] Lauri Badura: talked to so many people who eventually became.

Addicted

[00:03:56] Angela Kennecke: to opioids who say it started for them with marijuana at a young age. And for people who say it's not a gateway drug, I would say it's not for the developing brain. And studies have shown that when kids start smoking marijuana before their brain is fully developed, they set themselves up

[00:04:12] Lauri Badura: for addiction completely.

And what it does, it kind of what I've seen, it really morphed his feelings. And I'm sure your daughters too, they were trying to self-medicate. They just wanted to feel good. These kids, there's nothing bad about them. What they were trying to do is feel good and fit in. And like I said, he was honest with me.

Very honest with me. But then it just became like anything else, more of an addiction. And for him, I didn't like when, if he was using a marijuana. I really think marijuana is scary because afterwards they can become very mean and u using the words that, you know, it's just not a good thing. So people think it's such a easy calm, it was not good those four years in high school, so we did a lot of different treatment programs just for that.

Never in a million years would I have ever thought he would be snorting a substance

[00:05:17] Angela Kennecke: despite grappling with substance use disorder. Archie graduated from high school in 2013 and planned to attend a tech school

[00:05:24] Lauri Badura: for welding. I was really excited about it and he decided right before he was gonna go to school, it's not for me. I think I'm just gonna wait semester, you know, do something else.

And my husband and my younger son, Augie and I, we all looked at each other and we kind of were like, uh-oh, this isn't good. And I'm telling you within, within that timeframe of that fall, and we lost them, that may. He had met a woman that was a few years older than him that had back pain. And she had opioids and I had Delco, you know, she was living on her own and they were snorting the opioids.

Laurie had

[00:06:09] Angela Kennecke: no clue that her son was abusing drugs until he overdosed. To say she was shocked. Well, that's just an understatement. Luckily, Archie survived and

[00:06:18] Lauri Badura: decided to seek help,

and he went into our. Rehab center and I was so scared. I really thought, I can't lose him. I cannot, I can't. You almost died. And you know, he was revived. The paramedics revived both of them. They found both of them down, and it wasn't fentanyl at that time. It was just an overdose and plain and simple overdose Following rehab.

[00:06:48] Angela Kennecke: Lori was optimistic. Her son had overcome the strong grip of opioids. He went more than two months without taking drugs and seemed to be

[00:06:56] Lauri Badura: happy and healthy living with our family. Living Great had done so, so well, and it was again with a girlfriend and the substance was laced with Fentanyl

after Archie

[00:07:16] Angela Kennecke: unknowingly consumed fentanyl. Lori says her husband tried to save their oldest

[00:07:20] Lauri Badura: son's life. It's, you know, 'cause he tried to resuscitate him and he said it, it was just too much and he's still suffering. And that weekend it was something that no, nobody in our state or our town even knew the word fentanyl.

None of us did. It was just, it was devastating. It was absolutely devastating. What drug did he think he was using? They were snorting what they thought, I wanna say, like a cocaine, heroin that they bought on the street they called Smack or something. I'm not really sure. It was something like lines 'cause they were taking the pills that she had and crushing them, but they weren't shooting or anything.

But I, I just, I couldn't believe that that is how I lost my son. And all of a sudden it just seemed like the world, you know, I, I thought I, I would die. Just like any other parent that has gone through this. For me, and maybe that's how it is for you. I had to do something,

[00:08:26] Angela Kennecke: and that's exactly what Lori has been doing. A decade ago after Archie died, Lori faced harsh stereotypes due to the stigma surrounding substance use disorder. Despite this, she made a brave choice. Instead of concealing the truth about her son's death, she chose to be open about it. Out of this courage, Lori founded an organization called Saving Others for Archie or SOFA for short.

[00:08:53] Lauri Badura: Mine is really very different because I, you know, I have a marketing and sales background. I mean, that's what I did. I decided that what I was good at is really events and I wanted to have my events just be well attended and be fun, not be as sad. Necessarily and people were afraid. The very, very beginning, especially at the beginning with Archie, so many parents were afraid we did something called stairway to heroin.

'cause heroin was the big thing back then. And we had presentations at our high school and parents were afraid to come even with their kids because if they came with their kids, it might show that something was wrong with their kids. You know what I mean? Like it was just the stigma of even being in the theater or coming to my event at all.

I would say to people, well, why aren't you just coming to support me? Just to support, you know, our family or what we're doing? I don't care about the fun. Just show up. And people were so afraid. To think that my family has a problem. We would be doing the homecoming parade. We'd be in the parade and handing out cards and people would say, oh, we don't need that help at our house.

We don't have a problem with that at our house. So the stigma was so huge and I decided then our town in Little Wisconsin and this Nestle Little Lake country area is so. You know, prim and proper, I'm going to start saying words like heroin, overdose, fentanyl, and start making these people be uncomfortable because you know what?

It is happening in small towns. It is not just in the big cities, and it doesn't matter what zip code you have, it doesn't matter what kind of income you have. You know it, it hits anybody. And it doesn't matter how we raise our children, you know, this is happening. And it can happen anywhere. And now people are really seeing that, I think more so.

But back then with me talk about being prejudiced against, it was bad. Oh, I bet. I bet you had

[00:10:59] Angela Kennecke: people say horrible things to you too. Oh, I had police officers.

[00:11:02] Lauri Badura: Police officers said, poor parenting. Poor parenting is really what we're seeing with this. And I had one girlfriend. Just go up to this family and said, are you kidding me?

Do you know that Archie was at an altar server till age eight? Do you have any idea what the Bedirth, I mean, did she just ripped into this man and was like, it doesn't matter because I know she's defending me, but there's other families that this officer is gonna do that's going to, you know what I mean?

I care about me. I do. It is horrible

[00:11:32] Angela Kennecke: and I think people like to think they're protected, right? Like, oh, that's not gonna happen in my family. I've done everything right and there's gotta be something they're not. They've done wrong. That's why this happened. And quite frankly, anyone can find themselves addicted to something no matter what their educational level or their income level, or their

[00:11:49] Lauri Badura: religion or what it is.

Absolutely. It's just like saying, oh, my marriage is perfect. Well, that's not true. You can't say that If anybody's honest, you always say, Hey, it takes a lot of work. That's that's being honest. And I did the best I could with my children. And you know what? They were good people. They were good people. And I know that Archie is proud of the work that Augie and I have done in his name.

I mean, Augie went to college. At UW Eau Claire in Wisconsin, and he took these, we have these bracelets of Hope that say his name and it says Awareness on them. And in his dorm, he handed them out. I mean, he was not afraid to talk about it. How old was

[00:12:30] Angela Kennecke: Auggie when

[00:12:31] Lauri Badura: Archie died? He was a junior in high school.

[00:12:35] Angela Kennecke: That's how old Adam, my youngest son, Emily's brother was. And he's the very same way. He's very proud of the charity and the work that we're doing. First he was horrified that his sister would die in this way, but I do think that the advocacy work has helped him understand so much more and also be proud

[00:12:55] Lauri Badura: of the

[00:12:55] Angela Kennecke: work that we're doing to try to save

[00:12:58] Lauri Badura: other lives.

Exactly. That's what I mean. To me, it makes them feel. We don't have to be ashamed and we can say their name. No. And talk about it. There's so many families that hush hush and never wanna say their name. I'm like, say Archie's name makes me happy to talk about 'em. It's, I think it's healthy for our kids to talk about 'em.

I think it's very sad and I feel sometimes, I don't know if you feel like this Angela, but there's some parents that look at me and say, I love what you do Lori, but I can't do that. And I said, that's okay. That's okay. If you can. You can help me, you can come to events and you can, you know, chip in when you can.

'cause they want to, they just physically or mentally feel like they can't.

[00:13:42] Angela Kennecke: Well, and grief does impact everyone differently, right? Mm-Hmm. So some people would have a very tough time living in this space that you and I live in where we're talking about this issue all the time. We're talking about our children quite frequently.

I think that

[00:13:57] Lauri Badura: can be very difficult for people. It's hard to live there all the time. Well, my husband couldn't, my husband said to Augie and I, well, we started this. I can't, I can't be part of it. I'll support the two of you. But he's very quiet, very, very different from how Augie and I. But he did come up with the biggest thing for SOFA, which was Fentanyl.

America's new F-word. Andy came up with that slogan at one of our meetings, and that was, we had a billboard in. Times Square last year, and I was really proud of Andy for coming up

[00:14:31] Angela Kennecke: with that. We trademarked it. That is really catchy. I saw that on your website that the new F word is fentanyl, right? And that catches people's attention and at least makes

[00:14:41] Lauri Badura: people stop and think.

[00:14:47] Angela Kennecke: As Lori watched her family members battle grief in their own way. She felt compelled to help others who have lost a loved one. She reached out to a friend who runs an organization called Healing Hearts, known for helping people in challenging situations, including grieving families affected by tragic events such as the Wisconsin Holiday Parade that turned deadly.

You may remember the heart-Wrenching News reports.

[00:15:15] Good Morning America: According to officials, at least five people were killed and more than 40 others injured when a red SUV plowed into Waukesha Wisconsin's Christmas

[00:15:23] Angela Kennecke: parade. As you can imagine, when there are massive casualties, the organization needs lots of volunteers who can help grieving families.

Lori decided to take part in training through the group to become a bereavement

[00:15:36] Lauri Badura: companion

in the training. I learned the most thing is we need to listen. You know, when somebody has lost somebody, the best thing to do is truly be quiet and be a, a great listener because no one's here to have us tell 'em their story. They've lost a loved one, and we as humans, the first thing we wanna do when we talk is tell our response.

Right? That's how we're trained. So I had to retrain my brain. To just sit there and try to bite my tongue and not respond to this person, not give them advice. Once, you know, it was quiet for a while, I could tell them how I dealt with my grief, but I couldn't give them advice. It's very different. You can tell 'em how you did things.

So it was, it was really helpful. And lighting a candle. Anytime I talk about Archie or anytime I grieve, I like to light a candle. I like to light incense or have a good smell, you know, something positive, good music, those kinds of things. I don't feel bad about crying at all. I think Crying's a beautiful thing.

The other thing is, is giving a friend gave me a beautiful pillow of the silhouette of Archie, and then this beautiful. Prayer kind of poem on the bottom. And every night it's in, I have a prayer room, I can hug 'em. And I said, what a cool gift that somebody gave me. So those are just some things that for me work.

But when I work now with my bereavement, it's listening. I. I think we are always so worried about saying

[00:17:23] Angela Kennecke: the right thing. What are we gonna say? Are we gonna say the right thing? And I think you're right. We need to think less about what we're gonna say and just listening to someone when they're, especially in that, those early stages of grief.

[00:17:38] Lauri Badura: Have you lost

[00:17:39] Angela Kennecke: a loved one to overdose or fentanyl poisoning? I'd like to invite you to share their story on our new Emily's Hope Memorial website called More Than Just a Number.

[00:17:50] Lauri Badura: They were our children,

[00:17:51] Angela Kennecke: siblings, cousins, husbands, wives, aunts, uncles, and friends. So much more than just a number. You can submit a memorial today on more than just a

[00:18:02] Lauri Badura: number.org.

You are so right, and ask them questions about their loved one. What did you love about, you know, you know, talk about their relationship. What kind of activities was, you know, it makes people so happy to talk about the joy and the memories and those asking questions. I didn't realize that was something in my training.

It's asking questions. That's a great thing to do. Because again, there's nothing wrong with crying. Crying's a beautiful thing. You know, we grieve because we love so much. The word grieve is hiding our grief. Yeah, burying it

[00:18:44] Angela Kennecke: or using substances to cover it up, or something like that, that a lot of people fall into that trap.

But you, you mentioned you're almost a decade now since you lost your oldest son, and has

[00:18:58] Lauri Badura: grief changed for you over the years? You know, it's a journey for sure. There's been so many moments, even that first year, I'm very faithful person. I don't know if I didn't have my faith, I don't know how I'd get through life.

I'm not one of these people that believed. Time heals because it's a journey and I have to say now when I look nine years, I can't believe it that I've lived, that I have survived the nine years. Hate

[00:19:30] Angela Kennecke: Lori shares that. And another heartbreaking aspect of her grief is seeing her son's friends go through life's significant moments, getting married, having children while she's excited for them, it's a mix of emotions because it's also a reminder of the experiences her son will never have.

[00:19:52] Lauri Badura: Getting to that stage where, where all of his friends are getting married and they're having kids. You know, my best friends, we all were pregnant together and I'm, I'm going through those stages where I'm just, you know, I'm feeling such an emptiness because he's my first, you know, and nothing, and Augie lives in Kansas City and I'm alone.

You know, I am alone.

[00:20:16] Angela Kennecke: I get that when, and I'm, I know some of my daughter's friends, they're still involved with the charity, but I see them, you know, growing up, getting careers, getting married, having kids, and you just know that you'll, you won't have that with your

[00:20:29] Lauri Badura: oldest child, right? You can't help but have that ping of you just would like, what would they look like?

Or what did they, or just those things that you're not gonna have those dances at the wedding. All those things. You with the dress, the wedding, you know, with the girl at the wedding. I mean, we all have our things that, you know, it's just not gonna happen. And I never thought my life would be like this, but I do think that there's a purpose and we're making a difference.

I think that there's been so many people I know I've helped and made a difference. I just feel that as a nation, I feel sad because I feel like we could be doing so much better. And I think I'm so proud of like you and other organizations that I, I'm just in awe of what people are doing. Right, right.

[00:21:21] Angela Kennecke: And you're right.

I think that we're just getting to the point where there's just so many of us now. When it happened to you nearly a decade ago, there wasn't anybody else out there. And now, I mean, I talk to parents all the time and you hate to see it happening again and again. But we have to be getting to a point where.

We're at a tipping point we're how can we allow this to continue

[00:21:42] Lauri Badura: to our children? Yep. And I felt awful because look at you four years later, I felt like I was making a difference. I felt like I was making a voice, but it makes me angry when I look that this year will mark, in May, it will mark 10 years and it's worse.

Our government is not helping and it makes me so angry because we're losing a generation. I. You know, 300 and some people, and it's like no one cares. I don't understand why it's not an emergency. I hear you and I think about

[00:22:16] Angela Kennecke: what you said like. Archie died four years before Emily, and you're out there already doing advocacy work, trying to stop it from happening to other people, but it continues to happen.

Mm-Hmm. And it continues to get worse. And I feel like there are so many of us now who've started nonprofits who started a nonprofit in Archie's name. I started a nonprofit. I speak to so many parents, you know, who are doing all this advocacy work, but yet we're up to 305 overdose deaths per day, and about 80% of those are fentanyl poisoning.

So. What do you think the answer is? I mean, we both attended that White House meeting on International Overdose

[00:22:52] Lauri Badura: Awareness Day.

Grieving Out Loud: A Mother Coping with Loss in the Opioid Epidemic

Rising from sorrow: A mother's path through a decade of the fentanyl crisis

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