Talk Wealth to Me

#009: Single Parenthood & Finances: Tips from Leslie H. Tayne, Esq.

June 20, 2019 Felipe Arevalo, Chase Peckham, Katie Utterback, Leslie H. Tayne, Esq. Season 1 Episode 9
Talk Wealth to Me
#009: Single Parenthood & Finances: Tips from Leslie H. Tayne, Esq.
Show Notes Transcript

We're joined in Episode 009 of Talk Wealth To Me by Leslie H. Tayne, Esq., for a discussion on ways single parents can lessen the expensive cost of childcare and camps during summer! Our conversation also includes some tips for having age-appropriate discussions with your children about budgeting and your financial situation.

Leslie H. Tayne, Esq. is an award-winning financial attorney and Author of Life & Debt. She has over 20 years of experience in consumer and business financial debt solutions which include negotiations with large international banks and credit agencies for loans, lines of credit, credit cards and student loans. Leslie is the founder and managing director of Tayne Law Group, P.C., a law firm headquartered in New York dedicated to debt resolutions. Leslie is frequently sought out for her expertise on financial, credit and debt topics and as a speaker, she regularly provides insight and strategies regarding all areas of debt and credit-related solutions.

Comments, questions or suggestions for the show? Email us at [email protected]

Want to learn more about Leslie Tayne, Esq? Visit her law firm, Tayne Law Group, or connect with Leslie on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram.

To learn more about DebtWave Credit Counseling, visit our website or connect with us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and LinkedIn.

To learn more about the San Diego Financial Literacy Center, visit our website or connect with us on Facebook and Twitter.

Support the show (https://www.sdflc.org/help-sdflc/donate/)
Intro:

Welcome to Talk Wealth to Me, a safe space podcast where we chat about anything and everything related to personal finance.

Felipe:

The information contained in this podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. It does not constitute as accounting, legal, tax or other professional advice.

Chase:

Welcome to podcast number nine of Talk Wealth to Me. We just got done with an incredible interview with Leslie Tayne. Uh, she is an attorney, uh, and deals in the financial services industry, uh, for a long, long time, 20 years of experience in consumer business and financial debt solutions. And she just was, we, we want, we got into this interview and it was supposed to go one direction about summer and the finances of that and we do touch on that quite a bit, but it really took on a life of its own and talking about how you introduce money to your children and the different ages in which that they are going to go through stages of everything from what they're going to do during the summer and what you can afford. It was really, really something that I think everybody can learn from. Even myself with younger kids in their eleven's and nine's that are going to be teenagers someday. And what that's gonna look like. So Katie and I sat down again with Leslie Tayne take a listen

Leslie Tayne:

you're on the west coast. They leave early.

Katie:

No, I used to live in Washington DC and I can attest that yes, if you leave your office before 6:00 PM, you're an early bird.

Leslie:

Yeah, yeah.

Katie:

Out here if have to work past four people will sympathize with you. Like, I'm sorry,

Chase:

we're early risers too though. We like to get up and, uh, we'd like to get to work early. We do. We'd like to get to work early and leave early, that's for sure.

Leslie Tayne:

We have to get to work early here on the east coast because of traffic. So we, we get up early and we go to work early, but we work late and it's, um, very, uh, part of the culture here on the east coast to be working past six o'clock, six, seven o'clock is not an abnormal time. And frankly, if somebody was to leave at four o'clock in the afternoon, uh, one they probably wouldn't last very long at their job. Uh, and two, they would certainly culturally among professionals, they would look at them like, what do you mean you're leaving at four?

Chase:

Well, that is a far cry from southern California four o'clock.

Katie:

Well, so then, I mean, that lends itself perfectly to the conversation that we wanted to have with you, which is how difficult summer is when you're a single parent, even when there is a two parent household, summer is an intense 10, 11 weeks.

Chase:

It's, it's, we don't actually, besides the weather being incredible, we don't look forward as parents and I can, I'm speaking for myself, my wife and I don't really look forward to summer that much because we are constantly trying to figure out what we're going to do with our children. Uh, being both professionals.

Leslie Tayne:

Yeah, no doubt. I mean, I was a single parent for a very long time. Summers and vacations are very challenging not only to find things for them to do, but also for you to be able to still go to work. I mean, I don't take off eight weeks. I don't even ever take off more than a week at a time. And even that would be a lot of time off. So you know, when you, when you're talking about kids of different ages, it can certainly be challenging. Now, I was really fortunate enough, um, that I sent my children to sleep away camp. Uh, but that's still only a seven week program. Uh, and they were away for that amount of time and it, they loved it. I loved it. I got a lot of stuff done and they were entertained. But there's a lot of camp programs that maybe are not as extreme as a, as a sleepaway camp because they do come with a cost, but you have to be able to find things for the kids to do. And I'll be honest with you, my kids now are in college and their homes from college and even though they are working in between, they still want to be entertained and they are, they think and wonder what are we doing next? And the cost to have older kids home is beyond what you could even imagine. You know, the they eat, they're adults and they eat like adults and they, teenage boys tend to eat a tremendous amount. There's a nonstop. And so there's a huge cost to that and a activities they're more active during the summer. So in reality, if the kids are more active during the summer and they're outside playing, they want to eat more. So your food bill goes up. So there's no doubt there's challenges at every age. And, um, like I said, I was a single parent since my kids were five and seven. I have twins that are, that are a two and a half years younger than my oldest daughter. Um, I did not have any help from the children's father. Uh, he was really and is still pretty much out of the picture, so it was kind of all on me and I didn't have any family to help me at all. So, um, it was really on me to figure out, you know, what am I going to do with my kids and how am I gonna manage that and still go to work because I can't not go to work. I just, I can't take the time and say okay, you know, I'm lucky enough to get summers off for my business. I can work from home. Those were not options for me at all. They still aren't. I have to see clients and talk to people and anyone who's really worked from home, I was just going to take a little side trip. But if you've worked from home with little kids, I mean we all saw that CNN have a picture with a little, the little kid comes running into the room while he's on. I mean that is just the epitome, it's why everyone thinks it's so funny cause it's the truth. It's the epitome of having children at home and trying to work. They knock on the door. I just want to ask you one thing and you can't get it done. So, or it's challenging to get it done. You can, but it's challenging. So, with that said, you know, I have to go to work and be at work and there were times where I would bring my kids to work and set them up in a conference room and with coloring books and videos and whatever I could to get through the day. Um, but it's, it's certainly, it's a challenge every which way you look at it at every kid's age.

Chase:

I have, first of all, before we even go further, I have the utmost respect for single parents. I, I'm my wife and I say it all the time. I don't know how they do it. I really don't. I mean, my wife and I feel like we're burning the candle at both ends with, with the two of us, uh, really picking up the slack on both sides. Yeah. I, you must, it must just be human instinct for the most part. Uh, because it, I mean, parenting as we say is hard. Parenting is not easy. Uh, and to do it by yourself, I would imagine. I mean, I, I commend you.

Leslie Tayne:

It is hard. It's definitely a, uh, you know, when you're going through it, it's challenging and, and sometimes you wish you had a partner to help you with it. But sometimes, uh, and certainly in my case it's easier to just do it on my own. And, um, there's a lot, even though it's challenging, there's a lot of opportunity to be the only parent when you're the only parent. And the upside to being a single parent is that you know, you what if you don't get along with your significant other who's the Co parent, uh, in your, when you're married or living together, that creates even more challenges. So I didn't have to question or talk to discuss, uh, or anything with another person. So it made things a little bit easier and more streamlined that I was able to make decisions quickly for the kids. Um, move on the fly, change my position, a discipline the way I felt that children needed to be disciplined, to create boundaries the way I felt, the way they needed, a budgeting money. Uh, though all those types of things I was able to manage on my own. And while the downside is that you're on your own, the upside is that you're on your own.

Chase:

Yeah. That's it. As you were, as you were listing out all those things and went, Huh, that actually simplifies things in a lot of way. And I think as people, uh, as you know, Katie, you're early in your, in your marriage, uh, you tend to think of when you're married is everything has to be run by the other person. And especially, we talk about this all the time, that when it comes to financial decisions, when it comes to how you're going to spend your money or whether they're going to go to camp and do all those things as a couple of you have, that has to be thoroughly discussed and in, in a, it must because communication is one of the most important things as a single parent though, even though you're, you might, you doing it on your own comes with its own benefits, it sounds like.

Leslie Tayne:

Oh, it actually does. And I really loved being a single parent and I don't know that I would've traded those years, uh, for anything. I had complete autonomy like I explained. Yes. Is it challenging? It's it's certainly challenging raising kids, like you said, either in a single parent household or with a significant other as a partner is challenging as well because you have to manage that relationship along with the kids. So I, I really wouldn't trade it. I loved those years being single and being with my kids and having them all the time. And I am a really positive person, so I always tend to look towards the positive side of things. Uh, although again, it's certainly not without its challenges. And there were times when you, you know, you going through that you wish that there was somebody else to take over when you had a long day or you had a difficult day or you're sick and you need somebody else. So the truth is, in order to really be a, to work through that, you have to try to find help. And that help has to either come from a community of people who are willing to come in and help you or family who's willing to come in and help you. Uh, you have to be creative and resourceful and you have to be comfortable asking for help and delegating. And there's a lot of people out there that say, you know, oh, I don't want other people raising my kids or doing this or doing that, but, and I respect that position. But when you're a single parent, you just can't do it all. You can't go to work, make the money, balance the budget, the bills, go to the supermarket, pick the kids up from school and drive them. I mean, I have three kids within two and a half years and my kids all played sports. So it was impossible for me to be on two fields at the same time. And certainly after I worked the whole week, I would spend the whole weekend, you know, on, on soccer fields. And I had to rely at times on other parents to take my kids with them to certain tournaments. I just couldn't, couldn't do it. And it's the, you know, you have to get past the guilt piece of it and understand that, hey, there's only so much that you could do and try to do the best that you can.

Chase:

So I think that's a good question. I, and I'll, we'll, we'll go right there. Uh, many of our listeners are, are, have young kids that are in the tr the world of travel sports in summer. You know, when it comes to, there's lots of camps. Uh, there's lots of different kinds of tournaments where they go, whether they're in town or they've just, they've got to travel out of town. And I think that it's all states throughout the United States are going through that now. Uh, with the advent of club sports, travel sports and that kind of thing, when it comes to having your kids go away with the family for a number of days, when you can't make it to that tournament, how do you go about financing that side of it? Because you'll have, you know, these people that you're working with or you're, you're like a teammate with and you're almost like a, like a, uh, another family. And of course they're gonna be going, no, no, no. But yet that's an a, that's a big cost to incur if they're, especially if they're having to stay in rooms and that kind of thing. How did you go about financing that kind of thing beyond just the cost of the tournament's themselves?

Leslie Tayne:

Okay, so that's a really excellent question because there's a lot of cost involved in travel sports and the kids are playing travel sports, even a much, much younger ages now. So they're going away to tournament's at very young ages. So when you're talking about needing to send your child for whatever reason, with another family one, the w the way that I, the way that I did it was that when they were much younger and they couldn't handle money on their own, um, I would have a conversation with the person who they were going with. So I would send out to the t a team email saying, no, my daughter, my son needs a ride and be to be able to stay with somebody for this weekend. And um, would anybody be willing to take my child along? Very often, that person has a second room and they're very happy to take there, another child with them because it can defray the costs for them. So once I hooked up with somebody who said, yeah, no problem, I'll take your child, I would say, okay, um, tell me how much money you would like from me for the room and gas and tolls and if, um, and what other events are going to be going on? Are there team dinners? Are you planning on taking them to a fair or a mall after the game? What are the other plans? And then I can budget and I can say, okay, so I'll give you $100 in cash so that you could feed my kid throughout the two days or three days. You're going to be there. And I will say give you x amount of dollars for the hotel room and x amount of dollars for the, um, tolls and gas. Most of the time, most parents did not take money from me for tolls, gas and um, and the like, they just asked that I paid for my child's, um, expenses, you know, and obviously that changes from, you know, the different areas that you're in. And sometimes you can do a swap where you might say, all right, so this tournament, I'll take the kids and next tournament you take the kids and then there's no exchange of money. You're just covering the expenses and the expenses really should be about the same. The only time they expenses are really not the same is like when we, when they needed to fly to Disney world or they were flying someplace where there was some other additional days and extravagant events that might be going on surrounding that. But as a general rule, I found that, um, you know, everybody's very open and very willing and not too many people are nickel and diming you and saying, well, I need a $5 for this and $10 for that, you know, I usually offer and give it and um, if there's money left over, they give it back. If not, then they want to use it for gas and tolls. That's fine. Uh, but it's a good idea and it brings me to a really important point. It's a good idea before you say yes to these tournaments that you get an idea of expenses before you take, before the kids go away. Because there are a lot of expenses related to going into some of these tournaments. My kids have gone to the Disney world in Orlando, tournament's and showcases, and that can be a very expensive tournament because they want to go into the parks. So if they're going out here on the east coast, so if you're going into Pennsylvania and New Jersey or some of these other areas where there's really nothing around, then they're going to a very usually a in a relatively inexpensive hotel. They might be going to a team dinner in a small town where expenses are not high. You know, we're not talking about Manhattan prices or you know, or LA prices. We're talking about, you know, smaller areas where you're not going to spend that much money but don't say yes to tournament or a camp or program if you're not sure what it costs and you have a restriction in your budget because all that will do is upset your child and they're going to want to go and they're going to want to be part of that team. And then if you roll this back to the team that you say yes to, or the dance organization that you say yes to, um, you need to be aware of the expenses. When my daughter was, my oldest daughter was, um, not as much into sports. She was into dance. So she wanted to join very early on a a a dance competition team. When I looked at the expenses for the dance competition team, between costumes, travel, makeup, rehearsals, I mean it was - AND the cost itself to the, the team piece of it. It was really expensive and

Chase:

Well beyond football and baseball and all that

Leslie Tayne:

beyond, beyond really, really expensive, really expensive and it's an all weekend thing. And it was very hard for me, again, as a single parent to commit to that. So I had to have a talk with my daughter and say, listen, I know you want to do this, but maybe we should hold off and not do this at age 12 or 13. Maybe we should do this when you're 14, 15. And um, and, and, you know, continue to do the pre competition type of classes. Uh, fortunately my daughter was okay and in agreement with that, uh, but when they're not in agreement with that, you know, you have to set some boundaries up about what you can manage to do and what's expected of you because those expenses can get crazy out of hand. So it's, it's important to know before you would commit to it because those kids will be really disappointed and upset and if you have preteens or teens, you know that they don't take the word no very well.

Chase:

I can attest to that. I've got an 11 year old and who is going on 17 and uh, that, that is a definitely a definite issue and a nine year old going on 22 so yeah, I completely understood, especially with the way children tend to change their minds and interests, especially in that seven to 12 13 14 year year old range where all of a sudden their interests go from whatever was the last show on Netflix and now all of a sudden they want to be a cheerleader for the first time in their lives and they want to do all these cheerleading. I mean it's the endless amounts of things that kids can do that are available to them and their families during the summers, let alone year round activities.

Leslie Tayne:

There's, [crosstalk] how do you do that? It's complicated. As the kids get older, as they get past nine, 10, and 11, if they're really an athlete and they're really going to play, um, you know, they're really going to be get to the next level. They have to concentrate in one sport, but that sport becomes the sport or event, you know, cause it'd be dance too which is a sport that sport or activity becomes the center and the focus of everything that they do. And um, then you start to get into things like private coaching and um, to the next different levels because then you start to say, oh, well now we've hit the next level. Now, oh my kid needs to have, you know, private batting lessons, pitching lessons, kicking lesson, shooting lessons, whatever, whatever it is. Um, all of that comes down the pipe and it's very, very expensive and it's a huge investment. I once had a client come to me, their adult child, they was a professional tennis player at one point and they paid everything they ever owned out for this kid to play tennis throughout their teens and stuff. And, and the kid was a ranked tennis player. But never made it to the, you know, the, the top numbers where they had a career, where they were earning money. So they, they took a turn and as they, um, realized that that career was coming to an end, they, that kid then opened up a, um, a tennis facility, but the parents were broke and they had so much debt and nothing to show for it, no retirement, no assets and only debt. And they funded this kid's entire tennis career for nothing.

Chase:

So what do you say to the parents that are have to make that decision and how much do they discuss this with their child at that time? That, look, this is the situation and this is where this could put us.

Leslie Tayne:

So my kid, my, my son and daughter, my younger son and daughter are both exceptional athletes. And my son is really when he was younger, of course was really an exceptional athlete and I probably could have invested a huge amount of money into his, um, career. Uh, I did get, I did pay for at times private lessons for different things, but I could have focused on spending a lot more money. But I didn't have this discussion with my son. I looked at my son, I looked at what I thought I wanted his future to be for him, what would be make the most sense. And I thought to myself, you know, do I really, is this the road that I want to go down financially? Does my kid really have it not only to get a scholarship for college, but does my kid really going to end up playing professional soccer someplace in the world? And, um, well I believed in him and his ability and his desire to do it. And I was extremely supportive. There did come a point when I was not willing to spend the money, uh, to have him coached one on one to make that happen. And in the end, it was the right decision because in 11th grade he tore his laboral tendon and he was out. And that's a huge hip injury and he needed major surgery and he was out for almost the entire 11th grade year, which is the recruiting year. And so had, I then would have had to invest a huge amount of money into rehabilitating him. I mean, obviously he went to Rehab and he thank God he walks and everything, but I would have had to spend a huge amount of money to get him caught up in order to be recruited again in 12th grade, which is a little bit late. And then try to get them into a program in college, which we did. And um, then try to get him back on track. But mentally he was off track as a result of that surgery. And physically he was off track. And, and so, you know, as a parent and when you have several children and you have a limited number of limited amount of funds and you are looking at your child's future, the question becomes, should I put the money into their academic achievements? Should I put the money into their sporting achievements? Should I find a healthy balance between the two that fits in not only with my budget, but what will be a nice balance for that kid growing up and creating and setting the groundwork for a good future for that kid. And that's the decision that I made for my son.

Chase:

And I think that that's brilliant. I mean with the amount of money that people can spend on travel, sports, on club sports and those kinds of things over the years could pay for college twofold for those kids by the time that they reach college and all. And we spend all this money because our thinking is we want our kids to get a scholarship for college. And the honest truth is there's not that many scholarships out there for the amount of kids that play these sports.

Leslie Tayne:

And they lose them. My Stepson had that too. He had it. He had a baseball scholarship to a college. He tore his knee twice and they pulled the scholarship so that, so that was the end of the scholarship. And so that, and that happens and you have to be realistic. I mean, these kids bodies get beat up. My daughter had two broken arms, a concussion, and then she ended up with meniscus surgery in her senior year just from playing soccer. And so that brings me to another piece of the budgeting puzzle. Medical care. So if you have limited medical care, meaning you have high deductibles, you have um, you know, you have limited funds, your kid is out a soccer tournament, you don't have the option whether you're going to an emergency room, they're going to put them in an ambulance and send them to an emergency room when your child gets injured and you are going to be responsible for that when you have health insurance. Yes, the club team, the clubs all have a secondary insurance as do the schools, but their school and the club teams do not kick in until your insurance has paid. So you could be responsible for emergency room visits for several thousand dollars. And my daughter was on a soccer tournament when she got a ball kicked at her wrist and she sent the picture to me and, and I said, I mean it was clearly broken and I'm not a doctor, but there was obviously broken. So she came home and I took her to a private, you know, uh, arm physician, a surgeon who fixed it, but she could have been in a situation where she could have ended up in an emergency room someplace and I could have ended up with a $5,000 emergency room bill. So be aware of that too. That along with the costs of the sports and the activities that the kids participate in, that if you're a medical insurance needs to be able to cover it and you need to be able to cover it if in fact you get, your child gets into a situation when they're out of your control, out of your control and reach and they need to end up in a hospital or at a doctor.

Katie:

Well, you know. And even just hearing that, I just started thinking too, as a single parent, if your child gets injured and ends up in the emergency room at me, I know your job may be a little bit more flexible than other people, but you might have to miss work then

Leslie Tayne:

you may have to, if it's during the week. So my kids, when they were at sleep away camps had all kinds of issues. Listen, kids get hurt. It's just the fact one of my son was at camp once they went to Cooperstown and another little boy was swinging one of those little mini bats and he got smacked right in the eye and he needed stitches. I didn't have to go up there, thankfully. But you know, there are situations where the kids get hurt or injured where, where you have to go and pick them up and that could cost you a couple of days work. So as a single parent, that's certainly challenging and that's where the help comes in. And that's where the decision making comes in about the camps, the programs, daycare's, the whatever it is that you're putting the kids in to help you out. They, and when you're working, you know, those all those programs is camp programs. There's a tax benefit to those, those programs. So consider that as a side note that you could benefit from or get a ride off from putting the kids in summer programs for as a single parent who works. So even so, you want to make sure that the, that the insurance piece, the time piece, who's going to care for your kid, uh, if there's an injury, you know, when my children were away at camp, um, the infirmary was very important to me to make sure that there were physicians there that can handle emergencies, that my children's best interests and health was, uh, at the forefront of decision making at those facilities. And that, um, there were people there that could cover because what if I can't get there? What if I, you know, there were times when, uh, you know, like what if I was traveling for business and that happened once. I was traveling for business. My kids were really little. The camp called me. It was a day camp and said, your kid is in the infirmary. I said, I can't come pick. I can't pick them up. I can't come. I'm away. I was in Maryland on a, um, and I live in New York. So I was in Maryland. I said, ah, I can't come until five o'clock at the end of the day. So my child had to stay there all day in the infirmary. Again, it's air conditioned. They were well cared for. I wasn't concerned about that, but that does happen. You know, I was traveling for business and I couldn't get there to pick up my child. So things to think about, you know, when you're talking about as a single parent, all of the safety nets that you need to have in place, not only emotionally but financially, but support systems that can try to, uh, assist you and uh, and be able to delegate. I really felt very fortunate that my children's friends and the teams that they played for, um, took really good care of them and the camps that they went to in the programs that I put them in over the years. And the babysitters that I had also were, um, uh, really good caregivers and they were able to, uh, take care of the kids and the needs and communicate with me well, uh, and you know, sometimes, uh, you know, sometimes, you know, all good plans can fall by the wayside, but as a single parent, uh, you can't just pick the phone up and be like, I gotta call my husband, you know, that's a very far in terms of single parents or my, I have to talk to my wife, you need to be the ones to make the decision on the spot. There's no, let me talk it over. It's, I need to make this decision. What do I do now?

Chase:

So how do parents decide? Let's just say we got summer pretty much starting in full force here, uh, this week and you've got parents probably months ago should have been trying to figure out what they were going to do with their kids during the summer. And, and I know in southern California on the west coast here, we don't have quite as many of those longterm camps that are, you know, are so famous, uh, back east. And if you don't have the availability to do the longterm camps, what can parents do with their children to keep them A. busy for two and a half, three months, keep that mind going. So they're sort of prepared to go back to school in the fall and yet still be kids and have a summer.

Leslie Tayne:

So I love the summer reading programs at the schools had when the kids were little, I don't know if all the districts do that, but uh, here we had summer reading programs where the kids had to read a certain number of books, uh, by the time that they got to school. And a, and a request for that got more complicated as the kids got older. And that gave me the opportunity to take them to the library, um, to, to, uh, then there's lots of library programs around that that are age appropriate. There are, um, lots of ways to keep them engaged, uh, in terms of, you know, talking to them about if they're going to go to the movies. You could even have a conversation with them about, you know, talking about what the plot is and, you know, you could still keep their mind going a lot when you're having, when you're having fun. But there are, um, other things to think about when there's not camp opportunities. And camp is very, very expensive, but there are town programs and [inaudible] programs run by the schools, uh, that are relatively inexpensive. You can also consider pooling your resources. And if you have a couple of friends with kids and they're all around the same age that you guys hire yourselves two, um, counselors who can be in your, who can be in your house or your neighbor's house, who entertain the kids, and then you set up something structured for them. You could order online arts and crafts. So from nine to 10 at home, they're doing arts and crafts from 10 to 11. Maybe there's a community pool or your backyard pool. They could go to there's, you know, from 11 to 12 they're doing, uh, you know, maybe outside you have sidewalk chalk and they're, and they're doing that with the babysitter or the counselor or a, then they have lunch and they, the kids should help cook lunch because kids learn their little light to cook. So maybe you do a baking thing. So once a day they bake something or twice a week they're baking something with a babysitter or somebody who's at home. There's so many different ways to engage them, especially when the weather's nice and you guys on the west coast have it so good cause you, whether it was good all the time we have here in certainly in New York, on the east coast, like bipolar weather, so we can have like 90 degrees. You know, over the weekend it was almost 90. And today it's in the low sixties. And, and um, so you know that the weather is very iffy over here all the time. So you have to be able to adjust a little bit more when you're not gonna wake up and the, and it's going to be the sun shining all the time. So with that, you have have some backup plans. What can you do with the kids when, when you know it's raining and who could take them someplace? There are here a lot of indoor opportunities from indoor roller skating to indoor bowling, which can take up several hours. There are, um, indoor arts and crafts places to take them. And you have to plan ahead as a single parent and you have to call ahead and find out what days do they offer the, uh, under 12 free, you know, or go to lunch and it's buy one get one free. You need to be able to be creative. So it does require you to plan ahead and look and see, okay, so these are the activities that my kids would like to do. Let me call the local bowling alley and find out if there's a buy one, get one free day. Uh, let me call iHop or someplace and say, okay, when is when the kids eat free under 12. And that's a good place for somebody to take them for lunch. You know, you have to be creative. It's out there. You can also ask for discounts when you call up all these places and say, listen, you know, I'm coming in, I have two, three, four kids or again, maybe you're combining it with somebody else and you're going to bring, you know, six kids and you say, you know, I'm coming in with six kids. Um, you know, what can you do for me? Can you give me a buy one shoe, get one free at the bowling alley? Can, you know, is there a movie day where they're half price tickets at certain times? You have to be creative and um, and look around. There's also so many mommy groups on Facebook. Uh, I belong to a whole bunch of mommy groups from all over the east coast cause I, I'm am in Florida a lot, so I belong to all kinds of different, um, mommy groups. And a lot of them talk about recommendations when the kids are little, you know what to do. And meetup groups. Go online and find some meetup groups where maybe you have a dog in the family. I just saw one that I thought was cool. It was a parenting, um, Facebook page and they were asking about, uh, you know what, I'm not a parent, but, um, does anybody have any recommendations for dog walking trail? And, um, if you have kids with a dog, maybe that's a fun thing for them to do. Let them take the dog on a walking trail. Uh, you know, obviously with a supervised adult who's walking with them for a couple hours, um, make them a lunch and let them go do a picnic, you know, in a local park. Those are just things that you can consider doing a ahead of time. But I would plan it out and if you plan it out, have some flexibility in your, uh, in what the kids want to do. And sometimes you're not always going to get all the kids agreeing. So when they're little, they go along with a lot more than they do when they are 14-15 and they go, I don't want to do that. I don't want to go out. I don't want to see in my room or I want to be on my phone or I don't want to hang out with her. She's bothering me today. I mean, you know, I got that all the time too. And my kids were teenagers. They would call me and say he's bothering me, she's bothering me. And they fight. So try to find some incentive for the kids to get along and do something together, you know, I really appreciate it today if you went along with this activity for the younger kids and I'll do something special with you, just you and me for yourself later on. I mean, you've got to incentivize them as they get a little bit older.

Chase:

Yeah, I would imagine. I mean, cause that, I mean there's going to be a point when they want nothing to do with their younger siblings if it hasn't happened already. And then the pure point of the teenager who just purely doesn't want to do anything you want them to do anyway.

Leslie Tayne:

Nope, totally oppositional.

Chase:

Yeah. It's just, it's part of growing up for some reason and, and I think that us as adults kind of have a very short memory when it comes to the way we acted when we were that age. So it's almost like you've got to try to figure out and remember what it was like to be kids at that age. What would you say?

Leslie Tayne:

Today it's a lot harder because the truth is all those kids are on social media, so they don't want to be caught necessarily with their little kid brother doing or his sister or doing something. Yeah. So we're doing activities that somebody might judge them on. So remember that teenagers are very sensitive when it comes to activities because of that judgment piece of the puzzle. They're very afraid that other people will see them doing something not cool. So you know, you know, you have to take that into consideration that there's a lot of peer pressure even over the summer. And my kids would also see other kids doing things that were fabulous. Like, how come we can't go to the Caribbean or, why? Oh, I see. So and so went to Europe or um, you know, whatever. Wherever they were, I mean, one every, and then they tell me everybody does it and it's really one kid out of a thousand kids went off to an extravagant vacation. And my kids telling me that, you know, I don't know, offer them anything interesting.

Chase:

It really is amazing. They live, we live in such a different world now than when we were kids. And peer pressure was bad when we were kids. Now it's 24/7 and it's in your face all the time.

Leslie Tayne:

They want to be taking pictures that are relevant, you know, for the Instagram and snapchat, they want to take pictures like, like they feel like they look at Kylie Jenner on her pool with all those floats. Those kids want the floats and want to recreate if those flow, by the way, those floats are expensive. So, you know, and, and it's hard because they want that and there's a lot of, it becomes conflict between the parents and the teens. So while the kids are little, you actually have a lot more control and it's a lot easier to be away when the kids are little. The truth is as they grow and they're 13,14, 15, 16, 17, 18 at those ages they need more supervision. I mean, I always say I could have left my 10 and under children home alone and, and they would be perfect my 13 or 14 and older. Oh they needed supervision like there's no tomorrow and 17, 18, 19 need supervision too because they, cause they're just, brains are not fully form. They think they're more independent than they are and they need, you know, somebody checking in on them. What are you doing? So creating activities that they might find interesting. Well my kids who, like I said, we're all in for college or going to the movies later tonight, they went to the supermarket to pick up food for themselves. They're going to make their own food and then they're going to go to the movies tonight. So, you know, I'm excited about that because they have an activity and they're not doing something that, you know, one I disapprove of and two to get them in trouble. So you do want to keep the kids active, interested, uh, and you want to try to keep the conflict down if you can. And um, but that doesn't mean saying yes to everything because you want to keep conflict down. And that's where a lot of people end up in debt. So I have a lot of clients that ended up in debt because they cannot say no to their kids. And because of the peer pressure that they feel from social media and the social media advertising, they, the parents have a very hard time saying no and they end up giving their kids more money than they really can afford to, to try to keep them happy and quiet and conciliatory and they end up in debt and they, the kids don't realize that the parents have tea, tens of thousands of dollars in credit card debt. Just to try to keep up. And I would really strongly urge you to be age appropriate in discussions about money and food. I mean, my kids alone would, um, order in four times a day. And I could just tell you what that would cost when you have kids those ages. But I set boundaries and say, listen, if you guys want to order in, this is we'll order in tonight, but that means for the rest of the week we're not ordering in. So I, you know, and then they'll come back to me a couple of days later and say, there's nothing to eat. I'm like, no, we have food and here's what we have. They just don't feel like eating it. So you have to be aware of that as a parent. And that's where the boundaries come in. And let me tell you, I'm going to tell you this from firsthand experience. It is not easy. Those kids are very, you know, a lot of them are very difficult and they are the combative and they're very verbal, especially given, even though they think this generation's not so verbal when they want to be verbal, they are. So you, you have to be aware of that and say, listen, you know what, my budget is x amount of dollars a week in food for all these, for the kids. And I say to my kids, listen, it's just not going to happen. I spent, I went to the supermarket, this is what I spent. I went to here, this is what I spent. So we're done with the budget for the week. So you guys have to figure out if you want food then you know, work a couple extra hours, get another job, do what you have to do. But you know, I'm, I'm tapped out. And so

Chase:

I gotta commend you for that, that's hard to do. We tell them, I mean, even my 12, my 11 and nine year old, we go to Costco or wherever it is and we say, look, what is it that you would like to eat during the week or for the next couple of weeks? But the thing is, and they are all into it, but then by day three they're thinking, I don't want another ham sandwich. I would like a double double from inn-n-out please.

Leslie Tayne:

Meanwhile you have a head. So funny we don't have inn-n-out here, but yeah, the um, the ham sandwich. So then they'll decide after you have 15 packages a ham, I don't eat it anymore. And they said, I told you I don't need it anymore, but you have 15 packages of it and what are you supposed to do with it? So

Chase:

we get sick of him sandwiches after awhile.

Leslie Tayne:

You're fickle that way. And then so yeah, giving them some control and say, Hey, what is it that you guys want to eat? Here it is. Here's how you make it, you know, is very helpful. But, um,

Chase:

it's not going to be the end all be all.

Leslie Tayne:

No means no. And let me tell you the foot stopping door slamming, voice raising use, you know, you, you're not fair. And you know, how could you do this to us or all those statements are they are what they are. It's part of being a parent. But I'm not going into debt because my kid can't take the word no and listen then and deal with the boundaries. I have to balance my household expenses and they don't really understand that. They don't understand what goes into managing, paying for the car, the insurance and all the other things. But I do. And that's why unfortunately I have to be the bearer of bad news and say no.

Chase:

So in that, that's a great bridge to the next question. And, and at what point does, do you have that conversation with your children and the life's lessons of, look, this is what age do you start telling them this is the way you manage money, this is tangible.

Katie:

And on top of that, how do you make sure that you're not scarring them or putting them in a mind state where they're coming from a scarcity standpoint too.

Leslie Tayne:

So early on you definitely have to have conversations with them. And let me just tell you as a parent, at some point you're going to scar the kids and it's, and, and it doesn't mean that you intentionally did it, but you, you, you can't go around worrying that you know, everything you do is going to have some sort of mental implication on their future by you telling them that. And it's a little extreme, but it's true. You can't really worry that that's always going to be the case. And I think that parents today don't necessarily see that they're so worried about their feelings and sensitivity that they lose sight of the lessons and the management that you're trying to teach the kids. So it's okay that the children have negative feelings at times. It's normal to feel angry, to feel upset, to feel disappointed to hear the word no. Those are all normal things that your children should learn growing up. Because if they don't, then they will become clients of my office who never heard the word no and don't understand when the creditors tell them no more money. So they, you have to teach them these things and without teaching them those things, you're doing them a disservice. You're really going to scar them. So it's not scaring them and saying to them, hey listen, you know, you know Mommy's going to go bankrupt if we, if we keep doing this, I don't believe in that. I believe in saying, listen, we're going to go to the store now and we are going to the store to buy food, but that's all we're purchasing today. So you may see some things that you like, but that's not what, that's not what's on our list. And look, here's our list of all the things that we want today. Is there anything you'd like to add to that list? Okay, then you go to the store and they pick up something that they want and say, should we go over the list again? Is that item on our list? So today we're going to say no to that because it wasn't on our list. But we can think about it again for the future and we can put it on the list next time. So there's so many ways to have a conversation with them that includes them, empowers them, teaches them boundaries, and understands. Now a little kid doesn't necessarily understand what I just said. So a three or four year old may not get that, but you know, an eight, nine, 10 or 11 year old will get that. And a three year old, it's a little bit different. You know, you could say they want something and you could say, well you can hold it while we were in the store, but we can't take that home with us. And so you can hold it. But then you have to say, bye bye. And so when we get up there, when we have to go pay the lady, we're going to say bye bye. So it's same as my kids get older and I say to them, you know, we go into a store and I say, um, you know, this is what we're getting. And my daughter needed clothes for her internship. She's working in a hospital, so she needed certain clothes. So I gave her money and I said, figure out what you can do with that budget. And when she called me from the store and she said, what do you think about these? One pair of pants was like $79. So, I said to her, so if you buy those pants, are you going to be able to buy all the rest of the stuff that you need? She goes, I guess not. All right, I won't get them. So, you know, again, empowering them to make the decision is really the key and age appropriate discussions. I do sometimes hear parents taught to kids and say, you know, because they're frustrated and as a single parent you don't always have a sounding board to go to and you kind of air your frustration. So a lot of times you use the kids, um, because there's no other adult around. So you start talking to the kids a lot and you have to kind of check yourself with that and remember that the kids are not your friends and when you give them too much information they will stress. And they'll worry, they'll worry about money. And me, my kids used to say, you know, they would ask me questions like, oh are we rich and I said we're rich with love. And they would ask me questions. You know, do we have, you know, because this is my business. So they hear the words too. We have debt and I said we, everybody has debt and we have debt and part of debt, the car, the house. But we pay, we pay those things. And so the debt, it's okay to have because we can, we've afforded to pay for those things. So you can have those discussions with the kids and open their eyes to teaching them about the world financially without really scaring them. You definitely don't want to be discussing what your income, I might never have told by children how much money I make. And my father used to say to me, do you have a roof over your head? So I mean that's a different generation that would speak to the generation of today, doesn't talk to their children that way. But I have said to my own children, you know, I go to work and the reason why I go to work so that we can have these things, then we can have a home and we can do the things that we want. But there is a limitation on what not only I can spend but what I'm willing to spend. And um, you don't have to, you know, you don't want them worrying. I, you know, and they will worry, they'll see your stress, they'll see your anxiety. If you lost your job or you have a medical issue or your ex husband's not paying, your ex spouse is not paying you and you didn't get the money and you just want to vent. And then you start saying, I can't believe I didn't kept the money and my boss is this, that impacts the kids. So try to remember that. You can tell the kids, I had a really frustrating day at work today, or I feel really angry or you know, uh, my, you know, I didn't get the money I was expecting. So that's why I'm feeling this way. But it has nothing to do with you and I don't want you to worry.

Chase:

I think that's good common - I think that's very good. It's so difficult to know. And I think Katie touched on it when she said scarcity and then you followed up with like, look, the kids are, they have to be able to deal with disappointment. They have to be able to learn how to deal with, um, being wrong. They've got to deal with to, to learn how to deal with adversity because otherwise when they go into their adult life, they're not going to be able to make decisions for themselves. They're not going to be able to think on their feet. They're not going to be, and they're going to need to be coddled. So at some point they've got to learn how to deal with those things and making decisions about money, making decisions about what they're going to buy or what they, what they need, like $79 pants. Uh, those are good decisions to let them make. And maybe it's the right one and maybe it's the wrong one, but at least they made the decision and hopefully learn from the reality of what that decision Baird

Leslie Tayne:

Totally and not including them. So do I have many times parents will come in here and allow their child to sit in the conference room with me and them and talk about their finances and I will turn to them and say, you know, are you sure that you would like your child to sit in here while we have this conversation? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's totally okay. I said, okay. Because they're listening. They listen, they hear, they know they -- all of it. So when you're having financial issues or you're having problems, I'm not saying that you should hide things from the kids, but there are things that are just not appropriate for the kids to, to hear and understand. And I'm talking to them about how much money you make, what you should do with your money, the bills you have to pay. The landlord wants their money. You can't make the car payment, you know, the, the, there are other parents is a deadbeat cause you, they don't get paid. You don't get their money. It takes its toll emotionally on the kids and it's just not a healthy environment. And I know that it's, I know it's easier said than done because I have been there, uh, in situations where I've been frustrated and uh, under all of those circumstances, and I certainly want to vent. And there's nobody else around to vent too. So you, and just because you're in the other room or standing outside the house on the phone or in the car, it doesn't mean they can't hear you. So I suggest that you either write down, write an email to a friend or write it to yourself, find a way, but you know, come home and try to say, listen, I had a bad day and you know, um, I am worried about money, but it's not for you to worry about that's mommy or daddy's job.

Katie:

Well I want to ask you to just kind of going off of that, when you're empowering your kids to be part of these decisions that you're making too and you're trying to, I guess kind of direct them in a way toward a camp or some sort of activity that's within your budget. Um, I mean how much planning goes into that before you even present the options to your kids? Cause I'm sure you, like you were kind of saying before, you don't necessarily want to have to say no all the time. So how do you, you know, figure out what you can afford on a weekly basis or a monthly basis during the summer. And then even beyond that, if you have multiple kids and maybe, um, I know for me, for example, my younger sister was very interested in going to a basketball camp and both of my parents worked. So a friend of hers would take both of us cause they had to work way before 9:00 AM and then somebody else had to pick us up at noon. But that was not a camp that I was particularly interested in. But because the camp that I was interested in didn't align with that timing or even the cost, I mean my options were completely different. So I'm just wondering how much do you want your kids involved and even choosing what options are available to them and then how much planning do you have to do in advance to make sure that this is a schedule that can work for you as a single parent and the community that you built around you to help you.

Leslie Tayne:

So I think that when you are you, that when the kids are younger and you need to review what's best for you. And then if there are two options that really can go either way, then you can let the kids have their make up their mind, you know, do you want to go to basketball or soccer camp if they're, if they were both workout in certain situations where you don't have a choice and you don't want the kids to have a choice, you just, when they're young enough you can just send them and say, we're going to go to this. I found this camp. Um, it's really great. You just talk it up and you talk about a lot of positive things you can these days, you show it to them online, talk about all the great things are going to do. Take them, show them if you have the time to do that. Um, but as they get older, you're not going be able to shove things down older kids throats at all because you're just going to get tremendous resistance. So you might want to say to them, listen, let's talk about the summer now it's like April or May. Let's talk about the summer. Have you given any thought to what it is that you might like to do and have a discussion and say, listen, my budget is x amount of dollars a week and um, this is what I can afford to do. So if you would like to look into a program or we could look into it together for you to do something, then uh, then let's do it. If you don't have the money to send them anywhere, do anything, then perhaps in the summer it's a good opportunity for the kids to work a little bit, either babysitting or, um, you know, cause they can start babysitting at 14 years old for sure. And maybe that's an opportunity for them to have an activity or earn a little of their own money to do things. And there, um, you know, in a relatively safe environment.

Katie:

That makes sense. And I, this is a little bit off topic, but I definitely wanted to make sure I brought this up and asked you, there's been an increased push in men and women being more vocal about having scheduled conflicts at work with their kids. Like Chase, you may just put on your work calendar that Clay has a baseball game and that's where you're going to be. And there's this increased, I guess, desire for people to be more open about the con, the work personal conflicts that they have in their schedule. As a single parent. Do you, I mean, would that have been helpful for you if you would have had that opportunity to be more vocal about, hey, I need to leave work for this dental appointment or I need to go pick up my daughter at camp. She broke her wrist.

Leslie Tayne:

So I work for myself so I don't have those. I have a lot of flexibility at work because I am the boss, but I have had a staff that are single parents, uh, and I have staff that aren't single parents that have to go pick up their kids. So I am extremely understanding. In fact, many years ago I had a young woman working for me who was pregnant and I said to her, I, you know, I understand a daycare is really expensive. When the kids were really babies you know, you're welcome to put a pack and play in your office and bring the baby in. The only time that, uh, I'd like you to consider finding an alternative place for your child is when the child is starting to crawl or move around where, you know, potentially they could, you know, there's a hazard because it's certainly, obviously an office is not baby proofed. So, you know, different employers and, and I'm, I, my company at the time, it was small enough, I don't have to offer anything, uh, or, or, or, but I felt like I understood, you know, I was, uh, uh, a mom with babies too when I, I worked for other people when my kids were, um, infants. And so I understood the difficulties and the cost involved and this young woman didn't have a lot of money. So I thought it was a good solution that, and I approached her about it. But I would encourage you if you, um, in your work environment to say, hey, you know, um, would it be okay if I, you know, this during the summer I'm going to, I do need some more flexibility. How can I, how can I work it out where I can have some more flexibility, I have to run out and pick my kids up from camp and bring them home or, or this or that, have an open conversation with your supervisor or your boss because, um, again, it in my office and in many offices these days, I find that there is a lot of flexibility when it comes to that. Plenty of my staff leave in the middle of the day or otherwise to tend to child related issues and it's not looked upon negatively so long as it's obviously something that you're really doing, number one. And number two that it's not, you don't take advantage. So, uh, I think that when, as a boss, when you or, or supervisor, you offer your employees a little bit more flexibility, you get a lot more loyalty in return. And, um, listen, I, I like, you already know I was a single parent with kids, so, uh, I would have appreciated to be treated like that. So I like to treat other people like that. But absolutely go to your boss ahead of time and say, listen, summer's coming. You know, my kids are going to be off from school. I'm trying to find some programs for them. I just wanted to know and talk to you about, um, some flexible work options in case I need to run out during the day to pick them up or drop them off. Would you be okay if I took my lunch a half hour early for me to do that? You know, come up with the solution for your supervisor too, you know. And the thing that I liked the least as a boss, it's a surprise. So I don't like, unless it's an emergency, but I don't like, oh by the way, I have to go pick up my kid. Well, if they're in a program, you knew that they had to go, so why don't you just tell me ahead of time. So it's not like, you know, so that at least I'm mentally prepared for it. Just tell me.

Katie:

Yeah, that makes sense

Chase:

I think that's the future too. I really do in this day and age when it's so hard to find people that will stay in one place, uh, that, that will be comfortable enough in a work environment that you could, because honestly, I mean, you as a boss, myself as a boss, we know that it's tiring and stressful to try to find good people and replace them all the time and have an efficient business and you want loyalty and you want somebody that works hard and has convictions. And so if you can give them opportunities, let's face it, to be adults and, and to, to be a part of the team. If you give them that flexibility and with technology today, it's not that much. It's not a reach to say, you know, you could probably work at home for a couple hours in the afternoon if need be. We, everybody is obviously different, but I think you're right about the finding loyalty. Um, and the fact that if you give them that, that rope, that most people are going to find that and be very, very appreciative and work even harder and be more efficient.

Leslie Tayne:

Absolutely 100%. And that is going to be the wave of the future, which is a flex work schedule. In my, my kind of business, in the law business, it's not as easy because obviously everything is done during business hours and you, a lot of times you have to be here to, to do things. So in some industries that's not really a reality or, um, it would be more challenging to make that happen in the future. But, um, you know, do the best that you can. I mean there's, you know, people, we want good employees and we want happy employees and we want productivity. And so if you do a great job, uh, I could tell you that, that the boss would overlook a lot. I certainly would to to a certain extent. Obviously we don't, we're not going to, I'm not overlooking things that become problematic, but, um, you know, I am more flexible and open minded when I have somebody who has shown me loyalty and productivity

Chase:

thousand percent.

Katie:

You know, I don't have kids yet, but I'm definitely going to take all of this information with me and use it. Um, Leslie, I mean thank you so much for your time and for sharing this all this great information and very helpful information with us. Um, before we let you go, do you have any last minute tips or suggestions for a single parent who may be just a little bit, I'm intimidated by the high cost of summer,

Leslie Tayne:

so my, my tip would be you could only do what you can do and you can only do the best you can and if you don't have the finances to make it work for something, my suggestion is that you don't beat yourself up and feel guilty that you look from within to provide the best that you can provide the kids and know that you're doing the best job you can. You, you can't always look as a single parent over the fence or what everybody else is doing. You really have to look from within and be creative and find the resources that work for you and you'll, you'll get through it. You'll get past it, you'll look back on it. Um, it'll be challenging, but it's a don't be discouraged at all. And um, it's hard. I know, I do know how hard it is a, it's a to be a single parent and to raise these kids, uh, give them a sense of security and also try to work and do what you need to do to make sure they're safe and well cared for. So you just know you're doing the best that you can and um, and you'll get through it and try to make the kids a partner in some way.

Katie:

What a perfectly uplifting way. Thank you so much Leslie. We really appreciate it.

Leslie Tayne:

Thank you so much for having me. It was great. Have a great summer.

Chase :

Thanks so much. You too. Which is kind of a little crazy because they're going to their kids, their imaginations are pretty good. And I think that we as parents in this day and age over emphasize what experiences we need to give our kids all the time. And especially in certain areas where you're trying to one up, you know, the last time we did something for something while we did that already we got to do well. That can get a little bit crazy. Yeah. And you've got to just let, a lot of times just let them figure out a lot of things on their own and that if they're not at, you know, super band camp all summer, that's not a big deal. And sometimes the experiences that they're going to remember the most are those intimate VR experiences they had with friends where there's a stay at home home mom or

Felipe:

a pool day or something. Yeah. Yeah.

Katie:

I mean Leslie brought that up. She said that little kids especially love to cook or bake. So that's a really quick, easy, maybe it's not so easy. If you have a toddler,

Chase:

it wouldn't be easy for me,

Katie:

but I mean it just playing around in the kitchen. Yeah. Yeah.

Felipe:

Barrington loves cooking and whatnot. I, I don't mind cooking with them and I like cooking. I can't stand baking. And this weekend was, he said, can we bake cookies? Yeah, he's guys, can we bake cookies on a Sarah? That's all you. I don't bake. Um, I will cook any day, but I, I don't bake. But to him that was so much fun. It was his science experiment that he can eat, um, is what he called it, you know?

Katie:

But you were telling me last year, I mean, Barrington loves French fries.

Felipe:

That's true.

Katie:

You guys planted a potato seed.

Felipe:

We did. We had my parents have a, had a little extra corner and turn it into his little garden and we put in, it's, it's still is. It's a reoccurring thing now. It's Barrington's garden. It's a little two by two by three foot of whatever you put it hurt and then whatever he wants to garden in there. And he did potatoes so he can't get to see the fact we put the potato in the ground. He watered it every time he went over there mostly just sprayed water everywhere and then at some point the potatoes are ready. He was able to pull them out of the ground. We took them home, dropped him in the airfryer and he had French fries that he planted so he got to see the entire process process.

Chase:

That's really cool. That's pretty interesting. I have no interest in doing that at all.

Katie:

[Crosstalk] You, you already owned an air fryer. Yeah. And you planted the eyes from a potato, right? Eating potatoes.

Felipe:

Just planting potatoes I didn't eat fast enough, right? Yeah.

Chase:

Is that how potatoes are made?

Felipe:

Yeah. You literally just from other potatoes, chop it in half, dropped the half potato and [crosstalk]

Katie:

You can grow your own pineapple if you plant the uh, yeah, the crown.

Chase:

That's why have potato sit in the refrigerator too long. Sometimes they grow their own.

Felipe:

Yeah. Technically the potato is, is just going to bring those things. So yeah, it was just some potatoes. We didn't finish fast enough and I want you to drop those in your garden. And it turned into little potato. It's a Bush. I don't think it's vine. Maybe. And then when it was ready kind of sort of, cause I don't know anything about potato. Amazing. And then it was this fun little activity that [crosstalk]

Chase:

That's a great experience. Yeah. I think that that's, those are the kinds of things that we don't think about. And you've written blogs about this Felipe about going and things to do free, free to the area that we live in.

Felipe:

I was telling Katie last weekend, two weekends ago, it was hot out in Santee, um, and we want to do some activity. We do a lot of presentations that you see as de. Um, and I heard they had a cat in the hat statue by the library. So I picked up Barrington and we went up to UC SD. It's free parking on the weekend. And he, we walked around the campus. I knew where it was, but I made him look for it. And eventually we found our way to the statute. He spent two, three hours. It was way less, uh, like 20 degrees cooler than at home where I did it during the hot part of the, the, the weekend. And he got to walk around. It's summer. So the campus isn't that crowded and he had an adventure. He looked for the little art things. Eventually he found the statute, got a picture of him with Dr Suess and the Cat And the Hat, and it was free. It may cost me some gas and that's pretty much it in some water bottles

Katie:

and a little bit of planning ahead.

Felipe:

A little bit of planning ahead. But

Chase:

that's ingenious [crosstalk]. I have to admit, I don't think I would ever think of that.

Felipe:

I wish I would have taken him to, I wish I would tell them to the Lorax tree. Cause the following week, now we don't have the Lorax tree that fell.

Chase:

It did?

Felipe:

Yeah, it was last Thursday?

Chase:

The Doctor Seuss tree fell?

Katie:

Yeah, the one in La Jolla.

Chase:

That's so sad. I had no idea. It's really bad that I didn't know that

Katie:

the cause for the fall is under investigation.

Chase:

Oh boy. It wasn't necessarily natural occurrences?

Katie:

Not necessarily. There was no wind.

Chase:

Oh boy.

Katie:

And the roots looked pretty strong.

Chase:

So somebody might have slammed into it on accident?

Felipe:

Maybe. It's kind of way off the road. [Crosstalk] It's not like it was on the edge of the road. But yeah, I was like, I was just upset.

Chase:

I mean spirited. Nobody liked Dr Seuss kind of thing?

Katie:

What's the villain in Yertle The turtle?

Chase:

All right, I'll admit, I don't even know what that is.

Katie:

There's Dr Seuss wrote Yertle the turtle and it's actually a story about Hitler. And I forgot it was like a way to kind of describe Nazis and that kind of value system to small children. I forgot the name of the villain, but

Chase:

I'm going to have to look that up.

Felipe:

I know there's a Google thing for you.

Chase:

We're going to have to discuss and Dr Seuss [crosstalk]

Felipe:

Yeah. But there's so many things you can do that you know, and, and I think she was mentioning, you know, sports and that's a difficult one. Um, you know, as far as how you tell your kid, oh, all of them.

Katie:

But there's always rec leagues too, even if your kid can't be on the club team because the cost of the tournament is so high. But I mean the library has a bunch of

Felipe:

library has free stuff you can go. Um, and the air conditioning is free. There's a lot of, and that's one of the things I always tell people is you can have these experiences with your kids and obviously there's Disneyland, which we did a podcast on and that's not going to be free. Um, what you guys found out how to do that for free. [crosstalk] But there are lots of free things, especially here in San Diego. Um, or you can go out and do something that's fun, especially with younger kids as they get older. He might be like, really? You brought me to see a doctor Seuss statue, but he's five right now. To him, that was awesome. Um,

Chase:

Yeah I wouldn't get away with doing that with my 11 year old.

Felipe:

No, not anymore. But you know, there's a lot of different things that you can do where you might be able to bring them to like at SDSU baseball game for sure. And it wouldn't cost you very much and it's just a matter of like, oh, maybe I'll plan ahead. Like you have like general admission for under 10 bucks. Yeah. And he'd probably have a blast. Um, so there, there are a lot of things that you can do around town where you might have to do a little digging, but we're lucky here in San Diego we have a lot of things, but there's things all over the place where

Katie:

Well yeah I mean nationwide too I think every summer the YMCA will have a free day. You can go swimming or just check out the workout facility. I mean, I don't know how much weightlifting you'd want to do with the younger kid, but if you, if you had a kid who was interested in physical fitness, I mean it might be fun to take a class or do something like that.

Chase:

You can also look, there's lots of different options at, at local colleges, high schools that put on those camps. But the thing about those is there typically a week or two long and they're a portion of your day. So you've got, you've got to be able to look at other friends in the neighborhood that have kids around the same age that you can share those responsibilities with

Felipe:

That's where the old adage, it takes a village. It really does. It really does. Yeah. I think it's something where, you know, you get help from friends, family, neighbors, friends, you may end up making through something like sports and um, I was like, well I can't bring him on Monday. You bring them on Monday, I'll bring them on Wednesday. Yeah. And then they just kind of figure it out as you, as you go.

Chase:

Yup. It's all planning. Yeah. Planning ahead. Looking ahead. You just got to remember that you don't have to make everything these world experiences cause you, you can really spend a lot of money and these different options for your kids during the summer. Um, but like Sam locally here, that's really pretty inexpensive. These camps that you can junior lifeguards, you know, we, we happen to have the ocean here, so, but that's a big deal cause there's, I mean, that's a real life job, right? He here in San Diego, it's not the, you know, the, what is it a Ms. Oh, what was the, that's going to drive me crazy now. The, the lifeguard in the Sandlot, right. She was the summer, she was the girl that, uh, fits and oh well it's going to drive you crazy. Oh Man. Peppercorn yes. Peppercorn Susie peppercorn or something like that. She ended up marrying the kid who pulled the joke on her. But yeah, beyond that, that's what we think of as lifeguards. But these kids get to go do experiences that could potentially be something they want to do for a living. Yeah. Um, there's a lot of that out here that are relatively inexpensive. It's just a matter of you figuring it, finding out what those are, and if you can get your kids to them and to, and from, um, that's not always the easiest thing. Yeah.

Katie:

No, but I mean a lot of those programs too, will sometimes offer before and after care. Yeah. You just have to ask sometimes.

Chase:

Oh, that's a fact. That's a fact. What do we got next, Katie?

Katie:

Next week we are joined by Dan Hines, who's going to help us figure out, for those of us who are engaged, or newlyweds. How do we have those financial chats with our partner?

Chase:

Oh, that's going to be an fun. That'll be a good one. We can get deep and thoughtful with that one.