In this episode I start with Alan Watts, “The Book on the Taboo against Knowing Who You Are,” and go from there exploring how we can see and know who we truly are.
In this episode I start with Alan Watts, “The Book on the Taboo against Knowing Who You Are,” and go from there exploring how we can see and know who we truly are.
Knowing Who You Are
Back in the 1960’s I read a book by Alan Watts entitled “The Book on the Taboo against Knowing Who You Are.” Sometimes it is known as simply “The Book.” Alan Watts is a wonderful author to read if you are a Christian who has seen nondual reality. He was a seminary trained Episcopal priest who connects Christianity to nonduality. Anyway, in that book he talks about knowing who you are and how everything in society conspires against knowing who you are.
At the time it resonated with me, but then as Robert Frost says, “way leads on to way.” I wandered into more conservative and traditional forms of Christianity only to later return to the reality of which he speaks and recognize it as home. As T. S. Eliot wrote, “We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.”
We all know who we are – our spiritual identity. We just don’t always recognize that we know. That is what the word “recognize” literally means – to re-know. Plato said something to the effect that all knowing is really remembering what we knew before we were born. The word remember means to come back together – the opposite of dismember. Most people live dismembered lives. They have forgotten who they are.
The reason for this is that human society conspires to encourage us to forget who and what we are. But the good news – which is he meaning of the word gospel – is that this ancient and foundational knowledge of who we are is always immediately accessible. In fact all of us always know at some level exactly what we are. We just momentarily have allowed it to slip from our memory.
It is like losing your wallet or your car keys. After some searching we stop and think when the last time was we had it. Then all of a sudden we remember where it is. It is the same way with our identity. We forget who we are. Then we take the time to think back to when in our life we knew who we were – like in early childhood or in spiritual experiences. We remember where we left ourselves and we find ourselves.
When I was in college it was not unusual for people in their late teens or early twenties to take some time off from school or work to travel in order to find themselves. I did it. It is a strange concept. That people have to go in search of themselves. It is kind of like a dog chasing its tail. But the reason for this is because human society has distorted our thinking so that we no longer recognize who we are.
Society gives us an identity. In fact it gives us lots of identities. It gives us a name and roles and social status and connections, and it tells us that these are what we are. And we believe it, and that is the problem. We have believed what people and society has said of us.
Think of the labels that we are given. Consumers. How terrible is that?! Citizens. Aliens. Immigrants. Americans. Whites. Blacks. Asians. Hispanic. Liberals. Conservatives. Student. Spouse. Parent. Child. Christian. Buddhist. Atheist. Nondualist. Human. Mortal. We find identity in careers or jobs. We see ourselves as preachers or dentists or plumbers or bankers or carpenters or retired. Boomers, Millennials, Gen X. young, old, healthy, sick, happy, sad, spiritual, worldly. Fat, thin, intelligent or not.
The list is endless. Label after label after label is applied to us, and we accept them. With each label comes expectations and responsibilities and neuroses. We become lost in a labyrinth of labels. We wear them all and end up like the madman in the gospel who referred to himself as Legion. No wonder mental illness is so rampant. Depression and anxiety. After a while people want all those identities to just stop and they only know one way of doing that. No wonder suicide is so prevalent.
That is because they have believed what society has said about them. They have forgotten who they really are. But at some level we all always know exactly who and what we are. It is right beneath the surface. It is so close that we cannot see it clearly. Our thoughts are so busy that we cannot think clearly. But who we really are is here hiding in plain sight. It is an Open Secret as Tony Parsons calls it. What I am talking about is our true nature. I am talking about who we are before any labels. Before we learned to label things in our world and before we learned to label ourselves.
Who we truly are is before and without labels. It is Nameless, which is why God would not give Moses his name. Which is why God would not give Jacob his name. That is why it is so hard for people to recognize it. We think we need labels. My wife and I see an unfamiliar bird at our birdfeeders in our backyard and our first response is to identity it, find its name. What is it? Let’s look in the bird guide. When we find the accepted label, we think we know it. The truth is that is when we cease to know it. That is when we cease to see it for what it is, and we see it through the filter of the label.
It is the same with our true identity. There is no label for it. That has not stopped people giving it labels. There are religious or spiritual labels for our true nature. Soul. Spirit. Atman. But all those labels do is add a layer and make it even harder to see.
You know who you are without labels. Look right now. Imagine turning your attention around backwards to look at yourself and see who you are. Look directly at yourself. I can describe what I see when I look but it is best if you see for yourself. Any description I give will be misleading. You will begin looking for what I describe, and that is not what it is. The awareness by which you see is what you are. It is not what you see but what sees. What sees is what is.
This has no name. This has no roles. It is. It has no age. It has no sex or gender. It has no relationships. That is a big one, right there. Relationships always involve more than one, and this is one. This is you before relationships. It includes all relationships, but it is not in relationship. I am already getting too wordy here. Don’t think about the words or ideas. Just see. Be aware.
This shining glory. This light. This peace. This joy. This consciousness. This Beingness. This Shekinah that the Israelites saw as Divine Presence. This Deepness. This Eternalness. Here I am once again applying labels. Do not accept any of these labels that I am giving. Look at what the labels suggest. This is intuition rather than thinking. When you touch this intuitiveness, there flows up what Jesus called living water.
It is the Source of life. It is what gave birth to the Big Bang that brought the universe into existence. And it is doing this all the time! It is bringing the universe into existence every instant. It is completely indescribable, but it is undeniably who and what you are. It is what we live out of whether we know it or not. It is a constant river of life that flows deep within. Lao Tzu called it the Tao. The apostle John called it the Logos, the Word. Jesus called it the Father or the Kingdom of God. Buddha called it Nirvana. The Upanishads call it Brahman.
Those words are tricky because they come with them centuries of religious baggage, which distorts its true nature. I only mention them to show that what I am referring to is ancient and universal in all religious traditions. It is timeless. What is necessary is to see this Mystery and Wonder for yourself. This is completely obvious when it is seen, and you wonder how you could have ever not seen it.
Yet before it is seen it appears to be illusive or even nonexistent. That is because ironically it does not exist, which is why It is sometimes called Void or Emptiness, but it gives existence to everything. This Source is your identity. This is who are, what you are. Nothing I or anyone else can say can bring this any closer or make this any clearer than it already is. It is shining like the brightest star. It is just a matter of having eyes to see.
The wonderful thing is you already know all of this. Who you really are knows this is true. I am not telling you anything new. You already know this at some level of awareness. It is simply a matter of bringing this subtle deep awareness into everyday consciousness. No one can do that but you. And even you can’t do it. It simply happens and we are grateful for the gift. No teacher or preacher can teach you what you already know. Simply rest in that deep sense of identity that is present before thoughts arise. That is who are what you are.