Gruler Nation Podcast

Episode #7: Maureen Scanlon! My Dog is More Enlightened than I Am!

June 07, 2019 Robert F. Gruler Jr., Esq. Episode 7
Gruler Nation Podcast
Episode #7: Maureen Scanlon! My Dog is More Enlightened than I Am!
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Gruler Nation Podcast
Episode #7: Maureen Scanlon! My Dog is More Enlightened than I Am!
Jun 07, 2019 Episode 7
Robert F. Gruler Jr., Esq.

Maureen Scanlon is the founder and CEO of Maureen Scanlon Life Coaching. She is the author of the book titled, "My Dog is More Enlightened Than I Am", a motivational speaker, relationship expert and spiritual coach who has successfully helped many people, from experienced professionals to young adults make positive changes to overcome past experiences and negative thinking. Recently appeared on 3TV, Your Life Az and ABC15 Sonoran living and featured in Voyage Magazine in Phoenix's Most Inspiring Stories.

We had an amazing conversation in Episode #7 on the Gruler Nation. Find Maureen online at www.lifecoachmaureen.com/, on Facebook @LifeCoachMaureenS, on YouTube @Lifecoach Maureen Scanlon and order her book "My Dog is More Englightened Than I Am" anywhere books are sold!

Subscribe to the audio version of the Gruler Nation Podcast on your favorite platform by visiting www.grulernation.com.

#lifecoach #lifecoaching #motivation #personaldevelopment #spiritualcoach #coaching #author #book #podcasting #relationships #spiritualguide #toxicity #arizona #phoenix #speaking #selfhelp #guru #wizard #podcast #podcasting #grulernation

Support the show (https://www.ericshouse.org/donate/)

Show Notes Transcript

Maureen Scanlon is the founder and CEO of Maureen Scanlon Life Coaching. She is the author of the book titled, "My Dog is More Enlightened Than I Am", a motivational speaker, relationship expert and spiritual coach who has successfully helped many people, from experienced professionals to young adults make positive changes to overcome past experiences and negative thinking. Recently appeared on 3TV, Your Life Az and ABC15 Sonoran living and featured in Voyage Magazine in Phoenix's Most Inspiring Stories.

We had an amazing conversation in Episode #7 on the Gruler Nation. Find Maureen online at www.lifecoachmaureen.com/, on Facebook @LifeCoachMaureenS, on YouTube @Lifecoach Maureen Scanlon and order her book "My Dog is More Englightened Than I Am" anywhere books are sold!

Subscribe to the audio version of the Gruler Nation Podcast on your favorite platform by visiting www.grulernation.com.

#lifecoach #lifecoaching #motivation #personaldevelopment #spiritualcoach #coaching #author #book #podcasting #relationships #spiritualguide #toxicity #arizona #phoenix #speaking #selfhelp #guru #wizard #podcast #podcasting #grulernation

Support the show (https://www.ericshouse.org/donate/)

Speaker 1:

Today, episode number seven. I'm joined today by Maureen Scanlan. Is that how you say your last name? Yes. You got it. Writing Scanlon. Perfect. Thank you for joining me. I'm really excited to have you on the program so I haven't met you prior to this and I haven't had the opportunity because we've got you scheduled so quickly to come on the program. But here's what I know about you. So you're an author and you're a CEO and your life coach and I'm very interested in all of those things. I'm somebody who loves to meet other sort of likeminded people, people who want to make the most of themselves, people who are constantly sort of doing the tweaking of life and analyzing here, how can I be a better person, somebody who's more effective, somebody who is meeting my potential, reaching my goals and those types of things. And that really stuck out to me about what you're doing with your life. So I really want to thank you for coming on the show.

Speaker 2:

Well thanks for having me. This is super exciting and I'm so happy for you with your new podcast. And I think it's great idea and I think everyone's going to join me in and really be engaged with this cause I love that you embrace all ideas and, and that's really what it is. We all have that common thread of what our success stories, what are our failures, what can we learn from one another? And so that's the key for me as far as the getting to know one another, networking and right. And relationships are everything. Yeah. So that's the foundation of my whole coaching, the book, everything.

Speaker 1:

So how did you, how did you get into this position? So life coaching, you know, not to be condescending to you at all anymore. Right? But be careful. I know I only gotta Watch, I gotta Watch it.

Speaker 2:

Be careful with all your degrees behind.

Speaker 1:

No, no, no. Well that's kind of where I'm going with it. So I know, you know, it, it is something where I, it's kind of a fad and a lot of ways everybody wants to be a life coach and everybody says that they've got all this great advice and they want to be a guru in this or a guru in that. And there's, when people want to connect with somebody, they want to know that a person has a story to tell or has a background or has something new to offer. And so my understanding is, and like I said, I don't know a whole lot about you but, but this kind of wasn't your first, your first kid. Can you kind of walk me through how you got to this stage in your life?

Speaker 2:

Absolutely. Um, as you said, it is kind of a trendy fad kind of thing. And the theories were always about, um, counseling and therapy and psychology and I really believe people are getting away from that and trying to find these other methods. So I started out in nursing. Okay. Um, I was, uh, a young girl. I was married and I lived in Germany with my ex husband at the time. He was military. And so, uh, went through a few years of that, took some psychology classes while my children were really loved talking to people. So I knew right from the get go from the Ma, from when I was a young girl, I knew that I just always wanted to help people. I hurt when people hurt. And so I kind of knew that to start out as a young girl, but then as I grew older, people would come to me left and right. And what my advice. And then when I had children, uh, they would bring their friends over. They're teenagers, you know, the teenage years were horrible. They would say, go talk to my mom, you know, and I would help them through their problems from addiction to sex to parent, you know, child relations. And so I've been doing it forever, you know, really. And the funny thing, how the universe works and how your purpose sometimes comes to be is just by accident. And so I found a, actually the man of my dreams found me, um, my twin flame and we got married and we went on our honeymoon and we went to Belize and we were in Belize and we were having an amazing, amazing time and people were just gravitating toward me. We would sit down to have a drink, you know, and people would, you know, there'd be five couples. All of a sudden they'd all join us and start talking to me. And my husband just was like, you just draw people in. What is this? And I said, because I'm interested in them and I make them feel important. And I said, I love their stories, I want to know everything about them. And so from that I created a blog and it was called since you asked Mo. And so I created that just doing reviews on restaurants or customer service in stores. That's really stood out. I'm just trying to help people boosting just like, yes, for reviews on Amazon. If you ask for reviews on your websites, it's Kinda the same thing. I was doing that for everyone. And then, I don't know, out of just out of the blue, I decided this is something I want to go further with and I didn't know anything about life coaching. And then someone had mentioned it to me, a girlfriend had said, I see life coaching. And I said, well what is that? I looked it up and I said, that's me. And so I went through, got my certifications. Okay. So there is a certification, there is a certification. Yes. And then I also took, in addition to that, some neurolinguistic programming, they call it an LP and then also some CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy and specializing anxiety. So I just, what I did was I combined experience with education, but you don't have to sit in a classroom for four years and then study out of a textbook. And the most effective thing I have found is that my life experience is more than anything anyone could learn in a classroom. And I had had this wide variety from domestic abuse to being a single parent to one with bipolar and addiction issues. Another with Adhd and you know, um, my family law, you know, my childhood. So anybody I know wants to sit down with someone with a therapist or counselor or anybody who knows how it feels to go through what they're going through. I've had, um, I had a friend of mine who said my wife and I, my ex wife and not x, y, which tells you how effective it was. Sure. My ex wife and I went to a marriage counselor and she was 26 years old and never been married. He said, as soon as I heard that I got up and walked out, how can you effectively help people? Right. If they don't know, if you can't empathize, I mean, I know it's great to understand and have the background of, well, this is step one, step two, step three. But you know what, I use the education portion about this much and I used my life portion about this much. So it makes a big difference to have that background of experience.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. It's like a, I have a doctor that I see who's probably 150 pounds overweight and he's always telling you to be in shape. Yeah. You should probably do a little more cardio and stop working on your bicep so much. And I'm like, doc, wait a minute. As he's eating a cheeseburger and light up a cigar. Yeah. Hey, come on. You know, I think, I think there's a lot of truth to that and it does sound like you have had a lot of those life experiences. Uh, is it, is it, is it something that you are putting into your brand? Something about, you had mentioned some pretty traumatic stuff, domestic violence. You've had a son with some addiction issues. I had a brother with some bad addiction issues and lost him to suicide after a long bout with heroin, the whole thing. So I mean it is something that can be very tricky to talk about and connect with people about. Are you, are you able to kind of, I guess, make those connections with people and oh my goodness,

Speaker 2:

100%. It's really what I'm really finding that so exciting is every time I sit down with a client, whatever they're going through, I have it. Like I have that past experience and I'll say, you know, and I never make it about me, but me being able to bring that experience to them and say, you know what, I experienced that with my daughter and here's how we got through it and here's what happened. I, you know, I had a mother that was a lot like yours or, uh, you know, I was in a relationship, a few relationships that were really not good. And it's always about, I don't like rehashing, um, bad stuff and I will never sit there and say a big sob story. I use them as tools, uh, to help move forward. So we'll touch on, you know, what they're going through, what their past is and we can have like these breakthroughs. Yeah. Because they don't realize how much their programming from their history brings forward. You know, I have a client and it was coolest thing. We had this breakthrough. I have a client and she's just this go getter and very successful and um, she wants to start her own business and one of the things she fails to do is find time for herself. Sure. And I always say, you have to take the self care time you, she has this apartment and she never bothered to decorate it. I said, let's go shopping and let's decorate your apartment. Let's make it a fun place. Let's get some water and plants and let's make it comfy. So you want to sit there? And she said, I don't feel like I'm accomplishing anything if I'm just sitting there. She said, I feel like I am wasting time and I feel like I need to be doing something all the time. And I said, okay, well let's touch on that. Tell me about your upbringing, where your parents are very busy people. Um, you know, were you asked to do things a lot? All the time? One of the things she said was my parents had a terrible marriage and my dad was always tinkering around the house. And so she disliked her father's characteristics. And the one thing she did like about her father is that he was constantly busy and doing things. And so she instilled that into her programming by observing, by listening and saying, I don't like some of the things he represents that they way he treated my mother the way he traded us kids. However, the one thing that stuck in my brain is programming is I got to keep going and moving and doing things because it's a one thing that she respected about him. So that's how that CBT, those past experiences all come into play. And when sometimes we don't realize it. And so that's what I like to do is just kind of peel those layers away and say, why do you think you do what you do? And then we can get these breakthroughs of

Speaker 1:

that's it. That's why, yeah, that process and what you do with people like that. I mean that's, that's an emotional burden in a lot of ways. I mean, so some people don't have the capacity or the the battery. I like to describe it as a battery pack. You know, there are certain things in my life that drain my batteries faster than others and then there are certain things or recharge those batteries. Sometimes, you know, being in a big room full of a lot of people having a lot of interaction, a lot of activity will drain my batteries. Other times it won't. But I can certainly imagine that in your line of work, when you're dealing with somebody who's going through a difficult problem and now you're trying to dive in and unpack what's going on with their programming, like you called it, how do you, how do you maintain that energy? How do you take on and absorbs so much of other people's problems? It was really what they are and help them through that. It

Speaker 2:

really is, it's, it's been a process and I, I am a person who gets really emotionally invested in people that I know, friends, family, clients. I get very emotionally invested. But what I've learned is it didn't serve me in the past. And in doing that, it did more harm than it did good. So what I've learned is this balance, this balance of I can listen and I can help them and I check in with them, but I don't have to take it on and I don't have to think about it all the time and is a programming of enabling. So a lot of us, and it sounds like with you as well, having sort of the same issues that I had. My daughter was the addict and I enabled her for ever literally until last year and took on all of her problems, all of her life's choices, everything that she had done. And the minute I thought she was going to feel pain, I was like right in there. Like, you know, no, we can't have you feel pain. I've got to protect you. And I was so wrong. And so I try not to fix people's problems, but I give them tools to fix it themselves. The curious thing is there are people that come to me and I always say, when I started this, my father who was very skeptical, he said, well, what if people don't want to help when they come to you? And I said, they're not going to come to me dad. They're not court ordered to come and see me. I said, this is not therapy that you know there there have to see me. I said, they won't come. He said, well what if you can help them? And I said, they're probably not going to come to me. They come to me when they're ready. And the readiness, Robert, is that some people it will take a weekly session for a year, another person, five sessions. They are on track. They know what to do. They know how to do goals, affirmations, everything that they need to continue on their journey. But some people it takes a little while. I have a client, he started with me, he liked to listen to what I said, but he wasn't able to integrate it. So my first steps are always recognition. Let's recognize what we're doing. My second steps are integrated. And so the first steps are a little easier. That second step of integration can take, you know, three months, six months, a year, however long. And this gentleman wasn't ready for integration. And so we're not, I'm actually not coaching him any longer, but he knows he needs to integrated. He's just not ready to integrate it.

Speaker 3:

Yeah. And I think there's, there's a lot of truth to that. So in many situations, I mean, at least speaking anecdotally, I guess I shouldn't project onto other people, but I know where my problems are, what my problems are and I most of the time know how to solve them, but I just haven't really flushed it out or I need somebody to kind of confirm that for me. And when I have a coach, I can bounce it off and I, you know, they tell me x, y, and Z. And it's for, in my experience, it's been less about, Aha, you know, a light bulb goes off. It's more like, okay, I get the motivation to do it. Right. And thank you for helping me flush out and think through some of these different, different outcomes and things.

Speaker 2:

And I love that you just said that because we all know what we need to do. We all know what we need to do. That's exactly right. And it's just that step of integration of how do I get that motivation to do it. And the crazy thing is, and I hate using the word crazy. I know, but the interesting part of it is, is sometimes we can, but we need to hear it. We need to hear it. And that's how programming worked in the first place was we saw, we tasted, we here, you know, we hear, we smell, or we see something that in that imprinted on us. And so when we're wanting to fix things, a lot of times all we need is just that person to be on that outside and say, well, here's what I see. And then people get those Aha moments and go, oh, well I hadn't thought about that. Reframing is a key thing that I love to do. Reframing what they think and what they can think or what they do and what they can do. And it is the simplest thing. All of it is so simple, right? And I'm not saying that people are simple, but the solutions are simple. It's just about the readiness and the willingness to do it because your growth is as fast or as slow as you want it to be.

Speaker 1:

So it's, it's perfect that you're on. Now, on episode five, we talked to palm and uh, Tom and he told the story of the rowboat in the bowling ball and the bowling ball where people are hanging on to it. And that's perfectly analogous to what you just said about you've got this programming that you just don't want to let go of. You know, you probably should drop that bowling ball, let that thing sit down so you can move on with your life. But you're not willing to do that. Do you have a, I mean, do you have a process that you go through in order to kind of, I know CBT, CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy. How are you working with people to kind of practically, what modalities are you using? How are you kind of as, is it talk therapy? Is it,

Speaker 2:

it is so varied. As varied as the people are on the planet. So is the coaching process, you know, and it was really interesting. I'm glad you say that because psychology is kind of geared one way and you know, do you go through the textbooks and here's the steps you take. Coaching is nothing like that. And that's why it is a little a fear of people or fail fearful of it because they don't know that it is effective until they hear someone else. Sure. So like Dr fell getting a life coach, that should tell you something right there. Right, right, right. Everybody has got the highest performers in the world have coaches, right. Whether it's health business, right.

Speaker 1:

Sports. Yeah. You take a look at the best athlete. He's got a coach who's probably 30 years older than him who can't throw a football, but he can coach you on how to be more successful athlete as a quarterback.

Speaker 2:

Right, right. That's exactly it. So, and because of that, and that's what I love be. It, it has given me so much confidence in the fact that it doesn't matter who's sitting in front of me. I can help them. I just, I, it has been proven time and time again. And so for me, um, and I don't know how much belief people have in this, but, um, I have sort of a, a gift, I shouldn't say sort of, I'm kind of demeaning myself, but I have, again, I have a gift and it's called clairsentient. And what that is, is I actually feel what other people are feeling. So in, you know how some psychics, they, um, hear voices or they see visions. I literally, when someone is in front of me and I'm coaching, I literally feel what they feel and I'll say things to them and they'll say, how did you know that, you know, how did you, how did you figure that out? Or how did you know? I have a client, oh, she's adorable. And she has a niece who has, so her sister's kind of, uh, difficult, um, sister and very negative and a very victim mentality. And so she has a niece that comes over and kind of hangs out with her. And I said to her, and I never heard any story about this piece before. And I said to her, she needs you when she's with you. She feels whole. She feels connected. And she goes, that's so crazy you said that because she said to me, when I'm with you, I feel at peace and I feel so calm to the aunt. And I said, there's something in her mother that is not healing and she's putting it on this, um, niece of yours. And I said, you've got to get her out of that situation. And I said, someone is saying, take care of her. Don't, don't let anything happen to her like it did to me. And she goes, oh my gosh, her brother committed suicide. So it's that kind of thing. And I get kids once, when I talk about these things, I get those feelings of there. So something so much deeper than what we see on the surface. And I think that's the beauty of meeting people is I don't see people, I see souls, you know, cause we all have pain and we all have something that made us the way that we are. And if we can touch on it, we can fix it.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, that's, that's amazing. So I had not heard that word. It was clear. Clear sentience. Sentience. Yeah. I had not heard that word. I'll be honest. That sounds exhausting. I have enough feelings to deal with on my own. I don't need the rest of the world.

Speaker 2:

Good. And this is, this is no joke. My husband is a, an engineer, so you can imagine the balance in our house. So he has no time for emotion. He has no time.

Speaker 3:

Hi, very spreadsheet or something. You know, he is a math genius. He can

Speaker 2:

tell me how everything works and he's in awe of the my ability. He said, you know, and I'm like, you're so smart. You're so intelligent. And he said, no, no, no, no, no, you're an emotional genius. And I said, but it's really easy. And he goes, no, it isn't. You think it's easy? And I said, it is, all I need to do is get in front of someone. And there's a common thread there. You can find a common thread with every person that you run into. You have a chance every day to meet five new people. So I do a thing about relationships, which is the key in the bottom foundation of everything I teach. So there's nurturing relationships, fostering relationships, and managing relationships. When I say managing relationships, it's being able to detach from those that don't serve you well. So that's where you say that's exhausting. You have to learn how to set out with intention to not feel the negativity. My brother is a corporate guy, very snarky, very, you know, just a word more definitely not on the same vibe, what's whatsoever. And so every year he makes a snarky comment, um, at the holidays. And I love him to death. I love all my family because I know that I asked for them and I asked for them so I can learn and have these experiences. But every year I have to prepare myself that, you know, this is what he's gonna do. And we ended up kind of getting into a little, you know, just like were you know, five and say, yeah, yeah, it's just like we're, we just whoop, you know, go right back in time to be in little kids and you know, fighting. And so this year at Christmas, I said my intention before I went and I said, I am not going to acknowledge it. I'm not going to hear it. I'm going to basically set up a, you know, a beam me up, Scotty, I'm serious. And so I went to Christmas and I came home and my mother had called me the next day and said, oh, Christmas was really graded, you know, how did you guys have fun? She said, does your brother say anything? And I said, you know, mom, I don't know. I said, cause I didn't hear it. I said, I'm certain that he did. And there were a few times there were grumblings, but I didn't stop to say, what was that? You said, what? What, what? You don't go ahead and say it to my face. I didn't even even engage in that. And we can do that with everyone in our lives. We can choose to react or disengage and it is so key. And so that's the managing of relationships.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, that's, that's an interesting concept in theory for most people theory in theory, right? You do want to do kind of divest yourself of any of the toxic people. You want to get rid of them and have your core group people who energize you. And in practice, I think that's a lot harder for many people, myself included. There are people in relationships in my life that I've just let linger on because of the pain that would be involved in terminating it or because there's still some, you know, kind of mutual benefit. And so

Speaker 2:

why tell me, cause you're more worried about their feelings than you are your own and your own wellbeing. And so whenever we engage with someone who is toxic, it's bringing something out in us that we lack, that we recognize in ourselves, and insecurity, a anger issue, whatever it is. Anything that someone is riling up and you triggering in you is something in you that's not healed. And yes, it is hard, but you have to want your wellbeing more than you fear what the reaction. And the result is of cutting that relationship off.

Speaker 1:

So there's a, walk me through that one more time. So you've got, you've got your almost kind of craving the toxicity and the toxic relationship because you've got some sort of problem, you know, with your own self worth or your own securities or any of those issues.

Speaker 2:

It's a comfort zone. There was a psychiatry or a psychologist, um, I saw a Tedx talk and I'm sorry I can't pull his name forward. And he said, well, we, and his Ted talk is why you will marry the wrong person. And I love this. He said, we attract the suffering that we know. So whatever you have dealt with your entire life, all of your experiences, that's your comfort zone. And when you get uncomfortable, and that's what my coaching clients will say. They'll say, you make me so uncomfortable. I'm like, good, you're changing. So when you make those uncomfortable choices and decisions to say to these people and you don't have to be harsh or mean about it, you just say, you know what, this doesn't feel good to me and I really value my peace and my wellbeing and unless we can come to a meeting of the minds and things work well for us and we can understand one another better, it's probably not a good idea that we continue this relationship and it just doesn't work for me. I learned when I was doing online dating. When you go on your first day, the best way to let people, because women don't know how to say no to man, you know, they'll give him three more dates or whatever. I learned first date, you know, you're a really great guy. I had a really great time, we're just not a good fit and they couldn't argue with it. What are they going to say? I want to make it a good fit, forced me to make it a good fit. And it was just that kind of the same mentality with people in your life and relationships. Now there are people that have to be in your life, bosses, coworkers, you know, family, you don't discontinue them, but you do have the choice of how much interaction you have with them and how you react. So you can choose to react, have a knee jerk reaction to your programming, how you've always reacted or choose to say, I'm not going to do that anymore. I'm going to sit back and I'm going to think about it. When you have those talks that people coming into your life, they're teaching you something about you or about them. So remember that. Okay.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that's powerful. In in, in certain situations, like in your analogy with your brother, you're setting clear boundaries. Absolutely. And then enforcing those. So when people come to you, are they, are most most clients coming to you or people that you help? Are they approaching you with a specific problem or are they just saying, I'm, I'm missing, you know, a specific problem. I have a bad relationship with my wife and I need help. I have a bad business partner. I got to deal with that. Or is it more of I'm looking for my mission, I'm looking for my why, what the hell am I doing with my life? How do I find some focus? Is it kind of you? Do you see one or the other or is it a total array or,

Speaker 2:

I would choose e all of the above. Okay. Because that's really how it is. You know what's funny is they'll come and they think they have one problem and then all of a sudden after we start exploring by session four and five, we've realized, well, now you can do boundaries. Now you've got self worth. Now you know how to deal with a certain person that's in your life. That's been a problem. Now we've got your goals set for you at work. Um, you know, so it really snowballs. You know, it's great. And then there are others who are, I have a hard time with linear thinkers. Okay. I really do. Um, my one client, God love him. Bless his heart. I'm going to go the southern route. His, our program, um, he sent me five spreadsheets. Okay. Before we started coaching of, of his goals. Yeah. And I went and our first at our, our first saw coaching, I looked at him and I went, okay, that's nice. And you went and I said, this is too much. Yeah. I said, why do you put so much pressure on yourself? I said, let's take, and that was his goal for the month, you know, there was like, you know, learn Russian and, and I mean insane stuff. And which is I, I shouldn't, you know, I kid, when I say insane stuff, I mean, it's great to have goals, but it's a lot of pressure. We broke it down, broke it down. His father was very adamant about what he needed to do when he got his father's approval by constantly meeting those expectations of his father. See how that carries over to adulthood. Here we go. Then he started doing it with his children. You know, he made them get up at six o'clock in the morning on weekends to go running and go for a bike ride or whatever. And I said, well, why do you have to do that at six in the morning? Well because they need to get up Nagin need to get moving. And I said, and how do they feel about it? He said, they hate it. And I said, then what do you think you're getting out of it? Do you think you're teaching them anything good? I said, you don't think you could have as much fun and same lessons at 10 o'clock in the morning. He took my advice and he said, they're much happier now. Yeah. So that reprogramming, and again, he knew they didn't like it, but he didn't know how to stop doing that because that's all he knew. So just by giving him that perspective of they're gonna really enjoy having time with their father and standard feeling so regimented and forced to do something. And so that enhanced their relationship. There's the snowball effect. Everything starts just carrying over into work, carrying over into friends relationships. Sure. Yeah.

Speaker 1:

How, how do you recharge your batteries? I mean, is that, is that something that you're getting juiced up when you're working with people? I mean, I imagine when you're seeing results like that, the rewarding kind of feedback that you get from your clients must just be

Speaker 2:

it exhilarating. I live for it. That's, that's how you know you have, that's how you have discovered your purpose. Right. I can be so tired and I've got a coaching at seven o'clock at night and I'll be so tired and think, oh, how am I going to do this? And I come home at, you know, nine, 10 o'clock at night and I'm bouncing off the walls and just excited and exhilarated, um, is really important that I maintain the, the balance and yeah. Without giving all of my energy because it is an exchange of energy. Sure, sure. So I'm, I'm really big on meditating, you know. Oh my gosh, it's so key.

Speaker 1:

Do you have a specific type of medic? I know there's a ton of different trends in dental and there's all these yoga and all these different things.

Speaker 2:

Yes. There's, so, there's, you know, the sleep meditation, there's the, I do one that's the sound meditations, which is, um, ideally the seven 20 megahertz. Okay. Is ideal for actual cleansing, like you literally spiritually cleanse yourself. And I had started that at one time, like my entire body was just kinda like tingling and I got done and I felt like I had taken an internal shower, if that makes any sense. That's sounds great. Yeah. Because the key is to get yourself to just not think right. Just to stop thinking. And the experiences you can have in it will amaze you. And it's really kind of funny because a year ago or two years ago, I was never into really the metaphysics and the meditation. I was really about, you know, the counseling, the coaching and sure. But I realized it's all hand in hand. It has to be to keep your wellbeing. And so I, I've had some amazing visions and experiences with that, which like I said, if I would tell certain people in my life, they would, you know, they, you can't worry about what other people think. You know what I think of me has nothing to do with you, but they have this, you know, and they're not ready basically to understand what the meditation and spiritualism can do for you to cleanse you and what kind of visions you can have for your future.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, there's a, there's an author that I've been reading a lot of, uh, doctor Joe Dispenza, and he talks a lot about all of that type of stuff, that there's sort of a metaphor, there's a, a different dimension that we all can operate in, but we have to be really focused on eliminating the, the, the thoughts about the past, the thoughts about the, about the future and just kind of going into this blackness where you're not thinking about anything. And then you can really be living in the present. And that opens up some gateways and things. And I'm reading this book and for an overthinker for a type

Speaker 3:

A, always gotta be moving. Yeah. Moving on and on. I'm reading this, I'm just thinking I don't, this is not possible. There's no way that I'm going to be able to do this. So literally this morning I was looking around, I go, I gotta, I gotta find a transcendental meditation facility. I A program. I need a team of people that to help me through this. But I do, I can't see how valuable it is.

Speaker 2:

Like everything else it takes practice. Yeah, we are all, we all have this psychic ability and this ability to connect with your higher self and source energy. You really do. I am right now reading something on channeling and you know, I've asked for that guidance of what's next, what's next and it has been miraculous. I, I get names and I get visions since I've changed my mindset from where I used to be in the victim stuck life, socks, life happens to me. I was dealt a rotten hand of cards too. I create everything that happens in my life. Everything works out for me. The opportunities that have happened to me in the last year that literally just come to me. The people that come to me is amazing because I never view now anything that happens in my life as a negative. I always look at it as an opportunity. And then we ask for those. That's the contrast. And you know what, I'm sure don't, Joe Dispenza talks about, you know, law of attraction. It's the secret. It really isn't. It's not a secret. It's so easy believe that good things happen to you. Understand that you're bringing whatever contrasts comes and you can look at it and with such different eyes and perspective. Um, it was really funny because when I was listening to the podcast about the bowling ball in the rowboat yesterday, I'm talking to the screen as you guys are doing.

Speaker 3:

Yeah. A lot of what we've talked about today is, is it is right on topic, which is awesome. And we didn't plan that. But yes, that's how it works. I loved it. I loved it. Yeah.

Speaker 2:

I was so excited about coming today. So one of the things I got from that story was that when you go to the row boat and you take that person's bowling ball, like I was telling you, you're caring more about that person's feeling than your own safety and your own Robo. Right? Right. Yeah. But the problem is you feel bad and you feel like people aren't gonna think I'm a good person. If I don't help this person with this bowling ball,

Speaker 3:

how could you be a monster and just leave somebody? Yeah. Sitting there in the middle of the water and just roll away

Speaker 2:

because they asked for it. They asked for that lesson. And back to my daughter who had that addiction problems she's had, you know, she had suicidal ideation. I mean, there's a lot of things we had gone through and, and choosing to be in, you know, some dysfunctional, you know, relationships. So heres where we stayed stuck. I enabled her and wanting to take on all of her problems. Why? Because I carry guilt. I carried guilt by choosing a father that wasn't a good role model and her seeing some, you know, things that she probably should not have seen. So I'm guilt ridden. Right, right. I take my baggage or my bowling ball and now I'm coming over here trying to help her with her bowling ball too. Now we both have a bowling ball and we won't have a hole in our robot. Right, right. So what good is that going to do that isn't healthy? Either of us were going in the bottom of the ocean together now. Yeah. Is that how you want to do it? No. So what I did, we had to part ways, my daughter and I, and we still, hardest thing I've ever done, my children, I've been in my life, I've been a single mom my entire life. I chose to raise my children differently from the way I was brought up and my identity was being a good mom. And so letting her go and to live her life with those choices was the hardest thing I ever had to do. But I was able to let go of my guilt and realize those choices were hers so she could grow. Yeah. And if I hold her bowling ball, she's not going to learn. I'm inhibiting her growth. And I talk about that in the book. Yeah. He, that's when one of the chapters, I am doing a disservice to people if I take on their problems for them because no one took my bowling ball. You know? I know when took my hand and pulled me up, I had to learn all of these things and I'm so grateful for that, right. To be able to, to sit in front of people and say, I don't know how that feels. Oh, I know how that feels. Oh, here's how you work on this. When I was married and we were going to get divorced, my ex husband, so we had gone through the domestic violence. He was an alcoholic. He almost killed me one time. And I remember I got this superhuman strength because my daughters were in the other room and I remember thinking, no one's going to love them the way that I do. So I got this super human strength, but I always said, oh, it's okay. Let's help you. Let's fix you. Let's go to a AA. Yeah. Um, I was going through a pregnant with my son. It was just so dysfunctional. And after finally going through a with him and all the alcoholism and it just never stopped, you know, and, and finally it had reached a point where my children were in danger and I said to myself, if you want to put up with this, that's one thing, but that's not right for you to allow them to see that any longer. And for those girls to look at this man and say, this is the man I'm going to choose, this is, this is the example I have for a man. You're right. That was my profound moment. And I said, I'm Outta here. So I've had found out there was infidelity and he had been cheating. And I sat with a friend and my daughter's best friend's mother at the time, she was a friend of mine and we were sitting in a, in my backyard. I remember this plain as day. I was 29 years old. 20 years. Exactly right. To this year. Yeah. And I remember sitting there just, you know, sobbing and, and you know, why would he do this? I've been through so much and blah, blah, blah. And in the middle of saying all that in that sobbing, and I don't know where it came from, Robert. I said to her, if I have to help one person, then I'll go ahead and do this. Where did that come from? Why would I in the middle of my heartbreak and turmoil safe? I have to help one person later on. Then I'll go ahead and go through this. So I knew somewhere deep inside my higher self was saying, you're going to be fine and later on you're going to use this. And did I know this til now? Absolutely not. You know when you're going through it you're like, yeah, right, whatever. I don't want to deal with this. This is pain. This is horrible. So learning that about myself, I was able to do that with my daughter and we actually have just reunited and within the last month, and we had this beautiful two hour talk and just cleared the air. And she said to me, mom, I took it for granted that every mother was like you. And I know now that they're not right. And I said, that really makes me happy. And I said, you know, I never stopped loving you. I said, I didn't like your choices, but it didn't stop loving you. And she said, I knew that no matter whether we were talking or not, she said, I knew you still loved me no matter what, because that's the kind of mom you are. So there you go. My guilt was gone. She was able to say, I needed to be away from your mom to learn how to be independent and to be responsible and accountable for my choices.

Speaker 3:

Right. She had her own journey to go through and she needed to hit that point where it became obvious that a change needed to be made and she could grow as a person. And then you guys rekindled.

Speaker 2:

Yeah. So the moral of the story is don't take somebody else's ball in ball. Yeah. You know?

Speaker 3:

I know. I wish it were a that obvious for a lot of people. Sometimes we're carrying around a couple of bowling balls and we don't even realize it. People

Speaker 2:

that gave us his bowling balls and giving them back or getting rid of them is it's really a tough thing and it's just mindset. It is completely just having that belief in yourself. I never believed in myself. I never felt I was worth anything. I never knew, you know, that I could do amazing things and that I could change lives because the people I had been with kept giving me bowling balls about how worthless I was. And um, you know, that I would never go anywhere and I was unattractive or you know, all these things, these pieces in these parts that people give us that we have to just slowly start peeling away and saying, you can take it back. I don't want it. And when you finally are in that raw place, very uncomfortable, not in your comfort zone, that's we're wired to stay in our comfort zone.

Speaker 1:

Sure. And it's, it's amazing that you were able to make that, first of all, recognize that you had all of this, you know, all these bowling balls, all that baggage, all that negativity coming your way. But a lot of people don't deal with it by standing up for themselves. They do turn to drugs or alcohol. They do become isolated and embittered and angry at the world and pissed off at everybody. And so for you to be able to then take some of those personal tragedies, some of those difficulties in your own life, and recognize immediately that the only way that you can continue forward in your own life is to carry that forward and be of service to other people is, is amazing. Uh, you know, a lot of people don't do that. They will continue to dig themselves deeper and deeper into that whole woe is me. This is my situation. I'm a victim. And you'll just let it keep piling on and on and on. And I think there's, there's a lot, a lot more to that. I mean, your emotional state will translate into your physical state. I think you'll die an early death. There'll be over weight, you'll be out of shape. You'll, your brain will stop functioning the way that it is and the whole thing we'll tie in together and just become a comprehensive cumulative problem for yourself.

Speaker 2:

You are absolutely correct. Emotional sickness. Oh, we're spills into physical. When I was in, um, I can't believe I'm telling you all, let's put this, you're easy to talk to. This is great. And people should hear this if I were on. Yeah. So I did get into another relationship because I hadn't dealt with all that garbage from the first one with another person who was an alcoholic and very, um, psychologically abusive, not physically, but psychologically and basically like Kinda kept me a prisoner in my home for six years. And during that time I got a cancer twice. Wow. And it was walking with a cane. Yeah. So there's your physical overspill I was so unhealthy. I was on, I had asthma, I was doing inhalers, I was taking, oh my gosh. Pain medication. Just, I was a mess. I was a complaint mass. And when I got that person out. Finally when I had the strength to say, you've got to go. I said, I'm not doing this. I started walking three miles a day ago. I self off every single medication, I'm on, no medications, all I do our supplements and that mental state is key to your health. You can want to be physically fit all you want, but that mental and emotional baggage will keep coming out in some way. You'll get a pulled muscle, you'll get abdominal things, you'll get headaches, migraines, and you don't recognize it. You don't think it's, oh, that's an emotional connection, but there's something going on that your body is saying, look, we're not right here. It's good that we're exercising, but there's something else. It's not, we're not healed from yet.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, it's awesome to have you on the show cause I'm thinking about this stuff all all the time. It's, it's this idea that there's this kind of this quantum universe and that your energy, you can put out that energy and focus on healing specific parts of your body and changing your, you know, your metabolism and all sorts of things. But too many people that sounds just like woo woo out there. That's ridiculous. It's nonsense. It's just somebody wrote it in a book and I've heard of other stories of people who've, who've made that, that transformation that you have. But here you are in person.

Speaker 2:

And you know what? I don't look at the naysayers or the doubters because I have learned you're only going to accept what you're ready to accept. Yeah. So if you don't believe in life coaching, you're not going to be sitting in front of me. You know, getting any life coaching. If you don't believe in a Keto Diet, you're not going to stop eating carbs. I mean it's, your readiness is where you are and what you believe in. And what you think of me is none of my business. You know, I always say it's, it's really about staying in that and that's alignment. And we are energetic beings and we are unfortunately observers here. So it's, you know, smelling, seeing, tasting. What we can observe unfortunately affects so many of us with our mindset where if I don't get proof of something, then I'm not going to believe that it exists. And you know, obviously believing is seeing, which you cannot see and you, you know, there's wind but you don't see the win, right? You feel the wind. The key thing, I follow Abraham Hicks, which is amazing, and she is all about the law of attraction. I don't know if you've ever followed her, heard. Um, and the emotions are key. If you feel good about it, you're in alignment and then you're headed right to where you're supposed to be. The middle, you don't feel right about something, then you know that that's a place of learning. You asked for an experience or it's somewhere, you just need to get away from that. That's not good for you to go back to a place of feeling good. If you can't get back to a place of feeling good, you get back to a place of meditation and thinking of nothing because nothing is better than feeling in a, in a negative way and drawing more of that negativity to you. And I have never seen that more parents than with my coaching clients who have stopped the, what I call stinking thinking. You know when they quit talking about how bad they are, how unintelligent they are, how on attractive they are. And that's the first recognition process we go through when they start saying it and people are really unaware how often they do that negative self talk. Oh my goodness. And I catch him all the time, you know? And when we're coaching I stop him. I'm like, Eh, we're going to flip that around. We're going to reframe it. What are you going to say? I had a client that said I'm really introverted and it's not good. And I'm like, hold on, hold on. What's not good about it? Well I like to be by myself. I said anything wrong with that? We all like to be by herself. That's self care. Well, you know, when I go out, you know, people probably don't think I'm fun. I said, how do you know? Do they keep asking you out? Well, yeah, then you must be fun. You know? So it's that kind of thing where you just, people don't realize what they say about themselves.

Speaker 1:

People call you out on it and you realize how stupid,

Speaker 2:

Oh you, uh, or I get a lot of, when I give the hard questions, I get a lot of, I don't know. And I'll say, but you do. And if you did, what would you think? And it just changes their whole mindset. It sounds crazy. But they literally will say, well, if I did know, then I would blah, blah, blah. So you did know, it was just getting that out of you. Like you said, we all know what we need to do. It's just how do we do it? So just the positivity and the mindset.

Speaker 1:

So, well that's great. So I definitely want to talk about your book. So your book, I'm going to hold it up. Just server. Everybody can see it on the camera. My dog is more enlightened than I am. Hallelujah. Which is a amazing title. Can you kind of walk me through it? So you just brought me a copy of this. Can you kind of give you, what's the thesis? Walk me through the book a little bit. Sure. You've got a picture these your dogs.

Speaker 2:

Yes, that's Brody and jade. Okay. On the front. And you know, I work from home and so I'm around them a lot. And how has came about was just observing them during the day and really things that were going on in my life and I just looked at them, they would be a kind of a distraction for me or a release for me. And then I started really connecting the dots and going, holy Moly, there's so aligned. They don't care about anything. You know, they don't worry. They don't stress over anything. They are so in alignment with themselves that that's what we need to do is just learn to be that carefree. And yet they still have have this depth about them. You know, the, the caring for one another. In the book I write about, my Australian shepherd has a little skin, um, issue on his nose and we'd taken him to the vet, had antibiotics and it just never heals. And so, you know, we put medicine on it, topical stuff or whatever, but every single day he lays on the ground and the Chihuahua goes over and starts licking his, his hourly, you know, and he lets her, you know, until he doesn't, and then he just takes his pole and pushes her away. But like she knows I need to take care of my big brother and I, dog park is the best experience ever. And that's where I got a lot of my ideas. We go to the dog park and jade would stay by me and you know, only go five feet from me, but brodeo runoff, say hi to everybody. But the minute another dog comes up that jade is unsure or doesn't like Brody, wherever he was in the park would come up and get between her and that other dog. It's just that sweetness of taking care of one another and nurturing one another and being there for one another. And that's what I think we've lost with the social media, with the family. You know, how often do people sit down and have dinner anymore? It makes me so sad. How often do you pick up the phone? I am not a fan of phone calls, but I'll tell you what. I was on the phone this morning with three different people for about an hour and a half each. I take that time because it matters. It really does matter and the kindness, you know, spreading that kindness in the world, it is infectious and we just don't, we get so busy and I, it makes me, I love that there is a movement now of kindness where it's kind of, we're going kind of 50 50 with with the planet, but it really is this, and social media is nice in the way that there's a lot of kindness stories being posted, which I throw those up all the time and there's bad stuff that I don't, I just ignore because it just, I can't, I don't want to add any more to that and the effects it has, but those kindness stories are so beautiful. If we would all just take that time every day, making your mission, pay for someone's food behind you in the drive through, um, you know, open the door, tell someone they look pretty today. I always think, what if, what if this girl that's walking toward me is in a domestic violence situation like I was and feels horrible about herself and I say to her, you look so pretty in that dress. And that was the seed she needed to say, you know what? I deserve better. I deserve to feel better about myself. And what if that was the moment she could go home and say, I'm Outta here. I deserve more and I'm going to get more. You don't know what little seed you can plant in someone that could change everything.

Speaker 3:

You don't. Yeah, that's very true. And I think people get, so, like you said, sort of self absorbed and there's so many distractions and you've got gaming addictions and everybody's on their phone. I check my phone all the time. I got text messages and emails and you're just kind of drawn out of the fundamental human experience with all your technologies. And all, all the other things going on and all the notifications from your calendar and all of that, and so it's overwhelming. It is overwhelming. It is. And this, this concept, let's, hey, maybe we can look back to a dog and just say a dog has the basics down pretty pretty well. Okay. They eat when they want to eat. They love you all the time. They're extremely loyal. They're fun and playful, they're comforting and they've got the, the the essentials of life down to a science. And so

Speaker 2:

they do look at the trust that they have. Look, and when you leave everyday for eight hours and you come home, they're not mad at you. Your wife would be more mad at you. A girlfriend would be more mad at you that you left for eight hours hot telling him where you were going. Right. A dog is going to be like, oh, I'm just glad you're home. Let me wag my tail. Mike. Hey, Aussie brings me a toy every time I come home and he's got this big stuffed animal toy in his mouth. It's his way of giving me a gift saying, welcome home. I'm happy you're here and I missed you. Right. We don't bring gifts to our spouses when they walk in the door at the end of the day, maybe she did something wrong, can read each other with gifts and hugs and kisses everyday walking in the door. That's one of the big things in my relationship coaching. I always tell everyone, you need to be excited to see that person like you were if they had been gone for a month. Treat them that way when they come home. Right. Make them feel wanted. Make them feel loved, make them feel missed. Right. You know, five minutes, right? Yeah. All it takes, it's not a big time investment. Yeah. It's real funny. Robert, when I, I started doing a little kind of researching with the technology that you and I were talking about as far as business goes as well. Sure. So you start off a business and everyone who's an entrepreneur knows social, social media marketing is key. This is what you have to do, right? You got to get your Seo. You've got to get people interacting. Yeah. So we post, post, post, post, post, and we want our likes and we want our comments. Right? Yeah. And so I did this for a while. I've got a youtube and I didn't, you know, wasn't getting subscribers and I, I do a post everyday on the life coach marine page and I was getting my friends, you know, she liked it, she liked it, she liked it. What I discovered was I started commenting and liking other people's stuff and just going in there and saying, good for you girl. Good job. Or excuse me. Or um, you know, if they lost an animal or, so I would say, oh, I'm so sorry for your loss. Do you know, once I started that connection with someone, everything went off the charts. Then there were laying, you know, everybody's sharing your pages, everyone's commenting, everyone's liking. Do you see the bottom line there is connection. Yeah. People want to know you care about them. Right. They're not going to care about you until there's something in it for them. Right. And so that was a really recent discovery that I found in business was you have to interact with other people's businesses if you want something from them. Right? Right. Yeah. If you, if you give and support the universe and it's genuine and you're delivering value and you're actually caring about somebody and it's not done in a self seeking manner, right? No, no falseness, no fakeness about it, cause that's never going to be good, then the universe will return it. That's right. So who's this book for? Who would you recommend it to? You know, it is for anyone that is looking for suggestions and ways to live the best life that they want to live, to make some positive mindset changes. Um, I put suggestions in there about spontaneous spontaneity, you know, ideas of how to just be spontaneous and enjoy your life. The different kinds of meditation. Um, the, there's a chapter on expectations. That's a really good one because we have a lot of expectations on others and they have a lot of them on us. And so projection and perception are everything. So that's, there's a lot of really good, um, tips and tools and ideas and suggestions and some funny stories about the dogs and some funny stories about my history and, you know,

Speaker 3:

well, I appreciate you bringing me a copy. I'm looking forward to reading it and I, like I was telling you before we started the show, I appreciate that there's actually some content in here and it's not, I showed you the other book that has font size 35 and it looks like, you know, some of my high school essays that I tried to meet the page limit. So I appreciate that.

Speaker 2:

Easy read two. And I think that's one of the selling points was everyone that has responded said you didn't feel like you're being preached to, you don't feel like you're being lectured and you don't have to sit here and read a 400 page book. It's very simple. And I have had a lot of readers have said, I keep it with me as a guy, which is really neat. Yeah, that's really amazing. Um, so I, I feel really good about that. So this one is generally just how they have a better life, how to be happier and to be in the moment, you know, and, and to deal with those things that come up every single day. Um, and then I'm going to be starting my next book and it's going to be if my dog, we're dating, so I am, and it will be all about dating and relationships and marriage.

Speaker 3:

So a copy of that too. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2:

Be Pretty Fun. I had, I had quite a bit of experience. Uh, yeah, good and bad. And then that one, you know, and

Speaker 3:

whole different ballgame. Yeah,

Speaker 2:

it is. But that's a very, that's a very big thing right now. We are all waiting to get married later, you know, and really the online dating and all that. Uh, I would say pretty much all of my friends are single women, so I have, I don't know that I have any married friends to be honest with you. I mean it's that, it's that rare now, you know?

Speaker 3:

Yeah, it is weird. And I would say I went to dinner last night with my uncle and aunt and they just celebrated their 50 year anniversary together and they got married and high air right after high school. They were high school sweethearts and they been together for 50 years. It's amazing. And I'm looking around, I'm going, I'm not seeing that with any of my friends who are currently married. You know, it's just one of those things where, you know what

Speaker 2:

though, that'll bring us to one of the chapters in the book, just because they were together that long does not mean it's a productive, happy relationship. And I'm not speaking of your hands and arms.

Speaker 1:

No, they're great. Which is amazing. I mean, it's a, it's a amazing template that they have.

Speaker 2:

Yeah. A lot of people stay together for a long time because, well, we've been together this long as well, you know,

Speaker 1:

or if you go try dating, you realize the grass is not always greener on the

Speaker 2:

dating's rough there. Yeah. But I did meet my husband online. Did you? I did. I did. And I had done a lot of the online stuff. Uh, I got real good at it, but the key for me was I had to have two years alone and heal from all of the other relationships. So if we don't heal those emotional scars and triggers and everything else from the past, you're never going to be able to move forward in a healthy relationship. And as we get older, what I find, no offense to my lovely women, there's a little bit of a desperate thing. They're like, I don't want to be alone and I'm 50 years old kind of mentality. My opinion on that is be alone, be alone, you know, enjoy who you are and guess what the universe will then bring that person who's at that healed healthy point that you are.

Speaker 1:

Yeah. And it has nothing to do with age. I mean, I don't know if it exacerbates with, with age or not, but I mean, people in my life, a lot of my friends, guy friends and you know, a lot of girls that I've dated are looking for somebody else to come fix them or fill a gaping hole of void in their soul and nobody's going to be able to do that. And so the expectations are just, they're off.

Speaker 2:

You are spot on on that. That's exactly what it is. We're looking for someone to fix something we haven't fixed in ourselves. And that lack of whatever it is, if you're insecure and you meet someone, they can't fix that for you. You have to fix that in yourself. And that's a key thing that people don't realize is if I'm not fixed myself, if I don't feel whole, like I hate the two halves of a whole, you know, saying no, no, no. My husband and I are both whole. And then when we get together we're like double trouble, wonderful whole, you know, we are amazing together because he was complete and I was complete and now we are magical, you know? But that whole, she's my other half or looking for my better half. No, we're not having, we're not half people or we need to be whole people. So

Speaker 1:

yeah, you gotta you gotta make sure that you're solid and that you ring out all of that neediness and all of those insecurities and you feel comfortable and you have a, you have a different vision, something that you're passionate about that you can live on your own and the other person can compliment that.

Speaker 2:

Absolutely. The biggest mistake that people make is they ignore the red flags.

Speaker 1:

[inaudible]

Speaker 2:

you can't put a round peg in a square hole, you know, round square. Yeah, let's do the math on that. Again, I'm not a mathematician. I'm not very logistical. But yeah, that's what happens. They women have this list and that's one of the things in coaching we work on, we, we build this Avatar and I actually create, I actually create, actually my husband did a really good job with his little engineering. He created this, this man. And then we put all of the ideas of the perfect mate for the person. And then we have them put them up and look at it every single day. And therefore you are literally programming yourself that that's what I'm looking for. So if you go out on a date and it doesn't have these qualities, then that's not the person for you. And you can say we're just not a good fit. That's excellent. That's great. That's like a running a business in a lot of ways. But people think that they can make exceptions, you know, they can say, well nobody's going to be perfect. Well are you looking for someone perfect for you because it's still the same premise. You have to have all of those requirements and qualities that you're looking for. You don't buy a house where you don't want a swimming pool and say, well it's okay. It's got a swimming pool. You know, you, we make too many exceptions for things that don't fit in our lives. And I think that's really the groundwork when you date is stop making exceptions for people. Yeah. Cause you'll know when, you know, when it's that right fit, it is just, it's there. And even bringing some baggage from the past. You know, I went on my first date with my husband and he had emailed several times and I was like in my healing period and selling me, I was on a dating site but looking for friends. Okay, yeah that happens a lot, you know that right? Not really dating, I'm just looking for friends. And so he had emailed and we had really good conversations. He was in Denver and I was living here and he was moving here and I said, um, he would say, Oh, you know, do you want to go on a date night sight? No, not really. I'm just, you know, I'm just looking for friends and he'd go, okay, we would still have some good conversations. Talk on the phone. Three, four months went by out of the blue as a Wednesday, I get this text and it said, are you ready for that day yet? And I thought, well this guy is really nice as far as, he wasn't pushy, he wasn't [inaudible], he was persistent. But not pushy or, and so I texted back and I said, yeah, I'll go ahead and we'll go out to dinner. Turns out he never sent that. We have no idea where that text came from. Yeah, just randomly came through on a Wednesday. We went to dinner, we sat down and met about six o'clock and about 20 minutes into the dinner. Now, first of all, when we met up, I was just guard, you know, I was just guarded first and I saw it. I was mean. He didn't take it that way at all. Obviously we're married now. He says we, we met and I looked at him and I said, oh, that should be taller. And then, and then I looked at him and I said, you know, you don't look like your picture on your profile. You really should update that. I was like, I was trying to sabotage, you know, and we sat down and about 20, 30 minutes into the date in my head I was going, Dang it, I really liked this guy. I don't want to like him. Darn it. I really like him and I don't want to like him date lasted til we closed the restaurant down at 11 o'clock and the rest is history. The rest is history. Yeah. So, well congratulations. That's, that's pretty awesome. How long have you been married? One year. One year is a fresh one. It is. It is. I mean we don't scenario honeymoon phase or anything because we, and that was, we've been together for three years, but yeah, but a year married. But uh, he just gets me and one of the key things is you have to support each other's dreams. Yeah. And you've got to do the balance of alone time, friend time and couple of time. I really believe that is, and I'm sorry, a long time. Family time or friend time and couple times he got a balance. Each one of those, everyone needs to have their space. Everyone needs to have time with family and then you need that spark. You got to have intimacy on a regular basis. I'm a firm believer in that. Um, so you gotta do your couple of times. You got to reunite all the time, catch up once a week, makes sure that spark and that connection is, is strong. Then nurture that. Absolutely. Treat that person like you just were dating them. My husband brings me flowers every single week. My husband and I say, please and thank you. I thank him for doing laundry and he thanks me for doing the dishes. It's honey, could you please? It's this respect thing. Yeah. When you feel respected and appreciated, what do you want to do? You want to give back? Right. We stopped doing that in marriages. That's the problem. Yeah. And men need respect. Women he love.

Speaker 3:

Yeah. Yeah. Amazing advice. I'm looking forward to that second book and this one. So this one, my dog is more enlightened than I am. Is this on Amazon?

Speaker 2:

It is. Amazon, Barnes and noble and outskirts press.

Speaker 3:

That's awesome. That's a, that's a huge accomplishment. Well done. Thank you. That's great. All right, so where else can people find you? So let's wrap it up. Where else can people find you if you're watching the video? I have a couple Maureen's links. Uh, but why don't you tell us kind of your best channels? You're Beth Besta areas to get ahold of you. Sure.

Speaker 2:

So, uh, we are on a Facebook ELA coach, Maureen, we are, we have a website@wwwlifecoachmarine.com and we also have a youtube, a life coach, Maureen's Scanlon channel.

Speaker 3:

Awesome. Well Marina was, it was absolutely my pleasure to have you on that great conversation with you. My sign you up for coaching now.

Speaker 2:

Is that what this was? This suppose your pre interview? Yeah, well done. That's a good sense. It, I sensed you need

Speaker 4:

it. That's a good tactic. While I am, I definitely am thinking a lot more about it and how it could be useful in my life, so I appreciate you for that. Great, great. Thank you for this. I appreciate the opportunity to speak on it and to speak in depth about it, so I appreciate you. Thank you. I appreciate you and thanks again for coming on.

Speaker 5:

Thank you. Look, ruler Nation podcast is brought to you by the arm and r law group. Arizona's premier criminal defense and personal injury law firm available@wwwdotareourlawaz.com or give us a call, (480) 400-1355.