Bible Quest Podcast
Discussing the events of today and tomorrow through a Biblical lens.
Bible Quest Podcast
What it is Really Like to be a Pastor's Wife
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The lights come on, the band starts, and everything looks smooth. Behind that calm is a life lived on call. We sit down with Christy to unpack the reality of being married to a pastor and what it means to carry the church when the service ends and the real work begins. From last-minute crises to midnight texts, from soundboard glitches to bathroom cleanups, she walks us through the invisible tasks that keep a community moving.
Christy opens up about sharing her spouse with a 24/7 calling and how Army chaplaincy bleeds into local ministry. She’s candid about the early sting of interruptions, the weight of parenting with an always-on schedule, and the mindset shift that turned “lost evenings” into “answered callings.” We talk boundaries that bend but don’t break, practical ways to protect mental health, and why loving people well is both the hardest and holiest part of church life.
What makes this story different is how calling meets competency. Christy’s leadership, administration, and business skills power the parts of church that rarely get a spotlight: coordination, finance, teams, and flow. She laughs about sprinting from front row to sound booth and back again, but the point is serious—small churches thrive when gifted people do humble work. Together, she and Buddy cover each other’s weak spots, proving that marriage can be a ministry partnership without losing the marriage in the process.
If you’ve ever wondered what really holds a congregation together, this conversation is your map. We dig into expectations versus reality for a pastor’s wife, the necessity of mentors, the art of not reacting, and the fine line between God, family, and church when needs collide. You’ll hear why volunteers are the lifeblood of growth, how to build systems that protect energy, and where to find joy when time is scarce but purpose is strong.
Enjoyed this conversation? Follow the show, share it with a friend who serves in ministry, and leave a review with your biggest takeaway or question—we read every one and it helps others find the podcast.
*** This podcast was originally posted on The Way Community Church Podcast, I thought you might enjoy it, so I'm sharing it here.
Check out that podcast here:
https://www.buzzsprout.com/2556804/episodes/18607212
Welcome And Lost Episode Backstory
SPEAKER_03Hi everyone, and welcome to the Wake Community Church podcast. My name is Bruce. Today I have with me, we're gonna talk to Christy. And I'm I alright, so this was actually episode two. Due to well, computer glitches. I lost episode one, so this is really gonna be episode one. So this will be the first one you hear about from the Way Community Church. But I have with me a special guest. You know, Pastor Buddy, he has been on a couple previous episodes. He's probably gonna pop in a little later. But today I have Christy because when I was married, my ex-wife said, I just never want to be a pastor's wife. And I was like, why? Do you know what I mean? I did like, how bad could it be? And when I heard you kind of wanted to do a podcast, I was like, Well, I'm gonna ask you. So this is all about being a pastor's wife. And it's it's kind of like I think it's like an unelected position. You're in, you just put into this, you didn't really, you know, nobody put you there. So so I have lots of questions. Okay. You ready? I'm ready. I'm gonna just go. Well, okay. It's probably a misconception because I'm a guy, you know what I mean? And I keep thinking, like, I just didn't understand why she thought it was gonna be such a big deal. And I think maybe she was thinking it's because of what society puts on you or what's expected of you and all that. I mean, is that kind of a thing or no?
SPEAKER_01I think it is absolutely a thing. Okay. However, I would say that's for me probably the easiest portion of it.
SPEAKER_03I imagine it can be harder for some people, though.
SPEAKER_01Oh, absolutely. And and I think you that is what you expect, so you're prepared for it. I think what ends up being the hardest are the things that you aren't prepared for, especially from somebody that obviously has never been a pastor's wife, right? Which makes sense. But I grew up in church and you know, we had obviously pastors' wives. But I don't recall noticing.
SPEAKER_03Well, yeah, that's what I'm like. I'm I'm sure there's a lot of stuff behind the scenes that most people coming into church don't even see or know or anything about. That's right. But now you're you're behind the scenes of all this too.
SPEAKER_01Right. And I'm sure those women were also doing those things. I'm sure. I just it is it is the unsung portion.
SPEAKER_03I guess it's a good thing that you couldn't tell that they made it look easy, right?
SPEAKER_01You couldn't tell it was now I would say that most of our congregation, I'm not sure I make it look easy. I think you think so. They see me drawing it around here like a chicken with my head cut off.
SPEAKER_03You're very active though, in it. So I I I imagine some I imagine there's a big spectrum between people not very much into like doing things in the church to people that are it's almost like a assistant pastor. Do you know what I mean? So but you're pretty involved in the church though.
Wearing Many Hats To Keep Church Running
SPEAKER_01Yeah, well, absolutely. And as much as I probably would be anyway, much of it is due to necessity. So there are, you know, at the end, we always, buddy and I always kid, at the end of the day, it's him and I, right? So if no one shows up for anything, it's him and I, we pick it up. If the bathrooms don't get cleaned, yeah, it's one of us picks it up. If you're volunteering for a class and you know, nobody shows up. I mean, you know, it's it's ultimately falls on him or I to either cover it or find the coverage for it.
SPEAKER_03So I've had a couple businesses of my own, and that's like I'm thinking it's like just like being a business owner. I mean you still have to, you know, these things still have to be done and you're the one that has to do it.
SPEAKER_01That's right. You know, with volunteers, you know, people volunteer uh for a season and then maybe they move on to something else. So you know, we we have to make sure that we are and and me specifically, make sure that I know how to do most things, the at least that m make the church run, so that when somebody have you ever had to do the sound or anything? Oh wow, yes. Really? Oh yes, that in fact, yeah. Until we moved over here, it it was quite comical most services because I'm sitting in the front row and something's happening, and I'm running to the back, and I'm you know, give them the cues, and I still on my phone texting them, you know. So yeah, it's uh we've come a long we've come a long way, though, absolutely. But wow, yes, for sure.
SPEAKER_03Okay, yeah. Well, I had a couple questions. Okay, and this one's pretty vague. So, all right, what is it like to be married to a pastor? Because you guys were married before buddy became a pastor, right?
SPEAKER_01That's right. So yeah, I think you have to come to terms that you are sharing him, right? You're sharing him at all hours. Um, you know, unfortunately.
SPEAKER_03It seems like there's demands all the time.
SPEAKER_01Absolutely. 24-7.
SPEAKER_03Um I don't think people realize that that there's that much. Well, there's a lot of people. Yeah. And and I'm sure people are like, I'll just text or call.
Sharing A Spouse With A 24/7 Calling
SPEAKER_01And and he loves that, and it's a big part of his ministry. But it is it is nonstop because it's not just people in the church, it's it's other people that he has relationships with. And so really it's it's your time is really not your time. It's it's depends on what the circumstances is. Because if you're at dinner and somebody calls and they've had a death in the family, or they're in a hospital, or they are they're in great need of something, you know, that's his his calling is to to go. And so I've had to come to terms with that and not get my feelings hurt.
SPEAKER_03That's probably not that easy.
SPEAKER_01But it isn't sometimes.
SPEAKER_03I mean, it is especially in the beginning.
SPEAKER_01Yes, especially when we had kids at home. Um, that was a little bit harder.
SPEAKER_03Um, but for those who don't know, Buddy's also an army chap an army chaplain. So he's got a chaplain background, so a lot of that chaplaincy is that like somebody needs somebody just passed away or something.
SPEAKER_01So yeah, and he has a lot of soldiers that reach out to him on a daily basis, too.
SPEAKER_03It's probably a good thing. So if they're reaching out, they probably need to.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. So it so kind of it kind of combines the effort and how much you know he's he's available. So but no, I think that's the biggest thing is just recognizing that there is is that your time is not your own, really.
SPEAKER_03And I'm sure I'm sure your life has changed quite a bit from pre to now.
SPEAKER_01Yes, yes. I mean probably a big difference.
SPEAKER_03Absolutely. Really? Okay.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I mean, just in the sense of uh, you know, we're not we're not able to just take off on a weekend and go, you know, to the sand dunes or go camping or do something like that. We are very much limited to, you know, non-church days, right? And you know, with me working a full-time job, it's it just makes it more difficult. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02So I think that's the biggest thing. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Okay. So my next question, sorry if it's too personal. If it's just a skip, we'll just skip past it. But would your do you think your relationship would be different if Buddy wasn't a pastor? It's gotta be a little bit different. I mean, I just just hearing like how much time was, you know.
SPEAKER_01I mean, I think that we would be I want to say we would be more adventurous, like in just in life.
SPEAKER_03Outgoing and doing stuff.
Chaplaincy, Boundaries, And Family Impact
SPEAKER_01Outgoing and doing stuff. I mean, we very much like to do different things, but we don't have the time to do them. So I think in that sense, I mean, we've always been very, a very close couple, our each one's best friend. So I don't think that necessarily has changed or would change, but I just think, yeah, we would probably we are we'd probably get more things done around our house.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I can imagine that would suffer. Yeah. Like that closet has probably been that way for a couple of years.
SPEAKER_00That's all right.
SPEAKER_03But I didn't think about that. Yeah, I'm getting a different perspective now, so thank you. You know, but I I mean it it's a calling for somebody to be a pastor, but it really kind of a calling for a pastor's wife, too. Like, could would you want to even accept this lifestyle? Because it's not easy.
SPEAKER_01You know, I I often think about it, you know, buddy always he teases and says, you know, it's a calling for it's his calling, but it's my, you know, I was made to do it. But I mean that's it is true in a sense, but not really. I mean, we went into this together, you know, as I grew up in church, and I can, if I look back, I can see God preparing me for this role. In my 20s, did I think this ever this would ever be us? Absolutely not. But I definitely think God has given me the skills that I have for this. He's prepared me for this role because it is a team effort for sure.
SPEAKER_03It would probably be hard for one.
SPEAKER_01I think it would be.
SPEAKER_03Unless you had a big staff, yes, you know, yes. That would be tough.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And unfortunately, most churches are a lot of staff. I mean, a lot of volunteers, but not, you know. Yeah. So all right. So man, I'm these I'm sorry ahead of time for these questions. I don't know what I was thinking, but I wrote them. I'm like, yeah, I'm trying to dig up dirt or something on Buddy, but just kidding. Just kidding. Buddy, kidding.
SPEAKER_01I've got the dirt. So all right.
SPEAKER_03So I put on here, does it you've already answered this, but does it add to your workload? Oh, pretty much like another job. 1000%. Okay.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_03And I wrote, because I was thinking that when I wrote this down, but I'm like, it has to. Yeah. It like has to add to like just more stuff you've got to do.
SPEAKER_01And to be honest, I think if you if if if I'm looking for the hardest thing about the role, it's that is that unfortunately we're not in a situation where I can do this full time with him. We would be a powerhouse if I did.
SPEAKER_03Um there's probably enough here to do. Oh, absolutely.
SPEAKER_01100%. We would be way more effective in just the administrative stuff and things like that. But I think I think if there's anything that is sometimes gets to me, it's the lack of time because again, a full-time nine to five job or more, and then everything that we have through the week that involves church, which is two to three days a week. And then of course, Sunday is is a marathon.
SPEAKER_03It's got a day, yeah.
Could Life Look Different Without Ministry
SPEAKER_01So, like I always tease them, I'm like, you know, you get Saturday and Monday. I think it's Friday sometimes. I'm like, I literally maybe get a Saturday ticket, you know. And so that I think that is really the the the biggest and it's gonna be hard with all this stuff for like you know, things you gotta do at home. Oh, all that for sure.
SPEAKER_03So now it's later at night, and yeah, yeah. You need a main.
SPEAKER_01I keep telling him that. I'm like, you know, we could hire someone to clean our house, but he's like, I can do it. Okay.
SPEAKER_03So this question, and I I already know the answer to this, I really do, but maybe it's not for me, but yeah, it's it's it's an obvious question, so sorry. Do you feel a responsibility to the church?
SPEAKER_01Oh 100% you have to, yeah. Absolutely, and to the people, and I you know they they have become our family.
SPEAKER_03And so you said something there. Church and the people.
SPEAKER_01It's the same thing.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's like you think church, the building, and just you know, stuff that happens like here that needs to be done here, but the people is probably more.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I mean, that's I mean, it goes.
SPEAKER_03It has to go to how do you separate, yeah. That's right. I didn't think about that.
SPEAKER_01You know, the the the love of you know, we're supposed to love like Christ. And if if I didn't have that, and you know, again, he teases it, you know, oh thank you for all you're doing, you know, to help me, or et cetera. And I always remind him, I I'm not doing it for you, I'm doing it for him. And and and as if I was doing it for you, I'd have stopped a long time ago. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03I was gonna say you can't have that absolutely thought because that's right.
SPEAKER_01So I do everything that I do to support him, yes, but also because that's my ministry as well.
SPEAKER_03Oh, yeah, definitely. Yeah. Okay, so the second part of that is or do you feel removed from it at all? No, you're you're you're in it. Yeah, you're probably like this deep in it, right?
SPEAKER_01Now now I will say there there has been periods in um my work career where things were so heavy that it wasn't time didn't allow. I had to separate myself a little bit for mental health. But yeah, it's it doesn't last long because the necessity is there.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, okay. I'm I'm really getting a sense of like it's there's I don't mean it in a bad way. It's it, but the word that comes to me is demanding.
SPEAKER_01It is, it is demanding.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, not in a bad way. Do you know what I mean? It's like there's it's just there's a lot. There's a lot to do, there's a lot of responsibility. Yeah, and the people expect to see you too. Absolutely. You know what I mean? Sunday, I'm sure everybody's used to seeing you up there on stage in the beginning, you know. So it's like everybody would probably like, right?
SPEAKER_01Right, yeah, exactly. I always tease.
SPEAKER_03Is she okay?
SPEAKER_01I mean, you know I tease him too. I'm like, you know, you have your, you know, when he has to go to drill, you know, he's at sure, he's gone, you know, and so but I'm still here. I'm still here holding it together.
SPEAKER_03So maybe you need to do a reserve time somewhere.
SPEAKER_01That's right, that's right.
SPEAKER_03Reserve, yeah. That's right.
Calling, Skills, And Teamwork In Marriage
SPEAKER_01But but I also want to say we have a great, we have, we have great folks here that we couldn't do it without him. So I don't want it to sound like, you know, I do everything or he does everything because we do have a great uh support team.
SPEAKER_03It seems like it. It seems like there's a lot of good people here. Absolutely. So what would you say is the best part?
SPEAKER_01Um, you know, I mean, really just being able to serve God in in that in that way, you know, you you'd be able being able to use the God-given gifts that He's given to me, both, you know, with my music, yeah, but especially with the leadership and uh business skills that I have and have acquired, you know, that he's given me made me successful at in the business world, has definitely translated to the church. And so, and I'm and I'm really happy that we do make a good team and I can support him because what he does, I couldn't do. Some of the things I do is not his strength. So, you know, it it's a good, it's a good partnership. We can we always say, you know, God knew what he was doing when he put us together.
SPEAKER_03Definitely. Yeah, and you can looking back at it, you can see the different strengths and everything. And like, you know, now I have a little better under under understanding of what you do and your background. It's like, oh yeah, this definitely helps, you know, but the church in general, because if not, there would need to be somebody in that position. I mean, because you can't let the business side like just paying the bills, you can't let that go.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_03You know, yeah, and just figure it out. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And you can't rely on Buddy's brain all the time to make sure. Yeah. Because he's got a lot going on too. That's right.
SPEAKER_03Don't have to answer this one if you don't want to, but what's the worst part?
SPEAKER_01Uh again, I think it's just the time, the time that I don't have, that I wish I had and need to have.
SPEAKER_03If you could just only get four hours of sleep, it'd be okay.
SPEAKER_01That's right. That's right. Now, I really I feel like I could be so much more effective if I had more time. But God's really working on us in that area. And, you know, I think as hard as it's to admit, some of that is on me, right? Because what am I using some of my time for that I could be using differently. So, you know, there's always that caveat there. But I think really just I w I wish I could sometimes be all in, but also I'm given everything I got, and I always keep telling, you know, God knows that I'm here for whatever He has for me and He'll make the rest work.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean makes sense. Yeah. So just a thought I had when I was thinking about this, and I was thinking about like, all right, what am I gonna ask her? You know, what what do so I you know I've been to seminary. We always get the courses on like how to plan the church and like how to be a pastor, how to do sermons and all this other stuff, putting things together. And I've always thought that, yeah, I just don't think I can do it. You know, I I just I don't know. I think pastors, I see too many pastors make it about themselves.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_03They're they're on stage, they love the limelight, they like the attention. It's about me, and that's not what it's supposed to be. Right. And I I don't want to do that, you know. So I'm like, yeah, I don't want to do, you know what I mean? I've always shy away from it. Like, I really don't want to get into that because I I I think I could do that and make it about me, and I just don't want to. So I mean, just thinking about that, and like if I get married, and like, yeah, there's just it's a lot and it's a lot to it, to being a pastor and everything else. And it would probably be hard to do it by yourself, you know, as a single pastor. So with that said, have you ever thought about writing a book?
SPEAKER_01Oh, yes.
SPEAKER_03Really?
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_03I thought that would catch you off guard. It didn't. We were like, oh no.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, again, time, but and I we always joke of like, we really should write this stuff down, you know, because it there is a lot of it's just I mean, there's a lot of funny stuff, right? There's a lot of stuff that you're you're you would never expect that happen, happens.
SPEAKER_03That would be a good podcast for you.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, right. Oh, for for sure.
SPEAKER_03But this week, yeah.
SPEAKER_01But also, you know, just writing a book or sharing how God can take you from one phase of your life into 400 different phases, and you end up here is in the and the journey that gets you there is and I think looking back too.
SPEAKER_03Oh, for sure. Like I'm here now, but looking back, this this and I can see these are the things that happened to me to get us there. For this reason, yeah.
SPEAKER_01That's right. This this was hard, but that we needed that to get here and to be better where we're to be better where we're at today.
SPEAKER_03I think it would be like and and again, just thinking of a a title, you know, like how to be a pastor's wife, right? You know, some something like that. Because I'm and maybe it wouldn't maybe there's not that many people out there that would buy it because there's not that many people getting into it. But but even just not even relating it to that, but just like marriages and working together, and you know, yeah, you guys have been married for a while, so it's you it's not easy. No, and I and I think a lot of people get into marriages thinking, oh, it's once I'm married, it fixes everything.
SPEAKER_01Oh man, that's a whole nother book and podcast. Absolutely. Been there, done that, right? And I think it it gives you, you know, you have to grow. Like, so I would if I was to talk, if I was to talk to somebody that is young or even just a brand new, getting brand new into the ministry as a pastor's wife, or really anything else. I mean, I think you I wish I would have had a mentor to set the expectations of like I can see how that could be really absolutely. And so I do think that's lacking.
SPEAKER_03I can imagine just you just kind of nervous a little bit because you don't know what to expect if you're walking into this.
SPEAKER_01And maybe that's a good thing. Maybe you know, honestly, but I also think that you it would be good to be prepared for like people are people, and just because you're in church doesn't mean they're always gonna be nice and they are gonna hurt your feelings, and you know, maybe they they meet you or they don't, but that's just people, yeah. And and you and you may do that the same. And you know, Christy, you should watch your face. Maybe, you know, don't show everything on your face, like you know, and I would I've if buddy was here, he'd probably say, I've gotten a little bit better about that. But you know, uh honestly, don't react, you know. So just to different things and of just and just setting that expectation that, you know, the the church does it is a priority. And and yes, it is God family church, but it's there's a lot, there's a pretty fine line, in my opinion.
SPEAKER_03Um between that. Between it, yeah. Definitely. You probably would have a lot of material for books, more than one. Right. You know?
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
Responsibility To People Over Building
SPEAKER_03You could probably do well, yeah. Second income, yeah. But there you go. Third, whatever. Yeah. That's right. I don't know. Wow, that was good. I I came away from this more appreciation for what you do and just like pastors' wives in general. I didn't think it was easy. I mean, I didn't go into it thinking that was easy, but I guess I didn't, but it also gives me an idea of the demand of a pastor, too. I mean it's just it's it's a lot. This is it's not just a job you clock in and you get forty hours and you go home. It's right for everybody involved. Well, at least for the pastor, pastor's wife, it's no it's almost twenty five years.
SPEAKER_01You live it it is your life.
SPEAKER_02And then it has to be a calling.
SPEAKER_01It it has to be a calling.
SPEAKER_02And I and I think you can do it half-heartedly and and expect to be around in five years, probably.
SPEAKER_01No. And and you have to do it for the right reasons, or you're not going to endure through the really bad parts of it, you know?
SPEAKER_03Because of the Would you say like the first few years? Like most businesses, the first few years are the toughest part, and then it gets kind of easier. I mean, you more autopilot-ish, but is it?
SPEAKER_01Um, I think you your expectations probably change. I mean, so that probably helps things be go a little bit easier.
SPEAKER_03Sitting back and looking at the church, you and the church, and uh Pastor Buddy in the church, and how everything works, you guys make it look real easy. Like it looks like I don't know, it's not maybe not a well-willed machine. Do you know what I mean? But pretty close. Like you guys have this down. You really do.
SPEAKER_00It doesn't always feel like that, but thank you.
SPEAKER_03Well, and I bet anybody in the church would say that. Do you know what I mean? It's it seems like you guys are like doing very well. Is this working very well here, you know?
SPEAKER_01We worked well together, and yes, we have some great folks that jump in and and help make it work, and uh, we couldn't do it without them.
SPEAKER_03And and that's kind of what you hope for too. Like you get some good people to come along and exactly.
SPEAKER_01And that's what we continue to pray for because as we grow, we need more and more people to step up and and take those roles.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I can imagine.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Well, thank you very much. Thank you for the time talking with me today. That was fun. Asking me, sorry, I asked you a few questions, just some things I kind of jot down, and I was like, all right. And once you got going with it, I was like, oh, okay. I could really see like what I thought you were gonna say versus what you said. Not quite the same. Okay, just uh more.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03You know, it's just it's more than what I thought.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_03And I wasn't, I guess I don't know why I was thinking, you know, it it's not that demanding time-wise, but yeah, I can I can see it now.
SPEAKER_01It's and maybe it's not for everybody, but this isn't this isn't this is my experience.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, well, well, I bet it is. I bet it is too. Yeah, I bet it is too. Unless it's a mega church and you've got, you know, a staff of 30 running everything. But yeah.
SPEAKER_01We always see Buddy just walks around drinking coffee and talking while I'm in the background running a rat running around getting everything done.
SPEAKER_03So you'd probably disagree with that.
SPEAKER_01No, he doesn't. No, he doesn't. And yeah, it's been proven.
SPEAKER_03So it's been proven. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Well, thank you so much for having me. You're welcome.
SPEAKER_03Thanks for coming on. Now, it would be I think it'd be really neat to do some other podcasts with you. Yeah. On different topics or anything. Maybe we can get you and Buddy, all of us together, and even if somebody else does it, not just not me, but and and whatever. Well, so I'm kind of excited to see where this goes.
SPEAKER_00Okay, yes.
SPEAKER_03This is the fun part.
SPEAKER_00So thank you.
SPEAKER_03So everybody, thank you very much for listening in, and hopefully, we will have some more episodes soon. Thank you very much. God bless.