The Messy Truth About Real Spiritual Growth

In this episode, we dive deep into the hidden trap of spiritual bypassing—the ‘love and light only’ mindset that avoids real healing. I break down the myths vs. truths about spirituality, explore how toxic positivity and manifestation culture can keep us stuck, and share what true spiritual growth really looks like. From shadow work to healthy boundaries, emotional honesty to practical action, we uncover how to embrace both the light and the shadow on your spiritual journey. If you’ve ever wondered why positivity alone isn’t enough—or how to avoid bypassing in your own healing—this episode is for you.”

Like, comment, and follow this podcast, and please share with anyone who might be caught in the spiritual bypassing trap. DM me on Instagram with your stories, questions, and feedback!

Chapters

• 0:01 Welcome and Introduction
• 1:29 Understanding Spiritual Bypassing
• 4:33 Debunking Spiritual Myths
• 9:06 Real Spiritual Growth is Messy
• 16:22 Learning to Face Your Emotions
• 21:34 Setting Boundaries and Final Thoughts

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Okay, hey, welcome back everybody. Welcome to Real Talk with me, isabel. Thank you so much for those that got back to me loved last week's episode. I appreciate you, I see you and also please make sure that you like this episode, you comment on this episode and you follow the podcast. It helps with the numbers. Either way, I am back. We're going to keep up the consistency of this podcast and I really got I did get a lot of feedback from last week's podcast.

Speaker 1: 0:32

So there was a lot of questions in regards to like boundaries and relationships and how to create space, and I want to hit on all those things. But I first thought why not mix a little bit of a spiritual podcast episode in with all of that, because we can always come back to that. So I will probably do that again next week, but on today's episode I'm actually going to talk about something that I have talked about before in regards to spirituality and that is spiritual bypassing. The only reason I want to bring this up is that I am consistently always being met with like people or situations where it's like psychics or teachers are telling them things that I'm like that is just BS, like that is completely BS and at the end of the day, you have to understand that what I do is a job, and I mean that in the sense that there's going to be people out there that just say BS, don't really know what they're doing, and that is that. But spiritual bypassing is that love and light only mindset where people try to slap positivity on top of pain and they're just like you shouldn't feel negative, you shouldn't feel this way, you shouldn't feel bad or anger, and I'm like that's BS. And I really want to take today's episode and not only break that down about what it is, but what spirituality is, what it's, not the myths that people believe and, most importantly, what is really true in regards to what real spiritual growth looks like.

Speaker 1: 2:01

So one of the things I firstly want to clear out is that spiritual bypassing can look when we are avoiding, like I said, our emotions and our feelings, and we're just avoiding them, we're not facing them, we're not going through them, because real spirituality is about facing those things, the uncomfortability, allowing yourself to be vulnerable. So spiritual bypassing is when someone says, just raise your vibration, like get in a higher state. When you're sitting in heartbreak, or you're told just to meditate, when you actually have a lot of trauma to process. Like, do you really want to meditate with all of your trauma? Like, honestly, I don't think I do, and it's very hard to raise your vibration when you're dealing with heartbreak. It's very hard to raise your vibration when you're dealing with heartbreak. Also, spiritual bypassing can really look like I'm overemphasizing positivity.

Speaker 1: 2:50

I'm not going to talk about the negative, you know, saying everything happens for a reason as a way to, like, really dismiss your pain, or I'm going to use my manifestation and affirmations as band-aids instead of really creating change in your life. Acting like being spiritual means you're always peaceful, forgiving and perfect. And who has the time for that? Like that is not reality. Like, as an individual, I'm a human that chose. I'm a spiritual being that chose to live a human experience. I'm going to face human issues. I'm a human, human experience. I'm going to face human issues. I'm a human. And so all of that BS, all of that, let's have this love and light of positivity. That's avoidance. Like that is avoidance, dressed up in all of your crystals and dressed up in all of your sage, and that's not spirituality. By the way, I do like crystals and I do like sage, so I don't want to, like you know, put those down. I'm just saying like you got to face real spiritual work, is facing the truth of who you are.

Speaker 1: 3:50

So we're going to clear up a couple of myths today. Yay, myth time, because I get asked really random questions sometimes on my lives and it really makes me sad about, like, the things that people say. Like the other day I was on the live yesterday and I had someone say like I stopped writing my book and I'm like why? And she's like a psychic told me that if I write my book, my marriage won't last. And I'm like, oh my gosh, like that's horrible. I am so sorry which is a whole nother topic because I just put out a thing on TikTok on how, like why do some psychics read one way and then other psychics read another way? So if you want to read that or listen to that, you can go to TikTok and listen to that. But we're going to get in kind of like these myths.

Speaker 1: 4:33

Okay, I'm going to start with myth number one. Healing means you should never feel anger, sadness or fear. This is so wrong. Or fear, this is so wrong. Those emotions are signals. Your body, emotions, energy in motion. Anything that you are feeling emotionally is a sign from God, universe. Divine your intuitive side, like saying hey, you need to look at this. There's something in this that needs to be released, faced, healed. There's something there. Your emotions are there to guide you on what still needs to be like loved, on what needs to be noticed, what needs to be seen. And it's horrible because if I tell you just to like, don't face those negative feelings, you're going to be right back into, kind of maybe your childhood, when you were told like you're not supposed to feel that way. So that's definitely like a myth.

Speaker 1: 5:32

Myth number two is that being spiritual means endlessly forgiving and being calm. No, no, I will always say I can forgive you, but I don't forget and I have to have boundaries. You have to have boundaries. Boundaries are the rules that you tell people on how they are allowed to treat you right, like these are my rules. If you don't treat me like this or you don't follow these rules, you can't come into my bubble, is what I call it. You can't come into my space. So boundaries are spiritual too. You don't have to keep forgiving and people pleasing and doing all of these things Like that is not the way it is and maybe it's so.

Speaker 1: 6:09

Much of this stuff isn't necessarily the case as it was when I first came into the industry. Industry sounds kind of like very interesting word to use, but when I first started this work years ago, this stuff was very prevalent and I feel like with TikTok and social media it's still out there, because I just don't think that it's talked about a lot and I think that a lot of people are like well, maybe I'm not spiritual or maybe I'm a bad person, because I don't agree with this, because I have these feelings and emotions and I'm definitely here to tell you no, no, I get angry, I get frustrated, I get sad, I get worried, I get fearful, I get all of these things. But learning how to shift my perspective and listen to my heart and trust myself is what really helps me in that spirituality. Also, I'm going to say they say that myth. You know, if you're struggling, I don't know I'm losing count. I think this is myth three If you're struggling, it's because you're manifesting wrong.

Speaker 1: 7:11

That one makes me cringe. No, I always say be careful what you're asking to manifest, because when you choose to manifest certain things, the universe has to clear out what is blocking you in order to manifest what you're calling in. So you may find that maybe relationships or friendships or situations are like all of a sudden just not there anymore, or they're drifting apart or something, and it's because these situations you could be giving all your energy to and it's blocking you from really manifesting what you are calling into your life. Right, that needs to be a thing. It's blocking you from really manifesting what you are calling into your life. Right, that needs to be things like be careful what you're manifesting. Also, in that same context, we oftentimes can manifest things that we're not quite ready for. It's like I'm going to call in this amazing relationship and then I'm going to get it, and then it's going to trigger every aspect of me and I'm going to run from it and it's like, oh my God, I just ran from the most perfect person for me. So I'm going to say right now, just hey, be careful with that. But if you're struggling, it's not necessarily because you're manifesting wrong. It could be that you're manifesting right. That is so true. Like it could be that you are manifesting right because it's going to clear out all your crap. It's going to clear out everything, all of it, and so you have to keep focused on your goals. You're not broken. Struggle's human FYI.

Speaker 1: 8:40

Myth number four I can't believe how many times people actually ask this or tell me like, oh my gosh, I was thinking about something and then, like, tiktok sent me this video about, like he's thinking about you or this is what you need to do, like it's the universe's divine message, yeah, okay, okay, if you want to take it that way, go ahead and do that. Sometimes you know what I have to say. I've been caught in this loophole. I've been caught in this loophole. Sometimes it is the universe's divine message, sometimes it is a sign, but other times, sometimes it's not and I don't know what to say. Sometimes, yes, sometimes it's just the algorithm, but let's not give all of our power, choices and everything into the fact that you got sent a video and now you're going to make every decision based on that. Please, don't do that Like, please, always make sure you are intuitively, like, really checking in with yourself, like what feels right to you, what feels like what is right to you, because that's really what everything is about, right Is? I'm going to check intuitively in with myself and learn how to listen. All right, don't give all your power away.

Speaker 1: 9:56

The last myth that I'm going to say, and there's so many myths, but I can go over manifestation myths. I can go over tools and tips myths. I can go over crystals myth. By the way, if any of these myths that you have questions on, please just DM me on Instagram or I don't know, here. Love and light this is the last one.

Speaker 1: 10:15

Love and light alone equals growth, and no real growth in spirituality like real, real, real real growth in spirituality includes your shadow honesty. It's the messy parts of being human. Like real growth, it's messy, it's so messy Spiritual growth, it is dirty. I don't know what to tell you about it. Like it is really really, really dirty, yeah, and we don't have all the answers. We don't have all the answers. So I think there's frustration in that, and I know there is, because we all want to know what's on the other side. We all want to know how are things going to turn out. So I'm going to say, in that sense, it's not love and light. It can feel heavy, it can feel messy, it can feel painful, it can feel all of these things. So I don't know.

Speaker 1: 11:11

Maybe think for a moment like, have you ever fallen into one of these myths. Like I said, I was totally one to say I have fallen under the. Oh, I got a message from, you know, the TikTok guides, the TikTok universe. It was divine. I've totally fallen under that. I don't think I've really fallen under the other stuff too much for myself, that's just because of my perspective on things. But yeah, I never was really about toxic positivity.

Speaker 1: 11:43

There was points in my journey where I felt that I was doing everything wrong because I wasn't aligned with the toxic positivity, like in the sense that I was at a point where everything was love and light, and because I wasn't the love and light, I thought that I was doing spirituality wrong. I thought that my life was wrong, like I thought that everything was right. There's been many times in my life that I have faced situations where I have maybe fallen trapped to some of that, thinking that everything's fine, everything happens for a reason. I just need to stay positive and I was ignoring, maybe, my emotions. I was ignoring the fact that I needed to grieve or that I was angry and I was scared, and the more that I actually tried to cover up those emotions, it took me longer to actually heal and maybe even move out of a situation and I kept telling myself that these things that I was wrong for, feeling mad or angry or scared, and that, like, look at all the good, like, look at all the positive, look at all of this, like, look at the gratitude, when in reality, that could be true in the same context that a situation could be like oh this is great, I am grateful for this, but it's not for me. Like my emotions are showing me that it's not in alignment for me, it wasn't until I was really allowed to be myself and to be real with my emotions meaning I was crying, journaling, sitting in my shit that I felt my spirituality really deepen. And this is why I will tell you guys, when you're going through stuff, please don't ignore what you are feeling, don't ignore your thoughts and your emotions, don't ignore the grief. All of that is energy that has to get pushed out, that has to get. It has to get moving, like you have to move it. So crying and letting loose is actually very healing as well. I tell people like I know you're angry, why are you angry? Say your anger, like feel it for a second, but just don't allow your stuff to get stuck in it. And that's when I understood avoiding pain isn't spiritual, but walking through it with awareness is I'm going to take a sip of my coffee on that one, because that's real spirituality is.

Speaker 1: 13:57

What I talked about is having the having and I cannot use the word what is the word, guys? Being able to shift your perspective, to have the awareness to stuff and go through it and go through it. So just FYI, FYI. But this is why it all brings us back to bypassing, because bypassing has consequences, right, if people are stuck in unhealthy relationships. It keeps people stuck in unhealthy relationships because they don't want to lower their vibration. It makes people feel ashamed when they can't be positive all the time. It blocks actual healing, because you can't heal what you won't face and you have to face this sometimes. And it turns spirituality and this really pisses me off into a performance, and I think that's what most of you guys don't realize. You are watching on social media. You are watching a performance.

Speaker 1: 14:58

Being somebody that I'm not here to call people out, but being somebody that has worked with spiritual coaches, psychics, mediums, people that have done this work so long, I see the performance that they've led and it's like I have to tell them hey, you got to feel this. You got to work through your shit. If you want to go deeper with your clients, you got to understand how to navigate this right. Something like you have to look at that. We have to live it. You have to live it.

Speaker 1: 15:26

Think of spiritual bypassing, like putting a lid on that's what you're doing. You're putting a lid on boiling water and eventually that pressure is going to explode. But when you allow your emotions to flow, you can actually really look at them in a really, really healthy way. Okay, so I hope that makes you make I hope that trauma makes sense for you in some way. Okay, I think it does. All right, so, yeah, so make sure that you aren't avoiding your traumas. You're not avoiding things. You just got to. You got to face it. You got to face stuff head on. Okay, all right, onto the next one. I think I gave you all of like those were good, right, I'm okay, we're going to leave it alone. All right, on to the next one. I think I gave you all of like those were good, right, okay, we're going to leave it alone, all right. So what does spiritual growth really look like If bypassing isn't it? What does spiritual growth look like I don't know. I should say I'll let you know when I reach enlightenment. No, I'm just joking Honestly, like I said it's messy. I'm just joking Honestly. Like I said it's messy. It's not all these tools and oracle cards or tarot or crystals. You can't put all this stuff on it. It's gritty but it's also incredibly beautiful. It's so beautiful. How many times have I sat in a movie? Not in a movie, but when you watch a movie and you watch somebody going through, like they're crashing out, they're breaking down, they're crying, they're losing their shit, like I've done that so many times and at the end of it and I thank you, gratitude to those that have had to listen to my shit but like I come out of it so much stronger and it's like, oh shit, I get it, I can see the light. I understood what I was not facing. I understood the lesson that I have to learn, and it's learning in that messiness to ask the universe what are you trying to teach me right now? What do I need to see and acknowledge in this moment? What is this trigger teaching me? I'm holding space for myself and I'm not judging myself because I'm mad, angry and sad. I'm like, okay, let's cry it out. I'm going to grab my journal. I'm going to write out my feelings of emotions. I'm mad, angry and sad. I'm like, okay, let's cry it out. I'm going to grab my journal. I'm going to write out my feelings and emotions. I'm going to notice things. I'm going to start owning my shit. I'm going to own my patterns. I know that not everything is my fault, but I have maybe allowed certain situations or I was repeating patterns with people or things, right? I'm not going to blame everyone else. I'm not going to say, oh, this is their fault or it's because of them. I'm going to own it. I'm not going to wait for the universe to quote fix things for me, right? I'm going to take action. I'm actually going to take aligned actions. I'm going to make the shift out of this, and oftentimes we wait for the universe. We wait for the universe, right? I'm going to wait till I feel better. I'm going to wait for that sign or symbol. I'm going to wait for this, rather than maybe your sign and symbol is getting your ass up out of that bed and walking out the front door, maybe your sign and symbol is like making that action and then you're like, oh, I freaking get it. Okay. So take aligned action. The sign and symbols could be on the other side of you taking the action. Also, learning to forgive. That has been one of the hardest things that I've had to learn is how to forgive, because it's like I'm not going to forget the pain that you caused me, or I'm not going to forget the hurt that you caused me, but I can just release it and realize you suck. But I'm going to release this and not hold this emotion anymore with anger and pain, because that is your journey, those are your lessons to learn and it's not my burden to carry that shit by me holding my anger and pain on you. I am carrying that shit, okay. So you have to learn to forgive in some sense and context, but not in like abandoning your worth or your boundaries in the process. Okay, don't, don't do that. All right. Also, balancing, like that mystical side with the practical, because spirit does use both. All right, spirit will use both the mystical tools, the mystical ways, but it also does use practical, all right. So for me, I guess you could say that growth really looked like setting those boundaries, having boundaries. I used to think that I had to be yes on everything. I had to please everybody. I was a people pleaser. Actually I was a people pleaser, so give me a second Okay. So the moment I really had to learn how to just kind of have boundaries for myself, I was giving from an empty cup and I talked about this on last week's episode. So the moment I started really setting boundaries, my spiritual practice really deepened and I could actually show up with integrity and real love because I wasn't resentful or drained, so just FYI. So take a moment, I guess, and notice like are you facing your shit? Like, are you really facing your stuff? Are you using spirituality to escape instead of actually connect and connect with yourself, to connect with yourself? Am I avoiding or am I engaging? And I'm going to call you guys out in relationships, because I get so many damn relationship questions on my lives and I thank you guys for my lives, but, like, honestly, I get so much we're like is so-and-so going to call me? Does so-and-so love me? What does so-and-so think of me? And I'm like can we? That, to me, in a weird way, is also spiritual bypassing, because you're not sitting with your own thoughts and feelings in yourself, you're not looking at yourself. Are you avoiding something? Are you not looking at something right, like maybe you're in a relationship, you guys had separation, and you're like, are they coming back? Maybe looking at the fact of what are you working on yourself and do you really want them to come back? Do they really match where you're going in your life? So, no matter what it is, you need to ask yourself am I avoiding or am I engaging? Am I avoiding or am I gauging? So allow yourself to really practice like feeling your emotions fully, even the uncomfortable ones, and I think like it does get easier to face the uncomfortable feelings Oftentimes. Again, I'm going to switch it for a second. You know, people are like what's my biggest sign? Am I clairvoyant, clairaudient, clairsentient? And it's interesting because I'm like you're trying to step into clairvoyance, you're trying to talk to your guides, you're trying to communicate deeper with your spirit team or your intuition, but you don't want yourself to actually feel emotions and you're not comfortable being in your body, feeling it Guess what love. It's not going to work. It's not going to work. Everything always comes back to your feelings. Everything always comes back to emotions, because everything that I have channeled in this, what I have channeled, is that we, as humans, have emotions and feelings, and that's not something that every universe has. That's not something that it's not the same out of this body. So it's actually a gift. As much as you're like, I hate that part of it, it's a gift. It's a gift and that is your tool to your intuition. So get comfortable being uncomfortable, and then remember that shadow work is really spiritual work too. And if you're like I don't know what shadow work is, I'm going to keep it really basic. Shadow work is allowing yourself to see the things that maybe you've judged wrong or others have judged you and that you've put in the closet. And now you're like wait, I actually need to face this. This isn't bad. These aren't bad perspectives of me. So I'll keep it simple like that and make sure you guys surround yourself with communities, people that just embrace you for who you are and not just your perfection. Just embrace you for who you are and not just your perfection. Right, I'm not perfect. I'm a mess. I love that. I mean, I'm here with you guys giving you guys a podcast on stuff I know, but in reality I'm a mess. Oh my God, I got people all the time that I'm like just slap me right now and tell me to shut up. Literally, I hear spirit times. They're like Isabel, you need to calm down, isabel, you need to stop. And I'm like I'm spiraling and spirit's like we're telling you stop and I'm like, nope, I'm just going to keep ramming this and that doesn't lead anywhere. Good, so, I'm not perfect, but all of this is where spirituality gets real. It is, and that's a lot of times where people are like I don't want to do the work, I don't want to do the work and you have to do the work. And I'm going to say, if you are on here and you work with multiple psychics, mediums, spiritual teachers, life coaches, anyone, therapists make sure they're doing the work. Make sure they're doing the work, because that's where the power is. But know that spirituality isn't about being perfect, it's just about being real and it's about being able to hold both the light and the shadow, and the more we embrace all of it, the more we become true to our authenticity, to our truth. So I'm going to leave you at that and, if this episode definitely resonated, I want to hear your story. I want to hear your story, I want to hear your questions. So DM me on Instagram. Even here, I think, like some apps have like a text button. Hit the text button. Let me know your thoughts, opinions, questions. Drop a comment, share this with a friend who's been maybe caught in this trap. But let's just be real, like, honestly, like let's be real always. Not a performance, your life isn't a performance. Spirituality isn't performance. And remember, you are not less spiritual because you're human, you're whole because you're human. So I hope that this all makes sense to you. All right guys, again, like follow, share, and I could go more deep than spiritual growth, but I feel like this is a good little coffee conversation, maybe because I'm having coffee while recording. All right guys, have a great day. I'll see you next week and goodbye.