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and today we're talking to Eva metal X. She has a coach high-performance success, executive focused And I love this conversation because we talk about kind of where we need to be as look into 2022 focusing on our priorities and how we want to show up and using regret and guilt is kind of an indicator to make sure that you are really, truly aligning to the success, priorities that matter to you. I love this conversation. I know you will too. Let's get into it. Eva. Welcome to the show. Thanks Cass. Thanks for having me. I am so excited to chat with you today. We'll start where we always do. Tell us a little bit about who you are and the work you do in the world. You know who I am? Well, I actually am a high-performance coach and I also bring cultural intelligence and inclusivity into my high-performance coaching, but you know, my superpower and the work that I bring into the world is helping busy professionals, busy people, busy entrepreneurs learn how to have their own. Work-life balance by really learning how to incorporate habits for success into their lives so that they can advance their careers without sacrificing health well-being and relationships in the process. So we usually sacrifice one thing, trying to get another, and I'm just really helping people have how to have it all without doing it all. I love that. There's this energy that always happens around the beginning of the year around habits and taking care of ourselves and maybe, you know, how we want to show up in our bodies. In your experience, why is it? And I think this is especially true for women. Why is our health the first or second thing that we let fall to the wayside when we are on a path to, and I'm putting this in air quotes, access professionally, I think it's, women tend to be people pleasing. And so we really sacrifice our own health and wellbeing, trying to be everything to everyone. You know, I I'm a bit older than you, but back in my day, there was this commercial for a perfume called Anjalee and it had such a catchy little jingle and. You know, the gist of the jingle was I could bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan and never let you forget your man because I'm a woman. And so those ideas, especially in the late seventies, early eighties were planted in most women, probably your mom, you know, that we, in order to have it all that we have to be at all and do it all too. And those ideas set us up to fail. They really set us up, not only to fail, trying to do everything, to please everyone else and to be successful. And we realize we can't and then we feel like we're failing and not only is our emotional and mental energy taking a hit, but our physical bodies are buckling under the stress as well. There's so much in there that I think is so resonant intro and just having that moment of recognition that, yeah, this is what we were taught that you have to be at all. And the only way that you can be at all is if you do it all, how do we start to learn a new way to approach? You can care. You know, one of the things that I work with and my clients and my coaching is really w work on clarity, clarity around what matters most to you, because we are, you know, working off of a blueprint of a lot of other people's priorities. Most of the time, and ours are putting, getting put on the back Burnie burner. And once you're clear on your priority, You know, when you're not clear on, studies actually show that you're up to 30 times more likely to miss out on success. So the first step I would say is get clear on what matters most to you. What are your priorities? What are your values and make your decisions? Based on your priorities and values because the bottom line is your success depends on your ability to prioritize without guilt or regret. And once you are really clear on what your priorities are, it becomes easy to make decisions that support and move forward. Your priorities. Okay. I want you to restate that. Cause that is so clarifying truly. So your success is about depends on your ability to prioritize without guilt or regret. I like this. Put it this way. Bottom line success requires selfishness. And not selfishness in the social constructs of being a narcissist or me, me, me, me, me, but really prioritizing yourself. And that's not to say you're mean to anybody else, but really you've got to own the responsibility. I call it my CPR, you know, clarity priorities, and owning the responsibility of setting and creating boundaries that support. And move forward your priorities and your values. So that means that, you know, I have a task of doing something today that forwards my business and you call and you're not bleeding and I don't have to rush to the hospital or anything like that, but you're like, Hey Eva, can you do me a favor? There's two things that could happen. You know? Oh my God, cash. I w I wish I could. You know, under normal circumstances I would, but I have a deadline to meet today and I I've got my day planned out. can we do this another time? How urgent is it? Or, you know what I can't, but I know someone who might be able to help you. I can refer you to somebody, you know, I w I was on a. I forget who I was talking to the other day, who, someone who actually drops everything no matter who walks into her office and at what time, and it's just like, you know, where are your priorities in that? You know, it's powerful, isn't it? It really, he is. I think that the, the guilt or regret. paradigm here is really, this is such an apt time to have this conversation because inevitably we come to the end of the year and we're like, oh, we're either celebrating and all the good things that happened. And all of the ways that we showed up in our lives and in our work. And we can have a moment of self reflection. That's really uplifted. But if you're anything like me, at some point in that reflection, you're like, oh yeah, but I didn't, or I wish I had, and you tap into that guilt regret, fear. And I mean, I think it's important lessons, right? So to go back and be like, are we truly, do I actually feel guilt and regret about that? Or do I think I should feel guilt and regret about this shitting on yourself? That's no good. No good. Right. Messy. But it's also saying, okay, as I look forward to the success that I want to achieve, and I desire for myself and for my life in 2022, what actions are going to help me live without guilt and without regret, you know, here's the thing about our feelings. You know, our feelings are very rarely aligned with what's best for us. Yeah. Very rarely aligned. And you know, and, but we get to honor our feelings. We get to recognize them. We get to sit with them and ask ourselves. That's why it's so important to be clear on your priorities and values. Is this feeling on a forward that are going to pull me farther away from that? And, you know, I look at feelings, I know you have little ones, but I look at feeling sometimes as little toddlers that just want to pull you on all kinds of different directions. And you, as the adult have to say, no, no, no, honey, we've got to go this way. We've got to cross at the corner. We've got to wait for the light to turn red and they're just really wanting to dart out there. And so it's not that our feelings are to be ignored or suppressed. So please don't hear me say that. You get to just like, okay, I hear you. And I understand it's scary. And you feel built. However, when we look at, you know, the, the intention, the goal of the priorities and values, this is the best action, action of integrity for what I want to create you. Okay. So you can't control how you feel. So as soon as we relax and stop trying to control our fear or guilt, our regret, all of that just now that we can't control that, but we can control how we act. So. Yeah, acknowledge it like, Hmm, this is filling scary, but I know I get to do this because you know, this is what I want to create. This is what the deadline I've set. This is what needs to happen for this project to move forward and do it anyway. And I'll tell all of the mothers of young children out there. I. One of the books that I had and my kids are in their thirties. I had this guide called the working mother's guilt guide, which I gifted to all of my friends when they had kids at that time. And you know, a lot of things that I did because I felt guilty if I didn't do that. And I talked to my kids about it now. They don't remember any of it. And it's not just because they're in their thirties. Like by the time they were in their late teens, like, huh, we did now. They're just really kids are moving on with their lives. And you know what, you know, in your heart, who you are as a mother and you can prioritize. And what I mean by that, Yes. We talk about balance a lot, right? Work-life balance. And so many of us are trying to achieve a work-life balance. That's equal on both sides and the sooner you can realize that balance is not equal, it's different and it's personal for everyone. Then it gives you that power to add or subtract. To whatever side of the scale you need to, as you see fit, sometimes the family gets more time. Sometimes this project needs some of your time. And that's why it's important to be clear on what you're creating to the people in your support system and create boundaries. There's so much around creating boundaries, doing this work. Being intentional and saying, okay, this is, these are the priorities. How. Do you feel like priorities and values are something that you just decide once? Is it monthly? Is it yearly? How do you look at looking at priorities and values? My values are pretty much the same, but different things take priorities on different days. Like for example, I've got my daily priorities. I've got my priorities. I need done by the end of the week. I've got my priorities. I want completed by the end of the day. The quarter, the year, like for example, I've got to get stuff stuck to get stuff ready for the accountant. However, I've got a launch coming up, today actually. So when I was, you know, preparing for the launch that took priority because I have more time for the accountant, you know, one of the things that brings us worry and stress is worrying too far in the future. And so we can really calm our nervous system on our stress levels and are overwhelmed down when we look at okay, what absolutely needs to be done today. And just take it day by day. And most of us create this overwhelming stress by like, yeah. But next month this needs to be done in another, you know, and so, okay. Let's reverse engineer it and get the day's priorities and what, what needs to be done by Friday at five, you know? And then you create a, your, your schedule, your planning, so to speak on where to insert those different, tasks or demands. For that priority. So yeah. Priorities are always changing and don't be afraid to change them. Yeah. I think there's a lot there. I think frequently we decide here's our path and we think I'm going to go. And then we find the path has a significant hurdle or something else is going on. And rather than readjusting and dealing with what it is, we try to fight it. And resetting those priorities is really important. I'm curious to know how does, how does a coach like yourself? How do you look at the year and a reflective place and how do you look at planning knowing that you're going to be nimble and agile for whatever priorities need to be. Well, I have a morning routine. First of all, where, you know, I sit for about 10 or 15 minutes and a reflective meditation of, you know, breathing. Gratitude, uh, manifestation and setting an intention for each and every day. And when I look at the year, you know, a couple of things, my husband and I started doing about 10, 11 years ago as we set up our yearly goals personally, and for our business, because we, we also have a real estate investment company that we'd run together as well. And I do that from, from my business too. I just set goals and, and they're in no particular order, but just things that, you know, the dream list, the wishlist or whatever, and then there's, you know, vision boarding, a lot of people, vision boarding. I, my head is a constant vision board, like, oh my goodness. And, you know, for myself, you know, I'm, I'm getting a bit more strategic about what I want to create and then reverse engineer on how I want to create it. Like for example, in my business is a certain number of private clients that I, you know, have the space to give all of my time, effort and energy to. And then how can I reach more people globally on a scale? And. Programs products and services that I can, I create that reach more people. And, you know, and I also get help and support and strategically planning that out. It's I don't really need, most entrepreneurs are such lone Wolfers and they want to do everything. On their own and by themselves. And so, you know, I bounce my ideas off of people and it helps me create some more clarity around and it wasn't a good idea. Wasn't it? Cause not every idea I have is a good one and something my husband will say is like, okay, yeah, you're right. Scrap that I love that you're holding. To envision what you want and also to hold space to say not every idea that I come up with, needs to be seen through by me. And it's good. I mean, sometimes I think we attach ourselves, especially as entrepreneurs to, oh, well, I'd like to do it all. And I had this idea, so that means now I have to do this too, but looking at it constructively. Oh, Yeah, I've loved this conversation, Eva. Thank you so much for sharing kind of how you look at these values and priorities and, and how you are stepping forward to, to define and create the habits for that success. It's powerful. Thank you. yeah, I, you know, if I can share just one little, little story real quick, you know, I have a client recently who, You know, a lost her mother-in-law recently. And because of some of the things she had co coming up in a business, she was going to send her, her husband from east coast to the west coast, by himself, you know, to, to go to the Memorial and, you know, and I, who was I to say what she should or shouldn't do, but what we did in that session was looked at her priority. And what matters most, you know, they, they have twin toddlers and, who are, who are special needs in their own rights. And there was, you know, well, I should stay home with the kids or should we bring the whole family and the money and all of that. And so we broke it down by what was important to her, what mattered most to her and what came out of that was her relationship. You know, her relationship came before the kids. You know, her relationship with her mother-in-law was special. So how can we create a support system so that she could, you know, not worry about the children? Be there for her husband and know that business opportunities will continue to come. But what matters most for her now is that being there for her husband and she got to create that herself, but just having a coach help her got guide her to that realization. Like this is the most important relationship in my life. And I get to nourish this and be there for him. So that was an important conversation. I love that example because being thoughtful, it's easy to rat what's on the calendar feel and what's been planned feel like the most important thing, but if we're truly in alignment with our priorities, we're going to be more fulfilled with how we show up. Beautiful. Perfect. Yeah, absolutely. And some of us are just afraid of a miss opportunity. Yeah. I'm talking to myself here. Like I have such, you know, I suffer from FOMO all the time, but this is the only opportunity, you know, like, you know what, that's where you've got to really settle in. And I was like, and what if, you know, My husband secretly regrets me for the rest of my, my spouse stupidly regrets me for the rest of my life because I wasn't there for him. And that damages our relationship forever. What's more important than that. Yeah. Yeah. Eva, where can people find you online? They can find me at Eva metal like that, come on my website. And I'm also on Facebook and Instagram as well. And if anybody is really serious about, you know, making the changes in their habits so that they can be more fulfilled while being more successful, they can reach me@talkwitheva.com and I'm happy to talk with any of your listeners. Awesome. Even thank you. You're welcome.