This video is about the biblical principle of grace. In it, we explore what it means to display grace in our relationships, based on Romans 12:9-21. These powerful grace-displaying principles can transform our lives and our relationships! https://jameslongjr.org/memberships/
Reconciling Tough Relationships with God's Grace (Based on Romans 12:9-21)
Are you longing to find answers to the deeper issues of life? Join Dr. James Long, Jr., a pastor, counselor, and university professor with over 30 years of experience. Hear James as he tackles some of life’s biggest questions and helps us find God’s solutions to life’s struggles. Learn the power of living by God’s grace and for His glory. Experience the joy of forgiveness and freedom found in Jesus Christ alone. If you are in search of freedom, you will love being part of this conversation. Subscribe, and enjoy the show!
Links Website – https://jameslongjr.org/ Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/drjameslongjr Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/drjameslongjr/ Apple Podcast – https://jameslongjr.org/applepodcast Google Podcast – https://jameslongjr.org/googlepodcast
This video is about the biblical principle of grace. In it, we explore what it means to display grace in our relationships, based on Romans 12:9-21. These powerful grace-displaying principles can transform our lives and our relationships! https://jameslongjr.org/memberships/
Reconciling Tough Relationships with God's Grace (Based on Romans 12:9-21)
Are you longing to find answers to the deeper issues of life? Join Dr. James Long, Jr., a pastor, counselor, and university professor with over 30 years of experience. Hear James as he tackles some of life’s biggest questions and helps us find God’s solutions to life’s struggles. Learn the power of living by God’s grace and for His glory. Experience the joy of forgiveness and freedom found in Jesus Christ alone. If you are in search of freedom, you will love being part of this conversation. Subscribe, and enjoy the show!
Links Website – https://jameslongjr.org/ Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/drjameslongjr Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/drjameslongjr/ Apple Podcast – https://jameslongjr.org/applepodcast Google Podcast – https://jameslongjr.org/googlepodcast
Today I want to talk to you about relationships and I wonder if you've ever experienced a broken relationship and wondered if it could ever be reconciled and despite the pain, despite the hurt that you often face, is there hope? Fermenting that relationship. Discover what the Bible says about reconciliation and the possibility of healing in this next Lessons for Life Video. Hi, I'm James Long Jr. And welcome to Lessons for Life. I am a board certified professional counselor. I'm a pastor. I am a university professor. I have over 30 years of experience helping people take God's solutions and apply them to their struggles in life. We make these educational videos on the topics of mental, emotional, and relational health. and we do it from a biblical perspective. And today the topic is reconciliation. So I want you to try to understand this. If I were to try to identify some goals for today, my first goal would be to understand the importance of what love is and, and to know that love is a choice of the will, not, not primarily a feeling. It's an action that we do, not primarily a feeling. And to work against and to warn against hypocritical expressions of love and to be active in grace and and to behave like Christ. All of those things would be goals that I would have. And the passage that we're gonna be working from is found in Romans chapter 12, verses nine through 21. So if you have your Bible, why don't you turn there with me. Romans chapter 12 verses nine through 20. And this passage is going to talk about how we display grace in our relationships. Romans chapter 12, verses nine through 21. Okay. And I'm gonna read the passage for us here, and then what we'll do is we'll spend some time breaking it down. All right? You there with me? I, I use the English standard version. It goes this way. This is the word of the Lord. Let love be genuine. Abhor, what is evil? Hold fast. What is good? Love one another with a brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal. Be fervent in spirit. Serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope. Be patient in tribulation. Be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. Bless those who persecute you. Bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you live peaceably with all. Beloved. Never avenge yourself, but leave it to the wrath of God For is written, vengeance is mine. I will repa us the Lord To the contrary, if your enemy is hungry. Feed him. If he is thirsty, give him something to drink. By doing so, you will heap burning coals on his head. Do not become overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Well, as I said, this is the word of the Lord. It's the sufficient, eternal, authoritative life-giving and life changing. Let me pray for us as we begin. Well, father, I pray that as we, um, open your word, I pray that you would, uh, teach us about yourself. Teach us about your son, teach us about your spirit. Thank you for the gracious gift that you've given us in your son, and help us to display grace in a God-honoring way. Help us to reflect you in all that we say and do, and I pray that we would see reconciliation in, in our relationships because of the truths that we have here. In Jesus' name we pray. Okay, so I, I want to start by talking about first sincere love, point number one, and it's in Romans chapter 12, verse nine through 10. It says this, let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil. Hold fast to what is good. Outdo one another in showing honor. And so it. If you notice, it says, first, let love be genuine. Then it says, Abhor what is evil? Hold fast. What is good? Love one another with a brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. It's interesting. There's some points I want you to consider. First, he says, hate evil. Abhor, you know, it means to, it means to hate. It means to detest with horror. It means to loath. And so what we need to do is to hate evil, not only outside of us, but evil that is within. But then the next principle is to hold on to good hold. On means to cleave. It means to submit. It means to glue together. And what we're called to do is to glue together with good, and what we mean there is what is benevolent, what is profitable, what is useful. So he starts by saying, hate the evil. Not only what's happening outside of you, but also what's happening within. To hold on, to hold onto what is good, to cleave to it, to cement to it, to glue together with it to be benevolent and profitable. But then he says, outdo one another in showing honor. Now, uh, I'm a pretty competitive person if you know me, and so outdoing somebody. Now we could do that for sinful reasons, wrong reasons, or we could say, I'm going to really try to do the best I can because I want to do as much as I possibly can because I want to honor you God, and I want to honor others. And, and he says, I want you to honor God, which is interesting because honor means to reverence. It means to respect. It means to highly esteem. And see, we're called to, to take the lead in honoring other people. We're called to respect other people. I want you to consider, what would the church of the Lord Jesus Christ be like if we were people who were serious and practicing the principle of honor in our lives? How many herds, how many divisions, how many dissensions could be avoided if we were honoring people, if we were living out this principle? So principle number one is to have a sincere law. Principle number two is to serve God. Now, Romans chapter 12, verse 11, it goes this way. Do not be slothful in zeal. Be fervent in spirit and serve the Lord. Three principles there. Now I want you to consider this. That Jesus came here to serve and not to be served. Mark tells us that it says that he came here to be served and not to serve, but to give his life as a ransom for many, and we're called to the same type of ministry. It's a twofold ministry. Now, if you notice, he says here first he gives a negative, and then he gives a positive first. He says, don't be. And lazy is interesting because lazy means to be slothful. Um, do not be hesitant, lethargic, slow moving. Now, your version may say lazy. Mine says slothful. And so what he's calling us to do is to be hardworking. Now in Ephesians chapter four verse 28, it says, the let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor doing honest work with his hands so that he may have something to share with anyone in. Now that passage, if you remember, in that section, it's got the put offs and put ons, and then the mindset renewal. The put off is to stop stealing. The put on is to work with hard with your hands, and then the mindset renewal is that I will have something to share in need. So do not be lazy, do not be slothful. Do not be less hesitant. Do not be lethargic. Do not be slow moving. But then, uh, because Christianity is hard work, it is really an, uh, hard work and we need to do that. We can't just be sitting back saying, God, just blast me and change me. I'm gonna do nothing. We need to study to show ourselves approved. We need to work hard. But there's the negative, do not be slothful. But then the, the positive is do be fervent. Fervent is interesting because fervent means to boil. It means to flame, it means to become white hot, and it's a present part of simple in the Greek, and which that means is this. It is a continuous or repeated action. It's something that we should be doing. We should be, keep on being set of flame, keep on being white hot. See, we must be set a flame in our service to God. We must be set a flame in our ministry and our ministries should be of such, um, enthusiasm and it should be of such energy. And oftentimes we, we look in Christianity, we lack that energy, we lack that enthusiasm. And if we recognize of what God has done for us in Christ, it should radically change. All right. Point number three is interesting as well. And in this passage, we need to survive trials. There needs to be a surviving of trials, and it says this in Romans chapter 12, verse 12. It says, rejoice and hope. Be patient and tribulation. Be constant in prayer. And so he gives us three basic principles. First, he says, to rejoice in hope. There needs to be a focus on hope. And this is important because hope here is not like the hope, so attitude of the world. Cross your fingers. I really wish this would happen, happen in our lives. Hope Biblically is a confident expectation. It means that we trust in the all powerful, all-knowing ever present, ever loving God. See, God has never and God will never fail. And I want you to think about the trials and the difficulties that you go through. I want you to think about the struggles that you go through, and I want you to remind yourself of this promise. God will, and you can count on this, do one of two things in the midst of your trials. One, he will either eliminate the trial, he remove it completely, or he will enable you to endure the. That really should give us such great confidence in the midst of the struggles. God will eliminate this trial in your life, or he will help you to. So it says that we need to be rejoicing in hope. And then it says, be patient in tribulation and constant in prayer. So those two things are so important. Be faithful in prayer. Faithful in prayer is important because faithful means that we're, we're devoted, we're unceasing in our care. The, the Bible tells us to pray without. And this constant focus on, and our, our devotion to God will arise within us a greater level of patient endurance. We have complete dependency on our God as our deliverer. We find our way through. Well, principle number four out of this passage is found in verse 13, and in verse 13 it says This contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. So now what we need to do, the principle is to serve others. Principle number four, serving others. And it comes from that passage in verse 13. And what we need to do is to provide for God's people. God is provided for us graciously in Christ. He continues to provide for us through the Holy Spirit. And we need to be willing to provide for others. We need to give generously. And you have been blessed as one song goes blessed to be a blessing. And it's not only that, it's also practicing hospitality. It's almost like having an open door, and you're supposed to do that without, And as you do that without complaint, what you find is that God will do a work in you and he will do a work through you. Passage in one Peter goes this way. It says in verse Peter four, verse nine, it says, show hospitality to one another without grumbling. Well, that's interesting. Now you can show hospitality, but you can do it in such a way that you're grumbling and complaining, and you need to do it without a complaining attitude, and you need to do that even to strangers. Interesting passage here in Hebrews chapter 13, verse two. It says, do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers. For thereby, some have entertained angels unaware. Wow, that's pretty interesting. So we have moved to point number five that Paul says if we wanna reconcile re relationships and display grace. Point number five is we need to have a steadfast spirit. In Romans chapter 12, verse 14, it says this. Bless those who persecute you. Bless and do not curse them, and that's an important passage. When we're persecuted, we're called to bless. And bless is interesting because Bless means to, to literally speak well of this person, to act well upon this person. Ken Sande in this book, the Peacemaker talked about four promises that we offer someone when we are offering them forgiveness, these four promises. And he said, first is that I will not think about this incident again. So that's point number one. He also said that I will not bring this incident up again and use it against you. I'm not gonna be a historian and use that against you. I won't talk to other people as well about that, and I will not allow this to hinder our relationship. So if I am ever going to have a relationship with you, that is a relationship where I am blessing you and not persecuting you. I need to be one that is open to blessing and speaking well of you. Now that's the positive. And now here's the negative. Do not curse and literally cursing means to, to wish evil upon them and to wish them ruin. So that doesn't work either. And so what we want to see is that we want to continue to see that we are growing in such a way. Let's move on to verse 15. Verse 15. It says, rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. We need to show. Interest to other people. That's your next principle. And so when you need to do this, you do this by joining others during special times. And this battles really honestly against our envious and jealous nature. And you see, we tend to act indifferently. We tend to be disappointed. We tend to be disapproving if we don't get what we want and somebody else is getting it. And we're not to act like the world. We're not to react like the world we're supposed to show sincere. But we're also supposed to join people, not only during special times, we're supposed to join them during sorrowful times. We need to be with them when they're facing loss, and when they're facing suffering, we need to be there at the hospital bed or in the nursing home or at the funeral home, we need to feel their pain. One past one, uh, president said that years ago, I don't know if he really meant it, but we really need to, as believers feel the pain, not just in words, but true feelings and true actions. And in Galatians, it tells us that we need to come alongside one another if we're gonna show brotherly. Okay. That moves us to principle number seven and principle number seven is to see harmony. And this will take us to the end of the passage. So let me read, um, verse 16 for you. Verse 16 says this, live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own. Okay, so we do that first by living above reproach and harmony means that we have the same mind, not just thinking, but also affections and the will and the moral considerations. And it refers to, to attitudes and actions that we, despite others, because honestly displaying Christ-likeness. He says, don't be haughty. Don't be a snob. It means to see things, um, for our own recognition, our own preeminence, our own prestige, our own influence. No, don't do that. Don't be haughty. Rather, the believers to be considered lowly, even as the Savior condescended humiliated himself to come here to. From our heaven to earth, we need to do the same. And we can't be a snob, but we also can't be conceited. Don't be hearty and don't be conceited. Conceited means to, to have a high opinion of ourselves. A mindset that is, that we see ourselves above other people's, sees ourselves better. And it's a pride of intellect. It's a pride of this insidious nature that happens deep in our heart. And what it is, is that we elevate ourselves and then. Hold others in contempt and it's extreme self-reliance and it's wrong. Now, Romans 1217 says this repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to what is honorable in the sight of all. So don't react principle. Do what is right principle, and you need to think before you act. This is so important. Think about the testimony of God's love displayed through you. That can be seen by all people that so do the right thing. And then it says, live by peace or live at peace. Now peace and harmony are not always possible. Some people just don't wanna make peace with you. It's as if possible as far as it depends upon. You live at peace. And there are two qualifications I want you to see here in verse 18. Now says, it said if possible, sobriety. It depends upon you live peaceably with all. So if possible, it recognizes that some people will not wanna make peace with you. Some people will not seek peace and are not going to reconcile with you. So if possible, it means that it's conditional, but then it goes so far as it depends upon you. And just because they don't want to live at peace doesn't relieve us of the obligation to strive for peace in our relationships. It doesn't relieve us of the obligation to be gracious and loving. Jesus was gracious and loving to even Juda. The man who's gonna betray him. We are never to give up. As long as there remains a hope of reconciliation to live peaceably with all we need to do that. Well, the final section talks about living under God's authority. Verse 19 says, beloved never avenge yourself, but believe it to the wrath of God for his written vengeance is mine. I will repas as the. So don't seek revenge. We must not be bound by a desire to get even. You know that? That's that mindset of the world. How do we do that? Because you believe that the sovereign God will right all wrongs, and you believe that God is sovereignly in control and that he loves you. He is sovereign, he is wise, he is loving, and he's present with you. So what are we supposed to do on the contrary? Verse 20 and 21 says this. To the contrary, if your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he is thirsty, give him something to drink for. By doing so, you will keep burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. So we're called to do good to them and we're called to treat them with kind. And it's interesting that the coals of fire that is talked about here, I always thought that it was kind of weird cuz it says do good and then really hammer them with coals of fire. But that's not what he's talking about here. Coals of fire, coal would've been so important. Fire and heat would've been so important during this time. And so you needed, um, coal or something to heat your home, to cook your food, to protect your family. So what? And they would carry that on the out on a basket on their head. And so what Paul is saying is this, I want you to kind of like we were talking about before, bless and do not persecute them. Bless and do not curse them. So what he wants you to do is to goo good to them. So you do that good to them by treating them with kindness and the coal that they need, that they will need to protect their homes and to protect their family and heat their meals, and cook their meals and to warm their homes. You're actually pouring that upon their lives. You're giving that to them. Your kindness will lead them to their shame, and that shame may lead them to the person that they are, and it may lead them to Christ, and it may lead to maybe a conversion to Lord Jesus. Or at least a change in their behavior. So those are the principles here from Romans chapter 12 verses nine through 21, about displaying grace reconciling relationships. So let God worked so through you so that he can work in you, I should say first in you and then through you by his grace and for his glory. Well, I hope that was helpful to you, and if it was, what I want you to do for me is would you mind hitting the button below and liking this video and even take maybe the next step to subscribe to the channel and when we upload new content, you'll be notified. I'd love it if you would share the channel with other people that you know would help them. Last thing I want to tell you about is this. We, we offer these membership levels here at Lessons for Life. Now we'll put this content, content out here on our blogs and podcasts and on our videos, but if you wanna take it to the next level, we offer three membership levels. The first one is called Lessons for Life membership, and you get content in it's ever-growing content and a community, our Facebook community. And that's a really great le level for membership. And it's actually less than the cost of a copay, uh, per month to be part of that. Now if you wanna go from just the content and the community, let's say you wanna get some group coaching, we have a middle level and it's called Lessons for Life Group Coaching. And you would get all the content of the first level and you get the community of the first level. But you would also get a biweekly coaching call with me, a group coaching call, and I would jump on that coaching call with you once every two weeks. Approximately 60 to 90 minutes. In those co coaching calls, we'll do some training. We'll do q and a. I will open it up for inviting guests, so it'll be a wonderful time. So if you want to take it to the next level, that's about a couple of copays per month. Now, for less than a counseling session per month, less than just 1 45 minute counseling session per month. We have our time for change group coaching program, and the time for. Group coaching program includes all of the content of the first one and the community. It includes the group coaching of the second one, but it also includes our flagship course, called Time for Change. And Time for Change is a step-by-step process where we walk, work you through the change process. And that's less than 1 45 minute session per month. So I would encourage you to join us, be blessed. Take.