Lessons for Life with James Long, Jr.

What Is Relational Wisdom and Why It Matters?

• James Long

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ABOUT JAMES and LESSONS FOR LIFE

Are you seeking hope, wisdom, and practical solutions to life’s challenges? Dr. James Long, Jr., pastor, counselor, and professor with over 30 years of experience, helps people discover God’s solutions to emotional, relational, and spiritual challenges. Each episode of Lessons for Life points you to the peace and freedom found in Jesus Christ.

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Hey everyone, it's James Long Jr. and welcome to Lessons for Life. Today we want to talk about this question: what is relational wisdom and why it matters? Why is it that some relationships struggle while others thrive? Now, have you ever wondered why some people handle relational tension with grace and others seem to explode, withdraw, or manipulate? And why do certain relationships thrive while others fall into constant patterns of hurt and misunderstanding? The difference is often not in intelligence, education, or theology, it's in wisdom, relational wisdom. The kind of wisdom that doesn't just help us navigate conflict, it teaches us how to live well with others and with God by understanding ourselves, valuing others, and walking in the light of the God, and walking in light of God's truth. This is not optional. Scripture is clear. Whoever is wise and understanding among you, by his good conduct, let him show his works in meekness and wisdom. That's found in James chapter 3, verse 13. Wisdom is not only about what we know, but it's about how we live and how we love. Now, what is relational wisdom? Relational wisdom is your ability to discern emotions, interests, and circumstances so that you can respond to people and situations in a Christ-like and constructive manner. It was created by this author, Ken Sandy, great guy. I've been one of his advanced instructors for a number of years in his program called Relational Wisdom, and I want to talk to you about it today. Now it builds upon the biblical command to love God and to love others, Matthew chapter 22, verses 37 to 39. And it integrates three key relational dimensions self, others, and God. Now, when we see self, we see self-awareness and self-engagement. We'll talk more about this, but it's what you know and it's how you respond to yourself. It's understanding your own emotions, values, triggers, and tendencies, and it's regulating your reactions to align with God's purposes. But then, second, there is other awareness and other engagement. It's empathizing with others, noticing their emotional states and responding with grace, valuing others as image bearers of God, not obstacles to your comfort. So we have self-awareness and self-engagement, other awareness and other engagement. And the third relational dimension is God, God awareness and God engagement. What you know about God and how you respond to God. It's living every relationship with a view of God's presence, his promises, and his purposes. And it's anchoring your identity and security in him rather than in the opinions of others. Now, these three dimensions are often taught in a framework we call SOG, S-O-G plan. Self-aware. And that's asking yourself, what am I feeling and what am I doing? Other aware, how are others feeling and how am I affecting them? And then God aware, what is God up to in this situation? Now, why it matters? The cost of relational foolishness. Now, the opposite of relational wisdom is relational foolishness, reacting out of pride, fear, control, or self-righteousness. Scripture tells us that leads to chaos. In James chapter 3, verse 16, it says this where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder in every vile practice. Relational foolishness damages marriages, friendships, and churches. It drives people to isolation, bitterness, and burnout. It robs us of joy and ruins our witness for Christ. But wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits. That says that it says that in James chapter 3, verse 17. When relational wisdom takes root in your heart, you become a safe person, a wise counselor, and a redemptive presence in the lives of others. Now, let me give you a biblical example. Abigail's wisdom in crisis. Now, if you turn to 1 Samuel chapter 25, Abigail stands as a powerful model of relational wisdom. Her husband, Nabel, responds to David's request with arrogance and hostility, but Abigail steps in, discerned the emotional state of David, and acted quickly with humility, grace, and God awareness. She diffused the conflict, honored God, and protected her household. Abigail was self-aware. She recognized her responsibility and acted with courage. She was other aware. She understood David's rising anger and spoke wisely to calm it. And then got aware, she appealed to God's promises and honored his anointed king. This is relational wisdom in action. Now, how to begin practicing relational wisdom? You don't need to have a seminary degree to grow in relational wisdom. You need a surrendered heart, teachable spirit, and practical tools. And that's what we're going to hopefully talk to you about through this series. Here are a few ways that you can begin. Number one, reflect before reacting. Ask, what am I feeling? What does this person need? What would honor God? Those are really important questions to a number two, ask for feedback. Invite those close to you to share how your emotions and actions affect them. Number three, stay grounded in scripture and in prayer. Let God's truth shape how you see yourself and others. Number four, pursue growth intentionally. Learn practical tools and strategies to help you engage others with wisdom. Relational wisdom is not a personality train, it's a skill, a mindset, a spirit-empowered practice, and it can be learned one conversation at a time. Well, let's bring this home. Let us reflect and apply. I want you to ponder this. Where do you most often struggle in your relationships? Self-awareness, other awareness, or God awareness? Second, I want you to personalize what would change if you responded to people with greater emotional insight and biblical clarity. Third, I want you to consider this. I want you to pray. So ponder, personalize, I want you to pray. Ask God to make you a person marked by grace, truth, and wisdom in all your relationships. And then fourth, I want you to practice. Start using the SOG plan, the SOG plan this week during one difficult interaction or decision. You want to join the journey? If you want to grow in emotional maturity, strengthen your relationships, and walk in greater spiritual clarity, I invite you to take the next step. The Lessons for Life community is where we help people apply God's word to life's everyday challenges. Inside the community, you'll find courses on relational wisdom, peacemaking, and emotional health, membership resources with practical tools and devotionals, and group coaching opportunities for real life growth and encouragement. Come walk with us and discover how to live with greater wisdom, peace, and joy. Visit JamesLongjr.org. That's James Long L-O-N-G Jr J R dotorg to learn more and to join today. Well, thank you so much for being with us today. I look forward to meeting with you next time. Be blessed, everyone. Take care.

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James Long, Jr.

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