SPEAKER_00: May be seated.
SPEAKER_00: Well, good morning.
SPEAKER_00: I want to uh offer my welcome as well.
SPEAKER_00: Um, if you're new here, um listen, we would love to meet you.
SPEAKER_00: We we have a saying around here at life if you desire to be known, we want to know you.
SPEAKER_00: So that not only goes for me, but our church family and our staff as well.
SPEAKER_00: Um, if if you don't know, my name is Chuck.
SPEAKER_00: I'm one of the pastors here at Life, where we exist that all may know Christ and make him known.
SPEAKER_00: And we are currently in the middle of our summer series, walking in wisdom.
SPEAKER_00: And today, I want to challenge you.
SPEAKER_00: Yes, every single person in this room, I want to challenge you to evaluate a very personal area in your life, your relationships.
SPEAKER_00: I want you to think about it.
SPEAKER_00: Every area of your life is spent managing relationships.
SPEAKER_00: Uh, this is an area where we spend the majority of our time.
SPEAKER_00: We spend the majority of our emotional energy and mental bandwidth dealing with relationships.
SPEAKER_00: At work, you navigate relationships with co-workers, managers, clients, teams, at homes.
SPEAKER_00: You manage relationships with your spouse, children, parents, and other siblings.
SPEAKER_00: And in your neighborhood, you're even managing relationships.
SPEAKER_00: Your church family, you're managing relationships.
SPEAKER_00: Even your friend groups all have areas to where you are managing relationships.
SPEAKER_00: Every space that you occupy in some form or fashion, you are managing relationships.
SPEAKER_00: And if we are to be honest, and I want you guys to be honest and agree if this is true, most of us are on autopilot with those relationships.
SPEAKER_00: Amen?
SPEAKER_00: Okay, maybe it's just me.
SPEAKER_00: No, it's playing.
SPEAKER_00: But we spend an oddly amount of time not trying to improve or work on those relationships.
SPEAKER_00: We we tend to just respond how we always responded.
SPEAKER_00: We trust those people that we've always trusted.
SPEAKER_00: We keep distance from the people that hurt us and we stay close to those people that we feel most comfortable with.
SPEAKER_00: But this is where I want to challenge you.
SPEAKER_00: I want you to ask today: are your relationships being governed by wisdom or are you just reacting?
SPEAKER_00: Listen, we were built for relationships.
SPEAKER_00: God and God wired us like that from the very beginning.
SPEAKER_00: And yet, because of the fall, we're terrible at it.
SPEAKER_00: We're not the best at managing relationships.
SPEAKER_00: And it's not as though we need the right strategy or haven't found the right strategy yet, or we need better communication techniques, or a new framework for the love languages, or even a better book on conflict resolution.
SPEAKER_00: No, I believe that the answer is far more fundamental than that.
SPEAKER_00: And this is why having a regular biblical diet of the Proverbs benefits you.
SPEAKER_00: You heard the saying, a proverb a day keeps the foolishness away.
SPEAKER_00: That's what I always say.
SPEAKER_00: But in all seriousness, as we open up the book of Proverbs today, here's what I want you to do.
SPEAKER_00: I want you to evaluate.
SPEAKER_00: Honestly, evaluate the relationships that you are currently in and every relationship that you will form in the future.
SPEAKER_00: Because here is what Proverbs is going to show us this morning.
SPEAKER_00: Every relationship you have will eventually expose whether you are operating in wisdom or in foolishness.
SPEAKER_00: So I invite you to open up with me to the book of Proverbs.
SPEAKER_00: We're gonna be looking first at Proverbs chapter 9, verse 10.
SPEAKER_00: Um, but I'm gonna test you on your sword drills to see how fast you can get to the next verse.
SPEAKER_00: No, I'm just playing.
SPEAKER_00: But we will be going through various verses, and I encourage you to write these down.
SPEAKER_00: If you don't have any writing materials, that's okay.
SPEAKER_00: We record this, so you're good to go.
SPEAKER_00: Now, um, when we read Proverbs, we see that it is relational.
SPEAKER_00: Almost every aspect of Proverbs speaks to relationships.
SPEAKER_00: And when we see failure in Proverbs in regards to relationships, it's often motivated by fear of man, love of self, or the fear of becoming a fool.
SPEAKER_00: But the answer to flourishing relationships in the book of Proverbs always traces back to reverence for God and how it shapes how we treat our spouse, how we interact with our kids and neighbors and every other relationship.
SPEAKER_00: So if we are to exercise wisdom in our relationships, we need to start where Proverbs says it begins.
SPEAKER_00: Look with me in Proverbs chapter 9 and verse 10.
SPEAKER_00: It says this the fear of Yahweh is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.
SPEAKER_00: See, the fear of the Lord is not merely the starting point, but is the continual operation, operating principle for wisdom in relationships.
SPEAKER_00: Because all relational wisdom in Proverbs flows from this one root.
SPEAKER_00: So we need to understand this.
SPEAKER_00: And the reason why I want us to understand or how I want us to understand this is by cementing this in our big idea.
SPEAKER_00: This is what I want you to leave here with.
SPEAKER_00: This is what I want you to constantly be thinking about when you are trying to navigate wisdom in relationships.
SPEAKER_00: Here's the big idea.
SPEAKER_00: Wisdom for your relationships does not come from you, it comes through you.
SPEAKER_00: Now, this is a truth that we really need to grasp because we spend our entire lives almost believing the opposite of this.
SPEAKER_00: When we are operating with these relationships, we tend to lack the wisdom and we tend to generate that type of wisdom in and of ourselves.
SPEAKER_00: Or we manufacture that within ourselves.
SPEAKER_00: And we say, well, if I just try harder at this relationship, if I just find a way to communicate better, if I just become more self-aware, if I just relate to them on their terms, then this would be better.
SPEAKER_00: And I want to tell you that you're starting off on the wrong foot.
SPEAKER_00: Don't hear what I'm not saying.
SPEAKER_00: There is a wisdom that operates and originates from within you, but there's also a wisdom that comes outside of you, and both of them produce two different results.
SPEAKER_00: In James chapter 3, verses 13 through 18, he describes two types of wisdoms.
SPEAKER_00: He says the first wisdom is earthly, natural, and demonic, meaning that it originates from the fall, uh the fallen human condition of our human instincts, and it ultimately serves the enemy's purpose in regards to your relationships.
SPEAKER_00: This type of wisdom produces envy, selfish ambition, and disorder.
SPEAKER_00: But then he also talks about a second type of wisdom.
SPEAKER_00: He says this type of wisdom comes from above.
SPEAKER_00: James says that it is pure, then it is peaceable, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruits.
SPEAKER_00: And James even makes this more relational because in chapter 4, verse 1, he gives a following direction from this passage.
SPEAKER_00: He says, and he says this in James chapter 4, verse 1.
SPEAKER_00: What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you?
SPEAKER_00: Is it not the source of your pleasures that rages war within your members?
SPEAKER_00: Notice what James is doing here.
SPEAKER_00: He's not talking about two personality types.
SPEAKER_00: He is describing two sources.
SPEAKER_00: And his point is the same as the one we see here in Proverbs.
SPEAKER_00: The wisdom for your relationships cannot come from you, it has to come from above.
SPEAKER_00: So think of this.
SPEAKER_00: You cannot produce within yourself what has its start somewhere else.
SPEAKER_00: We need the wisdom from above, and that begins with the fear of the Lord, because that is the root.
SPEAKER_00: Listen, church, we are the branches.
SPEAKER_00: We cannot produce fruit in and of ourselves, being connected, being disconnected from the root.
SPEAKER_00: That is foolishness.
SPEAKER_00: When we are trying to produce fruit, not being connected to the root because we're just the branches, that is literally foolishness that is dressing itself up like wisdom.
SPEAKER_00: So before we can understand what wisdom requires, we need to be honest with ourselves.
SPEAKER_00: And we need to see how foolishness is revealed in our relationships.
SPEAKER_00: Because we probably have some foolish relationships that we're entertaining.
SPEAKER_00: We're probably being foolish in some relationships.
SPEAKER_00: So I want to answer these two questions today.
SPEAKER_00: Why can't wisdom come from me?
SPEAKER_00: Because I know that's what you're thinking.
SPEAKER_00: Wait a minute, Chuck.
SPEAKER_00: I've been in a relationship with this person for a long time and it's been going great.
SPEAKER_00: I've been leaning on my own wisdom.
SPEAKER_00: Why can't this come from me?
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna address that.
SPEAKER_00: And then I want us to address what wisdom actually requires when it comes from above.
SPEAKER_00: Now, this is not going to be an exhaustive list.
SPEAKER_00: I only have time for maybe, you know, three points each.
SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna give you three points of foolish relationships and then three points of wise relationships.
SPEAKER_00: And I'm not gonna spend too much time on the foolish relationships because you are experts at that, right?
SPEAKER_00: Okay, so no, I'm not gonna spend too much time on that.
SPEAKER_00: So here's the question: why can't wisdom come from me?
SPEAKER_00: Well, this is because the foolish relationship lacks judgment.
SPEAKER_00: Judgment is the mental process of evaluating your circumstances, forming an opinion, and making a rational decision.
SPEAKER_00: And Proverbs says that the fool despises wisdom and discipline, and he does what is right in his own eyes.
SPEAKER_00: Andrew talked about this in the very beginning in Proverbs chapter 1, verse 7.
SPEAKER_00: The fool despises this type of wisdom.
SPEAKER_00: And we also see in another Proverbs that this fool does whatever is right in his own eyes.
SPEAKER_00: In relationships, this is expressed as a person that has no boundaries, no framework for knowing who to trust or how deeply to trust them.
SPEAKER_00: This lacking ability to distinguish wise counsel and foolish influence.
SPEAKER_00: I love this.
SPEAKER_00: Turn with me to Proverbs chapter 1.
SPEAKER_00: In Proverbs chapter 1, Solomon starts off by saying in verse 7 that the fear of Yahweh is the beginning of knowledge, and ignorant fools despise wisdom and discipline.
SPEAKER_00: And then Solomon proceeds to give his son advice on how to discern well in his relationships.
SPEAKER_00: So in verses 10 through 19, Solomon is giving his son advice.
SPEAKER_00: He tells him that when sinners come and entice you, don't go with them.
SPEAKER_00: Like when they give you compelling words, hey, come hang out with us.
SPEAKER_00: Hey, come roll with us.
SPEAKER_00: It's gonna be great.
SPEAKER_00: Listen, we can do more together than you can do by yourself.
SPEAKER_00: You put your person in us, listen, we're gonna have a lot of money, it's gonna be great.
SPEAKER_00: Come on.
SPEAKER_00: All of this sounds convincing.
SPEAKER_00: It sounds reasonable, it sounds like there's a community for us to belong to, a brotherhood.
SPEAKER_00: But what Solomon exposes that his son does not see is the end result.
SPEAKER_00: He sees that these men are not offering community, they are offering what will eventually be a trap.
SPEAKER_00: And the only thing standing in between his son's way and destruction is the judgment to recognize the difference between an invitation and something that will end up destroying you.
SPEAKER_00: Proverbs chapter 14, verse 12 says this plainly.
SPEAKER_00: Or what looks good, or he does what he seems is reasonable there in the moment.
SPEAKER_00: And that's exactly why wisdom can't come from us.
SPEAKER_00: That's the natural state that James talked about earlier.
SPEAKER_00: So not only does foolish relationships lack judgment, but we all they also are feelings led.
SPEAKER_00: They lead by their feelings.
SPEAKER_00: Proverbs chapter 28, verse 16 says, Whoever trusts in his own heart is a fool.
SPEAKER_00: And the Bible portrays the heart as more than just the physical organ, it is the core identity of the human emotion, encompassing the intellect, emotions, will, and the moral character.
SPEAKER_00: This is how the Bible explains the heart.
SPEAKER_00: And you know what Jeremiah says about the heart?
SPEAKER_00: In Jeremiah chapter 17, verse 9, he says this in our natural state.
SPEAKER_00: Who can know it?
SPEAKER_00: And this is what the fool decides to trust.
SPEAKER_00: The fool is not only lacking judgment, but he is going blindly, trusting in whatever he feels in the moment.
SPEAKER_00: And he ends up with relationships that tear down instead of building up.
SPEAKER_00: And we all know what this looks like.
SPEAKER_00: Because we have either done it or we've been the recipient of it.
SPEAKER_00: Someone says something and rubs you the wrong way, and instead of pausing and thinking, okay, what could have led to this, you pull back and end the relationship entirely.
SPEAKER_00: A friend that doesn't respond to your text message as quickly as you want them to, now all of a sudden they don't love you.
SPEAKER_00: They devalue you, they think that you're not a priority.
SPEAKER_00: A conversation gets difficult, and rather than leaning in and wrestling with these truths, you shut down, you walk away, you blow up.
SPEAKER_00: That discomfort is unbearable in the moment.
SPEAKER_00: So we we do not want to engage with that.
SPEAKER_00: Listen, even in a marriage where both people are led by their feelings, it does not produce intimacy.
SPEAKER_00: It produces a competing reaction for whoever feels the most strongly about this is the one that's going to end up winning the argument.
SPEAKER_00: And that does not build intimacy in your relationship.
SPEAKER_00: It only further divides it.
SPEAKER_00: And here's the tension your feelings are real.
SPEAKER_00: I'm not here saying that your feelings don't matter.
SPEAKER_00: But what I am saying is that your feelings were not designed to lead.
SPEAKER_00: They were designed to be governed, to be processed.
SPEAKER_00: They were designed to be in the back of the bus, not leading the entire train.
SPEAKER_00: This is why Jeremiah says the heart is deceitful.
SPEAKER_00: That means that it will tell you something that feels absolutely true and yet it's not.
SPEAKER_00: Which is another reason why wisdom can't come from you.
SPEAKER_00: So not only can wisdom not come from you because we lack judgment and we are led by our feelings, but also because in a foolish relationship it becomes self-serving.
SPEAKER_00: Look at Proverbs chapter 18, verse 1.
SPEAKER_00: It says, He who separates himself seeks his own desires, and he breaks out in disputes against all sound wisdom.
SPEAKER_00: The foolish relationships are fundamentally oriented towards one person, self.
SPEAKER_00: Every relational decision that that foolish person makes is filtered through questions like or statements like, what do I get out of it?
SPEAKER_00: How does this benefit me?
SPEAKER_00: What's it gonna cost me?
SPEAKER_00: And the answer, and when the answer to those questions aren't favorable, that's when they're gone.
SPEAKER_00: We've all seen this play out as well.
SPEAKER_00: The friend who is always available when they need something from you, but it's impossible to reach them when you are in need.
SPEAKER_00: The person who is warm and engaging when the relationship is comfortable, but but disappears the moment it requires some type of sacrifice.
SPEAKER_00: The person who stays close to you as long as you are useful, as long as you are entertaining, but the moment something costs them, or the moment you even challenge them on an idea or a thought, that's when it quickly dissolves.
SPEAKER_00: Listen, if you don't know a person like this, it's probably okay.
SPEAKER_00: Let me go back to Proverbs.
SPEAKER_00: Proverbs says that a person quarrels against all sound wisdom.
SPEAKER_00: And that word quarrels is not accidental, it is self-serving in a relationship.
SPEAKER_00: It creates conflict because when two people are both primarily oriented to helping themselves and serving themselves inevitably, that's gonna be a clash in the relationship.
SPEAKER_00: Every interaction becomes a negotiation to whether who if I'm gonna get what I want before you get what you want.
SPEAKER_00: And that is what makes this the most subtle of all the three.
SPEAKER_00: Lacking judgment is obvious.
SPEAKER_00: Leading by feelings is recognizable.
SPEAKER_00: But a person that is self-serving can disguise themselves as being generous, loyal, even loving right up to the moment that it cost them something.
SPEAKER_00: Proverbs chapter 19, verse 4 says this wealth adds many friends, but a poor man is separated from his friends.
SPEAKER_00: Why is that?
SPEAKER_00: Well, one reason is because a fool's relational circle expands when they have something to offer others, but then it collapses when that is gone.
SPEAKER_00: That's not friendship, that's transaction.
SPEAKER_00: And that's exactly why wisdom can't come from you.
SPEAKER_00: This type of wisdom that originates within us lacks judgment, leads by feelings, is self-serving, and it oper and it ultimately, it ultimately or eventually will expose that you are walking in foolishness.
SPEAKER_00: We need to be conscious of this.
SPEAKER_00: And not only do we need to exercise caution so that way we don't act foolish, we also need to exercise caution that we're not intentionally giving time to these types of relationships.
SPEAKER_00: My mom would tell me this growing up.
SPEAKER_00: She called me Boo.
SPEAKER_00: That was my nickname.
SPEAKER_00: She would say, Boo, you can be a friend to everyone, but that doesn't mean everyone's a friend to you.
SPEAKER_00: Listen, Proverbs says, listen to the instruction of your mother.
SPEAKER_00: I did.
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
SPEAKER_00: So if wisdom cannot come from us, then where does it come from?
SPEAKER_00: And what does wisdom actually require?
SPEAKER_00: I want to start off by giving you this quote by Tim Keller.
SPEAKER_00: He says, The definition of wisdom is the ability to see and build relationships of all sorts.
SPEAKER_00: Wisdom is the ability to take things that are unrelated, see and fit them into a relationship.
SPEAKER_00: Wisdom is the ability to take desperate things and put them into a whole.
SPEAKER_00: Wisdom is the ability to see and discern and build relationships.
SPEAKER_00: If Keller is right, and I'm inclined to believe that he is, then wisdom is not primarily an intellectual achievement, it's a relational one.
SPEAKER_00: And that means that the wisest person who has ever lived is also the greatest model for us to have wisdom in our relationships today.
SPEAKER_00: And no, I'm not talking about Solomon, nor am I talking about his son Ray of Om, who he is writing to.
SPEAKER_00: Church, Jesus is the wise son of Proverbs and the embodiment of divine wisdom, who perfectly fulfilled his father's instructions.
SPEAKER_00: In Colossians chapter 2, verse 3, it tells us that in him, in Jesus, are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.
SPEAKER_00: Unlike the fools who who runs away, who does not listen to his father's instruction, Jesus never deviated.
SPEAKER_00: Not once, not under any circumstance, and not in any relationship.
SPEAKER_00: So when we ask what wisdom actually requires in a relationship, we don't start with a principle.
SPEAKER_00: We start with a person.
SPEAKER_00: And that person is Jesus.
SPEAKER_00: Now there are many things.
SPEAKER_00: Things that we can dig deep into this.
SPEAKER_00: But again, I'm only gonna give you three.
SPEAKER_00: Okay?
SPEAKER_00: So the wise relationship requires discernment.
SPEAKER_00: In Proverbs chapter 13, verse 20, it says, He who walks with the wise will be wise, but the friend of fools will suffer harm.
SPEAKER_00: This verse sits beneath everything that we're going to reveal about wise relationships and gives us a general principle.
SPEAKER_00: Who walk with the wise, I mean, you who walk with the wise will become wise, showing that you, the relationships that you have will also shape who you will become.
SPEAKER_00: This is why discernment in relationships is not optional for the person who desires to live in wisdom.
SPEAKER_00: It's essential.
SPEAKER_00: We need discernment in our relationships.
SPEAKER_00: And discernment is not a personality trait.
SPEAKER_00: It is not something that you you um take a test and and you get from.
SPEAKER_00: No, you either have it or you don't.
SPEAKER_00: And we need to practice discernment.
SPEAKER_00: It is the ongoing active work of evaluating and assessing those people in your life, whether they deserve your time, whether they deserve more depth, and understanding why that is.
SPEAKER_00: We need to be intentional.
SPEAKER_00: Amen?
SPEAKER_00: I mean, that's not everybody.
SPEAKER_00: I mean, y'all just out here giving everybody the same value?
SPEAKER_00: Like that's wild.
SPEAKER_00: I don't know what to say about that.
SPEAKER_00: But listen, Jesus modeled this better than anyone else.
SPEAKER_00: He absolutely did.
SPEAKER_00: If you study the relational life of Jesus all throughout the gospels, you would notice something.
SPEAKER_00: Because we tend to just go too fast through the gospel without slowing down and taking time and understanding who Jesus is and how he was reacting and relating to people in these relationships.
SPEAKER_00: Jesus did not relate to everyone the same way.
SPEAKER_00: He was intentional, he was discerning.
SPEAKER_00: We can say that his life operated in distinct circles.
SPEAKER_00: The first circle I want to show you was his followers.
SPEAKER_00: Jesus had followers, and these would be the crowds, the people who came to Jesus because of what he did for them, or the miracles, or they wanted to hear his teachings or get the bread.
SPEAKER_00: They had a surface-level relationship with him.
SPEAKER_00: And Jesus engaged with them, but he maintained proper distance.
SPEAKER_00: In Matthew chapter 13, verses 10 through 15, when his disciples asked him, Why do you speak to the crowds in parables?
SPEAKER_00: He told them plainly, because while seeing they do not see.
SPEAKER_00: While hearing, they do not hear, nor do they understand.
SPEAKER_00: He knew the level of relationships and he engaged with them accordingly.
SPEAKER_00: This is actually Proverbs chapter 26, verses 4 and 5 in action.
SPEAKER_00: In Proverbs chapter 26, verses 4 and 5, it may seem like a contradiction, but this is exactly what Jesus was doing.
SPEAKER_00: It says this do not answer a fool according to his folly, lest you yourself also be like him.
SPEAKER_00: Verse 5.
SPEAKER_00: Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own eyes.
SPEAKER_00: It's not a contradiction.
SPEAKER_00: This is discernment.
SPEAKER_00: This is exactly what Jesus was doing because there are certain people that we do not engage with.
SPEAKER_00: Why?
SPEAKER_00: Because if we continue to engage with them, we're going to be brought down to their level.
SPEAKER_00: But then there are certain people that are just ignorant.
SPEAKER_00: That if we have them remain in their earthly, demonic, natural wisdom, they're going to continue in that state.
SPEAKER_00: But we have the gospel, we have the words that can help bring them up.
SPEAKER_00: We have the insight to lift them up so that way they are not wise in their own eyes.
SPEAKER_00: That's discernment.
SPEAKER_00: Jesus exercised discernment, and we need to know the difference.
SPEAKER_00: The second circle is with his disciples.
SPEAKER_00: These were the ones that had a deeper investment or deeper access.
SPEAKER_00: Jesus taught in parables to his followers, but his disciples were the ones that said, Hey, can you explain this to us?
SPEAKER_00: Like, you know that parable?
SPEAKER_00: Like, I still don't get it.
SPEAKER_00: Can you break that down for me?
SPEAKER_00: Jesus had more, I mean, they had more of an investment in Jesus, and Jesus gave them more of an investment.
SPEAKER_00: He went deeper with them because they went deeper with him.
SPEAKER_00: But I want you to remember, not everyone who enters into that circle stays.
SPEAKER_00: In John chapter 6, verses 60 through 66, when Jesus said the hard things, many of his disciples withdrew and no longer followed him.
SPEAKER_00: Listen, discernment does not guarantee permanence.
SPEAKER_00: Discernment means that you are recognizing that without the bitterness.
SPEAKER_00: There's going to be some relationships that when you say the hard thing, they're no longer walking with you.
SPEAKER_00: Discernment allows them to leave.
SPEAKER_00: Discernment continues to minister.
SPEAKER_00: Discernment keeps your door of opportunity open if they decide to come back.
SPEAKER_00: But just because they're in a deeper level of investment, that does not mean that that's where they'll stay.
SPEAKER_00: The third circle that Jesus had was his inner three.
SPEAKER_00: You know this.
SPEAKER_00: Peter, James, and John.
SPEAKER_00: These are the ones that Jesus invited into the deepest and highest trust access to him.
SPEAKER_00: When he healed Jairus' daughter, he had everyone leave, but he said, Peter, James, and John, you guys come with me.
SPEAKER_00: Shh, don't tell nobody.
SPEAKER_00: When he went on the Mount of Transfiguration and was in his glorified state, he told his disciples to stay down there, but he said, Peter, James, and John, you guys come up with me.
SPEAKER_00: They were amazed, they wanted to stay there.
SPEAKER_00: When Jesus was in the heaviest point of his life, grieved, going to the Garden of Gethsemane, he had his disciples stay here and pray.
SPEAKER_00: And he said, Peter, James, and John, you guys come a little bit further with me and pray.
SPEAKER_00: This was the highest level of trust that he had with his inner three.
SPEAKER_00: Now, here's the question I want you to sit with.
SPEAKER_00: Are you exercising discernment in these categories in your life with surface level people?
SPEAKER_00: With deeper access people or high relational trust people?
SPEAKER_00: Or are you just giving everyone the same access?
SPEAKER_00: Because discernment means that you are being honest with the depth of access that you have with different people in your life.
SPEAKER_00: It means not granting inner three trust to those who have not even committed to be followable level, uh have be uh those that are followable levelers.
SPEAKER_00: Like we need to be discerning in this.
SPEAKER_00: It means not closing yourself off entirely when you're hurt.
SPEAKER_00: It means actively and intentionally, wisely evaluating those who walk with you and at what depth they walk with you.
SPEAKER_00: Relationships require discernment, but they also require emotional restraint.
SPEAKER_00: In Proverbs chapter 16, verse 32, it says, He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who captures a city.
SPEAKER_00: Earlier we saw that the fool leads by their feelings.
SPEAKER_00: He reacts, he does whatever is loudest in the moment, and that drives his next that drives his next decisions.
SPEAKER_00: And I told you that our feelings were not designed to lead, they were designed to be governed.
SPEAKER_00: Now I want to show you what that actually looks like in a practical way.
SPEAKER_00: And this is where most people get this wrong.
SPEAKER_00: When we talk about emotional restraints, most people hear emotional suppression.
SPEAKER_00: That's not what I'm talking about.
SPEAKER_00: They think, oh, stuff it down, conceal, don't feel.
SPEAKER_00: Thanks, Frozen.
SPEAKER_00: Get that out of here.
SPEAKER_00: No.
SPEAKER_00: Like, be strong, be a man.
SPEAKER_00: Like, no, that's not what we're talking about.
SPEAKER_00: That's not what this Proverbs is addressing.
SPEAKER_00: Let's look at it from a different angle.
SPEAKER_00: In Proverbs chapter 25, verse 28, it says, like a city that is broken into without walls is a man who has no control over his spirit.
SPEAKER_00: To understand what wisdom actually requires here, we need to make a crucial distinction.
SPEAKER_00: So that way it changed how you see relationships and how you navigate your own spirit differently.
SPEAKER_00: That difference is the difference between physical feelings and emotion and heart emotions.
SPEAKER_00: I use this in counseling all the time with an illustration of a train.
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna show you the back half of it, or the front half of the wrong side of the train.
SPEAKER_00: This is the train that many people tend to lead with.
SPEAKER_00: They lead with their feelings.
SPEAKER_00: And notice that the feelings have both a physical feeling compartment and a heart emotion compartment.
SPEAKER_00: And in these two compartments, we don't discern properly.
SPEAKER_00: Because here's the difference physical feelings are bodily sensations that are tied to actual stimuli, hunger, exhaustion, physical pain.
SPEAKER_00: If I cut myself, that is a physical feeling that cannot be contested.
SPEAKER_00: Nor does it come in in a way that is compromising the truth.
SPEAKER_00: It's something that is objective and it calls for compassion.
SPEAKER_00: That's what physical feelings call for.
SPEAKER_00: Whereas heart emotions are different.
SPEAKER_00: Anger, shame, fear, loneliness.
SPEAKER_00: They are your heart's way of interpreting what is happening around you.
SPEAKER_00: And here is why that uh that makes a difference.
SPEAKER_00: Because it does not reveal actual facts all the time.
SPEAKER_00: It masks itself as facts sometimes, but they lead you to believe reports that are oftentimes not even true because we've never tested them.
SPEAKER_00: They are judgments of the heart about a situation that are filtered through your desires, your fears, your past experience, or even your assumptions.
SPEAKER_00: Give you an example.
SPEAKER_00: Two people can have the same conversation, but then walk away with two completely different emotional reactions.
SPEAKER_00: Why?
SPEAKER_00: Because their heart's intentions is interpreting it completely different.
SPEAKER_00: And it's not as though one person is lying.
SPEAKER_00: That's just how their heart is interpreting it.
SPEAKER_00: Their heart's emotion is interpreting it.
SPEAKER_00: And here's where the fool goes wrong.
SPEAKER_00: They treat their heart emotions as though they are physical feelings, expecting compassion when they need truth.
SPEAKER_00: They need truth to be applied to why are you fearful?
SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about that.
SPEAKER_00: Are you really fearful?
SPEAKER_00: Are you really lonely?
SPEAKER_00: You said that you're a Christian.
SPEAKER_00: We know that our God does never leave us.
SPEAKER_00: There's nowhere that you can go from Him.
SPEAKER_00: And you are Christian, so you have other brothers and sisters that can come around you.
SPEAKER_00: So let's apply truth to those heart emotions and let's apply compassion to those feelings.
SPEAKER_00: But the fool, again, gets this mixed up.
SPEAKER_00: This is why when it comes to heart emotions, we need to intentionally change our language, opening up the opportunity for us to be challenged.
SPEAKER_00: I tell people all the time, why don't you, when trying to express a heart emotion, stop saying I feel and start saying I think.
SPEAKER_00: Because when you say I feel, you're not giving me the opportunity to apply truth to it.
SPEAKER_00: You only want compassion.
SPEAKER_00: But when you say I think, now you're inviting me to challenge that, to break that down, to see how we can actually solve this heart emotion.
SPEAKER_00: This is what Proverbs is telling us.
SPEAKER_00: We need to have control over our spirit.
SPEAKER_00: Your spirit is not the absence of emotion.
SPEAKER_00: It needs to be, but it doesn't need to be led by emotions.
SPEAKER_00: It needs to be governed.
SPEAKER_00: Our heart emotions and our physical feelings should not be the one that is leading this train.
SPEAKER_00: It needs to be in the back as we process this through right thinking, right actions, and then, yes, still feel, still have those emotions.
SPEAKER_00: But let the word of God process this.
SPEAKER_00: Here's the reason why I say this because Jesus modeled this perfectly.
SPEAKER_00: 100% in the Garden of Gethsemane, where physical feelings were real.
SPEAKER_00: His sweat was like drops of blood.
SPEAKER_00: Physical feeling, that was real.
SPEAKER_00: His heart emotions was bearing the weight of the cup that he was about to take on our behalf.
SPEAKER_00: It's a heart emotion that was absolutely real.
SPEAKER_00: And look what Jesus did.
SPEAKER_00: He prayed to the Father.
SPEAKER_00: If it be possible, let this cup pass from me.
SPEAKER_00: Yet, not as I will, but as your will.
SPEAKER_00: Proverbs chapter 25, 21 through 22 says, If your enemy is hungry, give him some food to eat.
SPEAKER_00: If he is thirsty, give him water to drink.
SPEAKER_00: For you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you.
SPEAKER_00: You see what this proverb is doing here?
SPEAKER_00: It's not just telling us how to treat your friends, but it's also telling us how to treat our enemies.
SPEAKER_00: That's not natural.
SPEAKER_00: In our natural state, we were like, no, he can starve.
SPEAKER_00: Let him be parched.
SPEAKER_00: I don't care.
SPEAKER_00: But the wisdom from above that lives through us orients our lives away from self and towards others.
SPEAKER_00: Now I want to give you a framework for other-centered care and what that looks like practically.
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna do this in a kind of odd way.
SPEAKER_00: I don't think it's odd, but you might.
SPEAKER_00: It's okay.
SPEAKER_00: Here we go.
SPEAKER_00: Did you know that the oldest symbol in Christianity is a fish?
SPEAKER_00: In times of persecution, when someone was openly declaring their faith, knowing that it would cost them, they would meet another believer and to determine if this was a believer, they would go down to the ground and draw the top half of a fish.
SPEAKER_00: If that person was a believer, they would go down and draw the bottom half of that fish.
SPEAKER_00: This was a symbol not only to prove that they were Christian, but also to prove who they belonged to.
SPEAKER_00: It was an area of identity that let other people know who they served.
SPEAKER_00: A simple signal can identify who it is that you belong to.
SPEAKER_00: And this fish is a perfect example.
SPEAKER_00: And it's fitting with other-centered care.
SPEAKER_00: Because a fish cannot survive without the water.
SPEAKER_00: It cannot survive outside of the water.
SPEAKER_00: That's what it's created for.
SPEAKER_00: If you take a fish out of the water, immediately it starts, it begins to die.
SPEAKER_00: Not because of something that attacked it, but because it is no longer operating within the environment that it was designed in.
SPEAKER_00: Genuine relationships, wise governed relationships, operate the same way.
SPEAKER_00: When other centered care is removed, self-serving replaces faithfulness.
SPEAKER_00: Distance replaces intimacy.
SPEAKER_00: Comfort replaces sacrifice, and flattering replaces honesty.
SPEAKER_00: And the relationship begins to die.
SPEAKER_00: So what I want to do is I want to walk through this to give you a memorable way of making sure that this fish stays in water, starting with the word F.
SPEAKER_00: I mean, starting with the letter F.
SPEAKER_00: It's faithfulness.
SPEAKER_00: Faithfulness stays present through the costs rather than abandoning when things get hard.
SPEAKER_00: Proverbs 17, 17 says, a friend loves at all times, and there and a brother is born for adversity.
SPEAKER_00: Faithfulness shows up when it's inconvenient, when it's uncomfortable, when it's expensive.
SPEAKER_00: Go back to our example of Jesus.
SPEAKER_00: In John chapter 11, verse 35.
SPEAKER_00: Everyone should know this because it's the shortest verse in the Bible.
SPEAKER_00: Jesus amen.
SPEAKER_00: Jesus wept.
SPEAKER_00: If you don't know, now you know the shortest Bible verse ever.
SPEAKER_00: You got it.
SPEAKER_00: But Jesus wept at Lazarus' graveside.
SPEAKER_00: He did not send a message from a distance.
SPEAKER_00: He showed up.
SPEAKER_00: He was there personally and he grieved with them.
SPEAKER_00: And he also took this to this highest form of showing faithfulness.
SPEAKER_00: In John chapter 15, verse 13, it says, Greater love has none than this, than one laid down his life for his friends.
SPEAKER_00: He remained faithful all the way to the cross for the people who did not deserve it, nor could they earn it.
SPEAKER_00: I is intimacy.
SPEAKER_00: Intimacy knows the person rather than treating them transactionally.
SPEAKER_00: In John chapter 11, verse 3, we're informed that Lazarus was not just an acquaintance of Jesus.
SPEAKER_00: He was known and he was loved.
SPEAKER_00: In John chapter 1, verses 47 through 48, Jesus knew Nathaniel before he even met him.
SPEAKER_00: He had an intimate personal relationship with him.
SPEAKER_00: Listen, other-centered care doesn't just know facts about people.
SPEAKER_00: They desire to get to know them on a more intimate level.
SPEAKER_00: Intimacy requires presence, attention, time.
SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself, are you actually investing in getting the people to the getting to know the people in your circles?
SPEAKER_00: Or are you just hanging out with them based on what they provide you?
SPEAKER_00: S is sacrifice.
SPEAKER_00: Sacrifice serves the good of others rather than your own comfort, even when it comes at a cost.
SPEAKER_00: In John chapter 13, verses 1 through 5, Jesus washed the feet of the one who would betray him, knowing it was coming.
SPEAKER_00: And the example that Jesus sets for us is that if you only care for those when it's easy, then you are not acting in other centered care.
SPEAKER_00: It is only self-serving, dressed up as generosity.
SPEAKER_00: H is honesty.
SPEAKER_00: Honesty speaks truth even when it's uncomfortable, rather than flattering to preserve your comfort.
SPEAKER_00: In John chapter 4, verses 16 through 18, Jesus told the Samaritan woman the truth about her five husbands.
SPEAKER_00: He's like, I know you ain't got no husband.
SPEAKER_00: You got five.
SPEAKER_00: Listen, he didn't flatter.
SPEAKER_00: He honestly spoke the truth for her and it changed her life.
SPEAKER_00: We need to be those that are boldly and honestly and graciously speaking the truth honestly to others.
SPEAKER_00: Flattery protects you, whereas honesty serves them.
SPEAKER_00: In Proverbs chapter 27, verse 6, it says, Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.
SPEAKER_00: Listen, I would much rather have a friend that wounds me because they care about me than an enemy try to flatter me because they're trying to abuse me.
SPEAKER_00: We are called to speak the truth in love.
SPEAKER_00: We need to be those that are operating in this water of other-centered care with faithfulness, intimacy, sacrifice, and honesty.
SPEAKER_00: We need to be those that go down and draw the fish, hoping that those believers are also drawing that as well.
SPEAKER_00: Because we are thinking more so about them than ourselves.
SPEAKER_00: And the only person that has done all four of these, and even more perfectly, is Jesus.
SPEAKER_00: And the only way for this to flow through you is for it to be in Him.
SPEAKER_00: Remember the big idea.
SPEAKER_00: Wisdom for your relationships does not come from you, it comes through you.
SPEAKER_00: Listen, if you walk out of here today and you try to manufacture all of these good things that wisdom provides and wisdom requires in your relationship, you will fail.
SPEAKER_00: Eventually, you will fail.
SPEAKER_00: And here's why.
SPEAKER_00: Because without Christ, discernment becomes cynicism.
SPEAKER_00: Without Christ, emotional restraint becomes coldness.
SPEAKER_00: Without Christ, other-centered care becomes people pleasing.
SPEAKER_00: We need Jesus.
SPEAKER_00: You will take the right principles.
SPEAKER_00: If you continue to do this without him, you would take the right principles and plug it into the wrong power source and ultimately fail.
SPEAKER_00: It will eventually collapse because of your own insufficiencies.
SPEAKER_00: Jesus is the wise son of Proverbs.
SPEAKER_00: He is the source that we need to be connected in.
SPEAKER_00: Every principle we walk through today finds its perfect expression in him and him alone.
SPEAKER_00: See, that's the good news about the gospel.
SPEAKER_00: Listen, you were created.
SPEAKER_00: For a relationship with God.
SPEAKER_00: But it is our sin that separated us from that relationship.
SPEAKER_00: And no matter how hard you try, no matter how many good things you do, no matter how many sacrifices you made, he says that is but filthy rags that you are presenting before me.
SPEAKER_00: You can't do it.
SPEAKER_00: You can try.
SPEAKER_00: There's a whole old testament of people trying.
SPEAKER_00: You can feel like you're doing this right.
SPEAKER_00: There's a whole old testament of people doing that.
SPEAKER_00: But eventually they fail.
SPEAKER_00: This is why Jesus came.
SPEAKER_00: He did for you what you can even do for yourself.
SPEAKER_00: You couldn't reconcile this relationship with God, but he did it on your behalf.
SPEAKER_00: He became sin who knew no sin so that you might have the righteousness of God in him.
SPEAKER_00: In him.
SPEAKER_00: This is why it becomes, it comes through you.
SPEAKER_00: We need to be those that live so close to the Lord that all of these actions are done automatically.
SPEAKER_00: That's the autopilot that I want to go on.
SPEAKER_00: I want to be so fixated and abiding in Christ that naturally that's my life.
SPEAKER_00: Why?
SPEAKER_00: Because I've given my life for him.
SPEAKER_00: You probably heard me say this a million times.
SPEAKER_00: Here's a million and one.
SPEAKER_00: My favorite Bible verse in the entire scriptures is Galatians chapter 2, verse 20.
SPEAKER_00: It says, I've been crucified with Christ.
SPEAKER_00: It's no longer I who live, but it is Christ who lives in me.
SPEAKER_00: The life that I now live in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself up for me.
SPEAKER_00: It's no longer my life.
SPEAKER_00: He is living his life in and through me.
SPEAKER_00: That is how I can have wisdom in relationships.
SPEAKER_00: That is how I can have a reconciled relationship with God the Father.
SPEAKER_00: That is how I exercise wisdom from above.
SPEAKER_00: Church, that's what we need.
SPEAKER_00: Warren Wearsby says it like this.
SPEAKER_00: We do not live by rules, but by relationships.
SPEAKER_00: A loving relationship to God that enables us to have a loving relationship with others.
SPEAKER_00: The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.
SPEAKER_00: And we need to operate in that wisdom.
SPEAKER_00: Notice, this is not a principle that we're talking about.
SPEAKER_00: This is a person that lives his life in and through us.
SPEAKER_00: And when we realize this, it reorders everything because the gospel is not only that saves, but it's that which also sanctifies.
SPEAKER_00: So the question I want to uh leave you with today is are you in him?
SPEAKER_00: Are you in him?
SPEAKER_00: Or are you still operating in your own wisdom?
SPEAKER_00: Church, we need to wake up.
SPEAKER_00: We need to see that we're insufficient.
SPEAKER_00: We need to see that, yes, I'm weak, but he is strong.
SPEAKER_00: His power is made perfect in my weakness because he is living his life in and through me.
SPEAKER_00: Let's walk in wisdom, knowing that wisdom for all relationships does not come from you.
SPEAKER_00: It comes through you because of Christ.
SPEAKER_00: Now I think I have time for my learn to live.
SPEAKER_00: Let me give them to you real quick.
SPEAKER_00: Or my truth to life.
SPEAKER_00: Truth to life.
SPEAKER_00: Got three truth to life I want you to consider for yourself.
SPEAKER_00: I hope this entire message you were considering yourself and not someone you were thinking about.
SPEAKER_00: Because we need wisdom.
SPEAKER_00: Question number one.
SPEAKER_00: Would Jesus confirm my relationship with him?
SPEAKER_00: Galatians chapter 4, verse 9 says, not only to be known by Christ, but also to be, I mean, not only to know Christ, but to be known by Christ.
SPEAKER_00: Does your life mark a relationship with Christ that he would also confirm?
SPEAKER_00: Question number two, am I exercising wisdom in all my relationships?
SPEAKER_00: All of your relationships need wisdom.
SPEAKER_00: Even the ones that you think are going well.
SPEAKER_00: Let's reevaluate them and see if we're actually operating in wisdom or if it's just dressed up foolishness.
SPEAKER_00: Then question number three Which relationship do I need to be more intentional with?
SPEAKER_00: Maybe there's a non-believer that you need to be more intentional with.
SPEAKER_00: Maybe there's a believer.
SPEAKER_00: Maybe there's a neighbor or co-worker that you need to exercise godly wisdom.
SPEAKER_00: I want to encourage you to do so, realizing that it doesn't come from you, it comes through you.
SPEAKER_00: Let's pray.
SPEAKER_00: Father, we thank you.
SPEAKER_00: God, we need you.
SPEAKER_00: We need your wisdom from above.
SPEAKER_00: We need your word to come to bear on our lives.
SPEAKER_00: Because, Lord, we're insufficient.
SPEAKER_00: In and of ourselves, we fail every single time.
SPEAKER_00: Even when it seems as though we are doing well for so long, Lord, eventually we fail.
SPEAKER_00: So thank you for sending your son to do what we couldn't do.
SPEAKER_00: Live a sinless and perfect life, completely obedient to the Father.
SPEAKER_00: So, Father, we we ask for wisdom.
SPEAKER_00: We ask for Jesus.
SPEAKER_00: Father, I pray for these here today.
SPEAKER_00: That you have your way, that you open up hearts that need to be open, that you walk all those to walk in obedience that need to walk in obedience.
SPEAKER_00: And dear Lord, that you be glorified.
SPEAKER_00: Father, we love you.
SPEAKER_00: We pray this in your Son Jesus' name.
SPEAKER_00: Amen.