Up in Flames - Workplace Solutions
Up in Flames - Workplace Solutions
Cussing in front of the "Kids" aka Subordinates
Do you have a sailor mouth in front of your kiddos? Is it totally okay for you to drop a constant F bomb in front of the little ones?
We shouldn’t cuss in front of the kids. I'm not talking about our children.
I'm talking about the people that we work with, our subordinates, those who are below you in the chain of command. I'm also not talking about actual foul language...
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[inaudible]. Hello there. Welcome back to another episode of Up in Flames. I'm your host, but more importantly, your advocate Abby Bolt. Do you have a sailor mouth in front of your Kiddos? Is it totally okay for you to drop a constant F bomb in front of the little ones? I realized that some of you may have amped answered yes, and maybe this episode isn't for you. But to be honest today I'm actually talking about adults. We shouldn't cuss in front of the kids. I'm not talking about our children. I'm talking about the people that we work with, our subordinates. Those who are below you in the chain of command. I'm also not talking about actual foul language. I'm talking about the negative talk. About those either in the company, the organization, or any negative talk about anyone or any system within your employer. I used to work for a federal agency and within the agency you could transfer to different areas, states, forests, and the one that I worked on a couple of forests ago was up north, kind of up in northern California. I didn't realize how careful the chiefs were there about cussing in front of the kids. Me being one of the kids. The whole time that I went there, I thought that all management was just getting along. I never heard them talk poorly about each other. I didn't hear him talk trash about their bosses or their counterparts. I really just thought that the entire thing was running smoothly. It wasn't until a lot later that I found out that there was a lot of controversy. And while there was a lot of backstabbing and bashing and just all kinds of things going on that caused conflict forest wide within the management system I was working below. I just had no idea it was happening. I thought everything was happy, go lucky. I remember the chief that I worked directly for there. Actually, this was the case with all of them because they rotated a couple of times. some promoted out and retired. They would never talk poorly about their boss or their peers. Whenever I was chatting with them. I remember sometimes trying to kick up conversation like, oh, what about that chief for this or this issue, or Oh man, what do you think about that? I can't believe it. And really they would just kind of smile and nod at me and brushed by the conversation. I don't know how things are there anymore and I don't know if they've improved or gotten worse, but when I was there, that's how it was. It wasn't until I moved to some place where it was the complete opposite that I realized how much I appreciated the last place and how respectful I was of their management style. The next place I went to, literally the very first day, it was shown to me that there was no respect within the ranks. They had no respect for each other. So much disrespect in fact that the first week I was there had I not moved to this place to be closer to family. Had it been just for career opportunities, which I actually took it downgrade so that I could be near my family. I would've asked. I would have asked for my other position back and I wouldn't have continued at this location. Simply because of the extreme negative impact that my supervisors had on me. They had on each other they had with their subordinates everywhere. It was almost like a heartbeat. You could just feel it thumping the negativity every day. I mean, right off the bat, my supervisor took me around to the forest and introduced me to one person after another and she talked poorly about every single person, even people that I had grown up with and I knew them to be good people. I would walk out the door and she would just immediately start bashing them. And I knew better. I mean if I had not known better about some of these people, I would have gone off of her initial opinion and probably taken that with on myself and it wasn't just about the people they work with, it was about the community, the business owners, the public, everyone. There was just an instant negative, disappointing vibe that was pressed upon. Even new employees like myself who had just arrived there, they would bash those above them. To people below them. So it'd be like my chief would completely talk trash all day long about our supervisor and my second line supervisor. My chief would talk trash about others that were at my same level or even below me. When I say trash, I mean going out of their way to make sure you just had a negative opinion just like theirs. It really just rips the soul out of your whole spirit at work. It ruins employees drive and basic want to be in the workplace. Not only that, but you can't help but wonder, when you step away what in the world are they saying about you? Just to k ick, kick u p controversy or get attention? I think that's a lot of what's going on. It's just to get attention. S upervisor's like that just want to walk around, talk to other kids on the playground and make people want to listen to them or want to know more. And really it's just because they're thriving for that attention. What was really sad i s it become, it became a constant habit. It just became the daily routine there. What I started to see throughout all the management, there was no filter. It wasn't like chiefs would talk trash to chiefs about issues. Chiefs were talking trash about people to first year firefighters who didn't even know any better and really a first year firefighter should never have an indication that anything bad is going on in their workplace. They shouldn't know that this chief and that chief we're battling, so in a large community, no one would know what this director is battling with or, or the CFO is battling with the CEO and they just shouldn't ever even hear about that. Not In the federal agencies, not in in major private companies. They just shouldn't be privy to conversations that are discussing it or even overhearing them. I've tried for a long time to keep that rule for myself to not cuss in front of the kids. It's just like when you have a child and you get worried that if you cuss around them, they're going to start having vile mouths too. Because that's a fact. Kids are going to repeat and emulate what they know and the same thing goes for the workplace and to the kids. The adults are their superiors. You are children's superior and at work you are literally your employee's superior. Even on paper. And some metaphor for parents and kids. If your subordinate constantly hears you talking trash about someone above you and disrespecting those above you, they will learn that that is acceptable behavior. They will learn that that's what they should be doing and whether it's there in your location or they move on to another throughout their career, that is what they will emulate and repeat and take with them and ripple out. I remember being an expectant mother. I started getting worried that if I said a cuss word when I actually had a child in my womb before he was even born, I was afraid that cuss words would affect my son before he can really even hear me. I guess I was raised with no cussing. This metaphor I know may seem silly at times, but really like another episodes. I keep comparing adults in the workplace to children on the school ground simply because like it or not, it's really similar. It's basic human behavior. Somehow my Dad never said a cuss word around us girls. Maybe I would hear a damn here or an S word once in awhile. I'd be like, Oh, dad's mad or dad really did hurt himself. But in general he held a complete filter. I would hear someone talk about conversations they had with them and they would recount what my dad said and it would just be full of cuss words. I remember the first time I heard that and I was like, no, no, no, no. He said to all of that, but without the cuss words. Right. I think it was my cousin who was a guy and he said like a no, your dad cusses like a sailor. I didn't hear about that until I was, gosh, like in my teen years, I can't remember. I couldn't believe it. I was like, no, he doesn't. I hear him talk all the time and he never cusses and he said, no, Abby. He just knows when to shut it off. He knows when to not cuss in front of his girls or in front of the kids or in front of women. He's just got that respect. My Dad was really good about being respectful like that. But what it taught me is that you truly can have an on and off button. You can switch off that negative behavior, that negative talk when you need to so that you can properly influence those around you. And if my dad red bull can actually keep from cussing in front of the kids, then I know we can do it too. Because you know what? The influence that you have in the workplace and in your life around the children around those that look up to you, that's going to set their tone for the rest of their life. So ask yourself, what tone are you setting? How many f bombs are you dropping in front of the kids? At work, at home? The foundation that you lay down now will stay with them throughout their lives or throughout their careers. The ripple effect that you cause now will ripple all the way to end for them. So make it a good one. Be sure to tune in to future episodes where we'll be talking about more effects of cussing or being negative towards others in the workplace and in your life. How to approach that situation and maybe how to change your perspective after someone is completely ripped it to shreds. If you like what I'm doing here, I would love it if you became a patron. Please help me keep this, this whole podcasting going. I've really been hearing of how it's had a positive influence on several people. People ask me what they can do, how they can help. This is how you can help. Go to patreon.com/upinflamespodcast and become a patron. You get to have behind the scenes information, Facebook live videos of me doing my recordings and there's either been going to be some features, Swag that different levels we'll get to have. So please be a part of that. And with that, just remember to choose the hard right over easy silence. Talk to you next time.