In this episode, I interview Rudi Coleman, a licensed clinical counselor.
We talk about:
The resources Rudi recommended are:
Connect with Rudi Coleman:
Instagram: @Rudi_Maria_
Website: http://bygracecounselingllc.com/
Connect with Casey Sharperson:
Order a signed copy of Casey's Book (US only):
www.CaseySharperson.com/book
Order Dream, Build, Repeat: Harness Fear to Confidently Pursue Your Biggest Dreams - Amazon
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/CaseyCarea
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/caseycarea/
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/CaseySharperson
Website: www.CaseySharperson.com
Email: Hello@CaseySharperson.com
In this episode, I interview Rudi Coleman, a licensed clinical counselor.
We talk about:
The resources Rudi recommended are:
Connect with Rudi Coleman:
Instagram: @Rudi_Maria_
Website: http://bygracecounselingllc.com/
Connect with Casey Sharperson:
Order a signed copy of Casey's Book (US only):
www.CaseySharperson.com/book
Order Dream, Build, Repeat: Harness Fear to Confidently Pursue Your Biggest Dreams - Amazon
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/CaseyCarea
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/caseycarea/
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/CaseySharperson
Website: www.CaseySharperson.com
Email: Hello@CaseySharperson.com
spk_0: 0:03
Hi, everyone. Welcome to the dream Build. Repeat podcast. My name is Casey Sharp person brand strategist, speaker and host of this amazing podcast Dream build. Repeat, I'm also brand new author of the book Dream Build Repeat Harness Fear to confidently pursuit your biggest dreams. You can absolutely grab your copy on my website K c, sharp person dot com as well as Amazon. So I'm really excited to get into today's topic. I'm excited also to have a guest, and I'll get more into that. But today we're going to be talking about mental health and what mental health looks like. Especially in this time. If you're listening to this very close to the recording right now, Corona virus in Cove in 19 is everywhere home. We are in a quarantine. So I thought it was so important for us to talk about what mental health looks like Not on Lee right now. But take these tools that we learn and take them into other aspects of our lives, so I could not think of anyone better to bring on as a guest. Then my friend Rudy Coleman. So we're going to be talking about mental health wife possibly some relationship stuff. Um, so everything related to mental health. So I'm gonna go ahead and read you a little bit about her bio, and then we'll get into the conversation. So Rudy is originally from Florida, but she lives in Georgia. She's obsessed with Jesus, soft baked sugar cookies, lavender kombucha and chatting with her girlfriends over yummy food for hours at a time. Now I have to pause here and say that legitimately. This is why Rudy and I connected. I am a huge fan of Kombucha for those you follow me on Instagram. I'm always talking about it and cookies and chatting and eating like all the things I love hum other aspects of her bio. She says that she's incredibly passionate about everyone living a life, according to the calling God has placed on them, and she is just an incredible ah woman of God. And she's also a licensed clinical social worker with an additional master's degree in Christian psychological studies. So she leaves women's ministries at church. She travels around the world spreading the gospel of Jesus Christ, but also she actually has just come back, and I'm super excited. Talk about this to. She's just come back from a retreat where she hosted women and they did self care. And they talked all about mental health and learned incredible things. They're so she hosts mental health, spiritual retreats and exotic locations. And finally, she says, it is not uncommon to find her randomly singing and dancing. And she is always finding the glass half full. So Rudy, welcome. Thank
spk_1: 3:02
you. Oh, my goodness. Thank you for having me. I love this bio like, Oh, my goodness. I love the way you read
spk_0: 3:09
it. It could expire. It's fire. So sweet. Yes, I'm really excited to have you. We can do like a quick walk down memory lane about how we met is why we're friends. Absolutely, absolutely
spk_1: 3:23
cannot, like, just jump into this conversation without telling people the amazing way that we met. Because it's so good. It's so amazing. I
spk_0: 3:31
love it. Well, I mean, I feel you should tell it because you're the guest.
spk_1: 3:34
Oh, okay. So I met. Let's see, we met about Oh, my goodness. I think November 1st will be one year. Two years isn't two years. It's been two years. And we initially home had a friend in common. Her name is Juliette Bush, and she does an incredible I guess it would be caught an organization cooperate by faith travel. And she just picks destinations all over the world. And she just invites women of the Christian faith to travel with her. So I, um, chose the Israel trip to join, and so did you. And we had no idea who won another waas until we got paired together as roommates. And from the moment we actually landed and I think I landed before you and got to the hotel room and, you know, you came hours later and it was just like nothing I'd ever seen before. The way we connected the way we just laughed and joked It was an incredible experience because hello, Israel. Um and that experience alone was just like changing. But God just added something additional when he allowed me to encounter you. Really? Because although that was an amazing trip, just the conversations that we had and how we connected both on a spiritual level, but also just mentally and all these things that we had in common and just talking until 34 o'clock in the morning it was everything. So that's why you will forever be known as my roomie. Um, I always call you that. So it's weird to say, Casey, I'm gonna try to send Casey throughout this podcast, but it's probably not gonna work. It won't ever be
spk_0: 5:28
roomies. Yeah, roomie. Rudy, It's just like I'm so close. Yeah, and I love it because, um, also you baptize me in the Jordan River. It was beautiful. A beautiful experience. I love it. Yeah, it was a whole It was. Ah, whole mood,
spk_1: 5:48
As as the young folks say, Right. Hello. Oh, my goodness. Can we say that young folks has worked very young, but Yeah, you're
spk_0: 5:55
right. You're absolutely right. There's a whole tic tac generation that's like, what is have Internet. I don't even know. You're right.
spk_1: 6:03
And I am not a part of that tic tac generation so year, right?
spk_0: 6:07
Absolutely. I love it. Well, thank you for recounting our amazing of moments of a bigger story. Yahoo
spk_1: 6:14
concert. They actually flew to Israel. Admit like this amazing sister, and you know, years later they're still in contact. That was nothing like
spk_0: 6:22
that. So, you know, that's a great story. That is so amazing. Well, people, I love it. I love it. Okay, so we've already, like, kicked off the conversation. We've talked about God a few times already. So let's just die right on in and talk about You are a mental health professional. You are a counselor. Oh, let's just talk about Can we Can we come out the gate with mental health in the church? Absolutely. What? What does that look like? Because I know, especially in different communities on mental health has a stigma. It's got, um and also mental health means a lot of things to a lot of different people. So if you could just talk about one defining mental health for us and then to talk about, um, you know, is the approach to mental health different for somebody who believes in God versus you know, anybody else,
spk_1: 7:17
right? Right, Absolutely. So I love how you said, Let's just talk about it out of the gate. There is a stigma. Um, and I think it depends on how what the conversation is surrounded by. So first off, when people say mental health, I think it's still somewhat has a negative connotation. Let's be clear We all have a mental health. We all have a brain. We all have health, whether it's helped, you know, healthy in a positive way or a negative way. But to say things like, You know, I'm not mental health or I don't have any mental health issues. All of us struggle mentally at one point or another. I think the media and society sometimes, you know, with movies and just pop culture in general, we dramatize it a lot. And just for the sake of entertainment, we have to put a spin on it or the media puts a spin on it. And generally that's been isn't always the greatest. It's something like, Oh, well, I'm quoting this person is quote unquote crazy or they're just acting outside of social norms. So I think with just that being bombarded and put in our faces on a day to day basis, we all approach mental health as something what we have in the past approach mental health as something that is wrong or something that oh no, that's not something that I struggle with. No sister, no brother. If you have a brain and if you are fully functioning as a human being. You have Mente, shin and you. There's a health component to it. So in regards to your question of mental health and the church, I love how I believe a lot of churches are definitely bringing it to the forefront. Um, different stories in the past year or so definitely come to mind. And unfortunately, it usually takes something unfortunate a crisis or trauma to really start talking about this. But I know, um, I think it was about this time last year when there will sever pastors that were, you know, coming out and talking about. I have been dealing with depression. They were a couple pastors in the news. God bless them and their families that we're dealing with, um, suicidal thoughts or those pastors who had actually committed the act of suicide. I think with those stories being sensationalized, it's definitely come to a forefront. Some I won't say all, um, some churches, I think, have been extremely responsible in having that transparent conversation and others, huh? You know, that's not for me to judge. But as far as mental health and the churches is concerned, as long as that conversation of transparency is being talked about in a healthy way with people present that, um, have the h education have the experience to lead that conversation. Um, I think that that is the most important thing. And when it's led around that, of course, with the Holy Spirit and God's presence being the ultimate director that, um in many cases has been a beautiful thing that I've been experiencing and, um, witnessing throughout the church when you say, um, is it different? A. SZ far as Christianity is concerned or, you know, maybe an unbeliever. I believe so, because it's all about perspective. It's all about meeting that person or that individual where they are. So yes, I clearly am a Christian, Um, but I have a private practice where I practice Christian counseling, but I also work in the secular world where I'm not as, um, upfront about, Well, let's pray or let's read Scripture. What do you think the Lord is saying? What do you think the Holy Spirit is guiding our leading you to in this juncture? So it's definitely different. But the approach is, um, for the most part, are fairly or overall the same where we're talking about What are you specifically going through? What are those impairments? What are those symptoms? Um, if it's something as far as a mental health condition is concerned, our actual diagnosis versus No. It's just a regular stressor. Um, and I'm leading some help, so I think there's a difference. But overall, it's that place of transparency and vulnerability that that person who is on the other end of the desk, the couch, the whatever is able to just talk about what their experiences have been and how it's impacted their insight, foresight, thoughts, behaviors, things of that nature. So I was super long winded, but that is my My answer is basically there's a really good questions for me. They really
spk_0: 12:27
are. Yeah, I love what you talked about, one saying, Of course, the perspective is a little bit different whether you believe in God or a God or not, but they're still like these core principles that everyone can take away from. But again, you're you're approaching your private practice is a little bit different were probably a lot different than your approach in, like working in a hospital. So my next question you mentioned that people you know If you're able to talk about your experiences in a stressor and all of that, who do you recommend? Um, for counseling, like who is the ideal person to get counseling?
spk_1: 13:14
Sure. So if you're living, if you're breathing, if you're able to articulate what you're thinking about, what you're feeling, those emotions than you are a prime candidate for counseling. And I know that sounds super cliche, but it's the truth. I have seen everything questions, everything. But I've seen things all the way up to, you know, people who are literally experiencing psychosis, meaning I am in an altered state of mind to where I am hearing voices or I'm seeing things. I've seen those people who need what's called intense. Um ah, intense psychological treatment. And I've seen those people who are just like you know what? There's nothing particularly wrong with me. I just want an unbiased person who is educated in the area of psychotherapy to kind of walk me through life so it doesn't have to be how the media movies, different television shows portray counseling as it is. I am in some traumatic or horrible position in my life. I need counsel. Yes, that person absolutely needs counseling. You need someone other than best friend Mama on See, even pastor, you know, those are all wonderful people and they have their places in our lives. But there is absolutely nothing wrong and something to be said for going to someone who doesn't know you, who was unbiased, who has nothing to gain from, whether or not you stick with them or not. That person who is trained to say, Have you thought about it like this? Or they can hear your story and say, OK, I hear what you're saying. Um, let's let's break that up. Let's let me walk you through this process. They can pick out the the holes for lack of better word words or the voids that you may not be picking up on because it's hard to look within, and a lot of times the stranger can do that. So there is no prototype, I say, as long as you can articulate what's going on, and even if you can't, someone can help you with that. But as long as you're a human being, who has access? Um, you're a great candidate. Honestly, you really are. I can't tell you the amount of people who I have who have come to me and they're just like, uh, I don't think I have any problems. Life is going pretty great. You don't have to be experiencing a quote unquote problem, crisis or trauma to go to counseling. As a matter of that, that's a beautiful time to go to counseling because things are pretty low key. You don't have, um, any major distractions. So you're able to have that person maybe give you some additional coping skills to just going through life because we all know that life happens. So when you're in a pretty good place, things aren't blowing up. You don't have a quote unquote on pressing issue that's hindering you from going on and on third throughout your day. Still, go to counseling doesn't have to be every week. Have a little check in. I call them two notes like, even when nothing is wrong with our cars. We still go and we get our oil changed. We still go and we get it washed. We want to keep it in good condition. We want to keep that car that's already doing well. Um, and a continuous state of doing well, why can't we think of our bodies and our mental? I'm well being in the same way. So yeah, everybody you like. Oprah says you go to counseling, you goto. Everybody can
spk_0: 17:07
go to counseling. That's hilarious. You know, Ugo Science It's the truth, you know, I have always thought of Well, I guess until more recently, when I became more exposed, I always felt like Okay, have a good counseling when everything around you is falling apart, that's when you need it. But there are things I'm realizing that you can find out when things are not falling apart. That will tell you that would give you some red flags before everything else starts falling apart. You could be like Okay, I think I'm going downhill right now. Language crazy. Exactly. Also, recognize those sorts of things. I think a
spk_1: 17:50
lot of times, and I work with, um, eight other Russians, the other but eight physicians. And I wish people would treat their mental well being the way we treat our physical well being's. Most of us go to the doctor at least once a year just for a checkup, just to make sure everything is good. Could you imagine? If you know, you've been having this headache for six months. You've been throwing up for three weeks. You've been, you know, having this back pain for four months. And you finally went to the doctor a year later. Your doctor and you would think you were absolutely crazy. You know, if you waited that long or the opposite of that is you know, nothing is nothing is necessarily, um, hurting you. But you still go to the physician. Why can't we do that with our mental health? Don't prolong things. Like if something's wrong, you're right. Still go. But isn't it a lot easier to go to the physician when there's absolutely nothing wrong? He could continue? He or she can continue to tell you great job or hey, I'm seeing the small r small signs of this. I want youto look at this. I want you to start this supplement. I want you to take this vitamin. Why can't we, um, attack our issues in their infancy stages as opposed to when they're full grown monsters. And it's so much more difficult, you know? So yes, Absolutely going to counseling when there is little to nothing. Going on is a beautiful preventative measure. Instead of a reactive measure, my life is falling apart. I don't know which way's up. Let me contact somebody. Yes, please. But also things. They're great. Let me contact somebody. There's nothing wrong with
spk_0: 19:41
that. That's so good. So we can encourage everyone that's listening. Find a counselor. But since I'm saying that, how did people find a counselor? Right. How do you choose one? What's good, counselor? How do you know?
spk_1: 19:55
Oh, I love it. I love it. So there are definitely different platforms out there for everyone to find a counselor. What I generally get is well, first, I'll back up. If you have insurance, please, please, please turn over the back of your insurance card. Call that I'm number and they will give you a listing of mental health providers in your area. Um, first and foremost most I shouldn't say most, but many people can go through their human resources department. And ah, lot of folks will be surprised on when they check on their e AP, which means it's employee assistance programs. Ah, lot of people's jobs offer free counseling Service is using its about five or six sessions that they'll offer for free. If that is not an option for you to wear, you've called your HR department. They don't offer it or you don't have insurance. That's completely fine. I like to go to, um, psychology today. Www dot psychology today dot com Click on Find a therapist and it's the same thing that will ask you for your zip code and on the left side of the screen. You can contour it to say, I want you know, someone who speaks Spanish or I want someone who was a Christian. I want someone who you know, has a specialty and women's health or I love that website. Um, Google is not a bad thing. Asking around is not a bad thing. I've had some great referrals from just friends of friends, you know? Hey, my best friend sees a counselor. Let me see. You know how she's like in that there's nothing wrong with word of mouth opening up and asking a trusted love one. Um, they're different APs out there. There's just so many different avenues, um, that you can go to I always tell people that it's an interview process. Don't show up to someone's office, and you're not meshing well with them. You don't feel comfortable with them, whatever that is. Just a CZ, much as you're looking to them toe help you. You want to make sure that you're comfortable is well. So if you sit with someone or you have an initial intake and some counselors like I do this to where I spend about 2030 minutes on the phone with people, so they can kind of get a good feel for me and the service is that I provide. But they're also saying, Do I like her? Do do I feel comfortable with her? And if not, go on to the next week heart like there's nothing worse than being uncomfortable with someone. So I say, definitely interview them, ask around, do some Google searches. Um, I love the black Girls in therapy website. They have, um, an INSTAGRAM account. They have Facebook accounts, so there's a 1,000,000 different ways. Start with Google is a lot of different options.
spk_0: 22:58
Those are amazing tools, and this is something that is not talked about very often, you know, to check mended your insurance card to go to your HR because that's what I hear. A lot of people saying I don't know how have money for counseling. I don't know about that. But I think two perspectives One thing that you mentioned before is your mental health is just as important as your physical health. So, you know, investing in your mental health in whatever form that is, whether that's going in for your tune up or saying, you know I'm gonna make this investment but knowing that there are resource is available for you to get the help that you need and I say you is the listener. But I also am looking, you know, Maur into this space and making sure that I also have a place you know to go and to talk because you'll be surprised that there's a lot of people in counseling. Like a lot of people that you wouldn't think are in counseling say that it is the key to their success. I
spk_1: 23:55
couldn't agree more. I could not agree more and lets you know, talk about the elephant in the room. Counseling is expensive. My service is aren't free, but also being open enough to to say that there are so many counselors who offer sliding scale fees, whereas their website may say, Okay, $100 a session or $75 a session, whatever that looks like. But they may also say, You know what? I offer a sliding scale feet where if you just open your mouth and, you know, kick pride aside and say, I really wanna explore this, but I don't have the full feet Some people will give you those discounts. Some people will say, Okay, we may not be able to meet, you know, once every week or two weeks, but let's check in with the one another once a month or there's always group therapy. Group therapy is always gonna be something that's a lot more inexpensive than individual therapy. I hear the moans and groans about Well, I don't wanna open up in front of these strangers. You be surprised on how a lot of times when you're in group sessions just feeling like you're not alone and you're not crazy for thinking or experiencing the things that, um, you're experiencing have that connection helps. So don't minimize or don't roll out group counseling as well. Um, and For those who say Rudy, that's cute. That's sweet. I Jenner a genuinely don't have the money. I have a family. I have, you know, bills. I hear you, sweetheart. I hear you, Brother. Um, look into most people. I think everyone actually has. Um ah. County service is bored. So I'm familiar, Of course, with the ones in Georgia. If you Google, you know, see s beaut. CFCs, bees, community service on boards. Those options are free and their income based. So a lot of times they'll be different on places around town near you that say, Hey, every Tuesday night, we offered this type of group or, you know, once a month, we open it up to where you can see a therapist for free or $45 or $10. You'd be surprised, but having the excuse of I can't I can't. I can't. I don't have the money. I'm not letting e. I don't let anyone get away with that because where there's a will, there's a way and we can figure
spk_0: 26:30
it out. You speaking my language. It's too important. It's what's important. If you want it, you can get it, and you have given. I mean diamonds, jewels of that. I never I'm over here taking notes. I'm like, I didn't
spk_1: 26:49
know about this. This'll There are so many just hidden gyms in everyone's county. I don't care where you're listening from. Um, there's so many different opportunities out there. Um, speaking just from a Christian perspective, I don't believe the Lord is ever going to you just have any of us any of his Children experiencing some sort of turmoil, some sort of problem and us just having to figure it out on our own, know whether you're a believer or an unbeliever? No. We live in America where it's not perfect by far. Um, but praise the Lord that we also live in 2022 where there are so many different options available. If you just opened up and ask, Ah, lot of people go through their, um, primary care doctors as well. And that's where you'd be surprised at how much your doctor knows you really would. So even asking your PCP what they think is a good option as well,
spk_0: 27:55
just gems Drop in. Jim's gonna drop these gyms in the little description of this of this podcast So if you look for it, you'll have all the links that Rudy mention information, as she mentioned, so that you can go and reference that. So thank you for sharing those, of course. Okay, so we're in some unprecedented times. Unprecedented is now a favorite word in March April, however long this goes on in 2020 about Cove in 19. It's unprecedented. So So with this unprecedented time, we're in something that's called It's a Quarantine, meaning we're having limited interaction. Ah, lot of people are not going into the office unless they're deemed quote unquote essential. So we've got a lot of people that are working remotely or they're interacting with significantly less people. And they were interacting with on a on a day to day basis. So with that Ah, with this idea of us being so socially distant from each other, how can we What tips do you have? How can we keep our mental health together? Because if you're used to being surrounded by people all the time and all of a sudden the only person you're surrounded by is yourself, that's a little bit different, wouldn't you?
spk_1: 29:15
Absolutely. I think it is one thing to, um specifically ah, isolated or just say you know what? I need a moment, whereas when you're told toe isolate or you're told to, you know, distance yourself, that's a whole different ballgame. So there's definitely lots of things that, um, I have been talking to people about in the last couple weeks. As far as Yes, life as we know it for all of us all over the world has drastically changed. We have to get creative because physically and mentally, the body, the mind was not meant to be in isolation. Um, there's a lots of unhealthy manifestations of just different things that can happen when you isolate for prolonged mom top for prolonged periods of time. So we gotta get creative, right? Whether that is making sure that we're really, really taking advantage of technology, please get your rest. Please do all the things. Take care of the responsibilities that you have to. But it's also being intentional, making sure that you're picking up the phone that you're checking on love ones, that you're being vulnerable and open and transparent about how you're feeling. That's a huge thing. Ah, lot of times we don't realize we're stressed until it gets out of hand and it starts impacting our day to day lives. And it's really up front and in our faces. The way to avoid things like that is doing what we're doing right now. Honestly, just talking. Ah, lot of people don't realize how hugely significant that interaction between you and another human being is. It's healthy. Your body, your mental well being your your mind was not meant to just hoard for lack of better words or are holed in all these different emotions. We are in a very trying time in history. Um, throughout the entire world, you need to be talking and communing with other people. Yes, you can't have. You know, you're eight. Best friends Come over. Yes. You can't go. And you know, um, go to the mall in all these stores. But what can you do? I think that's another thing. We're so focused on the list of what we can't can't Can't do that. We forget to focus on. All right, But what can I do? I can face time. I can't. You know, Zoom, everybody keeps talking about zoom. Um, we can interact through text. Um I'm loving all of these social media virtual parties that I'm seeing on on Instagram and on all the other social outlets, just different things. We're all seeing those beautiful videos of help. People are coming out on their porches in their balconies and they're singing together or they're just getting really, really creative. Finding ways consistently to commune with others is key. Please don't do it once a month and think that you're gonna be all right. But remember you as an individual, Yes, we have our own personalities. Some people need it Maur or less than others. But we have to make sure that we're having some sort of interaction with another person or persons on a routine basis. I was talking to, um, one of my clients two nights ago, and she said, You know, Rudy, I just got on the phone with three of my best girlfriends because she's isolated. She's in another state and she's away from friends and family. Um, and she said, we just talked. We just talked for about 30 45 minutes, and I didn't realize how much I needed that. You know, we're all looking at the news, and we're all seeing these horrific, sad stories. I didn't realize how much I just needed to turn off the news and just hear familiar face. Allow them to get my mind off what's going on in the world and just feel some sense of normalcy for 30 minutes. That did wonders for her, and she's no exception to the rule that does wonders for all of us. What can you do? And you're day smell things that you can do in your day to day. I'm coming and goings that, you know you need asking yourself that, picking up that phone, singing that text message, setting up the zoom calls I know personally, me and my girlfriends. Um, two Sundays ago we set up a zoom call and I was teasing them cause I thought, you know, this is super professional, but we were all just laughing and talking, and just to be able to see their faces, we stood on way, sat on that zoom call for I want to say, three hours, just laughing. We need that. We need to feel a sense of being human. We need that sense of normalcy. We need that sense of I'm not alone. There are other people going through this, and I need to feel that I need to experience that. Still those air? Definitely just some things that I have been recommending. Please take advantage of you know what you normally do. Pick up that book that you've been meeting toe read. Um, start that block I love There's some horrible means going around, but they're also some really, really good means that are going around is well, so just being creative, um, starting that puzzle, whatever, whatever that looks like. One of those things that you've been putting off for years. How can you do it? What are those relationships? Who are those people? Healthy people that you've like? You know what? I haven't spoken to her in two months. I haven't spoken to her in two years. Let me send that text message again. Healthy? Don't be. Don't be calling the X. Don't do that. But you know things like that just being super creative, but also very consistent and intentional about, um, taking care of you. You know what you need.
spk_0: 35:28
He had a key phrase healthy. Reach out to those healthy individually
spk_1: 35:32
word healthy? Yes. No. And another thing about healthy. Um, with that being said, I know we all want to stay up to date and we all wanna stay in the Noah's faras. The news is concerned. Watching the news for hours upon hours is not a good thing. Whether you say, well, you know what, I can take it. I I love politics. I love you know, I want to know what's going on all over the world. That is absolutely understandable. But again, remember what you're taking and consistently impact you. Whether you realize it or not, it impacts you unconsciously more than you think. So if you're seeing all these sad stories, um, if you're seeing all these people die and all these hospital reports nothing wrong with staying abreast and up to date on what's going on in the world. But I am telling everyone, including myself, all right. Once, you know, once you've been updated on a daily basis, turn that off, go do something. Introduced something into your, um your your mind that is relaxing, that you enjoy doing catch up on that movie. Watch that old movie that you haven't seen in ages, making sure that as much as you're talking to people and you're reaching out to those, um, healthy relationships that you're also doing healthy things is, Well, you know, like the books, The magazine's, um, watching the accounts that's you're looking at, You know, we have to be careful with on social media. We follow a lot of people, you know, are those people. Are those accounts necessarily? I'm good for me when I'm reading these things about walking away uplifted or educated or my walking away sad. Am I walking away and fear? Am I walking away with more doubts? You know, So also, being mindful of the activities that you're you're doing on a day to day basis is Well, I'm making sure that those air healthy things as well.
spk_0: 37:35
Yeah, I also like that. You you touch on this earlier in your last comment about regardless of your personality type, you know, people are really into. I'm an extrovert. I'm an introvert on this on the India gram scale. And this on the Myers Briggs like this. This is who I am. Button do. Everybody needs socialization. Like, regardless of what you've classified yourself as so I'm just wondering, Like for those that have classified themselves in a certain way. You know, Are we limiting our We kind of putting ourselves in a box and in a way that might not be healthy for us in the way that we are dealing with this quarantine, right? I'm already an introvert. So you know, I need to not talking to people. And it's kind of like, well, even introverts, medias or, you know, extroverts. Maybe being around people all the time is another sign or another manifestation of something else that might be unhealthy in you, in your approach to things. So, yeah. What are your thoughts on that whole of the classifications? I absolutely,
spk_1: 38:47
absolutely, um I couldn't agree more with you. I think I think we're two really good examples of that, too. Through me, like I am naturally an introvert. So when I'm getting the text messages or the phone calls and people are saying, How are you? How is this quarantine for you? I enjoy solitude. Naturally. However, I love how you talked about India. Grams admires Briggs and all the, you know, numbers and letters and classifications that we attach our identities to, which is a whole nother podcast, by the way, we'll talk about that another time. But, um but I think that's such a good question in such a good thing. Toe talk about to wear again. You are more than the number. So, yes, that it's healthy to know what you need and what you like And how you, Flo. Um but it's also just a good time to say OK, outside of me, liking a lot of contact with other people or the exact opposite liking minimal contact with other people. Am I kidding that? I think we have to check in with ourselves and say, What am I needing? What haven't I got in this week or today? That I need to be consistent and getting so yes. If you never liked being around 50 people, then you're probably not gonna like it now. However, have you checked in with that best friend, introvert? Have you, you know, checked in with your parents? Introvert. Extrovert, Have you sent that mass text and even taking away the introvert extrovert India Graham to 987 All the things it's Hey, person. Hey being Hey individual. Have you done the thing? Have you contacted the person or people that make you feel good that no, you that love you that care for you. So aside from extroverts versus introverts or this identity versus that identity, they're all great and they have their places. But let's not forget us as individuals who were creatively, um, distinctively u How are you doing as a person? What are you needy? And I think a lot of times we get so consumed and caught up with number one the day to day things, getting this done that done and taking care of this person checking on this person that we sometimes especially its women especially, you know, those mamas out there, those wives out there We're so, um inundated with taking care of all these other people that we've somehow forgot in says slow down and say, Wait a minute, How am I doing? What am I needing? Who do I need? Suggest unleashed? Excuse me, not unleash, but unload on. So regardless of personality, likes, dislikes, just who you who you are or what group you identify with its. Let's shed those, um, classifications for just a moment and say How How's Rudy doing? How's Casey? Don't and even if you're not quite sure what that looks like, Call that trusted person. Just have a general conversation. And as you talk as you talk about just things that are on your heart, you're going to begin to see all right? You know what? I really am doing? Well, or, you know, maybe I'm not because I didn't realize I was holding that in. I wasn't holding that. I think even for those people who were saying Rudy, all the stuff that you're saying is cute, but I don't have time. I've gotten a lot of comments and just feedback from a lot of people who are saying, Listen, some of these people are quarantine and their single or there's one or two people in their homes and they have these beautiful opportunities to read that book, right? That blood, you know, watch eight movies. I don't have that time, Rudy. So how can I take care of myself? Um hey, Mama of five. Hey, single woman. Um hey, hey, girl or a man who you know still has to report to work because you were considered essential. You don't get a pass either. We have to find creative ways for you to check in with yourself. A cz Well, because if not, that is going to catch up to you. That stressor will get bigger and bigger, and it will. It will impact you in such unhealthy ways to where you're no good to yourself and you're no good. It's just the, you know, gets of others and you're even. You're no good to yourself. A CZ Well, if that makes sense. So I know what kind of meshed your question and to, um, some other things. But yeah, I think ultimately it's checking in with yourself. And when I mean checking in, I'm saying, taking that moment to say, How am I doing? How am I feeling? What are my thoughts in this moment and addressing it accordingly? If that makes sense, you know
spk_0: 44:08
that's so powerful. That question that you said, What haven't I gotten this week taking time to ask yourself what you need? I will admit that I'm one of those people that, like doesn't realize they're stressed until they are like past the point of stress. It's just, you know, like I go, go, go, go! And then all of a sudden I'm like, Oh, this is not working. And with my at what point did it stop working? I don't even know. So having that question, ask yourself like I'm thinking about putting that on a post it note somewhere in my house or, you know, saying, putting a reminder on my phone to do a self check in off. How am I doing in this quarantine? And then once we get out of the quarantine, how am I doing on a daily basis on the basis on a monthly basis? Absolutely, I think cause I'm the same way, like I have
spk_1: 44:59
so many things going on. But again, if you haven't checked in with yourself in God knows how long, that's a clear indication that you're probably doing the most or we need to rearrange some priorities. I'm not saying quit that job. I'm not saying turn down all the opportunities. What I am saying is, if the opportunities are coming before you, we
spk_0: 45:22
have a
spk_1: 45:23
problem. We have a problem. So if you can look back on the last, depending on who you are, some people can do it daily. Some people need to do it weekly or whatever, but if you look back on the last couple of days or weeks and you can say I don't know When's the last time I checked in with myself? But I can tell you all the things that I complete it. I can tell you all the things that I crossed off on my to do list. Wonderful. Congratulations. That's lovely. However, if you can list your accomplishments or the Actions farm or than you can tell me about just you as a B, we haven't issue. We have an issue. We need to rearrange you and put you at the top of your priority list. And then the things comes next because remember, if you're operating in this go go go mentality if you're operating in this robotic type, I've got to do this. I gotta do this. Got to do this. You're not a machine. Your body is not equipped to go and go and go. I promise you it will catch up to you sooner or later, and a lot of times it's It's in stress and it sends a lot. It's it's breakdowns. It's your personality changes. Your sleep is impacted. Your eating habits are impacted. Those around. You are saying you are right. You have been acting like yourself. That's a clear indication. So absolutely Check and check in check in, especially during these times Is upmost importance.
spk_0: 46:59
Well, I think that you have convicted the mature. Never people that are gonna I'm just sorry you were all like Oh, my gosh, My priorities are trash. I don't know. I already know.
spk_1: 47:15
It's I don't know, it's a CZ. We get older and we start adding things to our life, like marriage and jobs and and Children. And it's a beautiful, beautiful thing. And I think people misconstrue it is Well, I feel so selfish if I put myself first. What do you mean put myself first? What do you mean? You check in with myself. I gotta make this breakfast for these babies. I gotta, you know, do this for my husband. I have to be a great this this this sweetheart sweet man. Brother Sister, if you are doing all those things again, if you're doing the fames and not putting yourself first, eventually self has got your body will make you put yourself first in the form of exhaustion in the form of you know, just being fatigued and the form of being irritable. You're not your best self. You're going to eventually start running on fumes. So I love how. Excuse me. I hate this pandemic. It is horrible. It is atrocious. It is all the things. But here's some beauty. And here's some interesting things about that and this. Even if you don't have all the time, even if you're still having to report to work, it's still an interesting place to be in in the world because it's highlighting some things in our lives that either needs Ah get some more attention or me. Toe not hold is much importance in our lives, if that makes sense. I know with this with this change in my personal life, I'm thinking, Okay, now that that has been changed or I can no longer do that thing, I'm realizing that it had less significance or less. It didn't have as much importance. So even now, reflecting on what matters, what does it matter what's important? What is important is on interesting thing that I believe this pandemic is showing all of us if you let it.
spk_0: 49:19
I 100% agree when I saw you, you know, probably a month ago. I was talking about how I needed to figure out how to rest in what rest look like for me. And I will say that this pandemic has caused me to figure out what that is, right? Everything is cancels. It was very tempting for me too. Then fill that space and say, Okay, so now I I don't have to be on flights multiple times this week. Okay, Now I'm gonna do this. This, this and this. I'm gonna get on every every potential zoom call. I'm gonna get on everybody's life stream. I'm going to do X, Y and Z and I say, you know what And I started out that way and I was working insane hours. And I said, You know, if this happens, Toa last on Lee two weeks. Very naive at that point, if it only leads, will I? And this is the only opportunity that I get to rest. Would I take that rest, or would I not? And I decided to take the rest. And so I've been like burning my candles. I've handling my workout videos like I've been doing things reading books I have been wanting to read, just allowing myself to not feel the pressure to fill all the time. And that was a shock to my system. But then, at that point, I was like, Wow, I just feel rested, like I feel very centered. And I don't feel as like Oh, gosh, I have to be doing this This, this, this and
spk_1: 50:47
this right And that is the definition of having a healthy regard to your mental well being. It's saying I could do this, but I need to do this. What is best for me as a whole being and person in this moment you can like. I love how I'm seeing on social media. There's so many different opportunities in so many different agencies and organizations offering all these free things and take this class, learn how to do this, tour this. Those are great, But do you need to do it at this moment? Is it beneficial? What is your body telling you? Our bodies? I don't care what you believe who you believe in. All of us have these minds that are just so intra quit intricately, um, operating. And it's telling you what it needs. And sometimes it's You know what? I know that I can get on the zoom call like you said and learned this new, interesting thing. But right now, I didn't take a nap right now. I need to just be with my low ones right now. I just need to sit and watch this. You know, um, this trolls movie for the 80th time with my three year old, You know what matters in this moment, I've been having conversations with, um, just different people. And in 60 years and 50 years, when our grandchildren or our the neighbor next door, who you know, will be born and 2050 says, Hey, tell me about 2020. What was going on, like, What are you going to tell them? Will you tell them that it was horrendous? I was in constant fear. I was, You know, it was I was in constant turmoil. What will be your story? And not that I want people to have a story to tell. So it'll be cool for the grandkids, but I want you to be I want people to be able to, um, intentionally say this is what I did with the time. This is how intentional I waas. This is how I helped myself. This is how I helped other people. You know, Who cares that you learned a different language? If but at the end of all of this, you're too stressed out anyway, to actually execute that different language, you should have been rested. You should have been, you know, taken advantage of whatever. However this time looks for you. Um so I love that you had that realization. I think we all need to sit and say, OK, I can do this. I am able to do this thing. But what do I need to do in this moment and just in and relaxing taking that nap, Picking up that book? Is Justus fulfilling, um as creating this thing? You know, it just really depends on you and what you need in that moment don't
spk_0: 53:54
100%. It was a tough lesson. But now I said, you know that now. But I've learned what what rest feels like and what it feels like to not be in that constant state of rushing. I'm now way more conscious of one's. We come out of this how I'm going to structure my day, my week, my years so that I can make sure that I'm still putting myself first in whatever stage of life.
spk_1: 54:23
Absolutely. And that's what it's about. You can fill your days pandemic unopened in it. You could fill your days with the whole bunch of stuff that it ended the day. You know, you can say yes. I did this. I did this. I did that. But was it meaningful? Was it, um, in your best interest? Or you can say, You know what? I took my time. I was intentional about picking out what I wanted to do throughout my day, and I feel so much more fulfilled. I feel like I have a personal sense of accomplishment. A personal sense of Yeah, I like the way this thing ended for me. I like the way life is going for me, and you can't do that. You can't, um, rationally and logically do that. If you're filling your day from a dizzy with things all the time, you have no room to actually sit and check in with yourself. You don't. But I think when you're intentional about I'm not gonna do this, but I am going to do that. It gives you a sense of slowing down. It gives you a sense of OK, I need to be present. I need to figure out what's going on around me, and then I can make a conscious decision about what my days need. Toe look like what's important to me. So I love that. I think so. So many times we quite busy nous to fulfillment or business to success. Even in this pandemic. No, no success is what you make. Success is what's important to you. Success is what is meaningful to you, but it doesn't always look like, you know, work, work, work, work, work. Make this money. Get this thing, put this thing out. No, no, that's not it. No,
spk_0: 56:03
it's really And that's the pressure that is, I think perceived by a lot of people is that I have to be using all of my time well, and that means that I have to be productive and it's not productive to take a nap. It's not productive. Tow Watch TV. It's not productive. To read a fiction book is what I think a lot of people perceive based on post on social media, things that they see on the news on the Internet, all of that. But I've had to even change my perspective and say that doing nothing is OK then. Taking a nap is okay and reading something that doesn't add anything to my life except entertainment. That's okay. I don't have to always be learning something from a non fiction book.
spk_1: 56:55
Exactly, exactly. And it doesn't. It's not nothing when you take a nap. That's not. I did nothing. That's I rested. I allowed my body to get rejuvenated. I think if we realize the huge impacts, that lack of sleep, lack of rest well, if you really realized how poorly your operating when you don't have the bare necessities that your body needs, I think we take that a little more seriously when you're running on fumes when you've gotten four hours of sleep and I think we we sensationalize this and we say Oh yes, she is moving and shaken. She is, you know, burning the candle at both ends that should not be celebrated. That should be looked down upon. There's something to be said for, you know, when that has to happen. And, you know, there's a maybe small portions of our lives to where you know, that student is working to drops and trying to get through college. Okay, I understand that. But overall, that is a horrendous, very unhealthy way off approaching life. When you say I don't need sleep, I should be doing this. No, no, no, no. Your brain isn't even operating at its fullest potential because it's trying to shut down and you're pressuring it to move forward. You're not even retrieving the information that you're trying to take in at 100% because your brain is saying we need to shut down. We need to rejuvenate. We need to reset, and you're forcing it to do something that it's not meant to be doing in that moment. You know, think about the last time you don't go on vacation and we come back so rested you're at your best self, you know? So why can't we implement that more than one time a year out of a week? You know, a week out of a year. We can't. We shouldn't be doing that. It should be such a priority to say. You know what I'm gonna shut this thing down and I'm gonna go take the snap. I'm going to get eight hours of sleep. I'm going to, you know, shut down this presentation and go make some cookies. Your body needs it. Your mental well be needs it. If you're all you're doing is filling your days with responsibilities over and over and over again. You are damaging. You really are damaging your body. You're damaging your brain. It's not healthy, and it starts having physical manifestations. You're not yourself. You're lacking energy. Like I said before your fatigue, the people around you probably notice it. Um, you're you're less patient. You're not yourself. You're not yourself. So even in this time of, you know, it's this pandemic. However your life looks, however, it's been altered, reshape, stopped, whatever that looks like for each individual listening. I think it's very, very important to ask yourself. Okay, um, life is forcing me to make some rearrangements. What does that look like in a healthy way in an intentional and consistent way? Because we don't know how long was it? Hopefully it won't last long, but you know what? If we're here next month, two months from now. Gosh, heard it three months from now. At least be consistent and intentional with maintaining a healthy mind set. And it starts right now asking yourself those questions.
spk_0: 1:0:37
That's beautiful. You've given us so many incredible tools, tips, tricks and even questions for us to ask that I feel like our very countercultural with the moment that we can embrace that mindset and embrace the fact that this is where we are. I need to check in with myself. I need to make sure that I'm okay so that I can fully be present in those things that I am now assigned to do. Expected to do, want to do. Yeah, If we can embrace that, I feel like our lives would be so much more calm. And we would have so much more joy because we're not in that we're not feeling that pressure, putting that pressure upon ourselves to be be something that we were never intended to be.
spk_1: 1:1:28
Absolutely. I couldn't agree more. And another thing as you were talking, I thought, you know, we're smart, we know ourselves, but sometimes it takes that trusted love one that counselor, whoever to say you know what I know you think you may be doing good, but I know I know I have personal friends. I'm you know, my best friend and all these people who I know sometimes I don't realize that I'm not doing well. Like you said, Sometimes you go, you go, you go. And it's not until it's almost too late. Um, to where you're realizing oaks. Wait a minute. We gotta do some things differently. But that's where that reaching out consistent, you know, taking the time to sit down and reach out to the other person is again Ah, lot of times we don't realize, um, what we're dealing with until we talk it out when we talk it out with that trusted love one and that love one is asking us questions and we're engaging in conversation. Um, it's so beneficial because sometimes it takes someone else to bring it out of us, you know? So you're right when we are consistent with even doing the whole check in. Sometimes checkin involves you know what? Let me just call somebody else and and and have that meaningful engagement to wear as I'm listening to them and they're listening to me were also, um, taking care of who we are by just engaging in one of the by. Asking those difficult questions to each other and by listening to the words that are coming out of our mouths has a beautiful way of being intentional, self reflective, self aware. All the things so many benefits, so many benefits of just slowing down, doing the check ins with yourself and with other people.
spk_0: 1:3:23
Yes, I did not realize that I was a verbal. It's I've heard it called verbal processing where, uh, very much inside my head. Like I think about a lot of stuff. I'm a strategist. Everything's in my brain. But there are times where I I can't quite figure out, like why I'm feeling a certain way or why something bothers me and I'll think about it. Think about it. Think about it. I'm like, I don't think I'm quite getting there in the moment that I start talking about it. It's like all of a sudden things start clicking. We wouldn't even know that I felt this way,
spk_1: 1:3:54
saying her I'm such a, um, a processor, too, but and it's not with everybody. Everyone doesn't need to know your business, but call that person who you trust or are you a journal? Er, I have journals all over my house from years and years and years ago up to now, and I journal my thought. Some people are just like Rudy. That's not for me, and that's cool. But some people need to write out their thoughts. I've had I've encountered and met people who said, You know, sometimes I'm better at writing out how I feel than verbalizing it. Girl. Do it then, brother, whoever do it, whatever it looks like to get that thing out, have a multitude of ways in which you address what's going on in your head and in your heart. Um, I agree at 1000% agree. I know we're talking so much about, um, reaching out and talking to people in the social aspects of who we are. But some things you know, what if then, if they need to stay between you and a piece of paper, that's fine, and please don't just isolate, but I think there's something to be said about incorporating what's meaningful to you as a person as well. When it comes to addressing how you're feeling. I've met artists who said, I don't know about that journal in thing, but when I'm painting, I'm getting out all of my frustrations. I'm getting out my fears or when I'm doing this puzzle. That's how I'm in And they say that. And But I'll ask about How often are you doing it? And they'll say, Once a month, let me get this straight So there's something that you love doing, and it's, um, cathartic. And it's all the things that you only do it once a month and this time of, however your life looks, making sure that whatever those could healthy things are that you like, whether it's talking to the best friend journaling, painting, scrapbooking, whatever, however, you're you like to get things out. Making sure that you're doing that consistently is well, and by consistently, I don't mean once every month I don't mean once every two weeks. You know what that engagement looks like? A cz Well, so that's one thing, as you were talking about. Oh, we're talking so much about the social aspect of this, but there's also a personal aspect that needs to be talked about, um, needs to be addressed as well.
spk_0: 1:6:31
Oh, yeah. I have some journals that I I'm not a person that goes back and re read journals. Mostly because I'm like, I know what I was going through at that time, and I don't want to reflect on that. Oh, uh, I I I am definitely a journal. Er, before I was very inconsistent with it. But now I've kind of found a rhythm in in my search for what rest in peace looks like. I started journaling every day as kind of a part of my prayer meditation practice. And it's been it's been really good. And it's not always super deep. Yeah, lines and other times like pages upon pages. But that even was me laying down this thought of what perfect journaling looks like, You know? Yes, Hein has to take how it should look. It's just whatever works for you works exactly.
spk_1: 1:7:21
I couldn't agree more. I'm the girl who needs just a whole bunch of blank pages. And sometimes I'll journal for two minutes. Sometimes that journal for two hours. Sometimes I will turn my entire house into a spot and I would like the candles. I'll have nice, dim lighting. And how have beautiful music playing in the background. And sometimes it's me on my bathroom floor in the midst of crazy clutter. Journaling. Um, I've talked to other people, said, I don't need that clean slate. I need props. Um, so there's also something to be said about Googling Journal props, and there's so many different and free Web sites out there to where they'll they'll give you different questions to ask yourself, I don't need that That personally drives me crazy. But for those of you who are saying, you know, I don't know where to start, like you said Case, I think you bring up a great point. Um, there's something else. They're for everyone. So for that person who says, I love to journal, um, what do I start? Start wherever you want, whether you need the topic or night. Um, and I love the way you said. It doesn't have to look a specific way. It looks, however, you want it to look in the moment that you're looking for it. It really does make it your own. Whatever you do, make it your own. It should be relaxing more than it should be stressful. If it's adding to your stress, we got a problem. And another thing that you mentioned when you said I don't wanna I don't usually look at, um, journals from the past that I want to relive that. Yeah, I've definitely gotten that before, but I also think it's a beautiful, beautiful opportunity to see how far you've come. And also, if you have actually picked up some bad habits, continue some bad habits. I think it's a great way of, um, being self aware when, whenever the time permits, if the desire is there to actually pick up and look at those Pash journals. But yeah, I love it. I love how you said that. That's such a great point of making it your own. And it doesn't have to look or be a certain way. All
spk_0: 1:9:35
right, counselor, I guess I'll check out some past ones of something, please let me know. No kidding. I'll let you know, and I'm on a in a puddle of tears of you. You made me read this. I'm gonna be like What did you learn? No pressure. Rudy, This has been so amazing. So, so amazing. I have topics that I still want to get into with you. But we're just going to do a separate episode where we talk about those things. And you were just a wealth of knowledge. I so appreciate you taking the time to share your professional expertise in giving us tangible things that everyone that walks away from this podcast can implement immediately. You have given us relevant information for the time right now, but it's also information that can be taken in any context so we can listen to this. Ah, year from now, gain new insights, implement again. So it's timeless information that you shared with us. And I thank you for joining. Um, I thank you for again sharing your expertise for your honesty. For I'm checking us in the best way possible. Snatching our edge is in the best way possible.
spk_1: 1:10:59
Oh, I love it. Um, thank you. Thank you for having me. I so enjoyed this. This was all some, um, so yeah, I learned a lot to Justin in listening to myself, Just like Okay, you better practice. Which preach, sister. So thank you so much for having me. I enjoyed every moment of
spk_0: 1:11:20
it. You're welcome. So, Rudy, for those of you, uh, for those that are listening and they say Rudy sounds like my type of person, she sounds like she could be my counselor. I want to unload on her. I know that she does. She's gotta do virtual counseling right now, So I had Oh, I work with Rudy. How do I connect with Rudy on social media? What would you say to them?
spk_1: 1:11:47
Sure. Um so on social media, I am not on all of the platforms, but I am pretty active on Instagram so you can find me at Rudy Underscore Maria underscore. That's r u D I Yes, just like Rudy Huxtable. It's r u D I underscore Maria, that's m a r I a, um underscore. If I'm not mistaken. If not, I'll have Casey, I have you put this at the bottom? Uh, in the comments, I didn't pass it or put it there. No good, cause I'd never remember otherwise. Definitely, you can visit my website. And that is by grace counseling l l c dot com again by grace counseling LLC dot com. A weakened definitely Chad and figure out the next steps. I'd love to hear from you.
spk_0: 1:12:45
Amazing. Thank you so much, Rudy. I will again link all of her information and the tools that she shared in the show notes. So depending on where you're listening, just look for them or impose section and I I will link all that information. They're so again. Thank you so much, Rudy. And my information. I would love to to connect with you all as well. So, Casey, sharp person dot com Um and you can also search for my name on all social media platforms. I'm the only Casey sharp person in the world. So I would I would love to connect with you all there as well. If you do have some time and you want to read just like Rudy mentioned, you can check out Dream, build, repeat book again on Amazon or Casey Sharp person dot coms. I look forward to connecting with you all. I look forward for you all connecting with my roomie Rudy my room. Make a save. Thank you so much for joining us. Thanks for listening. And Rudy Adult chat with you soon. Sounds good. Bye.