Ep. 55 | ... and God's holding you in your grief

Maybe you're like me and God's holding you in your grief. 

*TRIGGER WARNING: Grief and Loss

In this episode I share my personal journey through grief and loss, reflecting on the recent passing of my grandmother and the impact of multiple losses in my life. I discuss the complexities of coping with grief, the expectations of support from others, and the importance of faith in navigating suffering. I also emphasize  the need to embrace life, find purpose, and maintain hope amidst the inevitable troubles of life, encouraging listeners to lean into their faith and continue pursuing their goals.

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Transcript

You're listening to Maybe You're Like Me, the transparent musings of a God girl chasing after her purpose. Maybe You're Like Me is a podcast for dreamers and doers who take life's lessons and level up to look more like Christ. We'll connect through super relatable stories, growing pains, and aha moments that most of us share, just not always out loud. I'm your host, Alicia Watson, creative entrepreneur, playwright, author, wife, mother, daughter of the king, and so much more. And I can't help but to think that maybe you're like me. 

Hey, beautiful people. Thank you for joining me for another episode of Maybe You're Like Me with Alicia Watson. I'm your host, Alicia Watson. I'm going to hop right in with the trigger warning for grief and loss. So if that's a sensitive topic for you, feel free to skip this one. So, maybe you're like me and God's holding you in your grief. I'm going to jump right in. I'm late with this episode because I found myself bringing in yet another new year after losing a close loved one and laying that loved one to rest. 

My granny, my beautiful granny, the matriarch, the glue, the backbone of our family, she went on to be with the Lord six days before Christmas. So if you're keeping up, my mom's funeral was December 31st, 2021. My dad's was December 30th, 2022 and my granny's was December 29th, 2025. I lost a beloved younger cousin in 2024, February. And I can say that I have three other things that aren't deaths, but I am grieving the expectations that I have for those things, for those situations. While I'm also in prayer for miracles, I'm also in prayer for God to just bring us through them, to change them, to shift things because they aren't

deaths, there's still hope there, but there's also still grief there, grief for that expectation, grief for what I believed it would be. I mentioned before one of those things in one of the previous episode, but I'm not going to go into the detail now because there's other people affected and that's their business. People wonder how I've endured and still managed to smile through everything. And all I can say is God's grace is sufficient.

He gave me a revelation about suffering when I questioned why, why, why all this suffering, why everything was happening to me and my family and why my prayers were going unanswered. And he reminded me that his answer to suffering is Christ and the work that he did on the cross. In this world we'll have many troubles, but he's overcome the world. We should take heart in that. And I know it sounds, it can sound trite,

but it's how I cope. It's how I manage because it's the almost acceptance part of grief, the realistic view of life that God is not picking on you specifically when things are happening to you. It's just that when sin happened, it set into motion the troubles that we have today, that's death, that's sickness, that's the trouble even in the ground, the land, the things that happen with animals and plants and all the mutations and things that he did not have as

a plan for us. He didn't have those things in mind, but when sin entered the picture, suffering entered with it, shame entered with it. You know, all these different feelings, emotions, things that we experience entered with it. And so it helps me to understand that and to know that he didn't leave us in that, that his answer for that was Jesus and reconciliation to himself so that we can experience paradise and life beyond this as he intended, like just so full of love and full of perfection. This is a place not to be perfect. It can't be perfect, but Jesus' perfection and the work that he did on the cross is what we can attach to and hold onto and work towards in order to endure the suffering that we have to experience on this earth, in this life. Many troubles. He's overcome the world, you know?

I found this loss different, this loss of my grandmother, in that I didn't want to talk about it. That was really interesting to me, just the way that I've been handling it. I don't want to post on social media. I didn't want to post in the group me or any of the group chats asking for prayers. I only told one of my best friends initially and that's because my husband texted her to check on me. The other I told almost a week later and the third is my cousin, so we walked through it together, but we were pretty much on the same page because

The truth is a lot of times I really do feel like Job. I really do. Even with the understanding of suffering, it just feels like tragedy after tragedy, loss after loss, picking up the pieces and trying to carry on and just getting them knocked out of my hands again like Sonic coins. Sometimes the support, the thoughts and prayers are needed and they're comforting and they're always appreciated. They're always, always appreciated. But this time they weren't what I wanted. They weren't what I needed. I honestly just hate being pitied.

I hate negativity surrounding me. I hate sad energy coming towards me. It's just one type of vulnerability that I don't enjoy and that I don't display easily. It's uncomfortable and it feels so awkward to have someone call up all chipper and happy and just checking on you. And once again, you have to tell them of your misfortune, of your loss, of the sadness. And it's like, womp, womp. The conversation goes south, the mood shifts. Nah.

Not this time. I didn't feel like it this time. So it's, how you doing? I'm okay. You? What do you have going on? Let's talk about that. And while I find myself feeling like Job yet again, just, I just want it like Job to sit in the silence of the loss, the many losses. And this is one more added to it. I wanted to just process while I continued on with life to let other people carry on with their lives, to not allow the charity of comfort

or the catering to my feelings, especially on social media. Because if I'm being honest, your personal posts embedded in a feed of salacious news stories and dance videos and stuff like that, it just makes it feel very desensitized, sometimes disingenuous, even though I know people's hearts are in the right place.

Thoughts and prayers and condolences are the appropriate response for a post like, I lost someone or a post that is sad, right? But there are very few within the hundreds of people who write the responses that can and are actually really willing to sit with you in the discomfort of it all, to sit on the ground in silence with you or to hold your arms up when you got to push through. And it's for the most part, like you're not even close enough to these people to expect that.

And that's another reason why it's just kind of like, I don't interrupt your life with the sadness of mine because I'm I'm not really expecting anything from you. So the thoughts and prayers and condolences again, while appreciated, don't really help in this situation. So I didn't solicit them. And it's not a judgment because I do the same thing because I'm not connected to everyone either  just,

feel it's comforting words when someone says, I've lost someone or I'm going through something or his an experience that I'm having, you you provide those comforting words, but you really do just kind of move on because you're not connected. You're not deeply in relationship with people. You're not deep in community with everybody that you have on a friend's list or that you come across in your algorithm. It's just again, the proper response. If you respond at all this time, I didn't even want to ask my friends

for that. Because I understand that we're all going through stuff. We're all suffering loss in one way or another. And what I needed wasn't to pull that from anyone else, especially during the holidays, but to hold the space for myself with no expectation from others to truly care. And I know there were people who would truly care, who would truly, truly care. I've experienced it over the years, the comfort, the gifts, the love, the cause, all those things poured in.

But just at this time, I honestly just did not need it. I don't know if I'm in the acceptance space of grief or what, but I just I didn't need it. It's welcomed, but I also felt that it was OK if you continue to live your life and kept what you needed for yourself. We all have things going on, you know? I think that's the maturity that comes from so much loss. I have experience, I have practice, I have understanding, and it's not all about me. I know that it's not all about me.

I know that life goes on when you lose a loved one, someone so close to you, someone so meaningful to you and just the world keeps turning. At first it's jarring. At first you're upset about it. At first you're like, how, how do y'all keep carrying it on when he's gone or she's gone? They're gone. But that's life. That's what people do. And eventually you have to too. I've learned to not take that personally. I've learned that that's the reality.

For the first time, I delayed my breakdown for over a week. And boy did I break down on the road to the home going service and at the home going service. And even later, I've just now allow myself to feel what I needed to feel. Typically, I let my tears flow. I cry it out. I move on because I like to feel my emotions. I don't want to stifle them because I know they have to come out. But this time I didn't do that. Maybe it's the trauma

of feeling helpless, hopeless, in a way useless after depression set in, especially after losing my parents. And my granny was like a third parent. This loss was big. In combination with the three losses, it had the capacity to take me out. And I knew that I had to manage it. I hate that I had to manage it, but I'm glad that I managed it. If I had called and told everyone, I'd probably cry every time. I didn't want that. I didn't want to be congested and have a headache and

be laying in the bed. I I needed to manage it. I did tell some of my clients because it's like asking for bereavement leave at a job. And then I pressed through to wrap up some of my work projects as best I could before I had to travel because it's still work and it's still business and life goes on, right? And I also asked for some grace and some extensions where I couldn't finish, where I ran out of time or I didn't have the energy.

I tried to have some semblance of holiday spirit because I have children and a husband. And as many social posts reminded us, moms are usually responsible for the magic. It wasn't very magical, I'll admit. There were unwrapped gifts, traditions set aside, lights out on the tree. I was feeling blah, blah, humbug. But we were together and we were loving toward one another and we love each other. And so my family was great and we had a good time. They allowed me.

grace and space that I needed and I showed up for them as much as I could and that's what we do for each other. That's how we hold each other up on this journey of life. You know what fam, none of us can escape suffering in this lifetime. Whether health issues, death, relationships, finances, mental health, or even a crisis of belief when your faith is shaken to the core. The point of this episode, I guess, is

A reminder that while trouble is inevitable, God is faithful. He's ever-present with grace that can carry you through and a peace that transcends understanding. His help has come in many forms for me over the last six years. And what I'm embracing is that troubles will continue. That's just the reality of it. This is not the last of my heartbreaks. This is not the last of my losses, but I cannot, I cannot hold my breath waiting for the next one. And neither can you.

We have to continue to live in the present with a gratitude for the past and a hope for the future, not fear, receiving the spirit of power, of love, of self-control he gives us and letting him carry us through uncertain and painful times. I'm still ready for action y'all. I don't want to be down. I don't want to be sad. I don't want to be laid out. I don't want to be stagnant. Time is passing. This is urgent. We're growing older. I keep...

feeling this sense of urgency that I keep talking about in every episode. And I'm serious as things grow and change in this world and our culture, everything seems to be just like converging on like people say the end is near and he's coming back. I don't know. It just feels like it. But even if he isn't, even if he doesn't in our lifetime, our life comes to an end. And we want to hear well done. In fact, that was one of the themes of my granny's life and home going service.

It was her working towards the goal of hearing well done. And you know what? We all believe that she heard it. We believe that she heard well done. And my aunt even told a testimony of a light shining down on granny after she transitioned. It's a beautiful example for us. A reminder that even through all the pain, there's a reward at the end, a prize that doesn't come from man or from this world.

I'm even more motivated to finish strong. I'm even more motivated for some action. I'm even more motivated to run my race with endurance in my lane, with faith, trust and obedience and with community. That was the other thing. Like there was so much community that surrounded her, so much love that she poured out and other people poured back into her. And I want that to be a part of my legacy as well. I have a legacy to continue.

a legacy of strength, faithfulness, creativity, brilliance, selflessness, love, kindness, community, and so much more. These things I learned from them all, all of my family that have gone on. They coached me and they cheered me on in life and they would want me to keep going. So that's what I'm going to do. I'm coming from my crown too. And I hope that you'll go for yours. I hope that if you are suffering,

or when you start to suffer because it's inevitable. Life has ups and downs. We're going up and eventually we're going to come down and we're going to go up again because that's how life is. I hope that your faith is not shaken. I hope that you can embrace the idea that we can suffer well. I hope that you put your trust in the Lord and don't fear the uncertainties that are coming, even though you know they're coming. I hope you're not holding your breath.

for the things that may happen, that should happen because that's the way of life. But I hope that you are living. I hope that you're dancing. I hope that you're loving. I hope that you're fulfilling your purpose. I hope that you're being kind to yourself and giving yourself grace and showing grace and mercy to others. I hope you're embracing what's important in life. And I hope you're chasing after the Lord, loving him with all your heart, mind, soul, and spirit, with everything within you, abiding with him.

seeking to do His will because I don't know, like there's so many people that have different vices for things that they go through, whether they drink, whether they smoke, whether they sex, like whatever they want to do to get through the traumas and the traumatic experiences of life, the suffering of life. And I feel so fortunate, so blessed to lean into the Lord in my times of trouble and not away from Him. It is really truly the only thing that I feel

sustains me, keeps me strong when I'm going through things. It keeps me focused not on what I'm going through, but focused on the things that he wants me to do. His will, his purpose, not just for me, but for the people I'm called towards, for the community that I'm a part of.

There will be suffering. There's many troubles in this world, but we should take heart. He's overcome the world. Every time that you want to falter and fall to the struggles and the suffering of this world, take heart, be bold, be courageous, be encouraged, have hope. Don't be anxious. Be thankful and grateful that he has overcome the world. Keep that at the forefront of your mind as you're running your race. There is a crown that you're going to get to. Get to your crown.

Don't detour. Don't be distracted. Keep going. Be human. Grieve. Rest. Understand your seasons. But keep going. And I will too. I thank you for being here, for listening to this podcast. I am really blessed that this is a part of my assignment to do this, to just share and connect with people that might be like me, that might be feeling what I feel that might be going through

what I'm going through, which I suspect are a lot of you. Because again, suffering isn't something that's not common to man. So I'm okay with sharing what I'm going through if it helps to encourage you. And I pray that you are encouraged. 

That's all that I have for you today. If you are like me, reach out to me on Instagram or on my website, all linked in the show notes. Share this episode with someone who might be like us and I will chat with you in the next one. K?

Bye!