The Final Rules: Order and Chaos - Session 1: Hellburbia

After a five-year hiatus a cast reunites as The Final Rule returns! Bigger, better, and improvier than ever - The Final Rules manifests now as two simultaneously occurring and, as always, completely improvised campaigns.

Our full party of six PCs and two DMs begin their journey into The City: a sprawling metropolis where all natural things have seemingly been replaced by clockwork automatons. As our players discover this city, they are also discovering themselves... quite literally. This is all completely improvised after all!

Please enjoy! After this episode, The Final Rules will split into two simultaneous campaigns: Order (DMed by Justin Haflich) & Chaos (DMed by Tim Underwood.)

New episodes will be livestreamed on the Arcadian Renaissance Theatre Creatives YouTube channel on the first and third Mondays of the month!

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Long ago, in a distant land, far beyond the reaches of common sense, a band of merry adventurers are Well, they're doing something, that's for sure. But it'll be all mystical and shit. Welcome to the Final Rule.

SPEAKER_03 1:10

I am Timothy Underwood, treasurer of Arcadian Renaissance Theater Creatives, and I cannot tell y'all how excited I am to be doing this again. I am joined, of course, by some of the best improvisers I've ever met in my entire life, and a group of people that are, I think, going to make this the best season of the final rule that we could even think of. Um, so uh we are going to go through and just sort of introduce ourselves very quickly. We'll go in order of this overlay. So I consider that my intro. So we're just gonna go down and then we are going to loop around like a like a little square bracket there to Zach after Logan. Sound good? So, Brendan, you're gonna start us all. Oh, actually, let's I didn't know if I was gonna start. Yeah, Brendan, go ahead and start and we'll end on Justin.

unknown 1:56

Okay.

SPEAKER_10 1:57

Um I'm Brendan. You're welcome. Uh I was really hoping someone else would go first because I don't know what to say. I was here for the first two seasons. Uh get ready. I don't know what I'm gonna play, but I clicked on my character sheet right before we started, and I'm I'm just glad I'm not a Kenku.

SPEAKER_03 2:17

Yeah, that is true, even though I do think that Arrowhorn was one of my favorite characters from that season. Uh, you it did put you in a an interesting spot though. Yeah. All right, Vincent.

SPEAKER_08 2:27

Hi, I'm Vincent Bianca. I congratulate Brendan on his freedom to now use full vocabulary. Amazing. I remain ignorant of my character until the time comes. I can't wait for it.

SPEAKER_03 2:40

Amazing. Thank you. We're glad to have you here. Hey Logan, how's it going?

SPEAKER_22 2:44

Hi, my name is Logan. I'm feeling great. Thanks for having me, Tim. Um, my strengths as a player are being inventive and otherwise decisive in action. My weaknesses are general teamwork and leaving space open for play.

SPEAKER_12 2:57

So amazing, Logan.

SPEAKER_03 3:03

Legitimately, I I can't tell you if I would really want you in my party or if I really want you in Justin's party, because I think both are going to be a good thing.

SPEAKER_05 3:11

Oh, I want Layman in my party. Oh, come on, bring him over. Bring him over.

SPEAKER_03 3:16

All right, I want the chaos. Hey Zach, how's it going, man? Uh, and everyone, just to make it very clear, this is Zach Denley. He is going to be a permanent player with us uh for the rest of the season. Uh, just wasn't uh brought on board until just after we had recorded session zero, but uh yeah, Zach.

SPEAKER_20 3:33

Hi, uh I'm Zach Denley. Uh I work in retail.

SPEAKER_03 3:38

Good, brother.

SPEAKER_20 3:39

You're spectacular.

SPEAKER_03 3:42

And you play DD.

SPEAKER_20 3:44

And I play DD. I've played DD for a few years, and I did some improv in my day, you know. You know, we we uh we make some some some goofs, some bits, some laughs, some gaffs here and there.

SPEAKER_03 3:54

And look where it got you.

SPEAKER_20 3:55

And look where it got me.

SPEAKER_03 3:57

Hey Sophia.

SPEAKER_19 3:58

Right here Hey everybody. Um, my name is Sophia Brazda. I am new to Discord, new to DD, but a frequent flyer to mayhem.

SPEAKER_16 4:08

Um, this should just be a ton of fun.

SPEAKER_03 4:11

Um I I I can't imagine it wouldn't be.

SPEAKER_19 4:14

Okay, great. Um, I think that's all I got.

SPEAKER_03 4:18

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_19 4:19

Super excited!

SPEAKER_03 4:20

It's gonna be great. Mr. Bernard.

SPEAKER_06 4:22

Oh my god, it's me. Hello, I am Chase Bernard, uh, the president of the Arcadian Renaissance Theatre Creatives. And uh my last meal would be 15 sticks of beef jerky and an orange Julius. Is that actually true? Not entirely, but the orange Julius for sure. I do miss those drinks.

SPEAKER_16 4:40

Not entirely.

SPEAKER_10 4:42

I hope that was a bit of a it felt authentic.

SPEAKER_03 4:45

I'm feeling some drama from this other corner of the screen here. Y'all see this? Ooh, I see something.

SPEAKER_20 4:50

Yeah, there's there's something really imposing happening down there.

SPEAKER_06 4:54

Who is that? Who is that? It's the back of Justin's head. Hey, hold on.

SPEAKER_21 4:59

Well, hello.

SPEAKER_05 5:00

I'm Justin Hayflick, and I'm gonna be the co-dungeon master with uh Mr. Timothy Underwood. I'm excited to be here. I was a player the first couple seasons, and um am excited to uh dig into the uh dungeon master side of fully improvised. Um been dungeon mastering for a long time, so uh you know I've definitely had my fair share of fully improvised sessions, but a fully improvised campaign? A little bit dead. Hey, I'm I'm down.

SPEAKER_03 5:32

Hey, well, Justin, again, I I I am very much looking forward to being able to actually like watch your sessions as they go live and like listen to the podcast of it. Because uh again, it's we I I know that we have different styles whenever it comes to DMing, but I think that we both are going to like really drive the campaigns in really cool and interesting directions. And before that end, uh thank you everyone, seriously, for uh being here and being a part of this. I think this is going to be a phenomenal season. But we have to take a moment and actually tell the people who are watching what it is that we're doing, right? So this is technically speaking, season three of the final rule, a completely improvised Dungeons and Dragons podcast. The first season was recorded in 2000, what, 18? 17? Somewhere around that?

SPEAKER_06 6:20

Something like that. 18. Uh, whenever 18. I know Chase and I were still in comedy.

SPEAKER_03 6:25

Yeah. Some oh yeah, I guess it was 2019, huh? Because we tried to revive it. We had uh half of a second season. We f we finished the first full season, which I love. I that I think that was a great time. It definitely laid the bedrock rock of like the passion that's kept us going through here, I think. But uh, we had a uh false start at a second season that was only ever streamed, I think like twice, and then was wiped from the face of history, I guess. And then we had a second attempt at season two where we got a pretty good chunk of the way into the story. But then unfortunately, uh I think a lot of us found us in places where carving out the time was a little bit more difficult. But uh now we have entered uh a new phase of not just ourselves as people, but the final rule, namely being we are now the final rules, two, in fact, simultaneously occurring uh improvised two final rules.

SPEAKER_05 7:17

Two final rules.

SPEAKER_03 7:18

Yeah, so uh at the end point at the end of this campaign at some point, we will be splitting into our two parties. From that point forward, there will be two live streams a month, one with the A Party and one with the B party. Both of them are considered canon and do happen at the same time as the other party, uh their adventure. So I think it's going to be really cool. I think that legitimately, like everyone here has such good chemistry with everyone else that no matter what the parties end up being, it's going to be a really, really fun time. So everyone who is watching We should really be calling one of them the penultimate rule. Sophia, you're not allowed to like look at my I want to claim it.

SPEAKER_12 7:56

Oh, sorry.

SPEAKER_03 7:58

Justin's claiming it. Yeah, he is. Okay, fine. You know what, Justin? You can you can take that one for sure. Uh I'll I'll think of something snazzier in the meantime. Uh, but uh now that we kind of have that out of the way, uh, we are also uh in the nature of being completely improvised. Uh we are going to occasionally be taking suggestions from our Discord uh server. We have a little channel in there. It's called the Bucket. We have the opportunity for our dedicated Twitch and chat bot to pull suggestions from there in order for us to uh improvise around them. And we also have a couple of cool little systems of ways to do that in a bit more in-depth and during crucial moments with our fake coin system. Uh and Chase, since you set that up, you want to describe that for us a little bit?

SPEAKER_06 8:38

Yes. Alright, so uh the way the suggestions work is i bot our fun little Discord bot that I just act as as acts as one of a the beholder eyes. Uh he has a database that people can put suggestions into this bucket channel. So when we need a suggestion, we can pull a suggestion from there, and bada bing bada boom, we'll see who put a suggestion in there, and we use that to uh basically uh at the start of the campaign give us a suggestion to go off of. Because again, this is fully improvised. We need something to springboard off of. Now, the fake coin system works very similarly. Let's say someone donates to us out out of the kindness of their heart, and they donate to us, let's say, three dollars. Wow, that's amazing. Well, guess what? If you donate to us three dollars, you get a uh give us a fake coin. Now what does that do for us? Well, you see, as players, sometimes we get really shitty, terrible rolls, and we can't do anything about it. But if we have a fake coin in the pool, any one of us as players can go, you know what, I'm gonna use one of those fake coins and I'm gonna re-roll that roll. And that's great. Basically works as uh inspiration, right? Except now that we've used a fake coin, the either the DM or if a note has been left on that donation with a suggestion, that suggestion will help fuel a uh basically what what will happen once that fake coin is used. So there could be a negative consequence toward the player or something crazy could happen, basically almost like wild magic. So even though we get a chance for this.

SPEAKER_03 10:14

Yeah, tempting fate has consequences, you know?

SPEAKER_06 10:17

It does. So if anyone wants to give us a fake coin, go to that little Zell QR code over there. Don us, donate us some don't just throw three dollars our way.

SPEAKER_03 10:27

Yeah, and uh, and this uh this podcast, this show is produced by a nonprofit theater organization, and that is where your donation will be going. So make sure you keep your uh receipts of it as well. We will be doing all of our like announcements of donations that you need in order to write it off. Uh, but again, you're you're paying for us to be able to do this cooler and more often and be able to pay all of our uh all of our performers like you know, this is going directly back to all of us who are doing this in order to make sure that uh all of our labor is being adequately compensated, you know. That's what we're all about here, right? All right, absolutely, right, right, right, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_19 11:07

No, you're all supposed to say yes, yes, yes, I am all about organization, no one's committing fraud, it's all very clean.

SPEAKER_08 11:18

On the up and up books are all exactly.

SPEAKER_03 11:21

We are books are so clean. Uh so prior to this session, we had a uh a session zero that we did not live stream, but is up on all the major podcasting platforms, uh, as well as an RSS feed on the RC website. Um, that is sort of uh our basis of what we're doing now, right? During that session, we kind of caught up with each other as people, as well as rolling random stats, right? So all you really had influence over was that you got to re-roll one of those stats if it wasn't quite to your liking, but otherwise completely uh just completely improvise those stats, right? Roll them on the spot, random. We love that. But in the meantime, between then and now, Justin and I have gone through and rolled on the various tables for everything from uh your ancestry to your class. Uh, and I would and the players uh up to this point, I will say most of them have not seen their character sheets whatsoever, but they all do have a link to them. Uh, I would love to invite everyone to go ahead and just pop that bad boy open right now and let's let's see how you how you feel about the party.

SPEAKER_06 12:27

Oh my god. I'm absolutely terrified.

SPEAKER_10 12:30

I feel guilty. I thought we were doing this right as we started the live stream.

SPEAKER_06 12:33

I've been looking at this for like no way. Oh, my God. I I don't want to I don't want to say anything because again, but but oh man, okay again.

SPEAKER_03 12:45

I think I think that like as Justin and I were doing it, we were like, There ain't no way, man. This is the goofiest party that's ever existed.

SPEAKER_20 12:52

Man, why are you doing this? Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 12:56

Okay, so so again, let's let's go through just one more time and talk about what you're seeing on that character sheet, huh? Uh let's start with Chase, yeah. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_06 13:09

What who are you playing? So I am playing a Furbog monk. That's so great. It's that just sounds really fantastic. So absolutely. Like a semi-giant. How are you looking?

SPEAKER_19 13:22

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, I don't want to mispronounce anything, I don't want to offend anybody. I'm a yuntai.

SPEAKER_03 13:29

Yuan T.

SPEAKER_19 13:30

Yan Yanti. Um I'm a Yan T warlock.

SPEAKER_03 13:36

So uh that's cool. If you don't know, uh just so you know, that is a snake person. Uh Yuan T in particular are very much like z snake zealots. Uh it's kind of okay.

SPEAKER_19 13:47

I've been accused of that in the past, so that's actually perfect. This is awesome. And I have a plus subclass that sounds like mariner-y. That's pretty cool.

SPEAKER_03 13:58

That's what I'm saying. Uh how are you feeling about yours, Zach?

SPEAKER_20 14:02

Uh I am playing a Fierna tiefling who is um he's found the wrong calling in life. He he should be a strong armor, like a strong man at a circus somewhere, and uh that doesn't seem to be sort of what his his desires have really led him to. Um so you know, we'll see how we can make his his life work for him, you know, just on a strange path right now.

SPEAKER_03 14:27

Uh I mean we haven't even gotten started yet. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_20 14:30

We haven't even gotten started.

SPEAKER_03 14:32

Hey Logan, how are you? I think I think out of all of them, I laughed the hardest whenever Logan said.

SPEAKER_05 14:37

Yeah, Logan's Logan's was the best and worst at the same time.

SPEAKER_22 14:42

This is so much like I'm a dog. Like you're not what he is a kobold, to be very clear. I'm not maybe I'm gonna be making stuff. I'm gonna be box of scraps, Tony Stark in a cave. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 14:56

Yeah, so Logan is playing a kobold artificer.

SPEAKER_08 14:59

If you didn't pick up on that, that's so great.

SPEAKER_16 15:01

Is he literally a dog?

SPEAKER_03 15:03

He's uh cobalt are best described, I think, as like just kind of little dudes, yeah. Kind of like just dudes, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 15:09

They were changed to like dragon-like creatures, but original kobolds were dogs.

SPEAKER_19 15:14

Oh, I mean this is so cool. Okay, perfect.

SPEAKER_03 15:19

Amazing. Hey hey Vincent, how are you? Uh how are you looking on your third four fourth character, technically, third character?

SPEAKER_08 15:25

And they've all been so different from each other that I'm really glad. Uh I'm a lizard folk artificer. Not artificer, sorry, that's on my mind. Lizard Folk Ranger.

SPEAKER_03 15:34

A Lizard Folk Ranger, yeah, yeah. That's a cool combination there, I think. Yeah, it's almost like a min-max build, actually. Uh, if you're really going for it. Got real lust. Everyone knows that improv and crunchy numbers go hand in hand. So absolutely.

SPEAKER_10 15:50

That's true. That's true.

SPEAKER_03 15:51

How about you, Brendan? Uh, you mentioned already you are uh, at least in our private call, you were glad that you were not a Kenku again.

SPEAKER_10 15:59

Yeah. I'm I Justin knows that I prefer prefer like human-looking things and nothing anthropomorphic. So yeah, I saw I was I was intrigued. I think I'm I'm a Tabaxi rogue, so you know, kind of staying on theme. It's not yeah, I'm like a little cat burglar. I don't know what my deal's gonna be, but uh it could have been worse. And my stats are not bad. I'm I'm pretty middle of the road. I'm min-maxing being straight up middling. I'm right right in the middle of everything.

SPEAKER_03 16:32

I love it. I mid-maxing, yeah, yeah. Mid maxing, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 16:40

So uh uh so honestly, surprisingly, none of you guys got your main attribute being whatever your dump stat was. Now, most of you guys didn't really have like terrible stats when we rolled them, but somehow you guys got like a decent score for most of your guys' uh main stats, which was wild, absolutely insane when we were rolling them. We're like, how's this happening? Can we not have a can we not have Sophia be a rogue with her four dexterity, please?

SPEAKER_03 17:12

And yeah, well, and I remember too, like during the actual character grade and Sophia. Yeah, exactly. Uh I wanted Chris to be so high that when you rolled the four for the dexterity, I think. We were like, okay, go off or whatever.

SPEAKER_19 17:26

Yeah, uh because it builds character, Tim. It really does.

SPEAKER_03 17:30

Exactly.

SPEAKER_19 17:32

Also, I don't really truly know what a dexterity means, so I'm sure it's not that important.

SPEAKER_03 17:36

We'll get there.

SPEAKER_12 17:37

Oh, oh no.

SPEAKER_05 17:39

I think it's yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_12 17:42

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 17:42

Um also, uh, for you guys and anyone watching, um, you guys will see uh your skills are left blank. And that is because um we're gonna improvise that. We didn't roll any of that, so your uh your skill points, your background features, any of your background information. We don't even know that. Uh so that's all gonna be improvise, as well as you guys will all have uh three in my bag tokens to where you guys can just pull something out of your bag that uh would be somewhat relevant to the backstory that you guys have concocted or added adds to it. Um so uh give you guys a few tools to throw me and Tim off.

SPEAKER_03 18:27

Absolutely. Uh tried to do our best to leave the blank spaces where we could so that we all have a good opportunity to fill in as we go, you know? Love it. I think that's uh it how how's everyone feeling? Are y'all are y'all ready to do some improvising?

SPEAKER_08 18:42

So ready. Totally. I'm glad I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 18:46

I feel like I've done uh the introduction to these final rules enough. Justin, since you are going to be DM with me, I'm going to hand off that responsibility to you. Uh everyone else, if you would be so kind, uh go ahead and lend your attention to Justin Hayflick, the dungeon master of the final rules.

SPEAKER_05 19:07

Alright. So um let's see here. Let's open up with you. Uh you find yourself in a metro park. Um first let's get a little description of uh what they see. What what what is it that uh your character does in the park?

SPEAKER_06 19:36

Alright, so you I'm I'm sitting at a bench, you know, feeding feeding some local uh clockwork birds. Throwing throwing some like throwing some little pebbles their way as they eat them up, gobble gobble. Uh I'm a I'm a rather uh tall individual because as a fur bog I am part giant. So I I kind of uh take up a decent amount on this bench. Uh you can see kind of my bluish-gray skin standing out against the brown of the bench. Uh what are those birds look like? They're so they're these clockwork birds. So they've got little uh they've got little um what is it called? The wind-up things on their backs, and they kind of jitter around. And they'll and they'll and they'll kind of bite down on the pebbles, but then um every so often they'll stop and I'll go down and I'll turn I'll turn it a few a few turns and then it'll keep going again.

SPEAKER_05 20:34

Yeah, so um, so you're kind of sitting here um as you see um uh a familiar face walk up to you, um Logan.

SPEAKER_22 20:51

Oh yeah. So first off, nice bench. Uh mind if I take a seat? Yeah, please don't scare the birds away again. Hey, no problem, and I'm gonna sit down, I'm just gonna lounge nice and bad.

SPEAKER_06 21:05

Okay, okay. You're taking up too much of the Okay, alright, great.

SPEAKER_03 21:09

And it's amazing too.

SPEAKER_06 21:15

Like, I am like struggling to keep stay on this bench as you know, could you like give me a little more space? You know, just a little bit more. Oh yeah, sure, buddy.

SPEAKER_22 21:25

I'm gonna I'm gonna scoot even closer, get nice and close to my good friend over here.

SPEAKER_06 21:32

Stay calm, stay very, very calm. Zen, remember Zen.

SPEAKER_05 21:38

Uh you see as one of the clockwork uh birds uh kind of just hop up uh in on the bench just there between both uh both of your guys' characters as it goes.

SPEAKER_22 21:56

I'm gonna reach down, grab this bird, and I'm gonna take out the Little key that's on the back. Wait. Oh no, don't.

SPEAKER_05 22:03

This thing starts uh flapping uh just uh like pretty crazy. Uh roll me a quick um dexterity check to keep a hold of this bird. Oh yeah, that's a that's a four. That's a four. As you go to reach for it, this thing whacks you in the face, it just runs straight up your face as you uh as you fall off of the bench, as it kind of and um as that uh that all happens, um Vincent and Brendan, you guys um you guys uh are over um probably about uh on the other side of some bushes. Um what is it that you two are uh would be doing? You have you're meeting two other friends here. Um what is it that you guys are meeting and what is it you guys are doing in here?

SPEAKER_08 23:04

I think I'm carving I'm I'm I'm carving some stuff in the bushes. I'm just I'm carving up like I'm I'm I'm like I I got I'm I'm like I'm kinda turning it into some kind of art. I'm like cutting off the bark on it, making like shapes in it. Simple stuff right now, like talking like triangles, maybe a little square. But I'm just I'm just messing it up. Maybe maybe some getting some topiary. Maybe I'm practicing on the public park, stuff making some like shapes out of the bushes. Yeah, what what brought you here?

SPEAKER_03 23:30

You know, a ranger's a little bit a little bit far from their uh usual the usual stomping grounds, huh?

SPEAKER_08 23:37

You know, I I I think the bushes here replenish more often. I think whoever like is in charge of public parks in the public park uh sees that someone keeps messing up these bushes and then like replaces them. And in the in the wilderness, you have to go and keep I'm carving so many bushes. I the ones that they don't replace as fast as they do in like a metropolitan area.

SPEAKER_03 23:59

Right, right. They just don't have the the the taxpayer money's going somewhere else, I guess. Yeah. Yeah, no, totally uh yeah, so you're just carving up the the you're just carving them up, huh? Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 24:12

I'm on the lookout for anyone that would stop him from carving up the the bushes. I'm I'm not a single watching for anyone that might implement.

SPEAKER_05 24:25

Yeah, uh so um you guys uh uh are I think uh your guys' al friends kind of show up, Sophia and Zach.

SPEAKER_20 24:38

You were you were you followed? You know they're having like city council meetings about this, right?

SPEAKER_10 24:44

Yeah, we know. We got the we got the newsletter. That's why we asked if you were followed.

SPEAKER_19 24:49

I didn't I was worried that the council maybe wouldn't know we were doing this today, so I did let them know ahead of time.

SPEAKER_10 24:56

Then you were coming here?

SPEAKER_19 24:58

Well, yeah, I mean it's like it's important.

SPEAKER_10 25:01

Oh we gotta go. Yeah, I know. I can't be busted. I can't be here.

SPEAKER_19 25:05

I think I really misunderstood what we were doing today.

SPEAKER_10 25:08

We were secretly meeting. Oh it was called a secret meeting.

SPEAKER_19 25:14

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_10 25:15

That's what the agenda said about the bushes.

SPEAKER_19 25:17

I thought it was I thought it was like secrete, like secretion meeting.

SPEAKER_14 25:24

Oh syrups and saps.

SPEAKER_19 25:27

Yes, because of the syrups and saps conversations we've been having are really why would it be about that?

SPEAKER_08 25:34

The bushes. Bushes. The syrups and saps are important for the bushes.

unknown 25:41

Okay.

SPEAKER_08 25:42

That's you got that right.

SPEAKER_19 25:44

Thank you for I'll just send like a quick message. I'll say never mind, forget about the secret meeting to the council. It'll clear everything up. Uh and I I'm just I'm gonna grab one of the little birds and I'm gonna like stick a little like like letter thing, just like wrap around and just set it off free.

SPEAKER_03 26:06

Was it the one that had the key taken out of it?

SPEAKER_19 26:09

Absolutely. I just hope it gets to where it needs to go.

SPEAKER_03 26:14

I like to imagine the like clockwork bird just kind of like flapped its way over to like basically like right at uh Sophia's feet and just like got a note tied to it and like go and like let go, and it just like fell down and started like spinning on the ground, emitting sparks and stuff.

SPEAKER_19 26:29

That's just his process. He'll get there. Don't worry.

SPEAKER_10 26:32

I'm clenching my fist looking at these birds.

SPEAKER_14 26:35

I don't like nature so fucked up.

SPEAKER_10 26:39

It's disgusting.

SPEAKER_03 26:40

Well, I guess that's a that's actually a a good uh point. You know, what this city, right? We're establishing pretty early on here that this is a modern analog. I think uh early on I kind of put that idea into everyone's head. Uh this, however, is a city that is unlike the ones that we have in our world, needless to say. Very different ways that the universe works here. Uh so so uh Chase, I feel like you've been in you're you're in touch, right, a little bit more with like the ongoings of the city, right? You feel sort of the life of it a little bit deeper. So tell me a little bit more about your experience with this city.

SPEAKER_06 27:18

Well, so this city's pretty interesting. We uh so my day-to-day, of course, I like to go to the park and deal with the clockwork, uh the clockwork pigeons and birds that come around. But of course, there's a lot of different clockwork animals that have sort of been placed here, almost as if the nature was taken out and then put right back in. Um You know, I I like I like that it's supplemented, you know, even though this city is hustling and bustling, at least there's some a analog to nature here. Uh but of course I'm here with uh this guy. Um and you know, we we you know we we you know we don't we don't have really many other connections here, so we kind of you know hang out together because it's uh I think because we truly don't want to be alone, but we won't tell each other that. Uh that's like Burton Ernie. God damn. Uh but uh so we you know we we take on the town, you know, we take the uh the the local bullet train uh that goes that goes through the city. Um different kind of spiraling skyscrapers touch the clouds and um just kind of make this city feel so claustrophobic yet so alive. Um this park is one of the few places that feels a little more open than what the city normally provides.

SPEAKER_03 28:39

Uh so and here's this and here's this guy over here tearing up the bushes.

SPEAKER_08 28:45

They they just don't get real art. They don't get it.

SPEAKER_19 28:49

I think it looks really good.

SPEAKER_06 28:51

Thank you. Do you see that that guy over there uh messing with the bushes? Oh god, that's disgusting. Exactly my point. Exactly my point. Um You know what I mean? Taxes over those bushes?

SPEAKER_22 29:08

Uh not a well uh I think it's a lot. I think that I I'm being robbed and this guy's messing with the bushes that I'm paying for? You don't pay taxes.

SPEAKER_10 29:23

Yeah, oh shit. I I think someone sees us. I don't think you I don't think you've ever paid taxes.

SPEAKER_22 29:29

Oh, bad thing with this thing. Just because I'm unhomed doesn't mean that I can't care for these bushes.

SPEAKER_06 29:36

That's a fair you know what? I overstepped my I overstepped my bounds. That's right. I don't care if you're unhomed.

SPEAKER_08 29:42

That doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_19 29:43

I think that's ungood. Um Pardon us! Just ignore us.

SPEAKER_10 29:51

You never saw this, pal.

SPEAKER_08 29:53

You didn't see us in the bush. Yeah, you can ignore us, but don't ignore the bush. It looks so much better now. Alright, they're gonna be thanking me.

SPEAKER_20 30:03

Again, they put out. I don't think they're gonna be thanking anyone.

SPEAKER_03 30:07

At that exact moment, uh a group of enforcers from the city council are taking a nice little stroll through the through the park.

SPEAKER_06 30:15

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_22 30:16

Hey!

SPEAKER_06 30:17

It's not a super meeting anymore.

SPEAKER_22 30:19

They're messing with it!

SPEAKER_06 30:20

Yeah, they're messing with the bushes over there.

SPEAKER_03 30:23

Bale, bail both both of the council members look at both Chase and Logan and see the general state of these two individuals and just continue to walk.

SPEAKER_19 30:35

See, guys, we're like the least interesting thing going on in the park today. It's really okay.

SPEAKER_06 30:40

Well, uh Well, Typhus, I guess we gotta take care of this.

SPEAKER_05 30:44

Zach. Um you actually see one of the guards slip a note into the back of the uh large Verbog's pants.

SPEAKER_20 31:00

I think I just saw one of the enforcers grab that Verbog's ass.

SPEAKER_06 31:07

You know what, Typhus? Typhus, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go give them a piece of my mind. They shouldn't be messing with this nice park.

SPEAKER_22 31:14

Oh Virgil, don't start, don't start. Come on.

SPEAKER_06 31:18

Typhus, don't Virgil me, alright? I'm I'm gonna start like beelining over to this these bushes. I'm I'm starting to get a little heated, but I'm I'm trying to keep my cool. Hey Hello! Uh hell hello? Doesn't matter. Alright, look. What? Those bushes were specifically put there by the city, alright? They were made to look nice the way the city intended, and you are just going around here messing with their bushes, and I you know what I don't appreciate it. I don't see your name on them, Buster.

SPEAKER_19 31:50

You see, um, I'm one of the temps for the council, okay? And um, it's very important to the beautification committee, okay? Because the beautification committee doesn't have the funds currently that they need to actually make the bushes beautiful. So it's actually really important that groups of really like, you know, motivated civil servants get out in the park and just rip bush.

SPEAKER_22 32:14

Well, I'm gonna walk up. I'm part of the temporarily unhoused committee and I see bushes.

SPEAKER_06 32:20

Typhus, don't say that.

SPEAKER_22 32:21

Typhus, don't say Okay, well I'm I'm sick of all this nonsense. Stop stop messing with the bushes. We sleep here.

SPEAKER_19 32:28

If you're homeless, then why don't you just live with your friend?

SPEAKER_22 32:33

Oh, like he has a house?

SPEAKER_06 32:36

Yeah, I I have a I have a perfectly nice house somewhere in this city, and I I hope that you know that it is very nice.

SPEAKER_22 32:42

Once we find it, we're gonna give you a piece of his mind. Uh sure.

SPEAKER_10 32:49

Are you gonna go find it and then come back and give us a piece of your mind?

SPEAKER_19 32:54

Yeah, so why aren't you staying with him if you know he is a nice house? Not even just a house, but a nice one.

SPEAKER_22 33:02

We lost no, we didn't lose. I don't know about him, but I lost.

SPEAKER_08 33:12

I don't care about you being unhoused at all. It's a but that's not my beef with you. My beef with you is that you don't like the art that's happening right here. The council doesn't know what it takes to make good art, so here we are making the park actually beautiful.

SPEAKER_19 33:26

He's an artist. What this rival art, dude.

SPEAKER_14 33:30

Well, I think artists as me, but he is an artist.

SPEAKER_06 33:33

I didn't, I you know, I I I'm sorry, I've I overstepped my No, I overstepped my bounds.

SPEAKER_22 33:40

What you're drawing a still life in a bush?

SPEAKER_19 33:44

Yeah. What's this look? You guys maybe aren't um artiste like we. I consider this friend group sort of a um multi-movement physical theater collective. Okay.

SPEAKER_06 34:00

What what is what are those collection of words?

SPEAKER_19 34:04

Yes. We um we're sort of um how do we say what's the thing we always say as a group, guys?

SPEAKER_02 34:13

Oh. We can't make rent this month.

SPEAKER_19 34:17

We can't make rent this month. We can't make art this month. That's what we always say.

SPEAKER_03 34:21

They always say that, it's true. Yeah, yeah. I've heard that before, I think. Oh, the good the enforcers are swinging back around, by the way. Noticing that uh the furbog has completely ignored their subtle attempt at communication.

SPEAKER_19 34:34

I'm gonna grab the bird that's still on the ground and just chuck it full force at the back of the head of one of the enforcers and go, baby, go get it now.

SPEAKER_06 34:46

Have it been known that I did not notice the note was in my pocket.

SPEAKER_03 34:52

Uh okay, well shit, man. The the that bird like dinks off of the poor guardsman's uh little uh uh we'll call it some sort of like composite weave, like almost like a chain coif, but like more like a heavelar material, right? Uh and that uh that guard like it bounces off and like for a moment it almost appears as though he just doesn't like comprehend what just happened. Like there's a there's a buffer time between the bird physically striking this individual and them turning to see where it came from. What do y'all do in that that short period of stun lock that you've got this enforcer in?

SPEAKER_14 35:34

Oh shit, a bird just flew into that guy.

SPEAKER_03 35:38

They did it.

SPEAKER_19 35:41

I'm gonna stand up, cut my hands, and go, don't worry, it's just a note that says we're not doing anything we're not supposed to do.

SPEAKER_03 35:50

Uh the guards person underneath one very heavily clad boot crushes the bird as he starts to make his way towards y'all.

SPEAKER_10 35:58

Oh shit. I'm in a book, I'm in a full sprint. I'm booking it.

SPEAKER_08 36:01

Yeah, I'm with I'm with Brandon.

SPEAKER_14 36:06

Well, you know what they say when people are running, the six-foot-tall devil should probably run too. Bye.

SPEAKER_19 36:12

I join, but my movements are very intentional.

SPEAKER_12 36:16

Yeah. Oh.

SPEAKER_22 36:20

Looks like the bush is ours.

SPEAKER_06 36:22

Uh great. You two, you're under arrest. Halt. What uh listen, uh, I we are not associated with those um art theater collective people.

SPEAKER_03 36:35

Oh, don't you worry. We're gonna get them next, says another one of the enforcers. Uh, and you can see in the distance that um a uh what what's a what's a cantrip that can like mark somebody? Like fairy fire? Like a bunch of fairy fire has lit up every single one of the people in this party, like just to keep track of them while they run away. Like outlining them in a nice, like little bright uh like flashing like police sirens almost just like around them so everyone knows to stay clear.

SPEAKER_19 37:01

Hey, we are lighting. It's lighting design, guys.

SPEAKER_03 37:08

Uh the guards very, very roughly uh pick up, I would say, probably Typhus. Uh typhus rather rough uh hold.

SPEAKER_22 37:20

Very well. I submit to your free housing plan. No, no, Typhus, that's not what this is. Yes, take us into the holding cell for a cozy evening.

SPEAKER_05 37:32

Uh the uh the warforge that was hit in the head with his with the the the duck that's holding you up uh turns, you will be put under arrest and taken into a holding cell for questioning. And low, you are.

SPEAKER_03 37:53

At the very least, whenever it comes to to Typhus and Virgil, uh y'all I feel like they're led away without much of a I don't know if you can mount much of a resistance, to be honest with you. I look at that Warforge and I go, Yeah, exactly, exactly. And then the needless to say, the rest of the enforcement squad has been dispatched to go get all of the uh the runners, if you will. The first the first one sort of, I think, roughly, would probably go towards uh let's see. I would say out of everyone, they're probably least scared of Brendan. That's the same thing. So they're gonna go after you first. Yes, correct.

SPEAKER_12 38:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 38:30

These are in fact uh analogs, so yes, correct. Do you uh do any of y'all like mount any significant resistance? RO that's like, okay, well I guess. I know my rights.

SPEAKER_08 38:44

What's what's the crime? What did I do?

SPEAKER_03 38:48

Topiary destruction. Topiary destruction detected against council directorate mandate one four three four I filed this morning at noon. This is topiary construction, if anything. Then describe this, and then the warforge picks up like a tiny branch that had been like trimmed off and crushes it in its hand.

SPEAKER_08 39:11

Do you know what topiary is?

SPEAKER_05 39:13

It doesn't grow into that shape. The like the the Warforge next to that officer that was saying that turns to him, you are currently being detained uh for against code 14345, destruction of Topieri. Damn it to the They really got me.

SPEAKER_03 39:37

Let us all go to jail together.

SPEAKER_19 39:39

It's not lawbreaking. So I really don't think it's lawbreaking if you inform the law ahead of time that you're going to be breaking it.

SPEAKER_03 39:50

Uh the Warforge who is not currently being uh detained turns around and tases you.

SPEAKER_19 39:58

Yeah, yow, yeah, yow. Ow, it's got by you.

SPEAKER_08 40:03

Now the rest of you go along. Oh my gosh. You you drew the new perfume.

SPEAKER_03 40:14

So true. Uh we're gonna go and just flash forward to that holding cell. Uh fair enough. Logan, I feel like you have the best outlook on what this holding cell could be. Describe to me this holding cell.

SPEAKER_22 40:28

Oh, yeah. I mean, you got the hole where you do your business, you got the two bunks, and you got some chains hanging down everywhere. Those chains are for the especially naughty boys and girls like myself. I found myself chained to the wall. Somehow, everyone else gets to walk around. What the hell's that about?

SPEAKER_03 40:48

Typhus is chained to the wall. Typhus, I I hate you. At this point, the rest of the party gets led into this cell as well. Yeah. Okay, it's the game of beds. All six of you, two beds.

SPEAKER_19 41:04

It's our dressing room.

SPEAKER_10 41:07

It most certainly is a comfortable dressing room considering that they're packing all six of us in here.

SPEAKER_14 41:15

Can we remember the biggest performance yet? Our court date.

SPEAKER_19 41:19

Can we believe it's a guard?

SPEAKER_14 41:25

I could pretty easily believe it.

SPEAKER_03 41:29

Uh it's worth noting too that this sort of like holding area is patrolled constantly by not just Warforged, but also various automatons uh resembling uh watch dogs and uh like ravens that are sitting up in the higher uh areas, keeping an eye on everyone. For all intents and purposes, this is a panopticon setup. You never know who is watching you, but you can assume at all times you are being watched.

SPEAKER_08 41:54

This feels kind of like an overreaction. We're well, I don't even know what we were accused of. That's not true. They told me what I was accused of.

SPEAKER_14 42:02

I don't know what I came out of the bathroom and two of my roommates had been arrested, so I just decided to go along because I'm not good on my own.

SPEAKER_03 42:14

So y'all y'all are not only an artist collective, but you're also roommates. That makes sense. That's true to life. Yeah, yeah. That's all that's we followed.

SPEAKER_19 42:21

We followed the letter of the law to a T. And I mean that hyperliterally. I wrote the law a letter and I checked up the law's head. I'm just confused. Do they not want people to partake in the agora?

SPEAKER_06 42:35

Or my brain hurts.

SPEAKER_08 42:39

If I can't pay my taxes, let me at least contribute in some way that that that will still contribute and fake help with society. My taxes aren't gonna pay for the topiary, so I'll just make it myself.

SPEAKER_19 42:53

Friend, perhaps if we made some quick topiary in the cell, they will see the sort of creative output that we're capable of, and they'll let us go.

SPEAKER_22 43:04

There's good luck.

SPEAKER_19 43:07

Guards. Some toilet paper and some shit. Guards.

SPEAKER_10 43:15

I'm trapped in here with five psychopaths. Please. Please let me out there. Three hours pass. No.

SPEAKER_19 43:22

Look, I just want to say I'm really sorry about the dishes issue last week. I feel like you were upset. We didn't get too much. I'm not upset.

SPEAKER_14 43:30

It's just I'm tired of it always being me. You're just so good at the dishes, though.

SPEAKER_19 43:37

So good at the dishes.

SPEAKER_10 43:39

I'm more of a soaker myself.

SPEAKER_14 43:41

Because you get heat resistance, I can turn the water on really hot, and it doesn't even bother me a little.

SPEAKER_08 43:46

It really is so good.

SPEAKER_19 43:49

I prefer taking a bath with other dishes.

SPEAKER_06 43:52

I am on the floor, absolutely like trying to escape the hell that I'm in.

SPEAKER_14 43:57

Do you guys want to hear that new song I've been working on?

unknown 44:00

Oh yes, please.

SPEAKER_08 44:02

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_14 44:04

Yep. Green bushes look like shit. Make them into a new shape. Now that's it. And that's all I got so far.

SPEAKER_17 44:19

Good start. Incredible.

SPEAKER_08 44:20

Absolutely. That's a solid foundation there. I think I've done my time.

SPEAKER_00 44:26

Please. You have three more hours.

SPEAKER_12 44:32

Six hours.

SPEAKER_14 44:33

Wait, hold on. Wait. Wait, our I'm just gonna be here for a few hours. Are we am I just out after that, or is there something coming after that? Is this our sentence?

SPEAKER_03 44:43

The Warforge just walks away. Does not answer your question.

SPEAKER_06 44:46

You just have three more hours.

SPEAKER_14 44:48

Alright, maybe three more hours.

SPEAKER_06 44:50

Also, and I'm I'm also gonna get up in a second. I'm gonna go. Typhus, also, I like undo the latches on his armbands.

SPEAKER_21 44:57

They're not locked. What the hell, man? Ah.

SPEAKER_14 45:04

By the way, has anybody tried the door?

SPEAKER_03 45:09

Unfortunately locked.

SPEAKER_14 45:13

They are crafty.

SPEAKER_03 45:15

My god. The final three hours pass. Uh and for the first time you hear a voice that isn't metallic in the same way that the reconstructive vocal cords of Warforge managed to imitate, you know, the organic uh vocal processes of most of you know people around. Uh this sounds like a like a like a living, breathing person who's starting to come through the door. Uh in just general, like by the mannerisms and the footsteps. It seems like someone is finally coming after your nine hours are up.

SPEAKER_19 45:53

Places, everyone, places.

SPEAKER_10 45:56

I'm innocent, so um, I I should have received a lawyer hours ago. But I'm glad you're finally here.

SPEAKER_08 46:02

I'm with Arnold in this one. I need my lawyer. I hit an innocent card.

SPEAKER_05 46:08

Uh you guys uh see a uh a large orc um with this uh this orange skin, uh pale skin. He's wearing this uh pinstriped suit uh with this really nice um uh tie with this uh it's it looks to be a black tie, but as as you kind of look at it and he walks underneath the lights, you can see there's like this intricate pattern, you can't tell what it is. Maybe it's uh maybe it's just like a little guy running, but um, but you you can't really tell as it's just kind of like this uh this little bit of a shiny outline on it. But he he steps in um and uh Vincent and Brendan, you guys recognize him as Mr.

SPEAKER_10 46:58

Gruyer from the Billboards.

SPEAKER_17 47:02

Mr. Gruyer.

SPEAKER_10 47:04

Mr. Who?

SPEAKER_21 47:05

Not from the Pimper.

SPEAKER_10 47:06

Mr. Gruyer! You haven't seen his billboards all around town? He's everywhere.

SPEAKER_17 47:14

I mean I'm it's rare that I look up. I have that vertebrae issue.

SPEAKER_08 47:19

Mr. Gruyer, he he's he's he's he's he's what one of the best just uh the best odds.

SPEAKER_03 47:27

Now, all you folks sitting there in that cell. I hope it's been a cozy time. But as you know, when Mr. Groyer arrives on the scene, go ahead, you get to say my catchphrase. When Mr.

SPEAKER_20 47:38

Groyer arrives on the scene That's when you know the floor is clean.

SPEAKER_03 47:43

That's when you know the floor is clean. And right now I see a bunch of shit on my floor. Oh, that's you, by the way. Oh, uh it was very funny, sir.

SPEAKER_19 47:58

Um, my name is Sylvia with six S's. I'm I'm I'm six ten. And um uh something that fun about me is uh when I first moved to the city, um I got a job uh as a as a street mime.

SPEAKER_03 48:18

Wow. You know who else did that? The rest of the pieces of shit in this jail. Come on, we got a here and negotiated.

unknown 48:26

Okay.

SPEAKER_10 48:28

Classic Gruyere. Oh man. What a ball buster.

SPEAKER_19 48:33

He's such a ball buster.

SPEAKER_10 48:35

Uh have you guys watched his TV show? I've just seen his commercials.

SPEAKER_19 48:41

Oh, wait, is that the one where he ball busts criminals?

SPEAKER_14 48:45

Yeah, that's Gruyere's ball busting. I must not watch a lot of television.

SPEAKER_19 48:50

I listen to the podcast version. It's mostly just a bunch of grunts and screams.

SPEAKER_10 48:55

You're really missing out when you when you lose that video medium.

SPEAKER_03 49:02

But y'all are led to a uh a pretty actually somehow smaller than the cell, but just like four walls and a floor and a roof that are all completely pitch black. And three chairs with one of the uh mechanical birds sitting on a perch staring at the three chairs.

SPEAKER_19 49:24

These idiots didn't leave enough chairs.

SPEAKER_14 49:28

I think that was an accident. Let him know, let him know we'll need more.

SPEAKER_08 49:31

I'll go forward and sit down on one of them. I this is ridiculous. I I'm gonna this is a whole Michael.

SPEAKER_10 49:38

I'll just sit next to you.

SPEAKER_08 49:40

Thank you, Arnold. This whole charade. I'm tired of it.

SPEAKER_03 49:50

Uh out for just a moment.

SPEAKER_14 49:52

I'm I think he's getting his tools.

SPEAKER_06 49:55

I'm gonna walk over to the bird and I'm gonna go. I I think there's been some kind of mistake. Uh me and um that that fairly. What what? Where is she? Where's she? Uh you mean you mean her?

SPEAKER_03 50:16

At that exact moment, the door slams open and you see uh Groyer lead in. The hardest like the stare that this woman gives is enough to like probably shake mountains. Uh there's a lot of things. Without a doubt, Mr. Groyer like flashes y'all a smile uh and a knowing look of you're about to have the roughest interrogation of your lives if this is not the only one. So uh be ready. That is it's a lot to encapsulate in one look, but he he somehow manages to do it and he also smirks at the same time. It's kind of infuriating. But then he he he le he leaves and leaves you in the presence of this unshakeable looking woman.

SPEAKER_20 50:56

God, his internal monologue is so legible.

SPEAKER_08 51:01

That's how he got the TV show, I think. I don't know. Mr. Guerriera's it.

SPEAKER_17 51:07

This is the woman to which he was speaking? Uh uh she's right here.

SPEAKER_05 51:13

Uh she's actually the look that uh she had given you guys um uh felt imposing, took up the entire doorway. But as the door shuts, um you can see in this she looks away from you, uh, the uh the look and just the imposing presence kind of shrinks a little bit. Um as you see, like it's you guys all realize and kind of shake is this is a um an older gnomish uh lady uh standing about three and a half feet tall. Um with uh she's got these uh this um uh police uniform on. She's got her her blues all done up right, she's got these uh these white pads with the frills kind of uh hanging from the shoulders, and uh her hair is it could not be pulled any tighter back. She's like you just can s it just looks like any of her hails hair could just like start popping from her uh hairline. Um and uh as she walks in, um please take a seat.

SPEAKER_08 52:32

Already sitting down. Yeah, there's only three chairs though. Yeah, I'm gonna go.

SPEAKER_19 52:36

If that's okay, I'm going to mime the chair. And I sort of squat in a chair position.

SPEAKER_06 52:42

I'm eight feet tall. I don't sit in a lot of chairs very easily, so I'll I'll just stand, that's alright.

SPEAKER_11 52:51

Yes, um, on the floor is fine. Um you're all in a lot of trouble. You'll realize that.

SPEAKER_08 53:06

I don't believe a word you tell me.

SPEAKER_19 53:08

You see, art comes from a place of danger, and one cannot exist about the other.

SPEAKER_06 53:14

I'm not with these four crazy people, alright? It's me and that less crazy You missy.

SPEAKER_11 53:21

Definitely in a lot of trouble.

SPEAKER_05 53:24

Um looks uh directly at you, Arnold.

SPEAKER_10 53:30

Um Where is it? It happened a long time ago and I don't want to talk about it. I don't have it anymore.

SPEAKER_11 53:45

Well I know you are planning to take it back.

SPEAKER_18 53:51

Just today.

SPEAKER_10 53:55

You have no proof. You can't lock me up. You can't lock me up like this and the evidence.

SPEAKER_11 54:01

Um whole message and letter from Miss Sylvia um saying, hey, we're having our secret meeting.

SPEAKER_19 54:11

We're having our secret meeting behind the bush. Don't worry.

SPEAKER_17 54:15

We're breaking all of the appropriate laws.

SPEAKER_19 54:18

Uh hugs and kisses Sylvie, yeah.

SPEAKER_10 54:22

Second hold up in court. That's that's uh email about a secret meeting about all the sap that comes out of the bushes, dude.

SPEAKER_19 54:29

Yeah, it's a printed email.

SPEAKER_14 54:31

Roll most of the hugs and kisses, and it doesn't feel like that's being reciprocated.

SPEAKER_17 54:36

No, thank you. Good point.

SPEAKER_05 54:37

Arnold, roll me a deception check. Ooh, first roll.

SPEAKER_10 54:42

My uh, this isn't the first time I've lied to uh an important figure. This is probably something I'm I'm proficient in. No, this would be one of the yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 54:52

Yeah, yeah. Go ahead and make sure you add your proficiency modifier and check that box on your uh on your character sheet.

SPEAKER_05 54:59

Yep. And take that down of the skills.

SPEAKER_10 55:04

Let me modify you, PDF. It's not very good. I'm not as proficient as I recall. Seven.

SPEAKER_11 55:12

Oh no. What doesn't hold up in court? She signed it, and she also signed all of your names as well. Uh certainly not my name.

SPEAKER_03 55:24

There are actually fingerprints from all of you right at the bottom, too. It really looks like Sylvia like scoured the apartment in order to like really make sure that y'all's signatures, your artistic signatures tied to you were on this message.

SPEAKER_18 55:37

I wanted it to be accurate.

SPEAKER_05 55:41

Virgil, as you put your finger up like this, she plays she presses the piece of paper against your finger.

SPEAKER_19 55:46

Wait, no, that's just welcome to the collective.

SPEAKER_02 55:52

I don't want to be a part of the collective.

SPEAKER_19 55:57

Welcome to the collective side.

SPEAKER_10 56:07

I came into the group for uh the low rent, and now I'm uh going back to jail. So sorry you got roped into this.

SPEAKER_03 56:16

Uh Sylvia goes, I mean not Sylvia, sorry. The um the officer goes ahead and uh gets fingerprints from uh you as well, Typhus, while she's at it.

SPEAKER_22 56:26

Woohoo! Yeah, I love being part of something. Typhus, no, don't celebrate. Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 56:33

Thank you so much for your compliance, uh, young Typhus. I we really appreciate it. Um so let's talk the artifact. Um of course, um young Arnold has a little bit of a history in it, but um I mean it seems he tied the rest of you guys in to it as well. Um no?

SPEAKER_03 57:05

No, there was no tying me in this or Typhon Luckily there's a five for one deal going on right now at the courtroom, and uh I can't wait in order for all of you to see those savings.

SPEAKER_14 57:19

That's what you mean one of us is fine? Are we gonna do like Survivor style? One of us gets out free?

SPEAKER_06 57:25

Wait, yeah, five to one- there's six in here.

SPEAKER_03 57:28

Well, six would be too much stress on the taxpayers. We can't let all of you go to jail for free. That's incredibly thoughtful.

SPEAKER_14 57:36

Oh, so they just get tried alone anyway. Oh no.

SPEAKER_22 57:47

I'm going to jail.

SPEAKER_19 57:49

I am curious, perhaps, if you could speak more to this artifact thing.

SPEAKER_14 57:54

Um I don't think she knows like anything I know.

SPEAKER_10 58:02

Do you guys remember the security deposit I deposit I put down?

SPEAKER_17 58:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 58:11

Sorry, I didn't hear you, Brendan. What'd you say? I said the the security deposit I put down, that's how I got the money. I sold it. For the artifact. To that guy. And I pointed at Virgil.

SPEAKER_12 58:26

No, no, that did not happen.

SPEAKER_06 58:31

That did not happen. There is no proof that any of that happened.

SPEAKER_22 58:34

Oh, Virgil, you should have told me, man. We were celebrated.

SPEAKER_21 58:37

I just know it's not true. You called the deal. Hell yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_05 58:42

Uh I remember he pressured him into it. Miss Mayflower looks at you.

SPEAKER_11 58:48

Trying to play innocent, are we?

SPEAKER_05 58:51

As she goes and like uh taps on your shin uh with this little baton she's got.

SPEAKER_11 58:58

Trying to play innocent. You know, you know what we do with liars, don't you? Like that guy? I don't know. Probably throwing the break. Virgil, hold him down. Virgil, hold him down.

SPEAKER_21 59:14

What wait, I hold him down?

SPEAKER_11 59:17

No, typhus! Sorry. I'll hold him down, hold him down.

SPEAKER_05 59:20

No, don't typhon crawls up. Uh I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 59:26

Okay, realistically, this should be a strength channel. Oh my god. Yeah, no.

SPEAKER_06 59:31

Yeah, that might be a strength contest because typhus is so much smaller than that.

SPEAKER_05 59:35

Typhus, uh, Virgil, uh, Virgil against Typhus and Miss Mayflower.

SPEAKER_06 59:43

Yeah, that's a three. Oof. That well, I I had a crit I had a I had a Nat 1, so oh yeah. Well she'll just mess with five.

SPEAKER_21 59:57

Wow, we really all fumbled. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:00

Um so so they both jump on you. Uh, I mean, I don't know if you've ever been jumped on by little kids like unexpectedly, but it it happens, and like even with your large form, they both take you down, and she puts her finger like all the way in her uh in her mouth, just knuckle deep, and gives you the wettest Willie you've ever had in your life.

SPEAKER_11 1:00:26

This is what we do with liars! This is what we do with liars.

SPEAKER_21 1:00:29

Tell the truth!

SPEAKER_11 1:00:30

What'd you do with the artifact?

SPEAKER_21 1:00:32

Eat shit liar. I don't know! I don't my god! I don't have the artifact! I don't have it, I don't have it!

SPEAKER_11 1:00:39

What did you do with the artifact?

SPEAKER_21 1:00:40

Tell me now! I don't I don't I don't I buried it!

SPEAKER_06 1:00:47

Uh roll me a deception check. I'm just trying to say whatever. Uh let's see, deception. Okay. Uh thirteen. Thirteen. Okay. You buried it. Where? Uh uh I under the uh the old bridge. You made me divulge my secrets.

SPEAKER_11 1:01:13

The old bridge. Oh, that's a dangerous area.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:23

Well very dangerous. That's why I buried it. There.

SPEAKER_11 1:01:28

Yes. Of course. Well that is unfortunate because our clockwork agents don't have the um we don't have the radius to uh patrol there.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:45

Well you can't. That's such a shame. I guess you'll just let us go, right?

SPEAKER_11 1:01:50

Yes, yes, I'll of course let you go. And we'll give you twenty-four hours to bring the artifact back. What? Bring back the artifact within twenty-four hours, or it is all of your heads. It will be a six for one! One execution, six heads.

SPEAKER_22 1:02:14

Oh, awesome.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:16

Typho. To be fair, that's like that's really good. Like, uh, that's efficient.

SPEAKER_22 1:02:21

Yeah, that axe would have to be like the size of a minivan.

SPEAKER_14 1:02:26

I have an audition at seven. Do you think I'm gonna be able to swing that?

SPEAKER_19 1:02:30

I was just about to bring up the audition at seven. Um, and and at callbacks when we take into account those, which we'll likely get, right?

SPEAKER_14 1:02:37

I mean Almost certainly.

SPEAKER_19 1:02:39

Almost certainly. There's very few actors in the city.

SPEAKER_08 1:02:42

Um you both are very talented. I don't see why they would pass on you.

SPEAKER_19 1:02:45

Yeah, you guys have to practicing really hard.

SPEAKER_14 1:02:47

Thank you, thank you. This is your support is so needed.

SPEAKER_19 1:02:50

It really does. We we've been working ahead.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:55

You will be assigned, let's call them babysitters.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:59

Uh maybe just one looking at all of you. Uh, and the wall behind y'all slides like down or just like almost becomes intangible, it seems, in a moment. And uh there is a single giant, gigantic warforged clockwork enforcer hiding behind that wall. It takes one quick scan, a sweeping scan of all of you, identities confirmed, entering, surveillance, and then it just sits.

SPEAKER_08 1:03:28

Oh is that necessary though? Is that really necessary? You can't get that far outside of the city in 24 hours.

SPEAKER_11 1:03:37

Like I said, it we don't have the radius. This guy has self-powered, so um, he needs to be big. It's quite intimidating though, yes?

SPEAKER_05 1:03:47

As she puts like gives one more wet willy to uh Virgil and then jumps off.

SPEAKER_12 1:03:53

Why again?

SPEAKER_03 1:03:58

23 hours and 50 minutes remaining. Wait, you already started the timer?

SPEAKER_11 1:04:07

It's already been 10 minutes. Uh you may get your things on your way out.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:14

Uh and she walks out, leaving the door wide open. No sign of uh Mr. Groyer either. Just feel free to walk out.

SPEAKER_22 1:04:22

Alright, well, good luck with your trip, guys.

SPEAKER_19 1:04:26

Wait, uh no.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:29

Yep, good luck with your trip, guys, because we're getting out of here. Yeah, well that is rich.

SPEAKER_08 1:04:36

Yeah, you shouldn't get embroiled in a and then try to dip out, too. You're gonna hide the artifacts and then try to blame us.

SPEAKER_19 1:04:44

The thing about a collective is we do everything as a collective.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:48

Activates it very quickly, like with very sharp movements. Targets leaving ex allotted range for surveillance, entering lethal mode, and then like like uh as it starts to like just beef up even more, and like you start to see like panels and stuff sliding on like its general metal chassis. Where's all this coming from?

SPEAKER_21 1:05:11

Never mind, I'm staying right here.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:12

I'm staying right here.

SPEAKER_14 1:05:14

What does this guy do if we like just run two opposite directions?

SPEAKER_10 1:05:19

Oh let's try. You haven't seen these models before?

SPEAKER_03 1:05:28

No, 24 hours and 40 minutes. Okay.

SPEAKER_19 1:05:33

Oh, we got an extra 40 minutes, guys.

unknown 1:05:36

23.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:37

Wait, did I fuck that I fuck that up before?

SPEAKER_19 1:05:40

I'm trying to get you to go using him.

SPEAKER_14 1:05:47

Let's just swing by the apartment real quick. We'll see if the artifact is maybe in one of the drawers over there. Maybe we get lucky.

SPEAKER_19 1:05:56

I can't believe you didn't inform us about the artifact. We would have helped. Or cataloged it mentally. I sold it.

SPEAKER_10 1:06:05

I sold it before I moved in.

SPEAKER_08 1:06:07

That that was the security deposit. Yeah, without the arm.

SPEAKER_19 1:06:11

I just always thought you had a rich grandma.

SPEAKER_14 1:06:13

No, you guys I have a rich grandma and grandpa and mother and father.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:19

I'm going to go siblings there too. You know, they're doing well for themselves.

SPEAKER_14 1:06:23

Like 11 wealthy siblings.

SPEAKER_06 1:06:29

I would like to choke out Arnold right now. Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:32

Hey, hey, hey. Are you are you actually going to like do it, dude? I am actually doing it. Okay, well, the fur bulg is uh towering over uh this lithe tabaxi. Uh I imagine you probably like your tail puffs up a little bit, right? Like that's that's intimidating.

SPEAKER_10 1:06:50

All my hair puffs up.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:52

Oh yeah. It's it's about to be a throwdown. Everyone else can recognize that. The claws.

SPEAKER_08 1:06:57

I'm gonna try to go between that. No uh, you're not touching my buddy.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:59

All right, you're not I'm trying too hard to feel thin right now, and I don't feel very calm right now.

SPEAKER_10 1:07:07

I I get that, I get that, that's fair. Listen, you might be a little thrown off because you didn't buy directly from me. I sold it to my cousin Muffin, who you bought it off of, so I kind of threw you under the bus so they'd take all the heat off of me. Sorry, not sorry.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:26

I yeah, okay. I so I'm gonna go to Chocum unless someone stops me.

SPEAKER_08 1:07:31

I am in between. I am in between.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:33

I I am stop it'll be it'll be a strength contest, uh strength roll versus a strength save with advantage uh for Vincent because he has help. Okay, Red.

SPEAKER_08 1:07:45

Okay. So I strength save. That's D20 with advantage. Uh uh, I just rolled a natural 20. Oh, I got a six.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:56

This dice is going in jail. So for a bulg uh basically just goes like like uh goes to push you out of the way, Vincent. Uh and your natural like your preter natural skills that you've honed from decades in the urban jungle have uh spring into action and you initiate a one-armed takedown of this giant fur ball, uh putting him in like a nice armbar right at the end.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:32

What happened?

unknown 1:08:34

What happened?

SPEAKER_22 1:08:36

Oh, Virgil, you just got your ass kicked. Oh, god damn it.

SPEAKER_10 1:08:41

I think I think I cracked something.

SPEAKER_08 1:08:49

Absolutely.

unknown 1:08:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 1:08:52

I just want this nightmare to end.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:55

23 hours and 35 minutes.

SPEAKER_19 1:08:58

Well, friends, if I may intercede here, I was once a part of a 24-hour play festival with a collective that I didn't really get along with too well, and the two leaders of it, they they were a couple, but it was sort of it was undisclosed to the rest of us, so they were sort of beefing the entire time. The whole it was very tenuous and very tumultuous. But here's the point. The point is, I think that it's up to us as a group to figure this thing out and uh work hard together and sort of set our unified minds to a singular goal. I um I frankly don't want to get my head chopped off because uh I I do have a uh regional theater audition next week.

SPEAKER_16 1:09:32

I'm very excited about it. I've already done the dance combo.

SPEAKER_22 1:09:35

So And while she's talking, I'm gonna light the bottom of her robe on fire.

SPEAKER_19 1:09:40

God, I'm just on fire today with ideas.

SPEAKER_14 1:09:44

Oh no, you really are on fire.

SPEAKER_10 1:09:46

Yeah, literally.

SPEAKER_14 1:09:48

Stamp on it.

SPEAKER_19 1:09:49

I begin, I begin stopped dropping and rolling in the most like pathetic way possible.

SPEAKER_10 1:09:54

What are we next to the pyrotechnics idea? You guys, we said it was too dangerous for the audition. Come on, Virgil, let's leave these chumps behind.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:03

I'm gonna just like narratively interject and be like, y'all are walking out of the like stage going on. Like you're all just like kind of shooting the shit, and then the entire time that Warforge is like right like looming over you. Never within like never outside of a 30-foot range, let's say.

SPEAKER_14 1:10:21

What should we call him, by the way? Our new dog. The That's not a dog. It looks like all the other goddamn dogs in this city, that's for sure.

SPEAKER_22 1:10:35

You talk about me?

SPEAKER_14 1:10:39

I'm talking about the weird clockwork nature thing they got going on here.

SPEAKER_22 1:10:42

The giant mad shit bird. Like, I get the whole dog thing. I really do, but really, I'm more, it's like way more dragon. Like, I'm way more regal. My bloodline is it's so high born, you wouldn't even know, man.

SPEAKER_06 1:10:56

And so like when you Chad then when you say shut up, it's a Halbert 44 unit, alright? It has a name, it is a particular unit, alright? A Halbert 44.

SPEAKER_17 1:11:08

Hell.

SPEAKER_14 1:11:09

Alright, Deefer it is. I hate you all.

SPEAKER_19 1:11:12

Deefer?

SPEAKER_14 1:11:13

Deefer.

SPEAKER_19 1:11:15

Defer. Where's the guy?

SPEAKER_22 1:11:20

What? Muffin, the guy you sold the artifact to.

SPEAKER_10 1:11:24

Oh, that's a guy. Where did you talk to him last? What do you probably bought it off of him? I think. I don't think it was you.

unknown 1:11:35

Arnold.

SPEAKER_10 1:11:35

It was a furbog for sure. I don't know. Oh, so all furbugs are the same. Hey man, all I know is what Muffin told me. Wait, are you talking about are you talking about Dirgil? No. No, it definitely wasn't Dirgil.

SPEAKER_21 1:11:48

Dirgil, the black market furbog? You're sure you're not talking about Dirgil?

SPEAKER_10 1:11:52

I really say it like that, it might have been him. Dude, oh dude. Which is great because I've sold sold a lot of other artifacts to that guy directly. So it probably was that guy.

SPEAKER_22 1:12:05

Wait, Dirgil's bridge, yeah, yeah. Oh my god, yeah, he hates me.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:11

Dirgil does hate him. No, Virgil, Virgil, that's your name, right? Virgil's my name.

SPEAKER_14 1:12:18

Yeah, I have to ask, and I promise I don't mean anything by this at all. Are you related to Dirgil?

SPEAKER_10 1:12:26

I thought he was your cousin.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:29

Okay, so you think because I'm a fur bulk and he's a furbulk and we share similar sounding names that were related to mostly the names.

SPEAKER_08 1:12:39

I gotta plead ignorance on like fur bulk culture. I I faint to make any assumptions, but you know, if he told me that was the case, I wouldn't have like I wouldn't have like thought about it that hard.

SPEAKER_22 1:12:50

You guys just think every Girgil, Burgil, and Dirgil is related to Virgil?

SPEAKER_19 1:12:55

Are those all cousins of yours? You just made a list, or those are all the furbulgs in town.

SPEAKER_10 1:13:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_22 1:13:02

Are they related?

SPEAKER_10 1:13:04

That's why I always not related.

SPEAKER_06 1:13:07

It's a common nomenclature. It's a common nomenclature in furbog culture, alright?

SPEAKER_08 1:13:13

It's just it's just all right. No, no, I really appreciate that. Yeah, you know I know, and I'm sorry. That's actually really illuminating. Thank you for that.

SPEAKER_10 1:13:21

Anyways, turtles and dick. All dirt together in the same apartment, kind of like we four do, because you guys all had similar names.

SPEAKER_19 1:13:29

But I guess it was We all sleep in one bed.

SPEAKER_10 1:13:32

That's not entirely true.

SPEAKER_08 1:13:36

Well Okay, okay. Some of us, some of us sleep like kind of uh at like the foot and at the head, you know, so we're not like side by side, but we're like it's very Willy Wonka style, is what I'm imagining. Precisely.

SPEAKER_19 1:13:48

You guys just talk about your living feet to feet.

SPEAKER_14 1:13:53

That's a good point.

SPEAKER_19 1:13:54

It's great when people love it when a group of roommates talk about their weird inner culture they've developed. So we just kind of keep up that verbal sparring. We like describing to people how enmeshed we are in each other's emotional lives.

SPEAKER_06 1:14:07

I am gonna go to the Halberd 44 unit. I'm going to be like, me and that guy over there. I point over at um Wait, have I suddenly forgotten the name that I've given you? Uh Typhus. I point over at Typhus, and I'm like, we are gonna go find the artifact. These fuckers could do whatever the fuck they want and die by your hand. I don't give a shit anymore. Come on, Typhus. Alright. All suspects remain within 30 feet of me.

SPEAKER_16 1:14:37

You say Blair.

SPEAKER_06 1:14:39

Wait, what did that what did the robot say? The robot hasn't said anything.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:44

It's just waiting for y'all to get a move on.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:46

All suspects must remain within 30 feet of me. I will remain closest to the largest group.

SPEAKER_06 1:14:55

God damn it.

SPEAKER_14 1:14:56

Why would he tell us that?

SPEAKER_03 1:14:58

Yeah, now I probably split up actually. Well, uh, it's funny that you mentioned that actually, because that is a very salient point. Something that is true about all of these constructs is that they all abide by a series of what are essentially programming commandments, right? The last of which is I cannot lie. All of these constructs, if confronted with a question directly, must tell the truth to any sentient form who is referring to it.

SPEAKER_10 1:15:33

If we split up into two equal sized groups, which group are you gonna follow?

SPEAKER_02 1:15:40

Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:41

But luckily we don't have to worry about that right now because uh as Virgil and Typhon sort of skip along their merry way, uh the warforge sort of uh just through its sheer presence kind of forces the other ragtag group along with it until uh finally you exit the the general outskirts of the city outside of the enforcer's range, minus this Halbert 44 unit that is uh serving as your sort of um uh insurance, let's say, that you do the task you're going to do. Uh Zach, I want you to describe to me exactly what it's like outside this city.

SPEAKER_14 1:16:20

Oh, you know, just on the city's edge. Oh barren wastes ever since the suburbs fell into hell.

SPEAKER_07 1:16:29

Damn.

SPEAKER_14 1:16:30

Just a bunch of dry, cracked ground for a long waste.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:37

And one bridge.

SPEAKER_06 1:16:40

The old bridge.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:42

The old bridge is used.

SPEAKER_14 1:16:43

So the bridge is old because you know it's not really in use anymore, because it led to the suburbs, and then the suburbs fell into hell, but the bridge is kind of on that edge where it did, so it's just kind of a bridge, and then it just big drop. The other half of the bridge, probably in hell somewhere.

SPEAKER_19 1:17:01

Damn.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:02

Damn. Bridge drops to hell. Uh that's a funny thing. Well, uh, the bridge is in sight, but unfortunately, crossing these cracked and barren plains is going to prove perhaps a little bit more difficult than it might immediately seem. Uh not only is there a massive drop-off right at the end of that bridge where the suburbs fell into hell famously five years ago during the Great Crush of uh 2017. Uh well, maybe we'll we'll we'll figure out the time scale at some point. But you know, the the Great Crushing uh is of course uh the famous incident where uh two of the moons were dropped directly on opposite sides of this uh the realm in which y'all inhabit, uh fundamentally flattening it into almost a flat surface with huge drop-offs on either side that colloquially, uh at least as far as old uh folk tales say, lead directly to hell. But no one from the city has really gone and looked down there to see what exactly is going on with all that.

SPEAKER_10 1:18:14

I wonder if that's why the church that my dad goes to calls all this the sandwich.

SPEAKER_06 1:18:21

I don't even know why I'm still going to this bridge. I made that thing up.

SPEAKER_22 1:18:27

Yeah, we should probably go to Dirgil, if anything. Guys, Dirgil lives under the bridge. He does, but it's kind of a coincidence.

SPEAKER_19 1:18:35

It's so bohemian.

SPEAKER_14 1:18:37

It is.

SPEAKER_06 1:18:38

Please don't call Dirgil Bohemian. He hates that.

SPEAKER_22 1:18:42

Yeah, uh yeah. Uh hey guys, you know what Dirgil loves? Dirgil loves when you walk up to him and give him a big old pat on the bat and say, Hey buddy, how's it going? Dirgil loves that, so why are you open with that? Typhus.

SPEAKER_06 1:18:55

Yeah, yeah, you know what? Yeah, he does love that. He really, he really loves that when you really get in his personal space.

SPEAKER_14 1:19:02

Well, I think that's a good thing.

SPEAKER_19 1:19:05

Yes, how's this for a line read? Hey, buddy, how is it going?

SPEAKER_08 1:19:11

Yeah, I think you're a shoe in for the part, honestly. You're both. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_22 1:19:16

It's it's it's like being called little guy. He loves that, yeah. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:19:24

Oh, that's even better.

SPEAKER_14 1:19:26

Oh, good. Well, people have that in my toolbox.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:30

You look out onto the vista at the edge of the city, recognizing that while you are riffing here, it is slightly hesitant because you do have the better part of half a day's journey before you even make it to the old bridge. Because of course, these barren wastes on the outside of the city stretch for miles in every direction, flat plains as far as the eye can see. And the bridge is definitely there and you can make it out. But this wouldn't be the first time a group of adventurers from the city tried to make their way out there, only to never be seen again. But we'll get there in a moment. Uh, before we do, I'd like to take a quick five-minute intermission to give our players a chance to refresh themselves and come back ready to go, as well as anybody who is watching. Uh, go ahead and take some time to get some snacks, settle in, because we will be going until 10 p.m. tonight. And thank you for tuning in so far to the final rules. We will be right back. Hello, everybody. Welcome back to the final rules. Uh, part two of session one, I guess. I imagine for the uh the audio part of this, we'll probably be splitting it into two different parts here anyway. Uh especially since this is going to be a bit of a marathon as we go to pull through to the end. Um, but during our intermission, Justin, I think, uh offered something that I would also like to do, and that is pull our first suggestion for uh this season of the final rules. So again, the way that this works is these are suggestions that have either been submitted by us as players just to kind of keep get some in the general circulation, or from fans on our Discord. Uh over the last couple of days, we've been putting out a call for these suggestions. So we are going to pull one live through our Discord, let everyone know what it is, and we are going to use that as a sort of jumping off point for the second half of the first season uh session. Uh so I'm going to go ahead and do that now. Uh and if you are watching live, you can you can see me do this in the spoiler chat of the Discord. It's amazing.

SPEAKER_06 1:21:26

It's one of the many perks to being a part of the Discord.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:29

The suggestion that has been pulled from the Discord text channel The Bucket on the Final Rules Discord link in bio uh is going to be submitted by Casey, and that is IKEA instructions.

SPEAKER_06 1:21:42

Amazing. So good. Alright. So good.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:53

So we are sitting at the edge uh of what looks to be uh just the planes of oblivion. Uh something occurs to y'all, and that is a suggestion IKEA furniture. So that's what we're going to be playing with as we fade back in, uh, let's say about five hours into the journey.

SPEAKER_14 1:22:16

Someone carry me? No. I don't walk like this. This is too much. Deeper, deeper, pick me up.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:27

I am not allowed to assist.

SPEAKER_08 1:22:30

What about wait? I hypothetical question. If if you're not allowed to assist, but if we were getting killed, you couldn't intervene. Even if it means getting the artifact back.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:51

Criminals do not are not guaranteed safety by the enforcers.

SPEAKER_19 1:22:56

Okay, like the artifact are.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:16

The screen itself displays all of your personal information one by one to each of you, including like any equivalents of like social security numbers, like date of birth, your fingerprints, your DNA sequence that you don't know when they did, but at some point I guess they had to have because it's there and it looks pretty accurate from what you can tell.

SPEAKER_19 1:23:36

Okay, hang on. Um, that that's supposed to say BFA. It's not just a BA. I wouldn't have lied about that.

SPEAKER_22 1:23:44

Holy shit. Virgil, I do have a birthday.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:48

Uh yeah, you sure do. Oh my god. You're 120 years old.

unknown 1:23:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:23:59

I think I I have to I feel like that's wrong.

SPEAKER_14 1:24:04

Mr. Keeper, how accurate do you like feel like this information is?

SPEAKER_05 1:24:10

Uh information provided by the government is 87.3333333333 continuous percent accurate.

SPEAKER_14 1:24:20

That's that feels like a large margin of error. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_19 1:24:25

Follow-up question. A follow-up question, D for Have you ever experienced love in connection with another human being?

SPEAKER_14 1:24:31

Great question.

SPEAKER_04 1:24:33

I have connected to the mainframe.

SPEAKER_19 1:24:36

The main her name is mainframe, everyone!

SPEAKER_22 1:24:39

There's zero humans around here. Kill me.

SPEAKER_19 1:24:45

Tell us about her. What is mainframe like? What are what is what are they like? Tell us.

SPEAKER_12 1:24:51

They are big That's how you like it, huh?

SPEAKER_03 1:24:59

They contain information. All of the information.

SPEAKER_19 1:25:06

Communication is important.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:10

The main is the mainframe is No, it it is.

SPEAKER_06 1:25:22

Like the mainframe is like it exists and it it it has existed and will always exist. Wow, what they mean some real faith in the mainframe there. What do you mean? Is this the first time y'all heard of the mainframe?

SPEAKER_08 1:25:36

Like what is I've been pretty deep in the weeds, no pun intended. Literally, literally in the weeds carving stuff up. So like I have not paid attention to any kind of frame.

SPEAKER_22 1:25:47

Well, I'll tell you what, you couldn't find your way on any of the bullet trains downtown if you didn't know the first thing about the mainframe, so you better learn yourself, buddy. It's very true.

SPEAKER_06 1:25:58

You will miss your stop multiple times.

SPEAKER_19 1:26:01

Well, does the mainframe have any information, perhaps, about the artifact that we're seeking? Is that a good question?

SPEAKER_04 1:26:08

That is classified.

SPEAKER_14 1:26:10

There's no way it's the Saints Azuvian bong we smoked out of at Bard College, right? Like I've been thinking about it this whole time. There's no way it's the Saints Azuvian bong, right?

SPEAKER_19 1:26:20

But I also kind of was like, is it?

SPEAKER_08 1:26:24

I cannot compute.

SPEAKER_19 1:26:26

Could it?

SPEAKER_08 1:26:28

Oh, it tot it totally might be. It totally might be at this point. We'll have to wait until we run into uh uh. I always thought it was weird how it didn't tarnish.

SPEAKER_05 1:26:36

As you guys are uh walking, um, I need everyone to roll me uh perception checks real quick. Oh boy.

SPEAKER_22 1:26:46

Uh that's an unnatural twenty. Oh man. It's an eleven plus what do I add to perception?

SPEAKER_06 1:26:58

That's uh wait, hold on.

SPEAKER_04 1:27:02

Uh yeah. If you're not a wizard wisdom.

SPEAKER_08 1:27:05

I have a 13. That's what it is.

SPEAKER_04 1:27:08

I have an 20.

SPEAKER_19 1:27:11

Eleven.

SPEAKER_05 1:27:14

Uh and uh Arnold, what did you roll? A nine. Uh as you guys all begin to hear, uh I think it was Michael, Typhus, and Virgil begin to hear cracking. Um Virgil, you look behind you as you see this, uh you guys are it's a red desert, cracked ground everywhere. Um you guys are of course walking to an abyss with a bridge hanging over it. Um as you see the ground behind you just begin cracking open, uh, and you can see. As it starts, you can see all these rocks beginning to fall as it starts opening up, as this crack in the earth starts uh shooting towards you guys. Uh guys, I think we need to run. Alright.

SPEAKER_06 1:28:19

I'm gonna start booking it. I don't know. I'm gonna book it in the opposite direction. I don't know if it's a good thing. I'm booking it the opposite direction.

unknown 1:28:25

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:28:26

All the suspects must remain within 30 feet of this unit, and it's going to start like bulking up again.

SPEAKER_05 1:28:31

Oh, okay. I got him. Deefer, uh Deefer's able to uh keep up with you guys. He like he beefs up, uh looks like his legs get longer uh as he just kind of almost looks like he has stilts and he just goes just keeping up with you guys. Uh I forgot this unit could do that. And uh we will um uh we will enter a uh bit of an environmental chase sequence um to where you guys are beginning to run from this crack. So basically, what you guys will be able to do, um you guys will each be able to um we're gonna kind of use a similar system to what Blades of the Dark does, kind of like wheels. We're gonna be using a wheel for success and failures. Um and uh so you guys as a group or individually can uh either succeed or uh fail on your rolls. The DCs for all of these checks are going to be set to 12. So you guys know what you're rolling against um and what you guys need to do. You can use, of course, your magic, your uh abilities, but you can't use the same skill or same ability twice in a row. Um but uh Tim, do you got the uh would you like to set the wheels for success and failure for us? Yeah, um so uh on success.

SPEAKER_03 1:30:07

So uh sorry, uh I refresh me on Blades in the Dark.

SPEAKER_05 1:30:10

The wheels are So like we're gonna make a pie chart basically and then uh basically we'll have to. Oh, how close are they? Uh let's say four for success and six for failure.

SPEAKER_08 1:30:23

So you have to sorry, so we have to be successful four times and then we are fully successful in escaping. For real. Ah, we fail six and the clock finishes for failure.

SPEAKER_03 1:30:36

Yeah, I will say let's do uh three people if three people succeed, I think that that will be like a good a good starting point. So we'll be rolling uh just whatever.

SPEAKER_05 1:30:53

Yeah, uh so as you guys begin running, uh you guys all uh just start booking it. Um and uh yeah, what what is it you guys are wanting to do to try to escape the uh the earth trying to open beneath your guys' feet? You can see it's probably about 50, 60 feet behind you guys, but you see as it's on a trajectory, and you can see the earth that you guys were walking on just a few minutes ago begins to crack.

SPEAKER_10 1:31:21

Arnold was wearing some like knockoff Birkenstock sandals, uh, like just kind of because they're comfortable and he likes to wear clothing because he's uh sentient. Um, but as he begins to like break into a full stride, he kicks them off so he can let his little cat claws out, and he's like getting down to like all fours. And I'm gonna do like some acrobatics, uh like kind of doing backflips uh off of like crushing and crumbling rocks.

SPEAKER_03 1:31:48

Yeah, every time you go to like where a normal person would roll their ankle, you're like, nope, not this time, and you let you use your little cat toe beans to like really get around it. I get you. I've watched them do that before. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_05 1:31:59

Hell yeah. Um, all right. So uh yeah, roll me an acrobatics check. Uh, you guys all begin running. Uh Arnold, you kind of uh you didn't notice this and you kind of fell behind a little bit. Uh so you kick off your feet and you begin running.

SPEAKER_10 1:32:15

I think at some point I I I I only get one sandal off because I uh I'm struggling. That's a Nat one. Devastating.

SPEAKER_05 1:32:25

Okay, noted, noted. Alright. Uh Natural One. Uh, you guys all see as Arnold uh trips and falls uh in the back. My straps.

SPEAKER_18 1:32:36

Arnold.

SPEAKER_03 1:32:40

Uh the ground is very quickly catching up to Arnold as Michael uh tries to tries to flee.

SPEAKER_10 1:32:46

I've got seven lives left. Go on without me, Michael. Don't forget me, but go on without me.

SPEAKER_08 1:32:52

I can't. I can't. I gotta I gotta help it. I gotta we gotta be together for this.

SPEAKER_03 1:32:57

Uh then go ahead and make your check whatever it's going to be with disadvantage because you're gonna be trying to help Arnold succeed.

SPEAKER_08 1:33:03

Yeah. So I was I'm I'm a real fit boy. I I've I'm strong and I'm fast. So I was gonna just try to run really hard. So I'll roll this twice. Uh first that's a that's a 18, so then with great luck comes. Okay, this is actually uh 16. Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:33:22

Alright, wonderful.

SPEAKER_05 1:33:23

Hell yeah. Uh yeah, you you you run back uh uh you almost go on all fours as you go down there and you uh you go down like sliding in all three, grabbing him as you uh grip your claws into the dirt and just start dashing back. Uh Arnold, you're able to kick that second foot off, and you guys uh the rest of you guys, of course, you guys had to stop um for for for this because you guys can't all be more than 60 feet at maximum away from each other. Um so as uh as Michael runs back and grabs Arnold, you guys are all able to start taking off again. Thanks for waiting, guys.

SPEAKER_19 1:34:03

Of course, we literally have to.

SPEAKER_03 1:34:05

Typhus, how are you escaping this uh as hell opens beneath you?

SPEAKER_22 1:34:11

I've been in one of these situations before. You know what I'm about to do. I'm about to pop one of them long striders, just hit it, start running on all fours like the dog I am.

SPEAKER_03 1:34:22

What does that um whenever you cast spells, uh, because you are an artificer, right? How does that look for you?

SPEAKER_22 1:34:31

Uh you got the little uh got the little uh watch right there with the got with the cogs and the gears in it, and I give it the spin, slap it, and then uh from there, you know, the the go-go gadgets boots. The the the hand one.

SPEAKER_03 1:34:46

Amazing. Uh I like that. Uh and you are uh go ahead and roll with uh with advantage, I would imagine, because like long strider basically removes difficulty from terrain.

SPEAKER_22 1:34:57

Oh yeah. Well that is a 19.

SPEAKER_03 1:35:01

Okay. Amazing. I love that. Yeah, uh about to say you uh you open the various arcane channels that you have cultivated in your years of study of how cogs and fractals move within each other, uh, central to the intelligence of an artificer. And you uh are able to pivot that that power that you're channeling directly into your arcane-sensitive boots, which don't actually make you any faster, they just look cool. The the power comes from within. You know? Uh so this cobalt gets some like really cool like sparks flying off of the shoes. We're looking at like nice LED, like RGB lights going up them, flashing like a nice keyboard. But about to say, and then suddenly actually starts to like bolt forward. Uh even about say even uh taking uh strides ahead of uh Virgil, you see you see Typhus just without any care in the world, just booking it down.

SPEAKER_05 1:36:07

There he goes again. Yeah. Uh so you guys all begin going. You see as the crack uh begins like it looks like it turns right a little bit as you guys are running, uh, giving you guys a little bit more uh um a little bit more room, but you can see as it's as it's not in line with you guys, but it seems to be like speeding up, um almost catching up to you guys, but probably about 40 or 50 feet to your guys' right side. Um what do you guys want to do?

SPEAKER_19 1:36:38

I am wanting to uh look deep within me and and try to see if there's any sort of like God, like deity or or like energy of theater or something that I could reach out to.

SPEAKER_03 1:36:54

And for a moment you feel the pressure of the ocean above you. You are crushed into something so tiny and minuscule that you worry for a moment that you shall simply cease to be. But then in the distance, a small light that comes a little closer and a little closer, and you realize that though you are underwater, you don't need to breathe right now. And your patron, the fathomless one, leers its glassy, empty eyes towards you and says not yet. And then you pop back in to reality. You stumble and you're running uh for just that moment while you tap into the power of your patron uh and are summarily rejected by it.

SPEAKER_19 1:37:55

My patron doesn't know the power of yes and oh no.

SPEAKER_13 1:38:07

So uh what else are you gonna give strip stage guy?

SPEAKER_19 1:38:13

Um I I I think I'm so thrown by this sort of immediate denial that we actors are so used to. I'm just gonna kind of begin like uh sacheting, like some some some like nice, quick, like almost jazz walks.

SPEAKER_03 1:38:29

Because you've been training so much for the audition. It's it's your natural movement at this point. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_19 1:38:34

Exactly.

SPEAKER_05 1:38:35

You do still have access to your like current spells and stuff like that. Yeah, um, uh just no direct intervention on the patron. No direct, they're just saying, I'm not carrying you through this. Yeah, exactly. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_19 1:38:48

Yeah, that's great. And I'm looking at these, and I'm just gonna keep such roll.

SPEAKER_05 1:38:54

Yeah, um uh with that rejection. Um, I just want you to roll me a uh a charisma save.

SPEAKER_19 1:39:02

Um yeah, I think that's fair. Um 17.

SPEAKER_05 1:39:07

17. There you go. Um, I mean, she's got it just two weeks ago, you got told no, probably about saving four times a day. And you're like, one more time? Nah, I'm keep pushing through. Um, so with that, uh, you keep pushing through, and you uh I mean you speed you haven't been able to access before in a while, just out of your pure gumption and uh out of your gut. Um uh yeah, you guys see as uh as this crack begins kind of uh slowly and slowly starting turn towards you guys.

SPEAKER_03 1:39:51

We have we have two more people, I believe, that have not successfully secured their safety. I I think for the wheel we have, but like we still want some narrative like juice for y'all. Come on.

SPEAKER_14 1:40:02

I'm just running. I'm like a really unbrainly runner. I'm a people guy, I can't talk to the ground.

SPEAKER_03 1:40:12

But you try, give me a persuasion check. Actually, you know what? I'll tell you what. Okay, you can't convince the ground, but you can convince yourself, alright? Yeah.

SPEAKER_15 1:40:26

I know we haven't run this far in a while. My lungs are doing good, I'm just not feeling as smooth and graceful as I used to. Put a little jazz in it.

SPEAKER_19 1:40:40

Jazz player, jazz.

SPEAKER_13 1:40:43

16.

SPEAKER_05 1:40:44

16. Amazing. Yeah. Uh with with that little bit of jazz, I'd say uh uh your your voice begins reverberating inside of the canyon uh as uh as you can hear it kind of jazz, jazz, jazz, jazz, just kind of echoing in there. Um as uh you see it uh take a hard uh hard left uh like directly behind you guys, but unfortunately, Virgil, you're still uh you're still behind where the crack is. Um and you can just see as the ground is just about to fall between you uh from below your feet.

SPEAKER_06 1:41:25

So I I see as even though I had a I felt like I had a good head start, everyone is past me. And I for a split second I'm like, what has happened in my life to get me to this point? How how did things screw up this bad?

SPEAKER_03 1:41:41

Give me a montage of five scenes from your life that uh you that come to mind as you're running like quick montages, like little glimpses into your past.

SPEAKER_06 1:41:52

So we go back a little a little a little earlier, where I'm stuck in a bullet train. I wake up with a cold sweat, I look up at the arcane LEDs that spread across that say what stop that we're at. I'm like, fuck, I missed my stop. And I press the and I and I pull on the emergency lever, and the bullet train forcefully stops in the middle of its journey. High, high above the area. In a cold sweat, I realize I panicked too much, but the doors are the emergency doors have already opened. And I am not one to be too embarrassed, so I decide to go and jump out of the bullet train. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. And with that, my next memory. I find myself lost in this brawling city. One of my first times, finally getting here, thinking that things will change, things will be different. But it just felt overwhelming. Absolutely overwhelming. Everything, the skyscrapers, every little piece and bit that made this city what it was, it was it it it felt like it would consume me whole. But a piece of me was like, I'm going to understand this city from the bottom to the top. And I'm going to make it my bitch. If it's the last thing I do. Wowie. The next thing I remember is Typhus. Typhus just absolutely insisting that I have to try this new bagel place. Absolutely insisting that I needed to try this new bagel place, and I had to tell him I did not want to go to this new bagel place. I do not want to go. I hate bagels, in fact. But we actually sat in there and we had a good time. And it's one of my fondest memories with Typhus. Where we actually could sit down and have a good meal together. My fourth memory! Oh, we're going to five. Are we going to five? Because I'm going. Oh, I thought give me like two words for each of these last memories. Yeah, sure. Uh, fourth memory. Um forest. Serene. And last memory. Cold. Dark.

SPEAKER_03 1:44:23

And you're back. What what what what has inspired you to survive from those memories, Virgil? That I never gave up. Give me a constitution check. Alright. Let's let's let's see if your physical fortitude matches your mental fortitude. That's a five.

SPEAKER_01 1:44:46

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_05 1:44:49

And then that's when you realize you never gave up, but you also haven't been falling down an endless canyon before. Um, how what how are you wanting to get out of this?

SPEAKER_06 1:45:02

How am I w well? Okay. So how far is Halbert Halbert from us? Actually, Halbert is with the rest of the group.

SPEAKER_05 1:45:11

You're um I behind him or is he in front of me? Uh Deefer. Deefer is uh is with the rest of the group safe as it as it uh turned right in front of you. You're here as the ground is slowly, we're like in slow motion. The ground is slowly beginning to fall uh from below your feet.

SPEAKER_03 1:45:28

It is worth noting though that as that ground falls, you start to fall behind. Ergo Deefer also starts to fall behind on those giant stilt legs of its right as the ground is crumbling underneath you. Alright.

SPEAKER_06 1:45:43

So I'm pretty close to him.

SPEAKER_03 1:45:46

His legs. You are everyone is within movement.

SPEAKER_06 1:45:51

Okay. I would like to as I'm tumbling, I would I would like to gr try to grab onto one of Deefer's legs in an attempt to not only springboard myself forward, but see if I can get Deefer to fall into the chasm behind me. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:46:13

Uh so you are you doing this just pure like willpower strength?

SPEAKER_06 1:46:18

With um I'm gonna say that that would be athletics or acrobatics.

SPEAKER_05 1:46:26

I'd I'd probably say athletics with uh you're trying to pull this uh one like half a ton or one ton creature into the ability.

SPEAKER_06 1:46:34

Because I will say this, as a as I have a powerful build as a fur bog, you count as one size larger when determining your carry capacity and weight you can push, drag, or lift. Okay. So yeah. So I I feel like it it it it it is possible, especially considering the loose footing that this this robot would be on.

SPEAKER_03 1:46:55

Yeah, because it's not like you need to throw the robot, you just need to get his foot to slide on uneven ground a little.

SPEAKER_06 1:47:00

Yeah. So and and and the robot being, you know, a robot, I can use that force I used to push the foot away to kind of pull myself forward. Sort of an a la give and take of force, if you will.

SPEAKER_05 1:47:12

Yeah. I think so. Uh we'll we'll set the the 12 is just a success you get to safety. 17 uh you get to push deeper into the pit. Okay.

SPEAKER_06 1:47:27

Alright. Come on, Dice. You've been really, really terrible to me lately. That's uh wait, uh that is a oh hold on. So I'm I'm I'm going to say I'm not I haven't looked at what this calculates to yet, but I think I'm proficient in athletics.

SPEAKER_05 1:47:48

I would say I'm proficient in athletics. Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_06 1:47:51

You seem like the kind of Webby, yeah, yeah. Um, so that'd be 14? Not quite enough.

SPEAKER_03 1:48:02

I think enough to survive.

SPEAKER_05 1:48:04

It is enough to survive. Yep. Enough to survive as you uh as you uh running like uh legless in the really bad Hobbit movies, uh start running on these rocks. Um as uh one of legs, one of the deefer's legs kind of slips off of the back as he begins uh shifting his weight forward, you're able to reach just enough to uh grab that uh stretched out leg. And uh as he uh pulls his knee up and slingshots you forward, uh and you uh you guys all go uh get to safety, you uh you fall, get thrown, roll into the group. Um, as you see this crack continues going to your guys' left, um as you see just this uh uh this section of earth about the size of a city block just uh falls into hell. As it were.

SPEAKER_12 1:49:02

That's fucked.

SPEAKER_16 1:49:06

I've had worse auditions.

SPEAKER_10 1:49:10

Michael, you gotta draw a line in the sand. That's like the fifth time this year you've saved my life.

SPEAKER_08 1:49:16

Uh and I'll I'll never stop. I owe you too much to just let you die.

SPEAKER_10 1:49:22

Oh, no, your debt is more than paid. I assure you. Except for Kiss. No, actually, yeah, that's fine. Yeah, it was a pretty big save. We're we're not quite even yet.

SPEAKER_08 1:49:33

Okay. Okay, I I appreciate it. Because I'm not I'm not comfortable just get just giving up yet. I still have so much to repay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_19 1:49:43

I'm gonna go up to Blair and be like, Blair, I'm so glad we survived this way. We can still do our two person show about the Wright brothers. Wait, I don't know if the Wright Brothers exist in this year. The right brothers can The Wright Brothers.

SPEAKER_14 1:50:00

Who famously invented trains.

SPEAKER_05 1:50:04

That's true. It's true. Yeah, and it's spelled R Iight. Yeah, R-It.

SPEAKER_03 1:50:11

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, like the Wright brothers like a like a sacred right, not like a brothers.

SPEAKER_19 1:50:22

Yes. Blair, once we make it out of this, we gotta start really start upping our riding time on the weekends.

SPEAKER_14 1:50:28

It's true. It's true. I've got at least three people who have said they want to come.

SPEAKER_19 1:50:33

Oh stop. I have the same three people.

SPEAKER_05 1:50:38

And as you guys stand up, you guys uh find yourself um maybe just another hour away from the uh from the bridge. Uh and on your walks, uh uh you approach um underneath the bridge. Tim, I'll pass this one back to you. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:50:58

Uh as you begin to walk up to the bridge, uh so when the suburbs of the city fell into hell, uh that weirdly enough, uh I I I like to think of it as like everyone knows that it happened. Like for some reason, no one remembers even what the suburbs looked like, much less where they actually were. Everyone just knows that they're gone now. And it happened sometime recently, but they're not really sure when the last time they were even in the suburbs were, much less what happened after this hole uh suddenly appeared. Many people went missing, they're never found, but you couldn't find someone who knew any of the addresses from the suburbs. It's almost as if not only did this place physically descend into hell, but even any memory of it and its denizens have seemingly also fallen into a pit of the psyche from which they might not ever emerge. So looking at this bridge, it's interesting because the architecture of the bridge belies something almost simpler uh in its construction, more wooden planks and well taken care of rivets than it is grand marble and glass like you'd find in a lot of the metropolitan areas of the city. It implies that the people who lived out here in the suburbs perhaps meant to get away from a lot of that hustle and bustle in the city, but to what end now that there's nothing here to show for it, much less nothing to remember. But uh as you gaze at this bridge and it strikes you the sort of uncanny nature of being somewhere that shouldn't be, you see a figure begin to approach out of the darkness. Hey, Virgil, is that you what you're doing, cousin, and coming over and giving you a big hug. Uh it's Dirgil. You haven't seen Dirgil since like a couple of family reunions ago. And whenever it comes to fur bogs, uh cousins, it's almost assumed that everyone is in some way, uh, if not linked by genetics, linked by culture, right? So whereas a lot of cultures might say something like, you know, uh everyone is brothers and sisters, you know, siblings to each other spiritually. Everyone in furbog culture, they're they're more like cousins, you know. It's cool to see what they're doing every now and then when you check back in with them. But you know, if you don't talk to them for you know six months, a year, it's not like it's the end of the world.

SPEAKER_06 1:53:34

Just like space. How's it going?

SPEAKER_03 1:53:37

Ah, Virgil, you know, just doing my thing. I uh I got a couple of uh really cool little doodads I got if you want to take a look at them.

SPEAKER_06 1:53:48

Sure, that yeah, that'd be great. Actually, uh we um wanted to talk a little bit. There there was this um particular thing we were looking for.

SPEAKER_21 1:53:56

Hey, hold on. Who the fuck's that little guy? No one, no one's no no no, I know who you are.

SPEAKER_03 1:54:04

I told you never to come around these parts again if I ever saw your face, your little dog dragon face. Oh god.

SPEAKER_05 1:54:14

As you see another uh fur bulg uh that's uh that has uh pulled around behind you guys. Um, I got him. Uh, and goes and just stands above you, Typhus. Uh, thanks, Gurgdul. I know that you always got my back.

SPEAKER_11 1:54:29

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:54:31

Oh, go ahead and uh hold that little dude down. I don't want him taking anything from us again. After all, last time he's the one that stole that very important thing that I had just been sold, which is why I know that was my engagement ring, right?

SPEAKER_11 1:54:48

Right?

SPEAKER_22 1:54:50

Uh you know that, right?

SPEAKER_11 1:54:51

There's nothing. That was my engagement ring. I had to postpone it. I had a whole reservation. I had it took me two months to get that reservation, and then I had to postpone it because I didn't have a ring.

SPEAKER_22 1:55:04

I'm gonna tell you, I spent two months on that pipe bomb I was working on. I needed a little facet that was that size, and I just it was really it's really difficult to come across parts. Well, to extend no.

SPEAKER_14 1:55:17

You made a pipe bomb?

SPEAKER_06 1:55:20

Guys, guys, okay, Typhus is cool, alright? He's he's been he's been working on himself. He's really he's um that box been working on pipe bobs.

SPEAKER_14 1:55:29

It's worse like to me.

SPEAKER_22 1:55:31

Shut the fuck up. Actually, we have been working on ourselves. Speaking of which, here's our parole officer that's currently supervising us.

SPEAKER_03 1:55:39

Yeah, and then uh they both uh Gergil and Durgil like kind of glance over.

SPEAKER_02 1:55:47

You brought one of the clockwork enforcers here. What the fuck do you think you're doing? Look, I we we we had no choice, alright?

SPEAKER_06 1:55:56

We're looking for an artifact, and if we don't find this artifact, we are going to fuckil.

SPEAKER_02 1:56:01

Girl, come over here, get over here, Girl, Gurgil. Yeah, we're talking about the artifact.

SPEAKER_06 1:56:07

Guys, stop talking amongst yourselves. We're right here.

SPEAKER_11 1:56:13

No, I I know, I know we paid really good money for it, and it and it, you know, it just I mean it's die, you know.

SPEAKER_03 1:56:21

Yeah, I know, but like, even if you really consider like the ethical implications of like look, we invested a lot of capital into this thing, right? And I have to really consider whether or not that capital is worth these six people dying right now. And like that was enough for like a security deposit somewhere. So like I don't know.

SPEAKER_19 1:56:35

How much would you pay for a warhim thing guy?

SPEAKER_11 1:56:44

You're talking about the sorry, what was that? Deefer? Could we you talk about the Halbert 4-4?

SPEAKER_19 1:56:52

Yeah, so how much do one of those go for, say on the on the black market or any color market?

SPEAKER_11 1:57:00

Tell me, big guy. Uh tell me, big guy. He looks at Deefer. Uh you uh looks kinda like it. Looks around. You connected to the network right now. The mainframe is That's his partner.

SPEAKER_19 1:57:20

They're very much in love.

SPEAKER_14 1:57:22

He never finishes the sentence.

SPEAKER_05 1:57:24

No, no, no.

SPEAKER_19 1:57:24

He does.

SPEAKER_05 1:57:25

He's he'll he'll go around back uh and he'll he'll kinda uh he's gonna let me just uh give a quick roll. Uh yeah, no, it uh he looks like he uh just really um uh with a slide of hand like disconnects like a quick panel and he peeks inside. He's remote.

SPEAKER_11 1:57:48

He's not connected, he's not surveilled.

SPEAKER_12 1:57:52

Whoa.

SPEAKER_11 1:57:53

Oh? So this hey Yeah. Alright, alright, I can pick an updating putting down to that Gergil. No, no, no. I mean yeah, no, I mean the artifact is taken out of here. No, that thing could go for the tree of the artifacts. That's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_02 1:58:13

That's like three security deposits.

SPEAKER_11 1:58:15

Yeah, yeah. We could get a more safe way of getting out of here. Yeah, I like that.

SPEAKER_02 1:58:20

Here, I'll tell you what.

SPEAKER_03 1:58:21

Let's see if we can pull a fast one on these guys.

SPEAKER_02 1:58:23

Alright, folks.

SPEAKER_03 1:58:25

And look, I've been thinking, we've been we've been doing some value propositions on the side over here.

SPEAKER_02 1:58:30

Uh I don't want you to think that we were doing anything untowards, of course, but what we decided is now that you mention it, this what what'd you call him? Deefer?

SPEAKER_03 1:58:38

Uh this deefer seems as though it would be a pretty a pretty good little trade for um for for what exactly are y'all looking for out of it? Just out of curiosity.

SPEAKER_10 1:58:49

Oh, an artifact. Yeah, the artifact my cousin Muffin sold his soldier.

SPEAKER_19 1:58:55

The titular artifact?

SPEAKER_14 1:58:59

Really kind of still up in the air what the artifact is. We've had some theories that was in the group circulating around, but honestly, I would prefer an array of artifacts.

SPEAKER_11 1:59:11

Are they talking about that bomb that we picked up the other week? Yeah, I think they're probably thinking talking about that bong.

SPEAKER_03 1:59:16

They're probably talking about that bong. It doesn't tarnish or anything.

SPEAKER_02 1:59:18

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_19 1:59:19

It might be but the artifact you guys are they saying bomb or bomb? I make bombs.

SPEAKER_14 1:59:25

Bong, the thing we smoked out of in college.

SPEAKER_05 1:59:28

I kind of think Arnold, you know it's definitely not the bomb.

SPEAKER_10 1:59:34

It's it's not the bug that I sold you later. It's what I sold you guys a few months before that.

SPEAKER_03 1:59:43

Oh, you mean this and uh the procures out of nowhere uh something that looks like a tiny puzzle box, and then uh Dirgil's going to look over at Gurgil and give a big one of these artifacts, right?

SPEAKER_07 2:00:00

Wait, I sorry.

SPEAKER_03 2:00:02

Oh. One of these artifacts, this artifact, right?

SPEAKER_11 2:00:06

That artifact. Yeah, that guy right there.

SPEAKER_03 2:00:09

This one's the one you're talking about, right? Yeah, we'll trade this for this uh this D for fella you got.

SPEAKER_06 2:00:14

I would like to roll insight on my two cousins.

SPEAKER_10 2:00:18

Yeah, go for it. Can I provide the help action?

SPEAKER_06 2:00:21

Because I've I've pulled one over on uh these motherfuckers, and I know for a fact that they would pull some stupid shit. Was it the winking? Was that what gave it away? No, they're just pieces of shit.

SPEAKER_14 2:00:36

It might just be an artifact that makes you wink.

SPEAKER_06 2:00:39

Um so uh how does the help action work? Or do like you advantage. Alright, come on.

SPEAKER_10 2:00:47

Yeah, Virgil, I don't know if I would trust your cousins or not. I mean, I lied to them when I sold them the artifact, but I don't think they're being straight with us right now.

SPEAKER_06 2:00:55

Alright, I 16.

SPEAKER_03 2:00:58

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, definitely it isn't just the winks. Like these guys uh they've never been honest a day in their life. They ain't being honest now, you know it. Alright, guys, now hang on a moment.

SPEAKER_19 2:01:12

Did they say that the that Deefer is remote? He's not connected to the mainframe at all.

SPEAKER_11 2:01:19

Well, uh not currently. He's a remote unit. We're out of range of the radius of the the main uh main uh units. That's why he's so big.

SPEAKER_19 2:01:28

So you're telling me that we could that he actually we could just cut and run and he wouldn't have to.

SPEAKER_11 2:01:33

Oh no, he'll blow you the bits before you meet him. Yeah, I know he's gonna be able to do it. Absolute bits. I don't even right to hell. Yeah. Bits.

SPEAKER_19 2:01:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_11 2:01:45

A bunch of little fireproof bits, you know?

SPEAKER_06 2:01:49

So what do you say? We got a deal. You two, I know you're full of shit.

SPEAKER_02 2:01:55

I got us. Alright, Virgil. Alright.

SPEAKER_03 2:01:58

You're talking about this artifact, and he pulls out like the same box he just like changed hands behind his back.

SPEAKER_10 2:02:04

It's the same thing.

SPEAKER_16 2:02:05

I think the same box.

SPEAKER_06 2:02:07

I want to grab that puzzle box and fucking chuck it into the abyss.

SPEAKER_02 2:02:14

Hey, Dirgil. Alright. They just threw my box, man. I I know. Virgil, that was my fucking box. I am going to die if you two do not help me with this, alright? If we're fucking cousins, then you fucking help me.

SPEAKER_06 2:02:30

Alright.

SPEAKER_03 2:02:30

Does that mean you'll owe us a favor?

SPEAKER_14 2:02:35

I'll owe you a favor.

SPEAKER_03 2:02:37

Don't do it, Blair. These guys you owe us a favor, perfect. Virgil, remember what they said about favors between cousins. Dead forever. There forever. Just like cousinhood.

SPEAKER_06 2:02:49

Wait, but I wasn't the one that said it.

SPEAKER_03 2:02:52

We'll take care of this for you. And uh uh uh Dirgil's gonna like walk around to the edge in like that same panel that Gurgil was looking at earlier, is just going to like pull a small vial out of like uh a little pocket in his loosely fitting pinstriped, um, but very, very dirty like slacks. And he's just going to uh like it sounds like a little and then he just drops the vial in, and then there is a small explosion followed by rancid blue smoke as uh the Halbert 44 unit uh absolutely starts to melt down on the inside until this is the function and uh it still it topples over on its uh large stilts.

SPEAKER_11 2:03:37

It killed the how are we gonna use it now?

SPEAKER_03 2:03:42

You know, I didn't ever really thought about it. I didn't think it'd be that I didn't think it'd be like that. I thought it was just gonna like fucking Oh my oh my god.

SPEAKER_11 2:03:49

Well, let me see the bottle. Let me see the bottle you use. Let me see the bottom.

SPEAKER_03 2:03:54

I'm gonna hand you another one. What was this the wrong one?

SPEAKER_11 2:03:59

Yeah, this is the wrong one. You're supposed to use the one that's the size of a pee.

SPEAKER_02 2:04:04

Oh right, the P one, the P one. You mentioned the P one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The P one, the P one. It's um well.

SPEAKER_08 2:04:12

You think they're gonna be mad? We killed a cop, yeah, probably.

SPEAKER_03 2:04:19

That's true. At least we got a favor out of it, and you know what they say about favors between cousins?

SPEAKER_10 2:04:25

We we we might be able to be able to just.

SPEAKER_03 2:04:29

I wasn't the one that made the favor. Uh yeah. Well, anyway, uh that was that was a lot of fun. Good doing business with y'all.

SPEAKER_08 2:04:34

Uh the fact we need the artifact.

SPEAKER_03 2:04:39

Oh, you mean this? And he pulls out another puzzle box.

SPEAKER_08 2:04:41

Shut up.

SPEAKER_03 2:04:43

That's the edge of the book.

SPEAKER_11 2:04:44

This one's a this one's a illusion, and then you just uh no, yeah, no. I mean, it's inside. It's inside. We'll uh we'll uh we can show it to you.

SPEAKER_03 2:04:56

Yeah, yeah. Just uh just come with us. And they're both going to uh step backwards off the the the ledge that's immediately behind the bridge and just fall.

SPEAKER_08 2:05:07

No way.

SPEAKER_10 2:05:08

Your cousins are fucking nuts, Virgil.

SPEAKER_03 2:05:11

I'd go I go to look down where they fell. Uh you can see that about 35 feet down or so, there's a small inlet, and just as you peek over, you can see them both uh do their it's not misty step. What do Furwalls have? Uh they a hidden step, right?

SPEAKER_06 2:05:31

I don't have that, but right now at least. Oh no, I do have hidden step. Oh my god, I have hidden step.

SPEAKER_03 2:05:35

I'll say that you can you can watch them sort of like teleport themselves backwards what appears to be straight into the cliff face.

SPEAKER_07 2:05:43

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 2:05:44

I fall straight off.

SPEAKER_19 2:05:46

It'd be rude not to we don't want to be bad guess, and I step off too.

SPEAKER_14 2:05:52

Alright, well, guess what we're going right off the edge.

SPEAKER_03 2:05:56

This is uh crazy. Uh everyone who steps off, you find yourself colliding with an in like what appears to be just a straight up invisible wall about 30 like that that same distance down. Uh and uh that's going to hurt, I think, at least most of you.

SPEAKER_13 2:06:15

Hey, I landed a little bit.

SPEAKER_03 2:06:16

Yeah. Uh if you if you want to roll, if you want to roll acrobatics to see how gracefully, just for the narrative's sake, uh you land. About say most of you. I again, we'll we'll let's see how it goes. Let's see how it goes.

SPEAKER_02 2:06:28

Yeah, we'll do this in order.

SPEAKER_03 2:06:30

Dude, watch it.

SPEAKER_10 2:06:31

Oh my dice.

SPEAKER_03 2:06:32

Is everyone just jumping down?

SPEAKER_22 2:06:35

Uh I'm gonna climb. Oh, typhus, you go. I I was gonna ask if I could hit a quick feather fall. Oh, really? Oh, hell yeah. Can you hit everyone?

SPEAKER_08 2:06:46

Is it that AoE spell we're talking about?

SPEAKER_06 2:06:49

Yeah, yeah. Uh I'm gonna carefully uh climb down.

SPEAKER_05 2:06:56

All right. You gotcha. Um you yeah, you you see that um as Typhus jumps off, and I think uh Sylvia and Blair uh jump off as well. You guys are all start plummeting and then you go to like a slow kind of uh um glide down as the rest of you guys see these little uh these little uh clockwork like birds, uh like illusions kind of fluttering around you guys.

SPEAKER_06 2:07:27

Oh well crap, should I not have climbed down? Yeah, whatever.

SPEAKER_03 2:07:30

Yeah, about to say by the time you make it down, everyone's like you about to say uh whenever everyone makes it to that bottom, like sort of invisible plane, and Arnold, uh, did you jump down as well or are you just sort of looking?

SPEAKER_10 2:07:40

Arnold was going to climb down. He's got the he's got the claws and the he's got the body for climbing.

SPEAKER_03 2:07:45

He would have climbed 100%.

SPEAKER_10 2:07:47

Yeah, hell yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:07:48

Uh all right, well you know, y'all manage to make it down uh all in one piece, and you see that inset into this cliff face is in fact what appears to be a simple door that has simple iron hinges, and whenever Durgil and Gurgil open it up, it appears to be into a seemingly normal room in a seemingly normal house.

SPEAKER_00 2:08:13

Oh no.

SPEAKER_16 2:08:15

I'm gonna stroll in.

SPEAKER_08 2:08:18

Yeah, it makes no sense. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:08:20

You walk in and you go, This place seems really familiar. Something about it as you pass through that door awakens something in your mind that you can't quite figure out what it was, but uh at least you feel pretty pretty safe here.

SPEAKER_17 2:08:38

Is this where I went to that weird casting director's dinner where everyone took off their clothes and began doing the Mac Arena?

SPEAKER_10 2:08:44

That wasn't a casting director thing. That was a different thing. We told you not to go to that.

SPEAKER_19 2:08:50

Oh must have repressed that.

SPEAKER_14 2:08:56

Maybe it's better to remember it as a casting director thing. Yeah.

SPEAKER_18 2:09:00

Yes, you're right. Memory edited.

SPEAKER_03 2:09:03

Amazing. Uh inside this room, it appears as though, like, for all intents and purposes, it looks like a pretty cookie-cutter house, one of many that must have existed in these suburbs whenever uh they were still topside. Whenever they were still topside. Surely they must still be topside, right? You are in the suburbs, and the suburbs are your mind aches a little bit too much as you go to think about something perhaps better left unsaid. You are safe here, and as Gurgil and Dirgil shut the door behind the party as you all make it in. They uh they share a knowing glance between each other.

SPEAKER_14 2:09:41

Give me drinks. I've been walking for like six hours and I'm ahead for the fridge.

SPEAKER_10 2:09:47

Right about now.

SPEAKER_11 2:09:48

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh there's uh don't take my wiser that's in there. I got skimweiser light, and it's hard to get. Oh boy.

SPEAKER_03 2:10:02

Otherwise, there's three gallons of milk, so.

SPEAKER_11 2:10:05

Alright.

SPEAKER_03 2:10:06

I think that's all there is in there.

SPEAKER_14 2:10:13

As you guys wait!

SPEAKER_05 2:10:17

Alright. Um, and they they seem to be talking over uh over just uh I'd I'd say kind of in their hallway.

SPEAKER_11 2:10:24

Alright. I think we just take them to the I mean they're looking for the cuter. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:10:33

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_11 2:10:33

I mean, obviously. I mean, what else would they be working for? That's I mean, that was that big box that uh muffins sent us or whatever he sold us. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:10:43

I'll tell you what. Uh realistically, we can just let Muffin decide what to deal with them. I mean Muffin's the boss. Muffins here?

SPEAKER_19 2:10:54

You mean Muffin's the top?

SPEAKER_03 2:10:59

Gergil, I'm afraid that we have a couple of flies on the wall. Uh tell you what, why don't y'all come with us down? We we want we have somebody we want y'all to meet. Some somebody that I think will clear up a lot of things for you.

SPEAKER_08 2:11:09

Perfect.

SPEAKER_03 2:11:10

Come on. Alright.

SPEAKER_19 2:11:12

Hang on a minute. Who sold the artifact to the muffin originally?

unknown 2:11:18

Me.

SPEAKER_12 2:11:18

Arnold.

SPEAKER_19 2:11:19

That's right.

SPEAKER_12 2:11:19

Arnold.

SPEAKER_19 2:11:20

What can you what can you tell us, Arnold, about um about this muffin? Is he is he a swathy fellow?

SPEAKER_10 2:11:26

He's a dick. He's my second most famous cousin, and he kind of thinks he's better than everyone just because he's like a year older than us. And like, yeah, he's like he kind of got into like selling illegal stuff on the black market before all of us did, and he kind of like held it over everyone's head. He's like, Oh, if you want to get selling stuff in the black market, you gotta do it through me. And I was like, Come on, man. I'm like trying to build start my own car. Yeah, he's he's an asshole. That's buffing for you, though.

SPEAKER_06 2:11:56

Looks like we all have asshole cousins.

SPEAKER_10 2:11:58

Yeah, no kidding.

SPEAKER_14 2:12:00

You can say that again.

SPEAKER_03 2:12:03

As the as they open the front door, what would be the front door to the house, you see that it actually does, in fact, open up to what appears to be clear skies, houses as far as the eye can see. This is the realm of suburbia as you remember it. And you find yourself definitely remembering it. Hell, there's that bridge, the one that connects to the city. It's within sight.

SPEAKER_10 2:12:30

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

SPEAKER_03 2:12:34

Come on, y'all. We got somebody you need to meet.

SPEAKER_09 2:12:39

Okay. How are we wait I but uh oh god.

SPEAKER_08 2:12:50

Onward and upward.

SPEAKER_02 2:12:51

Onward and upward.

SPEAKER_03 2:12:54

So I'm sure y'all guys all heard the rumors, right? Uh Gergil, yeah, I remember whenever you first uh you slipped down here through the cracks. Oh yeah, the suburbs went to hell. That's what they all say. Yeah, sorry.

SPEAKER_13 2:13:08

I thought it was like literal. Oh, it is. Never mind.

SPEAKER_03 2:13:12

Look, all I know is when I'm here, I feel safe. And whenever I'm safe, I can make better deals. So I'd rather be here than in the city. I can't say I've ever felt safe there.

SPEAKER_12 2:13:24

Hmm.

SPEAKER_03 2:13:27

Are y'all coming or what?

SPEAKER_14 2:13:29

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm already walking in. Where's the muffman? Does he like that? Should I call him that?

SPEAKER_10 2:13:37

He started trying to call himself that like back when we were in high school, and it didn't really take off. So if you bring that up unwarranted or like unprompted, that'll yeah, that actually probably sweeten the deal for us.

SPEAKER_14 2:13:49

Write that down.

SPEAKER_19 2:13:50

Yes, and that's workshop the muffin man versus the muffin man.

SPEAKER_14 2:13:54

Yeah, the muffin man that sounds more singular.

SPEAKER_10 2:13:57

Yeah, the muffman. Not the muffin man. Different thing. He's not gonna like the muffin band.

SPEAKER_14 2:14:04

Try both ways and we'll see which one he takes.

SPEAKER_10 2:14:06

Try it, try the buff band first. Yeah, maybe things have changed.

SPEAKER_05 2:14:10

Uh you guys are taken to uh the the house next door, uh, and uh this uh this is a this is a large house, a nice big uh I'd probably say a bit more of a like a modest uh uh like three-story built three-story house uh with this uh nice big tall uh picket fence around the back side of it. Uh and uh Gurgil and Dirgil take you around to the side of the house, open up one of uh the gates there, and you guys see this nice big lush uh garden. Uh and uh Arnold, you see your cousin mittens tending to this garden.

SPEAKER_10 2:15:04

Where's Muffin?

SPEAKER_05 2:15:05

Mittens. Muffins, sorry, sorry, Muffins is there, mittens is there, mittens is there. Yeah, Mittens is also there. Mittens, uh your other cousin that that he took under that muffins took under the shoulder, uh, is uh is there. It's like uh Gurgil be like, alright. Head on in. Uh and they uh Gurgil and Dirgil just go over there and uh help themselves to a bar uh that's uh over to the side.

SPEAKER_08 2:15:39

Wait, so this this guy's your cousin too, Arnold?

SPEAKER_10 2:15:42

Yeah, I've I have like multiple cousins.

SPEAKER_08 2:15:44

I mean, yeah, that's normal, but like Yeah, yeah, I know.

SPEAKER_14 2:15:49

They live with their mom still, it kind of seems like a mom's house.

SPEAKER_10 2:15:52

I I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 2:15:53

I I maybe muffins uh muffins will stand up from uh he's like uh planting um some vegetables in a a garden, kind of takes off these uh these uh gloves that he's wearing.

SPEAKER_11 2:16:10

Arnold, it's um nice to finally uh see you again. It's been a while. Is this mittens or muffins?

SPEAKER_05 2:16:20

Sorry, mittens. Muffin, muffin. Okay, I say mittens muffins. You eat established mittens exists. I gotta make sure we know it. Mittens exist. It's a little guy. Okay. But muffins, very muffins is.

SPEAKER_14 2:17:59

You could help sell tickets, and then everybody gets to kind of live their lifestyle.

SPEAKER_18 2:18:04

Wait a second, is that is it just the four of you doing that whole show?

unknown 2:18:07

That's right.

SPEAKER_18 2:18:08

We're all playing Willie Loman.

SPEAKER_14 2:18:10

Yep. It's called it's Death of a Salesman for Willie Lohman's edition.

SPEAKER_19 2:18:14

Yes.

SPEAKER_10 2:18:15

And I'm gonna try to be dad. I think there's a dad, and I'm gonna be that one.

SPEAKER_19 2:18:20

Willie Loman?

SPEAKER_10 2:18:21

Yeah, Willie Loman.

SPEAKER_19 2:18:22

Yeah, yeah, the dad. Yes.

SPEAKER_06 2:18:24

Yep. So uh just real quick. Um, are so these are are they just talking to the four theater people over here, kind of as a group?

SPEAKER_03 2:18:36

You're I mean you're you're up there with them.

SPEAKER_06 2:18:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:18:38

Okay. But you're not the center of attention if that's what you're asking.

SPEAKER_06 2:18:42

Yeah. I c I kinda I'm kind of a little more like, where the fuck am I? So I'm kind of being paying more attention to my surroundings more so than this house. That calls for an investigation check, Chase Bernard. I would I would very much like to do an investigation check. Uh what is that? Uh okay, that is ah, great. Yeah, intelligence, which I have a zero in. So it's just up to the dice real. That is a straight up ten.

SPEAKER_03 2:19:15

A ten. Uh the only thing that strikes you about all of this immediate surroundings is that it it it looks weirdly perfect. Just how you remember it. The suburbs, where you all came from. You came from the suburbs, right?

SPEAKER_06 2:19:38

I would like to do an insight check on myself. Uh we well, let's hold off on that. Let's uh Okay.

SPEAKER_03 2:19:46

Let's yeah. We have set up that you are you know, we're we're we're somewhere with that.

SPEAKER_11 2:19:52

Yeah. Okay, I'm I'm brought to the reflection. I'm ruined with it. So Arnold assuming you came for uh the little uh little artifact you you had sold me previously.

SPEAKER_10 2:20:07

Yeah, that's Web here. The puzzle box with the IKEA instructions in it.

SPEAKER_11 2:20:12

Yeah, well, uh turned out to be a little bit bigger. We got to kind of a um uh a point. Let me just let me just show.

SPEAKER_05 2:20:24

Um as uh he uh kind of takes you back um to the back of his uh garden and you see it's uh opens up to this big gazebo here in the back uh with uh a whole bunch of other plants and everything in here. You see this fountain in the middle uh shooting up water, um, and you can you can you can hear like um uh there's some birds in the background, but you can almost feel like you can hear some violin, but as you look around, you don't you don't see anyone playing. Uh maybe there's some speakers or something like that, but uh uh real fancy stuff. You see. And he kind of leads you back to a uh big ol' uh this big box of scraps. You can see um the box that you had previously sold him was probably about four by four inches, right? Um and it had this particular design. Um what what's probably it has a whole bunch of uh little little um designs on the side. What's the one that like really caught your eye that to where you know this is the artifact?

SPEAKER_10 2:21:37

It was a Rubik's Cube-shaped thing, but all of the designs were uh like some of like the least popular emojis, and I see the uh the uh the the the devil frowny face, like little purple emoji on the side.

SPEAKER_03 2:22:01

I know that guy. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_10 2:22:03

Yeah, that right there. All right. There it is.

SPEAKER_05 2:22:05

Uh and as you see it, um, you actually can see um as uh the uh it's much larger than it was before, and it seems like a couple of the pieces have been moved to where it's no longer a cube. It almost looks like it had folded out of itself.

SPEAKER_11 2:22:27

Um so look, you guys, Dirgil and Girgil told me you guys owe us a favor, and for that favor and for the uh Halbert 44 upstairs, we give you the artifact back. We can't figure it out. Um, so yeah, yeah. If you guys can put it together, you guys can have it.

SPEAKER_05 2:22:56

What do you what do you mean you can't figure it out? Uh he takes and he pulls this uh almost looks like a uh a stack of um of papers that looks like it's some sort of like uh Congress document. Here's the instructions.

SPEAKER_11 2:23:19

Oh it's uh the uh yeah, yeah. The mage IKEA, uh he uh really made things hard to build. So uh he goes and uh Yeah. Um well yeah, yeah. If you can put it together, it's yours. But if you can't put it together, we're gonna kick you out. Alright? Capish.

SPEAKER_19 2:23:45

Uh capiche. Uh uh capash. Capash, yeah.

SPEAKER_11 2:23:50

I like this one.

SPEAKER_19 2:23:52

You ever get in the sales? You know, I've I've considered it many times, but I'm more about selling a character.

SPEAKER_11 2:24:00

Selling a character. You know, as a salesperson, you are the character. Uh, and you have to sell and uh convince every individual person, you know, of what you're selling. Oh my god. Uh so dishonored, really all that that sales really is.

SPEAKER_14 2:24:19

You know, you're selling your salesman, but have you ever sold a dream?

SPEAKER_22 2:24:25

Yeah, you are going right for the artifact, right? By the way. Oh, yeah. I'm gonna take that right away. Oh boy.

SPEAKER_03 2:24:33

Uh the moment that you touch this box, suddenly, as if the words were searing themselves into your brain. You hear you are asleep.

SPEAKER_09 2:24:49

It is time to wake.

SPEAKER_07 2:24:56

Typhus, you okay? Yeah. You sh you sure, buddy?

SPEAKER_22 2:25:03

Yeah, I feel great.

SPEAKER_16 2:25:07

So we did not hear that.

SPEAKER_06 2:25:09

No, you did not hear that. Because you you lunged for that thing and you just now you're very still.

SPEAKER_05 2:25:18

You uh he was standing there for a good like 30 seconds just frozen after he touched it.

SPEAKER_14 2:25:25

Did you figure it out?

SPEAKER_06 2:25:27

Uh yeah, did did you figure it out, Typhus?

SPEAKER_19 2:25:30

Oh yeah. Maybe he's doing some box breathing.

SPEAKER_10 2:25:36

Yeah, this seems a lot like whatever we had roommate puzzle night, but uh Typhus is taking a lot less lager than we did.

SPEAKER_08 2:25:44

You gotta take a look at this box.

SPEAKER_06 2:25:45

Like, what's what's up? What's up? So Typhus is still touching it. I'm gonna be like, alright, Typhus, we're just gonna not touch the box. I'm gonna move his hand off the box.

SPEAKER_22 2:25:54

No, I'm gonna keep touching the box.

SPEAKER_03 2:25:56

What what what are you I mean I'm guessing the entire party is like collapsing in on Typhus around this box, right? Like everyone's kinda like, what the fuck's going on over here?

SPEAKER_14 2:26:08

Because I want to know before I touch him.

SPEAKER_06 2:26:11

Typhus, let go of the box. I'm not letting go of this box. Um I I go to grab the box.

SPEAKER_22 2:26:18

I'm from dodge him. I'm w I'm touching this box. Take the box. No.

SPEAKER_05 2:26:23

Well, you go you go and touch the box. Is that what you're saying?

SPEAKER_06 2:26:29

I yeah, I go to touch the vice. I try to take it from him because I'm like, dude, we have to figure this out together.

SPEAKER_05 2:26:33

No, the so the box was a little four by four. It is now a four foot by four foot cube.

SPEAKER_03 2:26:42

Yeah, whenever you said it unfolded out of it.

SPEAKER_05 2:26:44

It's like unfolding. Yeah. Yeah. It unfolded. It's it's about, sorry, I didn't describe it too well, but it's like a four foot wide, and it looks like some of the uh sections that made it a cube have like uh opened up straight. So you can see you basically have uh your what is it? Uh nine, eight eighteen, and then you have the other the top row kind of standing straight up on the back.

SPEAKER_03 2:27:14

Oh my uh but Virgil, you go to touch Typhus' hand connected to this box, and you receive the same message.

SPEAKER_09 2:27:25

You are asleep. You must wake.

SPEAKER_05 2:27:37

The rest of you guys see Virgil just the same as Typhus was frozen for a good like 30 seconds.

SPEAKER_18 2:27:44

Oh, perhaps it's an energy circle. Everyone pass the box and then freeze.

SPEAKER_08 2:27:51

Ooh, three exercise. Yeah, I get it. Let's all lean in and touch the box together.

SPEAKER_15 2:27:58

Yes!

SPEAKER_08 2:28:02

One, two, three.

SPEAKER_10 2:28:07

Oh boy.

SPEAKER_05 2:28:08

Uh this time you all lean in, you all will take three points of sidekick damage.

SPEAKER_06 2:28:15

Wait, does that include Virgil and Typhus?

SPEAKER_05 2:28:18

Yeah, yeah, yeah. As you guys all lean in, you guys all hear the you are asleep. And then you just hear the screaming sound.

SPEAKER_04 2:28:34

Ouch.

SPEAKER_00 2:28:36

Oh my god. Oh god.

SPEAKER_03 2:28:39

Hey, hey, hey, Gurgel.

SPEAKER_11 2:28:42

You hear these, you see these morons, they went and touched the dangle artifact. They touched the artifact. They didn't even read the instructions.

SPEAKER_15 2:28:49

We should probably read the instructions.

SPEAKER_18 2:28:51

Yeah, let's read the script. Where is it? Uh the instructions.

SPEAKER_03 2:28:56

You all start to leaf through the instructions. Every page is the same thing over and over again, uh, in big block letters. You are asleep, you must wake. You are asleep, you must wake. You are asleep, you must wake. You are asleep. Slide the top portion of the box slightly to the left, about three centimeters, and you must wake.

SPEAKER_08 2:29:15

All right. I'm gonna try to wake up. Like maybe this is I'm gonna pinch myself or something. Like, this is like maybe maybe just in case. I don't think I'm on a lower plane of existence, but just in case I'm not in I'm in the matrix. Maybe. Uh time to break out. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 2:29:33

You pinch yourself, nothing happens. Damn. All right. Yeah. You this is reality. Yeah, you do see there are little uh little maybe perhaps helpful notes within all of these. You are you are asleep, you must wake. Uh, it's just a lot of pages. Um god. Alright, I'm gonna I'm gonna try to piece it together. Yeah, some remote uh who maybe uh I mean, uh go ahead, Sylvia.

SPEAKER_19 2:30:00

No, I was gonna say I'm gonna try to just do that shifting the top part of the box, like the one instruction that we had.

SPEAKER_03 2:30:07

Can you do that without succumbing to its influence? Is the question.

SPEAKER_16 2:30:11

Well, that's a great question.

SPEAKER_05 2:30:19

Uh who wants to try to sift through these instructions? I'm not that smart, but I can take a look at it.

SPEAKER_22 2:30:27

I'm not gonna lie, guys, I've made a lot of bombs. I'm pretty shaken up to my core, and I don't think this is any time for me to joke around. So I'm gonna go straight for this script here, and I'm gonna go through these instructions and see what I can parse through. So I'm just gonna start rifling through them.

SPEAKER_03 2:30:43

And uh Sylvia, you you you are confronted with this dilemma of you really want to shift that the the the lid thing, it strikes you, right? Like what what a strange little thing. So so how but how are you gonna do that?

SPEAKER_19 2:30:58

Well, um I think a good place to start is I might take my staff and ever so slightly just try to almost do it without touching it directly.

SPEAKER_05 2:31:09

Okay. Does that make sense? Real quick, Typhus, roll your like investigation. What do you want while this is going on? We'll ask for it.

SPEAKER_22 2:31:16

And you know what? I'm proficient in investigation. Hell yeah, mark it down. Hell yeah. Decided. Here we are.

SPEAKER_05 2:31:25

All right, that's a that's a 19 with that proficiency. We'll we'll ask it. Let Sylvia do what she's doing.

SPEAKER_19 2:31:33

Okay. So I took my staff and I ever so slightly shift it the way it's indicated. Um from maybe a a a couple of feet away.

SPEAKER_03 2:31:46

Uh as about to say, that it shifts exactly one centimeter, exactly the way the instructions provided, as Typhus is rifling through the papers and suddenly he notices a pattern that resembles itself or it resolves itself in his mind as a simple instruction. And time stops as Typhus reads it. It simply says speak the final rule.

SPEAKER_22 2:32:15

Speak the final rule. The final rule. Typhus, what? I I don't know. It might be someone with always telling the truth.

SPEAKER_03 2:32:29

Suddenly the box moves, uh it continues to drift uh off of that one centimeter that Sylvia pushed as Typhus uh made that connection in his mind. And suddenly it appears to start to resolve itself.

SPEAKER_19 2:32:48

It's resolving.

SPEAKER_06 2:32:49

Excellent. You you pushed it the perfect amount. Hold on, they're telling me we we just pushed it a little bit and said a few words, and now it's that's it.

SPEAKER_08 2:32:58

Way to go, Sylvia.

SPEAKER_19 2:33:01

You have to you have to take the text as simply as possible.

SPEAKER_05 2:33:04

Yeah, you uh you guys uh see as the box uh continues to shift, kind of unfolding on itself. Um roll typhus, roll, or uh if anyone else wants to, time has stopped. You guys look back, you see Muffin and Mittens are sitting back there kind of laughing for a second at uh um you heard them, uh Arnold laughing at you guys getting shocked by it. Um uh but you can uh you see it start shifting, you see it start slowing down a little bit. Uh but how how do you guys want to you guys basically have to keep it going? Um so Logan or Typhus, um, you find another instruction. It says move the bottom left block up.

SPEAKER_22 2:33:54

Move the bottom left block up. I will do as it says.

SPEAKER_03 2:34:00

Uh as you go to touch it. Touching it, you are able to move it, but the same thing, a sort of sh psychic shock hits you for one point of damage as another uh another message is seared into your brain.

SPEAKER_09 2:34:13

You have entered my domain.

unknown 2:34:19

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_09 2:34:20

Typhus, what do you keep touching?

SPEAKER_03 2:34:23

That corner does shift into place, however.

SPEAKER_05 2:34:27

Uh and it it begins accelerating back. You see as it uh it creates this uh this frame, probably about uh eight or nine feet tall. Uh uh, but you can see as the rest of the pieces look to be on this uh this floorboard section that look to be kind of uh building themselves up.

SPEAKER_06 2:34:48

This is the craziest artifact I've ever seen.

SPEAKER_10 2:34:51

Yeah, I'm just kind of blown away. It's like four feet big now. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_14 2:34:56

You know what? I'll say it, it's kind of tacky.

SPEAKER_03 2:35:00

Uh tacky, it does have a lot of emojis all around it. Yeah, it does too. All the imp faces like everywhere. Yeah. Uh I will say too, uh Typhus, whenever you're getting these mental blasts in this time, uh, everyone is hearing this voice as echoed through Typhus's. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 2:35:18

Yeah, with the time stop, you guys are all hearing it just reverberate in your guys' bones. Um, you guys can see as uh there's another section kind of in front of it that doesn't seem to be uh fully built. Um typhus, you're probably you're a little bit too um uh broken up, but you see the next instructions. Uh you see it says uh unfold.

SPEAKER_10 2:35:43

Unfold! Ah I'm gonna grab the the lip that was pushed over and try and like use that to like pull it down and unfold it on this uh on the cube.

SPEAKER_05 2:35:54

All right, all right.

SPEAKER_03 2:35:55

Both Arnold and Typhus are definitely going to be taking another point of psychic damage just as a heads up. Oh, use my knife and then the voice once again. I know you.

SPEAKER_22 2:36:16

I did just drop the zero, by the way.

SPEAKER_03 2:36:19

Oh what type is uh type is instead about to say we're gonna count that as going unconscious, and you are stable with one, but you are now a conduit of whatever force is uh being channeled through this artifact.

SPEAKER_05 2:36:33

Oh my god. Arnold, you see you uh you uh roll me a uh uh either a sleight of hand or acrobatics check.

SPEAKER_10 2:36:43

I'm gonna do sleight of hand, and just because of my less than legal background, this is something I'm proficient in.

SPEAKER_05 2:36:52

Oh yeah? Okay, hell yeah.

SPEAKER_10 2:36:55

It's gonna be ten.

SPEAKER_05 2:36:57

Ten. Total?

unknown 2:36:59

Total.

SPEAKER_10 2:37:02

I have not rolled, I have not rolled above eight.

SPEAKER_05 2:37:04

You pull it back. Um, as you pull it back, uh, you'll take another two points of psychic damage, but as you pull it back, you unfold it as it like stands itself up. Um, and uh you see as it stands itself up, it you see all these imp emojis, you see the cucumber emoji, you see the uh the awkward uh the awkward guy slant slanted mouth face one. The really queasy guy. And yeah, the real queasy guy, the purple guy. Uh as uh you see it all begin to kind of form into this uh shape, and you see as it starts quivering. Oh god, we're in the emoji movie.

SPEAKER_08 2:37:47

Yeah, that's I would believe the podcast if we're in the emoji movie, actually.

SPEAKER_03 2:37:52

This is uh typhus now, simply a shell for whatever force is commanding uh his tiny, tiny cobalt body, suddenly seems to grow in scale, but not like just getting bigger. Like the idea of Typhus suddenly becomes all enveloping uh to the point where you can no longer distinguish whether or not typhus was a physical entity or just something that always kind of was, and there's one final instruction.

SPEAKER_06 2:38:28

I go to read the instruction.

SPEAKER_05 2:38:30

Oh bin. You just hear them all hear it all in your voice. Don't worry, Justin, I can do this one.

SPEAKER_09 2:38:36

Oh you oh my oh my oh my wow.

SPEAKER_14 2:38:50

So does he have typhus?

SPEAKER_06 2:38:52

Uh I don't know. I think he always did. Um screw it, screw it at this point. I'll go to fucking open it. I gotta stop whatever is going on. Alright, guys, we gotta open it. I don't know what's going on, but if we don't open it, things are gonna get way worse, I feel. Well, let's open it.

SPEAKER_10 2:39:12

Typhus is already asleep, so I he's probably just gonna wake up and wakes up and boom. Yeah, that that's the that's the second way we can solve this puzzle.

SPEAKER_05 2:39:23

You got you reach over to open it as you see uh the uh uh to open it, it slides to the side. Um and as it slides to one side, um you see uh this uh this this swirling uh uh green uh uh just almost like a liquid uh glittering and glistening in it. And then as you it slides to the other side, kind of revealing uh this these two things, um you see Glenn, what what do they see on that second side?

SPEAKER_03 2:39:59

Yeah, so it's less of what they see out of this pool of liquid, and more about what it is that they suddenly know. While looking at this pool of liquid, you can't pick out any one uh point of information you suddenly know. You don't even know what you know. You know you you know you know you you you know now, you know, you finally know, you know what happened to the suburbs, you know what's going on, you know how this story ends already, and you can't help yourself, and you are compelled first with Typhus and then with Virgil, and then Arnold and Michael, Sylvia and Blair. Each one of you cannot help yourselves. You must know everything, and everything is in that liquid, and as you go and reach for it, the words echo one more time in your mind, less distorted now, much, much clearer. I know you I see you and then as the liquid encompasses you, darkness. And who knows where we're going to wake up. I guess you'll have to tune into the next episode to find out.

SPEAKER_21 2:41:30

Oh my god! What the heck?

SPEAKER_03 2:41:34

What the heck, dog? What the what the fuck? That's what I'm saying. Hey, guess what? Uh uh, I guess Justin, you and I, buddy, we're gonna have to just roll who's on what teams because I we didn't get uh we didn't get a clear these people are and these people aren't with the way it worked out.

SPEAKER_05 2:41:54

So yeah, uh we have two sides of the door, we'll see which one y'all got sucked into. This will be fun.

SPEAKER_03 2:42:00

Hell yeah. Yeah, wow. All right. Well, uh, I think uh that's a good enough place as any to end this first session. Uh I hope that y'all well, how are how y'all feel about it? I liked it. I thought it was a good time. It was great.

SPEAKER_06 2:42:18

I had a good time. All right.

SPEAKER_19 2:42:21

It was so much fun. Sorry, I had to run into these bathroom cookies. So fun.

SPEAKER_03 2:42:28

Well, uh like we said before at the very beginning of this, uh, this will be uh the last time that we see all of these players together in quite a while, if I had to guess. From this point forward, both Justin and I will be leading two separate campaigns uh that will be uh live streamed Monday at 7 p.m. The first Monday and third Monday uh respectively for either of the campaigns. We'll figure it out. Uh something like that. It'll be around this time uh on a Monday. Uh just pay attention to social media, we'll get all that information out. But uh we'll be splitting into likely two parties of three. Uh, and from there we are going to find out just what is going on with the final rule. Right?

SPEAKER_19 2:43:13

Yeah, I'd like to know.

SPEAKER_03 2:43:16

I gotta know.

SPEAKER_06 2:43:19

I was literally told I have to know.

SPEAKER_14 2:43:22

I have to know. I want to drink that black liquid.

SPEAKER_06 2:43:26

That's what I'm saying. In my dum dum tum.

SPEAKER_03 2:43:29

Okay, so I wanna feel like that's a that's a good enough uh time, as any to go ahead and start wrapping things up. Uh, first off, uh, I'm sure we all agree. For anybody who is watching or listening uh to the podcast, uh watching the live stream or even the VOD, thank you so much. Uh, your attention and the traction that we have gotten even before this first session has been absolutely tremendous, and I know for a fact that we're going to live up to all the hype if this first session is uh is anything to go off of. Hell yeah, brother.

SPEAKER_21 2:44:02

Thank you.

SPEAKER_03 2:44:03

Hey, thank you. Thank you, everybody, every one of our players. Uh, thank you, Justin, for stepping up to the plate and uh agreeing to be a DM as well. Uh, thank you to our stream manager, Spencer, uh, who has been doing an amazing job with keeping everything updated and making sure that we are uh up to date on all of our technical stuff. Uh everybody, if you are in the live stream chat, please tell Spencer thank you. Uh and otherwise, I think that we will see y'all next time. Uh, we will let you know when it will be this next. Actually, I can tell you right now, hold on. Uh the next it would still probably be the first uh the first Monday. Yes, that will be May 4th, which is uh don't make any jokes about that, uh, or else it will get lost in the algorithm. So May 4th will be the next live stream, uh, campaign A of final rules. Yeah. Excellent. All right, everybody. Hey, why don't we say goodnight, eh? Good night. Good night.

SPEAKER_20 2:45:00

I'll see you again.

SPEAKER_12 2:45:02

Okay.