Danny's Story

Danny's mother revealed that he was actually a Non-Paternity Event (NPE) child, and his biological father was a man from New York named Daniel. To honor his biological roots while acknowledging the man who raised him, he socially changed his name to Danny. 

Danny can be reached via instagram @javi__cito

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Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

The choices that my parents made. That's their choices. Now I have the opportunity to make my choices.

SPEAKER_00 0:17

Hello, you are listening to NPE Stories. This is a podcast where NPEs can share their story. I am your host, Lily, and I found out I was an NPE through an ancestry DNA test that changed my life forever. NPE is a term that stands for not parent-expected or non-paternal event. This means that one or more of our parents are not who we believe them to be. NPE Stories is a podcast where NPEs can share their story of what their original family was like, how they found out they were an NPE, and what their journey has been like since the day they found out. And welcome to episode 241. And if you're listening and enjoying this podcast, please rate and review. Go ahead and give the podcast five stars, whether you're listening on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you're listening. Thank you so much for being here today. And I'm gonna get right into our guest today. Today I am speaking with Danny. Hi Danny.

SPEAKER_03 1:23

Hi, Lily.

SPEAKER_00 1:24

How's your morning going?

SPEAKER_03 1:27

It's it's been a good morning so far. How's yours?

SPEAKER_00 1:31

It is good, it is beautiful here, and you are the only thing on my calendar today. I love it. And you just had to run out of class to get here. I'm sorry about that.

SPEAKER_03 1:43

No, it's okay. Uh it's the last week, so I just needed to go in to get some finals done. And I thought I would have got out in time, so I'm just a little late today.

SPEAKER_00 1:52

Oh my gosh. Good luck with finals and with the last week of school.

SPEAKER_03 1:57

Thank you, thank you. Uh, I am excited for it to be done, though.

SPEAKER_00 2:01

So you are an NPE, is that correct?

SPEAKER_03 2:06

Correct.

SPEAKER_00 2:06

Correct? Okay. And we are gonna go ahead and get into your story. So let's find out. Let's start with your family of origin. Why don't you explain to me who was in your raising family and a little bit about your childhood, and then we'll we'll take it from there.

SPEAKER_03 2:26

Yeah. So um I was born in Los Angeles to a mom and dad, and uh, two years later, uh, my sister was born, and then I believe about seven, eight years later, another sister, and then ten years later, a brother. Uh so me and my brother are about ten years apart. And we grew up a lot in LA, uh, moving around a lot throughout Southern California. It's where I've been kind of all my life. And it it was like a pretty normal childhood, I would say. You know, we went to church, went to school, hung out with my siblings, played with them, fought with each other, of course. Um it's pretty standard. Uh and I didn't really like and I didn't really expect the MPE status, of course. I don't think anybody does, because obviously it's NPE. But I do remember when I was about eight to ten years old, people were my aunt specifically, and she could have been trying to drop hints, I guess, but she kept mentioning how much I look like my mom. And I was like, Yeah, I do look like her. I mean, it's so weird. All my siblings look like my dad, but I look like my mom. And I just never questioned it.

SPEAKER_02 3:45

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 3:46

When I was about 11 or 12, uh, I read a book about someone growing up in New York, and in that book, I was like, man, I want to go to New York. Why do I want to go to New York so bad? And I don't know if like you believe in like faith, destiny, whatever. It was just weird coincidence, I think, as I will explain later on. Um the family life was like I said, pretty normal. It wasn't until I became a teenager where it got really hard. My dad and I started fighting and disagreeing on a lot of things. Uh, and I would say it was more so than the the usual expectations of fights, like homework, being lazy, and sports kind of thing. It was more so the friends I had and the people I was hanging out with. So I I I am gay, and I was discovering my sexuality in in middle school and uh high school, and my parents caught wind of that, and that's when all the fights started. So it wasn't it wasn't a great, great teenage time. And it wasn't until I graduated high school and went to college that I leave, and I actually went no contact with both my mom and my dad for a couple years. It wasn't until I was 25 when I reached out again to see if you know we can heal our relationship and you know, form a relationship again, because I I I do love my parents and I I did miss them when I stopped talking to them. And we did. We slowly started talking, it wasn't just jumping right back into a familiar relationship right away. Um but then a couple years later, and this was about three-ish years ago, my mom reaches out to me. And um, now I'm kind of getting into the story of how I found out, and it's a little bit different, which is funny, I'll explain a little bit later, than most MPE stories. And of course, every MPE story is new unique, but I I definitely want to share mine. But my mom and my dad started getting into arguments, and they are on the verge of divorce. And one day, while I was at work, I actually do remember the day. It was uh in November, uh election day of 2024, funny enough. Or 2023, whatever it was. I just remember it being election day because that's all the news would be talking about. But my mom calls me up at work, and she calls me like three or four times, and I'm thinking, oh my gosh, something's happened. I step out and answer the phone, and she goes, Where are you? I'm at work, and I'm like, is everything okay? And she tells me, Yes, but I need to speak to you today. When are you off? And I was like, Oh, okay, I'm off at like eight o'clock. Uh, this is the address. Are you okay? Because I knew the divorce was going on. And she tells me, Yeah, I'm okay. I just I just need to speak to you. So, you know, I go through work all anxious and nervous because I have no idea what my mom wants to talk to me about. And she gets to work, to my d my work, and I'm like, okay, did you did you want to go talk in a restaurant? Like, there's a couple restaurants here um that we can go to. And she goes, No, this needs to be private, this is a private family matter. And I go, Okay. So we go into the car, and I kind of let her leave the conversation because clearly it's weighing heavy on her and she wants to to share. And um, so I just kind of sit there and we sit in silence for a couple minutes. She brings up a memory. She's like, Do you remember when I told you I lived in New York? I was like, Oh, yeah, I do. I remember I was being jealous because I've always wanted to live in New York. And because she had shared when I was about 13 that she had moved to New York with a friend and lived in Queens and made friends out there and had a good time, but ended up moving back. Well, she started telling me she had gone to a party and met this guy, and her and this guy like went out on one date. Uh they didn't feel anything for each other, and that was that. She didn't think much of it. And then she was telling me this story, and I'm like, okay, right? I was like, okay, why are you telling me about this guy? Like, and I'm not gonna lie, the thought that this guy was my dad definitely popped in my head along with other different scenarios. I was like, oh my gosh, is she gonna what is she gonna tell me? So she's like, I was talking to this guy, and then um I stopped talking to him, and then I moved back to California with your your aunt. And I was like, okay. And then she just kind of goes silent and she's like, I came back pregnant, and I was like, with me? And she's yeah, with you. And I just kind of sat there and I'm like, I felt so many things. And it was hard too, because I can tell this was weighing heavy on my mom. So I felt all these things, and I felt like I had to contain them because I didn't want to upset her because she's already been she's already so upset telling me this. So I'm like sitting there going through this emotional turmoil inside eternally, and I just sit there and I'm just like, okay, like mom, like, you know, thank you for telling me what brought this on. What it brought it on was my mom and a dad were fighting again, and in the middle of the fight in front of my siblings, my dad starts yelling about how she's a whore. And after the fight ends and they storm off from each other, my siblings kind of look at my mom and like, are you okay? She's like, I have to tell you this truth. So she tells them. This is all before she told me, by the way. So she tells them. So I'm like, Oh, so my siblings know? And she's like, Yes. I'm like, who else knows? She just looks at me, she goes, everyone. So, yeah, that was again trying to keep it all inside, but it's hard. And I think she can pick up on it. She goes, You're allowed to say whatever you want right now. And I'm like, you know, she's like, you're allowed to ask whatever you want.

SPEAKER_01 10:43

So I'm like, this guy. What's his name? Daniel. Does he know about me? Yes. Do you know where he is? I know his last address. Why was this a secret from me?

SPEAKER_03 11:07

And she tells me, well, when I was born, she originally wanted to name me Daniel. Um before I was born, when she moved back to California, my dad, my birth certificate dad now, reached out to her because they had dated in the past, but they broke up. And he heard she was back in California after the year she was gone, and he reached out to her and like, hey, did you want to go on a date with me again? And my mom tells him straight up, I just need to know that I'm I'm pregnant. And my birth certificate dad goes, okay. Are you seeing the guy? She goes, No, and he's like, Well, I still like to go out with you. So they do. She starts going out with him, but then she tells me my bio dad, my biological dad, he uh he was also he had learned that my mom was pregnant and had left New York from a mutual friend of theirs. So he tracked down her phone number and address and started sending her letters and calling her and saying, Hey, like, why did you leave? Like, I didn't know you were pregnant, like, you know, that's that's my son. This was before she even knew if she was having a boy or a girl. He was adamant that I was gonna be a boy, and I guess he was right. But he's like, that's my son, like I wanna I want to raise him. So my mom was, you know, torn between two people, kind of thing. And it was hard. She was an immigrant, you know, she was in her young 20s, she was single. Um, I so I don't I don't really blame her for the choices she made. I like understand them. I just wish she made better decisions, of course, but so my mom was kind of talking to the two of them, and she wasn't really sure what to do. And in the end, uh she had talked to a stranger, and it's always so funny how it's always a stranger that sometimes tends to like we tend to like pour our hearts out to. And she pours her heart heart out to a stranger when she was in the hospital. And this woman, she asks, Well, who's actually here right now? And then she goes, you know, like my birth certificate, Dad. And she's like, and where is uh the Bildad? And she's like, back in New York, and he hasn't come down, no. Go with uh the guy who's here in the hospital, not the guy who wants you to go to him. So my mom did. So when I was born, she wanted to name me Daniel, but my dad was no or my birth certificate, dad, excuse me, goes, no, um, why name him after him? You picked me. He's not even here. Name him after me. So that that's what she did. And when I learned this story, that's why I changed my name to uh Danny, just to kinda honor my bio dad. Um, but I kept my birth certificate dad's middle name to kind of you know honor him as well. Thank him for raising me, basically. But she did, and then throughout throughout the years, she's always wanted to tell me when I was a kid, she wanted to tell me when I was about like four or five years old, because apparently there was one day where I had gone up to her, and I tell her, I'm like, Mom, I love you so much, and of course she goes, I love you too. And I look at her and I'm like, Do you know why? And she's like, Why? And I'm like, You would never lie to me. My mom told me she broke down that night and she wanted to tell me. My dad goes, No, he's four, he has no business like knowing any of this stuff. So my mom was like, Okay. Then the teenage years came, and as mentioned earlier, there was big fights with uh regarding my sexuality and my friends and everything like that. So my mom's like, I'm not gonna add this layer of you know extra trauma on top of trauma he's already experiencing, so she she didn't say anything teenagers-wise. And then when I graduated, as like mentioned earlier, I went no contact, so my mom had no chance to tell me. And it wasn't until we started reconciling my mom was thinking about it again, but again we were reconciling, and she didn't want to damage that, so of course she didn't tell me. And she was telling me, you know, there's not a never a good time to tell you. I'm like, I don't think there ever would be a good time to tell a secret like this, you know?

SPEAKER_00 15:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:53

So she she's like, the reason I'm telling you now is because she would rather tell me from she would rather me hear it from a place of love and a place where I can ask questions instead of if my dad shouted out of anger, and I would be kind of left you know, confused. So I understand that, but it was definitely a shock. So that that night I kinda I I kinda kept it a little bit internalized myself. And um, we went out to eat and we were watching election results, and all I can think about was like I have bio dad out there. You know, all the jokes and between the siblings, like, you're adopted, no, you're adopted, and all the questions about why do I not look like my dad? My hair is not curly. I don't grow like chest hair or body hair. I can't grow facial hair, but my brother and my birth certificate dad to grow facial hair really well. I'm like darker skinned than my siblings. Uh we're all we're all Mexican, but I'm just browner than my siblings are, so just like just little things, but we all just attributed it to I just got my mom machines, and that was it. Or at least my siblings and I. But I do remember uh do you remember that show Switched at Birth?

SPEAKER_00 17:31

It sounds familiar.

SPEAKER_03 17:33

It was on ABC, uh, I think I was in high school, so it must have been 2011, 2012. But it was on ABC, and it was about two girls who discover they were accidentally switched at birth at the hospital, and their parents are not their biological parents. So that was a crazy concept, and one of the girls was deaf and everything, so that made it, you know, it's a it's a drama. So but I remember watching that show, and I remember looking at my mom, and I was like, Mom, could I have like a different parent? Like as a joke, and she looks at me, and ever since she told me this, I remember it a lot more clearly. She looks at me and she's like, You are my kid, you are my son. And I'm like, Okay, right now that I think about it, I'm like, oh, she was saying, she wasn't lying, she was just saying, You are my son, not our son. She's like, I gave birth to you. And I'm like, you know, thinking back about it, it's like ah, she I think she wanted to tell me, but she didn't tell me, but she didn't want to lie, so she just omitted the fact, you know, which is funny. It's a little backstory. But when I had a a boyfriend at the time back in 2019, 2018, he had bought me an Ancestry DNA kit. And I went for it. I was like, yeah, let's do the kit. It would be a lot of fun. We downloaded the app, we did the swabs or the spit, and I got my resorts back a couple days later, and uh the closest match was like a third cousin, and I thought nothing of it. I was like, eh, third cousin, don't even talk to them, right? They're not of my life. And um, I just looked at the the genealogy report and I called it a day. It's so funny. I remember when I opened up the app, I don't know if uh others experienced the same thing. When I opened up the app, uh when I got my results, uh, it gave a warning like warning, uh results may be unexpected, you know, da-da-da-da kind of thing. And I was just like, wow, that's crazy, right? Oh my goodness. Oh well, I have no reason to believe that would happen to me. And it didn't, not through answer C DNA or any DNA testing, which I think is even crazier because that's where like majority of MPEs find out they're NPEs. So I I'm fortunate that it was my mother who and was willing to talk to me about it, you know? But ever since dad answered a DNA test, I checked it once and I never looked at it again. And then a couple years later, when I reconciled with my family, my sister for Christmas surprised uh my parents with a 23andMe test kit. And my parent my mom told me she was terrified my sister was going to give me one. Yeah. But I had told my sister beforehand, because she was telling she was telling me, she was like, Oh, I want to get a 2023andme test for the family for Christmas. And I was like, I already did ancestry. And she was like, Oh, okay. So she didn't get me one.

SPEAKER_00 20:46

So you would have found out sooner had she gotten you the 23andMe.

SPEAKER_03 20:51

Yes, but she did not. And when she got her results, we didn't share them with each other. We would have found a lot of disreferences in like the genealogy portion of the side of it, or the like you know, the roots that we're from. Uh she she is more 50-50 split with like indigenous to you know Mexico and 50% uh English, right? Or not English, Spaniard from Europe, right? Um, and when I took my test, I was more 70-30. That would have been a big you know clue to what was going on. Yeah, so we didn't share our results. She just kinda shared, oh, like it's so cool, like you know, we're like Mexican, but we also have like you know, Spanish in us. And I was thinking the same thing. I was like, yeah, yeah, you know, we are, because a lot of it is like 30% Spanish. I was like, yeah, we are like Mexican and like some Spanish in us, really cool. And that was the extent of our conversation to the results. And that's that's what happened. So that was a close call for my mom.

SPEAKER_00 22:05

So did you go on a search for your bio dad?

SPEAKER_03 22:10

I did, and it was impossible to find him. I had his name and I had his birth date, and that should have made it easy, but it did not. I couldn't f find him on Facebook or any other social media. And I used those websites that like you can search for people through like records, public records, and things like that, and I couldn't find anything. I found like numbers and names that I thought might be him, but when I called, there was no answer, or it went to different people. So I was ready to give him the towel. And I had done the search angels, and they weren't unable to help me either. So I was just ready to give him a towel. I was like, I don't think I'm ever gonna chance to like find him. And then it wasn't until I posted something in one of the MPE groups on Facebook that someone reached out, and he was like, you know, I work as a private investigator. Like I could help you out. And I was like, wow, that's so kind of you. Like I I would I would love that. Like, how much would like it be? And he's like, Don't worry about it. I just want to help you out. So I gave him the information and he he calls me and he's like, I think I found him, or at least I found his boss. And I was like, That's great. He's like, here's the phone number, like he wants you to call him. So I I I call this guy, and he's like, Hi. I go, hi. He's like, so you're saying you're uh Daniel's son? And I go like, yeah, uh I I I think I am. He's like, tell me why you think you're his son. So I told him the story about my mom and how she was in New York and I moved back to California. And then he goes, Yeah, that's her. You're the kid. And I was like, and I was so happy, and I was like, oh my god, did I did I finally find you know my biodad? And this was about six months after I had learned the truth. So I was so happy and I was like, Did I find my biodad? And then he's like, I'm really sorry to be the one to tell you this. He passed away three years ago. So I um I cried. I felt weird mourning someone you never knew or met. So he told me stories. He worked with they worked with each other since he moved to the United States of America. He was the manager of the restaurant, and they were uh they were like thickest thieves or best friends. That's why he knew about the story of what happened between Daniel and and my mom. And he knew about me too, but he just said, like, you know, your mom went to California and one day the messages and or letters and calls stopped. And we have no idea what happened to you.

SPEAKER_01 25:09

And you know, that like really broke me.

SPEAKER_03 25:13

After the mourning period, thankfully, he was able to connect me with his family on Facebook and I saw some comments from some of his brothers and sisters, my aunts and uncles, and I saw a link to a GoFundMe and I click on the link and it was organized or set up by his daughter. So I get her email and I send her an email and I just sit back and just wait. And that same day, she emails back and she's like, Do you want to call?

SPEAKER_01 25:56

Yes. So we both set some time aside and she calls.

SPEAKER_03 26:02

And we just talk. She said at first she believed it was a scam. And it wasn't until she saw the link to my Facebook and saw my pictures that she said, You look so much like dad. You look exactly like him. And I saw the pictures too, and everyone keeps thinking, whenever I showed pictures of him when he was younger, everyone keeps thinking, Is that you? And I'm like, No. Crazy. So she she believed it right away when she saw the pictures after clicking the Facebook link. And I want to shout out her boyfriend to encourage her to entertain the idea. He she was gonna uh delete the email, but he was like, No, I have like half siblings, you should you should see if it's true. Take on his uh the link, and she did. So shout out to her boyfriend for that. But um she called and she's like, so I have a brother. I was like, I have another sister. So she was born about she was born about maybe two, three years after I was. Um she was an only child. And growing up, it it sounds like my bio dad and my birth certificate dad were very similar in a lot of ways. Both worked very hard and long, long hours, so not spending a lot of time with the family. Both were quick to anger at times. But the main difference was when she had come out to him as bisexual, he was like, Alright, that's cool. I was like, Man, I wish I had that kind of reaction. But she just told me stories about him and then about herself and her mom and how she growing up she always wished she had a sibling, like a brother or sister. And then I go, like, well, congratulations, you have a brother now. And it was an amazing chat that night. We talked for like two hours, shared my story, my side, who I was, who she was, our stories, and that was it. We became we became thickest thieves. Uh I have her phone number, her social media. I actually went to visit her. She had moved to Texas with her mom. I went to visit her in Texas, and both her and her mom welcomed me with huge open arms and her new family too. Um her mom got remarried, and I was taken in, and one of the things that her mom told us was, it feels like you're always meant to be here. And I was like, it it does feel that way, doesn't it? So that was great. I was welcome, you know, by my half siblings and her mom, which is also really rare from my understanding and hearing the other podcasts. But they shared stories, they shared pictures. I even was able to see my dad's ashes. It was nice, it was very, very, very nice. But it's weird. Very, very weird.

SPEAKER_00 29:10

Very weird. Yes, this whole being an NPE thing is so weird. Had she heard of you? Had she ever heard stories of your existence?

SPEAKER_03 29:21

So, no. My bio dad, Daniel, he uh he had kept me a secret from everyone in his life, except for his friend who knew. His best friend, of course. So no one really knew, but I guess there he must have said or done things, or maybe he kept a letter or something from my mom. Because um my uh sister's mom, she goes up to him one day and she's like, Do you have like another child somewhere? And this is uh her telling me the story, and he keeps going, No, no, no, I don't have another child anywhere. And she's like, If you do, I'm not mad. Like, I just want to be there for him or her, because you know it's your your child. You should be there for him and her. And he just goes, No, no, no, no, no, just I don't have another child. So my sister claims, like, yeah, that's kind of like him. Like, he probably when my um my birth certificate dad kind of stepped in to raise me, he kind of just went hands off and was like, okay, he's being raised, and then he just had no interest to like pursue anything. It wasn't until um I met, I guess, my I don't know if he would be my cousin, but I guess my cousin, but it's on her mom's side of the family. It's family relationships are weird, but we're calling each other cousins, so that's what it is. So my new cousin uh sits me down uh when he visited, and he uh when I was visiting, and he goes, I have a story to tell you. I'm like, okay, what's the story? So when my my biodad was on his deathbed, um he went to go visit him. And the nurses greeting uh my cousin go, like, oh, you must be the son he's talking about. He grew up visiting, you know, my sister and my bio dad and her mom and everything. So they were practically like siblings. So he was just thinking he sees me as like a son, right? And he goes in and he says that my bio dad looks at him and goes, Oh my son, I'm so so sorry, my son, I'm so so sorry. And he's just going, It's okay, you know, it's okay, like I'm here, I'm here. He's like, I'm so sorry, I never was there for you. I haven't seen you since you were a baby. I don't even like I had no idea how you would look like, and then that's when my cousin kind of goes confused. He's like, I was just here, like he like he was deployed three years before that, but he's like, I I I grew up with you, like, what do you mean since I was a baby? And my bow dad just like I should have been there for you, I just know I love you. And my cousin goes, Hey, it's it's me, it's it's so and so. And then he my bow dad kind of like kind of comes back to Allen goes, Oh, right, right, right, right. It's you, it's uh it's it's you. I'm just out of it. And then that's where the conversation kind of ended. And then this cousin, when he heard about me after um my sister told him about me, he's like, that's who he was talking about.

SPEAKER_00 32:41

That's the wow he was talking about.

SPEAKER_03 32:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:44

He was thinking of you as he was dying.

SPEAKER_03 32:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:48

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_03 32:49

Which gives some complicated emotions. Like, of course, it fills me with some joy that I was there in his mind. You know, fills me with some love that I, you know, he would have loved me, or at least loved to meet me. It also fills me with like anger, like it was your deathbed. You know? You knew about me. And that same that same anger kind of goes to my mom and my birth certificate dad too. And not just them, but my my whole family, all my aunts, my cousins, my uncles, grandparents, everyone knew. I'm like, you all just lied to me. You all like knew the truth. I was I was a secret, and I was being st stupid. Just walking around, be like, yeah, I look like my mom, ha ha ha. Oh yeah, I you know, this is my dad. It just fills me with anger. And that story, yes, it fills me with joy, but it fills me with anger.

SPEAKER_00 33:49

That's completely valid.

SPEAKER_03 33:51

Yeah. I wish I wish he didn't wait till his deathbed to say that, but at least I'm happy he, you know, he did think of me in the end.

SPEAKER_00 34:02

And you've changed your name, and you mentioned this earlier in this episode. Explain a little bit the thought process behind that and why you decided to do that.

SPEAKER_03 34:13

Well, since I was named after my birth certificate father, and because of the big falling out we've we had, I I did not like that we shared the same name. It made it confusing growing up, first of all. Uh second of all, I I just didn't want to be associated with him. So I had actually jumped to a couple name changers prior to finding out, just trying to find a name that fits. When my mom had shared that, that's the original name, she wanted to name me. And then when I found out that he had passed away and I, you know, I'm never going to meet him. Inside, it was just like, you know, um, I want to change my name after him to honor him. I am his biological kid. I'm not Yeah, my I am his biological kid. And my Bertha Tefricit dad. He did raise me, so I kept his middle name and honor him as well.

SPEAKER_02 35:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:13

But also just a part of it was just like I'm so confused in this identity crisis now.

SPEAKER_02 35:20

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 35:21

Like, I want to forge my own identity a little bit. And I know it kind of defeats the purpose of like taking somebody else's name, but I want to take his name to help forge my identity. So that's kind of where I ended up with that. And I do really like the name.

SPEAKER_00 35:41

I love it. Yeah, you're a Danny now. And so now do you have to do like the documentation, or have you done that? That's that's a lot of work.

SPEAKER_03 35:50

It is a lot of work. I've I've only done the uh the social aspect of it. So socially, and when I introduce myself to people, it's always as Danny, and everyone's like, okay, Danny, and it's so natural. And but I haven't done it legally, documents and stuff, because that's a huge hassle. I I got married, yeah, and um changing my last name was a huge hassle.

SPEAKER_00 36:11

Oh my gosh. Yes, you've already done it.

SPEAKER_03 36:15

Already done it. Like, I don't want to go through it again. I don't think I'm even done with my last name. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:24

Has there been anything else that's been helpful for you through this whole process that you'd like to share with other NPEs, maybe new NPEs listening?

SPEAKER_03 36:35

Yeah. I think for me, obviously my husband was a big help because he was there through it all. And the NPE groups were a big help too, and just being able to scream into the void and then have the void understand and hear you and listen to you, and the void become actual people and names and you know, people you can chat with. But I think for me was um what helped me was kind of refining that identity. Like i and I'm gonna speak from personal experience. So growing up, it was hard, you know, coming out as gay and going through that process and trying to figure out who I was and then kind of running away basically. And with the revelation, I felt like I had a restart at a chance to find out who I was, and I didn't need a restart, obviously no one ever does, especially if you're unsure about who you are, who you are as a person. But I felt like I was given the o okay to kind of restart and find my own self. And I think that really helped me, just feeling more secure with who I am. You know, I'm Danny, and I'm also Javier, and I'm an MPE. But I'm not just an MPE. I'm gay, I'm a son, I'm a brother, I'm a student, I'm an employee, I am myself. And the choices that my parents made. That's their choices. Now I have the opportunity to make my choices. And I'm gonna make them for me.

SPEAKER_00 38:14

Danny, if people wanted to get in touch with you, contact you, learn more about your story, would you be open to that?

SPEAKER_03 38:21

Of course. Um you can find me on Instagram. Uh I have an Instagram page. I think it's private. It's um, so you just have to request a follow, but I pretty much approve our request. But it's um Javi J A V I underscore underscore Cito C-I-T-O.

SPEAKER_00 38:42

I'll put your Instagram handle down below. And Danny, thank you so much for sharing your story with me today. I just got so much out of listening to you.

SPEAKER_03 38:54

Thank you for having me. It's nice sharing the story with some with someone who understands, you know.

SPEAKER_00 39:03

These stories are here for us to identify with. If you are an NPE and would like to share your story, email npestories at gmail.com. You do not have to give any identifying information. If you are an NPE and would like to share your story, I'd like to hear from you. Subscribe to this podcast to hear more. Come heal with us.