Rich Relationships Refuge with Gil & Renée
Rich Relationships Refuge podcast with Gilbert J and Renée M. Beavers is fantastic because it's the best place to really explore the reality of relationships — the good, the bad, and the painful and confusing.
This podcast helps to illuminate what it means to be intimate with others and what it teaches people about them. It will make you want to strive for a kinder, more fun relationship with others. Many individuals don't have room in their hearts or life for people due to unforgiveness, regret, shame, and uncommunicated expectations. Rich Relationships Refuge is an experience with principles to learn.
There are tools to use with an emphasis on building, repairing, and restoring relationships with individuals and families in a safe community environment that will stand in a world that's falling apart. Gil and Renée are originally from Detroit, Michigan. Their relationship started with Renée rolling the pencil off her desk and Gil picking it up. They never knew such a small act would create a 37-year legacy of love.
Gil and Renée were only 21 when they happily committed to until death do us part. Gil retired from the Air Force, and Renée is a former salon owner who has been an entrepreneur and now an author for over 30 years. They have lived in over 13 cities throughout the United States and Germany. They are proud parents to an amazing and talented daughter,
Aharon (pronounced like Sharon, except with an A). After a family tragedy, they also adopted Renée's little sisters (Carmen and Monique).This couple has helped many other couples establish a new habit of love to strengthen their marriage relationship through their tested relationship tools and principles and as marriage facilitators through the Prepare and Enrich Marriage program. Rich Relationship Refuge with Gil & Renèe podcast is back and ready to move forward and deeper into our relationship strengths and growth areas.
Let's get empty of the pain from our past, unforgiveness, resentment, shame, and uncommunicated expectations. Our mission is to empower singles and couples to experience greater intimacy and fulfillment in their relationship with God, themselves, food, and money. This year our podcast will feature individuals and small business owners regarding their impact in these four areas. Gil and Renèe are looking forward to serving you and your relationships. Remember, you are more than enough! Now let's learn to live like it together! https://www.richrrmarriagementors.com/book-online
Rich Relationships Refuge with Gil & Renée
Transforming Relationships Through Self-Awareness and Spiritual Connection
Have you ever considered that the unresolved issues within yourself might be the true root of conflicts in your relationship? We promise to shed light on how self-awareness and personal growth can transform your personal and married life. Join us as we share candid insights from our 36-year marriage journey and explore how engaging with both singles and couples can unveil strengths and growth areas for everyone. Using the metaphor of a skincare routine, we highlight the continuous care and effort needed to nurture relationships, offering practical strategies that benefit anyone looking to build healthier connections.
Imagine your relationship as a triangle where both partners are connected with God. This episode invites you to explore the profound impact of spirituality on relationships, especially in a Christ-centered marriage. Through humility, self-examination, and mutual prioritization, we discuss the importance of involving God as a central figure and challenge common misconceptions and unrealistic expectations. It's a reminder that while emotional and past pains can affect daily interactions, professional help and spiritual mentoring can pave the way for enduring and fulfilling partnerships.
Engagement is key to building a supportive relationship community, so we encourage you to subscribe and join us on this journey. Your involvement helps us create content that resonates, and by sharing these episodes, you help spread insights that can change lives. Communicate with us through comments and questions, and stay connected for more enriching discussions. Together, let's work on personal change, kindness, and love, with resources available like our books at Barnes & Noble to guide you on your path.
RICH RELATIONSHIPS REFUGE
Meet: Gil & Renée
Rich Relationships Refuge podcast with Gilbert J and Renée M. Beavers is fantastic because it's the best place to explore the reality of relationships — the good, the bad, and the painful and confusing. This podcast helps to illuminate what it means to be intimate with others and what it teaches people about them. It will make you want to strive for a kinder, more fun relationship with others., This a place where love flourishes, bonds deepen, and relationships thrive. We're Gil and Renee, authors, and marriage coaches, and we're honored to walk alongside you on your journey towards a rich and fulfilling partnership.
In a world where relationships can feel like a maze, we believe in providing you with the compass and map to navigate the path of love with confidence and grace. Whether you're single and seeking, newly dating, or preparing for marriage, our app is your sanctuary—a refuge where you can find guidance, support, and inspiration every step of the way.
https://www.richrrmarriagementors.com/book-online
Welcome to the Rich Relationship Podcast with Gil and Renee, where amazing things happen.
Speaker 2:Our goal is to help build, prepare and restore healthy relationships. Our very first marriage retreat we ever went to was with Frank and Bunny Wilson. That was our first, and Kenan and Sharnika Jones treated us and invited us. We love you, kenan, and sharnika jones treated us, invited us. So we love you, kenan and sharnika. Thank you for introducing us to frankie, bunny wilson.
Speaker 2:But one of the things that they did that I thought was very unique and I'm not seeing anybody else do it. They included the singles and the couples together, because so many times, singles think that married people have it going on and married people think that single people have it going on. But guess what? We all have growth areas and strengths. So we're going to practice that same model of if you are single and seeking marriage, or if you're single and you are dating. Please join us during these sessions as well, because it applies to you. You can ask questions, you can put your comments and your feedback. We still want you to be engaged, we want you to be involved, and so we just thank you you know, one of the things I appreciated about the way last year ended out.
Speaker 1:I think it was a few episodes that we did. We had more engagement from this type of format and that's what we're trying different things to bring you, the information that God has put on our heart to bring to you guys, to invest in your relationships.
Speaker 1:So that's what we're our main goal is to do and if you've gotten someone out of it, I appreciate everyone who chimes in um with the chimes or the chats and everything. We're reading those and we're trying to incorporate that into the conversation. But if you have something to say or comments, or even on topic or off topic, we welcome it. Be positive. You know, as we're going into the new year, sometimes people just want to poke just for the sake of poking, for whatever reason.
Speaker 1:Well, we like to say yeah yeah, hurting people hurt other people, right, but what we like to say is we are trying to make investments and bring value to you. So if you're not bringing value, we're going to ignore you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, simple as that.
Speaker 1:We're not going to even comment, we're not going to even say it. You know, and I've seen it, where people in the comments, in the chats, usually jump on the other people who are jumping in there, who bring in the negativity. So be positive and be try to be helpful, be inquisitive.
Speaker 2:You want to know. We don't know everything, but we will share what we do absolutely so we are going to be talking about what today we're going to be talking about the difference between working in and on your marriage.
Speaker 2:This is in the beginning of the book. Um, it's in the beginning of the workbook and in the beginning of the book, and it was something that I thought was an important thing to focus on, because throughout the workbook it's really it asks you questions. But I want you guys to understand why it asks you those questions, because how many of you? Sometimes you don't read the beginning of the book. You just start going into the first chapter. With our books you don't want to do that. There are always going to be nuggets and insights into who we are and why we do what we do at the beginning of the book. So, the beginning of the book, it talks about working in your marriage and working on your marriage. Well, and I see here that long ball.
Speaker 1:I think that's long ball actually put in there. That leaves me out. Nope, no maybe you missed the beginning, but we said you could be a fly on the wall, because this stuff is the information that is applicable to when you actually get married. So by all means, stick around, still stay in and hang out get married.
Speaker 1:So by all means, stick around, still, stay in and hang out. But the reason why we actually titled this chapter was when we first got married. I went back to work after we were uh, got married literally the week after you were 21 yeah, we were very young and anybody know anybody in my married couples how many people try to give you advice about we need to find out.
Speaker 1:you're newlywed. Everybody just comes with a list of what you need to do and what you don't need to do. Well, that happened to me when I went back to work. My supervisor at the time, trying to be helpful, basically said you know, if you just want to have a good marriage, you just need to work on your marriage. And I said, okay, and I'm sitting there waiting for some kind of nuggets or some information. And that person gave me zero, gave me nothing, and I thought about that and I was like well, you know what?
Speaker 1:What does that really mean? Working in and on your marriage and I took that and that was literally at the very beginning of our marriage and God sold that into my heart and I always kept that in the back of my mind as we have grown in our relationship of 36 years. We just celebrated our anniversary a couple weeks ago, or actually last week, um, and one thing that actually resonated with me was well, work on your marriage. And that means applying some of the things that we're going to share with you today about what that actually means when we say work in and on your marriage and so I'm going to give you an example, because you guys know I like examples.
Speaker 2:Okay, so this, this will be. This will be geared towards females, but men will understand it too. Okay, this is a product. This is not a sponsored ad. This is just something I have used for years. This is, um, it's actually a clay. It is actually a deep cleansing mask. You can use it's bentonite clay. You can wash your face with the people, even if they do a lot of different things with bentonite clay, but this is, I have found to be a very good deep cleansing mask to clean your skin, right, right. And then this is one of my favorite companies. Again, this is not sponsored.
Speaker 2:I like the lipstick bar, I like their lipstick and that's how I can kiss Gil and not get makeup on him, but this is a concealer, so these are both for your skin, right? Well, this one deep cleans and leaves your skin because Gil even said it feels so smooth Leaves it clean and smooth and with nothing on it, this you can have bumps and pimples and this covers it up. When we're talking about working on your marriage, we're talking about a deep clean and you really getting to know you, the areas where you need to grow the areas where you need to change, the areas where you need to mature. Working on your marriage is just giving you a tool, communication and consequences. So the difference between working in and on is the end is really about you and the on is about the tools you use to make things better. That's good, so thank you.
Speaker 1:That's the dealer gaming that's actually pretty good so that's we talked today. We're talking about working in your marriage so the very first one that we actually talk about.
Speaker 2:Renee kind of mentioned it, right there the on, we're on, so it's just you On.
Speaker 1:Well now, I'm going to always remember this y'all when it comes to the clay. So when we say on that's number one.
Speaker 1:That's number one is actually that personal inventory. When you think about personal inventory of an individual, of yourself, we if you've looked at any of the other videos in the past, all the videos we got out there and all the stuff we talk, or even if you've seen us teach live and things like that, we are individual. Just like uh ball was just saying here I'm single, I don't need. Well, this doesn't apply to me.
Speaker 1:Well, it does because at the very beginning, you're an individual and you're actually going to need to know yourself very, very well. That's where that personal inventory comes in, to where you want to go into your relationship having a clear, confident understanding of who you are as an individual. First, because what tends to happen and it happened even in our marriage, you know, because we all have experiences and things that we have come through and past hurts and pains and all those things. Well, we got to bring those into our relationship. Well, when you bring that into your relationship, that is going to always set you up for challenges that you're going to go through, because you have to work through some things prior to actually understanding who you are as an individual, before you can ever become a couple.
Speaker 2:And let's give you some examples of what that looks like. Ok, Psalms 139.
Speaker 2:Search me, o Lord. And so we need to be searching ourselves. We need to be looking to see okay, do I know my communication style? Do I know? There are so many things. Do you know your love language? There's a new book that we're studying and we're reading right now. It's called the Five Voices. Do you know your voice?
Speaker 2:There are so many assessments. If you get our app, our, our marital code, if you go to the app store and look up marriage mentors, rich, rr, there are assessments on there so that you can search and examine yourself. You need to know what's your communication style, what's your personality, what are your likes, what are your dislikes, what are your strengths, what are your growth areas. You need to know all that about yourself so that when you get with another person and they say to you, oh, you're short-tempered, or oh, you know you're very direct, you can say you know what I am and you know what? I think that's something. How does that make you feel? So?
Speaker 2:If you are, if someone tells you something about you that you don't already know, it's very, very easy to get defensive and to start, um, making it seem like it's the other person. We always say there's no such thing as marriage problems. They're only individual problems that you bring into your marriage. So if you don't take the time to get to know you as an individual, how are you going to really be able to receive or even work on getting to know the other person? If you're still trying to get to know you, how you can get to know this other person? So it's very, very, very, very, very crucial that you take that long journey and work and you learn all these things about yourself that are going to help you to better understand you and then begin to do some of the things you say you like for yourself, that you do that by yourself.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. You know, proverbs talks about guarding your heart, when Proverbs four talks about guarding your heart, because when you don't do that, you have to examine your heart on top of that. When you examine your heart, this is where some of your past hurts, your past pains, some of the things that you have experienced throughout life actually comes up, and this is where you want to really take a deep dive into looking at those things, because anything that you don't talk about and work out, you're going to bring into your next relationship you don't talk, you're going to bring it in.
Speaker 1:And when you don't understand where is this coming from, why? Why does? When this person does ABC, I react with CD and E, and when you don't understand where is this coming from, that is going to set you up for challenges that you may not be equipped to do, but when you hang out with us, you read some of the books that we may mention. You actually are working on yourself. That's where you become aware of the things and the challenges that you have had in your life that actually are going to set you up for success, because the beginning of it is god, put two people together. It's in even in your relationship.
Speaker 2:It's got to be three yes you want to tell about the yes okay, it's a triangle, so there has to be you and your, your person down here and god at the top, because without god being a part of it, the things that you're expected to do to be kind and patient and loving and gentle and slow to speak and presenting yourself to God in living sacrifice holy, all these things that it takes to make your relationship work the two of you will not be able to do it. It's not until you get into a relationship with God as an individual that you begin to see. Because one of the things that we talk about and we were watching y'all know I love their Future Wifey podcast y'all know I do. And we were watching y'all know I love their future wifey podcast I know I do. And we were watching the episode with Fawn and Keith Weaver. And one of the things that I said that just resonated with me so much was it's amazing to me when someone says and articulates what you live.
Speaker 2:One of the things that I realized when me and Gil first got married, I noticed a pattern Every single time I went to God about Gil, God would always say well, what about you? And I remember the Lord. I would go to the Lord about the girls. Well, they're doing this and they're doing that. And he said how about I change you so that when they do what they're going to do, it doesn't affect you?
Speaker 2:And so one of the things that Vaughn said was we have to have the mindset, and she just articulated we have to have the mindset that I am not going to look at what happens between us as Gil, I'm going to look at what happens to us as me, happens to us as me. We, when other things are bothering you, external things we always say you really don't have a, it's not a um, your temper is really a problem. That's an internal issue. The reason why things bump you, they only push out of you what was inside of you when you get married. Marriage is the place where you're going to see the things about yourself that you never knew were there. And so that's not his fault, that's me. And so we have to go into relationships with the mindset. Is the only thing someone can do is pull what's inside of me out. I need to find out where it came from. How did it get there and change me? So we have to approach situations with the mindset that I only have control over me.
Speaker 1:You know it's always easy to find the growth areas in others and seeing that the Bible talks about it in Matthew, about remove the plank from your eye you know one thing that we have to focus on, especially when you're getting into another relationship, it's easy to identify problems and, just like Mr Ball is just saying here, when that problem comes up and the person doesn't want to focus on it or doesn't want to respond to it in a way that actually says you know what, we need to work on this. You know that's why God partnered you in with somebody and you're going to find that, more than likely, this person has some strengths in the areas that you have growth areas and vice versa, because they are the things that God is bringing to you to help you get through those things, because if not, they wouldn't be growth areas.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You wouldn't have any struggles, you wouldn't have any problems and it's all about how you respond, because it's something we.
Speaker 2:I gave the example about when I burned the air fryer, the fire outside, and Gil came and said you know, we in a marriage, in order for a marriage, in order for any relationship to have longevity, there has to be this one thing that is like a superpower, and it's called humility. We have to approach each other with love and kindness. And if you don't start off with that because most people have it in the beginning, when they first start dating, you're so nice and kind and gentle, you don't want to hurt their feelings, but then the longer you get you've been together, the more abrasive and the less respect and restraint you have for one another. You have to have that same level of gentleness and kindness, and one of the things that me and Gil have as a rule is that I already know that if he's saying something to me, it's because he loves me, he wants to make me better, it's not because he's trying to destroy me or he's trying to hurt my feelings. And so there's some guidelines. Number one God has to be at the center of it. Number two, you have to have humility. And number three, you have to understand he is here or she is here to have my back and then make me better, and sometimes a part of making you better means they're going to say something that you may not like, and so you have to prepare yourself for that. So I know that.
Speaker 2:I know how Gil is. I know how his mind works. Gil's very analytical, gil is a a think, he is a visionary, he's looking at the future, and that's not the way I operate, and so I had to learn how to say okay, babe, I see how that could be beneficial. Whereas when I was younger, my dream was and one of the things I came up with, you always blow out my candles, and that was my mindset was that when I would bring him something big and I was excited about it, he'd always tell me all the things that could go wrong, and instead of seeing that as a negative, I had to see that as provision and insight you know, when you think about the relationships that you're in, you have to credit the person with having your back.
Speaker 1:Yes, you have to credit the person with the righteousness and the positivity that you're seeking, or you probably wouldn't be in relationship with them If you automatically gravitate to a negative aspect of this person excuse me, of this person who you are actually spending the rest of your life with and want to spend the rest of life with, and then you are already crediting them with undermining you or doing something negative towards you. You may have to do some more reassessing and reevaluating. Maybe there's issues that you have unresolved as far as trust issues or unrealistic expectations or things that you have brought into the relationship that this person had nothing to do with, that this person had nothing to do with. It could have been from past experiences that you have brought into the present relationship or even in your marriage, that you say you know what this person I know Renee is never going to try to hurt me intentionally. I have to believe that from the very beginning, or we wouldn't have made it this long that we've been together, because if your natural response is to always think that there's something negative brewing or something negative coming up that this person is as she said.
Speaker 1:I'm trying to blow out her candles, not because she doesn't want to celebrate, but I'm trying to. I see it as protection. When you have this person I think as a man we naturally are Are we going to protect mode first? Yes, that's our normal default, that's just what we do. And when you do that, renee has to think about OK, he's not trying to hurt me, he's not trying to disappoint me, he's not trying to lower my, my fund meter. He's actually trying to see the things that, because I want her to be successful in the things that she's trying to do, but I'm thinking about the things that can become obstacles or could become hindrances to successfully accomplishing what it is that she set out to do. Because, guess what, I'm trying to protect her from disappointment, yes, so when you think about that, that is the focus and the goal that the man should actually.
Speaker 2:That's our default right and it's important to understand that when you get married, the two you know it's called our marital code to oneness. The goal of marriage is for two different people to become one, and that takes three. That takes you, god and the other person. But does that mean you become the same person? No, it means that I look at his strengths and I see them as a benefit, even though they may feel foreign to me. And he has to do the same, because there's things that I'm going to introduce him to that he may not have ever thought of and he could dismiss it as, oh, that's not necessary.
Speaker 2:But a part of becoming one is realizing that everything about me is not right and great and everything about him is not right and great, and everything about me is not broken and wrong, and everything about him is not broken and wrong and about him is not broken and wrong. And so it's really understanding and knowing yourself and knowing I know my growth areas, I know my strengths, I know the things about me that I think, areas where I need to grow, and, and in a marriage relationship and even in your friendships, that's what that rub is going to come from, and if your relationships don't make you better and draw you closer to God, then I would ask you to reevaluate the value of those relationships.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. You know one thing that we actually are bringing to you in this episode of our Saturday afternoon chat, or whatever you want to say we're talking about, if you just joined us we're talking about the marital code to oneness. We appreciate you guys hanging out with us on these Saturdays, because what we're trying to do is start out the new year working on even our relationship After 36 years we are still trying to work and figure things out.
Speaker 1:And that's what we are bringing to you guys the things that we do on a regular habit and a regular daily basis, the tools and the skills to invest into you guys to actually say you know what, make it your own. We're not telling you to do it verbatim, but we're telling you the principle and the guidelines of things that you need to be thinking about as you navigate this thing called marriage, because it is bring it up to point number three it is spiritual warfare.
Speaker 2:It is, and I think that's something that's so important for people to understand. That's why God ordained marriage, and so, therefore, he is the only one that has the power to protect and sustain it.
Speaker 1:So if he's not a part, of it.
Speaker 2:That's why the divorce rate is so high because we go into something that God created and we don't want him to be a part of it. We say, well, that was good for my parents and my grandparents.
Speaker 1:But you know, I got this new thing going on and I'm worried about vibrations and I'm worrying about the.
Speaker 2:Uh, the bible says there is nothing new under the sun. We have got to, got to, got to, got to, got to let the lord be the head of our life, the lord be the head of our relationships, because if we don't, we will allow ourselves and the and media. And you got to hit that babe, because if not, it's going to cut the volume off. It's important. I don't know if the sound went out or not, but we have got to let the Lord be the part, the head. It'll come back on. Okay, youtube, come on back on one. I wonder if it's still filming, or do we? How long did we go?
Speaker 1:23 minutes and it stopped, did it? Why is it on one minute? And there we go, we just had a hiccup, sorry. Boy, we were just going to hit that button and say oh, man, we went.
Speaker 2:No, we did it we still here.
Speaker 1:We still here. Nw we still here.
Speaker 2:Sorry, we're here. We're here. Can you hear us?
Speaker 1:NW, put a thumbs up or thumbs up.
Speaker 2:Give us some hearts. Give us some hearts.
Speaker 1:If you can still hear us.
Speaker 2:Can you hear us?
Speaker 1:Let us know, hopefully you're still there, but we're just going to keep going.
Speaker 2:Yes, okay. So we need to understand that marriage is something that was ordained by God and in order for marriage to work, it takes three, and in all of your relationships, it takes you and that other person to God because just, let's just be honest we're living in a time when people's emotions and anxiety and past pain is leaving them. They're being governed by that. So if we don't allow the Lord and the fruit to the spirit to govern us, everyone you come in contact with is going to be in a bad mood and have a bad attitude, and so you have to make a decision that you are not going to be that person that you are going to search me, lord, because I don't believe that you know when people talk about. Oh, you know what I have road rage. No, you had bathroom rage kitchen rage grocery store
Speaker 2:grocery store rage, church rage. You have to really ask yourself why does that make me so mad? Why does something as simple as I can remember, something as simple as when um, I remember when Erin was little, she had this big thing of barrettes and it fell over and I lost it and the Lord was like. Now she's like two. I understand her temper tantrum, but why are you so angry inside? We have to ask ourselves why am I so angry inside? Why am I so on edge? Why am I so easily offended?
Speaker 2:And so it's important that we examine ourselves. And if you look at ourselves and sometimes other than just we need Jesus, we need community, we need therapy. Some of us need to see a trained professional. Some of us need to help, have someone to help us walk through the pain of our past. We will tell you what we do with couples. We help them with community support tools, accountability and assessments. If we assess and go through working with you and we realize that there are some things that you need to see a professional therapist, we do not have any pride in saying, hey, what you need is beyond our skill set. So we're coaches and mentors. We are not therapists, we are not psychotherapists, we are not counselors and we are very comfortable and secure in the vein that we are called to walk in and that is where we will stay and you won't pull us into or drag us into an area that we know we're not.
Speaker 1:There's no grace on the line for us again if you just join us. We had that little hiccup in the video in a quick second, but we're talking about working in and on your marriage no, and today.
Speaker 2:Next week is on on.
Speaker 1:So we're talking about in and on your marriage, and this is in deep okay, this is from the marital code to one is the actual book that we did this. This is the workbook and we're just sharing this with you. We invested in our singles the last. What was it?
Speaker 2:Four months of the year.
Speaker 1:The last four months we talked a lot about the singles, things that singles actually go through. If you want to see what those videos are all about, go back to the channel, check out those things. We're talking specifically to the singles and about those things. Nw checked in here and he was like, uh, this doesn't apply to me. Well, if you want something specifically tailored to singles, go look at that.
Speaker 2:Those videos, they're out there and you can get the book from barnes and noble. It's called the singles blueprint for dating and marriage. It's at barnes and noble. You can get it online at barnes and noble. And so now we're talking about our marital code to oneness, which is also available at Barnes Noble, and we're going to put the names of the authors for the other books in there. I want to share something. Go ahead, no, go ahead.
Speaker 1:Okay, so I'm going to share something.
Speaker 2:So if you guys watched our video from our trip to Houston we did the unboxing yesterday and I thought it was so hot it made me sad, because Gil was really disappointed, because it was just shinier than I thought.
Speaker 1:No, it was not as shiny, as you thought that it was going to turn out to be. I know you're probably saying what are you talking about, this shiny thing?
Speaker 2:Okay, so I'm going to show you. I'm going to show you.
Speaker 1:Okay, so he was disappointed with the way it looked, and so you, you know, if y'all know me, I am crafty, and so I said you know what baby so kind of make him look better. So what we did, was.
Speaker 2:If you see, go check out the video.
Speaker 1:When they did it was it a short yesterday I did the long video and the long video. But anyway, we were doing date night and we were having some fun and we went and did this little artsy thing.
Speaker 2:This is the creating something. It's a bank.
Speaker 1:It's a bank. It's something that we did as a couple's date night. It was in the Archie For our 36th anniversary In. Houston for our anniversary. On our anniversary weekend trip.
Speaker 2:But you know, and so that was a really good example Of how our expectations Could lead us to disappointment, because things don't always Turn out the way you planned. So what do you do? When things don't go as planned? You have to add to it and make it better. So this is what I have done to make him more aesthetically pleasing, and Gil said that he thought that she looked really cute.
Speaker 1:A lot better.
Speaker 2:And so I'm going to put some clear coat over it. So, rather than throwing this away because it didn't meet our expectations, we just added to it and made it better, and that's what we have to be willing to do with our relationships and if you know anything about us, you could probably imagine who's the gold and glitter and who's the gray.
Speaker 1:So I'll just say that this is a blending. This is just like what your marriage is like.
Speaker 1:It's a blending of two different things and some things two different people coming together to create one thing, and you'll notice that there's some gold mixed in there and there's some gray mixed into the gold and some gold mixed into the gray. Well, guess what your marriage is going to be just like that. There are going to be some areas that get mixed in to each other that you're going to have to work out. And it doesn't mean that it's going to be bad or it's going to be, and it doesn't mean that it's going to be bad, or it's going to be and it's not going to be perfect, no, but it is a blending of.
Speaker 1:The two shall become one. That's what the Bible talks about it the two shall becoming one. Well, we were talking about the last point that we were talking about is having a thriving in your relationship, because it has to be Christ centered. That is something that we believe at the nucleus and at the foundation of our relationship, and what we believe when we work with couples is God has got to be the center, and what does that look like?
Speaker 1:We talked about it being spiritual warfare, because God is going to show you things about your relationship and about your spouse and your significant other that there's no other way you can find these things out, because there may be things about Renee that she is even unaware of, and things about me that I'm unaware of because they are blind spots.
Speaker 1:There are things that about us that we have no idea that is impacting our relationships. But when you have someone who has had a for real relationship with God and is seeking God on your behalf on a daily basis with prayer and interceding and reading the word, and there God is going to show you things about them that you are going to be there to be an aid to Right. In Matthew 15, it talks about loving one another. Love is, and that's what we are trying to actually talk about and demonstrate, Even when we talk about having a God centered God.
Speaker 2:Thriving marriage is because that is the essence of who you are as an individual and when it comes to your relationship and the reason why we're saying is spiritual warfare is because there's gonna be external forces trying to push constantly that God is not the source of the spiritual warfare, he is the protector of spiritual warfare. Yes, the enemy is going to attack what? And one of the things that I think is important for you to be like well, until I got married, I was fine. Well, and when you go into something that God created, now you become a threat to the enemy. Yes, because marriage is an institution ordained by God, whether you go into it knowing that or not.
Speaker 1:Whether people believe it or not. Whether people believe it or not, it's irrelevant.
Speaker 2:Whether people believe it or not.
Speaker 1:Whether people believe, it or not, it's irrelevant.
Speaker 2:You will experience difficulty and adversity, that, without the power of God and the word of God and the fruits of the spirit and the angels and all the things that God provides your life with, you will get into the attack of the enemy. That makes you say I married the wrong person, I made the wrong decision. Just like when Gil saw this, he could have said, oh, I married the wrong person, I made the wrong decision. Just like when Gil saw this, he could have said, oh no, throw it away. That's not what I wanted, that's not the way I wanted it to look. Let's just throw it away.
Speaker 2:Well, no, you got to work on it. You got to be willing to make some investments, you have to be willing to make some improvements and it has to reflect you both. And so I think it's important that we understand that, just like some of the things that we, some of the decisions we make and the projects we create and the choices, you're going to be willing to go through the difficulty and the adversity and be on the other side of that, because you will never become everything you want to become without some adversity, without some difficulty, without some pulling and then the other thing, without all those things, but also without the selflessness.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah when he, when I say that, when I talk about being selfless. If you are getting married and you have not worked out some selfish things and selfish behavior in your relationship and in you as an individual, you are going to struggle when it comes to another person, because marriage is the highest form of serving someone else that you are ever experienced. If you're not ready to do that, if you're not ready to put yourself second and I'm not just talking about the guys putting everybody- ahead of them.
Speaker 1:I'm talking about Renee putting me ahead of her and me putting Renee ahead of myself. You should stay single for a little while, yeah, and if you're married and you haven't, if that's new information to you well, we challenge you because we have realized that the more I put Renee ahead of me Goals, dreams, aspirations, desires and all those things and the more.
Speaker 1:I put you ahead of me goals, dreams, aspirations, priorities then you'll be amazed at how I'm able to accomplish the things that I want to do and she's able to accomplish the things she wants to do by two people working on it together but that comes from.
Speaker 2:I came as a whole, 100%, person goes back to the first one so I'm not losing myself in him.
Speaker 2:I am prioritizing him over me because I'm just as valuable, and so I think sometimes kind of people get confused between, um, the two becoming one or prioritizing putting him first. Putting him first does not mean that I'm not valuable. It just means that I say, what do you need, baby? And then he. So I'm putting him first and he's putting me first. So we're basically God is teaching us how to love the way he loves, because God gave, god didn't just talk, god gave and he showed and he served. Jesus came to serve, and so I really believe that when we operate the way God has called us to, marriage is attractive to people around. They see it. There's something different about you. There's a glow, there's a smile, there's a lightness, and it comes from letting God carry the burden and not you having to do it carry the burden and not you having to do it.
Speaker 1:And then another thing to help your relationship thrive, and as far as being Christ centered is thinking about, do you have those unrealistic expectations when it comes to your relationship? When we have those unrealistic expectations and we bring them into our relationship, just like this person said, it could be utterly nonsense.
Speaker 2:So give some examples of men's unrealistic expectations.
Speaker 1:For my wife to me to come home every day and my wife going to have on and this is something that was. You're going to have on a sexy outfit and have dinner on the table For me every single day. I come home from work and you're going to have mad, crazy sex whenever you want. All those different things that will feed into my own desires and my own selfishness. That is realistic nonsense.
Speaker 2:Okay, so I'm going to talk about some of the uncommunicated expectations that we bring as women. When he's supposed to know what I want, I shouldn't have to tell him. I shouldn't have to ask him nothing. We've been together long enough. He should be able to read my mind. We bring some very unrealistic, we bring some uncommunicated expectations to the relationship. We sometimes feel that, by not saying anything, that it's up to him to figure it out. One of the things that I used to do when we first got married, when I would get mad, I would just be quiet and I would be looking out the window, I would be turning away.
Speaker 1:Come on, ladies, y'all know y'all do it. I would be in the car looking out the window at the other way.
Speaker 2:What's wrong? Nothing. What's wrong? Nothing that's so childish that you're having a temper tantrum and you want somebody else to pull you back A part of having God in your life. When Matthew said, you move the plane from your own now before you move the splinter, I remember asking the Lord well, why do they have a splinter and not have a plane? He said because you're always working on other people. Sometimes, as women, we're really good at figuring out what he needs to do Everybody else needs to do that and he needs to work on.
Speaker 2:Sweetie, what do you need to work on, sis, rich sis, what is it in your relationship that you need to work on? And with your friends, with your children, with your spouse, with your person, what is it that you need to work on? You need to know that one of these I challenge us this year is you should know your own growth areas. You should not just your strengths, you should know your growth areas. What are some of the areas where your personality needs to be tempered by love, joy, goodness, faith and it's done to sneak this up control, because one of the things I know that we have a tendency to say this is just my face. Well, if that's just your face, then is that face inviting? We use some of, we use, we use our culture as an excuse to be not so inviting and kind and warm. You know I'm not saying you have to be someone else's personality but, I, do believe that we have a responsibility.
Speaker 2:love, joy, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, meekness and self-control that's not my standard. That's God's standard.
Speaker 1:That's in the Bible.
Speaker 2:Proof to the Spirit. So I challenge us, as women, to be very much aware of our own growth areas and to be very much aware of our own growth areas and to be able to express and communicate that to someone who is close to us, so that they can hold us accountable, so we can get better.
Speaker 1:So we appreciate you guys hanging out with us. We just share with you guys. We are talking about the marital code to oneness. We're talking about working in and on your marriage, in your marriage. We're talking about it Deep.
Speaker 2:If you want to know why she's working in your marriage, you got to go back and watch the video working. This is we're working. We're going deep. We're working in our marriage, which means we're working on ourself, and we still have to do that, even as a couple, I'm still working on myself so we're talking about the marital code, the oneness we're talking in work, talking about in and on your marriage, and this week is talking about in your marriage and next week we're going to talk about on your marriage, some of the things and tools and skills that you can actually take into your marriage, and some of the things you may be doing already and doing well, and some of the things may be new information.
Speaker 2:All we're doing is sharing things with you guys of 36 years that we have practiced in our marriage, that we've been working with couples for over 20 plus years yeah, 20 years when it comes to how to make the relationship better, because we all can get better at this thing called marriage and at this thing called relationships and one of the things I remember watching this video there was this famous athlete I remember his name and he was like one of the best golf players and he said that every year at the beginning of the year, he goes back to the basics, because by the end of the year, you've gotten away from the basics. What are some of the things you're going back to Like? I decided this year that I am going to read. Like last year, I read through the Bible with the Bible app. I love the YouVersion.
Speaker 2:This year, I'm reading the Bible app. I love the YouVersion. This year, I'm reading the Bible. I'm going to read the whole entire Bible. So, join me, I'm reading four chapters a day, every day, because I feel that God deserves as much of my attention as I give all the other things. So that's one of the things I've made a decision to do. And so what are some of the things you're going to do this year that's going to make you better than you were last year?
Speaker 1:So we hope you guys enjoy hanging out with us this Saturday, If you want to. If you didn't catch the beginning, we apologize for the hiccup, but that you may have missed a little bit of the video. That actually happened.
Speaker 2:Somebody called us, but that's OK.
Speaker 1:But marital code to oneness we're talking about in and on your marriage. Go back and check out the video at the very beginning. Do all the likes, subscribe, share, yeah, like subscribe, share.
Speaker 2:Turn on the bell. Okay, y'all this year. I celebrate y'all for last year. Hallelujah, you guys did great.
Speaker 1:We had 2,000 videos.
Speaker 2:We had over 38,000 followers on Instagram, on YouTube and you guys, we have 3.3 million views on YouTube. We want to get to the place that the people who are watching our videos are subscribers. We are getting a lot of views from people who are not subscribers. We want you to not just subscribe to said that you're not. You're not subscribing and you're not. There's the bell. Notification is not being turned on.
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