Rich Relationships Refuge with Gil & Renée
Rich Relationships Refuge podcast with Gilbert J and Renée M. Beavers is fantastic because it's the best place to really explore the reality of relationships — the good, the bad, and the painful and confusing.
This podcast helps to illuminate what it means to be intimate with others and what it teaches people about them. It will make you want to strive for a kinder, more fun relationship with others. Many individuals don't have room in their hearts or life for people due to unforgiveness, regret, shame, and uncommunicated expectations. Rich Relationships Refuge is an experience with principles to learn.
There are tools to use with an emphasis on building, repairing, and restoring relationships with individuals and families in a safe community environment that will stand in a world that's falling apart. Gil and Renée are originally from Detroit, Michigan. Their relationship started with Renée rolling the pencil off her desk and Gil picking it up. They never knew such a small act would create a 37-year legacy of love.
Gil and Renée were only 21 when they happily committed to until death do us part. Gil retired from the Air Force, and Renée is a former salon owner who has been an entrepreneur and now an author for over 30 years. They have lived in over 13 cities throughout the United States and Germany. They are proud parents to an amazing and talented daughter,
Aharon (pronounced like Sharon, except with an A). After a family tragedy, they also adopted Renée's little sisters (Carmen and Monique).This couple has helped many other couples establish a new habit of love to strengthen their marriage relationship through their tested relationship tools and principles and as marriage facilitators through the Prepare and Enrich Marriage program. Rich Relationship Refuge with Gil & Renèe podcast is back and ready to move forward and deeper into our relationship strengths and growth areas.
Let's get empty of the pain from our past, unforgiveness, resentment, shame, and uncommunicated expectations. Our mission is to empower singles and couples to experience greater intimacy and fulfillment in their relationship with God, themselves, food, and money. This year our podcast will feature individuals and small business owners regarding their impact in these four areas. Gil and Renèe are looking forward to serving you and your relationships. Remember, you are more than enough! Now let's learn to live like it together! https://www.richrrmarriagementors.com/book-online
Rich Relationships Refuge with Gil & Renée
God's Blueprint for Dating and Marriage: Embracing Divine Design
RICH RELATIONSHIPS REFUGE
Meet: Gil & Renée
Rich Relationships Refuge podcast with Gilbert J and Renée M. Beavers is fantastic because it's the best place to explore the reality of relationships — the good, the bad, and the painful and confusing. This podcast helps to illuminate what it means to be intimate with others and what it teaches people about them. It will make you want to strive for a kinder, more fun relationship with others., This a place where love flourishes, bonds deepen, and relationships thrive. We're Gil and Renee, authors, and marriage coaches, and we're honored to walk alongside you on your journey towards a rich and fulfilling partnership.
In a world where relationships can feel like a maze, we believe in providing you with the compass and map to navigate the path of love with confidence and grace. Whether you're single and seeking, newly dating, or preparing for marriage, our app is your sanctuary—a refuge where you can find guidance, support, and inspiration every step of the way.
https://www.richrrmarriagementors.com/book-online
Welcome to the Rich Relationship Podcast with Gil and Renee, where amazing things happen.
Speaker 2:Our goal is to help build, prepare and restore healthy relationships.
Speaker 3:Oh, god's design. It's another thing to embrace it, and I think many of us may know it. But the Bible says don't just be hearers, but to be doers. And we always talk about how we want to be, the how to channel. We want to show you how to. And we have been married this year. Actually, next, this month, it'll be be 36 years. We've been married and we still like each other and we still date each other. And, um, the reason why I have this in my hand is because I said how many of you are single?
Speaker 3:I'm a single people hey, yay, we love you, all of our singles. How many of you are married? Yay, it's two of you. Hallelujah, that's wonderful. Well, I can guarantee you this, going into this message or this lesson or this time together. And if you have questions and if you have you want to debate it or whatever, you're welcome to do that in the comments I can guarantee you money back. I can guarantee you that if you go into marriage as one person, it's really hard. Marriage is really hard when it's only one person doing the job of three, because in order for marriage to work, you need you, the person you marry, and God. And while all of these are strong, they're so much stronger. Let me hold it together for me, babe.
Speaker 3:I had no idea what we're doing, so I'm just going with the flow, y'all but the bible says that a three-fold cord is not easily broken, and so I can guarantee you that, if you go into what god designed by yourself or just as two, and if you don't go into it with the way god designed it for it to be three people, so all of these three things came together to make one, so it's a lot stronger and the threefold cord is not easily broken.
Speaker 3:And I know we live in a society now where everybody thinks that they can just know God's design, or they can change God's design, or they can ignore God's design, or they can ignore God's design. In order for something to be strong and work the way it was designed, you have to follow the, the owner's instructions, and when we give our hearts to the price, god owns us and we belong to him, and so this is how you make a marriage work you, your spouse and God you know I have to about and that's a good object lesson I thought about as we were preparing for this, when we were just dating, and at the time when we were dating, god wasn't even nowhere on my radar.
Speaker 1:You know, I know I had, I was a, as they say, cme believer, or Christian Christmas, Easter and Mother's Day.
Speaker 3:Those are the only time I went to church.
Speaker 1:Christmas, easter, christmas, cme Christmas, mother's Day and Easter those were the only days that I went to church. Sometimes, you know, even before I came to understand what it was really all about. And if you think about and that kind of spilled over into the dating relationship, when I was dating, I was going by my own standards. I didn't know that there was a design or even a idea of a purpose for what dating was really all about, because I was just doing it my own way. I was just doing what I figured was the right way, based on experiences, based on things that I've seen and based on things that I heard, because I really didn't know anything.
Speaker 1:When you're starting out dating, especially at a young age, you really are just mimicking what you see, or mimicking or kind of filling in the gaps of what you think you heard and how it interprets into your own life, and so I was just trying to figure it out and some things you get right, some things you get wrong. You may have multiple relationships in the past and you're wondering what is it that messed up? Or where did it go off the rails or what went wrong, whether it was you or with someone else. Well, the thing that you have to think about is there is God has a design for everything, even when you're dating that if you know what the design is, then you know how it is supposed to operate and how it's supposed to work. And that's what we're sharing with you, because when you embrace God's design for not just marriage and dating, but in relationships, they're going to work.
Speaker 3:And they're going to be a whole lot stronger.
Speaker 1:Because God is going to be intertwined through everything that you do, everything that you say and everything that you are trying to do in the relationship. So you have to think about what is it that I'm doing, what is it that I'm trying to accomplish? And it's not just about getting a partner to hang out with.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And so that you won't.
Speaker 3:And the thing about it in order for that to get braided, there had to be something that had to be done. It didn't just happen and God didn't just make it happen. God didn't create us to be robots or he created us to be mindless. He gave us a desire. He said he gave us desires, he gave us all a purpose, and he also. We have to understand that God gives us a mind and he wants us to use our mind. He wants us to use our will, he wants us to choose. And he said I place before you life and death, blessings and curses. Ok, gives us the answer. He says to choose life. And so, in this embracing God's design is first the question you have to ask yourself is the Bible the final authority in your life?
Speaker 3:question you have to ask yourself is the bible the final authority in your life? It's impossible to embrace god's design for marriage when the bible is not the final authority in your life. They're like you're talking about when we were dating and we were younger. We, we didn't grow up in church. I got saved when I was 22, 22, 23. It was right before we had Eric. 23 is when I got saved and it gave my heart to Christ.
Speaker 1:And then I was right after that, so we were both 23.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so we were younger, so we didn't have the Bible and Christian values and Christian examples as our foundation. But when we did, when we were exposed to and we were given the opportunity to make a decision, we chose to make the Bible and Christ, and all the things that go along with that, the authority in life. So it's a difference between him being your savior and him being your Lord. He can't just be, he can't be savior, he has to be savior and Lord being your lord. He can't just be, he can't be savior at uh, he has to be savior and lord of everything, every part of your life, every decision, party, party, decision making process. And when you do that, it makes your life more enjoyable. Does that mean bad things won't happen? Does that mean no?
Speaker 3:life is gonna happen yeah, we have had difficulties and ups and downs and. But when you say to embrace his, his ways is to know what they are, and I. But when you say to embrace his ways is to know what they are, and I think so. When you say, when you think about what, what the desire God has for marriage, how would you describe it? What would you say?
Speaker 1:I would say the first part is not kind of off of what you're describing is accepting the Bible as the authority. Because just like I was trying to figure things out hey, mr Tyler, every time I was trying to figure things out it was more like get it right, get it wrong. But then I had to understand that there is a better way. But if you don't seek the better way, then you're just going to keep reduplicating the things over and over and over in your life and not wondering and wondering what's going on or what's wrong. So I would say, even kind of going into this and if you just joined us, we're talking about embracing God's design for singleness and also in marriage, as you move to marriage, if that's your desire, the things that you can do and things that you can be thinking about right now.
Speaker 3:From the singles blueprint, from dating and marriage, chapter 11.
Speaker 1:That's what we're doing today, today and this is the last chapter that we're going to actually be doing, because this is the last week that we're going to be, uh live for this year.
Speaker 3:This is our last live for the year.
Speaker 1:Y'all, we love y'all but see, we just had a squirrel moment so sorry about that, but it kind of goes back into what we're talking about embracing god's design for dating and marriage. If you started out with a plan and knowing and understanding how God designed things to work, you're probably going to have more success. So the first one we're going to talk about is a little bit of kind of what Renee is talking about. With our example, you're a single individual and you get connected with another person and, having God intertwined into it, the two shall become one.
Speaker 3:Well, it's really the three, because God has to be, because a lot of the things that you are expected to do and expected to understand. This morning we were doing our devotional. Gil was like babe, I want to do our devotional together, and so he's doing OBC and we love OBC.
Speaker 1:Gil started doing that years and years and years ago and the thing that it's an online Bible college they have like over oh man, it has to be over four, three, four hundred lessons that you can do, but anyway and, and it was just talking.
Speaker 3:We're talking about the authority of.
Speaker 3:God's word, of his word, yeah yeah, and I thought it was beautiful because I think one of the things that we don't understand and maybe people don't talk about, marriage, while it is beautiful and it is a gift, it is designed by God for a purpose and it's for two people who have a purpose to come together to fulfill God's purpose. So marriage is not just for us. Marriage is for all of us. Our responsibility when we get married is to say we will be God's representative of who he is, from the feminine and from the masculine. And so in a marriage, we are showing the world love and joy and peace and goodness and heartache, and ups and downs and highs and lows. That's what we say when we say what do you want to get married for? I want to get married so that I can show the world who God is in my life, and while all the other things are great, but at the end of the day, the Bible says only what we do for Christ is going to matter. And so if you're looking at marriage as a way, I would say marriage is where you go to serve and to give. Marriage is where you have to become selfless. Marriage is where you learn to be second.
Speaker 3:And if you don't understand that and you think marriage is just about the wedding and the vacations and having kids and buying houses and buying cars, you're going to miss out on the most important part of it. Because when life comes and when difficulty comes, if you go into it thinking that it's just about this other person fulfilling all of my desires and dreams, then you're going to be, you're going to be, you're going to. It's going to. It's going to knock you over. Because, guess what? Gil is human and he has growth areas and strengths and he has needs and he has frailty. And so if I'm coming to him expecting for him to be the answer to all of my problems and the source of my strength, then he's going to disappoint me and I'm going to disappoint him. So when we go into marriage understanding what it's for, what God designed it for, I think you just. It gives you a different perspective.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, absolutely. You think about. You're coming together as a single individual with another person. In our society and in our culture today, it's a bunch of individualism. It's a bunch of things that it's all about me and what I'm trying to accomplish and what I'm trying to do.
Speaker 1:Well, that is the polar opposite of what God's design for your relationship would be. Like Renee was just describing. Self-fulfillment is what the world says. Well, the opposite of that is to be selfless, where you are looking to serve this other individual. One thing that I can say about our relationship is I didn't recognize some of the things that I needed to work on until God put this white haired woman in my life, because, therefore, that became something that was become very obvious. Yes, you can hear it from other sources, but when you hear it from someone that is the closest person to you, about not just things that you're doing wrong, I'm talking about things that make you better than who you are by yourself, because you're not aware of some of the things that are we call them growth areas that are in your life, until God puts someone in your life to say you know what? That's something that you may want to look at or work on. Well, it's a partnership. It's a partnership of understanding that.
Speaker 3:It didn't stop.
Speaker 1:No, it didn't stop yeah, okay. I just want to make sure it didn't stop, sorry, guys. It's weird, it flipped the view, but that's okay. So, like we were talking about so, that you have to be looking to serve this other person and if you're not looking to serve this other person, you're going to have some serious challenges when it comes to what are we trying to do.
Speaker 3:What are we trying to accomplish in our lives as two individuals that have come together to become one? And I think about it. It's like. I know that it doesn't sound romantic and it doesn't sound sexy and it doesn't sound fun, but those things are the byproduct of you having a real understanding, because I think about it. Gil and I have been together for 39 years. We dated for three years before we got married, and so if you think about it to be with someone that long, so how do you keep it hot and how do you not get bored? And how do you? It's because you have an understanding of what it is. And how do you? It's because you have an understanding of what it is.
Speaker 3:I understand that I am sharing my life with A heir, a king. I understand that I am called to love and submit and serve this person, this man, this amazing gift. I don't just look at him as my husband, I look at him as a co-heir. He's my brother in Christ, he is the head. I look at all the things that the Bible says about who he is, and so it's not just the man, it's also the purpose, it's the plan, it's the leadership, it's the mantle that God has put on him, and so when you come into it with that understanding, it just makes it more enjoyable and more fulfilling, and it gives it longevity.
Speaker 1:Yes. So if you just joined us thanks for joining, thanks for hanging out Put it in the chat where you're checking it out from where you're coming to join us from. This is something we do every Saturday. We've been doing it for a little while now. We try to come with you with some planting seeds.
Speaker 1:We're just trying to sprinkle some seeds into your relationship, to give you some things to think about as you're growing in your relationship with another person, to give you a plan, because when we were coming up, we really didn't have a plan. We really didn't have an idea of what this marriage thing was supposed to look like, because we are just trying to figure it out. Well, when you don't figure it out, you're going to make those mistakes that make you go, whoa, what is going on? But if you think about, hey, this is something that I'm pursuing with another person, a life mission, a life goal, and that's another thing that we're talking about today is about embracing God's design for marriage. But before you actually get to that point, you have to understand what is the design all about, and we're just sharing with you some of the things that we put about in the book.
Speaker 3:The singles blueprint for dating in marriage.
Speaker 1:You can pick it up at your local Barnes Noble or go to Barnes Noble online or reach out to us and we can do it through the website and all that stuff. It's in the link, it's on all the stuff that we have out there on us and say, hey, I want that book. Man, Let me check that thing out because we've been getting good, good reports from the people who have been reading it. But we have to warn you, we have to warn you don't get this book if you do not want to be challenged.
Speaker 3:Yes, and that's one of the things we keep hearing. Man, this book ain't no joke, because we believe that it is two individuals. You're an individual, so relationships and even we work with couples. We always say this is about me, helping me to be the best version of me and guilt to be the best person. So we work with couples.
Speaker 3:It's not about you telling me what the other person is doing wrong. It's about you looking at yourself, because the most important thing you can do to get prepared to spend your life with another person is to really get to know and understand your growth areas, your strengths, your highs, your lows, your likes, your dislikes, the things you need to get better at, because a part of what sharing your life with someone else is going to do, it's going to expose you to things about yourself that you don't know, and so if you go into it knowing that it's not just going to be dinner and sex, it's going to be sometimes being told something that you may not like. It's going to be sometimes doing things you may not like to do. Gil is really neat and organized and I'm not, but over the years I have learned to adopt that to the best of my personality been.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And so just knowing that when you make a decision to say I'm going to spend my life with someone else, it's not, I'm giving myself away, right, I'm sharing my life.
Speaker 1:You know and that's something that we want to share with you that if you're in a relationship with someone, every situation, every relationship is unique. If we are just sharing with you the things that we have done in ours, that hopefully you can take in and translate it and morph it into something that will work for you. That, when you think about your relationship, is you all come from different backgrounds, we come from different experiences and those things personalities, different personalities, different order of like.
Speaker 3:I'm the oldest, guilt is the, the middle child. You know, all of those things play a part and so we're not trying to give you a cookie cutter one size fit all, because god doesn't do that. Every marriage is different, every couple is different. Every couple's call, every couple's um bend, every couple's mission is going to be different.
Speaker 1:Yeah, especially you guys. Design is for you guys to partner in to achieve your own goals and your visions and things that you aspire into as an individual. You're not expected to just dismiss those and just throw them to the wayside when you get with someone or partner in with someone for life wayside. When you get with someone or partner in with someone for life, that is to help you get there. I can think about some things that Renee has helped me become very instrumental, not just career-wise, but me as an individual-wise. For I think about one that comes to mind God's design was for me to be emotionally healthy.
Speaker 1:I know that's weird hearing it from a guy, because it's two things that guys. I like to say and I said it multiple times that these two emotions we have down pat lust and anger. We don't need to express those any other kind of way. We already were taught those things inherently that are just in us naturally. But when you think about, think about what is it like to be vulnerable, what is it like to be apprehensive, have anxiety, have vulnerability, all those other emotions that women have in spades and droves that can help us manifest those things in our lives, because you can't become a healthier person. If you're only doing lust and anger, if you're only manifesting those two, you're going to have a difficulty or have a difficult life when it comes to partnering with another person, to understand the complexity that women bring.
Speaker 3:Yes, you always say I'm going to nick my wife.
Speaker 1:I'm going to say that women can be very complex.
Speaker 3:Yes, and I know that and I agree, and I think to me that's something you have to be willing to be honest with yourself about what you bring to a relationship. Everything that I bring is not wonderful and beautiful and so as long as I'm aware of that, so when he comes and tells me something that I need to work on, I have to have enough humility, grace, empathy, patience, empathy, patience, submission, kindness, gentleness, gentleness, gentleness to say thank you, babe. I appreciate you for telling me.
Speaker 1:I'll be totally honest. When somebody, when your partner, comes to you with something that is not positive, something that you may need to correct or need to work on, you shouldn't embrace it or something that they need. Something that they need. You shouldn't look at it as a point of contention. We always say you should look at it as a point of opportunity. We believe that God embraces this design is for you to become the best person that you can be, and the way that happens is by you being challenged to get better.
Speaker 3:And you know what In the beginning? I wish I could say we got this right in the beginning. No, we didn't. This is something that we have learned and we adopted, and so a part of becoming someone different is that you have to do something different. I've said it before and I'll say it again I grew up in a home with very dominant cousin women who would get you told and let you have it, so I had to and I did not, I had to.
Speaker 3:I had to unlearn so much of that in order to for our lives to not be infected by the way I was brought up, and so I know that some of us can say well, that's all I know and that's all I bring to the table. There are too many books and the Holy Spirit.
Speaker 3:Too many podcasts, too many lives too many opportunities for you to see a different way, for you to continue to do things the way you've always done them. So in order to get something different, you have to do something different. So I had to change my mindset about correction. I had to change my mindset. Gil and I were talking about this. I had to change my mindset about submitting to authority because Gil asked me. He said have there been times in your walk with God where submitting to God's authority, as far as the word of God being the authority, hasn't been hard for you? I said no, my problem has been submitting to people that God put in authority. I'm fine with what the word says.
Speaker 3:My issue came from unrighteous leaders or unrighteous parents, and our pastor, pastor Scott Holmes. He taught us that authority is ordained by God. So I don't have to respect the person, I have to respect the office, I have to respect the position because God put it there. And so I mentioned that we were doing the OBC and they gave a great example of a little sister saw her brother steal a cookie and the sister said you better put that cookie back and the brother totally dismissed her. And so then the little sister goes to tell daddy that the brother stole the cookie. And he came back and said daddy said you better put that cookie back. Well, guess what he did? He said it wasn't the. It was the same message, but it was the origin of the authority.
Speaker 3:So when God says something versus when I tell you something, it's not going to be the same Exactly, and so we have to understand that he should have respected because it was the same message from the father or from the sister. Sister, we have to get to the place in our life where we're mature and wise enough to know that if someone is telling you something that is right, whether they say thus, saith the Lord or not, we have to have the kind of hearts and the minds that I'm going to do what is right because this person is and you're convicted, you know. You know you know when something is right or wrong, and so you have to make a decision. Am I going to be the kind of person that I submit to authority or that I listen and obey, or do I have to learn from experience?
Speaker 1:So, as we're talking about embracing God's design for marriage we thank you guys for joining in and hanging out with us today Put it in the chat. Is there something about design that you believe that God designed for marriage and relationships to be that should be embraced by everybody? Because you think about, we all have different ways of doing things. We all have different experiences. We all have different. Life happens to all of us in different ways. What has been something in your relationships that has been a challenge that you have found that, if God said, this is how it's supposed to work, this is something that I'm going to embrace in my relationship based on how he designs, because this is a. We are followers of Christ. This is a Christian-.
Speaker 3:Faith-based, scripture-based, Christ-centered, solution-oriented. Yeah, that's our foundation.
Speaker 1:That's the authority that we're coming from, not just two people that grew up on the east side and west side of Detroit trying to figure things out and how it goes, because, lord knows, we didn't have the best examples. But guess what? He has a design and a plan that, if you get into his word and follow it, it will help you come to fruition and come to a better way and a better state. Thanks, guys, for putting in a chat. Oh yeah, we definitely always want to talk about the Lord. Jj from Senegal, west Africa, thanks for joining us Is that JJ or JJ.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think that's JJ. Give me a thumbs up, JJ, if that's you still watching and listening and hanging out with us. So that's what we're talking about today Embracing.
Speaker 3:God's design for marriage.
Speaker 1:So one of the other God's design, we believe emphasis that it puts on relationships is your relationship is not a destination, it is a journey. And when we talk about journey Renee kind of mentioned it already a little bit it is a journey of discovery, of two individuals coming together to become what God has put you guys together for, which is to manifest his glory in the earth to other people. You know there are going to be times where you are going to struggle with differences, opinions, you're going to have different mindsets, childhood, of origin, pain from our past.
Speaker 3:That's a big one.
Speaker 1:Pain from your past or, as people like to, I would say, one of the words of 2024, I would probably say I have never heard so much is toxic, toxic behaviors, toxic interactions, toxic things that have happened to you in your life, those things that are disobedience. What about that? Well, that's well, you can elaborate on that well, I think.
Speaker 3:I mean I'm sorry, I shouldn't laugh, it's not funny but I think that we have to make sure that we're looking at what we, because it's so easy to look outward and say this needs to be done and that needs to be done, and they need to do this and they need to do that. I find it to be more beneficial and to be healthier for me to say what do I need to do different? What am I bringing to the table? That's unhealthy Because the last time I checked, there is no scriptures in the Bible that give us control over other people.
Speaker 3:The only control God gives us is over ourselves, and so we're always saying, lord, what do I need to do different? Where do I need to grow? And I ask you, babe, how can I better serve you? What are some areas where I can up my game? How could I be a better friend, a better wife, a better lover, a better prayer partner? We have to be willing to examine ourselves, but also check in with the person that we're spending our life with, or that we say we want to spend our life with, and be open to it, not just being, oh, you're doing wonderful, because that's that's not realistic. It's not realistic to think that you're only going to be. We'd always tell our daughter I'm going to be your biggest cheerleader and your most honest critic, because the only way you're going to grow is if you learn what's good and what needs to change.
Speaker 1:And if you think about those two things, that is not a natural interaction that you would naturally have in your relationship. To go to the other person and say, hey, what do I need to work on? You know when that happens, when things are starting to get worse, when things are starting to get bad that's when that mindset comes up to where you want to get better, because you are trying to make corrections. Now, when things start out things start out good, things start out with everybody smiling, everybody's on their best behavior, everybody's doing the right things. But guess what, as you've been together a period of time, over time, things are going to start coming up. But you have to ask yourself what are you going to do about it? How do you handle it If you're a significant other or your spouse comes to you and say, hey, babe, I think we're struggling in this area. It's not just a me problem, it's an us problem. And if you embrace it from that perspective and saying, how can we get better at this, not just how can you do this and how can you not do that, then, when you put the onus on the other person, just correct the behavior without giving them any direction and any guidelines to go by, you're setting them up for failure. They're not mind readers, they're not a person that can just naturally know what's going on.
Speaker 1:There are times that, when you get embraced with this other person yes, there are times where you can walk into the room and know that there's something wrong I always say you feel a disturbance in the force. But guess what? Until you ask the question, you're just filling in the gaps. You're just filling in with your own mindset. You're filling in how that conversation would go.
Speaker 1:Well, she's going to say this, well, I'm going to say that he's going to say this and that I'm going to say that, but guess what? That's where you have to communicate openly and honestly and be transparent about the things that you're struggling with or that you want to see change, because this relationship has to be a compromise. It's not just one way, it's not just Gil's way, it's not just Renee's way. It's something that we have to partner in together. This is a partnership that we have to embrace because that's how God designed it to be, not just a one person led driven event that we happen to just exchange rings and, all of a sudden, only one person is still doing all the work. That's not how it works.
Speaker 3:Well, it doesn't work that way, and one of the things that we talk about is knowing the work I think so many times people say because Gil said that you know you talked about when we first got married someone told me you need to work on your marriage. Well, what is the work that you need to be working on? Well, you need to be working on first, working on you. You need to be working in relationship with God, you need to be working on learning and listening and becoming a student of the other person and understanding that marriage is where you go to serve, you go to give, you go to help. And because the Bible talks about the principles of sowing and reaping, I am going to reap what I sow. So if I sow love and goodness, in terms of the economy, guess what? I'm going to reap it back, but I'm not looking for it. It doesn't have to be from my husband, it could be from some other place, and so it's not that you're giving to get, but when you do give, you're going to receive, and so a lot of it and we are talking about it this morning, I think a lot of it is.
Speaker 3:The Bible says don't be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Our mindsets can be one of the biggest obstacles to us really experiencing a God designed life. God designed for our life. You know he says they will. They will know you by your love one for another. They will know you by your love one for another. So it's not like he gave us 50 things we have to do. He really only gave a woman, a wife to and a husband to.
Speaker 1:Yep, so put it in the chat. What do you think is some of the most challenging areas that people have?
Speaker 2:when it comes to changing.
Speaker 1:Or that you may have when it comes to your relationships that you continue to struggle with. I like what Brian just said. Too much of our society is applying the world standards and expectations and relationships and building emotional bond instead of the God's world principles and his nature for real, tangible outcomes. Very well put, Brian.
Speaker 3:We appreciate you and I think it's important. Like we talk about, it's embracing God's design. It didn't say knowing God's design. It didn't say knowing God's design. It didn't say agreeing with God, it's embracing. So how do you embrace something that's not tangible? Then it has to be put out there so you can understand well, what am I embracing, what am I saying yes to? When you say that you're going to get married, you're saying that I am willing to share my life, my goals, my dreams, with another person who is doing the same thing. So it's like we talked about the three, three, three, four thread three, three, three.
Speaker 3:Strand cord is not easily broken, so it takes three and it's Gil talked about it. It's a journey, not a destination. It's weaving and dancing, it's, you know, bending, it's being flexible, it's all of those things and it's over time. You know, I think one of the things that I think that we neglect to remember is when you say your vows, you say for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, until I get tired of them, until I change my mind, no, until death, do us part. So I think that when you go into it, understanding what you're saying yes to, who you're saying yes to and what that's going to look like. It makes it I know.
Speaker 3:For me, I like to make you know and this is something I've learned from my husband, and he always talks about what he's taught me. Oh, I would not be the same person I am without him, his patience, his long suffering, his gentleness, his selflessness. Gil has taught me to be a better thinker. Gil has taught me to be slower, to speak and to think about. What I say makes other people feel. And so in a healthy relationship, you're both learning from each other and you're growing and you're being challenged and you're being called up, not out. He always calls me up and I think sometimes we don't know the difference between being called up and called out. When someone is calling you up, they show you what needs to be changed and they help you come up with a plan to it to do that. If they're just telling you all the things that's wrong without providing any solutions, they're calling you out, and most people respond better to being called up versus being called out.
Speaker 1:That's an awesome point Because when you think about that, goes back into God's design for marriage and relationships. We are always aspiring to get better. You should be always aspiring to get better. You should be partnered in with someone who wants you to be better, not someone who's trying to tear you down or not looking to make you better than you were by yourself. If you are not any better than you were before while you were single, then when you got with someone whether it's a marriage or even in a dating phase if you are not getting better even in a dating time, then you may want to reevaluate where is the destination or where are we going or what are we using as our gauge for this relationship and this marriage? You know not that one thing that we always talked about is when divorce happens. That's that came up. One thing that Renee and I started out our relationship with is we don't even use the divorce word or threat or ideal or principle, because I was a product of divorce and that does irreparable damage, not only to you as individuals.
Speaker 1:You're never going to get overcome and you're going to always have that, I believe, wound from it. You may. It just like a scar on your arm.
Speaker 2:It heals you're going to have a mark from it. You may, if just like a scar on your arm it heals.
Speaker 1:You're going to have a mark from it that comes into life, that plays into life, especially when you haven't dealt with the causes and what got me to that point. When you embrace those things to say how can I get better at it? Then that's where the real growth comes. This should be the person that is challenging you to get better at it. You understand that life happens. The Bible talks about it. God's design for people is, once you do it the first time, it's it, it's over, it's done. That's just the way he designed it. But that tells you that there's a lot of work that you should be doing up front, in the beginning, before you exchange vows and rings and have ceremonies, to say I am committing and that's what this really is. It's a commitment not only to God that you're making in front of God. You're embracing this other person and saying this is it.
Speaker 1:You know so many times we talk to people and we've heard it where they start second guessing the partner person that they have decided to choose or to spend the rest of their life with. Is it that God made a mistake or you made the mistake, or is it something that you miss? I always say it like this is your picker broken? Is there something about the person that you continually pick that is causing you to redo it over and over and over again? Or you have to look back at yourself and say, hey, what is it that I keep missing? What is it that is in me that needs to change so I can see these things better and more clear?
Speaker 3:And the thing that I love about God is that, while God hates divorce, there are grounds for divorce, so we're not saying that. We believe that you know you should stay in relationships if you're being abused.
Speaker 1:If there's physical abuse, if there's child abuse.
Speaker 3:We're not. We're not saying he even has a design.
Speaker 1:Yeah because in the grounds of infidelity, right, that's his design, right, and you have a right to get divorced. I mean, you have to, you have by God's design, you can go.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and so it's understanding that in every decision that we make, we have to be wise enough, we have to be kind enough to ourselves and the people around us to really think things through. And so the reason why the singles blueprint for dating and marriage was designed because what we see is people love the idea of being a bride or a groom, but not a husband and a wife, and so we wanted to be proactive and start working with people in the dating stage, because by the time you've already set a date, it really doesn't matter what anyone says. Most people are going to still just get married. And so why do we need to know all this? You need to be able to. You're talking about making a lifelong commitment. You should be willing to spend money and time on that before, because it will cost you more money and more time later than once you're in it, and so that's why we do this. That's why this is important to us, that's why you know, because we realize again that our marriage is not just for us.
Speaker 1:It's for the community.
Speaker 3:It's for the people around us, the people that will meet us and see us, because we are God's representative, we're his ambassadors, we're we're representing.
Speaker 3:You know what it looks like to for two people to love God and each other in a? Not it's a covenant, not a contract, because, again I said it before, a covenant is two people agree to love and accept each other and grow together. A contract is I will love you as long as you perform and you do all the things I tell you to do. It's more based on performance, whereas a covenant is a choice, and so it's different. What God gives is always going to be better than any substitute or replica that the enemy can provide us with. So we have to make sure that, those of us who are married, we have a responsibility and for us, we know we are called to really share the gospel with people and sharing marriage with people, because it's what we both love, we both enjoy it, we both enjoy each other, we are enjoying our journey and we just want to bring you along with us. That's why we do this.
Speaker 1:Yep, so we enjoy hanging out with you guys. Put it in the chat. We thank you, brian, for chiming in, and JJ and all the other ones who put in something in the chat just in exchange, because this is something that we are just trying to sow seeds into others and share with you guys, the things that we are on our journey with. You know this is a journey, like I said, that we're just sharing with you where we're going and what we're doing and inviting you along to come along for the ride, because y'all, if you don't have an opportunity to, or if you don't have the desire to want to serve and to get better and to be the best person that you can be and be challenged and be uncomfortable don't get married.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because when people say this is work, it is real work. It's not the kind of job it's not laborious work. It's not laborious work Like you go to your nine to five and you hate and you sweat and you toil, based on what you're doing to earn a paycheck. This is the kind of work that is going to challenge you as the individual.
Speaker 3:You know what it's kind of like when you work out go to the gym. You know you work out, it hurts and it's uncomfortable, but when you see your body changing you're like, oh yeah, I like this. So marriage is more like working out than work. Because, you know, it's like a workout. You actually see like, oh, I love it. Look, I'm going to keep on doing this.
Speaker 1:But you don't want to get up early or stay in the gym late or do that extra rep or do that extra time on the whatever machine that you're doing, but when you see the results, the results are when you say the juice is worth the squeeze.
Speaker 3:And and again, it's not just for you and your spouse, it's for everyone around you, it's for the community, the world, the culture, the people that are going to see you. Because, people, the bible says you overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of your testimony. Our marriages are our testimony of our love for God.
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Speaker 2:Or you can always find us on our website at richrelationshipsuscom, or our YouTube channel, rich Relationships with Gil Renee. If you found this podcast helpful or you think it could help someone that you know and care about, please pass it along and share it with them.