Honesty in Postpartum and Motherhood

Brooke Raybould is The Southern-ish Mama.  She's Mom to 3 boys balancing building a social media platform with raising her little ones.  Brooke and I chat about life with three kids, the transition from two to three, balancing a "side hustle" with being a stay at home mom and she also openly shares her experience with Postpartum Depression after her second.

Brooke grew up in Southern California.  She met her husband at a Starbucks while on a trip to Dallas to consider business schools.  Brooke ended up attending Georgetown business school - part of the time pregnant with her first son -  She received her MBA from Georgetown and she and her growing family moved to Nashville where they had their second child. Brooke and her family now live in Dallas where they recently welcomed their third boy! The Southernish Mama is a platform dedicated to the honesty of motherhood and explores navigating the ins and outs of daily life raising young children.

Follow Brooke on Instagram @thesouthernishmama and check out her website https://www.thesouthernishmama.com/

As always we would love to connect with you at the STJ podcast on Social Media - Facebook or Instagram @sweetestandtoughestjob.

Visit our new website www.sweetestandtoughestjob.com for other episodes and resources.

We would be grateful for any ratings or reviews you have a chance to leave, it helps others find the podcast.  Thank you!

Transcript

spk_0:   0:00
Welcome to the sweetest and toughest job podcast. I'm Rachel Olson, your host Mama to three kids, ages five and under. And as you can probably relate, I'm trying to figure this whole parenting thing out on the show. I'm chatting with subject matter experts and other parents to hear their stories all in efforts to gather information and perspectives to share with this amazing mama community. We cover all kinds of topics relating to pregnancy, postpartum period and parenting in general. Thank you for being here and joining me on this journey as we explore the very sweetest but also toughest job.  

spk_0:   0:52
Hey, everyone, welcome back to the podcast. Thank you so much for being here. I do have a favor to ask you if you like what you've been hearing. If you would share with at least one other person, I would be super grateful. It's how I'm going to keep the podcast going and get the word out. I'm so thankful for so many of you that have listened along the way and are continuing to listen. And hopefully you can share with one other person that you think might find some of these episodes helpful.

spk_0:   1:21
I'm really excited to share today's episode with the Southern ish mama. Brooke Raybould is one of my dear friends who I met here in Nashville. We have lots of different connections throughout life, which is always fun. When you meet someone like that. She is mama to three adorable boys all under the age of five. And we're talking all about life as a mom of three, how you balance work and building something while being a mom at the same time. And she also openly shares her experience with postpartum depression. And I'm very grateful for just her honesty and sharing her story. I'm sure there are lots of people that can relate, and if you're one of them, I want you to know that you're not alone. And I think that what she shares could be really helpful information. If you want to follow Brooke on Instagram, she's @thesouthernishmama. Head over to my show notes, and I'll have information on her there. And I'm super excited that I also have a new website, www dot sweetest and toughest job, and you can check out any episodes there as long as episode information, show notes and there's some other extra resource is as well. With that, I hope you enjoy my conversation with Brooke.  

spk_0:   2:38
So today I have joining me the beautiful Brooke Raybould.  Hey, Brooke. Thank you so much for taking the time to do this. This is a special conversation because we were friends, which is always so fun when I get to have a friend, um, on here to chat with, and we kind of have, like, six degrees of knowing each other.  

spk_0:   3:02
And we met your sweet family in Nashville, Brooke and her family, lived in Nashville before they relocated to Dallas, we were so sad, where they currently live on. And I'll let you say your background, but it was fun because we met in Nashville. But we have a ton of connections, like she said, from Orange County, California. A lot of mutual friends, and I'm kind of spent a lot of time, like right next door to each other, growing up in stuff.  

spk_0:   0:00
Yes. Crazy. It is so crazy. I remember. Well, I think you reached out to me on was Facebook, something like that. Wait, You said your from, Orange County, I was pregnant. You had just had J. J.

spk_0:   4:07
Yes, I had. So with that, I will let you actually tell a little bit more about your background, your family, and just about you.

spk_1:   4:17
Yeah. I mean, I know. Gosh, where to start. Well, I'm the mom of three. Precious, this little boys. I can't believe I had a third boy. You know, we didn't find out gender for any of them, but I think this third time around, everyone was like, Is it gonna be a girl? Yeah, it was another boy.

spk_0:   4:37
You're officially a boy, Mom.  

spk_0:   4:39
I am officially a boy, Mom. And if I were to dig down deep, I think I always wanted boys. So it, you know, it's good. It's a challenge, but it's good. So I've got three boys and then Ryan, my husband, who's a federal prosecutor here in Dallas, which is what has prompted our moving. Kind of like you guys, we have been all over and we met here in Dallas. So it's kind of come full circle. We were in D. C., Nashville now here. Then I hope that we're gonna stay here and that we put down some roots, but I don't know

spk_0:   5:22
it's life. It's crazy, right?

spk_1:   5:24
It is, It is. And I feel like, you know, second kid, the first kid, the third kid, it's crazy. The minute you move, it's just like you become an adult. And there's all these moving parts and everything's exciting. And for us, we just decided to add a whole another element of excitement. I'm moving constantly, um, but and and so I got the three boys and then all this on, I guess, the side. I run an instagram platform called the Southern ish Mama, which has kind of evolved over time. Um, I originally started it with my best friend, Hayley, who's also from Newport Beach when we were trying to get pregnant with our second babies. And so we ran together, Uh, for I think, the better part of, like, a year and 1/2. And then we kind of just split ways. Running an Instagram platform with two people is actually harder than you think. We thought it would be like running a blog. I think it's a little bit different, but when you're trying to build that voice, and create cohesiveness to it, I think we both realize that it's just not to mention like managing her kid schedules. It was just kind of a challenge. So but yeah, so I do this instagram thing, I guess I'm considered now, like a micro influencer on it. Yet it's growing and it's becoming something. Now that it is kind of a big part of my day to day life, along with being a full time, stay at home mom and doing everything that we have to do with kids. So I just I'm trying to trying to balance it all and do it all and love my kids and have fun with the instagram thing. 

spk_0:   7:25
We'll get to how you're balancing all of it. But for anybody listening, you have to check out the instagram profile if you're on Instagram, which I feel like everybody is. So it's like you said the Southern ish mama. And I have to say that, um, I just give you so much. Um, I'm so impressed, I guess with how you so gracefully put yourself out there And, um, yeah, I just feel like everything you talk about is very relevant. Well, for me, especially because our kids are the same age and but also, like you just come at it with a level of honesty which I feel like any mom and parent can totally appreciate, because this time that we're in is really hard. And sometimes, you know, people don't talk about the hard stuff. So I feel like you talk about great fun, wonderful moments, but also the challenges that you just face with daily life as a mom of three.  

spk_0:   8:26
Definitely. I think like that's what kind of prompted this, I kind of every time you have a new baby, you're kind of like thrown back into the whirlwind of it all. And you can kinda, you know, like I'm gonna have another baby and it seems all dreamy again. And then you kind of have the maybe,  I guess I remembered how hard this is, but it's really hard, even if it's the third time. Absolutely. Having that outlet has been something for me personally. Just to be able to, like, get all of my thoughts out, you know, onto a phone sometime or all the time publicly for people to see. Um, you know, I tried a like I try hard because everything is helping now.  You do deal with a certain level of criticism, which is a very small part of it, But when I do it, I do try to, like, dig down deep and kind of like feel what's in my heart and what I'm going through, and just something that's like an honest moment that I'm going through as a mom and I start off by, like, venting in my caption. And then I try to end it with, like, a positive because I feel like that's how I am as a person. We're like, Oh my gosh, like my kid is, you know, licking the flu ridden floor in flu season but then had a positive spin on it and, like, kind of make it funny, relatable. It's like all of us moms go through this stuff. And, um, you know, I tried to give advice that I would I It's like I'm getting myself advice when I write. Okay, this is what you need to do and then just, you know, hopefully people like it. I hope you like it. And I think so far it's gotten a good draw. And but yeah, just like the honesty behind motherhood. And you know what? We're all we're all doing every day. Yeah, it's ever changing. It's it's crazy ending with each kid. It's like I've learned something new or been thrown back into it again, and I'm doing it a whole new different way that, uh, it's it's fun to share.

spk_0:   10:47
So what are the ages of your boys?

spk_0:   10:50
Our youngest he's a little over four months and then Vance will be three in March and Rhett will be five. Vance and Rhett are two and 1/2 years, and so it's just, uh I think this third time it was like, Are we gonna have the third kid? And then it was just It was like, Hey, think we are.  Okay, I know I want this baby, but I'm not ready. I'm not ready. And finally, it was like let's do this. And then it took us a little bit or not. You know, I feel so fortunate with the time that it's taken us to conceive with all of our kids. But that process can be, uh, you know, I just feel for women all over the spectrum of conception and all that stuff. Our youngest he's a little over four months and then Vance will be three in March and Rhett will be five. Vance and Rhett are two and 1/2 years, and so it's just, uh I think this third time it was like, Are we gonna have the third kid? And then it was just It was like, Hey, think we are. right now where I was like, Okay, I know I want this baby, but I'm not ready. I'm not ready. And finally, it was like already let's do this. And then it took us a little bit or not. You know, I feel so fortunate with the time that it's taken us to conceive with all of our kids. But that process can be, uh, you know, I just feel for women all over the Spectra conception and all that stuff.

spk_0:   11:57
So tell me how it's been for you going from 2 to 3, because I always I'm sure you get that question all the time. And I do, too. 

spk_1:   12:06
I do. Sometimes I don't even know how to answer it because it really depends on the day. Like I Oh my gosh, like I'm doing this, It's never easy, and I'll say that it's just different, right? It's time. Maybe. I think the dynamic with your family changes, you know, with one and then two. I think with two. It was crazy for me because that's when the kind of point of focus starts to go over the place. So you're no longer just a direct point of focus. You're now like dueling points of focus that makes me almost like dizzy a little bit. I think that's what I don't like, where it's like It's so easy. It was so easy for you, not over easy, but easier for me to like Love. One point focuses. It's like that's what I'm dealing with one, But then it's like you got another one and you've got that going on first pregnancy and then they're 2 to 3.  So I think people say, Like with what wanted to your juggling with 2 to 3. You just, you know, already know how to juggle but you're juggling faster. Um, so that's kind of what I feel like. What I do love about having the third is when I'm with the baby. Usually, uh, Rhett and Vance have each other. It's not like I mean, my days Rhett is in school, and I'm just here with Vance. You know, he does have to fend for himself. At least Vance is a lot more independent and better it entertaining himself, then my firstborn, for whatever reason. But I like that. I like the dynamic. But three is, it's crazy, though I'm not gonna sit here and be like it's easy at it is. Uh, like we were saying, you get thrown back into you start over every time you have a baby and you re calibrate and you learn how to do life again. And it really is an investment in that first year. Uh, just, uh, yeah, just starting all over. So it's been good. I mean, we adore Beauden. And, like,  I'm so happy we did it. I'm even, like, maybe on another baby. Uh, no, Absolutely not. So it is that we're just in that moment of hard, but 2 to 3. It's different. It's still a struggle. But, um, it's a different kind of struggle. 

spk_0:   14:46
I like how you phrase that you kind of made that, um, metaphor. I guess you could say that you're the with the point of focus because that's such an interesting way to look at it. And I feel like, Yes, I just I think that's exactly it. You know,  when you add another child like you, just have more on that plate and more to you try to focus on which can get overwhelming at times

spk_1:   15:17
And I think we'll talk about this in a little bit. But I think that might have been like the crux of it. I think there's a lot of things that happened when I had postpartum depression. After my second baby was born, I think I was just like trying you know you can give 100% with that, like, direct point of focus. But when you have two and then you keep trying to give, like, 100% in two different directions, it becomes overwhelming. Think with this third, baby, I've taking a little bit of a step back. Even though people see me on instagram, they're like, you're too busy!

spk_0:   15:58
Inthink I sent you one of those messages.

spk_1:   16:01
It comes from love. They're like, Brooke. I see you.  With the third, I think you're, like, almost forced to let go a little bit. Yeah, yes, yeah. I feel like to you can kind of still hold on like being super mom and doing, like, 100% here 100% there and then with three, you just like throw your hands up in the air. You know, like you guys have gotta go around for a little bit. You got to go outside. You've gotta learn how to put your shoes on. Where as, you know, with two I'm still like, I'll put your shoes on and we'll do  the alphabet. And with three I'm like, I can't and that's okay. And In fact, that might be a good thing. 

spk_0:   16:46
So I feel like, um and I think you've talked about this too, on your on your platform, but just trying to give yourself grace, that this is like, they're all seasons of life, you know? And yeah, and and this, too will pass. So, you know, if there's a little bit more screen time one day or like one of your kids isn't getting your full attention, and you feel guilty about it. It's like you just can't do it all all the time and and that's okay.  And it's really hard to remind yourself of that. But I feel like that's it. Kind of. Where is that? 

spk_1:   17:20
It is anything. I I think you know, a person of interest is a mom in general, and I think, you know, for me specifically, like personality, like achiever, perfectionist and Okay, like, my goal is no screen time and you set yourself up for failure, and then you have a few days and you're just kind of losing your mind. And so yeah, there's gotta be a little bit of give and I think that's been one of my biggest challenges was You've gotta get, you know, you've gotta just, uh, not be so intense about everything. Yeah. And like I said, that could be actually a good thing. I know just to kind of lighten up on myself like lighten up on the kids and just kind of like, you know, let's let let go a little bit.

spk_1:   18:16
Yeah, I've been reading this book. It's called the, uh is it the self motivated kid? But she talks about Tiger moms.  I found it at Barnes and Noble, cause I was just walking around with Beauden and trying to get him to sleep.  Ryan's like with the other boys, they're all crazy. And it just caught my eye. And I was like, You gotta let go. 

spk_0:   18:36
This is speaking to me right now?

spk_1:   18:40
Totally. Because I can do that where I just  get overwhelmed, You know, I like. Okay, we gotta do this. Actually, the movie actor school, but we bought ourselves busy. We've got to be reading the thought of being learning. We thought to be, you know, eating good food and then there's only so much I thought that you could do before you're like.

spk_1:   19:04
Just watch. Yeah, I think it is a balance. I think it's a balance for sure. And I'm constantly learning, readjusting and hoping I don't say anything on Instagram. That's too, you know, permanent, where people are like, Oh, she does that. And then it's funny because the next day I'm doing this and I hope you didn't take my advice  yesterday because now it's totally and completely different. 

spk_0:   19:29
That's the thing, Mother. It is an evolution. You know,

spk_1:   19:33
It  really is.

spk_0:   19:34
I wanted to talk to you about something you mentioned a little bit ago, which was your struggles with after you had your second with some postpartum, and I think it is so amazing that you've openly shared this. I know you've talked about it a little bit on your your instagram platform because I just think that so many women go through different versions of this. But we don't often talk about it, and I think it's so hopeful for other moms out there just to know that they're not alone in some feelings and what they might be experiencing and just to be aware that this is something that could happen to so you're kind of on the lookout for it. But I just wanted to ask you, like what your experience was and kind of what you went through and how you handled it?

spk_1:   20:20
Sure, So, like, kind of like you said, like we all have heard about it like postpartum depression. You get pregnant and you don't really think about it like you've heard of it before, right?  I was where I was like Okay, Pregnancy, like I've heard of that before. Whatever. And then you have a baby I think after my first, Maybe I had some baby blues just cause it was like a huge life adjustment and you're thinking and it's hard and it's emotional. It's all of that right on. Then, after I had Vance kind of same thing where I was like, it's hard, it's emotional, my emotions were high.  Because, you know, it's hard being a mom, Uh, and then and I think my parents had kind of noticed that maybe I needed a little bit of help because I was maybe a little bit overwhelmed. And they were like, We just kind of want to step in, you have two kids, we encourage you to maybe, like, find a gym, get a baby sitter, maybe get out of the house and I kind of was one of those moms that holds on. And I'm like, I don't want to be away from my kids like I like being with them. I don't need to do the gym like I just want to be with them so that they were like, You know what? Just  let us help you. So I took their advice. I think I got someone to come in and I would go to the gym. Um, but then around like and I think that was it looked like five months postpartum after Vance my second baby and then around six months postpartum. I started getting like these crazy tension headaches and I was feeling like so nauseous to the point where I was like am I pregnant again?  It felt like the worst morning sickness type nausea. But then I had these  headaches. These were like pressure on my head. We used my head and I couldn't really see, like my vision was impaired. So that's when I knew something was wrong and emotionally, I was just so overwhelmed with two kids and then physically, I wasn't, You know, I started feeling like this, and I was just because I'm like, I can't afford to be physically feeling like this like, I have two babies to take care of. So I think the baby sitter left that day when I came back and I was feeling miserable. I feel like I'm pretty tough too, and I just kind of like started freaking out because I'm like, I can't be here alone with these kids right now, like I can't even see and function. And so I called her. I was like, I am so sorry like, do you mind coming back? Because I need to drive myself to the ER like something is very wrong. I don't know what's going on. I and I felt so bad just cause that's my personality. And she was like, Oh, my gosh, Of course, like, I'm still close I'll just come back. So she came back and I drove myself to the Urgent care. It wasn't the ER yet. The Doctor checked me out and he's like, You know what? I encourage you to go to the ER because, uh, I'm worried that it could be, like, more serious like a tumor. Like the way you're just describing your situation.

spk_0:   24:03
Oh my gosh.

spk_1:   24:05
So I drove myself. I probably shouldn't have been driving, I mean, because of how bad my headaches were and, like, I couldn't see but my hands were on the wheel and I was just like, Oh, my gosh, please get me there. And then I was sitting in the room, and that's when I knew like something overwhelming was  taking over where I just was sitting in the hospital room and I felt like like I was in this tiny box with no windows and like, I couldn't get out. And I thought, like my life was ending, like who was gonna take care of my kids was like one of the thoughts I had, like, I just felt like trapped. And that's like, I don't even know how to explain depression because I did not think it was like this. I thought it was like, someone sat like, Oh, someone you know, just

spk_0:   24:54
Like you're just sleeping and you can't get out of bed

spk_1:   24:57
Yeah, it was a totally different sensation than that. And I am thankful that I went through it because now, actually, I have, like, an appreciation for women that go through it because you feel like you feel the world is ending. And anyway, I thought I was in that room. It was so bad. Like crawling out of my skin feeling where I was like, I can't even be in my body like I just feel so bad right now. And like it was bad. So they did an MRI  just to make sure it wasn't, You know, something more serious because I mean depression is very serious, but it wasn't a tumor or anything like that. So he prescribed me a few different things, like for my headaches. And he said that they were just like, stress induced. I went home and I still was in denial. About what it was because it was six months after my baby.  I didn't know what was happening. But then, like a few more days went on where I felt that just like trapped icky feeling like overwhelmed, like, don't want to leave the house. I felt like I needed to care for my kids like I didn't Even mentally I was just not me. It wasn't me. But it was just on a very low state of consciousness where I was like in this box, like I said. So I finally went to a psychologist or psychiatrist and this is like the lowest point where she asked me, she was like, I have to first ask you like, do you know, I'm, like, probably terrified that she's like, Do you have any, you know, thoughts of like, wanting to hurt yourself? And I was like like, No, I'm like No, I'm not that kind of person. But I was like, if I stay like this like, I can't imagine living my life like this. And so that's when I think I was like, Okay, there is something very big going on here. Uh, where when anyone reaches out to be like on my platform and they explain what they're going through with like postpartum I'm like there because I'm like, I like I will be here like I will help you. You can call me like, uh but it's hard because you don't know what it is when it hits you. Because we have these, like, thoughts about what depression is or what postpartum depression is. And like I was going along my merry way like I feel like motherhood is stressful but not anything that I can't handle, it's so hard. But I was like I can just like this is my normal life. Like he's saying the doctor saying I'm stressed like I I know like that's not right So, like a few weeks out, you know, a few weeks of going through this  I am lucky that the symptoms did start to go away on their own like my parents had to step in and even more like I needed to have the baby sitter come even more, which, to a mother who doesn't want to leave her kids, it's like the worst thing right.  I stay at home. These are the moments that I want to be there with them. But it was like I literally said it like I couldn't It wasn't a good place for me.  Uh, so I just started trying to take care of myself, and unfortunately, part of that was like getting time away from the kids and just mentally trying to feel like myself. like I got into medication or meditation. I do want to talk about medication, though, because a lot of women probably get to the point of of needing it. And that was something again that I had this, like, weird kind of idea about what I was at the point where my O. B. Who you can get, um, uh, you know, antidepressants from or whatever it is you need she was on, like speed dial because I was like, I don't think I could drive here and ask you to write me a prescription. Can I just call you and you'll You can fill it for me? But the problem is, is those medications take like 6 to 8 weeks to work so you are in this precarious situation where you are struggling and there's almost like nothing in that moment that can help you feel better. So that's something that I don't have the answers to. That's, um, that's a big reason why I didn't get on medication because I knew the lag time of 6 to 8 week at that point, like I was slowly kind of like seeing the light, um, outside of the dark. That's like with each day. I was like, Okay, it's a little bit better. Like I still have those, like drops of, you know, chemical whatever during the day. But so that's what deterred me from it. It was crazy. I did come out, come out of it slowly. And I'm here today to say that you know, I'm fine. But I didn't go through to get it for a few days off was third turn around. So after I had boat and I kind of knew what the signs were, I also thought that I was fine, just like last time. But in the world of new motherland where you're just like spinning and you're trying to do everything and be everything. And I also have a theory that, like after you have a baby like you're a little bit more like hyperactive like definitely because it just three wired. Or I think biologically something happens. I believe after the baby that heightens all that so that you can care for your baby but the problem with maybe people like you and I is that with all that like adrenaline and hyperactive energy we start doing a lot more things. 

spk_0:   0:00
Yes

:   31:01


spk_1:   31:02
So that's what I find myself doing after I give birth where it was like, Oh, I I'm working out. I'm like doing my instagram. I'm waking up every two hours and that is just a cycle for like, you know, a breakdown. And that, I think, was when you texted me, went a few of my other friends text to be in their legs. Be careful because And then I put something on Instagram that those feelings were coming back and everyone was like, Be careful, what are you doing? But it's hard because you know you're you as moms, we that's like the story of our lives. That's our lives, like were you know, spin around and do multitask and do a 1,000,000 different things like either emotionally, physically, for our kids make dinner and like clean the house. It's hard to manage all those things, especially when maybe you're prone to, you know, when things do get out of control. And I'm not saying that caught, but they don't know. I don't know what causes this part of depression, But I think that that can, for me personally, like exacerbate it. So anyway, this time it only lasted a few days and I came out of it. But Ryan was like he called. His parents called my parents and I told him not to again. My personality was like, No, we'll be fine, I'll figure it out and he was like No, and thank Goodness he did. He stepped in and he had, you know, them fly out here for the weekends to help me with the kids And I got back on my feet and and I didn't deal with what I dealt with the first time. 

spk_0:   32:53
thank you so much for just sharing what you went through. And I also I've talked about this a couple times on the podcast. I kind of think that there's something that happens at around six months too with the hormone shift. But it should be talked about more because there's a lot of women that experienced some kind of shift at six months, specifically it seems,

spk_1:   33:19
it's interesting you say that because I also started gaining weight, which I know you were there by my side, along with a lot of my other Nashville girlfriends That heard me so very often complain about the weight that I wasn't losing, that I was gaining, which then the postpartum slim down program was born. But yeah, at that six month mark, it was like the postpartum hit. And then I started gaining weight with no change in diet, like no change in anything. And I was like, What is going on?

spk_0:   33:53
Yeah.

spk_1:   33:55
So it was just Yeah, And it's funny because that's usually when baby stars doing solids, right? And I'm like, I don't know. There's something somebody needs to do. Some kind of research. Yeah, I if there isn't already  

spk_0:   34:11
Yeah. Um, well, and I feel so I mean, I I and just, like, feel so bad hearing your story too, because I knew you during this time and I knew that you had struggles with a few things, but I had no idea, like the extent of what you're going through. And maybe you didn't either. I guess it sounds like as you were going through it. You were trying to figure it out. But I think it's just so hard for women in this postpartum time struggling with different things because you're trying to figure out what's going on with yourself. And I feel like as a culture, we often times it's hard to ask for help and definitely with personalities, too. I'm one of those like you that I feel like I could just do it on my own, and I don't need the help, you know. But we're meant to have help after we have babies, and I think it's so important to reach out when you do need a not to feel bad about it, because it doesn't mean you're less of a good mother, where you're not doing your job. You know, it's just like the support that we inherently need as we're trying to heal our own bodies and take care of a life. And you have other kids that you've probably if you have other kids. So it just is all a lot you know

spk_1:   35:24
it is, and even this third time and my parents, they're just, you know, very involved, and they see me kind of just I don't even know how to explain it where I'm just moving quickly throughout the day and once again encouraging me like you know what? Like are you sure you don't want to get help? But then it's that again, like fighting Mom and you, That's like, I want to be with my kids, you know, even though. But my dad did stay in which has resonated with me where he said, you know, and I don't completely agree with this like fully, but he said, um, you know, quality over quantity. So if you need a little bit of time away and that can rejuvenate you enough to have  quality time with your kids, then that could be a good thing. You know, just because you're with your kids 24 7 and how that quantity doesn't always mean that its quality and if you know, if you think you can get that by taking time away. So that's something I've just been kind of mulling over and wondering if it is because I don't have help at the moment. But I am at the point where I'm thinking about, you know, how to get someone in here But then it's hard to find someone too.

spk_0:   36:46
It is really? 

spk_1:   36:48
Yeah, you know, just someone that can be with the baby. That was how to do everything you do with a baby. Like I can't even take a bottle yet. I'm, like, so embarrassed. I can't even take a bottle. So I don't even know how to leave him.

spk_0:   37:01
It's OK because my daughter can't take a bottle yet either. Emery will not take a bottle.  I'm like Well, like you get stuck once again and then you don't want to leave even still. And then when you do leave you still guilty sometimes and you're like kids or I'm missing out. 

spk_1:   37:08
Absolutely. I do remind myself that like it is the season of life and I also think like my kids actually enjoy being with other people. And sometimes, you know, you do need that time a little bit of ways, like, look forward to, like, see each other. You know,

spk_0:   37:39
definitely. And I think, but I think it's something that a lot of, um, I mean, every mom struggles with but stay at home moms. I'm one and I know you are too Even though you've got a crazy side hustles. But I've talked to a few of my other friends about this, too, that sometimes there's just so much pressure when you're a stay at home mom, that this is your job and so you shouldn't leave it. You know why would like how do you justify getting help if this is what your full time responsibility is supposed to be? And I think it's okay that look have somebody come in and help you if after you're able to financially d'oh because I think taking a break is definitely okay and sometimes really needed, depending on the season of life, to just help you be a better mom and focus when you are with your kids.

spk_1:   38:31
Absolutely. I feel like, you know, like compare it to let accounting business like a startup. It's like when you have that, like, overwhelming season of like new orders. It's like that, too. Sometimes. Bring someone and it's like doesn't mean you love your business any less. It's just like that. The workload is just so much that you can almost handle it on your own, and sometimes they feel like the fox. What's going on when you are out another kid to the mix. Different seasons of life, Definitely this season right now, where it's like I love my kids so much, but I just Sometimes I'm like I can't do all of this And, you know, I do have that with running this instagram platform where? That because a point of contention for me, where I'm like, should I not be doing it should I isn't taking away from my family? Is it too much right now? But then the problem is, is if I take a you can't really take a break from Instagram or the algorithm crushes you, so it's interesting I do it, but that is that you do have to keep up with it every day like it's such a law saying it's such a fun outlet and I'd come back to that wearing like it so much. It is fun for me. It's a fun work, Um, on And but yeah, there are moments where I'm like this is a hard time of life, and if I could put a cause on it, yeah, maybe I would a few days, but then, you know, Anyway, it's just a revolving door world.

spk_0:   40:02
Absolutely. Well, um, you mentioned the postpartum slim down. So you not only have the Instagram platform, but you also started that business. Um, do you want to just talk about that

spk_1:   40:15
Well, so and it's kind of I don't want to say like it's dying down. I think now, because like the Instagram has taken like front and center, I'm able to focus on that more than likely filling the postpartum, slowing down on orders that I want. I will talk about like, how that company was like, Yeah, and my struggle once again after Vance. It's so ironic because he was my easiest baby. I mean,

spk_0:   40:40
yes, my such a delightful little boy

spk_1:   40:44
I thought he was like sleeping through the night like  I asked the pediatrician I'm like, he never cries. Like should I be worried that I thought something was wrong on? Biologically but And he was like my easiest And I hate like comparing, but that, you know, if you're talking babies he was a very easy baby and I had postpartum with him.

spk_0:   41:06
Oh, my gosh! Thank goodness he was that way..

spk_1:   41:10
Seriously, I actually remember you saying, You know, when I was going through that that you're like, You know what we all have? Like, you know, we all have, like, something that whether it's a challenging baby and I think that's like good perspective when you're like making mom friends, we're dealing with other mothers. It's like we're all kind of going through like I don't like the word battle or struggle because I believe in, like, positivity. But like, you know, we're all being challenged in, like, a unique way, and no one's got it figured out, like whether you're dealing with those like your baby's colicky like there's just so many things to deal with. But back to the postpartum slim down. So, yeah, after after Vance, I couldn't lose the baby weight, which I'm so glad not so glad it was the worst because I am a little vain about the baby weight. I think it's because I tried so hard to eat healthy and workout. with Vance I gained 30 I was like, Yes, I did it because with Rhett. My first I gained 60.

spk_0:   42:23
That's a big difference. 

spk_1:   42:26
Yeah, and I kind of was just, like, more relaxed about my diet. Like I didn't work out with my first pregnancy. Relaxed about the diet, But I gained 60  pounds it took me over a year to, like, lose. I didn't really do much to lose the weight, Uh, which is also kind of funny. And it it didn't come off eventually a little over a year. I don't know, like, 16 months or so, but then you have the second time. I was like, Okay, I'm gonna eat healthy and exercise, I expected it to come off, which, you know, it felt like every other women around me was, like, skinny after. 

spk_0:   43:07
It always sounds like that.

spk_1:   43:08
Yeah, I couldn't lose the baby weight. 30 pounds I thought it would take me a few months and then yeah, I started gaining weight at six months. For the most part so that's when I was like - This is just so weird and that actually led me into this whole other part of, like, postpartum weight retention. I actually feel like I know, not like a lot. I'm not a trained doctor, physician or anything, but like I researched the heck out of it because I was so fascinated with some women retain, while other women don't and what I learned through my Instagram platform is that about like half of women are holding on to that weight for whatever reason, whether it's like breastfeeding hormones, where it becomes like very hard, if not like impossible, it's like your body's clinging to the weight. So that's what I went through. And that's how the postpartum slim down was Born, which is a medical grade fasting detox program that helps women, you know, drop that baby weight. It's like, so aggressive. But for me I was like, I'm like, I'm doing everything like I'm exercising and eating really healthy, just things that I'm used to doing the to stay healthy and fed and lose a little, you know, pounds here and there that they weren't working his I was leading this this doctor and national Dr Rissman, who's like a wholistic dr. He's like a provider of vegan diet, and he works with, like, cancer patients, hormones, you know, patients that all these different patients. And he puts all of his patients on a similar fasting program, like medical grade detox. So I did that, and I finally started dropping the weight and the products you can get, you know, wholesale. So that's when I was like, Okay, like, I need to put this out there for other women who who are also struggling. But yes, in this time it's so funny with each baby, it's so different. I am. I'm definitely not back to like my pre baby weight, but I'm I'm losing it in a way that was so different than my loss. They're all different, you know.

spk_0:   45:24
It's so interesting. Yeah, it's like that. The kids that come out, you know, the babies are actually different. The pregnancies are different,

spk_1:   45:31
your body is different, we lose weight, might retain weight the way It's all just a different experience.

spk_0:   45:39
I'll just say I guess that thank you so much for joining us, Uh, joining me and talking about all that you do. I still I'm just in awe of everything that you juggle, Um, with your instagram platform and the slim down and a mom of three and moving all the time. Hopefully, you're not moving any time soon, but but I just appreciate your openness to share just everything in life. And I encourage people to definitely look you up. We'll put your social handles and your website on my show notes, and you haven't awesome website to with great blog posts. And I feel like, you know, three kids. You you know something, right?

spk_1:   46:28
yes, I know when I posted, Like Rachel has experts on our podcast like, I'm not sure why she's having me. I am. You know, you are the expert of your own life, mom. So I feel like I'm I'm definitely not an expert.

spk_0:   46:52
And it's just the whole reason I wanted to start this podcast to is to also talk with other moms and experts and other moms just because we all go through similar things, you know, and and sometimes we're in our own worlds. And you feel like Oh, my gosh, I'm the only one going through this. I feel like it's just so helpful to share stories and experiences, And some things will work the same as other people. Some things you have to do totally different. But to me, knowledge is is so useful and I'll try anything in desperation when Well, thank you so much. I know you're gonna get to your little one. But it was so awesome to talk to you.   I appreciate you all you do!

spk_1:   47:35
 No, thanks for having me.

spk_0:   47:42
Thank you so much for listening to today's episode. Head over to Sweetest and toughest job dot com. You'll find additional episodes there as well as information from today's episode. Resources and links. We'd love to connect with you on social media at sweetest and Toughest job on either eight instagram or Facebook and a special thank you to Machai Pace for all the original music used