#218 - Gratitude Practices for Abundance

 Practicing gratitude is essential for being a boss, so Emily and Kathleen are using this episode to talk about why gratitude is so important, how and why to implement gratitude into your relationships, and practices for showing appreciation in your work and life.

This episode is sponsored by Freshbooks Cloud Accounting, Pitney Bowes, and Acuity Scheduling.

Get full show notes for this episode here

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Transcript

Emily Thompson: 0:47

I'm Emily Thompson.

Kathleen Shannon: 0:48

And I'm Katherine Shannon.

Emily Thompson: 0:50

And this is being boss. And this episode of being boss that we're talking all about gratitude, including why gratitude practices are so important for us bosses, how and why to infuse gratitude into your team and other supportive relationships, and practices for showing your appreciation in work and life. As always, you can find all the tools, books and links we referenced on the show notes at WWW dot being boss dot club.

Kathleen Shannon: 1:21

Whether you're building up your side, hustle or working for yourself full time, you'll quickly learn that as a creative entrepreneur, the work you do isn't always well, creative. Fresh books, cloud accounting is here to help. I personally use and love fresh books cloud accounting, it's easy and intuitive, but robust enough to keep me organized. They have automated systems that help me track my expenses and invoice my clients so I get paid faster without the headache of chasing down payment. freshbooks is the number one accounting software in the cloud designed to make billing painless for small businesses and their teams. Today over 10 million small businesses use freshbooks effortlessly send professional looking invoices, organize expenses and track their billable time. Try fresh books cloud accounting for free by going to freshbooks comm slash being boss and enter being boss in the How did you hear about us section?

Emily Thompson: 2:23

Okay, bosses before we dive into our topic today, we have a big and very exciting announcement to make. We're hosting a conference, four years of being boss conference has been on our vision board and and 2021 making it happen. We're planning two and a half days of keynotes and breakout sessions at panels and live podcast recordings with me Kathleen and some of our favorite bosses, thought leaders and industry experts. It's going to be high vibing totally beautiful, and filled with awesome folks doing cool things with their businesses and careers. Bosses like you. It's all going down in April 2020 in New Orleans, and it seems that you all are as excited about this as we are because during the first 48 hours after launch, we sold a third of our tickets. Most of them were past attendees to our vacations, meaning they know they're in for a good time. I mean, we did announce that we're throwing a ball celebration parade again, and that was a memory that will last a lifetime. If you want more information or are ready to join in on the fun head on over to beam boss dot club slash conference. We have a special early bird pricing available until Cyber Monday only or until they're sold out. That's being boss dot club slash conference. We hope to see you there.

Kathleen Shannon: 3:44

Alright Emily, I'm gonna put you on the spot. What are you grateful for today?

Emily Thompson: 3:50

Thank you, Kathleen. I hate it when you put me on the spot. Okay, the first thing that pops into my mind is this rain. So one case you guys hear rain today is finally raining in Chattanooga guide has been such a dry summer. And though I'm not able to nap today, as much as I would like to I am very grateful to have some rain. Our yard has been through the wringer this year, but it's finally starting to look a little green now. So rain, what about you? Hmm.

Kathleen Shannon: 4:18

So I thought that there was a gas leak in my house slowly killing me, as you do. Yes. And I had the gas guy come out and test everything and there's no gas leak anywhere to be found. I I was smelling gas every morning like every morning I would wake up so maybe I'm just having a stroke maybe. Um, but I'm grateful that there's not a gas leak in my house a good thing to be grateful for.

Emily Thompson: 4:46

I'm glad that you don't have one either. I'm also grateful for that.

Kathleen Shannon: 4:50

So I'm setting this up and asking about gratitude, because that's what we're talking about today. And I know that this can come across as like a Pinterest quote or something that you'd see on Instagram or any generic self help book is going to talk about the benefits of gratitude. But that's because it's important. And it's especially important for creative entrepreneurs who work for themselves or side hustlers who are working really hard all the time, not only at their day job, but in the evenings and weekends on their side hustle. It's important because you know, if you're a creative entrepreneur, while working for yourself, you might not have team members who are thanking you all the time for the work that you're putting in. And it can get lonely and it can be hard to muster up gratitude. And whenever you're not in a traditional work space, like people aren't seeing your competence, you know, and that can be really that was one of my biggest frustration is going from a day job to working for myself. And you know, if you're a side hustler or at the beginning of your journey, and trying to get something off the ground, and nobody understands what you do, or worse, you're surrounded by people who don't believe in you, and you have some naysayers, you can really get down in the dumps. So this episode is about cultivating gratitude so that you can stay inspired and motivated and high vibing.

Emily Thompson: 6:13

Yes, I'm excited to dive into this. And for me, this episode is important because I've spent a lot of time this summer hanging out with bosses in real life. So we all went to Guatemala together earlier this summer, we, I spend a couple of weeks in Greece, and part of that time was with a couple of bosses as well, I just did a retreat, a mastermind retreat in New Orleans with 10, other bosses. And it all of these experiences have exposed me to the sort of small moments or characteristics that are common within people who identify as bosses, or at least who, who live out the values that we are sharing here in the space. And one of those that's blatant and obvious and wide open for everyone to see as a very strong sense of gratitude. I, you know, can sit at a restaurant table with a crowd of bosses and watch everyone speak gratitude over and over again to the waiter, to people sitting around them, even you know, to themselves, like being able to accept compliments, those sorts of things. It just is a characteristic of someone who is a boss. And it's become very obvious to me over the past couple of weeks, months really hanging out with all the bosses that I've gotten the privilege to hang out with that gratitude, practicing constant gratitude, no matter what situation you're in is a characteristic of a boss.

Kathleen Shannon: 7:44

And I want to really point out that I have been on the other side of having a really hard time to muster up gratitude. In fact, I was reflecting. As I was preparing for this episode I was reflecting on there was an episode and I'm pretty sure it was with artists, Brenda Mangalore. So this is a long time ago, that we were interviewing someone, and we were talking about gratitude. And I remember saying, I just feel like, gratitude is a burden. Like I feel the burden of the weight of gratitude. And here's why. Because at the time, I was sleep deprived, and I had, I felt like I had nothing to be grateful for. Now, in hindsight, and with perspective, I see that I had so much to be grateful for, but it was hard to access it, it was really hard for me to access gratitude. And so since the time of sleep deprivation that I went through, and since feeling like I'm on the other side of it, I have a new perspective on gratitude and new practices around it that really helped me access it in a better way. And so part of that, for me is just the language of gratitude. So for me, gratitude doesn't always look like hashtag gratitude. Sometimes it looks like recognizing abundance, or practicing flexibility, or staying positive is probably the more obvious one. You know, having perspective, like, for me, perspective is a huge one. whenever it comes to gratitude, you have to either zoom way in, or zoom way out in order to find it. And it's also this level of, you know, self respect and self awareness. So are there any Is there any other words on like gratitude that come up for you, Emily, like other ways that you would describe it.

Emily Thompson: 9:35

I think you hit on all the major ones, but I will add in here, the word open. So being open to the world, I think whenever you are closed off, it's hard for you to recognize the things you can be grateful for. And I also think, I don't know, I think perspective is probably the biggest one for me. So I'm just gonna reiterate that one for me perspective is what gives you the lens through which to easily see gratitude and without it, it's hard to see it.

Kathleen Shannon: 10:06

And you know, it's funny because perspective, it's raining here in Michigan as well. And I was a little bummed out about it. I mean, it's beautiful, but I was a little bummed out because I really need to rake up some of my leaves in my yard. And it's so funny that we can be having the exact same experience and I could be bummed out by it and you could be excited about it right? Or the fact that I need to rake up my leaves. This is what I'm grateful for. I was telling you this yesterday I need to rake my leaves and you were like actually, that will hurt your trees. You should leave your leaves to keep your trees warm and fed.

Emily Thompson: 10:39

Not warm up your trees.

Kathleen Shannon: 10:42

I do I did. Imagine it like a blanket.

Emily Thompson: 10:44

It sound like the next level.

Kathleen Shannon: 10:48

I don't think I'm wrong, that they'll, they'll help keep my,

Emily Thompson: 10:52

if that's the way you need to see it, please surround them with all kinds of cuddly leaves and keep them warm. Right? I think you're right there, I think. But I also think one of the things that you have there, even in your, in your position is self awareness, like you're not hating on me, because I'm excited about the rain, you can understand that other people can be grateful for something that you may be a little less grateful for today.

Kathleen Shannon: 11:19

Well, and also in having these conversations, you can shift your perspective, right. And so I always like to think of the idea of going to a movie, you and I could both go to the same movie, and we're going to pick up different messages, we're going to see different things, I might be really paying attention to the costuming, you might really be paying attention to the narrative, and it's going to completely color our experience of the movie. And then after the movie, we're going to go get dinner, and we're going to talk about the movie that we just saw. And you're going to open my eyes to things I didn't see, you're going to change my perspective. And likewise, you know, the same can happen. So I think this is also why it's so important to have conversations with other bosses that have different viewpoints from you different vantage points, so they can help you see what you can't see.

Emily Thompson: 12:08

For sure. And I think that can make you more grateful for you know, other things, or the things that you can't see or make you more grateful for what you do have, I think, I think all of those conversations can lend again, to a broader perspective, a more open awareness, and therefore more gratitude. So

Kathleen Shannon: 12:29

let's Yeah, yes, well, gratitude for what you have is huge for me. So I was asked on a podcast, it was like a money podcast, someone straight up asked me, are you wealthy? And I was like, Whoa, that is a question, right? And I sat there and I thought about it. And I responded, yes, I am wealthy. Because I feel wealthy. Like what? There's no magic number that will make you wealthy or not, right. And certainly, I have numbers and goals. But for me, it's more of a feeling because my basic needs are taken care of. And then some I can travel, I always use the example of being able to eat avocados, because they're the most expensive food that I buy. Actually the most expensive food I buy now, is that fake meat. Beyond burgers, have you tried those yet? This is not sponsored. This is not

Emily Thompson: 13:21

sponsored by them. This is one of those things that I'm just morally opposed to Okay, it's

Kathleen Shannon: 13:26

actually so good. Like, on its own.

Emily Thompson: 13:29

I also just love to eat beef. It's I mean, I do

Kathleen Shannon: 13:32

the same I do too. I like both anyway, it's expensive. Um, but anyway, so yeah, I do have this like abundance mentality. And that is so funny. Like, which came first the chicken or the egg, the abundance mentality or the gratitude. Right?

Emily Thompson: 13:48

They come at the same time, I think it's a practice that I think it's like, an immediate cause and effect. Right? It's not something where one comes before the other, it's one where you start one and the other appears.

Kathleen Shannon: 13:59

Yeah. And then trusting that there's going to be more. So this is where, you know, specifically around money, let's say, where I'm, like waiting for the other shoe to drop, if I can just have trust, and also not have guilt, you know, like, it's easy to feel guilty that I make a successful living as a creative entrepreneur, whenever so many people are hustling so hard, who are just as qualified and just as talented and have just as much hustle. You know, so like, I think that's like my biggest, you know, opposite of gratitude is like feeling guilty or feeling afraid.

Emily Thompson: 14:36

Yeah. And I see this most often in people who can't take a compliment. No, if someone says, Oh, nice shoes, and they're like, Oh, these openings or whatever, like, just say, Thank you, like, just show the gratitude for the compliment. And if you can't take a compliment, try practice it. Because I do think that that is one of those sort of signposts of someone who can be a grateful person without feeling guilt for the things that they have.

Kathleen Shannon: 15:04

You know, something I'm thinking of just in general is Do you ever have those days where you wake up on the wrong side of the bed and just everything keeps going wrong? Absolutely. It's got to be all perspective, right? So you can flip that, where if you wake up on the right side of the bed, like leverage, leverage it and make sure that you're looking for the good experience all day long. And I'm not saying this from like, a Pollyanna point of view, where like, oh, everything's fine, because sometimes it's not and that's okay, too. You can still find something to be grateful for, which for me is usually that I'm, you know, in a human body, like what are the chances that we're even alive as people Like, you can always be grateful for that.

Unknown: 15:48

Yeah.

Emily Thompson: 15:49

Right. And I do want to address this Pollyanna attitude because like Kathleen and I have bad days, real bad days and not like super often, but like, often enough for sure. So this is not coming from a place where we are, we want to preach to you the, you know, abundant giving glory of gratitude practice. That's not what we're doing necessarily. We are saying, as you know, working creatives who are in this to like, we work by ourselves, more or less, and we do have the frosty feelings about getting paid well to do the work that we love, etc, etc. Practicing gratitude is one thing that again, we see bosses do if you struggle with practicing gratitude, then know that that is an act that you need to uplevel to take your own boss ness to the next level, and to hit does it make your life easier and better. So why I'm gonna like just ask us this whole thing was this is not Kathleen and I just sort of sending out platitudes. And here's the deal, I have been stuck

Kathleen Shannon: 16:54

in the muck, plenty of times, I mean, and we're talking stuck for months, maybe even a year at a time, where I've been stuck, honestly, in resentment, the opposite of gratitude is resentment. And that shit is poison. And it's not doing you any good. It's not doing your friends and family any good. It's not doing anybody any good. And sometimes it just feels really easy to stay there and you want to be right. That's the thing about it, too, is that your brain starts to want to prove it wants to prove your thoughts, right. So your brain is going to look for instances where everything is shit, or it's gonna help you find things to be resentful of, and I've gotten stuck there. And it becomes a vicious cycle. And it's terrible. And so literally, I have to stop the thought and say, okay, where can I find the good in this what good happened? So I'm going to use a really clear example. Sometimes I think that my kid is always in a bad mood. I'm like, Oh, he's just constantly whining and upset. And what am I doing wrong? I literally had that thought, this morning, when I woke up, which we'll get into in a second with gratitude practices. And, and then I thought, No, no, last night, he was jumping on the bed having a good time, we had a tickle tackle. He did great with his homework like, so I forced myself to stop the thought he's always in a bad mood. And remember, and make note of the good times too. And that can be applied to your business, to your home life, to your social life to all the things

Emily Thompson: 18:32

right, it's important to get out of your head and look at the facts.

Kathleen Shannon: 18:36

Yeah. Well, or to choose. I mean, it's all facts. Like the fact is, yeah, he winds but the fact is, also, he has really good moments, too, and which which do I want to pay attention to? You know, do I want to pay attention to the client that's giving me a really hard time and isn't happy with anything that I'm creating? Or do I want to pay attention to the client who's loving the work that I do, and put that on my portfolio and keep attracting more of that work. And here's the other thing, too, I think just in general, as a culture right now, like a lot of us are jaded and disenchanted with what's going on with, you know, politics and the economy and the climate. And, you know, there's a lot of stuff to be scared of, right. And there's a lot of stuff to make note of like, what's wrong. And there's a lot of stuff to be called out, you know, and there's a lot of stuff to be canceled, I get it. But it's generating this overarching attitude of pessimism. And I want to be mad about those things. But then I want to compartmentalize it, and not bring it to my work, or bring it to my family, or, you know, bring it to everything else. I want to also be able to recognize the good and create gratitude in my heart. Even whenever things are going wrong. Like I want to be able to do that,

Emily Thompson: 19:57

because of how many problems are solved through pessimism. Like not many most of them are solved because Elon was hopeful someone was optimistic that there was a solution to a problem. And so when we are all spiraling into this, you know, sea of pessimism and not accepting the things that we can be grateful about. We're not going to solve any of the problems and goodness knows there's plenty of them. I want to talk about another piece of this and that is when you start getting so down with gratitude that you start fishing for it. Because that's not cute either. I do think that gratitude is something that you have to start practicing first and it's one of those like, law of attraction things like when you start behaving more so with gratitude being grateful for your own health. Human body and you know the things that you have created for yourself and the people who are around you, then that gratitude starts being mirrored back to you, it doesn't start with you fishing for it, it starts on the inside.

Kathleen Shannon: 20:56

Yeah, and fishing for it might also look like approval seeking. So this is something that I specifically do whenever I'm feeling less than grateful I want to find it externally. I want to see that someone else appreciates me. And then that will somehow make me feel grateful but true self esteem and true gratitude comes from the inside out. It is an insight practice

Emily Thompson: 21:19

100%.

Kathleen Shannon: 21:20

And it's just so much more effective whenever it comes from you versus from a like on Instagram, or, you know, even a compliment or nice words. So, one thing that I kind of like to use as a litmus test for how much gratitude you've gotten your attitude is how you treat a waiter. As we were brainstorming this topic of gratitude for the podcast, we both had the image of eating dinner at a restaurant and imagining how you treat your waiter,

Emily Thompson: 21:54

for sure. I mean, I think for most of us, most of us listening is probably are not waiters, who probably were waiters, or waitresses at some point in our life, and some of us still may be, which I think is great. If that's what you're doing to pay the bills, or especially like if you love it,

Kathleen Shannon: 22:07

and if you never were a waiter, you should go try it for three months,

Emily Thompson: 22:11

I was never a waiter, and I will not do that. Thank you, you should try it sometime. But I think we all most of us have at some point. So for most of us there is this idea that we moved up from being a waiter or waitress. And in that sense, waiters or waitresses are below our skill level. human level No. skill level. Yes. And so

Kathleen Shannon: 22:36

I do take how people was I don't know, I've been to some fancy restaurants where those

Emily Thompson: 22:43

career waiters, Yes, for sure those people have skills that, you know, I

Kathleen Shannon: 22:50

think most of us can only aspire to. But we're talking like college student paying their way

Emily Thompson: 22:57

through trying to get to whatever there is like just that one stop on their many career trajectories, for sure. And I do I do kind of judge people by how they treat the waiter or waitress for sure this It teaches me a lot about what kind of person you are. And it's a casual enough situation, that people aren't really paying attention to how it is that they're acting, which I really like in terms of watching people behave. And it tells me a lot about how it is that you can be grateful for people doing even small things for you like filling up your water.

Kathleen Shannon: 23:28

Yeah. And like I think that this also applies to the checkout person at the grocery store, and just how you interact with people in general or like your I was just up at my son's school. So like how I interact with his teacher and some of the stuff at the school, like just really giving everybody eye contact and respect.

Emily Thompson: 23:49

And this is not normal for a lot of people. And I'll give you an example why a couple years ago, I was eating, I was eating dinner with a family member. And whenever the waiter was coming and asking us things like I always made eye contact, I always said thank you like being as kind as I can be for someone who's like literally giving me a meal. And this family member accused me of flirting with him. And I was like, that is not what I'm doing. I'm being nice. Like this is me just like making eye contact, being grateful, not me hitting on them by any means. And I've never had anyone say that quite to me in the same way. But it is something since then that I've noticed other people sometimes getting uncomfortable with how much gratitude I express, which I don't think is like an abnormal amount of gratitude for someone who is giving me food and water and taking care of me and making sure me and mine are having a great meal. So even if it's uncomfortable, or even if people sort of call you out for it, it's important and that I always get the best service I get great service, because I give a great experience.

Kathleen Shannon: 25:02

So the opposite of being called out for being too flirty. Do you remember after our book launch in New York City, how hung over I was

Emily Thompson: 25:14

that's one of my favorite restaurant interactions of all time. I

Kathleen Shannon: 25:18

still don't understand quite what happened. But we we had our book launch in New York City. The next morning, we had to get up and fly out which we should never do that again have an early morning flight after a big party. Right and we go to a restaurant Emily and I love getting like a good breakfast together whenever we travel. We like eating all good food together and

Emily Thompson: 25:39

have breakfast. It's all meals

Kathleen Shannon: 25:40

all meals and the waitress I think she asked me something and somehow I responded less than kind. I still don't think it was intentional. I think it was just was misunderstanding. Like, I think it was a big misunderstanding. Because I was definitely in my head, like, my heart was not being rude to her. Right. And Emily was like Kathleen, and I said, immediately to the waitress, I was like, I am so sorry. I don't know what just happened. It was

Emily Thompson: 26:10

just like, hangover hangry snappy, do it wasn't like anything major, but it was a little out of character. Right? And so then I'm extra nice to make up for. And she was also fine. She, she could recognize a hangover person for sure.

Kathleen Shannon: 26:26

And then I went to the bathroom and threw up. So

Unknown: 26:28

it was like, oh, man, yeah, that was that was a good time.

Kathleen Shannon: 26:35

But I feel like even you, my husband has noted it before, like,

Unknown: 26:39

hey,

Kathleen Shannon: 26:40

look, not that I'm rude. I don't think I'm that person. That's rude to waiters, but he's told me that I can be short sometimes. And to just take care, you know, to just take care to be respectful, and actually to be more than respectful to be kind.

Emily Thompson: 27:00

Let's talk about making time for things like gratitude. Because I know it's easy to push those little extras aside when the things that keep your business running today are at the top of your list. With acuity scheduling, you can save yourself a boatload of time when it comes to scheduling calls with business besties or clients. Save yourself from the day to day drudgery of having to keep up with your clients and your busy schedule, and never ask what time works for you. Again, folks can quickly view your real time availability, self book, their own appointments, and even reschedule with a click acuity scheduling, the scheduling assistant that works 24 seven behind the scenes to fill your calendar leaving you plenty of time for gratitude journaling and nurturing relationships. For a limited time only, you can get 45 days of acuity scheduling absolutely free, no credit card required by going to acuity scheduling.com slash being boss. Alright, I want to talk about what it means to be grateful or thankful within sort of an organization. So let's bring it back to business a little bit. Because I think this is this is really important. And something again, that I try to practice, I don't see being practiced often enough, I we just hired a couple of people on to being boss and hearing them tell me stories of you know, awful boss experiences in the past, like, gratitude is not a common thing in business culture, which I think is so messed up.

Kathleen Shannon: 28:39

I know, I feel like we have very limited limited experience and a corporate culture that isn't grateful, because we've been our own bosses for so long, or we've been the boss of other people. And early on at braid, even whenever it was just me and my sister. So if you're a new listener, my sister and I own braid creative together. And we immediately hired an executive coach, Jay prior, who's been on the show a few times. And Jay taught us to really practice gratitude and to have a code for expressing it. And they said that their code is acknowledgement. So even instead of saying thank you, which I think can come off, I was trying to explain this difference to my husband, because like he was like, I don't understand why you don't just say thank you. What we say is acknowledgement. So if we send off a hard email or a really good email and the other person see seed, that we might get a reply that says acknowledgement, if we plan a Christmas party, we get acknowledgment. So it's this word, acknowledgement. And I'm trying to, it's hard to explain the weight that this word carries. But it's almost like saying, Thank you for being incredibly competent in a hard thing that either didn't want to deal with or would have been really hard for me to deal with myself.

Emily Thompson: 30:03

Right. I also think it just says I see you. Yeah, right. I see you and I see this thing that you did and I think that's really important. And I like having other ways of saying because sometimes I do you think Thank you can be a little just like second hand is that nice that the right second hand like second nature, like you just say thank you. But saying, coming up with a different way of saying it gives a different meaning and can cause you to be a little more meaningful when you say it. But however you say it is important to say. I was recently reading a book called The culture code by Daniel Coyle. It was a really great read. I highly recommend it for anyone who is heading up a team or even in online community. One of the things that he talks about on our resource page, we've got a page full of books, absolutely, you can go to being boss club slash shop. And at the bottom of that page is a list of some of our favorite books. So you can check that out there. But um, one of the things he talks about as an effective team and culture is one in which everyone is saying thank you, in one way or the other, often, like people are constantly seeing and recognizing what it is that each other is doing that leads the company or community forward. Whenever you aren't getting that people don't feel seen. People don't feel as if their efforts are being acknowledged or appreciated, and they're going to stop doing them. One of the things that I do and being boss or one of my phrases is I like to virtually high five people are like verbally high five, yeah, you

Kathleen Shannon: 31:37

do give high fives, that is a very Emily thing,

Emily Thompson: 31:40

right. And so I think that you can find a way to do it that's authentic to you and the kind of culture that you're building. But the important thing is that you do it, you show people that you appreciate them being there for them showing up and then putting in the work that it takes to do the thing, whatever the thing is,

Kathleen Shannon: 31:58

and pro tip, if you are still working on a day job, and you have bosses, you can thank them to like you can tell them that you see them. And, you know, actually no matter what, like I think that this is so huge. I recently whenever I bought this house, I told my real estate agent, I said, Hey, thank you so much for showing up on a Saturday morning to show me this house. I know that you have kids, and I know that you're working around the clock all the time, like thank you, I got really specific with why I was thinking her. And she was so taken aback. She was like in the 18 years I've been doing this no one has ever put it that way. Yeah, I know can be huge, but like, I think thinking up and down, like across the levels of work is huge. So sometimes even braid, we've got eight people now. And it's this like inner web of different love languages, like we're all showing love and respect in different ways. And it's so fun. Because, you know, someone that works for me, technically might say, Hey, thanks for doing this. And then I feel seen like I and as the boss, you know, sometimes you can kind of play almost the parent role where you feel like all the work you're doing is going unseen. But anyway,

Emily Thompson: 33:13

I also even want to pull in what this could mean for like business bestie relationships, I will often be on a call with a boss friend of mine. And you know, at the end of it is like a mutual. Thank you so much for like showing up and listening to me. Whatever it is that we're sharing, like there's a, it sort of creates a bond that is much more difficult to break than one where you're not putting in that grateful glue. I want to hit on something you were talking about a second ago about the love language, because one of the things that that we do, and actually need to do with our new team members is I make everyone take the love language task, because for me, I want to show you gratitude and the way that you receive gratitude. Like if I'm just high fiving y'all with all over the place, but that's, you know, a verbal, or is that like, touch, even know, that's kind of both. If you don't receive gratitude in that way, then I'm only doing half the job, right? Because part of it is to I care enough about how it is that you receive it that I want to give it to you in the way that you best receive it. And then the flip side of that is also recognizing how other people give it. So being conscious that if I am a verbal high fiver, then you take note of the fact that I'm giving you a verbal high five and even if that's not how you receive it, it is how I'm giving it so it's sort of a two way street there. That really opens everyone up to seeing and appreciating all of the gratitude that's out there.

Kathleen Shannon: 34:38

Yeah, so if you're not familiar with the love language system, and I have to admit I haven't read the book. I think I was always scared to read it because I think it has a Christian slant to it, which is fine. I'm open I just didn't want it to like you know as the night was you read something about Jesus and it doesn't resonate. And so then you throw the baby Jesus out with bathwater.

Emily Thompson: 35:05

Yep, know what you mean.

Kathleen Shannon: 35:06

But anyway. Maybe Cory should cut all I really just want that to stay in there. Please keep that one forever. Okay,

Emily Thompson: 35:16

I'm right there with you.

Kathleen Shannon: 35:18

But you know what I mean, like so I have been hesitant to learn but in learning about the love languages, it is real like and it's really effective. So the love languages are verbal touch acts of service. Quality, time, quality time.

Emily Thompson: 35:37

There's a fair to fifth one. Obviously, someone out there listening. This is yelling it at us right now.

Kathleen Shannon: 35:46

Hang on, I'm gonna Google this because I don't want to leave our listeners hanging.

Emily Thompson: 35:52

You can also go to the show notes. And we'll include a link there as well being boss club.

Kathleen Shannon: 35:58

So the five love languages are words of affirmation, physical touch, receiving gifts, quality, time and acts of service. So I'm basically all five, receiving, I want all of them. I want to be made out with, I want you to say all the nice things to me, I want you to send me gifts, I want you to hang out with me. And I want you to clean my kitchen.

Emily Thompson: 36:30

That sounds about right, that sounds about right. Right. So the point is here that you need to fit you need to figure out how it is that people give and receive gratitude and appreciation in your sphere to create an effective team for me, I definitely know that Kathleen accepts it in all the ways and so I tried to shower her and

Kathleen Shannon: 36:53

I would say like words of affirmation is my primary one. And I know that one time you even said because I know you like words of affirmation. I'm going to say these things to you and even like, acknowledging what my love languages and then saying the thing, it's still meant so much to me, it was so powerful. And I also like to make sure that you know, for example, my bestie Liz is probably more of an acts of service person. So me wiping down her kitchen counter, you know, is going to mean so much more than me telling her how cute her hair looks. You know?

Emily Thompson: 37:26

Yeah, for sure. For sure. I think it's it's all very important to know and use those things as much as possible. Shipping and mailing from your desk has never been simpler than with sin pro online from Pitney Bowes. With sin pro online from Pitney Bowes. It's just a click Send and save for as low as $4.99 a month. Send envelopes, flats and packages right from your desk, and you are back to business in no time. And for being a being boss listener, you'll receive a free 30 day trial to get started and a free 10 pound scale to ensure that you never overpay save time and money on mailing and shipping with send pro online starting at $4.99. You also can qualify for special USPS rates for letters and Priority Mail shipping, calculate exact postage online and print from your PC. Go to pb.com slash being boss to access this special offer for a free 30 day trial plus a free 10 pound scale to get started. That's p b.com. Slash being boss. Experience shipping Made Simple with a free trial of sem pro online from Pitney Bowes. Okay, so we know we're talking a lot about gratitude and appreciation and thankfulness and all of these things. And Kathleen and I, as we were brainstorming, as we thought, What is the difference between gratitude and thankfulness? Because they're pretty similar. And we found them it's like, and obviously, first of all, we both had completely opposite opinions. as to which was which. So we let Google give us the answer. And I found it quite fascinating. It's something that I've thought about a lot since we sat down and figured that out. And the difference is this. thankfulness is something that you feel, you can feel all the time it's an attitude, you simply have an attitude of thankfulness and gratitude is actually the result of something gratitude is, is caused by something specific. So you know, you can be thankful for your day, which I think is great, but you're gonna have a moment of gratitude, when you know, your husband brings you a really dope bowl of cereal,

Unknown: 39:38

or whatever it may be. Right? Yeah.

Emily Thompson: 39:42

So I think that's a really important thing to sort of differentiate in here, while we're talking about all of this. And I think both are really important. I think we should have an attitude of thankfulness of just being aware of you seeing through, you know, our lens or perspective to be thankful for the things that we have. And then also practicing those moments of gratitude of seeing the thing and it triggering an action or a feeling within us. So there's the difference.

Kathleen Shannon: 40:10

So I've talked before, in this episode, about how sometimes I've had a hard time with gratitude, because I can speak a little shit, just the youngest child, the

Emily Thompson: 40:22

youngest child here.

Kathleen Shannon: 40:25

Right. And I have found that I can get into gratitude and thankfulness by literally saying thank you. Thank you for these beautiful yellow trees. Thank you for waking up in the morning. Thank you for this amazing food. Thank you. Thank you, thank you, any of you feel like you have nothing to be thankful for, just say thank you almost like a mantra over and over and over again, and it will start to spark something, it'll start to dust off some of those neural pathways of gratitude. So I want to talk a little bit more. So I have that practice of saying thank you, thank you, I want to talk a little bit more about other gratitude practices and habits that are really action oriented, that can really spark a feeling of gratitude, even if you're having a hard time mustering it up.

Emily Thompson: 41:17

Right. And I want to focus these on life and work. So you can do in your personal life just day to day, but also things that you can do in your business to have a business full of gratitude. That's something that I practice often. And yeah, I'm excited talk about it. So personally, Kathleen, what do you do?

Kathleen Shannon: 41:38

I've got a few different things,

Emily Thompson: 41:40

rather than walking around saying thank you all the time.

Kathleen Shannon: 41:44

Which is sometimes hard to do. Like, I don't always do that. So earlier, I was talking about the language of gratitude, and how really the word gratitude itself doesn't entirely resonate with me. So one thing I've been doing with my family, this is personal. And I have a few personal practices, but a personal practice I've been doing with my family because I feel like as a family unit, we need to muster up some gratitude is I will ask them, what's the funniest thing that happened today? Or what's the most beautiful thing that you saw today, like gratitude can also it can sometimes be disguised? You know, so, the most beautiful thing I saw today, were the beautiful fall leaves in my backyard, I might not have thought of that as something to be grateful for until I notice it as beauty. Or the funniest thing I really value humor and laughing a lot. So what's the funniest thing that you saw today and then being grateful for that. So that's like a personal practice that helps me find things to be grateful for, especially whenever I get into a rut of like, if I'm gratitude journaling, which is another thing that I do, I might write down three things. And I don't do this every day, I noticed that I'm in a better mood in general, whenever I regularly practice this, but even if it's once a week, I find myself getting in a rut of like being thankful for the same three basic things over and over again. And wait, what are your three basic things? I mean, I always write down Fox and Jeremy. Yeah. Okay, I got it on. If I got it on. I'm like, I'm so grateful

Emily Thompson: 43:13

for Bonin for working parts. Um, I always write down solando.

Kathleen Shannon: 43:23

Like, I'm grateful for orgasms, and you're grateful for so long.

Emily Thompson: 43:31

Right, but like, I think what it does is it really makes you start thinking are those little moments in your day that are special? For you, it's bounding for me if eating tacos.

Kathleen Shannon: 43:42

Also be clear, I don't phone every day. And this is my gratitude journal every day.

Emily Thompson: 43:48

Right? triggers the gratitude journal.

Kathleen Shannon: 43:52

Truly, though, okay, I hope my husband's listening to this. Not that I can't take care of that myself. And also my gratitude water. So I've talked about this before on the podcast, every morning, I drink warm lemon water, because I'm that basic bitch. And I sprinkle a little bit of salt in it, because that actually hydrates yourself more like pushes the water into your cells. But people in the military used to get paid in salt, because it was so worth money. Anyway, so that's where the word salary comes from. So I sprinkle this salt in my water, and I say, I'm rich, I'm rich, I'm rich, like cardi B, while I'm doing it, and then I stir it up, and then I drink it. And so I feel like I'm drinking my gratitude.

Emily Thompson: 44:39

I love and I'm getting hydrated. All that is like the most real practice.

Kathleen Shannon: 44:44

And then professionally, I would just say, that acknowledgement and practice, where I'm acknowledging my teammates,

Emily Thompson: 44:53

I want you to talk about your first thought of the day.

Kathleen Shannon: 44:56

Oh, yeah. So I wake up in the morning, and I try and pay attention to my first thought of the day, and sometimes it's not a good one. And I recognize it, and I make it a good thought. I think today is going to be a good day. Thank you. Thank you for letting me wake up, you know, I'm so and then or I try and like set an intention as my first thought of the day. So here at being boss, we have very strong intention practices. So I'll even think, okay, my intention is to have a healthy day, or a good day or a productive day. I just tried to make my first thought of the day positive.

Emily Thompson: 45:33

And so important, and I want to throw in here too. You're talking about sort of a family practice. You know, I talked to a lot of moms who were like, my kids are such little sheets and more like they don't they're not very great. For anything that they have, I mean, I think that's we all go through that for sure. And I've definitely learned that you can't like force your kids to be grateful. Like, there's nothing worse, I think, than making your kids say thank you. Like, they don't mean it, you're teaching them to say thank you without meaning, and if you're making them say it, but what we do, and what it works well enough, is simply practicing it as much as possible, and they will mirror it back to you, just like we were talking earlier about. Gratitude has to start inside, and then it will come to you from the outside, as you do that. So for us, you know, I try, sometimes I'll fall into the right of like, or not falling to the right, but, and to that, like, habit I was born into of making my kid Tell me, thank you. But it's really about David Nye saying thank you as much as possible for even the smallest things. And usually, Willie will end up coming back at us with that. So I want to throw that in there. Just practice it, and your kid will practice it, too.

Kathleen Shannon: 46:43

I want to elaborate on this too. I was actually thinking about this earlier today, because my mom is one of those people that believes that you can choose to be happy. And I really don't think you can. I don't think it's a choice. Like as much as my mom says it is I'm like, No, Mom, you're just happy. But then I recently learned that her childhood was quite a bit rougher than mine, like she's, you know, raised by a world war two veteran and people who have been through the depression. And it was just a different time, right. And I learned that her childhood was a little bit rougher. So she knows what it is to go through a hard time. And she's still happy. And she gave me a better childhood than she had. And I didn't I don't know how hard it could be. So I think sometimes that's the why I'm a little bit of a brat, right. And now my son is going to have it even better than I did. Like, that's the hope, right is that every generation has it a little bit better. But then there's no contrast, right? There's nothing to choose against. And so I was thinking about, like, my mom was able to choose happiness, because she's maybe seeing the other side and sees how bad it can be. Right? Right. Or, you know, and not just my mom, but like anyone, like anyone who's gone through trauma or anything hard. And so this is what I've really learned, especially from that sleep deprivation era, which is the hardest thing that I've probably ever gone through is that whenever things are hard, it gives us contrast, seeing the dark, is the only thing that allows you to recognize the light, you know, so it's kind of like if you had a photo that was all gray, right? And then you took it into Photoshop for my design nerds here, if you took it into Photoshop, and he started boost the contrast and the brightness and the contrast and boost it until an image comes out, then you can only make sense of it. Right? You can't make sense of something if it's always the same. So this is why our bad days are actually really good for our gratitude practices. It gives us contrast, it gives us resistance it gives us you know, anchor points.

Emily Thompson: 48:50

Amen to all of that, all of that. Well, I just dropping off mics, I come up, Kathleen, let's get that get it. Perfect. Now let's talk about practicing gratitude in your business. I mean, there are some really fun, interesting things that people can easily and immediately start implementing in this space to be practicing more gratitude in your business. One of the things we have here is being enthusiastic and sharing the things you like, which I think is huge. And that doesn't even have to be necessarily business, it can be life too. But think about, you know, sharing people that you follow on your Instagram account or, you know, obviously Hold your horses there because all of the photo writes and people get angry about all the things and I get it, I get it, I get it, share their post to your story, not to your feed, whatever it may be, or sharing products that you use and love or sharing vendors that you use with other professionals who need them. I think that sharing the things that you like, and being enthusiastic about those things, is one of the best ways that you can show gratitude for people who are showing up and doing amazing work that you see.

Kathleen Shannon: 50:05

You know, being enthusiastic is one of those things that I feel like I can choose to be or not to be so especially whenever it comes to my job. Whenever I'm designing a project, you know, I could approach that as this is my work, this is what I'm doing. But I choose to be enthusiastic about getting that logo just right and getting that spacing just right between the words you know really being enthusiastic about every single pixel being in its place. That's really high, bring an element of enthusiasm and then gratitude to my to my work. And whenever I can bring that level of attention to my client. I think that attention is how I should My clients gratitude and attention is how I show my business partners, you know, gratitude and even my employees, just giving someone your attention is a really great way to express so much.

Emily Thompson: 50:59

Yeah, and I want to throw in here that you know, a gratitude and appreciation isn't just for your clients and customers. Like, you're not just showing gratitude for the people who pay you. You're showing gratitude to your team or your vendors or your collaborators or your partners or your business besties or the people who support you in whatever way it is that they're showing up to support you in even if they're just inspire you, even if it's just, you know, some amazing hand letter out there who makes the most badass, you know, inspirational quotes that like get you going every awful Monday, or whatever it may be. It's people out there who don't even realize they're doing things for you. You can show them gratitude and appreciation, too.

Kathleen Shannon: 51:41

Client gifting is a really great way to show and this is just hitting all the love language bases, right? So you're showing people gratitude by giving them your attention. You're giving them kind words and enthusiasm along the way. And then you might send them a gift. so shameless plug here for Emily's company Almanac. So over at braid, creative, we love sending our clients customized Almanac packages, just to say thank you.

Emily Thompson: 52:13

Yeah, for me, client gifting was always going to be a very important part of what we did at Almanac because as a service provider who worked with clients, and you know, partner with designers, and developers, and all those things, I was always looking for a way to easily show them that I appreciate them. And I was always trying to find someone who did awesome client gifting. And that's actually one of the reasons that all Mac was even born, it was like always, the foundation of what we wanted was not only what did I want to offer that to other people, but I also need to send client gifts, how can we easily do that with quality things. So um, so it is a big part of, of how it is that I have grown my business, both very literally almanaque, but also, as a web designer and developer, but also as a podcaster. And community builder and business coach. nurturing those relationships by giving them a thing, a thing that says I was thinking about you and I wrote you this sweet little note. And here's this thing that I know, I know, you love this kind of candle, or I know that you're struggling with this. So here's a crystal that will support you, or whatever it may be, is very thoughtful, and it nurtures relationships in a way that keeps you top top of mind. So there's some very strategic business reasons to it, but it also just feels real good. And we have several clients in Almanac who just sort of keep us, you know, keep us in their inbox and will send us an email whenever they finish a project or whenever they have a really great meeting with a vendor, or they get something delivered, or they were just thinking about someone or someone was sick, or whatever it may be. Sending gifts, sending thank you cards, thank you cards is something that we do a lot. Even doing my mastermind retreat last week in New Orleans, I sat down yesterday and sent some Thank you emails to some people who, for example, one was the place where we went and had a champagne tasting, I sent an email to the owner and was like, thank you for showing up and giving us amazing time your staff was amazing, your place was beautiful. And, you know, you never know how those things will show back up. And I don't do them so that they will show back up in some way. But there have been many, many times when I've gotten clients years later, or I've gotten you know, contacts that will introduce me to someone else. It's it's relationship nurturing in a way that is thoughtful and kind and will usually end up coming back around to help you in some way in the future. Anyway, so I think that thank you cards and thank you gifts should be a part of everyone's process. Whether that's literally in your Asana, you have tasks that remind you to do it or just your thought process, remembering that you need to nurture people with words or things so that I don't know they see they feel seen we often get we often get feedback from people at being boss, especially around how fast we are to send out those thank you cards or how even how quickly we pay our invoices. Like that attention piece is really important and it creates a like very, a very boss business for people to know that you're not there just making transactions, you're also thinking about them too.

Kathleen Shannon: 55:24

Okay, I also have a strategy with sending out thank you gifts is that I do it once a quarter. So sometimes people get their thank you gift like three months later, but that gives them just enough time to come back and ask me to help them with another project or right you know what I mean? So sometimes it works that way too. Or it It arrives to them in time to shoot me an email and say, Oh my gosh, I got this, you know, package and I'm saying, and then I say great, can you write me a testimonial, like, now it's not a quid pro quo, necessarily, no. relation. Yeah. And it's about cultivating relationship at the end of the day and cultivating trust. And I think that you can have business strategy, and cultivate a relationship and have real trust, all at the same time. And so at the end of the day, you know, as you were talking about all of that, it really comes down to you, whenever it comes to practicing gratitude. It's about developing confidence within yourself. Like if you have a gratitude practice, I promise you, we're going to cultivate some confidence. And if you have a gratitude practice, within your work, and with your clients, it's going to cultivate trust, which only gets you enthusiastic approval on your projects, and more referrals. And it's going to build your business in ways that are incredibly tangible, off of this intangible practice of gratitude.

Emily Thompson: 56:50

For sure, and otherwise, I think, just focusing on cultivating gratitude within your team. So making sure that you know what their love language is, and that you're giving to them and the way that they will most receive it, and that you really are seeing what they're doing and being grateful for it. You know, all too often I see teams fall apart, or I will be coaching a client who's like, you know, I just keep on losing, you know, whatever. And I'm like, let's talk about how it is that you're interacting with those people on the daily. It's really easy for you to get caught up in your own to do less than your own and your own need to check off all the things and forget about really the most important things and that his relationships and his relationships with yourself, number one, and the people who support you. Number two. Thanks for listening. And hey, if you want more resources, we're talking worksheets, free trainings in person meetups and vacations and more. Go to our website@www.de bas dot club.

Kathleen Shannon: 57:57

Do the word be boss