#48 - Boss Integrity with Jay Pryor

Kathleen has mentioned him countless times in previous episodes, so this week we're excited to welcome life coach, Jay Pryor on the Being Boss podcast to talk about some of his coaching techniques and the valuable lessons he uses to help his coaching clients on living with integrity and being impeccable with your word.

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Kathleen Shannon: 0:04

Get your business together, get yourself into what you do and see it through.

Emily Thompson: 0:10

Being bosses hard. Lending work in life is messy. Making a dream job of your own isn't easy, but getting

Kathleen Shannon: 0:17

paid for it, becoming known for it. And finding purpose in it is so doable if you do the work. being bossed is a podcast for creative entrepreneurs. Brought to you by Emily Thompson and Kathleen Shannon.

Emily Thompson: 0:32

Hi, I'm Emily and I own indie shop agafay, where I help passionate entrepreneurs establish and grow their business online. By helping them build brands that attract and websites that sell. I help my clients launch their business so they can do more of what they love, and make money doing it.

Kathleen Shannon: 0:50

And I'm Kathleen, I'm the CO owner of braid creative where I specialize in branding and business visioning for creative entrepreneurs who want to blend who they are with what they do narrow in on their core genius and shape their content so they can position themselves as experts to attract more dream clients.

Emily Thompson: 1:09

And being boss as a podcast where we're talking shop, giving you a peek behind the scenes of what it takes to build a business, interviewing other working creatives and figuring it out. As we go right there with you.

Kathleen Shannon: 1:21

Check out our archives at loving boss calm.

Emily Thompson: 1:25

Welcome to episode number 48. This episode is brought to you by fresh books cloud accounting.

Kathleen Shannon: 1:32

Today, Emily and I are so excited to be talking with the best coach I've ever worked with. And my very good friend Jay, prior. Before we get into the episode, I want to talk a little bit about pricing and collecting payment from your clients. So this is one thing that creatives we've worked with always struggle with. And I have never once had a problem collecting payment from a client. And I think it's because I do 50% deposit upfront and then a 50% payment at the end of the project. And we saw how you do it too. No, it's not how do you do it.

Emily Thompson: 2:12

So I like to do 50 at the beginning and 50 in the middle,

Kathleen Shannon: 2:17

oh 50 in the middle. So and you are not delivering anything without payments. Exactly. Alright, but regardless, you're taking a deposit up front. And what I want to share with you all today is that fresh books I'm so excited about this update freshbooks is now accepting deposits like so in other words, you can get payment upfront with a deposit, you don't have to create a whole new invoice This is so this is something we do in our business, we have to create two to three invoices per client per project because we're accepting deposits, and maybe an intern payment and then a final payment. So now with freshbooks, you can receive a percentage of your invoice upfront by requesting a deposit in freshbooks. So you don't have to cover costs out of pockets. You don't have to send multiple invoice and you don't have to wait until the end of the project to get fully paid. This will help you get out of the feast or famine rollercoaster. And yeah, so I love this new feature, you guys freshbooks is the easy to use online cloud accounting designed specifically for creative entrepreneurs. And you can try fresh books for free today. Go to freshbooks comm slash being boss and select being boss in the How did you hear about us section? Alright, you guys, we have a very special treat here with us today, which is my executive life coach and very good friend, Jay Pryor. Hey, Jay.

Jay Pryor: 3:53

Hey, I'm so happy to be here with you. We're excited

Kathleen Shannon: 3:56

to have you. I've been wanting to have you on the show for a long time. And I'm just to give people a little bit of background. You and I have been working together now for four years. What do you say?

Jay Pryor: 4:07

When did you start braid?

Kathleen Shannon: 4:09

Yeah. Okay, so almost five years.

Jay Pryor: 4:12

Wow. Has it been five years released

Kathleen Shannon: 4:13

about Holy smokes. So Okay, so here's the backstory, Jay worked actually with my sister, as her executive coach whenever she was a creative director VP at an advertising agency, and basically coached her way out of her day job. I could probably get in trouble. Hopefully No, no one from that agency is listening. But um, once once Tara and I started braid together, then we both started working with Jay separately and together to kind of, I mean, there's a lot that goes into quitting your day job and going into the mindset of a creative entrepreneur and you really helped us navigate those waters together. So thank you for that.

Jay Pryor: 4:57

Absolutely. My pleasure. You're still my fastest, up my fastest getting up and going entrepreneurs, I don't know how to say that very well. But of all the entrepreneurs that I have coached into creating your own business businesses, you and Tara went the fastest in terms of it was that chalkboard goodness.

Kathleen Shannon: 5:18

Oh, so you guys, so so we use the chalkboard, big time and that. So just explain what this is. The chalkboard method is something that we use our business if you've been listening to the podcast, if you've been following braid, creative and our blog, you know about the chalkboard, a lot of you are already doing it that comes straight from Jay prior. So what the chalkboard is, Jay, why don't you explain what the chalkboard is?

Jay Pryor: 5:43

Well, I'm going to count on the fact that your listeners are going to be savvy, because the thing about this concept is that you already had it right, you were already involved in the law of attraction and knowing about creating space. And essentially what we did is we talked about how the universe abhors a vacuum. And so that if we make space for something anywhere in the universe, when space is made, it gets filled in, it's just an automatic with the law of the universe is just how it happens. And so what we did was we created space, we you did the chalkboard on the wall, I asked you to do a display. And I remember vividly asking you to create a display that had a list of your current clients, and then spaces for new ones to come in. So that that way we had the space created. And they would just show up. And I think you hadn't done that afternoon and sent me a picture

Kathleen Shannon: 6:37

of planets that we had. So basically what happened was her and I had started braid. We had launched three months in we were hearing crickets chirping, like we had this big launch and then nothing. So I'm sure that there are plenty of you out there feeling this way too. So whenever we were talking to Jay about it, he was like you need to make space for clients. And we were like, What are you talking about? And he was, you know, said the universe abhors a vacuum. And you told us to get a poster board, but I anything, yeah, anything but I had a big chalkboard wall painted on my wall. And so I made 12 empty spaces. And it was so nerve wracking to actually see what felt like a failure in front of my face of like a zero client list. And then within a week that that list was filled up. So I believe in it, we still use the chalkboard To this day, we'll include a link to exactly how we do that in the show notes. It's also in our E course now. But that comes from Jay and I try to

Jay Pryor: 7:41

do that with every single client if there's a way that they can see a display. And if they work on teams, so the whole team can see it. I ask anybody just make a display, it doesn't matter if it's a piece of poster board, if it's, it doesn't matter what it is. But it's got to be a space, you need to be able to create a space so that new people can come in and fill in that space. It works every time.

Kathleen Shannon: 8:00

And I think that's the trick too, because a lot of people are like, Oh, well, I have a spreadsheet on my computer, I get really physical thing that you are seeing. Emily ended up doing the chalkboard, Emily, what what has your experience been with a chalkboard? And do you still do it?

Emily Thompson: 8:18

I didn't move with this whenever we move the studio, but it's something that I have felt missing in my studio. So I did it. And and it was it was definitely something that made me much more mindful about working for clients or finding new clients knowing that I had this space and and it gave the whole team this really great visual of what it was we were working for and who really what my job was like selling projects and filling these blanks. And it didn't move with us. And I miss it like I'm sitting here right now, as you're saying this thinking oh, I could put one right there. And I can look at it. Look at it every time I sit down because I think there's time to say for for making space for clients. And I did it. I loved it.

Kathleen Shannon: 9:05

So that brings us to kind of a lot of things that you taught me, Jay around manifesting. And I think that I already kind of had this innate skill for manifesting, but you absolutely get kind of clarity around how to really harness that power. So I would love to talk about like manifesting what you want. And I want to talk about abundance and prosperity and maybe even the difference between the two and how to get into an abundant mindset. How to kick scarcity in the ass. Like, let's just jam on that. Okay.

Jay Pryor: 9:42

Well, um, in terms of manifesting, I think the most important thing is to get yourself in a vibe of being able to manifest and that's understanding that, you know, being driven isn't the vibe that manifests is important for entrepreneurs because I think that what, especially if being driven is your default mode. You know, being determined those kind of things, those are all great qualities, and all of us assume and think. And I think we've been trained in our Western culture to believe that being driven and being determined is the way to massively produce. But the reality is, those are not vibrations that really attract. I mean, those are, if you feel the energy of determination, and you can even, you know, dripping driven those things, there's resistance there, right, it feels like you want to shake your fists, because I'm so determined, when really what you want to be as open and positive, and, you know, happy and, you know, I've got a client right now who's just told me that one of the things she's very clear about is that she's not supposed to be doing anything, but just having a great time. And she's doing that. And it's really working for us, that's just coming to her because she's getting into a vibe of just being true to herself and doing what I was calling to her. And that is forwarding her business way more than getting down and being driven and being determined. So I think the first thing is to understand that it's all about vibration, it's all about how you feel, you can't be pissed off and freaked out and expect stuff to start coming your way. You know, you want to get yourself and do whatever that takes. And that's why for it's, it's different for everybody. And depending on your past, and all of the things you might need to shove, shake loose, there may be some work to do. But you really want to shed yourself of anything that keeps you in that little bit freaked out driven. And you know that scared and scarcity are like the same word. Basically, when you're coming from a place of scarcity, you're coming from scared, you're coming from fear. And that doesn't serve you in terms of what you want to attract. So really creating abundance, it's about getting into that place where you're already feeling the abundance in terms of being grateful for what you already have already feeling powerful and fantastic. And then stuff just starts to flow in. Does that make sense? I hope

Kathleen Shannon: 11:56

totally one of the metaphors I love for thinking about prosperity and abundance is that abundance is like a lake. And you can fill that lake up. But you have to have a source, right? So I like to think of prosperity as kind of the stream feeding into the lake, right? And then there are different things that can cut off that stream of prosperity, there are things that can make that leak goes stale. So I I think a lot about prosperity and abundance in terms of money, because that's just an easy, sure. And measurement of energy. Right. So one of the things that I really like to do to really tap into prosperity and abundance, well, there's two things. One is I like to support other creatives, I like to spend my money in places that I support. And I feel like that starts the flow a little bit, it kind of gets some of the stagnant water out so that there's room for fresh abundance and prosperity. And then another thing that I like to do is focus on and everyone's heard me say this before, as well. It's focused on just making $100. Today, I think that so many of us are so focused on creating the six figure business that we lose sight of the first small step, which might be just make$100 today, and sometimes I find even that tops the flow of prosperity, a little bit more than really focusing on how am I going to make my millions?

Jay Pryor: 13:27

Absolutely. And it's those baby steps that then keep adding on that, you know, it's powerful. I like your analogy of the stream. I heard somebody gave me one recently that I'm really using, and I'm a fan of myself. And that's the universe is like a sunbeam always on you. And the only thing blocking it is when you put up the umbrella. And you're the one with the umbrella. And that you just have to figure out what is it that I'm doing that I'm blocking it because it's always there. It's not like, you know, it's something you have to go find. It's always there. We just have to tap into it. And you know, sometimes I'm in a flow and sometimes I'm not. So what I have to do is not make it wrong when I'm not I mean, the biggest thing and you know, this is my, my very first coaching principle is whatever is happening, stop making it wrong. So that then something can be possible. Because what we have a tendency to do as humans is whatever is happening if it's not, you know exactly how we want it to be. We make it wrong, we should all over ourselves. And then that just makes it worse. Instead of just getting that oh, you know, life is fun. This could be fun. This could be an adventure. It could be look at what can I learn from this thing coming at me right now and not make it wrong, but getting the inquiry around? How is this serving me because down the road, you're gonna look back and go, Oh, no wonder I had that challenge because it was exactly the thing I needed to learn to be able to be where I am right now. Yeah,

Kathleen Shannon: 14:52

but sometimes those challenges suck.

Jay Pryor: 14:54

They do suck. That is true.

Kathleen Shannon: 15:02

I mean, sometimes they just straight up suck. And I agree with you. What I love about coaching, especially with you is that we can talk about how much it sucks and then about it.

Jay Pryor: 15:13

Yeah, definitely. Yeah, I mean, as a coach, I mean, one of the things that I know that some coaches err on the side of never ever, ever giving agreement to their clients. I'm not that guy. I mean, I'm in if you ever having a situation that just flat out sucks, I'm gonna acknowledge that it sucks. And then it's painful. And sometimes all you can do is hold on to your ass. And, you know, wait, pull the covers over your head, wait for tomorrow, to be powerful, because I think as humans, we need to process those things through us. And if we don't we deny them, then they get stuck in our bodies and stuck inside us. And then they're that it just again, it just makes it worse. That brings us to a principle that your voice is always in my head. But I always think about you saying what you resist persists. What you resist persists. Yeah, and that's a difficult distinction for people to get I try to have have them get the energy because for me, resistance can show up like, anger can show up like, you know, it always occurs for me when I can have a visual of it is me pushing back like resisting pushing, pushing something away from me. But I can be resisting and not even know it a lot. And so I think that becoming flexing your muscle around being someone who understands that you're resisting is a really powerful tool. And you know, it's a muscle that not not many people have a huge muscle around that it's one that I'm I continue to flex for myself all the time of not letting myself trick myself into thinking I'm not resisting. Being an accept, because I'll be resisting something, and I won't even know it. But I've gotten better and better at feeling the energy of my words, feeling the energy and the tenacity with with which I speak about something or how right or passionate I get about stuff can be resistance. But it's a that's a tricky one to get your arms around. But it's very powerful when you can start to understand what resistance feels like each of us feels like for their own body

Kathleen Shannon: 17:11

with the creatives that you've worked with.

Jay Pryor: 17:15

What's funny about that?

Kathleen Shannon: 17:16

Yeah, well, let's let's dig in a little bit more with the creatives that you've worked with. And you can even use me as an example and anything that we've done coaching bill, the beans on Kathleen, are some things that maybe you recognize that I was resisting that I couldn't even see if anything comes my or just creatives, creative entrepreneurs and general like what some what's an example of some of that resistance, and that persistence, and

Jay Pryor: 17:45

well, there's this World of Illusion that people get into about their own stories that there is the truth. Right? And they don't and, and at some point, there's a switch that flips that depending on how dug in and how much resistance there is and how much evidence they have gathered that this is a truth or depending on how much of it resonates with their Bs and their belief system. And my book that's coming out this fall, I refer to the your belief system as your Bs, because it's a lot of bullshit. And and it'll stop you from stuff. I mean, it really does. And I would assert, I mean, the last thing I would think if you want me to go recent would be you know, I am constantly hammering to you listen to the words that are coming out of your mouth as the words that are coming out of your mouth. They're gonna tell you what's going on. And yet, because it seems like so much the truth there, because there's so much there, that we don't always see that. And it has, it's just been recently, I would say, if you want me to tell one on you, Kathleen, if you're really up for that, I think it's just been recently that you have gotten that you're speaking around being a mom and integrating that into creative has stuck it up for like last three months or whatever, and you've been buying your own crap around it. You know, you'll speak it. It's like ever I manifest this. But this sucks. And I don't have anything to do with creating that. You know what I mean? We create all of it with our words. And just recently, I think you've really gotten a breakthrough around how you speak about being a mom, how you how that, you know, like, Don't you think so?

Kathleen Shannon: 19:14

Yeah, no, absolutely. That's definitely been a challenge from the get go for me, being an entrepreneur and being a mom. And I just and I could hear the words coming out of my mouth. And I was I'm sick of it. I even talked about on the podcast, like how tired I am not sleep deprived. I am. I get so sick of myself. And so one of the things that you told me, but it's like, I can't help it, it just comes out because it's the truth for you right now.

Jay Pryor: 19:42

It's so real for you. Oh, that's the thing that I that I do my best to have compassion around. Because I think when when it's time and when you're ready, you'll transform it. And that's one of things that like for you. In particular, I can always count on you that I know you're going to transform it eventually like you're going to figure it out. And all of us have to do that but it's so elusive sometimes. I've done it to myself. I mean, you and I have this in common when I first became a dad, for me, it was not what i what i thought it was going to be, you know, there was the sleep deprivation and the poop and the snot and all that crap that I hated. Terrible. And I didn't, you know, I just wasn't prepared for all of that. And I caught myself speaking things like, I hate this, I hate being adapt. And what the hell did I do, I ruined my life, things like that. And I had to manage myself. And I mean, moment by moment. And that's when I came up with understanding to for myself that I had to constantly forgive myself. Because I was constantly having to correct my language and put myself back on track and forgive myself when I wasn't being powerful and fantastic all the time with my kids. And, I mean, that's when I really got that, for me, I had to give up perfectionism. Go with progress, not perfection, and really come from that place of 100% constant forgiveness, because otherwise I was gonna take myself to too stressful.

Kathleen Shannon: 21:00

Yeah, because like, I found that one of the emotions that keeps coming up for me around being a mom and a working mom especially is kind of feeling bad for feeling bad. Yeah, you know, and so then it just is compounded. So not only do I have bad feelings, I feel guilty for having bad feelings. So it compounds it. So it goes back to you saying not making it wrong, and not making. Yes, this sucks. But also noting that I can be impeccable with my words, which is something that you really feel strongly about. And that comes from Dan Miguel Rue is his Don

Jay Pryor: 21:33

Miguel Ruiz. Oh, sorry.

Kathleen Shannon: 21:36

The Four Agreements. So can you talk a little bit about being impeccable with your word, it also is something that I'm Florence scovel Shinn who you're a fan of a huge fan, she never called Your word is your wand. And that's something that you had me read early on. So let's talk about that a little bit.

Jay Pryor: 21:55

Well, I'm like, one of the most militant about this because I'm seriously, I believe that our words are the link to our subconscious about what's going on with us. And if we would just really listen to the words, it will, it will give us all the clues to our underlying limiting beliefs about ourselves. And when you're impeccable with your word, you'll be very, very conscious about the words that you're speaking, and making sure that you're not speaking words that don't match with who you want to be in the world and the vision that you have for your life. Not that that's you can be perfect at that again, but it's to have that commitment is very, very powerful. And it will keep you from saying things and committing to things that you really are interested in doing and committing to. And, you know, just like, I want to back up for a second, because one of the things that you just said about being a mom that I think women deal with all the time, especially and I think all parents kind of do but especially women, is you're supposed to love that whole deal. Like you're supposed to love that, right? I mean, there is some unwritten rule that we are supposed to just Oh, the little bundle of joy, don't we love them, you know. And the reality is, some of us don't. And some moms don't and but then you feel guilty, because not only do you have your own stuff going on, but then you have the whole cultural conversation, telling you that you're bad and wrong for feeling that way. So I think it really takes something that's one of the reasons I love that you and I have this in common. And we both shared with people about this, because I think it's a conversation people really need to have I think there are a lot of people out there hating their life being a parent, and they want admit it because, you know, and by stuffing that, that causes more resistance, and then it causes it to persist. You know, I mean, I think that they could transform it. And I have certainly transformed my my life as a parent. And my conversations around being a parent, by being impeccable with my word paying attention to the things that I speak. And really speaking and even praying for the the willingness to see it through a lens that would have me enjoy it. Because the lens that I have had on it was about being stressed out and not being good enough. And it came from a source of from some of my own limiting belief systems. I mean, I remember the day that I realized that my son was imitating me, and one of my first thought was, why would you want to be like me? And I had to check myself like, Oh, my God, like, look at that, like, seriously, Jay? Thank, you know, there's more to transform my own self worth and how much I value myself because I was just, I was taken aback when I thought that and I had that thought but it really gave me an insight. And I think a lot of parents have that insight that they hate themselves, and then their children start imitating them, and it's right in front of them. And they got to deal with that. And that's intense. Oh, yeah, I

Emily Thompson: 24:56

love how you I you just totally went into something that I Want to talk about it. But before I do that the, the talk about being a parent, there's a direct parallel there to like building a business. And like as a parent, I get it. I'm totally there. I'm one of those moms that did not love it. But totally love, love it now so much more. As she's gotten older and stops pooping herself, it's a great thing. But there is a there is a direct parallel there with with growing a business and, and you feel like you should love this thing. Because you're working so hard for it, you're putting your heart and soul into it. And then you sit down one day, and you're like, I don't want to fucking do this today.

Jay Pryor: 25:43

I fucking hate this. Yes,

Emily Thompson: 25:45

yes, it's such a such a hard thing for all of us to deal with. And especially if you are a parent who's who has a business, it's like, times two, which is really great. But you just you just hit on something that I really want to talk about in terms of self worth and worthiness. Because one of the things that I know I find whenever whenever working with my clients, and something we talked about in terms of, of, you know, quitting a day job to go into your side hustle or trying to figure out what you're going to charge for your products and services, or, or simply being okay with the good things that start happening to you, once your business takes off. It all comes down to do your own sense of worthiness. So I'd love to hear you sort of jam on that for a second because I know that it's something that I struggle with. It's something that all of my clients struggle with and talk us out of it.

Jay Pryor: 26:39

Okay. Well, first, I want to back up for a second because I want to address what you said earlier about the parallel to the business. Because I think not only is that true when you start a business, but I mean, I've been in business for 10 years, and I'm still I still hit phases of not the not the business or what I do, because I love I mean, I just freaked out that I get to do what I do. But there are aspects of the business that I don't want to do that I'm not ready. I'm not. It's like, as you're building a business, and you're and you get to the point where, okay, it's obvious for me for like for that as the business owner, it may not serve me to be doing this admin piece, for example. But right now, there's nothing in the budget to pay somebody else to do that. So I got to do it. That part sucks. And, you know, that's the piece that it's like, again, you have to deal with that over and over again, if I'm supposed to love this, and then when but when your focus what what you focus on gets bigger, which is something we always talk about. And when you're focused on all those details that you hate, that's when you got to really you got to shift your focus in your business, and be focused on and spend, especially your happiest part of the day focused on making a difference and who you're making a difference for. So that you can have be all filled up to deal with that monotonous crap we all have to deal with as business owners as well. So I just wanted to say that then, I believe, and this is, like I said, I have a book coming out this fall. And the whole the time series actually, it'll be out. The whole premise for me of writing this book is that I believe every single person has an I'm not good enough conversation. I believe every single person has an I'm unworthy conversation Beyonce. I do. I do,

Kathleen Shannon: 28:22

in fact, literally talked about Beyonce to my therapist. I was like, she's like even Beyonce as haters. Oh,

Jay Pryor: 28:31

but even Beyonce has a doesn't Beyonce have a persona that she puts on when she performs Sasha

Kathleen Shannon: 28:36

Fierce?

Jay Pryor: 28:37

Thank you. Okay, so soft. She needs sauce of fierce because Beyonce doesn't think she's probably good enough or doesn't have, you know, I mean, there's something out that going on there that, like she needs Sasha Fierce, she has to put on a persona, you know, to give her the confidence to be that bold, she's pretty bold. And I think all of us have some level of I'm not good enough. And, you know, I mean, I look at somebody like Kathleen, I'm like, Where the hell is that in her? Right? But I know it's there. Like I don't, I'm not fooled. I know it's there. It's somewhere in there. And some people have it, you know, better than others. People who have a, you know, pre traumatic background, obviously, they're going to it depending on what your past is, you know, it can go deeper than other people. But I think just being a human being and the fact that we, when we come into this planet, we come onto this earth plane. We, as babies are connected to everything. Right. And we have that experience of being connected. And I've heard parents tell me that they've watched their children experience that separation. Right? Have you seen that Kathleen, with Fox with Fox him and like when he noticed that he was separate from you? Because babies don't. They just think they're connected everything everybody, you know, people just feed them they're connected. And then at some point, we get that separation. And I would assert that that separation is when we get that I'm not like something's wrong here. I'm there's What am I, you know? And then how that manifests for some people I'm not worthy or I'm not good at but I think everybody has it. And then that's why for me grounding ourselves in what I call yourself, or your self involved, I call it your self involved loving friend, your spiritually evolved loving friend, that piece of you that is connected to all there is that piece of you. That's intuitive. That piece of you that man always has the right answer that always wants to show up as loving and kind feeding that part of you is part of the answer to eliminate that unworthiness. But I think everybody has it.

Emily Thompson: 30:35

Good. I liked that. Thank you.

Jay Pryor: 30:37

Yeah, absolutely. Well, and hold on a minute. But one other thing I gotta say, cuz I say this all the time. I think women get it just by virtue of being born without a penis.

Kathleen Shannon: 30:49

Let's talk about that.

Jay Pryor: 30:52

Yeah, I honestly believe that women are trained into believing they're less than less than because they're born penis lists.

Kathleen Shannon: 31:00

And when we talk about E, we talk about how you were born without it. Yes,

Jay Pryor: 31:05

I was born without a penis. I know that. I am a transgender person and lived for the first 34 years of my life as a woman, I would say around 2728 I started going by Jay and he and passing as a man some but I didn't start my transition to have my body look like this until I was 34, almost 35 years old. And what happened to me is that I took the shots of testosterone because for me, that was like a soul journey. It's like I wanted to have my face match who my soul represented. But I was so naive and clueless about that I would be handed heterosexual privilege and white male privilege. And when I got handed white male privilege, it shocked the crap out of me. Oh, it's like holy smokes. I mean, men saying massage objectifying women in front of me as though I'm on their team. I'm like, What the hell are you kidding me? service people not looking the woman I'm within the eye but directly talking to me and not even addressing her even though she's the one that's just placed the order all kinds of things like that. Showing up I was in the same job. So I was director of project management in a furniture dealership. So I was working on construction sites, installing furniture right after construction. When I was a woman, or if I was viewed as a woman, sometimes I still passing What if I was viewed as a woman, there was never a time that we had a punch list or a layout or for a meeting that somebody wasn't wasn't second guessing me or questioning how what I knew. And I walk in with a beard and all of a sudden, I'm a frickin expert. It does. You know, I mean, it shocked me so much that I tell the story. I would have to remember not to second guess myself, because I was so used to being second guessed that and so shocked by not being second guess that I'm one of those people in counting noses. I everything's all over my face. So the shocked look on my I would monitor to myself. I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man. I'm a man, I'm a man. So I would remember that they're, they are responding to what they see, as a man. I haven't changed. I just my face looks different. But they are responding to what they think is a man. And so that's how they're gonna respond to me. And I got to remember that so I don't be shocked by it. It was shocked by it so much that I was like, What the? Are you kidding me? Like, isn't that different? Really. And it is. And so I honestly believe that women are and I even I catch myself doing it all the time. I first started my seminars, I called them the oxygen seminars. And I was about putting the oxygen mask on yourself first, right? And I would say this, we and I'm tired of talking to women, right? I'm embarrassed to say but it's true. I would say I want you to put the oxygen mask on yourself first. So then you can serve from a place of love. Right? Because then you can serve all filled up, you'll be all filled up in the new paradigm. Right? I had been saying this for an entire year before my good friend and also women empowerment coach and author. She's a coach, definitely an author and leader in women's empowerment. Aaron Brown. Good friend of mine says to me, Jay, you would never say that to a guy. I'm like, wait a minute what you would never say to a guy go shoot a couple of rounds of golf so you can serve from a place of love. I was like oh my god, see I'm doing it too. We all do it. It's the water we swim in that women are just, you know women. You get your self esteem from how the family is doing and your relationship to the family. You are you We're here to serve all of that crap that we are handed and it's so the water we swim in that we don't even know we're doing it and I have always People should technically don't shit on myself, but should have the awareness because I live in it. And I've seen it happen. And yet I go unconscious, I haven't took that challenge where you're not supposed to say something. Don't say anything about a girl or a woman's looks for 24 hours, I lasted about four hours with my daughter, about four hours, it was ridiculous. I mean, it's that kind of stuff that we just, it's just how it is. And so we don't think about it. But I really believe that we, as a culture, treat women like they are less than just because they were born penises.

Unknown: 35:35

Yeah, I agree.

Emily Thompson: 35:38

I completely agree. I grew up, I grew up in a super Christian household, where women were certainly not as much as men. And it's something that, that I have sincerely struggled with, over the past couple of years, especially as I have taken on the role as as boss of my business, which is, you know, a family business. My partner, David, is my business manager, but it's mine. And so, going into my business, with all of that, and knowing that I was having to step up, which shouldn't have been stepping up, it's just been stepping out, basically, right, um, has has been a really big struggle of mine, and is something that I know working with women entrepreneurs, is, is a huge thing for us to have to get over on so many fronts. And, you know, I've read books about like the, the salary differences of men and women and how the basis of that is that women don't ask for raises. It's not even that is not even that they start out lower or that they're not offered as much. It's that they don't ask for it. There's only

Jay Pryor: 36:56

one country in the world that doesn't have salary disparagement. And that's Iceland, and that's because a woman went on strike.

Emily Thompson: 37:02

Oh, ladies.

Unknown: 37:07

Oh,

Emily Thompson: 37:11

absolutely. Should Oh, I just

Kathleen Shannon: 37:13

read something from Danielle Laporte, yesterday, my email inbox j Do you follow her on the phone right now, I think you might like her. Um, but she wrote something about kind of having integrity around money and being a woman. And one of the things she said is if you're a woman, and you run a business, hire women, and pay them really well. or pay them as well as you can, and then be generous as you can. So that's something that I apply into my own business. And even right now, Liz, our brand manager, brand director, and is in labor. Yeah. She's had the baby, but I'm giving her that same maternity leave that I gave myself, which was pretty generous by American standards, which is eight weeks paid. So for being a small business, it's definitely a stretch for us. But it's worth it to me. And I think that it's the way that I can be a feminist in my business. So yeah, it's important, but I want to go back Jay, to kind of talking about, especially, well, where did we even get started on this? So one of the things that you always say and, and I remember, because I started working with you, I didn't know that you used to be a woman. And, and one of the things that you would always say is if you can see it, it's yours. Like if you can see what you want, it is making its way toward you and that you can transform and change into anything. And then I remember once I did learn that you used to be a woman, you were like us like that talk about the power of transformation, whenever you are transforming your entire gender and I just want to say for the record to you for everyone listening, Jay is a dude. And he's a hot dude. I'm just gonna say it. He's like a full beard. are you blushing? Straight up, man. So it's just funny because it's something that I never really think about. But whenever, whenever it does come to times, whenever you're pointing out things that might be because I'm a woman, especially around parenting and being a mom boss. It's cool because you know, you've had these experiences also like you know what it's like to get your period. You know what it's like to experience sexism, you know what it's like to have all these things, but I think what's also cool is that you can also see things now from a man's perspective and We've talked about this before, like, literally, once you started taking hormones, I asked you like, did your train of thought change? Like, how did it change your thinking? But yeah, I want to talk a little bit more about how if you can see it, it's yours and the power of visualization. And, and

Jay Pryor: 40:16

grabbing that. Yeah, and I don't even, you know, I do think that there's an end game that you want to have a sort of a vision of, but I also know that I don't, I want you to let go of the how, and focus on the Wow. Because once you can see it, and you start taking baby steps, baby steps toward it, you don't want to be so attached to how it looks in particular, because it will show up way more fantastic than you can imagine if you if you let go a little bit. But I do believe that you have to have some sense of vision. And I've been with people where if they're in that world, and this is where I was stuck for a while I have this story where at some point, I was incredibly happy in my life, all except for my career, everything was great. I was just gonna just been married, I was married to love my life, I was living in the DC area, I love my life. But I haven't enjoyed the job in terms of the flexibility and the pay. It was really good money. And, you know, real great flexibility. I was a director level position in a company, I was doing really well. But I had give, I could give a crap about furniture. And I was walking along with one of my coaches and complaining. And you know, if you hang out with coaches, they don't complain much. I was complaining. And she said to me these words I'll never forget, she said, Jay, prior for as powerful person as you are, you need to give up that complaint or do something about it. And I right off the top of my head said, Well, if I knew what I wanted to do, I do it. And she immediately said to me, You need to give that up. And I was like, give up that I don't know what I want to do. And then it dawned on me that she was absolutely right that I had to give up that he didn't know what I wanted to do. Because as long as you stay in that I don't know what I want. That's what you're gonna get, again, whatever you speak, comes out of your mouth will give you the experience of your life. And so in that moment, I promised myself that I would stop saying I don't know what I want. And instead, I started saying what I want is on its way, and I determined to figure it out. And within a few weeks, I started at least being able to say, I know what I want my life to look like I don't want to work for other people. I want to make a difference for people, I want to be able to do my job from anywhere. And a couple of months later. You know, the word life coach was mentioned to me. I was like, Holy smokes, man, I knew exactly what that was what I wanted to be. And I figured it out. And I didn't All I had was a little bit of a vision for that, like I knew, but then I could start seeing the 25 feet in front of me and jack Canfield. You know, says this is in his book, The success principles, which I highly recommend that everybody get and just keep it on your shelf. Because that's like a success Bible. If you could just pull out the success principles and open it anywhere and point and do what it says to do. Something will shift for you. Because I mean, the guy's I mean, he's, he's a great coach. But one of the things he talks about is sometimes you can only see, it's like you're driving, I'm in the Midwest. So as far as driving down, I 70 headed to Colorado from Kansas, I know I'm gonna hit Colorado, but I can't see Colorado, obviously, I can always see 25 feet in front of me. And so what I know is that action brings to clarity, right action always brings clarity. And so if you can see a little bit, you have a vision for a little bit of a thing, you start getting an action, action continues to bring the clarity, you just stay in action towards that direction, sometimes you'll you know, hit a side road or stop at a truck stop, but you're going to end up in Colorado, if you stay on the road. So the things are, if you can see it, you can have it start taking baby steps towards it. But the other thing as long as you don't quit, you'll hit you'll get there. Hi guys,

Emily Thompson: 43:51

Emily here with a bit of a confession. I may be a total boss and even have a geography degree in my pocket. But I suck at time zones. I couldn't tell you the number of times I've showed up an hour late or early for client meetings because I simply cannot wrap my head around who's an hour ahead who's an hour behind and what that even means. and bless my soul. When I book an international client, my calendar Wrangler Chris cannot glare at me and that is until we started using acuity scheduling to set meetings with our clients at Indy typography. Their automatic timezone detection and conversion has saved my goat more than once and I'm grateful that I never again have to laugh off my geographic incompetence, or apologize for being late ever again. Schedule clients without sacrificing your soul. Sign up for your free trial at scheduling sanity at acuity scheduling.com slash being boss. Now let's get back at it.

Kathleen Shannon: 44:58

You know and when Things that we talked about a lot is confidence. And a lot of creative entrepreneurs struggle with confidence. And so as you were talking about action, bringing clarity, I was really think you could almost interchange the words clarity and confidence. I think having clarity is having confidence. I agree. I agree. And action Britain action will also build confidence. And the more you do something, I mean, we know that as entrepreneurs, and as an entrepreneur, God, how many times have I had

Jay Pryor: 45:31

the feeling or thought, oh, here's something I've never done before. Well, even this this is this interview. I've never been interviewed for podcast. This is the first time I've ever done this. This doesn't bring me nx.

Unknown: 45:43

I think so. Yeah. first podcast.

Jay Pryor: 45:45

I think so. Yeah,

Kathleen Shannon: 45:48

we're popping your podcast chair. You

Jay Pryor: 45:50

are You are? I'm yeah. Anyway, we're gonna talk about Rocky Horror Picture. So I'm a virgin with Rocky Horror Picture Show. And I'm going to see tomorrow. So having a big virgin week. Yeah, never seen it. I know. It makes me not gay. It's like a whole thing. Like it kicked out a queer community for saying that. I've been. I'm 49 years old, and I still haven't seen Rocky Horror. There's something wrong there.

Kathleen Shannon: 46:19

Are you going to dress up? Who are you going? As I don't know, I'm

Jay Pryor: 46:23

just we're gonna go tomorrow night. So I haven't thought about where I was gonna dress up.

Kathleen Shannon: 46:26

Well, you have to like wear something?

Jay Pryor: 46:28

No, I haven't. I could just wear a bathrobe. And somebody. And that's okay. There's so many. Yeah, so I'm not sure where we have gotten that far. But let's go back to the whole doing it. For the first time conversation. When I first started as an entrepreneur, that was one of the first words that I also had to start watching for myself. Because I caught myself saying, I don't know what I'm doing. And that feels it feels like that, right? When you're doing stuff. For the first time. As an entrepreneur, it feels like I don't know what I'm doing. But if you continue to say to yourself, I don't know what I'm doing. And especially with the energy that I have, it's like, well, Hell, I don't know what I'm doing. Like, Who the hell are my oddity doing this? I don't know what I'm doing. And I would say that to myself, and I had to make myself stop have I remember, one of the first was another one of the things and throughout my life, there's been tons and tons of them. But phrases that I catch myself saying and being like, you're not allowed to speak that anymore. Just stop speaking it, stop saying it. And so I made myself stop saying, I don't know what I'm doing. And now when I have that feeling of discomfort, because I'm doing something new, I just, you know, kind of give myself a little pat in the chest. And I say, It's okay, you've never done this before. That's all right. Chill out. It's everybody feels scared when they haven't done it before. But once you get an action, you do it again, you've done it, it's not the first time you've done it, then you've got some confidence around it. So I agree that you could interchange. You know, action provides clarity and action also provides confidence, just getting an action gives you more and more confidence every

Kathleen Shannon: 47:50

time you do it. You know, one of the things that I think about a lot is that we're just all figuring it out. And no one ever really has the answer I and I especially think this now being a mom and having a little kid is I remember being a little kid and looking at grownups and thinking that they have all the answers, and they have it all figured out. The truth is we're all just kind of a bunch of kids still running around in grown up bodies, we're all figuring it out. And so, and I think, you know, it's kind of a fun human experience, like you said, like, whenever it feels like a game, and you can look at it like a game and just play the game and figure it out. It's so so good. One thing I'm going to talk about is transforming fear, or those feelings of scared into feelings of excitement. And whenever you were talking about doing this for the first time, and kind of saying I don't know what I'm doing versus I'm figuring this out, is kind of transforming fear into excitement. And think about like what happens even physiologically whenever you're afraid. And whenever you're excited. Body, they feel exactly the same.

Jay Pryor: 49:00

Yep. And the body is only going to end that that's the thing about the body, the body is responding to the synapse in your brain. So if you give a different, it's always the story, right? So it's 99% story and 1% what's actually happening. So it really depends on the story that you're telling yourself about what's happening. That gives you the experience of it. So the thrill of being an entrepreneur versus the fear of being an entrepreneur, they can be the same. You just got to switch your language. That's why again, I'm always hammering, watch your language, because how you speak about it and how you share it with other people to like, you know, it's so interesting to me because we have a culture that loves victims and we love to like oh, you Oh, that's so hard for you. That's when you poor baby, all that crap. And it's like, if we could I really do my best to lift people up and listen to them. And hear them tell me a story that they're afraid about and then say, couldn't how that's so exciting. Like, let's talk about what's possible because you're Taking that on and not give them the juice of Oh, you poor baby that's so hard. Because I think that's, you know, our brains love that I you know me I always say that people love to roll around and negativity like dogs Ron stank. So we love that stuff. It's true. We're humans love it.

Kathleen Shannon: 50:21

One of the things that I think about whenever I think about uj is your ability to live in integrity. And so I want to talk about that a little bit. And I actually want to share a personal story that you coached me through recently. And Jay and I have been working together for years, but and this is the first time I had to text you and say, I need you just for 15 minutes is the first time it's ever happened. And it was around wanting to whether or not I should quit a project that I had ventured on. And I just didn't know what had the most integrity. So I had your voice in my head, like do what isn't what has integrity, and I thought what had integrity was to stick with the project and maybe even for a year and see it through. And I called you up and and you were in between meetings. So you're just given a talk at a university and you were about to like maybe go get on a plane to go out to LA? Oh, because I'm Dance Moms like Jay story was featured on Dance Moms. But anyway, so you're getting on a plane to go to LA I think so anyway, um, you said, okay, that might have integrity to the project is stick with it. But what, what is the thing that you can do with the most integrity for yourself? Like, how do you keep the integrity for yourself? And then I was like, Oh, it's to quit, to have integrity for myself as to quit. So can we let's talk a little bit about that. Like, let's talk a little bit about just integrity. And sure what that means to you.

Jay Pryor: 52:00

Yeah, in my coaching School, which I'm a coach, you graduate. One of the things I one of my favorite things about them, in terms of their distinctions in definitions is they say they say that each person defines their own integrity. And I love that, because before that my training had always been this is integrity. And that's not an integrity, but I didn't like it. It did not resonate with me. So when I got that each person defines their own integrity, then that made more sense to me. And it all goes back to that higher self piece, as like, what is what is going to be an integrity, for me, isn't the same as being integrity for you. And I think that that's very, very valid. And so when, and when I say being an integrity, what I'm talking about is having your life be workable, right? integrity is about workability it's about putting in systems in place and having you show up powerfully and be impeccable with your word. And, you know, not having I as a coach. And you know, Kathleen, I know you're a coach, and you put yourself out there as a leader. So I hold you to a high standard of integrity. Because we said we wanted to do that, right? We put ourselves on the hook for that. And I believe me, I am not below whining to my coach once in a while. And it hasn't been that long ago that she's like, Look, you asked for this, you always have to take the high road, you always have to take the high road, I don't get to, you know, be Snively and, and make people wrong, because they're not doing what I want them to do, because I said that I would be coach. And as coach, I always have to take the high road, that's my integrity. But that doesn't mean that that that's the same for everybody else. And so integrity for me is just about workability and having a strong personal foundation in our lives. So that then we don't have to worry about all that stuff, we can jump off into this huge expanse of life. That, you know, one of my requests of you always is have a life so big, you can't keep track of it in your head. Right have your life be so expansive shot and yeah, I can't keep track you're living a life that you can keep track of in in your head, you are playing too small, oh, it'll live way bigger than that. You got way more energy than that. But having a strong personal foundation or a lot of integrity in your own personal life also allows you to do that. Because if you can't, you know, get into your car because it's so filthy, then how are you going to, you're gonna keep your mind decluttered you know, it's like, that's, that's all happening in your heads, you're gonna be powerful in your life, you're gonna have a lot of integrity. And that means that goes from everything from keeping your car clean, keeping your checkbook balanced to, you know, being integrity with how you treat people and how you respond to things and how you show up in the world. So it's all over the place. But I do think that we all define our own integrity and I think that what's an integrity for some people isn't the same. And you have to really get to a place and that's a going back to women again, and getting clear about what they want and what feels in integrity to them. is sometimes a difficult place for me to get them because their whole lives, they've been acquiescing and doing what everybody else wants first. And so they don't even know what they want. They don't even know how to actually don't even know what's in integrity for them. So it's a little bit of a process to get them to get that and understand that. Does that make sense?

Kathleen Shannon: 55:18

Yeah. All right, I want to Sorry, I could talk to you for like three hours. So I could talk to you for like a year probably. Let's talk a little bit. I just want to give the audience listening. One of the best tools you ever gave me, which is pre paving. Yeah. Alright, let's talk about that a little bit. Because I learned that prepayment just reminded each other of recent right, yeah,

Jay Pryor: 55:41

yeah. Cuz we can go unconscious, right and forget some of this stuff that actually works. So pre paving, and I've learned pre paving from Abraham law of attraction. And I mean, Pam grout, I mean, all in all, I am fortunate to have a group what's called our spiritual entrepreneurs group. And we're all entrepreneurs who use spiritual principles to, you know, for our business, and the law of attraction in particular. And so, we talked about pre paving a lot. And pre paving is essentially, when you're going to, when you're going into a meeting where you're going into anything, instead of letting yourself fantasize about how scary it could be. You want to do the opposite. And on purpose, vision, that meeting, envision the outcome and how it's going to go and how you're going to be and how it's gonna go great. And they're gonna, they're gonna leave, you know, have an intention that they leave, you know, that you leave with the outcome that you want. And like right now, I am taking 14 women to Mexico next Wednesday. And I was just on a call with them last night, and we started pre paving our trip. Right? And especially with you know, people who would call themselves warriors, one of the things I'm really committed to is having women transform worry into warrior, like, rather than because women will tell you in a minute Oh, I'm a warrior, you know, oh, my world. I'm a worrier. I worry, worry where I worry all the time, I'm gonna worry. I'm a worrier. And they were like a bad like, that's some good, that's terrible thought that. Basically, when you're worrying, you're creating scenarios in your head that scare the crap out of you on purpose. That's insane.

Kathleen Shannon: 57:17

I've also heard that I've heard that worry is praying for what you don't want to happen

Jay Pryor: 57:22

is it's like affirming what you don't want. I mean, that's crazy. Why would you do that? So I've been working with women who have that phrase, I'm a worrier, to change it to I'm a warrior, so that they can start to pre pave positive things to happen. Instead of worrying and creating negative scenarios, start fantasizing about positive things. So for this trip, for example, we started last night on a on a webinar, and I had them all start to think about, okay, we're gonna all get to the airport on time, we're gonna have plenty of time, our bags are all going to get there, the airport staff is going to be friendly, we're gonna be friendly, you know, it's a 3am flight or something, we got to get their ass cracked on, nobody's going to sleep in, you know, it's all going to go really smoothly, we're gonna we're gonna be amazed at how smooth it is. In fact, some of our conversations are gonna be like, Can you believe with all this travel and all these people coordinated that everything went so smoothly? And it was so lovely. And we just think that start being in that mode of everybody going there and getting there on time rather than Oh, you know, what if I oversleep, right, you don't want to do that. So pre paving is a powerful tool. I do it all the time. Even down to if you talk about manifesting, parking is something that I've gotten to you know, I mean, parking is a great way to have fun with manifesting. Yeah, because once you get the vibe of it, and you start to understand how it feels, then you can feel it in other things in your life. But parking is so like if there's no risk. That's like a big big deal if you don't win, but for the most part, I don't ever worry about going anywhere. I mean anywhere people go You can't go there so packed. I'll never find a parking space. Yes, I will. It'll be right up front and be right on the fly. But I'm not gonna have to walk more than 20 feet I just pre pave it. And every single time it's almost every time it happens.

Kathleen Shannon: 59:07

Yeah. And I think about it every time I park and so I was visiting you one time in Lawrence and I think we are going to go grab yours and we're in the kind of the busier area downtown of Lawrence which is a cool city by the way. But um, I was like oh man and you were like watch this. We're going to get a front row parking spot and we totally did. Oh yeah. And it was rock star parking, rock star parking so I do it now every single time I pre paved parking But then I also pre pave experiences. Just from getting on the podcast to traveling to all of it. I try and pre pave it now and I also want to credit you because this is something that has helped a lot of creative entrepreneurs who have listened to the podcast that turn your light on like turn on your taxi light that also comes from Jay prior here. So which is if you're scared going traveling or going into a conference or going into an interview, or even Gosh, going to the bar one night, like, all you have to do is just turn on your light. And you don't even have to think about anything else other than just kind of radiating. And as long as you can do that everything else is going to follow and I can I get, we're gonna have to have you on again, because I could spend another hour talking about all the stuff that you've taught me. But a lot of the things that I share here, big credit to you, pretty much you and Rene brown are like two huge influences when it comes to the stuff that I practice and the stuff that I preach in my life and the things that work. So in terms

Jay Pryor: 1:00:37

of pre paving, have you ever talked to clients about the power pose?

Kathleen Shannon: 1:00:42

Um, no, but I I've watched that Ted Talk, did you? Yeah, like where you get into? Okay, so this is another like, kind of man, woman thing. A lot of times women will make themselves smaller, right. And I mean, gosh, like even we're told to be skinny and diet down and just basically become as small as we can. And so this is something that I don't know if you taught me this, but or if it's something that you kind of figured out, but whenever you can't get in the right mindset, if you can just pretend as if or have the behavior, as if you were someone who is confident or someone who is not afraid. This mindset will follow. And so that's the power pose thing, right? Yeah, that

Jay Pryor: 1:01:25

Yeah, and it's a tipos. Yeah, it's a TED talk by Amy Cuddy at CU DD y. And she talks about body language, and she's done the research. And she shows you this power pose that essentially, the research shows lowers your cortisol and raises your testosterone. And that in and of itself, physiologically has you show up more authentic or confident. And they did so many blind, all these blind studies, and everybody who had done the power pose or the people who got the jobs, or the people who, you know, scored higher on all these these different interviews and meetings. And I just find it fascinating. So I always have my clients, and that's part of pre paving. I have my clients, if you're going into a big interview, go find two minutes to stand in that power pose before you go into that interview. Because you want to lower your cortisol, raise your testosterone, and physiological that will physiologically that will make a huge difference for you.

Kathleen Shannon: 1:02:20

Let's talk about your book, where to find your book.

Jay Pryor: 1:02:23

Well, by now, by the time this comes, it should be on Amazon easy.

Kathleen Shannon: 1:02:28

All right, and we'll be sure to include a link to your website on our show notes at love being boss calm, but you can also go to Jay pyre coaching calm. And the book is called

Jay Pryor: 1:02:40

lean inside seven steps

Kathleen Shannon: 1:02:42

to personal power. That's another thing that we didn't even get into is leaning into what you want to do next. So which is another huge thing that you taught me like, whenever you are, let's say creating a podcast, lean into it, just do it on your headphones first, before you buy the microphone, type up an agenda. You don't even have to record it, you just have to lean into it. And so it's language that even me and my best friend use all the time whenever it comes to life stuff. We're like, lean into that a little bit like RJ Pryor ism.

Jay Pryor: 1:03:15

Well, and to make a distinction, though, because there is the book lean, and I want to be sure that my my book is called lean inside. Because I believe that everything inside you is all you need. You don't need anything else, you have everything you need already. And that's what I think that there's, I mean, even myself, I was just laughing on myself the other day, because I heard somebody talk about yet another book. And it was about thresholds. So it was about like how we have a joy threshold that we distinguish when we're pretty young. And then once we start to be successful, we hit that joy threshold, we do something to sabotage ourselves, right? Because that's all the joy we're allowed. So I heard this book and I thought I should read that book. Like that's, that's, you know, because I have a tendency sometimes to, you know, get just so far right in business, I should read that book, I start reading the book, it's the same damn thing. Every other book is telling me right, there's not another book, Everything I have is inside me. Everything you have isn't everything you need is inside you to accomplish and do whatever you can think of. And I think that reaching outside of ourselves is what we've been taught to do so much. And really, it's about getting inside you and realizing once you tap into that it's miraculous. I mean, it's miraculous. Yeah, stuff that you can accomplish when you lean inside for you.

Kathleen Shannon: 1:04:31

So true. Um, yeah, I want to have you on the show. Again, even just talking about the links between spirituality and all the because you can get pretty woowoo I mean, you're very practical. We can get like my I

Jay Pryor: 1:04:45

like to be practical, but I also do think that there's something about that that leaning inside, you're leaning into that. That's your spiritual nature that piece of you can't see. I don't know some people call it your spirit.

Kathleen Shannon: 1:04:57

And that's that's something that even On our last coaching session that we were talking about is, and even on the last podcast, Emily and I were talking about our experience in New Orleans and how really, truly magical and spiritual it was. And one of the things I learned there is that I went to, like, I've been, you know, kind of keeping my spirituality and my life for lack of better words, almost separate, you know, so my career my, the way I parent all of it, and my spirituality, like spirituality just on the side, and it's just for fun, like, Oh, yeah, let's manifest a parking spot. Isn't that cute? Like, that's kind of how he's treating my spirituality. And so even the last time I talked to you, Jay, I was like, you know, what, I just want to focus on really the tools that will get me in the right mindset, I want to talk about spirituality. And

Jay Pryor: 1:05:50

I started laughing. I was like, you're so full of crap.

Kathleen Shannon: 1:05:57

So we'll get you on the show to talk about that at some point again, yeah. And okay, one other thing I want to touch on just before we go, because you are definitely an advocate for lesbian, gay, transgender, queer, all of it, like, Where can we and we'll include links in our show notes to this as well. But where can we learn more about that? I mean, there are kids killing themselves. Like it's just, and not just kids like there is. Alright, it's important to us that 41%

Jay Pryor: 1:06:31

is the transgender statistics right now. 41% of transgender people at least attempt suicide. So yeah, I have a huge commitment to that. And actually, just yesterday, there was an article on me and my family and in people.com.

Unknown: 1:06:52

We'll include a link to that.

Jay Pryor: 1:06:53

Yeah, thanks. So it was a really good article, because I was somebody who was suicidal, most of my life growing up dealing with coming out as being gay. And I figured I was raised to believe that I was going to go to hell, if I killed myself, I always thought I was going to go to hell if I was gay. So I figured, well, I'm going to hell anyway, I just get there faster. And then people would have to deal with me. So yeah, I, there's lots of resources, the It Gets Better Project is one of the very powerful resource that Gaiman's course of Los Angeles does, and does a live tour for the It Gets Better Project. And they actually tell my story, in that in their live show. So they're traveling all over the country, talking to middle schools and high schools. And when they go to places, they do a lot of what they call world cafes, or community outreach. So they're doing a lot. But so It Gets Better Project, I think is a great, great resource. Obviously, HRC is out there. There's lots and lots of groups, but I would say It Gets Better Project as one of the best. And, you know, there's all kinds of youth movements that and that's where it's important that the the best thing, though. And the thing I'm most hopeful about is what I see anyway, is that anybody under 30 doesn't really give a crap, or at least most of the people under 30 don't really give a crap. So fortunately, you know, homophobia is dying off. Yeah, I think I really think it is. That's my that's my assertion. I will say that. I mean, there are some, I think it will transform over time. And there's always backlash. Once things start to transform, we have backlash the other direction. But overall, I think it's getting a lot better.

Kathleen Shannon: 1:08:44

And I think it's just There is even an awareness to how we talk about gender, that can make a big difference. So for example, even the being boss, Facebook group, a lot of people assume that it's just for women. But I have in the rules there that this is open to men, women and all genders. Because what I'm learning is that it is a spectrum and just kind of that awareness around it. So, um,

Jay Pryor: 1:09:11

well, that's one of the reasons that I stay out. I mean, I know that. Like you said, in your opinion, I'm a dude, but I don't identify myself as a man. But I don't feel like because I took a shot of testosterone, it turned me into a man. And I haven't had any surgery from the waist down. So if you get real technical with me, I'm kind of half and half, you know, half man, half woman. But I really just still feel like I'm the same person in terms of my communication style and men a little bit of a brain difference. Like I said, how my brain functions a little differently, but I'm not I didn't. I wasn't trained to be a man. I feel like we train people into their gender so much that I don't have that training. So I'm one of those in betweens, I'm an I consider myself gender. The new term is gender fluid with the younger people which I love who Wouldn't want to be gender fluid. I used to call myself a gender queer. But I definitely feel like I'm in the middle. Right. And that's, and I think, again, that's the other reason that I my seminars are right now anyway, exclusively for women, I'm doing a couple's seminar in February, by the way, February 15, I'm gonna do it for couples, because I've had enough requests, then we go ahead and stick my toe in that water. But I predominantly empower women, because I think women are the also the ones that are going to change this conversation. Women are the ones that are going to change. You know, women are the catalyst for change. That's how it goes. There's a woman by the name of Adelaide hoodless, who was a who invented homak. Right? She was being Yeah, she was a Canadian born woman. And unfortunately, she had a child die a son die, because he ate some meat that was rancid. And they didn't have proper, you know, for refrigerating techniques and things like that. They just didn't know, right. And so she was devastated by that and decided that this is ridiculous. We're not educated about that. Started educating herself and then teaching women about how to educate themselves about food science. And she has a quote that says, If you educate a boy, you educate a person, if you educate a girl, you educate a community. And I really believe that, and because throughout history, women are always the catalysts for change and for making things happen. And so that's why I continue to have seminars for women and about women, but also teach straight women what I learned from lesbians, which is how to hold space for all women, right? I think that straight women are taught to compete with each other, you're taught that that is more important to have the interest of that guy than it is to connect with that woman. And so I've just here in Lawrence, I've got over 130 women now I believe, that have gone through my seminar and they continue to stay in touch, they meet monthly, they have a Facebook page that they lift each other up on. And they are becoming very facile with holding space for every size, every type, every age, every economic status of woman that walks through that door. And they are finding that some of them even have told me that flat out they had no idea how important it was for them to have a community of women. They didn't they just didn't realize it needed it until they had it. And now they can't live without it. So that's another reason is I think we've got to have women be in that conversation, because that's what's going to transfer all of these conversations, LGBT issues, poverty issues, all of that stuff. Women are the ones that are going to transform that and it's going to be done in community. And it's going to be done from women lifting each other up and having other women be successful. Amen. Amen. Amen.

Kathleen Shannon: 1:12:41

Thank you for listening to being boss. Find Show Notes for this episode at loving boss calm. Listen to past episodes and subscribe to new episodes on our website on iTunes, SoundCloud, or Stitcher.

Emily Thompson: 1:12:54

Did you like this episode? Head on over to our Facebook group by searching being boss on facebook and join in on the conversation with other bosses or share it with a friend. Do the work be boss and we'll see you next week.

Kathleen Shannon: 1:13:24

You guys I have to pee so bad. I'm about to die. Emily

Emily Thompson: 1:13:33

squirming.

Kathleen Shannon: 1:13:35

Alright Emily, tell Jay how to transfer the files over I'll be right back.

Emily Thompson: 1:13:41

Thank you go pay