Snooze to the charming advice from none other than Lewis Carroll on the lost art of letter writing. As you settle in for the night, let the soothing wisdom of "Eight or Nine Wise Words About Letter Writing" envelop you in a blanket of nostalgia, providing quaint yet astoundingly relevant tips on everything from managing your postage with a stamp case to the finer points of signing off a letter with style. So, snuggle up in your blankets and have sweet dreams.
The music in this episode Cottage Dreams by Anna Landstrom.
Snooze to the charming advice from none other than Lewis Carroll on the lost art of letter writing. As you settle in for the night, let the soothing wisdom of "Eight or Nine Wise Words About Letter Writing" envelop you in a blanket of nostalgia, providing quaint yet astoundingly relevant tips on everything from managing your postage with a stamp case to the finer points of signing off a letter with style. So, snuggle up in your blankets and have sweet dreams.
The music in this episode Cottage Dreams by Anna Landstrom.
Welcome to Dreamful Podcast Bedtime stories for slumber. I would like to start off this episode by thanking our newest supporters Jared Collins, denise Levista, devin Burchett and Kira Hammond. Thank you all so much and I hope you have the sweetest of dreams. If you would like to support the show and gain access to subscriber only episodes while receiving a shout out, visit DreamfulStoriescom and, on the support page, find a link to become a Buzzsprout supporter or subscribe via Supercast. If you listen on Spotify, there are other ways to support the show, including a PayPal link. Leave a 5 star rating and review or just tell a friend who you think might really like the show. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp.
Jordan:
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Jordan:
I found an unusual and whimsical treat for this episode. It's a guide titled Eight or Nine Wise Words About Letter Writing by Lewis Carroll, who authored Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. I found this guide to be somewhat nonsensical and hopefully it's boring enough to put you right to sleep. So snuggle up in your blankets and have sweet dreams.
Jordan:
First, on stamp cases, some American writer has said the snakes in this district may be divided into one species of enemas. The same principle applies here Postage stamp cases may be divided into one species. The Wonderland Inmitations of it will soon appear, no doubt, but they cannot include the two pictorial surprises which I'll copyright. You don't see why I call them surprises. Well, take the case in your left hand and regard it attentively. You see Alice nerfing the Duchess' baby an entirely new combination, by the way. It doesn't occur in the book. Now, with your right thumb and forefinger, lay hold of the little book and suddenly pull it out. The baby has turned into a pig. If that doesn't surprise you, why? I suppose you wouldn't be surprised if your own mother-in-law suddenly turned into a gyroscope.
Jordan:
This case is not intended to carry about in your pocket, far from it. People seldom want any other stamps. On an emergency then, penny stamps for letters, 6 penny stamps for telegrams and a bit of stamp edging for cut fingers. It makes capital sticking plaster and will stand 3 or 4 washings, cautiously conducted, and all these are easily carried in a purse or pocketbook. No, this is meant to haunt your envelope case or wherever you keep your writing materials. What made me invent it was the constantly wanting stamps of other values for foreign letters, parcel post etc. And finding it very bothersome to get at that kind I wanted in a hurry. Since I have possessed a Wonderland stamp case, life has been bright and peaceful and I have used no other. I believe the Queen's Laundress uses no other. Each of the pockets will hold 6 stamps comfortably. I would recommend you to arrange the 6 before putting them in something like a bouquet, making them lean to the right and to the left alternately. Thus there will always be a free corner to get hold of so as to take them out quickly and easily one by one. Otherwise you will find them apt to come out 2 or 3 at a time. According to my experience, the 5D, 9d and 1S stamps are hardly ever wanted, though I have constantly to replenish all the other pockets. If your experience agrees with mine, you may find it convenient to keep only a couple each of these 3 kinds in the 1S pocket and to fill the other 2 pockets with extra 1D stamps.
Jordan:
Second, how to begin a letter. If the letter is to be an answer to another, begin by getting out that other letter and reading it through in order to refresh your memory as to what it is you have to answer and as to your correspondence present address. Otherwise you will be sending your letter to his regular address in London, though he has been careful in writing to give you his Torquilla dress in full. Next address and stamp the envelope. What before writing the letter? Most certainly and I'll tell you what will happen if you don't you will go on writing to the last moment and just in the middle of the last sentence you will become aware that time's up. Then comes the hurried wind-up the wildly scrawled signature, the hastily fastened envelope which comes open in the post, the address, the mirror hieroglyphic, the horrible discovery that you've forgotten to replenish your stamp case, the frantic appeal to everyone in the house to lend you a stamp, the headlong rush to the post office, arriving hot and gasping just after the box is closed. And finally, a week afterwards, the return of the letter from the dead letter office, marked address-allegable. Next, put your own address in full at the top of the note sheet. It is now gravating thing I speak from bitter experience when a friend staying at some new address heads his letter dover, finally, assuming that you can get the rest of the address from his previous letter, which perhaps you have destroyed. Next put the date in full. It is another aggravating thing when you wish yours afterwards to arrange a series of letters, to find them dated February 17th, august 2nd, without any year to guide you as to which comes first and never, never, put Wednesday simply as the date. That way madness lies.
Jordan:
Third, how to go on with the letter. Here is a golden rule. To begin with, right legibly. The average temper of the human race would be perceptibly sweetened if everybody obeyed this rule. A great deal of the bad writing in the world comes simply from writing too quickly. Of course you reply I do it to save time. A very good object, no doubt. But what right have you to do it at your friend's expense? Isn't his time as valuable as yours?
Jordan:
Years ago I used to receive letters from a friend, and very interesting letters too, written in one of the most atrocious hands ever invented. It generally took me about a week to read one of his letters. I used to carry it about in my pocket and take it out at leisure times to puzzle over the riddles which composed it, holding it in different positions and at different distances. Till at last the meaning of some hopeless scroll would flash upon me when I had once wrote down the English under it and when several had been this guest, the context would help one with the others. Till at last the whole series of hieroglyphics was deciphered. If all one of the friends wrote like that life would be entirely spent in reading their letters. This rule applies specially to names of people or places and most specially to foreign names. I got a letter once containing some Russian names, written in the same hasty scramble in which people often write yours sincerely. The context, of course, didn't help me in the least, and one spelling was just as likely as another. So far as I knew it, it was necessary to write and tell my friend that I couldn't read any of them.
Jordan:
My second rule is don't fill more than a page and a half with apologies for not having written sooner. The best subject to begin with is your friend's last letter. Write with the letter open before you answer his questions and make any remarks his letter suggests. Then go on to what you want to say yourself. This arrangement is more courteous and pleasant for the reader. Then, to fill the letter with your own invaluable remarks and then hastily answer your friend's questions in a post script. Your friend is much more likely to enjoy your wit after his own anxiety for information has been satisfied.
Jordan:
In referring to anything your friend has said in his letter, it is best to quote the exact words and not to give a summary of them in your words. A's impression of what B has said, expressed in A's words, will never convey to B the meaning of his own words. This is especially necessary when some point has arisen as to which the two correspondents do not quite agree. There ought to be no opening for such writings, as you were quite mistaken in thinking I said so and so it was not in the least my meaning, etc. Etc. Which tends to make a correspondence last for a lifetime.
Jordan:
A few more rules may fitly be given here for correspondence that has unfortunately become controversial. One is don't repeat yourself. When, once you have said your say fully and clearly on a certain point and have failed to convince your friend, drop that subject. To repeat your arguments all over again will simply lead to his doing the same, and so you'll go on like a circulating decimal. Did you ever know a circulating decimal to come to an end? Another rule is when you have written a letter that you feel may possibly irritate your friend, however necessary you may have felt it to so express yourself, put it aside till the next day. Then read it over again and fancy it addressed yourself. This will often lead to your writing it all over again, taking out a lot of the vinegar and pepper and putting in honey instead, and thus making a much more palatable dish of it.
Jordan:
If, when you have done your best to write inoffensively, you still feel that it will probably lead to further controversy, keep a copy of it. There is very little use months afterwards in pleading. I am almost sure I never express myself as you say. To the best of my recollection, I said so, and so far better to be able to write. I did not express myself, so these are the words I used.
Jordan:
My fifth rule is if your friend makes a severe remark, either leave it unnoticed or make your reply distinctly less severe. And if he makes a friendly remark tending towards making up a little difference that has arisen between you, let your reply be distinctly more friendly. If, in picking a quarrel, each party declined to go more than three-eighths of the way, and if, in making friends, each was ready to go five-eighths of the way, why there would be more reconciliation than quarrels, which is like the Irishman's rum and strants to his dad about daughter, sure you're always going out. You go out three times for once that you come in. My sixth rule and my last remark about the controversial correspondence is don't try to have the last word. How many a controversy would be nipped in the bud if each was anxious to let the other have the last word. Never mind how telling rejoinder you leave unuttered. Never mind your friend, supposing that you are silent from lack of anything to say, let the thing drop as soon as it is possible without discurtecy. Remember, speech is silver but silence is golden.
Jordan:
My seventh rule is if it should ever occur to you to write justingly in dismay of your friend, be sure you exaggerate enough to make the justing obvious. A word spoken in jest but taken as earnest may lead to very serious consequences. I have known it to lean to the breaking off of a friendship. Suppose, for instance, you wish to remind your friend of a sovereign you have lent him which he has forgotten to repay. You might quite mean the words. I mention it as you seem to have a conveniently bad memory of her debts in jest. Yet there would be nothing to wonder at if he took offense at that way of putting it. Yet suppose you wrote long. Observation of your career as a pickpocket and a burglar has convinced me that my one lingering hope for recovering that sovereign I lent you is to say pay up or I'll summons you. He would indeed be a matter of fact, friend, if he took that as seriously meant. My eighth rule when you say in your letter I enclose check for five pounds or I enclose John's letter for you to see, leave off writing for a moment, go and get the document referred to and put it into the envelope, otherwise you are pretty certain to find it lying about after the post is gone.
Jordan:
My ninth rule when you get to the end of a note sheet and find you have more to say, take another piece of paper, a whole sheet, or scrap as the case may demand. But whatever you do, don't cross. Remember the old proverb cross writing, mix, cross. Reading the old proverb, you say inquiringly how old? Well, not so very ancient, I must confess. In fact, I'm afraid I invented it while writing this paragraph. Still, you know, old is a comparative term. I think you would be quite justified in addressing a chicken just out the shell as old boy when compared with another chicken that was only half out.
Jordan:
Fourth, how to end a letter. If doubtful whether to end with yours faithfully, or yours truly, or yours most truly, etc. There are at least a dozen varieties. Before you reach yours affectionately. Refer to your correspondence, last letter, and make your winding up at least as friendly as his. In fact, even if a shade more friendly, it will do no harm.
Jordan:
A post-grip is a very useful invention, but it is not meant to contain the real gist of the letter. It serves rather to throw into the shade any little matter we do not wish to make a fuss about. For example, your friend has promised to execute a commission for you in town but forgot it, hereby putting you to great inconvenience, and he now writes to apologize for his negligence. It would be cruel and needlessly crushing to make it the main subject of your reply. How much more gracefully it comes than thus. Ps, don't distress yourself anymore about having omitted that little matter in town. I won't deny that it did put my plans out a little at the time, but it's all right now. I often forget things myself, and those who live in glass houses mustn't throw stones. You know, when you take your letters to the post, carry them in your hand. If you put them in your pocket, you will take a long country walk I speak from experience Using the post office twice, going and returning, and when you get home you will find them still in your pocket.
Jordan:
And fifth, on registering correspondence, let me recommend you to keep a record of letters received and sent. I have kept one for many years and have found it of the greatest possible service in many ways. It secures my answering letters, however long they have to wait. It enables me to refer for my own guidance to the details of previous correspondence, though the actual letters may have been destroyed long ago. The most valuable of all, if any difficulty arises years afterwards, a connection with a half-forgotten correspondence, it enables me to say with confidence I did not tell you that he was an invaluable servant in every way and that you couldn't trust him too much. I have a copy of my letter. What I said was he is a valuable servant in many ways, but don't trust him too much. So if he's cheated you, you really must not hold me responsible for it. I will now give you a few simple rules for making and keeping a letter register.
Jordan:
Get a blank book containing, say, 200 leaves, about 4 inches wide and 7 high. It should be well fastened into its cover, as it will have to be opened and shut 100 times. Have a line ruled in writing down each margin of every page, an inch off the edge. The margin should be wide enough to contain a number of 5 digits easily. I manage with a 3 quarter inch margin, but unless you write very small you will find an inch more comfortable.
Jordan:
Write a thesis of each letter received or sent, in chronological order. Let the entry of a received letter reach from the left hand edge to the right hand marginal line and the entry of a sent letter from the left hand marginal line to the right hand edge. Thus the two kinds will be quite distinct and you can easily hunt through the received letters by themselves without being bothered with the sent letters and vice versa. Use the right hand pages only and when you come to the end of the book, turn it upside down and begin at the other end, still using right hand pages. You will find this much more comfortable than using left hand pages.
Jordan:
You will find it convenient to write at the top of every sheet of received letter its register number in full, although this looks very complicated when stated at full length. But you will find it perfectly simple when you have had a little practice and will come to regard the making up as a pleasant occupation for a rainy day or at any time that you feel disinclined for more severe mental work In the game of waste, world gives us one golden rule when in doubt, win the trick. I find that rule admirable for real life. When in doubt what to do, I make up my letter register. You, you, you, you, you, you you. You. You, you. You.