Attraction - Ka'eo and Cassie Yoshikawa

Part 1 with some good friends and influencers, Ka'eo and Cassie Yoshikawa. In the following episode we cover the dating in a Godly way, and our friends upbringing. Hear about how Ka'eo is like Eminem and thoughts on what a man is.

Transcript

spk_1:   0:02
Thank you for listening to distinct podcast recorded life from Fresno, California. This is a distinct podcast. Our special guest today, RKO and Cassie Yoshikawa Ko is currently a middle school pastor from the well Church, which tells you instantly how crazy this man can be when he's pouring Jesus into seventh and eighth graders. His bride of four years loves to travel and write about her travels inspiring and guiding her readers with scripture encouragements and travel tips. Welcome Ko and Cassie Yoshikawa. Well, welcome to the distinct podcast where

spk_0:   0:46
we're encouraging people to live lives set apart from the world. Kl Cassie,

spk_1:   0:52
Mama. Okay, Yeah. Glad

spk_0:   0:54
you guys could finally come over and you're in our house and we have apples on her table, which I don't know why I was trying to decorate, but, uh, Ko and Cassie are friends of ours from our church. Like you just heard k a pastor, uh, when I first heard him was on stage and I had to go get Starbucks with him afterwards,

spk_1:   1:18
and I told him I said Okay.

spk_0:   1:20
Ah, man, you were so good. If you were a rapper, I would say

spk_1:   1:25
you could spit. And so Every time I see him, I see Eminem and he gets up on stage. I'm like, Yes, here is gonna be good. Oh, man, Did you hear? But

spk_0:   1:35
I really I love sitting under your teaching and listening, And you do have a gift. So yeah, and then Cassie, obviously we we stopped you.

spk_1:   1:44
Dre was stuck, stuck you on instagram. But we saw all the

spk_0:   1:48
things that you've been doing with Kasi's compass. Um, that's Kasi's compass dot com or at Kasi's compass on instagram. So in. And also, uh, ko started a YouTube channel, which is Yeah, I did. Yeah. It's religious behind the scenes of what Cassie does and how to support her as a husband. So I'm pretty cool. Yeah. You can just look me up by just putting my first name in my last initial on there, so Okay, Kayo, Why? There we go. Easy, k A. Y. Um, we we got a chance to watch all your videos and look at your site and just see what you guys been doing. So very impressive. Really cool. Yeah. I had a fun night, which is? Ko means full of knowledge. Strong ands. Alice. Yeah, and It's Hawaiian Pacific Island. It is, yes. Is that what you are? Yeah, I am. I'm half Hawaiian, half Japanese. And so that's why it's a good deal. Mom's why my dad's Japanese. So every time on stage, always like don't say Ko because it means full food. My mom has always told me that looks so Maybe you guys could start by just telling us a little bit about you as faras Whoever wants to kill you want to start give us a little bit about childhood growing up on it. Maybe your testimony wherever you want. Yeah, for sure. I'll go first, if that's okay. And, uh so I was born and raised essentially in Hawaii. It's I was about 13 or 14 and my parents divorce must four. And, um, I moved to Oklahoma when I was about 13 or 14 with my dad and grew up there for ah, while tells, essentially, I graduate high school s sub culture shock between moving from an island to the mainland. Especially being in the middle school age years was pretty rough. And, um, I think experience a coma heat before actually got sick. I had a fever because it was so hot I couldn't go outdoors for awhile. Wow. Uh, like, limited liability, make friends and like, such a crucial age period. So I was interesting. And then my dad, I haven't seen my dad for a long time. And so he was definitely, like, trying to be a dad, which, looking back now, it's like he did a really good job. And so after I graduated high school there and went to college, I wasn't going back to the University of Hawaii. But then I realized, Oh, thinking we're gonna be a meteorologist, maybe.

spk_1:   4:10
Right? Study weather because Oklahoma has all

spk_0:   4:13
the weather. And so the University of Oklahoma has the best has the National Weather Center located on campus. I was like, Okay, sweetie, I'm gonna go do that. And then I went on a mission trip to Egypt, was pretty involved in my church that time, and I'll get back to that. But ah, in I was like, I think I think God's calling me to be interpreter. I'm not really sure. So ask my youth pastor at the time and he said, Well, it's not a matter of like, if it's a matter of if you're going to say yes like it's this idea of, like obedience. And so I said, Okay, went back, Call my counselor my advice and counsel and said, Ham one, switch my major. Tow me to Europe from urology delinquent six in Arabic And she was like, There's no turning back like they're two separate

spk_1:   4:51
fields. So we're

spk_0:   4:52
in mourning. I didn't start yet, Okay? Yes, it's pretty great. But she was, like me know that like once you start none of your classes, they're gonna cross over. So I said, do it and, ah, some, you know, inside stuff with that. She said that I just looked in Arabic, was full. Someone look again for you, and but you might not get that class was like, Okay, whatever I'm online are I'm on the phone and then she's actually there's one spot that just opened up

spk_1:   5:18
and someone

spk_0:   5:19
put you in there? Yeah, I think that's the Lord.

spk_1:   5:21
So what? Ah, and so that's

spk_0:   5:24
kind of how I got started. And so But it won't be influenced to do that choice. I had to know Jesus. And so when I moved on like I said, it's a difficult time making friends, and one of my friends were, like, lived like almost catty corner to my house. Rode the bus together every day and she was like, Hey, I think you should come to church with me. I was like, No, I'm okay. Wasn't believer Inches. Will they have volleyball? Have sand volleyball there. I think you should come. Okay. I like sinful e went there. And that night the youth pastor was speaking on God the father and just how much he loves us and someone 19 but how He knows every intimate detail about us. And I think at that time I was longing for a family having being uprooted from my own being sent across. You know, in my mind, the world being placed into someone haven't seen a long time. And I think I yearned to be a part of a family. And so when he was when the pastor was preaching about that about how he would send his own son to bring us back into his family, I said, I wanna be like God, I want your family. And so I gave my life to Christ was like in my mind, I was like anything's better than this life. And so, uh, I immediately, you know, at that time, the ultra call prayed the prayer, so and then they get done. And this is not Vash on Youth Ministry. But then after that, you practice. Okay? You two get baptized. I was like, What did I just do?

spk_1:   6:44
I'm so concerned into water. I think

spk_0:   6:47
my dad needs to give you permission.

spk_1:   6:48
Like, I don't think this is legal. I didn't know anything about it. And so I mean, I do a lot better job because of that, but it was really, like, jarring. I

spk_0:   6:57
left. I call my dad. I was like, Please pick me up right now. Um, and that kind of started my life. And I, one of my best friends way like, bonded over the fact that he had rice in his house because there's no rice in Oklahoma. He's 1/4 Korean, and it was like

spk_1:   7:12
a my

spk_0:   7:12
dad's cooking rice for dinner. Do you want to come over? Yes, please.

spk_1:   7:17
Yeah, really. Potatoes

spk_0:   7:19
were just I didn't really like him.

spk_1:   7:23
You have to cut that cord. Um, and so and is

spk_0:   7:30
that what it actually was? A youth pastor. So his family took me in. My dad worked word hours or 3 p.m. To midnight. So I come home from school. There was nobody home, so they I talkto allowed me just to stay over on certain days. And so they used to take me church is because of them. I think I gained a foundation of who Christ is and was his love me for us. And we didn't really mean what I said. I want to be a part of God's family and what you're actually baptism.

spk_1:   7:54
So you did get baptized. I did? Yeah. It just took, like, a year because I didn't know what it was. Especially at

spk_0:   8:02
that moment. I remember telling my friends down like, Look, this is my experience And is that really what God says to do and stuff? So he walked me through, like, what? You know, what is It was the same the Bible, Howard being a B into Jesus and was what every actually proclaiming We get baptized. And so it's like, Oh, well, then, yeah, of course I want that. So I was like, February 8th. There's some things like Cold and the Baptist wall Didn't have a heater was like icy water. So it was great, though, you know? Awesome.

spk_2:   8:32
All right. So, Cassie, what about you went and I'm just tell us a little bit about yourself. Well, testimony may be how you've had found Christ in your life. Um,

spk_3:   8:46
yeah, Absolutely. Um, I was actually born in Germany to military parents. Uh, kind of moved around a little bit growing up, lived in Alabama and then spent most my time in Colorado. Um,

spk_0:   9:00
I'm from Colorado

spk_1:   9:02
Morning. Broomfield.

spk_0:   9:04
I don't know. Group.

spk_3:   9:05
It's like right next to Westminster.

spk_0:   9:06
I don't know, Westminster

spk_1:   9:08
e was born in, or I know Denver. And I left a lot of people from there. Yeah. They're like, Oh, from

spk_0:   9:19
boulder on my heard of it.

spk_1:   9:21
What were you in Colorado

spk_3:   9:22
for? Uh, kindergarten through 12th grades. Okay, most my schooling. You know,

spk_2:   9:27
I feel like you weren't there. That

spk_0:   9:29
Well, I don't know. Six.

spk_3:   9:30
Okay. So understandable. So sorry. Basically saying Yeah. So Colorado. Yeah. Call out a sentence. My time there. Me and my sister. We did gymnastics our whole life. Um, and that was like a big part of our identity was just being athletic. And then, in the meantime, my dad was still in the army, so he was basically deployed almost all my childhood. So he was in Iraq, Saudi Arabia, Morocco, Kuwait. So you just all over the place. But yeah, he would come up and visit sometimes. But that lead to pretty difficult marriage for my parents. So they were divorced when I was in eighth grade.

spk_0:   10:09
And so when you were going through, So your track track star were you getting into CrossFit at that point?

spk_3:   10:18
Actually, when we went to college, um, to row, we looked for something to do in the off season to keep up with rowing. So that's how we got into CrossFit. Okay, um and then actually ended that up, liking that a little bit more than rowing in the end, towards endorsing your year. So that's carried over. Um, shortly after graduating, we got I got certified to coach CrossFit and have a few like specialty certifications to coach. Cross it too. So, yeah, that's carried over those kind of the main, uh, athletic that's cared out through my life and still like doing today. So

spk_2:   10:57
now in Oklahoma. Is that where you guys met

spk_1:   11:00
issue. Yeah, but

spk_0:   11:03
so I was working at church at this point in Oklahoma, and I was thief fifth and sixth grade like pastor at the time, and I It was our churches, like this huge outreach things in the fall. And I was I had to cover inside, announced at the same time, didn't I was gonna do that because my middle smite Well, my fifth and sixth grade students were volunteering outside. I still to teach k through third grade. And so, um, Cassie was in there

spk_3:   11:32
at the time. I was just like, baby sitting childcare, like getting paid is like a part time job. Um, doing that at the church that he was. And I was still in school at the time.

spk_0:   11:43
Yeah, I already graduated. So I turned around. I asked when my friends actually sub for me and talk about Jonah and the whale, and she was like, OK, I don't want to do that. Okay, great. I really need to get outside. And so Cassie was There is the first time I ever saw her at this point. And she has some other things say about

spk_1:   11:58
that, but first and so I told her, Hey, do

spk_0:   12:02
you mind? Covering? This is the story of the creature was relayed out. Um and, uh, you know, the sound guys gonna take care of you. So I gave it to her and I just left, you know, because she's paid sex like this. You do not leaving. So I left her to take care of the inflatables outside, and then everyone came back and said, Oh, my gosh, she does such a great job. You get get on the rotation for a kid's ministry to ever be sharing the Bible stories. I said, Okay, yeah, I'll go get coffee with her and literally in the comfort that I could be the next week. And I sat across from her. I don't want you to go home to your wife what you go on a date

spk_1:   12:37
with. I mean, that's got it started for us, So she has probably more to say about that. But that's how he thinks e actually knew him since we

spk_3:   12:49
had been going to the church and he was always on staff and volunteering a lot more than I was. Um, and he actually had gotten up on a Sunday too translate for, um, someone I

spk_0:   13:04
was interpreting. Room the Moroccan guy?

spk_3:   13:06
Yeah, he's interpreting on stage. So, like people in the church knew him, and he was always so friendly and happy and would be a greeter in the lobby. So he literally introduced himself to me several times

spk_1:   13:21
and yeah, I took your heart and I know. Oh, good morning. Okay.

spk_0:   13:31
People greet, you know,

spk_1:   13:33
it's like wonder. Well, and then we had a full on conversation. I was with way. Had a full on conversation at VBS, like, a

spk_3:   13:41
few months prior. And I was there, and I was in the conversation with, like, his good friend that he knew. And he doesn't remember that

spk_1:   13:48
I don't want a conversation

spk_0:   13:49
all, like, just woke up one day, and you're like,

spk_1:   13:51
Hello? Who are you know, first E o. Yeah. So she's known me for a while, and I had No, I mean, yeah,

spk_3:   14:01
I knew of him and he can't forget his name, so I obviously like I knew he was. So then a few weeks later at the church imminent, he is looking for someone to go on the stage and teach because it was a pretty big church. So you had to get on stage and get on a microphone and teach a Bible story toe like I'm not like 200 kids.

spk_1:   14:23
Three kids, like it was really

spk_3:   14:25
big. So And he's like, hands me a beta fish in a cup and hooks me up to microphone is like, here. This is what you're gonna do. It's male stage and then leaves like, Well, so yeah, this Bibles, like telling the story of Jonah and the whale. He wants me to talk like Dorie does to the whales.

spk_1:   14:43
And that illustration about how

spk_3:   14:46
the beta fish was like the whales. Great ancestor or something.

spk_0:   14:49
Listen, cricket wasn't very solid time, so

spk_1:   14:51
yeah, it was It was more fun. And like,

spk_0:   14:53
it was more to be yet it was just more fun in their life.

spk_1:   14:56
Crazy. Yeah. Just being entertaining story. Yeah, it was more

spk_3:   15:01
for entertainment, but yeah, he just leaves me onstage on Mike with all these kids with a beta fish in the cup. And that's how Yeah. Then he remembered after that point.

spk_0:   15:12
And then you did the sermon. Yes. Wow. And I went smoothly.

spk_3:   15:18
I mean it smoothly for like Here you go. Here's the baitfish. So

spk_0:   15:22
have you had you done any speaking before that point?

spk_1:   15:26
Uh, I've done a

spk_3:   15:27
little bit of public speaking in a program. I was through high school, but not not anything, major. So I think it was just the fact that I did what he said and none of the other volunteers wanted to. Mick will

spk_1:   15:40
voices to disabuse. I wish you went up there. I didn't Didn't really? D'oh! Can you give us a sample? Oh, I think you didn't think I don't remember

spk_0:   15:55
this story at this point. Like, why do we have to have a man like, Why prompts law this stuff that we use and so I don't remember.

spk_3:   16:03
I don't either. But

spk_0:   16:05
so you forced her on stage to do the beta fish. You're like, Hey, get out there. Talk about Jonah to what? You're getting paid. And so after that Ah, what's dating? Look for guys. You're asking her out? Um, yeah, that was actually really difficult.

spk_3:   16:24
Yeah, he's asking, um I'm saying no,

spk_1:   16:27
She said

spk_0:   16:28
no so many times. Oh, um, yeah. Even her friends got to a point where the kale, you should just not She's not looking for a relationship. She's actually, Yeah, she's actually just really focusing a relationship with Jesus. And, you know, the stuff that people say in church, and I was like, Okay, but she just seems to go on one date with

spk_1:   16:45
me, just one. Like if she could just have

spk_0:   16:49
one date with me, and then she said, no, I'd be like, OK, yeah. You at least take some time to get on an actual date with me. It means so. Seriously. It would be the point where so she was rowing. So should I get like, what?

spk_3:   17:00
Uh, it was, like, 4 30 You get on the bus at five. Because we had to drive to it river because there's not a lot of bodies

spk_1:   17:07
on her in Oakland, So

spk_0:   17:09
yeah, and so I would try and hang out with her, but she'll be like, I need to go to bed.

spk_3:   17:13
Yeah, I always had a really good excuse, though. Yeah,

spk_1:   17:15
I was, but I had to

spk_3:   17:16
get up really early.

spk_0:   17:16
It's also very respectful, So I'm

spk_1:   17:19
kidding. But so, like, literally, I would be like, Oh, I see

spk_0:   17:23
wearing, like, a doughnut shirt. Like doing it just one doughnut before after church like, let's go do that because our college minister using at 9 p.m. On Tuesday nights, and we got like 10 10 30 and there's a stone in place was open like midnight or something. It's brand new. It's like those like designer cupcakes, you know, buzz for doughnuts. And so let's just I'll just meet, you know, I was meet you there and grab it. Don't really fast and you can just eat it quickly and go. I

spk_1:   17:48
was like, That's the quickest

spk_0:   17:49
desert meal that you could eat and literally, Just like I can't do that.

spk_1:   17:54
And then one time she's like,

spk_0:   17:56
Okay, I think she's ran out of excuses or

spk_1:   17:58
something, and she's like, Okay, yeah,

spk_0:   18:00
and so we get there

spk_1:   18:02
it I cut so shocked that she said yes, I was like, Oh, so you're gonna pay for your E? I guess this isn't a date. Even asked, you told her that, Yeah, you can pay for this, right? Probably not the best thing I was just like

spk_0:   18:18
I remember being so flustered that issues there. But I didn't want her to realize this is a date because I like this isn't good enough Want, you know, like I didn't actually take pick you up. Dignity flowers. And you have a dinner. I don't want this accountant says as our date because she told her friends she didn't go on one date with me. And that could not be the date, you know. And so I was like, So you got this right. Her eyes just like pierce my soul

spk_1:   18:41
when I said that, Yeah, I guess it kind of chocolate milk in

spk_0:   18:46
your donut. We sat outside, and I just remember like

spk_3:   18:50
it was like, eight minute date

spk_0:   18:53
and she said nothing. The entire you were talking the whole

spk_1:   18:58
day and I would say, Oh, yeah, because she wasn't saying anything. Like, I don't know about everyone else in the world, but like, when there's silence, that

spk_0:   19:05
awkwardness and I'm still must fill this. This is not going great. So let me, like, put lots of analysis. This joke didn't work. Let me get another joke

spk_1:   19:12
in. And,

spk_0:   19:13
um uh, she just looked at me, too. Okay, It's time for me.

spk_1:   19:17
Oh, here's a little

spk_3:   19:22
crushed, but I'm actually still to this day still surprised that he like he didn't give up there

spk_1:   19:29
like he's still looking at me.

spk_3:   19:32
Yeah, he, like, went all the way tow. Watch me, Rohit. Ever gotta, which was really out of his way. And

spk_0:   19:39
well, it wasn't I mean, we're not

spk_3:   19:40
super. I thought it seemed to watch because you see the boat go by for, like, a minute, and that's

spk_1:   19:45
it. You watch him go when they start to see them rowing and

spk_0:   19:50
then turn around and then you see him come back.

spk_3:   19:53
Yeah, he did. And now, like, thanks.

spk_1:   19:55
Friend friends trying to friend zone totally

spk_0:   19:57
friends only I was crushed.

spk_3:   20:00
Yeah, and then he But that didn't stop him. So, um, eventually I prayed about it, and after I prayed about it, I was like, Okay, I'll just leave them one date. He was right.

spk_0:   20:13
We want one is actually really good. And I mean the entire time. Like I I think most of our conversations were just sent it on Jesus. And, um, not because, like, that was, like, my way to, like, get her. And you think that it was just like what was very just centered in my life. So I remember asking me for a full retreat for fifth and sixth graders. And I just stuck in this whole idea of, like, where it is, women find. I didn't, Ian and the question of beauty and then men finding their identity in the world or God. And so I was actually, like, talking to her about this whole thing an entire time. Uh, it wasn't a ploy. Everything was just like what was on my heart. So she brings up quite often. She's like, I think that was just so interesting that, like, that is what you spent most our time talking about was Jesus and not You are, um not you know how many kids you want or just always What's your color? I didn't think we did talk about those things. Likes color anyway. But I spent most time talking about Jesus. I think, um, I don't know when I would see her interacting with kids and like how she would share her like faith and to these little kids like it's always those moments that are attractive. And I always say that when you're on a mission trip, it's like you see the best self, that person you know and so often That's why a lot of people fall in love on mission trips because it's like we see the best. You know, we see that you are serving the Lord, and that's attractive, you know, in for me, that's like I wanted someone who was full out for God, just like running after God, just as I was running after him, too. And so I was like, I know you want to tell me. No, but I just feel like we're supposed to be together.

spk_1:   21:43
So, you know, one

spk_3:   21:45
day. Yeah, Yeah, I think definitely why? I started praying about it was the conversations regarding you know what makes what is a man versus what society's perception of a man. And I up to that point didn't really have a healthy idea of what that was, you know, kind of society and growing up. That's what I was told. And that's what I thought. You know, men should be what I should be looking for in a man who would let date me. So when he started, I guess challenging that, Then I was like, Well, maybe I should pray about this and, um, yeah, I turned out it's a pretty

spk_1:   22:24
big decision Just for like, a lot of people

spk_0:   22:26
were like, I think she's dating a

spk_1:   22:28
pity. Oh, eyes that compliment or what is this? Um but I think

spk_0:   22:35
I mean, that's like one of the encouragement to is, like, if you're just falling after Christ, the Lord is the one who's gonna bring your the biggest response to you. You know, I think a lot of times we spent most of time searching outward, but we were, like, looking for the one, you know. But if ultimately we're focusing on being that one with the one which is Jesus, I think the one ends up coming with you. So are finding you. So I think that that, like, on our last episode, Kris and Shannon, we're talking about Just run the race robberies for Jean.

spk_1:   23:02
Yes, that's right.

spk_0:   23:04
And then, at a certain point, you just look, look to your left and right. And if you see somebody that's there with you, lock arms, run the race together. It sounds like that's how you guys started. You're dating. I mean, yeah, that's essentially what Waas. Yeah. Yeah. What did it look like? So as you're dating, I'm in a world full of tender in a world full of just chaos. What did your dating experience look like? And what are some, maybe things that you would be able to offer encourage people or thank you glean from in your dating life? Yeah, for sure. I think it was. I think what makes our is just a little bit different is that I was on staff at church. So every single I was on us and every single person knew about us, which I think is a good thing and a bad thing. So a good thing is, because there's so much camp ill ity like we would go on a date, our lunch date and there before staff members there, Or it would go to get coffee. And, like all of our friends were there, Um and so we almost like, dated with in community. There's just so many people, they're about the same time. There's also the idea that, like, Oh, I can't hold hands. You hold hands with you right now because I'm at the church or, um, sorry. The church is more important right now. I know that where you plan to dinner, but I need to go do this, you need to go visit this kid in the hospital or I should need to go visit this parent and talk about this or I have camp. Now that's a weeklong or there's a mission trip that actually, for me, was really difficult for a dating. Life was understanding that like she's coming on board with onto my life. And yet ministry and work was just so much. It just consumes all of your life. It takes a lot of your time. And so sometimes I would forget her like there was one point we were going on a mission trip and she Lily, I don't know she liked. I remember she did a lot of sacrificing that day to get there to see me before he left. And I just so consumed in the mission trip in getting the kids ready and the parents off that I'd even see her and, uh, get hurt me the fact that, like that's what happened. But I also couldn't focus on that. Water's leaking these students, and so that was something that I think we had to work through a lot during the training period of like ministry and her. And I know we're not married yet, but the point was like, Well, I in my mind at that point, I want to marry this this woman. And so how do I do this? How do I focus on ministry and her? And even though we were still part of the same like she did kids and assumes was part kids and under the kid's ministry, we're still serving together. We're so going to church together by things. Sometimes outside of that time, it was still church. Um, that would take precedence over her a lot. And so I think that's I think it's a great thing. But then that blood into marriage. So what would you tell either? Like younger Ko or somebody that is dating and has a similar situation where they're kind of juggling priorities in the dating context. What would you tell them? Yeah, I think one. I probably told myself to have the conversation like, Hey, Cassie, like this is being very honest, that this is where I am, and I don't think I felt the pressure just having the navigate that by myself. I also didn't ask any of the people older than me who probably experienced this, too. Like there's a lot of staff members that date. We know where when they got in church ministry and I never even sought wisdom. I just try to figure out myself, and that put me in a lot of, like, just negative thoughts and fears faras like, Am I doing this right? I'm not getting things like that. And so that didn't put me in a healthy space. I would probably tell younger Ko to probably sought wisdom way ahead of time. You know, um, and being very honest about those things, like admitting that, like, I don't think I'm doing this right. I need help versus, Like, I think I'm doing okay. I don't really, But I'll ask a question just to see, you know, that I can check off the box. I did look for wisdom. That makes sense. So that's probably what I would tell you. Anger me,

spk_2:   26:54
Cassie. What would you tell the young Passy then at in the dating room?

spk_3:   27:01
I'm probably also say to seek wisdom. That's a really good one, because I didn't do that either. I had to lean into what I knew about what a relationship look like and how I should be being treated. And so then I would get offended really easily and not even see what he was trying to dio where the sacrifice he was making or what his priority should be. And so I think if I had a mentor, they probably would have given me just a different perspective as well. And then also as far as being kind of in more of a public eye because it was a bigger church and it was in college, it was one of the biggest churches like in the college town. So, like, looking back, it seems like to say, like in the public eye, But just as far as like in the church world, like people knew, he waas And then I kind of kind of got approach a lot about Oh, you're the one Ko has been talking about been seeing and I didn't really know how to handle that. Um, and it did add a lot of pressure that I didn't I was never prepared for thought about having, um especially since I was a newer to my faith than he waas. It just added this whole other level of pressure, like I'm not being one of Christian. And then it turned into all these things that I could do in the works and how, um, I guess we could represent ourselves and live up to this expectation. So I think a mentor would have also helped out there that, you know, it's not on us. It's not about the things we're doing or the things that we want other people to see your the show we're putting on

spk_2:   28:40
during this time. Were you in contact with your dad too?

spk_3:   28:43
Uh, a little bit. Well, my parents knew, um, that I had started dating him, and they knew that I was going to church, but they kind of thought it was just like a phase, you know? So they were a little bit hesitant that it got so serious so quickly because we only dated for eight months. Yeah, and then engaged for four, engaged for four. So we got married a year after we started dating. Um, and that whole year of those eight months of dating was my senior year of college. So my parents kind of thought it They were hesitant that like, oh, This is a phase and you're into the church thing now. So now that you think this is what you have to dio and that that was their worrying, they're hesitation because they also weren't followers at that time. So

spk_2:   29:30
So my question is, how did you get that example for a husband? Because how I see it, it's like you were really blessed. Thio get ko And for me, like when? Because my in doubt wasn't there since I was 55 or six. And so my view of having a husband is totally skewed. And that led me to finding my, um let's see,

spk_0:   29:59
happiness, maybe,

spk_2:   30:01
yeah, my happiness. But in half finding and all kinds of boys, men, whatever and how we got together and Nick and I how we got together was totally

spk_0:   30:13
We were volunteering at church.

spk_1:   30:16
Yeah, he was the pastor. No, like,

spk_2:   30:23
I mean, we mad in high school and

spk_1:   30:27
it was the opposite doing you guys bad things. It was what

spk_0:   30:32
you shouldn't be doing. I mean, we were both not we weren't saved and we were not living a godly life at all. Ri Livingston. So dating she was my best friends girlfriend they broke up. There's, like, six month gap there. And then

spk_2:   30:46
I was always having, like, a boyfriend in between. Never really had ah, break for myself. What? Always finding the relationship in other men. And so I don't know. Did you ever go through anything like that at all?

spk_3:   31:02
I think my view is also skewed about dating and what that should look like and just what to look for in men. Because my dad, he was deployed. He was a really good dad when he was like, only if, um when he was around. But that just wasn't the majority of our life growing up. So then a lot of that was on our mom and part of their story and why they got divorces, that she ended up cheating on my dad. So what she was looking for in men also, she, you know, wasn't saved either. So what she was looking for code translated down, and we should look for and how we should find fulfillment. And, uh so, yeah, I didn't date a whole lot of people. I had a few too kind of bad relationships that they didn't really get me into trouble is because of my

spk_1:   32:00
personality, not want to, like,

spk_3:   32:03
get in trouble or, like, do the wrong thing. I just everything had to be on the right track for sports. Kind of. That's what kept me in line. Um, so prior to ko, I did, um, have a relationship with a football player in that it kind of checked all the boxes of what I thought a man should be. You know, this guy's on the football team. He's gonna go to the NFL or whatever in

spk_1:   32:30
Yeah, just like

spk_3:   32:32
all these things that, like, you know, stars in your eyes And like, this is what I've been waiting for a special one, um, and then ended. Ah, badly. Like he just broke up with me and I kind of broke my heart, and then I was left looking at like, Well, why didn't this workout, um and then kind of looking to my dad like, you know, he played football in college, too, And just seeing that, you know what I thought what my expectations were, Um, we're just like this place, like misguided. So then, after I did get involved in church more and then especially even after, like, our predate conversations with Kay. What is a man? What should What does that look like? And then that trickle over into how they shouldn't treat me in. What? Um, like how we should conduct ourselves a little bit because I think once, like, I looked for the actual foundations of what makes a man. And they're not necessarily what society tells you they should be.

spk_0:   33:36
So I have a question for both of you. Then, um, what characteristics would you look for that? Define a man before being saved, after or after learning of. This is what a man is because I I hear it. But I'm just curious that definition. So what? So what would you guys define as a man? Pre Christ free learning? What Would you look for it? Ah,

spk_1:   34:03
that's a man. Obviously. Hamburger. You got

spk_0:   34:08
a beer football player? I mean, what would you guys to find is a man? You?

spk_1:   34:16
Uh,

spk_2:   34:17
well, I'm I guess, um Oh, my goodness. Just

spk_1:   34:25
say it. I don't know.

spk_2:   34:28
I mean, I guess back then I was like, or even now then I would be looking for just like these surface things of does he make me happy. Um, is he making me laugh like he had to be funny? Um, I don't know. What else?

spk_3:   34:48
Yeah, I kind of see that, Like, is very service level. And for me, it was very much like physical appearance. Like he had to be

spk_1:   34:56
talking and laughing. But when you met him, he was like, super buff, right? Football player Rose zero. Yeah. It also took me around to drag him to crosses. Is there a link? What I

spk_0:   35:14
look like now is now

spk_1:   35:16
e could see the mussels. Yeah, e, you're listening now. Not before. I mean, you have gotten a lot more muscular

spk_3:   35:26
since you started across.

spk_0:   35:28
Well, I'm glad to hear all the

spk_1:   35:29
things that are not a man. So this is what the wrong definite it iss. Now, what is the

spk_0:   35:36
right definition? If you want to start Lama and then Cassie, what are your thoughts on the proper definition? You're telling these people that you're listening. I don't know what a man is in your eyes. What is a man now?

spk_2:   35:48
Well, from what I've learned now is that he has to be a Christ follower and just sing and how you've grown in your faith, and it's like, it's amazing to see so thank you to know that, Daddy, you were in this dark time super skinny. Not there. And now Lake, here you are doing a podcast and talking to people about the Lord. It's, like, amazing. It really is. Thank

spk_0:   36:27
you. I appreciate

spk_3:   36:28
it. Yeah, for me, I guess the biggest things that changes, Yeah, um, they have to love the Lord and be obedient to the Lord. And, um, you know, the physical attributes and things like that that doesn't that's, like not even a factor. And what I would like encourage other people toe like if they're looking for a spouse or dating. Um, I hear a lot of times like attraction, and I think attraction comes in other ways as well. And the biggest thing that attracted me to Ko was, you know, talking about the Lord and just really getting deeper on a spiritual level in one of the main things he said is you know what actually makes him an and I think that's, um, leadership in ability to, um just lead others, including the spouse and whoever therewith to grow closer to the Lord and take sacrifice through that leadership. And you know that sacrifice is what's gonna make the relationship grow stronger and stay station.

spk_0:   37:45
So I have another question, which is We're leaving. What do you find? Not to cry. So what qualities do you find most attractive in a man in what? No,

spk_1:   37:58
but let me start with No, but as a serious question, not attractive. But how would you define it? What? What What is a man? How do we recover? Ah, yeah. I

spk_0:   38:12
mean, honestly, I spent most if I mean it from the perspective of teaching middle schoolers a lot more than they try figure out. You know, in my man, enough for this or the world is trying to tell him that you're not a man yet or things like that. And I think society we place it on like, Okay, you have a deeper voice, you know, is your hair growing and you're a little taller. Um, do you have enough muscles? You know, are you? Sometimes for oddly, we badge men for their way of deprecating other things. They reject objectifying people and, um, almost like they have this ability to go out and like they need to be the hunters of the world and going conquer things. And, um, almost rules don't exist for them, for some reason. And you know, that's that's a man at a certain stage, and the men again is like you provide and you keep your family safe. You have a stable job. You are the rock of your family. And that's what is in the second season, to some extent as well. And so I think I think there's some truth in those those things. But I think ultimately we're missing it. And ultimate, like men today focus on running after God, and they live eyes like what Jesus did for the church. And so they will sacrifice, you know, for their bride and for their family. And they're gonna put them first and serve them. And ultimately it's like this. And there's something about them anymore. You know, they realize that there's a great thing like I once heard from one of my mentors that the grays quality of a man who falls crisis that his wife is is his ministry as well, and he becomes a gardener and his wife is a beautiful flower and his job is to support her in tow, tow, help her bloom into all that God's color to be. And if the man the gardener like, stops that and forces her to help him be the best gardener he can be, then that's totally wrong. And so this is like that was just shocking for me that I need to be supporting my wife because a lot of times we read in the Bible says, like women, you know, be submissive to your wife, to your husband, right? And like that's that's what we hear a lot and it's kind of context to some extent. But the idea that, like, um, I need to be certain my wife that she serves me all the time, you know? And so that was just eye opening for me that, like my wife, is a gift from the Lord. I need to you, um, faster that into essentially help her be the best that she can be. And so, yeah, that's ultra convicting and a good place to stop. So that is part one of

spk_1:   40:44
K on Cassie. Stay tuned for part two. For additional information about distinct ministries, go two distinct ministries dot org's. You can also follow the distinct podcast on Facebook and Instagram and email your questions and comments. Toe Andrea at distinct ministries dot org's

spk_0:   41:15
Hey, guys, if you can leave us a five star review on iTunes, that would be much appreciated. Anybody that does that or if you tag a friend in one of our posts, you'll get entered into a drawing to win a free gallon bag of grandpas popcorn. Thank you guys, and it was like,

spk_1:   41:31
Hey, my

spk_0:   41:31
dad's cooking rice for dinner. Do you want to come over? Yes, please.

spk_1:   41:36
Yeah, really. Potatoes

spk_0:   41:37
were just I didn't really like them.