Hold Fast - Todd and Marianne Hiester (Season 1 Finale)

In this episode we learn how God has worked in Todd and Marianne's lives, both before and during marriage. Bull riding, cancer, adoption and seeing things through are all discussed!

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Transcript

spk_2:   0:02
thank you for listening to distinct podcast. Recorded live from Fresno, California this is the distinct podcast today for our Season one finale, Nick and Andrea would like to introduce our audience to a very creative duo. Todd and Marianne Easter, Bo Todd, Marianne are artists. Bless was seen and creating what some of us just dream about. Some of that creativity can be seen in the business they established in 1998 called Todd's Hardwood Flooring, where they create beautiful environments. Being married 14 years, our guests are proud parents of seven Children and are now grandparents. Also, both have a passion for marriage and serve at the well leading reengage. It should be a real treat to hear how God's sovereign hand is blessed their lives over the years, where I'm sure each of us will be able to take away some valuable life lessons and maybe even a few bull riding tips from Todd. So sit back, relax and let's listen in.

spk_1:   1:03
Well, welcome, Todd. Marianne. You guys were here. Hi. Hello. On our season finale. Uh, yeah. We're just happy that yes, finally made it. We're very much looking forward to having you guys on and and talking about a bunch of interesting things. And so before we start, I definitely wanted to take the opportunity to think everyone that's been listening that's been supporting us in just so many different ways. Whether it be financially or just through different equipment and gear and sound Booth and all of it, we just very much appreciate you guys and, ah, appreciate you sharing, uh, our podcast in our and her Facebook and Instagram. And and it's been a fun trip for this past few months, however long we've been going. So Dre and I have kind of come to the realization that we were inevitably going to run into which is when a week is impossible. Yeah, not unless I were to quit my job, uh, in the family and drain. Then maybe one a week makes sense, but one a week is insane, so we'll be slowing that down. So you guys are you listening? Will know to not expect it every week, but instead, just periodically, maybe once every 23 weeks right around there, uh, we're gonna treat it instead of more like a job like a painting where we can just really put our hearts into it. Take our time. Yeah, really Have fun and enjoy it, Uh, and not feel the pressure of having to put a product out every week, which is not really enjoyable. So we want there to remain joy in this, and that's kind of what it'll look like. So when we do season two in a month or two months, whenever that is, whenever we feel like picking up the paint brushes again, then that will be the frequency that it comes out. So but we definitely want to thank everyone. Yes. So, do you want daughter Marianne? Ah, you guys have a very interesting story and believe you shared it at ring Gauge as well. Your testimony

spk_2:   3:19
You having

spk_3:   3:20
yet?

spk_1:   3:20
But you shared it somewhere. No, I

spk_2:   3:25
Yeah. Aversion to public speaking. No,

spk_0:   3:27
I think we're bringing to the retreat we did with reengage.

spk_3:   3:33
Right, Right.

spk_2:   3:33
Okay. A

spk_0:   3:35
little like a mini life map.

spk_1:   3:37
Okay. Okay. This is all making sense, because you instead that you had a an aversion to public speaking, which the

spk_2:   3:44
success, right? This is

spk_1:   3:46
There's no one here but in you telling maybe just a little bit about your guys this story. We're obviously we're super intrigued and wanted to learn more, so maybe could tell the listeners first off, just a little bit like a snapshot about you guys.

spk_3:   4:05
Okay, so I was raised as a only child. I wasn't raised in the church at all. I grew up believing that there was a God, but that the God of the Bible was a lie. Um, the social construct lie. You know, I did all the things you're supposed to do. You know, I was a straight a student. I I tried to be as good as I could be, you know, quote unquote perfect. I went to college, um, got out on my own. You know, I kind of just did what you're expected to do. And, um, obviously, something was missing. I wouldn't have said that at the time. I would have told you that. Mmm. I was hopeless. You know, I felt like I felt like I couldn't find love. That's what I felt like. I would just never find someone that accepted me and wanted to be for me. Um, so that's kind of the Old Testament of me, And then we got together and God used really crazy extenuating circumstances that are so far outside the realm of normalcy to show me my need for him. I saw love from a Christian that I'd never experienced before. You know, I didn't say when I was growing up. Not only was I not a Christian, but I actually did not like Christians. I felt I felt judged. I felt, um I felt like they were hypocrites. I felt like they wanted to tell me all the ways I don't measure up, but they do. And I was just averse to Christians. And so when I like, they say this in my life map my favorite saying, Waas, Jesus, save me from your followers

spk_1:   6:00
that Jesus save me from

spk_3:   6:02
your followers.

spk_1:   6:04
That was your favorite thing when you were

spk_3:   6:06
before I was Christian.

spk_1:   6:08
I'm just trying to wrap my head around it. You would tell Jesus that you didn't believe in

spk_2:   6:13
Yes, Save you from his followers? Yes.

spk_1:   6:15
Huh? I mean, I get

spk_2:   6:18
I mean, I wouldn't hear the

spk_1:   6:19
anger, and

spk_3:   6:19
I was a macher.

spk_1:   6:20
Okay, Okay.

spk_3:   6:21
I was mocking. I was mocking his followers. I was mocking him. Um and I wanted nothing. Basically, I was like, I'm a better person. Then. What? You're telling me I should be if you want me to be like you. You know, obviously that's arrogant, prideful, but I just felt like I don't want to be like that. When we got together, I was accepted as I waas. I was not asked to be anything I wasn't. And then his friends, same way. You know, I just I felt accepted by Christians for the first time. And I think that started opening up my heart a little bit, you know, softening in a little bit to accept at least what they have to offer as who they are.

spk_1:   7:03
So, Todd, before you continue, just give us, like, kind of your upbringing and background.

spk_0:   7:10
Okay, Um, I was raised in a Christian home, Um, two loving parents. It was me and my brother, uh, and I really, definitely like a kid centered marriage. So, you know, for us kids, it was good after that That my parents I kind of had a split. So, um, it didn't really I can't really say that it affected me, effected my younger brother a lot, but my I was raised, you know, I feel like, um, probably sometime around five or six. Maybe seven. Um, I asked Jesus into my heart. I feel like it was really like I know that I've heard a lot of stories of Oh, yeah, you know, I did the oneness thing, and, you know, I prayed a prayer, but I I remember talking to God when I was little and so fast forward in high school. I, um I had ah, um, and a good relationship with God through a friend who who kind of taught me, Hey, you should be reading your Bible. You should be, you know, living out your faith. And I feel like that's kind of what I transitioned into is kind of like one of the one of the more Christian leaders in high school, I guess, But not really super vocal. Um, I didn't I didn't I still don't speak very well, but, um,

spk_2:   8:54
so anyway, I had this thing

spk_0:   8:57
where I broke up with a girlfriend was super into sports. I wanted full ride scholarship to, you know, um, to do track and field and like, Seems like the last two years in my high school. I just started feeling like one by one. God systematically just relieved me of my idols. Sports healthy, work out a lot and, uh, went through this bout of depression that probably last maybe a year and 1/2 2 years and coming out of that depression, You know, I I picked up another idol, and I started, um, writing bowls and I started.

spk_2:   9:38
You didn't expect that. That was a nice bull. Yeah. Good point.

spk_0:   9:48
Um, yeah, I started doing that. You know, girls started getting a lot more interested in me for whatever reason, and, uh,

spk_2:   9:56
can't imagine life, you know,

spk_0:   10:00
life was good again, and I think I I I would say it was kind of ready to have fun again. And they met my wife, Carrie. Um, in a, uh, country dance bar. Wasn't really a bar, though. It was, like for kids and adults. And anyway, uh, this is the hole part where I should say that the decisions I made were we're, um descriptive, not prescriptive. So I want to put that out so that I could have a

spk_2:   10:43
clear conscious, but, uh,

spk_0:   10:46
yeah, So I, um I was I was 18 and, uh, had just broke it off with a, You know, a girlfriend that wasn't real serious. And just looking to have fun. You know, I was still a virgin. Still held on to my Christian values, but, um, decided that I was going to pursue a, you know, a cute girl there that you know, was notably younger than me not wanting to get into anything serious. But I I do think that I would say it was kind of a like, a little bit of an addict, too. Having relationships with somebody like I I just assumed that you were always supposed to have a girlfriend if you could, You know, you just why wouldn't you know? So, um so that's kind of how I walked into this relationship Super light. You know, she was, um I said she was 15 right? You didn't, Okay? She was 15. I was 18. Um,

spk_2:   11:49
just not a huge difference. By the way, I turned

spk_3:   11:51
15 like he found out she was 15 because her mom mom brought a birthday cake and it said 15

spk_2:   11:57
on it. E. I was

spk_0:   12:01
I was not pursuing her at that party is just

spk_2:   12:04
kind of maybe

spk_0:   12:06
because one of the first times I had seen her there. Yeah. And, uh, you know, um, anyway, uh, back on track. So So, Yeah, I just decided. You know what? I'm gonna, um I'm just gonna pursued this girl, see what happens. You know? And, um I assumed because she was from Clovis, and all this is that she was just kind of a rich, spoiled brat, you know, that was my mentality. I grew up.

spk_2:   12:38
Yeah, kind of poor. I wouldn't say for just, you know, Clovis

spk_0:   12:44
kids had everything. You know, you were not. We were struck. No,

spk_3:   12:48
he went to a Fresno school. So, you know, there's just that rivalry. People thinking certain things about each other with them, you know?

spk_0:   12:56
Yeah. So So I just thought she was a rich, spoiled girl. And, you know, I realized that she was actually not. She was, um she's just in a hmm. Sorry. Wow. I don't know why that hit me. Yeah, she, uh, she was just ana headed tip like on a path of destruction. She, uh she's kind of ah, dropping out of high school. Kind of maybe home studies, but not even doing that. Smoking and rebellious and cantankerous on dhe. She you know her? Her mom, Who she was living with her mom and older brother. Um, I didn't really have that family structure on. I don't I don't know how exactly? Just explain it. Just I can remember in my heart going Oh, man. You know, I was just deep enough into the relationship where I felt like, um, you know, I cared about her, but obviously, like we I wouldn't say we were, like, madly in love. We're just But I realized that, you know, she was in a bad spot in that God was just telling me kind of making me helping me. No, that that you're not going to mess this person out. Yeah. So, um so that's kind of where it began. And, uh, I guess I didn't I wouldn't say it felt stuck like you would think it was just like a settled, You know, you're in this relationship. You know, you've you've gone too far and you've seen too much, and you know where she's headed. So, um, anyway, I think that just let thio my boundaries going down and us having sex, huh? At some point, getting pregnant I'm not sure how far into our relationship and ah, Anyway, that was a good thing for her. Like she was happy. We never we never rustled with you know what? What do we do now? You know, we actually went to ah clinic to get, um, like, a test done. And anyway, we, um we back then they didn't have stuff over the counter. Like you could just check, you know? And if if it was, it was probably too expensive for us. We were, like, in high school, right? So, um, so we went to this clinic and they, like, really pressured us to have an abortion. Andi. Um, so I we were really caught off guard because the nurses and everybody were like, You know, we want to schedule an appointment to get this taken care of and wait,

spk_2:   16:19
Just kind of did

spk_0:   16:19
a double. Take your doctor like we're supposed to get help for this, you know, like, none. Anyway, um, all that to say that, you know, she ended up, um, we We had Tyler, who's now

spk_2:   16:35
2020

spk_0:   16:35
five, married and has a

spk_3:   16:39
two year old

spk_1:   16:40
a two year old. I'm getting How do you think that that I'm thinking? Because that's part of our story, Right? But we did not make that choice, and I and I always went and we just had Josh and cursed all in here and totally broke down. They I'm like, Hey, let's explore you guys And then they ended up exploring us about that very thing. But how do you think that that affected you? To stick to them, to not go through unfortunately like that, you know, to make that right choice, I always wish I would have.

spk_3:   17:13
So I'm sorry. I feel like it's definitely informed us. Um, like, politically, three years later, they were pregnant again on purpose, and they went to the same clinics of it, you know, to get that test. And they would not allow Tyler into the lobby because he's proof of a pregnancy that was terminated. And so to this day, when said Institution tries to say, therefore, families and all this, it's like personal experience has told us otherwise.

spk_0:   17:47
Yeah, I think we were really naive. I thought it was just a crazy doctor. You know, that was like advising us. And, you know, we're young at this time we didn't wear underwear of these things, but so when we went, we actually went to a different place. But it was It was the same for the same thing. I don't know if it was the same organization, but we went in for a pregnancy test and we were really poor. I mean, we were poor for, um I had no business having another kit, you know, tip a thing. But, um, we went in, and, um, they they made me wait out side of the building with my two year old son at the time. And we're like, white What?

spk_3:   18:37
This is like a family place

spk_0:   18:40
family. It was called family planning. And so we were really scratching our heads. And it was until, like, maybe a little bit later on that we actually figured out where where we were going. And, uh, so, yeah. Um,

spk_3:   18:58
but his question About what? The like your decision to keep Tyler.

spk_0:   19:03
Yeah. Have

spk_3:   19:03
you ever thought of it in that context? Really?

spk_0:   19:06
Um,

spk_3:   19:09
because I don't think it was ever a decision,

spk_1:   19:12
You know,

spk_2:   19:12
there was a foregone conclusion.

spk_0:   19:13
Yeah, it was. Yeah. And I think for Carrie, it was probably It was probably really feeling like she locked me down even though in my mind, I had already committed. Actually, what I did was I committed to the relationship as long as she was for it. You know, my mentality was not really for her. Not really. You know. So I I can. And I think I neglected her the first couple years, and we had a little bit of ah split for a while for maybe, like, a month or and 1/2. Um, and then I just clarified, like after she left and went back home. You know, we had our son Tyler,

spk_3:   20:03
and you

spk_0:   20:04
were married and we were married. You were married at that point, and I just like, correct I About two weeks later, I thought it was again like I I felt like I had I in the process, I had to drop my idol, which was writing. Bull's eye was good. You know, we went through, um, college, you know, rodeoing. And, um Anyway, I just thought in the back of my mind, at some point, I'm gonna be able to write the circuit, and, you know, I'm not able to do that and tow the family long. You know, it's just you gotta You gotta go hit up all these shows. And I think, um, in the back of my mind, I I was probably thinking along those lines of now I can do this now. I could personally my goal, my dreams, and yeah, about, like, probably three weeks later, I'm picking Tyler up, and I just got destroyed. And what happened? I was driving. And, like, I'm looking at him in the rear view mirror, and I just It was like just being completely destroyed. I mean, bawling like a baby driving. Um, he's, like, maybe two. And, uh, he's, like, asking me Why are you crying? I just knew that at that point, I'm done. I'm done with every other pursuit. I didn't even I don't really feel like even look back. You know, I may have gotten on a couple more bulls at a little practice arena with done. Yeah. Um,

spk_3:   21:52
then I've been the beneficiary of that lesson. Yeah, because he's he's never gone back to putting anything before his family.

spk_0:   22:02
Um, so I don't know if that brings us No, it doesn't. Okay,

spk_2:   22:06
so I know I'm good. I got to say, this is You're the coolest guest we've had, like pastors, All right? Actually, no, I'm just saying

spk_1:   22:16
for a ce faras interesting things done. It's like, OK, NFL players. Cool.

spk_2:   22:20
Yeah. Now, all right, We'll have to send you photos. Yeah.

spk_1:   22:24
I mean, Chris and Shannon. It's like we've been hanging out with them for a while. And she was Ah,

spk_3:   22:31
beauty queen.

spk_2:   22:31
Yes. Yeah. What? Come on in that earlier. I'm waiting policy.

spk_0:   22:36
Yeah, I'm at At this point, we were way had moved back from college. I had to get back to work because even even trying to go to school and do the college radio thing and, um, worked three jobs, we were still just going under. And so my idea was, Well, I'll get a job and work my way back to where I can start writing and, you know, but at the same time, I was totally not writing. Well, God, I think is putting more and more fear in me, and you can't write that way.

spk_3:   23:17
I remember at the time I don't know if it was you or Carrie told me, um, that you'd be like in the chute waiting and you'd hear Tyler chrome and get scared and and then you're in danger once you're scared, you know? I mean, in my opinion, you're in any way. But

spk_0:   23:34
yeah, when we were when we were in college, we had a practice arena with a little elevated stand, and, you know, they would They wouldn't come to the practices. And, you know, I don't know. I think just somewhere along in that time I started, I started having a little bit more fear, and I might have been getting better and in how I wrote. But if I ever got to sideways, I would bail. And you can't do that and stay on for a So anyway, that's little side note. But, um, when when Carrie and I had that little split for a while, Um, one of the major disagreements was having another kid. Like I said, we were four. And, um, it was, uh, after that that we said I said, Okay, whatever you're you're you know, it's your call. So we did get her second daughter, Kirsten, who is

spk_3:   24:40
22

spk_0:   24:41
22 married with a baby, um, one year old and it's awesome. It's awesome to see her as a mother and my son of the father. Um, we had a miscarriage between, um Kirsten after Kirsten before Elissa. And then we had a list are my 18 year old now, and, uh, and things were actually going pretty well, like I actually got into my trade, um, and was I think I had, uh I was making better money. We're still living in the mobile home, um, in a trailer park, Fresno. But, you know, we shortly saved up for the house we're in now, And, uh, so things were really looking up, and then she, um she was having, like, a pain in her and her breasts, and yeah, I just probably like 22 at the time. So you know, not that old

spk_3:   25:49
unless it was 10 months old.

spk_0:   25:51
Yeah. Um and so we went in to get it checked out, and I wasn't even nervous. I I I just felt like there's no way. This is This is what old people get, right, Ana? Sure enough, you know, it comes back that she's got cancer. I didn't even know that when we found out that we even inquired about any of it. It was just like what? You know. Um, okay, so, you know, we we did a lot of stuff. Chemo, mastectomy, you know, all kinds of just misery. You know, Um, but

spk_3:   26:37
can I say something real quick here, which she had them in Sector me. And, um, it was really hard recovery. And her kids were, you know, 10 months, probably four and seven for three and four and seven. And, um, so she it was just a hard recovery. And she told me she was like, I was considering reconstructive surgery because, you know, then I could get him. However, I wanted him. She's like, but I don't want to go through another surgery like that. And my husband happens to like, one breasted women like that always stuck with me, has up as ah ah point towards his character because he cared more about who she was than what her body was like.

spk_0:   27:26
But so we did all the treatments and obviously, you know where we had been fully back in church and in Christian community, which was was good during those times. I think probably about the time that Kirsten was born we got back in the church we had done carrying it was

spk_3:   27:47
baptized in a horse trough in a rodeo.

spk_2:   27:49
Yeah, No way. It was cool. Um, way.

spk_0:   28:00
Yeah. We, uh and we had, you know, we had a good times, you know? I mean, I don't look back at those those college years and those struggling years as, like, anything but awesome. So my career starts taken off, and then this happens, and we we wrestle through that, and she goes through a year of of chemo and radiation, and we're like, OK, I think we're okay, you know? So we we bought this house and got moved in out there, and, uh, my my mom had married. Uh, it's kind of hard left.

spk_2:   28:42
Uh, my mom had me had

spk_0:   28:45
married a ah, guy. Um, you know, she remarried this guy and he had two kids. There were three and six when my they came into our lives through my mom. Um and, ah, the dad had some back issues and had some surgeries that didn't really go well. Got got addicted to, you know, narcotics. And, you know, he was older too, and we just thought, Gosh, you know this is not goingto be sustainable. And we had even talked about at the time. If something were to happen to him, that we would need, uh, step in. Um, so about six months after we moved in, their father passed away and their mother had passed away previously to that, their biological mother. So, um, we took them in, and, um, this is called kind of all in that window where we moved out. But she wasn't doing any treatment because things

spk_3:   29:55
she was in remission.

spk_0:   29:56
She was in. Yeah, okay. It's a remission. But, um, So they come into the house, and, um, you know, now we have five kids in our house.

spk_3:   30:10
One bathroom?

spk_0:   30:11
Yeah, One bath. Um, and you know, I again, like, Is this I feel like one of the common threads in my story of him proceeding. What we've talked about is this idea of, you know, when something, um, something comes into your life and you feel you feel this tug on your heart, this is you know, you're, um I guess it's like a conviction that says your you couldn't see this through. And, um, that was that. Another Another circumstance were, You know, God got it already. Put Leslie now in our hearts for taking care of seen that through, and but you're okay.

spk_3:   31:33
I feel like when when I listen to his story, what I hear a lot is be obedient when it doesn't make sense. And God makes something.

spk_2:   31:45
It's like in that

spk_1:   31:48
God with giving you strength like he's telling. You're gonna see this through. Yeah, like I'm gonna be right here for you. For how do you feel about that?

spk_0:   31:57
Yeah, No, that's that's pretty much what it is, like, you know, God, God had put these kids, you know in our heart and planted this, I guess this foresight in me that said, you know, something's gonna happen on. And I'd always had, you know, compassion on Leslie in Alley because, you know, um, they were just they were also in a hard spot. You know, um, I don't want to go into too much detail about that, but, um, it, um it was it was clear to me, so we took a man and, um, basically, about six months later, carry it passed from cancer. So she, you know, found out We found out there was stuff, and it was in new places. And so we, you know, we did what we did before. Just tried everything, you know, prayed, fasted treatments, Mexico, you know, like alternative treatment, everything you could think of. I really the whole time we were going through cancer. Not like none of the results. Um, I didn't dwell on and she didn't either. You know, we we just believe that God was gonna heal her, Like, I mean, just look at what's going on, like there's no there's no way that we can We can take care of these things without her, you know? And, uh So for me, that wasn't even a reality, you know, like, I just had a faith. And I I mean, if you could have the faith of a mustard seed, I feel like I had, you know, a bowlful of mustard seeds. Like there. I I was not wavering at all. You know, would I understand now is that God has a sovereign plan for our lives, and and our places to instance it is did not fight. That is to, um, have faith that that God is doing what he's going to do, and it's for our good. And

spk_3:   34:24
that might look different. Our version of what's good might look different than what God's version is, because we don't We're not sovereign, so it might not look good to us when it's happening.

spk_0:   34:40
Yeah, So by the grace of God, I was able to be with her when she died. When? When Carrie was in the hospital for the last time, Um, we, uh we were it was in the hospital, probably day in 1/2 before she actually passed that I actually had to see that this was not going to go our way. Basically, the scene was the family was there, and, uh, you know, she was trained. I think she was trying to communicate to them. You know, that she loved him. Is is kind of what was happening. And, um and then everybody laughed. And so in those moments where, um, you know, she was passing, I was able to read her some scripture from Isaiah was given to me, and I was telling her that, you know, we were right behind her, you know, And And she was her breathing and her heart beats were starting to get further and further apart. And, you know, I just I can remember, um, like, wanting her to go in peace. And so, you know, I was telling her that we're right behind you. You know, when you get there, it'll it'll be like, we're never gone. Um, we're on our way, and, um, she she passed and I could just remember, like, just trying so hard to hold back my my tears and my crying because I didn't want her to, you know, try to come back, Ana. So when I knew that she was gone, it was like time just stopped for me. Like time Literally in my mind, I feel like I processed, like, a week of thinking in those split seconds. I don't I don't know how else to describe it, but I've really was looking for God tangibly like looking around the room like, are you supposed to do something now? You know, like what? What's going on? You know, why aren't you here, dad? And the emotions of dealing with seeing that and and, um, just being a part of that, and I still haven't formulated exactly why I say that. It's just you know. I've always like, in my mind thought that God would just reveal himself in this moment and he he didn't And, um, I I Part of the processing was I knew that I was going to be on my death bed one day, like it's like time had no reference like I knew I was. I was like I was there, like and I knew that I knew it. What? I had been taught what I believed and my personal relationship with Christ. But, um, I had to make decisions in that moment that, you know, would would point me in the direction that I was going to go. I just was like a crossroads where, um I had to choose to have faith. I had to choose to believe that what I had read and what I knew to be true about Scripture, about my personal interactions with God. I had to choose that that was what I believe. Still, because I was about to walk out of that room into a room with five kids and family and adults and tell them what happened. And I don't exactly know how what that means to me. Yet I'm still processing that. I still think about it, but I know that it was just a very strange kind of surreal experience where I had to really choose my faith and and apart from that in looking back. In hindsight, I can see the week out did show up, but it was always through his people.

spk_3:   39:58
I feel like for him, that moment was the end of something beyond for most people in his life. That was the beginning of something so people weren't ready to move on when he was. So even when you know when you were walking with someone who's grieving, you know, they're grieving to the people walking with him or grieving, too. But their timing was different. And so I think when he when he he when he was moving on, they weren't quite ready for it. And so there were some problems

spk_0:   40:37
people would only deal with their grief over carry. A lot of a lot of our friends and people that knew us would only deal with it, like in our present, you know, or you know it like they weren't living. If they didn't, they didn't go through everything. They didn't. They weren't there in the room, you know, like I knew there was an end. I had that closure. There was an end. And so people would come up to me months later and they would just, like, put on this pitiful face and say, How are you doing now? And I just I didn't want to be pitied. I like I talked earlier. I I The last thing I want is to be victimized by anything. So that bothered me. You know? You know, I don't

spk_1:   41:25
know what we're doing. We're just a very, very similar thing. Worked like certain things have happened in the recent past and I processed through it. But maybe you're not other people, aren't there? I'm not like you said, processing at different times. So I'm why you happy? How can you dare be happy? It's like I've grieved. I'm and other people are in different stages and and yeah, it can, uh, kind of cause an issue of communication.

spk_3:   41:58
I think to at least a that time. I mean, it's been a long time. It's been 15 years, so I don't I don't know what the rules are now, but it seems like there were rules in society that said, You know, these air certain things you have to dio after you lose a spouse and there's a time period. And if you you know, you need to wait a year where you need to do this. That's just not how Woz

spk_2:   42:25
and I think

spk_3:   42:26
people were. People were ready for him to move on yet.

spk_1:   42:30
Well, I kept. People will say, uh, I've heard it said, You can't tell somebody to move on, but if someone has moved on, it's not fair to say you can't move on. It's like, Hey, I've moved on. Let me move on or I'm not ready to move on. Don't force me to, But don't let me do what I feel like I need to do right now. Don't try and control it too short too long.

spk_0:   42:51
So I was kind of at the time just going, you know? God, you really messed me up. You know, you messed. You put my family in this situation and you're gonna have to you're gonna have to fix it like I'm not capable of fixing. And, um so I really turned a lot of that stuff over to God and, you know, he he put Marianne in my heart. You know, um, it's probably the best way to put it. Um, I don't know where to go. There's so many different. So, yeah, that I mean, that was It was like, OK, God, you. But you put this person in my heart, I'm not going to, like, just jump jump straight into it. Um, I'm going to give it time and make sure that that's what it waas and I. You know, I did a lot of wrestling with that because she wasn't a Christian. And that's not what the Bible said. You know, whether it's the unequally yoked or whatever, you know, all the different passages and but what, you know, kind of in a nutshell. What God kept telling me was, she is mine. I you know, I argued with him in that, and I you know, I journal. Then I'd ask him questions and he put answers in my heart before he could finish writing the question down, which will lead to another question that I didn't have time to, you know, to write down the answer for cause he was just shutting me down immediately with answers, and I don't know how to explain it because, you know, that's not what we teach in church. So, um, and she one thing that was just I didn't know her real well, but I knew that she knew and loved Carrie, and he loved my kids. Um, you know, and so that was immediately an open door. Like no one else could fit that.

spk_3:   45:14
So, after, you know, weeks of processing like that, he wrote me a letter and, you know, it started out. You're gonna think I'm a terrible person for writing this. Um, but don't worry, I'm not even giving it to you like it was. Basically, the letter was basically more journaling, but to me, So came to my apartment one day. Well, he called me and said I have something for you. Can I stop by like, sure. I'm thinking something of carries that he wanted me to have, right,

spk_1:   45:45
because I was there any, like, interest shown at this moment. Okay.

spk_3:   45:49
How old master, like six, like, six weeks. Okay, So you are we to be honest, before this, we we can only think of one conversation that we had one on one. I only knew him as Carrie's husband, and he only knew me as her cousin. And, um, we haven't said that yet. I was her cousin.

spk_2:   46:15
I know.

spk_3:   46:18
So he brings, you know, I think he's gonna bring me something from Carrie. Whatever. So he comes, sits on my couch for 15 minutes. You know, he hands me an envelope and, you know, we chitchat for 15 minutes and an ice, you know, say bye. And I think, you know, I hope I see him again someday. You know, And I I opened the letter and I read it and I read it like, three times like this. I think this says what I think it says and mind you for me personally. At that time, I've been through a lot of heartbreak. I've been through a lot of betrayal, like he even said when we first got together, You know, he said, it seems like I've been through a lot, but at least I haven't been betrayed, you know? And I don't mean like I don't mean betrayed like doing something behind my back. But I mean, betrayed like tricked. Told I I was wanted and then found out I wasn't or Well, I loved you when I said I did, but I changed my mind. You know, obviously that still hurts. Um, so I was primed, and I had I had broken up with the last person six months and, like, six months and five days before this date, and I remember, like I said, I was hopeless. I was thinking, No one's African love me. No one's ever gonna want me want me. I'm never good enough for anybody. And, um, I had told my boss at work, like I'm gonna give it six months before a panic of being single. And he was like, Well, if you don't, like, do anything if you don't, like, go out and stuff, how are we gonna meet anybody? And I remember we were gonna go to a bar or something where we even meet people when you're 27 you know, and I was like, you know, I don't know, maybe the ups man will knock on my door or something. So here, like, six months and five days later, he knocks on my door and

spk_2:   48:24
he gives me this

spk_3:   48:25
letter that basically says, Like he just says You know, I loved Carrie. And please don't take this as I don't or I didn't. But God, him knowing I don't believe you know, God put you in my heart, and I hope I don't remember exactly what it said. I hope we have it somewhere. But, you know, I knew when I was going to respond to this letter. If I was gonna respond, I knew what it meant. It didn't mean how you want to get coffee. And so I went about my day, which was grocery shopping. And I remember I went to food for less than I walked up and down every aisle. I didn't marry this person. He has five kids, is a Christian. Am I gonna marry him? Well, I can't say no. I mean, I didn't think I can't say no, but I thought, why would I like I know who he is? I know that if I have to have a breast removed, will be okay with that. You know, like with me as like, he's the most accepting person I've ever witnessed. And that was just something I had never had. So basically, I was counting the cost at the grocery store. And when I wrote him back, I was deciding Basicly that I was gonna marry him like I already knew him well enough to make that decision from afar, you know? So of course, our first conversation when we, you know, sat down in his living room and I was like, You know, that I'm not a Christian, right? I don't think I said that. I said, you know, I don't go to church because for me, I didn't really know the difference. And he was like, I'm not worried about it. And I think that being able to have that hands off approach because God had given him the confidence she's mine. Don't worry about it. I will deal with it. And so he was like this. And so my pride never had to chafe against him, trying to make me into something. So I felt accepted as I waas, which, like I said, I've never experienced before from anybody, let alone what I perceived Christians to be.

spk_0:   50:43
And this is kind of my my mindset was God, you put me into this mess and you're gonna have to get me out, and I and so I wasn't fighting him about her anymore. And I didn't. I didn't even want her to go to church like I I just felt absolutely no need to engage. And truthfully, the people at church, probably they would not where we're not ready

spk_2:   51:11
to see. But

spk_1:   51:13
you were in that school because you were pretty green gauge in your hula hoop already, like God's got her, which is, I mean,

spk_2:   51:21
and he's really

spk_1:   51:21
cool. Way to start over,

spk_3:   51:22
please. It's always been that way. Yeah, he has always been that way, which obviously I feel like God orchestrated that as well, because I would not have responded the same way to being pushed or prodded

spk_2:   51:36
together. But I have

spk_1:   51:37
to come to trick

spk_3:   51:38
right. I would been, like new. So I feel like he, um I feel like God gave him, like, I think, in my life map. I say, I don't I don't believe that like Todd was using reverse psychology on me, but got shorted. So if I could, there's I feel like there's another piece of like, once we got together and it wasn't just like hunky dorey, we move on. Everything's like, Oh yeah, she goes to church like there's a process of becoming a believer, you know, Um, so that was when I finally, like, submitted myself two. Like, I'm gonna do this. But I still had toe learn how to believe it. Right? So I didn't just, like, Boom. I know everything. I get it. I understand. I know. This is really it wasn't like that there was a process, and so but I I looked for it, you know? And, um, I think the minute that the lights actually came on was he was in the shower and I was in the bedroom reading Bible, and I I asked him when was this written? But he's like, what? And I said, Isaiah and he's like, I was like, 700 or some kind of something before Jesus. But was it okay? That's when it happened. But when was it actually like recorded? And he's like, about 700 years. I think before and I said silly. If I opened a Jewish Bible, this would be in here, and he said yes. And I was like, It's ran because it was Isaiah 53. It was, you know, he was pierced for our transgressions and It was just so accurate. And I had been led to believe as a child that these words were written to manipulate, So I did not. I did not believe Jesus was actually rial. I I didn't know he was a historical figure. I thought he was a dude. People made up. And so reading this prophecy and the knowing that it came true was like, Oh, like I I got it. I'm like, Oh, my gosh, these words of truth, you know, I'm not just trying to base my life on these rules that they're telling me to follow. So I I embraced it now as the infallible word of God and I'm I'm tryingto digest it. And, you know, they'd say, You have to surrender your life to Christ. You have to You have to trust in the Lord. I think ideo like what does that mean? So two years into our marriage, um, we're having a baby. And our son Robin, who's 11 no, was born at 31 weeks and like there was all this fear and I was for the first time in my life, really faced with a situation that I had absolutely no control over. And that's when I learned what it meant to trust God because and I still now like my attitude is my Children or my husband or anybody. They're going to die one day in one way and God knows what it is. And he knows when it is. I don't need to fear every other way. And every other day, you know. So that's how I learned to trust. Like not only is he can in control that he knows he's not surprised by the situation and he'll work it out. And so I feel like that was really when I was able to surrender.

spk_0:   55:20
Yeah, I wish that, you know, I could just throw out more Scripture and more biblical application. And, you know I do. I I hope that God story in my story has come out. I I hope that it did.

spk_1:   55:41
I think it did. I'm just so appreciative that you guys came and that you have shared your story. Definitely. It's going to impact a lot of people. We're hoping that maybe we can have you guys on again sometime in the future. And yeah, I just think you guys

spk_0:   55:55
absolutely and thank you guys like? I mean, I tell people about your podcast all the time. It makes a difference. Your story makes a difference. And I'm I know that, like, this is the tip of the iceberg. But I expect that when these stories that I've heard so far really you know, hit hit the right market it's gonna help a lot of people because they I don't know that I've seen too much out there that helped this directed the way that

spk_1:   56:30
it iss. It's, uh, definitely just a blessing. So we appreciate just having you guys as friends and being willing to come on. Yeah,

spk_3:   56:40
thanks. Around. Yeah. I was goingto get to hear your story. Think honest and transparent. I really enjoyed it. Thank you.

spk_1:   56:51
Well, listeners, do you want say anything to them? To the listeners.

spk_3:   56:57
Uh, thank you for listening

spk_2:   56:59
way. Want to say thank

spk_1:   57:06
you? I want to say thank you to my wife for sticking it out for the season one and and hopefully we will see you guys. Well, we will see them. Hear them. What?

spk_2:   57:17
We won't see, But you will hear us. Way will be heard again. Yes, on season two uh, in a while, so thank you guys again. And if you can please, like share comment. Great way. Appreciate it, you guys. Later. For additional information about distinct ministries, go two distinct ministries dot org's. You can also follow the distinct podcast on Facebook and Instagram and email your questions and comments. Toe Andrea at distinct ministries dot org's.

spk_3:   57:56
So he came with a lot more than just him. There was a lot. It was a big package.