Forgiveness

We begin Season 2 by exploring a recent fall in our marriage and how God has provided the grace and strength needed for reconciliation. While this event was nearly 6 months ago, we want to walk in the light with our listeners! Thankfully, we are in a great spot now and continue to work on our marriage.  

Transcript

spk_1:   0:00
Thank you for listening to the distinct podcast.

spk_0:   0:10
Okay, so, kids, we're going. What have you been? D'oh!

spk_2:   0:17
We're gonna kick off Season two Episode one The Right Way. Which is what? The date Many date, micro date. So I thought, What better place to go then? The

spk_0:   0:27
school. So we're gonna go to our old college campus. Will international

spk_3:   0:35
waken getsem windshield way Be trying to sneak some daytime

spk_2:   0:44
into our podcast? We should say that. Happy Valentine's Day to all you couples out there that are

spk_3:   0:53
listening. I'm gonna grab some cover, joy. Well, maybe we're having around 10. State earlier. Totally on plan. Good idea. Now we're out of the car walking onto Willow International. We're gonna walk outside west, out of the region book and do a little devotional in the sun. Is that ours for a donkey? Yeah. Okay. There's all kinds of little planes flying. There's three. A wonder if one of them would let you fly planes. No way would you want to fly one? You hear, get into this. I did everybody different ways. I've been flying mother one way or another since I was six years old. Tail dragger. Get that tail that way just got back back home. And did you have fun on our date? Happy Valentine's Day was a lot more about the future. You are first episode recorded live from Fresno, California This is the distinct podcast way are so grateful that you're back with us today. We will only hear from our hosts, Nick and Andrea, where they open the season with a fresh inside look at their relationship and how the two of them work through sin, confession, grace and forgiveness. The hard work on this has already been done. Between them were in today's episode, you will get to hear from their hearts and see the value and the fruit of confession and forgiveness at work and the importance of always walking in the light. First John, Chapter seven. It tells us that if we have fellowship with Christ and yet walk in darkness way lie and do not practice the truth, and we heard those we love directly and indirectly as well. Listening as you witness got continuing to bring healing to Nick and Andrea conversation that will be really biblical and honest,

spk_2:   3:40
and we're back.

spk_0:   3:42
Season two

spk_2:   3:43
Episode one Hello, that was a fun day. We just went on.

spk_0:   3:49
Yeah, it's been

spk_2:   3:50
happy Valentine's Day in the future and Happy Valentine's date. Everyone listening on Valentine's Day. And if you missed our episode on Valentine's Day, it's OK. We forgive you. And we're thankful you still listen to our podcast.

spk_0:   4:09
You know, we've been on a break. Ah, long break

spk_2:   4:12
from our podcast. Yeah, so thank you guys for still tuning in for listening through season one. We appreciate it. We appreciate all the donations and the equipment and the encouragement through everything. It was an interesting year last year and very fun. It was good.

spk_0:   4:36
Yeah. We're starting it off of the new Year. Jan walls, February Technically, but 1st 1 of the year.

spk_2:   4:45
Mmm. If we had a good couple months off from doing this and some interesting developments happened in the past few months, which we will enlighten you guys with let you know a little bit more about us on what we've been going through. Um, yeah. We're looking forward to a New Year new season. Some exciting guests that we have planned, including,

spk_0:   5:13
I think already talked about that.

spk_2:   5:15
So top it. What do you want? It What are we talking about here?

spk_0:   5:19
Well, I think for the most part, it's which we don't have to do this. We don't have Thio tell our life our life or anything, but I think we're choosing to do so just to be real and honest as we one our podcast to be is to be really honest, biblical. And, um,

spk_2:   5:44
we want to earn that. We want to respect that. That is kind of our mission to point people to Christ and to strengthen marriages and in that being riel biblical. An honest

spk_0:   5:56
I think we've said this at the very beginning that we're not, um, counselors. We're not, um, pastors expertise in our marriage That way. We're not trying thio, um, advice. But we're just sharing our story along with others and in hopes that were pointing to Christ and that we are encouraging and being helpful.

spk_2:   6:30
Yes, I think that there's a lot that people can glean from the things that we have done. I can speak for myself that I think there's a lot of dumb tax that I've paid that people can glean from, and we're clearly, uh, we're not qualified to be marriage experts we

spk_0:   6:50
don't even know who is. But

spk_2:   6:51
if you listen to our story, it's a pretty clear to see a These guys were not very good examples to follow. And we're not claiming to be good examples. The oh, we're not qualified to be marriage expert, but I would say we are uniquely qualified

spk_0:   7:08
to become a long way. Yes. Certain times still are growing. Yes, you know, And with our conflicts and howto how to fight in a healthy way is something that we have grown through. We've been working, also working on still working on it. And I think I've said before it's like, you have bad days and you have good days. So Mmm, yeah.

spk_2:   7:36
Won't do you want to dive into the bad day and go from there?

spk_0:   7:40
I got it. I mean, I'm trying to think right now you're like, how

spk_2:   7:44
we do just want to be clear, that everything we're saying is descriptive, not prescriptive. Ah, shout out to Todd. Thanks again for coming on

spk_0:   7:54
the He stares. You know, I really appreciate them that they have been, um, as well as if I'm forgetting any other people that have been walking with us through this, people? Yeah, a lot. I can't think of names, but

spk_2:   8:12
they know they are. Yes, they don't listen to our podcast

spk_0:   8:15
ever getting, but yeah. Um, do you? I don't know if I should tell your story. I know we talked about this,

spk_2:   8:24
but I will tell it. Okay. You go ahead. Okay. I actually didn't want to share. I was not looking forward to it. I wanted to share this, and I didn't want to share that, didn't I? Did go back and forth on it. Really? At this point, we're kind of not over it, but just done talking about it. But for the sake of a podcast, we'll talk about it one more time. Um, back in July, actually, about a week before David Amanda's episode for the listeners that are trying to kind of put a timeline to it, um, I made a very poor decision. Ah, in one, that I hurt my wife and hi. I found myself in a position, uh, where I ended up making a bad choice and was unfaithful to my wife. And it was not ah, and is not something that I'm proud of. It all. Um, I'm ashamed and sad that I made that choice. And after that, I felt obviously guilty. You know, a couple weeks went by and ah, I could not keep that in, especially encouraging people to be open and honest when I knew I myself wasn't being open and honest in which is that I found myself there again. So I wrote her a letter, came home one day, was praying, asking God to give me the strength to dollar. Ah, and just to give me a sign that was time to read this letter that I'd return.

spk_0:   10:14
And we're planning on telling me or you weren't planning on giving me that letter?

spk_2:   10:17
I was gonna wait. Yeah, a week. I was gonna wait a week to actually tell you. And then, uh, she greeted me at the door like a big hug and a kiss. And like how? Just listen to the stuff that God's been showing me and my devotionals and ah, give her a big hug and started crying, and it was like an hour worth of crying and redder the letter and confessed to her What what I had done. Ah.

spk_0:   10:44
And of course, in that moment it's like my heart just sinks into my stomach. It's I mean, I think those of us could relate to that when you get bad news about anything. And yeah, that's that's where I was up.

spk_2:   11:05
But she handled it with Grace. She showed me Grace. She did not act out or lash out at me. She made it a safe

spk_0:   11:14
place. I was like, I would know what it is. You asked me if this was the right time. And like, What better time is it that I've actually been reading, like, all morning long? I would was in the word all morning long. What better time.

spk_2:   11:32
So that happened. And then we were leading a group and, ah, in a marriage. It was a marriage group leading them. I let him know. Hey, that's what happened. You know, I feel awful. Obviously told Drea and ah, I just wanna walk in the light. I want to let you know that and ah, we're just getting out.

spk_0:   11:53
We were just doing a lot of pouring into people and not enough people pouring into us.

spk_2:   12:01
Yeah, we were, ah, trying to share a lot of joy with others that we ourselves weren't experiencing at the time, were

spk_0:   12:10
pretty with dizziness. I mean, we were recording episodes once Every Saturday when it was supposed to be, like, once a month wasn't once every other week.

spk_2:   12:26
It was demanding on us, right? It wasn't something where we got to, Like we say now, paint a painting. I

spk_0:   12:31
think you made it. You made it. That wing don't mean toe step out of my circle, right? I mean, you made it. We made it that way to where it was like, we have to do this. And I just wasn't being I wasn't really standing my ground as the helper to be Lake. This is not healthy. We shouldn't do this, but just Yeah, I went along with it, all right?

spk_2:   12:54
And so that is where we're where I'm at is currently So we're going through region, which is a program where you just working on yourself and ah, you can side note. Jury had just gotten to her close group, which he's

spk_0:   13:09
excited about about let's say 67 e, like eight weeks.

spk_2:   13:17
Yeah, I'm waiting, too. I'll be there in a couple weeks, being under. But either way, just really looking at myself and noticing the pride that I struggle with a sexual addiction that I struggle with, um, selfishness, bitterness, anger. And I feel like there's just a lot of room for me to grow. And so we've taken it, kind of Ah, a step back from pouring and others for the most part, and really just now focusing on ourselves, getting ready to be poured in to, um And that's what I think this next season will look, look

spk_0:   13:55
into our heart. You know,

spk_2:   13:58
I think where we're at now is a good place, you know, it's like good ground level

spk_0:   14:06
in like during during this process. I I feel like I am realizing that each and every one of us has a sinful heart. We each sin and everybody's sin looks different from each other. And that's the only way that I can't even process this because then I could be thinking, you know, when it first happened that I thought we were doing so well, I didn't think like anything like this would happen again because we're not there. But realizing your son is different from my sin, in which mine is anger, and I know I've gotten the comments like, Well, his sin is I don't know, I guess greater than Myson. But I'd have to argue back and be like, but Sinise in and God's eyes I mean, who are we to judge the extreme of each other's sin? You know, like I send. But Hissene is so much bigger than mine. And so why would that mean that I need to stop that? I can't or don't look at myself and try to fix myself?

spk_2:   15:40
I take breast in the fact that it's a struggle, you know, it's not this, uh I give myself over to it, and I'm a slave to it. Um, it's a tug, and there's always a struggle. And there's always a part of me. It does not want that. That does not like that part of me in Ah, yeah. I just need God every moment of every day to continue to work and change that part of me in their parts. Um, like drug addiction where he just removed it, You know, it could come back. I don't know. You know? I hope not, you know, But, um I hope that he removes all of it. All that sinful nous from me from my heart, so

spk_0:   16:30
Well, um, I just think of I mean, if God took away all of our took everything that was wrong with us, we wouldn't we be like, Jesus that way

spk_2:   16:44
would be perfect. We

spk_0:   16:45
would be perfect. And so I think there are things that he's not going to take away. And those are things that show us how much we need God and, you know, in our weaknesses. Um Oh, my gosh. What is that? First, I think I even have it right over there. But he said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses so that the power of Christ may rest upon me for the sake of Christ. Then I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions in calamities, More personal. Um, second, Corinthians for when I am weak. Then I am strong. Second, Corinthians 12 9 to 10. You better teach us, man. It's like you know, about three o'clock in the morning, I could be thinking about all this

spk_1:   17:51
seven months. Oh, I must say that I must say that's inside out inside us,

spk_0:   17:55
and I can't even I think you're saying what's important, you know? Okay, I guess.

spk_2:   18:00
I mean, I have some questions for you. Could just help other people. You know, Um, I imagine there's a lot of people that are like, How are you? Okay. How are you forgiving him?

spk_0:   18:15
How were they

spk_2:   18:15
talking about this again? How did he How is he such an idiot? How to do this again? And how is she sitting here? Still, So my question that I'm gonna attempt ask for everyone is how are you forgiving? Um

spk_0:   18:31
it's something that I cannot do on my own. I mean, and that's and I feel like for anybody who is going through this right now or or having trouble in trusting your spells like that. Advice is probably like a stomach like, How do you do that? Still, and I I have to truly stand behind that because prayer is something so important. I mean, at one point, I found myself dwelling. I was dwelling in the hurt and there'd be days when I tell you, Be quiet. You hurt me. You have no right to tell me anything. Right now, I'm hurt and and that's what would shut your mouth, you know? And But that's where I was at that point where I'm like, I want to hear anything you have to say because I'm hurt. And I think if you stay there, if you stay in the hurt and then the pain, like not going to be joyful, you're not gonna be happy. Like, I think that's when divorces happen. You know what you're saying, Where that's at some point, you have to give it to God because we're living for something greater than what is here on this earth. And so I need to give up all those hurts in pain and and live like race.

spk_2:   20:25
Yeah, there's freedom in that right there is freedom and that I can't speak in this situation to that. I could put myself back in the past in our past, and I think that, um when I was talking to Michael, you know, it was something that I had to remind myself daily was to die to myself, you know, to be selfless. And it was Ah, there were good days and bad days there days where I actually did it. And I was like, Man, I'm happy. And, you know,

spk_0:   20:57
well, I think what I really like that, um Frances Chan really brings up is that, like, all these little arguments and herds and shames and all that are so little compared to our eternal life for before God like that is all so little Mm. And I think about what are we living for and cautions 32 And we have this rope on our wall and the rope is supposed to go on for eternity. And then at the tip of the rope is like a red piece of tape. The little tape represents the life that we do here on this Earth and that determines our eternal life. And so it's crazy to think that

spk_1:   22:06
little

spk_0:   22:06
small part of it, it determines the rest, right? It's just crazy to me, but it's things like this. It's things that we come to these trials, and it's like, How are you gonna handle that? Mmm. And so the best way that I can handle this is pray and forgive Give grace because I'm not perfect either. And God has forgiven me. And if I'm were to be like Christ. And I needed to show that to my spells.

spk_2:   22:43
Ma, I I'm thankful for you and Olivia, and I respect you for talking about all this because I didn't I didn't want to. You could be very easy for me to not tie. Uh, I mean, cause it's like elephant in the room, obviously is. You're the victim in all of it. And, you know, I have apologized to Dre like that's nothing that I can say. I don't think that will ever make up for that or for all the poor choices that I've made. Um, but I think it's cool that you would You're actually, like, fired up to get on a podcast and talk about it to encourage

spk_0:   23:28
people. I see this as an opportunity to show what God has done. How God has worked through me and order to forgive has worked on me in order for me to realize we're in a marriage, you know, it's man and woman joined together, and we're one,

spk_2:   23:55
I think. What you what you and I were talking about before it almost could be a sin. All right. Not say it. You know, God, we he delivered us through this. You know, I made idiotic choices and we're gonna continue. You are. I am going to continue to make stupid choices. And

spk_0:   24:12
marriage is a reflection of your relationship with God.

spk_2:   24:17
Yes, And it would be It's not right to hide that every redeems in your life. It's not making God look big, and it's not glorifying him to hide that, you know it would be. Trust me, I do not want to This podcast. This episode is not the one I want to d'oh! Um, but especially if you're like, Hey, let's do it, then. Yeah, I totally it's a sin to not share because somebody has to do.

spk_0:   24:45
And I know that in doing this they're blend e of people who could be totally turned off by this or totally encourage. And so we've heard we've heard it all, I think Thio, where it's like someone gonna beat you up. Ah,

spk_3:   25:05
a lot of people encouraged us to not

spk_2:   25:07
do this. I get They discouraged us from doing this, and I think it's not our podcast, and it's not. This is not our story. And if God allows for us to lose half our listeners and that's what happened. I don't think that's what's gonna happen. I trust that he's using this and and people need to hear and we want to be open and honest, and we want to share like, Hey, we're not perfect. We did not the perfect marriage and we're not marriage counselors. But here's what we've gone through. And ah, I think that because of our experience were able to speak a little more open and honest, and I stack things a little more clearly and say how these are the reasons that this and this and this happened.

spk_0:   25:49
Oh, I remember what I was gonna say now when I was talking about how we are two people joined together in marriage and that we are one that if you make a mistake, it's not like, Oh, well, we're gonna work on you because you are what is the problem? And that's not the case. I think, you know, in a marriage like we should both be working on each other on ourselves and not trying to control one another and how we behave like specifically in this situation, someone could think you're the problem, and if we work on you and fix you. Then this marriage will work. Then this marriage will be great. But that's not the case is that we're both sinful in nature and we need to work on ourselves. And like I've had said before, it's How can I judge your sin compared to my sin, like my sin and being with anger? And there's a lot of times I have to like That's a daily prayer for myself. A cilic. I have patients and and listen before I react And this is really hard for me, more so than you. I think you're more of the I don't know, maybe withhold,

spk_1:   27:31
withhold say that

spk_0:   27:34
I just don't see that anger because you hold it in and I'm more of a I'm gonna let it all out, but

spk_2:   27:41
I totally withdraw. So this is what I've discovered in the past couple months. Sorry, Good

spk_0:   27:48
people. I

spk_1:   27:48
don't

spk_0:   27:49
know if I can say this, but there's people that would say that Oh, well, your sin is much greater than mine. And but then you think about lank everybody in the world and about anger. And I think there's different skills of anger, like Okay, well, maybe she just gets mad and yells, Or there is an anger where you are physically hurting somebody and punching them or walls making holes in the walls and whatever. There's such a spectrum of anger. So how can we say that A will? But your son is just anger that can be fixed like it's okay because that's something I'm trying to figure out, like, what is righteous anger? Because, like you said anything, that man is going to get angry about.

spk_2:   28:41
The actions that you're going to do out of anger will not accomplish the righteousness of God. So be angry. But don't send literally. I think in that. It's like if you can somehow muster the self control or guide, provides you the self control to just sit to just sit and be angry, but then respond in a loving way. Okay, now you're not acting in anger,

spk_0:   29:05
but what about the thoughts in my head?

spk_2:   29:07
I don't know,

spk_0:   29:08
you know, because I could be angry in my head, right?

spk_1:   29:11
What if I'm just I'm like

spk_0:   29:14
I if you think you idiot and making a noose in my head right

spk_1:   29:18
now.

spk_2:   29:19
Yeah, I don't

spk_1:   29:20
do that while you're sleeping it's for sure.

spk_2:   29:24
Exposing the singer. Yeah, This Uh huh. So that's pretty much. You know what? We're we've been That was the past few months, though. So her and I have been recovering. Obviously, trust is being rebuilt, you know, day by day, Uh, the trust bucket. If there's a bucket of water bucket that trust is kicked over, takes one kick to kick it over. And then we feel refilling one drop at a time. It's kind of where, whereas we're rebuilding trust or trying to really focus on us, um, I know that I need to work on my bitterness and selfishness pride, and we're going through that process, but things air starting to look up and again. This is all months ago. It's not where drain I right now. Where we're at now is quite actually, it was a healed completely from it, but healing for months out on me, you won't talk about it. But for the sake of the podcast, we are talking about it.

spk_0:   30:25
You had to say that like four times.

spk_1:   30:26
No, e.

spk_2:   30:30
But we respect you guys. And we appreciate you listening. And it would be I think wrong of us. to not be real and honest with you guys. So it's like, Hey, who am I listening to? This is who you're listening to be polite. Well, I'll speak for myself. Still screw up. Still mess that and still have a heart for marriage. You know, that's the craziest, most ironic part about it is why do I care about and championing four people's marriages? I don't know. I don't know. God placed that on my heart and, ah, even when I screw up in my own, I still we're still kind of boots on the ground. Navy seals with the knife in our teeth, trying to fight for other people's marriage. We've kind of come to and I've come to realize, like, really need to focus on my marriage first, you know, be able to be in a position where we can pour into others before we start doing that. Right now we're focusing on us. We're happy and we're moving forward.

spk_0:   31:31
Us, our kids being intentional with their time. Yeah, where do we put it out?

spk_2:   31:39
So we'll do a podcast once a month starting now. Um, and it will be more like a painting kind of deal is what we said where we just enjoy it. And it's not this big, massive production and on schedule. And sometimes it'll be a week early sometimes will be two weeks late.

spk_0:   32:01
We're thing very thankful for cats she had pulled through every Saturday with us. Thio, watch our kids.

spk_2:   32:08
Yeah, Cat has been amazing. Yeah, Cat's been amazing. We could not have done this without her at all. Otherwise would have forced

spk_0:   32:18
for me. Yeah, I wouldn't say we could, but, um

spk_2:   32:20
yeah, well, either way, we want to say thank you to everyone for listening. Happy Valentine's Day. Also

spk_1:   32:26
bythe we're stronger on more forgiven over and over again. Typical real on this. Thank you for listening. For additional information about distinct ministries, go two distinct ministries dot org's. You can also follow the distinct podcast on Facebook and instagram and email your questions and comments. Toe Andrea at distinct ministries dot org's

spk_0:   33:23
man. It's like, you know, three o'clock in the morning, I could be thinking about all this

spk_1:   33:27
several months. Oh, I must say that I'm gonna say that's inside out inside us,

spk_0:   33:31
and I can't even I think you're saying what's important, you know? Okay, I guess