Looking fear straight in the eyes and choosing the path less traveled - that's the theme of this episode of Emancipation Nation. We uncover how fear, an emotion we're all too familiar with, can often serve as the chains that hold us back from reaching our full potential, our real dreams. Through personal anecdotes and stories of how successful individuals faced their fears and emerged victorious, we cast a spotlight on the idea that success isn’t always about wealth, but could be about personal growth, relationships or just reaching a goal.
As a host, I delve into my own journey of overcoming fear, from moving mountains to ensure my daughter gets the Montessori education she deserves, to getting accepted into Case Western for my Masters degree, and eventually pursuing a PhD. The episode also underscores the importance of self-care as a catalyst to not just nourish ourselves, but also to keep our fears at bay and enhance our lives. In essence, this episode is a call to action to embrace the unknown, challenge self-limiting beliefs and march forward towards your dreams. So, let's not just exist, but start living our dreams.
Looking fear straight in the eyes and choosing the path less traveled - that's the theme of this episode of Emancipation Nation. We uncover how fear, an emotion we're all too familiar with, can often serve as the chains that hold us back from reaching our full potential, our real dreams. Through personal anecdotes and stories of how successful individuals faced their fears and emerged victorious, we cast a spotlight on the idea that success isn’t always about wealth, but could be about personal growth, relationships or just reaching a goal.
As a host, I delve into my own journey of overcoming fear, from moving mountains to ensure my daughter gets the Montessori education she deserves, to getting accepted into Case Western for my Masters degree, and eventually pursuing a PhD. The episode also underscores the importance of self-care as a catalyst to not just nourish ourselves, but also to keep our fears at bay and enhance our lives. In essence, this episode is a call to action to embrace the unknown, challenge self-limiting beliefs and march forward towards your dreams. So, let's not just exist, but start living our dreams.
You know the why human trafficking work is needed To fight for the freedom of modern day slaves. But love, passion, commitment isn't all you need to be an effective and successful anti-trafficking advocate. Learn the how. I'm Dr Celia Williamson, director of the Human Trafficking and Social Justice Institute at the University of Toledo. Welcome to the Emancipation Nation podcast, where I'll provide you with the latest and best methods, policy and practice, discussed by experienced experts in the field, so that you can cut through the noise, save time and be about the work of saving lives. Welcome to the Emancipation Nation. This is episode 196. And today I am solo.
Speaker 1:Hey, it is October 23rd, this is the day I'm recording this, and Halloween is right around the corner. So I want to talk about the scariest thing, your scariest thing. Ooh, that's fear itself. So many people say there's only two emotions I've talked about this before love and fear, and all the other emotions really fit under one of those two Jealousy, fear, anger, fear, resentment, fear, right Courage, love, stick to it, follow through love. All of these characteristics either fall under love or fear. So we're talking about fear because Halloween's around the corner, and it's really not. It's much less about the boogeyman and the scary movies and the spooky houses that you tour. Let's talk about what's really scary, and that is change, and that is living your dreams, being your full self, not your diet self, not the one who shows up and pretends that they enjoy their life, their job, their relationship, but the real you, the you who wants to experience joy, the you that is so afraid. Sometimes we don't even know what our hopes and dreams are anymore, because we've been so intimidated, so afraid to even speak it out loud, for fear that people will ridicule us and say absolutely, you can't do that, are you crazy? So fear helps us push down our hopes and our dreams. But in this Halloween season, I'd like you to maybe dust off your, your hopes and your dreams. And, by the way, hopes and dreams are figments of our imagination, right? Until we put a plan in place, do our hopes and dreams become real? So I know you've been saying even some of you, who even acknowledge your dreams, say well, I'm not going to put a plan in place because it's not time yet. I'm going to wait. No, I'm going to wait for my kids to get a little older. I'm going to wait for, you know, the house to get paid off. I'm going to wait for you know this, this job, I think I can work another year, right, because it's ultimately the fear of the unknown that's the greatest fear.
Speaker 1:So there's a story about a gladiator and he's getting ready to go out onto the field and fight the lion. Right, glad gladiators too. And they say, look, behind this door is the lion. You know the fear, you know the terror behind this door, over here, behind this door. We're not going to tell you what it is, but there are unknown terrors behind that door. Which door do you think the gladiator chose? Right, the door to the unknown, with unknown tears, or the one that's known, because sometimes people say, stay with the devil, you know, right, but behind the other door of the unknown was freedom.
Speaker 1:So don't wait until you no longer feel afraid, because that day may never come. People don't change with time, they change by choice. So this Halloween season will you face your fears and change by choice the whole analogy. In the US, anyway, halloween, right, you are afraid. You kind of watch scary movies, you go to spooky houses and you also eat candy. So it's sort of saying to you that when you face scary things, oftentimes it's their sweetness on the other end. So let's think about, let's challenge these self-limiting beliefs and don't think that your life has to be set in a way that's so charmed that it is time now, right, because all of us have real lives.
Speaker 1:When you go up and you ask somebody you know, tell me how you made it to this, tell me how you have that great relationship for 30 years, how do you do it? They'll tell you the real. I mean R-E-E-L. They'll give you the snapshot of all the highlights and the good times and they tend to gloss over. You know, it's really difficult in the beginning, but then, as we learned, well, they don't tell you the details of the difficulty. Tell me how you got this far in your education. My God, that seems incredibly hard. They tell you well, I studied, I know I had a plan and I put. You know. They tell you the real, the R-E-E-L, the highlights, as if they knew each step in the process to become successful, whether it was successful as a parent or as any parent who tells you the real deal, the R-E-A-L deal. They'll tell you look, I really didn't know what the hell I was doing. That's the real R-E-A-L.
Speaker 1:Even when they had the second kid they're like well, now I know what I'm doing. But that kid is very, very different from the first kid. What worked for the first kid isn't necessarily going to work for the second kid. So parents often are learning and in flux and if they produced great, successful, kind children, they had a little help, maybe in the universe, to do so. Some parents who do everything exactly right, exactly perfect, kids grow up with different personalities. Kids grow up with mental health issues. Kids grow up ADHD. Kids grow up with a propensity toward drugs. So when you ask them, they will tell you that real, the R-E-E-L.
Speaker 1:When you ask a PhD, when you ask an executive director of a corporation, when you ask about somebody who has a great relationship, they'll tell you the R-E-E-L. You have to realize that they're telling you, they're glossing over and giving you the highlights. They're skipping the real R-E-E-L of the struggles. So you can't take that information and say, well, look, they had a charmed life, they followed the straight path and that's why they were successful. I don't have a charmed life, I currently struggle and my path has not been anything but straight. You'll find out that many people who are successful whatever you determine success did not follow a straight path and many times struggled and many times lost their way on the path.
Speaker 1:And if you have that type of relationship with them, ask them about those times, because they will then become very genuine and authentic to you and you will think, oh okay, maybe I could do what I set out to do, my dream, maybe I could put the plans in place to be successful. And success doesn't always mean money. Somebody can work 12, 14, 16 hours a day, become wealthy and be very rich in money but be very poor in their relationships with their partner, with their children, with their family. So maybe your success is with family, maybe your success is with children, maybe your success is in relationship, maybe your success is in your job, but maybe you want to be successful in your relationship with your children and in your job and good to yourself. It's possible. So let me tell you about a couple of fears that I faced.
Speaker 1:Hey, before we continue the episode, I want to let you know of three courses. I offer effective case management with human trafficking survivors, the TNT survivor journey groups and the best life human trafficking prevention course for girls that are at risk. Raising awareness around human trafficking is a great start Hanging up flyers, having fundraisers, doing human trafficking presentations, or even joining an anti-trafficking coalition or commission or student group, but it simply isn't enough. If you or your group aren't touching the lives of survivors or those at risk, and meaningful, in healing ways, you're missing a critical component. I want you to get back to the reasons you joined the anti-trafficking fight in the first place, the reason you joined that coalition or that commission or that student group. You wanted to make a difference, but maybe you didn't know exactly what to do and so presentations seem doable. Why? Because you had the knowledge and skills to do it. Well, if you're really ready to get directly involved and help change the lives of others for the better, then this is an important message for you. I have almost 30 years experience working with survivors and studying the issue, and I'm circling back to help you become effective and confident in your ability to work with survivors of commercial sexual violence. I wrote a few books, developed some courses that would love to train you on how to be involved directly. Just go to my website, celia Williamsoncom, and check out my webinars. Learn a little more about how you can become knowledgeable and skilled to actually work with survivors using my trauma-informed courses.
Speaker 1:And now on with the podcast, my main fear was the fear of success, the fear of happiness and joy. You know, I grew up in a family. It's like my mother used to say all the time, you know, laugh all day, you'll cry at night. So I always had the fear that you know the other shoe is gonna drop If I get too happy, something's gonna happen and it's gonna be bad. And so once I learned to stop telling myself no, that's when my life took off. I promise you, that's when it took off. I no longer believe because I've seen the evidence of no longer telling myself no. I will not tell myself no. If I want it and if I'm willing to put the work in the sweat, in the savings, in whatever the sacrifice, in, I will not tell myself no, I will go for it. I will quiet that fear and I will go for it.
Speaker 1:Let me tell you, I had a baby living in the North side of Toledo, high crime area and poverty. I, you know, had received food stamps. I received wickets, women, infants and children where they give you the milk and the cheese and all the things back in the day. Now they give you a card that you can take to the store, but back in the day they used to deliver your milk and your cheese and that sort of thing. And you know I was living in a house and I literally put pots and pans down to catch the water from the roof leaking. It was a mess. It was a mess and I got a job and I was working as a part-time social worker, so you can imagine what I'm getting paid right.
Speaker 1:And at this community center where I was working, the secretary's daughter, she had a baby. It's same age as my child and you know, a couple years went by and her little girl was going to Montessori and I said what is Montessori? And then I read about it and I learned about social emotional learning and it's great education. And I looked up the school that her daughter sent was sending her child to and me, and the tuition was like $6,000 a year Now my daughter's 34. This was back in the day my daughter was three $6,000 a year. I mean, what could you be teaching a three-year-old Right that it's 6,000.
Speaker 1:And man, I wanted my daughter to have that education and the secretary said well, I'll just ask my daughter to set up a meeting with the director of some of the program. Maybe you could ask her, you could find out if they have any scholarships. And I thought, oh my God, who? Like? No, I couldn't possibly. And I said to myself this isn't for you, this is for your daughter. And that's how, sometimes, that's how we can get past. Our fear is we can think okay, I will have the courage for my child. I mean, sometimes we will do things for our children, we will have the strength of 10 men if it's for our children. So I did.
Speaker 1:I went out there and I talked to her and I said man, this is a fabulous education. I can't afford it. I'm a social worker, I'm a part-time social worker. I want to change the world, but unfortunately they don't pay social workers much. And she said you know what? I'll give you the first ever part-time scholarship, your daughter. Just come, just come for free. And I said, wow, that's amazing. Like, thank you so much. And you know I am going to be moving to full-time, so I'm gonna need a full-time scholarship. I can't believe it came out of my mouth, but I said it. And she said well, you know what? I need somebody to clean the school. If you will come and clean the school after hours, no one will know. I'll give you the key. I'll allow your daughter to come for free.
Speaker 1:My daughter attended Montessori Education for three years. I called in the village. My mother came and helped clean the school in the evenings. My sister, my nephew and we cleaned that school and that was probably one of the most noble jobs that I've had cleaning toilets, cleaning toys, running the vacuum. But because I didn't tell myself no, this all happened. My daughter was learning Spanish at three years old.
Speaker 1:I graduated with my bachelor's degree. I had a overall cumulative grade point average of 2.79. That's about a C. That was not the stellar bachelor degree student. But at that time I was also in an abusive relationship and so a lot of my emotional energy, intellectual energy was going out to keep myself safe, to hide from everybody else what was really happening in my home. And so I graduated 2.79.
Speaker 1:But I wanted to pursue my master's degree at Case Western. No doubt Case Western is often one of the top 10 schools in the country for social work and that's where I wanted to go. But I knew to even apply to a mediocre school. I mean you need at least a 2.8. I think I had a 2.6999. Actually I think you needed a 2.7 to even go to like a mediocre school. So I decided I'm not going to tell myself no, I'm going to allow them to tell me no. And I applied and I spent a lot of time on my personal statement. I tried to sell myself as best as possible and I got a call and they said well, you're not in, but we will interview you and we'll make our decisions. So I live in Toledo, ohio.
Speaker 1:I had to drive to Cleveland where Case Western was located, and I borrowed my sister's car because you know who has a car that can get that far. At that time my mother went with me. I was 45 minutes late for that interview with a $80 speeding ticket. I went to the door and I said I'm Sylvia Williamson, I'm so sorry I'm late To which. He was reading the newspaper and he put the newspaper down a bit so we could see each other. And he said yes, you are. And he put the newspaper back up and kept on reading. That was it. That was my opportunity lost.
Speaker 1:I stood there in the doorway and I thought, god, just walk away Because you have humiliated and embarrassed yourself enough. But then that thought came back into my head Wait a minute, you don't tell yourself no, you allow them to tell you no, remember. So my feet started walking toward him and my brain is saying oh my God, what are you doing? And I saw my finger go up to his newspaper and pull it down and I said excuse me, sir, can I please talk to you? Do you mind if I have a seat while I'm sitting down? Actually?
Speaker 1:And I told that man about my hopes and my dreams and I told him about my life experience and I told him what I wanted to do one day. I wanted to be incredibly successful helping people and I wanted Case Western's name attached to it. If you can imagine, I'm going to be successful and I want Pace Western on the top 10 school. I want them attached to my name instead of my name attached to their name. He was so impressed. I kept him for an hour talking about my life, talking about my dreams, and he said I just have one sort of mandate for you and I said yes, anything. He said I want to see you walk across that stage at graduation. So he said I'm going to personally make sure that you're admitted to this school. Good luck. I was successful at Pace Western A's, a couple of B's and that enabled me to have the self-esteem and the confidence to apply and get my PhD and to have the confidence to work in the area of anti-trafficking and to have the confidence to start a podcast.
Speaker 1:When I started this podcast, I say many times, I didn't even know what a podcast was. I didn't know plug what into what, like, how do you? I didn't know anything. But I said I want to do it and I'm not going to tell myself, no, I'll put in the work, I'll put in the sweat, I'll put in the sacrifice, I'll put in the energy, but I'm going to do it. And if I get two listeners, I'm thrilled. If I get five, I'm excited. And now I have almost 200 episodes and about 300 or 3000, I'm sorry listeners per week, about 80% in the US, about 20% around the world.
Speaker 1:The power of getting past fear and not saying no to yourself, not saying no to your hopes and dreams, but also being willing to put the work behind it. So what I want you to do is a little homework for Halloween. I want you to answer a couple of questions. One of them is I choose to get rid of and then finish the sentence I choose to keep? What is it that you choose to keep? What I would like to start saying to myself about myself is my need to be happy living my dreams outweighs my need to and then fill it in.
Speaker 1:I can blank without blank. I am blank even when blank. I must blank in order to blank. We can't ask our clients that we walk alongside of to better themselves, to change their lives, to live their dreams, to experience joy, if we're not walking the talk. We have to take care of ourselves to be able to take care of others. Until next time, the fight continues. Let's not just do something, let's do the best thing. If you like this episode of Emancipation Nation, please subscribe and I'll send you the weekly podcast. Until then, the fight continues.