Waterpeople
Surf stories, ocean adventures + the aquatic experiences that shape us.
Listen with Lauren L. Hill and Dave Rastovich as they gather stories, insights and useful skills from some of the most outstanding waterfolk on the planet.
Waterpeople is where our global ocean community dives into the facets of watery lives lived well: ecology, adventure, community, activism, science, egalitarianism, inclusivity, meaningful play, a sense of humour. And, surfing, of course.
Waterpeople
Bryanna Bradley: All That Lingers
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How good are you at convincing people you're fine?
On a burnout-inspired whim, Bryanna Bradley booked a one-way ticket from inland Canada to Hawaii. She quit her job and started putting in hours in the water at Waikiki. Surfing first, but her goal? To become a surf photographer.
Bryanna has become one of the surfing world's leading cold water photographers, building a community and career based in Tofino, British Columbia.
In 2022, off Sayulita, Mexico, Bryanna found herself shooting photos in the wrong place at the wrong time: a longboard trimmed right into her head, centimeters from her eye. She was stitched up and cracked jokes through it, convincingly enough that the doctor never ordered a scan. She went back to her Airbnb alone. Four days later, declining fast and unable to walk straight, she took a taxi by herself to the nearest hospital and learned she had a brain bleed.
We trace Bryanna's story from landlocked Canada to Florida beach trips with her grandmother, then into the deep end of photojournalism at 19, when her job was to run toward car crashes, homicides, and trauma with a camera. She shares the eating disorder that gripped her amid grief, and the 3,000-mile solo thru-hike she undertook in the middle of her recovery.
Bryanna ultimately walked the Continental Divide Trail from Mexico to Canada. In the episode, she explains why long-distance hiking called to her after injury, what pain and monotony taught her, how micro goals beat overwhelm, and what ultimately helped her relax from "bracing for impact" in the ocean.
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The forthcoming film Let Me Chase This Dream traces Bryanna's accident, through-hike and recovery.
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Co-Hosts + Production: Lauren L. Hill & Dave Rastovich
Sound + Video Engineer: Ben J Alexander
Theme song: Shannon Sol Carroll
Additional music by Kai Mcgilvray + Ben J Alexander
Closing track: 'Sunseekers' by Andysixstring
Join the conversation: @Waterpeoplepodcast
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Thanks to our generous sponsors this season:
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A Gut Decision On Purpose
SPEAKER_04There's nothing like getting smoked in the head to shake up your perspective. And so when I hit my head, I decided I wanted to do things that I'd always wanted to do and maybe didn't make sense to other people or made me look like I wasn't taking my career seriously, but it was really important to me.
SPEAKER_01Welcome to Water People, where we talk story about the aquatic experiences that shape who we become back on land. I'm your host, Lauren Hill, joined by my partner Dave Rastevich. Join us as we gather stories, insights, and useful skills from some of the most outstanding water folk on the planet. We acknowledge the Bungelung Nation, the traditional custodians of the land and waters where we work and play, who have cared for this sea country for tens of thousands of years. Respect and gratitude to all First Nations people, including elders past, present, and emerging. This season is supported by Patagonia, whose purpose-driven mission is to use business to save our home planet. Today we're in conversation with photographer Brianna Bradley. At 19, it was Brianna's job to run toward crime scenes and often the worst of human behavior to capture the news for some of Canada's largest newspapers. Ultimately, burnt out by the heavy toll of photojournalism, she booked a one-way ticket to Hawaii, where she taught herself how to surf. Brianna eventually set herself up amongst the rich surf community of Tefino, British Columbia, where she refined her water photography skills and has become one of the leading lens women in surfing. In 2022, a surfboard to the head nearly took Brianna's life and her livelihood. What followed was a long recovery, and later, the decision to walk her way home 3,000 miles from Mexico to Canada on the Continental Divide Trail, the CDT, Solo. Brianna talks about cold water and community, the complex relationship between grief and control, and the power of listening to the lingering nudges that bubble up from within. I encountered Brianna's work seven or eight years ago when I was putting together a book around the women who are stretching the boundaries of culture, art, craft of surfing. And Brianna is a super talented photojournalist, turned surf photographer who's taken some of my favorite images of women like Leah Dawson and other super notable photographers in Hawaii and where she's based in Tefino in Canada, which is a community that I've like been so excited to get to at some point. It seems like such an interesting blend of really inclusive community, super cold water, incredible ecology, and just really alive. And what this conversation stirred in me was a question around what it takes to listen to ourselves. And I wanted to ask you, Dave, like, when was the last time that you listened to your gut to make a decision that maybe made no sense from the outside? Like logic wasn't necessarily the guiding factor.
SPEAKER_00Well, funnily enough, every morning when I go to put Vegemite on my toast. Because logically, and I thank you for this because you have American heritage, it's like this stuff stinks and it's disgusting. And why would you possibly want to put that in your body? But I still want to do that. So that's a daily one. But stretching right back to perhaps the first ever moment of that for me that really had some weight behind it was actually being a young nipper in Australia. So nippers are the young lifeguards, you know, of the Australian beach culture.
SPEAKER_01It's kind of like junior junior lifeguards in the States.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and it's super militant and it's like got this very regimented, structured form to it. There's l it's all racing and hyper competitive. But that's also in order to attain such levels of fitness and strength in the ocean so that you can be useful and save people when they're drowning at the local beach or have been hurt or whatever, you know. Like it there's a good heart to it.
SPEAKER_01Which is a perspective I feel like you've come too much later in life.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. But at the time I was like newly from New Zealand, moved to the Gold Coast, and it was just everything I I loved it. I loved the clarity of it winning, losing, speed. It was all about speed, reading the ocean. And so I did so much of it until I was, yeah, like 12, 13, 14 years of age, I think it was. And it was around 12, I think, 12 to 13, where I also was surfboard riding a lot. So I do a lot of paddleboarding races and paddle boarding and a lot of swimming, lots of swimming races, but also bodysurfing and beach running. But I just loved surfing on a surfboard so much, the playfulness of it and everything. And at that time, this is the mid-90s, the culture in Australia around the coast was that of surfers being basically pot smoking, extreme drinkers, rages, rebellious, anti-establishment, like proper, loose groups of people on those beaches, super rebellious, like so the opposite of what I hear these days, where the the heroes of the sport of surfing are happy to call themselves entrepreneurs, which makes me kind of gag when I hear that. Because my childhood was like the last thing in the world you would ever want to be known as is a businessman if you were a surfer. Like just blh. So that just makes me laugh, thinking back to wow, what a different time. So surfers were on the fringe, like very disregarded in the society. Life guards, life savers, complete contrast to that, were occupying the same space, the same beaches. We were right side by side. And there were heroes of that world that were on all the cereal boxes, on all the TV commercials for like life insurance ads and Nutra Grain and wheat bicks and all these hilarious sports drink things, and like they were just so mainstream, celebrated. People like Trevor Hendy, who are these incredible athletes, like amazing water people. Lisa Curry Kenny, she was another one that was just like beautiful, incredibly strong, fit woman that was just like a hero, Shiro in the culture. So everything was steered towards that when I was a kid. My parents were just like, Yep, you're gonna go into that world, Davy. Like that's where there's money, there's respect, there's success. It's like that is the trajectory for you. Because I was winning every paddle world race I went in. I was winning, like I was in the same surf club as Trevor Hendy. It was all going that way, like 100%. I pretty much lived in my budgie smugglers. Um, and it was that that was it, that was going to be my life. But I was just so in love with surf board riding and the playfulness of it, and I started to hang out at the local board riders club, which was like 500 metres away from the Surf Life Savers Club on the north end of the Gold Coast, and I would look at the board riders and they were having so much fun. There was just like loose fun happening, and then the clubby scene was so serious. And I remember when I finished my nippers sort of age group, because it ends when you're 13, 14. I was all set to go into being in the adults of life saving, and I just said no. I was like, nope, I can't do it anymore. I cannot follow the black line in the pool. I cannot just do this racing thing, and in my gut, I just I won't enjoy myself. I'm gonna go surfing. And my mum did not like that decision. I remember that clearly. She was just like, What? You can't, like, the life-saving thing is it's all laid out in front of you. It's so clear. Like, what? And my dad, however, which was funny because he was a very sort of I don't know, regimented, extremely sporty guy. I remember him just being like, No, you you go, do this surfing thing. And it infuriated them because as soon as I started doing contests, and they would watch and they would see that you'd lose because of judging, not because of time and racing. It was no clear winners. Yeah, they would like enraged my dad was so embarrassing.
SPEAKER_01He'd be advanced like what the soccer dad.
SPEAKER_00A little bit. I don't think he came to many, but I do remember that early days. So, anyway, that was a moment, my first real moment, where it was just like my gut says, just go with the surfing. And I did I was too young to intellectualize it, and it worked out incredibly well for me. And it was not long into the surfing gig that the stars started to align with sponsors and got getting to travel, and it was literally like I was 15, 16, so three years later, I was traveling the world without parents, without adults. I was like going Indonesia alone, I was going all over the world, and the clubby scene dissolved. Something happened where the heroes grew older and there was not the same characters behind them. The next generation just didn't have it or something, and it crumbled, and the surfing world like blew up.
SPEAKER_01It's so interesting how much luck and timing can play into these decisions. Like, yes, that was you made that decision, but also what lucky timing. It was right right
Choosing Surfing Over The Straight Path
SPEAKER_01as surfing was getting this huge boom golden period where all of this money was thrown at surfers and sponsorship and yeah, at young kids, and you got to be a real beneficiary.
SPEAKER_00Right there, exactly. Yeah, so fluky and in so many strange ways. But you know, that was yeah, just a moment in time, one of those walk in the road moments, and I'm so glad I followed my gut. And I'm curious to hear what your earlier versions of that experience because they continue happening, hey, like they really are that once happened.
SPEAKER_01Since you used a childhood sort of decision, I'll do the same. And I'm thinking of a time when the circumstances, instead of being all right, were all wrong for me. So I immediately think of, and this seems so inconsequential, but if it feels like a decision that still says a lot about me. And that was in high school, in an American high school, you, if you want to excel and go to university, you have the option to sort of dual enroll in college courses while you're still in high school or take advanced placement courses, which give you a little boost on your GPA, which makes you look a little more shiny to prospective universities. And so I was enrolled in this advanced placement AP economics class, and I found it mind-numbing. Like I could not pay attention, my mind would wander. The teacher always had, he was like this heavy set, bald teacher who always had sweaty pits, and I just felt like I just was staring out the window a lot. Even though I was pretty into school, like it was I I could I could do school well. It it worked for me. It doesn't work for a lot of kids, but it was fine for me. But that class I just was like doodling the whole time. And the opportunity came up to swap out of the sort of GPA boosting class and instead take a poetry class. And it was a big decision for me at the time because it was sort of like sacrificing being at the front end of the top performers in my class by losing that GPA boost or whatever. But I made the decision to take the poetry class, and oh, the teacher was this lovely, soft, emotive sort of poet writer guy, and he would put on albums in the classroom, and I just remember loving melting into that soft creative space instead of having to be in the sort of hard, logical numbers game that I'm just not naturally good at at all. Um, and yeah, that that set me down this path of curiosity of like wanting to write and wanting to find what was inside of me and bring it out onto the page. And yeah, I think I still connect with that decision pretty, pretty fully. And I'm glad I had the sort of gentle bravery to make that call.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, a hundred percent. I see the ripple effect of that decision in in your life all the time when you're writing, when you're appreciating things, when things reach out and touch you, like you know, someone's story or music or a phrase, just a a combination of words.
SPEAKER_01And where I didn't get to was that I graduated and it was 2008, the global financial crisis was happening, and there were no jobs anyway. So it's not like I was going anywhere with my degree. And what it forced me to do was really sit with myself and think about what I wanted to do, how I wanted to not make a career, but how I wanted to spend my time. And that was a question I feel like that was never asked of me as a young person. Like you're always asked, what do you want to do? What do you want to be? But not like, how do you want to spend your days? Because that's what your that's what the shape of your life ends up being, how you choose to spend your time day to day. And I was really inspired by Brianna and wanted to reach out to her and have this conversation because she's made some bold choices very bold in her young life already, and she has this way about her of listening to what bubbles up naturally, innately from within her, and and following those lines of curiosity in ways that I find super inspiring.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, indeed. And so refreshing to have a conversation with her that um doesn't overthink it as well.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Like she's just sort of not that concerned with yeah, overanalyzing these decisions, which are huge life-changing decisions and direction changes and everything that goes with uh a following your gut moment. A lot of trust. So it's not always there when you're that young of age to have that kind of trust.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And also, I went on my first hike this year, which feels like a very 40-year-old thing to say. Embarrassingly. But it was another gut decision. I'd never been on a non-surf trip before as an adult, and a friend was having her 50th and invited me along on this hike across the Key Peninsula in Japan, and the answer just bubbled out of me immediately. That's a yes, I want to experience whatever that has to offer. And so I wanted to chat with Brianna about what long, slow movement over time was like for her because I found it an incredibly enriching, challenging, and introspective experience trying to find the kind of flow that we find in the water on land.
Brianna’s Surfboard Head Injury
SPEAKER_01Brianna, welcome. As you may know, we always begin each episode in the same place by asking about a time or experience after which you were never the same. Would you share a story like that with us today, please?
SPEAKER_04I have one moment as a child that was really kind of hilarious, and I'll touch on it because I feel like a lot of people could probably relate, but the moment I watched Blue Crush as someone who lived in a landlocked town in Canada, it was over. It was all I thought about until I was like 19, 20, and actually got to move somewhere where there was an ocean. But I think as an adult, the most significant moment where I've never been the same was when I sustained a head injury shooting, surfing in the water in Mexico. I feel like it was really just such a blessing, and it was in the best way possible. Will you take us there? Yes, of course. I was shooting, surfing on a small day in Salita right before Mexi Log Fest in 2022. It was kind of just like such a weird day. The waves were obviously not big, but there was like double-up waves. And I'd been shooting in the water for almost eight, nine, ten years at this point. I'd never had anything like this happen before. And a man was on a wave riding the nose, and I was like, okay, I'll just swim under him like I always do. Little did I know that there was a wave basically on top of that wave, and someone was riding behind. And as I came up, I didn't even open my eyes, and I got smoked going full speed by like a nine plus foot longboard, and it smoked me pretty hard. I think I was in shock. I didn't know how bad it was. But the man who hit me was such a kind, very, very advanced longboarder and talented longboarder. He helped me get out of the water and go to the first aid clinic. And I was just, it was a head injury, and head injuries are always complicated and challenging to navigate. But it wasn't like I was in ICU for weeks, and you know, it was the significance of that head injury was that it could have just been so much worse. The board hit me so hard, centimeters, not even centimeters, from my eye and my temple, it kind of hit the bone. And then I got stitched up, but the doctor wouldn't test me for like any head injuries because I was cracking jokes at the time. And I went back to my Airbnb alone with a brain bleed for four days. And like I'm just so lucky that nothing was worse than it was. And I think that because that's how the injury happened, that looking back, I'm like, oh, I am so lucky and things can change so fast. And that was why it was just so significant for me.
SPEAKER_01Gosh, you speaking to the doctor not testing you for brain injury makes me think about how often women's health issues are underdiagnosed or misdiagnosed because maybe we process pain differently, maybe we are really good at masking our symptoms. We've spoken with other surfers who have coped head injuries and have also struggled to get a diagnosis. What was your experience like after that? Actually finding your way to proper diagnosis so you could begin healing.
SPEAKER_04I think I got pretty lucky in that sense. On the fourth day, I was in my Airbnb and people were coming to check on me because everyone at the comp had heard what had happened, but I was like losing my ability to really walk. And I was like still sitting by the toilet thinking I was gonna be sick. Like I was declining quite quickly.
SPEAKER_01Wow.
SPEAKER_04And so I ended up taking a taxi by myself to the closest hospital and they did a CT, and immediately the neurologist was like, What have you been doing? Why, where have you been? Like you have a brain bleed. Like, where, like, um, so pretty quickly I went back to my Airbnb and I was in contact with my doctors in Canada and they were kind of navigating what I should do. And when I got back to Canada, it was kind of funny. Like, I went to the ER, and this is just shows how I feel like in Western medicine there isn't a lot of support for head injuries. I went to the ER and they were like, Yep, you have a head injury, and they're like, Go home, sleep, drink some water, good luck. And I was like, Oh, and I lived with my parents for three months, couldn't get out of bed before 6 p.m., couldn't make myself a sandwich, like couldn't even walk.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, like I couldn't the end of the day.
SPEAKER_04Like, I couldn't, I was like not a functioning human being.
SPEAKER_01What did it feel? Why 6 p.m.? What were you photosensitive? Were you just exhausted and your body was healing? Oh yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, like I just like couldn't, I was like seeing double. The best way I could describe it was I felt like I had a severe hangover for three months. I'm lucky because I found other ways to heal in that time in Vancouver. I went to like chiropractic brain clinic and they really helped me. And he was really advanced in his training and just like I did everything. I went to see an acupuncturist. I worked with a naturopath. I didn't focus on my diet. I like saw like a clairvoyant. I was like, what is happening here? I just was like desperate. Um, and I did, I made a very, I've made a really great recovery, and I'm so grateful for that because brain injuries are just really, really challenging thing to navigate.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I often think about that moment when I'm duck diving under a wave and am on the rise. That's such a beautiful feeling that I appreciate so much as a longboarder who spent most of my surfing life not duck diving, but I'm often aware of opening my eyes really quickly in case of getting run into, especially at crowded waves like the pass. Yeah. How did that change how you surface?
SPEAKER_04Well, my integration back into the ocean was actually very interesting. I have like a really beautiful community, especially here in Tefino and in Hawaii, and they all were very encouraging. They were like, you have to get back in the water immediately. Like, if you wait too long, you just won't. And so I probably got back in the water way earlier than I should have. And we're coming in a summer. That's like when I'm working a lot. So I had to get back to it. And it felt like I was swimming under. Every time I swam under, I braced for impact as I was coming and up for air and living in like a town that is a beach break. I am and shooting surfing. I'm sitting in closer than the surfers. So I'm swimming under a lot of waves. So my nervous system was really taking a hit every time I was swimming. And I would say that first like six months, it was kind of like always everything in my life was a game of give and take. I could do one thing, but it meant I was in bed for three days with an ice pack. So I had to like really kind of play like a game of like what do I actually want to do or what do I need to do and what can I sacrifice? And it's like kind of a lonely summer because I would go and shoot in the water and then be in bed with no communication for a little bit after that.
SPEAKER_00Wow. Did you have like a curiosity or a desire to try and understand things in an intellectual way as you were perhaps getting slowly better?
SPEAKER_04Like about the brain and the concussion itself?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, just because it's such a mysterious type of territory with head injuries, and I feel like there's a lot of different avenues you can go down, and yeah, just wondering if
Diagnosis Gaps And Slow Recovery
SPEAKER_00like your your mind was searching for answers or just in a a a real seeking state during that period.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I feel like whenever I have something go wrong, I just want to know how to fix it as soon as possible. So and also, especially with a head injury, there's so much because it's such a drastic like the difference between like a small head injury and a big head injury, and everyone's concussions are different with different symptoms. When you read online, it's like the outcome is actually quite terrifying. I like really when my friends get concussions now, I'm like, just don't read what could happen because it's gonna really scare you. Cause like when you read, like, I had a small brain bleed, and they were like, you will probably start having seizures soon. And don't get on a plane because that should and I was just like, oh my gosh. And for some reason, everyone was like, good luck, you'll never be on a computer again. And I'm a photographer. It was like just such a scary time.
SPEAKER_03Wow.
SPEAKER_04And so I was searching for answers, of course. And it's very interesting. I feel like, especially even with where you get hit on your head can affect how you recover and stuff, and how it affects like cognitively and physically. And yeah, it was really, really interesting. And I I'm grateful because I did have that curiosity that now working in the surf industry, people are getting concussions all the time. And I'm lucky that I can just like reach out to anyone and be like, okay, what day are you on? Where are you at? What are you looking? What are you starting to do right now? Feel like you just kind of become a little bit of an expert.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Before we get too far ahead in your watery life, I have to ask you about how you ended up in the ocean because you didn't grow up near the ocean in Canada, but you spent time in the Atlantic growing up. I'd love to hear you speak to who mentored you in your early watery life. And can you take us to a specific memory of her near the water?
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I grew up in Ontario in Ottawa, Canada, which is very far from an ocean. But my grandparents had a house in Florida. So we would go down there every winter. Like from when I was like a newborn baby with my bonnet, my granny just like had me like rolling around in the sand all the time. But I'd only get to spend a small portion of the year there. And so when I got there, my granny would like drive us to the beach and we would jump in the water immediately. And it was just like such a sacred, like special place to be. And I think that that's why when I did see Blue Crush, I was like, whoa, like I could do a sport in a thing that like is in the ocean by the ocean all the time. And so I think, yeah, my granny definitely gave me such an appreciation for the water. And uh she was so joyful around it. So it was hard not to like really connect that joy with being in the ocean.
SPEAKER_01Was she a like a classic Florida lady, super tan, love to bronze in the sun? Or what was her?
SPEAKER_04She actually was like not like a very sporty person at all. And she always had a ton of sunscreen on, like, at least when I knew her, like maybe when she was younger, she was really like a Florida girl, but no, she was not that at all, which is funny. She was actually terrified of the ocean, too, which is the funniest part. And she had all these like crazy theories like don't walk close to the water at night, the barracudas will get you. And I was like, why are the barracudas coming on land? Like, I'm so confused.
SPEAKER_03Oh boy.
SPEAKER_01We all just believed it. This makes it more surprising that you ended up pursuing an ocean life. I know, I know.
SPEAKER_04She was always a little bit skeptical about it.
SPEAKER_00It's kind of cool though. Like, I guess sometimes those cautionary ideas and stuff from our parents or grandparents can make us want something even more because it's so exciting and exactly. Florida isn't the most death-defying part of the surfing world. But she made it adventurous for you.
SPEAKER_04She did. She did. I don't think I'll ever get over a fear of like undertoes either.
SPEAKER_00Like that was just I'm so glad you said undertow. I thought you were about to say barracuders on land. Good job getting over that one.
SPEAKER_01Thank you. Thank you. In Florida's defense, the water is so warm and inviting.
SPEAKER_00Here we go. Here we go.
SPEAKER_01I will sing the praises where they are due. The water's warm.
SPEAKER_00It's an amazing spot. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Yes. It was such a I wouldn't change my time in Florida at all. I loved it. I also had this like obsession with the guys with the like gold finders. Like that was like I really wanted to be one of those when I grew up. Oh, metal detectors, yeah. Uh huh. Yeah. Yeah. They're like such a hit in Florida. They really are.
SPEAKER_00Also here, recently we were surfing an inside section of a very busy point break in our main town in Byron, and there were two fellas drifting through the impact zone with snorkels on and submersible metal detectors. And I was kind of joking, like, oh yeah, you're seeing much down there, fellas, like just thinking these. They looked so silly.
SPEAKER_01They were getting fully rolled around like in their shore break around a little like lab of reef.
SPEAKER_00And then he popped up with like a gold ring in his fingers and was just looked at me like, yeah, have a look at this, you ding bat. I've found this. And then he just kept finding stuff. So maybe you could, you know, you got the skills with swimming or surf photography. You that could be that in your future.
SPEAKER_04I would be something happening here. I wow. I have a lot to think about after this.
SPEAKER_00The flock season in Tefino where everyone surfs. And there's a lot of women surfing, maybe there's a bit more jewelry on some of those people than the than the blokes, you know. And who knows? There might be a lot of stuff down there.
SPEAKER_01Just to pivot to another probably quite pivotal point in your life, you've spoken about how your grandmother and your grandfather died within a short period of one another around 2018. And you've spoken about how your grief showed up as an eating disorder. This is I think this is territory that a lot of people will recognize. I was curious to ask you about what your inner dialogue was like during that time and what was the relationship between loss and food.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I think that especially in the outdoor world, eating disorders just need to generally be talked about more because as women, we're meant to look a certain way to fit the aesthetic of somebody who belongs in surf culture or belongs in the hiking community because that's what our bodies are supposed to look like, because that's what they all look like in magazines. And so I had always struggled with an eating disorder since
Florida Roots And Blue Crush Spark
SPEAKER_04I was like 14, but it like kind of cycled between binge eating and then start like not eating. And then when my grandparents died, I think I was just in such a loss that it was a sense of control for me in a lot of ways. Obviously, like there's always going to be a level of body dysmorphia and the fuel that's feeding the fire, but I think with that grief, it was really like a sense of control because I didn't know how else to control the loss of two of the most important people in my life. If that makes any sense.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it really does make sense. And I feel like I can see the seeds of your own struggles in the work you've chosen, in the way that you help break down the those stereotypes that you were speaking to by showing lots of different bodies moving in the water and being active. And yeah, I can I can really feel those um tendrils more deeply now, knowing a little more about your story.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, that will always be an important thing for me is to just show that especially in the last few years, that like we don't have to fit a certain mold to be involved and hopefully feel included, you know? Yeah. I don't know if that's if I'm articulating myself properly, but yeah, 100%.
SPEAKER_01Beautifully. So before that, before the ocean became your photographic focus, you spent years as a photojournalist. And I I've heard you describe that time as kind of a window into the darker sides of humanity. What did you witness doing that work and how did that change you?
SPEAKER_04It was actually like I'm so grateful for that work because it taught me. I don't think without that I would have had like the confidence to become a surf photographer in Canada when there was no other women shooting. But it really was, I was like 19 and working for one of the biggest newspapers in Canada, and I was just showing up to like the craziest things, like, and with like no supervision, and I would just go home and like edit, re-edit a car accident I was on scene for, or a homicide, or an attempted assassination where someone was killed. Like, and I would just be like running towards them, just like pretending like I was excited, but my whole body was like, Oh my god. So I think that people that do that work are incredible. I think that there's a lack of attention on it because journalists are showing up in the same way that first responders are. We're showing up to the exact same things, although first responders hopefully and generally have some support. They have each other. But I was often working and training training. Yeah. And I was often working by myself, and I would go home and just pull up the photos and relive the whole experience again. And then I think the part that really upset me was like the shame that I was taking photos of people on their probably the worst day of their lives. And it is the job. We all look at the news, we all open a newspaper, and there was really cool things I got to shoot, but I didn't know how to process that at 19. I was just like, I want like there, it was kind of glorified to be show up to these things, and it's a male-based industry, and you want to get like the gnarliest, craziest thing to get the gnarliest and craziest photo. And so yeah, I just felt like when I couldn't function and deal with that, that I was obviously just failing. Um and in retrospect, like I was just 19 and didn't know how to ask for support. I just like I yeah, I just was a little baby and I was really excited about my job, but I didn't know how it was hurting me.
SPEAKER_00Wow. I find that really fascinating to place surfing and people in the ocean sort of beside all that kind of experience you had and understanding like the value. I feel like it's often so healthy for our surfing lives to have moments outside of our surfing lives to understand how good it can be for us, like for us for you to cope, but but for you to do your your art and your work and be, I guess, in a feeling of contrast where you have those two things there. Was it did it feel like that after being in that world and taking your camera into lineups?
SPEAKER_04I don't think I knew what I was doing, I just think I couldn't do it anymore. And I was like, in the back of my mind, I was like blue crush or just be traumatized all the time. And so I and I just didn't know how to tell people because I was actually in such a fortunate situation. The industry is such a struggle. And I was working as a freelancer for one of the biggest newspapers in Canada at the age of 19, getting front pages of some of the biggest newspapers, and I was just like, I don't know how to tell people I can't do this, so I'm I'm just gonna leave.
SPEAKER_01Because that would have been that's like pinnacle success for a lot of people in that career.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was so lucky. I was so lucky, and there was good days and talented. Thank you, thank you, but I yeah, I never really felt that way when I was working there because it was just such a hard industry. Yeah, I think that I just was like, I told everybody that I was leaving the newspaper to become a surf photographer, and I think at that point I had maybe caught one wave that was mostly just on sand at Coco
Grief, Control, And Eating Disorders
SPEAKER_04Beach, and that was it. Like I had never really surfed before, and I was like, I'm becoming a surf photographer, like everyone just and I didn't know where to start, and I didn't become a surf photographer when I left the paper for a long time.
SPEAKER_01But you did take yourself to a very oceanic culture, and you took yourself to the Pacific. What what did you find when you landed? And did that reality meet or upend or defy your expectations?
SPEAKER_04It was exactly what I needed when I got to Hawaii. Like I just, I mean, I I was living in Waikiki and I just bought this like pink surfboard and I had no idea what I was doing. I was such, I was such a hazard. It was so bad. Like the guys in the canoes would be like, girl, and I'd be like, what? I'm surfing. Um, but I was so hooked, and it was just like, I think with surfing for me, and I'm sure a lot of people can relate that have been through traumatic things in their lives, it's a level of chaos, but it's a chaos that I'm welcoming and can control. And I think coming from a place that I didn't recognize at the time was like a place of heavy trauma coming from the newspaper. It was like a good transition for me to be like, oh, this is just a beautiful type of chaos that I'm putting myself in, if that makes sense. And I was very, very bad. I mean, I'm still not a great surfer. I'm way better at swimming in the water, but yeah, I was not, I was a I was a problem in Waikiki at the time.
SPEAKER_00So you say surf photography thing didn't like happen straight away. So were you just developing your surfing and ocean skills?
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I think like the first few years I was just like really, really obsessed with surfing, being in the water all the time. It all happened how it was supposed to because I like grew this relationship with the water and spending so much time being in it and surfing, I started to be even more obsessed with the moments I wanted to capture. And it wasn't till like I traveled for three or four years and then I came to Tefino, and that's when I finally got a camera. And I that's when I finally was like, okay, now I actually am gonna be a surf photographer. But it took a moment.
SPEAKER_01When I was putting my book together about the rise of female surfing, I was trying to map the global hubs where women's surfing really holds up communities. And Tofino kept surfacing. I interviewed Leah Dawson for the book, and she said that it was the most thriving women's surf community she'd ever witnessed. And your photographs are have, you know, been a big part of that, um, at least from the outside. How did you start making a community there, building a community there and then building a career there?
SPEAKER_04I actually got super lucky. I got a job at a surf school that at the time was all women surf instructors. So there was like 26 really rad chicks I was working with. And I felt like I, for the first time in a really long time, had like a really solid community of really cool girls. I was just so inspired by all of them. And there's, I'm sure you've seen a lot of the photography out of Tefino that's so incredible by like Marcus and Kyler and Jeremy and all the incredibly talented male photographers here. But there was just like the lineups were a huge chunk of it was women. And I was like, where are the photos of the women? And so it just kind of became harder not to do it than to just sit and watch all of the photos come out of Tefino that weren't making up the like weren't an actual reflection of what it looked like in the water.
SPEAKER_01What is it about Tefino? Like, why do you think there's such a like a vibrant women's surfing community? I feel like part of it has to do with thriving ecology there. I feel like there's some link maybe.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I don't I don't know what it really is. My personal theory or one of my floating theories on it is that we're very remote. We're at the end of a road, so you have to work to get here. And then our water's cold. So you're not just like grabbing someone's board and like jumping in the, you're like getting into a wetsuit, you're swimming past our beach breaks, which are sometimes relentless, and then you're out there. And I think because of those reasons, everyone knows that it's a little bit hard that maybe there's just a little more respect for like everybody in the lineup. You're just like, oh, you've worked really hard to even just get out here. And our beaches, there's a lot of space for everybody. It's like they're big and they've got lots of peaks. And I think that that just makes it like definitely a more welcoming place to even advance as a surfer and like grow your confidence, which I think sometimes at point breaks can be intimidating for women that are learning.
SPEAKER_01What is it about shooting there that keeps you there? I mean, besides women, like what about what about what's happening in the world around you?
SPEAKER_04Oh, it's so beautiful. It's literally the most beautiful place in Canada. It's like these beautiful long beaches with like huge greenery that line them. It's such a unique landscape that I hadn't really ever associated with surfing until I got here. I always thought surfing was just like turquoise blue water and sandy beaches. And um, I
Crime Scenes To Hawaii Reset
SPEAKER_04got here and I was like, wow, like Canada's got something going on out here.
SPEAKER_00What's the pinnacle of it? You know, you're saying there's a certain time of year that you all really look forward to. Can you paint the picture of what a perfect morning, perhaps, or a perfect time of day where all the things click and you're just like bouncing and full of happiness and everyone around you is feeling the same?
SPEAKER_04Well, unfortunately, I make everyone surf at sunrise, so not everyone's as excited for me when it's sunrise, but that's my happiest moment. It's when it's like not freezing and you can't see your breath, but it's warm enough, and but you obviously still need your wetsuit, and the tides are actually working before the wind picks up. We have huge tides out here, which can make things a little bit frustrating. Trying to line up shooting, surfing, or going surfing. But yeah, those sunny mornings where the tide works, the swell is like perfect, it's not maxing out, and the wind's in the right direction. I mean, it sounds like kind of any surf break, but there's just something really magic about when it happens here.
SPEAKER_01Let's take a quick break to thank the generous folks who help us make the podcast possible. Patagonia is in business to save our home planet. Founded by Yvonne Chenard in 1973, Patagonia is a surf and outdoor apparel company based in Ventura, California. As a certified B Corp and a founding member of 1% for the planet, Patagonia is recognized internationally for its product quality and environmental activism, as well as contributions of nearly $230 million to environmental organizations. Its unique ownership structure reflects that Earth is its only shareholder. Profits not reinvested back into the business are paid as dividends to protect the planet. Learn more at patagonia.com.au. A couple of years ago, our dear friends took us to their favorite hidden gem in Indonesia, Nalankala Eco Retreat, nestled in the cliffs of Sumba. In addition to farm-to-table food, Nalankala offers daily yoga classes, immersive cultural experiences, open-air bamboo bungalows, and a beautiful right-hander out front. We all loved it. Learn more on Instagram at N-G A L U-N-G underscore K-A-L-L-A. That's at Nullankala on Instagram. What do you do when your sunnies get scratched? We get replacements from the sunglass fix. They carry more than 600,000 lens options, a solution for virtually any frame. A billion pairs of sunglasses are made each year, with hundreds of millions ending up in landscape. Phil. The SunglassFix offers free lens shipping in Australia and to 161 countries around the world. They're ready to help make your favorite frames last longer. Use code WaterPeople for 10% off your purchase today at thesunglassfix.com. So I was trading waves with friends recently on a sizzling summer day. Afterward, we guzzled down fresh water mixed with Sody's everyday hydration salts. Sody is Australian made, sugar-free, with salt from an ancient lake in WA. We keep a tub on the kitchen bench, a month of electrolytes in recycled and recyclable packaging. Sodi is offering Water People listeners a free eight-flavor sample pack and 15% off your order. Just head to Sodi, that's S-O-D-I-I, dot com dot AU slash waterpeople, or click the link in the show notes. I'd love for you to riff on the niche you carved out photographically, Brianna. What what hole did you see? I mean, you spoke a little bit about it before in terms of like the women in Tofino not really being represented. But what about in the broader culture of surf photography? And what do you think has shifted in the culture since you picked up a camera?
SPEAKER_04I think that I started shooting, I think it was 2016. So it was before women had really been recognized as equals in the surf industry. I I'm sure there's a kinder and nicer way I could put that, but that is the truth. So there was definitely still like in all the surf mags, it was still like address, like a big difference, you know. I I don't need to elaborate on it. We know what I'm talking about. Um and not only were women mostly just models in these magazines, there was no cold water surfing in any of them, especially women. And I think that I got really lucky because I started shooting cold water women and or cold water women surfing. And I think people hadn't really seen it much before. So I got really lucky in that sense that there was like a like an interest, like it sparked people's curiosity.
SPEAKER_01And I got yeah, really hooked on it and just kind of became obsessed. From 2016 to 2022, you said that your career was pretty much your whole world and that you were investing every dollar you made back into travel and your work. What were you chasing in those years?
SPEAKER_04I wish I mean, I know what I was chasing. It was my whole life was consumed. My worth was my work. And I think that that's unfortunately not uncommon. I like every like on my Instagram mattered to me. How much work I had lined up in my calendar was a reflection of how good I was at photography. And I just wanted to work with more brands, I wanted to work with bigger athletes. I want to, you know, like I just wanted to be better and better and better. And I don't know where that ceiling ended, you know. So what broke or changed that narrative for you? So when I hit my head in 2022, I think there's nothing like getting smoked in the head to kind of shake up your perspective. And I also always tell people, and I think that they think I'm insane, and that's fine, but I think I got hit like right in the right spot. And it really just like made things, I think it made me happier, honestly. I think it made me happier and it made me more confident. And I just like really got hooked on the fact that I was so obsessed with surf photography for so long. I just wanted to fit in so badly. I wanted to be so good at it. And I realized that there was other things I had always wanted to do in my life. How I was obsessed with the crush, I was equally obsessed with the movie Wild. And I'd always wanted to through hike. And I just was so scared of falling behind for so long. And it's like, why? Why was I scared of that? You know, we don't have to be one thing, we don't have to fit a certain mold. I didn't have to just be a surf photographer, but that's all I saw for all those years. And so when I hit my head, I decided I wanted to do things that I had always wanted to do and maybe didn't make sense to other people or made me look like I wasn't taking my career seriously, but it was really important to me.
SPEAKER_00That's interesting. It makes me think of recently Lauren had gone on her first ever journey that wasn't a surf-centric journey. And uh you also went walking.
SPEAKER_01I did. I was really drawn to slow repetition for some reason. Yeah. Yeah, it's magic. It really is. And I can really relate to what you were saying before. I feel like surfing and surf photography can really crowd out or crowd into our sense of self and our identity, and it really defines us in a lot of ways, and we choose that. We all choose that in different ways. And I turned 40 last year, and so I feel like with that I've become more open to maybe experimenting with life a little more now that things are, you know. Maybe I'm in the back half of life now. I don't know, if I'm lucky. If I'm lucky. But I was really drawn to just trying something different, something that I also had a seed of curiosity about without any real logical explanation for why. You mentioned the term through hiking. Can you talk to us about what that is? I'm not familiar with that term.
SPEAKER_04I can definitely do that. I want to hear more about your hike though, but I will tell you what through hiking is. And I'm probably gonna botch this, but through hiking is essentially just long distance hiking. It's hiking from point A to B. Usually you've got all your belongings on your back, and so you've got your tent, your sleeping system, your food, your water, your self-reliant, and generally.
SPEAKER_01You you mentioned the film Wild, and that it planted the seeds of through hiking in your mind years before you dreamed up your own very long walk. What was it that stayed with you from Cheryl Strade's story, Wild? Like, why walking?
SPEAKER_04I think that that movie just paints this beautiful picture of freedom. Like, and I think that we can find freedom in so many different ways. I mean, we all find it in the ocean all the time, but it it's a with through hiking, because it's such long distances and usually months and
Tofino Community And Women’s Surf Photos
SPEAKER_04months and months, that freedom is sustained. And I was always just so curious like what that would do walking like that and being exposed to that kind of experience, what that would do for my body and my mind and like my emotions. I was always just curious if I could do it, really.
SPEAKER_00And was there, I guess, uh a story at the front of your mind around your head injury when you started to go out and venture into the long walking?
SPEAKER_04I needed space from the ocean, honestly, because I my injury had created so much anxiety that I wasn't willing to face and not even tell people about. I was just like, every time I was swimming, I was just like bracing for impact. And so I needed space from the ocean. I wanted to do something I had always dreamed of. And I felt like computers and everything at the time were really hard on my concussion. So I was looking forward to like being alone, being off my laptop, and just like being out there and seeing how my body would respond after such an intense year of healing and dealing with a traumatic brain injury.
SPEAKER_01Can you take us through the timeline, Brianna? So you spent a year recovering at home. Yes. Is that right? You spent a year recovering at home. And during that year of recovery, what seeds of dreaming of this through hike started bubbling to the surface? What was the timing like?
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I think like spoken about it in the years leading up to that. Like in passing, I'd be like, hee hee, one day I'll do a through hike. And my friends would be like, yeah, sure. And then once I hit my head, it was like really clear, like three months after it was my birthday. And I think I'd been living with my parents for those first three months. And then I finally came back to Tefino, but I had Jardia the summer before. I'm not sure if you know what that's terrible. And it had like kind of ruined my summer before. And then I hit my head and I was like, oh my gosh, this head injury is gonna ruin this summer. And so I was just like really of the mindset that I didn't want my summer to be ruined. I didn't want this head injury to stop me, and I needed something to look forward to and kind of get me through. And I remember, yeah, it was in I hit my head in April, and that June, I like turned to my dad and I was like, So next summer I'm taking six months off and I'm gonna walk from Mexico to Canada. And my poor dad, he was like, This is enough. We've had enough. He was like, We're done, like we can't do this anymore. And I was like, sorry. He ended up being like the biggest supporter ever and was so excited about it-ish. Like when I was done, he was excited about it. But um I just, yeah, I remember telling everyone in June. And then I think that actually also gave me reason to get better. Like I wanted to get better so that I knew that I could do that I could walk 3,000 miles, if that makes sense.
SPEAKER_01Wow, it's 3000 miles. It's such a huge accomplishment. And you you sang that like something to get excited about. I had um Ross River fever last year, which is a mosquito-borne illness, kind of like dengue or like lesser malaria, but really low energy. It's like viral arthritis, basically. Really sore, really tired, it's really boring. But I had a boat trip that I'd been planning for months and also training for, and it's sort of the Ross River fever landed maybe six weeks out from that, and I was so buckled. Like I I wasn't doing much. I definitely wasn't surfing, I definitely was not preparing to paddle in any way. But there was something about the excitement that buoyed me in ways that I don't know, I feel like I healed a lot faster than I would have otherwise because of making the choice to at least go and try and do something exciting. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04And that was like a big thing for me too was like I was starting the hike and I was like not a hundred percent for sure. And I was just like, at least I'm gonna just try and see where I get to. And I think that yeah, I can definitely relate to the that sounds so gnarly. Whatever that I've never even heard of it.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah. Well, it's not a traumatic brain injury for sure. It does, it's a lot of fun. It sounds brutal.
SPEAKER_04Did you have like a high fever for a long time?
SPEAKER_01It was a short period of high fever. There's some pretty classic telltale signs. There's like a full body rash, fever, and yeah, it was very distinct. It was, I was like, I knew that it was something weird going on.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, no good. I would like to know when you began this walk who you felt like you were at the beginning or before it, and then during, and then at the end. So I guess like a story somewhere in there about how the adventure of it changed you and who you were at the end compared to who you were at the start.
SPEAKER_04That's a really interesting thing because I thought about that a lot towards the end of the trail. Because going onto the trail, everyone's like, oh my gosh, you're gonna be a different person. You're gonna write a book and you're gonna be changed. And I was like, No, I'm not. I was like, I'm fine. I was coming out of like overcoming a brain injury, which is like such a huge feat in itself. Two years before that, I was like in recovery for an eating disorder. So I felt like I was like, I know who I am, like, I'm not gonna change. I'm gonna walk these 3,000 miles and it's gonna be incredible. And that's all that I'm gonna walk off the same girl that I was when I started. I think like in the moment when you're through hiking, everyone doesn't realize this, but you're really just mostly thinking about food. Like, where it's like, what are you thinking about all day? Like, did you have like an epiphany? And I'm like, no, I've just been thinking about food and like the next Shirley Tempo I'm gonna drink. Like, there's nothing else.
SPEAKER_00Shirley Tempo. What is a Shirley Temple?
SPEAKER_04It's the worst thing ever. Is it sports drink? Like Gandhi. It's an energy choice. It's what it's like a kid's drink made out of grenadine, Sprite, and orange juice. It's basically sugar. Um the only thing I craved when I did the CDT. So towards the end of the trail, within the last hundred miles, someone asked me, they were like, How have you changed and this through hike? And I honestly said, I haven't. I'm the same girl that started the trail and the same girl that ended it. I was like, maybe I feel a little more tough. And at this point, I had just like gone through 170 days of like chaos. And I walked off the trail, and it wasn't until months later that I was like, damn, like I'm actually like a little tough. And like I just felt like in looking back at the experience is when I realized how much I had changed. But like in the middle of it, I was just like, no, no, no, same girl, nothing's changed. It's unfortunate. We have not, we have not been enlightened. And now looking back, I'm like, oh, I'm a completely different person. I am like I look at the world from a completely different lens now.
SPEAKER_00That's so refreshing that um your your take on that. It makes me think about that line you wrote when we were talking about having this chat about what is a good enough reason to do something like that.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I I feel like your story, Brianna, really brings up in me the value of listening to things, to ideas, crazy ideas sometimes, laborious ideas that bubble up innately from within us, and what it takes to listen to what's inside of us and to be brave enough to follow through with those things when there isn't a financial motivation, or maybe the opposite. Yeah, that's it's I feel like that's a skill that maybe will get more difficult as our lives become more technologically bound. I'm not sure.
SPEAKER_04That's one of the biggest challenges I've been facing over the last years. I did one through hike and I loved it. And then I just did another and I loved it, and now I want to do another. And the ocean's always gonna be a huge part of my life, and I will always, in between these through hikes, spend my time in it. But it doesn't make sense to anybody. Everyone's like, why are you taking so much time off to go walking and suffer? And I'm like, I don't know. I don't know. I can't explain it. And I try really hard to explain it, but I I do know that all I've ever done is like follow these crazy weird ideas and what feels right. And right now, this is the direction I feel like I need to go and I don't know where it's going. Imagine I just like didn't book that ticket to Hawaii. Everyone thought I was insane, like, or came to Fino with a water housing, and I was like, guys, I'm a water photographer now. Like I've always just followed what felt feels right. And right now it's kind of like in the last year, it's just been like kind of a clash as to being like finding space for the both the versions of me that I love.
SPEAKER_01So brave. Really brave. I don't know if it's brave.
Why The Continental Divide Trail
SPEAKER_00Maybe it's a little bit crazy. Yeah, you're doing it. It's just, you know, you're living life.
SPEAKER_01I heard you say somewhere that um in the past you'd maybe thought of yourself as being a quitter, but on the trail you wouldn't you wouldn't submit to that idea anymore. I'm wondering where that internal narrative came from and um and if that's part of the change that you feel in in the after of the through hike.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I don't know if I would have ever called myself a quitter. I think on the trail, I was scared for sure I was going to quit. I thought I would quit way earlier than I would have. I think the way that I described it to people was that I thought my breaking point was like way lower than it actually is. And every day, like every new storm I was stuck in, or like every new day of pain or whatever, I was just like, oh my gosh, I'm still going. This is insane. I would have never thought about myself in the way that I could have kept walking through all the things I had to to achieve that goal. And I think that that was like coming off trail was like one of those things where it was like, wow, you can really just like so much more capable than you give yourself credit to. And I think everybody is that way. I think we don't give ourselves enough credit. We don't realize how resilient we are. And I think that that's why I'm drawn to through hiking in a lot of ways, is because you get to see that firsthand.
SPEAKER_01We rift on this a little bit briefly, just that I had done my first sort of longish walk, not even long. It was 70 K's. But we just walked really long. We had it was the furthest I've ever walked. I had one really challenging day. It rained all day, and I felt really sick, and I got into this really repetitive space of kind of like finding sort of like mantra words that I would repeat to myself and walking with my breath and just really narrowing my world to step, step, step. It made me think of in Cheryl Strade's book Wild, she said that, quote, there wasn't a day on the trail when that monotony didn't ultimately win out when the only thing to think about was whatever was the physically hardest. And I feel like that kind of speaks to the focus and the flow that you get in the midst of walking. That's kind of like surfing in a way. I feel like we feel that when we're paddling a bit, and it can be a really beautiful, embodied moment. But with surfing, you get the free ride after. And in walking, I feel like you don't really get the same payoff for your ride.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_01You just have to keep going. Keep going.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. I'm like that. Sounds like such a beautiful experience you had getting to hone in on that and just like creates this harmonious rhythm through like your consciousness and your body at the same time when you have to like work through being in pain and feeling sick and still moving forward.
SPEAKER_01You've talked about how you had plantar fasciitis, which is extremely painful, I think ligamentary distress in your feet. So lots of pain with every step. Like, what's your toolkit there for coping with pain?
SPEAKER_04Well, I always thought that I had no pain tolerance, but I think as an adult, I'm starting to think that maybe I have a little bit of pain tolerance. Um yeah, it started about 500 miles in, and I didn't know what it was at first, and it just felt like every step, it's the fascia is literally tearing in your feet. There's a fine line in any sport, but especially with through hiking, because it's not just like a marathon that you get over with in a day and then you're home and you can recover. It's you're trying to last six months. You're trying to keep your body capable for six months. And yeah, my kind of rule of thumb became like, if it gets worse, then I will get off. But if it stays the same, I will, I can keep going. And I knew that with the plantar fasciitis, it was like the first hour of the day, I would just cry. Like the first mile or two, it was just like it felt like someone was like twisting knives at the bottom of my feet. And then it would get better. But like every break I took, every lunch break I took, I would stand up and I'd I'd actually rock back and forth on my feet to like get the courage to actually stand up. If I had to pee at night, I often would just crawl because it was just too painful. But I think because I knew what eventually I knew what to expect, and I knew that it wasn't getting worse, I felt like I could continue forward with it. Just took a couple months.
SPEAKER_00Do you have any uh one-liners about pain? Um, for an example, my I remember being a kid, my dad was a bit of a a specimen when it comes to physical feats, and he's very strong and and quite mad. But he he used to say that pain was weakness leaving the body. And uh I don't know if I fully agree with it, but I just remember him saying that quite often when he would bang out, you know, hundreds of push-ups and chin-ups and all that kind of stuff without stopping. And and I can do two, maybe three of those, and I'm I'm on the ground. Uh do you have any of those one-liners? Was there anything like that that popped into your head when you're dealing with pain so consistently?
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I I mean, I don't have a one-liner like your dad. That was that's a pretty iconic line. Um, I would say that just in general, like when it came to the really hard moments on trail, I just and I didn't come up with this. I had heard it somewhere along the way that just nothing lasts forever. So I just knew that everything would always be changing and that maybe the pain would shift or it would go away, or I'd find moments that things weren't so hard. I think that was like the main thing I always had to revisit was just that nothing lasts forever. And then my dad, he doesn't have like, he's not like the kind of dad that has these one-liners and like he's so great and I love him so much. But before I left, he was like, just remember one foot in front of the other every day. And that kind of became something that I also repeated. So even in those moments of pain, I was just like, I just have to get one foot in front of the other. And even in those scary moments, I was like, just
Pain, Mantras, And Micro Goals
SPEAKER_04and that would kind of be like my probably what similar to what you were speaking about, Lauren, where I would just be like repetitively just repeating like one foot in front of the other, one foot in front of the other, until like I could work through it.
SPEAKER_01There's always a cost to journeys, to risks we take, financial, but also relational, professional. Identity-wise, you've spoken to some of those. All of us have dreams of our own. Maybe it's a long paddle or a long swim or running up a mountain that we see for much of our lives that we haven't gotten to yet. That maybe we've told ourselves the cost is too high of doing that thing. How did you pay and what ways did you pay for for taking this big walk for taking on the CDT? What did you have to let go of to go on this great journey? Gosh, that's such a good question.
SPEAKER_04And it's so layered. I'm like, where do I even start? I guess the way the reason I don't know how to say it is because the gain from doing something like this was so substantial that anything I lost in the process felt like it needed to go anyway, if that makes sense. I came home and I was like, these friendships that aren't serving me, I don't need them anymore. These things that I have sitting around the house, I don't need them anymore. I was just, everything just became really clear on what I wanted and what I was capable of. And yeah, I feel like the part of me that I met on that trail that I didn't know existed was so much richer than anything else that I had in my life before.
SPEAKER_01And what about financially? Like, is it expensive to?
SPEAKER_04I mean, of course it is, to drop, yeah, working and to go hiking, even though you're probably not really spending a lot of money in the day today, but there's still a lot of spending money, and I probably spent more money than they say it's I think $2 a mile generally for people that are being frugal. I was just like so like sometimes I was like, I just need my own room right now. Like I need my own motel room. And I mean we're staying at like the motel six, like it's not like I'm like going crazy. But actually, I've never sat down and done the total math of how much I spent in those six months. What I can say is when I describe the recovery from the trail, that my body probably physically recovered within two months, and like emotionally, it probably took me six months to recover from getting off trail. And then I think it took me a year and a half to financially recover from like missing so much work, going into winter where I wasn't getting as much work, and like I had gone into debt for it. So yeah, I'd say the financial recovery took the longest.
SPEAKER_00Interesting. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01You've said that it was the same work that you put into recovering from your eating disorder. That was the same work that you put into recovering from your brain injury, and and that work set you up to succeed on a massive challenge like walking more than 3,000 miles? You said that you're proud of your body. I heard you say that. You're proud of your body, your little legs, your little feet, one foot in front of the other, like your dad said, that got you to this place incrementally, and it's gonna get you to the next place tomorrow. I'm wondering, are there any practical tools you've carried through all of this work that you've done that you'd offer to someone in a point of adversity in their life right now?
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I mean, it's not gonna be, I'm gonna say something that we've all heard before, but it's all just micro goals. Like it's one day at a time. You don't look at the big picture and you can't look too far ahead, or it for me personally, it just gets too overwhelming. So, like with the eating disorder, I was just like, I just need to make it to the next therapy session I have. And with the head injury, I was just like, we'll just see if I don't have to be in bed for three days after I swim this time. Like every day, every day it was just like I just looked at a few days ahead and nothing more. And I think that's why I succeeded on such a challenging trail as my first through hike, was because I never looked past the next through town. I just was like, my only goal is to get to the next through town, and then we reassess and we go from there. I didn't be like, I have to make it 3,000 miles, because that would have just been too hard. So yeah, I feel like it's it really is just that simple. It's just the little little moments that make the big things, you know.
SPEAKER_00I um wanted to dip into the surfing world again just briefly. Now that you've got these through hikes, you know, living in your memory and your muscles and your body, and you get back into the ocean, uh how are you handling going under, you know, a strong um wave or you know, that moment where uh you've got your housing up and you're shooting a picture of someone and they're coming straight at you on the front of their longboard and you know, doing that fancy footwork that you know can come unraveled pretty quickly sometimes in the pocket, you know, and that's a big, heavy board coming at you. How are you going in that space nowadays?
SPEAKER_04So it took me, it was kind of frustrating. I'm gonna go back to the through hike for a second, but I got off the through hike and I was like, I'm gonna get back in the water and I'm probably healed. Like, I'm probably not gonna have that same reaction. It's been six months. I'm gonna be fine. And uh I got back in the water, and it was even more upsetting and frustrating when I was still having that response. I was like, wait, what? Like this is still happening. I just felt so disjointed in the water for probably a year and a half after I hit my head. I felt like the water has been my greatest teacher in life. Like it has always held me through like healing and joy and everything. And I just felt like I wasn't being welcomed. It was like my body was like didn't want to be there. It was scary. And I still was out there and I still had moments of taking photos and being like, ooh, I I love doing this. But it was more of like a consistent mental battle. And then this is gonna sound so cheesy to you guys, but I'm gonna tell you I was snorkeling with my family in Maui, which is so funny. But I think there was no, I was in the water and there was no pressure. Like we were just doing some very basic tourist snorkeling. The wails were so loud and so beautiful. And it was literally like a black and white moment. I was like, oh, okay, it's okay now. Like I, and since that day, I'm not kidding. I don't know if it was just like my brain making it so that it was more comfortable, or if it was just like really just a moment where it was time to let go. But since that day, I've felt a lot more. I don't really notice myself even bracing as much anymore. I probably am a little bit more scared when people are getting close to me, but I also have to remember I was shooting in the water for eight years before my head injury, and I never got hit by a moving someone I saw. It was just such a freak accident, which freak accidents come with their own set of fears. Because I'm like, well, what if it happens again? No one can guarantee. I also am like a little bit more confident in being like, if the waves are too close together, I'm just not gonna go out today.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, great. Well, you're talking to the right people when you're talking about whale song and the impacts it can have on us.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Do
Costs, Coming Back To Water
SPEAKER_00you, when you swim in to Fino, are there many cetaceans around? Do you have whales and dolphins in out out behind lineups?
SPEAKER_04Yeah, we have um we have lots of gray whales that migrate through here, and we have tons of orcas, although it's very rare you see them in the lineups. Um, and we have humpbacks, but you don't hear them, at least I personally don't hear them underwater at all here. But when I'm in Hawaii, I always hear them.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, interesting.
SPEAKER_01I was thinking about this dream that you've accomplished and how we all have our own one-day dream that sits on the shelf for the right timing or us to make the choice. You've ticked one of yours off the list now. I'm wondering what lives in that space now.
SPEAKER_04Oh my goodness. I feel like I have so many dreams. I feel like, and I feel like as long as I keep following, I don't know, like my heart, that they're all just gonna kind of happen as I as I hope, I guess. I don't really have a great answer for that. Because I'm just kind of winging it.
SPEAKER_00I love it. Can I ask how that heart message comes to you? Do you see this in a dream one night? Do you hear a voice? Do you get a do you write and it comes out in a like a daily journal? I'm fascinated by this because I feel like we all have our own ways to interpret that that quiet voice that's or that nudge in some way.
SPEAKER_04I think it just lingers inside of me. Like I get an idea and it lingers there until I can't ignore it anymore. It comes out when it's ready. And that's how all the things that I've wanted to do that I was like, that's never gonna happen, has always happened. I wanted to be a surf photographer, but I wasn't ready until I got to you know, and I wanted to throw hike for so long, but you know, came out when it was supposed to.
SPEAKER_01Thanks for listening with us today. Our editor this season is the multi-talented Ben Jake Alexander. The soundtrack was composed by Shannon Soul Carroll, with additional tunes by Dave and Ben, and this special track, Sun Seekers, by Andy Sickstream. We'll be continuing today's conversation on Instagram where we're at Water People Podcast. And we're now on Substack. Sign up to get bi-monthly updates on our newsletter called Field Notes. It's where we share behind the scenes stories from making the podcast and the books, films, and music we're absorbed in at the moment. Written by us, free to read. Link is in the show notes.
