Rocky Garza helps people find the clarity to know who they are, the confidence to believe in themselves and the courage to live it out each day. Over the last 15 years he has spoken over 500 times and walked with thousands of individuals like YOU to discover their TRUEST direction.
A people and culture development expert that challenges audiences to consider their thoughts, fears and dreams. He reminds leaders, teams, and organizations that every person is, at their core, just a human.
Rocky has worked with leading companies and associations like Grant Thornton, Hilton, Blue Cross Blue Shield, Microsoft, Lincoln Properties, Kwik-Kar, Hilton, Lincoln Properties, Blue Cross Blue Shield, Swoon the Studio, Headington Companies, Connective Agency, Glass Heel, the DRC Young Professional Summit, and many more.
He can be reached at www.rockygarza.com and on Instagram @rockygarza
Jason can be reached for therapy, coaching, alternative medicine and speaking engagements at www.thefamilyroomsfl.com.
Reach out to him to set up a free consultations to tackle your goals.
(954) 324-3677
jason@thefamilyroomsfl.com
www.thefamilyroomsfl.com
Follow us on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/youwinninglife
Learn more about coaching with Jason, Business Finishing School and the Business Growth Summit: http://bit.ly/Bfsgrowth
Rocky Garza helps people find the clarity to know who they are, the confidence to believe in themselves and the courage to live it out each day. Over the last 15 years he has spoken over 500 times and walked with thousands of individuals like YOU to discover their TRUEST direction.
A people and culture development expert that challenges audiences to consider their thoughts, fears and dreams. He reminds leaders, teams, and organizations that every person is, at their core, just a human.
Rocky has worked with leading companies and associations like Grant Thornton, Hilton, Blue Cross Blue Shield, Microsoft, Lincoln Properties, Kwik-Kar, Hilton, Lincoln Properties, Blue Cross Blue Shield, Swoon the Studio, Headington Companies, Connective Agency, Glass Heel, the DRC Young Professional Summit, and many more.
He can be reached at www.rockygarza.com and on Instagram @rockygarza
Jason can be reached for therapy, coaching, alternative medicine and speaking engagements at www.thefamilyroomsfl.com.
Reach out to him to set up a free consultations to tackle your goals.
(954) 324-3677
jason@thefamilyroomsfl.com
www.thefamilyroomsfl.com
Follow us on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/youwinninglife
Learn more about coaching with Jason, Business Finishing School and the Business Growth Summit: http://bit.ly/Bfsgrowth
This is the you winning life podcast, your number one source for mastering a positive existence. Each episode we'll be interviewing exceptional people, giving you empowering insights and guiding you to extraordinary outcomes. Learn from specialists in the worlds of integrative and natural wellness, spirituality, psychology, and entrepreneurship. So you too can be winning light. Now here's your host, licensed marriage and family therapist, certified neuro emotional technique, practitioner and certified entrepreneur coach Jason Watser.
Speaker 2:I'd like to welcome everybody back to the IU winning life podcast today. I have with me speaker disrupter and people expert, Rocky Garza. Rocky, thanks for hanging out with us today. Absolutely do. Absolutely. Thank you. It is an absolute honor. It was great to meet you a couple of weeks ago and um, yeah, when I got the we connected and got the email and you asked me, I thought, well, there's at least there's, at least there's one guy who was at that event who I know is gonna at least appreciate a little bit of what I want to say, who I am. So I am stoked to be here. Well, I really appreciate that. And again, one of the reasons why I wanted to make this happen so quickly is because we know that relationships, if they're not fed, are gonna eventually, right. Disappear and burnt away. So one of the things that I want to share with this podcast is how do people jump on action? How do people make things happen in their life where they make new connections with people, where that can then have influenced with other aspects of their life and people's lives. So this is what I'm hoping is the goal of you winning life, right? It's not just what you can do for yourself, but what you can bring to your purpose and your passion and your mission to the world. So before we get into all the amazing, really cool stuff that you're doing, um, can you share with our listeners a little bit about you, your background, where you're coming from, all that good stuff? Yeah, yeah, absolutely. So I'm a, I'm gonna go way back just cause I think if we didn't go all the way back then the story is kind of left untold, right? So, um, so I was born in Kansas, uh, but I only lived in Kansas for like a week cause I already claimed Kansas, came back to the Dallas Fort worth area. Um, North Dallas areas, uh, where my grandparents said my mom's parents. And so moved back there. Uh, my parents got divorced when I was two. Um, and, uh, my dad got remarried and I was seven. He's still married, has two sons, so I have two half brothers and love all of them. Um, my mom's been married in divorce a few times and so, uh, we moved a bunch early on, so like pre-kindergarten to seventh grade I moved to ton. So I was like in a further further North Dallas. Pre-kindergarten kind of moved 20 miles away from there to start kindergarten. Um, halfway through kindergarten moved, um, back to my grandparents' house and finished kindergarten and moved to San Antonio, which is about four hours away for first and second grade. Moved about 30 miles the other direction for third grade. Um, for half of third grade I moved back four hours, uh, my grandparents' house to finish third grade. Um, and then Carrollton farmers branch for fit fresco for six, and then back to my grandparents house in seventh grade. So a lot of jumping around. Oh man, I'm telling you I was everywhere. So like in, in that, that, that time frame in those spaces, um, you know, like there was a lot of change. There was a lot of, I was, I was living here, I was with my mom or husband or a different husband and, and so, yeah, I think, uh, from seventh grade I moved in with my grandparents and my mom lived like four streets down that whole time, um, from seventh grade through 11th and 12th grade. And, uh, but I, but I live at my grandparent's house and so, um, yeah, you know, I think as I look back in my life, like I, I, I say like I was a silver platter kid, meaning that like on the surface, like may, I had everything, I had everything that I needed. Um, mostly everything that I wanted. Um, you know, you live with the grandparents who like get to be parents again with, but this time with time and resources, like it's like best case scenario for you as a kid. And so, uh, but I think like the underneath that was, I learned very, very early on that, um, my way to survive was if I could out out talk you out, thank you out, what you out charisma you, um, out out disclose you. Um, we'll get to go in ability later, I'm sure. But I, I wasn't vulnerable but I disclosed a lot, right? Like I was, I learned that if I could give you all of my life in a 45 second chunk, especially that seemed like really crazy details. Um, you would assume I would be really open and vulnerable and told everything about me. But what actually did is it created a barrier that allowed me to be safe. And so that was kind of my survival or ammo from United say birth. Cause I want to start it. But, you know, birth, birth and college, probably 20 was my ability to keep an arm's distance between us. While you believing that we could not be any closer than we possibly were. And so, um, I think it's important for even folks for list listeners, like I think it's important for us to go back to that, that timeframe that, that six to 12 age range. Um, you know, I'm a pretty firm believer of whatever happens in that timeframe that we do to survive. And I don't mean life or death unless that's your story by like whatever we do to survive. And that timeframe is a pretty accurate description of how we operate as an adult. Right? And so I'd say that's why like all middle children in the same or firstborns or this I, so we have those kinds of phrases or stereotypes is cause your life in that timeframe was all very similar. So we all react the same way because that's how we learned to survive. And so again, for me it was that out without think out charisma, bat my, I remember one story my grandma tells all the time, she thinks it's really funny. We would go to the Sonic most, she would go to the Sonic like every day to get a diet Coke. And, uh, when I was like five ish and we pulled up the Sonic and a lady came out and like brought my grandma diet Coke and I'm like unbuckled and like leaned over my grandma's lap and like got really a segment out of the window and looked at lady and just did this. And my grandma, the lady was like, what is he doing? And my grandma was like, Oh, he's just showing me how long his eyelashes are because everybody comments them. So he just probably figured you wanted to see him until like, I feel like if there's not a better way to like encapsulate who I was as a child, probably who I am at 36, I wasn't a child like is that, and so, um, but I learned I could survive that way, right? Like I could, I could maintain that way. And so, um, fast forward, I graduated high school again, like I captain of this and president of this and yada, yada, yada. Um, I didn't want a junior college for a couple of years, um, at a call. Um, I moved to Chicago about a month before I graduated from high school. And so, um, I moved back into my grandparents and then it was just, my grandparents actually moved that summer, so I moved with him and the, with him and junior college, same song, different verse, right. Like a different stage, a different group at the same old, same old Rocky. And so, um, I transferred to a four year institution at Texas a and M whenever I, uh, after my first two years of junior college in my junior year, I transferred a and M um, I transferred there on a full ride scholarship. Um, I'm not an academic and barely graduated college. So how I ended up with the scholarship, not sure, I probably just talked myself into it. And so, um, probably schmoozed my way into this for even better word, probably not talk right to me is I completely agree and relate to that story. Um, I graduated high school with a 1.8 GPA. So the fact that I have a masters degree in a license and a private practice and a coaching practice, right. It's kind of a story that we always carry about ourselves. Yup. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. So I end up transferring there on a full ride, um, after my first semester, um, I get a call a second semester about to start, um, Hey Mr. Garner, your tuition is due. And I said, what do you mean? Like I'm, I want a scholarship? And they're like, well, you're, you were on a scholarship but you didn't make grades. And so like I made A's and B's, but people don't give you money to go to school when you make A's and B's. And I'm sure somebody told me that, but I like to pretend that nobody told me that. Uh, and so thankfully, um, I was kind of taken care of after that point. But really for me, I say it's moment number one, it's probably a mobile number of 500 life. Right. But I can say number one for this story, that for the first time in my life, I feel like I was able to like look in at my life and see like if this is what life looks like when you live in the middle of your own world, I can, this is not the way that I want to live my life. Right? Like this is not what I want to do. And so, um, yeah, it really kind of had like a, a peel back, um, kinda pulled away from a lot of things. And, um, for me, like my first experiential experience there, the ability to kind of look at life and go, there has to be something more to this than just me pleasing me doing me. And then, you know, this language didn't exist in 2000 and you know, to, um, you know, there was no that Kusile grind, be yourself. That's not what, that's how the world was. And so, but, but I knew there had to be something other than just like Rocky make Rocky happy. Cause that's, this is where it's gotten me and it's miserable. And so, um, yeah, I ended up having some really good friends, like, Hey, you're an asshole. And like you got to stop doing what you're doing. You know, this is terrible. You don't be afraid anymore. And, um, so I ended up going to this place, I'm called sky ranch. It's a camp out in East Texas about an hour and a half outside of Dallas. And, uh, it's a Christian summer camp for kids. And some, I ended up going out there as a counselor in the summer of 2004. Um, and, um, really like for the first time in my life, I think experienced what it was like to have people appreciate and value me. But they never mentioned my performance. Like they talked about me and they talked about being around me and that I was funny or that people, I was engaging. I'd be like, they were using words that people had to use to after they talked about how well I did something, then they would be like, Oh yeah, you're so engaging because you did these things not like as a human being, here's what your value is. And I'd never experienced that in my life. How you just by you showing up. Exactly. They said, you being here is that is a valuable to us and be more importantly you are valuable because you are here. And I think like that's just not, that's just not language that I had, that I had allowed people to speak that I will had. My mom told me she let me. Yes. My dad. Yes. My grandparents. Yes. My family. Yes. My aunt and my uncle and my three cousins. So I lived with every summer for eight years. Yeah. Like it's, I literally just texted that uncle today, today's his birthday. And not until I did send them a text, I was like, Hey, thank you. Thank you for being safe and for being committed and thank you for showing me what it is. I'll be like, I, I'd never, I, I, I so appreciate that. And yet, like I was so involved in the idea that it seemed like the greatest praise affirmation and a reward came when I was doing and achieving and not when I was being. Um, and I, I just had never experienced that were even, I don't even know if I had the language then. And even if I did experience it, I didn't have the language to know what that was. And so, um, yes, that was the summer of Oh four. Um, fast forward, I went back to ATM. That finished school, um, took like 21 hours my last semester cause it's like I gotta get outta here, I'm tired, I don't want this. And I'd been offered a full time job to go back to sky ranch, um, and work there full time out of college. And so I was like under a hundred hours a week, every week for 20,000. And um, and so living the dream. Oh yeah. I'm like, who? Who says who says that internships get paid more than that? You know, it was my full time job for four years and I'm going to sky range. I worked there full time for about four years. I loved it. It was one of the best experience in the life. Um, met a girl, started dating, we dated for a few years. Fast forward two or three years, got engaged. Um, she was in Arkansas, I was in East Texas and we came to Dallas, had our engagement photos taken. Um, she flew back home. She called me one day and said, I have something to tell you. I said, great. And she says, I'm a mom. Told me that if I didn't tell you that I was sleeping with somebody else, then she wasn't gonna put a deposit down in our venue. Um, and so maybe like really like struck me. And so I was like, okay, but now that you're telling me, then she'll put the deposit down. And she was like, Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, okay, well you tell your mom. I said thank you and don't ever call me again. And uh, and so again, we say, I say this is moment number two, right? Like, um, moment number one was the realization of, and we're going to get to this phrase here in a little while, but moment number one was a realization that I had been trying to prove why I was so valuable. I think women number two for me was the next five or six years. I was trying to prove while you why you are more valuable and how I could serve you. Because if you weren't gonna love me for performing, then you would love me for sacrificing, right? Like I kind of cringed and swung the other way. Um, so come to find out, well that's not true either. That's a terrible idea. So, uh, but uh, so fast forward a few months, I end up coming back to Dallas. So this is 2008 at this point. Um, come back to Dallas. Um, I was on pastoral staff at a church, uh, here in North Dallas and did that route three and a half years. And that's where I met my wife. Um, and who was an architect here in Dallas and we had actually met each other at sky ranch, but I was engaged with someone so I wasn't[inaudible] who she was. And she has, she tells the story, you know, she's like, he was on stage doing staff training. He was so funny and I want to marry somebody just like him. And, uh, my wife does also talk like that. I dunno what I want to do my neck like this, but just for Jenji does it makes me very Southern. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. She is quite, she and she is actually very Southern. Um, he's from West exits. He hasn't been a great accent and that, so yeah, we, we dated, uh, started dating, got married, uh, in July of 2009. So we actually just celebrated 10 years of marriage this year. And, um, thanks again. So, uh, because she ended up quitting her job. We got married in July. She quit her job Thanksgiving of that same year. And just, um, she was in, she's an interior designer, but she was doing architecture at the time and just didn't really like what she was doing. And so we'd been dabbling in photography and she was like, Hey man, I just want, I really don't wanna try it and see if I can do it full time. And so we moved into a tiny apartment and I sold my car and I drove a scooter and, um, or walked to work sometimes so that we could live off one salary and pursue photography. And so really for us, that was Thanksgiving Oh nine. And that was kinda like our first jump into entrepreneurship. We didn't know at all we were doing. And that was kind of our first leap. It's what's really weird. It's almost 10 years ago. Um, and, uh, so I stayed at the church for about another year. About a year later, I got offered what I thought was my dream job at the church and that was to be a teaching pastors. I was going to be on stage and try to find a thousand people and teach every weekend and thought that's what I wanted to do. Um, thankfully, like they, I had a, I didn't have much, I can tell you this, but I had just enough self awareness to know that, um, I was way more interested in, she knew shaking my hand afterwards and I was telling you about God. Um, and now that I didn't want to do that, but I didn't want to do that unless you were going to take my hand and tell me how great it was. Right? And so, um, so anyway, I said no to the job. I can't do it. It's gonna be bad for you and bad for me. And like it's just not gonna work. And so they say, well, then what do you want to do? And I said, I think it'd be a wedding photographer. And that was more like, that's what we had been dabbled on the side. And so we said, let's see what happens. And so I ended up quitting my job January, 2011. And so when my wife and I built in self employed since January of 11, um, and then we shot what it's full time for about five and a half years. Uh, it was awesome travel, the world people paid for it. Um, we spent 24 hours a day, seven days a week together for five years. It was awesome. Um, we realized in that five years, like we both had to go to counseling. We both spent a significant of time in counseling. Um, I think we, we bought our first house, we found community, we put down roots. We really, for the first time I think we're looking at ourselves through a lens of not what we can achieve and not what can we do to make sure that he wasn't satisfied, but looking at ourselves through a lens of going, okay, well where does it fit? Just find a space of opportunity and then go to step further. Where does it exist to find a space of freedom goes there for like where does it exist to find a place where you can be both satisfied, sustainable, and growing at the same time. And so I get it. We didn't have that language then, but I think that was, that was a thing we were along. You're looking for. So is there something specific in that time that was the impetus for that to really be smacking you across the face? Or do you think it was more of a natural evolution of the journey that both of you were taking both spiritually and psychologically? Yeah, it's a great question. Um, I would say I think it was, um, you marry someone, you don't have a direct deposit, uh, you don't know what you're doing and you're trying to figure it out. Um, both good and evil will come out of their mouth. And I think that's in that space. Um, you know, really, really, really that I can tell you the moment that we were both like, damn, something's not right. Uh, was, we were, this was probably like early 2012 so we had both been together full time. Entrepreneur's about a year. Um, and I was getting up my, my wife was like, Hey, I'm gonna run to Walgreen's and grab something. And I was like, great. See you, you know, she was like, no, let's go. And I was like, no, I'm not going. And then I can, she like didn't miss a beat. She was like, no, like I can't go to Walgreens about you. And I was like, Whoa, sir. Excuse me. You, you gave it a one grades. I don't, I don't know if that, I don't understand what you're saying, you know? Um, while also feeling like, okay, I'll go, like, if you need me to go, I'll go with you if you need me to go. You know? And we were both like, this is, that was the weirdest thing we've ever occurred has ever happened. Like we were never involved until we were number. We've never yelled at or fight. That was never like the, um, the disconnect in our relationship. It was the fact that we were both trying to buffer each other so much that we became so codependent on my ability to rescue and help and do and serve and her ability to be, to need me and to let me do things for, and like, it was, it was weird. And so, um, really I think that was the really the singular moment. We're both like, Hey, something's kinda off. And then really like from that unpacking, what are those things and why do I fear being left? Why do I feel like, why do I think you're gonna leave me like everybody else? And she's like, why didn't I want you to help me? And I, you know, all those, all those things, you know that language way better than I do. But I think that's the place where we kind of unpack some of that stuff and then realize I came it maybe then it was really like, I'm fine. I bet you should go to counseling. So she did, she went against anybody a year and then about a year and she would have, you know, come home every Thursday and you know, eat something. They should be happy and someday she would just cry for four hours, you know? And I was like, Hey, I don't know what to do here. Like I don't know how to help you. And so she was like, well, like a counselor. They ain't, you should come with me one time. So I was like, great, I'd love to, I'd love to go support you, whatever. So we get in there and start talking and they can't be like, yeah, so then I will tell you about this. I was like, well, you don't like my dad and my mom and I, it was like, well, and she was like, maybe you should be like, yeah, maybe you're right. And so yeah, we will spit, you know, two or three years together, I think, you know, in counseling independently. And um, so yeah, go full circle. A great question. I think for us in that time period as we look back, no, was definitely not like, Oh, we should really figure these things out. It was, uh, shit's falling apart and we have to fail if we're going to build something sustainable. And in that we love, we've got to figure out that is,
Speaker 3:well, it's interesting that you're talking about, but you showing up to help her. So the way I identify the people in my practice, especially when I'm working with my couples and families, is that there are three people that will show up even to your events or, uh, or to my practice as a therapist is that there's the complaintant the consumer and the visitor, right? The complaintant is fix them. The visitor is, I'm only here because they want me to be here and the consumer is, I'm all in, let's do it. So for you to say like, Oh, I'm really here just to help you, when you finally have that awareness of, okay, maybe I need this for myself, right? That's, that's the, that's the hope and dream of every therapist that's out there. It's like the person's going to show up and realize that it's not about blaming, right. Cause that's the continued pattern, right? That we're all looking for the, we're all trying to unpackage they're all trying to figure it out. That does play out in our relationships. And you had that, you had that sense of personal awareness that you and I, I know, are trying to share with the world.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 3:And it's so tough because we see people walking around and it's just like, they're like an inch away of figuring that out. But they're stubborn and they're stuck.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah. And I think, um, and I'd love your thoughts on it. Okay. I think one thing that I feel like I have realized, especially in the last four or five years, but, but even then thinking about that period of time and using myself as the example or even my wife as the example, I better use me cause she's not here to defend herself. So using myself as an example, um, you know, I, I think that is something that I was looking for and longing for always. Um, I don't think that for me, I don't, I think it took, it took realizing, um, the damage I was doing to somebody else over an extended period of time for me to kind of be awoken to the power that I actually had. And I don't say that because I'm powerful. I think 100% all of us have it. Yeah. But I think what happens is I spent the first 21 or two years of my life.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Leveraging that power from my and benefit and gain because it made me feel good. Right. And no matter how bad it felt on Saturday morning, didn't drive her home. Friday night always seemed to be worth it because the thing I was longing for seem to be fulfilled for a very short amount of time, but I never had a deal. Thankfully I never had to deal with the longterm, uh, result con
Speaker 4:[inaudible]
Speaker 2:um, of what I was doing to other people because they were probably looking for the same thing. And so we mutually agreed on Friday night we'll do this thing together and then we'll both feel good. And then tomorrow we'll probably both feel awkward, but since we feel good, we'll just pretend it didn't happen to, we'll move on. Right. And so like being married, um, being in a relationship, being in a partnership, it's sometimes with families, sometimes I'm in front of frame. I mean it can happen everywhere. I was, I think I all of a sudden saw like the longer term effect it was having on my inability to reconcile my own self and what that was doing to somebody else. And I think so the people I think you're referring to, they like so close, they're right there. They're um, I think they either intentionally or unintentionally build a life where they don't have to be responsible for the longterm effective what's happening or flip it. And probably it's either the same or no one has yet taken responsibility for the longterm effect that has been played out on them. And so we sit in this awkward place of going, well, I don't want to own up to my part and get help flip that they're never going to own up to their part and therefore I can only be victim. I can't come out and say, I don't want to be that space anymore because they, because both, both parties feel trapped, both parties feel stuck. Um,
Speaker 3:well I have this belief that you can't be a victim and be empowered on a specific topic at the same time. And it sounds to me like a lot of people out there are waiting for permission to do the work, right? They're waiting to be asked, right? Like you D you were asked to join to join your wife, but yet you were already on this own, this, this journey. But there was something extra that came
Speaker 2:out of being asked. And I wonder how many people that, those of us that are, those of you that are listening out there that you have permission to just do it and not wait for someone to ask you. Yeah, yeah. I mean that's, I think it's one of the things whenever I, you know, and we'll talk about it here and there, like that's one of the, when I take folks who are doing a workshop, and so whether it's for a company or for, it's an external conference or a leadership development or young professionals or whatever it is, you know, we're going through and everybody's answering questions. They did their values and they be modeled with fears and lies and beliefs in truth. And so come back. And I have a lot of people come to me and go, like, I wrote this down about like, like I found a live, like I just don't know what the truth is. Right? And I go and I'll go, okay, so we laid on, okay, here's the truth. Oh yeah, that is right. You know, I'm valuable or I'm worthy. And so, and then I always go back, go ahead. I just have a question for you. Like whether it's a literal person or it's an event or it's, or it's made up, I don't know what the situation is for you, but like who lied to you, who lied to you and told you that you couldn't be this, have this, do this, that you weren't this, you weren't that. Right? Like, and it's, it's really interesting because almost immediately, almost most people, whether it's a person that event or a thing go, well, when I was 16 yeah, I mean almost almost a hundred percent of the time. And some people go, or I was 32 or I was 11, right? Like the age. I think sometimes the ages are relevant. A lot of the times, but people can go to a place and go from that moment. I started to believe this, right? And so, um, yeah, there's, there's a, you know, there's, there's this is, this is my opinion, like I think I've seen an individual is that there's, there's two narratives at play in our life all the time, right? Like that one narrative as just stories that have been told to us about us. So that's the, that's the things that get passed down that people have always said about us. Rocky, you're so intense. You're too sensitive. You cry a lot. You write like the things that I've been told about me. And then the other narrative is that things we tell ourselves about ourselves, right? The things I say to me about me and, um, w wherever I think I have found w I've dealt with myself and people like wherever there is an intersection of those two things, right? Like wherever what I've been told about me meets what I tell myself, Lynn, we have lowercase T truth. Now that doesn't mean it's real or right? It could be totally false, but we believe it to be true. And so you get the Capitol, keep the teachers right. And so now that thing then rules or dictates whatever it is that we're doing. And so I think it was like really linear, right? Like a narrative narrative. They crossed truth fix this. I can't change what people say to me about me. So I'm going to believe I'm going to change it. I say to myself about myself, new narrative freedom I think I have found in the last few months, uh, that is, I would, I've been wrong. It is not, it is not a singular touch point. Fix healed. It is, it looks more like this, like more like DNA, right? So there's, there's nine touch points. And so I fixed one and then I'm like, Oh, I'm feeling so good and about my feelings. So good. Right? And then it's kind of this like perpetual journey until we get to a place where we are either healthy enough, mature enough, old enough that these stories no longer have the power to rule. Um, because uh, and I think that's one thing that, that Saranac Don, that we were, we, we were feeding it, we were telling the other person we thought the other person wanted to hear while feeling the opposite. And so we kept having these intersections that we didn't even know were occurring. Then from the outside look like we loved each other so much and we did, but we were killing each other because we weren't ever actually saying what we really wanted to say. Cause we wanted a person to be happy
Speaker 3:patterns that are building right? Like you said, layer upon layer upon layer. So for me it's like I don't really, I playfully tell my clients I don't really care about what the problem is. I care about what your belief about the problem is. And that theme will show up in multiple parts of your life. So when you're going back a few minutes ago and you're saying like, well, what's the story that I've adopted that other people have told me about me that I'm now playing out? In a way, I'll look at it from who are you honoring by keeping on playing out that, right? Are you honoring mom? Are you honoring dad? Are you honoring a spiritual belief, a cultural belief, whatever it may be, but in a way, by honoring that you're dishonoring yourself. I love that. I love that language. So when you're talking about an I'm unpackaging that pattern, right? The multiple layers of here's all the different places happen. I look at it, I'll say, okay, great, let's put that up on the wall, right? Let's put all those little things. What's the common denominator between all of those things? What's the theme that they all have in common? And I think that's right. That's the central component because we're going to keep, we always solve a problem from a place that we're really stuck. So never solved the problem from there. Right? So the idea of if we can pick out the theme, and I know that's part of what you're doing through the work that you're sharing with the people that are, that are, that are collaborating with you, is that if we can find the theme behind the meanings and we can then really pick apart that, then the patterns will change because of the belief, the, the, the action steps are based on the beliefs. Yup. Yup. 100%. 100%. That's the freedom that, that, that you're talking about.
Speaker 2:Right, right, right. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So, um, yeah, so that was, that was kind of that two or three year period of our life. Um, fast forward a couple of years we found out we were pregnant with our son, um, early 2015 so February of 15. And we were both like, do we really want to shoot 40 weddings a year, every year for the rest of our life and having kid and then be gone every Saturday. Right. Probably not. And so, um, really my wife just said, Hey, if you could do anything, what would you want to do? You know, if you could, if you could identify something that you love and you value. And so I didn't definitely didn't say this eloquently then. Right? I'm four and half years. And so it sounds much better now. But then I said something along the lines of like, you know, if I could take, if I can take my life experience, hence me, you know, giving you 22 minutes of live story. If I could make my life experience and marry that with eight years in ministry, and I, and I, and I described that as my desire to love and care and serve people and eight years of entrepreneurship, if I can put all those things together, um, I can be an extra anything. I'd want to be a people expert. I think if I did individuals understand who they are, what that means, why that matters, unpack that defined clarity and freedom opportunity. I want to do that. And I don't know what the hell that is or what it means, but I want to try to do that. So, um, yeah, so we said, great. And so we, um, deleted our photography website that day and said, okay, we're no longer, we'll shoot all the rest of weddings that we have booked. We had like 15 or 20 weddings left, we'll shoot those, but we're no longer wedding photographers were looking at anymore. And, um, I started this business and that was in February of 2015 and so, um, yes since then, uh, really it's been like a kind of a long along along a long short journey of figuring out what it is and what to do. And so I started with a great amount of newer world cause that was the world I came out of. And so it was easy to go to them and say, Hey, did you see our business and our brand? Did you like that? Do you want one like that? Great, let me help you. And so, um, you know, photographers, filmmakers, designers, I was kind of the first space where I engaged in it. Um, really from, um, I would take folks on two day retreats. So you're an entrepreneur, you would hire me, I would take you in a retreat for two days, me and you one-on-one. Um, the first day we would do what we now call identity mapping and it didn't have a name then, but we would do identity mapping for the day one and day two would be taking the identity mapping and then leveraging all of that data and information as the basis for your brand, your business problem you're solving and so on. And then you would commit to six months of coaching. So I did that for about 18 months, maybe, maybe 18 months, maybe two years. Um, and I loved it. It was awesome. Um, I realized in that phase, I am not a coach. Um, that's my wheel house. I'm not a follow through commitment. Where are you? How's things going? That guy may come in and blow your shit up, put some pieces back together and say, good luck out there. Like, that's my sweet spot. And so, um, it's not that I don't love you, I just like to love you today and tomorrow you got to find, you know, cause I get to do stuff.
Speaker 3:So what was it like to realize that? Because that's great as, as you know, and this is something that I've talked about in the Evans, Evan Stuart's been on a previous episode and I'm coach Michael Burt's spin on a previous episode. Right. And coach has a background in coaching Evan and just doing some amazing stuff and he's a good buddy of ours. Um, right writing coach Burt talks about demonstrating in a specific capacity, your expertise in an area. So you just really hit it on the head of this is really what I'm amazing at. This is what I'm really good at. I'm really good at coming in and blowing up your shit. Yep. Yeah. Right. What was that aha and that freedom, like to realize that this is what I absolutely don't want to do.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah. I think as, as, so it was a period of time where I probably had 15 to 20 entrepreneurs rolling at the same time. Right. So I have three or four retreats a month. Um, and then they would add on. So you know, you do four and four and four, so you have 12, but you're only three months in. So now 12 coaching clients and you do four and four. And so then you're at 20, so you've done 20, but your first guy still has two more months left. And so I think in that part, um, and so we would come in and we would do it, we would dive in and we would unpack and it was like, you know, Hey, here's our list from last time. Where are you? And they're like, Oh, I did number one and number six, but the other, the other eight I didn't do. And so I'm like, okay, whew. So today, do you want to talk about those eight again or do we want to add two more to like what I don't, how do you want to, what do we want to do? Um, and so I think one realizing that that is very frustrating to me. Um, too, I think realizing that, um, so am I. I'm a, I'm a big fan of Gallup StrengthsFinders I'm not a fan of a lot of assessments out there. Uh, one cause I created my own soap, you know, partially, but, uh, Gallop is really the only one of the only assessments I'm super fond of because it's so specific of what it's telling you. It's not coming of your personality, it's just talking about strengths. But for me, empathy is number 34 on the list. There's only 34 options are before. Um, I just don't, I don't have empathy. I don't, I don't, I don't feel how you feel. I can sympathize and if you cry, I'm a sympathetic crier, but I'm not empathetic. And I think part, there's a part of being a coach that you have to, I think you need a little bit of empathy. And I think coach Burt and I think Evan, uh, I think they would, I think they would probably define their empathy in different ways. But I think that, I think that's the root of their care for people. And that consistency at follow followup is a little bit of that. Um, and I just don't, I just don't have that. I'm not at, I'm not motivated by that. I'm not driven by that. Um, and so I think as I realized that I'm a coach, but I don't really like coaching and, um, what, what do I like that? So I think, I think I went through a period of going, I've called, I was this, I know I don't want to be this, what then do I want to be right. And so, um, I think as I've kind of, I went through that. What I did, I, I guess there's not a right or wrong, but I would say I went through a reverse. I just didn't chose a title and it's okay, I'm going to do everything I need to do to like fulfill that, that title. And so, um, I chose the title of people, experts, um, one because in the business world I wanted to be to keep an expert. What's that? And I'm like, well, I'm glad you asked me, you know. Um, but I think a part of that too was that's, that's because that's what I care about. Like, I care about you and I want to help you see and understand you. And so I think then what does that mean and what do I love and what do I value that? So one, the number one question I ask people when, when we're unpacking things as they pay for the scrap, everything, what do you love? And like, what do you mean? I'm like, no, no, no, not your dog. What do you love? Like what do you, and so for me, I love, I do love people, but I love, I love experiences. I love, I love creating an environment for, to what physically watch someone go from this to like
Speaker 4:[inaudible]
Speaker 2:and then F you, you know, this probably better than I do, but that when you see someone, they're there and they do this right. And like there was, we just hit the breath, you know, like I want to be in those spaces. And I think, um, you and I are similar age. Uh, I think we are really unique in the fact that we live, we've lived exactly half of our life, fully inundated with technology. We've lived half of our life, not even, there was no technology. Internet didn't exist, right? But we were, because we were, we were the group that created was in on it that we, we love to know we need it, but we love this as much as if not more than we love anything else. And so I'm in that, I sometimes I joke around if like I can get paid to make people have a face to face conversation, um, which, um, we don't do as often and we can go do the thing. You know, Gary V would be like, Whoa, internet didn't make us this, you know, Internet's not doing anything more than what they've thought TV video games to do and we're all fine. And there's a part that, part of that, like, I get it, I can get it. It's true. But, um, what happens is, is I think because of that, we don't talk about the things like this that we used to talk about. It's not that, it's not that, you know, whether it's millennials or zinnias or then, you know, w younger than millennials. I'm not sure what they're, who they are or who they are, but you know, gen Z or it's not that they're disconnected and it's not that they don't know how to talk. It's that because they're so connected when we're together, we're not talking about the things that I, that I think we should be talking about.
Speaker 3:At least I find that it's, do you find that it's location consistent? In other words, there are places that I've been where the conversations and the awareness has gone a lot deeper than it would be in certain other locations. So like for S for example, I live in South Florida, um, and when I'm traveling, let's say to Boulder, Colorado or some other places, there's much more of a buy-in to this frequency. As I, as I joke, everybody in mind, one of my best friends lives in Boulder and um, when I first went out there, I'm like, I don't get it. Like people in general ask like, how are you? Right. And you give them the standard like I'm good, like to get right, whatever it is. And that's that dismissive. Like, let me just move on with my day. And I realized that there were like people that I was meeting out there and they're like, so what are you working on? And w what does it mean? Like what's your hobby? It's like you're not inside of you. And like I did that, I did that a lot. So I started bringing that back here. Cause that's right. I always try to create Boulder in my, in my, in my emotional space of where I am and I S people aren't okay with that. Like they get bugged out by those type of things. So I'm trying to really, yeah, yeah. Right.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah. And I think, yeah, I definitely would say there are parts of the country that are much more open. Um, and I think you can call the cultural shifts and I think you see this with heart issues, like your emotions, not your cardiovascular health. Um, I, you know, I think you see it with your heart issues and emotions. I think when you see it with, even, even in a group or world, you know, there's a couple of businesses that I work with and have offices all over the U S and like I am even asked by them and I don't ever comply because by what I, but like I'm, I'm even asked like, Hey, when you go to, when you go to the orange County office, like, Hey, you do you like literally there's no rules if you're going to go to the Boston office though, like you have to have on slacks. And I'm like, wait a second. Like that is a dump. No. Hey, I don't know what sex, I'm sorry. Uh, dark, dark jeans. It's about as close as I'm going to get to this. Like, and I only took it half mature cause the back, I don't really like,
Speaker 3:you know, I want you to bring everything that you bring to the table, but we want to change you that you're bringing to the table that we hired you for in the first place.
Speaker 2:Right, right. And I, and I think, you know, if I, if I, if I tried to give them the benefit of that, I think what they're saying is like, we know that there's a, and we'll use it, we'll use a, you know, we use a gift as an example now that I'm a gift, but go and go with me. Like, what's inside is what's important. And we know what's inside that box. We really there, everyone's going to love when you go to California, um, they're already gonna love just because you came when you go to Boston, we need the box to look right so they can accept the box. So they're willing to open the box. So then when it comes out, there'll be right. And that, and I get that, like there's a part of that, but I think, but I think with that, we, what happens is then we, we, we live into, we continue to create and perpetuate re standard requirements to get to a place that we all just really want to be at anyway. Right. Um, and so like I, I want to, that's, that's why I love blowing things up. That's why I love to come in and I have on jeans and I rolled up too high and I have on loafers. So that's, that's my business part. But there you don't see my socks. Right. I know a little French tuck, but that's because we're, I does and they're all super stylish. I'm gonna do whatever they do. I don't have hair. Right. So like I wear a hat because I'm still a little insecure or eyebrows are on point. Well that's all I can say. Something, you know, I told my wife like, somebody will have ads, somebody web eyebrows, I am wear out. So, um, yeah. And so I think there's some of those pieces of going, okay, how then do we, I think, and so it will, I think this is great. We'll tie this back into kind of where in my story, I as I, as I got to a place of realizing that I'm not coach tremendous, what am I, what am I good at, what I wanna do, how do I shift identity mapping came out of that and I was actually taking a client through the process and I was like, yeah, I would love to package it. I don't know what it's called. I don't know. And he was like, really do, it's just like a map, you know, was like a map of my identity and I was like, and thank you and I will be taking that from now on. I remember the moment you said that. And so it is, it is an identity map. Um, and, and I think from that like it's not because I'm going to tell you what your identity is. That's not how this process works. You are going to unpack yourself and I'm going to unbiased as an outsider help you put pieces together and called bullshit on things that are not real affirm. Things I do believe are real so that you end up with a map to look at. And a map doesn't do anything for you if you're not willing to go somewhere. Right? So, and then, and that's the deal. A coach wants to help you get to where you want to go. I want to blow up enough things to get back into place that you can see clearly where you need to go. And I'm going to trust you're going to hire a coach to help you get there. And that's not me. Right? And so like I, I always tell folks in the scale of like zero to 10 in the like, how can we help you? I wanna live in negative one through one. That's my sweet spot, right? Like I want to go, okay, here's where I am. Let's start at the beginning and go back a little further and then come forward a little bit. And living in your about ready and the prime, that pump is primed. We got it. We have a picture, we see the thing. You have your map, you know the coordinates you're about ready to go. You'd better hire a guide or a coach to take you there. And that's not me. And so, uh, you know, again, it's, it's sometimes it sucks because that's not as in the business world, like that's not as sexy, right? Like, that's not as, you can't sell that as well. There's not a lot of like beat you posted on, on like the punch, punch, punch packages, you know, who wants to buy that. But, but I think owning that part gives me a lot of freedom to go, I know what I'm good at. And like coach Burt, I've met him, you know, I just met him two weeks ago and I had been friends for a few months. Uh, and I think both of those guys are brilliant. I think they're both, I think they're awesome. I think they're fabulous in what they do. Um, and I can also look at them and go like, I am not with them in any way, shape or form because I don't do the thing that they do. And guess what, I don't even want to, not even for like, not even for the million dollars. I don't want, I don't want to, I want them to because they are great at it. But, but for those folks who look at them and go, man, I don't even know how I would get to that place. Come to me like that. Let me engage with you there. So that when the coaching starts, the pump has been primed and you're ready to go. And,
Speaker 3:and that's really the last two years. That's the confidence in that we're, I think everybody out there is looking is really, you know, I, I talk a lot about, I can help distill purpose and passion and I know that's why there's so much overlap and why I very much loved everything that you were sharing. And if we can get people to that point, if people can go, they can get themselves to that point. But that's why they also come work with us when they get stuck. I think that's really what, at the end of the day, what everybody's really looking for. And then how do I take this into my relationships and parenting or business or spirituality because it does all go back to those common denominators.
Speaker 2:Yup. Yup. 100%. And so the last two years has really been me going, okay, I have identity mapping. And I started sewing it like both for individuals and then so on it for teams. So whether that's a, whether it's a spiritual team, it's a team in a corporate, in a group of people. And so of experience like ties into my camp days. I have industry days and ties into this for, you know, creating good spaces and what that means, um, days. And so, uh, yeah, I think being in that and doing those things, I could, um, what has led to where I'm now going, okay, why I like being on stage and um, I love workups. Um, I love being able to take an audience of, um, really, really is, I don't care if you're 22 years, 62, uh, really the last 12 months. I have found that both parties, um, well like it, uh, and I think it's again, because we are looking at here where we are culturally, where we are individually, all those sorts of things. And so, um, yeah, want to be able to have 90 minutes to eight hours off, take any of that time for me. I don't really like do anything less than 90. You I'm talking about that. When we, when we met at the obsess conference, it's, you know, almost like, yeah, 45 minutes, right? What we're going to pack 90 minutes in because we, I don't do, I don't do 45 minutes.
Speaker 3:Yeah. But I don't think there was one person who did not walk away with some really valuable, powerful information. And I know when I came up to you after, um, after the break and I'm like, man, like all I do every day is talking about values based decision making. And it's spot on with, with, with what you're in alignment with. Right. I can't help somebody unless they know what their core values are. Right. So when you're talking about identity mapping, how much, right, cause I know you did talk about like there was a lot of the words that you shared and that's part of the identity mapping process. Where does that core values line up with exactly
Speaker 2:what you're doing? Yeah. And so, um, I think as I look at, uh, as I look at my values, so I'm going to start there and then kind of go, why, why I think it's important for other people to see that is, you know, my, my, my top five values are vulnerability, uh, generosity, individuality, fearlessness, and then trust. Um, you know, I, uh, it's my number one value of vulnerability is not because I'm the most one person ever. It's because I am, I am, I'm valued above everything else because I know I need it and I longed for it and I want everything that I do to be in that vein. Right? And so, um, same thing with generosity. Like, yeah, I do. I do. I tend to be a generous person with my, with my things or my money shirt. But that's not that, that's something that the value is just because I want to be able to see things in such a way that allows me to know there has to be more to be given than just what I'm going to get. Right? Like that's they'd shake. And again, and I think that's the key for, for values, both for me. And I think as we take people through that process and do values work is, um, we have to have a language. We have to have enough inaccurate vocabulary to talk about why we do what we do, what, what, what it is that we actually do. Um, and so when we, when we'd have our values, we say it's the why. It's the why you do what you do. It's the reason, intention, motivation behind everything that you choose. Um, and so knowing that then gives me a way to go. Okay, I can pause. And when we say it serves two purposes, it's a foundation and a filter, a foundation to build on the filter, run things through. So then when, when you know, I have five, obviously my wife has five because I'll give you married to me and not, I do a values exercise and um, and then we have five as our family. And so when we make decisions, we look at those five values and go, okay, um, you know, we're, we live here, we would like to have this kind of house on this much land in this area. So is that because, so if we want that, let's look at our values, can we have that and be these people? And if the answer is yes, then great. The is yes. But if the answer is no, that we have to pause and go, okay, we have two choices then then we either don't, we either can't have that if we want to meet these people or we can have that, but that means we are not these people. Right. And so like you can't, you can't have, you can't have both. And then that's it. That's an easy one to look at because you know, by the house or this is a theoretical decision most people make, but then that goes all the way back to like how when I say yes to and how I spend my time and what I do with that and when I go home and how much of that work. And so when I look at my values, even as an individual, uh, yeah. Like I'm not putting in 40 hours a week in full disclosure. I'm not working. I'm not, I don't, I don't want to like, I want to go, I want to be with my family. I want to go home. Um, I want to spend time. That's what I want to do. And so do I miss out on business? Yeah. Do I say no to opportunities? Yes. Have I said no to this same conference that will pay me a lot of money every October 21st to 24th? Yep. They have the same week every year. And I said, no for three years in a row because that's my son's birthday and I'm not going, I don't care how much you pay me. I'm not going wait, like, and so just give us those ability. I think it, I think it builds confidence. I think it builds quality. Um, I think it builds a great foundation to choose. And now I don't have to, like, I don't have to say like, Oh, I'm not doing that because I don't want to, I get to say like, I'm not doing that because that's not who I am. And this is not, it's not because it's not because you're not important to me. It's actually because you are so important to me and I value where I am at so much that I both want to know that I can be me and not have to compete with you. And we can both like that. And so I think as you, you know, as we've, as we have unpacked values and values are kind of the first third of our, the identity mapping process. And it's because like, I just don't think there's a better set of information I can have about you than knowing what your values are. And I know where your core values are. I know where you stand. I know what, how you want to be affirmed, what you like. I know how to get under your skin or whatever that pisses you off. And not that it should be used for that, but it's easy to, it's easy to pick that out. Right? And so, um, so yeah, I just, I mean I just think it's such great information. Now here's the other thing, but figuring out your values and have you run a piece papers about half the battle. The other half the battle is, are you ever going to get this paper again? And are you actually going to make decisions that way? Are you just going to keep doing what you want? And that's that. That is where 90 plus percent of people get in trouble, right? We want to do the first part of the work that says, Oh yeah, yeah, I know what I value. And I go, great. Well then tell me why you say that. You know, I posted on LinkedIn the other day, it was a picture from the obsessed gone, but I put, you know, I was making a funny face up, but this is my, if you work 80 hours a week, but telling your family is most important to you, you're lying face. You know, because I think, I just think that's a huge, I just don't think that's true. And I know it's value neutral. I'm not telling you that it's bad. I don't, I don't have any ability. Well, you know Martin, that it's harmful or malicious, like I can for sure tell you that's bad. But barring your personal choice, like who am I to tell you that 65 hours a week, it's not okay if Hey, if you, if you could do that right. And you feel good about it and that fits in what you value with your family. I mean coach burden, that is, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like coach bird is putting in time honestly is, it's the stories, you know the dude selling fitness now like the dude is, you can join him on a workout and get coaching like brilliant. Hello, brilliant.
Speaker 3:Oh you want that about that so he can be back home and which is what led him to eventually getting the plane so we can be back home at the end of the day or whatever. Right. To not have to be way longer to be with his wife and daughter. Right. And reason. All the things that everybody's priorities and values have to be in sync. Cause there's a, there's a couple that I I worked with and there was a conflict that came up and I said I really know I can help you. I can, I know that this can be solved, but 99% of the problem that I can help you with this first helping you identify your core values. I can help you solve the conflict until I know you guys are either on the same page or not with your core values, like you said, individually have them do their individual values. I had them do their sit down together and what's their relationship couplehood core values and then you might come to find that there no problem to solve because you are just so not in alignment with each other that that's a symptom of this issue, not you know, not the actual main issue. So once we got, once we got them cleared up on the core values and now I'm starting to do really more interventions on it, they've already come back in and they're flying like, it's like, wow, this is like the best two weeks we've ever had because they're going back to that values. I give all my clients my printed out laminated list of core values with definitions and I say, this is how I work. This is also what I expect of you. Does this align with you? Because people aren't going to even get onto my red couch. I don't have a red carpet. I have a red couch, as you can see, right? They're not going to get onto my red couches if we're not in alignment of our shared priorities and mission. And I know, I think that's something really powerful when it comes to the healing crisis. When it comes to a collaborative process, business, family's relationship, it'll take away so much of the conflict and the drama that people are facing in sharing
Speaker 2:when they don't align with that. Yeah. 100% and not only just in with each other, like even internally. Right. And then if, and then if you can get that, like, um, I think there's a great piece where then you go, okay, well then for, for me as we talk about identity mapping and then, okay, what are the other pieces that we can pack onto that too? Just to add, to add typography to our map, right. Let's go with a map analogy and then we have to, if our graphy but then we put some color coding on it, right? And then we put color coding on it and then we go, okay, is I a flat piece of land? Where is that water? Because it's water. I shouldn't, I should avoid that. Right? And so what is my path and what are the places so that I can go is I think I know the friend of mine and it was Jim Jett and she's, she's been a friend of my wife, mass for a long time. And she said this to me, she says this all the time, but she said it to me and it stuck. And I say it all the time now. She's like, I think a lot of times in life we approach things as a right and wrong decision because we is, that feels good to us. We want to feel the goodness of choosing right over overwhelmed. But most decisions in life are right and left. They're not right and wrong. Uh, and, and that's hard for us, right? It's hard for us to know which is right and which is left. We like right and wrong because wrong is easy and I can still feel good about myself, but I think as you need, you need something you need. And for me it's identity mapping. They said there's a lot of ways out there to do it. Other people have a lot of processes, but identity mapping helps me know, should I go right or left? I don't want it to be right or wrong. I want it to be right or left. I want to know, okay, well for me and who I am and why I do things and how I do things and what I do and what that means, I should, I should go right. Like this is a business, a is a turn right decision. And guess what? Guess what happens if you turn right and you get into a month and you realize like, Oh shit. But I think that that requires a little bit of diligence and a little bit of slowness and a little bit of patience. And more importantly for us, it just requires a little bit of grace for ourselves. Like you're not, you're not going to be perfect. You're, you're not gonna get it right 100% of the time. As a matter of fact, you're probably not ever actually going to get it right because it's got, you might just need to get it left. And I think that that's, I think there's a little bit of ambiguity that I think it's difficult for a lot of them. It's myself included at times because that doesn't feel as solid or as confident.
Speaker 3:Do you find that people give up on this process too quickly? That they're starting to build some slow momentum? They're not seeing the outcomes, right? They have this w we, we get clear on something and then we have to put the action steps in and then you have to build the rhythms and rituals. Right. I, I kind of call this like building a lifestyle by design that Minera also talks about it a little bit differently from when it comes from a financial perspective. Um, but I, you know, I put together this process of like, right, we start with the core values and we get into your priorities and then we get into your goals. Then we get into are the action steps for each of those things and then putting it into rhythms and rituals. Um, and then the accountability on that, which really a six or seven step process, I'm finding that people don't have the buy in for longterm, right? We talk about this, um, the instant gratification mindset. Oh, right, they, I wanted, and I want to now Veruca salt from Willy Wonka. How do you challenge that expectation and assumption that this is going to be an overnight fix versus, Hey buddy, this is gonna be a 10 year buy-in. You're going to see momentums, you're going to see these, you're gonna see these, these, these achievements happen and it's going to be really good for a little bit. And then a new awareness is going to come up that you have to, that you never thought you'd have to work on. But because you went through that previous thing and now it's going to let you work on this, how do, how do you feel you can get them to get that buy in to be a little bit more patient for the longterm?
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's great. So there's, here's two things I think every person has to be able to believe. There's two statements. We have to believe the same time, same breath, um, and or define clarity, freedom, opportunity, right? And so, um, for me the two statements are never for. One is that you're wildly unique and extraordinary and there's no one in the world like you, right? Like I believe fundamentally it's impossible for there to be identical twins should we call it integration, but similar twins, it's physically impossible to have anybody. And what about you? Same time, same breath, no punctuation. Uh, second statement is, is that I am 100% regular, meaning that I'm no more, no less valuable than anybody else on earth. Right? And I think the tension of these two statements, the ability to say that there's no one in the world like me and the statement that says that I'm 100% regular, meaning we're all equally valuable. And that the tension of those two things and go to the live and believe both those things at the same time is where we create patients is where we create opportunities. Where we create. We know, because here's why. When you believe both of those, I believe you can stand unapologetically and who you are as a human being. And then I think you can remain fully aware that your neighbor is not your competition in your own purpose. Right? It gives you the ability to, I can stand confidently and go, okay, this is me unapologetically baldhead big eyebrows, all of it. Like this is me and same time and you, you Jason, you are not my competition in my purpose. And so what happens, what happens is where we want instant gratification is I want to know that you are my competition in my purpose of I can beat you so I can feel good when in fact you are never my competition in any way, shape or form. Right? And so even taking even dig into business, even take two eight T and T and sprint, do two companies, they both provide the same thing and we should say they are in direct competition with each other. Like I don't think so. I think there are people who appreciate E because of their brand, who they are and what they provide. There are people who are going to need sprint because of where they live in who are and what they provided. There are two totally different demographics. T-Mobile, totally different demographic, right? Willow phone, totally different. It's, they're all different. But if we would, if we could learn to come to compete in a way that allowed us to be us and not for me to fight you to try to be me, Oh my gosh, there's, there's so much space there. And so I think where that creates patients, where that creates a little bit longer term and they give us the ability to not be the overnight millionaire and the overnight, nothing is overnight. Nobody has ever made$1 million overnight unless you won the lottery and then it's still November, right? Cause you got to wait four weeks to get your check. So it's like it doesn't, it doesn't occur. And so where longevity com was in work, consistency and dedication comes in is the ability to go every day I'm going to wake up and say, I know there's value in me and I know there is no one in the world like me. And I know that I can, I can wake up today and I'm going to bring something into the world nobody else can because my neighbors, not my competition in my own purpose, but every time we do that, we play ping pong and life ago. What are they doing? What are they doing when they do, what are they doing? What happens is we totally missed the entire boat on the exact thing that we were made to do and we're, and then we'd have to be robbed somebody else. And so we do a mediocre job. It's something that we were actually never made or designed to do. Okay. And so, um, I think like, I, I don't, I don't know of another or a better way to be able to say, um,
Speaker 5:[inaudible]
Speaker 2:that there is a clarity and freedom that I believe regardless of where you work or what you believe or your spiritual beliefs, that for every human being, there is no one in the world. Like you, you have a unique set of gifts, talents, abilities, skills, um, desires, passions, I'm emotions and nobody else in the world has our ability to sit in that and spin consistent effort to understand, unpack and grow in those arenas. Then sets us up to do some scene or some things in the world that nobody else can do and that you want to monetize it, monetize it. You want to get a direct deposit or get direct deposit for it. You want to use those skills and go to the job eight to five exactly 40 hours a week. It's been the rest of your time whenever you want and you want to live that life, do that. You want to buy a tiny house and live in that and live on a third of the income that you need because you want to spend, you want to work 10 hours a week. Do that. I'm, I don't, I don't, I am zero interest on how you choose or what you choose to do with your time by grade and desires. I want you to have the clarity though, to be able to say I can confidently know me and I can be in a room with other people who may achieve things that may be culturally look, but that doesn't mean they're more valuable. Right. Like even when you and I met at that conference, I even talked about it in there and I've said a few times since then like it was a moment before I got on stage and I thought like I had to like check myself cause I'm like well what am I doing here? Right. Like judge Graham was getting up and talking to, the dude's got no company of$150 million and then Matt Minero, his whole whole book is you need more money is on stage and live. I was like taking notes and I was like, well I'm broke, I'm broke, I'm broke. I'm like all of his, all of his assessments prove that I don't know what I'm doing. Right. And then everything gets who put on the entire conference and then coach Burt's come in after me and he like has an entire setup with two employees of video guy, a full table of nine books in eight quarters you can buy. And I'm like, Hey listen, here's what we're going to do today. We're going to really talk about how we feel and we're going to get into what we value. What. But there was a moment like that I had to like peel back and go, but that doesn't, if I compare myself and my purpose to what these people are doing, I'm going to lose 100% of the time.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 2:If I back up and they want to go, but there is something that I am bringing in. There has to be a reason that I was asked to be on this stage to do this thing and it replaced stage with friend, replace friend with coffee, replace coffee with by myself into Rick. There has to be a reason that these things are happening. Do I know myself well enough to back up far enough to assess what that is? So that I know what it really means.
Speaker 3:And I think that's one of the most powerful takeaways that I got from that day event was the idea that being a therapist coming into the entrepreneur space, being a therapist and coach in the entrepreneurial world outside of my private practice is that there's not enough talk about this. So the excitement that I had to share with you. Right. And um, and one of the main reasons why I thought this message was so important to get out to the listeners that are out there is that this is the part that we cannot forsake when it comes to our journey, especially in the entrepreneurial space. So, right. So the four domains of this podcast are psychology, spirituality, natural wellness and entrepreneurship.
Speaker 2:Hmm.
Speaker 3:Right. Those are, when you talk about like the four things that like if you can whittle me down into four areas that are the most passionate about, that's it. Right? Music is part of spirituality for me. Right? So add that in there. But I think that this is the space that when people are talking about, like you joked before about the rising grinders that working 60 hours a week and I want work life balance. Well you can't do that if like you, like you said, right? If you're working 60, 70 hours a week, where's the balance? Right? Unless that's your priorities and everybody else wraps around that. But the language that you are speaking, the language of that work that you and I are both doing is probably one of the most vital things that had been missing in this space, in this community. So they'd be able to show up and to be bold and to be yourself and to be brave in that and to own that is really, really, really powerful. So when you're talking about that quote, right, that you're wildly extra ordinary and no one else's like me and the other side of the coin, I'm no more, no less valuable than anybody else reminds me of this really beautiful Jewish mystical teaching by a rabbi Notman who was a Hasidic Hasidic guru, for lack of a better term. Um, the 16, 17 hundreds, and he said that people at all times should have two notes in each of their pockets. One note in each bucket, one note should say rate written. Uh, I am nothing but Dustin ashes. And on the other side, the other notes should say the whole world was created just for me. So the real question is, is how can that both be true? Right? If I'm nothing but dust and ashes, that means I really don't matter. I have to check my ego. Or as the world famous psychologist, dr Kube once said, check before you wreck yourself. Right? And on the other side of the coin is the whole world was created for me, then it's my stewardship. It's my responsibility. It's my accountability. The main question is, is at what point in the day do you pull out which note?
Speaker 2:[inaudible] I think, um, I could, I could not agree more with any of those sentiments or things because I think that is really the key. Um, and it is it take work? Yes. It's take effort. Yes. Is it difficult? Yes. Um, is there beauty and amazement and freedom? And opportunity, um, on the other side, 100%. And I think as we look at ourselves, so some of those[inaudible] those of you that are watching this[inaudible] I think at any place, but specifically in the entrepreneurial world, you know, and, and the biggest word out there is like influence. Who's your influence? Where's your influencing? Um, you know, I think I have found as you look through history, both in good and evil, both the folks that have the greatest influence are those that confidently and truthfully speak out of both sides of our mountain the same time, but not, not in a way to be, um, a jerk or not a way to be, to be a manipulative in a way that is true. Right? All right. And so the ability to say, and I say this a lot and I really, I, in the beginning I think it was defensive, but now I think it's insurable, that guy. I both, I don't care at all. Well, you think about me, I literally, I don't care. At the same time, I want so badly for you to like me and to approve of me and to appreciate me. Right? And like I don't care at all. If you think what I'm saying is right or treat where you think that made it great and I want so badly for you to leave, love it and believe it and for it to affect you and change you. And you can go on down the list. But I think we, we love polarity because polarity gives instant gratification. I want to say I don't give a shit. When you think about me, I'm out. I feel good done. But then what about the other side? We don't want to deal with the other side. Cause other side might mean you can say no one of you'd say, no, I get hurt and then if I get hurt and then we unpack it right? And so like I don't, I think there's really something to, for each of us, I think we all, everybody has some of those[inaudible] amazing he truths that we have that we know that we believe. And so I think it's freedom comes over, you're able to see the other side and know that it has to live and have some read somewhere and our ability to put those things together. Yup. I just think it's really powerful.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and I think the polarity is actually the fuel that gives us the motivation when we really tap into that and identify it and do this type of work. And I think that people out there that are really truly successful on these multiple aspects of life. Like maybe it might've been you who said it that weekend, it's like you could be making the a hundred million dollars a year, but if you're coming home to a family that is just completely falling apart, you're not doing it right. And vice versa. If your family's right doing amazing, but you're not able to put the food on the table, then it's the other side of the coin. It is the ownership of all these different venues of our life that we have to take accountability for and responsibility for. But we have to know how to show up truly in that purpose, truly. In that sense of self and that will, you will find the people to partner with you. We'll find the people that are going to be in alignment with that and the people who are not, hopefully we'll just step away or you'll dismiss them from, from your life. So I know that our time is limited and I know that we have so much more to talk about. So, you know, I just want to wrap up, I guess with the, how can people find you, what's going on in the next little bit for you? What are you putting out there and how can they track you down?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks. And so there's not a lot of Rocky guard there. The only other one I know of is actually here in Dallas and he's a, he's a bass player and I'm not musically inclined. So if you find that guy, it's not me. Um, so yeah, you can, you can find me on my website is just Rocky guards and.com Instagram is at rucking guards or Facebook is slash record yards. That LinkedIn is a IN slash R ocky Garza. U m, yes, any of those places feel free to hit me up, shoot me an email. U m, y ou k now, s he n eeded i t. The M on Instagram or a message on LinkedIn, connect with me, reach out to me, you know, my g rades, desires, b ut find a way that I can serve you and help you, u m, i n that, whether that's one on one personal identity mapping. And so the o f s omething I'm working on now, hopefully by the end of this year, I'm identity mapping will be live as a, as a course you can, you can take online and so o n. There is still the face to face option obviously if you're local or you want to fly in and do that. Um, but the hope is to try to get this where we can, we can create impact in a way that we can get out as many in front of as many people as possible, uh, for you to get the chance to kind of work through that advice, find that space. So we're working on that. Um, yeah, I would love to come in and speak or do a workshop. So any place you are or where you're at, um, we'll, we'll travel and speak. So, uh, wherever those things are, but yeah, we're, we're working on some content. Um, again, you know, I, I want to stay in that negative one-to-one space. That's my sweet spot. And so, um, I'm not going to talk about marketing or scaling or branding or business or that's just not, that's not where I'm at. And so if you're looking for that, and there's a lot of guys have been on this podcast before, I find that for, and they will kill it for you. Um, I think if you want to get more down to the space of looking at what are, who am I and what does that mean then? Uh, yeah, that's, that's where I want to be. So man, it was, it was so, so great to chat with you. I, I foresee us doing this again in the future as special episode number 23 where we, maybe we, maybe we invite folks to come in on a call with us and we are, you do a little punch, punch, punch, hugging for them. Maybe there's, I don't know if it will.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Well w there's so much for us to tackle and accomplish and I think one of the last things I want to, I want to make a special request of you before you have to go is I know that's a big part of your journey has been with your wife. So, and I know she's doing some really cool stuff out there, so I just want to give you 30 seconds just to[inaudible]
Speaker 2:hug her and what she's doing. Yeah, I am, my wife is an interior designer, so, um, her company is called Garza interiors and you can find her regards in T your ears that CEO's are website. We're on Instagram. She's Sara. No, H. S. a. R. a understanding or regards MGA. RZA. Um, she's way prompt. She's, she's way better at everything than I am and just way more inspirational stuff. If you're looking for that on the grams, you should for sure follow her. Uh, yeah, she is great. So we're, we're doing that. We've kind of, hopefully sometime in the next 12 months, us and another of, we're working on some, some couples things and some couples retreats potentially we're gonna put together. So, um, yeah, we've got, we've got a house in East Texas up your API that takes this area at all called the wild outs through the E on wild Airbnbs. So go hang out there. It's a all black modern farmhouse. Would that be a stay there? We'd love to host you if we can't. So um, yeah, that's, that's where we're at. Awesome. Awesome. Awesome. Rocky, thank you so much. I really, really look forward to collaborating with you again and uh, if anybody has any questions obviously can reach out to them on all the different social media places. Check out his YouTube videos, follow him on Instagram, give him a shout out for his awesome. Hadn't as, especially as awesome eyebrows and uh, yeah, that's it. We'll talk to you soon my man. Thanks sir. Appreciate it.
Speaker 1:Thanks for listening to the you winning life podcast. If you are ready to minimize your personal and professional struggles and maximize your potential, we would love it if you subscribe so you don't miss an episode. You can follow us on Instagram and Facebook at you winning life.