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Intimacy and Hearing Loss with Gael Hannan

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When communication becomes challenging, how do we maintain the deep, meaningful connections that make life worth living? This provocative question lies at the heart of our conversation with Gael Hannan, writer, advocate, and bimodal hearing device user who brings remarkable insight into the intersection of hearing loss and intimate relationships.
 
Gail's perspective that "connection with others is as vital as air, water, food—and wine =) sets the tone for an exploration that goes far beyond technological solutions. She introduces us to the concept of "purpose-driven communication"—the deliberate structuring of interactions that allows for meaningful exchange despite hearing challenges. From morning routines with her husband to navigating arguments and emotional moments, Gael reveals the extra layer of consciousness required when hearing loss affects relationships.

What makes this discussion particularly valuable is its practical wisdom. Gael offers strategies for maintaining presence, creating structured opportunities for communication, and shifting focus from "hearing" to "communicating." She emphasizes that hearing aids work better when complemented by behavioral changes and attitude shifts, encouraging both those with hearing loss and their communication partners to develop deeper understanding.
 
Whether you're a hearing care professional seeking to better serve your patients, someone navigating relationships with hearing loss, or a communication partner trying to bridge the gap, this conversation offers profound guidance for moving beyond technological fixes to human solutions. Because at the end of the day, as Gael reminds us, "It's not just about hearing—it's about being heard."

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Gael Hannan:

Well, that's a really personal question, Blaise, and I'm actually very happy to talk about it. Our rhythm in the morning and I don't remember using that exact phrase, but that's what you took from that when I wake up in the morning, I'm deaf, I'm nearsighted. I'm really not at the top of my communication game.

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS :

You're tuned in to the hearing matters podcast, the show that discusses hearing technology, best practices and a global epidemic hearing loss.

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS :

Before we kick this episode off, a special thank you to our partners. Sycle: built for the entire hearing care practice. Redux: the best dryer hands down. CaptionC all by Sorenson: Life is calling. CareCredit: here today to help more people hear tomorrow. Fader Plugs: the world's first custom adjustable earplug. Welcome back to another episode of the Hearing Matters Podcast.

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS :

I'm founder and host, blaise Delfino, and, as a friendly reminder, this podcast is separate from my work at Starkey. You're tuned in to the Hearing Matters Podcast, the show that discusses hearing technology, best practices and a global epidemic hearing loss. I'm your host, blaise Delfino, and today we're exploring a topic that's often overlooked in hearing healthcare but essential to our emotional and relational well-being intimacy and hearing loss. My guest is my good friend Gael Hannan . She is a writer, advocate and bimodal hearing device user who brings both lived experience and thoughtful insight to this conversation. Gael has an upcoming TEDx talk on connection and human communication, and today she's giving us a preview of some of the powerful ideas she'll be sharing. From emotional closeness to physical connection, Gael helps us understand how hearing loss impacts the way we show up in relationships. Whether you're a hearing care professional, someone with hearing loss or a partner navigating this path, this episode has something for you. So, Gael, let's get into it. Welcome back to the Hearing Matters podcast.

Gael Hannan:

I delight to be here, blaise, and I want to thank you for laying such a heavy burden on me, having to live up to that introduction and everything we're going to talk about, but it is an important topic and I'm absolutely thrilled to be here with you talking about it.

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS :

It is essential and this topic, really, you brought to me in October and you planted the seed and I had been thinking about this and let's get right into it. You know, a couple of days ago, during a conversation that we had, you had said that, blaise, connection with others is as vital as air, water and food. So can you just bring us through what inspired that framing and how hearing loss has shaped your understanding of human connection?

Gael Hannan:

That's a really big question. I just did want to correct you a little bit. I did say it is as important as air, food and water, but you left out wine and I just want podcast audience to understand that.

Gael Hannan:

That's fine. That's fine. It is as important that a human connection is vital to our emotional well-being and sometimes even our physical well-being, like, obviously, we need to be able to breathe and drink water and eat food. But for so many of us, even people who define themselves as introverts, our connection with other people gives us our humanity. It gives us a reflection of who we are. It gives us a chance to be human beings and live life fully. For us today, the conversation comes around All right, we have all that. That connection is so important for life laughter, crying, loss, dealing with these things.

Gael Hannan:

But how does hearing loss impact that?

Gael Hannan:

And it has impacted my life lifelong, because I have congenital hearing loss and I grew up with it, although it took me years to understand, truly understand the impact of my hearing loss on my daily life and my interactions with other people.

Gael Hannan:

And once I did start to understand that, as a person with hearing loss, as a woman with hearing loss, as a person with hearing loss, as a woman with hearing loss, it's a real impact and I saw that perhaps I was not communicating to the best of my ability, even with my devices, and I made changes in that and it was life changing and not everyone has that opportunity to do that.

Gael Hannan:

Because when you have hearing loss so often you go okay, I've got hearing loss and you stay isolated. You don't know you can reach out for help, you don't know there are resources, you don't know that there are things that you are missing. So hearing loss has a big impact from missing the little side comments that don't exist to us because we didn't hear them. For us, struggling in communication in difficult surroundings and struggling when we are having moments of deep humanness with other people whether it's arguing with your spouse and grief over loss of a parent or your cat Hearing loss makes it harder, just puts an extra layer of work into the conversation. So I mean that's all the negative side. But then the things that we're going to get into today is talk about how we can equalize that balance of struggle and opportunity.

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS :

How do you bring up hearing loss being isolating and we'll get into this a little bit later. But what I find so interesting is that in today's day and age, we are the most socially connected demographic really to ever exist. Then, put on top of the emerging technology with which we have today those with hearing loss, you have incredible technology. You've got Bluetooth, you've got AuraCast being connected from a technological standpoint. Yet even though we have all of these technologies, individuals who wear hearing technology oftentimes still do feel isolated, and you and Sherry and a bunch of other not only subject matter experts, but those living with the technology are encouraging those wearing the technology of. This is how to remain connected, human to human while leveraging that technology. So in a recent conversation you had mentioned that you and your husband, doug have a unique rhythm to your mornings. Walk us through that experience and really you know what it reveals about intimacy and communication with hearing loss.

Gael Hannan:

Well, that's a really personal question, blaze, and I'm actually very happy to talk about it. Our rhythm in the morning and I don't remember using that exact phrase, but that's what you took from that when I wake up in the morning, I'm deaf, I'm nearsighted, I'm really not at the top of my communication game. So we don't verbally communicate until I am connected. So I need to be connected and we just, we just don't talk. I'll tell you that's something I think about. Oh, what would it be like to be a hearing person and what would I love to be able to do? And it would be the immediacy of communication that could wake up in the morning and he'd say morning honey, and I could say morning honey, and then we just move along with that little moment. We don't have those moments. We have to create those moments or to be able to communicate in the dark, which I can't do.

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS :

Everyone's morning, of course, is different and their morning routine. But you really touched that point of you were saying how you know. Sure, it would be great if, when we woke up, we could say good morning honey, good morning sweetheart. You know I put the coffee on for you, but you know we'll talk about this purpose-driven communication. You sort of have to prep yourself in the morning to have that purpose-driven communication which absolutely affects intimacy.

Gael Hannan:

Yeah, and I wonder if we could actually right now just define what intimacy means before we go any farther. To me, intimacy so anyone who's tuning into this to figure out a sex guide for people with hearing loss is going to be very disappointed. Maybe not completely disappointed, but to me intimacy is a deeper connection with a person, and it could be your lover, it could be your spouse, it can also be your family, your children, and you know like having an intimate relationship with my son means that we're able to discuss things on a level you know, a different kind of level. So intimacy involves communication, and spoken communication is the language that we use, regardless whether it's English, italian, whatever.

Gael Hannan:

Having hearing loss impacts that ability. Whispered words we can't hear, so we have to ask someone to repeat them or to speak up, which can cause the moment to disappear or it can elevate it. The barrier is we don't hear, but we have the ability to overcome that using strategies. But the other issue on intimacy is that we might hold ourselves back from intimacy because we are afraid that we are not going to hear someone. That's going to be too difficult. So we and a typical example of this is what we used to call slow dancing in high school you know, slow dancing.

Gael Hannan:

Oh, we're going to slow dance with a boy tonight and you slow dance. But for a hearing aid user, instead of just like this, we're like holding our head over here because we're nervous of our hearing aids squealing and this ruins everything for us. We're so focused on the fear of embarrassing ourselves and we're keeping ourselves from being intimate with that person. Intimacy is a slow dance.

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS :

Gael, a couple of days ago we were having a conversation and the word purpose-driven conversation was brought up. I thought it was so interesting because you had said that when you and Doug wake up in the morning, you're essentially priming yourself to then have these purpose-driven conversations. So can you explain what you mean by purpose-driven conversation and how that can shift relationship dynamics?

Gael Hannan:

Yeah, it can mean a number of different things and it's different than a purposeful communication, which means that I'm planning on talking to you and this is what I want to get out of this conversation. What I meant by purpose driven is that it is set up and it is managed. So I need to communicate with you. I want to communicate with you. I have to put things in place so that can happen. The basic is having my devices on, making sure that we turn the TV noise down and all of these other things that we have to do to manipulate our environment.

Gael Hannan:

So it is a structured, so maybe it's structure conversation might be a little bit, be more apt here and again. It's not about the content of what we're talking about. It's the actual interaction, the delivery of what we're saying and receiving it from that other person. I am always aware, always aware, and this is again, this is where energy comes in. I have to set it up. Oh, I'm not going to hear him or her, or this is a group situation. So you sit over here. You sit over here and so that I can see your faces, and please let us try to speak one at a time, all of these things. So that is what I mean by purpose-driven, a structured communication for me. I need to do what's right for me here, and if I don't do these things, then I am not going to be understanding at the same level as the people with whom I'm communicating with.

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS :

I'm so excited because I truly believe this episode is going to help a lot of individuals. I recall when I was in private practice full time, you know the patient would come in and oftentimes it was the husbands who would say well, you know she just mumbles, or my wife will walk away and continue talking. And there's that I don't want to say denial, because the patient's already in the office. But they're definitely going through that grieving process and I could see how, let's say, someone in their 50s or 60s is fit with hearing. Technology is so used to how they were communicating with their loved one, with their wife or their husband, for so many years prior to that. Now they almost have to learn how to have these purpose-driven conversations but then also to maintain that intimacy. It's almost like a change management aspect as it relates to communication.

Gael Hannan:

It totally is change management, which is not a term we normally use in intimacy, but that's what it is. If you don't, then you will draw apart. That's the isolating aspect and I'm sure you saw that so many times with your clients in the offices that they just retreat. They're dealing with the stigma of hearing loss. The noise is bothering them. It's just so much work to communicate that they don't, and so that intimacy has been suspended and I would say suspended because I would hope that they would regain that.

Gael Hannan:

I had a bit of an advantage in that I grew up with hearing loss. So when I connected with Doug, who I call the hearing husband in my work, I already had hearing loss. In fact we worked together so we first communicated in a business environment, so already knew and that was really interesting to take that to a personal level when it happened and communicating well. So we already had a leg up Doesn't mean he was always very good at it. I just throwing that in there because it's a learned behavior and communication flow for hearing people. You do what you do, you hear, you can't help it, Whereas we and that's where the purpose driven, we, we deliberately have to work to hear. That's where the drive and the. I know what I have to do. How much time were you able to spend with your husband and wife client to help them with the strategies on that? And that's why I know this topic is very important to you.

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS :

Absolutely, and that's where, again, I don't want to personally bring us down a rabbit hole but the use of remote microphones really to bridge that gap of let's, increase the signal to noise ratio. So if you are apart from each other in one room and the other room, it's easier to communicate. But, Gael, I'm curious, what is something about communication and connection that hearing people might take for granted but might often be a challenge or even a conscious effort in hearing loss relationships?

Gael Hannan:

We don't have the spontaneity that you have, and so much can happen in a moment. If we don't hear a comment, the conversation goes on without us because we don't have that information and we don't have that information. I can't tell you how many times I have emerged from conversation with a totally not even different takeaway or opinion. But I'm on a different planet and we don't have that spontaneity and which can cause friction down the road to. We have two types of of what arguing my husband and I. One is when we're having a disagreement, which is rare, because he doesn't like to argue. I'd like to. I should be Italian, I want to get it all out there. He would just rather leave the room. One is that we're having a discussion about something and I might not catch what he's saying. So it just takes more work in this intimate argument, because disagreements are part of intimacy as well being able to communicate and feel safe. I might have misunderstood him.

Gael Hannan:

Whatever we're talking about, that's one aspect of arguing with hearing loss. The other is we're arguing about hearing loss and how, even after a million years together, the hearing husband will go blah, blah, blah, walks off. Blah, blah, blah. I said. Do you think that my hearing returned overnight. Do you think my ability to understand returned overnight, which doesn't help because I see dee, dee, dee. So that is the other type. We argue about communication because it is a constant there. As the third, it's the elephant in the room that we always have to deal with every single day, my husband and I.

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS :

And thank you for being vulnerable and sharing that Because, again, we want to encourage current hearing aid users today whether you were just diagnosed or just fit today, this week or, you know, months prior to have that open dialogue with your spouse on hey, you know, yes, this is new for both of us, but how can we continue to maintain our intimacy and ensure that we're communicating effectively? So, Gael, you shared a hilarious story about glow-in-the-dark lipstick and not hearing in the dark. So what do moments like that sort of teach us about adapting humor and closeness in relationships?

Gael Hannan:

Just a little background on this hearing-in-the-dark lipstick, just in case someone goes that's a great idea. Well, it's not a great idea because, back to the point, I can't converse in the dark, I am deaf in the dark and if you think about it, yeah, dark, two different senses. But no, I cannot communicate in the dark. Not going to happen, don't even try. I might hear a noise, so but again, back to that spontaneity. I would love to be able to communicate in the dark, and this speaks to moments of urgency, for example and this has happened being parents raising a child, and in the middle, or whenever in the middle of the night, I get a on my shoulder which means there is an issue. It could mean I'm snoring, but usually it means there's an issue. Get up and I go okay, all right, but what do I have to do? I have to turn on the light, reach over, open my. Actually now I have to go into another room, get out my devices and have that conversation, which hopefully isn't too serious. I thought it would be. So again, it's just a yearning for that being able to be in the moment, right then and there with my husband or whoever.

Gael Hannan:

The glow in the dark lipstick, I thought, wouldn't that be a great idea? I'd be able to see his lips moving. But if you know anything about speech reading, if you saw the lips moving. There's no other context. You don't know whether my husband's crying because something happened or he's scared or whatever.

Gael Hannan:

So it's just to illustrate that so many things need to be in place for us to have those moments, for us to communicate, to share a moment, and so much of communication is in the little moments. You know one thing that we'll do if we pass each other he's going outside, I'm coming inside we just let our fingers touch as we pass each other. I'm sure everyone does this to some degree, or maybe they don't, but that is our touch, is so much of our connection and our looks and our smiles, our facial expressions. Unfortunately, I often like I'm smiling now, but my go-to face is this, and that's because I've spent a lifetime trying to understand frown, frowning, and this can be very off-putting for people, especially when hearing loss enters a relationship of people who've been together for a while. It's frowning, people think they've done something wrong, or it's scary. Growing up, my mother used to say smile, Gael, I go, I am. I didn't know I wasn't smiling, I was just focusing on what was being said.

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS :

You said a couple of minutes ago that touch and shared looks sometimes fill in the gaps where words can't like. When you and your husband pass each other and grazing hands, I mean that is language between the two of you and you're maintaining that intimacy. Talk to us about the role of nonverbal communication in your marriage and how that supports emotional intimacy. That sounds like a PhD thesis. Well, Gael, if there's anyone to write this thesis and talk about it, it is absolutely you, because you are a distinguished author.

Gael Hannan:

We are so visual, people with hearing loss. We are so visual because we depend on all the senses, even the sense of smell. We use these things we all do as people, but we rely heavy on the visual. It is a myth that if one sense goes, another sense gets better. Now what happens is that we use it more and we are more dependent on it and we've learned how to use it. So, people with hearing loss, we are visual people, always looking, and we need to look and take information from the faces of the people that we're communicating with. That's why, if all of a sudden, people start frowning, what did I miss? What did I miss In speech reading?

Gael Hannan:

We read, not just the lips. I mean, I don't just stare at your lips. Blaze, May I compliment you on a well-trimmed mustache. Very good, that's important. But the eyes and the body language and all of these things are so important. And touch, oh touch. Imagine if you couldn't, if you couldn't touch someone, if you couldn't. You're a new dad, you know. Touching your son, touching your wife. It is a nonverbal form of communication, reassurance of love.

Gael Hannan:

I, as a person with hearing loss, things are very, very important to me. If I can't see you, I'm not going to understand you, Unless, of course, I'm the phone coming straight into my ears. But generally speaking, when we're talking face-to-face communication or live non-technical communication, I need to see you, I need to sort of soak in what you're telling me and I need to interpret that, which I still may misinterpret frequently If the facial expression isn't quite with the words or tone of voice or that person is not being totally present or intimate. So all of those things, what we see, what we hear, what we feel. And then there's that when I say what we feel, what we hear, what we feel, and then there's that I say what we feel, that that emotional exchange, all of these other things contribute to that emotional exchange or intimacy between people.

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS :

Thank you so much for touching on that, Gael, because we've been for the. You know the first half of this episode talking about emotional intimacy because unfortunately, when someone hears the word intimacy, they just go right to the physical aspects and that's not correct. There's so much more to intimacy than just that. But I do want to dive into the vulnerability of physical intimacy, and you had shared a deeply moving story about a former partner who gently challenged the choice to remove your hearing aid during physical intimacy. And what did that moment teach you and how did it carry into your marriage with Doug?

Gael Hannan:

It's one of those moments that you only realize in hindsight the impact of that moment. And I had a partner, a boyfriend, and at the time I was in the practice of before having being intimate with a partner and making love. I would take out my device and, you know, at that time my hearing loss wasn't as severe. I could still hear someone, but essentially I took out my mode of hearing and my boyfriend said why do you do that? And I said Well, I'm just just very aware of it. I'm afraid that it'll squeak and that's embarrassing and, uh, I wasn't really worried about it falling out.

Gael Hannan:

Um, but again, it was that stigma. And he said I, I don't want you to do that, I want you I mean you, you know, without going into too much detail to be able to hear and participate and talk. And which, if I don't hear as well, how am I going to, you know? So I went, oh, okay, so I started wearing my hearing aid. Years later, with my now husband, I told him this story and as I was telling him this story, it was so beautiful, His eyes filled with tears and he said I am so grateful to him for that gift that he gave you to help you through that moment. So it was. It was a big thing, and so that was my former boyfriend's gift to my husband by helping me through that and becoming truly allowing myself to be more intimate and fully communicating with my partner, with my lover, with my husband.

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS :

Well, Gael, thank you. Thank you so much for being so vulnerable because you know we my lover with my husband Well, Gael, thank you. Thank you so much for being so vulnerable, because you know we had connected, of course, prior to recording this episode, and that was a story that you wanted to share with our audience. So so, thank you for that and, following up on that, a lot of it was. You had talked about feeling flawed. The internal question that can arise of will I still be loved now that I'm quote, flawed? And for people who might be struggling with that self-worth in their relationships, what would you want them to hear?

Gael Hannan:

You have hearing loss. You may be a flawed person, but it's not because of your hearing loss, whatever flaws you we're all flawed.

Gael Hannan:

We're all flawed right, yeah, that hearing loss is. You didn't cause this. Most likely, you were not the cause of this A significant percentage of the population. This is part of the human condition. This is the physical manifestation of a body not working. We're organic beings and we should not feel that we are flawed, allowing ourselves to feel that we are lesser than or buying into that stigma because it might have been drilled into us through our society, through, maybe, families. I hear so many horror stories of people growing up with hearing loss and their families just didn't want them to mention it, talk about it, know about it. You are not flawed and if you hold yourself back from things that you used to do or being as open with people and conversing with them, communicating with them, being intimate with them, you're only causing yourself undue stress. This isn't something I learned overnight. I only realized how much stigma had been driving me that guy. We're expecting a baby and for the first time, my hearing loss worried me. Because what if I couldn't hear my child? And I didn't know.

Gael Hannan:

This is what actually led me into hearing loss advocacy. I didn't know anyone else with hearing loss or significant hearing loss no one in my circle so I reached out to other people with hearing loss. I went to a conference the Canadian Heart of Hearing Association. A woman sat down with me and she had a baby in her arms who clearly had thrived, even though his mommy or her mommy had hearing loss, and that was wonderful. That was very affirming for me. But it was also being at that conference and I walked out of there a different person. I walked out of there with a woman, a profound and new, better self-image of myself as a person with hearing loss and that's what drove me forward to everything.

Gael Hannan:

What I started doing. And you know my baby thrived. He's almost 30. He's six foot seven, the best communicator I know, and he really took having a mom with hearing loss to heart and he knows he's a really good communicator. But the stigma vanished for me at that conference, which is why, meeting other people with hearing loss or listening to podcasts with people with hearing loss and taking what you learn from them, with what you learn from hearing care providers, because hearing loss affects all aspects of our life, we need strategies for all aspects of our life, including intimacy, including allowing ourselves to reconnect and be close to people again, regardless of what role they play in our life and it does take some knowledge and some work and some time.

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS :

And Gael, you just teed me up there because when you talk about, even after all these years of being married, there's still this quote communication friction, but the importance of finding your tribe and leaning into a community and leaning into individuals who know what you're going through. You don't feel so alone. Then Hearing loss is isolating already and there's a book called the Mountain Is you and I read that for the first time like three weeks ago and I was like oh my gosh, and it might be because of a stigma, but we're encouraging. If you're tuned in right now and you are new to wearing hearing technology, lean into that community. Reach out to Gael, because it's so important.

Gael Hannan:

Finding community. We use all these buzzwords but I did. I found community. I hear so many people say they feel caught between the hearing world and the deaf world and I tried to argue that I don't have the right words. I understand they feel that they don't communicate effectively with anyone Most of us with acquired hearing loss or who still use spoken language.

Gael Hannan:

The deaf community is not our community, the signing deaf community. We use spoken language and our community might not be as well defined, with its own language and with its own cultures, but it's about being able to learn how to communicate better and by having other people meeting with them, even however briefly. It's affirming. It's just a sense of they understand and oh, that's interesting that they do that. I'll try that. That might work for me. Peace, knowing that you're not flawed. That this is a condition that the World Health Organization says that by 2050, the number of people worldwide with disabling hearing loss meaning they need technology or help to hear will double. It's over 700 million In 25 years. That's going to happen. It's a global epidemic.

Gael Hannan:

A global epidemic.

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS :

I don't want to go too deep here, but I do have the question about figuring it out with your spouse, meaning the conversational glitches that might occur. But I'm really interested, Gael, in psychology as a whole because at the end of the day, humans it's all psychology, right Our brains operate, our bodies and how we respond and act, and there is definitely a difference between the mind and the brain. Either way, I'm interested in what's called the maladaptive schemas and there's different schemas and one of them is like unrelenting standards, punitiveness, and there's all different ones and I just I like to ask questions and be curious. And it's like you know, when someone is diagnosed with hearing loss later in life, if they already presented with a high schema of unrelenting standards, that might increase to very high because now they're used to being performance driven, performance based. Now a hearing impairment, they might think, is going to stop me or hinder me, which is not the case.

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS :

So the reason I bring that up to tee out this question is figuring it out and navigating and pivoting, even after 35 years of marriage. You've said that there's still friction, like Doug walking away and mumbling. I feel like we're picking on Doug a lot here and I haven't even met him, but I'm sure he's a wonderful, wonderful guy and pleasure to meet you over this podcast, Doug. But what are some of the everyday glitches that you've learned to navigate and what advice would you give to couples today? Maybe one of them is hearing impaired, the other is not still figuring that out.

Gael Hannan:

First of all I would like to apologize to my husband, doug, because he's not the only one who causes the bad communication moments. I also make mistakes on a daily basis. You know. One of the things that to navigate it and this is really important is what I've learned after that time. At that conference, I started to understand hearing loss better when you understand what's going on and how hearing works at its best, at its most natural, and what makes it not work. If you have a commitment to understanding that, then you will understand how communication can go wrong and how it can be improved. And even now it constantly surprises me that it's not going to come out quite the right way.

Gael Hannan:

Douglas can't instinctively understand hearing loss, even though he's married to me because he is a hearing person. He still operates under the fact that he hears well. But as time has gone on and he better understands the reality of hearing loss and he's totally impacted by my hearing loss. So he understands what it's like to be the hearing spouse of a person with hearing loss. But when he better understands how hearing actually works and what causes it not to, then he can also anticipate when things are not going to be good, and so I really believe that to navigate it, to understand the impact of hearing loss even before the impact, understand hearing loss, understand its impact, understand what will help restore communication, and that takes work, it just does.

Gael Hannan:

And this is where the role of the hearing care professional I think should be amplified. I think that the hearing care professional in some ways needs to offer more support in this area of oral rehabilitation. Yes, yeah, and if they can't do it in office, then use resources outside of their clinical time, which means referring people and to peer resources. And I'm also going to say I think that peer resources, consumer resources, need to be supported by the professional hearing care community, because when you have organizations like the Hearing Loss Association of America and other countries, they need to be giving qualified advice, they need to be giving trained advice, and it does take money. And I'm saying this because I see so often that consumer groups are sort of looked down on by professional groups and sometimes consumer groups.

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS :

Collaboration is essential because it is absolutely a trickle down effect. I am a hearing care professional and when it comes to the you know, oral rehabilitation, you do have tools like Lace AI Pro. That is a tool that is available to consumers today. That addresses AR, which is oral rehabilitation. But hearing care professionals should be walking with their patients throughout this journey and what are the conversations they're having at their follow-ups? The unfortunate truth, I guess, is majority of hearing care professionals aren't even conducting real ear measurement, and that's a technological aspect of what we do. I can imagine less than 15% of hearing care professionals have a oral rehabilitation program. And why is that important? Because you are working with your patient on how to communicate in this new hearing world.

Gael Hannan:

Hearing aids work better when they have other things in place. So, and when Sherry Ebers and I talk about in our book here and Beyond these other things that people with hearing loss need, beyond this understanding we've been talking about is a shift in attitudes, you know, getting rid of the stigma and having understanding how like, for example, when I change my goal from hearing to communicating. Better things change for me, but we need that and we also need to learn how to communication behaviors. I think we're not going too far off on intimacy, because how we communicate affects our intimate lives and hearing care professionals. So often I've been speaking to university audiology programs for 20 to 30 years, and I've spoken at many professional conferences, and so often, though, we hear, I hear, and Sherry hears, we hear together. Oh, so great to hear the client perspective Excuse me, the client perspective. It should be underpinning of your service to understanding what we need, and too much of a focus on the hearing technology. Yes, it's the first important stop. Oh, wow, now I can hear better. But everything we've talked about is not the only thing in communication. Encourage all of the manufacturers to introduce to not only their client network hearing care professionals but also their employees to understand the deep dive into what we feel and need. Yes, your hearing aid may be great, but this is what you need to know and I feel so strongly about this. I feel that just stop with the total focus that if all of these new technical terms, these new hearing aid come out, it has this, this and this and this.

Gael Hannan:

What the hell does that mean to me? I don't know. Is it going to help me in my conversation with my husband? Is it going to help me deal with the anxiety I feel? How will I know how to do this? How will I find the words to express my emotions in an intimate setting? So I just really encourage hearing care professionals to make it a point to learn that. Reach out to us really and absorb. Don't assume that you know it because you're an audiologist or hearing instrument specialist, unless you have hearing loss yourself. You don't know it, in spite of everything you've learned in the books. Find out and add that knowledge, add that deeper level of understanding of your client and you will help yourself and you will help us more, because we need help. We're not helpless people, but we need help to communicate.

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS :

And Gael, the importance of being present as a hearing care professional when you are working with your patient, because you shouldn't be thinking about the next patient you have. When you are fully present there. You're learning about the patient, learning about their needs, who their communication partners are. Are they married? What does that look like? What are some barriers to entry that might be affecting this specific patient? And, speaking of being present, you've spoken about being present in the moment and not bluffing. Expand on what presence looks like in practice for someone who's hard of hearing or their partner.

Gael Hannan:

What I'm talking about being present is that I am not bluffing. I am fully engaged in that conversation, regardless of what that conversation is, and the only way I can be fully engaged is that I have created or ensured that I am understanding and hearing. Therefore, I need to be able to hear, see the person. So I've reduced background noise. There's plenty of light, take off your ball cap, get your hand away from your mouth. These are all the simple things that if I don't have these in place, I can't possibly be present in the conversation. The other type of presence means I'm really fully interested in what you're saying, which I'm not always. So that's a different type of being present. But for me, being present means that I've removed those barriers and so I am free to fully communicate. Those barriers are there. I'm going to be straining. That doesn't mean I won't say pardon, but I have created the best possible communication with that person.

Gael Hannan:

So with my husband, we have a hot tub and we go in the hot tub every morning and it is very much our time when we can sit and it's just us talking rather than moving around, shifting, doing things. You know, working, writing. My husband isn't one for long, long conversations, and so this is why being in a hot tub for 40 minutes and it's our time and so we, that's really precious to both of us. He may not use the word precious, but it's important to him, so that we're face to face, we can hear he turns off the whirlpool because I can't hear well the background noise, plus it's outside. I like to hear the birds. So we created that is a purpose-driven conversation, right, and that is an intimate moment or intimate time with my husband when we are focused on each other. And that's another definition of intimacy, it's focus.

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS :

Absolutely, Gael. This has been such a wonderful conversation For our listeners with hearing loss. What message do you hope that they carry with them after hearing your story?

Gael Hannan:

I would hope that it might be a starting point to reflect on how you communicate and I would say you, it's a starting point to reflect on how we communicate. You, that is a starting point to reflect on how we communicate. You can look at your life with hearing loss and say I'm pretty happy with it and I think I'm doing all the right things. That's great, but if not, it's a starting point. You have the right. We have the right to intimacy. We have the right to participate. My byline for years was it's not just about hearing, it's about being heard, and that is something that we all have the right to and we can all grow. You know we talked about relationships growing and deepening, and we can contribute to that by being more present and being more purpose-driven. So I hope this is a starting point for even if there's one person listening or watching, that this might start a new conversation in your life.

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS :

Well, that's it for today's episode of the Hearing Matters podcast. A huge thank you to Gael Hannon for her openness, vulnerability and, of course, wisdom. Intimacy is about presence, communication and mutual care and, Gael, you reminded us that, even with hearing loss, those things are not out of reach. They just take a little intention, and if today's episode resonated with you, please share it with someone you care about. And, as always, we'll catch you next time right here on the Hearing Matters podcast. Until next time, hear life's story.

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Blaise M. Delfino, M.S. - HIS

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