Encore: How Hearing Loss Affects Intimacy, Marriage, and Relationships

Some problems in a relationship don’t show up as big fights. They show up as tiny misses: a mumbled comment from the next room, a joke that lands late, a “good morning” that never happens because the hearing aids aren’t on yet. 

We’re sitting down with writer, advocate, and bimodal hearing device user Gael Hannan to talk about the part of hearing loss that rarely gets discussed out loud: intimacy, and what it takes to protect closeness when communication takes effort.

Gael explains why spontaneity can be one of the biggest losses, and how she and her husband build a morning rhythm that works with real life hearing realities. We dig into “purpose-driven communication” (structured conversations, better environments, less bluffing), the power of nonverbal language like touch and facial expression, and why a focused moment can matter more than perfect words. We also get candid about physical intimacy, hearing aids, and the stigma that can make someone feel “flawed” even when nothing about their worth has changed.

We zoom out to hearing health care, too: hearing technology is improving fast, but aural rehabilitation, counseling, and partner support often lag behind. If you’re a hearing aid user, a partner, or a hearing care professional, you’ll leave with practical communication strategies, a clearer view of listening fatigue, and a stronger case for community support. Subscribe, share this with someone you care about, and leave a review so more people can find conversations like this.

Connect with the Hearing Matters Podcast Team

Email: hearingmatterspodcast@gmail.com

Instagram: @hearing_matters_podcast

Facebook: Hearing Matters Podcast

Transcript

A Morning Without Sound

Gael Hannan 0:00

Well that's a really personal question, Blaze, and I'm actually very happy to talk about it. Our rhythm in the morning, and I don't remember using the exact phrase, but that's what that you took from that. When I wake up in the morning, I'm deaf. I'm nearsighted. I'm really not at the top of my communication game.

Why Intimacy And Hearing Intersect

Blaise M. Delfino, M.S. - HIS 0:25

Welcome back to the Hearing Matters Podcast, where we explore hearing technology, communication science, and the people and ideas shaping the future of hearing health care and hearing loss around the world. Before we kick things off, special thank you to our partners. Care Credit. Here today to help more people here tomorrow. Inventis. Inventis is innovation. Blueprint solutions. Clinic management made easy for hearing care professionals. Now with Blueprint AI and fader plugs. The world's first custom adjustable earplug. Welcome back to another episode of the Hearing Matters Podcast. I'm your founder and host, Blaise Delfino. And as a friendly reminder, this podcast is separate from my work at Starkey. Now, let's get into the conversation. You're tuned in to the Hearing Matters Podcast, the show that discusses hearing technology, best practices, and a global epidemic, hearing loss. I'm your host, Blaise Delfino, and today we're exploring a topic that's often overlooked in hearing healthcare, but essential to our emotional and relational well-being, intimacy and hearing loss. My guest is my good friend Gail Hannon. She is a writer, advocate, and bimodal hearing device user who brings both lived experience and thoughtful insight to this conversation. From emotional closeness to physical connection, Gail helps us understand how hearing loss impacts the way we show up in relationships. Whether you're a hearing care professional, someone with hearing loss, or a partner navigating this path, this episode has something for you. So, Gail, let's get into it. Welcome back to the Hearing Matters Podcast.

Gael Hannan 2:14

I'd delight to be here, Blaze. And I want to thank you for laying such a heavy burden on me, having to live up to that introduction and everything we're going to talk about. But it is an important topic, and I'm absolutely thrilled to be here with you talking about it.

Blaise M. Delfino, M.S. - HIS 2:29

It is essential. And I had been thinking about this, and let's get right into it. During a conversation that we had, you had said that, Blaise, connection with others is as vital as air, water, and food. So can you just bring us through what inspired that framing and how hearing loss has shaped your understanding of human connection?

Gael Hannan 2:54

That's a really big question. I just did want to correct you a little bit. Um, I did say it is as important as air, food, and water, but you left out wine. And I just want podcast audience to understand that that's fine. That's fine. It is as important. This human connection is vital to our emotional well-being and sometimes even our physical well-being. Like obviously, we need to be able to breathe and drink water and eat food. But for so many of us, even people who define themselves as introverts, our connection with other people gives us our humanity. It gives us a reflection of who we are. It gives us a chance to be human beings and live life fully. For us today, the conversation comes around all right, we we have all that, that connection is so important for life, laughter, crying, loss, dealing with these things. But how does hearing loss impact that? And it has impacted my life, lifelong, because I have congenital hearing loss and I and I grew up with it. Although it took me years to understand, truly understand the impact of my hearing loss on my daily life and my interactions with other people. And once I did start to understand that as a person with hearing loss, as a woman with hearing loss, it's a real impact. And I saw that perhaps I was not communicating to the best of my ability, even with my devices. And I made changes in that, and it was life-changing. And not everyone has that opportunity to do that because when you have hearing loss, so often you go, okay, I've got hearing loss, and you stay isolated. You don't know you can reach out for help. You don't know there are resources, you don't know that there are things that you are missing. So hearing loss has a big impact from missing the little side comments that don't exist to us because we didn't hear them, for us struggling in communication in difficult surroundings. Um, and struggling when we are having moments of deep humanness with other people, whether it's arguing with your spouse and grief over loss of a parent and or your cat, hearing loss makes it harder, just puts an extra layer of work into the conversation. So, I mean, that's all the negative side, but then the things that we're going to get into today is just talk about how we can equalize uh that balance of struggle and opportunity.

Connected Tech Yet Feeling Isolated

Blaise M. Delfino, M.S. - HIS 5:40

How do you bring up hearing loss, being isolating? And we'll get into this a little bit later. But what I find so interesting is that in today's day and age, we are the most socially connected demographic really to ever exist. Then put on top of the emerging technology with which we have today, uh, those with hearing loss, you have incredible technology, you've got Bluetooth, you've got Oracast being connected from a technological standpoint, yet, even though we have all of these technologies, individuals who wear hearing technology oftentimes still do feel isolated. And you and Sherry and a bunch of other not only subject matter experts, but those living with the technology are encouraging those wearing the technology of this is how to remain connected human to human while leveraging that technology. So, in a recent conversation, you had mentioned that you and your husband, Doug, have a unique rhythm to your mornings.

The Morning Rhythm With Doug

Blaise M. Delfino, M.S. - HIS 6:50

Walk us through that experience and really, you know, what it reveals about intimacy and communication with hearing loss.

Gael Hannan 6:59

Well, that's a really personal question, Blaze. And I'm actually very happy to talk about it. Our rhythm in the morning, and I don't remember using the exact phrase, but that's what that you took from that. When I wake up in the morning, I'm deaf, I'm nearsighted, I'm really not at the top of my communication game. So we don't verbally communicate until I am connected. So I need to be connected and we just we just don't talk. I'll tell you, that's something. If I think about oh, what would it be like to be a hearing person and what would I love to be able to do? And it would be the immediacy of communication that could wake up in the morning and he'd say, Morning, honey, and I could say morning, honey, and then we just move along with that little moment. I we don't have those moments. Uh, we have to create those moments, or to be able to, you know, communicate in the dark, um, which I can't do.

Blaise M. Delfino, M.S. - HIS 8:01

Everyone's morning, of course, is different and their morning routine, but you really touched that point of you were saying how, you know, sure, it would be great if when we woke up, we could say, good morning, honey, good morning, sweetheart. I, you know, I put the coffee on for you. But, you know, we'll talk about this purpose-driven communication. You sort of have to prep yourself in the morning to have that purpose-driven communication, which absolutely affects intimacy.

Gael Hannan 8:31

Yeah. And I wonder if we could actually right now just define what intimacy means before we go any farther. To mean intimacy. So anyone who's tuning in into this to figure out be a sex guide for people with hearing loss is going to be very disappointed, maybe not completely disappointed, but to me, intimacy is a deeper connection with a person. And it could be your lover, it could be your spouse, it can also be your family, your children. And, you know, like having an intimate relationship with my son means that we're able to discuss things on a level, you know, a different kind of level. So intimacy involves communication, and spoken communication is the language that we use, regardless, whether it's English, Italian, whatever. Having hearing loss impacts that ability. Whispered words we can't hear. So we have to ask someone to repeat them or to speak up, which can cause the moment to disappear or it can it can elevate it. The barrier is we don't hear, but we have the ability to overcome that using strategies. But the other issue on intimacy is that we might hold ourselves back from intimacy because we are afraid that we are not going to hear someone, that's going to be too difficult. So we, and a typical example of this is what we used to call slow dancing in high school, you know, slow dancing. Oh, we're gonna slow dance with a boy tonight. And you slow dance, but for a hearing aid user, instead of just like this, we're like holding our head over here because we're nervous of our hearing aid squealing. And this ruins everything for us. We're so focused on the fear of embarrassing ourselves and we're keeping ourselves from being intimate with that person. Intimacy is a slow dance.

Blaise M. Delfino, M.S. - HIS 10:34

Gail, we were having a conversation and the word purpose-driven conversation was was brought up. I thought it was so interesting because you had said that when when you and Doug wake up in the morning, you're you're essentially priming yourself to then have these purpose-driven conversations. So can you explain what you mean by purpose-driven conversation and how that can shift relationship dynamics?

Purpose-Driven Communication Strategies

Gael Hannan 11:02

Yeah, it can mean a number of different things. And um, it's different than a purposeful communication, which means that I'm planning on talking to you, and this is um what I want to get out of this conversation. What I meant by purpose-driven is that it is set up and it is managed. So I need to communicate with you or I want to communicate with you. I have to put things in place so that can happen. The basic is having my devices on, uh, making sure that we turn the TV noise down and all of these other things that we have to do to manipulate our environment. So it's a structured. So maybe a structure conversation might be a little bit uh be more apt here. And again, it's not about the content of what we're talking about, it's the actual interaction, the delivery of uh what we're saying and receiving it from that other person. I am always aware, always aware. And this is again, this is where energy comes in. I have to set it up. Oh, I'm not going to um hear him or her, or this is a group situation. So you sit over here, you sit over here, and so that I can see your faces and uh please let us try to speak one at a time, all of these things. So that is what I mean by purpose-driven, a structured communication for me. I need to do what's right for me here. And if I don't do these things, then I am not going to be understanding at the same level as the people with whom I'm communicating with.

Blaise M. Delfino, M.S. - HIS 12:40

I'm so excited because I truly believe this episode is gonna help a lot of individuals. I recall when I was in private practice full time, you know, you uh the patient would come in, and oftentimes it was the husbands who would say, Well, you know, she she just mumbles, or my wife will walk away and continue talking. And there's that, I don't want to say denial because the patient's already in the office, but they're definitely going through that grieving process. And I could see how, let's say, someone in their 50s or 60s is fit with hearing technology, is so used to how they were communicating with their loved one, with their wife or their husband for so many years prior to that. Now they almost have to learn how to have these purpose-driven conversations, but then also to maintain that intimacy. It's almost like a change management aspect as it relates to communication.

SPEAKER_01 13:43

Let's

Hearing Screener And Provider Locator

SPEAKER_01 13:44

take a quick break.

Blaise M. Delfino, M.S. - HIS 13:46

Before we continue today's conversation, I want to share a resource that could really help you or someone that you care about. If you've ever wondered whether your hearing might not be what it used to be, you're not alone. Millions of people experience changes in their hearing, and for many, the hardest step is simply getting started. And that's why we've made it easy. You can visit Hearing Matters Podcast.com and take our quick online hearing screener. It only takes a few minutes and can really give you helpful insight into your hearing health. And if you're ready to take the next step, our hearing care provider locator can help you find a trusted hearing care professional near you. Let's get back to the episode.

Gael Hannan 14:30

It totally is change management, which is not a term we normally use in intimacy, but that's that's what it is. If you don't, then you will draw apart. That's the isolating aspect, and I'm sure you saw that so many times with your clients in the office, is that they they just retreat. Um, they're dealing with the stigma of hearing loss. Noise is bothering them. It's just so much work to communicate that they don't. And so that intimacy has been suspended, and I would say suspended because I would hope that they would regain that. I had a bit of an advantage in that I grew up with hearing

Change Management For Couples

Gael Hannan 15:12

loss. So when I connected with Doug, um who I call the hearing husband in my in my work, I already had hearing loss. In fact, we worked together. So uh we first communicated in a business environment. So already knew. And that was really interesting to take that to a personal level when it happened and communicating well. So we already had a leg up. Doesn't mean he was always very good at it. I just throwing that in there, because it's a learned behavior and communication flow for hearing people. You you do what you you do, you hear, you can't help it. Whereas we, and that's where the purpose-driven, we we deliberately have to work to hear. That's where the drive and the purpose I know what I have to do. How much time were you able to spend with your husband and wife client to help them with the strategies on that? And that's why I know this topic is very important to you.

Blaise M. Delfino, M.S. - HIS 16:15

Absolutely. And that's where, again, I don't want to personally bring us down a rabbit hole, but uh, the use of remote microphones really to bridge that gap of let's increase the signal-to-noise ratio. So if you are apart from each other in one room and the other room, it's easier to communicate. But Gail, I'm curious, what is something about communication and connection that hearing people might take for granted, but might often be a challenge or even a conscious effort in hearing loss relationships?

Gael Hannan 16:50

We don't have the spontaneity that you have. And so much can happen in a moment in what we hear. If we don't hear a comment, the conversation goes on without us because we don't have that information. And we don't have that information. I can't tell you how many times I have emerged from conversation with a totally not even different takeaway or opinion, but I'm on a different planet. And we don't have that spontaneity and which can cause friction down the road too. We have two types of arguing, my husband and I. One is when we're having a disagreement, which is rare because he doesn't like to argue. I'd like to, I should be Italian. I want to get it all out there. He would just rather leave the room. One is that we're having a discussion about something, and I might not catch what he's saying. So it just takes more work in this intimate argument because disagreements are part of intimacy as well. Being able to communicate and feel safe, I might have misunderstood him, whatever we're talking about. That's one aspect of arguing with hearing loss. The other is we're arguing about hearing loss and how even after a million years together, the hearing husband will he'll go blah blah blah, walks off the I said, do you think that my hearing returned overnight? Do you think my ability to understand returned overnight, which doesn't help because I see so that is the other type we argue about communication because it is a constant there as the third, it's the elephant in the room that we always have to deal with every single day, my husband and I.

Blaise M. Delfino, M.S. - HIS 18:38

And thank you for for being vulnerable and sharing that, because again, we want to encourage current hearing aid users today, whether you were just diagnosed or just fit today, this week, or you know, months prior, to have that open dialogue with your spouse on, hey, you know, yes, this is new for both of us, but how can we continue to maintain our intimacy and ensure that we're communicating effectively? So, Gail, you shared a hilarious story about um glow in the dark lipstick and and not hearing in the dark. So, what do moments like that sort of teach us about, you know, adapting humor and closeness in relationships?

Gael Hannan 19:26

Just a little background on a hearing the dark lipstick, just in case someone goes, that's a great idea. Well, it's not a great idea because back to the point, I can't converse in the dark. I am deaf in the dark. And if you think about deaf, dark, two different senses. But no, I cannot communicate in the dark. Not gonna happen. Don't even try. I might hear annoy. So, but again, back to that content.

Humor, Darkness, And Missed Moments

Gael Hannan 19:53

I would love to be able to communicate in the dark. And this speaks to moments of urgency. For example, and this has happened, like being parents raising a child, and in the middle or whenever, in the middle of the night, I get a on my shoulder, which means there's an issue. It could mean I'm snoring, but usually it means there's an issue. Get up. And I go, okay, all right, but what do I have to do? I have to turn on the light, reach over, open my actually. Now I have to go into another room, get out my devices, and have that conversation, which hopefully isn't too serious. I thought it would be so, again, it's just a yearning for that um being able to be in the moment, right then and there with my husband or whoever. The glow in the dark lipstick, I thought, wouldn't that be a great idea? I'd be able to see his lips moving. But if you know anything about speech reading, if you saw the lips moving, there's no other context. You don't know whether my husband's crying because something happened or he's scared or whatever. So it's just to illustrate that so many things need to be in place for us to have those moments, for us to communicate, to share a moment. And so much of communication is in the little moments. You know, one thing that we'll do if we we pass each other, he's going outside, I'm coming inside. We just let our fingers touch as we as we pass each other. I'm I'm sure everyone does this or to some degree, or maybe they don't, but that is our touch is is so much of our our our connection and our looks and our smiles, our facial expressions. Unfortunately, I often like I'm smiling now, but my go-to face is this. And that's because I've spent a lifetime trying to understand frown, frowning. And uh, this can be very off putting for people, especially when hearing loss enters a relationship of people. Been together for a while, is frowning. People think they've done something wrong or it's scary. Growing up, my mother used to say, Smile, Gail. I go, I am. I didn't know I wasn't smiling. I was just focusing on what was being said.

Blaise M. Delfino, M.S. - HIS 22:14

You said a couple of minutes ago that touch and shared look sometimes fill in the gaps where words can't, like when you and your husband pass each other and you know, grazing, you know, hands. I mean, that is language between the two of you, and you're maintaining that intimacy. Talk to us about the role of nonverbal communication in your marriage and how that supports emotional intimacy. It sounds like a PhD thesis. Well, Gail, if there's anyone to write this thesis and talk about it, it is absolutely you, because you are a distinguished author.

Gael Hannan 22:48

We are so visual, people with hearing loss. We are so visual because we depend on all the senses, even the sense of smell. We use these things. We all do as people, but we rely heavily on the visual. It is a myth that if one sense goes, another sense gets better. Now, what happens is that we use it more and we are more dependent on it, and we've learned how to use it. So as people with hearing loss, we are visual people, always looking. We need to look and take information from the faces of the people that we're communicating with. That's why if all of a sudden people start frowning, what did I miss? What did I miss? In speech reading, we read not just the lips. I mean, I don't just stare at your lips, Blaze. May I compliment you on a well-trimmed mustache? Very good. That's important. But the eyes and the body language and all of these things are so important. And touch. Oh, touch. Imagine if you couldn't, if you couldn't touch someone, if you couldn't, you're a new dad, you know, touching your son, touching your wife. It is a nonverbal form of communication, reassurance of love. I, as a person with hearing loss, those things are very, very important to me. If I can't see you, I'm not going to understand you. Unless, of course, I'm the phone kind of coming straight into my ears. But generally speaking, when we're talking face-to-face communication or live, uh, non-technical communication, um, I need to see you. I need to sort of soak in what you're telling me, and I need to interpret that, which I still may misinterpret frequently. If the facial expression isn't quite with the words or tone of voice, or that person is not being totally present or intimate. So um, so all of those things, what we see, what we hear, what we feel, and then there's that we feel, that that emotional exchange, all of these other things contribute to that emotional exchange or intimacy between people.

Blaise M. Delfino, M.S. - HIS 25:07

Thank you so much for touching on that, Gail, because we've been for the you know the first half of this episode talking about emotional intimacy, because unfortunately, when someone hears the word intimacy, they just go right to the physical aspect. And that's that's not correct. There's so much more to intimacy than than just that. But I do want to dive into the vulnerability of physical intimacy. And you had shared a deeply moving story about a former partner who gently challenged the choice to remove your hearing aid during physical intimacy. And what did that moment teach you?

Physical Intimacy And Hearing Devices

Blaise M. Delfino, M.S. - HIS 25:48

And how did it carry into your marriage with Doug?

Gael Hannan 25:51

It it's one of those moments that you only realize in hindsight the impact of that moment. And I had a partner, a boyfriend, um, and at the time I was much younger, wearing one hearing aid. And because of what I remember, I mentioned earlier about sometimes hearing aids would would squeak. And I was in the practice of before having being intimate with a partner and making love, I would take out my device. And you know, at that time my hearing loss wasn't as severe. I could still hear someone, but essentially I took out my mode of hearing. And my boyfriend said, Why do you do that? And I said, Well, I I I'm just very aware of it. I'm afraid that it'll squeak and that's embarrassing. And uh I wasn't really worried about it falling out. Um, but again, it was that stigma. And he said, I I don't want you to do that. I want you, I mean, you know, without going into too much detail to be able to hear and participate and talk and which, if I don't hear as well, I'm how am I going to, you know. So I went, Oh, okay. So I started wearing my hearing aid years later with my now husband. Um I told him this story. And as I was telling him this story, it was so beautiful, his eyes filled with tears. And um he said, I am so grateful to him for what that gift that he gave you to help you through that moment. So it was it was a big thing. And so that was my former boyfriend's gift to my husband by helping me through that and becoming truly allowing myself to be more intimate and fully communicating with my partner, with my lover, with my husband.

Blaise M. Delfino, M.S. - HIS 27:54

Then well, Gail, thank you, thank you so much for being so vulnerable because you know, we had connected, of course, prior to recording this episode. And that was a story that you wanted to share uh with our audience. So, so thank you, you know, for that. And quite good. Following up on that, a lot of it was you had talked about, you know, feeling flawed. The the internal question that can arise of will I still be loved now that I'm quote flawed. And for people who might be struggling with that self-worth in their relationships, what would you want them to hear?

Gael Hannan 28:33

You have hearing loss. You may

Self-Worth, Stigma, And Belonging

Gael Hannan 28:35

be a flawed person, but it's not because of your hearing loss. Whatever flaws you're all feeling, we're all flawed, right? Yeah. That hearing loss is you didn't cause this. Most likely. You are not the cause of this. A significant percentage of the population. This is part of the human condition. This is the physical manifestation of a body not working. We're organic beings, and we should not feel that we are flawed. Allowing ourselves to feel that we are lesser than or buying into that stigma, because it might have been drilled into us through our society, through maybe families. I hear so many horror stories of people growing up with hearing loss, and their families just didn't want them to mention it, talk about it, know about it. You are not flawed. And if you hold yourself back from things that you used to do, or being as open with people and conversing with them, communicating with them, being intimate with them, you're you're only you're only causing yourself a little uh um undue stress. This isn't something I learned overnight. I only realized how much stigma had been driving me. Jack and I were expecting a baby. And uh, for the first time, my hearing loss worried me because what if I couldn't hear my child? And I didn't know. This um this is what actually led me into hearing loss advocacy. I didn't know anyone else with hearing loss or significant hearing loss, no one in my circle. So I reached out to uh other people with hearing loss. I went to a conference, the Canadian Heart of Hearing Association. A woman sat down with me, and she had a baby in her arms who clearly had thrived, even though his mommy or her mommy had hearing loss. And that was wonderful. That was very affirming for me. But it was also being at that conference, and I walked out of there a different person. I walked out of there with a profound and new, better self-image of myself as a person with hearing loss. And that that's what drove me forward to everything and what I started doing. And, you know, my baby thrived. He's almost 30, he's six foot seven, um, the best communicator I know. And my he really took having a mom with hearing loss to heart, and he knows he's a really good communicator. But the stigma vanished for me at that conference, and which is why meeting other people with hearing loss or listening to podcasts with people with hearing loss and taking what you learn from them with what you learn from hearing care providers, because hearing loss affects all aspects of our life, we need strategies for all aspects of our life, including intimacy, including allowing ourselves to reconnect and be close to people again, regardless of what role they play in our life. And it does take some knowledge and some work and some time.

Blaise M. Delfino, M.S. - HIS 31:41

So And Gail, you just teed me up there because you know, when when you talk about, you know, even after all these years of being married, there's still this quote communication friction. But the importance of finding your tribe and leaning into a community and and leaning into individuals who know what you're going through, you don't feel so alone then. Hearing loss is isolating already. And there's a book called The Mountain Is You. And I read that for the first time like three weeks ago, and I was like, oh my gosh, oftentimes we are getting in our own way, and it might be because of a stigma, but we're encouraging if you're tuned in right now and you are new to wearing hearing technology, lean into that community, reach out to Gail because it's so important.

Gael Hannan 32:34

Finding community, we use all these buzzwords, but I did, I found community. I hear so many people say they feel caught between the hearing world and the deaf world. And I tried to argue that I don't have the right words. I understand they feel that they um don't communicate effectively with anyone. Most of us with acquired hearing loss or who still are able to use spoken language, the deaf community is not our community, the signing deaf community. We use spoken language, and our community might not be as well defined with its own language and with its own cultures, but it's about being able to learn how to communicate better. And by having other people meeting with them, even however briefly, it's affirming. It's just this sense of they understand. And oh, that's interesting that they do that. I'll try that. That might work for me. Peace, knowing that you're not flawed, that this is a condition that but the World Health Organization says that by 2050, the number of people worldwide with disabling hearing loss, meaning they need technology or help to hear, will double. It's over 700 million. In 25 years, that's going to happen.

Blaise M. Delfino, M.S. - HIS 33:53

It's a global epidemic.

Gael Hannan 33:55

A global epidemic.

Blaise M. Delfino, M.S. - HIS 33:57

I don't want to go too deep here, but I do have the question about figuring it out with your spouse, meaning the conversational glitches that might occur. But I'm really interested, Gail, in psychology as a whole. Because at the end of the day, humans, it's all psychology, right? Our brains operate our bodies and how we respond and act. And there is definitely a difference between the mind and the brain. Either way, I'm interested in what's called the maladaptive schemas. And there's different schemas, and one of them is like unrelenting standards, punitiveness, and there's all different ones. And I just I like to ask questions and be curious. And it's like, you know, when someone is diagnosed with hearing loss later in life, if they already presented with a high schema of unrelenting standards, that might increase to very high because now they're used to being performance-driven, performance-based. Now a hearing impairment they might think is going to stop me or hinder me, which is not the case. So the reason I bring that up to tee out this question is figuring it out and navigating and pivoting. Even after 35 years of marriage, you've said that there's still friction, like Doug, you know, walking away and mumbling. I feel like we're picking on Doug a lot here. And I haven't even met him, but I'm sure he's a wonderful, wonderful guy and pleasure to meet you over this podcast, Doug. But what are some of the everyday glitches that you've learned to navigate? And what advice would you give to couples today? Maybe one of them is hearing impaired, the other is not, you know, still figuring that out.

Gael Hannan 35:44

First of all, I would like to apologize to my husband, Doug, uh, because he's not the only one who causes the bad communication moments. I also make mistakes on a daily basis. You know, one of the things that to navigate it, and this is really important, is what I've learned after that time at that conference. I started to understand hearing loss better. When you understand what's going on and how hearing works at its best, at its most natural, and what makes it not work. If you have a commitment to understanding that, then you will understand

Daily Glitches And Better Support

Gael Hannan 36:26

how communication can go wrong and how it can be improved. And even now, it constantly surprises me that not gonna, it's not gonna come out quite the right way. Douglas can't instinctively understand hearing loss, even though he's married to me, uh, because he is a hearing person. He still operates under the fact that he hears well. But as time has gone on and he better understands um the reality of hearing loss. And he totally impacted by my hearing loss. So he understands what it's like to be the hearing spouse of a of a person with hearing loss. But when he better understand how hearing actually works and what causes it not to, then he can also anticipate when things are not going to be good. And so I really believe that to navigate it to understand the impact of hearing loss, even before the impact, understand hearing loss, understand its impact, understand what will help restore communication. And that takes work. It just does. And this is where the role of the hearing care professional, I think, should be um amplified. I think that the hearing care professional in some ways needs to offer more support in this area of oral rehabilitation. Yes. Yes, if yeah, and if they can't do it in office, then use resources outside of their clinical time, which means referring people and to peer resources. And I'm also going to say I think that peer resources, consumer resources, need to be supported by the professional hearing care community. Because when you have organizations like the Hearing Loss Association of America and others in other countries, uh they need to be giving qualified advice. They need to be giving trained advice, and it does take money. And I'm saying this because I see so often that consumer groups are sort of looked down on by professional groups, and sometimes consumer groups.

Blaise M. Delfino, M.S. - HIS 38:33

Collaboration is essential because it is absolutely a trickle-down effect. I am a hearing care professional, and when it comes to the you know, oral rehabilitation, you do have tools like Lace AI Pro. That is a tool that is available to consumers today that addresses AR, which is oral rehabilitation. But hearing care professionals should be walking with their patients throughout this journey. And what are the conversations they're having at their follow-ups? The unfortunate truth, I guess, would is majority of hearing care professionals aren't even conducting real ear measurement. And that's a technological aspect of what we do. I could imagine less than 15% of hearing care professionals have an oral rehabilitation program. And why is that important? Because you are working with your patient on how to communicate in this new hearing world.

SPEAKER_01 39:35

Let's take a quick break.

Blaise M. Delfino, M.S. - HIS 39:38

Before we get back to today's conversation, I want to take a moment to recognize our partner in Better Hearing, Starkey, and specifically their newest platform, Omega AI. What stands out most about Omega AI is how thoughtfully it supports the real listening moments patients care about most. Omega AI uses advanced AI sound processing to continuously analyze the environment, speech, and background noise, making adjustments in real time so conversations feel more natural and require less effort, especially in complex listening situations like restaurants or social gatherings. Omega

Starkey Omega AI Message

Blaise M. Delfino, M.S. - HIS 40:19

AI also connects seamlessly with the MyStarky app, giving patients intuitive control from their smartphone. It really is technology designed to support the whole person, not just their hearing. And with Bluetooth LE audio and future orcast compatibility, Omega AI fits naturally into how people communicate today. At the end of the day, this is about helping patients stay engaged, confident, and connected to the moments that matter most.

Gael Hannan 40:51

Hearing aids work better when they have uh other things in place. So and when uh Sherry Evers and I talk about in our book, Hear and Beyond, these other things that people with hearing loss need, um, beyond this understanding we've been talking about is a shift in attitudes, you know, the getting rid of the stigma and having understanding how, like, for example, when I change my goal from hearing to communicating better, things change for me. But we need that, and we also need to learn how to communicate and behaviors. I think we're not going too far off on intimacy because how we communicate affects our intimate life. And hearing care professionals, so often, I've been speaking to university audiology programs for 20 to 30 years, and I've spoken at many professional conferences. And so often, though, we hear, I hear and Sherry hears, we hear together, oh, so great to hear the client perspective. Excuse me, the client perspective should be underpinning of your service to understanding what we need and too much of a focus on the hearing technology. Yes, it's the first important stop. Oh, wow, now I can hear better. But everything we've talked about is not the only thing in communication. And so I really encourage all of the manufacturers to introduce to um not only their um client network, hearing care professionals, but also their employees to understand the deep dive into what we feel and need. Yes, your hearing aid may be great, but but this is what you need to know. And I

Presence Without Bluffing

Gael Hannan 42:41

feel so strongly about this. I feel that just stop with the total focus that if all of these new technical terms, these new hearing aid come out, it has this, this, and this, and this. What the hell does that mean to me? I don't know. Is it going to help me in my conversation with my husband? Is it gonna help me deal with the anxiety I feel? How will I know how to do this? How will I find the words to express my emotions in an intimate setting? So um, I just really encourage hearing care professionals to make it a point to learn that. Reach out to us, really and absorb. Um, don't assume that you know it because you're an audiologist or hearing um instrument specialist. Unless you have hearing loss yourself, you don't know it. Um, in spite of everything you've learned in the books. Find out and add that knowledge, add that deeper level of understanding of your clients, and it you will help yourself and you will help us more because we need help. We're not helpless people, but we need help to communicate.

Blaise M. Delfino, M.S. - HIS 43:47

So and Gail, the importance of being present as a hearing care professional when you are working with your patient, because you shouldn't be thinking about the next. Patient you have, when you are fully present there, you're learning about the patient, learning about their needs, who their communication partners are. Are they married? What does that look like? What are some uh barriers to entry that might be affecting this specific patient? And speaking of being present, you've spoken about being present in the moment and not bluffing. Expand on what presence looks like in practice for someone who's hard of hearing or their partner.

Gael Hannan 44:31

What I'm talking about being present is that I am not bluffing. I am fully engaged in that conversation, regardless of what that conversation is. And the only way I can be fully engaged is that I have created or ensured that I am understanding and hearing. Therefore, I need to be able to hear, see the person. So I've reduced background noise. There's plenty of light. Take off your ball cap, get your hand away from your mouth. These are all the simple things that if I don't have these in place, I can't possibly be present in the conversation. The other type of presence means I'm really fully interested in what you're saying, which I'm not always. So that's a different type of being present. But for me, being present means that I've removed those barriers. And so I am free to fully communicate. Those barriers are there. I'm going to be straining. It doesn't mean I won't say pardon, but I have created the best possible communication with that person. So with my husband, we have a hot tub and we go in the hot tub every morning. And it is very much our time when we can sit and it's just us talking rather than moving around, shifting, doing things, you know, working, writing. My husband isn't one for long, long conversations. Um and so this is why being in a hot tub for 40 minutes, and it's our time. And so we that's really precious to both of us. Um, he may not use the word precious, but it's important. Um, so that we're face to face, we can hear. He turns off the the whirlpool because I can't hear, well, the background noise. Plus, it's outside. I like to hear the birds. Um, so we created that is a purpose-driven conversation, right? And that is an intimate moment or intimate time with my husband when we are focused on each other. And that's a another definition of intimacy. It's focus.

Blaise M. Delfino, M.S. - HIS 46:49

Absolutely. Gail, this has been such a wonderful conversation. I want to end with a closing reflection for our listeners with hearing loss. What message do you hope that they carry with them after hearing your story?

Gael Hannan 47:08

I would hope that it might be a starting point to reflect on how you communicate. And I would say you. We have the right to intimacy, we have the right to participate. My byline for years was it's not just about hearing, it's about being heard. And that is something that we all have the right to. And we can all grow. You know, we talked about relationships growing and deepening, and we can contribute to that by being more present and being more purpose-driven. So I hope this is a starting point for even if there's one person listening or watching that this might start a new conversation in your life.

Blaise M. Delfino, M.S. - HIS 48:15

Well, that's it for today's episode of the Hearing Matters Podcast. A huge thank you to Gail Hannon for her openness, vulnerability, and of course, wisdom. Intimacy is about presence, communication, and mutual care. And Gail, you reminded us that, you know, even with hearing loss, those things are not out of reach. They just take a little intention. And if today's episode

The Right To Intimacy

Blaise M. Delfino, M.S. - HIS 48:40

resonated with you, please share it with someone you care about. And as always, we'll catch you next time right here on the Hearing Matters podcast. Until next time, hear life story.