CUSD Cares

The Right College Fit for Your Student's Social Emotional Needs

February 03, 2020 Brenda Vargas Season 1 Episode 13
CUSD Cares
The Right College Fit for Your Student's Social Emotional Needs
Show Notes Transcript

Brenda Vargas, Director of Counseling and Social Services, speaks with Dr. Aaron Krasnow, Associate Vice President of Health and Counseling at Arizona State University regarding what to look for in a university that can assist in the social emotional needs of your student as they begin their search for the right college and the experiences it can offer. 

Brenda Vargas:

Greetings everyone. Welcome to another episode of CUSD Cares podcast. This is Brenda Vargas, Director of Counseling and Social Services with Chandler Unified Schools. Today we have the pleasure of having Dr. Aaron Krasnow, Associate Vice President of Health and Counseling from Arizona State University. Welcome Dr. Krasnow.

Dr. Krasnow:

Great to be here. Thank you.

Brenda Vargas:

Today's topic is a little bit of everything. I certainly feel like I have huge takeaways when I speak with you, D r. K rasnow. So really as parents, as we look to send our students off to college and look at all the possible opportunities, we sometimes have to take a step back and be reminded that we have to look at the whole child, right? Our entire student, not just the academic piece. And that's what we hope to focus on today as we look at our entire student, their physical well being, their mental and obviously brain health. I know it's even referred to emotional well being. It's really for some parents, I think very overwhelming to be a parent of a student taking that next step when we look at the whole child. And I know that ASU has taken some very intentional direction in making sure that you're addressing the whole child. Where do you see as far as the role of the parent when it comes to how they can best be the best agent of change as their student is transitioning to university level coursework?

Dr. Krasnow:

Well, there's so much that I want to say about that. So I'll start with saying that you mentioned it's overwhelming to be a parent of a child transitioning from high school to college. It's overwhelming to be a parent of a child , just period. It's really difficult. It's fraught with all sorts of questions and challenges and highs and lows. There are moments in which you feel like you've g ot t o figure it out. And then there's many moments in which you absolutely are convinced you do not. That's a parallel experience for the student, the child as well. There are times that they can feel quite together, that they have some things figured out. And then there are times in which all of that confidence can be shattered or can drift out of their head and they think that they can't do anything. Those kinds of extreme thinking, the idea that you can't do anything or you're not able to figure this parenting thing out or t his student thing out or that you've got it all figured out, Neither of those two extremes are true. We all exist in this middle space in which we're trying to figure out how best to as a parent, support our child and as a child, navigate this new part of my life. There's this term emerging adulthood that is really the best term for adolescents nowadays, which the emerging part makes sense because it's a part of becoming, it's a part of discovery. T hey're on a journey not so much a child as much anymore, not quite an adult. And then the adulthood part is t here's so many things about being an adult that are challenging, that are things that we l earned through experience. There's no manual for it. T here's no specific way to be an adult. We've all who are adults have figured some parts of it out are still figuring other parts out. So the emerging adults in our lives are just earlier in that process. So for parents, the first thing I say to them, in addition to acknowledging how challenging it is to be a parent, is to say that you can have empathy for your child's transition. That it is stressful. And that transition to the emerging adulthood carries with it enormous pressure. And that pressure manifests in all sorts of different ways with children. And you would as a parent know what the typical stress response is for your child. And so you can look for it. Now, it d oesn't mean it's exactly go ing t o h appen that way, but often it does. If your child typically responds to stressors with withdrawal, then you can expect that to happen. Doesn't mean it will. But it could happen under stress that they might be ge t m ore withdrawn. If they typically respond to stress with overcompensation and they get super activated and they try and solve everything or make everything perfect, then you can expect your child to do that during this transition process of the college selection, college going on and on and on. Whatever your child's normal response to stress are, you can predict that. That means when it happens, you are prepared and you have empathy. Oh, this is typical for my child, t hat they respond to this intense stress with that. That can help dial down some of the intensity of it just for you as a parent who are there to support them because it's a little more predictable th an s ometimes we act like it. We sometimes have these ideas, like these things come out of nowhere, but most people respond to stressors in their lives, particularly as they become an emerging adulthood in particular patterned ways. And we can look for that.

Brenda Vargas:

Well, I'm glad you mentioned that because I think we as parents forget how much knowledge we already have. Although it may come as a surprise because we don't see it coming. Right? When we really think about it, as you mentioned, if that's how they typically respond, it really isn't a surprise.

Dr. Krasnow:

Absolutely. And then if they respond in a way that's atypical, then it's more clear that it's atypical, so you predict that your child might respond with a little bit more effort for control because that's t he w ay t hey've done it in the past. But this time they get more withdrawn. Okay, so now you're noticing a stark difference. That doesn't mean therefore you don't know anything. It just means now you're recognizing something different. So maybe this particular stressor h as taxed them in ways that surprised them or overwhelmed t heir other coping capacities or there strategies. And that also prepares you in its own way that also, although surprising as a result, gives you a little leg up. And you say, okay, for the first time my child responded to a stressor in a completely different way, so maybe they need additional supports. Maybe you need a different t act yourself. Maybe this stressor itself is so unique to them. Maybe it means something different to them that opens up the opportunity for d ialogue with them. So what I recommend to parents, whether they can predict the stress response or t he stress response surprises them is that they then use that as the catalyst for the conversation. So they say to their child, if it's the stress response, that's typical you say, because I know you well enough as your parent that when you're under stress you tend to get kind of perfectionistic and you're doing that again here. So let's take a step back and look at that and say, you know, it doesn't need to be perfect. Or if they get more withdrawn and not so predictable, perfectionistic, y ou can say, you know, it's interesting this time. Usually you respond this way, but something about this college thing you are responding in a way that I haven't seen from you before. So I want to talk about that. I want to hear about that.

Brenda Vargas:

Just making them self aware.

Dr. Krasnow:

Yeah, because you started the process as a parent of doing a little bit of basically hypothesis testing. And then if you're right, you use that as the conversation. And if you're wrong, you use that as a conversation. Hey, I would've predicted this, but it turns out it's this. So tell me about that. And each of those is the entree into the discussions because your child's going to need you to in some ways provide , what is thought of as a little bit like describing of the experience. It's everybody, certainly for the child, it's their first experience. And even if you've had other children go to college, it's still that child's first experience. And so they're going to need a little help kind of just describing what's going on, not explaining, that's different. You don't have to tell the child what they're feeling and why they're feeling it. But you can describe it. Hey, I noticed today after three weeks of checking the mail for things today, you didn't even want to go to the pile. Right? And now you're not saying why. If you said why, you might be like, cause are you afraid? That's explaining for them. You can say, I'm just noticing this thing that noticing it works really well with toddlers and works really well with middle schoolers and it works well with adolescents. It's just an out-loud description of what you're noticing and allowing them at their developmental level to tell you what they want to tell you about what you're witnessing. Maybe you're witnessing something that they also, maybe they've never didn't have an awareness of that maybe they want to say, stop watching me, whatever, whatever. But it's the way of engaging with them on the reality of what's happening in the moment without having to tell them how to feel or what they should be doing about it.

Brenda Vargas:

And basically just noticing whatever the facts are.

Dr. Krasnow:

Absolutely.

Brenda Vargas:

So sticking to the facts and bringing it to their attention.

Dr. Krasnow:

You know, it's difficult to do that as a parent in general because the facts are connected to our emotions. And so whenever I see if I see my child struggling, I have feelings about that. So it's difficult for me to describe it without also then layering in all of the meaning, making opinions , advice. And although all of that can come; you should say what your opinions are about things, you should give your child advice. Of course we can lead with the fact describing and we can wait even a beat for the opinions and our feelings about it just to see what they do in response to the description.

Brenda Vargas:

And that waiting, as we share what we notice, is incredibly difficult, like deafening silence, right?

Dr. Krasnow:

It feels like i t's going on forever. If you put an actual clock on, it w ould probably be five seconds, but the amount of time that the drum beat of your heart a nd your chest i n your ears, the deafening silence of that moment of waiting for them to respond, yeah, it can feel like an eternity, which then propels us to jump in instead of waiting to see what they might do.

Brenda Vargas:

Absolutely. And that's such a natural response to that, especially when we're talking about our child. And how we see them still sometimes as a child.

Dr. Krasnow:

Absolutely. They will always be frozen in time at some age that they are not in front of us. Whatever that is, it's really difficult to see your child at the age that they are.

Brenda Vargas:

So important. I just even wrote down, describe what you notice is a great takeaway and I think that's great advice for parents. So as we transition into the commitment that ASU has made, and I'll share my experience when I went to come visit you, I immediately no ticed w hen being on the campus, the subtle yet intentional pieces that ASU is doing to remind students about their well being and checking in whether it's checking in for themselves or a friend. It is very visibly noticeable on campus. Some of the reminders, can you share a little bit about ASU's commitment, what they've done, what a parent would see if they're visiting, you know the little things. I know you can't cover the whole campus.

Dr. Krasnow:

I'd be happy to give it a shot. Well, I'm glad you noticed that. That is our intention and I'm proud to hear that came through for you as a visitor. Our goal is to create the conditions for optimal learning. That's what the university is about. And in doing so we have to do that academically of course, which is why we have world class faculty and cutting edge research; an academic design that allows students to learn the material in a way that is immediately applicable to solutions that vex us as humans and all the things that ASU is about. We're an accessible university, which means that anybody who's academically qualified is welcome and we strive for the diversity of the student body to match the diversity of the planet. And so all of those things are part of our design. So what does the experience need to look like? Well, people need to be recognized and affirmed for who they are and they need to feel that and see that and be immersed in that on a moment to moment basis. This is not a program only. This is not like going only to a class on stress management. Although we do have that or going to yoga or working out of the gym or going to the counseling center or going to the health center, although we have all that; this is about living in the environment and recognizing this environment is for me and it's for my friends and it's for people who are not like me because that's the world and all of us are welcome and all of us belong and all of us are celebrated. And part of that celebration is our well being, our happiness, our struggles, the ability to lift each other up, the ability to intervene if we see something wrong happening. Well those ideas need to be messaged constantly. A couple of reasons. One, we are not yet advanced enough as a society where that's built into everybody's experience, nor is it something that we carry around in our head all the time yet where we just feel like I belong everywhere or I'm going to be okay or I can always ask for help. We're just not there yet as a society. So we need to counter message society's problematic messages. We need to put up there that there is help available because oftentimes people feel like there isn't help available. There is, there's enormous help available that there's support around you that you do belong. Because there's lots of messages that people receive where they feel like they don't belong or whether that's only inside them or whether those are literal messages in a problematic society, whatever it is, we still have those problems. So we need to counter message that. The other thing is we don't know always when challenge or struggle or crisis will arise and so we need to surround people with messages so that in time of need they don't have to go search it. There's this challenge in communication in health, public health in which you can tell people things that are important about their health or that there's resources around, but if they don't need them, it doesn't quite get coded into their memory as a resource to use. So that even though, and I know this from personal experience and I'm as well versed in health as they come and still, when my child is sick, I still Google the Urgent Cares near my house. Even though I've been to all four Urgent Cares within two miles of my house, I still go, okay, which one and do they take my insurance? And all of the learning washes out of my head. So if I was in a crisis and I'm a 20 year old on campus and I needed help, that's not the time to go investigating all the resources in the environment. That's the time to be able to recognize immediately that the help is there and that's repetitive messaging over and over and over again that this place is for you. That help is available, that what we want is for you to be successful because an optimal learning environment is when students feel healthy and supported. If you have the best classes, if you have the best faculty, if you have the best research, but people are sick and they're sad, they're not going to learn. So if people are sick or sad or struggling, the resources there are to help them move through that so that all of the other fantastic parts of the university can work. Without it, It's not g oing t o work. And that's where we've committed to the well being of students because we know the mission of the institution, which is to build these learners to launch them into society, to lead us in the next millennia. This is the most critical thing that we could do as a university. And so their health and their happiness is paramount.

Brenda Vargas:

Which leads us right into that piece of social emotional well being. And I think you hit on something that we also have been trying to communicate, being able to receive. If you're not in a place where you can receive, it doesn't matter if you have the best instructor, the best teacher in front of you with the most sound curriculum, they won't be able to receive what it is that we are sharing and imparting knowledge on them. So let's look at that social emotional well being piece, which is so important and it is definitely a continuum that I think as a society we probably don't spend as much time noticing the fact that yeah, there are going to be highs and lows, right. And there are moments of joy and then there are moments of sadness and struggle and that's a part of real life. If you could share as far as t he s tudents' social emotional well being a nd what the university is doing to support those measures.

Dr. Krasnow:

So there's a couple of things that we're doing on the campuses themselves. And then there's some cool things that we're doing with some local high schools . I'll talk to you about both. On the campus itself, as I said, our commitment is to their well being. And so we're doing programming and education and strategies that are consistent with where those students are at developmentally and personally. It's different to be an 18 year old first year student than a 28 year old PhD student. And so we have to design strategies for their social emotional well being, consistent with not only how old they are and what their experiences have been in their cultural life and their personal life and their identities, but also where they're at academically and what they're trying to pursue in their life. And it's a complicated mix. So as I joked about before that a stress management program, although we have them, is going to be felt different by a first year student then by a 28 year old doctoral student. And so one way to do that, which we have is multiple stress management things. Another way to do it is to create the experience in which the students themselves are part of the design so that we can give them material or online programming or curriculum or train their peers to help each other. And then they adjust it consistent with what their cohort, what their community needs. And so a lot of our programming, a lot of our strategies are flexible enough so that, for example, at ASU, there's a fantastic student organization that's called Women in Math. These are graduate students in the mathematics; mathematics are mostly a male dominated field still. And so these are women who are pursuing math Master's Degrees and Doctoral Degrees entering into a challenging field regardless, and also then being a gender minority in it. So then they've come together as a support to look at what does it mean to be a woman in the mathematics. And so then they came to us in counseling and they said it's stressful. What do we need? Now instead of telling them what they need, we got into a dialogue with them about tell us more about your daily experience so that they could design with us the right response to their stressors. In doing so, we did two things. One, we made sure that our programming is hyper-relevant to their experience. The other is they felt very empowered by that. They were like, Oh, you know what? We don't actually need to go find only a professional. We actually have a responsibility and a commitment to each other of which the professionals, in my case, I'm a psychologist, is the commitment to helping them, but their commitment is to each other. And they designed that and they recognize that not all social emotional needs require a professional, although some do. In this case what they required was a little bit of information about ways to get through stressful times, some of which has to do with being a woman in a male dominated field like mathematics. Some of it has to do with being in mathematics, which I'm not particularly good at math. And so the whole idea of getting a PhD in mathematics freaks me out. And even the people who are good at it, it kind of freaks them out because it's so abstract and it's so challenging and the job market is so constrained, it's just incredibly stressful. So they know all this in ways that I never could. And we design these programs. We have these two fantastic leaders in our counseling center who met with them, our director and our Clinical Director, our Assistant Director met with them just to help design all of this stuff. This is a way that ASU, this is just one tiny example, but it's a way that ASU is organized to support the well being, the social and emotional well being of students i s we will engage directly with the people. Then we will design things consistent with that. That is more labor intensive, but it's more likely to have the outcomes you want. An example of this in high schools is- we started going to local high schools in the Valley, Chandler Unified is one of them. We've been working in a couple of y our schools to look at how students are helping each other through their social emotional well being needs. And in doing so, what we found is the school culture is paramount to whatever peer to peer impact you design . So Hamilton's different than Perry and it's different than Chandler High and those are important reasons and so what y ou'd do then is you meet with those students. You say your relationships with each other are important. They say yes, you want to make sure everybody's happy as best they can, or if they're not, they get the support that they need. You want people to be safe. You don't want anybody hurting themselves. You want people who need help in the moment to get help. You want to know what to say, if someone says something to you that scares you and you need to talk to an adult, they go yes. And then we design it with them consistent with their school culture. Because if we just dropped in a curriculum like here's how you do it, even if we got it right, school culture changes over time. Any of your parents listening who have children across multiple ages, some of whom have left high school and some of whom are currently in high school, they can recognize that even children o nly a couple of years apart, the school culture changes because it's built by the people. And so if the people change, the culture changes. The universities are the same way. And so we're just extending that model into local partner high schools. And what we've found is that the students themselves come up with all sorts of fantastic ways to support each other. You have The Lunch Bunch at one of your schools. You have your social emotional well being clubs and suicide prevention clubs and all these other things that are consistent with what those students who are interested in making an impact on each other think are best for their peers. Every year that we're engaged with a high school, that strategy, that yearly strategy might change because the culture of the school might change or the needs might change. Same thing at the university. I've been there 16 years. We have no legacy program. Nothing is sacred. No program will persist if we don't need it anymore, if the students don't respond to it, if it's not relevant to their personal experience, it's gone and we will design something that's consistent with their experience. I'm proud to say, because I know a lot of my colleagues around the country, I'm proud to say we're one of the few universities that take an approach that way. Ours is purely a design approach, not a program approach. Lots of universities around the country, they've got a program. If you're stressed out, you go to their stressed out program. If you're sad, you go to their sad program. If you're this, you go to this, if you get this, you go to this. If it doesn't work for you, then maybe there's another program that works for you. But it's program driven.

Brenda Vargas:

Where we know one size doesn't fit all.

Dr. Krasnow:

Absolutely. And so ASU is designed to focus on the learner as opposed to prioritizing the people who work there. And so that's why I've been there so long. It's an incredible place to do this business because , one, it serves the people, two, It's super interesting. It's always changing. And I always learn a lot from students about their needs in that regard.

Brenda Vargas:

Well, the student centered approach is I think definitely the way to go. And it's very empowering for them. And I also believe that we sometimes fail to see it from their perspective, right? We're not in their shoes. We are not living it at this time and this age, going through what they go through. And sometimes as adults we put r oadblocks that are really in our head and they come up with sometimes the better solutions that we can only imagine because they don't have those roadblocks. T hat's fascinating.

Dr. Krasnow:

And they know really quickly what is likely to work or not. And so they act as both the design, but they're also their own focus group. So as they're designing, they're trying things out on each other because they're the audience. And in doing so, we end up with these incredible strategies that emerge out of this, that may last a long time or may just be what that little group needs at that moment. And that's great because if that's what they need to have an optimal learning environment, then I'm going to support it.

Brenda Vargas:

You know, something you mentioned in this last piece and I really want to highlight it with parents, is I appreciate the fact that you shared that not always will you need mental health expertise in order to support your student's social emotional needs. Sometimes it's just a good strong support system and teaching the people that they would probably go to first, which is their peers, what to do, what not to say; those do's and don'ts so that they feel supported and can go on to the next day. I think we fail to see the value in that sometimes, because I know that their currency is one another. Right . And they rely on one another before they probably come to an adult.

Dr. Krasnow:

As they should. As we all should, that what we need, our support systems and those support systems need to be varied and they need to have layers of intensity and they need to have layers of closeness. And so children are figuring that out and we need to recognize that they're navigating those things and that their primary relationships aren't with their friends versus their parents. They have relationships with all of it and they're navigating how close and how far, how intense or how loose it needs to be. And there's highs and lows in that regard. And we can recognize that as normal in doing so and recognizing that people are trying to figure out their social experiences, whether that's through technology or in person, we can see it for what it is, which is I'm just trying to navigate this world in which I feel by myself and I don't always want to be by myself. And now what does it mean to be with another person? Well , that's something all of us are figuring out. None of us have it perfectly figured out on how close we're supposed to be with somebody, how many friends we're supposed to have in our life, whether things last forever or not. If we look at our adult life, in fact, it can be very isolating. It can be very lonely. It can feel like there's no one to turn to, and so we can have empathy for our children who don't have developed brains like ours who are trying to figure out that exact same thing and they are likely to turn to their friends. And so like you said, if we in the high schools and if we as parents and if we in the university and our partnerships can train those students about how to talk to each other, how to be more supportive, how to recognize when someone's struggling, then their support network gets stronger, we're likely to prevent some issues, but we're also likely to let people know that highs and lows of life, just like you said, are part of life and that if I have friends that are there to support me, then it's okay to be sad. Being sad is not a crisis. Being anxious is not a crisis. Having your sadness interfere or cause you to risk hurting yourself or somebody else or your anxiety interfering- that's a problem. That's where you need other things. But being sad or being stressed by itself without any interference, it's uncomfortable. We don't like it. I wish I didn't feel that way, but that is not a crisis and more people w ho can hear that, who can say your sadness matters to me and I'm going to sit with you with t he sadness. But I'm not going to over-respond to it. I'm not g oing t o take it away from you. I'm not going to tell you that there's something wrong with you because you're sad. I'm just g onna let you be sad and be next to you and if you need help with that, I'm going to be here for you. That in and of itself helps people not feel sad. It's counterintuitive to allow people to be sad, to somehow help them not feel sad, but that's how empathy works.

Brenda Vargas:

We know there's so much learning and growth that happens through those sad moments, challenging moments, and we just have to go through them. And sometimes it's like you said, just being present with someone who just physically need you there.

Dr. Krasnow:

Absolutely. Well, the tricky thing for parents in that regard is sometimes they'll hear the message, be with them in their sadness or don't turn it into a crisis, but then they won't actually be there with them with their sadness. They'll say like, it's okay that you're sad, and then they'll go off and do something else. And then we wonder why people feel like when they're sad, people aren't there for them, because we say we're going to be there for them, but then we're not literally there. And so you have to do both. You have to tell people it's okay for them to be sad, and then stay; and stay near them and stay doing whatever it is that it is to be with them. When people are sad, they have a message in their head that says no one's going to be there for me. Or when they're anxious, they're going to feel like, I'm a screw up or it's not going to be okay, or I'm in danger. And by being present with them, just like you said, you provide a counter story to the story in their head. It tests the idea that they're all alone if you're sitting next to them. But if you say it's okay for you to be sad and then you move and do something else, they're kind of right. When they say, wait a minute, I'm all alone because your message- it's okay to be sad -and then doing something else confirms to them that they are alone. They're not wrong in that moment. And we need to help them recognize that feeling alone is different than being alone. You are not alone if I'm with you, even if you feel alone.

Brenda Vargas:

That message, it's okay not to be okay. It's as simple as it comes. But , I think it goes a long way. Dr. Krasnow, I know that I feel so comforted in knowing that our local university has so many supports and is very mindful about some of the pieces that they're delivering to our students in our community. Because I think when we help a student, I think there's a trickle effect in which that information or knowledge that they share is imparted hopefully to family and friends. And we all benefit as an entire community about the resources and the opportunities that are out there to provide the support or sometimes just learning the skill to be present and be there for someone. So I think on behalf of our community in allowing that to happen, just some last tidbit as far as navigating that ecosystem of as we wrap up this podcast of college, maybe some last minute tidbit to parents?

Dr. Krasnow:

Sure. So before your child goes to college, you want to have a conversation with them about their current self, like what they're looking forward to, what they're scared about, whatever it is you want to have that before they attend. Then when they're there you want to have the exact same conversation and then you want to keep having that conversation and that conversation will morph over time. And then if it becomes normal to talk to them about like what are you looking forward to? What are you scared about? You know, they might not open up to you it kind of depends on the child, but if you keep asking about that, it creates the conditions in which they might. The other thing it does as a parent is it tells them that you care about those things, that you're not only going to ask them about their grades, you're not going to only interrogate them about who their friends are or whether they're making good choices. Although parents will do all those things and it's hard to stop anybody from doing that. And you do care about grades and you do care about their safety and that's all fine.

Brenda Vargas:

Maybe leaving that for a little bit later in the conversation!

Dr. Krasnow:

It can all just be normal if you add in, you know, what are you looking forward to? What's been difficult for you, all of that. Your goal isn't only to get a response and a conversation, although if your child does talk to you about it, then fantastic and that's fine. And if they don't, that's also fine. Your goal is to communicate to your child that those things are of value and that th ey a r e n ot there to prove to you that they have what it takes. They are not there to prove to themselves that they have what it takes. They're there to learn. They're there to grow. College is about growth. It is not about information. All the information, not all, most of the information that could be gleaned in a university is available somewhere. What universities are valued is creating the conditions under which you le arn t o learn at a higher level. You learn to engage with people similar and not similar to yourself. You learn more than skills for your job. You learn what it means to be successful in the workplace. You learn what it means to be a citizen. You learn what it means to get along with people during difficult times. You learn what it means to take care of yourself and soothe yourself. You learn what you like and don't like in a potential partner. You learn, yo u l earn, you l earn, yo u l earn all of these things. That's what universities are for. They're not only to get the job and they're not only to learn chemistry, although those two things are good. So how do you message that? Well, we at ASU are always saying that, all of our messaging is about learning to thrive, learning to learn all of that because that's what we're about solving real world problems, you know, right from the get go, getting involved in credible research, all of this to build these humans to build skills, to help them with their well being, to help them work in teams, all of that. But in addition to us saying it, if parents can say that to their children, if they can say why you're there is to learn and grow, then when the child needs that message in their head, because all of us walk around with our parent's voices in our head, either literally their voices or for some sadly, the absence of the voice, since we're all walking around with that voice or absence of voice in our head, then we know that our children will as well. And so we can be intentional about what voice we put in their head. And the voice of - I care about you being in college for your growth- is a way to counter the story that they're only there for grades or they're only there to prove something to somebody or to or to or to all these things that are aren't the only reasons for college. And so it's difficult for parents to do, because the stakes are very high in college. For many families it very expensive. Relative to other things that they s pend money on. Even though ASU is unbelievably affordable as an elite institution, many families still need to figure out the finances of that which ASU is great at helping families do. So the stakes are high financially, personally, your child is far from you even if they're down the street. And if you can add in that you care about things other than those pragmatics, your child will internalize those messages and that will help them when they're confronted with a challenge or when t they wonder if they have what it takes or if they wonder why they're there. Which every person will do. There will be a moment, if not multiple moments. And th en i f they question, why am I doing this, this is so hard. Maybe I shouldn't. And they need a moment of another voice in there to say, you're there for lots of reasons. You can do this. I believe in you. Because we can't have that conversation with them ev ery day.

Brenda Vargas:

Well, and we know undoubtedly there will be moments of doubt and moments of struggle. Thank you so much for refocusing really what college is supposed to be about, which is about learning and growing. And ultimately, we want every student regardless if they're our student or not, to be able to connect with others, to be able to act and receive and ultimately to serve, to serve, in whatever capacity they're most passionate about to serve our community and serve this world and for the greater good. So I certainly appreciate Dr. Krasnow you being here. That's what we're about . It is our acronym; CUSD Cares. So parents, I encourage you if you would like to check out ASU, they are a local university. I know they have also some online options for students that need that type of support, but there are many different opportunities for postsecondary education with ASU and we're just so happy they're in our backyard. Thank you, Dr. Krasnow.

Dr. Krasnow:

Thank you for having me.