Episode 28: THE LONELINESS OF THE JOB SEEKER
I was prompted to write this after a coaching session I had with a client this week.
When it comes to career transition, it can be quite challenging and if you don’t have support it becomes even more challenging. Are you lucky enough to enjoy healthy and happy relationships with a great support group? Or do you feel lonely, or stuck with people who just drag you down?
Let’s have a chat about this today because if you’re feeling lonely or you’re unhappy, the job search process will be much harder than it needs to be.
One of the biggest issues that many people struggle with is loneliness. And sometimes the people we do know and spend time with aren’t always good for us.
But often as we go through life we fall into relationships with people who aren’t necessarily healthy for us, and it can be hard to extract ourselves from them.
How do we build healthy new relationships?
So how do we strike out and build new relationships with people? And just as importantly, move away from negative relationships that we may feel trapped in – relationships that suck the positive energy from our life and prevent us from building better relationships with more emotionally-healthy friends.
Look at yourself first
Do you spend the majority of your time in the wrong relationship, or on activities that take you away from good relationships? If so, you may be trapped in a cycle of temporary friendships and superficial relationships that are briefly exciting but meaningless.
But while you may recognise that the people in your life aren’t always good for you, what can you do about it? How can you build positive, lasting relationships?
Where do you find great friends who can be ‘the wind beneath our wings’ – people who love and support us through good times and tough times?
The first place you need to look, maybe surprisingly, is in yourself.
Are you comfortable with yourself?
It’s impossible to have a healthy relationship with someone else if you’re not genuinely comfortable with yourself. When you remove yourself from negative relationships and people who drag you down, you’ll often spend more time on your own for a while.
But if you fear solitude, you risk staying in situations, or with people, who may not be good for you. You may feel a desperate need to ‘belong’, whether or not it’s the right situation for you to be in.
The fear of being alone can lead you to making firm friends too hastily – even if they aren’t the best choice for you.
Are you worried you’re not good enough?
If you don’t fully value yourself, you also risk not being your authentic self with others, as you’ll be worried the real you is not good enough. Instead you’ll crave external validation of who you are, and that you’re ‘okay’ by being what you think others want to see.
This can create a vicious cycle that takes you away from the feeling of peace that comes from accepting that you are ‘enough.’ Enough in your own eyes is the best place to start – from there you can build positive relationships with those who appreciate you for who you really are.
Are you happy spending time alone?
But what does being comfortable with yourself mean? It means being happy to spend time alone, relishing the freedom of simply reading, writing, learning a new skill, or doing anything you enjoy.
Getting lost in the moment while enjoying simple pleasures is amazing for your soul, because when you learn to enjoy solitude, you won’t need to have people around just for the sake of not being alone. And instead you can take the time to seek out people who genuinely add something positive to your life.
If you need help with your transition and confidence level, email firstname.lastname@example.org and find out how I can help you.