From My Perspective Series – Interview with Jeff

Jeff is the dad of two young boys with disabilities. In this short interview, he'll share a proud parenting moment, and his hopes for one of his sons.

Transcript

SIMON BUEHRER: From the Family and Community Outreach Center at OCALI, this is From My Perspective. Our Inspiring Change podcast series focused on amplifying the voices and lived experiences of people with disabilities and their families through stories that inform, challenge, and inspire. 

TERESA KOBELT: Welcome to From My Perspective. This is OCALI Family Center's weekly podcast. Each week, you'll hear from people with disabilities, their families, friends, and others in their lives. You'll hear about everyday life, their passions, their interests, and opinions. You'll be inspired, you might laugh or cry. But most importantly, we hope you'll better understand what life is like from our perspective. On this week's podcast, we'll hear from Jeff. He's a dad of two boys with disabilities. In the interest of full disclosure, I'm going to tell people that you're my husband, since you're doing this somewhat against your will. [LAUGHTER] I was thinking, when I was thinking about asking you these questions that we never really talk about autism. We live it every day, but we don't really talk about it. This will be interesting. Do you remember when Will first got his diagnosis? 

JEFF: I remember ... I don't know if I remember exactly when it happened, but I just remember in preschool when he was two or three, that one teacher said, there must be some issues going on with him and I didn't want to believe her at first, but how can you tell with somebody that young? 

TERESA KOBELT: Do you remember when we found out for sure, we met with Deb? 

JEFF: Mhmm. Oh, that's right, yeah. 

TERESA KOBELT: How you felt about it or what you felt at the time? 

JEFF: I kind of felt ... sort of okay with it because he seemed okay to me, well, he had all these little quirks ... that gave us an answer to why he was doing these different things. It was a bit of a relief to know exactly what was going on or why. 

TERESA KOBELT: When you think about him, what do you think about in terms of things that you hope for him or fear? 

JEFF: I hope that he has friends, that he can learn how to make friends really well. I want him to be a caring, thoughtful person to give himself to others, he's a great guy. I love him so much, and I just want to be able to share him with other people, and I want him to be able to do that. I want him to be able to succeed with anything he wants to do. 

TERESA KOBELT: He's a great guy. How about fears? Things that you're afraid of for him? 

JEFF: That he'll be isolated somehow, that he won't be able to do all the things that ... that a so-called normal kid would do. I don't want anybody making fun of him, teasing him. 

TERESA KOBELT: What's been a proud parenting moment for you, something that you feel good about when you think about him? 

JEFF: I think last year, at the end of the school year, when they were giving awards to kids who completed all their reading stuff, all the kids got an award, but he was one of the last ones. When they called his name, he was so, so shocked and overwhelmed with joy that he got this award. I just made me feel so happy. He felt happy. It was really fun to see his expression. 

TERESA KOBELT: It was like the Academy Award. 

JEFF: That's right. Yeah. [LAUGHTER] 

TERESA KOBELT: How do you think autism has affected our lives? 

JEFF: I think the really hard thing was figuring out school for him. We couldn't find the right fit for so long, and it was very disheartening and discouraging. I think that was one of the hardest things. For a long time, our younger son felt like he was somehow ... not taking a backseat, but somehow having to accommodate to his brother because of his autism, some of the issues that he had. 

TERESA KOBELT: What do you think autism has taught us or taught you? 

JEFF: When I thought about having Will as a little baby and growing up, I just thought, he might do sports, you might do this, he might do that, but he hasn't done that, but that doesn't make him any less than anybody else. He's got his own unique quirks, I guess? He's very endearing. He's taught me to appreciate differences more. 

TERESA KOBELT: How about helpful people? 

JEFF: Deb at the preschool was helpful and kind. His first preschool teacher, Ms. Christine, was fantastic. Just helping him feel loved and accepted, his friend Billy in the class. Right now, Olivia, his aide at school, Jamie. I don't know what her title is, but the teachers there and the school has been wonderful, we're thankful for it. 

TERESA KOBELT: I remember thinking that in preschool, that I didn't care if he learned ABCs or colors. I just wanted them to love him. 

JEFF: That's right. 

TERESA KOBELT: Care about him. 

JEFF: I think we thought about in school the first year that we didn't care if he learned anything. We just wanted him to like school and learning and that has happened. He did learn stuff. He still likes school. Hardly ever would he say he didn't want to go to school, He did a few times in the beginning of the year, but after that, he was fine. 

TERESA KOBELT: It's been good. How do you think Will's doing now? 

JEFF: I think he's doing really good right now. I'd say the last few weeks, he seems a lot happier, which makes me happier. 

TERESA KOBELT: When you think about his future, what do you think about? What might he do, or be? 

JEFF: I don't know. I haven't figured that one out yet. I think Quinn's a lot more verbal about what he might want to do. He keeps changing what he wants to be, but Will doesn't express what he wants. He might be a scientist or something. I think he's got a good brain for that. He's good at math. A detective. Something like that. Problem solver. He's very good at destroying things. [LAUGHTER] 

TERESA KOBELT: Yes. JEFF: So whatever job would have that ... [LAUGHTER] 

TERESA KOBELT: That's true. Thank you. 

JEFF: You're welcome. 

[MUSIC] 

TERESA KOBELT: Thank you for listening to this episode of From My Perspective. If you would like to learn more about OCALI and its resources, please visit ocali.org.