Mastering The Calm- Part 2

On today's episode, Dr. Stephen Givens, Michael Moore and I continue our discussion on positive coping strategies in dealing with stress.  Dr. Givens discusses what human beings need:  1) Eating, 2) Sleeping, 3) Exercise, and 4) Connection.  If you or you know a family member or friend who is going through some difficult times please share this episode as well as part 1 with them.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Swing in Health and Wellness is brought to you by Melanie Chiropractic, your self-tissue specialist, located at 2108 Camden Avenue, Sweet Dave, Parkersburg, West Virginia. For more information, go online to MelanirCairo.com. If you would like to be a sponsor or help support Searing in Health and Wellness Podcast, please go online to Eaglespace Ministries.org and select Patreon page in the top menu bar. Hello, and thank you for listening to Sewing in Health and Wellness with Dr. Steve Wells. Dr. Wells is a chiropractic physician with a passion to help individuals reach new levels in health and wellness. He has been involved in the health and wellness field for over 30 years. Dr. Wells received his Bachelor of Science degree from Ora Roberts University in Tulsa, Oklahoma, with an emphasis in health and exercise science. He received his second Bachelor of Science degree in general sciences, along with his Doctor of Chiropractic degree with others from Palmer College of Chiropractic in Davenport, Iowa. Soaring in Health and Wellness is a tool to help educate individuals reach new levels in health and wellness and a passion to live with a sense of purpose and vitality. Dr. Wills and his guests, ranging from doctors from all areas of healthcare to educators, nurses, personal trainers, counselors, and pastors, will discuss and inform you on how to improve all dimensions of wellness from a biblical worldview perspective with one goal in mind: seeing you soar towards optimal health and wellness. If you're ready, let's get started with today's program with your host, Dr. Steve Wells.

SPEAKER_03 1:22

Welcome to another edition of Swording Health and Wellness. We continue our discussion with managing stress with Dr. Stephen Gibbons and Michael Moore. Last episode, we talked about counterproductive coping strategies, such as tobacco, use of alcohol and other drugs, unhealthy eating habits, and then we went into more of productive coping strategies, which includes social support, volunteering, communication, exercise, and nutrition, and managing your time. I believe it was Stephen that you talked about, or it was Michael that talked about the isolation part.

SPEAKER_02 1:56

I think Stephen did, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:57

It's like that, as far as being really probably the cruelest form of human torture.

SPEAKER_01 2:02

Yes, it's the worst form of human torture is isolation.

SPEAKER_03 2:06

I tell you, in a time of this where we're in, as far as this pandemic, that seems to be what's going on as far as people being isolated in their homes, whether it be families, individuals. And if you could kind of just go ahead and briefly describe that, what they're finding out, and also what they may be able to do as far as to help in that area of isolation.

SPEAKER_01 2:28

So definitely, like we've talked last time, there is really about helping to regulate ourselves in the time of isolation. We as human beings, we need well the four things that as we really already started to focus on was eating, sleeping, exercise, and connection. And connection is one of those things that is really, really important to us as human beings. It's actually in our DNA. We actually have to have this. They, and let me tell you, uh, let me tell you how much we we need this as human beings. They did a research experiment back in the uh 1940s where they had actually taken 40 babies. And these 40 babies, they they put them into two different groups. One was a controlled group and one was the experimental group. And then the the control group, they had the nurses go in. They said, You can go in and you can feed the babies and you know, hold them and nurture them, and that way they were getting the connection through that process. And then with the experimental group, they actually went and they said, You can go in and feed the babies, but you cannot hold them or give any type of connection any way, shape, or form. You can feed them because they got what they needed physiologically here with that, and they had to stop the experiment just two months in because almost all the babies had died in the experimental group with this. And it went to show, I mean, you know, this is a hard, hard experiment, but it would really showed the drastic need for us as human beings that we absolutely need connection. And Mike talked about last time about you know, there's different forms of connection that we can be able to have. You know, one is like we are here, you know, being face to face or connecting over the telephone or maybe a video conference or social media, and then the other one is really being able to do acts of service, really being able to because what we're really connecting to is humanity. We really connect to this community of human beings that boy, us as humanity that are going through this together. We need to stick together, and it's so amazing to me. People are on online, they're they're they're coming up with new ideas. I just went on a website yesterday and it found this one that had 250 things to do to uh to keep yourself sane through this COVID thing. And we're looking to put all this stuff on our website, and people can go in there and check out um all those good things there to come up with activities. And if you have ideas, share them, you know, put them out there because people really appreciate it. It's another way to connect with humanity.

SPEAKER_03 5:00

Okay, Mike, do you want to add anything to that?

SPEAKER_01 5:02

No, I think he covered that perfectly.

SPEAKER_03 5:03

Good. All right. Well, I tell you what, we're gonna continue. I tell you, today's format's pretty much we're gonna discuss as far as cultivating your spiritual wellness. We're gonna talk a little bit about managing your finances, and also we're gonna talk about a little bit as far as cognitive actions that we can do as far as to help decrease stress. And that's gonna be the first part. And the second part, we're gonna basically talk about the relaxation techniques for stress management to kind of walk you through some different techniques that you can use to help decrease your stress. We're gonna begin with cultivating spiritual wellness. Donatelli explains one of the most important factors in reducing stress in your life is taking the time and making the commitment to cultivate your spiritual wellness, finding your purpose in life and living your days more fully. Spiritual health can be vital components of your support system, often linking you to a community of like-minded individuals and giving you perspective on the things that truly matter in your life. Insel Roth and Insel note that spiritual wellness is associated with more effectiveness coping skills and higher levels of overall wellness. Researchers have linked spiritual wellness to longer life expectancy, reduced risk of disease, faster recovery, and improved emotional health. They also note continue to explain that researchers aren't sure how or why spirituality seems to improve health, but there's several different explanations that may be offered. So, Mike, I want to go to uh since you're a pastor also, and so forth, so you can kind of if you can kind of elaborate a little bit on that as far as the spiritual wellness of decreasing stress.

SPEAKER_02 6:29

Yeah, I I think it's very important to recognize that no matter from what background that we have, how we were raised or taught, there is a reality that every one of us are made up of two parts. There is a there's a physical part to us, a carnal nature. I mean that that takes care of our body and and and and all the physiological parts of us and and and all of those desires, hunger and thirst, and those are all carnal desires, and they're necessary because they're part of us. But there's another side to each of us, and that is a spiritual side. And that is something that is not tied to blood and bone, it's not tied to nerve endings or any of those things. It is something that is deeper, and and you're right, there's a lot of people that don't understand that. But it is true that when you do not attend to, because we are dualistic beings, when you only attend to the physical and you neglect the spiritual, then you're out of balance. We talked about balance last time. And so attending to the spiritual need, and that spiritual need is to recognize that one is that you're not alone in the universe, that we are not just pieces of organic matter plopped onto a blue ball spinning through space, but that we have a purpose, that we have a destiny, that we have a value that goes beyond our income or goes beyond our occupation or or even our our relationships, that we have a value that is intrinsic. And whenever you spend time contemplating, meditating, and connecting with that spiritual life, you're going to be healthier. And and and we see this that even people who didn't not have a good understanding of their spiritual life, you go back and you look at the Native Americans, that they had not been taught any formal religious affiliations. They'd never had any Bible or creed that was given to them. But you look at it, what they practiced, and what they you found is that they were tied to something larger than themselves. That they looked around the world and said, Hey, there's got to be something more. And that's because they were trying to attend to that spiritual need. They were trying to say, hey, there's something more than just what I see. And that that was making them healthier, just like us attending to our spiritual needs. So depend you know, despite whatever you believe, I think it's important that you start thinking about your spiritual needs, that you start searching and and looking and saying, you know, what is it that's bigger than me? Why am I put on this earth? And what can I start doing to give that meaning?

SPEAKER_01 9:34

Oh you know, just piggybacking off what Mike's saying here a little bit about, you know, definitely I think the purpose part is a huge, huge piece to that. The other part, you know, because we've talked about balance, that word. Here's another powerful word for humans, release. Whenever we are meditating or whenever we are, you know, when we have that belief that, you know, there's someone out there that's bigger, better than me, I'm releasing all those anxieties. I release all that stress, and I'm giving it up to somebody else to take care of that for me. It's cathartic for us. It's cathartic for us as human beings to be able to let go of things instead of holding those things on. And spiritual practice is a really great way for us to be able to actually make that connection and give those things away and meditating through those uh to get that release that we really need.

SPEAKER_03 10:28

I tell you, they mentioned as far as some of the explanations that maybe offered, as far as like we talked about as far as social support, you know, being part of a church family with like-mindedness, healthy habits, positive attitude. And, you know, as far as my in my upbringing, my mother, we were raised in a Christian family, but always had a positive attitude. Didn't like to speak any type of negative, always positive, positive, positive. And also those moments of relaxation when we have a chance to actually to pray and also to meditate, also helps basically feel the profound states of relaxation. Ensel Roth and Ensel continue explain that spiritual wellness can make you more aware of your personal values and can help clarify them. Living according to values means considering your options carefully before making a choice and choosing between options with succumbing to outside pressures that oppose your values and making a choice and acting on it rather than doing nothing. So there's your cultivating your spiritual wellness aspects. So now we're gonna go pretty much into cognitive techniques. And so Roth Intel note that some stressors arise in our mind, ideas, beliefs, perceptions, and patterns of thinking can add to our stress level. They suggest each of the following techniques can help us change unhealthy thought patterns to ones that will help us cope with stress. So I'm gonna go ahead and have Mike begin and just kind of give us some ideas as far as cognitive strategies that we can use.

SPEAKER_02 11:52

Well, I think that when you think of cognitive strategies, I think probably for me, I I go back to my training in cognitive behavioral therapy, which at its premise has the idea that that we're not we're not as upset by the events in life that happen to us as we think we are. All of us have a tendency to think, okay, if I'm upset or I'm sad or I'm worried, and somebody says, Oh, why are you sad? Why are you upset, worried? The first thing they want to do is say, because this happened or because this is going on. And so they want to tie two things together, which is events in their life and how they feel. And that that's a faulty reasoning. Because if that were a true reasoning, if events caused us to feel certain things, then what you should be able to do is you should be able to track and see everybody who's exposed to that event in life should feel the exact same thing. But we know that's not true. You can you can look on the news and every now and then there'll be these terrible tornadoes that'll rip through the the Midwest. And and there'll be the newscaster that'll be going for round and he'll find somebody that's picking through the rubble, and he'll stick a microphone in their face and say, you know, was this your home? And and the person will stand there and and burst into tears and say, Yes, you know, we've lost everything. We don't have anything. And and they'll just bawl and cry and and and that's exactly what that newscaster's looking for. They love the tears. And then they might go to the next person who's picking through the rubble and say, Was this your house? And that person will say, Yeah, it was. We, you know, but we're just so thankful. Everything that was lost here today is just things. And we can just so what you have is two people who experience the same thing. Their house was blown away by a tornado. They both should be feeling the same thing if events cause feelings, but they're not. And so that the big difference is whatever it is that they think or interpret those events. There was a uh philosopher in the third century after Christ that said, his name was Epictetus, and he said, Men are not disturbed by things, but by the view that they take of them. And that's really what cognitive behavioral therapy is all about is about saying we can't control a lot of the events in our life. Coronavirus is gonna hit. We didn't have any control over that. But we get to choose how we interpret it, how we think about it. We can sit and say, This is terrible, this is awful, this is the worst thing that could have happened, this I'm gonna be financially ruined. How am I ever going to get through this? Or we can choose to think and act in ways that say, listen, this is this is this is a challenge. Yes, it's hard, but I'm gonna get through it. This is gonna teach me lessons that I couldn't have learned any other way. I I don't know exactly how this is gonna work out, but I know that if I keep pressing on, I've made it through everything up to this date, so I should be able to make it through this too. So if we think in ways that interpret the world in a more positive way, if we look for those glimmers of light and hope, then we're going to feel differently.

SPEAKER_03 15:24

I tell you, so basically you just summed up, you know, thinking that constructively, it's like that, and also basically uh being positive. Yeah. See?

SPEAKER_01 15:33

You know, my thoughts with just to add again to Mike, is that when when people get these thoughts that come to we we call them in our field, we call them automatic thoughts. These things you can bet two things on them. One, nine times out of ten, they are negative. And the second thing, nine times out of ten, they're inaccurate. And so we really want to help to correct those things and be proactive so that we can really get a more accurate sense about what we're thinking so that we can feel things more appropriately and we can act more appropriately as well. And when it comes to the I lost it.

SPEAKER_03 16:17

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 16:18

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 16:18

I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_03 16:19

Where's that little finger at? Yes, yes. It's gone.

SPEAKER_02 16:23

You usually at this point is where I jump in and as soon as I start talking, he'll start thinking about it. He'll start thinking about it. Yeah, yeah. Go ahead. Well, uh, what I I would like to to to mention that that one of the things that we can do that really helps us in being able to manage our interpretation of the world. And and this kind of take this, um, this kind of goes something with, I don't know if this is the direction that Stephen was going in or not, but this idea that things being inaccurate. One of the most inaccurate things is the idea that I should be able to control everything. And it's so important that there's an exercise that I do with people, it's called the line down the middle of the page. And whatever it is that you're going through, whatever it is that's difficult, whatever other people are doing that's upsetting you, you draw a line down the middle of the page and you label it. On the one side of it is, what is it that I can control? And on the other column is what is out of my control. That it may be because you can't control other people or circumstances. And then as you start thinking through what is it that I'm upset about, what is it that's bothering me, what is it that I'm stressed out about, what you'll find is that a lot of that stuff is in that column of things you can't control. And everything in that column, you need to cognitively and just look at it and say, I've got to let that go. Because if I can't control it, then what am I doing worrying about it? There's not, there's no amount of worry. And that's really what the scripture says is that, you know, how much can you worry and and improve your stature? You know, is worrying going to make you taller? Is worrying gonna get you so then and then, but there's some things that are on the side of the column of the page of what I can control. And the things that are in that column, there's where you put your energy. That's where you put your focus because that's where your real traction is, is focus on the things you can control. We spend more time spinning our wheels, worrying about things we can't control in that column. And those things that we have to, the only thing you can do in that column is accept them. Work on the power of acceptance. Accept the things you cannot control. Now, the things you can control, then get busy. Get working on them because you'll feel productive, you'll feel like a sense of accomplishment. But nine times out of ten, the people are spending more time in the wrong column.

SPEAKER_03 18:52

Steve's got his finger up.

SPEAKER_01 18:54

I'd like to point out that I was I was very polite not to interrupt.

SPEAKER_03 18:59

Okay, fitted well with that.

SPEAKER_01 19:00

Anyway, yeah, so I want to go back here because uh my thought was actually on the positive that you were talking about there, uh, Steve. You know, because when you have those inaccurate thoughts and you have these negative thoughts, you know, it's it's easy for us as human beings to go to the negative. It's actually a defense mechanism because we're more critical about our environment. It protects us, you know. I shouldn't eat that berry. It could be poisonous. You know, that when we look around that, we look for those things to help keep us safe. So it really takes energy and it takes some work to really think towards the positive. One neat little trick that I have found when those automatic thoughts have come up, you know, that, oh, this always happens, or I, you know, this makes me feel really mad when this happened. Whatever that's that automatic thought that comes through your mind, that statement that you can do, once you get it, end it with three words, but at least. If you can end it three, those three words, but at least and finish the sentence, it helps to kind of bring that back up here and doesn't always solve the you know the problem or anything, but you can find yourself more on a an even keel or a more positive note here to help keeping yourself from diving back down into that valley and staying there. Because boy, once it starts there, it can snowball really, really quick and really build up. But if you can keep that kind of tamed by getting that butt at least in there, you can come back up to surface where you really want to be. Excellent.

SPEAKER_03 20:28

They talk about problem solving. As far as, you know, I tell you, my uncle, he he would basically tell me if I had a an issue or a choice I need to make, he basically would say you weigh the positive and negative consequences for each alternative. And then you make that decision, choose a solution. But pretty much you have the positive, okay, then you have the consequence at decisions, and you kind of basically just choose it from there. Another thing is modifying our expectations, I think, is huge. So I'm gonna have Mike kind of talk about the modified expectations as far as how that can help relieve stress.

SPEAKER_02 21:03

Expectations, they can be our worst enemy in maintaining a healthy frame of mind. I remember as a little kid, we would go on vacation. And so before vacation would would before we'd go, I remember asking my parents and say, so where are we going? Well, what what's gonna be there? What's it gonna be like? And so I would ask all these questions and they would tell me, oh, okay, we're gonna we're gonna go to the mountains. There's gonna be a cabin, there's gonna be a lake, we're gonna do some fishing. So in my in my 11 year old mind, I had this picture. I already knew in my mind what the cabin was going to look like. It was gonna be this grand cabin in the woods. It was gonna look like a picture postcard, it was gonna be set on the a lake all by itself. You know, there's going to be this huge placid lake that was out there. And so I would go into this, and when we drove up to the cabin and put it in park, I said, Is this it? And they were like, Yeah, yeah, this is it. Everybody was excited. And I was like, this can't be it. No, this is not the place. We're at the wrong spot. You know, this cabin's ugly. This this lake, this lake's brown. It's not, you know, so I was I was so let down.

SPEAKER_01 22:30

Ohio River.

SPEAKER_02 22:34

But so but I was so let down because in my mind I had these grand expectations of the way things were supposed to be. And I'll tell you, there's a there's a word in the human language that is our enemy in this, and that is should. Should. How many things do we get upset and angry about because we think, well, they should I should do this, they should do this, and then they'll and then there's this cousin shouldn't. That shouldn't have happened. This shouldn't be this way. This shouldn't and so those two things are really tied to expectations. And when you hear yourself using should and shouldn't in your life, more than likely you're probably setting yourself up for some expectations that are going to be dashed and you're gonna be disappointed, you're gonna be upset, you're gonna be stressed and overwhelmed. So if we can modify our expectations and say, you know what, I'm not gonna live life as I think it should be. I'm gonna live life as it is. I accept reality. Whatever that cabin is, is what it's gonna be. Whatever that lake looks like, I'm gonna make the best of it. I'm not gonna create these the this life in my head that I should be living. I'm going to live the one that's been handed to me.

SPEAKER_03 23:51

Excellent.

SPEAKER_01 23:53

Oh, I'm gonna move on if I can. I'll tell you what. Mike, you're just awesome.

SPEAKER_03 23:59

All right, so anyway, Mike is nailing it today, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01 24:02

It's the coffee in so many ways. You will never know. Anyways, so uh yeah. I want to I want to touch on this next one over here. Cultivating your sense of humor. Yes, let me be the one. Oh my gosh, let me be the one. Please. I have a joke for you. Can I can I tell the joke or is that allowed on here? I can tell the joke. Okay. So there is there's these two pirates. And so they're in this piratey bar. They're you know, they're talking to each other. And you know, you're not really a pirate unless you're missing a limb, at least one, you know. But the well, this pirate in particular, he had three things. He had a peg leg, he had a hook, and he had a patched eye here with this. Well, of course, any good pirate with a missing limb, that they got good stories and they're they want to switch swap back and forth. So this pirate's talking to me and said, uh, what'd you what'd you do? I could see you got yourself a peg leg. He said, What'd you do? He said, I said, uh cannonball blew me leg off there and got me a peg leg. He said, Wow, that is amazing that you had that. And he said, Well, I couldn't help but notice it you got a hook too. He said, What happened there? He said, I got myself in a sword fight, took my hand, got the hook. He said, Wow, that is a gosh, you are a true pirate among pirates. And uh he said, Well, obviously you have yourself an eye patch. He said, What happened there? He said, I said, bird pooped in the eye. He said, bird pooped in your eye. He said, What? That's not very, you know, that's not the best story. What happened? He said, I first day with my hook. So you know, why is humor so heavy? We always hear, you know, laughter is the the best form of medicine, right? So there's there's actually truth to that, real biological truth, in fact. When you laugh, we get that good belly laugh. I'm talking that real hard laugh that you get. Your butt your body is actually in in your stomach. It helps to create those nerve endings there where it has those endorphins that send throughout your entire body and actually has a form of medicine that actually heals you whenever that you are doing that laughter. Here's the other part that people actually don't really recognize when it comes to humor. Did you know that laughter or humor is actually more about connecting than it is about the humor? We actually find things really funny because we relate to them a whole lot more with this. And the more we relate to it, the funnier it is, and the more anxious and stuff, like, oh my gosh, you got me. Yep, yep, you're pregnant. That's me. And you know, we're poking at each other in here, and that's what makes that laughter so really just great. And it's really wonderful because, especially in times like this, we really want to maximize like our our humor and really because it builds connection, it has a healing property to it, and it keeps our mind on positive that we've been talking about, right? I tell you, as far as another thing, as far as focus on what's important.

SPEAKER_03 26:57

Just make sure that you tip your waitresses for that. Uh okay. But anyway, focus on what's important. A major source of stress is trying to store too much data, forget important details, and organize important information. So before we move on to managing your financial stress, I just think it's important to just kind of go over some of these, again, review the cognitives. Mike and Stephen did an excellent job as far as explaining them. So, first, think and act constructively. Second, take control. Three, problem solve. Four is modify your expectations. Five is get positive, assess what is happening and why. Choose optimism, think of setbacks as opportunities for growth, practice affirmations, which is a love language. That's probably my love language. I like to be affirmed so forth. So, anyway, cultivate your sense of humor, which Steven just talked about, focus on what's important, and get enough sleep. So, what we're gonna do is we're gonna go ahead and take our break, and when we come back, where we'll go ahead and discuss managing your finances and also giving you some techniques to help relieve stress.

SPEAKER_00 28:04

Soaring in Health and Wellness is brought to you by Mountaineer Chiropractic, your soft tissue specialist, located at 2108 Camden Avenue, Suite D, Parkersburg, West Virginia. For more information, go online to MountaineerCairo.com. If you'd like to be a sponsor or help support Soaring in Health and Wellness Podcast, please go online to Eaglesways Ministries.org and select patron page in the top menu bar.

SPEAKER_03 28:26

Welcome back to Soaring Health and Wellness. We're going to continue our discussion on managing stress and we're going to discuss managing your finances. As we know, uh higher education can involve a huge financial burden. In recent studies, nearly two-thirds of students have indicated that they have some or major concerns regarding their ability to pay for their education. And I'm still paying for my education. And I graduated 20 years ago. Anyway, the Consumer Health offers tips that may help us better manage our money and reduce our financial stress. And these are develop a realistic budget, try tracking your expenses for one month. Are you spending way too much in certain categories? There are online budget tracking symptoms that you can use. So you can always go online and Google budget strategies, pay bills immediately, and consider electronic banking. Late fees and other penalties unnecessarily deplete your bank account and are easily avoided by paying bills as soon as you get them. Three is educate yourself about how to manage your money. I think program out there, Dave Ramsey, does an excellent job as far as actually, he actually has a whole program.

SPEAKER_02 29:33

He does. And and the mint online program that you mentioned, he has one called Every Dollar. You can download that. It's a free app. It is user-friendly. And what's real nice about that is it will it gives you a way to track your spending. That's one of the biggest problems with finances is mindless spending. We swipe that credit card, we spend that money, and it's not until the end of the month when all that comes due that everybody looks around and says, uh-oh, I think I overspent. Well, that would have been nice to know about halfway through the month so that you could have done something about it. But by the end of the month, now you're you're behind the eight ball, it's too late. So I encourage people is that don't don't wait to the end of the month to see how much you're spending. The other thing is that if you're married, many times there is in a relationship, there's a spender and a saver. That's just uh the dynamic that seems to fall into every relationship.

SPEAKER_03 30:30

I can relate to that.

SPEAKER_02 30:31

So so what happens is that that sets up what I call the uh almost a parent-child relationship in regard to finances. The spender goes out and and they they feel a sense of freedom and being able to spend money. I'm an adult, I get to do what I but then what happens is they come home and they're and and their spouse says, What did you spend that on? Why did you spend that? We don't have that kind of money. And so they take this parental role, and you get the child role that's that speaks back to them and says, Well, I have a right to do that. It's my money too. I work hard. And so you end up with this fight that's so, and that's why so many fights become about finances. So I think we both need to, in a relationship, move into the adult role and get on the same page and both take responsibility for what we spend and both take responsibility for what we don't spend. Not one person saying, No, we're not gonna buy that, and one person saying, please come on, we can afford it. We've got to get together on that. And so most stress in relationships can be resolved by both sitting down, agreeing to the budget, and then holding each other accountable through the process and holding themselves accountable.

SPEAKER_03 31:40

I tell you, I was talking to my wife the other day and I said, You know, I'm gonna go ahead and bring you up. And it's usually when I bring her up, it's usually she's the good person, I'm the bad person. I'm the child and she's the adult when it comes to finances so forth. Yeah. How is it that, you know, I asked her, I said she's very good with her finances. Very good. But she, you know, she went through high school and she went, had one year of college, but it was it was I said, How did you become so good with handling your finances? And she said, It's the way I was raised. Yes. And uh I I kind of look back, nothing against mom, dad, if you're listening to that, nothing against you, all like that. But I tell you what, I never really was raised on how to handle my finances. And so I'm that type of person. When I had a little bit of money as far as going through uh chiropractic school, you know, they give you a nice huge loan type to your hay, and you know, we're going out to eat and you know, studying and doing all that stuff. And by the time you graduate, you got a hundred thousand dollar school loan that you got to pay. And by the time you pay that back, it's three hundred thousand dollars. Right. But anyway, so is there any connection with that as far as the way you're raised as far as Absolutely, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 32:48

Children, children was there growing up. One of the things that's most important for them to learn is that it's not a it's the well does not have uh it's not a bottomless pit. That that well is not always there. If children are growing up and they just see their parents spending money, that's all they get to see. So that's what they learn is money gets spent. They don't see the behind the scenes, they don't see the bills, they don't see and I'm not saying to put burdens or worries on your child, but bring them up to an awareness. And you do that by giving them a chance to exercise the same thing. Give them a limited amount of money and say, Here's how much you have to work with. So what is it that you're wanting? Well, children have all kinds of wants. They want all the toys in the aisle seven. So you say, Well, here's how much money you have. So you make the decision, and so you help them make decisions about what they want to spend that money on. And then when the money is gone, it's gone. You say, I'm sorry, that's all there is. So they start learning the idea of concepts like conservation and saving and being able to make decisions to sacrifice one thing for another. And those are really, those are all budgeting ideas. And you teach them early in life. Right. Steve, I see three fingers up.

SPEAKER_01 34:13

Well, he just took his time over there, didn't you? Yeah. So yeah, no. So let me first comment, I guess, even more about children. You know, as children, children don't have jobs like we do, they don't go and get a paycheck, you know. So it's really important, especially when kids are younger, they get to learn through things like doing chores, you know, learning how to do that and earning things. They can't earn money, but they can earn time. That's really, really important for them. So they can earn time through, you know, getting to play video games or time on the phone or getting time to go with friends with those. That time is, in a sense, a paycheck for them. And when they learn how to be able to learn the value of what time gets them, then they can learn what the value of what they earn in that paycheck later on in life. That's really, really important there, too. A couple things here that David Ramsay were talking about there. You know, one of the things I like about David Ramsey is that he he has this method that he always talks about. He says, save $1,000, get up to $1,000, put it in a different account, and make this your emergency account. Because it's not a matter of if you need it, it's gonna be a matter of when is needed. Go ahead and put that and don't touch it anywhere. Because whenever you need that uh, you know, new tire on on your car and stuff there, you can go and grab it and you're not trying to get to that, oops, what did I do? Or if we overspend on the credit card this month and stuff, and I need to make a payment now. Oops, okay, I can put that down and build that up and keep that thousand with those. Another thing that I think becomes a problem for people in the financials that we've kind of talked about is that we're in the digital age. You know, it used to be you could give cash and you could see literally the coins and stuff come back to you, and you knew how much you had. And when you know that much, then you're more mindful about what you're spending and how much you got. Now, the digital age, that that mindless spending that Mike's talking about, you know, whenever we put that card in there, we're not thinking about how much comes out of the account. And one way that I encourage uh people is set up one two accounts in this one is your primary account, and the other one, put your debit card on another account. And then when you need money, you watch yourself transition the money only of what you need into the account. That way you're always keeping an eye on how much money is actually coming out of your account. That way you're not at the end of the month like Mike's talking about, but you're actually, as you're going, you know, hey, how much money do I have left here? And it helps to build that mindfulness a little bit more.

SPEAKER_03 36:40

Right. Well, thank you. I tell you, they also talk about avoid tempting credit card offers. I mean, how many times do we get? I mean, almost every day a credit card offer comes in. And it says basically you need only one or two credit cards, shred extra offers you get in the mail. And the thing is, don't get into that. What I like to talk about is consider downshifting or voluntary simplicity. Uh, Donatelli notes that today's lifestyles are hectic and pressure-packed, and stress often comes from trying to keep up. Many people are questioning whether having it all is worth it, and they are taking a step back and simplifying their lives. Moving from a large urban area to a smaller town, leaving a high-pay and high-stress job for one that makes you happy, and there are a lot of other things you could change in your lifestyle to simplify. She continues to explain that downshifting involves a fundamental alteration in values and honest introspection about what is important in life. It means cutting down on shopping habits, buying only what you need to get by, and living with modest means. She continues, when you contemplate any form of downshift or perhaps even start your career this way, it's important to move slowly and consider the following. And basically plan the health care costs, which is what you were saying, as far as, you know, an emergency need that comes up. Uh, I think the biggest thing that we come in as far as I come to my office is basically, again, this health care cost, your insurance. I you're you'd be surprised how many patients enter my office that had no idea what their insurance covers. They think their insurance just basically is a car de blanc. You know, it covers this, boom, boom. But I thought my insurance covered. Well, did you look at what your insurance covers? So, what we try to do is we try to, I have a lady who does our billing, Amy, and she basically calls and verifies the patient benefits. So we go over those benefits with that patient and try to explain to them, hey, listen, even though you do have insurance, your insurance is limited in what it covers. Right. So forth. So understand your coverage, determine your ultimate goal, what is most important to you and what you will do to reach that goal. Make both short and long-term plans for simplifying your life, set up your plans and doable steps, and complete a financial inventory. How much money will you need to do the things you want to do? And would you live alone, and so forth. But as far as the big thing is not living above your means. So forth. Not try to keep up with the Joneses next door, so forth.

SPEAKER_02 39:05

Yeah, yeah. There's a thing that I that I try to tell a lot of my clients, and that is that stuff equals stress. I mean, you can, and that's because we are living in a society that is geared toward acquiring stuff. They the the advertisers, everybody's out there pushing their products and saying, you need one of these, this is a better one of these, you need you need two of these. So everybody is trying to push and get you to buy, and you get caught up in that, and you start believing that if I get these things, I'll be happier. If I get one of these, I'll I'll feel better about my life. Look backwards. How many times did you buy something and then as a result of buying it, you now look and say, you know what? My life is so much better now that I have that. There, it's a rare event that you can say that. Usually what you'll find is that you buy those things, and then six months later you're like, Where am I gonna put this? I I don't have enough room to put all this stuff. I need the and so yard sales are the result of people that are found that I have too much stress and I got to get rid of it. And so they they put it out in the yard and put a 10 cent sticker on it when they paid five dollars for it and they never used it. It's still in the package because stress comes from stuff. So don't fall into that. Simplify. Get rid of some things, make your life make your life easier to live. Don't you know, don't accumulate more stress.

SPEAKER_01 40:42

I think I'm gonna get rid of your birthday present, Michael. You know, stuff creates stress, but stuffing will make you nice and relaxed. So uh did you say stuffing? Stuffing, like turkey. Yes, right there. Anyway, yeah, I think Mike's right again. He's he's right on it with those, you know. Especially when media in itself, it it really with advertising. We are constantly bombarded. I don't know about you, but I do everything in my power to avoid advertising. When you know, when I see that little video pop up on some ad and stuff, I look at the seconds to count down to push the button really quick just to get past this thing, you know? Because it it almost becomes it becomes overwhelming for people there that we're just keep getting pushed to be able to have to have and telling us exactly what we need. And when we're building mindfulness to really give ourselves a chance to actually take a step back and actually ask ourselves, what is it that I really need? Not one, but what do I really need? Then we can learn how to be content. And when you have, when you're content, you have you have enough of anything that you ever have.

SPEAKER_03 42:00

I tell you, I think another key point here that they mentioned is selecting the right career. Look for work that you enjoy, and that isn't necessarily driven by salary. And you know, as far as me having three children, pretty much one graduating from college, two that are in college, I always express the importance. It's not that matter how much you make, it's the fact is that you have to have a passion and love what you do every day to get up and enjoy what you do for that that day and so forth. So any closing thoughts on on the financial.

SPEAKER_01 42:35

Well, I I love the thought I've always I was always taught there's a difference between a job and a career. The job is something that you know that you you do just to get by or just to you know pay pay the rent or whatever it is, but the career should be something of passion. And when you have when you're doing something that you're passionate about, you know, it feels more like a mission to you. It's like you're calling, if you will. Uh and and that you get a lot more reward out of that. And you're right, you don't want to base this solely on on money in itself. There, you know, I had a mentor always told me if if you're going to go in our field, fame and fortune are not, you know, not in the cards here for you. So you just don't want to go in this field for that. So really making sure that it is something that is going to be rewarding for you in the long term. And that can be really hard for people to really grasp with this, because if not, then you're gonna be back here at Dontelli's about downshifting here later on. And I see a lot of clients that that um get in the midlife crisis and they say, Hey, I need to think about a different career. Can you help me out here? And we go back and we talk about you know, what is something that you're really passionate about here because it gives us that sense of purpose.

SPEAKER_02 43:46

But you figure up yeah. I I had a guy who told me one time, he said, you know, if you uh make sure you choose something that you love to do and you'll never work a day in your life.

SPEAKER_03 44:01

Wow. I'd say I think the biggest thing that you've all been wanting to wait for as far as our listeners is these relaxation techniques for stress management. We're going to go over a couple of those, not spend a whole lot of time because we're going to have Mike actually demonstrate and walk you through some of the things that you can do as far as help relieve stress. Donatella explains that relaxation is the body's natural antidote to stress. Relaxation techniques have been practiced for centuries and offer opportunities for calming your nervous energy and coping with life's challenges. Some common techniques include yoga, qigong, deep breathing, meditation, visualization, progressive muscle relaxation, massage therapy, biofeedback, aromatherapy, and hypnosis. And of course, there's my favorite listening to praise and worship music. But anyway, so I'm going to go ahead and have Mike go ahead and talk about some of the things that he's more knowledgeable about. And you can always, if you have questions on any of these techniques, you can always Google it. And if we have time, we'll go ahead and maybe discuss maybe a couple others.

SPEAKER_02 44:58

So, Mike? I really want to focus on this idea of deep breathing. I think it's probably one of the simplest, but the most overlooked. This is not something that probably your listeners are hearing for the first time. They've probably seen it, they've probably heard it, and people say, you know, hey, try taking a deep breath. And what happens is that everybody nods their head and says, Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, that works. But they don't do it because it seems too simple. You're going to tell me that I am stressed out, I've got problems in my job, my my my kid is acting up at school, my car's got a transmission that's going out in it. And you're going to tell me that doing something that I do all day, every day, such as breathing, is going to help. I'm already breathing. So it's probably one of the most underutilized, simplest things. But what I'd like to do is I'd like to kind of make it a little more purposeful and explain why it works. Yes, we breathe every day, but we don't breathe the right way. We breathe in order to oxygenate our blood. That's one type of breathing. This is a different type of breathing. And this is a breathing that does something that stimulates the vagal nerve. And the vagal nerve is extremely important in the parasympathetic system. When you take these deep breaths, and we're talking to talk about what those are in a moment, about deep breathing, it puts a lot of oxygen in your blood, more so than what you probably need at any one time, which triggers the brain to say, Hey, our blood pressure is going up. Because they think that if you are breathing hard, it means you must be running or doing something. And so your brain thinks that your blood pressure is increasing when it's not. And or maybe going up because of stress. And what it does is it triggers the parasympathetic response and the vagal nerve recognizes that, okay, we need to lower our blood pressure. So it starts a chain reaction of event of your body trying to cope with this increased blood supply, oxygen supply. So your blood pressure goes down, your heart rate slows, and as a result, your entire body begins to calm. All because you did purposeful deep breathing. You have tapped into that vagal response. So what I'd like for us to do is just kind of do this together. First of all, so so yeah, so you guys uh this is good. This is good. So the first thing I want you to do is take your take one hand and stick it on your belly, just about where your belly button is, and take the other hand and stick it on your chest. Now, this is going to be most people are breathing the wrong way. There is something called diaphragmatic breathing. The diaphragm is what separates your gut region from your thoracic region, your heart and lungs. And that is a muscle. And it's supposed to be the main thing we use when we breathe. But a lot of people use extensor muscles that are in the chest, intercostal muscles and those kind of things, and they will try to inflate their chest. And so when you do the wrong kind of breathing for this way, your chest will rise. If you're rate, if you're breathing the correct way, diaphragmatically, your chest remains still and your belly will protrude. So, what I'd like you to do is try to take a breath by pushing your your your belly out and leaving your chest, your hand on your chest. And so look down and just take a deep breath. And watch to see which hand moves. Push your hand out against your belly. And that is if you can keep that upper hand still and that lower hand moving, now you're diaphragmatically breathing. So that's what we can start to do is to make sure you're breathing with your diaphragm. Now, the next thing we're going to do is we're going to incorporate this into a particular way of breathing. And I call this square breathing. The reason I call it square breathing is because you're going to pick somewhere in the room, wherever you're sitting, you're going to pick a square. It can be a picture frame, it can be a light switch, it can be anything, uh, square, rectangle, whatever. So you're going to start with your eye in the lower left hand corner, and you're going to and you're going to focus on that. And then you're going to take and you're going to breathe in through your nose deeply. And as you do that slowly, you're going to let your eye move up the picture, up the square to the upper left-hand corner. And you're going to count in your head slowly one, two, three, four. So let's do that together. You're going to start in the lower left-hand corner and you're going to inhale. One, two, three, four. Now you're going to hold that breath and your eyes are going to travel across the top of that square. One, two, three, four. Now you're in the now you're in the yes, exactly. Now you're in the upper right hand corner and you're going to slowly exhale as you move down. One, two, three, four. Now you're in the lower right hand corner, and you're going to between the breath, don't breathe in or out. You're going to count one, two, three, four as your eyes travel back. Now you're at the beginning. So now you have you have done one round of square breathing and you have and you've filled your lungs when on the inhale using diaphragmatic breathing. If you'll go through that about three more times, what you'll find is that that's enough to trigger that vagal nerve response. Your blood pressure will, and if you were hooked up to a biofeedback machine, you would be able to visually watch your blood pressure drop. Wow. You'd be able to visually watch your heart rate go down. But you don't really, you don't really care about that. All you're going to care about is how you feel. And so that's really what we want to do is we want to focus on that just taking about two to three minutes of taking those deep breaths using square breathing, you will have a general sense of calmness and relaxation. And you need to get away from things. And the other thing is, this does is notice that when you were doing that, what were you thinking about? Breathing. Breathing. You were not thinking about problems. No. You were thinking about, okay, which corner am I traveling to? Am I counting one, two, three, four? Am I supposed to breathe in or out? So you, in a sense, pushed back all the stressful thoughts and you focused for a moment on just breathing. There is something deeply therapeutic about purging your mind of all things else and just focusing on one thing.

SPEAKER_03 52:18

Excellent. I uh got three fingers. Go ahead, Steve.

SPEAKER_01 52:22

Well, I just wanted to be able to input here with Mike a little bit. You know, what Mike made you do when you put your hand on your belly button and the other one over your chest, I always tell people to put over their heart because that vagal nerve actually wraps around your heart and it goes down into your belly and hooks like a horseshoe. And when you put your hands over there, you actually send electrical sandwiches through your palms and it actually activates that vagal nerve even quicker. So when you're doing this exercise and you hold your hand over your heart and your stomach, you'll activate it even quicker with that. The other part about this is that when he's talking about breathing in through your nose, you breathe in what is called nitric oxide, and it can only be done through your nose. And what happens there is that these arteries, when we get stressed, we have arteries in our brain that get constricted. And when they get constricted, there's no blood flow getting to the brain. That's why things start shutting down and we can't operate. We get so panicky with things because those things are constricted. When you breathe that nitric oxide in, it actually dilates those arteries to full capacity to allow blood flow to get to the brain as quick as possible. And so when you're doing that, as Mike is saying, you breathe in through the nose and you're holding that, what you're doing is you're letting that gas get through those arteries to dilate those to its max potential. And when you're being able to breathe out through the mouth, you're hitting that parasympathetic nervous system to let things start to come down and cool down. And it's so amazing to me because when I do this with clients here, and just taking two or three minutes, I often will have them scale for me, you know, zero to ten, ten being the most stressed, zero, none at all. Where were you when you first came into my office? And they'd say, you know, seven or eight. I said, Where are you at after just doing this? And they say, Oh, I'm like a one or two. You made such a jump in two or three minutes, that's faster than any medication that you can ever take. And you have full control of everything that you just did. And I love how Mike said this is just like a it's hard because when we think just breathing, it just feels cliche to us. It feels like it's, you know, it's so simple. Why does it work? But it's so underutilized. And whenever we really take the time to be mindful with it, then it's a powerful tool.

SPEAKER_03 54:39

I tell you, what we're gonna do now is basically I'm gonna go ahead and mention, I wanted you and Mike to pretty much as far as with the times that we're going wrapping things up here, as far as for the times that we're going through as far as this pandemic, if you can kind of give someone out there that's going through a very stressful situation, you know, the loss of a job, of course, the isolation, the anxiety, what they're feeling, so forth, just kind of give them a golden nugget that they can just kind of hold on to and say, hey, you know, I'm gonna work on this, try this. And if you can think of that, and we'll get back with you and also kind of let them know how they can get a hold of you as far as if they need some additional help. As far as what in closing, what are the most important sources of stress in your life? Are you coping successfully with them? Insel Roth and Insel note that no single strategy or program for managing stress will work for everyone. The most important start point for a successful stress management plan is to listen to your body. When you recognize the stress response and the emotions and thoughts that accompany it, you'll be in a position to take charge at that crucial moment and handle it in a healthy way. If the techniques that we had discussed today don't provide you with enough relief, you might need to look further to re professional counseling, pastor, or support group on, you know, such as on your school campus. But the important thing is to get help. So, Mike, if there's again, you're closing remarks as far as if someone's out there that's going through a very stressful situation, which we all are.

SPEAKER_02 56:06

Yeah, absolutely. I think if the one thing that I would want to encourage people to do is if one is recognize that that this is not unique to you. Now, what you're going through is unique in the sense that you're the only one that's living your life. But the fact that stress, stress is universal. All of us are dealing with it. And there's something that if you realize that that when you're ex when you're going through these difficult times, no matter how hard they are, in some way it connects you to all the rest of us. If there is one person out there that doesn't have stress, they're gonna be a very lonely person because nobody can relate to them. But if you are going through something difficult, know that all of us are struggling and that you're you're not alone in this. And so, therefore, if when you reach out to somebody and you say, Hey, I'm having a hard time, they're not gonna look at you and think that you're less. All of us are trying to keep up appearances. Everybody wants to put make their Facebook profile full of pictures of them smiling and and everybody, wouldn't it be great if we all lived the Facebook life? That if our life really was as good as what we people put it on Facebook. But the reality is all those smiling faces have also had tears and they've also struggled and they've also wondered if they're going to make it. So, so don't try to keep up the appearance as if you're okay. We feel like when somebody says, Hey, how's it going? That our only appropriate response is, Great, how are you? And their response has to be, Great. And then we walk away from one another, having lied to one another. And really what we need is we need to reach out and and say, Hey, I'm struggling. I'm not, I'm not doing okay. So don't be afraid to reach out and tell people that you're having a hard time.

SPEAKER_01 58:07

You know, I I think I've I used this last time I was on the show with you. But I I think it's important is that one of the things I I want you as a listener to know, I've in life, I've always had my mountaintops and I've had my valleys. But I couldn't appreciate my mountaintops without my valleys. And it's obvious that going through a pandemic like this, it it's a it's a valley for us, a big valley. And even with that, it feels no matter how hard the storm blows, no matter how long it may seem, you can always bet this too shall pass. And when this storm blows over, when this is all gone, we start to climb the mountain again. Boy, it's going to be a great view. And when we get on top of that mountain, what it's so neat for us to get to see where we came from. Because the difference between those mountains and valleys is what makes the view that great. So I really want to encourage everybody because as hard as it is now, I want you to remember this moment because you know, a year from now, whenever you're back up on that mountaintop, I want you to be looking back at this view because that's where I hope that we'll learn the gratefulness of where we came from, that we don't take things for granted, that we prepare ourselves, that we look back and say, man, you know, any struggle in life, when I look back and I say, Man, how did I get through that? And when I did, I learned something from it. It's where I do my biggest, it's where I grow the most. And and it's where I can really taste that sweet victory, you know, that success when I get back on that mountaintop again. And this is just a valley.

SPEAKER_03 59:44

Right. Mike, if somebody wants to get a hold of y'all for additional help or counseling or things like that, how do they get a hold of y'all?

SPEAKER_02 59:51

Well, we have a couple of locations. One of those is in Belpree, Ohio. And so if you're in the Ohio region, you can you can access services there, Counseling and Wellness Center. The number is 740-401-3088. And we also have another location in Parkersburg, and Steven can tell you about that.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:14

Our location in Parkersburg, you can be able to reach us at 304-422-7300. Again, 304-422-7300. And we also have a location down in Taze Valley, and it is 304-759-0443. And you can also reach us on our on the web, www.counseling and wellness center. That's all one word dot com. W.counseling and wellness center.com. And just so that everybody knows, because I know this is a time that we really need connection, that people are really wanting to reach out and they're really wanting to to have somebody to walk through this this uh storm. We offer three modalities. We're still seeing people face to face as long as they're not showing any symptoms. You know, we we will still do that. We are also offering phone sessions and also telehealth with uh video conferencing. So people can actually do kind of like a FaceTime or a Skype kind of thing where people can actually get on here with us and can connect in the safety of their own home. So there's help out there. We're here to be able to take anybody and to help them out through this. You don't have to do this alone. We want to be there to hold your hand.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:25

All righty. Well, I tell you, I want to thank Michael Moore and also Dr. Stephen Gibbons for taking the time out of their day and uh helping us through this stressful uh situation as far as giving us some great wisdom and knowledge on how to handle stress. And until next time, keep advancing.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:40

Thank you for listening to Sorry in Health and Wellness with Dr. Steve Wells and his guest. We would like to thank our sponsor, Melineer Cumberro Nactivity. For more information, go online to MeltonierComrode.com. If you'd like to be a sponsor or help support Sorry in Health and Wellness Podcast, please go to the web at Aquiles Way Ministries Number Ward and select the patron page in the top menu blur. If you or your business or church would like Dr. Steve Wells to speak at your church, especially with this, please go on the line to equals wave ministries that award and select comment page in the menu blur. Come on. And in the next time, three chapter forty versus one in the minute three more.